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1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,896
Kids, early in this story...
2
00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:05,369
you may recall me saying
something along the lines of...
3
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,565
Okay. No more dating.
4
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,437
I am ready to settle down.
5
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,376
And at the time,
I probably thought I meant it.
6
00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:15,243
But, kids,
I'll be honest. Being single's fun.
7
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:19,342
As a young, unattached man
in New York City, I had a great time.
8
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,080
A great time.
9
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:24,955
What was I saying? Oh, yeah.
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:29,428
I had such a great time that it took someone
very special to make me wanna settle down.
11
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:33,933
And that someone was Jeanette.
12
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,935
What made Jeanette so special? Well...
13
00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:40,404
That was a foul!
14
00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,907
Jeanette was the last girl I dated
before I met your mother.
15
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,568
The girl who finally got me to say...
16
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:50,139
No more dating. I'm ready to settle down.
17
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:53,242
- And really mean it.
- Oh!
18
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:07,900
But let's back up a little bit.
19
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,265
She broke your TV with a beer bottle?
20
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:12,634
In her defense,
she was aiming for the window.
21
00:01:12,705 --> 00:01:14,605
Dude, you've gotta get rid of this girl.
22
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:18,633
Agreed. "Cray-Cray" gotta go
bye-bye 'fore you get stab-stabbed.
23
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:22,647
Oh, really? And are you guys saying this because
you don't want me to be with Jeanette...
24
00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:26,583
or because you want me to stay single so
you guys can keep your clubhouse?
25
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:29,952
- J'accuse!
- I had a point, and they knew it.
26
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:34,084
You see, in early 2013,
I was the only single guy in the group.
27
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,594
Which meant, whenever Marshall
or Barney bought something...
28
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,663
they weren't allowed
to keep in their apartments...
29
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,021
You know what, Ted? That reminds me.
30
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:12,394
I just bought this antique Swiss clock...
31
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,194
but Robin won't let us
put it in the apartment.
32
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:17,634
So I was gonna leave it at your place.
Only problem, it's broken.
33
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,639
So I was just gonna sit here
and try to fix it...
34
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:23,540
while maybe you tell us
what you and Jeanette did last night?
35
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:27,239
Okay. Well, uh, Jeanette
is a big Marilyn Monroe fan.
36
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,975
There ya go. Now it's working.
37
00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,607
Sorry. Sorry. Go on. Go on.
38
00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:34,405
She's a Marilyn Monroe fan,
so I guess you watched one of her movies?
39
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:37,719
Um, no. We had a séance.
40
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:40,224
Look at that! Good as new.
41
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:44,593
Anyway, were you able to contact
Marilyn in the spirit world?
42
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,690
No. We talked to her cat.
43
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,095
Screw loose! That's the problem.
44
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,901
Uh-oh.
45
00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:55,873
Looks like somebody's hungry.
46
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:59,378
I'm gonna get his food ready.
Robin, can you grab him?
47
00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:02,812
Can I? Try and stop me.
48
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,611
Now, kids, what Lily didn't realize...
49
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,242
what none of us realized, in fact...
50
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:09,379
was that in the eight months
since your cousin Marvin was born...
51
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:11,355
Robin had never once held him.
52
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:14,587
The truth was the thought
of holding him terrified her.
53
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:17,562
So she had always avoided it,
ever so discreetly.
54
00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:19,461
- Can you hold...
- Oh, shoot! Look at that!
55
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,693
Oh. Geez.
56
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:25,101
I got him. Come here, you little munchkin.
57
00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:28,629
Oh, man! Oh. Well, I call next.
58
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:32,109
Well, I should go.
It's time for Jeanette's... something.
59
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,908
Time for Jeanette's what, Ted?
60
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:38,883
Uh, we are taking her dog to an exorcist.
61
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,682
Wow, Ted, that sounds...
62
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:49,053
Crap. It's really broken now.
63
00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:52,825
Okay, fine. I admit it.
She's crazy. Obviously.
64
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,333
But I'm not in this for the long haul.
65
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,062
It's just, you know... It's just fun.
66
00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:59,127
Of course it's fun. At first.
67
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:02,902
But then, when she starts calling out the
name of her high school science teacher...
68
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,740
in the throes of passion, it's really fun.
69
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:09,441
But then, when she starts
bringing knives into bed...
70
00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:12,040
and making you fear for your safety...
71
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:13,949
it's really, really fun.
72
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:17,786
But then, when she starts
unbuttoning your pants...
73
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:21,691
while you're being forced
to drive blindfolded down the freeway...
74
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,891
with a gun pointed at your...
75
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,762
I'm sorry.
What were we talking about?
76
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,997
- Jeanette.
- Oh, right. That girl's crazy. You gotta break up with her.
77
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:35,302
I know. I know. You're right.
I... I have to break up with her.
78
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:38,435
I should do it in a public place though,
so she doesn't flip out.
79
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:42,106
The next night I met her in
a public place, so she wouldn't flip out.
80
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:45,673
I will kill you, ref! I will kill you
in front of all these people!
81
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:49,017
- Oh, boy.
- What, you think I won't just 'cause I'm in a public place?
82
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:52,057
I'll go to jail
for the rest of my life if I have to!
83
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:57,662
Listen, before the game starts,
I think we need to talk.
84
00:04:57,730 --> 00:05:01,029
- I can't believe Ted's dead.
- I know.
85
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,864
- What a way to go.
- Killed by a bazooka.
86
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,927
All right, so I'm not on my game today.
87
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,473
I did just break up
with someone last night.
88
00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:13,069
Anyway, I gotta hop out for a bit.
Uh, you guys stay here.
89
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:17,742
Oh, and if Jeanette comes by,
do not let her into the apartment.
90
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,512
Don't let her in. Got it.
91
00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:22,247
Guys, this is serious.
This girl is like bedbugs.
92
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,756
Once she's in the apartment,
there is no getting her out.
93
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:28,385
Ted, buddy.
94
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:31,624
How long have we been dealing
with Barney's insane girlfriends?
95
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,428
Years. Nigh on a decade.
96
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,560
I had to testify in five
competency hearings.
97
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,901
I think we can handle Jeanette.
98
00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:43,601
Okay. Okay. See you soon.
99
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,071
That kid. Am I right?
100
00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:51,947
Hmm. Now look who forgot his keys.
101
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,686
What is it?
102
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:03,157
Meanwhile,
Lily and Robin were out getting lunch...
103
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,719
when disaster struck.
104
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:07,061
Oh, God. I left his Binky on that bus!
105
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,533
Wait. Don't you have other Binkies?
106
00:06:08,601 --> 00:06:10,899
That one's his favorite.
He'll know the difference.
107
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,632
I am not gonna let this
be the reason he resents me later in life.
108
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,800
Oh, if-if he starts crying, just pick him up.
109
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,504
What... Uh... Uh...
110
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,980
Okay. Okay.
Yeah, there, there. There. Okay.
111
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,576
Hey, I'm back.
112
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:30,053
- Did I miss anything?
- Nope.
113
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,591
- Did Jeanette come by?
- Jeanette. I know lots of Jeanettes.
114
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,148
- Jeanette Funicello, Jeanette Cle...
- I can't answer that.
115
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:38,493
- Guys.
- Okay, she came by because she forgot her book.
116
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,657
So we let her
go up in your room and get it.
117
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,325
And then?
118
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,131
And then what?
119
00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:46,467
And then she left?
120
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:49,599
I think she left.
121
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,842
Are you sure she left?
122
00:06:54,914 --> 00:07:00,477
I am 90% sure that she left.
123
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:04,623
Eighty percent.
124
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:06,521
Actually,
I'm gonna change my answer.
125
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,992
I am now starting to think
she never left.
126
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:12,792
And instead,
she barricaded herself in your room.
127
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,355
And I'm never coming out!
128
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,326
Hundred percent.
129
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:23,967
I cannot believe you guys!
130
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:27,137
Well, maybe if you had given us a warning
that she was crazy!
131
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:30,410
Dude, it's okay.
She can't stay in there forever.
132
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:35,284
She'll have to come out to eat and drink
and go to the bathroom, right?
133
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:39,017
A few months earlier, the
East Coast had been hit by a bad storm...
134
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:43,118
and some intelligent, forward-thinking
New Yorkers took it as a wake-up call...
135
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:45,130
making sure to stock their bedrooms...
136
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,428
with enough food and water
to last months...
137
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,526
not to mention a portable
waste management system.
138
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,571
It was really the smart thing to do.
139
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:57,632
- You dumb-ass.
- Really, Ted. How could you be so unbelievably stupid?
140
00:07:57,710 --> 00:08:01,840
No. No. You guys are the ones
who invited a vampire into my apartment.
141
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,643
This is your fault! And P.S.
142
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:07,482
If this disaster had been a superstorm
instead of a hot lunatic...
143
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,913
you'd all be begging to eat
my freeze-dried protein paste...
144
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,891
and crap into my biohazard bucket...
just saying.
145
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:16,224
I got it.
It was on the floor of the bus.
146
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:19,594
I should probably throw it out. Eh.
147
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,223
Did he give you any problems?
148
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,768
Oh. He cried a little,
but then he stopped.
149
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:26,862
Oh, good. Anything else happen?
150
00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:30,670
Nope. That is it.
151
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,870
All gone.
152
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:37,973
- Oh, we have to do this more often.
- Oh, we totally do.
153
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:41,884
- I can't believe Marvin's in kindergarten.
- He's growing up so fast.
154
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,554
Can I confess something to you?
155
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,423
Remember the day you left
Marvin's Binky on the bus...
156
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:50,121
and you left me alone with him?
157
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:54,189
- Yeah.
- Well, I didn't tell you this at the time, but...
158
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:58,601
Okay. Okay. Yeah, there, there.
159
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:01,504
There. Okay. Shh.
160
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:04,873
Oh, no. Looks like somebody's not happy.
161
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:07,208
No kidding.
I'm miserable. Listen to this thing.
162
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,044
He probably just wants to be held.
163
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,676
I think you're right.
164
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,549
- Can you do it?
- All right.
165
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,316
Come here, handsome.
166
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,121
Yeah. Yes.
167
00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:23,252
- Oh.
- I let a stranger pick up Marvin.
168
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:26,492
L-I... I'm sorry. It's just I hadn't
actually picked him up at that point...
169
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,227
and-and I was scared, so I didn't...
170
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:32,169
You know what? It was four years ago.
He's obviously fine.
171
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,830
Don't even worry about it.
172
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,237
- Really?
- Yeah.
173
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:38,141
Thank you. Oh.
174
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:40,178
I mean, as long as
there's not more to that story.
175
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:44,182
Nope. That is it.
176
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,613
- Jeanette, you have to leave!
- In a minute!
177
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,783
I still haven't found that book.
178
00:09:52,858 --> 00:09:56,385
Listen, Jeanette, I didn't wanna do this,
but I called the police.
179
00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,896
- They're on their way.
- All units, all units.
180
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:03,664
Possible 10-90 in progress
at 521 West 82nd, Apartment 15.
181
00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:06,330
- Where is that coming from?
- Is that you, Dolores?
182
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,270
Jeanette? Hey, girl. How you been?
183
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,866
Oh, you know. I'm just doin' me.
184
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,503
Anyway, I'll check out that 10-90.
185
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:17,310
- Okay, but remember...
- I know. No excessive force.
186
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:21,149
Last thing I need is another suspension.
Am I right?
187
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,154
And that, kids, was how I found out...
188
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,122
what Jeanette did for a living.
189
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,716
Wait a second.
190
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,159
- Is she a cop?
- I think she's a cop.
191
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:33,494
- Did you know she was a cop?
- I didn't know she was a cop!
192
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:36,865
Ted, I'm sorry I have to say this.
193
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:39,736
Jeanette lives here now. This is her place.
You're gonna have to leave.
194
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:43,401
- What? Why don't you have to leave?
- They can stay.
195
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,240
- Thank you, Officer Jeanette.
- Thank you, Officer Jeanette.
196
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,574
All gone.
197
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,640
- We need to do this more often.
- We totally do.
198
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,982
- I can't believe Marvin's in middle school.
- Oh, he's growing up so fast.
199
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:58,217
Can I confess something to you?
200
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:02,420
Remember the day you left Marvin's Binky on
the bus, and I let that old lady pick him up?
201
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,362
I seem to recall that
was the entire story.
202
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,399
There's a little bit more.
203
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:09,331
There, there, little one.
204
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,371
Let's put you back in your strolly-poo...
205
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:15,703
so you can drift off
to dreamy, dreamy land.
206
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,368
Oh, thank you so much.
207
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:22,039
This is my first time alone with him,
and, you know, I'm...
208
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:25,242
I have this weird feeling that I'm gonna,
I don't know, like, drop him...
209
00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:27,911
or injure him in some way,
which is completely insane.
210
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:29,716
- But I just get...
- Oh, heavens!
211
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,450
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God.
212
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,389
I know. L-l-I'm so sorry.
213
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:37,225
Well, you know what?
That was, what? Twelve years ago.
214
00:11:37,296 --> 00:11:40,026
- Don't even worry about it.
- Really?
215
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:41,589
Oh, thank you.
216
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:44,864
Just promise me
there's no more to that story.
217
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,902
Nope. That is it.
218
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:54,074
Are you sure you wanna do this?
The girl's a cop.
219
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,910
Yeah. This seems like a really bad idea.
220
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,879
I don't care.
221
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:03,388
I am going into that bedroom
because this is my home...
222
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,447
and I have to defend it.
223
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,492
But mostly because...
224
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,394
my allergy medication is in there!
225
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,763
All right. Just be careful, okay?
This girl is really crazy.
226
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:18,065
Yeah. Why can't she just accept the fact
that you guys broke up?
227
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:20,298
I know. I know.
Why can't she just accept that?
228
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:22,840
Why? It's like, "Why?"
229
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:28,003
It might be because we didn't
actually break up.
230
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,275
Oh, man. Jeanette.
231
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,510
Come on! That's vintage vinyl!
232
00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:41,222
Ted, did you or didn't you break up
with Jeanette last night?
233
00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:43,921
I don't know. It's kind of confusing.
234
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:46,328
I think we need to talk.
235
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:51,062
Oh. Oh, okay.
I see where this is going.
236
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:53,697
You're in love with Lily.
That's it, isn't it?
237
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,673
What? No. I...
238
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:58,369
Like I should be surprised...
with her fancy medical degree...
239
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,537
And her sexy Southern drawl.
240
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,944
What? She's not...
241
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:03,948
Don't talk to me! Don't look at me!
242
00:13:04,016 --> 00:13:07,952
I hate you,
and I never wanna see you again!
243
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,079
And then things got crazy...
244
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:12,124
and we got thrown out
of the Barclays Center.
245
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:15,354
I don't know. It felt pretty "break-uppy."
246
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,929
Anyway, we parted on pretty bad terms.
247
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:22,490
So I kind of thought,
maybe I could, you know...
248
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:25,696
Never contact her again and hope she'd
take the hint and just leave you alone?
249
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:28,239
- Barney, give me some credit.
- Was that the plan?
250
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,638
Yes.
251
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,970
- All gone.
- We need to do this more often.
252
00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:35,707
We totally do.
I can't believe Marvin's in high school.
253
00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:37,840
- He's growing up so fast.
- Can I confess something to you?
254
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,112
Oh, no. What? What happened?
255
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:42,017
Tell me what you did to my son!
256
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:46,089
This is not going well at all.
257
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,559
Oh, honey. You are shaking.
Let's get you out of the cold.
258
00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:51,220
What's open near here?
259
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,900
You took my infant child to a strip club?
260
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:01,098
It was just topless.
He saw yours all the time anyway.
261
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,664
Okay, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that.
262
00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:08,543
But that is all there is, okay? There is no more to the story.
I have now told you everything.
263
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,647
- All gone.
- We need to do this more often.
264
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:16,154
- We totally do. I can't believe Marvin's driving.
- He's growing up so fast.
265
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,690
- Okay, there's one other thing.
- What?
266
00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:21,783
Well, I have to go use the ladies' room.
Can you watch him for me?
267
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,056
Of course.
268
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:27,360
I could just eat you up.
269
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:31,130
You left him with a complete stranger?
He could've been...
270
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,761
Robin, how could you?
271
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:35,466
Lily, please. Okay? It was 16 years ago.
272
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,031
He's fine.
273
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:39,942
You're right. It's fine.
274
00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:41,673
God.
275
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:44,477
It feels so good
to have gotten this off my chest.
276
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,677
Finally,
it is all on the table.
277
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:50,711
All secrets are exposed,
and there is nothing left to be revealed.
278
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,452
- All gone.
- We need to do this more...
279
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,120
- There's more to the story.
- Damn it, Robin!
280
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,094
What could you possibly have left out?
281
00:14:57,162 --> 00:15:01,656
It's just there's, um,
one little detail...
282
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,726
that I may have slightly altered.
283
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,737
If he starts crying, just pick him up.
284
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:09,205
Gosh.
285
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,237
Yeah, there, there. Come on, buddy.
286
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:16,804
- Shh.
- Looks like somebody's unhappy.
287
00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,851
No kidding.
I'm miserable. Listen to this thing.
288
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:24,652
- Maybe he needs to be held.
- I think you're right.
289
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:26,748
- Can you do it?
- Sure.
290
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:28,315
Come here, handsome.
291
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,914
Come here, come here,
handsome devil. You're such a beautiful...
292
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:35,128
Oh, you're such a cool dude. Oh.
293
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,861
All right.
There, there, little one. There, there.
294
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,564
Let me put you back
in your stroller-poo...
295
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:42,300
so you can drift off
to dreamy, dreamy land.
296
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,308
Okay? All right.
297
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,537
- Thank you so much.
- Hey, don't worry about it.
298
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,944
It's my first time alone with him,
and I have this weird feeling...
299
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:51,380
I'm-I'm gonna drop him
or injure him in some way.
300
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,680
- I know it's completely insane, but...
- Oh, heavens. Watch it. No!
301
00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:55,720
No!
302
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,848
This is not going well at all.
303
00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:02,018
Oh. Oh, hon, you're shaking.
304
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,688
Let's get out of the cold.
Is there anything open near here?
305
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:12,499
- I need to go to the ladies' room. Can you watch him for me?
- Of course.
306
00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:15,732
I could just eat you up, little dude. I could just...
Yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum.
307
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:21,302
You waited 17 years
to tell me that you met...
308
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:24,315
the greatest boxer of all time?
309
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:27,750
My son was rocked to sleep
by Senator Mike Tyson?
310
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,220
- I wanted to tell you, believe me.
- How could you?
311
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,382
Okay, this is
the right thing to do.
312
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,154
You gotta go up there
and break up with her for real.
313
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:38,890
And don't worry. If anything happens,
just scream. We'll come rescue you.
314
00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,659
Okay.
315
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,613
Did you guys not hear me
screaming up there?
316
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,986
Oh, I feel so awful. We went to get subs.
317
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,048
We got you one though.
318
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:08,616
We didn't get you one.
319
00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:11,557
So Jeanette's squatting in your room?
320
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,188
What are you guys doing here?
321
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:16,530
- We heard you screaming from three blocks away.
- Why is she in there?
322
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,433
Lily, there is no reason why.
323
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,098
That's like asking,
"Why is the Earth round?"
324
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:24,301
"Why does the sun come up in the morning?"
"What do I do for a living?"
325
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,140
There are some questions
we're not meant to know the answers to.
326
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,238
Crazy girls are crazy
because they're crazy.
327
00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:32,408
L-I don't think it's quite that simple.
328
00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:35,544
I was talking to a friend of mine
about Ted and Jeanette.
329
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,486
Oh, great. What friend is this?
330
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:41,390
Uh, just this wise old lady that I know.
331
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,791
Here's the thing about crazy.
332
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,591
When a guy's sending
mixed signals to a girl...
333
00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:48,292
it takes a toll
on her psychological well-being.
334
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:51,928
You wanna know why a girl acts crazy?
Look at the guy she's dating.
335
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:55,405
Then you really see some crazy.
Trust me.
336
00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:59,634
Are you Mike Tyson?
337
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:03,203
Now hold on. I've dated
tons of crazy girls in my life...
338
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:06,877
and not once have I ever
treated them with anything other than...
339
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:10,012
Oh, right. I'm a monster.
340
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,353
Maybe the old lady
with the face tattoo is right.
341
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:16,417
Maybe the reason Jeanette's
acting this way is Ted.
342
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,463
Me? How is this my fault?
343
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,055
Yeah, come on.
This is Ted we're talking about.
344
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:25,126
I'm sure he didn't do anything to lead
her on or send mixed signals. Right, Ted?
345
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,700
Don't talk to me! Don't look at me!
346
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,299
I hate you,
and I never wanna see you again!
347
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,873
And we got thrown out
of the Barclays Center.
348
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:42,114
- Okay, that's disappointing.
- So disappointing.
349
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,677
Seriously.
350
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,110
But that was last night.
I mean, it's not like...
351
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,918
Listen, Jeanette.
352
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:52,122
We really need to have
a serious talk about our...
353
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:57,466
So, did Lily leave these boots here,
or was it some other bitch?
354
00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:03,875
Marshall, Barney, help me!
355
00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:08,003
- I don't think they're coming.
- Guess not.
356
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:16,415
It's those red boots.
They just look sexy on everyone.
357
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,013
Okay, Ted,
what is with the red boots?
358
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:22,185
You're a smart guy. You've got some taste.
You've got a visual sense.
359
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:24,491
I mean, you're an architect,
for Pete sakes.
360
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,394
How can you look
at those boots and think...
361
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:28,763
Oh, my God.
I'm holding it. I'm holding the baby.
362
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,962
- What, you never held him before?
- Tons of times.
363
00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:35,268
This-This is not a big moment for me.
364
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,535
This is exhilarating.
365
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,874
Look, yes, I know what you're gonna say.
366
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:43,005
I have to break up with her.
367
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:45,072
No, I was actually gonna say the opposite.
368
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,516
I think you need to be
with Jeanette right now.
369
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:49,417
Because she's the one.
370
00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:52,719
No. What? No! She's insane.
371
00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:56,591
But I think you are also
a little insane right now.
372
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:59,597
So, I think you need to go be
with your crazy girl for a while.
373
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,724
And when it all goes down in flames...
374
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,495
And I don't mean that figuratively.
375
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,093
I expect there to be actual flames.
376
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,933
And there were.
377
00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:09,132
We'll be here for you 'cause we love you.
378
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,813
Jeanette,
I just wanna say that, uh...
379
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:20,249
you going through my stuff like that...
380
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,753
You are really something special.
381
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:27,253
I'm gonna send Lily
a dead animal in the mail.
382
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:30,724
I think I'm falling for you.
383
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:33,731
I think we should have
a three-way with my therapist.
384
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,130
He's 70.
385
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,725
What is your ring size?
386
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:49,642
Robin, it's 3:00 in the morning.
387
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:51,842
- Really?
- Yeah.
388
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,683
Sure you don't wanna just put him
in the crib and, you know, go home?
389
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,517
No, I'm good.
390
00:20:58,290 --> 00:20:59,780
Okay.
391
00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:01,985
- Good night.
- Good night.
392
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:08,396
What's that smell?
393
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,765
Lily! Lily!
31958