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1
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Kids, in late 2012...
2
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:06,405
I received a very important text message.
3
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:13,575
Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin were engaged...
4
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:16,547
marking a truly happy time
for our little group.
5
00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:22,379
The problem was... one of us
was definitely not happy.
6
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,115
Marvin will not stop crying.
7
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,456
What do you guys think it is? Is he hungry?
8
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,894
Well, that must be it.
9
00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:34,024
Huh! Thank you for thinking of that, Ted.
10
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,900
And here we were just watering him
and facing him towards the sunlight.
11
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:41,168
Sorry. I haven't slept in...
12
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,731
January.
13
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:45,141
Food going in isn't the problem.
14
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:48,374
It's what's coming out...
or not coming out.
15
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:50,746
- He hasn't pooped in three days.
- Yeah.
16
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,877
Normally, I wouldn't wish one of his
dirty diapers on my worst enemy...
17
00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:57,514
but now I kind of miss
poppin' the hood in the morning...
18
00:00:57,590 --> 00:01:00,081
and finding that first big, juicy, black...
19
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,958
Lily! I'm eating chili.
20
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:04,826
I'm eating chili, Lily.
21
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,763
Confetti.
22
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,494
Big blast of confetti.
23
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,968
Normally, the kid's a confetti machine.
24
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,629
He's Rip Taylor in a diaper.
25
00:01:12,705 --> 00:01:16,471
I have a feeling at this point,
Rip Taylor is Rip Taylor in a diaper.
26
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,376
And with that image, dinner is done.
27
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:21,346
- Hey, guys.
- Well, well, well.
28
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:24,850
Here comes the bride!
Now the annoying part, right?
29
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,909
Planning the wedding.
30
00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:30,149
- So not fun, right?
- I don't know. I'm kind of looking forward to it.
31
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:32,214
Fine. I'll do it for you.
32
00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:34,226
First thing we need to do is set a date.
33
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:35,727
May 25, 2013.
34
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:38,025
Thank you, Ted. The ladies are talking.
35
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,793
Actually, that... that is the date.
36
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:42,835
Ted offered to help
with the planning a little.
37
00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:45,166
And, well, uh...
38
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,570
- That's a big binder.
- Oh, this?
39
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,198
This is just cakes.
40
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,002
Anyway, we're having the ceremony...
41
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:54,069
at that beautiful little church
out on Long Island...
42
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:56,067
where Victoria almost got married...
lovely spot.
43
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:58,778
And then we're gonna have a reception
in a big white tent...
44
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,581
on the front lawn of the hotel.
45
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:04,316
Oh, and, uh, the colors
are cream and lilac.
46
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,993
- I'm-a cut you, bitch!
- Oh, Lily, Lily, L-Lily...
47
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,407
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
48
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,342
I'm cool. I'm cool.
49
00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:29,779
Hey, Robin, where's Barney?
Did he skip town already?
50
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:32,044
If so, exactly what time was it?
51
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:34,552
It's important for the over-under.
52
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:38,387
Barney's fine. It's just,
well, earlier this morning...
53
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:41,586
So, it's been three days since I said yes.
54
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,026
True.
55
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,121
And your panic attacks
are getting shorter and further apart.
56
00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:49,601
I can't do this! I feel like I'm drowning!
57
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,102
Also true.
58
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,798
So I guess we're officially engaged.
59
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,806
Maybe we should tell our parents.
60
00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:57,536
I assume my dad already knows. You did
call him and got his permission, right?
61
00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:59,510
Yeah, yeah, Robin.
62
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:02,639
I... I bought you with an ox
and some spices from the East.
63
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,706
He's gonna put you in a cage...
64
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:08,379
and send you on horseback
to my remote desert camp.
65
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:10,388
- Okay, Barney...
- Hold on. I'm not done.
66
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:13,016
Where you'll be bathed
in perfumes and oils...
67
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:14,753
and delivered to my tent.
68
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:17,660
After you perform the traditional
Dance of the Seven Veils...
69
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:20,290
we'll adjourn
to the tiger skin rug where we'll...
70
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:21,924
- Barney...
- Robin!
71
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:24,231
If we're gonna build a marriage together...
72
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,102
we have got to stop interrupting
each other all the time.
73
00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:28,936
Fine. Finish your story.
74
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,976
Thank you.
75
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,638
Where we'll... do it.
76
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,262
- Did you ask for my father's permission?
- No, I did not.
77
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:40,980
As some of you know, my
dad is a little scary.
78
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,023
A little? Dude's a stone-cold Slytherin.
79
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,684
He always looks like he just
came from slapping some guy...
80
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,852
tied to a chair in a back room.
81
00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:50,793
Anyway, we go get lunch...
82
00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:55,527
I know I already told you this,
but my dad is a scary guy.
83
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:58,196
Please, I think I can handle...
84
00:03:59,672 --> 00:04:01,640
Oh, vampire in the daylight.
Vampire in the daylight!
85
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,107
Oh.
86
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,377
- Hello, Robin.
- Hello, sir.
87
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:11,178
Put that thing away.
Give your old man a hug.
88
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,850
And then it got really scary.
89
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:20,518
I'm glad you could meet me here
at my favorite restaurant.
90
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,027
Carol and I come here all the time.
91
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,223
I... You...
92
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,562
When... Da... Who's Carol?
93
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,235
Oh, right. You... You haven't met Carol.
94
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,794
Um, very special woman.
95
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:34,669
Forty-eight years old,
dental hygienist, no kids.
96
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,333
Likes Zumba.
97
00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:39,340
She's the reason I moved to New York City.
98
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,846
Eight months ago.
Thanks for the call, by the way.
99
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,905
Well, I figured you knew.
100
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:45,541
It's on my Facebook page.
101
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:48,143
You really should respond
to my friend request.
102
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,587
I post a lot of great stuff.
103
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,318
Are you familiar with memes?
104
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:56,590
There's a cat who says,
"I can has cheezburger?"
105
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,927
Okay, what the hell happened to you?
106
00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:01,967
Robin, I know in the past...
107
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:05,334
I have been... emotionally distant.
108
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:09,432
But Carol has brought out
a whole new side of me.
109
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,477
I have a new outlook on life...
110
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:15,446
a devil-may-care insouciance
that embodies the credo...
111
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:18,416
"No shirt, no shoes, no problem."
112
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,544
Robin, I'm fun now.
113
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:23,111
- Oh!
- Oh, God.
114
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:25,555
- He's fun now?
- That does not sound fun.
115
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:27,889
No child should have to see
a parent go through that.
116
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,293
Well, it probably took some of the pressure
off the Barney of it all.
117
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,027
Sir, hi.
118
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,897
My name is Barney Stinson.
119
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,467
This is Barney?
120
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,802
This man is blond.
121
00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:42,465
Grown men are not blond!
122
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:45,067
- Dad!
- Pleased to meet you.
123
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:49,547
That's a very... fun hair color.
124
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:52,448
That's nothing. When he met me,
his first words were, "Nice blouse."
125
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:54,518
- You were wearing a blouse.
- It was not a blouse!
126
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,216
Oh, great. You're all here.
Let's talk about our wedding band.
127
00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,623
How much do you guys think
they should rock? 'Cause I vote a million.
128
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:04,424
Yeah. Yeah, I think
we already settled on a deejay, so...
129
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:07,489
Lily, do you remember the band
you guys almost hired for your wedding?
130
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:10,900
Remember them?
I'll call them up and book them for you.
131
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,234
- Just say the word.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
132
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,639
I... I feel like we keep coming back
to this deejay thing.
133
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:20,406
- What do you think, baby?
- I don't think anyone should book anything right now.
134
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,414
Well, why not?
135
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:25,280
Well, I am going to the room
marked "Spaghettis"...
136
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,342
which I'm hoping is the ladies' room.
137
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,115
"Meatballs" has to be men's, right?
138
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:32,419
I don't know what the hell "Calamaris" is.
139
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,165
Um...
140
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,667
- Sir, I... I...
- Permission denied.
141
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:47,033
And it turns out "spaghettis" are men.
142
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,971
I saw a noodle.
143
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,715
- He said no?
- Yeah, I don't know what we're gonna do.
144
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,614
Relax, baby. I got this.
145
00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,447
I know how to be persuasive.
146
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,148
The next day,
Uncle Barney met Robin's dad for lunch...
147
00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,053
at the same restaurant...
148
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,614
this time, with a plan.
149
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:10,253
Hello, Mr. Scherbatsky.
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
150
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:13,957
You have my attention.
151
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:17,469
I left the meatball at home so I could talk
to you spaghetti to spaghetti.
152
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:21,371
Sir, I'm very serious
about marrying your daughter.
153
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:26,777
Barney, when I wanted
to marry Robin's mother...
154
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:30,338
I slaughtered a whole family of bears
with my bare hands.
155
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:34,409
I gave the pelts and the bear meat...
156
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,684
to her father as tribute.
157
00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:41,420
You know what we call that in Canada?
Manners.
158
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,758
Would either of you like a Mudslide?
159
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,661
I just had one, thank you.
160
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:50,293
I'll have a Jazzy Pizzazzy
Razzleberry Rainbow milk shake...
161
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:52,166
with a swirly straw.
162
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,365
You didn't say the magic word.
163
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,873
I'll go get your drink.
164
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:00,836
- Still crying, huh?
- Yeah.
165
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:04,440
We've tried everything short of
a pack of smokes and a cup of coffee.
166
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,849
Still nothing but clean dipeys.
167
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:08,682
There's only one explanation for this.
168
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,915
Marvin has potty-trained himself.
169
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,924
He sneaks into the bathroom
while we're sleeping.
170
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,584
I'll ask Barney to check the tapes.
171
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,753
Barney has cameras in our bathroom?
172
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:19,093
Well, I mean, don't you think?
173
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,360
- Hey, guys.
- Robin, good.
174
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,231
You're here. Bad news.
175
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:26,203
That wedding band you wanted
is booked for May 25.
176
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,638
Oh, no. What are you gonna do?
177
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:31,370
Oh! Oh, hey! Here's an idea.
178
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,708
Oh, God, Ted, if you suggest a deejay...
179
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,475
Far from it. I was gonna suggest a band.
180
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:39,109
A band called Kool and the Gang.
181
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:42,543
Robin, would you like for me...
182
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,715
to get Kool and the Gang
to play at your wedding?
183
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,088
Uh, yeah, I guess so.
184
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:49,059
And would it be okay
if they invited their friends...
185
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:51,323
Beyoncé and-and ABBA...
186
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:55,060
and the Bee Gees and Journey and Queen?
187
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:57,625
What? What are you say...
How... How is that even possible?
188
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,399
I'll tell you how. You hire a deejay.
189
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,168
Wicka-wicka-wicka! Burn.
190
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:06,371
Ugh! God, this is, like, the 15th time
my dad has sent me a friend request.
191
00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,310
- I'm just gonna hit "accept."
- No!
192
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,076
No, no, no. Don't do it, Robin.
193
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:13,414
- You don't want to see what's behind that door.
- What are you talking about?
194
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:16,853
He's talking about my mom's
2,000-word review...
195
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:19,153
of Fifty Shades of Grey.
196
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,989
And 14 of those words were "vulva."
197
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:25,053
You're gonna get endless
requests to play some game...
198
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,929
that has something to do
with gangsters and farming.
199
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,333
Never mind the embarrassing
cheerleading photos from high school.
200
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,804
Begged my mom to burn those.
201
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,170
Robin, trust me.
202
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,869
No good can come from
accepting that friend request.
203
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:42,005
Yeah, I... I think I may have given
you guys the wrong impression.
204
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,675
Okay, my dad is actually
not that bad of a guy.
205
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,310
Do it, Barney. Squeeze that trigger.
206
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,149
I don't want to do this.
207
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,781
- You think I wanted to kill that bear?
- Yeah, kinda.
208
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,519
Oh, yeah, you're right.
209
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,960
I can't do this.
210
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,966
What... What the hell is this?
211
00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,935
Your dad is crazy!
212
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:07,234
He wanted me to kill Fluffernutter!
213
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,797
- I told you not to give him a name!
- Well, I did!
214
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,900
I gave him a name and a backstory.
215
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:15,470
He comes from a magical rabbit warren
underneath the old rusty tractor.
216
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,573
He was the runt of the litter,
but he persevered.
217
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,141
Oh, give me this. Give it to me!
218
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:24,184
Dad, is there, um,
something you wanna tell me?
219
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,087
Well, in the early '80s...
220
00:10:26,158 --> 00:10:28,217
I did some wet work for the C. I.A.
221
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,228
Yes, Daddy. I remember the bedtime stories.
222
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,856
No, I'm, uh, talking about
your Facebook page?
223
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,593
It says you're married.
224
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,601
Well...
225
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:39,365
Yes, uh, Carol and I were in Key Largo...
226
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:42,930
at a performance
of the recording artist James Buffet.
227
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,068
We're what is known as Parrot Heads.
228
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:49,137
And, uh, well,
one thing led to the other...
229
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:52,742
and, uh, we got married.
230
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,945
You didn't want to tell me about it?
231
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:57,854
I facebooked it on Facebook.
232
00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,823
Okay, you know what, Dad?
233
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:01,951
Since you obviously have no interest...
234
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:03,893
in involving me in your personal life...
235
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:07,126
I may as well tell you...
Barney and I are already engaged.
236
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,533
That's right.
237
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,094
I'm behind you on this, Robin.
238
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,470
Directly behind you.
239
00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:17,634
Anyway, this is happening.
240
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:20,510
And since I wasn't invited to your wedding,
you're not invited to mine.
241
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:23,376
Good-bye.
242
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,918
Oh, no!
243
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,481
Fluffernutter peed all over my pants!
244
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:42,959
So, I just called up
that wedding band's road manager...
245
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:46,027
to get the number of the people
who booked them for the 25th...
246
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:48,437
so I could bribe them
into giving up the band.
247
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,975
You did what? That is so dishonest!
248
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:55,104
No matter what happens next, I th... I think we
can all agree, you're in the wrong here, Lily.
249
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,945
- It's your number, Ted.
- All right. You got me!
250
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,850
I put a nonrefundable deposit
on that band...
251
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,945
to keep Barney and Robin from booking them.
252
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,887
And I would've gotten away with it...
253
00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:07,755
if it wasn't a really stupid
and expensive plan.
254
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,761
Dude, why would you do that?
255
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,660
I don't see what the big deal is.
256
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,724
The big deal is, Robin deserves better
than some crappy, unreliable band.
257
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:19,669
Sure, bands seem cool with their nice suits
and their well-rehearsed moves...
258
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,866
but let's be honest... bands let you down.
259
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,136
They... They cheat. They deceive.
260
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,701
And God knows, they've
slept with every girl in New York City.
261
00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:30,044
I just... I can't believe
Robin is going through with marrying...
262
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:32,641
the idea of getting a band.
263
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:35,551
And that is... That's
a perfectly normal way to phrase that.
264
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:38,454
Okay, Ted. Bar.
265
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,389
- Now.
- Nice try.
266
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:42,222
You're gonna stick me with that baby...
267
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:45,627
so that you guys can spend
five minutes sorting out his love life...
268
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:49,964
followed by an hour of you getting drunk
and pretending to be in The Departed.
269
00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:52,265
You know what? I'm sorry, Lily.
270
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:53,896
Okay? But I just need to know.
271
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:55,736
- Are you a cop?
- I'm not a cop!
272
00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:57,708
- Are you a cop?
- I'm not a cop!
273
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,904
Uh-uh.
274
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:03,312
I got this. Ted. You, me.
Upstairs. Roof. Now.
275
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,316
- What? It's January.
- Move!
276
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,876
Let's cut the crap. We're both freezing.
277
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,320
- Just say it, and we can go downstairs.
- Say what?
278
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:14,553
Say how much you hate
that Robin and Barney are getting married.
279
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,721
What? No, I... I'm happy for them.
280
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:21,096
L-I encouraged Robin to go after Barney.
281
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,658
I know. Because you thought
you were okay letting her go.
282
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,705
But now that she's really gone, it hurts.
283
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:29,468
Kids, at that point in my life...
284
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:32,033
I'd been hurt quite a few times already.
285
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:35,080
Today, we're gonna braid
friendship bracelets.
286
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:42,210
♪ I fell in lo... ♪
287
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:45,382
There's a very simple explana... Ah!
288
00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:47,721
This one time, I was playing tennis and...
289
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,225
- Oh! Ow!
- Ow!
290
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:58,200
Hey, Schmosby. Remember when you
dookied in your pants down by the lake?
291
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:00,033
Unbelievable!
292
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:02,596
Oh!
293
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,111
Do you love me?
294
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,474
No.
295
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,851
But when I saw that text message...
296
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:19,288
and found out Robin
was engaged, it was like...
297
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,882
Ah!
298
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,427
- There...
- - Ooh!
299
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:23,756
Unbelievable!
300
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,592
- Ooh!
- Aah! - No.
301
00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:27,598
Times a million.
302
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,927
I am happy for them.
303
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,028
Is all you'll let yourself say out loud.
304
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:35,096
Because if you said
anything to the contrary...
305
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:38,940
well, that would make you
the most awful person on this rooftop.
306
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,479
So, I'm gonna give you an out.
307
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,242
And how are you gonna do that?
308
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:46,580
By saying something
that is even more awful.
309
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,581
Like what?
310
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:52,681
Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom.
311
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:55,784
Sometimes I want to pack a bag
and leave in the middle of the night...
312
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,829
and not come back.
313
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,266
Robin shouldn't be with Barney.
She should be with me.
314
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:16,947
- You serious?
- I don't know.
315
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,007
I mean, I love being a mom.
316
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:22,349
I... I love Marvin so much.
317
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,922
But do you remember
when I wanted to be an artist?
318
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,721
Art was my whole life.
319
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:32,286
And-And now it's been months
since I've even picked up a brush.
320
00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:35,731
L-I spend the whole day
taking care of kids at my job...
321
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:38,361
and I come home, and it's more of the same.
322
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,339
It just... It never lets up.
323
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:45,707
It's just really, really hard, Ted.
324
00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:50,006
Have you talked to Marshall
about how you feel?
325
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,414
Have you talked to Robin
about how you feel?
326
00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:56,010
Fair enough.
327
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:59,489
I just think we have to
accept our lots in life...
328
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:02,584
and I have to be a mom to a...
329
00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:04,492
a beautiful, wonderful...
330
00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:07,088
if slightly constipated, little boy...
331
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:12,365
and you have to let
Robin and Barney get a band.
332
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,772
All right. Let's see what's in this dipey.
333
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,540
Nothin'.
334
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:22,273
Absolutely nothing.
335
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:28,476
Hey. Are you finally giving Daddy a smile?
336
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:31,785
Oh! Oh, God!
337
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:34,417
And, no, it wasn't confetti.
338
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:37,121
Oh! Oh, God!
339
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,523
Please!
340
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:44,425
Holy confetti!
341
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:49,264
That night, Robin agreed
to meet her dad one more time.
342
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:52,742
Your dad has something to say.
343
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:59,808
I'm sorry for getting married
without consulting you.
344
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,217
It was wrong of me.
345
00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:03,777
There. Now, Robin...
346
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,450
I know that no mere apology will fix this.
347
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,517
And that is why...
348
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,893
I've asked Carol for a divorce.
349
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,865
- What?
- She's heartbroken, understandably.
350
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:17,401
- Possibly suicidal.
- I did not tell him...
351
00:17:17,469 --> 00:17:21,633
But if that's the price
for my daughter's love...
352
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,437
then I will gladly let Carol pay it.
353
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:28,575
Was that not what you wanted?
354
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:32,139
You want to know what I want?
355
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,082
A normal dad. That's all.
356
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:38,089
I... I want you to give this blond guy
permission to marry me.
357
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:40,421
Come to the wedding. Give me away.
358
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:45,327
Smile in the pictures,
and then dance with me like a normal dad.
359
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,361
Is that too much to ask?
360
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,095
Of course not.
361
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:53,138
Oh, Robin, my darling girl,
of course I'll do all that stuff.
362
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,833
I love you, and I'm proud of you.
363
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,769
- He didn't say that?
- No.
364
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,641
Fine. One dance.
365
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:03,681
"Cheeseburger in Paradise."
366
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,717
And Carol's going to sing it.
367
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,743
Well, see you at the wedding.
368
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,382
But it's kind of amazing.
369
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:14,688
I mean, he's never
apologized to me in his life.
370
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,354
Barney made it happen.
371
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,226
He must really love me.
372
00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:22,057
He'd be crazy not to.
373
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,870
I'm really happy for you guys.
374
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,533
But I still think you should get a deejay.
375
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,235
- For God's sakes, Ted.
- Hear me out.
376
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,039
I can't take...
377
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,313
I made a pretty strong case that night,
but in the end, she didn't want a deejay.
378
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,909
She wanted a band.
And guess what happened.
379
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:42,078
That's right. The band
canceled at the last minute...
380
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:43,451
just like I said they would.
381
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:46,320
The wedding is in a week, and no bands.
382
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:48,825
When will people realize
I always know what's what?
383
00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:51,192
He says to the lesbian
he dated for a month.
384
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:52,924
That's a fair point.
385
00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:56,729
Anyway, you guys wouldn't, uh, happen
to know of any good wedding bands...
386
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,703
available at the last minute, would you?
387
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,864
Ted, do you believe in destiny?
388
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:03,669
You really don't know me, do you?
389
00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,903
We just had brunch with my ex-roommate.
390
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,469
- The bass player?
- No, she's not just a bass player.
391
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:11,607
She's a bass player in the best
wedding band in the tristate area.
392
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:15,483
They had a gig lined up for this weekend,
but it just fell through this morning.
393
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:18,284
You, my friend,
are gonna save that wedding.
394
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:21,326
- Do you know any deejays?
- Dude, come on!
395
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:23,759
Let it go, bro. Just let it go.
396
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,024
All right, all right, all right.
Well, I guess, uh...
397
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,929
Guess it's a lucky thing
I ran into you guys.
398
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,868
And, kids, "lucky"
doesn't even begin to describe it.
399
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:41,707
Because if Robin and Barney had taken
my stupid advice and hired a deejay...
400
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,979
I never would have met your mother.
31219
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