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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,362 Kids, in late 2012... 2 00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:06,405 I received a very important text message. 3 00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:13,575 Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin were engaged... 4 00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:16,547 marking a truly happy time for our little group. 5 00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:22,379 The problem was... one of us was definitely not happy. 6 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,115 Marvin will not stop crying. 7 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,456 What do you guys think it is? Is he hungry? 8 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,894 Well, that must be it. 9 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:34,024 Huh! Thank you for thinking of that, Ted. 10 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,900 And here we were just watering him and facing him towards the sunlight. 11 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:41,168 Sorry. I haven't slept in... 12 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,731 January. 13 00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:45,141 Food going in isn't the problem. 14 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:48,374 It's what's coming out... or not coming out. 15 00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:50,746 - He hasn't pooped in three days. - Yeah. 16 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,877 Normally, I wouldn't wish one of his dirty diapers on my worst enemy... 17 00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:57,514 but now I kind of miss poppin' the hood in the morning... 18 00:00:57,590 --> 00:01:00,081 and finding that first big, juicy, black... 19 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,958 Lily! I'm eating chili. 20 00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:04,826 I'm eating chili, Lily. 21 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,763 Confetti. 22 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,494 Big blast of confetti. 23 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,968 Normally, the kid's a confetti machine. 24 00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,629 He's Rip Taylor in a diaper. 25 00:01:12,705 --> 00:01:16,471 I have a feeling at this point, Rip Taylor is Rip Taylor in a diaper. 26 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,376 And with that image, dinner is done. 27 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:21,346 - Hey, guys. - Well, well, well. 28 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:24,850 Here comes the bride! Now the annoying part, right? 29 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,909 Planning the wedding. 30 00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:30,149 - So not fun, right? - I don't know. I'm kind of looking forward to it. 31 00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:32,214 Fine. I'll do it for you. 32 00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:34,226 First thing we need to do is set a date. 33 00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:35,727 May 25, 2013. 34 00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:38,025 Thank you, Ted. The ladies are talking. 35 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,793 Actually, that... that is the date. 36 00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:42,835 Ted offered to help with the planning a little. 37 00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:45,166 And, well, uh... 38 00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,570 - That's a big binder. - Oh, this? 39 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,198 This is just cakes. 40 00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,002 Anyway, we're having the ceremony... 41 00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:54,069 at that beautiful little church out on Long Island... 42 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:56,067 where Victoria almost got married... lovely spot. 43 00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:58,778 And then we're gonna have a reception in a big white tent... 44 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,581 on the front lawn of the hotel. 45 00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:04,316 Oh, and, uh, the colors are cream and lilac. 46 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,993 - I'm-a cut you, bitch! - Oh, Lily, Lily, L-Lily... 47 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,407 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 48 00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,342 I'm cool. I'm cool. 49 00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:29,779 Hey, Robin, where's Barney? Did he skip town already? 50 00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:32,044 If so, exactly what time was it? 51 00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:34,552 It's important for the over-under. 52 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:38,387 Barney's fine. It's just, well, earlier this morning... 53 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:41,586 So, it's been three days since I said yes. 54 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,026 True. 55 00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,121 And your panic attacks are getting shorter and further apart. 56 00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:49,601 I can't do this! I feel like I'm drowning! 57 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,102 Also true. 58 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,798 So I guess we're officially engaged. 59 00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,806 Maybe we should tell our parents. 60 00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:57,536 I assume my dad already knows. You did call him and got his permission, right? 61 00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:59,510 Yeah, yeah, Robin. 62 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:02,639 I... I bought you with an ox and some spices from the East. 63 00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,706 He's gonna put you in a cage... 64 00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:08,379 and send you on horseback to my remote desert camp. 65 00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:10,388 - Okay, Barney... - Hold on. I'm not done. 66 00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:13,016 Where you'll be bathed in perfumes and oils... 67 00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:14,753 and delivered to my tent. 68 00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:17,660 After you perform the traditional Dance of the Seven Veils... 69 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:20,290 we'll adjourn to the tiger skin rug where we'll... 70 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:21,924 - Barney... - Robin! 71 00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:24,231 If we're gonna build a marriage together... 72 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,102 we have got to stop interrupting each other all the time. 73 00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:28,936 Fine. Finish your story. 74 00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,976 Thank you. 75 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,638 Where we'll... do it. 76 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,262 - Did you ask for my father's permission? - No, I did not. 77 00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:40,980 As some of you know, my dad is a little scary. 78 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,023 A little? Dude's a stone-cold Slytherin. 79 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,684 He always looks like he just came from slapping some guy... 80 00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,852 tied to a chair in a back room. 81 00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:50,793 Anyway, we go get lunch... 82 00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:55,527 I know I already told you this, but my dad is a scary guy. 83 00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:58,196 Please, I think I can handle... 84 00:03:59,672 --> 00:04:01,640 Oh, vampire in the daylight. Vampire in the daylight! 85 00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,107 Oh. 86 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,377 - Hello, Robin. - Hello, sir. 87 00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:11,178 Put that thing away. Give your old man a hug. 88 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,850 And then it got really scary. 89 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:20,518 I'm glad you could meet me here at my favorite restaurant. 90 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,027 Carol and I come here all the time. 91 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,223 I... You... 92 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,562 When... Da... Who's Carol? 93 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,235 Oh, right. You... You haven't met Carol. 94 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,794 Um, very special woman. 95 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:34,669 Forty-eight years old, dental hygienist, no kids. 96 00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,333 Likes Zumba. 97 00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:39,340 She's the reason I moved to New York City. 98 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,846 Eight months ago. Thanks for the call, by the way. 99 00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,905 Well, I figured you knew. 100 00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:45,541 It's on my Facebook page. 101 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:48,143 You really should respond to my friend request. 102 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,587 I post a lot of great stuff. 103 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,318 Are you familiar with memes? 104 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:56,590 There's a cat who says, "I can has cheezburger?" 105 00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,927 Okay, what the hell happened to you? 106 00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:01,967 Robin, I know in the past... 107 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:05,334 I have been... emotionally distant. 108 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:09,432 But Carol has brought out a whole new side of me. 109 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,477 I have a new outlook on life... 110 00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:15,446 a devil-may-care insouciance that embodies the credo... 111 00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:18,416 "No shirt, no shoes, no problem." 112 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,544 Robin, I'm fun now. 113 00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:23,111 - Oh! - Oh, God. 114 00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:25,555 - He's fun now? - That does not sound fun. 115 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:27,889 No child should have to see a parent go through that. 116 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,293 Well, it probably took some of the pressure off the Barney of it all. 117 00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,027 Sir, hi. 118 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,897 My name is Barney Stinson. 119 00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,467 This is Barney? 120 00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,802 This man is blond. 121 00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:42,465 Grown men are not blond! 122 00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:45,067 - Dad! - Pleased to meet you. 123 00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:49,547 That's a very... fun hair color. 124 00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:52,448 That's nothing. When he met me, his first words were, "Nice blouse." 125 00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:54,518 - You were wearing a blouse. - It was not a blouse! 126 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,216 Oh, great. You're all here. Let's talk about our wedding band. 127 00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,623 How much do you guys think they should rock? 'Cause I vote a million. 128 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:04,424 Yeah. Yeah, I think we already settled on a deejay, so... 129 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:07,489 Lily, do you remember the band you guys almost hired for your wedding? 130 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:10,900 Remember them? I'll call them up and book them for you. 131 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,234 - Just say the word. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 132 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,639 I... I feel like we keep coming back to this deejay thing. 133 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:20,406 - What do you think, baby? - I don't think anyone should book anything right now. 134 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,414 Well, why not? 135 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:25,280 Well, I am going to the room marked "Spaghettis"... 136 00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,342 which I'm hoping is the ladies' room. 137 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,115 "Meatballs" has to be men's, right? 138 00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:32,419 I don't know what the hell "Calamaris" is. 139 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,165 Um... 140 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,667 - Sir, I... I... - Permission denied. 141 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:47,033 And it turns out "spaghettis" are men. 142 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,971 I saw a noodle. 143 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,715 - He said no? - Yeah, I don't know what we're gonna do. 144 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,614 Relax, baby. I got this. 145 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,447 I know how to be persuasive. 146 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,148 The next day, Uncle Barney met Robin's dad for lunch... 147 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,053 at the same restaurant... 148 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,614 this time, with a plan. 149 00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:10,253 Hello, Mr. Scherbatsky. I think we got off on the wrong foot. 150 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:13,957 You have my attention. 151 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:17,469 I left the meatball at home so I could talk to you spaghetti to spaghetti. 152 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:21,371 Sir, I'm very serious about marrying your daughter. 153 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:26,777 Barney, when I wanted to marry Robin's mother... 154 00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:30,338 I slaughtered a whole family of bears with my bare hands. 155 00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:34,409 I gave the pelts and the bear meat... 156 00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,684 to her father as tribute. 157 00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:41,420 You know what we call that in Canada? Manners. 158 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,758 Would either of you like a Mudslide? 159 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,661 I just had one, thank you. 160 00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:50,293 I'll have a Jazzy Pizzazzy Razzleberry Rainbow milk shake... 161 00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:52,166 with a swirly straw. 162 00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,365 You didn't say the magic word. 163 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,873 I'll go get your drink. 164 00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:00,836 - Still crying, huh? - Yeah. 165 00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:04,440 We've tried everything short of a pack of smokes and a cup of coffee. 166 00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,849 Still nothing but clean dipeys. 167 00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:08,682 There's only one explanation for this. 168 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,915 Marvin has potty-trained himself. 169 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,924 He sneaks into the bathroom while we're sleeping. 170 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,584 I'll ask Barney to check the tapes. 171 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,753 Barney has cameras in our bathroom? 172 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:19,093 Well, I mean, don't you think? 173 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,360 - Hey, guys. - Robin, good. 174 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,231 You're here. Bad news. 175 00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:26,203 That wedding band you wanted is booked for May 25. 176 00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,638 Oh, no. What are you gonna do? 177 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:31,370 Oh! Oh, hey! Here's an idea. 178 00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,708 Oh, God, Ted, if you suggest a deejay... 179 00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,475 Far from it. I was gonna suggest a band. 180 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:39,109 A band called Kool and the Gang. 181 00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:42,543 Robin, would you like for me... 182 00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,715 to get Kool and the Gang to play at your wedding? 183 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,088 Uh, yeah, I guess so. 184 00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:49,059 And would it be okay if they invited their friends... 185 00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:51,323 Beyoncé and-and ABBA... 186 00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:55,060 and the Bee Gees and Journey and Queen? 187 00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:57,625 What? What are you say... How... How is that even possible? 188 00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,399 I'll tell you how. You hire a deejay. 189 00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,168 Wicka-wicka-wicka! Burn. 190 00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:06,371 Ugh! God, this is, like, the 15th time my dad has sent me a friend request. 191 00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,310 - I'm just gonna hit "accept." - No! 192 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,076 No, no, no. Don't do it, Robin. 193 00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:13,414 - You don't want to see what's behind that door. - What are you talking about? 194 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:16,853 He's talking about my mom's 2,000-word review... 195 00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:19,153 of Fifty Shades of Grey. 196 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,989 And 14 of those words were "vulva." 197 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:25,053 You're gonna get endless requests to play some game... 198 00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,929 that has something to do with gangsters and farming. 199 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,333 Never mind the embarrassing cheerleading photos from high school. 200 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,804 Begged my mom to burn those. 201 00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,170 Robin, trust me. 202 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,869 No good can come from accepting that friend request. 203 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:42,005 Yeah, I... I think I may have given you guys the wrong impression. 204 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,675 Okay, my dad is actually not that bad of a guy. 205 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,310 Do it, Barney. Squeeze that trigger. 206 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,149 I don't want to do this. 207 00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,781 - You think I wanted to kill that bear? - Yeah, kinda. 208 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,519 Oh, yeah, you're right. 209 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,960 I can't do this. 210 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,966 What... What the hell is this? 211 00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,935 Your dad is crazy! 212 00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:07,234 He wanted me to kill Fluffernutter! 213 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,797 - I told you not to give him a name! - Well, I did! 214 00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,900 I gave him a name and a backstory. 215 00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:15,470 He comes from a magical rabbit warren underneath the old rusty tractor. 216 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,573 He was the runt of the litter, but he persevered. 217 00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,141 Oh, give me this. Give it to me! 218 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:24,184 Dad, is there, um, something you wanna tell me? 219 00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,087 Well, in the early '80s... 220 00:10:26,158 --> 00:10:28,217 I did some wet work for the C. I.A. 221 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,228 Yes, Daddy. I remember the bedtime stories. 222 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,856 No, I'm, uh, talking about your Facebook page? 223 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,593 It says you're married. 224 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,601 Well... 225 00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:39,365 Yes, uh, Carol and I were in Key Largo... 226 00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:42,930 at a performance of the recording artist James Buffet. 227 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,068 We're what is known as Parrot Heads. 228 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:49,137 And, uh, well, one thing led to the other... 229 00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:52,742 and, uh, we got married. 230 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,945 You didn't want to tell me about it? 231 00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:57,854 I facebooked it on Facebook. 232 00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,823 Okay, you know what, Dad? 233 00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:01,951 Since you obviously have no interest... 234 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:03,893 in involving me in your personal life... 235 00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:07,126 I may as well tell you... Barney and I are already engaged. 236 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,533 That's right. 237 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,094 I'm behind you on this, Robin. 238 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,470 Directly behind you. 239 00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:17,634 Anyway, this is happening. 240 00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:20,510 And since I wasn't invited to your wedding, you're not invited to mine. 241 00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:23,376 Good-bye. 242 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,918 Oh, no! 243 00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,481 Fluffernutter peed all over my pants! 244 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:42,959 So, I just called up that wedding band's road manager... 245 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:46,027 to get the number of the people who booked them for the 25th... 246 00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:48,437 so I could bribe them into giving up the band. 247 00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,975 You did what? That is so dishonest! 248 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:55,104 No matter what happens next, I th... I think we can all agree, you're in the wrong here, Lily. 249 00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,945 - It's your number, Ted. - All right. You got me! 250 00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,850 I put a nonrefundable deposit on that band... 251 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,945 to keep Barney and Robin from booking them. 252 00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,887 And I would've gotten away with it... 253 00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:07,755 if it wasn't a really stupid and expensive plan. 254 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,761 Dude, why would you do that? 255 00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,660 I don't see what the big deal is. 256 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,724 The big deal is, Robin deserves better than some crappy, unreliable band. 257 00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:19,669 Sure, bands seem cool with their nice suits and their well-rehearsed moves... 258 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,866 but let's be honest... bands let you down. 259 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,136 They... They cheat. They deceive. 260 00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,701 And God knows, they've slept with every girl in New York City. 261 00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:30,044 I just... I can't believe Robin is going through with marrying... 262 00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:32,641 the idea of getting a band. 263 00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:35,551 And that is... That's a perfectly normal way to phrase that. 264 00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:38,454 Okay, Ted. Bar. 265 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,389 - Now. - Nice try. 266 00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:42,222 You're gonna stick me with that baby... 267 00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:45,627 so that you guys can spend five minutes sorting out his love life... 268 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:49,964 followed by an hour of you getting drunk and pretending to be in The Departed. 269 00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:52,265 You know what? I'm sorry, Lily. 270 00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:53,896 Okay? But I just need to know. 271 00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:55,736 - Are you a cop? - I'm not a cop! 272 00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:57,708 - Are you a cop? - I'm not a cop! 273 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,904 Uh-uh. 274 00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:03,312 I got this. Ted. You, me. Upstairs. Roof. Now. 275 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,316 - What? It's January. - Move! 276 00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,876 Let's cut the crap. We're both freezing. 277 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,320 - Just say it, and we can go downstairs. - Say what? 278 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:14,553 Say how much you hate that Robin and Barney are getting married. 279 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,721 What? No, I... I'm happy for them. 280 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:21,096 L-I encouraged Robin to go after Barney. 281 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,658 I know. Because you thought you were okay letting her go. 282 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,705 But now that she's really gone, it hurts. 283 00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:29,468 Kids, at that point in my life... 284 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:32,033 I'd been hurt quite a few times already. 285 00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:35,080 Today, we're gonna braid friendship bracelets. 286 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:42,210 ♪ I fell in lo... ♪ 287 00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:45,382 There's a very simple explana... Ah! 288 00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:47,721 This one time, I was playing tennis and... 289 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,225 - Oh! Ow! - Ow! 290 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:58,200 Hey, Schmosby. Remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake? 291 00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:00,033 Unbelievable! 292 00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:02,596 Oh! 293 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,111 Do you love me? 294 00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,474 No. 295 00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,851 But when I saw that text message... 296 00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:19,288 and found out Robin was engaged, it was like... 297 00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,882 Ah! 298 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,427 - There... - - Ooh! 299 00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:23,756 Unbelievable! 300 00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,592 - Ooh! - Aah! - No. 301 00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:27,598 Times a million. 302 00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,927 I am happy for them. 303 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,028 Is all you'll let yourself say out loud. 304 00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:35,096 Because if you said anything to the contrary... 305 00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:38,940 well, that would make you the most awful person on this rooftop. 306 00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,479 So, I'm gonna give you an out. 307 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,242 And how are you gonna do that? 308 00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:46,580 By saying something that is even more awful. 309 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,581 Like what? 310 00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:52,681 Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom. 311 00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:55,784 Sometimes I want to pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night... 312 00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,829 and not come back. 313 00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,266 Robin shouldn't be with Barney. She should be with me. 314 00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:16,947 - You serious? - I don't know. 315 00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,007 I mean, I love being a mom. 316 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:22,349 I... I love Marvin so much. 317 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,922 But do you remember when I wanted to be an artist? 318 00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,721 Art was my whole life. 319 00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:32,286 And-And now it's been months since I've even picked up a brush. 320 00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:35,731 L-I spend the whole day taking care of kids at my job... 321 00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:38,361 and I come home, and it's more of the same. 322 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,339 It just... It never lets up. 323 00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:45,707 It's just really, really hard, Ted. 324 00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:50,006 Have you talked to Marshall about how you feel? 325 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,414 Have you talked to Robin about how you feel? 326 00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:56,010 Fair enough. 327 00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:59,489 I just think we have to accept our lots in life... 328 00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:02,584 and I have to be a mom to a... 329 00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:04,492 a beautiful, wonderful... 330 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:07,088 if slightly constipated, little boy... 331 00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:12,365 and you have to let Robin and Barney get a band. 332 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,772 All right. Let's see what's in this dipey. 333 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,540 Nothin'. 334 00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:22,273 Absolutely nothing. 335 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:28,476 Hey. Are you finally giving Daddy a smile? 336 00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:31,785 Oh! Oh, God! 337 00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:34,417 And, no, it wasn't confetti. 338 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:37,121 Oh! Oh, God! 339 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,523 Please! 340 00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:44,425 Holy confetti! 341 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:49,264 That night, Robin agreed to meet her dad one more time. 342 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:52,742 Your dad has something to say. 343 00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:59,808 I'm sorry for getting married without consulting you. 344 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,217 It was wrong of me. 345 00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:03,777 There. Now, Robin... 346 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,450 I know that no mere apology will fix this. 347 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,517 And that is why... 348 00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,893 I've asked Carol for a divorce. 349 00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,865 - What? - She's heartbroken, understandably. 350 00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:17,401 - Possibly suicidal. - I did not tell him... 351 00:17:17,469 --> 00:17:21,633 But if that's the price for my daughter's love... 352 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,437 then I will gladly let Carol pay it. 353 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:28,575 Was that not what you wanted? 354 00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:32,139 You want to know what I want? 355 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,082 A normal dad. That's all. 356 00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:38,089 I... I want you to give this blond guy permission to marry me. 357 00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:40,421 Come to the wedding. Give me away. 358 00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:45,327 Smile in the pictures, and then dance with me like a normal dad. 359 00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,361 Is that too much to ask? 360 00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,095 Of course not. 361 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:53,138 Oh, Robin, my darling girl, of course I'll do all that stuff. 362 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,833 I love you, and I'm proud of you. 363 00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,769 - He didn't say that? - No. 364 00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,641 Fine. One dance. 365 00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:03,681 "Cheeseburger in Paradise." 366 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,717 And Carol's going to sing it. 367 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,743 Well, see you at the wedding. 368 00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,382 But it's kind of amazing. 369 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:14,688 I mean, he's never apologized to me in his life. 370 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,354 Barney made it happen. 371 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,226 He must really love me. 372 00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:22,057 He'd be crazy not to. 373 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,870 I'm really happy for you guys. 374 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,533 But I still think you should get a deejay. 375 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,235 - For God's sakes, Ted. - Hear me out. 376 00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,039 I can't take... 377 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,313 I made a pretty strong case that night, but in the end, she didn't want a deejay. 378 00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,909 She wanted a band. And guess what happened. 379 00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:42,078 That's right. The band canceled at the last minute... 380 00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:43,451 just like I said they would. 381 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:46,320 The wedding is in a week, and no bands. 382 00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:48,825 When will people realize I always know what's what? 383 00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:51,192 He says to the lesbian he dated for a month. 384 00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:52,924 That's a fair point. 385 00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:56,729 Anyway, you guys wouldn't, uh, happen to know of any good wedding bands... 386 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,703 available at the last minute, would you? 387 00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,864 Ted, do you believe in destiny? 388 00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:03,669 You really don't know me, do you? 389 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,903 We just had brunch with my ex-roommate. 390 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,469 - The bass player? - No, she's not just a bass player. 391 00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:11,607 She's a bass player in the best wedding band in the tristate area. 392 00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:15,483 They had a gig lined up for this weekend, but it just fell through this morning. 393 00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:18,284 You, my friend, are gonna save that wedding. 394 00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:21,326 - Do you know any deejays? - Dude, come on! 395 00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:23,759 Let it go, bro. Just let it go. 396 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,024 All right, all right, all right. Well, I guess, uh... 397 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,929 Guess it's a lucky thing I ran into you guys. 398 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,868 And, kids, "lucky" doesn't even begin to describe it. 399 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:41,707 Because if Robin and Barney had taken my stupid advice and hired a deejay... 400 00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,979 I never would have met your mother. 31219

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