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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:04,264 Kids, this is a story about the time your Uncle Marshall... 2 00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:07,101 went before the New York State Judiciary Committee... 3 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:10,267 a panel that would decide the fate of his career. 4 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,368 He thought he'd open with an icebreaker. 5 00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:18,077 By the way, did I mention those robes really do you all... justice? 6 00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:24,582 I'm just saying that you're all guilty... of looking sharp. 7 00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:26,147 Mr. Eriksen, please. 8 00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,626 You're here to discuss your conduct in court... 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,892 during the week of November 19, 2012. 10 00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,455 Of course, Your Honor. 11 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:37,594 It all started when a so-called friend from law school... 12 00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:40,264 conned me into believing that he needed my help getting a job... 13 00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,831 when, in reality, he stole my firm's strategy... 14 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:46,003 for our upcoming trial against Gruber Pharmaceuticals... 15 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:47,774 who'd been polluting a lake upstate. 16 00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,372 Turns out, he was representing Gruber. 17 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,645 Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen. 18 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,914 How could you trick me like that? 19 00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,649 This is the biggest trial of my career. 20 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,213 Mine too, bro beans. 21 00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:01,988 When I win this trial, I'm gonna buy a new car. Thinking Lambo. 22 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,962 Awesome. I mean, no! 23 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:07,329 What happened to you? You used to be like the nicest guy ever. 24 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,369 We were bros. More than bros. 25 00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:11,927 We ate brunch together. 26 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,269 And I'll always cherish that. 27 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,503 But after Kara broke my heart again for the millionth time... 28 00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,272 I said, "Screw being nice." 29 00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:21,677 Suited up and started lying to get what I want. 30 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,013 That does happen. But you used to want to fight for the little guy. 31 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,383 Little guys pay with little checks. 32 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:31,322 But you already know that. You're in environmental law. 33 00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:33,018 Marshall, you have a kid. 34 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,823 How are you gonna provide for the little dude's futche? 35 00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:38,693 I'm worried about planet Earth's futche! 36 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,960 That's why I'm gonna kick your ass in this trial. 37 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,832 Sure, you may have swiped our entire strategy for this case... 38 00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:47,737 but I still got some tricks up my sleeve that you know absolutely nothing about. 39 00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:49,035 - Really? - No. 40 00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,824 Kids, Robin and Barney... 41 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,689 had recently shared an awkward moment. 42 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:08,021 Whoa. Whoa. 43 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:11,894 After that, they did what any two mature adults would do. 44 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:12,863 - Hey! - Hey! 45 00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:14,490 - How are you? - Great. You? 46 00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,057 - Good. So good. - Oh, great. 47 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,364 - Good to see you. - You too. 48 00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,064 They pretended it never happened. 49 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,767 Guys, this is the biggest case of Marshall's career. 50 00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:24,537 That is why it's so great that we all called in sick to work tomorrow... 51 00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,491 so we could be in that courtroom to support him. 52 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:28,514 - I didn't call in sick. - I called in for all of us. 53 00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:30,640 Uh, I have strep throat. Robin, bronchitis. 54 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,207 Barney, massive hemorrhoids. 55 00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:34,219 Why did you have to say "massive"? 56 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:37,415 If you're gonna miss work for hemorrhoids, they kind of have to be massive. 57 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,754 I don't wanna sit in a courtroom all day. 58 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,192 I bet you don't wanna sit anywhere with those hemorrhoids. 59 00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:44,594 I don't have... Shut up. 60 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,393 Look, you guys wouldn't understand... 61 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:49,060 but when you have a rap sheet as long as mine... 62 00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,330 the last place you want to spend a day is in court. 63 00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:54,237 - "Rap sheet"? - That's right. 64 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:58,243 When I was a teenager, Lily, I was a total badass. 65 00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,905 You want to talk about teenage badasses? 66 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,915 I was like John Gotti in a training bra. 67 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:06,281 I'm serious. 68 00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:10,652 In high school, before I started dating Scooter, even he was afraid of me. 69 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,559 Lily coming! Lily coming! 70 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,598 You look okay. 71 00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,905 Wanna hang out? 72 00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,343 Uh, my mom says I'm only allowed three friends, so... 73 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:36,143 Your mom don't make the rules no more, Scooter. 74 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,811 - My name's Jeff. - Not no more, it ain't. 75 00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:43,679 The one part of that story I believe... 76 00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,724 is that Scooter only had three friends. 77 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,761 Uh! Here he is. The pride of St. Cloud. 78 00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:50,908 The environmental lawyer we've come to know and love. 79 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,693 He's mean. He's green. 80 00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:55,791 He's not wearing the tie I bought him for the trial, but I'm not gonna mention it. 81 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:59,634 Marshall... I was gonna say "nice tie"...Eriksen! 82 00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:02,174 How you feeling, counselor? 83 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,870 Well, uh, I mean, at first that Brad thing had me rattled... 84 00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:06,673 but now I feel pretty good. 85 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,947 I mean, for one thing, I don't have massive hemorrhoids. 86 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,506 - Sorry, buddy. - I don't have... 87 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:14,519 More importantly, unlike Brad, I actually have something to fight for. 88 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:18,580 Pop, because of your precedent-setting legal victory 14 years ago... 89 00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:22,389 kids like me can fish in clean lakes all over the world. 90 00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:24,760 They sure can, champ. 91 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,459 Because when you do one good deed... 92 00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,468 It creates a ripple effect. 93 00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:37,407 One good deed leads to another and another. 94 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,343 Man, you're wise. 95 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:44,042 That's probably why I never felt the need to do drugs or rebel in any way. 96 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,982 Anyhoo. 97 00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,616 The next day, we all headed down to court... 98 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,353 to support Uncle Marshall. 99 00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:55,917 Yeah. 100 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:59,260 Wanna know what I looked like at age 15? There it is. 101 00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:01,095 I don't get it. That guy wasn't masturbating. 102 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:05,661 Yeah, and the waistband of his undies wasn't pulled up to his Cub Scouts neckerchief. 103 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,708 Ted, you were never a badass. 104 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:12,108 - Au contraire. - Off to a good start. 105 00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:14,840 I was locked up plenty of times as a teenager. 106 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:19,851 Let's just say Johnny Law was not a fan of Teddy West Side. 107 00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:22,945 Make sure you get my good side, princess. 108 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:30,190 You guys wanna talk about hassling the fuzz. 109 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,390 Finish that, Scoots. 110 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,265 Okay, let's see some I.D.'s. 111 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,896 Scooter, do you smell bacon? 112 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,804 Laugh, bitch. 113 00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,102 Ha! 114 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,940 - Ha, ha! - I.D. Now. Both of you. 115 00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,314 Which one of you is Yuki Hakutani? 116 00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,113 Right here. 117 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,781 So, Yuki, you're 6'1 ", and you were born in 1947? 118 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,450 Congratulations. You can read. 119 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,057 Barney Stinson? 120 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:09,067 Well, if it isn't Warren Frankel... 121 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:13,401 Bailiff Warren Frankel, who knows me. 122 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,907 You know, I almost didn't recognize you without handcuffs on. 123 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:18,205 Yeah, matured quite a bit since the old days. 124 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:21,075 The only time I'm wearing handcuffs now is, uh, in the bedroom. 125 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,944 Bondage. I get it. 126 00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,108 Well, I have to run. 127 00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,674 Stay out of trouble. 128 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,456 Badass. 129 00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:36,251 In summary, I will prove that Gruber Pharmaceuticals... 130 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:39,355 wantonly and knowingly polluted Frog Lake... 131 00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:44,802 and, therefore, must pay restitution of no less than $25 million. 132 00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:46,634 Thank you. 133 00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,370 How's this for a fact? 134 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,607 Frog Lake is home to a buttload of frogs and birds. 135 00:06:54,680 --> 00:07:00,243 It's so polluted, why don't all those birds fly to a cleaner lake? 136 00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:04,779 Or why don't the frogs just be like, "Hey, birds, can I catch a ride? Ribbit." 137 00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:07,621 Marshall's gonna wipe the floor with this ding-dong. 138 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:11,491 Oops. Seem to have dropped my pen. 139 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,540 Objection. Your Honor, nobody needs this long to pick up a pen. 140 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,203 I'll allow it. 141 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:36,349 The biggest case of my life, and I'd already lost the jury. 142 00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:40,620 I mean, I've heard of Twelve Angry Men... 143 00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:43,491 but this was more like Twelve Horny Women. 144 00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,588 Stay on topic. 145 00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,599 I can't compete with Brad. 146 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,328 The jury is in love with him. 147 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:52,337 During recess, one of those ladies raced across the hall... 148 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,168 to see if she could get a divorce. 149 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,438 And I'm pretty sure there was some funny business going on under that judge's robe. 150 00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:00,843 What you guys saw Brad do was nothing. 151 00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:03,177 He's taking it to a whole other level. 152 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:07,515 Ladies and... ladies of the jury... 153 00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,248 I'm sorry if I seem down. 154 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:13,190 My girlfriend, Kara, broke up with me last night. 155 00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,250 Ohh. 156 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,387 She said I listen too much... 157 00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:18,987 whatever that means. 158 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,965 Ohh. 159 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:24,863 Can you believe this guy? 160 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,098 Really? 161 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,734 Do I even wanna see what I look like? 162 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:39,412 Oh. That's like super mean. 163 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:44,283 Next, Brad brought out his "expert witness." 164 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,382 So, Dr. Bedrosian... 165 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:51,795 you're saying that even if Gruber Pharmaceuticals' industry-leading drugs... 166 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,731 somehow seeped into Frog Lake... 167 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:59,828 they could actually be helping the otter population grow thicker coats of fur? 168 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,831 Absolutely. 169 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:08,472 And for the older birds who maybe don't perform as well in the bedroom as they used to... 170 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,574 could actually be having healthier sex lives? 171 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:14,848 In my expert opinion... Yes? 172 00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:17,116 Yes. 173 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:21,489 So Gruber is giving these animals free medicine... 174 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:25,429 medicine that you or I would have to pay a fortune for... 175 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:29,662 if we needed help in the bedroom, which I don't. 176 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,769 You're so bad. 177 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:39,470 But I realized if Brad could call a quack as his star witness... 178 00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:41,479 then so could I. 179 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,175 You'll get that in a second. 180 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:48,049 Meet Paddles, the duckling. 181 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,554 - "Quack." - Continue. 182 00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:54,320 Little Paddles here just spent three months being nursed back to health. 183 00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,020 Why? 184 00:09:56,095 --> 00:10:01,328 Well, because he was found in Frog Lake suffering from acute dermatitis. 185 00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:06,068 A painful, full-body rash caused by who? 186 00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:08,299 Gruber Pharmaceuticals. 187 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,640 For a brief, shining moment... 188 00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:15,511 it looked like I might just win this thing, but then... 189 00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:19,517 I took a field trip to this so-called polluted lake. 190 00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:22,645 If you'll indulge me, I'd like to share my experience. 191 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,222 Frog Lake. 192 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,593 Behold nature's beauty. 193 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,965 Polluted? 194 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,002 Polluted with good times. 195 00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:41,905 ♪ You're crazy ♪ 196 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,670 Frog... Lake. 197 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,738 ♪ You're crazy ♪ 198 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,526 Frog Lake. Come on in. 199 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,085 Water's fine. 200 00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,594 ♪ You're crazy ♪ ♪ 201 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,734 I shot and edited that myself. 202 00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,934 Yep. I edit stuff too. 203 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:21,102 Sorry, Ms. Aldrin, there's no rap sheet under your name. 204 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,909 Oh, you know what? 205 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:26,645 It must be under my street tag... Numbah One Gunna. 206 00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,209 Nope. 207 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,778 Sorry, Number One Gunner. Next! 208 00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,487 Those jive-ass turkeys must have lost it. 209 00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,291 Well, they're pretty swamped arresting 1970s pimps like yourself. 210 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,129 Lily, let it go. I didn't want to brag... 211 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,135 but I think it's time to acknowledge... 212 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:47,900 that I was the ultimate teenage badass of this group. 213 00:11:47,973 --> 00:11:51,272 You were a teen pop star in Canada. 214 00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:53,743 - You sang songs about the mall. - Hey! 215 00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:58,341 There is a dark side to being a rocker on the road north of the 49th. 216 00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:01,976 Ooh, thanks. 217 00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:07,624 - Hey. - We've received some noise complaints, eh. 218 00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,593 Can you please lower the music? 219 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,153 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. 220 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,357 Sure. 221 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:15,798 How about I, uh... I lower the TV too? 222 00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,267 Yeah? 223 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,439 Yeah! 224 00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:26,069 Three hours later, I was arrested... 225 00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,478 drunk, naked and driving a Zamboni. 226 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,608 Man, that Z.U. I. Drove my insurance through the roof. 227 00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,083 Please be seated. 228 00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:38,955 Mr. Morris, good seeing you this morning. 229 00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:41,515 Mr. Eriksen, you're here. 230 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,222 Any, uh, final witnesses? 231 00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:46,491 Uh, well, Your Honor, um... 232 00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:55,529 Actually, Your Honor, um, I'm afraid... 233 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,168 Mr. Eriksen? 234 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:04,572 Your Honor, I call Brad Morris to the stand. 235 00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,982 Mr. Eriksen, this is highly irregular. 236 00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:10,180 - I would like Mr. Morris to remove his shirt. - I'll allow it. 237 00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:13,521 Objection, Your Honor, on grounds that this is ridonk! 238 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,184 Overruled. Take it off. 239 00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:32,608 Acute dermatitis... 240 00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:35,272 courtesy of Frog Lake... 241 00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:37,212 and Gruber Pharmaceuticals. 242 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:41,745 That was badass. 243 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:46,588 So, in the end, one might say you were forced to do something... 244 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,853 rash? 245 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:50,792 Rash! 246 00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,354 You know, I had that one, but Lily told me to cut it. 247 00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:57,562 Uh, anyway, all that was left was the verdict. 248 00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:03,475 "We, the jury, find Gruber Pharmaceuticals... 249 00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:04,907 guilty." 250 00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,740 - Yes! - Ohh! 251 00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:10,642 Twenty-five million dollars. 252 00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,776 That tie is not only tasteful, it's lucky. 253 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:18,586 I hereby fine Gruber in the amount of $25,000. 254 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:21,251 Court is adjourned. 255 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,636 Your Honor, 25,000? What just happened? 256 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,571 Son, yes, Gruber Pharmaceuticals probably polluted that lake... 257 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,441 but I'm not gonna ruin an important company... 258 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,103 just because they gave some bird a rash. 259 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,738 But it's thousands of birds and fish and otters and turtles... 260 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,113 I hate to cut you short, but I got tickets to Annie, and my wife is waiting. 261 00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,742 You have a wi... 262 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,014 won-wonderful show to see? 263 00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:50,419 Guilty. Ciao. 264 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,522 You best get your mind right, son! 265 00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,859 The game is the game, and there ain't no winners. 266 00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,957 How many retired gangbangers you know? 267 00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,865 Exactly. 268 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,738 Barney. 269 00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:12,538 Check it out. I found my scrapbook from the old days. 270 00:15:12,611 --> 00:15:16,513 We're busy right now. We're scaring kids straight, so we... No, no. 271 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:20,245 Barney was the youngest member of our Magic Enthusiasts Club years back. 272 00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:22,981 - Famous for escaping from handcuffs. - Handcuffs, huh? 273 00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:24,386 Very tiny hands. 274 00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,549 That was his secret. 275 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,593 See you around, baby hands. 276 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:33,690 So you don't know the bailiff because you were a badass. 277 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,792 You know him because you guys were in a nerd club together. 278 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:40,635 Where you dazzled audiences with your sleight of tiny hand. 279 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:43,732 So I was a late hand-bloomer. 280 00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,640 Go ahead, laugh. 281 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,201 Laugh like all the others. 282 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,612 But those magicians pulled off the greatest trick of all. 283 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,981 They accepted me. 284 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,720 Okay, well, to be fair... 285 00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:01,852 I may have slightly exaggerated my badass story too. 286 00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,257 Oh, sorry! 287 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,730 Uh, no thank you, housekeeping. I've already made my bed. 288 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,859 And I only used one washcloth. So, it's... 289 00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:12,870 Congratulations, Miss Sparkles. 290 00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:16,965 On behalf of the Manitoba Hotel and Curling Rink Association... 291 00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:21,672 we'd like to thank you for being the nicest, most well-behaved hotel guest ever. 292 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,011 Oh, yippee! 293 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:27,541 - What a loser! - Your story's not true either, is it, Ted? 294 00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:29,109 Not at all. 295 00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,723 Make sure you get my good side, princess. 296 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:40,457 I left the courthouse that day questioning what I was even doing with my life... 297 00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:43,194 and then that night, I had a dream. 298 00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:45,236 Sorry I failed, Son. 299 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,135 What about your pebble theory, Dad? 300 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:50,642 One good deed ripples out and makes another and another? 301 00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:52,973 Yeah. 302 00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:57,311 This is what really happens when you throw a pebble into Frog Lake. 303 00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:07,323 The truth is, you can fight your whole life to do good and still get nowhere. 304 00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:11,159 You're wrong. Some good's gonna ripple out of this, Dad. 305 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,164 I promise. 306 00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:18,167 Oh, great. I've angered the Frog King. 307 00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:23,233 Later that night, some good did ripple out. 308 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,435 Hey. 309 00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,571 What, are you here to gloat? 310 00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:31,912 No. Came here to thank you. 311 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:35,010 For reminding me why I got into law in the first place... 312 00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:36,918 to fight for the little guy. 313 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,753 Which is why I said "Hasta la-see-ya" to my firm. 314 00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,850 I took a job at your firm, bro beans. 315 00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,157 Don't "bro beans" me. 316 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,426 My boss would never hire you after the way you lied to us. 317 00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:52,061 I told him I'd take every last bit of manipulation, deception and accidental pen-dropping... 318 00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:55,595 I used against you guys and put it towards saving the world. 319 00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:59,770 Even if that's true, I'm still not sure that I can forgive you. 320 00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:05,112 Would you object to an 11:15 brunch rezzy for two tomorrow at the Popover Pantry? 321 00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:10,314 I'll allow it. 322 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,448 Yes! The brunch bros are back. 323 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,187 And thank God we were, because... 324 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:20,823 well, what he said next is the reason that I'm sitting in this chair. 325 00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:25,495 Seriously, thanks, for giving my soul a little redempsh. 326 00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:28,039 And B-T-dubs, that judge was an idiot. 327 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,439 It's people like you... 328 00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:33,444 people with hope and vision and integ... 329 00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:35,980 that should be behind that bench making the calls. 330 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,384 And that's when I realized I wanted to be a judge... 331 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:44,081 because judges are the ones who can effect real change. 332 00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:48,923 And that's why I'm here before the New York State Judiciary Committee. 333 00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:54,557 I hope that you will consider me for an appointment to a judgeship. 334 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,932 Thank you, Mr. Eriksen. The panel will take this under advisement. 335 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,561 Take your time. 336 00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,071 It could be a few months. 337 00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:09,347 - Better tell my wife I won't be home for dinner. - Get out. 338 00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:16,415 - Hey. - Hey. 339 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:17,853 - How are you? - Uh, great. You? 340 00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:20,414 So gr... 341 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,517 Can we talk about this for a second? 342 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,562 Yeah. 343 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:27,929 It is super weird between us, and I don't want it to be. 344 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,126 Me neither. 345 00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,499 So let me just say this. 346 00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:32,696 I'm done. 347 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:35,137 You don't have to worry anymore. 348 00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:36,731 What do you mean? 349 00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:40,801 I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. 350 00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:44,542 I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise... 351 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,876 I'm done making a fool of myself. 352 00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:50,387 Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself. 353 00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:54,084 It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay. 354 00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:56,389 So here's what's gonna happen. 355 00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:58,691 I'm gonna get us two drinks. 356 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:02,325 Come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples... 357 00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:05,495 on that redhead at the bar with the big, dark nipples. 358 00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:09,439 And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway. 359 00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:12,807 And then you'll tell a funny story about that bitch Patrice at work. 360 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,278 But neither one of us are gonna say... 361 00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,338 "Hey, how's it going?" Or "Good to see you"... 362 00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:20,442 because it really will be good to see you. 363 00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:24,080 Think we can swing that? 364 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,647 Yeah, I do. 365 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,491 Badass. 366 00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:43,097 Huh. 367 00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:50,207 Thanks for your support, guys. It means a lot. 368 00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:53,513 Hey. We'll call in sick any time you're in trial. 369 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:57,351 ♪♪ You just won the case. 370 00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:01,519 Lily coming. Lily coming! 371 00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:05,822 Badass. 29047

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