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1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:04,264
Kids, this is a story
about the time your Uncle Marshall...
2
00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:07,101
went before the New York
State Judiciary Committee...
3
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:10,267
a panel that would decide
the fate of his career.
4
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,368
He thought he'd open with an icebreaker.
5
00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:18,077
By the way, did I mention
those robes really do you all... justice?
6
00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:24,582
I'm just saying that you're
all guilty... of looking sharp.
7
00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:26,147
Mr. Eriksen, please.
8
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,626
You're here to discuss
your conduct in court...
9
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,892
during the week of November 19, 2012.
10
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,455
Of course, Your Honor.
11
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:37,594
It all started when a so-called friend
from law school...
12
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:40,264
conned me into believing
that he needed my help getting a job...
13
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,831
when, in reality,
he stole my firm's strategy...
14
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:46,003
for our upcoming trial
against Gruber Pharmaceuticals...
15
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:47,774
who'd been polluting a lake upstate.
16
00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,372
Turns out, he was representing Gruber.
17
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,645
Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen.
18
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,914
How could you trick me like that?
19
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,649
This is the biggest trial of my career.
20
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,213
Mine too, bro beans.
21
00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:01,988
When I win this trial,
I'm gonna buy a new car. Thinking Lambo.
22
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,962
Awesome. I mean, no!
23
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:07,329
What happened to you?
You used to be like the nicest guy ever.
24
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,369
We were bros. More than bros.
25
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:11,927
We ate brunch together.
26
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,269
And I'll always cherish that.
27
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,503
But after Kara broke my heart
again for the millionth time...
28
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,272
I said, "Screw being nice."
29
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:21,677
Suited up and started lying
to get what I want.
30
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,013
That does happen. But you used to want
to fight for the little guy.
31
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,383
Little guys pay with little checks.
32
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:31,322
But you already know that.
You're in environmental law.
33
00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:33,018
Marshall, you have a kid.
34
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,823
How are you gonna provide
for the little dude's futche?
35
00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:38,693
I'm worried about planet Earth's futche!
36
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,960
That's why I'm gonna
kick your ass in this trial.
37
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,832
Sure, you may have swiped
our entire strategy for this case...
38
00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:47,737
but I still got some tricks up my sleeve
that you know absolutely nothing about.
39
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:49,035
- Really?
- No.
40
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,824
Kids, Robin and Barney...
41
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,689
had recently shared an awkward moment.
42
00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:08,021
Whoa. Whoa.
43
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:11,894
After that, they did what
any two mature adults would do.
44
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:12,863
- Hey!
- Hey!
45
00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:14,490
- How are you?
- Great. You?
46
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,057
- Good. So good.
- Oh, great.
47
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,364
- Good to see you.
- You too.
48
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,064
They pretended it never happened.
49
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,767
Guys, this is the biggest case
of Marshall's career.
50
00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:24,537
That is why it's so great that we all
called in sick to work tomorrow...
51
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,491
so we could be in that
courtroom to support him.
52
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:28,514
- I didn't call in sick.
- I called in for all of us.
53
00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:30,640
Uh, I have strep throat. Robin, bronchitis.
54
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,207
Barney, massive hemorrhoids.
55
00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:34,219
Why did you have to say "massive"?
56
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:37,415
If you're gonna miss work for hemorrhoids,
they kind of have to be massive.
57
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,754
I don't wanna sit in a courtroom all day.
58
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,192
I bet you don't wanna sit
anywhere with those hemorrhoids.
59
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:44,594
I don't have... Shut up.
60
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,393
Look, you guys wouldn't understand...
61
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:49,060
but when you have a rap sheet
as long as mine...
62
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,330
the last place you want to
spend a day is in court.
63
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:54,237
- "Rap sheet"?
- That's right.
64
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:58,243
When I was a teenager, Lily, I was a total badass.
65
00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,905
You want to talk about teenage badasses?
66
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,915
I was like John Gotti in a training bra.
67
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:06,281
I'm serious.
68
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:10,652
In high school, before I started dating
Scooter, even he was afraid of me.
69
00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,559
Lily coming! Lily coming!
70
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,598
You look okay.
71
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,905
Wanna hang out?
72
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,343
Uh, my mom says I'm only
allowed three friends, so...
73
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:36,143
Your mom don't make
the rules no more, Scooter.
74
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,811
- My name's Jeff.
- Not no more, it ain't.
75
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:43,679
The one part of that story I believe...
76
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,724
is that Scooter only had three friends.
77
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,761
Uh! Here he is. The pride of St. Cloud.
78
00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:50,908
The environmental lawyer
we've come to know and love.
79
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,693
He's mean. He's green.
80
00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:55,791
He's not wearing the tie I bought him for
the trial, but I'm not gonna mention it.
81
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:59,634
Marshall... I was gonna say
"nice tie"...Eriksen!
82
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:02,174
How you feeling, counselor?
83
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,870
Well, uh, I mean, at first
that Brad thing had me rattled...
84
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:06,673
but now I feel pretty good.
85
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,947
I mean, for one thing, I don't
have massive hemorrhoids.
86
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,506
- Sorry, buddy.
- I don't have...
87
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:14,519
More importantly, unlike Brad, I actually
have something to fight for.
88
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:18,580
Pop, because of your precedent-setting
legal victory 14 years ago...
89
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:22,389
kids like me can fish in clean lakes
all over the world.
90
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:24,760
They sure can, champ.
91
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,459
Because when you do one good deed...
92
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,468
It creates a ripple effect.
93
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:37,407
One good deed leads to another and another.
94
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,343
Man, you're wise.
95
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:44,042
That's probably why I never felt the need
to do drugs or rebel in any way.
96
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,982
Anyhoo.
97
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,616
The next day,
we all headed down to court...
98
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,353
to support Uncle Marshall.
99
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:55,917
Yeah.
100
00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:59,260
Wanna know what I looked like at age 15?
There it is.
101
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:01,095
I don't get it.
That guy wasn't masturbating.
102
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:05,661
Yeah, and the waistband of his undies wasn't
pulled up to his Cub Scouts neckerchief.
103
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,708
Ted, you were never a badass.
104
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:12,108
- Au contraire.
- Off to a good start.
105
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:14,840
I was locked up
plenty of times as a teenager.
106
00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:19,851
Let's just say Johnny Law was
not a fan of Teddy West Side.
107
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:22,945
Make sure you get my good side, princess.
108
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:30,190
You guys wanna talk about
hassling the fuzz.
109
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,390
Finish that, Scoots.
110
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,265
Okay, let's see some I.D.'s.
111
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,896
Scooter, do you smell bacon?
112
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,804
Laugh, bitch.
113
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,102
Ha!
114
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,940
- Ha, ha!
- I.D. Now. Both of you.
115
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,314
Which one of you is Yuki Hakutani?
116
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,113
Right here.
117
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,781
So, Yuki, you're 6'1 ",
and you were born in 1947?
118
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,450
Congratulations. You can read.
119
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,057
Barney Stinson?
120
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:09,067
Well, if it isn't Warren Frankel...
121
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:13,401
Bailiff Warren Frankel, who knows me.
122
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,907
You know, I almost didn't recognize you
without handcuffs on.
123
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:18,205
Yeah, matured quite a bit
since the old days.
124
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:21,075
The only time I'm wearing handcuffs now
is, uh, in the bedroom.
125
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,944
Bondage. I get it.
126
00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,108
Well, I have to run.
127
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,674
Stay out of trouble.
128
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,456
Badass.
129
00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:36,251
In summary, I will prove
that Gruber Pharmaceuticals...
130
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:39,355
wantonly and knowingly
polluted Frog Lake...
131
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:44,802
and, therefore, must pay restitution
of no less than $25 million.
132
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:46,634
Thank you.
133
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,370
How's this for a fact?
134
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,607
Frog Lake is home
to a buttload of frogs and birds.
135
00:06:54,680 --> 00:07:00,243
It's so polluted, why don't all those birds
fly to a cleaner lake?
136
00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:04,779
Or why don't the frogs just be like,
"Hey, birds, can I catch a ride? Ribbit."
137
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:07,621
Marshall's gonna wipe the floor
with this ding-dong.
138
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:11,491
Oops. Seem to have dropped my pen.
139
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,540
Objection. Your Honor, nobody needs
this long to pick up a pen.
140
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,203
I'll allow it.
141
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:36,349
The biggest case of my life,
and I'd already lost the jury.
142
00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:40,620
I mean, I've heard of Twelve Angry Men...
143
00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:43,491
but this was more like Twelve Horny Women.
144
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,588
Stay on topic.
145
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,599
I can't compete with Brad.
146
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,328
The jury is in love with him.
147
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:52,337
During recess, one of those ladies
raced across the hall...
148
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,168
to see if she could get a divorce.
149
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,438
And I'm pretty sure there was some funny
business going on under that judge's robe.
150
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:00,843
What you guys saw Brad do was nothing.
151
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:03,177
He's taking it to a whole other level.
152
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:07,515
Ladies and... ladies of the jury...
153
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,248
I'm sorry if I seem down.
154
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:13,190
My girlfriend, Kara,
broke up with me last night.
155
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,250
Ohh.
156
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,387
She said I listen too much...
157
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:18,987
whatever that means.
158
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,965
Ohh.
159
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:24,863
Can you believe this guy?
160
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,098
Really?
161
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,734
Do I even wanna see what I look like?
162
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:39,412
Oh. That's like super mean.
163
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:44,283
Next, Brad brought out
his "expert witness."
164
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,382
So, Dr. Bedrosian...
165
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:51,795
you're saying that even if Gruber
Pharmaceuticals' industry-leading drugs...
166
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,731
somehow seeped into Frog Lake...
167
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:59,828
they could actually be helping the otter
population grow thicker coats of fur?
168
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,831
Absolutely.
169
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:08,472
And for the older birds who maybe don't perform
as well in the bedroom as they used to...
170
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,574
could actually be having
healthier sex lives?
171
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:14,848
In my expert opinion... Yes?
172
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:17,116
Yes.
173
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:21,489
So Gruber is giving
these animals free medicine...
174
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:25,429
medicine that you or I would
have to pay a fortune for...
175
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:29,662
if we needed help in
the bedroom, which I don't.
176
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,769
You're so bad.
177
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:39,470
But I realized if Brad
could call a quack as his star witness...
178
00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:41,479
then so could I.
179
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,175
You'll get that in a second.
180
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:48,049
Meet Paddles, the duckling.
181
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,554
- "Quack."
- Continue.
182
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:54,320
Little Paddles here just spent three months
being nursed back to health.
183
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,020
Why?
184
00:09:56,095 --> 00:10:01,328
Well, because he was found in Frog Lake
suffering from acute dermatitis.
185
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:06,068
A painful, full-body rash caused by who?
186
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:08,299
Gruber Pharmaceuticals.
187
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,640
For a brief, shining moment...
188
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:15,511
it looked like I might just win this thing,
but then...
189
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:19,517
I took a field trip to this
so-called polluted lake.
190
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:22,645
If you'll indulge me,
I'd like to share my experience.
191
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,222
Frog Lake.
192
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,593
Behold nature's beauty.
193
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,965
Polluted?
194
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,002
Polluted with good times.
195
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:41,905
♪ You're crazy ♪
196
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,670
Frog... Lake.
197
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,738
♪ You're crazy ♪
198
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,526
Frog Lake. Come on in.
199
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,085
Water's fine.
200
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,594
♪ You're crazy ♪ ♪
201
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,734
I shot and edited that myself.
202
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,934
Yep. I edit stuff too.
203
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:21,102
Sorry, Ms. Aldrin,
there's no rap sheet under your name.
204
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,909
Oh, you know what?
205
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:26,645
It must be under my street tag...
Numbah One Gunna.
206
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,209
Nope.
207
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,778
Sorry, Number One Gunner. Next!
208
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,487
Those jive-ass turkeys must have lost it.
209
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,291
Well, they're pretty swamped
arresting 1970s pimps like yourself.
210
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,129
Lily, let it go. I didn't want to brag...
211
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,135
but I think it's time to acknowledge...
212
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:47,900
that I was the ultimate teenage
badass of this group.
213
00:11:47,973 --> 00:11:51,272
You were a teen pop star in Canada.
214
00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:53,743
- You sang songs about the mall.
- Hey!
215
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:58,341
There is a dark side to being a rocker
on the road north of the 49th.
216
00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:01,976
Ooh, thanks.
217
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:07,624
- Hey.
- We've received some noise complaints, eh.
218
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,593
Can you please lower the music?
219
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,153
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure.
220
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,357
Sure.
221
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:15,798
How about I, uh... I lower the TV too?
222
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,267
Yeah?
223
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,439
Yeah!
224
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:26,069
Three hours later, I was arrested...
225
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,478
drunk, naked and driving a Zamboni.
226
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,608
Man, that Z.U. I.
Drove my insurance through the roof.
227
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,083
Please be seated.
228
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:38,955
Mr. Morris, good seeing you this morning.
229
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:41,515
Mr. Eriksen, you're here.
230
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,222
Any, uh, final witnesses?
231
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:46,491
Uh, well, Your Honor, um...
232
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:55,529
Actually, Your Honor, um, I'm afraid...
233
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,168
Mr. Eriksen?
234
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:04,572
Your Honor, I call
Brad Morris to the stand.
235
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,982
Mr. Eriksen, this is highly irregular.
236
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:10,180
- I would like Mr. Morris to remove his shirt.
- I'll allow it.
237
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:13,521
Objection, Your Honor,
on grounds that this is ridonk!
238
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,184
Overruled. Take it off.
239
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:32,608
Acute dermatitis...
240
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:35,272
courtesy of Frog Lake...
241
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:37,212
and Gruber Pharmaceuticals.
242
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:41,745
That was badass.
243
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:46,588
So, in the end, one might say
you were forced to do something...
244
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,853
rash?
245
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:50,792
Rash!
246
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,354
You know, I had that one,
but Lily told me to cut it.
247
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:57,562
Uh, anyway,
all that was left was the verdict.
248
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:03,475
"We, the jury, find
Gruber Pharmaceuticals...
249
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:04,907
guilty."
250
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,740
- Yes!
- Ohh!
251
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:10,642
Twenty-five million dollars.
252
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,776
That tie is not only tasteful,
it's lucky.
253
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:18,586
I hereby fine Gruber
in the amount of $25,000.
254
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:21,251
Court is adjourned.
255
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,636
Your Honor, 25,000? What just happened?
256
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,571
Son, yes, Gruber Pharmaceuticals
probably polluted that lake...
257
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,441
but I'm not gonna ruin
an important company...
258
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,103
just because they gave some bird a rash.
259
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,738
But it's thousands of birds
and fish and otters and turtles...
260
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,113
I hate to cut you short, but I got tickets
to Annie, and my wife is waiting.
261
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,742
You have a wi...
262
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,014
won-wonderful show to see?
263
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:50,419
Guilty. Ciao.
264
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,522
You best get your mind right, son!
265
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,859
The game is the game,
and there ain't no winners.
266
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,957
How many retired gangbangers you know?
267
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,865
Exactly.
268
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,738
Barney.
269
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:12,538
Check it out.
I found my scrapbook from the old days.
270
00:15:12,611 --> 00:15:16,513
We're busy right now. We're scaring kids
straight, so we... No, no.
271
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:20,245
Barney was the youngest member
of our Magic Enthusiasts Club years back.
272
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:22,981
- Famous for escaping from handcuffs.
- Handcuffs, huh?
273
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:24,386
Very tiny hands.
274
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,549
That was his secret.
275
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,593
See you around, baby hands.
276
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:33,690
So you don't know the bailiff
because you were a badass.
277
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,792
You know him because you guys
were in a nerd club together.
278
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:40,635
Where you dazzled audiences
with your sleight of tiny hand.
279
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:43,732
So I was a late hand-bloomer.
280
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,640
Go ahead, laugh.
281
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,201
Laugh like all the others.
282
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,612
But those magicians pulled off
the greatest trick of all.
283
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,981
They accepted me.
284
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,720
Okay, well, to be fair...
285
00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:01,852
I may have slightly exaggerated
my badass story too.
286
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,257
Oh, sorry!
287
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,730
Uh, no thank you, housekeeping.
I've already made my bed.
288
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,859
And I only used one washcloth.
So, it's...
289
00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:12,870
Congratulations, Miss Sparkles.
290
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:16,965
On behalf of the Manitoba Hotel
and Curling Rink Association...
291
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:21,672
we'd like to thank you for being the
nicest, most well-behaved hotel guest ever.
292
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,011
Oh, yippee!
293
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:27,541
- What a loser!
- Your story's not true either, is it, Ted?
294
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:29,109
Not at all.
295
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,723
Make sure you get my good side, princess.
296
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:40,457
I left the courthouse that day questioning
what I was even doing with my life...
297
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:43,194
and then that night, I had a dream.
298
00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:45,236
Sorry I failed, Son.
299
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,135
What about your pebble theory, Dad?
300
00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:50,642
One good deed ripples out
and makes another and another?
301
00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:52,973
Yeah.
302
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:57,311
This is what really happens
when you throw a pebble into Frog Lake.
303
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:07,323
The truth is, you can fight your whole life
to do good and still get nowhere.
304
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:11,159
You're wrong.
Some good's gonna ripple out of this, Dad.
305
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,164
I promise.
306
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:18,167
Oh, great.
I've angered the Frog King.
307
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:23,233
Later that night, some good did ripple out.
308
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,435
Hey.
309
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,571
What, are you here to gloat?
310
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:31,912
No. Came here to thank you.
311
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:35,010
For reminding me why I got into law
in the first place...
312
00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:36,918
to fight for the little guy.
313
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,753
Which is why I said
"Hasta la-see-ya" to my firm.
314
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,850
I took a job at your firm, bro beans.
315
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,157
Don't "bro beans" me.
316
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,426
My boss would never hire you
after the way you lied to us.
317
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:52,061
I told him I'd take every last bit of manipulation,
deception and accidental pen-dropping...
318
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:55,595
I used against you guys
and put it towards saving the world.
319
00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:59,770
Even if that's true,
I'm still not sure that I can forgive you.
320
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:05,112
Would you object to an 11:15 brunch rezzy
for two tomorrow at the Popover Pantry?
321
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:10,314
I'll allow it.
322
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,448
Yes! The brunch bros are back.
323
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,187
And thank God we were, because...
324
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:20,823
well, what he said next is the reason
that I'm sitting in this chair.
325
00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:25,495
Seriously, thanks,
for giving my soul a little redempsh.
326
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:28,039
And B-T-dubs, that judge was an idiot.
327
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,439
It's people like you...
328
00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:33,444
people with hope and vision and integ...
329
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:35,980
that should be behind
that bench making the calls.
330
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,384
And that's when I realized
I wanted to be a judge...
331
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:44,081
because judges are the ones
who can effect real change.
332
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:48,923
And that's why I'm here before the New York
State Judiciary Committee.
333
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:54,557
I hope that you will consider me
for an appointment to a judgeship.
334
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,932
Thank you, Mr. Eriksen.
The panel will take this under advisement.
335
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,561
Take your time.
336
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,071
It could be a few months.
337
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:09,347
- Better tell my wife I won't be home for dinner.
- Get out.
338
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:16,415
- Hey.
- Hey.
339
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:17,853
- How are you?
- Uh, great. You?
340
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:20,414
So gr...
341
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,517
Can we talk about this for a second?
342
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,562
Yeah.
343
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:27,929
It is super weird between us,
and I don't want it to be.
344
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,126
Me neither.
345
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,499
So let me just say this.
346
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:32,696
I'm done.
347
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:35,137
You don't have to worry anymore.
348
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:36,731
What do you mean?
349
00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:40,801
I'm done trying to get you.
I can't do it anymore.
350
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:44,542
I'm sorry it's taken me this long
to figure it out, but I promise...
351
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,876
I'm done making a fool of myself.
352
00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:50,387
Barney, you haven't
been making a fool out of yourself.
353
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:54,084
It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay.
354
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:56,389
So here's what's gonna happen.
355
00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:58,691
I'm gonna get us two drinks.
356
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:02,325
Come back and comment on the likely
size and color of the nipples...
357
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:05,495
on that redhead at the bar
with the big, dark nipples.
358
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:09,439
And you're gonna be grossed out,
but you're gonna laugh a little anyway.
359
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:12,807
And then you'll tell a funny story
about that bitch Patrice at work.
360
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,278
But neither one of us are gonna say...
361
00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,338
"Hey, how's it going?"
Or "Good to see you"...
362
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:20,442
because it really will be good to see you.
363
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:24,080
Think we can swing that?
364
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,647
Yeah, I do.
365
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,491
Badass.
366
00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:43,097
Huh.
367
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:50,207
Thanks for your support, guys.
It means a lot.
368
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:53,513
Hey. We'll call in sick
any time you're in trial.
369
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:57,351
♪♪ You just won the case.
370
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:01,519
Lily coming. Lily coming!
371
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:05,822
Badass.
29047
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