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Kids, October of 2012...
2
00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:05,645
kicked off the autumn of breakups.
3
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:08,686
And Barney, having broken
his engagement with Quinn...
4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,120
was slowly trying to pick himself back up.
5
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:15,091
Welcome to Bangtoberfest!
6
00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:17,287
Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt.
7
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,590
I'm back!
8
00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:20,824
Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt.
9
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:22,423
I'm single again.
10
00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:24,560
Sorry about your eye.
11
00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:26,501
I'm available.
12
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:28,436
“Bangtoberfest.
13
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,941
This time it's really not personal.”
14
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:34,809
Barney, you just Went
through some really big emotional stuff.
15
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,677
You need to give yourself
some time to heal.
16
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:40,775
Robin, I spent seven grand on merch.
This is happening.
17
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:44,411
Hey.
18
00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:46,081
- Hey.
- Hello, Marshall.
19
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:50,492
So Lily's dad just showed up
two days ago unannounced.
20
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,530
Remember when I bought
all those Mexican fireworks...
21
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:54,545
so I'd never have to buy
Christmas presents again?
22
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,658
Oh, God. You blew up the house.
23
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,566
Wha-Blew up the house?
24
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:02,072
Oh, no. Nothing like that. No.
25
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,836
No, the fireworks blew up the garage.
The house burned down.
26
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,811
Holy frijoles! Do I smell brownies?
27
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,641
We covered that fire on the news.
28
00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:15,618
I had no idea “Naked Man
Runs Back into Inferno...
29
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:17,712
to Rescue Potato Salad” was Mickey.
30
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,689
My hour's up. Your turn, Marshall.
31
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,727
Oh, no.
32
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:26,127
Baby Marvin, did you just go poo-poo?
33
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:28,860
Craziest thing.
He just Went poo-poo this very second.
34
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:33,302
Hmm. Are you sure this poo-poo
didn't happen on your Watch...
35
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:35,396
and you just ran out the clock
until it was my problem?
36
00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:37,373
Oh! Yeah, right.
37
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:41,037
What kind of mother
lets her son sit in his own filth...
38
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,513
for an extra nine minutes and 42 seconds?
39
00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:51,683
I got my eye on you, Aldrin.
40
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,020
It's Watering right now...
41
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,321
but I got my eye on you.
42
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,620
I can't believe I have
to go back to work on Monday...
43
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,564
and we still haven't found a nanny.
44
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,364
Well, if Grandpa Mickeys there,
couldn't he just-
45
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:09,032
Oh! Are you kidding? My dad was never there
for me when I was a kid.
46
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,665
And when he was-
47
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,103
What's wrong, Daddy?
48
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:18,274
Oh, Daddy can't pick a horse
to save his freakin' life.
49
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,512
All I need is just one lucky number.
50
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:23,247
Hey, whens your birthday?
51
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,222
Today.
52
00:02:27,113 --> 00:02:28,524
Well-
53
00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:31,585
We've got to find a nanny,
and my dads definitely not it.
54
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,495
Well, um-And this doesn't
solve your nanny problem...
55
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:37,865
but if you're in need of a babysitter,
Nick and I could do it.
56
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,995
We're really clicking as a couple.
57
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:45,600
Um, if any couple is clicking these days,
ifs me and Victoria.
58
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,780
Do you think that you and Victoria...
59
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,941
are clicking more than me and Nick?
60
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,882
Do you think that you and Nick are-
61
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,681
Oh, that's precious.
62
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,347
Kids, when you're in a new relationship...
63
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:02,882
and you're competing with your ex
for who's happier, it can get ugly.
64
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:05,623
Anyway, I should get going.
65
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:11,135
I have to go get a key made for Nick-
for my apartment. Ha-burn.
66
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,434
Maybe the locksmith who made the key
I gave to Victoria will give you a deal.
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00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:17,100
Oh, wait. He won't remember me.
It was three weeks ago.
68
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,939
- Ha-double-burn.
- Nick signed for a package when I wasn't there.
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00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,309
- Victoria keeps tampons in my apartment.
- Damn it!
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00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:38,228
The next day ..
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00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,195
Lily and Marshall's nanny search
hit pay dirt.
72
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:42,199
Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen...
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00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:46,135
I promise to create a safe,
nurturing environment...
74
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:49,139
full of learning, laughter and love...
75
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:52,108
so that even when we
have to eat lima beans...
76
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,008
or we get a boo-boo on our knee...
77
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,207
we know everything will be just fine.
78
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:59,113
And do you know why?
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00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,617
Because you're an angel sent from heaven?
80
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:03,051
I wanna bury my head
in the safety of your bosom.
81
00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:06,613
Because Mrs. Buckminster is here.
82
00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,659
The search is over.
83
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,821
Mrs. Buckminster,
we just need to know your salary.
84
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:13,659
Oh, delightful.
85
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,291
Well, my weekly fee is-
86
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,859
There, there.
87
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,737
I'm sure you'll find someone
you like just as much.
88
00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:25,173
- No, we won't.
- Not like you!
89
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,246
Hey, Robin, can I borrow a stamp?
90
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,838
Oh. Wait.
91
00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:32,883
This Wedding reply card already has one.
92
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,213
Why, you ask?
93
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:38,745
Victoria and I are R.S.V.P.'ing
to a wedding in Jamaica...
94
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:40,518
six months from now.
95
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,059
Ha-triple-burn.
96
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,690
Oh. Jamaica.
97
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:45,923
Yeah.
98
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,828
That's an island, right?
99
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:49,867
Depends Where you're going with this.
100
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:53,768
All the way to the island of Hawaii.
Why, you ask?
101
00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:56,773
Well, I was invited to spend
New Year's there last night...
102
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,638
when I met Nick's parents.
103
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:00,336
Ha-aloha-burn.
104
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,074
Have you, um, met Victoria's parents, Ted?
105
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:07,417
As a matter of fact, I haven't.
106
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,919
Because they're dead.
107
00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:12,584
Are they, Ted?
108
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,283
Are they really dead?
109
00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:17,585
No. Damn it!
110
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,297
Bangtoberfest is a flop.
111
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:24,801
I can't think of an innovative Way
to bang chicks...
112
00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:27,167
that properly honors my return to the game.
113
00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:29,536
Sure, I've tried some old reliables.
114
00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:31,555
Ten unpaid parking tickets.
115
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:36,747
I suppose there is one Way
I could... get you off.
116
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,412
No.
117
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:43,682
I've used that admittedly
awesome line a thousand times.
118
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:45,950
You're better than this, Barney.
119
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,993
Well, the evidence
is pretty incriminating...
120
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:53,554
but I suppose there is one Way
I could get you off.
121
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:55,155
Damn it!
122
00:05:56,456 --> 00:06:00,370
Bangtoberfest is about
innovation, about ideas.
123
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,906
Bangtoberfest used to mean something.
124
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,169
- You just made it up yesterday.
- Enough questions.
125
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:06,938
I need time to think.
126
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,308
So, how's the nanny search going, Lil?
127
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,645
Lousy.
128
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,515
Mrs. Buckminster was a spoonful of sugar...
129
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:19,853
but so far, everyone we can afford on this
Web site, HeyNannyNanny.com...
130
00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:22,392
is Scary Poppins.
131
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,485
But Lily and Marshall needed a nanny...
132
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,587
so they forged ahead with their search.
133
00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:29,155
So “zero experience” as a nanny?
134
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:33,329
Right. But in rehab, I was in charge
of the cats, and only two died.
135
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,134
So I figured-
136
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,606
I'm available.
137
00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:39,665
How do you feel about spanking?
138
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:43,441
For eight bucks an hour,
you can do whatever you Want to me.
139
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:46,109
- I'm available.
- Dad, we know.
140
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:48,778
I wasn't talking to you.
141
00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:51,515
Finally they met Julie Jorgensen.
142
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:56,219
You're from St. Cloud, Minnesota?
I'm from St. Cloud.
143
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,523
Really? Oh, you must know my dad.
George Jorgensen?
144
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,860
Of course. George Jorgensen's Organs.
145
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,297
Last year my brother joined the business.
146
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,959
Really.
147
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:06,230
- Who knew that Morgan Jorgensen would go into organs?
- Anyway, Julie-
148
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:07,862
Is it still called
George Jorgensen's Organs...
149
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,237
or did they change it
to George Jorgensen and Son Organs?
150
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:14,335
They changed it to George and Morgan Jorgensen's Organs.
Guess whose idea that was.
151
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,311
Morgan's.
152
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,814
They just opened a new shop out of state.
153
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,178
- Oh, yeah? Where?
- Oregon.
154
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:21,718
- What's that one called?
- Piano Town.
155
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:24,855
Well, you have experience...
156
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:28,120
- and I think ifs safe to say you
have my husbands approval. - Ohh.
157
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,219
- What's your salary?
- Oh, um, ifs right there.
158
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,990
Julie, we would love
for you to be our nanny.
159
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:37,591
Oh, thank you so much.
160
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,694
Um, I just have one last interview today.
161
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:43,070
But to be honest, I can't imagine liking
anyone more than I like you guys.
162
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,540
Oh!
163
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,668
- Thank you. Bye.
- Bye.
164
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:48,006
Yay.
165
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,605
Well, she was a total bitch.
166
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,616
That night,
Lily and Marshall called Julie...
167
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,279
hoping she'd accept the job.
168
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,550
I'm so sorry. I can't.
169
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,218
Don't tell us you took the other job.
170
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,352
No, I didn't. I'm not taking any nanny job.
171
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,363
I don't understand.
172
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,332
The most amazing thing happened
at my next interview after you guys.
173
00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:13,393
I fell in love with a single dad
who turns out to be a billionaire.
174
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:15,962
Tomorrow we're heading off
to Paris in his private jet.
175
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:20,067
It's gonna be, as he would say,
legend-Wait for it.
176
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,736
Barney!
177
00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:26,045
Ixnay on the eal-ray ame-nay.
178
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:27,550
Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen?
179
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,884
You son of a...
180
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:32,581
itch-bay!
181
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:40,630
Look, Barneys our friend
for some reason...
182
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,927
and everything he told you was a lie.
183
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:46,596
But the good news is
you're free to come work for us.
184
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:51,005
I'm sorry. I can't nanny for anyone
who's friends with this monster.
185
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:56,772
Look...
186
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,406
I'd offer you guys coffee...
187
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:02,248
but I have another nanny interview
in about 15 minutes, so-
188
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:04,481
Barney, quick question.
Why are you interviewing nannies?
189
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,854
Glad you asked. You guys
were all pressuring me...
190
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:10,087
to think of a revolutionary
new Way to get chicks for Bangtoberfest.
191
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:13,426
And frankly, I was stumped, until-
192
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:17,662
So far, everyone we can afford
on this Web site, HeyNannyNanny.com...
193
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,566
is Scary Poppins.
194
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,195
And there it was.
195
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:24,764
The Big Bro in the sky
had answered my prayers.
196
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:27,436
Almighty five. Ow.
197
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:31,971
I'd introduce you to little baby Edgar,
but one, he's napping...
198
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:35,542
and two, he doesn't exist.
199
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:38,316
And these nannies are
really falling for this?
200
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:41,324
Yeah. These toys don't
even make sense for a baby.
201
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,950
You got an air rifle.
202
00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:46,224
You got the exact racetrack with the double
loop-de-loop I had as a kid.
203
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:48,390
Can I open it?
Can I open it? Can I open it?
204
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,065
What about baby Edgar's mom?
205
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:55,298
Oh, that's a sad story.
206
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:56,806
And in the end...
207
00:09:56,862 --> 00:10:00,309
the coroner's report confirmed
What I already feared.
208
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,307
The female body cannot withstand...
209
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,940
that many consecutive orgasms.
210
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,319
I blame myself.
211
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:13,482
Okay, does anybody have
six nine-volt batteries?
212
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:19,228
Once I got the nannies all sympathetic...
213
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,492
I had to check their qualifications.
214
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,625
I'd like to see how you handle bath time.
215
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:26,033
Follow me to the tub.
216
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:29,505
- Should I get the baby?
- No.
217
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:32,522
I'm just gonna take the
batteries out of these smoke detectors.
218
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:33,669
Cool? Cool.
219
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:39,707
Once the interview is over,
I... Went in for the kill.
220
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,718
You're perfect for the job.
221
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,118
So congratulations. You're hi-
222
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:47,055
No. I can't do this.
223
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,684
I find you very attractive...
224
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,854
and it wouldn't be appropriate.
225
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:57,391
It wouldn't be appropriate.
226
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,873
It wouldn't be appropriate.
227
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:08,739
I repeat. it-It would not be appropriate.
228
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:16,475
It was like taking candy
from an imaginary baby.
229
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,148
Barney, I just Went five months
with no help...
230
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:22,283
and interviewed 92 nannies
before finding one we liked.
231
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:26,194
And you ruined everything the night before
I'm supposed to go back to Work?
232
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:30,223
Thank you for being
the most immature person I have ever met.
233
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,791
Marshall, let's go.
234
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,859
- Five more minutes.
- Now.
235
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:36,940
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
236
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,770
- Mmm. Mm-hmm. Mmm.
- Mmm.
237
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:43,472
Mmm.
238
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,015
Mm-hmm.
239
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,142
Mmm.
240
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,981
- I'll miss you.
- Hmm.
241
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:55,118
Aw.
242
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,854
Overcompensating a bit?
243
00:11:56,916 --> 00:12:00,022
Why would I need to overcompensate?
244
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:04,626
I am... deliriously happy
in my perfect relationship.
245
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:08,763
What about What I just witnessed
not two minutes ago?
246
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:12,207
How could the Giants pass on third and one?
247
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:13,641
Honey, ifs okay.
248
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:17,203
It's the first quarter,
and the Browns are only up by three.
249
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:19,306
Robin, I don't Want you to fix this.
250
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:22,784
I just Want to feel heard.
251
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:27,120
First of all, the Giants were smart
not to run on my Dawg Pound defense.
252
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:28,681
- They suck, Ted.
- I know.
253
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,285
And two, there is no way...
254
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:33,956
that you like being with a guy
who's so emotional and needy.
255
00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:36,158
You wanna dance, Mosby?
256
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:38,532
Let's talk about yesterday.
257
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:42,971
Hi. You guys, I'm so sorry I'm so late.
258
00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:46,976
I'm gonna run upstairs, change.
I'll be back in five minutes.
259
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:48,909
Take your time, sweetie.
260
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,742
Victoria's a slob.
261
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:56,116
Well, at least I'm not dating a girl.
262
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:58,121
- You know What I mean.
- Hey, you know What?
263
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:03,752
I-I really appreciate
how sensitive and in touch he is with his-
264
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:05,261
God, who am I kidding?
265
00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:09,197
Twenty bucks says he is crying
in the ladies' room right now.
266
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:12,759
Well, at least when he's
finished, he's gonna flush.
267
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,808
So just as Lily
was about to call in sick...
268
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:21,333
on her first day back to work-
269
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:27,344
Good morning.
270
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:30,853
Mrs. Buckminster, hold me
and make everything okay.
271
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:34,448
I mean, uh, What are you doing here?
272
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:38,689
A Mr. Stimson called the agency
and offered to pay my salary.
273
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:42,292
Wow. Really?
274
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:44,800
It's a nice gesture, but I'm still pissed.
275
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:47,360
He also sent along this.
276
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:52,467
- Are the batteries-
- Yes, the batteries are included, dear.
277
00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,807
Yes!
278
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:56,972
Now off to work, you two.
279
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,812
Mr. Marvin and I
are going to get acquainted.
280
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:02,978
Great. I can't wait to hand him off...
281
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,988
and finally get some freedom.
282
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,456
You deserve it. Now hand him over.
283
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,392
Hand him over, yep.
284
00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:13,453
I'll just take little Marvin
off your hands then.
285
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:17,467
Take him off my hands. Here he goes.
286
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:20,333
Ready to receive him.
287
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,467
I can't give Marvin to a stranger!
288
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:28,939
Okay, somebody who is not
in the middle of a race...
289
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,208
should probably go talk to her.
290
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:37,318
I'm sorry, Mrs. Buckminster.
291
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,982
We've decided we're not gonna use
a nanny after all.
292
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,423
- You're fired.
- Calm down.
293
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:43,983
Lily, you're just nervous...
294
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:46,188
about spending your first day
away from Marvin...
295
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:48,323
and that's perfectly normal.
296
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,663
Oh, I am holding on to you forever.
297
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:54,296
And when I die and become a skeleton,
I'll still be holding you.
298
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,998
Yes, yes.
299
00:14:56,061 --> 00:15:01,170
Last night, Nick cried
when I killed a spider.
300
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:04,373
You should've brought
that spider over to my house...
301
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:09,283
to feast on the ant colony
breeding on Victoria's unwashed dishes.
302
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:12,322
- Whoa!
- Barney, What happened to you?
303
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,983
It was a nightmare.
304
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,551
I'm walking down the street,
minding my own business...
305
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:20,577
and I see one of the nannies
that I interviewed...
306
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:24,567
and I'm thinking maybe / can get her behind
a Dumpster and interview her again.
307
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:26,500
But then-
308
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,835
And then-
309
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:33,906
They were everywhere.
310
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:38,277
- I was surrounded
- Hi.
311
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,578
Did you really think you
could get away with this?
312
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,586
As a matter of fact, I did.
313
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,556
Time for your nap.
314
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:52,186
I woke up in a Dumpster
covered in diapers.
315
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:56,495
And I found a pacifier somewhere
I'm not Willing to discuss.
316
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:59,394
What is Wrong with me?
317
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,699
You're still getting over Quinn.
318
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,366
You can't just dive right back
into single-Barney mode.
319
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:07,172
But I can't stop myself.
I'm out of control.
320
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:10,839
No, I'm not. I'm fine.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
321
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:15,352
that blonde at the bar
looks as loose as my rear molars.
322
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,648
Stop me. don't stop me. I'm fine. Help.
323
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,485
Being singles great!
324
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,351
You know...
325
00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:29,923
Victoria's messiness just forces me
to grow as a cleaner.
326
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,332
Totally.
327
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,303
And Without Nick, who's gonna hem my pants?
328
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,763
To making these relationships last.
329
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:41,607
Both relationships would
implode within the month.
330
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,108
Hey, sweetie.
331
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:44,909
Hey.
332
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,644
- Did you guys conk out?
- Yeah, I guess we did.
333
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,811
- What time is it?
- 5:00.
334
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:52,287
Wow. We slept all day.
335
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:55,486
Quick question. Um, where's Marvin?
336
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:57,549
Right here.
337
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:12,271
Hey, gang. What's the big Whoop?
338
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:13,469
Marvin!
339
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,102
Dad, What happened?
340
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:18,148
Well, when / came back
this morning from my jog...
341
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:22,151
Marshall was gone,
and I couldn't find Mrs. What's-her-face.
342
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:25,120
And you two were sawing logs.
343
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,088
So I figured I'd lend a hand.
344
00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:40,500
Then why did I wake up holding a monkey?
345
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,630
Well, a little later, I got kind of hungry.
346
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:53,680
So I gave him a bath and put
his diaper rash ointment on...
347
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:57,277
and fed him strained peas, not bananas,
'cause he had bananas yesterday.
348
00:17:57,342 --> 00:18:00,448
Then I did the laundry,
finished my burrito...
349
00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:03,118
put him down for his nap at noon,
sterilized the bottles...
350
00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,128
and then we just Went to the park.
351
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,629
Okay.
352
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:09,131
Wow. That's incredible.
353
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:12,328
- When did you get so good with kids?
- Know something, honey?
354
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:15,702
You don't remember this, but, um,
for the first few years of your life...
355
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,674
your mom worked
and I was a stay-home dad.
356
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,801
I thought Grandma and Grandpa
took care of me.
357
00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:24,075
Well, they visited a lot,
but I was the guy who took care of you.
358
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:28,209
You know, America thinks I ran into
that burning house to get potato salad.
359
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,844
But I actually ran in
to get this photo album...
360
00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:33,184
and potato salad.
361
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:34,417
Sure.
362
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:48,562
Dad, I never realized
you were there for me.
363
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,837
How come there are no pictures of me
after I go to preschool?
364
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:55,841
Well-
365
00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:59,480
Okay. Well, have fun...
366
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:01,950
on your first day at preschool, princess.
367
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:04,715
Mwah. Okay, off you go.
368
00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:06,881
There you go.
369
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:11,493
How am I gonna make it to 3:00 Without her?
370
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,998
Belmont Racetrack.
371
00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,295
Hmm.
372
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:20,997
Well, I guess it couldn't hurt
to go just once.
373
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:26,642
Six months later, guess What gambling
addicts thumbs had metal pins in them.
374
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:30,271
This guy. Barn.
375
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:36,348
Look, honey, I was a jerk who wasn't there
for most of your childhood...
376
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:39,446
and I regret that
every single day of my life.
377
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,924
But I promise you I'm here now...
378
00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:46,656
for Marvin-if you want.
379
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,622
You're hired.
380
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,558
♪ I took up to you ♪
381
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:55,503
♪ You don't look down on me ♪
382
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,905
♪ What do you see in me? ♪
383
00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:00,466
♪ Is it oceans of blue? ♪
384
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:03,035
♪ How do you ♪
385
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,672
♪ Make the colors sing ♪
386
00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:08,183
♪ In a thousand crazy ways? ♪
387
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,242
♪ And in the end ♪
388
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:13,882
♪ Most things will be okay ♪
389
00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:18,954
Ten parking tickets, huh?
390
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:22,931
I suppose there is a Way
I could, uh, get you off.
391
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,531
Why'd I ever doubt a classic?
392
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:28,094
Now, now, now.
393
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,197
This is exactly the sort of behavior...
394
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:32,640
you hired me to put an end to, Mr. Stimson.
395
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:36,009
Off with you, dear.
Go make better decisions.
396
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:41,347
You're right.
397
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:43,477
Thanks, Mrs. Buckminster.
398
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:47,183
You're welcome.
And I'm proud of you for trying to change.
399
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,819
What you're doing with these young women...
400
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:53,021
is simply not appropriate.
401
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:02,829
That can never happen again.
402
00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:04,373
Oh, pish posh.
403
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,636
You said that five times ago.
30668
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