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Kids, the summer of 2012
was the summer of love-
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Barney and Quinn...
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00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:09,619
me and Victoria...
4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,349
Robin and Nick ..
5
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,556
Lily Marshall and Marvin.
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00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:16,924
Everyone was happy as can be.
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Which means there are
absolutely no good stories.
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00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,629
Let's skip ahead-
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00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,863
To October 2012-
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The official kickoff
of what came to be known...
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00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:30,899
as the autumn of breakups.
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It all started when Barney got a little
friendly advice from a coworker.
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00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:38,642
Get a prenup, or I'll neuter you before
she ever has a chance!
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00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:41,413
First of all,
if you have an onion bagel...
15
00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:43,784
you don't need scallion cream cheese.
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00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:49,656
Secondly, Quinn is a great girl.
I trust her.
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00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,424
Oh, well, Darlene was a great girl.
I trusted her.
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00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:54,362
And then she took everything!
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00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:56,492
My house, my car-
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00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,298
my dog, Tugboat.
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I even lost outwith the kids.
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Full custody!
I got full custody of those kids!
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00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,445
- Your kids are horrible.
- The Worst.
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00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:11,880
Barney, I watched as Darlene
out everything good out of my life...
25
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,748
like a deranged surgeon
hacking out organs...
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00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,118
and that's not a metaphor.
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She got one of my kidneys.
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That's her ringtone.
29
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I have nothing left to give you, Darlene!
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00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,339
You won't believe
what Barney did today.
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You won't believe What Quinn did today.
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Hey, you ready for lunch?
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Hey, there she is.
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The future Mrs. Barney Stimson. Mmm.
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00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,952
You better enjoy signing
your name Quinn Garvey...
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While you still can, right?
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Like, I don't know...
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here, here, here-Initial here.
39
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,463
- What is this?
- Oh, this is our prenup.
40
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:08,305
Black or blue? Totally up to you.
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Um, can I read it first?
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00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,836
Can you believe that?
He wants me to sign a prenup.
43
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:18,007
Can you believe that?
She wants to read it first.
44
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Go ahead and sign.
It's all pretty standard.
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“In the event of divorce, Mr. Stinson
is granted weekly visitation rights...
46
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:28,853
to Ann, Sarah and Molly.”
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You named our future kids?
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That's actually pretty sweet.
49
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Those are Mr. Stinson's names
for your lady parts.
50
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,459
It's important for the girls...
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00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,835
to maintain a relationship
with their daddy.
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You named her lady parts?
53
00:02:45,431 --> 00:02:47,274
Everyone does that.
54
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,937
So... Lily?
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00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:52,545
Snap, Crackle, Pop.
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Solid.
57
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,553
Wait. Is this prenup in any Way legit?
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00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:00,420
I mean, so far, it sounds a lot
like that bar-napkin document...
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00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,256
you make one-night stands sign,
promising not to get clingy.
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00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,159
The pre-shtup, patent pending.
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God, I come up with a lot of good stuff.
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00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:11,727
Anyway, I realize these aren't
just terms for divorce, so I ask-
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Are these rules for how I have
to behave in our marriage?
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00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,902
Rules?
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00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:19,170
Suggestions.
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00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:21,075
Rich people and celebrities
put stuff like this...
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00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,875
in their prenups all the time...
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00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:25,280
and those are the marriages that last.
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00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:30,386
I have to pay $2,000 every time
I gain a pound?
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Not every time.
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00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,951
Just if it shows up
at the weekly Weigh-in.
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See, you can't do that.
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00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,994
“Ms. Garvey must invent
12 new sexual positions per year...
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00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:45,161
at least 'lo of which involve her doing
all or most of the work. ”
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- You definitely can't do that.
- Mm-mmm.
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00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,997
“Ms. Garvey's breasts must be enhanced...
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every five years or 50,000 honka-hookas,
whichever comes first.”
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00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,108
- That's actually not bad.
- I'll allow it.
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00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,839
That's repulsive.
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00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,409
And, sidebar, why do men think
Women like to be honka-honka-ed?
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00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:05,479
What Woman wants her breasts
squeezed like a seal horn?
82
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,991
Um, totally.
83
00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:11,187
Lily like-a like-a the honka-honka.
84
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:16,033
“All hair below the neck
must be removed weekly.”
85
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,194
Hey, you're gonna be thanking me...
86
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,704
for that hair loss during the Weigh-in.
87
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:24,469
“Ms. Garveys parents may stay at
our place as long as they like.”
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00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:27,204
Well, at least that ones nice.
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00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:32,509
“Provided they each arrive in an urn.”
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00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:36,349
- “Wives two through eight will make a weekly chore wheel.”
- Oh, sorry.
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00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:40,516
I borrowed a few sections from a prenup
I did for a Saudi Arabian sultan.
92
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,719
I'll cross out the “extra wives” stuff.
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00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:46,229
- Unless-
- Cross it out.
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00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:50,359
God! What the hell does Barney think
marriage is gonna be like anyway?
95
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:52,960
Just a healthy, modern-day marriage...
96
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:56,166
based on mutual respect
between two equals.
97
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:59,699
Ready for your Wake-up lap dance, master?
98
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,643
Aren't you forgetting something?
99
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,681
Oh, my God. it's 9:00 am.
100
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:07,980
Legally mandated
morning pillow-fight time!
101
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,884
Whoo!
102
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,013
Best husband ever!
103
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,059
Best husband ever!
104
00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:17,253
Best husband ever. Ow!
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00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,819
Best husband ev-
106
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:22,355
Sorry. Sorry. We crossed out
the “Wives two through eight” stuff.
107
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:23,924
- Unless-
- Nope.
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00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,766
- Okay.
- Don't worry. I crossed it out.
109
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:29,739
- I didn't really cross it out.
- I can hear you.
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00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:31,605
I'll cross it out.
111
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,771
I didn't really cross it out.
112
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,678
Hey, guys. Whats up?
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00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:41,912
Oh, Quinn's pissed because Barney
wants her to sign a crazy prenup.
114
00:05:41,974 --> 00:05:43,681
But is it really crazy?
115
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:46,417
- Yes.
- I'm new to this, but guessing yes.
116
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,015
Okay, look.
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00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:54,054
Did I go a speck of sand, a fairy eyelash,
a unicorn whisper too far?
118
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,293
Perhaps.
119
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,267
But can you tell me there's nothing...
120
00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:00,930
in any of your relationships
you'd Want to change?
121
00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,564
No behavior you'd Want to outlaw?
122
00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:05,700
No terms you'd Want to renegotiate?
123
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:08,905
Look me in the eye and tell me I'm crazy.
124
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:10,208
You're crazy.
125
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:14,048
But a funny thigh happened that night
126
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:20,120
Look, I'm not saying he's right, but
Barney does have a little bit of a point.
127
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:22,523
But on this one,
he may have a point. I mean, look.
128
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:26,997
The idea of renegotiating the terms
of the relationship, that's valid.
129
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:32,059
No. There isn't anything
about you that I'd wanna change.
130
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,767
Well, okay, maybe a couple of things.
131
00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:37,398
Like What?
132
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,841
And just like that...
133
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:44,075
one of these four couples would
break up the very next day
134
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:48,618
Okay, it wasn't Lily and Marshall
135
00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:52,747
One of these three couples would
break up the very next day
136
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,963
What happened?
137
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,929
So last night, Nick was all like...
138
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,729
“Barney has a point about
renegotiating the terms...
139
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,997
of the blah-blah-blah
and the blah-blah-blah.”
140
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:07,765
And Marshall was all like, “Huh.
141
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,831
I wanna blah of the blah
of the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”
142
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,377
If I shut my eyes, ifs like they're here.
143
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:17,040
They're just using Barneys prenup
as a way to complain about us.
144
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:21,449
I'm just saying you've forbidden certain
things that I might like to revisit.
145
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:26,718
Marshall, you are not going on a Sasquatch
hunt in Oregon with a bunch of loonies.
146
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,315
Loonies?
147
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:32,488
Those brave bearded men
and Women are crypto-zoologists...
148
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,725
and they deserve the respect
that title commands!
149
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:38,400
But that's not What I was thinking of.
150
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:42,003
You're too precious with the baby.
151
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:46,669
Okay, when we first came home with Marvin,
there was a bad moment.
152
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:48,575
Welcome home, buddy.
153
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,809
Was it really that high?
154
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,980
I don't know. I was hormonal.
155
00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:02,322
And suddenly, this primal,
protective-mother voice came out of me.
156
00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:04,793
Actually, it was two voices.
157
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,695
I seriously think
one was coming from my vagina.
158
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,723
Never do that again.
159
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:14,169
Whoa, whoa, Whoa. What is the big deal?
160
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:17,868
My brothers and my dad used to
roughhouse with me all the time.
161
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:21,605
Welcome home, Marshall.
162
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,271
Hi.
163
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,009
Boys, go long.
164
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,687
Stop! Not in the house.
165
00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:32,654
That's how lamps break.
166
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:35,249
Now go pass that baby around outside.
167
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:39,629
Oop! Fumble!
168
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:42,131
And I turned out perfectly fine.
169
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,567
Marshall, this morning
you thought a ghost made your toast.
170
00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:48,132
I didn't put the bread in.
171
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,969
You didn't put the bread in.
172
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:54,171
You know What?
I will play with my son however I see fit.
173
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:56,372
And you know What else?
174
00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:58,608
You can honka-honka yourself tonight.
175
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:02,749
Barneys prenup ruined my night too.
176
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:06,722
Okay, uh, What behavior
of mine don't you like?
177
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:09,123
I'm talking about the TV thing.
178
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:13,891
Okay. The TV thing is an argument from,
like, three Weeks ago.
179
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,565
Mmm.
180
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:23,129
- Oh.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
181
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:26,904
Didn't realize it takes 42 inches
to keep you satisfied.
182
00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:28,502
The TV happened to be on.
183
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,139
I happened to glance at it.
Does that make me so weird?
184
00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:32,705
- No.
- Not at all.
185
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:34,274
Thank you.
186
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,618
I may be a little Weird.
187
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,259
Yeah.
188
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:50,063
I get turned on watching myself
do the news during sex.
189
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:53,696
Yeah, that's a little Weird.
190
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:57,468
Look, seeing myself on TV
makes me feel confident and sexy...
191
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,373
and that is nothing to be ashamed of.
192
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,309
Right, sisters?
193
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,037
- Never speak of this.
- Ever.
194
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,140
Yes. Of course. Yeah.
195
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,775
There's more.
196
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:17,184
Wait. So when you're
doing the news live at 7:00...
197
00:10:17,249 --> 00:10:21,163
you wink to future you
watching the rebroadcast at 11:00?
198
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:24,824
Maybe.
199
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,864
- Never speak of this.
- Ever.
200
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:31,534
You won't believe What Ted did last night.
201
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:33,873
You said you were happy to help him out.
202
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,810
Well, now I'm changing my mind.
203
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:38,439
Sorry to interrupt, roomie,
but I'm trying to make sausage.
204
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:41,144
Where do you keep your pig intestines?
205
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,244
What's your ex-fiancé doing at Teds?
206
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,222
Klaus came to me a few weeks ago.
207
00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:48,884
Since we broke up, he lost his job.
208
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,519
He got evicted. Hes miserable.
209
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,063
I'm so sorry.
210
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:56,123
If could just take a quick whore's bath
in your kitchen sink...
211
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:57,861
then I will skedaddle.
212
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:01,427
Oh, Klaus, I wish that there was something
I could do to help.
213
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:05,101
There is, little lady.
I've got a guest room.
214
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,735
You'll stay here
till you're back on your feet.
215
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,610
Are you sure? This is your apartment.
216
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,672
Shh.
217
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:14,581
Think of this as our apartment.
218
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,712
Oh, hero Ted. He loves that move.
219
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:20,849
Yeah, for about five minutes.
Then he gets herds remorse.
220
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,893
Ah, danke schon, roomie.
221
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:26,225
I will go and get my things.
Das ist super duper, duper.
222
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,424
Ah! My ferrets will be so happy.
223
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:30,899
They have been living
in an airport locker for Weeks.
224
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,796
Here comes papa, children.
225
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,897
I'll admit, there have been
a few awkward moments.
226
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:38,964
You are going to love this.
227
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:42,706
This is the popular German situational
comedy, Strange Compatriots.
228
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:46,473
Here we come.
229
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,780
Here is the thing about this show. Okay.
230
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:52,846
One of them is very neat,
and the other one-
231
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:56,485
is very, very neat.
232
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,256
Oh, Fritz. Kommen Sie hier...
233
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:00,126
Ah.
234
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:03,099
It's time to give Klaus das boot.
235
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,601
Klaus?
236
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,402
Wait, can-
Can you hear us through the Wall?
237
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,568
Yes, I can hear you.
238
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:15,612
I hear everything.
239
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:18,274
That's it. Klaus, get in here!
240
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:21,280
For Gods sake!
241
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,411
I Want you out of my apartment.
242
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:27,856
You, those ferrets and all five newborns.
243
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,586
Six and counting.
244
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:32,959
Mama is still going.
It's like a clown car.
245
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:35,760
Suddenly it wasn't our apartment anymore.
246
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,767
I had no say in the matter.
247
00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:40,599
- These guys are unbelievable.
- You know What?
248
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:45,438
I am gonna go home and watch the news
all by myself. Mm-hmm.
249
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,274
Wait. I have an idea.
250
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,608
You know What?
251
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:55,015
- I'm on board with the whole prenup thing.
- That's great.
252
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:56,917
It's here to protect you too, sweetie...
253
00:12:56,976 --> 00:13:00,355
from becoming unappealing to me.
254
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:03,052
Actually, I made my own prenup...
255
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,617
with a little help.
256
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:05,957
Ladies?
257
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:14,160
Go ahead and sign.
It's all pretty standard.
258
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:18,097
Ooh. This, uh, might not
be the best time to ask.
259
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:20,007
I'm sort of getting back in the game.
260
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:23,376
The redhead with
the baby-whats her situation?
261
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,681
“In the event of divorce...
262
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:34,885
Ms. Garvey shall get full custody
of Mr. Stinson's suits.”
263
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,449
Why?
264
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,017
What would you do with them?
265
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:41,530
Nothing. I'd just sit around
and watch them go out of style.
266
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:43,828
That is just sick.
267
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:45,266
Keep reading.
268
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,600
“Mr. Stimson is allowed to attend...
269
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,799
any function at the Playboy Mansion.”
270
00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:52,399
- At least that's nice.
- Mmm.
271
00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:55,843
“Provided he arrives in an urn.”
272
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:00,375
Gentlemen! Just in time.
273
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:01,884
What are you bitches doin' here?
274
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,477
- Lily.
- Oh, he's napping.
275
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,351
It's the only time I get to go blue.
276
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:08,187
Barney texted us,
said you guys were ganging up on him.
277
00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:12,525
So we're just here to ensure
he doesn't sign anything he'll regret.
278
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:16,431
I'm sorry. I don't think anyone here
other than me is a lawyer-
279
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:19,264
a well-paid, successful lawyer.
280
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,297
I'm-I'm a lawyer.
281
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,238
Actually, we worked together for a year.
282
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:25,934
Back off, stretch. I saw her first.
283
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:28,069
Hang on a second.
284
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:29,976
“A half million-dollar fine...
285
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:33,983
anytime Mr. Stimson
can't rise to the occasion.
286
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:38,419
- Cue sad slide whistle sounds”?
- ;;
287
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,283
Hey, what's this about a shock collar?
288
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:43,520
Ah, yes, we'll explain.
289
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:47,428
Ms. Garvey has many attractive friends
who will come to visit.
290
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:51,161
May I offer you some goat cheese
puff pastries I made, mistress?
291
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:54,170
As long as you can do it quietly.
292
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,935
Wait. I'm confused
293
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,778
If ifs not around my neck,
then where's the shock collar?
294
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,450
On, God.
295
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:12,182
Oh, God.
296
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,087
It's more of a shock ring really.
297
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:15,591
Her idea.
298
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,629
Little missy's packing a brain too.
299
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:20,721
Hey, you know What?
300
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:23,665
Since we're all pitching in,
may I suggest a provision?
301
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:27,135
In the event that you have a son...
302
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:31,004
Mr. Stinson is free to play with his child
however he sees fit.
303
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,065
How about forbidding
your future husband...
304
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:36,170
from spiking his child into his crib?
305
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:38,977
How about a clause protecting you
from having to engage in a three-way...
306
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,314
with her and whatever's on basic cable?
307
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:43,876
Oh, yeah? How about forbidding-
308
00:15:45,377 --> 00:15:46,879
I got nothing.
309
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,790
How about a provision barring any nudist,
German ex-fiancés...
310
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,885
From slapping his strudel
up and down your sofa?
311
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,658
How about pretending to be a hero...
312
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:57,132
but then caving the moment a ferret bite
breaks the skin?
313
00:15:57,189 --> 00:16:00,227
- The skin of my eyelid!
- That's how they kiss.
314
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,795
Are you serious?
315
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,706
Enough. Enough!
316
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:11,441
You all have someone who loves you,
and you're screwing it up.
317
00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:14,040
And over what-who has the most power?
318
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:15,642
That's not love.
319
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,654
Love is trusting someone enough...
320
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,690
to tell them what's really bothering you.
321
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:22,157
So that's What we're gonna do.
You, start.
322
00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:28,029
When you got scared about Marvin...
323
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:32,934
it felt like you were saying that I'm not
as good a parent as you.
324
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:38,436
You're an amazing mom,
and I wanna live up to that.
325
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,404
I-I probably have trust issues...
326
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:46,143
Because my dad wasn't there for me.
327
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:49,209
But I know that you'll always be there
to catch Marvin.
328
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:52,111
You, next.
329
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:57,891
Having Klaus back in our lives...
330
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,954
made me scared we're never gonna
escape the past.
331
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,227
I only Wanted to help Klaus...
332
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:06,929
because I feel guilty about
how happy I am with you.
333
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,366
Next.
334
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:13,103
I find you so sexy.
335
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:16,544
It just hurt that you don't feel
the same about me.
336
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:22,077
I get turned on watching myself
do the news during sex.
337
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,381
Oh.
338
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:27,086
That's cool.
339
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,051
Look at that. No legal documents needed.
340
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:35,189
Just honesty and vulnerability.
That's love.
341
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,825
You see, I once loved someone.
342
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,699
Only I didn't say it enough.
343
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:42,102
Now I wish I could say it every clay.
344
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:44,505
Hell, I don't care if ifs crazy.
345
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,339
I'm-I'm doing it.
346
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,106
Hello, Darlene?
347
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,114
Put Tugboat on the line.
348
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:54,014
Hey, buddy. Hey, ifs the man.
349
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,853
And for a moment
all felt right with the world.
350
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:04,190
But that very night the autumn of breakups
would claim its first victims.
351
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,589
- Good night.
- Good night.
352
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,759
Good night.
353
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:15,861
Good night.
354
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,772
Good night.
355
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:21,141
Gute Nacht. And you too, my babies.
356
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,873
Oh, danke for the sweet eye kisses.
357
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,437
Ow!
358
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:26,779
- After you, sir.
- Ladies first.
359
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,341
I insist.
360
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,944
I insist.
361
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:33,182
- I'm not throwing mine out first.
- I'm not throwing mine out first.
362
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:36,783
You slept with half the Women in New York.
I'm the one who needs a prenup.
363
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,760
You duped me out of thousands of dollars.
364
00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,319
I'm the one who needs a prenup.
365
00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:43,066
- I just thought of some more stuff to add.
- I'm not half finished.
366
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:52,369
Let's dive in.
367
00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:59,846
It should be simpler than this,
shouldn't it?
368
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:01,907
Yeah.
369
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,851
Maybe it should be.
370
00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:07,152
Barney, do you trust me?
371
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,152
No.
372
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,563
Do you trust me?
373
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,492
No.
374
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:26,406
If we really need something
this complicated to get married-
375
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:32,405
- ♪ Falling to the ground ♪
- Yeah.
376
00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:37,477
♪ I was anxious to be found ♪
377
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:42,048
♪ You can always go home ♪
378
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:45,561
♪ To the safety of your cloud ♪
379
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,965
I'm sorry, buddy.
380
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,092
Hey, there's always Wives
two through eight.
381
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,636
They sounded pretty hot in your fantasy.
382
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:57,105
All but Wife seven. She was just there
'cause her dad was rich.
383
00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:01,940
Actually, I'm okay.
384
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,207
I found out I'll never trust someone
enough to get married.
385
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:06,977
And that's fine.
386
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:11,852
My single life is,
and always will be, legen-
387
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,412
Wait for it.
388
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:15,458
♪ I turned around ♪
389
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:16,754
Dary!
390
00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:19,887
My wedding is gonna be legendary.
391
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:24,457
- So prenup?
- Not this time.
392
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:27,060
Oh, hey, you. Ready for lunch?
393
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,002
- Totally.
- Mmm.
394
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:34,309
- ♪ Falling into sound ♪
- Thanks.
395
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:36,243
See, Tugboat?
396
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:38,611
That's love. Yeah.
397
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:45,345
Oh, okay.
398
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:48,721
You see, Ludwig has started
to polish the doorknobs...
399
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:51,852
but Wilhelm has already
completed this chore.
400
00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:56,657
Yeah.
401
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:59,726
Ohh.
402
00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:02,601
You know, it's big comedy...
403
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:05,301
but you also really care
about these characters.
404
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:06,866
Wilhelm!
30449
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