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1
00:00:02,583 --> 00:00:03,916
So, how's living alone?
2
00:00:04,132 --> 00:00:05,332
You know, it's interesting.
3
00:00:05,334 --> 00:00:07,467
When I first moved into
my new apartment,
4
00:00:07,469 --> 00:00:09,002
I was nervous.
5
00:00:09,004 --> 00:00:12,889
For the first time in my adultlife, I didn't have a roommate.
6
00:00:12,891 --> 00:00:14,558
But then it hit me:
7
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,829
for the first time in my adultlife, I didn't have a roommate!
8
00:00:21,933 --> 00:00:24,884
If I want to walk around naked,nobody cares.
9
00:00:24,886 --> 00:00:26,736
If I want to leavethe laundry basket
10
00:00:26,738 --> 00:00:30,774
in the middle of the livingroom, nobody stops me.
11
00:00:30,776 --> 00:00:32,826
If I bring home soupfrom the deli
12
00:00:32,828 --> 00:00:35,895
and leave it in the fridgefor two days, nobody eats it.
13
00:00:35,897 --> 00:00:38,832
And if I do somethingcolossally stupid,
14
00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:41,234
nobody ever has to know.
15
00:00:41,236 --> 00:00:43,420
(loud, high-pitched gasping)
16
00:00:45,022 --> 00:00:46,540
People make fun of the guy
17
00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:48,959
who stays home every night
doing nothing.
18
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:52,946
But the truth is...
that guy's a genius.
19
00:00:52,948 --> 00:00:56,249
Because let's be honest,sitting around watching TV,
20
00:00:56,251 --> 00:00:59,085
drinking beer and eating ribsalone is what every
21
00:00:59,087 --> 00:01:04,040
red-blooded American wouldrather be doing at all times.
22
00:01:04,042 --> 00:01:07,727
Yeah, but wouldn't it be better
to have someone to share the...
23
00:01:07,729 --> 00:01:11,147
I mean, don't you
get lonely without...
24
00:01:11,149 --> 00:01:13,266
Yeah, that sounds pretty great.
25
00:01:13,628 --> 00:01:17,628
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x21 ♪
Now We're Even
Original Air Date on April 16, 2012
26
00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:21,653
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
27
00:01:26,232 --> 00:01:27,199
What's the best thing
28
00:01:27,201 --> 00:01:29,752
about dating a stripper,
you ask?
29
00:01:29,754 --> 00:01:30,736
Nope.
30
00:01:30,738 --> 00:01:32,237
Just asked for your drink order.
31
00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:33,956
I'll tell you the best thing
about dating a stripper.
32
00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:34,923
He'll just have a scotch.
33
00:01:34,925 --> 00:01:36,008
Getting to say,
34
00:01:36,010 --> 00:01:37,926
"Hey, I'm dating a stripper."
35
00:01:37,928 --> 00:01:39,428
And I should go.
36
00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:41,180
Time to make the doughnuts.
(chuckles)
37
00:01:41,182 --> 00:01:43,966
More like time to make some
dough sitting on some nuts.
38
00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,050
(chuckles)
She's a stripper.
39
00:01:45,052 --> 00:01:46,051
I'm dating her.
40
00:01:46,053 --> 00:01:47,269
I'm dating a stripper.
Barney wins.
41
00:01:47,271 --> 00:01:48,187
I'll walk you out.
42
00:01:48,189 --> 00:01:50,589
Hey, where are
you going?
43
00:01:50,591 --> 00:01:52,191
Quinn needs to get to work.
She's a...
44
00:01:52,193 --> 00:01:54,092
I know, a stripper, got it.
45
00:01:54,094 --> 00:01:55,694
Hey, taxi!
46
00:01:55,696 --> 00:01:56,695
(whistles)
47
00:01:56,697 --> 00:01:58,897
My girlfriend's a stripper!
48
00:01:58,899 --> 00:02:02,267
So, Ted, guess where we're
having dinner Friday night.
49
00:02:02,869 --> 00:02:03,952
Chez L'Argent.
50
00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:05,370
I am so excited.
51
00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:07,406
We've been trying forever
to get this reservation.
52
00:02:07,408 --> 00:02:09,291
Can you hold on
for just one second?
53
00:02:09,293 --> 00:02:10,659
What the hell
are you doing?
54
00:02:10,661 --> 00:02:11,827
Nothing.
55
00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:13,746
Did you say
you had to pee?
56
00:02:13,748 --> 00:02:15,247
No.
57
00:02:15,249 --> 00:02:17,082
But yeah, I do have to pee.
58
00:02:17,084 --> 00:02:19,968
Man, this kid better be
real freakin' cute!
59
00:02:22,172 --> 00:02:23,672
What was that all about?
60
00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:25,641
Lily had a sex dream last night.
61
00:02:25,643 --> 00:02:26,958
(bullet ricocheting)
62
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,427
Sex dream?
Do tell.
63
00:02:28,429 --> 00:02:31,963
I was painting
the baby furniture...
64
00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:35,684
(moaning):
Oh, yeah.
65
00:02:35,686 --> 00:02:38,904
Oh, yeah.
66
00:02:38,906 --> 00:02:41,356
Hurry up,
before Marshall gets home.
67
00:02:41,358 --> 00:02:43,525
Oh, oh...
68
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:49,198
Whoa!
69
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,199
I'm sorry, baby.
70
00:02:50,201 --> 00:02:51,767
Were you asleep?
71
00:02:51,769 --> 00:02:54,253
All pregnant ladies
have crazy sex dreams.
72
00:02:54,255 --> 00:02:57,039
It's just her hormones
going berserk.
73
00:02:57,041 --> 00:02:59,675
So who's responsible for her
rapid thigh movement this time?
74
00:02:59,677 --> 00:03:01,710
Oh, my favorite was when
she banged George Washington.
75
00:03:01,712 --> 00:03:05,163
I liked the three-way with
Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf.
76
00:03:05,165 --> 00:03:07,549
Oh, he smurfed
the smurf out of her.
77
00:03:07,551 --> 00:03:09,351
Yes, while The Cos
smurfed off in the corner.
78
00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:11,303
We all remember.
But here's the thing.
79
00:03:11,305 --> 00:03:14,673
When Lily has dirty dreams
about other people,
80
00:03:14,675 --> 00:03:16,391
she always tells me.
81
00:03:16,393 --> 00:03:17,709
But this time...
82
00:03:17,711 --> 00:03:21,697
Sounds like you
had a crazy dream.
83
00:03:21,699 --> 00:03:24,199
What was it about?
84
00:03:25,668 --> 00:03:29,788
And then her face turned...
85
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,457
vermilion.
86
00:03:32,459 --> 00:03:36,862
Just... you and me...
87
00:03:36,864 --> 00:03:39,798
gettin' it on, monogamously.
88
00:03:40,767 --> 00:03:45,470
Monoga-me-oh-my.
89
00:03:45,472 --> 00:03:48,540
Not the rose quartz
of the slightly embarrassed,
90
00:03:48,542 --> 00:03:51,426
or the tomato red
of the mildly abashed,
91
00:03:51,428 --> 00:03:55,180
vermilion, the color
of carnal shame.
92
00:03:56,182 --> 00:03:59,234
Can only mean one thing:
93
00:03:59,236 --> 00:04:01,737
Lily dream-banged
someone we know.
94
00:04:01,739 --> 00:04:04,323
Okay, you caught me
vermilion-handed.
95
00:04:04,325 --> 00:04:07,743
The truth is, I've spent
the last five years
96
00:04:07,745 --> 00:04:10,445
trying to inception
your wife.
97
00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:12,531
That movie only came out
two years ago.
98
00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:14,583
What movie?
99
00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:16,535
You know who I bet it is?
100
00:04:16,537 --> 00:04:18,120
Robin.
(gasps)
101
00:04:18,122 --> 00:04:20,005
Already checked.
102
00:04:20,007 --> 00:04:21,456
Lily and I paid her a visit
103
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:23,625
at the new World Wide Newsheadquarters.
104
00:04:23,627 --> 00:04:25,594
And I'm so excited,
because I've been trying months
105
00:04:25,596 --> 00:04:26,578
to get this reservation.
106
00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:27,963
Can you hold on
just one second?
107
00:04:27,965 --> 00:04:29,214
What the hell
are you doing?!
108
00:04:29,216 --> 00:04:30,299
Nothing.
109
00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:32,517
Nice photo.
Oh.
110
00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:34,553
Your passport
must be enormous.
111
00:04:34,555 --> 00:04:36,188
(chuckles)
Ugh.
112
00:04:36,190 --> 00:04:39,758
You know, for the record,
I didn't want this.
113
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,060
Didn't want it,
did not approve it.
114
00:04:42,062 --> 00:04:43,145
(chuckles)
115
00:04:43,147 --> 00:04:44,613
It's super embarrassing.
116
00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:46,932
Hey, Merle.
117
00:04:46,934 --> 00:04:50,385
So, uh, do you guys
want to come up and see my desk?
118
00:04:50,387 --> 00:04:51,653
Yeah, why not?
119
00:04:51,655 --> 00:04:53,205
Come on.
120
00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:54,706
I.D.?
121
00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:56,608
Oh. Um, that is me.
122
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:57,993
(chuckles)
123
00:04:57,995 --> 00:04:59,110
Ma'am, with all due respect,
124
00:04:59,112 --> 00:05:01,413
you're a wee bit older
than that hottie.
125
00:05:01,415 --> 00:05:02,381
(scoffs)
126
00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:03,632
For God sakes.
127
00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:07,085
You know, here I am,
on national TV every day,
128
00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:10,555
and still a guy who spends
his whole life sitting next to
129
00:05:10,557 --> 00:05:12,925
a giant picture of me
has no idea who I am.
130
00:05:12,927 --> 00:05:15,177
This isn't my whole life;
I'm in a band.
131
00:05:15,179 --> 00:05:16,445
And we're gonna make it.
132
00:05:16,447 --> 00:05:18,680
NARRATOR:
And, kids, they did make it.
133
00:05:18,682 --> 00:05:21,049
But I'll get to that later.
134
00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:23,819
You know what, I'm probably notgoing to get to that later.
135
00:05:23,821 --> 00:05:27,489
They had one song,it didn't suck, the end.
136
00:05:27,491 --> 00:05:30,025
You always said
it wasn't about being famous.
137
00:05:30,027 --> 00:05:32,477
You just want to do
solid journalism, right?
138
00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:34,079
Yeah, well...
139
00:05:34,081 --> 00:05:36,281
Of course I want
to be famous!
140
00:05:36,283 --> 00:05:37,649
In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles.
141
00:05:37,651 --> 00:05:38,834
I was a cabinhold name.
142
00:05:38,836 --> 00:05:39,935
But here?
143
00:05:39,937 --> 00:05:41,286
Don't need to see
your I.D., Merle.
144
00:05:41,288 --> 00:05:42,955
Everyone knows
who you are.
145
00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:44,256
You're Merle.
146
00:05:44,258 --> 00:05:46,258
He was in one skit
in the Christmas party!
147
00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,626
(sighs)
148
00:05:47,628 --> 00:05:49,995
Uh, by the way,
how is Ted doing?
149
00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,780
NARRATOR: Kids, you rememberwhat happened.
150
00:05:51,782 --> 00:05:53,882
I declared my love,she turned me down,
151
00:05:53,884 --> 00:05:56,601
we both moved out ofthe apartment, and now...
152
00:05:56,603 --> 00:05:59,137
I haven't talked to him
since we... stopped talking.
153
00:05:59,139 --> 00:06:00,171
(chuckles)
154
00:06:00,173 --> 00:06:02,307
He's pretty good.
155
00:06:02,309 --> 00:06:03,558
Pretty good?
156
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,927
Last night, you ate
a box of Froot Loops
157
00:06:05,929 --> 00:06:07,029
in your tighty whities.
158
00:06:07,031 --> 00:06:10,032
No, I demolished
a box of Froot Loops,
159
00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:12,784
fully nude.
160
00:06:12,786 --> 00:06:15,203
Yeah, "pretty good" works.
161
00:06:16,355 --> 00:06:17,372
Hey, Barney.
162
00:06:17,374 --> 00:06:19,541
Hey, Lily.
163
00:06:22,996 --> 00:06:24,997
Do you know
what this is about?
164
00:06:24,999 --> 00:06:25,664
Uh-huh.
165
00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:26,882
Do I want to know?
166
00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:28,867
No, sorry, bro.
167
00:06:28,869 --> 00:06:30,085
Damn it!
168
00:06:30,087 --> 00:06:31,536
Okay, time
for my stuff.
169
00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:33,755
Guys, I was sitting
at home last night,
170
00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:36,391
and all of a sudden,
I had a piphany.
171
00:06:36,393 --> 00:06:37,759
And my piphany
was this...
172
00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:39,594
Actually, it's, uh,
it's "epiphany."
173
00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:42,230
No, Ted, this
is the piphany.
174
00:06:42,232 --> 00:06:43,598
And here it is:
175
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,903
Make... every...
night... legendary.
176
00:06:47,905 --> 00:06:49,438
Guys, we've had
177
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,189
some pretty
legendary nights.
178
00:06:51,191 --> 00:06:53,608
But we've also had some nights
that weren't so legendary.
179
00:06:53,610 --> 00:06:56,778
Lookin' at you, The Night Ted
Made Us All Watch Norbit.
180
00:06:56,780 --> 00:06:59,531
Eddie Murphy as a fat lady;
what's the problem?
181
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,166
That was Eddie Murphy?
182
00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:03,168
The non-legendary
nights are done.
183
00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:06,254
From here on in, every
single night of our lives
184
00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:08,406
will be a night
we'll never forget.
185
00:07:08,408 --> 00:07:10,459
Starting tonight.
186
00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:14,412
Who's ready for the longest,
craziest adventure yet?!
187
00:07:14,414 --> 00:07:15,597
(bullet ricocheting)
188
00:07:15,599 --> 00:07:17,265
Good.
189
00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:19,751
The weak have been
weeded from our herd.
190
00:07:19,753 --> 00:07:21,636
You ready to rock
and roll, Ted?
191
00:07:21,638 --> 00:07:22,921
Yeah, I'm going home, too.
192
00:07:22,923 --> 00:07:24,489
I'm sensing some costumes
coming up here
193
00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:25,640
and I'd rather steer clear.
194
00:07:25,642 --> 00:07:28,009
Ted, 20 years from now,
195
00:07:28,011 --> 00:07:30,195
when you're all alone
and I'm President,
196
00:07:30,197 --> 00:07:31,313
you're not
gonna remember
197
00:07:31,315 --> 00:07:33,315
sitting around your
apartment doing nothing.
198
00:07:33,317 --> 00:07:35,617
What you will remember
is that tonight,
199
00:07:35,619 --> 00:07:38,019
this night...
200
00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:41,256
was The Night We Started
a Mariachi Band!
201
00:07:41,258 --> 00:07:43,125
Uno, dos, tres, quatro!
202
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:47,412
(mariachi song ends)
203
00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:48,780
(cheering)
204
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:52,617
Okay, you were right.
205
00:07:52,619 --> 00:07:53,802
Memorable night.
206
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:55,954
That was nothing
compared to mañana, amigo.
207
00:07:55,956 --> 00:07:58,006
Because mañana is gonna be...
208
00:07:58,008 --> 00:08:00,458
The Night We Ate Everything
on the Menu!
209
00:08:01,911 --> 00:08:03,078
(groans)
210
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,980
A really memorable night.
211
00:08:04,982 --> 00:08:06,131
But tomorrow night...
212
00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:09,251
Is The Night We Brought
a Horse into the Bar!
213
00:08:10,770 --> 00:08:12,737
Okay, but tomorrow...
214
00:08:12,739 --> 00:08:16,425
Is The Night We Bungee Jump
off the Statue of Liberty!
215
00:08:19,412 --> 00:08:21,079
Nope.
216
00:08:21,081 --> 00:08:23,281
NARRATOR: That night was the nightof Aunt Lily
217
00:08:23,283 --> 00:08:25,033
and Uncle Marshall'sfancy dinner.
218
00:08:25,035 --> 00:08:28,153
Complete with a fancy limo ride.
219
00:08:28,155 --> 00:08:29,121
Surprise!
220
00:08:29,123 --> 00:08:30,288
Hello!
221
00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:32,941
Hi, Ranjit.
222
00:08:35,428 --> 00:08:37,629
No.
223
00:08:44,946 --> 00:08:47,031
Should I take the
West Side Highway?
224
00:08:47,033 --> 00:08:48,999
Why not, Ranjit?
225
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:51,135
Don't you always just
take whatever you want,
226
00:08:51,137 --> 00:08:53,037
regardless of
anything but your own
227
00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:56,590
dirty, sick,
twisted appetites?
228
00:08:59,044 --> 00:09:02,129
I'll stay on Broadway.
229
00:09:03,431 --> 00:09:04,631
I.D.?
230
00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:06,934
For God's sakes, open your...
231
00:09:06,936 --> 00:09:09,053
Yeah, that's about right.
232
00:09:09,055 --> 00:09:10,688
I.D.?
233
00:09:10,690 --> 00:09:12,773
NARRATOR: Robin had finallylearned the lesson
234
00:09:12,775 --> 00:09:14,858
that nobodygets famous overnight.
235
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,393
But here's the crazy part:
236
00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:18,428
that night, she got famous.
237
00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:19,596
Robin, there you are.
238
00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:20,931
Sandy Rivers!
239
00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:22,066
Star of the show.
240
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,118
What it is, my man.
Yeah.
241
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,786
Robin, I've got
something big for you,
242
00:09:25,788 --> 00:09:27,538
something huge.
243
00:09:27,540 --> 00:09:29,473
And I want you on it.
244
00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:32,609
Sandy, you were
in the harassment video.
245
00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:33,944
You were great in that,
by the way.
246
00:09:33,946 --> 00:09:34,945
Thanks, holmes.
247
00:09:34,947 --> 00:09:36,246
And I like the way
248
00:09:36,248 --> 00:09:38,215
your filthy little mind works,
Robin, but this is real.
249
00:09:38,217 --> 00:09:39,166
Big story's breaking.
250
00:09:39,168 --> 00:09:40,801
Are you afraid of helicopters?
251
00:09:40,803 --> 00:09:42,452
I love helicopters.
252
00:09:42,454 --> 00:09:44,972
What am I covering, a war?
Better!
253
00:09:44,974 --> 00:09:48,409
ANNOUNCER: World Wide Newsbrings you the world.
254
00:09:48,411 --> 00:09:50,394
And now Robin Scherbatskywith traffic.
255
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,298
You don't want to go
bungee jumping, fine.
256
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:58,301
Tonight's The Night
We Stole a Mummy
257
00:09:58,303 --> 00:10:00,738
from the Natural History Museum!
258
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:03,974
Yeah, I'm not
doing that.
259
00:10:03,976 --> 00:10:08,412
Then get out your MetroCard,
Ted, because tonight's
260
00:10:08,414 --> 00:10:11,314
The Night We Partied
with the Mole People!
261
00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:15,652
Barney, I have a Stouffer's
lasagna for one in the freezer
262
00:10:15,654 --> 00:10:17,371
that is going to be
unforgettable.
263
00:10:17,373 --> 00:10:19,506
I have a Sanford and Son
on my DVR
264
00:10:19,508 --> 00:10:22,209
that I will take with me
to my grave.
265
00:10:22,211 --> 00:10:24,928
I don't need tonight to be
any more memorable than that.
266
00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:27,848
Okay, Sanford and Son
does sound good.
267
00:10:27,850 --> 00:10:31,685
But if I could just present
a counter argument...
268
00:10:34,139 --> 00:10:36,523
(imitates Redd Foxx):
You're locked out, dummy!
269
00:10:36,525 --> 00:10:38,308
Damn it! Barney!
270
00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:40,343
Give me your phone;
I'm calling my super.
271
00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:42,846
The only person we're calling
is everyone we know,
272
00:10:42,848 --> 00:10:46,150
because tonight's The Night
We Tracked Down Phil Collins,
273
00:10:46,152 --> 00:10:48,852
Became Best Friends with Him,
and Talked Him into Reuniting
274
00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:51,205
with Peter Gabriel,
So Then We Got to Sing Backup
275
00:10:51,207 --> 00:10:54,108
On The New Genesis Album
and It Was Awesome!
276
00:10:55,193 --> 00:10:57,194
Fine, I'll use the
phone at the bar.
277
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:02,416
Ranjit, would you please
put up the partition?
278
00:11:02,418 --> 00:11:05,419
Partition going up.
279
00:11:05,421 --> 00:11:07,537
You had a sex dream
about Ranjit!
280
00:11:07,539 --> 00:11:09,039
Hello.
281
00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:10,474
Ranjit!
282
00:11:10,476 --> 00:11:12,042
Sorry.
283
00:11:12,044 --> 00:11:14,044
Okay, yes, I did,
284
00:11:14,046 --> 00:11:16,763
but it didn't
mean anything.
285
00:11:16,765 --> 00:11:19,016
Okay, well, what
happened in this dream?
286
00:11:19,018 --> 00:11:20,383
And I want to
know everything.
287
00:11:20,385 --> 00:11:21,718
Every explicit detail.
288
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,070
Don't leave out any...
289
00:11:23,072 --> 00:11:24,822
Damn it, Ranjit!
290
00:11:24,824 --> 00:11:26,824
Sorry.
291
00:11:28,193 --> 00:11:30,194
Marshall, it was a dream.
292
00:11:30,196 --> 00:11:31,578
Yeah, well, dreams
are just stuff
293
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:33,864
that you subconsciously
want to happen.
294
00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:35,499
Why do you think
I'm constantly dreaming
295
00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:37,400
about Bigfoot playing
quarterback for the Vikings?
296
00:11:37,402 --> 00:11:40,671
Because you fall asleep
looking at a painting of it.
297
00:11:40,673 --> 00:11:42,172
It soothes me.
298
00:11:42,174 --> 00:11:44,541
Don't try to change the subject.
299
00:11:44,543 --> 00:11:46,460
You sleep-cheated.
300
00:11:46,462 --> 00:11:48,578
You've been
sleep-sleeping around,
301
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:49,763
and I'm sick of it.
302
00:11:49,765 --> 00:11:51,215
You know,
I have half a mind
303
00:11:51,217 --> 00:11:53,267
to get out and let you
eat all by yourself.
304
00:11:53,269 --> 00:11:55,552
Should I pull over?
305
00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:56,753
Damn it, Ranjit!
306
00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:59,106
Yes, Ranjit.
Pull over.
307
00:11:59,108 --> 00:12:02,442
Pulling over.
308
00:12:02,444 --> 00:12:03,610
You watch, Ted.
309
00:12:03,612 --> 00:12:06,263
Tonight is going
to be legen--
310
00:12:06,265 --> 00:12:08,348
it's the night
we stole a camel...
311
00:12:09,968 --> 00:12:13,487
...which means it'll be
full of drama-- dary.
312
00:12:13,489 --> 00:12:15,455
Dromedary!
313
00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:19,042
I applaud your wordplay,
but your core premise is flawed.
314
00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:21,211
Every night
can't be legendary.
315
00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:24,748
If all nights are legendary,
no nights are legendary.
316
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:28,035
See, Ted,
that attitude right there,
317
00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:29,736
that's why I'm in the lead.
318
00:12:29,738 --> 00:12:31,088
What do you mean, in the lead?
319
00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:32,956
I'm talking about
the game of life, Ted.
320
00:12:32,958 --> 00:12:34,091
Scoreboard.
321
00:12:34,093 --> 00:12:36,143
Better wardrobe:
75 points.
322
00:12:36,145 --> 00:12:38,679
Apartment on a higher floor:
90 points.
323
00:12:38,681 --> 00:12:41,365
Longer name: 110 points.
324
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:43,433
Sorry. Did you just make up
this point system?
325
00:12:43,435 --> 00:12:45,702
Made up the point system:
114 points.
326
00:12:45,704 --> 00:12:47,804
And ten points to you
for pointing that out.
327
00:12:47,806 --> 00:12:49,139
Nice job, Ted.
328
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:51,225
15 points to me
for being gracious enough
329
00:12:51,227 --> 00:12:52,593
to give you those ten points.
330
00:12:52,595 --> 00:12:53,827
But here's the point, Ted.
331
00:12:53,829 --> 00:12:54,995
Every time I go out
332
00:12:54,997 --> 00:12:56,213
and have an awesome night
333
00:12:56,215 --> 00:12:57,347
and you're not there,
334
00:12:57,349 --> 00:12:58,982
that's another 100 points
in my column.
335
00:12:58,984 --> 00:13:01,051
So yeah, I'm in the lead.
336
00:13:01,053 --> 00:13:03,837
Barney, the fact that I
can stay home for a night
337
00:13:03,839 --> 00:13:06,156
shows that I have inner peace
338
00:13:06,158 --> 00:13:08,208
and that I don't feel
the need to keep score.
339
00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:09,876
That's worth like
1,000 points right there,
340
00:13:09,878 --> 00:13:12,546
so at the very
least, we're tied.
341
00:13:12,548 --> 00:13:14,431
We're so not tied.
342
00:13:14,433 --> 00:13:15,866
Although you know
what is tied--
343
00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:18,135
the strap
of my girlfriend's bikini.
344
00:13:18,137 --> 00:13:20,137
Except when it's not,
'cause she's a stripper.
345
00:13:20,139 --> 00:13:21,838
One million points!
Game.
346
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,273
Shh.
347
00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:24,358
It's over.
348
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,326
It's done. It's done.
349
00:13:27,779 --> 00:13:29,679
So what do you do?
350
00:13:29,681 --> 00:13:31,014
(laughs)
You're kidding, right?
351
00:13:31,016 --> 00:13:32,816
I... I'm an on-air reporter.
352
00:13:32,818 --> 00:13:35,118
I just did a report
like five minutes ago.
353
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,853
You sound frustrated.
354
00:13:36,855 --> 00:13:38,188
Yeah, I am.
355
00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:42,192
I'm busting my ass,
and as usual, no recognition.
356
00:13:42,194 --> 00:13:45,295
Robin, I've been
doing this a while,
357
00:13:45,297 --> 00:13:47,798
and if there's one thing
I've learned, it's flarm.
358
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,916
What?
Flarm.
359
00:13:49,918 --> 00:13:51,868
Flarm, flarm, flarm.
360
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:53,420
Blobbum.
361
00:13:53,422 --> 00:13:55,305
(laughing):
What is wrong with you?
362
00:13:55,307 --> 00:13:56,923
Are you having a stroke?
363
00:13:56,925 --> 00:13:58,708
NARRATOR:
As a matter of fact, he was.
364
00:13:58,710 --> 00:14:00,427
Oh! Hold on! Wait!
365
00:14:00,429 --> 00:14:01,828
Meanwhile, Lily was in
366
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:04,014
desperate needof a female friend.
367
00:14:04,016 --> 00:14:05,983
Lily, I have seen this
a million times.
368
00:14:05,985 --> 00:14:08,518
Guys go crazy when there's
a baby on the way.
369
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,887
You should have seen the manager
when his wife got pregnant.
370
00:14:10,889 --> 00:14:14,524
After the second trimester,
he made her stop stripping.
371
00:14:14,526 --> 00:14:16,860
Yeah, you're right.
372
00:14:16,862 --> 00:14:18,412
Now I feel bad.
373
00:14:18,414 --> 00:14:19,896
Our big dinner's been ruined.
374
00:14:19,898 --> 00:14:22,416
Marshall's
probably crying right now.
375
00:14:22,418 --> 00:14:25,168
(crying): I had no idea that
food could be this delicious.
376
00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:28,238
Marshall, you are being crazy.
377
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,240
No, no, I can handle it.
378
00:14:30,242 --> 00:14:31,574
If I sell my laptop,
379
00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:34,378
we can get seconds
on those squash blossoms.
380
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,762
I mean about Lily.
381
00:14:35,764 --> 00:14:39,132
Well, you know,
she's being crazy, too.
382
00:14:39,134 --> 00:14:40,250
She's pregnant.
383
00:14:40,252 --> 00:14:41,685
She gets to be crazy.
384
00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:43,687
You have to be the sane one.
385
00:14:43,689 --> 00:14:45,522
So what, I don't get to be
crazy again
386
00:14:45,524 --> 00:14:46,756
until the baby comes?
387
00:14:46,758 --> 00:14:49,893
No. Then it's baby's turn
to be crazy.
388
00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:52,595
When do I get to be crazy again?
389
00:14:52,597 --> 00:14:54,097
Never.
390
00:14:54,099 --> 00:14:55,799
(cackling)
391
00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:00,704
We are totally even.
392
00:15:00,706 --> 00:15:02,823
We absolutely are not even,
and here's why.
393
00:15:02,825 --> 00:15:04,374
I'll grant you
that if you include
394
00:15:04,376 --> 00:15:06,910
the 12 points
for designing the skyscraper,
395
00:15:06,912 --> 00:15:09,212
the 83 points for slapping five
with Tommy Lee
396
00:15:09,214 --> 00:15:12,265
and the 9,000 points
for banging Robin before me,
397
00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:14,935
our point totals
would be about neck and neck,
398
00:15:14,937 --> 00:15:16,837
but there's one thing
you're forgetting.
399
00:15:16,839 --> 00:15:18,088
The fact that I don't care?
400
00:15:18,090 --> 00:15:19,439
No.
401
00:15:19,441 --> 00:15:21,942
And you just lost five points
for sass.
402
00:15:21,944 --> 00:15:25,929
Do you remember a conversation
we had about three years ago?
403
00:15:25,931 --> 00:15:28,348
Barney, you're
the king.
404
00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:29,900
Nobody picks up chicks like you.
405
00:15:29,902 --> 00:15:31,151
You're handsome,
406
00:15:31,153 --> 00:15:32,986
debonair,
407
00:15:32,988 --> 00:15:35,072
everything I wish I could be.
408
00:15:35,074 --> 00:15:36,773
I'm starting to think
this never happened.
409
00:15:36,775 --> 00:15:38,792
Let you finish.
410
00:15:38,794 --> 00:15:41,311
You're smooth,
charismatic,
411
00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:42,279
"sauve."
412
00:15:42,281 --> 00:15:43,780
I think you mean "suave."
413
00:15:43,782 --> 00:15:45,015
Aha.
414
00:15:45,017 --> 00:15:47,167
So you do remember.
415
00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:48,452
But there's one thing
416
00:15:48,454 --> 00:15:51,321
even a master ladies' man
like you could never do,
417
00:15:51,323 --> 00:15:52,923
and if you could
ever do it,
418
00:15:52,925 --> 00:15:54,925
it would be worth 500 points.
419
00:15:54,927 --> 00:15:58,712
You have my attention,
my slightly shorter friend.
420
00:15:58,714 --> 00:16:00,297
Here's the challenge.
421
00:16:00,299 --> 00:16:04,451
Get a girl's phone number
while you're wearing a dress.
422
00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:09,022
Challenge...
423
00:16:09,024 --> 00:16:10,724
Accomplished.
424
00:16:10,726 --> 00:16:11,808
That's right.
425
00:16:11,810 --> 00:16:13,477
Last year,
I slapped on a dress,
426
00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,345
took a few laps
around this very bar,
427
00:16:15,347 --> 00:16:16,847
and I got this:
428
00:16:16,849 --> 00:16:19,516
the phone number
of one Stephanie McColgan.
429
00:16:19,518 --> 00:16:22,685
Later that night,
I took off my pantyhose,
430
00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:25,372
and gave her panties...
my hose.
431
00:16:25,374 --> 00:16:26,689
That's right, Ted.
432
00:16:26,691 --> 00:16:28,992
I am 500 points ahead.
433
00:16:28,994 --> 00:16:30,961
Until you can get
a girl's digits
434
00:16:30,963 --> 00:16:34,531
while wearing a dress,
you and I will never be even.
435
00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:36,466
You know what? The super's
probably waiting for me,
436
00:16:36,468 --> 00:16:38,251
and I just remembered
there's a spare key
437
00:16:38,253 --> 00:16:40,003
under the doormat, so good night.
Wait, wait.
438
00:16:40,005 --> 00:16:41,371
Ted, don't go.
Barney, I am leaving.
439
00:16:41,373 --> 00:16:43,507
I'm afraid this is just
one of those nights
440
00:16:43,509 --> 00:16:45,142
we're probably going to forget.
441
00:16:45,144 --> 00:16:47,010
I don't think so, dude. Look.
442
00:16:47,012 --> 00:16:48,595
REPORTER: If you're just joining us,
the World Wide News
443
00:16:48,597 --> 00:16:51,214
Eye in the Sky traffic chopper
is out of control over Manhattan
444
00:16:51,216 --> 00:16:53,283
and being piloted
by our own Robin Scherbatsky.
445
00:16:53,285 --> 00:16:55,485
This probably won't end well.
446
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,698
NARRATOR: Kids, every now and then,New York has a moment
447
00:17:00,702 --> 00:17:02,819
when every eye in the cityis watching the same thing.
448
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,921
This was one of those moments.
449
00:17:05,923 --> 00:17:08,774
We all watched breathlesslyas the pilot on the ground
450
00:17:08,776 --> 00:17:11,594
told her what to do,and against all odds,
451
00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:15,264
your Aunt Robinlanded that helicopter.
452
00:17:15,266 --> 00:17:16,682
(panting)
453
00:17:16,684 --> 00:17:18,634
I did it.
454
00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:21,053
I did it!
455
00:17:21,055 --> 00:17:23,606
(cheering)
456
00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:30,729
The pilot survivedand made a full recovery.
457
00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:32,097
And Robin?
458
00:17:32,099 --> 00:17:34,366
It's Robin Scherbatsky,
everybody!
459
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:38,187
Thank you so much.
460
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:42,207
Oh, okay...
461
00:17:42,209 --> 00:17:43,709
Robin got famous.
462
00:17:43,711 --> 00:17:45,761
In the next few days,she would...
463
00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:47,463
meet the mayor,
464
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:49,064
go on Letterman
465
00:17:49,066 --> 00:17:52,117
and even have a deli sandwichnamed after her.
466
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:54,336
But most importantly,that night,
467
00:17:54,338 --> 00:17:56,121
she got a call, text or e-mail
468
00:17:56,123 --> 00:17:58,340
from almost everyoneshe'd ever met.
469
00:17:58,342 --> 00:18:00,225
Hey, Marshall.
470
00:18:00,227 --> 00:18:02,127
Hey, Lil.
471
00:18:02,129 --> 00:18:04,129
Hey, Barney.
472
00:18:04,131 --> 00:18:06,565
Yes, I know
you're dating a stripper.
473
00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:07,933
Mm-hmm.
474
00:18:07,935 --> 00:18:09,435
Hey, Dad.
475
00:18:09,437 --> 00:18:11,937
You proud of your little girl?
476
00:18:14,524 --> 00:18:16,992
Okay, I'll keep trying.
477
00:18:16,994 --> 00:18:20,829
Babe, I think
I know why you had
478
00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:23,532
that sex dream about Ranjit.
Why?
479
00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:24,833
Think about it.
480
00:18:24,835 --> 00:18:26,835
The way he talks
about his kids.
481
00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:28,820
He's a wonderful father.
482
00:18:28,822 --> 00:18:32,458
Just like Papa Smurf,
Bill Cosby...
483
00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:35,294
George Washington,
the father of our country.
484
00:18:35,296 --> 00:18:38,297
You're attracted
to great dads.
485
00:18:38,299 --> 00:18:40,132
And that's why you love me.
486
00:18:40,134 --> 00:18:43,669
Because I'm going to be
the greatest dad ever.
487
00:18:43,671 --> 00:18:46,188
Sure, that must be it.
488
00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:48,840
NARRATOR: Lily decidednot to tell Marshall
489
00:18:48,842 --> 00:18:50,442
about her dreaminvolving Frankenstein
490
00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:52,844
and the tea cupfrom Beauty and the Beast.
491
00:18:52,846 --> 00:18:54,930
That one was just for her.
492
00:18:54,932 --> 00:18:57,182
Okay, Barney,
I got to go.
493
00:18:57,184 --> 00:18:58,200
What?
494
00:18:58,202 --> 00:18:59,318
In the middle of
495
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,537
"The Night You Got Locked Out
in Your Pajamas
496
00:19:01,539 --> 00:19:03,689
"and Robin Landed
a Freaking Helicopter
497
00:19:03,691 --> 00:19:06,408
and There's Still Time
to Reunite Genesis?"
498
00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:08,327
Dude, you got your wish.
499
00:19:08,329 --> 00:19:10,362
It's a night
we'll always remember.
500
00:19:10,364 --> 00:19:12,197
Why can't we just go home?
501
00:19:12,199 --> 00:19:13,832
I can't go home, Ted.
Why not?
502
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:17,002
Because...
I'm dating a stripper.
503
00:19:17,004 --> 00:19:18,604
Yes, I've seen your bus ad.
504
00:19:18,606 --> 00:19:20,322
I get it.
505
00:19:20,324 --> 00:19:21,873
No, you don't.
506
00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:25,227
Every night, between 9:00 p.m.
and 4:00 a.m.,
507
00:19:25,229 --> 00:19:26,845
I'm in hell.
508
00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:29,431
All I can think about
is what Quinn is doing
509
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:32,651
and where she is doing it
and who she is doing it on.
510
00:19:32,653 --> 00:19:36,071
If I don't do something
to take my mind off of it...
511
00:19:38,558 --> 00:19:41,460
You're lucky that you can just
go sit around the house, Ted.
512
00:19:41,462 --> 00:19:43,579
I don't have that option.
513
00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:45,864
Wow.
514
00:19:45,866 --> 00:19:47,683
You're in love with this girl.
515
00:19:47,685 --> 00:19:49,985
I really am, Ted.
516
00:19:49,987 --> 00:19:52,321
I mean...
517
00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:55,174
she's a stripper.
518
00:19:55,176 --> 00:19:56,842
NARRATOR:
Later that night...
519
00:19:56,844 --> 00:19:58,577
(cell phone chirps)
520
00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:10,989
The next night,
521
00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:14,393
all I wanted to dowas enjoy a night at home.
522
00:20:16,463 --> 00:20:19,915
But there was somethingI had to do.
523
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:28,874
♪ ♪
524
00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:34,630
It wasn't easy,
525
00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:38,417
but by God,after a long night of trying...
526
00:20:38,419 --> 00:20:40,252
Okay.
527
00:20:40,254 --> 00:20:42,254
Now we're even.
528
00:20:42,256 --> 00:20:44,223
500 points.
529
00:20:44,225 --> 00:20:45,424
Scoreboard.
530
00:20:45,426 --> 00:20:46,725
More than a legendary night
531
00:20:46,727 --> 00:20:48,126
we'd remember forever,
532
00:20:48,128 --> 00:20:51,764
Uncle Barney needed a broto help him forget.
533
00:20:51,766 --> 00:20:54,066
In this case, a bro in a dress.
534
00:20:54,068 --> 00:20:56,435
I'm proud of you.
535
00:20:56,437 --> 00:20:58,270
Are you wearing perfume?
536
00:20:58,272 --> 00:21:00,969
It's a unisex fragrance.
It was in Details.
537
00:21:01,682 --> 00:21:04,497
It's nice.
It's perfume.
538
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:08,597
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
38617
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