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1
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,534
Oh, for God's sake,
just use a toothpick.
2
00:00:19,534 --> 00:00:22,300
Done.
Sesame seed dislodged.
3
00:00:23,834 --> 00:00:26,434
Oh, put it back
and I divorce you.
4
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,434
I divorce you.
5
00:00:32,501 --> 00:00:34,467
You won.
6
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:36,234
Did I?
7
00:00:37,801 --> 00:00:39,434
Okay, I bet Jeff will know.
8
00:00:39,434 --> 00:00:41,367
It's not important.
Okay.
9
00:00:41,367 --> 00:00:45,200
Who's that actor
who's in all those movies?
10
00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:49,167
Little early
in the morning for this.
11
00:00:49,167 --> 00:00:51,367
No, he was in one
of the Speeds.
12
00:00:51,367 --> 00:00:53,400
Bus or boat?
Bus. But not the main guy.
13
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,467
Jeff Daniels.
Yes. Told you he'd know.
14
00:00:56,467 --> 00:00:58,467
Super. Now we can move on
with our lives.
15
00:00:58,467 --> 00:00:59,667
What about Jeff Daniels?
16
00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:02,000
I just saw a guy
who kind of looked like him.
17
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,968
For my time.
18
00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:07,367
Hey, Jeff.
19
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,234
Brad. This is my wife, Audrey.
Hi.
20
00:01:09,234 --> 00:01:11,434
These are our friends
Adam and Jennifer.
21
00:01:11,434 --> 00:01:12,667
Hey.
I met Brad at the gym.
22
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,834
He had my back in a fight.
23
00:01:14,834 --> 00:01:16,100
It wasn't exactly a fight.
24
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:18,000
We banded together against
a pregnant woman
25
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,467
who wanted to watch The View.
26
00:01:20,634 --> 00:01:23,767
All she got was a view of us
watching sports.
27
00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:25,033
We make a good team.
28
00:01:25,033 --> 00:01:27,601
They should make a buddy cop
show about us.
29
00:01:27,601 --> 00:01:29,000
Yeah, like, uh, LethalWeapon.
30
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,601
It's got a black guy
and a white guy.
31
00:01:30,601 --> 00:01:33,501
I'll be the black guy.
32
00:01:33,501 --> 00:01:36,100
I never get to be
the black guy.
33
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:39,100
Oh, you know
who would be good on that show?
34
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,267
Who's that short guy?
The one that's funny?
35
00:01:42,267 --> 00:01:45,367
Maybe just look
at a menu for a bit.
36
00:01:45,367 --> 00:01:46,868
Hey, if you're interested,
37
00:01:46,868 --> 00:01:49,033
some pals and I are getting
together at a sports bar
38
00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:50,834
to watch the game.
You're welcome to join.
39
00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:54,367
"Sports" and "bar."
My two favorite words.
40
00:01:54,367 --> 00:01:56,801
Where's the word "wife"
on that list?
41
00:01:56,801 --> 00:02:00,100
Right between "refill"
and "bacon."
42
00:02:01,634 --> 00:02:03,000
I'll text you the details.
43
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,501
Nice to have met you.
See you, Jeffrey.
44
00:02:06,801 --> 00:02:08,734
I gotta say,
I'm a little proud of myself.
45
00:02:08,734 --> 00:02:09,868
Before you met me,
46
00:02:09,868 --> 00:02:11,734
you would never have had
a friend like Brad.
47
00:02:11,734 --> 00:02:14,267
What are you talking about?
I got a bunch of black friends.
48
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:17,300
The Knicks
are not your friends.
49
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:20,400
Not the way
they're playing now.
50
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,901
I meant a gay friend.
51
00:02:22,901 --> 00:02:26,968
What? Who's gay?
I mean, gay.
52
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:30,634
I... I think Brad
might be gay.
53
00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:33,234
Yeah, I got that vibe too.
54
00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:34,467
Why? Was he checking me out?
55
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:36,167
He was checking me out,
wasn't he?
56
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:37,501
No.
57
00:02:37,501 --> 00:02:39,334
No, he was. You probably
didn't notice it.
58
00:02:39,334 --> 00:02:41,467
I get that kind of heat
all the time.
59
00:02:41,467 --> 00:02:45,033
Yes, and it's not weird
at all that you're proud of it.
60
00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:47,167
Sorry to disappoint you,
but Brad's not gay.
61
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,434
He just got married.
62
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:49,734
Really?
63
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,133
Yeah. Up in Boston.
64
00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:52,968
Oh. Where it's legal
to pronounce a couple
65
00:02:52,968 --> 00:02:54,601
"husband and husband."
66
00:02:54,601 --> 00:02:56,801
Oh, come on.
67
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,133
Well, have you met his wife?
68
00:02:58,133 --> 00:03:00,167
No, she's out of town.
What's her name?
69
00:03:00,167 --> 00:03:03,434
I think Jackie.
Oh, like Jackie Gleason.
70
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,267
Jackie Robinson.
Jackie Chan.
71
00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:08,334
Jackie! That's the short guy
that I was thinking of.
72
00:03:08,334 --> 00:03:11,634
Look, Brad's not gay.
I can tell.
73
00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:13,601
How?
Because we showered in a room
74
00:03:13,601 --> 00:03:18,267
full of guys
and he didn't...react.
75
00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:19,968
Oh, you checked?
76
00:03:19,968 --> 00:03:22,534
What? No!
77
00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:25,100
Just shut up.
78
00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:27,234
He did call you "Jeffrey."
79
00:03:27,234 --> 00:03:28,934
The only other person
who calls you that
80
00:03:28,934 --> 00:03:30,234
is the guy that lives upstairs
81
00:03:30,234 --> 00:03:32,100
who puts a sweater
on his poodle.
82
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:35,601
And when he left he did say,
"Nice to have met you."
83
00:03:35,601 --> 00:03:36,834
That's kind of gay.
84
00:03:36,834 --> 00:03:38,234
How do you figure?
85
00:03:38,234 --> 00:03:40,634
It's just so charming.
86
00:03:40,634 --> 00:03:42,033
Well, well, well.
87
00:03:42,033 --> 00:03:45,300
If it isn't the table
where happiness goes to die.
88
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,534
This is me new
special friend, Amanda.
89
00:03:47,534 --> 00:03:48,634
Hi.
Hi.
90
00:03:48,634 --> 00:03:49,934
Why don't you grab that booth?
91
00:03:49,934 --> 00:03:51,567
I'll be there in two seconds.
Okay.
92
00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:52,534
Nice to meet you.
93
00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,634
That's how straight people
say it.
94
00:03:56,634 --> 00:03:57,968
Look at what she's wearing.
95
00:03:57,968 --> 00:03:59,968
Hopefully she'll be
wearing the same thing
96
00:03:59,968 --> 00:04:01,667
when she stumbles out
of my apartment.
97
00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:03,067
Well, you better set an alarm.
98
00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:05,133
You wouldn't want her
to miss homeroom.
99
00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:07,834
I mean, what are you
gonna do all day?
100
00:04:07,834 --> 00:04:10,501
Lay low, dodge the Amber Alert?
101
00:04:12,434 --> 00:04:13,567
Seriously, Russell,
102
00:04:13,567 --> 00:04:15,300
she's young enough
to be your daughter.
103
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:17,234
Well, that wraps up
this edition of.
104
00:04:17,234 --> 00:04:20,000
"You think it's a shot,
I take it as a compliment."
105
00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:26,601
♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you?" ♪
106
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,567
♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪
107
00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:35,300
♪ With you by my side ♪
108
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:37,901
♪ There is no denyin' ♪
109
00:04:37,901 --> 00:04:41,167
♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪
110
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,834
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
111
00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:54,934
You gonna saddle up?
112
00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:56,534
Nah. Today I'm gonna do
some weights.
113
00:04:56,534 --> 00:04:58,000
I gotta feed the pythons.
114
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,601
Hey.
115
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,067
What do you think of that?
116
00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:04,100
Nice.
117
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,734
Really? Good to know.
118
00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:08,667
You just don't see
spandex like that anymore.
119
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,100
Yeah, you don't.
120
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,400
That's a lot of weight.
121
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,200
Ah, it's mostly muscle.
122
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,100
I meant on the bar.
I'd better spot you.
123
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:25,467
Okay.
124
00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:27,834
All right. One.
125
00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:30,100
Two.
126
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:31,567
Three.
127
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,834
I may skip it.
128
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,133
Not feeling it today?
129
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:38,133
Oh, I felt it a little.
130
00:05:39,701 --> 00:05:42,434
You're feeling it tonight.
Looking forward to the game.
131
00:05:42,434 --> 00:05:45,467
Oh, hey, is, uh, Jackie coming?
132
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:47,634
No, no, Jackie is not
into sports.
133
00:05:47,634 --> 00:05:49,934
Yeah, neither is my...
134
00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:53,133
person I'm in a committed
relationship with.
135
00:05:53,133 --> 00:05:55,801
Your wife?
Yeah.
136
00:05:55,801 --> 00:05:59,467
I call her my "person I'm in a
committed relationship with."
137
00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:02,267
It's a pet name.
138
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:04,200
What do you call yours?
139
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,234
My husband.
140
00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:08,734
And she doesn't mind that?
141
00:06:10,534 --> 00:06:11,868
You know I'm gay, right?
142
00:06:11,868 --> 00:06:14,000
Of course.
You're gay as hell.
143
00:06:15,434 --> 00:06:17,300
Good.
Because for a second,
144
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:19,767
it sounded like you thought
Jackie was a woman.
145
00:06:19,767 --> 00:06:23,234
A woman? No, no, no.
Jackie's a dude. Just like you.
146
00:06:23,234 --> 00:06:26,534
Otherwise it would be
pretty awkward.
147
00:06:26,534 --> 00:06:29,067
Well, nothing more awkward
than being gay as hell
148
00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:31,367
and finding out the guy
you're married to is straight.
149
00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:35,067
Oh, please.
If I had a nickel.
150
00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:37,734
Anyway. I'll see you later.
151
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:42,200
Hey, you still got the weight.
152
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,667
It's mostly muscle.
153
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:53,634
Right? So I said
to the limo driver,
154
00:06:53,634 --> 00:06:56,000
"If this thing is a stretch,
I'm Shaquille O'Neal."
155
00:06:57,934 --> 00:06:59,701
That's funny.
Yeah. It is.
156
00:06:59,701 --> 00:07:02,701
Because I'm clearly not him.
157
00:07:02,701 --> 00:07:04,868
I like you, Russell.
158
00:07:04,868 --> 00:07:06,501
Most guys
wouldn't hang in there
159
00:07:06,501 --> 00:07:08,133
after only getting a peck
on the cheek
160
00:07:08,133 --> 00:07:09,434
the first two dates.
161
00:07:09,434 --> 00:07:12,267
Well, I think
it's very important
162
00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:13,467
to get to know someone, uh,
163
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,033
emotionally
before getting physical.
164
00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:17,234
Physical, of course,
165
00:07:17,234 --> 00:07:19,267
still what
we're working toward.
166
00:07:20,968 --> 00:07:23,834
Well, good things come
to those who wait.
167
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:26,167
Ah, well, let me take
your order because I'm a waiter.
168
00:07:27,801 --> 00:07:29,200
I'll get us some more wine.
169
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,334
Okay, I'll be right here
in the waiting room.
170
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:41,434
Hey, who's this woman in the,
uh, picture here with you?
171
00:07:41,434 --> 00:07:42,801
Oh, that's my mother.
172
00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:51,634
Okay, uh,
remember when Audrey said
173
00:07:51,634 --> 00:07:53,567
Amanda was young enough
to be my daughter?
174
00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,334
Yeah.
Yeah. She may be.
175
00:07:55,334 --> 00:07:58,033
She may literally
be my daughter.
176
00:07:58,033 --> 00:07:59,701
How is that possible?
177
00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:01,267
I saw a picture of her mom.
178
00:08:01,267 --> 00:08:02,968
It's some girl I had
a one-nighter with
179
00:08:02,968 --> 00:08:04,267
back in college.
180
00:08:04,267 --> 00:08:05,567
Oh, my God.
181
00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:07,567
You went to college?
182
00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:09,901
Wait. So you and Amanda
haven't already...
183
00:08:09,901 --> 00:08:12,634
No. No, no, no.
184
00:08:12,634 --> 00:08:14,801
So I'm either proud
my little girl's not a slut,
185
00:08:14,801 --> 00:08:17,601
or pissed that the ice queen's
not giving it up.
186
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:19,400
Did she freak out
when you told her
187
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,400
about you and her mother?
I didn't tell her.
188
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,601
Why not?
I don't wanna ruin
189
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:23,968
any future sex I may be having
190
00:08:23,968 --> 00:08:25,467
with her
if she's not my daughter.
191
00:08:25,467 --> 00:08:27,734
Oh, that is beautiful.
192
00:08:27,734 --> 00:08:29,634
Does she knows
who the father is?
193
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,067
I don't know.
Her mom says her real dad
194
00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:34,000
is just some scumball that
she hooked up with
195
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,300
and she's embarrassed
she ever slept with him.
196
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:38,701
So that fits.
Yeah.
197
00:08:38,701 --> 00:08:40,801
I know, right?
198
00:08:40,801 --> 00:08:41,834
This is weird.
199
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,167
For you weird, I mean.
200
00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:46,200
Like something that's weird
for regular people,
201
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,667
is normal for you.
202
00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:49,801
You know? Like, something
that'd be weird for you
203
00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:52,133
has to be
off-the-charts deranged.
204
00:08:52,133 --> 00:08:55,467
Yes, okay, I have a grasp
of the situation. Thank you.
205
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:57,701
Okay, so you can't
date her anymore.
206
00:08:57,701 --> 00:08:59,601
No, no, no.
Not until I get the, uh,
207
00:08:59,601 --> 00:09:01,801
test results
of the DNA from the lab.
208
00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:04,033
This lab of yours,
209
00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:06,367
I assume you have them
on a monthly rate?
210
00:09:06,367 --> 00:09:08,100
Mm-hm.
You're going CSI?
211
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,234
Oh, yeah. Full on.
212
00:09:09,234 --> 00:09:11,133
I got a hair sample
from her brush,
213
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,868
and for comparison,
a semen sample from me.
214
00:09:13,868 --> 00:09:17,133
Also from her brush?
215
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,000
No.
216
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,968
Why didn't you just
give them a hair sample too?
217
00:09:24,968 --> 00:09:26,901
Oh, that's real fun.
218
00:09:30,434 --> 00:09:32,567
Hey.
Hey.
219
00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:33,801
How was the gym?
220
00:09:33,801 --> 00:09:37,300
Gym was good.
221
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,734
Was, uh, Brad there?
222
00:09:38,734 --> 00:09:40,234
Yeah.
223
00:09:40,234 --> 00:09:41,901
So?
224
00:09:41,901 --> 00:09:44,834
So...
225
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,567
You were right.
226
00:09:46,567 --> 00:09:49,701
I told you so, Jeffrey.
227
00:09:49,701 --> 00:09:52,834
You don't have
to hold it over my head,
228
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,801
like Brad did this morning.
229
00:09:58,334 --> 00:09:59,901
I am proud of you.
230
00:09:59,901 --> 00:10:01,968
You made yourself a gay friend.
231
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,100
Well, it would've saved
some confusion
232
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,834
if he was a little more
up front about it.
233
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,868
When you meet people,
do you say, "Hi, I'm Jeff.
234
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,234
I'm straight"?
Oh, please.
235
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,901
When the sun meets people,
does it say.
236
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:14,734
"Hi, I'm the sun. I'm hot?"
237
00:10:14,734 --> 00:10:16,601
Hard to argue
with a sentence that begins,
238
00:10:16,601 --> 00:10:19,367
"When the sun meets people."
239
00:10:19,367 --> 00:10:21,534
Okay, I'm gonna order
a large pizza for the game.
240
00:10:21,534 --> 00:10:23,501
What you like on your slice?
241
00:10:23,501 --> 00:10:26,133
Make it something I like,
just in case.
242
00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:29,367
I thought you were watching
the game at the bar with Brad.
243
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,133
Ah, I don't feel
like going out.
244
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,300
So you're cancelling on Brad
because he's gay?
245
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:38,634
What? No.
246
00:10:38,634 --> 00:10:41,634
I don't care what people do
in their own bedrooms.
247
00:10:41,634 --> 00:10:43,133
I could do without
their parades
248
00:10:43,133 --> 00:10:45,534
screwing up traffic,
but whatever.
249
00:10:45,534 --> 00:10:48,968
The Irish and Puerto Ricans
do that too.
250
00:10:48,968 --> 00:10:51,767
Why don't you complain
when the Mets have a parade?
251
00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:53,067
Because they won something.
252
00:10:53,067 --> 00:10:55,367
They don't have a parade
just to say:
253
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:59,601
"We're here, we play baseball,
get used to it."
254
00:10:59,601 --> 00:11:01,300
Please tell me
you don't talk like this
255
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:02,601
outside our apartment.
256
00:11:02,601 --> 00:11:06,000
I may. I don't always
listen to myself.
257
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,200
Well you should, Jeff,
258
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,901
because you sound
kind of homophobic.
259
00:11:08,901 --> 00:11:10,901
You were going to watch
the game with Brad,
260
00:11:10,901 --> 00:11:13,000
you found out he was gay,
you cancelled.
261
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,300
Not because he was gay.
262
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,534
Then why?
263
00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:17,767
We have nothing in common.
264
00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,467
You have watching
the game in common.
265
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:21,634
It would be like watching
with someone who speaks
266
00:11:21,634 --> 00:11:24,033
a different language.
If I watched with a French guy,
267
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:26,033
I'd be like, "Great play."
268
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:29,701
And he'd be like, "Ooh-la-la,
Camembert, souffle."
269
00:11:30,868 --> 00:11:32,767
Wow.
270
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:34,267
Tell yourself
anything you want.
271
00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:36,133
You don't wanna hang out
with a gay person.
272
00:11:36,133 --> 00:11:38,100
Or a French person.
273
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,033
Look, it's not like
we're gonna be buddies.
274
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,801
What if we're at the diner
with the guys
275
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:45,300
complaining about women?
What's poor Brad gonna do?
276
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,667
Why don't you just
not complain about women?
277
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:50,400
It's not really up to me,
is it?
278
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:54,534
All right.
Yay or nay on this pie?
279
00:11:54,534 --> 00:11:56,968
Unbelievable.
What?
280
00:11:56,968 --> 00:11:58,534
You. You are homophobic.
281
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:00,033
That is ridiculous.
No, you know
282
00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:01,601
damn well
if Brad were straight,
283
00:12:01,601 --> 00:12:03,167
you would be
at that bar tonight.
284
00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:05,667
And the fact you're not,
that makes you a homophobe.
285
00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:08,000
All right, that's it.
Where are you going?
286
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,167
I'm gonna watch the game with
Brad and his gay pals.
287
00:12:10,167 --> 00:12:12,000
You will see
that I am not a homophobe.
288
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,167
I am a homofriend.
289
00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:29,033
This place is sweet.
Thanks for inviting me.
290
00:12:29,033 --> 00:12:32,300
Well, didn't want you to waste
that heat-seeking shirt.
291
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,067
Oh, thanks.
You know, I just got this.
292
00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:35,734
It's actually
a cotton poly-blend...
293
00:12:35,734 --> 00:12:37,834
Shut up.
294
00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:39,567
Hey, guys.
295
00:12:39,567 --> 00:12:41,567
Hey.
296
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:42,767
Glad you came along.
297
00:12:42,767 --> 00:12:44,067
Nice shirt.
Thanks, man.
298
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:47,133
Little hot in here, isn't it?
299
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,234
Game started yet?
300
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,000
No, Fergie just finished
301
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,934
dry-humping
the national anthem.
302
00:12:51,934 --> 00:12:54,367
Oh, say can you see the Botox?
303
00:12:57,601 --> 00:12:59,267
Fergie.
304
00:12:59,267 --> 00:13:02,934
Oh, uh, William, Roger,
Adam, Jeffrey.
305
00:13:02,934 --> 00:13:05,167
Jeff. Just Jeff.
No Frey.
306
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:07,033
Jeff and I belong
to the same club.
307
00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:09,033
Health club.
You know, a gym.
308
00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:10,734
My wife's a member too.
309
00:13:10,734 --> 00:13:13,701
My wife Audrey, woman.
310
00:13:13,701 --> 00:13:17,234
Jeff is straight, in case anyone
missed that sledgehammer.
311
00:13:17,234 --> 00:13:19,601
Uh, I'll go get us some drinks.
312
00:13:19,601 --> 00:13:20,834
I'll go with you.
313
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,000
Hold on a second.
I wanna ask you something.
314
00:13:25,367 --> 00:13:27,167
Come here.
315
00:13:27,167 --> 00:13:28,667
Come here.
316
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:31,667
What do you think
about Adam and Roger?
317
00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:34,000
Uh, no, no, no.
Adam's not gay.
318
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:40,834
Are you sure?
319
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,334
No, I'm not.
320
00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:49,033
I just can't tell anymore.
321
00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:50,934
And that haircut
doesn't exactly scream,
322
00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:52,133
"I like girls."
323
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,968
All right, beers for you guys,
324
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,901
and I decided to try
a sea breeze.
325
00:13:58,901 --> 00:14:02,100
Does that drink comes
with a blouse?
326
00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:03,968
Of course not,
and why would it?
327
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,133
In fact, let me try.
328
00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:09,534
Wow, that is refreshing.
329
00:14:09,534 --> 00:14:11,334
Brad, would you like
to try that?
330
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:13,501
Really? I get to be
the third mouth on that straw?
331
00:14:13,501 --> 00:14:15,534
Maybe that busboy
with the cold sore
332
00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:17,167
should get in there first.
333
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:18,901
Whoa, check out that play.
334
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,834
Oh. I got that guy
on my fantasy team.
335
00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,767
You know, Jeff plays
fantasy baseball.
336
00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:25,133
Oh yeah?
Who's on your team?
337
00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:26,901
Oh, well,
I just got A-Rod.
338
00:14:26,901 --> 00:14:29,400
I didn't just get a rod.
339
00:14:31,434 --> 00:14:32,934
I just picked up
Alex Rodriguez.
340
00:14:32,934 --> 00:14:36,033
I didn't pick him up,
I traded for him.
341
00:14:36,033 --> 00:14:38,767
So to sum it up,
you have Alex Rodriguez,
342
00:14:38,767 --> 00:14:40,834
and you don't have an erection.
343
00:14:40,834 --> 00:14:44,801
My current status.
344
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,767
Oh, jeez, too much head.
345
00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:49,100
God. Excuse me.
346
00:14:53,033 --> 00:14:56,033
What was that? Did you have
a stroke or something?
347
00:14:56,033 --> 00:15:00,501
Why A-Rod? Why couldn't
I've said, Albert Pujols?
348
00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:02,033
Pujols.
349
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:03,467
That's worse than A-Rod.
350
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,167
You're freaking yourself out.
351
00:15:05,167 --> 00:15:06,567
I don't know what's happening.
352
00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:09,033
In my ears everything I say
sounds wrong.
353
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,801
In everyone else's ears too.
354
00:15:10,801 --> 00:15:13,467
Maybe Audrey was right. I am
uncomfortable around gay people.
355
00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:16,200
Mm. Doesn't seem
like a picnic for them either.
356
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,100
I gotta get out of here
before I say
357
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,267
something really stupid.
Well, you better leave
358
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:21,934
10 minutes ago.
359
00:15:21,934 --> 00:15:23,234
Are you coming?
360
00:15:23,234 --> 00:15:25,467
Hell, no. I still got
half a breeze left.
361
00:15:27,434 --> 00:15:29,267
Jeffrey.
362
00:15:29,267 --> 00:15:30,734
Where you going?
363
00:15:30,734 --> 00:15:32,367
You know what?
364
00:15:32,367 --> 00:15:35,234
Audrey just called
and she wants me home.
365
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,300
I am so disappointed.
366
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:39,067
I didn't think you were
that kind of guy.
367
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:42,534
I'm sorry. But my father
was very old-fashioned...
368
00:15:42,534 --> 00:15:45,234
Dude, you are so whipped.
What?
369
00:15:45,234 --> 00:15:47,701
Well, your wife calls,
and you come running home.
370
00:15:47,701 --> 00:15:49,868
I told Jackie
I was working late tonight.
371
00:15:49,868 --> 00:15:52,834
Right, I am that kind of guy.
372
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:55,267
Uh...
373
00:15:55,267 --> 00:15:57,267
You lied to Jackie?
374
00:15:57,267 --> 00:15:59,934
Well, his parents are in town,
I needed a break.
375
00:15:59,934 --> 00:16:02,734
No, no. I get it.
By the way, I am not whipped.
376
00:16:02,734 --> 00:16:05,467
I lie to Audrey all the time.
377
00:16:05,467 --> 00:16:07,267
Yeah? Well,
what are you using now,
378
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,033
because Jackie
is starting to catch on
379
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:10,434
to the working late thing.
380
00:16:10,434 --> 00:16:12,634
I've had some success
with broken down subway.
381
00:16:12,634 --> 00:16:15,267
And, uh, stuck in elevator
382
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:16,634
and fight with hot dog vendor.
383
00:16:16,634 --> 00:16:20,200
That one's often not a lie.
384
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,434
Okay, but how do you
keep track of all of them?
385
00:16:22,434 --> 00:16:24,067
I keep a chart in my wallet.
386
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,767
I would very much like
to see that.
387
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:28,133
Buy me a beer
and I'll show it to you.
388
00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:30,467
After the beer do I still
get to see the chart?
389
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,501
That's some good
gay humor there.
390
00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:35,767
All right.
391
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:41,601
Yes, I know I've called twice,
392
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:45,133
but I'm kind of anxious
for the results.
393
00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:47,367
Fine, but if this were
in Las Vegas
394
00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:49,734
Grissom would've cracked
this case hours ago.
395
00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,133
Oh, hey, Amanda.
What are you doing here?
396
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:00,834
Well, like I said,
397
00:17:00,834 --> 00:17:03,067
good things come
to those who wait.
398
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:05,200
And you've waited, so...
399
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,934
Oh, holy moley.
400
00:17:06,934 --> 00:17:09,701
It's time for your good thing.
401
00:17:09,701 --> 00:17:11,367
Okay, come to Daddy.
402
00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:13,667
Oh, wait. That's right,
that's right, that's right.
403
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:15,000
What's the matter?
404
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,501
I don't know. Maybe nothing.
I'm not sure yet.
405
00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:19,667
You seem confused.
406
00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:22,400
No, it's just right now
my brain is making decisions
407
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,133
that are usually made
elsewhere.
408
00:17:24,133 --> 00:17:26,934
Maybe this will
help clear things up.
409
00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:28,400
Cover yourself up, young lady!
410
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,767
Who was that?
411
00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:31,701
Is this
a role-playing thing?
412
00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:33,467
If it were up to me,
of course it would be.
413
00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,868
But it's just
not a good time. Sorry.
414
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:38,400
Come on. I'm here,
barely wearing anything,
415
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,400
wanting you.
No, not there.
416
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,400
Okay. Heh-heh.
417
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,567
Uh, you know my house,
my rules, so...
418
00:17:46,701 --> 00:17:48,567
Russell, are you not
attracted to me?
419
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:52,701
No, of course I am.
I mean I-I should be, probably.
420
00:17:52,701 --> 00:17:54,901
You know, depending
on how it turns up.
421
00:17:54,901 --> 00:17:57,601
Um, I think I'm gonna
have to call it a night.
422
00:17:57,601 --> 00:17:59,901
So I'll have
to ask you to leave.
423
00:17:59,901 --> 00:18:01,067
But why?
424
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,767
Because I said so, missy.
That's why.
425
00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,334
Now scoot.
426
00:18:07,267 --> 00:18:10,334
I'm sorry.
427
00:18:13,234 --> 00:18:16,667
Ah. Guess I'll go prepare
another sample for the lab.
428
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:25,667
Yes, it does back up traffic,
as do all parades.
429
00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:28,334
But I wouldn't know
who to talk to about that.
430
00:18:28,334 --> 00:18:31,067
So I have another question.
431
00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:33,567
All right, but not another one
about Anderson Cooper.
432
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:35,868
With two guys,
you guys must be pretty much
433
00:18:35,868 --> 00:18:37,167
doing it all the time, right?
434
00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:40,601
With no woman there to say no.
435
00:18:40,601 --> 00:18:42,667
It's still a marriage.
436
00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:45,367
There's always someone there
to say no.
437
00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:47,634
Huh. So when
you're done with sex,
438
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:49,033
does one of you wanna cuddle
439
00:18:49,033 --> 00:18:51,601
and the other one wants
to watch SportCenter?
440
00:18:51,601 --> 00:18:53,934
Yeah, does, like,
441
00:18:53,934 --> 00:18:57,701
Jackie gets upset when you
leave the toilet seat up?
442
00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:00,434
Why don't you write all these
down and I'll get back to you?
443
00:19:00,434 --> 00:19:02,200
Oh, excuse me,
444
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,634
can I get a vanilla sundae,
no nuts, please? Thank you.
445
00:19:04,634 --> 00:19:07,801
Wow. No nuts is right,
Sea Breeze.
446
00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:10,734
Yeah, try not to spill
any on your panties.
447
00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:12,467
Hey, I switched back to beer.
448
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,834
Yeah, after
the white wine spritzer.
449
00:19:14,834 --> 00:19:16,000
Roger bought that for me.
450
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,968
It would have been rude
not to drink it.
451
00:19:19,501 --> 00:19:22,634
Hey, I got the results
of the DNA test.
452
00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:24,701
Russell, this is Brad,
he's gay.
453
00:19:24,701 --> 00:19:26,367
Brad, this is Russell,
he almost slept
454
00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:27,868
with his own daughter.
455
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,868
And I made you uncomfortable?
456
00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:36,300
Well? Is she your daughter?
457
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,334
I don't know.
I haven't opened it.
458
00:19:39,334 --> 00:19:40,434
And I'm not going to.
459
00:19:40,434 --> 00:19:42,100
Why not?
Well,
460
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:43,400
I don't wanna know either way.
461
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,133
I mean, if it is my daughter,
462
00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:47,000
clearly the mom
doesn't want me in her life,
463
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,100
and I have to respect that.
And if she isn't,
464
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,300
I'd just be disappointed.
Thought of having a child
465
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:52,801
might give some meaning
to my life,
466
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:55,000
or a sense of purpose...
She's not your daughter.
467
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,367
Gotta go.
468
00:20:04,167 --> 00:20:06,434
So anyway, now that
we're getting married,
469
00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:08,234
I've decided to try
and stop getting heat
470
00:20:08,234 --> 00:20:09,534
from other people.
471
00:20:09,534 --> 00:20:11,667
Oh. Thanks, sweetie.
472
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:14,467
I only hope I can give you
all the heat you deserve.
473
00:20:14,467 --> 00:20:17,634
I know you'll try your best.
474
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,667
Here you go, sweetie.
475
00:20:23,701 --> 00:20:27,033
I-I can't turn it off.
476
00:20:27,033 --> 00:20:28,567
Hey.
Hey.
477
00:20:28,567 --> 00:20:31,567
Guess where my evolved,
open-minded husband just was?
478
00:20:31,567 --> 00:20:33,467
Playing basketball
with his new gay friend.
479
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:34,968
Wow. Is he any good?
480
00:20:34,968 --> 00:20:38,567
Surprisingly,
not a great ball-handler.
481
00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:41,033
Okay. Jeff, no more gay jokes.
Okay.
482
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:42,467
What are you drinking?
483
00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:43,567
Mm.
484
00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:44,701
It's a virgin sea breeze.
485
00:20:46,133 --> 00:20:47,234
Go ahead.
34685
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