Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,303 --> 00:00:03,756
That's a great looking set of knives.
Where'd you get those?
2
00:00:03,826 --> 00:00:06,056
Well, this old magician guy
was trying to unload 'em.
3
00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:09,121
- Like, magical trick knives or...?
- Well, the knives are real.
4
00:00:09,171 --> 00:00:11,540
I mean, they're used for magical
tricks, but they're real.
5
00:00:11,606 --> 00:00:13,399
They're sharp, too.
Well, I'll show you.
6
00:00:13,475 --> 00:00:15,841
Dee, can you get up against
the wall for a second?
7
00:00:15,878 --> 00:00:17,470
No. You're not throwing knives at me.
8
00:00:17,732 --> 00:00:19,139
Let's throw them, regardless.
9
00:00:19,196 --> 00:00:20,932
Start running, 'cause we're coming.
10
00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,906
- Ten, nine,
- Don't you dare.
11
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,628
eight, seven,
12
00:00:24,704 --> 00:00:27,647
- six, five, four...
- Okay, listen up, everybody!
13
00:00:27,909 --> 00:00:30,274
- We're in the middle of something.
- I got news.
14
00:00:30,536 --> 00:00:31,913
Your mother is dead. Ha!
15
00:00:33,748 --> 00:00:36,613
- Nice try. Very funny, Frank.
- I'm serious, this time.
16
00:00:36,876 --> 00:00:38,602
She had a botched neck lift.
17
00:00:38,904 --> 00:00:40,701
She's as dead as disco.
18
00:00:42,465 --> 00:00:44,072
Who wants champagne?
19
00:00:44,717 --> 00:00:47,349
Transcript: www.swsub.com
20
00:00:47,877 --> 00:00:50,545
Subtitles: Ju
www.top-series.net
21
00:01:14,588 --> 00:01:15,486
Episode 3x03
22
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:18,114
{\pos(192,155)}I am so sorry.
23
00:01:18,376 --> 00:01:21,075
My apologies. I'm so busy today.
It's good to see all of you.
24
00:01:21,337 --> 00:01:23,369
That's quite all right.
Don't worry about it.
25
00:01:23,631 --> 00:01:25,337
{\pos(192,205)}Would now be a good time
to say few words
26
00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:27,307
{\pos(192,205)}about my wonderfully warm
and caring mother?
27
00:01:27,357 --> 00:01:30,528
- No. Just get to the reading part.
- Let's get on with it, man.
28
00:01:30,604 --> 00:01:31,711
Let's go.
29
00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:35,298
Which one of you is Frank Reynolds?
30
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,567
Yo.
31
00:01:37,729 --> 00:01:40,511
I have something here that I need
to read to you from Barbara.
32
00:01:41,345 --> 00:01:43,080
"Frank, if your...
33
00:01:43,916 --> 00:01:47,727
"fat monkey heart is still beating,
then congratulations.
34
00:01:47,989 --> 00:01:52,471
"I want you to know that I hereby leave
all of your money to Bruce Mathis,
35
00:01:52,565 --> 00:01:54,108
"the real father of my children..."
36
00:01:54,370 --> 00:01:56,569
- What?
- Bruce Mathis?
37
00:01:56,831 --> 00:01:59,794
"... a handsome man
with a beautiful soul...
38
00:02:00,134 --> 00:02:02,283
"and a nicer penis."
39
00:02:02,545 --> 00:02:05,453
You're giving all my money
to that jerk-off?
40
00:02:05,715 --> 00:02:08,523
- I'm reading what's on the document.
- Why are you giving it to him?
41
00:02:08,619 --> 00:02:11,375
- She barely even knew him.
- I'm not giving any money to anybody.
42
00:02:11,727 --> 00:02:13,336
I'm just reading what's on a will.
43
00:02:13,598 --> 00:02:16,172
- Where is that rat bastard?
- Sir, I don't know...
44
00:02:16,434 --> 00:02:19,438
I wanna smash his face
until he's dead!
45
00:02:19,532 --> 00:02:20,619
Killed dead!
46
00:02:20,669 --> 00:02:23,679
Will you forget about Bruce!
Mom just gave away all of our money!
47
00:02:23,941 --> 00:02:26,759
You know what, we should
just move forward, okay?
48
00:02:27,418 --> 00:02:29,447
"For my darling son Dennis,"
49
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,230
Presumably...
"I give you my house... "
50
00:02:32,492 --> 00:02:35,983
Yeah! Okay, now it's starting
to make sense. Read on.
51
00:02:36,245 --> 00:02:39,153
"... on the sole condition
that Frank not be allowed in. "
52
00:02:39,415 --> 00:02:40,821
- I'd never let him in.
- What?!
53
00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:42,084
"Deandra...
54
00:02:42,168 --> 00:02:44,158
"... you get nothing.
55
00:02:44,591 --> 00:02:46,997
"You were a disappointment
and a mistake."
56
00:02:47,047 --> 00:02:49,288
A mistake? We're twins.
57
00:02:50,101 --> 00:02:52,583
We were born at the same time.
You're not making any sense.
58
00:02:52,845 --> 00:02:54,418
Tell that bitch it doesn't make sense!
59
00:02:55,785 --> 00:02:59,314
I'm reading the words
that someone else wrote, okay?
60
00:03:00,416 --> 00:03:03,092
I don't know your mom,
never met your mom.
61
00:03:03,223 --> 00:03:07,456
In fact, I'm certainly not speaking
to your mom now, because she's dead.
62
00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:10,434
We know she's dead.
We're venting 'cause we're frustrated.
63
00:03:10,696 --> 00:03:12,979
You tell her she's a goddamn whore!
64
00:03:13,709 --> 00:03:15,064
Always been a whore!
65
00:03:15,326 --> 00:03:17,942
What about jewelry?
Does it say anything about jewelry?
66
00:03:18,204 --> 00:03:20,995
It does say something about
the jewelry in here in that,
67
00:03:21,045 --> 00:03:22,571
she wants to be buried in it.
68
00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:23,836
Goddamn it!
69
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,635
She's taking it into the grave!
70
00:03:27,995 --> 00:03:30,871
Tell you what, you son of a bitch,
I'm very disappointed in you today.
71
00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:33,505
Very upset with you.
You tell her for me
72
00:03:33,643 --> 00:03:36,272
that I will be in touch
with her somehow.
73
00:03:36,357 --> 00:03:38,170
Tell her she's a bitch!
74
00:03:38,432 --> 00:03:40,381
These are awkward
situations often, and...
75
00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,294
I know it can be difficult...
76
00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:45,857
Thanks for the house, dude.
77
00:03:46,112 --> 00:03:49,890
You know... I didn't give you
the house. That's not how
78
00:03:50,152 --> 00:03:52,280
- this whole situation works.
- Yeah, you did!
79
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:55,595
Jesus Christ.
80
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,321
I got a plan to get back
at your mother.
81
00:04:03,583 --> 00:04:05,994
Too late...
I'm already full throttle over here.
82
00:04:06,044 --> 00:04:09,136
I'm gonna dig up her body
and snatch back that jewelry.
83
00:04:09,544 --> 00:04:10,786
That's insane!
84
00:04:11,370 --> 00:04:13,583
That woman is buried
down there like Mr. T.
85
00:04:13,668 --> 00:04:15,471
I gotta go while
the earth's still loose.
86
00:04:16,262 --> 00:04:18,377
I know how to get
the money back from Bruce.
87
00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:21,607
- What's your plan?
- All right.
88
00:04:23,673 --> 00:04:26,397
You call Brucey on the phone
and tell him that you want
89
00:04:26,472 --> 00:04:29,505
to introduce him to your new fiance.
90
00:04:30,547 --> 00:04:32,358
- Who's that?
- Me.
91
00:04:36,421 --> 00:04:38,356
This house sure brings back
a lot of memories.
92
00:04:38,618 --> 00:04:40,497
Look what I just found
in Dee's old room!
93
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:43,544
It's her middle school diary, dude!
Ooh, yeah!
94
00:04:46,004 --> 00:04:47,156
Who gives a shit?
95
00:04:47,797 --> 00:04:50,857
This is her diary. It's got
all her secrets and shit in here.
96
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:54,455
It says "Keep Out." There's a little
lock that we... We'll open it later.
97
00:04:54,717 --> 00:04:58,702
We are not reading Dee's
middle school diary to you, bro!
98
00:04:58,903 --> 00:05:00,669
We need to start the healing process.
99
00:05:02,266 --> 00:05:04,743
I'm devastated over here.
We need to throw a big-ass party.
100
00:05:04,865 --> 00:05:07,277
I need to be amongst my friends.
Let's call the crew.
101
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,387
- Let's round the boys up!
- Round the crew up!
102
00:05:09,649 --> 00:05:11,055
Let's have a kick-ass party!
103
00:05:11,317 --> 00:05:14,141
- We got the diary! And the crew!
- The boys are back in town!
104
00:05:18,263 --> 00:05:20,635
I have two numbers in my phone:
105
00:05:21,264 --> 00:05:23,395
Charlie and Dennis.
106
00:05:25,427 --> 00:05:28,736
- Well, what about all our friends?
- What about Dooley? Call Dooley!
107
00:05:29,001 --> 00:05:31,283
- Dooley! He loves a good party!
- Let's call Dooley!
108
00:05:32,628 --> 00:05:34,078
Dooley in the house!
109
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,581
Dooley killed himself.
110
00:05:39,929 --> 00:05:41,608
About two years back now.
111
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,450
It's just a real sad, sad thing
for him and his family.
112
00:05:45,573 --> 00:05:46,590
I knew he was...
113
00:05:46,952 --> 00:05:49,071
- Depressed.
- Very sad...
114
00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:52,388
How about, uh, let's call Stash!
Let's get the Stash man!
115
00:05:53,558 --> 00:05:55,141
Stash? Stash man? What'd you do?
116
00:05:55,403 --> 00:05:57,045
- I set him on fire.
- Son of a bitch.
117
00:05:57,321 --> 00:05:59,869
Forget Stash. I didn't like him
anyway. Let's get Z-Man!
118
00:06:00,156 --> 00:06:01,480
I banged his sister.
119
00:06:03,035 --> 00:06:05,276
Sully! I got Sully's number.
120
00:06:05,538 --> 00:06:08,347
He has a restraing order against me.
Can't go within 500 feet of him.
121
00:06:08,582 --> 00:06:09,989
Plus, I banged his sister, too.
122
00:06:10,251 --> 00:06:11,888
- Did you really?
- She was gross.
123
00:06:11,953 --> 00:06:13,124
I remember that.
124
00:06:13,174 --> 00:06:14,785
So wait a minute, we got no friends?
125
00:06:15,202 --> 00:06:16,447
Looks like it, right?
126
00:06:18,830 --> 00:06:20,289
Wow, that hits home.
127
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,385
That's terrible.
128
00:06:22,570 --> 00:06:25,425
Guys, guys, do you realize
what that means?
129
00:06:26,466 --> 00:06:28,635
If we were to all die suddenly,
just like my mom did,
130
00:06:28,776 --> 00:06:30,551
we'd have nobody left to mourn us.
131
00:06:32,857 --> 00:06:36,182
No one left to tell of our great
adventures and our glorious triumphs.
132
00:06:36,444 --> 00:06:40,102
- We got to make friends.
- All our triumphs and our tales and...
133
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,354
We need to preserve our legacy.
134
00:06:42,616 --> 00:06:44,648
- That's what I'm saying.
- Our whole legacy!
135
00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:47,735
- Let's go out and make some friends.
- Let's do that. But first,
136
00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:50,690
who wants to run through
a quick chapter of this diary?
137
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,076
- How's the ponytail look?
- It's ridiculous.
138
00:06:56,338 --> 00:06:59,121
Why are you wearing this whole get-up?
Bruce has never seen you.
139
00:06:59,383 --> 00:07:03,310
If we're gonna pull this thing off,
I got to turn into a liberal yahoo
140
00:07:03,413 --> 00:07:04,662
just like Bruce.
141
00:07:04,784 --> 00:07:07,630
When he gets here, I want you to hold
my hand through the whole thing.
142
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,758
- I won't do that.
- Look,
143
00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:12,883
you've go to stop thinking of me
as your dad
144
00:07:13,013 --> 00:07:16,169
and start thinking of me
as your fiance, Seamus.
145
00:07:17,026 --> 00:07:18,807
Could we think of a less creepy angle?
146
00:07:19,069 --> 00:07:21,519
But this is a grift.
I mean, that's the way it is.
147
00:07:21,594 --> 00:07:23,187
You got to stay in character,
148
00:07:23,550 --> 00:07:24,563
all the time.
149
00:07:24,825 --> 00:07:27,358
As soon as you break character,
you blow the grift.
150
00:07:27,954 --> 00:07:29,763
- Hand. Hand.
- I don't want to touch you.
151
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:31,483
- Holding hands.
- Goddamn it.
152
00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:37,409
Ah, my little girl, how you doing?
Are you okay?
153
00:07:37,671 --> 00:07:41,205
Well, no, no.
I'm very broken up inside.
154
00:07:43,175 --> 00:07:45,489
Bruce, this is Seamus,
155
00:07:46,022 --> 00:07:47,130
my fiance.
156
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,964
I am also broken up.
157
00:07:51,412 --> 00:07:54,072
What say we all bring it on in
for a hug.
158
00:07:54,639 --> 00:07:55,778
We're doing hugs.
159
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:01,124
Oh, I'm so sorry I missed
that funeral.
160
00:08:01,499 --> 00:08:04,823
We were in Uganda doing a lot
of work with the AIDS cris there...
161
00:08:05,115 --> 00:08:07,231
AIDS?
You touch anybody?
162
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:09,817
Well, sure.
163
00:08:10,079 --> 00:08:12,203
What kind of shit is that?
You just hugged me!
164
00:08:12,306 --> 00:08:13,450
Why would you do that?
165
00:08:13,457 --> 00:08:14,456
Seamus is joking.
166
00:08:14,541 --> 00:08:16,699
He's got a... he's got
a very dry sense of humor.
167
00:08:16,961 --> 00:08:19,268
I'm not joking!
That shit is serious!
168
00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:21,407
I've got to take a shower now!
169
00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:27,052
- That's kind of... odd...
- Oh, yeah. Well, that's my guy.
170
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,272
You know, he's got a little
bit of a germ problem.
171
00:08:30,488 --> 00:08:33,425
- I'll get him some books for that.
- He's... he's grieving and... yeah.
172
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:36,594
- But you seem to be holding up okay.
- It's funny that I seem like that
173
00:08:36,856 --> 00:08:39,052
because I'm not holding up okay.
I'm very sad.
174
00:08:39,164 --> 00:08:41,588
- I'm devastated.
- Nothing tougher than losing a parent.
175
00:08:41,638 --> 00:08:42,683
Oh, it's the worst, and...
176
00:08:43,404 --> 00:08:46,137
So she gave you all of our money, huh?
All of... all of...
177
00:08:46,885 --> 00:08:48,960
All of our fortune...
she gave it to you.
178
00:08:49,514 --> 00:08:50,524
Weird, right?
179
00:08:51,592 --> 00:08:55,498
Good news is, it's all gonna go to help
the less fortunate, every penny.
180
00:08:55,663 --> 00:08:57,583
- That is good news.
- It's a done deal.
181
00:08:57,686 --> 00:08:58,949
Well, that's actually
182
00:08:59,211 --> 00:09:00,552
why we brought you here.
183
00:09:00,655 --> 00:09:02,831
Oh, see, Seamus and I have a plan.
184
00:09:03,287 --> 00:09:05,372
We want to adopt a ton of kids.
185
00:09:05,832 --> 00:09:06,913
Isn't that wonderful
186
00:09:07,177 --> 00:09:10,940
that we'll need to use our fortune,
that my mother gave you
187
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,012
- to shove at these kids.
- You know what I think?
188
00:09:14,561 --> 00:09:16,528
I think I know exactly
what you and Seamus need.
189
00:09:16,621 --> 00:09:17,676
Can you sit tight?
190
00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:19,845
I'll get back to you
as soon as I can, okay?
191
00:09:20,623 --> 00:09:21,450
Okay.
192
00:09:27,447 --> 00:09:29,386
- Is he gone?
- Yeah, he's gone.
193
00:09:30,189 --> 00:09:31,815
Burn these clothes.
194
00:09:32,245 --> 00:09:34,618
Tracy, cancel all my appointments.
195
00:09:34,721 --> 00:09:37,025
It's time for my daughter
and that idiot who raised her
196
00:09:37,075 --> 00:09:38,197
to learn a lesson.
197
00:09:39,118 --> 00:09:41,167
Guys, I don't know
if I'm feeling this flyer idea.
198
00:09:41,317 --> 00:09:42,734
- Really?
- It's perfect, dude.
199
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,317
How else are three guys in their
20s supposed to make friends?
200
00:09:45,373 --> 00:09:47,647
There's no system in place.
A flyer does all the work.
201
00:09:47,990 --> 00:09:50,375
All right, read back what we
got so far, 'cause I don't...
202
00:09:50,558 --> 00:09:51,563
"What up?
203
00:09:51,713 --> 00:09:53,639
"We're 3 cool guys looking
for other cool guys
204
00:09:53,789 --> 00:09:55,886
"who wanna hang out
in our party mansion."
205
00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:59,257
- Sounds a little gay, right?
- Yeah. It does sound gay.
206
00:09:59,408 --> 00:10:02,037
- Write: "Nothing sexual."
- Good. Okay.
207
00:10:02,188 --> 00:10:05,399
"Cool guys looking for other cool guys
who wanna hang out in out party mansion.
208
00:10:05,549 --> 00:10:07,455
"Nothing Sexual."
209
00:10:08,258 --> 00:10:09,798
And add "Fighters welcome", 'cause,
210
00:10:09,892 --> 00:10:11,535
tough dudes and some big dudes.
211
00:10:11,618 --> 00:10:13,868
I don't want a bunch of tough guys
wanting to fight me.
212
00:10:14,103 --> 00:10:15,828
It would be good
to have extra protection.
213
00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:19,822
- Extra protection and...
- Well, put "Fitness encouraged."
214
00:10:20,084 --> 00:10:21,617
- Beautiful.
- That sounds confusing.
215
00:10:21,845 --> 00:10:24,493
- I'll put "Dudes in good shape."
- There you go. That solves it.
216
00:10:24,755 --> 00:10:27,812
I like it. Okay, but we also
need a guy who's funny and fat.
217
00:10:27,906 --> 00:10:29,999
We need a funny fat guy.
'Cause every crew has one.
218
00:10:30,261 --> 00:10:32,659
Well, I'm the funny fat guy,
so don't worry about that.
219
00:10:32,725 --> 00:10:34,687
- You're not fat, dude.
- You're also not funny.
220
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,880
I want somebody who does
observational humor...
221
00:10:37,142 --> 00:10:39,717
That would be good.
Observational humor is cool.
222
00:10:39,802 --> 00:10:41,552
I'm just gonna put
"Nothing sexual" again
223
00:10:41,814 --> 00:10:43,457
- just to reiterate.
- Underline it.
224
00:10:43,616 --> 00:10:45,180
Please. Be very clear with that.
225
00:10:45,525 --> 00:10:48,332
And I'm thinking that the flyer
should be in the shape of a beermug.
226
00:10:49,008 --> 00:10:51,722
- Too complicated.
- Yeah. What about, uh, bicep?
227
00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:53,750
A bicep. Bicep's good.
228
00:10:53,852 --> 00:10:56,180
- All right, let's go with the bicep.
- Okay, read.
229
00:10:56,349 --> 00:10:57,692
Here we go. "What up?"
230
00:10:57,955 --> 00:11:00,006
"We're three cool guys
looking for other cool guys
231
00:11:00,072 --> 00:11:02,962
"who want to hang out in our party
mansion. Nothing sexual.
232
00:11:03,012 --> 00:11:04,526
"Dudes in good shape encouraged.
233
00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:08,294
"If you're fat, you should be able
to find humor in the little things.
234
00:11:08,482 --> 00:11:10,782
Again, "nothing sexual". Underlined.
235
00:11:10,949 --> 00:11:12,285
- Okay.
- Great.
236
00:11:12,637 --> 00:11:15,575
- I have no problem with that.
- No. Let's go meet some men.
237
00:11:21,382 --> 00:11:24,518
Lookin' good, bro.
Looking very good.
238
00:11:24,922 --> 00:11:25,929
I'm sorry?
239
00:11:26,274 --> 00:11:27,889
Oh, your pants... nice cut.
240
00:11:28,015 --> 00:11:30,639
That vertical line on the side
gives your body good length.
241
00:11:32,332 --> 00:11:33,843
Do you work here?
242
00:11:34,908 --> 00:11:36,684
I'm just looking to meet some new guys.
243
00:11:36,768 --> 00:11:38,919
I saw you from across the way
and I thought, yeah,
244
00:11:39,078 --> 00:11:41,774
this guy's got a good sense of style.
He's about the same age.
245
00:11:41,897 --> 00:11:44,950
Got a nice crop of blond hair. We could
definitely use a blond in the crew.
246
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,159
Mix things up a little bit.
Why don't you just...
247
00:11:48,033 --> 00:11:49,828
take a look at that flyer there?
248
00:11:50,671 --> 00:11:51,864
Is this a penis?
249
00:11:52,117 --> 00:11:53,832
A penis... No, it's a...
250
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,584
It's a bicep.
251
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,881
Oh, right. Party Mansion.
252
00:12:01,143 --> 00:12:02,257
- Exactly.
- Cool.
253
00:12:02,807 --> 00:12:03,967
I'll swing by.
254
00:12:04,351 --> 00:12:05,816
- You'll swing by?
- Yeah, sure.
255
00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:08,085
Just come by the address.
We'll be there partying.
256
00:12:08,198 --> 00:12:11,308
- Yeah, at the Party Mansion.
- Yeah, you're gonna be perfect, man.
257
00:12:11,570 --> 00:12:12,726
See you there.
258
00:12:12,988 --> 00:12:15,125
Oh, I should give him
some more for his friends.
259
00:12:17,763 --> 00:12:19,250
Oh, son of a bitch.
260
00:12:19,912 --> 00:12:21,382
Penis? No, it's a bicep.
261
00:12:21,504 --> 00:12:26,060
Bro, I just had the most perfect
blond guy slip right through my fingers.
262
00:12:26,182 --> 00:12:29,340
I mean, I had him in the palm of my hand
and then... he was gone,
263
00:12:29,390 --> 00:12:32,162
you know what I mean? This guy would
have been perfect for you.
264
00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:35,231
What's up with this beefcake?
Is he coming to the party?
265
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,649
- Big time.
- Great.
266
00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:39,012
- He didn't read the flyer.
- I read the flyer.
267
00:12:39,181 --> 00:12:41,588
- He didn't understand it.
- I understood it... perfectly.
268
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:46,108
Okay, we need to take a
second look at this flyer.
269
00:12:46,174 --> 00:12:47,812
- Uh, yeah, dude.
- Guys,
270
00:12:48,148 --> 00:12:51,295
check out who I just met buying
a crossbow. This dude is the shit.
271
00:12:51,464 --> 00:12:54,877
I shall use this crossbow to
pierce my broken heart.
272
00:12:54,989 --> 00:12:55,994
Yeah.
273
00:12:56,792 --> 00:12:58,435
All... right, dude.
274
00:13:01,578 --> 00:13:03,777
Dude, is that guy awesome or what?
He's like a poet.
275
00:13:04,203 --> 00:13:05,362
That guy's not awesome.
276
00:13:05,856 --> 00:13:09,951
Dude, do you know how hard it is to find
a passionate guy like that these days?
277
00:13:10,017 --> 00:13:11,144
They don't make 'em anymore.
278
00:13:11,205 --> 00:13:14,059
You should see how passionate he got
when I showed him the dick flyer.
279
00:13:14,134 --> 00:13:15,539
You knew that it was a dick?
280
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:18,333
Yeah, I thought we changed it.
I thought you were changing it.
281
00:13:18,595 --> 00:13:20,326
It was always meant to be a bicep.
282
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:23,522
Then why did you cut it like...
'cause it looks totally like a dick.
283
00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:26,383
I thought, let's go with the dick thing.
It's more masculine anyway.
284
00:13:27,118 --> 00:13:29,887
I mean, shit, if you wanted it
to be a bicep, it needs more veins.
285
00:13:31,752 --> 00:13:33,151
I can't wear this.
286
00:13:33,574 --> 00:13:35,263
I got to go home get another costume.
287
00:13:35,529 --> 00:13:37,254
There's no time.
Just sit down and shut up
288
00:13:37,329 --> 00:13:39,078
and wait for Bruce
to get back the money.
289
00:13:39,798 --> 00:13:40,804
All right.
290
00:13:40,926 --> 00:13:43,574
But I can't promise
that I'm not going to go berserk
291
00:13:43,686 --> 00:13:45,489
if he tries to give me AIDS again.
292
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,721
He wasn't trying to give you AIDS.
293
00:13:47,796 --> 00:13:51,533
Jesus Christ, you're the one who's going
on and on about staying in character.
294
00:13:51,795 --> 00:13:54,203
- Yeah, you're right.
- Look, we can do this, okay?
295
00:13:54,465 --> 00:13:57,774
We've to go along with whatever
he throws at us. So close to that money.
296
00:13:58,241 --> 00:13:59,246
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
297
00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:00,709
I'm not gonna blow the cover.
298
00:14:00,971 --> 00:14:03,058
Now pull your shit together, Seamus.
299
00:14:04,874 --> 00:14:06,471
Surprise!
300
00:14:06,894 --> 00:14:09,194
These are some of my adopted children.
Go ahead, guys.
301
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:10,942
This is your new home.
302
00:14:13,442 --> 00:14:15,015
Mac, here come our guests. Come on.
303
00:14:16,651 --> 00:14:18,060
How'd you get these guys again?
304
00:14:18,322 --> 00:14:19,431
They're college kids.
305
00:14:19,487 --> 00:14:21,807
Went to Penn, reeled them in
with a couple of white lies.
306
00:14:21,863 --> 00:14:25,008
Now put your game face on, buddy.
We got a legacy to preserve.
307
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:26,140
Here we go.
308
00:14:26,764 --> 00:14:28,931
Welcome to the Party Mansion, bitches!
309
00:14:29,249 --> 00:14:30,757
Get your asses in here.
310
00:14:32,541 --> 00:14:34,187
Horseshit, huh?
311
00:14:34,281 --> 00:14:35,906
- Yeah.
- Where is everybody?
312
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,579
- What about the chicks?
- Guess what,
313
00:14:37,841 --> 00:14:40,008
Just you and us.
And we've got the Party Mansion.
314
00:14:40,065 --> 00:14:42,389
And there ain't no rules
in the Party Mansion.
315
00:14:42,474 --> 00:14:43,920
Check this out, bitches.
316
00:14:44,990 --> 00:14:47,093
Oh, yeah, baby, nice one.
317
00:14:48,904 --> 00:14:51,426
Let's stop being pussies
and let's fall on some beers.
318
00:14:51,688 --> 00:14:53,336
- I don't drink.
- Wrong answer, bitch.
319
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,973
- You're a drinker tonight.
- You're gonna be telling stories
320
00:14:56,238 --> 00:14:58,079
- about how crazy we are.
- You're gonna tell
321
00:14:58,135 --> 00:14:59,825
how we're like those guys
from Jackass...
322
00:14:59,882 --> 00:15:02,182
how we like to smash stuff
and shove shit up our asses.
323
00:15:02,239 --> 00:15:03,243
That's right.
324
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,857
You're gonna get so much shit
shoved up your ass tonight,
325
00:15:06,119 --> 00:15:07,138
four-eyes.
326
00:15:07,412 --> 00:15:10,821
You're going to be talking about
this night for the rest of your lives.
327
00:15:12,918 --> 00:15:14,080
"Dear Diary...
328
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,946
"The dance was a total disaster.
329
00:15:17,613 --> 00:15:20,036
"I cried myself
to sleep again last night.
330
00:15:21,185 --> 00:15:25,168
"Mom forced me to wear the back brace
and all the school chanted
331
00:15:25,608 --> 00:15:27,061
"Aluminum Monster."
332
00:15:29,023 --> 00:15:32,131
Oh, man, Aluminum Monster,
that is hilarious.
333
00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:33,093
No!
334
00:15:33,355 --> 00:15:34,558
It's not hilarious.
335
00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:37,483
I share this little girl's pain.
336
00:15:38,928 --> 00:15:40,767
Have you ever been scorned, Charlie?
337
00:15:41,548 --> 00:15:43,710
Uh, like all day, every day, dude.
338
00:15:43,773 --> 00:15:46,311
Then you should think
of this little girl
339
00:15:46,929 --> 00:15:49,793
as your soul mate of pain.
340
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:53,397
Oh, shit, bro.
341
00:15:56,965 --> 00:15:59,828
Babysitting a bunch of orphans
was not part of our grift.
342
00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:03,747
It's either that or digging up Mom.
Which for the record, I'm still into.
343
00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:06,714
I willing to do whatever we need
to do to get this money, Frank, okay?
344
00:16:06,808 --> 00:16:08,453
If we need to adopt
some orphans, fine.
345
00:16:08,513 --> 00:16:10,130
We'll get the money and take them back.
346
00:16:11,302 --> 00:16:12,966
Can you do that?
Is that possible?
347
00:16:13,228 --> 00:16:16,428
I don't know. I'm sure they have
some kind of a return exchange policy.
348
00:16:16,703 --> 00:16:17,855
That sounds good.
349
00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:20,667
Great, now this one's sad.
350
00:16:21,869 --> 00:16:23,018
Give her some money.
351
00:16:23,447 --> 00:16:24,456
- What?
- Give her some.
352
00:16:24,512 --> 00:16:26,475
I'm not giving shit.
What are you talking about?
353
00:16:26,766 --> 00:16:28,357
May I speak to you two in the kitchen?
354
00:16:28,728 --> 00:16:30,033
Oh, yeah.
355
00:16:30,178 --> 00:16:31,820
You two have such a great vibe.
356
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:34,071
I'm ready to write a check right now.
357
00:16:34,333 --> 00:16:36,698
But I just want to make sure
that I'm helping you to have,
358
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,269
like, the best relationship
that you can,
359
00:16:39,392 --> 00:16:41,995
so that these kids
have a loving, stable home.
360
00:16:42,257 --> 00:16:44,289
I know that this may sound weird,
but I've a lot
361
00:16:44,551 --> 00:16:46,391
of training in family therapy,
362
00:16:46,598 --> 00:16:49,481
and I think for me to help you,
363
00:16:49,857 --> 00:16:52,420
I need to observe you
at your most intimate.
364
00:16:52,692 --> 00:16:55,077
I need to observe you two making love.
365
00:17:02,636 --> 00:17:04,485
How long's your boy
been passed out, bro?
366
00:17:04,542 --> 00:17:06,019
I don't know, a couple of minutes.
367
00:17:06,281 --> 00:17:08,605
I'm worried he's gonna wake up
before we throw him.
368
00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:10,482
You kidding me? Look at him, he's out.
369
00:17:10,547 --> 00:17:13,465
You're kidding? You're not really
gonna throw him down the stairs.
370
00:17:13,515 --> 00:17:17,016
- We should throw him off the roof.
- Great idea, dude. I'm the thrower.
371
00:17:17,144 --> 00:17:18,700
Why are you guys doing this?
372
00:17:19,044 --> 00:17:20,325
It's what friends do, bro.
373
00:17:20,587 --> 00:17:21,660
- No, it isn't.
- Guy,
374
00:17:21,922 --> 00:17:23,691
his mom just died.
Can you have compassion?
375
00:17:23,757 --> 00:17:24,843
My mom just died.
376
00:17:24,893 --> 00:17:27,776
The least you could do is let us
throw your buddy off the roof.
377
00:17:31,390 --> 00:17:35,721
"I'm totally going to tell
Eric how much I like him, tonight,
378
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:40,703
"even though Danielle was, like,
all over him today in school.
379
00:17:41,986 --> 00:17:44,259
"Mother said: "Don't bother."
380
00:17:45,141 --> 00:17:47,769
"He wants a pretty girl instead."
381
00:17:48,393 --> 00:17:50,027
I can't stop crying, Ernesto.
382
00:17:50,121 --> 00:17:51,914
Me neither, Charlie.
383
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:53,191
But...
384
00:17:53,726 --> 00:17:55,215
don't fight it, Charlie.
385
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:59,526
It's all part of the healing process.
386
00:18:10,804 --> 00:18:13,708
So tell me how do you two
usually begin your lovemaking sessions?
387
00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:15,338
It's hard to say,
388
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:18,477
you know, because we start it
389
00:18:18,527 --> 00:18:21,136
in so many ways.
390
00:18:21,398 --> 00:18:24,475
Seamus, perhaps you should start by...
391
00:18:25,568 --> 00:18:27,580
kissing her neck, lightly.
392
00:18:28,976 --> 00:18:31,329
No. No, because, uh...
393
00:18:31,530 --> 00:18:33,101
- we don't kiss.
- We don't kiss.
394
00:18:33,183 --> 00:18:34,566
- At all.
- No kissing?
395
00:18:34,828 --> 00:18:36,586
That's unusual, but okay.
396
00:18:36,999 --> 00:18:40,947
Okay, tell me... just...
tell me what you are into.
397
00:18:41,769 --> 00:18:44,493
I like to watch.
So I'm going to bounce off the bed
398
00:18:45,182 --> 00:18:48,065
- and... observe.
- Okay.
399
00:18:49,516 --> 00:18:51,333
See... you see what just happened, Dee?
400
00:18:51,682 --> 00:18:53,001
Seamus has just communicated
401
00:18:53,263 --> 00:18:55,585
what turns him on in a healthy way.
402
00:18:56,393 --> 00:18:57,398
So...
403
00:18:57,764 --> 00:19:01,551
Yeah, perhaps now would be a good time
for you to pleasure yourself for him.
404
00:19:03,064 --> 00:19:04,596
And then, Seamus will mount you.
405
00:19:04,858 --> 00:19:07,802
You know what,
I'm going to have to stop this.
406
00:19:09,098 --> 00:19:12,479
Yeah, I gotta come clean here
because we've been lying to you.
407
00:19:12,741 --> 00:19:15,315
Deandra, just think
about what you're doing.
408
00:19:15,577 --> 00:19:18,132
I'm sorry. We've been lying.
The reason is...
409
00:19:18,301 --> 00:19:19,885
we haven't had sex yet.
410
00:19:19,935 --> 00:19:22,405
Because we're waiting
until we get married.
411
00:19:23,805 --> 00:19:25,533
- We're waiting.
- We're saving ourselves.
412
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:30,922
It's so important to me and to him
413
00:19:31,368 --> 00:19:33,620
to do that, and I think maybe,
414
00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:36,050
that's what the tension is
that you're feeling.
415
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:37,879
- It's all sexual.
- Oh, it's so sexual.
416
00:19:38,141 --> 00:19:39,806
I'm also a licensed minister.
417
00:19:39,966 --> 00:19:43,437
So why don't we just do a wedding,
like, do it tomorrow.
418
00:19:44,424 --> 00:19:45,470
I've been thinking,
419
00:19:45,732 --> 00:19:48,515
and I should never give the money
to an unmarried couple anyway.
420
00:19:52,438 --> 00:19:53,642
Okay.
421
00:19:56,466 --> 00:19:57,650
Family and friends,
422
00:19:57,978 --> 00:19:59,825
we're gathered here to...
423
00:20:00,220 --> 00:20:02,696
to share in the declaration
of a lifelong commitment
424
00:20:02,958 --> 00:20:06,074
between this man and this woman.
Deandra,
425
00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:10,036
do you take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
426
00:20:10,454 --> 00:20:11,454
I do.
427
00:20:11,816 --> 00:20:15,583
Seamus, do you take this woman
to be your wedded wife?
428
00:20:16,304 --> 00:20:17,392
You betcha.
429
00:20:17,806 --> 00:20:20,173
Well, then by the authority of God
430
00:20:20,314 --> 00:20:22,896
and the laws of the great state
of Pennsylvania,
431
00:20:22,961 --> 00:20:25,844
I now pronounce you man and wife.
432
00:20:26,379 --> 00:20:27,906
Congratulations, Deandra.
433
00:20:28,191 --> 00:20:29,264
You made me so happy.
434
00:20:29,526 --> 00:20:31,182
You just married your daughter, Frank.
435
00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:33,803
- You know who I am?
- Of course I know.
436
00:20:33,888 --> 00:20:35,854
You're the little asswipe
who raised my children
437
00:20:36,116 --> 00:20:38,914
and turned them into animals...
into monsters who...
438
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:41,739
who lie and steal
and take advantage of people
439
00:20:41,789 --> 00:20:45,280
and contribute absolutely
nothing to society.
440
00:20:45,542 --> 00:20:47,912
- Make sure you're getting this.
- Ernesto's missing this.
441
00:20:47,968 --> 00:20:49,573
- He's got to see it.
- Go get him.
442
00:20:49,696 --> 00:20:52,287
If you knew who he was,
why did you do the whole ceremony?
443
00:20:52,549 --> 00:20:56,082
I was trying to push you two to your
limit. But apparently, you have none.
444
00:20:56,344 --> 00:20:58,592
I hate to interrupt. I'm so sorry.
445
00:20:58,642 --> 00:21:01,573
Bruce, can you just pronounce
them man and wife again?
446
00:21:01,623 --> 00:21:03,069
I want to get that in a close-up.
447
00:21:03,173 --> 00:21:06,205
Do the thing where you're like...
and yes, of course I know who you are.
448
00:21:06,276 --> 00:21:07,953
And you were getting so angry...
449
00:21:08,512 --> 00:21:10,221
Can you make them kiss
this time, though?
450
00:21:10,483 --> 00:21:11,642
Yes, uh, sure.
451
00:21:11,761 --> 00:21:14,458
May I see the camera for just a
second from this side, maybe?
452
00:21:14,527 --> 00:21:16,978
- Sure.
- Yeah, yeah, uh...
453
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,974
I'm gonna give this to a lawyer
and you're gonna lose the house.
454
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:22,204
because you violated
the conditions of the will.
455
00:21:22,331 --> 00:21:25,436
Frank was not to set foot in the house.
456
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:26,769
Bruce, come on.
457
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,685
Dad, be cool, man.
Like... let that slide.
458
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,035
You are acting
like a real bastard, Bruce.
459
00:21:32,297 --> 00:21:34,037
You are the most horrible people alive.
460
00:21:34,299 --> 00:21:37,123
- Oh, that's a little bit...
- That's a lot, that's a lot to say.
461
00:21:37,385 --> 00:21:39,376
Man, don't be like that, dude.
462
00:21:39,638 --> 00:21:42,004
Now I'm gonna lose the Party Mansion.
Thanks a lot, Frank.
463
00:21:42,098 --> 00:21:45,340
- Whoa, guys, where you going?
- How did they get free?
464
00:21:45,602 --> 00:21:48,943
- We were just having a little fun.
- You guys still wannna be our crew?
465
00:21:49,009 --> 00:21:50,016
I don't think so.
466
00:21:50,273 --> 00:21:52,615
I don't think they're gonna
tell about our adventures
467
00:21:52,685 --> 00:21:54,182
and our glorious triumphs.
468
00:21:54,625 --> 00:21:58,478
- Well, at least we still have Ernesto.
- No, he robbed your house.
469
00:21:58,740 --> 00:22:00,213
Oh, son of a bitch.
470
00:22:00,659 --> 00:22:03,726
I'm sorry that the grift
didn't work out, sweetie.
471
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:07,717
- We could still go get Mom's jewelry.
- I'll get the shovel.
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
37892
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
