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[♪♪♪♪♪]
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WOMAN:
Previously, on Mad About You...
3
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I blame my parents.
4
00:00:07,317 --> 00:00:09,595
This nice man married
your daddy and me.
5
00:00:09,733 --> 00:00:11,597
You guys know I'm not really
a minister, right?
6
00:00:11,735 --> 00:00:13,910
All right, here's what we'll do.
Here's what we'll do.
7
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,843
We'll go down to city hall,
we'll get married,
8
00:00:15,981 --> 00:00:17,120
we'll sign our regular thing,
9
00:00:17,258 --> 00:00:18,915
and then bing-bam-boom,
problem solved.
10
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:19,950
Do you, Jamie...
11
00:00:20,089 --> 00:00:21,918
Bwuchman...
12
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,195
take Paul Buchman...
13
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:25,197
to be your
lawful wedded husband?
14
00:00:25,335 --> 00:00:27,372
I don't want
to get married.
15
00:00:27,510 --> 00:00:29,995
You didn't so much get
that second vasectomy, did you?
16
00:00:30,133 --> 00:00:31,272
Wh--
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00:00:31,410 --> 00:00:34,068
Because I am
remarkably pregnant.
18
00:00:35,138 --> 00:00:36,829
So let me ask you this.
19
00:00:36,967 --> 00:00:38,797
Are you gonna change your name
back to Stemple?
20
00:00:38,935 --> 00:00:39,867
What do you mean?
21
00:00:40,005 --> 00:00:41,696
Well, we're not
actually married.
22
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:44,699
No, sweetie, everything
stays exactly the same.
23
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:45,873
[BUZZER]
Oh, my God.
24
00:00:46,011 --> 00:00:46,874
Go away.
25
00:00:47,012 --> 00:00:48,324
The apartment
is not for rent.
26
00:00:48,462 --> 00:00:50,050
MAN: Huh?
Who's that?
27
00:00:50,188 --> 00:00:51,258
SYLVIA:
It's your parents.
28
00:00:51,396 --> 00:00:53,018
BURT:
Burt and Sylvia Buchman.
29
00:00:53,156 --> 00:00:54,019
Yes. Sorry.
30
00:00:54,157 --> 00:00:55,262
Happy anniversary.
31
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,712
Oh, thanks.
32
00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:00,922
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
What has it been, 7 years now?
33
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,683
Seven beautiful years.
34
00:01:02,821 --> 00:01:04,788
That's not nothing.
35
00:01:04,926 --> 00:01:06,342
Let me ask you something.
36
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,344
If we had just
been together
37
00:01:08,482 --> 00:01:09,345
for the last 7 years,
38
00:01:09,483 --> 00:01:10,932
but we weren't
actually married,
39
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,693
that would still be
"not nothing," right?
40
00:01:12,831 --> 00:01:14,384
No, that would be nothing.
41
00:01:14,522 --> 00:01:15,385
Really?
42
00:01:15,523 --> 00:01:16,904
Yeah, you'd be
like Cousin Elliott
43
00:01:17,042 --> 00:01:19,251
and what's her name.
What is her name?
44
00:01:19,389 --> 00:01:22,220
Exactly. If they
were married, we'd all know.
45
00:01:22,358 --> 00:01:25,154
Until you make it official,
you're just playing house.
46
00:01:25,292 --> 00:01:27,742
You've gotta make a statement.
You gotta stand up
47
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,159
in front of the whole world
and say, "I love this girl!"
48
00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:33,472
then there's a record of it
in city hall all typed up
49
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:36,648
nice and everything. Otherwise,
you're just kidding around.
50
00:01:36,786 --> 00:01:38,063
I smell a diaper.
51
00:01:38,201 --> 00:01:39,375
Oh, gimme.
52
00:01:39,513 --> 00:01:41,170
No, no, no.
We'll do it.
53
00:01:41,308 --> 00:01:42,171
Come on, Burt.
54
00:01:42,309 --> 00:01:44,380
You got
a little thing there.
55
00:01:44,518 --> 00:01:46,244
Oh, thank you,
sweetie.
56
00:01:46,382 --> 00:01:48,384
Come on. Come on.
57
00:01:48,522 --> 00:01:50,662
Don't even
say it.
58
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,904
What?
59
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:53,147
[BUZZER]
60
00:01:53,285 --> 00:01:54,804
They're your parents.
We're us.
61
00:01:54,942 --> 00:01:57,255
We, don't forget,
are very hip.
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00:01:57,393 --> 00:01:58,532
We don't need city hall.
63
00:01:58,670 --> 00:02:00,223
We don't need a piece
of paper. We're us.
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00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:01,293
Yeah.
65
00:02:01,431 --> 00:02:02,570
Hi.
66
00:02:02,708 --> 00:02:04,538
Hi. I understand
your apartment is for rent.
67
00:02:04,676 --> 00:02:07,403
Oh, you know, sadly
that is a misprint.
68
00:02:07,541 --> 00:02:08,542
Oh!
69
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:09,715
[SADLY]
Oh.
70
00:02:09,853 --> 00:02:10,992
Oh.
71
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,891
Oh.
72
00:02:13,029 --> 00:02:14,444
Oh!
73
00:02:15,307 --> 00:02:16,274
Oh, is this
your wife?
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00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:18,034
Uh...no, not really.
75
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:19,449
Oh, all right.
76
00:02:22,245 --> 00:02:24,420
Sweetie? I found it.
77
00:02:24,558 --> 00:02:26,422
Last one in the city,
but I found it.
78
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,424
One big seat,
one little seat.
79
00:02:28,562 --> 00:02:31,910
Two kids, one carriage.
One big happy family.
80
00:02:41,575 --> 00:02:44,302
[CRYING]
81
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,269
Shh.
82
00:02:47,305 --> 00:02:48,996
It happens.
83
00:02:49,134 --> 00:02:51,447
These things happen,
sweetie.
84
00:02:51,585 --> 00:02:53,690
I'm sorry.
85
00:02:53,828 --> 00:02:57,487
No, no, no, no, no.
It's not your fault.
86
00:02:59,006 --> 00:03:01,042
You did everything right.
87
00:03:02,596 --> 00:03:05,012
It just wasn't meant to be.
88
00:03:07,256 --> 00:03:09,810
Turns out I wanted it.
89
00:03:11,881 --> 00:03:13,262
Me, too.
90
00:03:22,478 --> 00:03:25,205
And so, I'm an only child.
91
00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:28,691
So, the manager
blames it on my feet.
92
00:03:28,829 --> 00:03:30,555
Yeah, that's the problem.
93
00:03:30,693 --> 00:03:33,005
The shoes that
you made are fine.
94
00:03:33,143 --> 00:03:36,043
My feet that God made
are clearly defective.
95
00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:37,320
Fran--
I don't understand.
96
00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:39,529
You can send a monkey
to Pluto.
97
00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:41,290
You can't make
a high-heeled sandal
98
00:03:41,428 --> 00:03:42,705
that doesn't
lacerate my calf.
99
00:03:42,843 --> 00:03:45,052
Fran?
I'm sorry. What?
100
00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:46,985
He left me.
101
00:03:47,123 --> 00:03:48,124
What?
102
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,816
Paul. He left me.
103
00:03:52,370 --> 00:03:56,581
Oh, my God. What happened?
When did this happen?
104
00:03:56,719 --> 00:04:01,171
Last night, but I think it's
been on its way for a long time.
105
00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:03,070
Why?
106
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:04,692
Well...
107
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,142
What did he say?
108
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:11,078
He said I'm unkind.
109
00:04:11,216 --> 00:04:12,493
What does that mean?
110
00:04:12,631 --> 00:04:15,807
He said I've changed
and that maybe this way
111
00:04:15,945 --> 00:04:19,189
will be better
for both of us.
112
00:04:19,328 --> 00:04:21,502
He's an idiot,
your husband!
113
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,504
Maybe he's right.
I mean, I have changed.
114
00:04:23,642 --> 00:04:25,851
How could I not?
I was 26 when we met.
115
00:04:25,989 --> 00:04:28,820
We used to be very kind
to each other,
116
00:04:28,958 --> 00:04:33,169
but then there's a kid, and
I'm always worried about her,
117
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,861
and there's just not
as much time to be kind.
118
00:04:35,999 --> 00:04:37,346
Who has that kind of time?
119
00:04:37,484 --> 00:04:39,589
And then she grows up,
and there you are.
120
00:04:39,727 --> 00:04:41,453
It's just the two of you,
121
00:04:41,591 --> 00:04:43,213
and nobody even remembers
how to be nice,
122
00:04:43,352 --> 00:04:44,801
so am I less nice?
123
00:04:44,939 --> 00:04:45,837
Sure.
124
00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:50,497
Am I unkind?
Okay. Fine.
125
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,845
You...are an idiot.
126
00:04:53,983 --> 00:04:56,192
Well, isn't that nice.
127
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,677
I'm sorry. You think
I like to say this?
128
00:04:58,815 --> 00:04:59,713
Wh...
129
00:04:59,851 --> 00:05:01,093
It hurts me to say this,
130
00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:03,820
but I'm not gonna beat
around the bush.
131
00:05:03,958 --> 00:05:06,789
You, my friend,
you are a phenomenal idiot.
132
00:05:06,927 --> 00:05:08,894
You know, Mark,
if I'm not mistaken,
133
00:05:09,032 --> 00:05:11,380
you left Fran
once upon a time.
134
00:05:11,518 --> 00:05:13,071
Yeah, I did.
You're right.
135
00:05:13,209 --> 00:05:14,244
I was young!
136
00:05:14,383 --> 00:05:15,798
What do you mean?
137
00:05:15,936 --> 00:05:16,868
Look at you.
You're old!
138
00:05:17,006 --> 00:05:19,319
I'm not old. I am--
139
00:05:19,457 --> 00:05:20,665
No, you're young.
140
00:05:20,803 --> 00:05:22,908
That's why social security
starts for you in 3 hours,
141
00:05:23,046 --> 00:05:25,911
because you're so young!
142
00:05:28,742 --> 00:05:30,122
I mean, we always fought,
143
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,642
but when the fights
were over, we were closer.
144
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,748
By the end,
it wasn't even fighting.
145
00:05:34,886 --> 00:05:37,475
It was just criticism
and complaining
146
00:05:37,613 --> 00:05:38,855
and poking and prodding.
147
00:05:38,993 --> 00:05:40,409
Okay.
148
00:05:40,547 --> 00:05:41,651
All I know is
149
00:05:41,789 --> 00:05:44,136
I can't always
be wrong, you know?
150
00:05:44,274 --> 00:05:46,242
Some of what I do
must be right.
151
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,347
Who cares?
152
00:05:47,485 --> 00:05:49,901
Who cares? Who cares
who's right or wrong?
153
00:05:50,039 --> 00:05:52,248
Who's got the strength
to keep track?
154
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,837
You just stay married
and shut up.
155
00:05:55,872 --> 00:05:57,495
Why?
156
00:05:57,633 --> 00:05:58,944
Why?
157
00:05:59,082 --> 00:06:00,601
Because it's better.
158
00:06:00,739 --> 00:06:04,433
Listen, you know, nobody
believed that more than me.
159
00:06:04,571 --> 00:06:06,538
Oh, I know, I know.
160
00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:08,091
But we were miserable.
161
00:06:08,229 --> 00:06:12,199
Do you understand that? Jamie
and I, we were both miserable.
162
00:06:12,337 --> 00:06:14,443
So who are you
not to be miserable?
163
00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:18,585
No. At a certain point,
you have to say,
164
00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:20,310
"Okay, who is this for?"
165
00:06:20,449 --> 00:06:21,898
I mean,
who's winning here?
166
00:06:22,036 --> 00:06:23,210
Nobody.
167
00:06:23,348 --> 00:06:24,453
But you love Jamie.
168
00:06:24,591 --> 00:06:26,903
Of course. Very much.
169
00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:28,940
So?
170
00:06:29,078 --> 00:06:30,942
So I'll be the bad guy.
171
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,703
So I'll-- Let me
be the one who says,
172
00:06:33,841 --> 00:06:38,363
"You know what? Why don't we
just let each other live?"
173
00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:39,882
Till death
do you part.
174
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:41,504
That's what
is says-- Death--
175
00:06:41,642 --> 00:06:43,092
Not a lack
of kindness.
176
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:44,921
The vows
are very specific.
177
00:06:45,059 --> 00:06:46,440
In other words,
you don't leave.
178
00:06:46,578 --> 00:06:48,097
That's the one thing
you don't do.
179
00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:51,100
You think I haven't felt good
and fed up plenty of times?
180
00:06:51,238 --> 00:06:52,998
Believe me, I have,
many, many times.
181
00:06:53,136 --> 00:06:54,068
But I didn't leave,
did I?
182
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,243
No.
No, I stayed.
183
00:06:56,381 --> 00:06:57,555
Right.
184
00:06:57,693 --> 00:06:59,488
He left.
185
00:07:03,284 --> 00:07:05,217
Good times.
186
00:07:06,978 --> 00:07:08,738
Here's something.
187
00:07:08,876 --> 00:07:11,189
Our dog Murray died
when I was 6,
188
00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:15,365
so naturally my parents told me
about it when I was 12.
189
00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:18,610
Okay, I've had it
with you two!
190
00:07:18,748 --> 00:07:20,336
Uh-oh.
Now what?
191
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:23,373
If one human year
equals seven dog years,
192
00:07:23,512 --> 00:07:25,686
that would make Murray 210.
193
00:07:25,824 --> 00:07:27,550
So?
So...
194
00:07:27,688 --> 00:07:29,276
You lied.
That isn't Murray.
195
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,866
Um...
196
00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:35,247
[SIGHS] Listen, Mabel--
Sonya...
197
00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:40,425
Sweetie, some
very special dogs--
198
00:07:40,563 --> 00:07:43,532
Save it, Ma.
Murray died, didn't he?
199
00:07:43,670 --> 00:07:45,188
And you got another dog
200
00:07:45,326 --> 00:07:47,950
who looked just
like Murray, didn't you?
201
00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:49,503
I mean, who does
such a thing?
202
00:07:52,126 --> 00:07:54,543
[BOTH STUTTERING]
203
00:07:54,681 --> 00:07:58,408
Thereafter, my parents promised
they'd be straight with me.
204
00:07:58,547 --> 00:07:59,789
Sweetheart?
205
00:08:00,963 --> 00:08:02,585
Last night...
206
00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:05,485
your grandfather...
207
00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:10,006
unexpectedly
and in his sleep...
208
00:08:11,629 --> 00:08:12,630
moved to Florida.
209
00:08:16,599 --> 00:08:18,498
Paulie, keep up
with the hearse.
210
00:08:18,636 --> 00:08:21,017
Ma, you're grieving
or you're driving.
211
00:08:21,155 --> 00:08:23,917
Oh, very nice. Chew
my head off, I'm a widow.
212
00:08:24,055 --> 00:08:26,644
Sorry. You're right.
213
00:08:29,992 --> 00:08:32,891
You know, sometimes
in the silence,
214
00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:35,031
I can feel his presence.
215
00:08:36,757 --> 00:08:38,656
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
216
00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:42,211
[RING]
217
00:08:42,349 --> 00:08:43,557
[RING]
218
00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:45,007
Couldn't be sorrier.
219
00:08:46,422 --> 00:08:47,285
Hello.
220
00:08:47,423 --> 00:08:49,321
I guess it's true
what they say.
221
00:08:49,459 --> 00:08:50,564
Life goes on.
222
00:08:50,702 --> 00:08:54,085
No, no. No, absolutely not.
Absolutely not!
223
00:08:54,223 --> 00:08:56,294
No, no, no.
Absolutely not!
224
00:08:56,432 --> 00:08:57,675
What?
225
00:08:57,813 --> 00:09:00,470
Hold on.
It's the tenant board.
226
00:09:00,609 --> 00:09:02,058
They say we can
have the apartment,
227
00:09:02,196 --> 00:09:03,646
but now they want
key money.
228
00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:04,992
Key money?
What is that?
229
00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:06,062
It's a bribe, basically.
230
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,443
Honestly, must you
do this now?
231
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,341
I'm sorry, Ma. It's just
that we have a chance
232
00:09:09,479 --> 00:09:11,447
to get the apartment
across the hall from us,
233
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,898
but only if we do it today.
What, the Scottish people?
234
00:09:14,036 --> 00:09:14,899
English people.
235
00:09:15,037 --> 00:09:15,900
Right.
Yeah.
236
00:09:16,038 --> 00:09:18,247
So what? Pay them
the key money.
237
00:09:18,385 --> 00:09:19,904
Really?
238
00:09:20,042 --> 00:09:22,665
Yes. Sure.
The wall can come down,
239
00:09:22,803 --> 00:09:24,943
and you'll finally
have a room for Mabel.
240
00:09:25,081 --> 00:09:26,669
What are you waiting for?
241
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:29,120
Yes. Tell them yes.
242
00:09:29,258 --> 00:09:31,571
Okay. Done. We'll get you
the check.
243
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:32,675
Thank you.
244
00:09:32,813 --> 00:09:34,539
So it's ours?
245
00:09:34,677 --> 00:09:35,540
It's ours.
246
00:09:35,678 --> 00:09:37,956
Okay. All right,
this is a good day.
247
00:09:38,094 --> 00:09:39,544
It really is.
248
00:09:47,345 --> 00:09:49,140
Can you imagine?
Cecilia wore chiffon.
249
00:09:49,278 --> 00:09:51,245
You're right. Very
inappropriate for a funeral.
250
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:53,247
It's not that,
it's her figure.
251
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:55,905
There's gotta be
a better fabric.
252
00:09:58,943 --> 00:10:02,429
Oh! I didn't get
potato salad-- just coleslaw.
253
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,604
Ma, people
love coleslaw.
254
00:10:04,742 --> 00:10:07,434
Aunt Syl, you want me
to go get it?
255
00:10:07,572 --> 00:10:08,884
No.
256
00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:23,415
[♪♪♪♪♪]
257
00:10:39,224 --> 00:10:41,779
And that's why they
call it intercourse.
258
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:43,643
Sexual intercourse.
259
00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,023
I'm saying.
260
00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:49,441
Sweetheart, do you
understand any of this?
261
00:10:49,579 --> 00:10:50,511
I'm on the pill.
262
00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:55,068
Okay, so then
you know.
263
00:10:56,310 --> 00:10:57,587
MABEL:
That was the moment
264
00:10:57,726 --> 00:11:00,107
my father decided
I was growing up too fast,
265
00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:01,764
and so began
our Sunday morning
266
00:11:01,902 --> 00:11:03,766
"buy the newspaper,
buy some bagels,
267
00:11:03,904 --> 00:11:05,078
get an Italian ice,
268
00:11:05,216 --> 00:11:06,838
and make fun of perfectly
innocent people
269
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:09,289
in the street" ritual.
270
00:11:11,291 --> 00:11:13,811
My mother and I
also had our rituals.
271
00:11:13,949 --> 00:11:14,812
No!
272
00:11:14,950 --> 00:11:15,813
I'm saying yes!
273
00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:16,952
No!
Yes!
274
00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:19,126
No!
275
00:11:25,201 --> 00:11:26,064
Yes.
276
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,065
No!
277
00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:28,826
Yes!
278
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,004
MABEL:
My therapist said
279
00:11:35,142 --> 00:11:37,835
that the reason I clash
with my mother so much
280
00:11:37,973 --> 00:11:39,733
is that we're so very alike.
281
00:11:39,871 --> 00:11:40,734
No!
282
00:11:40,872 --> 00:11:42,667
That statement alone
283
00:11:42,805 --> 00:11:46,084
upped me from two sessions
to three sessions a week.
284
00:11:47,534 --> 00:11:49,053
My grandfather used to say,
285
00:11:49,191 --> 00:11:52,056
"Out of pain
beauty does come."
286
00:11:52,194 --> 00:11:54,058
He also used to say,
287
00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:56,750
"Plant one right here,
tiger puss,"
288
00:11:56,888 --> 00:11:57,958
you know, so some things
289
00:11:58,096 --> 00:11:59,719
were more resonant
than others.
290
00:11:59,857 --> 00:12:03,239
And what I did was
I took my pain,
291
00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:06,726
poured it into my work,
and I waited for beauty.
292
00:12:06,864 --> 00:12:08,106
WOMAN:
Hey, Bob.
293
00:12:08,244 --> 00:12:11,489
BOB:
Hey. What have
you got there, a knife?
294
00:12:11,627 --> 00:12:12,559
[MAN GASPS]
[THUNK]
295
00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:13,663
MAN:
She's stabbing Bob!
296
00:12:13,802 --> 00:12:16,666
BOB:
Unh, I'm bleeding a lot.
297
00:12:16,805 --> 00:12:20,015
[WARNER BROS.
CARTOON MUSIC PLAYS]
298
00:12:30,819 --> 00:12:32,027
Well,
who wants pie?
299
00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:33,338
Yeah, that
sounds good.
300
00:12:33,476 --> 00:12:35,996
That's a great idea.
We'll see you there.
301
00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:37,204
All right, Paulie.
Okay.
302
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,656
Want to get
some pie?
303
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:41,864
I don't think so.
304
00:12:42,002 --> 00:12:44,039
Okay. Well...
305
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,007
It was good
to see you.
306
00:12:47,145 --> 00:12:49,423
You, too.
307
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,632
Think you and me
were supposed to be Bob?
308
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,841
Oh, let's say no.
309
00:12:52,979 --> 00:12:54,083
Ha.
Ha. Okay.
310
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,914
How's the apartment?
311
00:12:57,052 --> 00:12:58,087
Good.
312
00:13:00,365 --> 00:13:02,022
Did you ever think
we'd be these people?
313
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,060
No, I did not.
314
00:13:09,271 --> 00:13:13,137
I just want to say
if I did, um...
315
00:13:13,275 --> 00:13:16,657
change in some way
that made you feel--
316
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,488
No, hey, no, no,
no, no, no.
317
00:13:19,626 --> 00:13:21,559
You don't
have to do that.
318
00:13:21,697 --> 00:13:22,836
That's okay.
319
00:13:22,974 --> 00:13:25,080
Okay.
320
00:13:25,218 --> 00:13:28,117
But I do think it's better
this way... Don't you think?
321
00:13:28,255 --> 00:13:29,153
I do.
322
00:13:29,291 --> 00:13:30,533
I do, too.
323
00:13:33,295 --> 00:13:35,159
Okay, so you take
care of yourself.
324
00:13:35,297 --> 00:13:36,194
You, too.
325
00:13:36,332 --> 00:13:38,093
Okay.
326
00:13:38,231 --> 00:13:39,508
Okay.
327
00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:12,230
Did you
just kiss me?
328
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,234
No.
329
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:20,169
I didn't think so.
330
00:14:27,349 --> 00:14:29,489
Buy me some pie?
331
00:14:32,354 --> 00:14:34,252
Yes, please.
332
00:14:48,128 --> 00:14:49,923
MABEL:
And he bought her pie,
333
00:14:50,061 --> 00:14:53,582
and he took her home,
and he never left.
334
00:14:58,794 --> 00:15:01,176
Yes, it was not
my best film.
335
00:15:01,314 --> 00:15:03,247
I see that now.
336
00:15:03,385 --> 00:15:08,908
But it was what I would call
a hugely successful screening.
337
00:15:09,046 --> 00:15:11,772
To me, there is no
greater act of courage
338
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,742
than being the one
who kisses first.
339
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,607
And bearing that
in mind...
340
00:15:18,745 --> 00:15:20,264
I ask all of you
who are not my mother
341
00:15:20,402 --> 00:15:23,923
to turn around
for a second.
342
00:15:24,061 --> 00:15:27,512
Mom, I love you.
343
00:15:27,650 --> 00:15:30,239
Okay, everybody,
you can turn back around.
344
00:15:30,377 --> 00:15:31,585
[SIGHS]
345
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:34,174
I said at the beginning
that I blame my parents...
346
00:15:34,312 --> 00:15:35,900
and I do.
347
00:15:36,038 --> 00:15:38,696
I blame them
for making me crazy.
348
00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:41,768
I blame them
for being so difficult.
349
00:15:43,287 --> 00:15:44,978
But most of all...
350
00:15:45,116 --> 00:15:47,981
I blame them for making it
impossible for me
351
00:15:48,119 --> 00:15:49,879
to dismiss the idea
352
00:15:50,018 --> 00:15:53,124
that love
can actually work out.
353
00:15:55,816 --> 00:15:58,750
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today--
354
00:15:58,888 --> 00:16:02,064
Ahem-- Actually, we are
gathered here almost tomorrow.
355
00:16:02,202 --> 00:16:03,721
Sorry again
about the late hour.
356
00:16:03,859 --> 00:16:06,172
Yeah, it's just we want to keep
the same anniversary, so...
357
00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:08,312
Happy to be here.
Flattered to be asked.
358
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:11,315
Although, we are moving right
along here on midnight,
359
00:16:11,453 --> 00:16:13,144
so, uh, I should
just kind of...
360
00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:14,801
Please, by all means,
by all means.
361
00:16:14,939 --> 00:16:16,458
Paul, do you take Jamie
to be your wife,
362
00:16:16,596 --> 00:16:18,253
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
363
00:16:18,391 --> 00:16:19,288
till death do you part?
364
00:16:19,426 --> 00:16:20,703
I do.
365
00:16:20,841 --> 00:16:22,533
Jamie, do you take Paul
to be your husband,
366
00:16:22,671 --> 00:16:24,328
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
367
00:16:24,466 --> 00:16:25,674
till death do you part?
368
00:16:25,812 --> 00:16:27,952
I do.
369
00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:29,747
Are you sure?
370
00:16:31,438 --> 00:16:32,577
Yes.
371
00:16:32,715 --> 00:16:34,338
Well, you know,
the last time we talked--
372
00:16:34,476 --> 00:16:35,718
I understand.
Okay.
373
00:16:35,856 --> 00:16:36,961
Well, uh,
you got the rings,
374
00:16:37,099 --> 00:16:39,274
and the, uh, witness
is asleep in the crib.
375
00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:42,346
Dog's lost interest, so I guess
we can move right along.
376
00:16:42,484 --> 00:16:44,003
By the power
vested in me,
377
00:16:44,141 --> 00:16:46,005
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
378
00:16:46,143 --> 00:16:47,351
And we got
7 seconds left,
379
00:16:47,489 --> 00:16:49,318
so you can kiss each other
squarely on the mouth.
380
00:16:49,456 --> 00:16:51,148
Ha.
381
00:16:51,286 --> 00:16:52,735
Okay.
Okay.
382
00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:54,013
Well, I'm out of here.
383
00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:56,670
Okay, there you go.
We're all signed up.
384
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,362
Here's your certificate
right there.
385
00:16:58,500 --> 00:16:59,604
I'm gonna leave you
my card
386
00:16:59,742 --> 00:17:01,192
in case you ever want
to get ahold of me.
387
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:03,436
I am a certified
public accountant
388
00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:04,920
and also
a notary public
389
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:07,957
and I can fix a boat.
390
00:17:12,893 --> 00:17:13,825
Well...
391
00:17:13,963 --> 00:17:16,104
Well.
392
00:17:16,242 --> 00:17:17,519
We are married.
393
00:17:17,657 --> 00:17:18,727
Yes, we are.
394
00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:21,385
All official, typed up,
nice and everything.
395
00:17:21,523 --> 00:17:22,972
Yep.
396
00:17:23,111 --> 00:17:26,769
I got to say it feels, uh...
it feels...
397
00:17:26,907 --> 00:17:28,254
what am I trying to say?
It feels...
398
00:17:28,392 --> 00:17:29,324
Exactly the same?
399
00:17:29,462 --> 00:17:30,463
Very much, yes.
400
00:17:30,601 --> 00:17:32,189
Did we rush him
too much?
401
00:17:32,327 --> 00:17:33,500
I don't know.
Maybe we did.
402
00:17:33,638 --> 00:17:35,537
'Cause there were actually
a couple of things
403
00:17:35,675 --> 00:17:37,435
I would have said if he'd
given us a minute or 2.
404
00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:39,334
Really? Me, too.
Really?
405
00:17:39,472 --> 00:17:42,164
Yeah. Well, I know you
pretty good now.
406
00:17:42,302 --> 00:17:43,924
I would have been
a little more specific.
407
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,305
What would you
have said?
408
00:17:45,443 --> 00:17:47,135
I would have said,
"I love you."
409
00:17:47,273 --> 00:17:49,137
That's not so specific.
410
00:17:49,275 --> 00:17:51,104
No, but...
411
00:17:51,242 --> 00:17:52,347
I really love you.
412
00:17:52,485 --> 00:17:54,418
Oh.
413
00:17:54,556 --> 00:17:56,454
And I would have said...
414
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:01,114
I know life is a big,
dangerous thing,
415
00:18:01,252 --> 00:18:06,844
and it's stronger and smarter
and sneakier than us,
416
00:18:06,982 --> 00:18:08,466
but here's what I got.
417
00:18:08,604 --> 00:18:10,503
I will always love you.
418
00:18:10,641 --> 00:18:14,334
Don't ever doubt that
no matter what.
419
00:18:14,472 --> 00:18:16,440
So that's what
I would have said.
420
00:18:16,578 --> 00:18:17,544
What would you
have said?
421
00:18:17,682 --> 00:18:21,134
I would have said...
422
00:18:23,309 --> 00:18:27,244
I would have said there are
millions of things I want,
423
00:18:27,382 --> 00:18:30,523
but only one thing
I really need.
424
00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:32,111
And if you ever
decided to leave me,
425
00:18:32,249 --> 00:18:34,285
I would go and find you
and bring you home
426
00:18:34,423 --> 00:18:37,564
'cause you'd be wrong.
427
00:18:38,979 --> 00:18:40,049
See, now that's a wedding.
428
00:18:40,188 --> 00:18:41,085
Yeah.
429
00:18:41,223 --> 00:18:43,432
How do you like
being married so far?
430
00:18:43,570 --> 00:18:45,917
I like it very much.
431
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,196
You hungry?
Not really.
432
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:49,852
Okay.
433
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,513
Come here.
434
00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:13,290
Thank you for
a wonderful engagement.
435
00:19:14,429 --> 00:19:16,534
It has been my pleasure.
436
00:19:26,441 --> 00:19:27,338
[♪♪♪♪♪]
437
00:19:46,392 --> 00:19:51,431
♪ You turn around ♪
438
00:19:51,569 --> 00:19:56,056
♪ Then you ask me
Behind tears of doubt ♪
439
00:19:56,195 --> 00:20:01,303
♪ "Just what do
I see in you?" ♪
440
00:20:01,441 --> 00:20:05,583
♪ Please don't cry ♪
441
00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:10,485
♪ I know sometimes
It seems we barely get by ♪
442
00:20:10,623 --> 00:20:12,556
♪ But you don't see ♪
443
00:20:12,694 --> 00:20:14,937
♪ How much you do ♪
444
00:20:15,075 --> 00:20:17,285
♪ Oh, to get me through ♪
445
00:20:17,423 --> 00:20:21,358
♪ When the world is cold ♪
446
00:20:21,496 --> 00:20:25,051
♪ And I need
A friend to hold ♪
447
00:20:25,189 --> 00:20:27,018
♪ You give me love ♪
448
00:20:27,156 --> 00:20:29,883
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
449
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:33,577
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
450
00:20:33,715 --> 00:20:37,339
♪ And I feel
I can't go on ♪
451
00:20:37,477 --> 00:20:39,479
♪ You pick me up ♪
452
00:20:39,617 --> 00:20:44,484
♪ You give me love
You give me love ♪
453
00:20:44,622 --> 00:20:48,523
♪ Yeah, yeah
Oh, baby ♪
454
00:20:51,008 --> 00:20:56,220
♪ I apologize ♪
455
00:20:56,358 --> 00:21:01,225
♪ If I never told you
What you are in my eyes ♪
456
00:21:01,363 --> 00:21:05,988
♪ Oh, baby
Let me tell you now ♪
457
00:21:06,126 --> 00:21:10,199
♪ Every day ♪
458
00:21:10,338 --> 00:21:15,239
♪ Looks sweeter knowing You'll be there in every way ♪
459
00:21:15,377 --> 00:21:19,933
♪ Now how can you say
That's not enough ♪
460
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:24,075
♪ 'Cause when
The world is cold ♪
461
00:21:24,213 --> 00:21:27,838
♪ And I need a friend to hold ♪
462
00:21:27,976 --> 00:21:31,842
♪ You give me love
You give me love, baby ♪
463
00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:36,536
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
464
00:21:36,674 --> 00:21:40,022
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
465
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,439
♪ You pick me up ♪
466
00:21:42,577 --> 00:21:44,233
♪ You give me love ♪
467
00:21:44,372 --> 00:21:49,687
♪ You give me everything
My heart desires ♪
468
00:21:49,825 --> 00:21:53,415
♪ Morning sun
And midnight fires ♪
469
00:21:53,553 --> 00:21:57,695
♪ Someone there
To share my dream ♪
470
00:21:57,833 --> 00:22:01,527
♪ With you
I have everything ♪
471
00:22:01,665 --> 00:22:05,047
♪ When the world is cold ♪
472
00:22:05,185 --> 00:22:08,879
♪ And I need
A friend to hold ♪
473
00:22:09,017 --> 00:22:10,950
♪ You give me love ♪
474
00:22:11,088 --> 00:22:13,608
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
475
00:22:13,746 --> 00:22:17,991
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
476
00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:21,029
♪ And I feel
I can't go on ♪
477
00:22:21,167 --> 00:22:23,307
♪ You pick me up ♪
478
00:22:23,445 --> 00:22:25,067
♪ You give me love ♪
479
00:22:25,205 --> 00:22:30,176
♪ Yeah, when my world
Is cold ♪
480
00:22:30,314 --> 00:22:34,042
♪ And I need
A friend to hold me ♪
481
00:22:34,180 --> 00:22:35,768
♪ You give me love ♪
482
00:22:35,906 --> 00:22:38,426
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
483
00:22:38,564 --> 00:22:42,568
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
484
00:22:42,706 --> 00:22:46,054
♪ And I feel
I can't go on ♪
485
00:22:46,192 --> 00:22:48,090
♪ You pick me up ♪
486
00:22:48,228 --> 00:22:50,299
♪ You give me love ♪
487
00:22:50,438 --> 00:22:55,546
♪ Yeah, when my world is cold ♪
488
00:22:55,684 --> 00:22:58,825
♪ And I need
A friend to hold me ♪
489
00:22:58,963 --> 00:23:02,484
♪ You give me love
You give me love, baby ♪
490
00:23:04,728 --> 00:23:05,867
So in case you're interested,
491
00:23:06,005 --> 00:23:07,455
here's what happened
to everybody.
492
00:23:07,593 --> 00:23:10,043
Ira and Marianne ended up
with eight children--
493
00:23:10,181 --> 00:23:13,322
one from every continent
and two from New Jersey.
494
00:23:13,461 --> 00:23:15,014
Mark and Fran invited
495
00:23:15,152 --> 00:23:17,396
an adventuresome Swedish
couple into their marriage,
496
00:23:17,534 --> 00:23:19,328
and they've
never been happier.
497
00:23:19,467 --> 00:23:22,159
My grandma moved
to Boca Raton, Florida,
498
00:23:22,297 --> 00:23:23,540
but it didn't take.
499
00:23:23,678 --> 00:23:25,473
So then she moved into
my parents' building,
500
00:23:25,611 --> 00:23:28,510
but two floors down
so as not to intrude.
501
00:23:28,648 --> 00:23:32,825
Aunt Lisa
is exactly the same.
502
00:23:32,963 --> 00:23:36,380
Me...I'm fine.
503
00:23:36,518 --> 00:23:40,039
And these two, if you'll
pardon the expression,
504
00:23:40,177 --> 00:23:42,628
lived happily ever after.
505
00:23:48,254 --> 00:23:49,186
Captions:
M.P.
34242
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