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1
00:00:05,419 --> 00:00:08,594
Did you look in the closet?
Well, Daddy,
look in the closet.
2
00:00:08,663 --> 00:00:10,320
Again?
3
00:00:10,389 --> 00:00:12,357
Because that's where
Mom's kept the towels
for the past 40 years.
4
00:00:12,426 --> 00:00:16,050
He shoots. Yes.
5
00:00:16,119 --> 00:00:18,190
How do you know
I didn't make it?
6
00:00:18,259 --> 00:00:19,743
Okay. You got it?
7
00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:21,676
Yes, I am. That's why
you sent me to college.
8
00:00:21,745 --> 00:00:23,126
Okay, Daddy, good night.
9
00:00:23,195 --> 00:00:25,784
God, he's so helpless.
10
00:00:25,853 --> 00:00:27,234
Where did your mother
go anyway?
11
00:00:27,303 --> 00:00:29,477
She's spending the weekend
with Uncle Phil.
12
00:00:29,546 --> 00:00:32,929
For what? His wife's in Albany,
so he's all alone.
13
00:00:32,998 --> 00:00:35,725
What's in Albany. Her brother.
14
00:00:35,794 --> 00:00:38,797
Where's his wife? In diet camp till Monday.
15
00:00:38,866 --> 00:00:41,179
So basically,
because of one fat woman
upstate New York,
16
00:00:41,248 --> 00:00:42,352
17 families go
out of whack?
17
00:00:42,421 --> 00:00:44,009
That's about it.
18
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,493
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
19
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:48,393
Yeah, I wonder
who that is?
20
00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:50,671
Hi, Daddy.
21
00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:53,881
No, no, you like French's
mustard not French mustard.
22
00:00:55,158 --> 00:00:56,711
Ow! No.
23
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:59,852
The Poupon is French,
and the French's is
actually American.
24
00:00:59,921 --> 00:01:01,682
I said "Ow". What?
25
00:01:03,132 --> 00:01:05,444
Okay. Tell me you don't
feel this spring.
26
00:01:05,513 --> 00:01:08,344
Sourdough. This is a huge spring.
This whole bed is just shot.
27
00:01:08,413 --> 00:01:10,932
Actually, why don't I hold on
while you toast it?
28
00:01:11,001 --> 00:01:12,624
We're not getting
a new bed.
29
00:01:12,693 --> 00:01:14,626
Seriously, we've had this bed
since we moved in together.
30
00:01:14,695 --> 00:01:15,903
No. Why?
31
00:01:15,972 --> 00:01:18,285
Because we've had it
since we moved in together.
32
00:01:18,354 --> 00:01:21,460
You know, on 60 Minutes,
I saw a thing. A Malaysian
child was sleeping
33
00:01:21,529 --> 00:01:23,462
on a mattress
just like this.
34
00:01:23,531 --> 00:01:24,877
Mike Wallace cried.
Little tears,
little tears coming out.
35
00:01:27,259 --> 00:01:30,711
Fine. I will think about it.
No. No. That's good. The toast
is supposed to be brown.
36
00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:32,920
Go get a tomato.
37
00:01:32,989 --> 00:01:35,164
You know, why don't you just
invite your father down
for the weekend?
38
00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:38,788
I already did. He doesn't
like to leave the house.
Maybe we should go there.
39
00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:41,722
Then I'd have
to leave the house.
40
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:44,863
Oh, God, no, no, no.
Then forget the tomato.
Go get the mayonnaise.
41
00:01:44,932 --> 00:01:47,762
Well, maybe you should go. What?
And leave you home alone?
42
00:01:47,831 --> 00:01:49,833
What am I,
Macaulay Culkin?
43
00:01:51,076 --> 00:01:52,802
All right.
Try counterclockwise.
44
00:01:53,941 --> 00:01:55,149
Just...
45
00:01:57,531 --> 00:02:00,085
Just go
before he hurts himself.
46
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:03,019
Daddy, maybe I should just
come and stay with you
till Mom gets back.
47
00:02:03,088 --> 00:02:04,227
You sure you'll be fine? I'll be fine.
48
00:02:04,296 --> 00:02:06,333
Are you sure? I'll be thrilled.
49
00:02:07,713 --> 00:02:10,578
You'll be thrilled?
All righty.
50
00:02:10,647 --> 00:02:13,719
So, um...
So I'll be there tomorrow.
51
00:02:13,788 --> 00:02:16,343
First train in the morning.
Okay. Good night.
52
00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:20,070
Not--Not thrilled,
happy-thrilled,
thrilled when you get back
53
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:24,316
because I will have missed you
the whole weekend,
so great is my love for you.
54
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:34,464
Okay. The shower's dripping,
so you have to call Mr. Wicker
before it explodes again.
55
00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:35,707
I understand.
56
00:02:35,776 --> 00:02:37,812
And don't forget,
you need to light the oven.
57
00:02:37,881 --> 00:02:40,850
If you need extra light bulbs,
they're in the thing. If the
refrigerator starts humming...
58
00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:42,990
Then I'll harmonize
with it.
59
00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:44,819
Are you gonna be okay? I'll be fine.
60
00:02:44,888 --> 00:02:47,753
What are you gonna do? I'll do-- I'll do whatever.
I'll c-call the guys.
61
00:02:47,822 --> 00:02:49,169
What guys? The guys.
62
00:02:49,238 --> 00:02:50,549
You don't have any guys.
63
00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:53,932
I've got guys.
I've got plenty of guys.
64
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:55,830
Okay. If you decide
to do laundry...
65
00:02:55,899 --> 00:02:57,142
I'm not gonna do laundry. Yeah, but if you do...
66
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,144
I'm not gonna do laundry.
67
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:02,389
...don't do it between 4:00
and 6:00, or you'll run into
the Kopecks and their kids
68
00:03:02,458 --> 00:03:05,426
and just trust me. Yeah. Understand how much
I'm not gonna do laundry.
69
00:03:05,495 --> 00:03:06,772
[INTERCOM BUZZING] All right.
70
00:03:06,841 --> 00:03:08,912
MR. WICKER: Cab's here. She's coming.
71
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,191
Come on, sweetie,
you're upsetting the cabbie.
72
00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:12,640
You know, you're allergic
to coconut.
73
00:03:12,709 --> 00:03:14,470
So, no luaus.
74
00:03:14,539 --> 00:03:17,818
Are you gonna
miss me at all? Yes, only if you leave.
75
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:21,062
Bye. Bye. Have fun.
76
00:03:24,894 --> 00:03:27,517
Well, now, it's all mine!
77
00:03:27,586 --> 00:03:29,139
It's all mine.
78
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,524
That's mine.
79
00:03:34,593 --> 00:03:36,043
It's all mine.
80
00:03:36,112 --> 00:03:38,114
That was always mine,
now it's even more mine.
81
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:42,360
Anything in here?
All mine.
82
00:03:42,429 --> 00:03:44,293
Milk. Perfect example
of things that are mine.
83
00:03:45,363 --> 00:03:46,433
Mmm.
84
00:03:48,297 --> 00:03:49,677
Ah.
85
00:03:49,746 --> 00:03:52,922
See that?
Virtually empty,
yet I put it right back.
86
00:03:54,303 --> 00:03:57,029
Whatever you want.
Mallomars.
87
00:03:57,098 --> 00:03:59,825
By the way, I don't know if
I mentioned, Mallomars,
also mine.
88
00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:02,897
You can have one, too.
89
00:04:02,966 --> 00:04:06,038
You see that? I don't even
close it. That's how giddy
I am with power.
90
00:04:07,937 --> 00:04:11,078
Come dog of mine.
Come with me.
Let's watch my Baywatch.
91
00:04:14,909 --> 00:04:18,948
You can sit.
Sit, lick, whatever you want.
92
00:04:22,848 --> 00:04:25,817
All right. Here we go.
There's a 3:20, 5:30,
there's 7:45...
93
00:04:25,886 --> 00:04:27,301
Paulie, I can't go
to the movies.
94
00:04:27,370 --> 00:04:28,992
Why not? I've got a date.
95
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:31,098
What? Yeah, we do that out here.
96
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:34,550
But I'm free.
97
00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:36,655
Imagine my dilemma.
98
00:04:36,724 --> 00:04:37,967
[SCOFFS]
99
00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:42,627
All right. Fine.
You know what?
I'll call the guys.
100
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:44,939
What guys? I've got guys.
101
00:04:45,008 --> 00:04:48,115
Hey, hey, hey, hey. I understand.
It's soft but walking.
102
00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:50,635
I'm gonna go bowling.
103
00:04:50,704 --> 00:04:52,292
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
104
00:04:52,361 --> 00:04:54,880
You want to borrow
some of my guys? Why would I want your guys?
105
00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:57,158
Because you don't do
alone so good.
106
00:04:57,227 --> 00:04:59,851
Hey, excuse me.
I lived alone for 30 years.
107
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,786
Paulie, you lived with your
parents until you were 18.
In college you had roommates.
108
00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:06,340
We lived together
until I threw you out,
and then Jamie.
109
00:05:06,409 --> 00:05:09,032
Basically, you've been alone
about five minutes
your whole life.
110
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:11,897
You didn't throw me out. Hey, I don't want to have
that discussion again. What?
111
00:05:11,966 --> 00:05:14,417
You want me to call Susannah
and cancel my date?
112
00:05:14,486 --> 00:05:16,074
Nah. Because I would.
113
00:05:16,143 --> 00:05:17,524
You would? Yeah, I would.
114
00:05:17,593 --> 00:05:18,801
All right.
115
00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,941
[LAUGHING] I'm not
gonna cancel my date.
116
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,154
[MURRAY BARKING]
117
00:05:27,223 --> 00:05:30,709
Hey, dog of mine.
Pepperoni.
118
00:05:30,778 --> 00:05:32,297
Do not tell your mother.
119
00:05:36,197 --> 00:05:39,960
Oh, is the shower
exploding again?
I forgot to call Wicker.
120
00:05:40,029 --> 00:05:43,343
That's what I need
this weekend, a flood.
121
00:05:43,895 --> 00:05:44,930
[FRAN SCREAMING]
122
00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:45,966
[PAUL EXCLAIMING]
123
00:05:55,009 --> 00:05:57,426
Hi. Hey, Fran. Hi.
When did you get here?
124
00:05:57,495 --> 00:05:59,531
[SIGHS] Sorry I screamed.
You startled me.
125
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,189
Oh, were those yours? What?
126
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,263
[STAMMERING] No, 'cause
I didn't see a thing. Okay.
127
00:06:07,332 --> 00:06:09,334
I swear. Fine.
128
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,991
I'm gonna go get dressed.
Okay. Please do that.
129
00:06:19,793 --> 00:06:21,760
[PHONE RINGING]
130
00:06:21,829 --> 00:06:23,037
Hello. Hi, it's me.
131
00:06:23,106 --> 00:06:24,832
Hi, sweetie. How was your trip?
132
00:06:24,901 --> 00:06:27,248
It was okay.
The train was a little late. All right, good. Listen.
133
00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:32,495
Um. hypothetical situation.
134
00:06:32,564 --> 00:06:35,843
Fran is naked in our house.
Why would that be?
135
00:06:35,912 --> 00:06:38,121
Excuse me? She was in the shower.
136
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,951
She must have gone
to the gym.
137
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:41,815
So?The shower there
is all nasty.
138
00:06:41,884 --> 00:06:44,127
The gym's right around
the corner, so she comes over
to us.
139
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,440
Like, all the time? Yeah, you know.
140
00:06:46,509 --> 00:06:50,513
No. I don't know. I don't
know. That's the whole point. What happened?
141
00:06:50,582 --> 00:06:52,412
I didn't see a thing.
142
00:06:54,103 --> 00:06:56,485
Oh, God. Did you apologize?
143
00:06:56,554 --> 00:06:58,418
I'm going to send her
an arrangement.
144
00:06:59,073 --> 00:07:00,420
Are you okay?
145
00:07:00,489 --> 00:07:02,767
Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...
Everything is under control.
146
00:07:02,836 --> 00:07:04,285
[DOORBELL BUZZING]All right. Bye-bye.
147
00:07:05,494 --> 00:07:07,150
Why didn't you say something?
148
00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,220
[WHIMPERS]
149
00:07:10,395 --> 00:07:13,433
Snappy Garments. And a lovely jacket yourself.
150
00:07:16,366 --> 00:07:19,059
I'm here to pick up
your dry cleaning.
151
00:07:19,128 --> 00:07:21,924
No. What? Buchman? Yeah.
152
00:07:21,993 --> 00:07:23,753
11 D? Yeah.
153
00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:27,723
One second.
154
00:07:27,792 --> 00:07:28,965
Bye. Bye.
155
00:07:29,794 --> 00:07:30,760
Bye.
156
00:07:33,591 --> 00:07:34,971
[PHONE RINGING]
157
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,594
Hello. PAUL: Hi, it's me.
158
00:07:36,663 --> 00:07:38,975
Um, there's a guy here,
wants our clothing.
159
00:07:39,044 --> 00:07:41,737
Do we do that,
or are we being robbed?
160
00:07:42,358 --> 00:07:43,601
We do that.
161
00:07:43,670 --> 00:07:45,568
Since when? It's free.
162
00:07:45,637 --> 00:07:47,467
What else goes on
around here?
163
00:07:47,536 --> 00:07:48,951
It's the blue bag
in the closet.
164
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,608
I'm quite aware
of the blue bag.
165
00:07:50,677 --> 00:07:52,472
You sure you're
gonna be okay? I'll be fine.
166
00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:53,887
Everything is under control. Bye-bye.
167
00:07:53,956 --> 00:07:55,716
Bye.
168
00:07:55,785 --> 00:07:58,961
Sorry about that. It's just...
My wife is away,
so you know how that is.
169
00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:00,272
I've got to do
everything myself.
170
00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:05,415
Are these dry clean
or laundry? What's that?
171
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,141
Dry clean or laundry?
172
00:08:16,392 --> 00:08:17,497
Hi, it's me. Dry clean.
173
00:08:17,566 --> 00:08:18,532
Thank you.
174
00:08:24,469 --> 00:08:27,334
PAUL: I can't call him.
Can't call him.
175
00:08:27,403 --> 00:08:29,785
Hey, you know what?
I've got no guys.
176
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,858
Not a guy to be found here.
177
00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:39,346
Zucker? Nah.
178
00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:45,110
That's all right. That's all
right. You know what?
It's good to be alone.
179
00:08:45,179 --> 00:08:46,595
It's good for the soul.
180
00:08:50,909 --> 00:08:52,290
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
181
00:08:52,359 --> 00:08:56,536
Thank God.
I'm coming. Don't go away.
Don't go away.
182
00:08:56,605 --> 00:08:57,778
Right here. Please don't go.
183
00:08:57,847 --> 00:09:01,023
Lisa. Hi. Hi.
184
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,373
Hi, how are you?
185
00:09:06,442 --> 00:09:07,685
Uh, I was just
in the neighborhood
186
00:09:07,754 --> 00:09:09,549
and thought I'd bring you
some lunch.
187
00:09:09,618 --> 00:09:11,585
Did Jamie say to do that? No.
188
00:09:11,654 --> 00:09:13,069
Did she tell you to say no?Yes.
189
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,418
I'm borrowing a dress.
190
00:09:17,487 --> 00:09:19,248
Anything.
Whatever you want.
Whatever you want. Sure.
191
00:09:19,317 --> 00:09:20,490
You got a big date tonight?
192
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,044
Oh, just Troy, you know.
193
00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:23,390
Going out with Troy. Mmm-hmm.
194
00:09:23,459 --> 00:09:26,082
Which one is Troy? Harriette's acupuncturist.
195
00:09:26,151 --> 00:09:28,533
He's an acupuncturist.
So he works with needles?
196
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,017
I would think
that's fascinating work.
197
00:09:30,086 --> 00:09:32,537
What is wrong with you?
198
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:35,678
Nothing is wrong with me.
I was just thinking. You and I
never get to really talk.
199
00:09:35,747 --> 00:09:37,887
Oh, we talk. No, not really.
200
00:09:37,956 --> 00:09:40,856
Well, Jamie and I talk,
you sit there
and roll your eyes.
201
00:09:40,925 --> 00:09:42,892
I don't roll my eyes at you. Yeah, right.
202
00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:45,032
Never.
Where--where do you
get that?
203
00:09:45,101 --> 00:09:47,725
Oh, come on. You couldn't
talk to me two minutes
and not roll your eyes.
204
00:09:47,794 --> 00:09:50,003
Oh, that's so not true. Oh, yeah?
205
00:09:50,072 --> 00:09:52,005
Yeah.Okay.
206
00:09:53,454 --> 00:09:55,318
I'm thinking of
buying a ferret.
207
00:10:01,428 --> 00:10:02,843
Good for you.
208
00:10:02,912 --> 00:10:03,948
Mmm-hmm.
209
00:10:04,017 --> 00:10:07,572
I know where I can get one
for $600.
210
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:12,922
Sounds pricey
for a weasel, but...
211
00:10:12,991 --> 00:10:16,512
Well, you know how good I am
at budgeting my money. Nobody better.
212
00:10:16,581 --> 00:10:18,341
I figured I'd name him Biff
213
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,723
after this old boyfriend
of mine who used to be
a doorman at FAO Schwarz,
214
00:10:20,792 --> 00:10:22,518
only he got
fired for stealing Legos
215
00:10:22,587 --> 00:10:24,347
and had to move back home
to Jersey,
216
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:26,626
which was kind of a drag
because we had bought
this '63 Valiant together,
217
00:10:26,695 --> 00:10:29,594
and whenever I felt like
driving uptown, I had to go
to Newark first.
218
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:33,840
But, actually, it worked out
pretty well because the bus
I had to take had this driver
219
00:10:33,909 --> 00:10:36,601
named Delana, and she let me
honk the horn once in a while,
220
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,293
and eventually she
introduced me to her brother
who breeds ferrets,
221
00:10:39,362 --> 00:10:43,021
and he said I could have pick
of the litter for $600
and a pair of my panties,
222
00:10:43,090 --> 00:10:44,885
which you can't deny
is a pretty good deal.
223
00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:51,961
[DOORBELL BUZZING]Sounds great.
Excuse me for a second.
224
00:11:02,213 --> 00:11:03,559
Hi.Buchman?
225
00:11:03,628 --> 00:11:05,699
Yes. Sign here.
226
00:11:05,768 --> 00:11:08,564
What, a Meat
of the Month Club? That's right.
227
00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:14,812
I don't think so.
Ah, just--just one second.
228
00:11:14,881 --> 00:11:19,886
My wife is out of town,
so it's all been... Just...
229
00:11:19,955 --> 00:11:22,405
[PHONE RINGING]
230
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:23,441
JAMIE: Hello.Hi, it's me.
231
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:25,892
Well, blow me down.
232
00:11:25,961 --> 00:11:27,721
There's a guy here
with a box of meat.
233
00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:28,791
So? So?
234
00:11:28,860 --> 00:11:29,999
So? I'm saying to you.
235
00:11:30,068 --> 00:11:32,036
What?
236
00:11:32,105 --> 00:11:33,900
Since when do we eat
meat in a box?
237
00:11:33,969 --> 00:11:35,625
Three years.
238
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,145
Really? And I enjoy it?Yeah. You love it.
239
00:11:38,214 --> 00:11:40,044
Well, who knew?
240
00:11:40,113 --> 00:11:41,424
Is that Jamie?Huh? Yeah.
241
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,219
I didn't borrow
her new dress.
242
00:11:43,288 --> 00:11:45,463
Hey, come on, get back here. Honey, are you sure
you're okay?
243
00:11:45,532 --> 00:11:48,604
Huh? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just, uh,
244
00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:51,469
a lot of surprises
for one day. Do you want me to come home?
245
00:11:51,538 --> 00:11:54,472
No, no, no. Hey,
everything is under control.
246
00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:56,025
All righty.
I'll talk to you
in five minutes.
247
00:11:57,578 --> 00:11:59,822
That's very funny.
Yeah, who's next?
248
00:11:59,891 --> 00:12:02,825
Who is that? Nobody. Nobody.
I have things under control.
249
00:12:02,894 --> 00:12:06,208
I'll be on
the 4:00 train. Bye-bye. All right. Love you, babe.
250
00:12:06,277 --> 00:12:08,175
Little Sisters of Mercy. You bet.
251
00:12:08,244 --> 00:12:10,177
We're from the thrift store.
252
00:12:10,246 --> 00:12:12,352
I know.
You picking up
or you dropping off?
253
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:13,836
We're here
to pick up the bed.
254
00:12:13,905 --> 00:12:16,563
The bed? I understand.
Of course. Why?
255
00:12:16,632 --> 00:12:18,392
Your wife donated it.
256
00:12:18,461 --> 00:12:19,739
She did?
257
00:12:19,808 --> 00:12:21,257
That's what it says.
258
00:12:21,326 --> 00:12:23,363
Uh, all right.
Yeah, okay.
259
00:12:23,432 --> 00:12:25,158
Uh, of course,
it's right through there.
260
00:12:25,227 --> 00:12:27,367
Right through there
in the bedroom.
261
00:12:27,436 --> 00:12:29,749
'Cause we...
We've been having
a little problem with the bed,
262
00:12:29,818 --> 00:12:32,752
so we've been talking
about getting a new one.
263
00:12:32,821 --> 00:12:37,101
Uh, so, I guess,
what, my wife called you
and just said, uh...
264
00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:38,723
The whole bed?
265
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,725
That's what it says.
266
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:44,177
Uh, uh, just--just one second,
would ya? 'Cause I don't...
267
00:12:46,869 --> 00:12:47,974
Take the bed out of here.
268
00:12:57,259 --> 00:12:58,950
Out of sorts. Six letters.
269
00:12:59,951 --> 00:13:00,987
Fusty.
270
00:13:01,056 --> 00:13:02,229
What?Fusty.
271
00:13:02,298 --> 00:13:05,715
F-U-S-T-Y.
272
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,787
And this extra space,
we just ignore.
273
00:13:09,547 --> 00:13:11,894
When is your wife coming back?Why do you ask?
274
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:14,759
Hey, Conways.
You need a taxi, right? If you would.
275
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,141
Hey, hey, look at you two.
You're looking pretty sporty.
276
00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:19,971
You've got a big day? Brunch and the opera
with my publisher.
277
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,250
Oh, my wife and I used go
to brunch all the time.
278
00:13:23,319 --> 00:13:25,908
Oh, have you two split up?
279
00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:28,221
No, no. She just... Is she dead?
280
00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:35,193
No, she's not dead.
She's out of the town. BOTH: Oh.
281
00:13:37,126 --> 00:13:38,956
MR. WICKER: Cab's ready.
282
00:13:39,025 --> 00:13:41,993
Oh, Mr. Wicker, you didn't
happen to see any delivery men
yesterday, did you?
283
00:13:42,062 --> 00:13:44,720
For you? Yes. We donated
some furniture to charity,
284
00:13:44,789 --> 00:13:45,894
but they never showed up.
285
00:13:45,963 --> 00:13:47,792
Gee, I was only on
in the morning.
286
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,760
Never mind.
We'll call them tomorrow.
Come on, darling.
287
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,108
If you're done with
this book review
I'm gonna...
288
00:13:53,177 --> 00:13:55,282
What did they say
about picking up furniture?
289
00:13:56,697 --> 00:13:57,906
[IRA LAUGHING]
290
00:14:00,149 --> 00:14:03,497
Laughter is not constructive. No, no,
let me get this straight.
291
00:14:03,566 --> 00:14:06,431
Two guys come down
your hall with a clipboard
292
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:09,883
and you think,
"Let me give you my bed."
293
00:14:11,229 --> 00:14:13,507
Yes.How do you do that?
294
00:14:13,576 --> 00:14:17,028
Because I am the dumbest man
in the country.
295
00:14:17,097 --> 00:14:18,478
And yet,
and yet, maybe I'm not.
296
00:14:18,547 --> 00:14:21,274
Maybe Jamie was
in a charitable mood.
297
00:14:21,343 --> 00:14:23,586
So why don't you give her
a call and ask her?
298
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,037
I can't. I can't call her
because then she'll know...
299
00:14:26,106 --> 00:14:28,833
How stupid you are? Yes.
300
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,214
She's gonna
be home tonight.
301
00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:32,526
Maybe she won't notice.
302
00:14:32,595 --> 00:14:36,910
I don't know, Paulie,
she's pretty sharp.
303
00:14:36,979 --> 00:14:39,948
All right. It really does open up
the room, though, doesn't it?
304
00:14:40,017 --> 00:14:40,983
Shut up.
305
00:14:41,811 --> 00:14:43,365
[PHONE RINGING]
306
00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:47,231
Hello. Hey, top of
the morning to you.
307
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:49,785
What's wrong?
308
00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:52,236
Nothing is wrong.
I just want to see
how you are doing.
309
00:14:52,305 --> 00:14:54,824
Well, that's sweet.
I'm good. I miss you.
310
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,378
Okay. Listen. Um...
311
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,176
I was just wondering,
did you give
any more thought
312
00:15:01,245 --> 00:15:03,799
to the buying a new bed thing
we discussed?
313
00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:05,421
No. I haven't. Okay. Bye.
314
00:15:09,563 --> 00:15:10,771
So of all the men
in America...
315
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,842
I am the most stupid.
316
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,466
Okay. How do I fix this?
317
00:15:15,535 --> 00:15:17,019
What's the name
of the charity?
318
00:15:17,088 --> 00:15:18,538
The name of the charity.
Oh, they said...
319
00:15:18,607 --> 00:15:19,988
The guy said it.
He said it.
He's standing there.
320
00:15:20,057 --> 00:15:22,059
Big guy, big guy. He said,
"Hi, we're here from..."
321
00:15:22,128 --> 00:15:24,924
"We're here from..."
Something, something.
I didn't listen.
322
00:15:24,993 --> 00:15:26,787
What about the Brits?
323
00:15:26,856 --> 00:15:28,513
They weren't even here? Yeah, but they would
know the name.
324
00:15:28,582 --> 00:15:30,067
The Brits would know
the name, yes,
325
00:15:30,136 --> 00:15:31,482
because they're the ones
who called 'em.
326
00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:33,656
This is what I'm saying. Oh, yeah, all right. Good.
327
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:36,625
Hey, you know,
this could happen to anybody.It really couldn't.
328
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,560
[OPERA SINGER SINGING]
329
00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:43,908
Conway. There you are.
330
00:15:45,772 --> 00:15:48,050
The charity donation thing,
it wasn't a bed by any chance,
was it?
331
00:15:48,119 --> 00:15:49,327
MAN: What's going on? We don't know them.
332
00:15:49,396 --> 00:15:50,639
Because they picked up
our bed by mistake.
333
00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:52,675
We've never seen
them before in our lives.
334
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,056
Hey, good seats.
335
00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:56,162
[PEOPLE SHUSHING] Would you please go away?
336
00:15:56,231 --> 00:15:59,337
Sorry, sorry.
Um, was it-- was it Unicef?
337
00:15:59,406 --> 00:16:01,961
Was it... Do you remember?
Was it Unicef? Just nod.
338
00:16:02,030 --> 00:16:06,724
Nod if it was Unicef.
It wasn't Unicef.
Uh, Goodwill?
339
00:16:06,793 --> 00:16:10,970
Salvation Army?
A.S.P.C.A?
The Kidney Foundation?
340
00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:13,558
[SINGING STOPS] It was the Little Sisters
of Mercy! All right?
341
00:16:13,627 --> 00:16:15,871
The Little Sisters of Mercy!
342
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:17,562
Yes, thank you.
Come on.
343
00:16:27,262 --> 00:16:29,298
Please, do go on.
344
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:32,336
[OPERA SINGER RESUMES SINGING]
345
00:16:35,132 --> 00:16:38,342
I'm looking for a bed... Well, we have
a wide selection.
346
00:16:38,411 --> 00:16:39,791
...a very specific bed.
347
00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:41,759
Wood with the little
iron stuff.
348
00:16:41,828 --> 00:16:44,624
As a matter of fact, one like
that arrived just yesterday. That's my bed.
349
00:16:44,693 --> 00:16:47,558
I wish all my customers
were as easy as you.
350
00:16:47,627 --> 00:16:50,561
No, no, no. I mean,
It is-- It is my bed.
I gave it to you.
351
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:53,736
And God bless. It was a mistake.
352
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,773
Oh, giving is never
a mistake.
353
00:16:55,842 --> 00:16:58,500
Well, sometimes it is.
354
00:16:58,569 --> 00:17:01,089
Uh, it actually is my bed. I understand.
355
00:17:01,158 --> 00:17:02,814
So could I
just get it back?Of course.
356
00:17:02,883 --> 00:17:05,817
Thank you. I believe we priced it
at $400.
357
00:17:05,886 --> 00:17:08,786
Hey, Sister, how much for
the one with Nick and Doris?
It's for me.
358
00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:11,858
No, but... Excuse me.
It's my bed.Not anymore.
359
00:17:11,927 --> 00:17:13,929
No, you have a whole
other bed. It's coming
from British people.
360
00:17:13,998 --> 00:17:16,242
When? When? Whenever.
361
00:17:16,311 --> 00:17:18,037
Well, I can't live on faith.
362
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,387
So now they want to charge me
$400, and my wife is coming
back in a few hours.
363
00:17:23,456 --> 00:17:27,149
So, if I just bring them
your bed, then everybody
is happy, right?
364
00:17:27,218 --> 00:17:29,807
I'd say you've gotten yourself
a bit over a barrel,
haven't you?
365
00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:32,948
[MIMICKING BRITISH ACCENT]
Hasn't he?
366
00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:39,851
Yes, a little bit.
But now...
367
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,991
Darling, I've been thinking.
Perhaps, we've been
a little bit rash.
368
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,062
[ELEVATOR DINGS] About what?
369
00:17:43,131 --> 00:17:44,856
Well, our bed has been
so good to us.
370
00:17:44,925 --> 00:17:46,686
It seems almost rude
to part with it.
371
00:17:46,755 --> 00:17:48,446
Paul.Yeah, one sec.
372
00:17:48,515 --> 00:17:50,379
Okay, but you just said
you already bought a new one.
373
00:17:50,448 --> 00:17:51,587
I don't know.
374
00:17:51,656 --> 00:17:53,002
Paul.One sec.
375
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,281
So, just--just
give me your bed.
376
00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:56,661
All right.
377
00:17:57,352 --> 00:17:58,491
Thank you.
378
00:17:58,560 --> 00:17:59,733
For $300.
379
00:18:00,424 --> 00:18:01,459
What?
380
00:18:01,528 --> 00:18:02,978
Rather a bargain, I'd say.
381
00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:04,497
Do you think we're
underselling ourselves?
382
00:18:04,566 --> 00:18:06,533
No, no, no, okay. Fine.
383
00:18:06,602 --> 00:18:07,948
Paul. What?
384
00:18:08,017 --> 00:18:09,674
Tell me if you notice
anything.
385
00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:16,785
FRAN: If that bed
scratches my roof,
I'll kill you.
386
00:18:16,854 --> 00:18:20,271
All right. So now
we're square, everything
is even. Hey, excuse me.
387
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:21,997
Hey, we were just
about to buy this.
388
00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:23,619
Sorry. For how much?
389
00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:24,758
It says $400.
390
00:18:24,827 --> 00:18:26,001
Uh, wait. That's...
It's my bed.
391
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,485
$410.What are you doing?
392
00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:28,659
Well, you want it
or not?
393
00:18:28,728 --> 00:18:30,661
I just bought
a bed for you.
394
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:32,628
And God bless. $420.
395
00:18:32,697 --> 00:18:33,974
$430.
396
00:18:34,043 --> 00:18:35,183
What? Wait a second.
Wait a second.
397
00:18:35,252 --> 00:18:36,701
You don't--
You don't need this bed, okay?
398
00:18:36,770 --> 00:18:37,944
There's plenty of other beds.
399
00:18:38,013 --> 00:18:40,326
Look at the nice
Nick and Doris.
400
00:18:40,395 --> 00:18:41,672
Hey, this would look cute
on you.
401
00:18:41,741 --> 00:18:43,536
Oh, it would.
Can I try it on?
402
00:18:43,605 --> 00:18:45,641
Right in there.
Now where were we?
403
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:46,780
IRA: $450. $60.
404
00:18:46,849 --> 00:18:48,057
Hey, what are you doing?$500.
405
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,162
Stop it, okay?
406
00:18:49,231 --> 00:18:50,784
It's okay.
407
00:18:50,853 --> 00:18:52,545
It's too rich for me.
408
00:18:52,614 --> 00:18:56,411
See? Sold for $500.
409
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:57,791
Fine, fine, fine.
All right.
410
00:18:57,860 --> 00:18:59,862
Now, can I show you something
in an end table?
411
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,105
No.
412
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:04,971
Uh, j-just get the car. Get the keys.
413
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,386
[FRAN SCREAMING] Fran, where's...
414
00:19:06,455 --> 00:19:08,492
I didn't see anything.
I didn't see anything.
415
00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:12,323
How did you get this thing
together in the first place?
416
00:19:12,392 --> 00:19:14,394
That was when I had guys.
417
00:19:16,914 --> 00:19:19,675
Great. I've got 14 things
and 3 holes. What do I do?
418
00:19:19,744 --> 00:19:21,160
Join the circus.
419
00:19:27,545 --> 00:19:29,685
Is this it?No.
420
00:19:29,754 --> 00:19:31,308
JAMIE: Hello.
421
00:19:31,377 --> 00:19:32,930
Oh, this is no good.
422
00:19:32,999 --> 00:19:34,207
Now what?
423
00:19:34,276 --> 00:19:35,795
Uh, all right.
424
00:19:35,864 --> 00:19:38,004
How fast can
you guys do this? We can't.
425
00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:39,971
All right, but hurry. JAMIE: Hello.
426
00:19:43,423 --> 00:19:46,530
Hey. Look who's home. Hey.
427
00:19:46,599 --> 00:19:49,222
Hi, what happened? Aunt Rochelle got back early,
428
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:52,432
so Mom got back early,
so I took the 3:00 train.
429
00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:55,677
It's like a whole little
Darwinian thing there.
430
00:19:55,746 --> 00:19:56,954
IRA: Ow!
431
00:19:57,023 --> 00:19:59,715
What was that? How was your father? Good?
432
00:20:01,027 --> 00:20:03,167
Please.
The man fought two wars,
433
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,825
he can't cut a melon.
I'm so exhausted.
434
00:20:05,894 --> 00:20:07,206
Oh, you know what?
You're exhausted.
435
00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:08,690
[STUTTERING] Let's go out. What?
436
00:20:08,759 --> 00:20:10,381
We'll take a walk, you know.
It'll pep you right up.
437
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:12,211
Now, honey,
I just want to go to bed.
438
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,420
Well, okay, all right.
But first, I wanna
show you something.
439
00:20:14,489 --> 00:20:15,593
What? Just come here. Come here.
440
00:20:15,662 --> 00:20:16,732
Come here, come here.Honey.
441
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:18,493
I wanted you to see this.
This is great.
442
00:20:23,152 --> 00:20:25,224
What?Guess.
443
00:20:27,743 --> 00:20:29,607
I'm-- I'm really too tired
to guess.
444
00:20:29,676 --> 00:20:32,817
Oh, come on, come on.
Guess, guess, guess, guess.
445
00:20:32,886 --> 00:20:34,888
Uh, you cleaned something? No.
446
00:20:34,957 --> 00:20:36,338
You cooked something? Uh, no.
447
00:20:36,407 --> 00:20:37,684
You ate something? No.
448
00:20:37,753 --> 00:20:39,030
All right. I give up. Oh, come on, come on.
449
00:20:39,099 --> 00:20:41,067
Look. Look--Look around.
450
00:20:45,209 --> 00:20:46,279
Cold.
451
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,628
[CHUCKLES] Warm.
452
00:20:50,697 --> 00:20:51,905
Warmer.
453
00:20:52,837 --> 00:20:53,942
Cold.
454
00:20:58,705 --> 00:21:00,120
Warm.
455
00:21:00,189 --> 00:21:01,398
Warmer.
456
00:21:01,467 --> 00:21:02,709
Hot.
457
00:21:02,778 --> 00:21:03,883
Cold.
458
00:21:05,471 --> 00:21:08,163
How can I be hot and cold
at the same time?
459
00:21:08,232 --> 00:21:10,234
Malaria.
460
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:11,787
No, wait. All right,
all right, all right.
461
00:21:11,856 --> 00:21:13,237
You wanna dance? No.
462
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:14,445
You wanna play cards? No.
463
00:21:14,514 --> 00:21:15,895
Wanna learn VCR Plus? No.
464
00:21:15,964 --> 00:21:17,517
If you had told me
about the dry cleaning,
465
00:21:17,586 --> 00:21:18,932
or the meat,
or at least one of 'em,
466
00:21:19,001 --> 00:21:20,451
I would know
what goes on around here.
467
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,833
So, basically,
this is all your...
468
00:21:23,903 --> 00:21:27,044
That was quick. What?
469
00:21:27,113 --> 00:21:29,874
Little shooting pain
I just had.
It's all right.
470
00:21:29,943 --> 00:21:31,359
Are you okay?
471
00:21:32,256 --> 00:21:34,258
Um... Yeah.
472
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:36,743
You know what, though?
I just missed you.
473
00:21:36,812 --> 00:21:39,263
I really... I missed you.
I love when you...
474
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:40,920
Nothing seems to work
when you're not here.
475
00:21:40,989 --> 00:21:42,542
Oh. Really.
476
00:21:42,611 --> 00:21:44,717
Well, now you're home
and everything is good.
477
00:21:46,650 --> 00:21:48,099
Welcome home.
478
00:21:56,107 --> 00:21:57,592
Honey, maybe
we should get a new bed.
479
00:21:57,661 --> 00:21:59,835
This is all I'm saying.
480
00:22:22,824 --> 00:22:24,377
[DOOR CREAKING]
481
00:22:30,970 --> 00:22:32,489
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36390
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