All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S05E24.Frank.Paints.the.House.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

- Mm.
- What are you doing?

- Gonna get the kids ready
for school.

- What are you talkin' about?
It's Saturday.

- Oh, my god.
It is Saturday.

Because yesterday
was Friday.

- Very good.

You don't know
the days.

- [groans]
ooh, an extra hour of sleep.

Mm, mm, mm.

- Minus five minutes
of heaven.

- [laughs]

- Honey, come on,
the kids. The kids.

- Huh? What? No.
- The kids.

- No, come on,
it's Saturday.

They're downstairs
watching cartoons.

- No,
but what if they come up?

- No, no,
they're in the zone, okay?

We're safe as long
as there's electricity.

- Mm.
- Mm.

[bang on window]

What? Is that it?
Are we done?

- Something hit
the wall.

Both: Aah!

- Jeez, you scared
the crap out of me.

- What the--what the hell
are you doing?

- I'm painting your house.
What's it look like?

- Looks like we have
the world's ugliest shutters.

- Listen...

Frank, we were going to
hire painters to do that.

- So you can thank me later.
I like fine chocolates.

- Dad, please,
get down from there, okay?

We're--we're trying
to sleep here.

- Oh, sure.
Yeah, I got you.

A little, uh.
Saturday morning wake-me-up?

Just close the window.
I won't listen.

- You know, I'm not worried
about the listening.

It's the heckling.

- Now, get your father
off that ladder, would you?

- Okay.

- Well, look who finally decided
to get out of bed.

- What--ma?

- It's 7:30, marie.

- Well, debra, I was coming over
here with french toast for frank

And then I noticed that
your children were starving.

- Yay! French toast!
[children cheering]

- Oh. Oh.

Ma, why is dad
painting the house?

- Oh,
that's my gift to you.

- What?
- Well,

You two always talk about
having your house painted,

So I put your father
on the job.

- Marie, we were going
to hire professionals.

- Oh, well,
frank is very good.

He did a nice job
on our house,

And he likes
the fumes.

- Mom

- Well, yes, he did
do a nice job on your house,

And I would hate to kill
anyone's buzz, but--

- Yeah, but we were
kind of thinking

That we would be the ones
to make that decision,

'cause it is
kind of our house.

- Yes, but we're the ones
who have to look at it.

- All right, I'm going
to use this french toast

To lure him off the ladder.
- Okay, okay,

Just let
your father do this.

I need him
out of my house.

Ever since he's retired,
he's around all the time.

- But that's what happens
when you retire.

- I know, but I never thought
he'd live this long.

- Come on, ma,
look,

That's--that's not
our problem, all right?

You've had 40 years
to poison him.

- Okay, all right,
raymond, please.

I need space.
I need a little time to myself.

I don't want him around
when I'm trying to do things.

- What--
do what things?

- When I'm trying
to improve myself.

This doesn't just
happen.

I mean,
I practice my languages,

I have my opera,
and I'm starting yoga.

- [laughs] you--

- What,
is that so strange?

- Yes.

- Hey.

- What are you doing?
- Painting your house.

- Oh, come on.
You too?

- Ma said we had to.

- Oh, so you do everything
ma tells you?

- It's a little late
for rebellion, raymond.

- Come on, look,

I don't need both of you guys
hanging off my house, okay?

So go back
in your truck,

Ring a bell,
and sell some fudge pops.

- All right, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait a minute, ray.

You know, that was very
sweet of you to help.

Thanks a lot,
robert.

- Now you want 'em to?

- Well, I mean,
robert's offered,

Your dad's already
started scraping,

So you know,
I say fine.

- Well, come on.
You don't want them--

- Hey, hey hey,
I've been asking you

To get on this
for months.

- All right, fine.
Go.

You want to paint the house?
Go. Paint the house.

- Okay,
you know what?

Maybe all three of you
can paint it together.

Wouldn't that be nice?
- No, no.

Look, it's Saturday,
and I've got a lot of

Saturday things planned,
okay?

Hey, bugs bunny.
Hey.

Oh, what is this,
"duck season, wabbit season"?

[chuckles]

[cartoon sounds
from the tv]

[laughing]
oh, don't--look out.

[cartoon sounds
from the tv]

- Raymond.

Raymond.

- What?

- So you're fine with them
painting your house?

- It's Saturday.

- [groans]

All right!

Sorry, kids.
I guess daddy

Isn't going
to be able to spend

Any more quality time
with you today.

- Hey,
what do you got?

They finally making popsicles
in your size?

- Would you stop?

I can't take
the old man anymore.

He's driving me nuts.

Ordering me around
like a monkey.

Calling me
every name in the book:

Nancy, powderpuff,
princess, monkey.

- So I'm getting dopey,
idiot, moron.

At least
yours make sense.

- Well,
best of luck.

- Hey, oh, no.
No, no, no, you're not--

Come on. You're not
leaving me here with him.

You knew what it was going to
be like working with dad.

- I had him too,
raymond.

He was up
on the ladder.

Would've looked like
an accident.

- Hey, what's with all this
standing around?

You two working
for the government?

- No.
- Well, I hate to break up

This meeting
of the camp fire girls,

But let's get to work!
Chop, chop!

- We're working, dad.

- Oh, yeah?

Are you finished caulking,
lady chatterly?

- That is a good one.

- Why aren't you done
caulking?

- There's a wasp's nest
by the downspout.

- So you take a stick
and knock it down.

- They're wasps.
They don't like that.

- Oh, well,
here's what you do.

If they come at you,

You pull your skirt
over your head and run.

- All right.

- Hey, dad,
you know,

He doesn't have to caulk
by the downspout.

It's not
that important.

- It's important
if I say it's important.

- Okay,
but this is my house.

- And this is my job.

People see me
working out here.

They're going to know
that frank barone did this job,

So it's going
to get done right.

Why are you
still here?

- I-I-I don't think--

- Hey, hey,
it's just a couple of bugs.

Knock it down
with something,

A stick, a broom...
Your binky.

I don't care!

Get up there
and knock out that nest!

- All right!

- And what about you?

Are you going to scrape
that paint or do a dance?

- I'm scraping.

Whoa. Hey,
wait a minute, dad.

You got the wrong color.
Debra wanted white.

- This is close.

- It's not close.
It's yellow.

Okay, she wants white.
She said chantilly lace.

- Well,
this is lemon meringue.

- Well,
why did you get yellow?

- Because yellow
is better.

- Yeah,
but debra likes white.

- Well, I don't care
what debra likes,

And I don't care
what you like.

It's yellow, okay?
And we're doing it yellow.

- [screams]
hose! Get the hose!

[screaming]

- Big baby.

- Listen, dad,
I got to tell you.

It's not only debra, okay?
I want chantilly lace too.

Dad, do you hear
what I'm saying?

Dad, don't paint
my house yellow.

Dad, don't you open
that paint can!

Dad,
you're not listening to me.

- [sniffs]

- Dad--dad,
don't you stir that paint.

If you stir
that paint...

Okay,
you're just going to have to

Return
stirred paint now.

And now that
the can's opened,

You're going to have
to pay for it, okay?

'cause I'm sure as hell
not paying

For no lemon meringue.
You hear me?

I'm--oh, no,
you don't, dad.

Don't you go near that.
You--you hear me, dad?

Don't you--
don't you dip that brush.

Dad, you do not
dip that brush.

I'm warning you.
Dad, don't--

Oh--dad, if I see paint
on that brush, I'm--

I'm--okay, that's yellow.
That's yellow.

Dad, don't you paint
my house yellow.

Do you hear me, dad?
Dad, I'm warning you!

Okay, all right.
- Hey!

That's--that's it.
Go home.

- Excuse me?
- L-look,

If you're not going
to do what I want,

Then I don't want you here.
Go home.

- You don't tell me
what to do.

- I do
when it's my house.

And it's my house,
and I'm the boss, okay?

So you're fired.

- I'm fired?

- Okay,
I'm all right now.

- Hey, get a load of this,
robert.

Raymond says
I'm fired.

- That's right,
you're fired!

- You fired him?
You want to fire me?

- You can't fire me.

- Look, dad,
I'm not a kid anymore, okay?

I don't like the way
you treat me,

And--and I don't like the way
you treat the help either,

So that's it.

- Fine.

Paint your own
damn house.

- Wow.

- That's right.

And now I'm in charge
of this now, okay?

And the first thing
we're going to do,

Lunch.

- Yeah,
but it's only 9:30--

- Lunch!
- Yeah, but--

Hey, you can't
come in like that.

You're soaking wet.

- Here I thought
it would be so nice,

All the barone men
working together.

- No one works with dad.
You work for him.

- 'cause nobody can do
anything right, except him.

- Mm-hmm, yeah.
Remember the fort?

- That's right.

Robert and I were building
a fort in our back yard.

Nothing fancy.
Just this little fort.

- Yeah, just a place where we
can read our comic books and...

Other periodicals.

- Ugh.

- We were
having fun too,

Building the fort
all by ourselves, right?

Till dad came home and told us
we were doing it all wrong.

- Yeah, he didn't show us
how to do it right.

Just called us
stupid stinking humps

And did it himself.

That's why
when you get mad

That I'm not the handiest guy
around here, you know,

It brings up
a lot of stuff.

- Oh,
I'm sorry.

So it has nothing to do
with you being lazy

And watching tv
all day?

- That's how I cover
the hurt.

- Hi, marie.

- Hello, dear.
- Hiya, ma.

Oh!

What are you doing?

- This is how you watch out
for your father?

- What did I do?

- You made him
carry ladders around.

- He didn't
carry ladders.

- Then how did he
wrench his back?

- What?
- He wrenched his back

Carrying ladders.
Now he's lying on my couch,

Demanding soup.

And don't tell him
I told you about this.

He didn't want me to make
a big deal out of it.

- So why are you over here?
- I don't listen to him.

- His back is fine, ma.
I sent him home.

- I don't understand.

- He was being a big jerk,
so I fired him.

- What do you mean
you fired him?

You fired your father?

- Had to be done,
ma.

- How could you
do that to him?

- Well, what do you mean him?
What about what he does to us?

- We're not talking
about that.

Oh.

I--oh, god.

All right.

There's something about
your father you don't know.

- He wears
your things?

- What is it,
marie?

- Your father never retired
from pelk accounting.

- What are you
talking about?

- If he's not retired,

Why does he buy his pants
at the pharmacy?

- He told me he retired,
but I found out the truth.

They fired him.

- What? Why?

- Why?
I have to tell you?

Why did you fire him?

Your father believes
that his way of doing things

Is the only way,
and after 25 years,

That starts
to get on people's nerves.

- So frank never told you
he was fired?

- How could he?
You don't understand, debra.

In my generation,

The men had their jobs,
and that's who they were.

Oh, it must have been
so humiliating for frank

To have that little alvin pelk
fire him from his job,

And now you boys just
did the same thing to him.

- It was raymond.

- Hey,
you know, come on.

Look, this isn't
the same thing, okay?

This wasn't his career.
This was my house.

- What else does he have?
- Your house.

- He did that already.

- Look, ma, I think
you're overreacting, okay?

About hurting his back.

You're his son.

How do you think
that made him feel?

- I hope you're happy,
raymond.

- Oh, shut up.

And why should I worry
about his feelings?

He doesn't care
about anybody else's.

- You don't think
he cares about you?

He's your father.
He just isn't good at, uh--

- Living
among humans.

- You know,
I think you're the only one

Who thinks
you're funny.

- Amen to that.

- Come on, come on.
Go over across the street--

- No, no, no,
no, no, ma.

Look, I'm sorry
about his whole life, okay?

But he was
completely wrong here.

He wanted
to paint my house yellow.

- Yellow?
- Yeah, you believe that?

- Wow, actually,
yellow would be kind of nice.

- What?
- Well, I like yellow.

- Look,
you said chantilly lace.

I heard you say
"chantilly lace."

I fought
for your damn chantilly lace,

And now
you're saying yellow?

Who are you?

- What? Yellow just
never occurred to me,

But, you know,
it's actually kind of sunny.

- [stutters]

You hear this, okay?
This is marriage.

This is what you want?

This is what
you can't live without?

- Step aside.

- Raymond,
go talk to your father.

- No, no.
- Yeah, you know, you should.

- Oh, excuse me,
who's speaking?

Is that white debra
or yellow debra?

- No,
you really should.

Look, I know your father
can be a real jerk sometimes.

- Right.
No one is arguing that.

He's a bully,
and he's obstinate,

And he doesn't
bathe every day,

But I know that man,
and I know he needs one thing.

He needs
to be needed.

Do with that
what you will.

- He's your father.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Listen...

I'm sorry about before,
okay? So...

Want to come back over?

We'll do it yellow.
Yellow's okay.

I talked debra into it.

Okay?

- No.

- What do you mean,
no?

- I mean
I'm not interested.

I'm kind of busy
right now.

- Oh.

Right, I see.
You got soup...

And a puzzle.

Well, it doesn't
have to be right now,

Whenever
you feel like it.

[clears throat]

What, are you eating
out of a pot

'cause you don't like
to clean a bowl?

- No, it's better
this way.

- Oh.

Hey, that's a keen eye
you got there.

"the death of
general stonewall jackson."

Like this one?

- Very interesting figure
in history.

Considered the confederacy's
finest general.

Shot
by one of his own men.

- All right.
Will you stop?

God, I can't believe
I invited you back.

I can't believe
I apologized to you, even.

- Well, you should apologize
to me. I was right.

- How are you right?
How are you right?

It's my house, and you
wanted to paint it yellow.

How is that right?
- Because yellow covers better!

It won't fade
as fast.

And you got white houses
on either side of you.

It makes your house
pop a little!

And it goes
with your trim

And the friggin'
little daisies you got!

- Well, why didn't
you just say that?

- I shouldn't
have to say it.

- What?

- Because if I say
it's yellow,

That should be
good enough for you!

I shouldn't have
to explain everything!

I'm right!

- [scoffs]

- Okay, you're right,
but you know,

It's not always
about being right.

- Yes, it is.

Being right
is all that matters.

Everything else is crap.

- "oh, you have to consider
people's feelings.

Oh, what if
they don't like you?"

They should like me
because I did the job right.

- Yeah, that makes perfect sense
if you work in a lighthouse.

- Exactly.

I'd be fine
if it weren't for people.

- Yeah, oh,
it's those damn people, huh?

Well, you're forgetting
one thing,

Me and robert
are people too.

- So what, are the two of you
going to

Paint the house now
by yourselves?

- Yeah.

- If you want me to help you,
I'll help you.

- Okay.

- But if you're asking
for my help,

We got to do it my way,
because it's the right way.

- All right.

- With the yellow.

- I said
with the yellow.

- And nobody tells me
what to do.

I get to be in charge.

I get to be the boss.
All right?

- All right, dad,
you're the boss.

- I'm the boss?

- Yes.

- Good.
You're fired.

- How come robert gets to
use the power painter?

You know, I want to use
the power painter too.

- Learn how to handle
a brush first.

- I know
how to handle a brush.

- Are you
questioning me?

- No.

Sir.

Wasp.

- [screams]
- [screams]

- That's going to need
another coat.