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1
00:00:04,590 --> 00:00:07,869
You see,
if the pony runs away
and becomes a flower,
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,733
his mommy will become
a bumblebee
3
00:00:09,871 --> 00:00:11,252
so she can be with him.
4
00:00:11,390 --> 00:00:12,322
Look what we got.
5
00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:14,497
A box of goodies
for Mabel
6
00:00:14,635 --> 00:00:16,878
from cousin Connie
and cousin Arthur.
7
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,466
Oh, that's nice.
8
00:00:18,604 --> 00:00:20,848
See, and if the pony
becomes an ocean,
9
00:00:20,986 --> 00:00:23,023
then his mommy
becomes a fish
10
00:00:23,161 --> 00:00:25,473
so she can be
with him.
11
00:00:25,611 --> 00:00:28,373
Look. It's stuff
their kids outgrew.
12
00:00:28,511 --> 00:00:30,409
Look at the jumper.
We need a jumper.
13
00:00:30,547 --> 00:00:31,755
We gotta call them.
14
00:00:31,893 --> 00:00:33,378
Well, get 'em
on the phone.
15
00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:35,759
See, and if the pony
becomes an island,
16
00:00:35,897 --> 00:00:38,038
his mommy
becomes a palm tree
17
00:00:38,176 --> 00:00:39,625
so she can be
with him.
18
00:00:39,763 --> 00:00:41,213
Ugh. Honey,
look at this.
19
00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:44,768
That's disgusting.
20
00:00:46,391 --> 00:00:48,945
See, if the pony
becomes a beach,
21
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:51,189
his mommy becomes
a seashell
22
00:00:51,327 --> 00:00:53,881
so she can be
with him.
23
00:00:54,019 --> 00:00:55,572
Look. At little bear.
24
00:00:55,710 --> 00:00:56,884
Oh, that's so sweet.
25
00:00:57,022 --> 00:00:58,713
Oh. We gotta
get them on the phone
and thank them.
26
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:00,577
It looks like
a little pooh bear.
27
00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:01,854
Get 'em
on the phone.
28
00:01:08,137 --> 00:01:09,621
Honey, all the pooh's
coming out.
29
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,039
Well,
that's disgusting.
30
00:01:14,177 --> 00:01:17,353
Look. If the pony
becomes a bird,
31
00:01:17,491 --> 00:01:19,596
his mommy
becomes a nest
32
00:01:19,734 --> 00:01:21,564
so she can be
with him.
33
00:01:21,702 --> 00:01:23,600
Look. This is so cute.
Look at this.
34
00:01:23,738 --> 00:01:24,946
It's a little
denim jacket.
35
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,294
I've been wanting
to find a jacket
like this for her.
36
00:01:27,432 --> 00:01:28,605
I have to call them.
37
00:01:28,743 --> 00:01:30,642
I'm saying,
go get them
on the phone.
38
00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:32,644
And if the pony
becomes the moon,
39
00:01:32,782 --> 00:01:34,094
his mommy
becomes the stars
40
00:01:34,232 --> 00:01:35,647
so she can be
with him.
41
00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:37,580
So, basically,
though the mommy
loves this pony,
42
00:01:37,718 --> 00:01:39,616
that pony, frankly,
never gonna get
a moment's peace.
43
00:01:41,066 --> 00:01:42,102
Ugh.
44
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,241
Look at this.
45
00:01:45,035 --> 00:01:46,036
What is that,
jell-o?
46
00:01:46,554 --> 00:01:47,659
God, I...
47
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,148
I just really hope so.
48
00:01:54,286 --> 00:01:55,598
Oh, my god.
49
00:01:55,736 --> 00:01:58,083
What... what are they,
sending us garbage?
50
00:01:59,843 --> 00:02:01,259
I'm gonna get them
on the phone.
51
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:18,966
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
52
00:02:19,104 --> 00:02:21,727
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
53
00:02:21,865 --> 00:02:23,384
♪ As much as you
54
00:02:23,522 --> 00:02:25,662
♪ Let's take each other's hand
55
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,803
♪ And we jump into
the final frontier ♪
56
00:02:38,537 --> 00:02:40,712
"Kind of potato,"
Five letters.
57
00:02:40,850 --> 00:02:41,851
[COOS]
58
00:02:42,852 --> 00:02:45,441
Did you just
say Idaho?
59
00:02:45,579 --> 00:02:48,064
Sweetie, have you seen
my little home plate
sweeper-offer thing?
60
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,238
Oh, my god.
61
00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:51,343
Look how cute
your daddy is.
62
00:02:51,861 --> 00:02:53,345
Huh? Cute and
63
00:02:53,483 --> 00:02:54,657
bearing an uncanny
resemblance
64
00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:57,763
to legendary
film star Spanky.
65
00:02:57,901 --> 00:03:00,387
I think it's so sweet
you're umpiring
your father's game
66
00:03:00,525 --> 00:03:01,836
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
67
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,528
That's just what
a bunch of 70
and 80-year-old men need
68
00:03:03,666 --> 00:03:06,047
is a guy standing
behind them,
yelling suddenly.
69
00:03:06,772 --> 00:03:07,842
Hey, Splinky.
70
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:08,981
Hey, Spanky.
71
00:03:10,535 --> 00:03:11,467
Hey, James.
I got your mail.
72
00:03:11,605 --> 00:03:12,847
Thank you,
uncle Ira.
73
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,780
You're welcome. So, Paulie,
let me understand,
74
00:03:14,918 --> 00:03:17,335
I am the designated runner
for the softball game?
75
00:03:17,473 --> 00:03:18,405
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
76
00:03:18,543 --> 00:03:19,716
So, which ones
do I run for?
77
00:03:19,854 --> 00:03:20,786
For all of them.
78
00:03:20,924 --> 00:03:21,891
For all of them?
79
00:03:22,029 --> 00:03:23,720
They can't run,
these guys.
80
00:03:23,858 --> 00:03:24,825
Well, maybe
if they can't run,
81
00:03:24,963 --> 00:03:26,206
they shouldn't
be playing softball.
82
00:03:27,276 --> 00:03:28,760
Hey, who do you know
in Pittsburgh?
83
00:03:28,898 --> 00:03:31,038
In Pittsburgh? Uh,
absolutely nobody.
84
00:03:31,176 --> 00:03:32,212
You know what
I'm talking about?
85
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:34,041
The little wiry,
brushy,
just sweep thing.
86
00:03:34,179 --> 00:03:36,354
"Dear, Paul, I hope
this card finds you well.
87
00:03:36,492 --> 00:03:38,459
"I know you'll
be pleased to hear
88
00:03:38,597 --> 00:03:39,598
"That I'm just fine
89
00:03:39,736 --> 00:03:41,635
"And living here
happily
with my family.
90
00:03:41,773 --> 00:03:43,084
"I owe it all
to you, Paul,
91
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,569
"And I will
never forget.
92
00:03:44,707 --> 00:03:46,053
"Yours eternally,
93
00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:48,193
"Svetlana Poszinsky."
94
00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:50,506
[COOS]
Who's that?
95
00:03:50,644 --> 00:03:51,576
No idea.
96
00:03:51,714 --> 00:03:52,853
No idea?
97
00:03:52,991 --> 00:03:54,889
No idea. Little wiry,
brushy, sweepy thing.
98
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,028
You know what
I'm talking about.
99
00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:57,789
Is there some
psychotic Russian woman
100
00:03:57,927 --> 00:03:59,169
sending you
intimate postcards?
101
00:04:00,757 --> 00:04:01,862
Svetlana.
102
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:02,932
So you know her?
103
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:05,452
Oh, boy. Not really.
104
00:04:05,590 --> 00:04:07,488
What?
Not... you know...
105
00:04:07,626 --> 00:04:09,318
Oh, this is
so long ago.
106
00:04:10,664 --> 00:04:12,182
She was a minor,
107
00:04:12,321 --> 00:04:14,357
may I say minor,
figure in my life.
108
00:04:14,495 --> 00:04:15,427
Like what,
an old girlfriend?
109
00:04:15,565 --> 00:04:16,808
Oh, less than that.
110
00:04:16,946 --> 00:04:18,672
What,
a one-night stand?
111
00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:19,776
Less than that.
112
00:04:19,914 --> 00:04:21,571
Anything less
than that
113
00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:22,745
is a stranger
on the subway.
114
00:04:23,401 --> 00:04:25,092
She and...
all right...
115
00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:26,473
You are
gonna laugh.
116
00:04:27,715 --> 00:04:28,751
I believe.
117
00:04:30,856 --> 00:04:32,375
I think you're gonna laugh
when I tell you this.
118
00:04:32,513 --> 00:04:33,963
This is...
'cause this is...
119
00:04:34,101 --> 00:04:36,586
Is such a source
of comedy. Um...
120
00:04:38,243 --> 00:04:39,693
We
121
00:04:39,831 --> 00:04:42,143
uh, Svetlana...
Svetlana and I,
122
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,662
we were married.
123
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,565
I'm gonna go
practice my running.
124
00:04:50,911 --> 00:04:52,982
I'll see you
over at the park.
125
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,018
You were married
to this woman?
126
00:04:55,156 --> 00:04:56,813
I wasn't
married...
127
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,401
Except that...
128
00:04:58,539 --> 00:04:59,816
Well, yes,
I was married.
129
00:05:00,541 --> 00:05:02,232
You were married.
130
00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:05,788
For, like, 14 hours
on paper, on paper.
131
00:05:05,926 --> 00:05:07,065
You were married.
132
00:05:07,203 --> 00:05:09,378
Sweetie, there was,
there was no romance.
133
00:05:09,516 --> 00:05:11,345
There was no... love.
134
00:05:11,483 --> 00:05:13,313
There was nothing.
This was on paper only.
135
00:05:13,451 --> 00:05:14,831
She was,
she was Russian.
136
00:05:14,969 --> 00:05:18,248
When I was at NYU,
I met Svetlana,
like... thrice.
137
00:05:19,008 --> 00:05:20,043
Thrice?
138
00:05:20,181 --> 00:05:21,493
Thrice. Three Times. Thrice.
139
00:05:21,631 --> 00:05:22,839
Uh-huh.
140
00:05:22,977 --> 00:05:24,393
Sweetie,
you know what it is?
141
00:05:24,531 --> 00:05:27,465
She loved America.
She wanted to stay,
so, you know,
142
00:05:27,603 --> 00:05:28,983
she asked me if
I would marry her
143
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,813
in name,
in name only.
144
00:05:30,951 --> 00:05:32,055
So I wanted
to be a nice guy.
145
00:05:32,193 --> 00:05:34,334
I was 20.
I was, like, 20.
146
00:05:34,472 --> 00:05:36,197
Did I know that I was
gonna be having this
conversation with you?
147
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,440
I didn't know you. No.
148
00:05:37,578 --> 00:05:38,890
So we went down
to city hall,
we got married,
149
00:05:39,028 --> 00:05:40,547
and I've, I've
never seen her.
150
00:05:40,685 --> 00:05:41,927
I've literally never
seen her again in
my life ever since.
151
00:05:43,239 --> 00:05:44,689
You were married.
Yeah, okay, sweetie,
152
00:05:44,827 --> 00:05:46,587
Do you understand
what I...
153
00:05:46,725 --> 00:05:49,383
It... it was nothing.
It was
a pretend thing.
154
00:05:49,521 --> 00:05:50,453
This is not
even a marriage.
155
00:05:50,591 --> 00:05:51,730
It's like we went
to Halloween,
156
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:53,594
And we were dressed up
as a married couple.
157
00:05:54,871 --> 00:05:56,666
It... it was nothing.
158
00:05:56,804 --> 00:05:58,530
This is a microscopic...
this is...
159
00:05:58,668 --> 00:06:01,361
You know what this is?
It's like soupy sales
meant more to me.
160
00:06:02,534 --> 00:06:03,742
Was she attractive?
161
00:06:04,191 --> 00:06:05,226
No. Yeah.
162
00:06:09,507 --> 00:06:11,819
She wasn't unattractive.
She was, you know.
163
00:06:11,957 --> 00:06:14,132
She had, like, a Russian
exotic quality.
164
00:06:14,270 --> 00:06:15,444
Exotic? Interesting.
165
00:06:15,582 --> 00:06:17,446
Sweetie, everybody's
attractive in some way.
166
00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:18,585
You know,
all of God's creatures.
167
00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:20,310
I suppose if you look...
what's the matter?
168
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,658
I'm your second wife.
169
00:06:23,072 --> 00:06:24,038
Stop it.
170
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,385
I'm the second
Mrs. Paul Buchman.
171
00:06:25,523 --> 00:06:28,215
This is... this is...
it's ridiculous.
172
00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:30,217
So when you said "I do,"
did you kiss her?
173
00:06:30,355 --> 00:06:31,943
I, you know, yeah.
You know
174
00:06:32,081 --> 00:06:34,394
like the pope
would kiss the top
of a sick child's head.
175
00:06:35,843 --> 00:06:36,948
I see.
176
00:06:37,086 --> 00:06:38,190
This... it's nothing.
177
00:06:38,328 --> 00:06:39,537
Trust me,
this means nothing.
178
00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:40,745
Don't make anything
of this.
179
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:42,056
Make nothing
of this, please.
180
00:06:42,367 --> 00:06:43,437
Okay?
181
00:06:43,575 --> 00:06:45,922
I am standing here
in umpire's clothing,
182
00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:47,924
begging you
to make nothing of it.
183
00:06:48,062 --> 00:06:49,029
There's nothing
to be made.
184
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,168
Look, this is
such a small...
185
00:06:50,306 --> 00:06:52,239
Nothing. This
is such a...
186
00:06:52,377 --> 00:06:53,896
Big pile of nothing
to worry about.
187
00:06:54,034 --> 00:06:55,760
A small pile.
It's a small pile
of nothing.
188
00:06:55,898 --> 00:06:56,968
It's not
even a pile.
189
00:06:57,106 --> 00:06:58,418
There's no pile
with which worry
could be...
190
00:06:58,556 --> 00:06:59,626
You shouldn't
even worry.
191
00:06:59,764 --> 00:07:01,351
There's nothing.
There's nothing
here, okay?
192
00:07:02,042 --> 00:07:03,284
Okay. So we're fine.
193
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,183
You see, you see
that this is...
194
00:07:05,321 --> 00:07:06,874
You see what it is,
right? It's...
195
00:07:07,012 --> 00:07:08,704
You see what this is?
196
00:07:09,739 --> 00:07:10,671
You were married.
197
00:07:10,809 --> 00:07:11,776
Okay.
198
00:07:16,953 --> 00:07:18,127
Batter up!
199
00:07:18,265 --> 00:07:19,508
ANNOUNCER:
Your attention, please.
200
00:07:19,646 --> 00:07:21,855
Now making his way
to the plate,
201
00:07:21,993 --> 00:07:23,995
loving husband to Estelle,
202
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:27,032
loving father
to Randy and Richard,
203
00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:28,206
loving grandfather
204
00:07:28,344 --> 00:07:30,311
to Howard and Todd,
205
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,382
number 12,
206
00:07:32,521 --> 00:07:36,248
Al Birnbaum,
207
00:07:36,559 --> 00:07:37,526
Number 12.
208
00:07:38,216 --> 00:07:39,597
Come on, Al!
209
00:07:39,735 --> 00:07:40,667
Go get 'em, Al!
210
00:07:40,805 --> 00:07:42,254
Show 'em where
you live, Al!
211
00:07:42,392 --> 00:07:43,842
That's the spirit, Al!
212
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,190
That's a lovely camera,
Sylvia.
213
00:07:47,328 --> 00:07:49,261
Oh, thank you.
You know, it
does everything.
214
00:07:49,399 --> 00:07:52,092
It focuses,
it fades in,
it fades out.
215
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:53,645
It goes
in slow motion,
216
00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:55,613
And you never
have to change
the batteries.
217
00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:57,546
I said I liked it.
What do you want from me?
218
00:08:00,169 --> 00:08:02,378
And once again,
219
00:08:02,896 --> 00:08:04,138
batter up.
220
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:05,208
Get a hit, Al!
221
00:08:05,346 --> 00:08:06,520
Give it a ride, Al!
222
00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:10,144
Go, Al!
Go, Al!
223
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:11,318
That's the spirit!
224
00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:14,045
And once again,
let us say, batter up.
225
00:08:14,183 --> 00:08:15,978
All right, already,
with the "batter up."
226
00:08:16,116 --> 00:08:18,359
I'm just... just trying
to move things along here.
227
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,775
Fine.
All right.
228
00:08:23,019 --> 00:08:24,158
[SIGHS]
229
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,677
PAUL: Ball's in.
230
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:27,403
Bring it on, sucker.
231
00:08:28,093 --> 00:08:29,370
Put it in.
232
00:08:30,406 --> 00:08:31,511
He ain't no batter.
233
00:08:31,649 --> 00:08:34,065
First pitch, first man,
first strike, Eddie boy!
234
00:08:35,342 --> 00:08:36,654
Mr. Edlin...
235
00:08:36,792 --> 00:08:37,758
If you would.
236
00:08:40,692 --> 00:08:41,728
Hey.
237
00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:43,108
So now I'm running?
238
00:08:43,246 --> 00:08:45,663
Now. Anytime seems
appropriate. Run, yes.
239
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,530
Safe! He's safe.
240
00:08:50,668 --> 00:08:52,117
What?
241
00:08:52,255 --> 00:08:53,498
Safe. His foot
hit the bag right
before the ball came.
242
00:08:53,636 --> 00:08:55,362
Come on, Paul!
243
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:56,743
Pop, I don't know
what to tell you.
244
00:08:56,881 --> 00:08:58,261
He's safe.
He was in there.
245
00:08:58,399 --> 00:08:59,608
What's the matter
with you?
246
00:08:59,746 --> 00:09:02,921
Hammy. Severe tearing
in the hammy and groinial area.
247
00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:04,267
You're
the youngest guy
here.
248
00:09:04,405 --> 00:09:05,545
I know. The irony.
249
00:09:06,684 --> 00:09:08,168
Paul, he was out.
250
00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,756
Look, I calls 'em
like I sees 'em.
251
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,206
Out!
252
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,139
As a matter of fact,
he was safe.
253
00:09:14,277 --> 00:09:15,900
Are you seriously
gonna stand here
254
00:09:16,038 --> 00:09:17,453
and tell me
that he was safe?
255
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,559
This is what I'm saying.
256
00:09:19,697 --> 00:09:23,183
Then you oughta
get your eyes checked,
Blue!
257
00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:25,599
Don't, don't push it,
number 10.
258
00:09:25,737 --> 00:09:27,739
He was out!
Admit it, he was out!
259
00:09:27,877 --> 00:09:28,878
Don't kick dirt, Pop.
260
00:09:29,016 --> 00:09:30,190
All right.
I won't kick dirt.
261
00:09:30,328 --> 00:09:31,640
What are you doing?
What are you...
262
00:09:31,778 --> 00:09:32,813
You happy?
263
00:09:32,951 --> 00:09:34,297
Do you believe this,
everybody?
264
00:09:34,435 --> 00:09:36,265
He was out, Blue.
265
00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:38,232
Mrs. Michalak,
I beg to differ.
He was safe.
266
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:39,613
You're blind and a liar.
267
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:40,856
Pop, don't push it.
268
00:09:40,994 --> 00:09:42,064
You're a blind liar!
269
00:09:42,202 --> 00:09:43,652
I'm warning you,
cut it out right now.
270
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:45,205
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
271
00:09:45,343 --> 00:09:46,896
I'm giving you
one last warning.
Cut it out.
272
00:09:47,034 --> 00:09:48,691
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
That's it.
All right.
273
00:09:48,829 --> 00:09:50,762
You're out of here!
You're throwing me out?
274
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:52,005
Get out of the game!
275
00:09:52,143 --> 00:09:53,247
Your own father?
276
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:55,595
Yes. I'm sorry,
but let's go!
Hit the showers!
277
00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:57,148
It'll be my pleasure!
278
00:09:57,286 --> 00:09:58,287
Let's go!
279
00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:01,808
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
280
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:15,994
Batter up.
281
00:10:22,691 --> 00:10:23,795
Hi.
Hi.
282
00:10:25,452 --> 00:10:26,418
You okay?
283
00:10:26,556 --> 00:10:28,110
Yep. Never better.
How are you?
284
00:10:28,938 --> 00:10:29,974
I, uh
285
00:10:30,112 --> 00:10:31,665
cannot wait
for football season.
286
00:10:32,528 --> 00:10:33,529
Uh-huh.
287
00:10:34,944 --> 00:10:36,428
All right,
just tell me,
288
00:10:36,566 --> 00:10:38,258
how long are you
gonna be upset
about this Svetlana thing?
289
00:10:38,396 --> 00:10:39,466
I don't know.
290
00:10:39,604 --> 00:10:40,916
Well, just so
I can pace myself.
291
00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:42,089
Give me
a rough idea.
292
00:10:42,227 --> 00:10:43,366
Like, a half an hour?
80 years? What?
293
00:10:43,504 --> 00:10:45,921
I don't know. Forever?
294
00:10:46,059 --> 00:10:48,440
You're gonna be upset
about this forever?
295
00:10:48,578 --> 00:10:50,477
That's the plan.
296
00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:52,928
Would you just tell me
what I can do
to make this better
297
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:54,584
There's nothing
you can do.
298
00:10:54,723 --> 00:10:56,345
There's nothing...
nothing I can do at all?
299
00:10:56,483 --> 00:10:57,449
There's nothing
you can do.
300
00:10:58,934 --> 00:11:00,798
Okay. Well, good.
All right, good.
301
00:11:00,936 --> 00:11:02,109
So, then let's eat.
302
00:11:03,421 --> 00:11:05,078
I'm sorry.
I just can't imagine a time
303
00:11:05,216 --> 00:11:06,458
I'm not gonna be
upset about this.
304
00:11:06,596 --> 00:11:07,597
[SIGHS]
305
00:11:08,012 --> 00:11:09,047
Sweetie,
306
00:11:09,185 --> 00:11:10,773
all right, let me
say this to you...
307
00:11:12,326 --> 00:11:15,709
I was wrong
not to tell you, okay?
308
00:11:15,847 --> 00:11:17,884
I mean, even though
it meant nothing to me
309
00:11:18,022 --> 00:11:20,369
and I didn't even
remember it myself,
310
00:11:20,507 --> 00:11:23,130
I should have
racked my brains
and combed my past,
311
00:11:23,268 --> 00:11:25,305
come up with this,
and I should have realized
312
00:11:25,443 --> 00:11:26,755
how it would
have made you feel,
313
00:11:26,893 --> 00:11:28,170
and I should have...
I should have told you
a long time ago,
314
00:11:28,308 --> 00:11:31,414
And for that,
I am deeply, deeply,
genuinely sorry.
315
00:11:32,864 --> 00:11:33,900
Okay.
316
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,040
Really?
Uh-huh.
317
00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:38,628
Okay...
318
00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,734
'Cause I can't wait
to talk about me again.
Listen to this.
319
00:11:40,872 --> 00:11:42,460
My father...
However, however...
320
00:11:42,598 --> 00:11:43,564
What's the matter?
321
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,669
There is
one little thing
322
00:11:44,807 --> 00:11:46,878
that I need to
tell you, too, Paul.
323
00:11:47,016 --> 00:11:47,983
There is?
324
00:11:48,121 --> 00:11:49,363
Yeah. There's
a little...
325
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:50,779
Thing out
of my past,
326
00:11:50,917 --> 00:11:52,228
a little unthinking
kind of...
327
00:11:52,366 --> 00:11:54,575
"Oh, my god,
I forgot" thing
that I have, too.
328
00:11:55,093 --> 00:11:56,094
Okay.
329
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:57,371
I hate to tell you,
330
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:58,683
'Cause, boy,
I don't want you
331
00:11:58,821 --> 00:12:00,478
to go through
the kind of hell
I've been in lately.
332
00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:03,999
No, no, no.
That's okay. Go ahead.
333
00:12:04,137 --> 00:12:05,069
Paul...
334
00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:06,415
Honey...
335
00:12:06,553 --> 00:12:07,485
Yes?
336
00:12:07,623 --> 00:12:08,728
I, uh...
337
00:12:08,866 --> 00:12:10,695
I actually once
338
00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:11,800
accidentally
339
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:14,043
Had sex for money.
340
00:12:16,839 --> 00:12:17,840
I'm sorry?
341
00:12:18,427 --> 00:12:19,946
I had sex
for money
342
00:12:20,429 --> 00:12:21,671
accidentally
343
00:12:21,810 --> 00:12:23,915
once,
many years ago.
344
00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:25,537
Okay, that's what
I don't understand,
accidentally. So how...
345
00:12:25,675 --> 00:12:26,918
Yeah, I was right
out of college,
346
00:12:27,056 --> 00:12:29,334
I was broke,
I met this guy
at a party,
347
00:12:29,472 --> 00:12:31,820
and we went back
to my place,
348
00:12:31,958 --> 00:12:33,200
and
the next morning,
349
00:12:33,338 --> 00:12:35,651
he was gone,
and he left me...
350
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,618
$100, and I kept it.
351
00:12:40,449 --> 00:12:42,002
That true?
Yeah.
352
00:12:43,901 --> 00:12:46,110
Okay, well, that's...
you know...
353
00:12:46,248 --> 00:12:48,353
It's not like there
was a prearranged thing
354
00:12:48,491 --> 00:12:50,252
where there was a price
and both parties knew it.
355
00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:51,736
No, no, but
I can understand
356
00:12:51,874 --> 00:12:53,807
why he would think
I was, you know,
357
00:12:53,945 --> 00:12:55,602
a working girl.
I was...
358
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:59,054
I was pretty trashy
that night. Oh, boy.
359
00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:00,331
Wow.
360
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:03,610
All right. Well, good.
361
00:13:03,748 --> 00:13:04,991
Well, then there you go.
362
00:13:05,129 --> 00:13:07,303
I'm glad you shared that.
363
00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:09,685
Just gives you
a $100 bill,
364
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:10,962
and just puts it
on the dresser there?
365
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,136
Yep.
366
00:13:12,274 --> 00:13:13,447
Wow. Ha.
367
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:14,724
Just like
a crisp $100 bill?
368
00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:17,279
Yeah. I don't know
if it was exactly
a $100 bill.
369
00:13:17,417 --> 00:13:18,901
50s?
Whatever. 20s, 10s.
370
00:13:19,039 --> 00:13:20,454
20s?
I think maybe
some 5s.
371
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:21,524
5s?
Maybe a couple
of singles.
372
00:13:22,422 --> 00:13:23,664
Really?
I think some change.
373
00:13:24,527 --> 00:13:25,632
Change?
Uh-huh.
374
00:13:26,184 --> 00:13:27,185
And a bus pass.
375
00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:30,671
All of this
he leaves on the dresser?
376
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,949
Yep. Well
377
00:13:32,432 --> 00:13:33,433
no.
378
00:13:34,192 --> 00:13:35,435
Where's he put it?
379
00:13:35,573 --> 00:13:36,574
On the floor.
380
00:13:39,473 --> 00:13:42,269
Guy leaves $100
in small bills, some change
and a bus pass on the floor?
381
00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:43,374
Yeah.
382
00:13:43,512 --> 00:13:44,547
As payment for sex?
383
00:13:44,685 --> 00:13:46,170
Yeah.
384
00:13:46,308 --> 00:13:47,999
Just right there
on the floor,
you're saying?
385
00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:49,932
Not right directly
on the floor.
386
00:13:50,070 --> 00:13:51,451
I think the change
and the bus pass
387
00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:52,832
were just thrown
on the floor,
388
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:55,006
but the bills
were... not.
389
00:13:56,974 --> 00:13:57,906
Where are the bills?
390
00:13:58,044 --> 00:13:59,010
In his wallet.
391
00:14:02,013 --> 00:14:02,980
So you sleep
with this guy...
392
00:14:03,118 --> 00:14:04,671
W-w-w-we didn't,
you know,
393
00:14:04,809 --> 00:14:06,190
Sleep together
sleep together.
You didn't sleep together?
394
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:07,398
But we
were going to.
395
00:14:07,536 --> 00:14:08,778
Oh, my god.
We were going to,
but...
396
00:14:08,917 --> 00:14:10,711
But what?
But we didn't.
397
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,299
Now, so you didn't.
I barely
knew the guy.
398
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:20,652
Okay.
399
00:14:22,516 --> 00:14:23,621
Guy comes
to your house...
400
00:14:23,759 --> 00:14:24,760
You know what?
Forget it.
401
00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:26,589
I'm just trying
to understand.
402
00:14:39,809 --> 00:14:40,983
Yes?
403
00:14:41,121 --> 00:14:43,641
Hi. I'm looking for
Svetlana Poszinsky,
please?
404
00:14:43,779 --> 00:14:44,711
Yes.
405
00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:46,989
Also the former
Svetlana Buchman.
406
00:14:47,265 --> 00:14:48,646
Yes.
407
00:14:48,784 --> 00:14:51,442
Does Svetlana Poszinsky,
the former Svetlana Buchman,
live here?
408
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:52,719
You bet.
409
00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:54,031
May I speak
with her, please?
410
00:14:54,169 --> 00:14:55,170
By all means.
411
00:14:56,171 --> 00:14:57,689
Is she home now?
Uh-huh.
412
00:14:57,827 --> 00:14:58,794
May I speak
with her, please?
413
00:14:59,139 --> 00:15:00,209
Please.
414
00:15:00,347 --> 00:15:01,279
Ok, um...
415
00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:02,418
Boy, I don't mean
to be rude.
416
00:15:02,556 --> 00:15:04,351
I'm just gonna
ask this one more time.
417
00:15:04,489 --> 00:15:06,698
May I please speak
with Svetlana Poszinsky?
418
00:15:06,836 --> 00:15:08,321
Absolutely, you may.
419
00:15:08,459 --> 00:15:09,460
Is she home now?
420
00:15:10,081 --> 00:15:11,048
Yes, she is.
421
00:15:11,186 --> 00:15:12,463
Great. May I speak
with her?
422
00:15:12,601 --> 00:15:13,705
Sure.
423
00:15:13,843 --> 00:15:15,569
Ok. Um...
424
00:15:16,674 --> 00:15:17,917
You know what?
Let's try this.
425
00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:19,194
What is your name,
please?
426
00:15:19,746 --> 00:15:22,024
Svetlana Poszinsky.
427
00:15:22,542 --> 00:15:23,577
Are you sure?
428
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:25,096
Yes.
Your name
is Svetlana Poszinsky?
429
00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:26,270
Yes.
Are you sure?
430
00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:28,168
Yes.
Formerly
Svetlana Buchman?
431
00:15:28,306 --> 00:15:29,583
This is what
I'm saying.
432
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,722
Oh, my god.
433
00:15:34,657 --> 00:15:36,901
[GROANING]
434
00:15:37,039 --> 00:15:39,731
Here we go.
It's the actual
civil war Yankees
435
00:15:39,869 --> 00:15:41,009
against the...
436
00:15:41,147 --> 00:15:42,182
"Hey,
your fly is open,
437
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,115
you can't go out
like that" mets.
438
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:45,910
Uhh!
439
00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:47,118
How you doing?
440
00:15:47,256 --> 00:15:49,776
I'm okay.
I took more Advil
than a lab rat.
441
00:15:50,294 --> 00:15:51,260
All right.
442
00:15:51,398 --> 00:15:52,986
So, good.
Batter up.
443
00:15:53,124 --> 00:15:54,332
ANNOUNCER: Leading off
for the Yankees,
444
00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:56,645
loving husband to Sylvia,
445
00:15:56,783 --> 00:15:59,682
loving father to Debbie,
Sharon, and Paul...
446
00:16:01,546 --> 00:16:03,031
Well, to Debbie and Sharon.
447
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:07,828
Proud grandfather
to Jed, Noah,
448
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,107
and the delicious new Mabel,
449
00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:12,695
the first baseman,
number 10,
450
00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:15,940
Burt Buchman.
451
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,286
Number 10.
452
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,771
Whoo! Go!
453
00:16:19,909 --> 00:16:22,843
Burt, I can read
your watch from here.
454
00:16:24,224 --> 00:16:26,192
Okay. Come on, now.
455
00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:27,538
Just you and me, baby.
456
00:16:27,883 --> 00:16:29,195
Come on, Al.
457
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:31,266
We're just
playing catch, Al.
458
00:16:31,404 --> 00:16:32,646
Okay, Al.
459
00:16:33,509 --> 00:16:34,855
Al.
460
00:16:35,615 --> 00:16:38,376
Al.
461
00:16:38,514 --> 00:16:39,584
Huh?
462
00:16:39,722 --> 00:16:40,792
Throw the ball.
463
00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:43,071
All right.
Who's arguing?
464
00:16:45,211 --> 00:16:46,177
Strike!
465
00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:47,247
Naturally.
466
00:16:47,385 --> 00:16:49,870
Shame on you, Blue,
for making a call
467
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,286
against your father!
468
00:16:51,424 --> 00:16:53,253
They get a nice crowd here,
don't they?
469
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:55,186
Okay.
470
00:16:55,324 --> 00:16:58,431
You're gonna zing it
right in to me, Al.
Okay, Al?
471
00:16:58,569 --> 00:16:59,811
Here we go, Al.
472
00:17:01,296 --> 00:17:04,575
Al.
473
00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:07,026
ALL: Al!
474
00:17:08,406 --> 00:17:10,477
Stop hollering.
What's wrong with you?
475
00:17:13,791 --> 00:17:14,895
Good ball.
476
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,069
Are you sure?
477
00:17:16,449 --> 00:17:17,484
All right.
478
00:17:17,622 --> 00:17:18,623
Paulie,
maybe you should
479
00:17:18,761 --> 00:17:20,556
and this is only
a suggestion,
480
00:17:20,694 --> 00:17:22,179
but maybe you should
be big about this
481
00:17:22,317 --> 00:17:25,147
and just say that
you made the wrong call
the other day.
482
00:17:25,285 --> 00:17:27,184
No. The man was safe,
I called him safe,
483
00:17:27,322 --> 00:17:28,323
And the decision stands.
484
00:17:28,461 --> 00:17:30,566
If we start changing
the call after the fact,
485
00:17:30,704 --> 00:17:32,706
I'm really worried that
the game is gonna lose
its integrity.
486
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,053
Gin!
487
00:17:35,778 --> 00:17:38,333
I think the integrity ship
kind of already sailed.
488
00:17:38,471 --> 00:17:39,920
Oh, look at them.
Mal, do me a favor.
489
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,647
Would you please see if
we can get the furniture
off the infield?
490
00:17:43,924 --> 00:17:44,925
Ohh.
491
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,481
Pop,
492
00:17:49,344 --> 00:17:50,690
let me say this:
493
00:17:50,828 --> 00:17:53,037
I just wish
there was some way
we could clear this up.
494
00:17:53,658 --> 00:17:54,763
Well, me, too.
495
00:17:54,901 --> 00:17:56,213
I'm zooming.
496
00:17:56,351 --> 00:17:57,662
Watch me zoom.
497
00:17:58,974 --> 00:18:00,493
Maybe there is a way
to clear this up.
498
00:18:00,631 --> 00:18:01,770
What do you mean?
499
00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:03,634
Aunt Syl, can I
see that camera
for one second?
500
00:18:03,772 --> 00:18:04,807
Oh, yeah.
501
00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:06,499
Little instant replay.
502
00:18:06,637 --> 00:18:07,948
All right.
503
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,157
That's so smart.
504
00:18:09,295 --> 00:18:11,090
He's a very,
very smart man.
505
00:18:11,228 --> 00:18:13,471
All right, gentlemen.
Here we go.
506
00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:15,784
Al "the butcher" Birnbaum
hits the ball.
507
00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:17,717
There's Ira running,
running.
508
00:18:17,855 --> 00:18:20,099
Mr. Edlin throws,
which, all due respect,
509
00:18:20,237 --> 00:18:22,204
would be in slow motion
even at normal speed.
510
00:18:22,998 --> 00:18:24,379
And he's safe!
511
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,035
Ha!
512
00:18:26,174 --> 00:18:27,520
Safe?
Yes.
513
00:18:27,658 --> 00:18:29,177
You were right.
He was safe.
514
00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:31,006
Yes. Yes.
515
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,214
I'm sorry, Paul.
516
00:18:32,352 --> 00:18:33,284
That's okay.
517
00:18:33,422 --> 00:18:36,184
No, no, no. I mean,
I'm really sorry.
518
00:18:36,598 --> 00:18:37,564
Paul...
519
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,118
Son,
520
00:18:39,773 --> 00:18:41,189
my son,
521
00:18:41,327 --> 00:18:43,363
I'm sorry.
Man to man...
522
00:18:43,501 --> 00:18:44,675
I apologize to you.
523
00:18:44,813 --> 00:18:46,194
Well... accepted.
524
00:18:46,332 --> 00:18:47,609
No, no, no.
This is big.
525
00:18:47,747 --> 00:18:49,162
I'm terribly sorry.
526
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:50,577
I'm filled
with remorse.
527
00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:51,992
That's all right.
Pop, it's in the past.
528
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,925
It happened.
It's over. It's gone.
Don't worry about it.
529
00:18:54,063 --> 00:18:55,651
Really?
Yeah, absolutely.
530
00:19:01,726 --> 00:19:02,693
Boy, that was
a nice moment.
531
00:19:02,831 --> 00:19:04,004
Nice little moment.
532
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,662
Don't worry. I've
got the whole thing
on tape.
533
00:19:07,629 --> 00:19:08,802
Hi.
534
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:12,289
Hi. Paul,
I believe you know
Svetlana Poszinsky.
535
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,913
Hello, Svetlana.
536
00:19:16,051 --> 00:19:17,466
Hi, Paul.
537
00:19:17,604 --> 00:19:18,536
Svetlana, I'm
sure you remember
538
00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:19,986
your ex-mother
and father-in-law,
539
00:19:20,124 --> 00:19:22,161
Sylvia
and Burt Buchman.
540
00:19:22,299 --> 00:19:25,716
Sylvia, Burt, of course
you know Paul's
first wife Svetlana.
541
00:19:26,544 --> 00:19:27,994
What are you talking about?
542
00:19:28,132 --> 00:19:30,686
Okay, did I mention
this to nobody
at the time?
543
00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:33,517
You made her sound
like a James Bond girl.
544
00:19:33,655 --> 00:19:36,451
In the earlier films when
he was a struggling spy.
545
00:19:37,072 --> 00:19:38,453
Come on. Play ball.
546
00:19:38,591 --> 00:19:39,971
We're burning daylight here.
547
00:19:40,109 --> 00:19:42,974
Mal Noonan, do you
know Paul's first wife
Svetlana?
548
00:19:44,735 --> 00:19:45,943
Hello.
549
00:19:46,081 --> 00:19:48,117
Charmed, I'm sure.
550
00:19:49,257 --> 00:19:50,534
Paul, may I?
551
00:19:51,466 --> 00:19:52,777
Please.
552
00:19:52,915 --> 00:19:54,434
Has everybody
had a chance
553
00:19:54,572 --> 00:19:56,540
to meet Paul's
first wife
Svetlana?
554
00:20:03,305 --> 00:20:05,445
Well, that's something
I never would have expected.
555
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:09,000
Svetlana comes down
after all these years,
meets another guy.
556
00:20:09,138 --> 00:20:10,416
Yeah. How you doing
with that?
557
00:20:10,554 --> 00:20:11,900
You hanging in there?
558
00:20:12,038 --> 00:20:12,935
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
559
00:20:13,073 --> 00:20:15,110
It was
a paper marriage.
560
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,836
I believe you said
she was exotic.
561
00:20:16,974 --> 00:20:19,735
I was 20,
she had an accent.
What do you want?
562
00:20:19,873 --> 00:20:22,635
Why didn't you tell me
she was 73 years old?
563
00:20:22,773 --> 00:20:24,395
If I knew that her age
made such a difference
to you,
564
00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:26,155
believe me, I would
have mentioned it.
565
00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:28,399
You said she was a student
at NYU?
566
00:20:28,537 --> 00:20:31,437
No, I didn't.
I said I met her
at NYU.
567
00:20:31,575 --> 00:20:33,335
She worked
in the cafeteria.
568
00:20:33,473 --> 00:20:34,716
Listen to me.
569
00:20:34,854 --> 00:20:36,304
In a situation like this,
570
00:20:36,442 --> 00:20:37,788
details are
very important.
571
00:20:38,582 --> 00:20:39,652
Listen, you ask me,
572
00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:41,550
and I'll give you
all the details
you want.
573
00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:42,724
All right.
Well, next time...
574
00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:43,966
No. There's not gonna
be a next time.
575
00:20:44,104 --> 00:20:46,624
Really? So you don't have
any other former wives?
576
00:20:47,107 --> 00:20:48,039
Uh,
577
00:20:48,177 --> 00:20:49,455
no.
578
00:20:49,593 --> 00:20:51,042
You sure?
Yeah. I'm really sure.
579
00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:52,251
Okay. Good.
580
00:20:52,389 --> 00:20:53,666
All right.
So it's over?
It's over.
581
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,254
Good.
582
00:20:58,602 --> 00:20:59,637
What?
583
00:20:59,775 --> 00:21:01,398
Okay, so who was
the guy with the wallet?
584
00:21:17,586 --> 00:21:20,762
Sweetie, sweetie.
I don't feel like it.
Not tonight.
585
00:21:21,452 --> 00:21:22,488
Really?
586
00:21:22,626 --> 00:21:23,696
I'm just so tired.
587
00:21:24,041 --> 00:21:24,973
You are?
588
00:21:25,111 --> 00:21:26,940
Yeah. Oh.
I'm almost asleep.
589
00:21:28,873 --> 00:21:29,909
I understand.
39513
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