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1
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
2
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MOTHER'S DAY CARD.
3
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I LIKE TO MAKE MY OWN,
4
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TELL HER HOW I REALLY
5
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FEEL.
6
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(door opens)
7
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WELL, DEAN CAIN'S
8
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A FREAKIN' HERO.
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IT'S ALL OVER THE INTERNET.
10
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(door closes)
11
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A MOBILE GROOMING VAN
12
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CAUGHT ON FIRE,
13
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AND DEAN SAVED
14
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EVERY SINGLE DOG INSIDE.
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EVEN THE POODLES?
16
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YEAH. WHAT AN ATTENTION
17
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WHORE.
18
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OH, NO.
19
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(siren wails,
20
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indistinct shouting)
21
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THERE'S A DEAD BODY
22
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UNDERNEATH THAT TARP.
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(dog yelping)
24
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OH, IT'S JUST PUPPIES!
25
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OHH.
26
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(woman) I LOVE YOU, DEAN CAIN!
27
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FIRST HE'S SUPERMAN ON TV.
28
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NOW HE'S SUPERMAN IN REAL LIFE?
29
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,074
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
30
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TO COMPETE WITH THAT
31
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ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS"?
32
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,662
OH, NO. IT'S HAPPENING.
33
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,662
YOU'RE IN IT.
34
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,080
OH, NO. I'M IN IT.
35
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WAIT. OH. YOU'RE IN WHAT?
36
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MY HEAD. I... UGH!
37
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I CAN'T GET
38
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OUT!
39
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I CAN'T DANCE
40
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NEXT TO SUPERMAN!
41
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I'M GONNA MAKE A FOOL OUT
42
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OF
43
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MYSELF ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
44
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WHEN THAT HAPPENS,
45
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I GET IN MY HEAD.
46
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,511
AND WHEN I GET IN MY HEAD--
47
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IT'S OKAY. YOU CAN SHOW JUNE.
48
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BRACE YOURSELF.
49
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(gasps
50
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OHH.
51
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THIS HAPPENS. (pants)
52
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STRESS-INDUCED FLOP SWEAT.
53
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JAMES, YOU NEED
54
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TO STOP
55
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OBSESSING.
56
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YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
57
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YOU WORK YOURSELF UP LIKE THIS.
58
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REMEMBER WHY YOU GOT RECAST
59
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FROM THAT SEAN PENN MOVIE?
60
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WANT TO SUCK
61
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ON
62
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SOMETHING
63
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COOL?
64
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THANKS FOR GETTING IT
65
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STARTED FOR ME.
66
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(man) AW, CUT IT.
67
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CUT. GET ME FRANCO.
68
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(buzzer)
69
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,289
WAIT. WAIT. W-W-W--ONE MORE.
70
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YOU TRY MAKING OUT
71
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,960
WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST ACTORS
72
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OF THIS GENERATION.
73
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JAMES, YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX
74
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AND TAKE YOUR MIND OFF
75
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THINGS.
76
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GET A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE.
77
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IT'S JUST A DANCE SHOW.
78
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YEAH, THAT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE
79
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WATCH EVERY WEEK.
80
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I WILL NOT BE EMBARRASSED
81
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ON THAT
82
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STAGE.
83
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I'M GONNA GET SERIOUS.
84
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I'M PREPARING FOR THE GREATEST
85
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ROLE OF MY CAREER... ME.
86
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AREN'T YOU GETTING
87
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A LITTLE OLD FOR THAT
88
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PART?
89
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,401
OH
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(Katie Hampton) ♪ I'M NOT
91
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PERFECT, I'M NO SNITCH ♪
92
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♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪
93
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(whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪
94
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(buzzer)
95
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♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪
96
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♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪
97
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OOH, FUN
98
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UMBRELLA!
99
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OH, THANK YOU. MY GRANDSON
100
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JUST
101
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GAVE IT TO ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
102
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,758
OH, SO YOU'RE A PISCES.
103
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UH-HUH
104
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OKAY, I'M BACK.
105
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BYE, "MURDER, SHE WROTE."
106
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STAY DRY! CHLOE! WHAT THE HELL?!
107
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WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE FRIENDLY?!
108
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BECAUSE FRIENDLY'S
109
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A WASTE OF
110
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TIME.
111
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"HEY, HOW ARE YOU?"
112
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"I'M GREAT. HOW ARE YOU?"
113
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"I'M GREAT."
114
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BACK AND FORTH UNTIL YOU DIE.
115
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FRIENDLY IS NOT
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A WASTE OF TIME.
117
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FRIENDLY HAS GOTTEN
118
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ME
119
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700 FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK,
120
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ONE IN EACH OF THE 50 STATES,
121
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3 IN GUAM.
122
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I ALWAYS KNOW
123
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WHAT'S GOING ON IN GUAM.
124
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PLEASE.
125
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THOSE PEOPLE ARE ALL FAKE.
126
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HOW MANY OF THEM
127
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ARE YOUR REAL FRIENDS?
128
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HOW MANY OF THEM
129
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WILL CALL YOU OUT
130
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IF YOU SAY "GUAC"
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INSTEAD OF
132
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"GUACAMOLE"?
133
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OH, THAT REMINDS ME,
134
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I GOTTA CALL JAMES
135
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AND TELL HIM HE WAS SAYING
136
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"PRIMO" TOO MUCH LAST NIGHT.
137
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(phone rings)
138
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(beep)
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HELLO, MEMO PARIS.
140
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WHAT? WHO'S THAT?
141
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KIM BASINGER'S
142
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CHARACTER
143
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IN "THE NATURAL." REMEMBER?
144
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THE SUCCUBUS WHO ALMOST
145
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DESTROYED ROBERT REDFORD'S
146
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,219
baseball career.
147
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LUTHER, CAN YOU STOP BEING
148
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GAY
149
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FOR ONE SECOND AND PUT JAMES ON?
150
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JAMES IS UNAVAILABLE.
151
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HE'S BEGUN
152
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AN INTENSE TRAINING
153
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REGIMEN
154
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,227
and wants no distractions.
155
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WE'VE RELOCATED
156
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TO AN UNDISCLOSED
157
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LOCATION.
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PUT JAMES ON THE PHONE!
159
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No
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I AM THE GATEKEEPER.
161
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BE GONE, SUCCUBUS.
162
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Luther, you--
163
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(beep)
164
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99...
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100.
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(pants) ALL RIGHT. LUTHER.
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WE'VE GOT A VERY BIG TASK
168
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AHEAD OF US.
169
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WE'VE GOT TO PREPARE
170
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MY MIND AND MY BODY
171
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FOR "DANCING WITH THE STARS."
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FIRST THE BODY. WHAT DOES
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THE WORKOUT SCHEDULE SAY?
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"TIME FOR TEN MINUTES
175
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OF RESISTANCE WORK,
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FOLLOWED BY LIGHT STRETCHING
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AND A QUICK PEE."
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(whispers) OKAY.
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(normal voice) NOW THE MIND.
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I'M GONNA SAY SOME NAMES.
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00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,052
YOU TELL ME
182
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,052
WHAT THEY HAVE IN COMMON.
183
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:41,429
GENE KELLY, FRED ASTAIRE,
184
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JOHN
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TRAVOLTA.
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MALE. THEY WERE ALL MALE.
187
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NO.
188
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,850
REALLY?
189
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,267
NO, I MEAN, THAT'S
190
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NOT
191
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WHAT THEY HAD IN COMMON.
192
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THEY WERE ALL DANCERS
193
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,269
WHO HAD THE MENTAL STAMINA
194
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,689
TO NOT LET THEIR NERVES
195
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GET TO THEM. NOW...
196
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UNFORTUNATELY,
197
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I'M NOT THAT LUCKY.
198
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YOU KNOW WHO WASN'T LUCKY?
199
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,153
PRINCESS DIANA.
200
00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:59,280
SO I FOUND THE BEST DOCTOR
201
00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:59,280
IN THE COUNTRY--DR. RUBINSTEIN.
202
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,908
HE'S GONNA GIVE ME THESE SHOTS
203
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UNDERNEATH MY ARMS
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SO THAT I DON'T SWEAT.
205
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SO, EVEN
206
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IF I'M TERRIFIED INSIDE,
207
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ON THE OUTSIDE
208
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I'LL BE DRY AS A FLOUR TORTILLA.
209
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,874
SO DON'T ADDRESS
210
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THE CORE
211
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,874
ISSUE,
212
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,877
JUST PUT A TEMPORARY
213
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,877
BAND-AID ON IT? LOVE.
214
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:15,380
(exhaling deeply)
215
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SO MY NEW SOFA CAME.
216
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:18,967
AND?
217
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,011
YOU WERE RIGHT.
218
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,517
OOH. "MOBY DICK"?
219
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,517
THAT'S FANCY.
220
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,310
JENNIFER CHOSE IT
221
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,310
FOR BOOK CLUB.
222
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,896
OH, THAT'S A FUN THING
223
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,896
TO DO TOGETHER.
224
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,314
IT'S THE ONE
225
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,314
NIGHT
226
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,314
SHE DRINKS WINE AND GETS FREAKY.
227
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,275
(whispers)
228
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,275
SHE GETS ON TOP, JUNE.
229
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,528
OKAY.
230
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,528
(dishes clatter)
231
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,406
WELL, THAT'S GREAT. IT'S GOOD
232
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,406
TO HAVE THINGS TO ASPIRE TO.
233
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,325
PROBLEM IS, SHE TAKES
234
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,325
THE DISCUSSION VERY SERIOUSLY,
235
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,620
AND I'M ON PAGE 8 OF 704.
236
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,789
IF I CAN'T FIND HIDDEN THEMES,
237
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,332
SHE PUTS ON HER MOUTH
238
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,332
GUARD
239
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,332
AND CALLS IT A NIGHT.
240
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,500
(door bells jingle)
241
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(sighs)
242
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,420
LUTHER HAS CUT ME OFF
243
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,420
FROM JAMES.
244
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,631
I'VE BEEN CALLING AND CALLING,
245
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,631
AND I CAN'T GET THROUGH.
246
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,424
I HATE THAT BROKE-DOWN HO.
247
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,051
I THINK LUTHER'S NICE.
248
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:04,263
OH. REALLY? WHEN DID YOU
249
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:04,263
BECOME HIS NUMBER ONE SUPER FAN?
250
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,558
LUTHER, MEET JUNE.
251
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,558
JUNE, LUTHER.
252
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,353
DID YOUR GRANDMOTHER
253
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,353
MAKE PIES?
254
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,396
YES! DID YOURS?
255
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,731
YES!
256
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,275
HI!
257
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,275
OH, HI!
258
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,359
WE MEET FOR PEDICURES
259
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,359
ONCE A WEEK NOW.
260
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,529
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. HAS HIS
261
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,529
CYCLE LINKED UP WITH YOURS, TOO?
262
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,529
(door bells jingle)
263
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:25,366
SEE? THAT IS WHY LUTHER
264
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:25,366
DOESN'T
265
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LIKE YOU--BECAUSE YOU ARE
266
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RUDE.
267
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:28,745
WHY WOULD HE DO ANYTHING FOR YOU
268
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:28,745
WHEN YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH TO HIM?
269
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,371
OH, I GET IT.
270
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:34,001
SO IF I'M NICE TO LUTHER,
271
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HE'LL GIVE ME ACCESS TO JAMES.
272
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:37,462
JUNE, THAT IS THE FIRST HELPFUL
273
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THING YOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME.
274
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,380
SO IF I CLOSE
275
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,380
THE BATHROOM DOOR,
276
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,382
THEN IT'S LIKE
277
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,382
A LITTLE
278
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,382
SANCTUARY?
279
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,011
JUNE, THAT IS THE FIRST
280
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,011
HELPFUL
281
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,011
THING YOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME.
282
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,389
COME ON, JUNE. TEACH ME.
283
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,389
TEACH ME HOW TO BE NICE.
284
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,975
NO--YOU'RE NOT GONNA LISTEN
285
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,975
TO ME, AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA
286
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,852
MAKE FUN OF EVERYTHING
287
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,852
THAT I HAVE TO SAY.
288
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,062
COME ON.
289
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,062
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
290
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,438
NO.
291
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,774
YOU KNOW,
292
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,774
TEACHING SOMEONE TO BE
293
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,774
FRIENDLY
294
00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,485
IS THE FRIENDLIEST
295
00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,485
THING OF ALL.
296
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,572
YES. YES, OF COURSE,
297
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,572
A THOUSAND YESES.
298
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,116
OF COURSE I WILL DO IT!
299
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,576
OKAY. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS
300
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,576
REMEMBER THE ACRONYM "P.E.N.S."
301
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:14,249
PAY ATTENTION, EYE CONTACT,
302
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:14,249
NOTICE DETAILS, AND SMILE.
303
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,627
(horn honks in distance)
304
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:22,423
♪♪
305
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,510
HEY. SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH
306
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,510
WEARING ELASTIC WAIST PANTS?
307
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,139
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
308
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,433
NICE CHEST BALLOONS.
309
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,433
WHAT DID THOSE LAND YOU?
310
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,853
PRODUCE MANAGER? MAILMAN?
311
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,608
HEY, MARK.
312
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,944
WHICH HALF OF YOU IS BLACK?
313
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,447
HEY, YOU REMEMBERED
314
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,447
MY NAME. NICE!
315
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,617
WHAT? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
316
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,536
THERE'S SOMEONE
317
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,536
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO.
318
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,539
(click)
319
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,457
(crowd cheering,
320
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,457
woman speaking indistinctly)
321
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,835
WHO IS THAT SINEWY
322
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,835
MORNING PRINCESS?
323
00:06:58,877 --> 00:06:59,961
THIS IS KELLY
324
00:06:58,877 --> 00:06:59,961
RIPA.
325
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,089
SHE'S THE FRIENDLIEST
326
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,089
WOMAN ON THE PLANET.
327
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,465
WATCH HER. LEARN FROM HER.
328
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,093
(laughs)
329
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,093
WHAT IS SHE LAUGHING ABOUT?
330
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,761
(giggles) SOMETHING.
331
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,761
(giggles)
332
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,555
I DON'T CARE WHERE HER
333
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,555
AND HER HUSBAND WENT FOR DINNER.
334
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,891
ALTHOUGH,
335
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,891
I DON'T LIKE CURRY EITHER,
336
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,476
SO I DO UNDERSTAND
337
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,476
HER
338
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,476
FRUSTRATION.
339
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,854
OH. SHE GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC
340
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,854
IN THE HOLLAND TUNNEL.
341
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,064
THAT'S HAPPENED
342
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,064
TO ME BEFORE.
343
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,481
MM-HMM.
344
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,483
SHE'S GOING AROUND THE CITY
345
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,483
TO FIND THE BEST CUPCAKE.
346
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,862
I DEFINITELY HAVE OPINIONS
347
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,862
ON THAT, KELLY RIPA!
348
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:29,074
ARE THERE REALLY ONLY 50
349
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:29,074
SHOPPING DAYS TILL VALENTINE'S?
350
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,369
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET
351
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,369
YOUR HUSBAND MARK?
352
00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,996
YOU PAID ATTENTION.
353
00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,996
YOU MADE EYE CONTACT.
354
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,082
YOU ANSWERED HER EVEN THOUGH
355
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,082
SHE COULDN'T HEAR
356
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,082
YOU.
357
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,499
YOU ARE READY.
358
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,669
(laughs)
359
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:42,670
(barks)
360
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:43,797
(brakes squeal)
361
00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,508
OKAY. LUTHER IS ONLY
362
00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,508
EXPECTING ME,
363
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,136
SO HE'S GONNA FREAK OUT
364
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,136
WHEN HE SEES YOU,
365
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,429
BUT JUST STAY THE COURSE.
366
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,513
DIDN'T THIS USE TO BE
367
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,513
A CHINESE TAKEOUT PLACE?
368
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,183
IT STILL IS.
369
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,517
MRS. NGUYEN HAD
370
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,517
THE NAIL SALON,
371
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,811
AND MR. NGUYEN HAD
372
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,811
A WAY WITH NOODLES,
373
00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,563
SO THEY FELL IN LOVE,
374
00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,563
AND HERE WE ARE.
375
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:04,525
HI, MRS. NGUYEN!
376
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:04,525
HI. I'M JUNE COLBURN.
377
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,154
I'M FRIENDS WITH THE SALON
378
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,154
ON FACEBOOK?
379
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:10,324
AHH, YES.
380
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,532
HEY, GIRL.
381
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,701
I'M JUST INPUTTING
382
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,701
JAMES' CALORIES FOR THE DAY,
383
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,120
AND THEN I WILL BE R--
384
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,623
OH, NO. NO, NO, NO,
385
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,623
NO.
386
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,709
(speaks Asian dialect)
387
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,709
Get that slut out of here.
388
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,211
LUTHER...
389
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,545
I'M NOT TELLING
390
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,545
YOU
391
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,545
WHERE JAMES IS.
392
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,132
I UNDERSTAND, AND...
393
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,508
(grunts)
394
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,178
I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO.
395
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,846
COFFEE?
396
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,849
LOOK, I'M SORRY THAT
397
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,849
I'VE BEEN SUCH A BITCH TO YOU.
398
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,558
I'M WORKING ON IT.
399
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,187
I'VE JUST NEVER REALLY
400
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,187
BEEN GOOD AT
401
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,187
PEOPLE.
402
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,605
I DIDN'T HAVE
403
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,605
A GRANDMOTHER WHO MADE PIES.
404
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,566
WHAT DID YOUR GRANDMA
405
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,566
MAKE?
406
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,566
EMOTIONAL
407
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,566
SCARS?
408
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,235
YEAH.
409
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,279
AND A PRETTY GOOD
410
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,279
PLUM COBBLER.
411
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,658
WHAT KIND OF PLUMS
412
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,658
DID SHE USE?
413
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,618
BLACK BEAUTIES
414
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,618
OR CASSELMANS?
415
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,619
FRIARS.
416
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,873
(gasps)
417
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,873
THAT IS A FRAGILE
418
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,873
PLUM.
419
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:04,169
(can tabs click)
420
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,297
(both slurping)
421
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,968
SO I SENT
422
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,968
DR. RUBINSTEIN'S ASSISTANT,
423
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,596
WHO HE IS SURELY BOFFING,
424
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,596
A BOX OF SALTWATER TAFFY
425
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,765
FROM THE BOARDWALK,
426
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,765
FROM ATLANTIC CITY,
427
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,601
AND THAT'S HOW I GOT JAMES IN
428
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,601
SO QUICKLY. (chuckles)
429
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,602
LUTHER, I HAVE TO BE HONEST.
430
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,604
AT FIRST
431
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,604
I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING A
432
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,604
DIVA
433
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,107
FOR BLOCKING ME FROM
434
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,107
JAMES,
435
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,107
BUT AFTER TALKING TO YOU,
436
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,609
MAYBE IT IS BETTER
437
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,609
IF JAMES FOCUSES ON TRAINING
438
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,237
AND NOT HAVE
439
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,237
DISTRACTIONS FROM ME.
440
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,238
YES.
441
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,031
WELL, JAMES DOES
442
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,031
GET VERY INTENSE
443
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,617
WHEN HE'S PREPARING FOR
444
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,617
ROLES,
445
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,617
AND I GUESS I DO, TOO.
446
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,413
SO I APOLOGIZE
447
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,413
FOR CALLING YOU A SUCCUBUS.
448
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,705
THAT'S OKAY.
449
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,623
I KNEW YOU TWO
450
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,623
WOULD WORK IT OUT.
451
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,210
I HAVE TO SAY,
452
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,210
I AM PLEASANTLY SURPRISED.
453
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,628
I'VE SEEN A DIFFERENT
454
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,628
SIDE OF YOU TODAY, CHLOE.
455
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,923
WHAT DO YOU SAY, LADIES?
456
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,923
SHALL WE KEEP THIS PARTY GOING?
457
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,632
I GOT A PACK OF CIGARETTES
458
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,632
IN MY FREEZER,
459
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,219
AND I LIVE WITHIN SHOUTING
460
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,219
DISTANCE OF LINDA RONSTADT.
461
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,345
(Luther and June giggle)
462
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:56,430
CHLOE?
463
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,347
(door closes)
464
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:58,639
(Chloe) YEAH!
465
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:58,639
(car door opens)
466
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:03,644
NO ONE KEEPS ME FROM MY JAMES!
467
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:03,644
SO LONG, SUCKAS!
468
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,646
SHE GOT JAMES' PHONE.
469
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,859
(whispers) SUCCUBUS.
470
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611
(normal voice, speaks
471
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611
Asian dialect) Double
472
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611
time,
473
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611
Shirley! We Gotta go!
474
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:13,988
(door closes)
475
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,161
(knock on door)
476
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,663
LUTHER. FINALLY. I'M PARCHED.
477
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,663
DID YOU GET MY
478
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,663
JUICE--
479
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,040
HEY, JORGE.
480
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,543
HEY, W-WHAT ARE YOU
481
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,543
DOING HERE?
482
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,253
I FAKE-RIPA'D LUTHER.
483
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,170
I STOLE YOUR PHONE FROM
484
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,170
HIM
485
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,671
AND THEN USED THE GPS
486
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,671
TO FIND YOU.
487
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,090
CAN YOU BELIEVE HE WAS TRYING
488
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,090
TO KEEP US FROM HANGING OUT?
489
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,842
WELL, I AM TRAINING, SO...
490
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:35,885
WHERE'S THE FAT GIRL?
491
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:36,970
WHAT?
492
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,679
THE FAT GIRL
493
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,679
PUTTING LOTION ON HERSELF.
494
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,391
AREN'T WE INSIDE THE WELL
495
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,391
FROM "SILENCE OF THE LAMBS"?
496
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,892
THIS IS
497
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,892
MY RUSTIC TRAINING BUNKER.
498
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,685
IT'S PURPOSELY SPARSE
499
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,685
SO I CAN FOCUS.
500
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,687
YEAH, ABOUT THAT,
501
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,687
YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT.
502
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,690
I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT,
503
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,690
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN,
504
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,692
AND YOU'RE GONNA FORGET
505
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,692
ALL ABOUT YOUR DANCE RECITAL.
506
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,194
IT'S NOT A DANCE RECITAL.
507
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,194
IT'S--
508
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,194
OOH!
509
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,488
LET'S FIND A FIRE ESCAPE
510
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,114
AND THROW CROUTONS AT PEOPLE.
511
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,993
COME ON. OH. I JUST
512
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,993
HAVE TO DO ONE THING
513
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,993
FIRST.
514
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,872
"KISS MY A"?
515
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,872
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
516
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,708
IT MEANS
517
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,708
SHE RAN OUT OF EGG ROLLS.
518
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,920
(gasps) WHAT WAS I THINKING,
519
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,920
TRUSTING HER?
520
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,714
OF COURSE SHE DIDN'T WANT
521
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,714
TO LEARN HOW TO BE FRIENDLY.
522
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,717
HOW MANY TIMES AM I GONNA BE
523
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,717
TAKEN BY THIS GIRL?
524
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,969
IT'S LIKE MY
525
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,969
MOTHER
526
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,969
ALWAYS SAID.
527
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,305
NEVER TRUST A TALL WHITE
528
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,305
WOMAN.
529
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,307
OF COURSE,
530
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,307
MY MOTHER IS SHORTER THAN ME,
531
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,518
SO THAT'S EVERY WHITE WOMAN.
532
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,726
HERE?
533
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:26,936
MM-MM.
534
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,563
MM-MM.
535
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,772
MM-MM.
536
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,732
KEEP--RIGHT THERE.
537
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:32,733
WOW.
538
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,361
VERY
539
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,361
SMALL.
540
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,365
WE'RE GONNA NEED
541
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,365
MORE
542
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,365
CHAMPAGNE
543
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,450
IF I'M GONNA
544
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,450
FILL THAT TUB UP WITH IT.
545
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,743
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
546
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,743
WE'RE HERE TO HAVE FUN
547
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,745
AND TRASH THE PLACE,
548
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,745
LIKE WE ALWAYS DO.
549
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,540
OH, CHLOE, I CAN'T.
550
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,749
I'VE GOTTA FINISH
551
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,749
TEN ROUNDS OF CIRCUIT TRAINING.
552
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,751
HEY. YOU'RE NOT
553
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,751
SWEATING ANYMORE.
554
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,129
I KNOW.
555
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,129
DR. RUBINSTEIN'S SHOTS WORKED.
556
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,674
I'M TERRIFIED INSIDE,
557
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,674
BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL OUTSIDE.
558
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,676
GREAT! LET'S CELEBRATE BY...
559
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:58,759
(door opens)
560
00:11:58,801 --> 00:11:59,678
SMASHING THAT
561
00:11:58,801 --> 00:11:59,678
DESK!
562
00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:00,679
GUESS WHO?
563
00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:01,929
(door closes)
564
00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:01,929
UM, YOU?
565
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,348
THAT'S RIGHT.
566
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,765
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
567
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,765
HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND US?
568
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:05,766
I CALLED HIM.
569
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,394
WHAT? WHY?
570
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,811
'CAUSE I NEED TO STAY FOCUSED,
571
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,938
AND I REALIZED HE'S THE ONLY ONE
572
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,938
WHO CAN KEEP ME ON TRACK.
573
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,774
SHAZAM. ♪ DA DA-DA DA ♪
574
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,774
LUTHER.
575
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,860
I'D LOVE TO
576
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,860
RIDE
577
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,860
THE GLASS ELEVATOR WITH YOU
578
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,946
AND FLASH TOURISTS, BUT I NEED
579
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,946
TO NOT MAKE A FOOL OF
580
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,946
MYSELF
581
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,781
WHILE DANCING
582
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,781
NEXT TO SUPERMAN.
583
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:24,785
I CAN'T AFFORD ANY DISTRACTIONS,
584
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:24,785
AND, WELL, YOU'RE A DISTRACTION.
585
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788
DUDE, WHAT YOU NEED
586
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788
IS SOMEONE TO BE REAL WITH
587
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788
YOU.
588
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,957
YOU NEED TO RELAX
589
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,957
AND BE YOURSELF
590
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,167
AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT.
591
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,878
WHY?! SO YOU CAN
592
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,878
HAVE YOUR PLAYMATE BACK?
593
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,589
THAT'S WHY YOU WOULD
594
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,589
NEVER MAKE A GOOD FRIEND--
595
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:38,007
BECAUSE YOU'RE SELFISH,
596
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:38,007
AND YOU ARE UNSUPPORTIVE.
597
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,175
NO, I'M JUST NOT FAKE
598
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,802
LIKE YOU AND YOUR
599
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,802
SINEWY MORNING PRINCESS.
600
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,804
OH, MY GOD.
601
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,432
(gasping)
602
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,100
ARE YOU HAPPY?
603
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:50,311
YOU HAVE UPSET HIM SO MUCH,
604
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:50,311
HE IS SOILING HIMSELF.
605
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,855
I DIDN'T SOIL MYSELF.
606
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,855
MY SWEAT MUST HAVE REDIRECTED.
607
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,316
I SHUT DOWN MY ARMPITS. IT MUST
608
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,316
HAVE FOUND ITS WAY TO MY THIGHS!
609
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,444
DUDE, IT LOOKS LIKE PEE.
610
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,819
SMILE
611
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,819
(camera shutter clicks)
612
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,821
JAMES, SOMEDAY, I PROMISE,
613
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,532
YOU'RE GONNA LOOK BACK
614
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,532
AND LAUGH AT
615
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,532
THIS.
616
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:05,034
I'M THERE NOW,
617
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:05,034
AND IT'S PRETTY HILARIOUS.
618
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,622
OH. I'VE SEEN
619
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,622
THOSE LOOKS BEFORE.
620
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:12,833
THEY'RE THE REASON I STOPPED
621
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:12,833
DOING STAND-UP. I'M LEAVING.
622
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:18,506
I MEAN, WHEN AM I GONNA LEARN?
623
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:18,506
CHLOE KEEPS TRICKING ME.
624
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,466
"LET'S GO ROLLERBLADING!"
625
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,760
I END UP THE MULE
626
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,760
FOR A DRUG DEAL.
627
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,052
"LET'S GO SEE
628
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,052
'DADDY DAY CARE.'"
629
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,221
I END UP ON A DATE
630
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,221
WITH DAVID ARQUETTE'S
631
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,221
ROOMMATE.
632
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,848
JUNE, DO YOU MIND? I'M TRYING
633
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,848
TO FINISH "MOBY DICK" HERE.
634
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,850
I ABANDONED THE READING
635
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,850
AND WENT FOR THE AUDIO.
636
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,478
I'M PLAYING IT ON FAST SPEED.
637
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,648
SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF BORING
638
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,648
CHIPMUNKS, AND I LOVE CHIPMUNKS.
639
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,441
YOU'RE RIGHT,
640
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,441
MARK.
641
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,441
I AM SORRY.
642
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,944
UNLIKE CHLOE,
643
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,944
I AM A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND.
644
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,029
LET ME KNOW IF THERE'S
645
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,029
ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP YOU.
646
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,698
TOTALLY.
647
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,326
I MEAN RIGHT NOW, NOT LATER,
648
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,326
WHEN, UH, JENNIFER IS ON TOP,
649
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,869
WHICH I REMEMBER YOU
650
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,869
MENTIONING
651
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,869
THAT YOU LIKED A LOT.
652
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,371
BECAUSE I'M A GOOD FRIEND.
653
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:54,083
GO BACK TO YOUR BOOK,
654
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:54,083
OLD SILLY...
655
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,877
WANT-TO-BE-ON-THE-BOTTOM GUY.
656
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,765
I'M DRINKING
657
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,765
ALL THE ORANGE JUICE.
658
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,099
THERE'S ENOUGH HERE
659
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,099
FOR BOTH OF US,
660
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,101
BUT I'M GONNA DRINK IT ALL.
661
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,896
I'M IGNORING YOU.
662
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,896
I AM ICING YOU OUT.
663
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,898
I AM NOT GIVING YOU
664
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,898
ANY OF MY
665
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,898
ENERGY
666
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,901
OR MY THOUGHTS OR MY FOCUS.
667
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,403
YEP.
668
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,403
(thud)
669
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,904
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.
670
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,906
WHEN FRIENDSHIP BLOWS COLD...
671
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,908
IT BLOWS ICY.
672
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,703
OH. GOOD GOD, WOMAN.
673
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,996
STOP BURYING ME
674
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,996
WITH YOUR WORD AVALANCHE.
675
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,373
I KNOW YOU THINK
676
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,373
I'M NOT A GOOD FRIEND,
677
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,542
BUT I HAVE REASONS
678
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,542
FOR DOING WHAT I DID.
679
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,752
I STOLE THE PHONE
680
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,752
SO I COULD GET TO
681
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,752
JAMES
682
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,920
AND GET HIM OUT OF HIS HEAD.
683
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,920
I KNOW HIM.
684
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,089
I'VE SEEN HIM OBSESS
685
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,089
ABOUT THINGS IN THE PAST,
686
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,342
AND IT NEVER GOES
687
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,342
WELL,
688
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,342
SO BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
689
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,969
I ACTUALLY AM
690
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,969
LOOKING OUT FOR HIM.
691
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,514
WELL, I GUESS--
692
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,932
I MEAN, YOU DO KNOW HIM
693
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,932
BETTER THAN
694
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,932
ANYONE--
695
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,519
PLUS, I SOLD HIS SWEAT PHOTO
696
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,519
TO THE PAPARAZZI. LOOK.
697
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,230
IT'S RIGHT HERE
698
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,230
ON CELEB PUDDING.
699
00:14:57,271 --> 00:15:00,358
DAMN IT! SHE GOT ME AGAIN.
700
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,318
I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED
701
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,318
TO LUTHER'S MOTHER.
702
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,196
TALL WHITE
703
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,196
WOMEN
704
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,196
CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
705
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,406
(door closes)
706
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,371
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS.
707
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,371
DOES JAMES KNOW?
708
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,582
YEAH. I TEXTED
709
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,582
HIM.
710
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,333
WHY? WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS?
711
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:21,212
IF IT IS ANY CONSOLATION,
712
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:21,212
YOU ARE DRY AS A CRACKER.
713
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,384
I MEAN IT IN THE SALTINE WAY,
714
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,384
NOT THE DEROGATORY, HONKY WAY.
715
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,053
LOOK, I'VE BEEN TELLING JAMES
716
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,806
HE NEEDS TO RELAX
717
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,806
AND GET OUT OF HIS HEAD.
718
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,850
HE'S NOT GONNA
719
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,850
OUT-SUPERMAN DEAN
720
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,850
CAIN,
721
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,895
SO HE NEEDS TO BE
722
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,895
EVERYMAN.
723
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,895
THAT'S WHO PEOPLE VOTE
724
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,895
FOR.
725
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,979
PEOPLE LIKE THEIR CELEBRITIES
726
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,979
TO HAVE A FLAW
727
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022
BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM
728
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022
REAL.
729
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:43,401
MICHAEL J. FOX, FOR EXAMPLE--
730
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:43,401
ADORED BY MILLIONS.
731
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,985
ARE YOU TRICKING ME?
732
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,988
TRUST ME, THIS IS GONNA MAKE HIM
733
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,988
MORE POPULAR THAN EVER.
734
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:48,989
HMM.
735
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:53,620
(laughter,
736
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:53,620
indistinct conversations)
737
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,248
(laughing)
738
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,380
HEY, ROBIN,
739
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,380
HOW'D YOU GET THIS PHOTO?
740
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:05,882
DID SOMEONE SEND YOU
741
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:05,882
THE LINK?
742
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,007
YEAH, LIKE, TEN
743
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,007
PEOPLE.
744
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,010
IT'S THE NUMBER TWO
745
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,010
TRENDING TOPIC ON YAHOO!--
746
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,014
AFTER THAT FOOTAGE OF ALL
747
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,014
THOSE
748
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,014
MICE IN THE TORNADO.
749
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,014
(chuckles)
750
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,309
CHLOE'S RIGHT. IT WORKED.
751
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,309
HE IS
752
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,309
POPULAR.
753
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,061
OH. UH, NOT EXACTLY.
754
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:24,024
"DAWSON'S
755
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:24,024
CREEK
756
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:24,024
SPRINGS A LEAK,"
757
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,820
UH, "JAMES VAN DER
758
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,820
WEAK"...
759
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:29,405
SOMEONE DID A MEME
760
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:29,405
OF HIS THIGHS CRYING,
761
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,240
SET TO
762
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,240
THE "DAWSON'S CREEK"
763
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,240
THEME.
764
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,117
(music playing, man crying)
765
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,036
THERE ARE A LOT OF
766
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,036
CREATIVE
767
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,036
PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET...
768
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,036
(taps key)
769
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:39,206
AND I... AM ONE OF THEM.
770
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:39,206
(types)
771
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,625
(saxophone music playing)
772
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,210
I MADE THIS. "SAX
773
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,210
CAT."
774
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,045
THIS IS IS ONE SAX-Y CAT.
775
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:48,257
♪ M-M-M-MEOW MEOW MEOW ♪
776
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,429
CHLOE, YOUR STUPID PLAN
777
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,429
DIDN'T
778
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,429
WORK!
779
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,429
(door closes)
780
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:55,055
I KNOW. IT TOTALLY BACKFIRED.
781
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,057
I WOULD HAVE
782
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,057
NEVER
783
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,057
INTENTIONALLY HURT JAMES.
784
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,100
(banging on door)
785
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,100
(James) CHLOE.
786
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,477
OH, DAMN.
787
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,483
WHERE IS SHE?
788
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,235
(squeak)
789
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,487
HI.
790
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,073
WEIRD YOU CHOSE
791
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,073
TONIGHT
792
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,073
TO JUMP OVER.
793
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,117
MY CO-WORKERS FROM
794
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,117
THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT ARE
795
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,117
HERE.
796
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,745
SHONDA'S RETIRING. WE'RE
797
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,745
GIVING HER A LITTLE SEND-OFF.
798
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,080
YOU GUYS ARE ALL
799
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,080
IN VIOLATION...
800
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,082
OF BEING TOO SOBER.
801
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,082
(laughter)
802
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,668
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
803
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,085
I KNOW, BUT I'M SCARED.
804
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,171
DON'T BE.
805
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,172
I WANT TO THANK YOU.
806
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,465
THANK HER?
807
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,091
SHE JUST EMBARRASSED YOU
808
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,091
IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD.
809
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,092
EXACTLY.
810
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,178
I MEAN, YEAH,
811
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,178
AT FIRST I WAS DEVASTATED,
812
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,680
BUT THEN IT HIT ME--
813
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,097
NOTHING THAT HAPPENS
814
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,097
ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS"
815
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,099
COULD POSSIBLY
816
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,099
BE AS BAD AS
817
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,099
THAT.
818
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:42,311
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS,
819
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:42,311
I'M OUT OF MY HEAD. I'M FREE.
820
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,813
SEE, THAT'S WHAT I'VE
821
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,813
BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.
822
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,272
YOU'RE NOT SUPERMAN,
823
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,108
BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO BE,
824
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,108
BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU.
825
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,986
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND.
826
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:51,195
HEY, UH, QUESTION--
827
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,906
DID EITHER ONE OF US
828
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,906
EVER CHECK OUT OF THE BERGAMONT?
829
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,281
WAIT, WAIT,
830
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,281
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
831
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,910
YOU JUST TOLD HIM THAT HE WASN'T
832
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,910
SUPERMAN, AND HE THANKED YOU.
833
00:17:56,951 --> 00:18:00,705
I CAN'T EVEN DEFRIEND
834
00:17:56,951 --> 00:18:00,705
THAT WEIRDO FROM GUAM.
835
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,789
BECAUSE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE
836
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,207
BETWEEN BEING A FRIEND
837
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,207
AND BEING FRIENDLY.
838
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,001
WHY DON'T YOU STOP BEING
839
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,001
KELLY RIPA FOR A MINUTE,
840
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,002
AND TRY IT?
841
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,127
TRY WHAT?
842
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,922
TELLING SOMEONE
843
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,922
SOMETHING THEY NEED TO HEAR,
844
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,590
EVEN IF THEY
845
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,590
DON'T
846
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,590
WANT TO HEAR IT.
847
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,299
OKAY.
848
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,177
CHLOE, I THINK
849
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,177
YOU PARTY TOO MUCH.
850
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,514
OH. RIGHT TO ME. OKAY, WELL,
851
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,514
THAT'S FINE. IT'S TRUE. I DO.
852
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,768
AND, JAMES? YOU
853
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,768
DO
854
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,768
TOO MANY CHRISTMAS MOVIES.
855
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,143
(chuckles) I DON'T CARE.
856
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,854
HAVE YOU SEEN THE INTERNET?
857
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,854
MY THIGHS ARE CRYING.
858
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,146
AND, ELI--
859
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,441
MY BOSS IS HERE--
860
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,441
MR. MONTGOMERY,
861
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,150
SO NOT A GOOD TIME FOR ME.
862
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,736
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
863
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,947
WELL, YOU'LL GET A RAIN CHECK
864
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,947
FOR THAT REALNESS, THEN.
865
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,239
(inhales and exhales sharply)
866
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:36,240
WHERE YOU GOING?
867
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,158
I THINK I'M GONNA GO
868
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,158
HELP OUT ANOTHER FRIEND.
869
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,327
(door opens)
870
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,327
WHATEVER.
871
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,080
WHOO! YEAH!
872
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,333
I JUST THINK ISHMAEL'S
873
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,333
STRUGGLE AGAINST THE WHALE
874
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,169
REPRESENTS OUR OWN JOURNEY.
875
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,798
(whispers) YES.
876
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,340
(knock on door)
877
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,385
THOSE MUST BE THE CRULLERS
878
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,385
WE ORDERED FROM THE BAKERY.
879
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:59,179
I'M-A EAT TWO. (chuckles)
880
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,977
JUNE,
881
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,977
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
882
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,187
MARK, I HAVE NOT BEEN
883
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,187
A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU.
884
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,691
I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU WHAT I REALLY
885
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,691
THINK ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING.
886
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,193
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
887
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,193
READ "MOBY DICK"
888
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,195
TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND
889
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,195
TO GO ON TOP.
890
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:21,201
I MEAN, JENNIFER...
891
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:21,201
COME ON! JUST GET UP THERE!
892
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,830
YOU KNOW, HIT THE LIGHTS!
893
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,830
PUT ON A T-SHIRT!
894
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,083
DO WHATEVER YOU GOTTA DO!
895
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,083
TAKE YOUR PONYTAIL OUT!
896
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,584
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
897
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,584
THE DOUBLE CHINS!
898
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,838
JUST GET UP THERE
899
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,838
AND GET IN THE MOMENT!
900
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,841
OKAY.
901
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:36,801
OH.
902
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,887
FRIEND. CARRY ON.
903
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,223
(chuckles)
904
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,022
(sighs) GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.
905
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:49,981
(door closes)
906
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,655
GUY TEN YEARS AHEAD OF ME
907
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,655
IN HIGH SCHOOL--DEFRIEND.
908
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,655
(taps key)
909
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,240
MISS PIGGY--NOT REAL--UNFRIEND.
910
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,240
(knock on door)
911
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,242
ALL OF GUAM... UNFRIEND.
912
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:07,247
THIS IS A "THANK YOU"/
913
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:07,247
"I WILL NEVER LIKE YOU" COBBLER.
914
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,249
LOOK, WE
915
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,249
DON'T
916
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,249
HAVE TO LIKE EACH OTHER,
917
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,334
BUT WE'RE BOTH
918
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,334
IN JAMES' LIFE FOREVER.
919
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,252
CORRECT...
920
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,546
UNTIL HE GETS A WIFE.
921
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,756
SHE'LL BE FIERCELY
922
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,756
JEALOUS OF US,
923
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,925
BUT THEN WE'LL
924
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,925
UNITE
925
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,925
IN OUR HATRED FOR HER.
926
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,261
AND SLOWLY PROVE HER
927
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,261
TO BE CRAZY IN JAMES'
928
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,261
EYES.
929
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,890
I FEEL LIKE SHE'LL BE CALLED
930
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,890
LINDA. (whispers) I HATE HER.
931
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,142
LINDA.
932
00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:36,276
I HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT IT.
933
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,737
MUST BE GOOD. (chuckles)
934
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,574
MMM!
935
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,284
(mouth full) IT'S REALLY GOOD.
936
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:45,494
THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
54335
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