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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,046 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,507 MOTHER'S DAY CARD. 3 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:09,551 I LIKE TO MAKE MY OWN, 4 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:09,551 TELL HER HOW I REALLY 5 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:09,551 FEEL. 6 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,052 (door opens) 7 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,889 WELL, DEAN CAIN'S 8 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,889 A FREAKIN' HERO. 9 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,056 IT'S ALL OVER THE INTERNET. 10 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,056 (door closes) 11 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,558 A MOBILE GROOMING VAN 12 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,558 CAUGHT ON FIRE, 13 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,727 AND DEAN SAVED 14 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,727 EVERY SINGLE DOG INSIDE. 15 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:19,645 EVEN THE POODLES? 16 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,063 YEAH. WHAT AN ATTENTION 17 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,063 WHORE. 18 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,231 OH, NO. 19 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,231 (siren wails, 20 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,231 indistinct shouting) 21 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,066 THERE'S A DEAD BODY 22 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,066 UNDERNEATH THAT TARP. 23 00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:27,695 (dog yelping) 24 00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:27,695 OH, IT'S JUST PUPPIES! 25 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,655 OHH. 26 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,655 (woman) I LOVE YOU, DEAN CAIN! 27 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,907 FIRST HE'S SUPERMAN ON TV. 28 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,907 NOW HE'S SUPERMAN IN REAL LIFE? 29 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,074 HOW AM I SUPPOSED 30 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,074 TO COMPETE WITH THAT 31 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,242 ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS"? 32 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,662 OH, NO. IT'S HAPPENING. 33 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,662 YOU'RE IN IT. 34 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,080 OH, NO. I'M IN IT. 35 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:40,374 WAIT. OH. YOU'RE IN WHAT? 36 00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:44,085 MY HEAD. I... UGH! 37 00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:44,085 I CAN'T GET 38 00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:44,085 OUT! 39 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,087 I CAN'T DANCE 40 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,087 NEXT TO SUPERMAN! 41 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,924 I'M GONNA MAKE A FOOL OUT 42 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,924 OF 43 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,924 MYSELF ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. 44 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,258 WHEN THAT HAPPENS, 45 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,258 I GET IN MY HEAD. 46 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,511 AND WHEN I GET IN MY HEAD-- 47 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,180 IT'S OKAY. YOU CAN SHOW JUNE. 48 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,180 BRACE YOURSELF. 49 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,100 (gasps 50 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,100 OHH. 51 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:02,021 THIS HAPPENS. (pants) 52 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,188 STRESS-INDUCED FLOP SWEAT. 53 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,315 JAMES, YOU NEED 54 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,315 TO STOP 55 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,315 OBSESSING. 56 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:08,109 YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN 57 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:08,109 YOU WORK YOURSELF UP LIKE THIS. 58 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,571 REMEMBER WHY YOU GOT RECAST 59 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,571 FROM THAT SEAN PENN MOVIE? 60 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,365 WANT TO SUCK 61 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,365 ON 62 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,365 SOMETHING 63 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,365 COOL? 64 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:17,118 THANKS FOR GETTING IT 65 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:17,118 STARTED FOR ME. 66 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,287 (man) AW, CUT IT. 67 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,287 CUT. GET ME FRANCO. 68 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,287 (buzzer) 69 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,289 WAIT. WAIT. W-W-W--ONE MORE. 70 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,917 YOU TRY MAKING OUT 71 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,960 WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST ACTORS 72 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,960 OF THIS GENERATION. 73 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:28,296 JAMES, YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX 74 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:28,296 AND TAKE YOUR MIND OFF 75 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:28,296 THINGS. 76 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:31,008 GET A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE. 77 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:31,008 IT'S JUST A DANCE SHOW. 78 00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,426 YEAH, THAT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE 79 00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,426 WATCH EVERY WEEK. 80 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,721 I WILL NOT BE EMBARRASSED 81 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,721 ON THAT 82 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,721 STAGE. 83 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,138 I'M GONNA GET SERIOUS. 84 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:41,142 I'M PREPARING FOR THE GREATEST 85 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:41,142 ROLE OF MY CAREER... ME. 86 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:46,147 AREN'T YOU GETTING 87 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:46,147 A LITTLE OLD FOR THAT 88 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:46,147 PART? 89 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,401 OH 90 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,448 (Katie Hampton) ♪ I'M NOT 91 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,448 PERFECT, I'M NO SNITCH ♪ 92 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,157 ♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪ 93 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,952 (whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪ 94 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,952 (buzzer) 95 00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,454 ♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪ 96 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:04,416 ♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪ 97 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,169 OOH, FUN 98 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,169 UMBRELLA! 99 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:11,172 OH, THANK YOU. MY GRANDSON 100 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:11,172 JUST 101 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:11,172 GAVE IT TO ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY. 102 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,758 OH, SO YOU'RE A PISCES. 103 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,758 UH-HUH 104 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,176 OKAY, I'M BACK. 105 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,176 BYE, "MURDER, SHE WROTE." 106 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,973 STAY DRY! CHLOE! WHAT THE HELL?! 107 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,181 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE FRIENDLY?! 108 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,059 BECAUSE FRIENDLY'S 109 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,059 A WASTE OF 110 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,059 TIME. 111 00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:24,185 "HEY, HOW ARE YOU?" 112 00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:24,185 "I'M GREAT. HOW ARE YOU?" 113 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,229 "I'M GREAT." 114 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,229 BACK AND FORTH UNTIL YOU DIE. 115 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,189 FRIENDLY IS NOT 116 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,189 A WASTE OF TIME. 117 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:31,359 FRIENDLY HAS GOTTEN 118 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:31,359 ME 119 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:31,359 700 FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK, 120 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:34,279 ONE IN EACH OF THE 50 STATES, 121 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:34,279 3 IN GUAM. 122 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,823 I ALWAYS KNOW 123 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,823 WHAT'S GOING ON IN GUAM. 124 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,282 PLEASE. 125 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,282 THOSE PEOPLE ARE ALL FAKE. 126 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,034 HOW MANY OF THEM 127 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,034 ARE YOUR REAL FRIENDS? 128 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:40,201 HOW MANY OF THEM 129 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:40,201 WILL CALL YOU OUT 130 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,912 IF YOU SAY "GUAC" 131 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,912 INSTEAD OF 132 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,912 "GUACAMOLE"? 133 00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:43,413 OH, THAT REMINDS ME, 134 00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:43,413 I GOTTA CALL JAMES 135 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:46,207 AND TELL HIM HE WAS SAYING 136 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:46,207 "PRIMO" TOO MUCH LAST NIGHT. 137 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,417 (phone rings) 138 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:48,418 (beep) 139 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,378 HELLO, MEMO PARIS. 140 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,089 WHAT? WHO'S THAT? 141 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,215 KIM BASINGER'S 142 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,215 CHARACTER 143 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,215 IN "THE NATURAL." REMEMBER? 144 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,510 THE SUCCUBUS WHO ALMOST 145 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,510 DESTROYED ROBERT REDFORD'S 146 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,219 baseball career. 147 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,806 LUTHER, CAN YOU STOP BEING 148 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,806 GAY 149 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,806 FOR ONE SECOND AND PUT JAMES ON? 150 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,683 JAMES IS UNAVAILABLE. 151 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,601 HE'S BEGUN 152 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,601 AN INTENSE TRAINING 153 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,601 REGIMEN 154 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,227 and wants no distractions. 155 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,856 WE'VE RELOCATED 156 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,856 TO AN UNDISCLOSED 157 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,856 LOCATION. 158 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:09,898 PUT JAMES ON THE PHONE! 159 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:10,816 No 160 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:12,400 I AM THE GATEKEEPER. 161 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,319 BE GONE, SUCCUBUS. 162 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,696 Luther, you-- 163 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,696 (beep) 164 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,238 99... 165 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,657 100. 166 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,242 (pants) ALL RIGHT. LUTHER. 167 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,244 WE'VE GOT A VERY BIG TASK 168 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,244 AHEAD OF US. 169 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,039 WE'VE GOT TO PREPARE 170 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,039 MY MIND AND MY BODY 171 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,707 FOR "DANCING WITH THE STARS." 172 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:29,084 FIRST THE BODY. WHAT DOES 173 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:29,084 THE WORKOUT SCHEDULE SAY? 174 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:30,502 "TIME FOR TEN MINUTES 175 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:30,502 OF RESISTANCE WORK, 176 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,754 FOLLOWED BY LIGHT STRETCHING 177 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,754 AND A QUICK PEE." 178 00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,464 (whispers) OKAY. 179 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,633 (normal voice) NOW THE MIND. 180 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,633 I'M GONNA SAY SOME NAMES. 181 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,052 YOU TELL ME 182 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,052 WHAT THEY HAVE IN COMMON. 183 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:41,429 GENE KELLY, FRED ASTAIRE, 184 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:41,429 JOHN 185 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:41,429 TRAVOLTA. 186 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,639 MALE. THEY WERE ALL MALE. 187 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,850 NO. 188 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,850 REALLY? 189 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,267 NO, I MEAN, THAT'S 190 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,267 NOT 191 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,267 WHAT THEY HAD IN COMMON. 192 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,269 THEY WERE ALL DANCERS 193 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,269 WHO HAD THE MENTAL STAMINA 194 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,689 TO NOT LET THEIR NERVES 195 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,689 GET TO THEM. NOW... 196 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,274 UNFORTUNATELY, 197 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,274 I'M NOT THAT LUCKY. 198 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,153 YOU KNOW WHO WASN'T LUCKY? 199 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,153 PRINCESS DIANA. 200 00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:59,280 SO I FOUND THE BEST DOCTOR 201 00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:59,280 IN THE COUNTRY--DR. RUBINSTEIN. 202 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,908 HE'S GONNA GIVE ME THESE SHOTS 203 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,908 UNDERNEATH MY ARMS 204 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,283 SO THAT I DON'T SWEAT. 205 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,369 SO, EVEN 206 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,369 IF I'M TERRIFIED INSIDE, 207 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,288 ON THE OUTSIDE 208 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,288 I'LL BE DRY AS A FLOUR TORTILLA. 209 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,874 SO DON'T ADDRESS 210 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,874 THE CORE 211 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,874 ISSUE, 212 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,877 JUST PUT A TEMPORARY 213 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,877 BAND-AID ON IT? LOVE. 214 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:15,380 (exhaling deeply) 215 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,883 SO MY NEW SOFA CAME. 216 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:18,967 AND? 217 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,011 YOU WERE RIGHT. 218 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,517 OOH. "MOBY DICK"? 219 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,517 THAT'S FANCY. 220 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,310 JENNIFER CHOSE IT 221 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,310 FOR BOOK CLUB. 222 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,896 OH, THAT'S A FUN THING 223 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,896 TO DO TOGETHER. 224 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,314 IT'S THE ONE 225 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,314 NIGHT 226 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,314 SHE DRINKS WINE AND GETS FREAKY. 227 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,275 (whispers) 228 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,275 SHE GETS ON TOP, JUNE. 229 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,528 OKAY. 230 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,528 (dishes clatter) 231 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,406 WELL, THAT'S GREAT. IT'S GOOD 232 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,406 TO HAVE THINGS TO ASPIRE TO. 233 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,325 PROBLEM IS, SHE TAKES 234 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,325 THE DISCUSSION VERY SERIOUSLY, 235 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,620 AND I'M ON PAGE 8 OF 704. 236 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,789 IF I CAN'T FIND HIDDEN THEMES, 237 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,332 SHE PUTS ON HER MOUTH 238 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,332 GUARD 239 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,332 AND CALLS IT A NIGHT. 240 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,500 (door bells jingle) 241 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,501 (sighs) 242 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,420 LUTHER HAS CUT ME OFF 243 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,420 FROM JAMES. 244 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,631 I'VE BEEN CALLING AND CALLING, 245 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,631 AND I CAN'T GET THROUGH. 246 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,424 I HATE THAT BROKE-DOWN HO. 247 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,051 I THINK LUTHER'S NICE. 248 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:04,263 OH. REALLY? WHEN DID YOU 249 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:04,263 BECOME HIS NUMBER ONE SUPER FAN? 250 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,558 LUTHER, MEET JUNE. 251 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,558 JUNE, LUTHER. 252 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,353 DID YOUR GRANDMOTHER 253 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,353 MAKE PIES? 254 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,396 YES! DID YOURS? 255 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,731 YES! 256 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,275 HI! 257 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,275 OH, HI! 258 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,359 WE MEET FOR PEDICURES 259 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,359 ONCE A WEEK NOW. 260 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,529 OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. HAS HIS 261 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,529 CYCLE LINKED UP WITH YOURS, TOO? 262 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,529 (door bells jingle) 263 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:25,366 SEE? THAT IS WHY LUTHER 264 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:25,366 DOESN'T 265 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:25,366 LIKE YOU--BECAUSE YOU ARE 266 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:25,366 RUDE. 267 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:28,745 WHY WOULD HE DO ANYTHING FOR YOU 268 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:28,745 WHEN YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH TO HIM? 269 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,371 OH, I GET IT. 270 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:34,001 SO IF I'M NICE TO LUTHER, 271 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:34,001 HE'LL GIVE ME ACCESS TO JAMES. 272 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:37,462 JUNE, THAT IS THE FIRST HELPFUL 273 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:37,462 THING YOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME. 274 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,380 SO IF I CLOSE 275 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,380 THE BATHROOM DOOR, 276 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,382 THEN IT'S LIKE 277 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,382 A LITTLE 278 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,382 SANCTUARY? 279 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,011 JUNE, THAT IS THE FIRST 280 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,011 HELPFUL 281 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,011 THING YOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME. 282 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,389 COME ON, JUNE. TEACH ME. 283 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,389 TEACH ME HOW TO BE NICE. 284 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,975 NO--YOU'RE NOT GONNA LISTEN 285 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,975 TO ME, AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA 286 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,852 MAKE FUN OF EVERYTHING 287 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,852 THAT I HAVE TO SAY. 288 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,062 COME ON. 289 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,062 YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. 290 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,438 NO. 291 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,774 YOU KNOW, 292 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,774 TEACHING SOMEONE TO BE 293 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,774 FRIENDLY 294 00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,485 IS THE FRIENDLIEST 295 00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,485 THING OF ALL. 296 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,572 YES. YES, OF COURSE, 297 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,572 A THOUSAND YESES. 298 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,116 OF COURSE I WILL DO IT! 299 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,576 OKAY. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS 300 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,576 REMEMBER THE ACRONYM "P.E.N.S." 301 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:14,249 PAY ATTENTION, EYE CONTACT, 302 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:14,249 NOTICE DETAILS, AND SMILE. 303 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,627 (horn honks in distance) 304 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:22,423 ♪♪ 305 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,510 HEY. SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH 306 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,510 WEARING ELASTIC WAIST PANTS? 307 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,139 HI. HOW ARE YOU? 308 00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,433 NICE CHEST BALLOONS. 309 00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,433 WHAT DID THOSE LAND YOU? 310 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,853 PRODUCE MANAGER? MAILMAN? 311 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,608 HEY, MARK. 312 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,944 WHICH HALF OF YOU IS BLACK? 313 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,447 HEY, YOU REMEMBERED 314 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,447 MY NAME. NICE! 315 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,617 WHAT? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? 316 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,536 THERE'S SOMEONE 317 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,536 I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO. 318 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,539 (click) 319 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,457 (crowd cheering, 320 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,457 woman speaking indistinctly) 321 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,835 WHO IS THAT SINEWY 322 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,835 MORNING PRINCESS? 323 00:06:58,877 --> 00:06:59,961 THIS IS KELLY 324 00:06:58,877 --> 00:06:59,961 RIPA. 325 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,089 SHE'S THE FRIENDLIEST 326 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,089 WOMAN ON THE PLANET. 327 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,465 WATCH HER. LEARN FROM HER. 328 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,093 (laughs) 329 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,093 WHAT IS SHE LAUGHING ABOUT? 330 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,761 (giggles) SOMETHING. 331 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,761 (giggles) 332 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,555 I DON'T CARE WHERE HER 333 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,555 AND HER HUSBAND WENT FOR DINNER. 334 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,891 ALTHOUGH, 335 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,891 I DON'T LIKE CURRY EITHER, 336 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,476 SO I DO UNDERSTAND 337 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,476 HER 338 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,476 FRUSTRATION. 339 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,854 OH. SHE GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC 340 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,854 IN THE HOLLAND TUNNEL. 341 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,064 THAT'S HAPPENED 342 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,064 TO ME BEFORE. 343 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,481 MM-HMM. 344 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,483 SHE'S GOING AROUND THE CITY 345 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,483 TO FIND THE BEST CUPCAKE. 346 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,862 I DEFINITELY HAVE OPINIONS 347 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,862 ON THAT, KELLY RIPA! 348 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:29,074 ARE THERE REALLY ONLY 50 349 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:29,074 SHOPPING DAYS TILL VALENTINE'S? 350 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,369 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET 351 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,369 YOUR HUSBAND MARK? 352 00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,996 YOU PAID ATTENTION. 353 00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,996 YOU MADE EYE CONTACT. 354 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,082 YOU ANSWERED HER EVEN THOUGH 355 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,082 SHE COULDN'T HEAR 356 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,082 YOU. 357 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,499 YOU ARE READY. 358 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,669 (laughs) 359 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:42,670 (barks) 360 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:43,797 (brakes squeal) 361 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,508 OKAY. LUTHER IS ONLY 362 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,508 EXPECTING ME, 363 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,136 SO HE'S GONNA FREAK OUT 364 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,136 WHEN HE SEES YOU, 365 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,429 BUT JUST STAY THE COURSE. 366 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,513 DIDN'T THIS USE TO BE 367 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,513 A CHINESE TAKEOUT PLACE? 368 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,183 IT STILL IS. 369 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,517 MRS. NGUYEN HAD 370 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,517 THE NAIL SALON, 371 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,811 AND MR. NGUYEN HAD 372 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,811 A WAY WITH NOODLES, 373 00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,563 SO THEY FELL IN LOVE, 374 00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,563 AND HERE WE ARE. 375 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:04,525 HI, MRS. NGUYEN! 376 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:04,525 HI. I'M JUNE COLBURN. 377 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,154 I'M FRIENDS WITH THE SALON 378 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,154 ON FACEBOOK? 379 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:10,324 AHH, YES. 380 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,532 HEY, GIRL. 381 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,701 I'M JUST INPUTTING 382 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,701 JAMES' CALORIES FOR THE DAY, 383 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,120 AND THEN I WILL BE R-- 384 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,623 OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, 385 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,623 NO. 386 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,709 (speaks Asian dialect) 387 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,709 Get that slut out of here. 388 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,211 LUTHER... 389 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,545 I'M NOT TELLING 390 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,545 YOU 391 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,545 WHERE JAMES IS. 392 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,132 I UNDERSTAND, AND... 393 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,508 (grunts) 394 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,178 I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO. 395 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,846 COFFEE? 396 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,849 LOOK, I'M SORRY THAT 397 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,849 I'VE BEEN SUCH A BITCH TO YOU. 398 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,558 I'M WORKING ON IT. 399 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,187 I'VE JUST NEVER REALLY 400 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,187 BEEN GOOD AT 401 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,187 PEOPLE. 402 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,605 I DIDN'T HAVE 403 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,605 A GRANDMOTHER WHO MADE PIES. 404 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,566 WHAT DID YOUR GRANDMA 405 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,566 MAKE? 406 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,566 EMOTIONAL 407 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,566 SCARS? 408 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,235 YEAH. 409 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,279 AND A PRETTY GOOD 410 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,279 PLUM COBBLER. 411 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,658 WHAT KIND OF PLUMS 412 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,658 DID SHE USE? 413 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,618 BLACK BEAUTIES 414 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,618 OR CASSELMANS? 415 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,619 FRIARS. 416 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,873 (gasps) 417 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,873 THAT IS A FRAGILE 418 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,873 PLUM. 419 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:04,169 (can tabs click) 420 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,297 (both slurping) 421 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,968 SO I SENT 422 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,968 DR. RUBINSTEIN'S ASSISTANT, 423 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,596 WHO HE IS SURELY BOFFING, 424 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,596 A BOX OF SALTWATER TAFFY 425 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,765 FROM THE BOARDWALK, 426 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,765 FROM ATLANTIC CITY, 427 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,601 AND THAT'S HOW I GOT JAMES IN 428 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,601 SO QUICKLY. (chuckles) 429 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,602 LUTHER, I HAVE TO BE HONEST. 430 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,604 AT FIRST 431 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,604 I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING A 432 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,604 DIVA 433 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,107 FOR BLOCKING ME FROM 434 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,107 JAMES, 435 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,107 BUT AFTER TALKING TO YOU, 436 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,609 MAYBE IT IS BETTER 437 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,609 IF JAMES FOCUSES ON TRAINING 438 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,237 AND NOT HAVE 439 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,237 DISTRACTIONS FROM ME. 440 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,238 YES. 441 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,031 WELL, JAMES DOES 442 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,031 GET VERY INTENSE 443 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,617 WHEN HE'S PREPARING FOR 444 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,617 ROLES, 445 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,617 AND I GUESS I DO, TOO. 446 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,413 SO I APOLOGIZE 447 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,413 FOR CALLING YOU A SUCCUBUS. 448 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,705 THAT'S OKAY. 449 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,623 I KNEW YOU TWO 450 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,623 WOULD WORK IT OUT. 451 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,210 I HAVE TO SAY, 452 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,210 I AM PLEASANTLY SURPRISED. 453 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,628 I'VE SEEN A DIFFERENT 454 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,628 SIDE OF YOU TODAY, CHLOE. 455 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,923 WHAT DO YOU SAY, LADIES? 456 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,923 SHALL WE KEEP THIS PARTY GOING? 457 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,632 I GOT A PACK OF CIGARETTES 458 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,632 IN MY FREEZER, 459 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,219 AND I LIVE WITHIN SHOUTING 460 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,219 DISTANCE OF LINDA RONSTADT. 461 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,345 (Luther and June giggle) 462 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:56,430 CHLOE? 463 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,347 (door closes) 464 00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:58,639 (Chloe) YEAH! 465 00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:58,639 (car door opens) 466 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:03,644 NO ONE KEEPS ME FROM MY JAMES! 467 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:03,644 SO LONG, SUCKAS! 468 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,646 SHE GOT JAMES' PHONE. 469 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,859 (whispers) SUCCUBUS. 470 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611 (normal voice, speaks 471 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611 Asian dialect) Double 472 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611 time, 473 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611 Shirley! We Gotta go! 474 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:13,988 (door closes) 475 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,161 (knock on door) 476 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,663 LUTHER. FINALLY. I'M PARCHED. 477 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,663 DID YOU GET MY 478 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,663 JUICE-- 479 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,040 HEY, JORGE. 480 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,543 HEY, W-WHAT ARE YOU 481 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,543 DOING HERE? 482 00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,253 I FAKE-RIPA'D LUTHER. 483 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,170 I STOLE YOUR PHONE FROM 484 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,170 HIM 485 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,671 AND THEN USED THE GPS 486 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,671 TO FIND YOU. 487 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,090 CAN YOU BELIEVE HE WAS TRYING 488 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,090 TO KEEP US FROM HANGING OUT? 489 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,842 WELL, I AM TRAINING, SO... 490 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:35,885 WHERE'S THE FAT GIRL? 491 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:36,970 WHAT? 492 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,679 THE FAT GIRL 493 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,679 PUTTING LOTION ON HERSELF. 494 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,391 AREN'T WE INSIDE THE WELL 495 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,391 FROM "SILENCE OF THE LAMBS"? 496 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,892 THIS IS 497 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,892 MY RUSTIC TRAINING BUNKER. 498 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,685 IT'S PURPOSELY SPARSE 499 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,685 SO I CAN FOCUS. 500 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,687 YEAH, ABOUT THAT, 501 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,687 YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT. 502 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,690 I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT, 503 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,690 WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN, 504 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,692 AND YOU'RE GONNA FORGET 505 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,692 ALL ABOUT YOUR DANCE RECITAL. 506 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,194 IT'S NOT A DANCE RECITAL. 507 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,194 IT'S-- 508 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,194 OOH! 509 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,488 LET'S FIND A FIRE ESCAPE 510 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,114 AND THROW CROUTONS AT PEOPLE. 511 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,993 COME ON. OH. I JUST 512 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,993 HAVE TO DO ONE THING 513 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,993 FIRST. 514 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,872 "KISS MY A"? 515 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,872 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 516 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,708 IT MEANS 517 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,708 SHE RAN OUT OF EGG ROLLS. 518 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,920 (gasps) WHAT WAS I THINKING, 519 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,920 TRUSTING HER? 520 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,714 OF COURSE SHE DIDN'T WANT 521 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,714 TO LEARN HOW TO BE FRIENDLY. 522 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,717 HOW MANY TIMES AM I GONNA BE 523 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,717 TAKEN BY THIS GIRL? 524 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,969 IT'S LIKE MY 525 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,969 MOTHER 526 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,969 ALWAYS SAID. 527 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,305 NEVER TRUST A TALL WHITE 528 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,305 WOMAN. 529 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,307 OF COURSE, 530 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,307 MY MOTHER IS SHORTER THAN ME, 531 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,518 SO THAT'S EVERY WHITE WOMAN. 532 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,726 HERE? 533 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:26,936 MM-MM. 534 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,563 MM-MM. 535 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,772 MM-MM. 536 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,732 KEEP--RIGHT THERE. 537 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:32,733 WOW. 538 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,361 VERY 539 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,361 SMALL. 540 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,365 WE'RE GONNA NEED 541 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,365 MORE 542 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,365 CHAMPAGNE 543 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,450 IF I'M GONNA 544 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,450 FILL THAT TUB UP WITH IT. 545 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,743 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 546 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,743 WE'RE HERE TO HAVE FUN 547 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,745 AND TRASH THE PLACE, 548 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,745 LIKE WE ALWAYS DO. 549 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,540 OH, CHLOE, I CAN'T. 550 00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,749 I'VE GOTTA FINISH 551 00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,749 TEN ROUNDS OF CIRCUIT TRAINING. 552 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,751 HEY. YOU'RE NOT 553 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,751 SWEATING ANYMORE. 554 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,129 I KNOW. 555 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,129 DR. RUBINSTEIN'S SHOTS WORKED. 556 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,674 I'M TERRIFIED INSIDE, 557 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,674 BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL OUTSIDE. 558 00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,676 GREAT! LET'S CELEBRATE BY... 559 00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:58,759 (door opens) 560 00:11:58,801 --> 00:11:59,678 SMASHING THAT 561 00:11:58,801 --> 00:11:59,678 DESK! 562 00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:00,679 GUESS WHO? 563 00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:01,929 (door closes) 564 00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:01,929 UM, YOU? 565 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,348 THAT'S RIGHT. 566 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,765 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 567 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,765 HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND US? 568 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:05,766 I CALLED HIM. 569 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,394 WHAT? WHY? 570 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,811 'CAUSE I NEED TO STAY FOCUSED, 571 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,938 AND I REALIZED HE'S THE ONLY ONE 572 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,938 WHO CAN KEEP ME ON TRACK. 573 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,774 SHAZAM. ♪ DA DA-DA DA ♪ 574 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,774 LUTHER. 575 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,860 I'D LOVE TO 576 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,860 RIDE 577 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,860 THE GLASS ELEVATOR WITH YOU 578 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,946 AND FLASH TOURISTS, BUT I NEED 579 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,946 TO NOT MAKE A FOOL OF 580 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,946 MYSELF 581 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,781 WHILE DANCING 582 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,781 NEXT TO SUPERMAN. 583 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:24,785 I CAN'T AFFORD ANY DISTRACTIONS, 584 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:24,785 AND, WELL, YOU'RE A DISTRACTION. 585 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788 DUDE, WHAT YOU NEED 586 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788 IS SOMEONE TO BE REAL WITH 587 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788 YOU. 588 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,957 YOU NEED TO RELAX 589 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,957 AND BE YOURSELF 590 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,167 AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. 591 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,878 WHY?! SO YOU CAN 592 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,878 HAVE YOUR PLAYMATE BACK? 593 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,589 THAT'S WHY YOU WOULD 594 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,589 NEVER MAKE A GOOD FRIEND-- 595 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:38,007 BECAUSE YOU'RE SELFISH, 596 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:38,007 AND YOU ARE UNSUPPORTIVE. 597 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,175 NO, I'M JUST NOT FAKE 598 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,802 LIKE YOU AND YOUR 599 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,802 SINEWY MORNING PRINCESS. 600 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,804 OH, MY GOD. 601 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,432 (gasping) 602 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,100 ARE YOU HAPPY? 603 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:50,311 YOU HAVE UPSET HIM SO MUCH, 604 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:50,311 HE IS SOILING HIMSELF. 605 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,855 I DIDN'T SOIL MYSELF. 606 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,855 MY SWEAT MUST HAVE REDIRECTED. 607 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,316 I SHUT DOWN MY ARMPITS. IT MUST 608 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,316 HAVE FOUND ITS WAY TO MY THIGHS! 609 00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,444 DUDE, IT LOOKS LIKE PEE. 610 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,819 SMILE 611 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,819 (camera shutter clicks) 612 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,821 JAMES, SOMEDAY, I PROMISE, 613 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,532 YOU'RE GONNA LOOK BACK 614 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,532 AND LAUGH AT 615 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,532 THIS. 616 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:05,034 I'M THERE NOW, 617 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:05,034 AND IT'S PRETTY HILARIOUS. 618 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,622 OH. I'VE SEEN 619 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,622 THOSE LOOKS BEFORE. 620 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:12,833 THEY'RE THE REASON I STOPPED 621 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:12,833 DOING STAND-UP. I'M LEAVING. 622 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:18,506 I MEAN, WHEN AM I GONNA LEARN? 623 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:18,506 CHLOE KEEPS TRICKING ME. 624 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,466 "LET'S GO ROLLERBLADING!" 625 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,760 I END UP THE MULE 626 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,760 FOR A DRUG DEAL. 627 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,052 "LET'S GO SEE 628 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,052 'DADDY DAY CARE.'" 629 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,221 I END UP ON A DATE 630 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,221 WITH DAVID ARQUETTE'S 631 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,221 ROOMMATE. 632 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,848 JUNE, DO YOU MIND? I'M TRYING 633 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,848 TO FINISH "MOBY DICK" HERE. 634 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,850 I ABANDONED THE READING 635 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,850 AND WENT FOR THE AUDIO. 636 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,478 I'M PLAYING IT ON FAST SPEED. 637 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,648 SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF BORING 638 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,648 CHIPMUNKS, AND I LOVE CHIPMUNKS. 639 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,441 YOU'RE RIGHT, 640 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,441 MARK. 641 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,441 I AM SORRY. 642 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,944 UNLIKE CHLOE, 643 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,944 I AM A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND. 644 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,029 LET ME KNOW IF THERE'S 645 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,029 ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP YOU. 646 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,698 TOTALLY. 647 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,326 I MEAN RIGHT NOW, NOT LATER, 648 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,326 WHEN, UH, JENNIFER IS ON TOP, 649 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,869 WHICH I REMEMBER YOU 650 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,869 MENTIONING 651 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,869 THAT YOU LIKED A LOT. 652 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,371 BECAUSE I'M A GOOD FRIEND. 653 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:54,083 GO BACK TO YOUR BOOK, 654 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:54,083 OLD SILLY... 655 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,877 WANT-TO-BE-ON-THE-BOTTOM GUY. 656 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,765 I'M DRINKING 657 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,765 ALL THE ORANGE JUICE. 658 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,099 THERE'S ENOUGH HERE 659 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,099 FOR BOTH OF US, 660 00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,101 BUT I'M GONNA DRINK IT ALL. 661 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,896 I'M IGNORING YOU. 662 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,896 I AM ICING YOU OUT. 663 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,898 I AM NOT GIVING YOU 664 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,898 ANY OF MY 665 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,898 ENERGY 666 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,901 OR MY THOUGHTS OR MY FOCUS. 667 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,403 YEP. 668 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,403 (thud) 669 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,904 THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. 670 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,906 WHEN FRIENDSHIP BLOWS COLD... 671 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,908 IT BLOWS ICY. 672 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,703 OH. GOOD GOD, WOMAN. 673 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,996 STOP BURYING ME 674 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,996 WITH YOUR WORD AVALANCHE. 675 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,373 I KNOW YOU THINK 676 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,373 I'M NOT A GOOD FRIEND, 677 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,542 BUT I HAVE REASONS 678 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,542 FOR DOING WHAT I DID. 679 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,752 I STOLE THE PHONE 680 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,752 SO I COULD GET TO 681 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,752 JAMES 682 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,920 AND GET HIM OUT OF HIS HEAD. 683 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,920 I KNOW HIM. 684 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,089 I'VE SEEN HIM OBSESS 685 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,089 ABOUT THINGS IN THE PAST, 686 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,342 AND IT NEVER GOES 687 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,342 WELL, 688 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,342 SO BELIEVE IT OR NOT, 689 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,969 I ACTUALLY AM 690 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,969 LOOKING OUT FOR HIM. 691 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,514 WELL, I GUESS-- 692 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,932 I MEAN, YOU DO KNOW HIM 693 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,932 BETTER THAN 694 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,932 ANYONE-- 695 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,519 PLUS, I SOLD HIS SWEAT PHOTO 696 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,519 TO THE PAPARAZZI. LOOK. 697 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,230 IT'S RIGHT HERE 698 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,230 ON CELEB PUDDING. 699 00:14:57,271 --> 00:15:00,358 DAMN IT! SHE GOT ME AGAIN. 700 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,318 I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED 701 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,318 TO LUTHER'S MOTHER. 702 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,196 TALL WHITE 703 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,196 WOMEN 704 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,196 CANNOT BE TRUSTED. 705 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,406 (door closes) 706 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,371 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS. 707 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,371 DOES JAMES KNOW? 708 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,582 YEAH. I TEXTED 709 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,582 HIM. 710 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,333 WHY? WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS? 711 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:21,212 IF IT IS ANY CONSOLATION, 712 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:21,212 YOU ARE DRY AS A CRACKER. 713 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,384 I MEAN IT IN THE SALTINE WAY, 714 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,384 NOT THE DEROGATORY, HONKY WAY. 715 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,053 LOOK, I'VE BEEN TELLING JAMES 716 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,806 HE NEEDS TO RELAX 717 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,806 AND GET OUT OF HIS HEAD. 718 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,850 HE'S NOT GONNA 719 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,850 OUT-SUPERMAN DEAN 720 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,850 CAIN, 721 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,895 SO HE NEEDS TO BE 722 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,895 EVERYMAN. 723 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,895 THAT'S WHO PEOPLE VOTE 724 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,895 FOR. 725 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,979 PEOPLE LIKE THEIR CELEBRITIES 726 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,979 TO HAVE A FLAW 727 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022 BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM 728 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022 REAL. 729 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:43,401 MICHAEL J. FOX, FOR EXAMPLE-- 730 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:43,401 ADORED BY MILLIONS. 731 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,985 ARE YOU TRICKING ME? 732 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,988 TRUST ME, THIS IS GONNA MAKE HIM 733 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,988 MORE POPULAR THAN EVER. 734 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:48,989 HMM. 735 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:53,620 (laughter, 736 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:53,620 indistinct conversations) 737 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,248 (laughing) 738 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,380 HEY, ROBIN, 739 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,380 HOW'D YOU GET THIS PHOTO? 740 00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:05,882 DID SOMEONE SEND YOU 741 00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:05,882 THE LINK? 742 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,007 YEAH, LIKE, TEN 743 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,007 PEOPLE. 744 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,010 IT'S THE NUMBER TWO 745 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,010 TRENDING TOPIC ON YAHOO!-- 746 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,014 AFTER THAT FOOTAGE OF ALL 747 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,014 THOSE 748 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,014 MICE IN THE TORNADO. 749 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,014 (chuckles) 750 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,309 CHLOE'S RIGHT. IT WORKED. 751 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,309 HE IS 752 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,309 POPULAR. 753 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,061 OH. UH, NOT EXACTLY. 754 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:24,024 "DAWSON'S 755 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:24,024 CREEK 756 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:24,024 SPRINGS A LEAK," 757 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,820 UH, "JAMES VAN DER 758 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,820 WEAK"... 759 00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:29,405 SOMEONE DID A MEME 760 00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:29,405 OF HIS THIGHS CRYING, 761 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,240 SET TO 762 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,240 THE "DAWSON'S CREEK" 763 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,240 THEME. 764 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,117 (music playing, man crying) 765 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,036 THERE ARE A LOT OF 766 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,036 CREATIVE 767 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,036 PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET... 768 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,036 (taps key) 769 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:39,206 AND I... AM ONE OF THEM. 770 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:39,206 (types) 771 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,625 (saxophone music playing) 772 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,210 I MADE THIS. "SAX 773 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,210 CAT." 774 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,045 THIS IS IS ONE SAX-Y CAT. 775 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:48,257 ♪ M-M-M-MEOW MEOW MEOW ♪ 776 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,429 CHLOE, YOUR STUPID PLAN 777 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,429 DIDN'T 778 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,429 WORK! 779 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,429 (door closes) 780 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:55,055 I KNOW. IT TOTALLY BACKFIRED. 781 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,057 I WOULD HAVE 782 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,057 NEVER 783 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,057 INTENTIONALLY HURT JAMES. 784 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,100 (banging on door) 785 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,100 (James) CHLOE. 786 00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,477 OH, DAMN. 787 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,483 WHERE IS SHE? 788 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,235 (squeak) 789 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,487 HI. 790 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,073 WEIRD YOU CHOSE 791 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,073 TONIGHT 792 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,073 TO JUMP OVER. 793 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,117 MY CO-WORKERS FROM 794 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,117 THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT ARE 795 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,117 HERE. 796 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,745 SHONDA'S RETIRING. WE'RE 797 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,745 GIVING HER A LITTLE SEND-OFF. 798 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,080 YOU GUYS ARE ALL 799 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,080 IN VIOLATION... 800 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,082 OF BEING TOO SOBER. 801 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,082 (laughter) 802 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,668 I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 803 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,085 I KNOW, BUT I'M SCARED. 804 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,171 DON'T BE. 805 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,172 I WANT TO THANK YOU. 806 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,465 THANK HER? 807 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,091 SHE JUST EMBARRASSED YOU 808 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,091 IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD. 809 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,092 EXACTLY. 810 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,178 I MEAN, YEAH, 811 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,178 AT FIRST I WAS DEVASTATED, 812 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,680 BUT THEN IT HIT ME-- 813 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,097 NOTHING THAT HAPPENS 814 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,097 ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS" 815 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,099 COULD POSSIBLY 816 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,099 BE AS BAD AS 817 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,099 THAT. 818 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:42,311 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS, 819 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:42,311 I'M OUT OF MY HEAD. I'M FREE. 820 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,813 SEE, THAT'S WHAT I'VE 821 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,813 BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU. 822 00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,272 YOU'RE NOT SUPERMAN, 823 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,108 BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO BE, 824 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,108 BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU. 825 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,986 YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND. 826 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:51,195 HEY, UH, QUESTION-- 827 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,906 DID EITHER ONE OF US 828 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,906 EVER CHECK OUT OF THE BERGAMONT? 829 00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,281 WAIT, WAIT, 830 00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,281 HOW DID YOU DO THAT? 831 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,910 YOU JUST TOLD HIM THAT HE WASN'T 832 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,910 SUPERMAN, AND HE THANKED YOU. 833 00:17:56,951 --> 00:18:00,705 I CAN'T EVEN DEFRIEND 834 00:17:56,951 --> 00:18:00,705 THAT WEIRDO FROM GUAM. 835 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,789 BECAUSE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE 836 00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,207 BETWEEN BEING A FRIEND 837 00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,207 AND BEING FRIENDLY. 838 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,001 WHY DON'T YOU STOP BEING 839 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,001 KELLY RIPA FOR A MINUTE, 840 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,002 AND TRY IT? 841 00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,127 TRY WHAT? 842 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,922 TELLING SOMEONE 843 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,922 SOMETHING THEY NEED TO HEAR, 844 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,590 EVEN IF THEY 845 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,590 DON'T 846 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,590 WANT TO HEAR IT. 847 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,299 OKAY. 848 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,177 CHLOE, I THINK 849 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,177 YOU PARTY TOO MUCH. 850 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,514 OH. RIGHT TO ME. OKAY, WELL, 851 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,514 THAT'S FINE. IT'S TRUE. I DO. 852 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,768 AND, JAMES? YOU 853 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,768 DO 854 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,768 TOO MANY CHRISTMAS MOVIES. 855 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,143 (chuckles) I DON'T CARE. 856 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,854 HAVE YOU SEEN THE INTERNET? 857 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,854 MY THIGHS ARE CRYING. 858 00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,146 AND, ELI-- 859 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,441 MY BOSS IS HERE-- 860 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,441 MR. MONTGOMERY, 861 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,150 SO NOT A GOOD TIME FOR ME. 862 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,736 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 863 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,947 WELL, YOU'LL GET A RAIN CHECK 864 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,947 FOR THAT REALNESS, THEN. 865 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,239 (inhales and exhales sharply) 866 00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:36,240 WHERE YOU GOING? 867 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,158 I THINK I'M GONNA GO 868 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,158 HELP OUT ANOTHER FRIEND. 869 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,327 (door opens) 870 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,327 WHATEVER. 871 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,080 WHOO! YEAH! 872 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,333 I JUST THINK ISHMAEL'S 873 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,333 STRUGGLE AGAINST THE WHALE 874 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,169 REPRESENTS OUR OWN JOURNEY. 875 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,798 (whispers) YES. 876 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,340 (knock on door) 877 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,385 THOSE MUST BE THE CRULLERS 878 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,385 WE ORDERED FROM THE BAKERY. 879 00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:59,179 I'M-A EAT TWO. (chuckles) 880 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,977 JUNE, 881 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,977 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 882 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,187 MARK, I HAVE NOT BEEN 883 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,187 A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU. 884 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,691 I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU WHAT I REALLY 885 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,691 THINK ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING. 886 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,193 YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO 887 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,193 READ "MOBY DICK" 888 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,195 TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND 889 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,195 TO GO ON TOP. 890 00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:21,201 I MEAN, JENNIFER... 891 00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:21,201 COME ON! JUST GET UP THERE! 892 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,830 YOU KNOW, HIT THE LIGHTS! 893 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,830 PUT ON A T-SHIRT! 894 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,083 DO WHATEVER YOU GOTTA DO! 895 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,083 TAKE YOUR PONYTAIL OUT! 896 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,584 DON'T WORRY ABOUT 897 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,584 THE DOUBLE CHINS! 898 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,838 JUST GET UP THERE 899 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,838 AND GET IN THE MOMENT! 900 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,841 OKAY. 901 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:36,801 OH. 902 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,887 FRIEND. CARRY ON. 903 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,223 (chuckles) 904 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,022 (sighs) GOOD NIGHT, HONEY. 905 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:49,981 (door closes) 906 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,655 GUY TEN YEARS AHEAD OF ME 907 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,655 IN HIGH SCHOOL--DEFRIEND. 908 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,655 (taps key) 909 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,240 MISS PIGGY--NOT REAL--UNFRIEND. 910 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,240 (knock on door) 911 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,242 ALL OF GUAM... UNFRIEND. 912 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:07,247 THIS IS A "THANK YOU"/ 913 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:07,247 "I WILL NEVER LIKE YOU" COBBLER. 914 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,249 LOOK, WE 915 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,249 DON'T 916 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,249 HAVE TO LIKE EACH OTHER, 917 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,334 BUT WE'RE BOTH 918 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,334 IN JAMES' LIFE FOREVER. 919 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,252 CORRECT... 920 00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,546 UNTIL HE GETS A WIFE. 921 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,756 SHE'LL BE FIERCELY 922 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,756 JEALOUS OF US, 923 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,925 BUT THEN WE'LL 924 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,925 UNITE 925 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,925 IN OUR HATRED FOR HER. 926 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,261 AND SLOWLY PROVE HER 927 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,261 TO BE CRAZY IN JAMES' 928 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,261 EYES. 929 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,890 I FEEL LIKE SHE'LL BE CALLED 930 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,890 LINDA. (whispers) I HATE HER. 931 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,142 LINDA. 932 00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:36,276 I HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT IT. 933 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,737 MUST BE GOOD. (chuckles) 934 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,574 MMM! 935 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,284 (mouth full) IT'S REALLY GOOD. 936 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:45,494 THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. 54335

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