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1
00:00:00,020 --> 00:00:04,590
It's been 11 years since I lost
my virginity and what have I got?
2
00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:05,630
Apart from Chlamydia.
3
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,990
You'll need to contact your previous
sexual partners.
4
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,830
Would you like to... meet up?
5
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,110
Are you breaking up with me?!
6
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,550
~ We can still have sex.
~ You think this is about sex?
7
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,870
She is cute.
8
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,430
She's my best friend.
9
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:18,790
You could still say something.
10
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,150
we have to start saving up again
11
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,950
so you can all get
drunk at the wedding!
12
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,150
Hey, Luke.
13
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,110
Hey, Susie.
14
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:38,830
We were at school together.
15
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,880
I don't know, half an hour...
OK, bye.
16
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,990
Coincidence bumping into you here.
17
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,590
Not really. When you think about it.
18
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,950
Right, yeah. Yeah, sorry.
19
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,390
Well I've had worse.
20
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,150
I'm sure you have.
21
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,710
You've already had your results.
Why are you back here?
22
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,760
We're waiting for someone.
23
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,920
MUSIC: "Fever Boy"
by Femme
24
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,830
~ Get up, pack your bags.
~ What's going on?
25
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,910
~ It's happened, Dylan.
~ Why are you crying?
26
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,070
She's single. Ilona McLeod is single
and she's having a party.
27
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,750
I need you to drive me
to the Highlands.
28
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,430
Evie's coming over to see us.
I'm not driving you out there.
29
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:31,910
What's the point of me buying a car
30
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,670
~ if you're not going to drive me
places? ~ Book your driving test!
31
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,630
Ilona is my 50-year storm, Dylan.
32
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,830
~ What are you talking about?
~ What am I talking about?
33
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,750
What are you talking about? Point
Break. 50-year storm at the end?
34
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,670
~ Bodie not coming back?
~ I've never seen it.
35
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,230
You've never... What the f...
36
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,350
What is wrong with you people?
37
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,400
OK, I'll talk you through it,
but then we're leaving.
38
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:55,710
We open on waves. Titles across
water, titles are in a lovely font.
39
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,310
A guy rips towards the camera,
spraying us with surf.
40
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,590
And off that splash,
we're somewhere else wet.
41
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,630
And it's raining at the FBI
training facility,
42
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,150
and standing there in that rain,
is Special Agent Johnny Utah,
43
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,190
as played by Keanu Reeves.
44
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,710
Utah blasts away at the targets -
blam, blam, blam!
45
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:14,030
And want to have a little guess
what score he gets at the end of
target practice?
46
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:15,790
~ I don't care.
~ 100% is the score he gets.
47
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,870
And he gets a thumbs-up
from the instructor.
48
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,870
No-one gets a thumbs-up
from the instructor.
49
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,630
"Back off, Warchild. Seriously."
50
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,150
And Warchild lets go,
51
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,150
because if Patrick Swayze tells you
to back off, you do it.
52
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,430
HE SCREAMS
53
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,510
"This is such a fucking ride, Utah!"
54
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,870
You know we could have watched
the whole movie by now?
55
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,670
"We'll get him
when he comes back in!"
56
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,950
"He's not coming back."
57
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,000
The waves are like...
really big waves.
58
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,590
And Keanu stares into them.
59
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,470
What does Johnny Utah do now?
60
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:48,520
He throws that FBI badge into the
surf as those waves pummel Bodie.
61
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:51,950
Jesus.
62
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,190
Yeah.
63
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,230
DOORBELL RINGS
64
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:59,030
~ Oh, doorbell.
~ Then what happens?
65
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:03,080
It's over, Dylan. It's over.
66
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,760
See you, darling.
Call me for a lift home.
67
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,670
Tell your dad we'll have
you back by ten.
68
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,470
Very good.
Are you going to let me in?
69
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,270
Change of plan. We are going
to the Highlands to party.
70
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:21,320
MUSIC: "We Sink"
by CHVRCHES
71
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,110
~ So who is this girl anyway?
~ Who, Ilona?
72
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,790
You see, when I was in Lower Sixth
everyone got into this habit
73
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,630
of calling me Mumcut after someone
took a photograph of me and my mum
74
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:34,510
having the same haircut.
Which we didn't.
75
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:35,790
Er, and that bothered you?
76
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,670
Er, yeah. Yes, it did, Dylan.
I, I pretty much wanted to die.
77
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,910
But then you see, Ilona,
78
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,790
who was easily top-three in the year
for breasts and face,
79
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,510
at the end-of-year party,
she kissed me.
80
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,070
That night, I wrote her name
on a condom in permanent marker
81
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,110
and put Ilona on my list of things
to do before I die.
82
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,270
She's item number 27.
83
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,510
When you say she's on your list,
do you mean an actual list?
84
00:03:58,560 --> 00:03:59,790
Oh, yeah.
85
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,630
I've been adding to this thing
since I was seven years old.
86
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,030
Pretty much all the fun I've ever
had is thanks to that bad boy.
87
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,670
"Number eight - Meet Sue Barker."
88
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:09,830
Sue's a special lady.
89
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:13,390
And what do you mean by "Climb near
Everest"? What, not Everest itself?
90
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,270
Fuck, no. People die on Everest,
man. I don't want to climb it.
91
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,670
I just want to have a clamber around
nearby. See what the fuss is about.
92
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:23,270
Step on it, Dyl. This girl never
stays single for more than a day.
93
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,470
Master origami?
94
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,190
Done.
95
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:32,150
Oh, somebody else got her a sports
car too. That is embarrassing.
96
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,870
You're not actually going to use
that condom, are you?
97
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:38,920
Nah. I always pack a spare.
98
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,790
Luke! You came!
99
00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:52,840
ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
100
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,950
~ I'm so sorry to hear about your
break-up. ~ It's been depressing me.
101
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,030
Get a drink. I'm drinking my way
through it and you should too.
102
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,990
This is my brother, Scotty.
Can you do drinks for my friends?
103
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:20,040
Just because I live here,
doesn't make me staff.
104
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,270
Hi, I'm Dylan.
105
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,910
Cressida Evans. I recognise you.
106
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,190
Are you in equities?
107
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,750
No, I'm in debt.
108
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,590
Oh? Management or restructuring?
109
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,390
Just personally.
110
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:35,550
Is something funny?
111
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,470
No! Sorry, um, it's not,
it's not you...
112
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,520
I, I... It's just
I find all business cards funny.
113
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:51,070
Well, I made a quarter of a mil
last year by making new contacts.
114
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,870
What did you make being sarcastic?
115
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,920
Oh, I'm having all the fun
I hoped to have already.
116
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,750
Hey there. I'm Luke.
117
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,110
We were all at school together.
118
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,190
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I, I didn't mean to forget you.
119
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:04,670
Well I certainly remember you,
120
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,510
Mumcut.
121
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:11,560
Oh! Wow, yeah!
That was really funny, wasn't it?
122
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,710
I'd forgotten that.
Oh wait, I remember you now.
123
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,990
You're Ivan the Terrible...
In Bed!
124
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:21,070
Or was it a different Ivan
who slept with Tracy Ellard
125
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,510
~ and jizzed on her knee?
~ Different Ivan.
126
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,590
~ Oh, yeah? ~ Luke, let's go and get
a drink for the ladies.
127
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,070
You've grown.
128
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,070
I've grown in areas you can't
conceive of, pal.
129
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:33,750
A negative campaign hurts us both.
Direct attacks off the table?
130
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,230
Agreed.
131
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,710
I've waited too long for this.
132
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,710
You've waited? I was in France when
she broke up with Andrew Ashworth.
133
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,270
Ashworth wasn't even the last shot.
134
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,510
She had a trial separation
with Grant two years ago.
135
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,310
Whoa, whoa, how did I not hear
about this?
136
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,630
I left my own brother's wedding
to get the last train.
137
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,270
Arrived just as they got back
together. I nearly shat blood.
138
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,320
Hey, you still got the eye crinkle?
139
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,470
Fucking killer.
140
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,520
May the best man win.
141
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,510
Oh, wow, this is fun!
142
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,350
So, moving in with Mal?
143
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,630
Yeah. Got to put my stuff somewhere.
144
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,230
Winning romantic of the month.
145
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,790
And how is romantic working
out for you then?
146
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,310
You've got a complete life going on.
Housing. Career.
147
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,270
Boyfriend. You just need a dog
and then you're done.
148
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,030
You've won, and you can die.
149
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,550
Look, we've driven a really long way
to a party that doesn't like us.
150
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,990
And we haven't seen each other
for ages.
151
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,950
And I spent most of yesterday
ordering storage boxes
152
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,590
and new cutlery.
153
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,150
So I just think that we can do
better than moaning.
154
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,200
~ Well, go on, then. Have you got any
ideas? ~ No, but Luke has.
155
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:47,070
We do everything that he
hasn't yet done.
156
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,110
I'm in. Let's do it.
157
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,710
Yes!
158
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,990
We got back together
and now we've broken up.
159
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,950
Again. Is it me?
160
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,310
He wasn't good enough for you.
161
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,310
Well, Ilona and Grant
spent many years together.
162
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,150
Let's credit her
with some judgment.
163
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,990
I'm sure he was good
but was he good enough?
164
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,430
Let's take the trouble to be
specific, shall we, Ivan?
165
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,070
I just don't think we should push
Ilona before she's ready.
166
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,790
I should just hand over my brain to
you two. You guys are smart.
167
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:17,630
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
I'm here for you, Illy.
168
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,030
Like I've always been here for you.
169
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,950
Now, honestly, how are you, Ills?
170
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,230
Yeah, actually seriously,
how are you, Ils?
171
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,950
You guys are pretty good people,
you know that?
172
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,910
~ I try.
~ I am.
173
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,230
~ Has Luke really never cooked a meal?
~ It's not crossed out.
174
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,990
I'm thinking we should be a bit more
selective with the list.
175
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,790
Well, it does gets better.
176
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,950
Next, we are building a moon base
"on the moon".
177
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,030
Was he planning on doing that before
or after meeting Sue Barker?
178
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,390
Why weren't the three of us
close like this at school?
179
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,870
It feels like we should have been.
180
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:49,590
Is it crazy to say that?
181
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:53,640
If that's crazy then
I'm my mother's cat.
182
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:59,000
Ivan, you nutter!
183
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,030
People assume you want to eat the
fish, but carp tastes disgusting.
184
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,630
~ Not an eating fish!
~ No, no, strictly a sporting fish.
185
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:11,030
but they're bloody cunning too and,
and the big ones, you know,
they're strong.
186
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,110
Great. Good to know.
187
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:18,160
Done! Next on the list!
188
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,950
Oi!
189
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:25,000
And now one from me.
190
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,310
Oh, my God. Amazing!
191
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,190
You've even got...
192
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:36,240
like... family photos.
How did you...?
193
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,990
Just whatever I could find online.
194
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,670
This one's from my camera-phone.
195
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,720
Um, you must have put
that on Instagram.
196
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,960
I'm pretty sure I didn't,
but...
197
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:54,470
thank you.
198
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:58,520
I can't compete with that.
Um, this is a very little thing.
199
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,510
Do you remember that school
trip to Greece?
200
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,560
That little shop near the Acropolis
that sold figs soaked in spirits
and spices?
201
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,590
Well, I remember you eating one
and saying it tasted
202
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:14,110
like the whole country had
been distilled into each mouthful.
203
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,350
And you just seemed really, really
happy then.
204
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,030
Anyway, fast forward.
205
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,830
I was in Greece last summer and
I was out walking and there it was,
206
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,630
still there,
still run by the same old woman.
207
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:28,190
I bought some figs
and flew them home and now,
208
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,230
this is the weird thing,
because I love figs.
209
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,310
I didn't eat them. I just put them
on a shelf.
210
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,910
It never seemed like the right time
and then when I heard from you,
211
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,910
I realised that was why.
212
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,960
They belonged to you, Ilona,
and they always did.
213
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,720
And now, you have them,
in your hands.
214
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:01,480
CHANTING: Drink, drink, drink!
215
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,430
Oh, no!
216
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,510
Well, that was definitely amazing.
217
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,990
Right?
218
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,590
Is she trying to vomit?
219
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,310
She's got to
"be amazing at drinking games".
220
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,310
It's on her to-do list for tonight.
221
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:20,360
All right, we're going again.
222
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,430
Thank, Christ!
223
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,480
I've got a to-do list for tonight.
It's very short.
224
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,070
Right, you're up.
225
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,830
See you later.
226
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,790
Number 31. Jump out
of a moving car, like James Bond.
227
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:43,990
Yes!
228
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,590
Five miles an hour?
229
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,030
~ No, ten.
~ Way too fast for how drunk we are.
230
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,790
Let's go!
231
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,550
And...
232
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,600
now!
233
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,150
Why aren't you in the car?
234
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,670
Why aren't YOU in the car?!
It was my turn.
235
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,830
No, it wasn't! Obviously, you were
driving so I was the one to jump!
236
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:16,880
Wasn't obvious to me!
237
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,500
Fuck!
238
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,430
~ Is it fixed? ~ Yeah, yeah.
It just needed a hair clip,
239
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,630
and I happened to have one
and now it's as good as new(!)
240
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:34,680
~ Luke will kill us.
~ Shit, someone's coming.
241
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,310
We were walking nearby
and we heard a noise.
242
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:38,590
Um, I mean... Look, look...
243
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:39,950
I saw it happen.
244
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,070
With us walking nearby?
245
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,030
And jumping out of the car.
Why did you do that?
246
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,150
Please don't tell your sister.
247
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:49,200
Come with me.
248
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:59,960
Fair warning? I'm packing this.
249
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,270
Are you going to help us fix it?
250
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,230
I want something to buy my silence.
251
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,430
£5?
252
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,230
I want to see nudity.
253
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:15,790
I'm not showing you my bits.
254
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,840
No thanks, but I'm not at all
interested in you.
255
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:38,360
MUSIC: Dance Wiv Me
by Dizzee Rascal ft Calvin Harris
256
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,110
Why would you want to see that?
257
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,950
Because I'm gay and I'm stuck
in the Highlands,
258
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,430
and I just thought this would be the
only opportunity I'd get all year?
259
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,350
I thought blackmail would be
a lot less argumentative.
260
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,910
Never mind.
261
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,510
I'd better go and tell Ilona.
262
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:15,230
Look, wait, wait, hang on!
263
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,070
How much do you need to see
264
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,310
to make all of this go away?
265
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,590
This is some excellent blackmailing.
266
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,230
~ Oh, thanks.
~ Whose side are you on?
267
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,230
Well, blackmailing a girl's creepy.
This is kind of endearing.
268
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:32,280
I definitely want to see the penis.
269
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:35,990
Less so now.
270
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:40,040
DANCE WIV ME CONTINUES PLAYING
271
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:51,550
SLOW SONG PLAYS
272
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:55,600
TRADITIONAL IRISH MUSIC PLAYS
273
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,110
CHEERING
274
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,190
MUSIC: She
by Elvis Costello
275
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:18,070
♪ She may be the beauty or the beast
276
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:21,750
♪ May be the famine or the feast
277
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,800
♪ May turn each day into
A heaven or a hell... ♪
278
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,750
Have you got protection?
279
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,030
I've got a condom
with your name on it.
280
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:40,070
This is already the most exciting
thing that's ever happened to me.
281
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,990
Come on, get yer knickers off.
282
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,190
Why don't you just cram
money into my waistband?
283
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:48,240
~ Can I? ~ No!
284
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:56,800
There. Satisfied?
285
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:02,120
MUSIC: Gold Dust
by DJ Fresh
286
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:11,590
Greece must have been amazing.
287
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,640
Oh, yeah. Buying stuffed vine leaves
for a few drachma...
288
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:17,830
magical.
289
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,630
Do they not have the euro there?
290
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,680
Hey, do you remember that kiss
at the school dance?
291
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,790
Yes. My friends gave me shit
for that,
292
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,470
but look at you now.
293
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,830
No, it was gutsy, I get it.
Kissing Mumcut.
294
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,070
I was... I was grateful.
295
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,630
Your haircut was
quite like your mum's though.
296
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,550
I mean, it was striking.
297
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,990
No, I had hair like Keanu Reeves
at the end of Point Break.
298
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,350
I get Californian surf hair.
299
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,190
It looked quite like a bob.
300
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,990
My mum had very different hair.
We both had follicles, that's all.
301
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:51,040
Hang on.
I've got a piccie here somewhere.
302
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,150
Oh, yes! Here! Look.
303
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:59,200
SHE LAUGHS
304
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,590
SHE GIGGLES
305
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,390
I mean... come on.
306
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,670
You have to admit.
307
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,470
How come you've got the original?
308
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,550
What?
309
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,550
Well, people passed photocopies
around at school, but this is...
310
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,600
This is the original.
311
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:21,870
It's not a big deal, is it?
312
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,830
I tried to make it up to you.
313
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,950
And I could have been climbing
near Everest.
314
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,630
What?
315
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,630
The figs are from ASDA.
316
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,470
Now dance for me.
317
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,150
Oh, come on! It's just a car.
318
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,270
Do you know what a
wing mirror costs?
319
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,670
I'll tell Ilona, I swear.
320
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,750
Do you know what?
Send us the repair bill.
321
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,070
There's my card.
322
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:45,630
What does this mean?
323
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,150
Blackmail's over.
324
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,270
Oh. Well, that sucks.
325
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,950
Well, thanks for your help...
326
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,910
Cressida.
327
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,190
No problem.
328
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:59,240
Thank you for sharing.
329
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,790
You couldn't have thought
of that card half-an-hour ago?
330
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,350
No.
331
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,550
Pass me my pants, please, Cressida.
332
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,030
What are you, like 12?
333
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,910
~ Come on.
~ SHE GIGGLES
334
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,350
~ Leave me alone, otherwise
they'll arrest you. ~ Come on!
335
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,430
~ Fivers in here.
~ Don't be a bitch. Please. Oi!
~ THEY GIGGLE
336
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,480
No! Look, I'm trying to be helpful!
337
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,720
MUSIC: Every Other Freckle
by Alt-J
338
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,230
You were magnificent tonight.
I mean that.
339
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:54,280
You know something? You - more than
Ilona - you were memorable tonight.
340
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,390
Come on. The River Dancing?
341
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,030
That was bold, bro. And the figs!
342
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,470
HE SIGHS
I'll catch her in five years.
343
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,520
Don't bother. You can do better.
344
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,550
You know it was her who
came up with Mumcut?
345
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,550
You and your mum both had
great hair.
346
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,600
You just needed different great hair.
347
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,680
Thanks, man.
348
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,840
MUSIC: Let Me Down Gently
by La Roux
349
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:53,320
PHONE BUZZES
350
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,440
~ We shouldn't have...
~ No, it's not...
351
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:08,270
I'm not in a good place obviously
or I...
352
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,230
I wouldn't have...
353
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,910
I'd have...
354
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,960
I don't want to fuck things up
for you and Mal.
355
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:22,280
Right. Yeah, yeah.
356
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,950
Sorry. I'm not, I'm not trying...
357
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,270
No, it's um...
358
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:35,320
Can you pass me my bra?
Sorry, I can't reach it.
359
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,310
Can we have the radio on?
360
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:52,360
MUSIC: Love Ain't Here Anymore
by Take That.
361
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,510
Can we have it off again?
362
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:00,560
DYLAN TURNS OFF THE RADIO
363
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,590
Hello.
364
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,870
Hey, how was it?
365
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,590
Yeah. Yeah, you know.
366
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:14,640
~ I'm just going to take a shower.
~ Sure.
367
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,190
Cheers, Dil. Your very good health!
368
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,390
How do you manage with
a cup that small?
369
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,190
We're not watering cans, Luke.
370
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,110
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
371
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,350
Ah, you got the call, too.
372
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,030
You and Dylan did it, then.
373
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,390
No surprises there.
374
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:38,440
Yeah, good to see you, Jane!
375
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,830
If it comes back positive
and I have to tell Mal...
376
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,950
Just tell him you sat
on a dirty toilet seat.
377
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,990
That happens to girls a lot.
378
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,670
Evie, I didn't know I had it.
379
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,720
Yeah, well, that'll make
everything better.
380
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:02,520
MUSIC: Riverside
by Agnes Obel
381
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,350
How've you been?
382
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,230
I've had chlamydia.
383
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,230
Terrific.
384
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,670
Shall we?
385
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,110
You know, maybe I should have told
you on the phone, but...
386
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,830
I'm glad you called me.
387
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,880
It makes sense of all the terrifying
symptoms I've been having...
388
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,310
I'm kidding!
389
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,070
I got tested last year.
Clean as a whistle.
390
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:38,870
You can relax.
391
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,270
Please relax?
392
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,430
Yeah, yeah. Let's do that.
393
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:45,310
I think I've forgotten how.
394
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,470
Just keep drinking.
It's better than yoga.
395
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,270
Yeah. Good.
396
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,750
It's good to see you.
397
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,750
Let's order one of everything.
398
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,750
That ought to do it.
399
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,800
It's just like old times.
400
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,030
I want to talk to you about
something.
401
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,990
Surprise!
402
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,430
All right? I'm Jonno.
403
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:12,630
What's up?
404
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,590
You. In about 20 seconds.
405
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,390
Guys, are you OK?
406
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,190
You have a very tense bum.
407
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,310
Not usually.
408
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,150
I've dated a lot of women
approaching 30.
409
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,470
I'm not 30 for ages!
410
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:26,670
Mm, Happy birthday, Evie.
411
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,710
That's all I'm going to
say about that one.
412
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,760
I did buy some porn.
31004
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