All language subtitles for The Office S01E06 Judgement

I've only just reached a point
where I can watch it now and enjoy it

and not really be thinking about
how it was made

or what he was doing that day
that was terribly annoying.

Now I start to see it, I think
for the first time, as audiences do

and I can't remember
some of the episodes,

I can't remember some of the scripts,
jokes amuse me now for the first time.

And so, I've just got to a point
where I can sort of see it and enjoy it.

And now I feel more proud,
perhaps, than I did then,

because I really feel excited when
I see a little clip of it somewhere,

because it just feels
such a three-dimensional world.

I think that's the thing you're always
trying to chase as a writer,

is a world in which people believe
those characters exist

and that somewhere they're out there.

And that, I think,
is its sort of greatest,

for me at least,
our greatest achievement.

Yeah, I mean,

I've only got fond memories
of everything from meeting Steve to...

- Thanks, mate.
...winning the Golden Globes, you know.

I keep it on in my house
sometimes just for comfort.

I just keep it on.

I'm not even necessarily watching it,
I'm just sort of listening to it

because I find it comforting to...

That sounds weird.

Yeah, I keep my pants on.

We've always been a bit staggered

at how successful
The Office has been worldwide,

and I think that
what I love about it the most

is that the characters are essentially
the same in the remade shows.

They... Brent is still Brent,

and Tim and Dawn are still Tim and Dawn,
Gareth's still Gareth.

Even though the names aren't the same,
the characters essentially are.

At one time or another,

every bloke in the office has woken up
at the crack of Dawn!

- (SNIGGERS)
- What?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(GRUNTS)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(CRAZY FROG'S AXEL F PLAYING)

He put my stapler inside a jelly again.

That's the third time he's done it.
It wasn't even funny the first time.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(IMITATES WHIPLASH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

I thought I found a lump.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

It's a bit of Brie.

- What, from down there?
- Mmm.

See you later.

I look back and there was a,
you know, that romance

with writing our first sitcom, you know.

Um, but,

I couldn't be prouder of The Office.

I honestly couldn't
be prouder of The Office,

even if it hadn't won any awards
and hadn't done...

You know, I think that

I was proud when
we'd finished writing it.

I knew that we'd done our best,

and it's the first time I'd ever tried
my hardest at anything as well.

There was nothing really about that job,

the entire job,
that was not very enjoyable,

especially in hindsight.

Because you come away
and you do lots of other jobs.

I've done lots of jobs before
and lots of jobs since.

And as always, you don't fully
appreciate things when they're going on.

You kind of forget that this isn't
all going to be as much fun as this.

I haven't worked on anything
that was such a joy to work on since.

I've worked on some great stuff
and had a great time,

but there was something
very special about that

and about working on that,
and we knew it.

That particular job
was full of nice people,

funny people, smart people and people
that I was glad to see every day.

And sorry when that ended.

I'm still proud of it to this day

and, you know,
people ask me about it the whole time

and I'm always happy
to answer their questions

'cause it was a very important
part of my life and still is.

My biggest ambition
from a young age was to write,

honestly, was to write
and be involved with a sitcom

that would be thought of, you know,
fondly and possibly even amongst

the much-loved sitcoms.

And I feel like, to some degree,
we've achieved that.

And so now, I don't know what
I'm doing with the rest of my life.

Now I've got to sort of
recalibrate my expectations.

Now I'm just filling up
the hours before I die.

That's why I'm here today.

That's not gloomy, is it?

You've got voiceover work, haven't you?

Got some voiceover work, yeah.

I got some voiceover work.

Barclays.

Sell-out.

This is the worst part of my job,
you know.

I do not want to lose a good man.

But it's out of my hands,

and even if it were in my hands,
my hands are tied.

It's nothing personal.
It's just based on...

Yeah, yeah.
Well, why am I getting fired?

You're not getting fired.
It's redundancy.

As I say, it's nothing personal.

It's cutbacks being what they are,

you know,
you are one of the unlucky ones.

Or one of the lucky ones, in my opinion.

Now I'm going to ask you, David, why,

when there are three
other forklift operators,

do you decide to fire me and not Anton?

You know, is this
positive discrimination?

Do you have disability quotas
you have to fill?

I don't know what you mean. I mean...

Or are you keeping Anton on
because he's disabled?

- Anton's not disabled.
- He's a midget, David.

Yeah, but you're not disabled
if you're a midget, are you?

That's not a disability.

- That's just small.
- Yeah, I know, but...

Ronnie Corbett doesn't get
special treatment, does he?

Ronnie Corbett's 5'. Anton's 3'4".

So are some children.

Children don't get special favours.
Children aren't disabled, are they?

Children don't work in warehouses.

Look, whether or not Anton is indeed
a midget or a dwarf...

- No, he's a midget.
- What's the difference?

Well, a dwarf is someone who has
disproportionately short arms and legs.

Oh, I know the ones. Those...

Yeah. It's caused by
a hormone deficiency.

Yeah. Bloody hormones.

- Yeah.
- Hmm.

A midget is still a dwarf, but their
arms and legs are in proportion.

Sure.

So, what's an elf?

Do you want to answer that?

An elf is a supernatural being.

Sometimes they're invisible,
they're like fairies.

They don't actually exist, do they?
In real life?

What do you want me to...

Do you think I enjoy doing this?
This has been imposed upon me!

(MOCKINGLY)
"This has been imposed upon me!

- "This has been imposed upon me!"
- Yeah, it has.

Yeah. What do you want me to say?
"Oh, I'm sorry."

That'll give you your job back.

Yeah. I want you to say you're sorry.

I want you to apologise
and stop passing the buck!

I'm not passing the buck.
This is someone else's decision.

I didn't want to do this.

You know. Go above my head
if you don't believe me.

Oh, I will go above your head.

Fine. Good luck. It's your prerogative.

Yeah, it is. It's my prerogative. Yeah.

So, is a pixie the same thing as an elf?

- DAVID: Hold on, Gareth.
- What?

I just want to know how come
he knows so much about midgets?

It's called an education.

- So, what's a goblin?
- How long you going to be, mate?

I know, I probably seem like
quite an imposing figure now

with my, you know, the slick boss,

but get to know me, you'll see I'm mad.

(CHUCKLING)

I brought that in.

So...

Oh, here we go.

Malcolm.

This is Malcolm.
This is Karen Roper, my new secretary.

Although, you can all use her,
oh, as an actress said to a bishop.

- MALCOLM: Nice to meet you.
- Hello.

David, can I just ask why
you've hired yourself a new secretary

when you're having to fire
people like Alex this morning?

Different people, different jobs.
Isn't it?

To wit, the answer to the question,
is it people or task

is, well, you know, people.

Like this person. Kojak.

- (IMITATES SQUEAKING)
- David.

That's what we call him.
Not to his face.

- What I...
- Who loves you, baby?

Am I going to be fired?
When will we know what's happening?

Good question. Jennifer is coming in
midday today, Greenwich Mean Time.

She will have the verdict then. Okay?

I was just trying to
keep the troops happy.

Well, they'd be a lot happier
if they knew they'd got jobs.

Yeah.

I'm thinking of other
weird-looking bald people we could do.

That one off Benny Hill?

Oh, yeah.

I don't know if you met Tim.
He's thinking of leaving.

Yeah, he's feeling bad about himself.

I'm going to have a chat to him,

make him feel good about himself,
turn it round.

You know? Look and learn. So...

Timothy!

- Hello.
- All right? Can I have a quick word?

In the old office? Walk this way.

(QUACKING)

Always start with a joke.

You might want to make notes,
just for...

- Hiya. Come in.
- Ta.

- How are you doing?
- All right, thanks.

Good. Um, you don't mind if
Karen sits in, just to learn the ropes?

No, not at all. What are we doing?

I just want to know
why you're thinking of leaving, mate.

I've got to tell you, I'm not
thinking of leaving, I am leaving.

Sure. Sure.

I don't mean to stitch anyone up,

but it's nothing
I've said or done, is it?

- Not at all, David. No.
- Definitely not. Put that down. No way.

No, I mean, I don't want
to put words in your mouth,

but what sort of a boss
would you say I am?

- I'm a...
- Good boss, yeah.

Put down "good". He said "good".

- No, mate, you're a great boss.
- He said "great".

It's just that I don't think
that I am in a position...

It's not because you asked Dawn out

in front of everyone
and she said no, is it?

I didn't ask her out.
It was as a friend.

Why does everyone think...
It was as a friend.

Put "friend". Put "friend" down.

So, why the move?

- It's not one thing, David.
- Go on.

- Can I?
- Sure.

Okay. I don't really enjoy the work
I do here. I'm sorry, but...

I feel a little bit like
I'm wasting my time.

- Like life's too short?
- Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Um...

You know, let's be honest,
I'm 30, right?

I want to retire with
some stories to tell, you know?

That aren't about paper?

Yeah, I can give you paper stories
that'll crack you up so...

- That's true. They are hilarious.
- Hilarious. Put down "hilarious".

- Do you want me to go on?
- How many have you got?

It's like an alarm clock's gone off
and I've just got to get away.

I think it was John Lennon who said,

"Life is what happens
when you're making other plans."

And that's how I feel, you know.

Although he also said,
"I am the walrus, I am the eggman",

so I don't know what to believe.

- Okay, David, listen to me...
- No, no, you listen to me, "Tim".

When you first came here, you didn't
know about the paper industry.

I showed you the ropes,
I nurtured you, I gave you a good job.

- That he doesn't want!
- I didn't ask you.

Okay, you did ask me how I felt
and I'm telling you.

- I don't want to know now.
- What do you mean?

- This has been a waste of time.
- It's not a waste of time.

Well, I'll tell you what,

why don't you both go and do some work
instead of whinging, please?

- TIM: This is silly.
- No, go on.

And don't say out there
what you've said in here,

apart from the thing about a good boss,
if you want to.

I don't want you spreading your
bad vibes around my office, all right?

You be like that at the party,
that'll be fun.

You try and do a good deed

and that...

You all right?

Yeah, hello. All right?

(CLEARS THROAT)
Are you going to the party?

- Yeah, yeah. Of course.
- Brilliant.

- I wouldn't miss it.
- Cool.

- And you?
- Uh, yes.

Good.

Hooray!

- See you later.
- Yeah.

DAWN: I hope they get rid of me.

Because then I might actually
get off my arse and do something.

I don't think it's many little
girls' dream to be a receptionist.

I don't know what I'll do,

but whatever it is,
it's got to be a career move

and not just another arbitrary job.

Tim's advice is that it's better to be

at the bottom of a ladder
you want to climb

than halfway up one you don't.

But, um, I just...

I don't want to be treading water,
you know,

and then wake up in another five years'
time and say, "Shit! Done it again."

(SHREDDER WHIRRING)

Do you think you could...

- Could you not do that here, mate?
- Mmm?

Sorry, I just wondered
if you couldn't do that here?

- I've got to do it, mate.
- Really?

No chance you could throw it in the bin?

Yeah, and maybe I should just

take them around to rival companies
and just hand them out.

Good point, but could you just
throw it in the bin?

Gareth, can you keep it down a bit?

- Hmm?
- Can you stop it?

Yeah. I'll just do it like this.

(RIPPING)

(EXHALES)

- Hiya.
- Hi, David. Are you ready?

Yeah.

- Who's she?
- Don't know.

Now, I know I promised you
some kind of answer today.

I don't think it's the one
that you were expecting.

Firstly, I'm moving on.

Have you been fired?

- (LAUGHS) No.
- No?

No, I've been made into a partner.

They've made you into a partner?

So that'll be Wernham Hogg Taylor-Clark.

That's mental. They'll have to
change the stationery.

Yeah, I think we might get a discount,
though, as we're in the business.

40% sometimes.

The point is, David,
my job is now available

and the board thought
that either you or Neil

should take over the role.

I can tell you now, the board have voted
5-2 in favour of you taking the job.

Voted for me 5-2? There's only
seven on the board, isn't there?

- So it's five out of seven. A landslide.
- Now I did...

- David.
- Go on.

You've always made it very clear that
you're 100% committed to your branch.

Probably why I got the...

You do understand that if you take
on my job, Neil will stay in Swindon

and your branch will be downsized
and incorporated into his?

Yep.

Well, I know that you're
very loyal to your family here...

I'll be loyal to the whole family.
It's one big family.

Yeah, I'm just sensitive to the fact

that you have strong, let's say,
emotional ties to your team.

Well, yeah, but there is the emotion
as "good in business" syndrome, sure,

notwithstanding
the "cruel to be kind" scenario.

I'm sorry, David, you've lost me.

Well, you're not looking
at the whole pie, Jenny.

Wernham Hogg is one big pie,

and if I've left me in charge
of that one big pie,

I'll be in charge of the pie
and the people are the fruit.

I don't have time
for the pie thing, David.

You don't want it, no. I'm saying, yeah,
okay, I'll take the job, please.

Good. Okay, well, the first step
is to meet with Alan and the board.

Yep. What's five out of seven
as a percentage?

- Uh, 70% .
- Mmm.

71.4. So...

Call Susan and arrange to meet the board
and finalise all the details.

Congratulations and good luck.

Yeah, you don't need luck when you've
got 71.4% of the population behind you.

(WHISPERING) She's still here.

Bye, Jennifer.

- EMMA: What do you think?
- He looked all right. Not unhappy.

- EMMA: How did it go?
- What did she say?

Fine.

What's the damage?

It's complicated.

- Are you going to tell us?
- Yeah.

MALCOLM: David?

(DOOR CLOSES)

(KNOCKING)

We'd like to know now.

Okay. All right.

Okay, gather.

Um, well,

there's good news and bad news.

The bad news is Neil will be
taking over both branches

and some of you will lose your jobs.

(ALL GASP)

Those of you who are kept on
will have to relocate to Swindon

if you want to stay.

I know. I know. Gutting. Gutting.

You didn't see me, ohh.

On a more positive note,
the good news is I've been promoted.

So, every cloud...

You're still thinking
about the bad news, aren't you?

There's no good news, David.
It's only bad news and irrelevant news.

Yeah, that's not a phrase though, is it?

I couldn't come out and go,

"I've got some bad news
and some irrelevant news."

You could have just told us about Neil
and kept your promotion to yourself.

Should have told you
the good news first...

There is no good news, David.

Hmm. I think promotion is generally
considered good news.

We're going to lose our jobs!

You're not all going to lose your jobs.

God! Just... All right.

You're not going to lose your job.
You're not going to lose your job.

You know, you're not going
to lose your job.

So, let's get it in perspective, yeah?

Come on.

You know there's only seven people
on the board, yeah?

MAN: When are the rest of us
going to find out?

I can't believe it. After all the things
he said, it's just...

I'm in shock.

Sold us out.

Wanker.

What? David Brent's leaving?

So you're definitely leaving, then?

Uh, yeah, it would appear so.

What about us?

- There's nothing going on between us.
- Not like that.

You know, but we're a team.

I'm Assistant Regional Manager.

- Assistant to the Regional Manager.
- Yeah.

So I can still be your assistant?

Can I... If you're going off...

No. I'll be getting
a proper assistant, a PA, probably so...

- A lady?
- Hopefully, yeah.

Well, not 'cause of that, just...

What about Neil?

Is he going to be needing an assistant?
I could be his assistant.

Neil's bringing his man with him.

Bloody good guy, actually.

Good assistant.
Bloke called Terry someone.

You'd like him. He's ex-army.

Territorial?

- No.
- Regular?

Yeah.

- What rank?
- Sergeant, I think.

What are you?

Lieutenant, sir.

Anyway...

That's it, then, is it? (SNIFFLING)

The old team on the scrapheap.

It's all gone.

Gareth, come on.

Dude, you're a soldier.
Aren't you? Eh? Yeah?

Stiff upper lip and all that, eh?

Spirit of the Dam Busters. Yeah?
The squadron never dies, does it?

- Seen that film?
- Yeah. I've got it on video.

Well, then, yeah?

In it, before he goes into battle,

he's playing with his dog
and everything.

- Nigger.
- Yeah, that's not offensive.

That's the dog's name.

It was the '40s as well,
before racism was bad, innit? So...

- The dog was called Nigger.
- Don't keep saying it but...

Hey?

So, take anything.

Choose one thing.
A memento. From me to you.

- Take anything you want.
- To keep?

- Yep.
- I'll have the guitar.

Not the guitar. I meant stationery.
Something I can reorder.

Like a hole punch? That's always handy.

- All right?
- Yeah?

Bloody good one, that.

(SNIFFS)

Oh.

Like confetti.

Could be used as confetti, yeah.

Check with the vicar first, always.

Don't get it on the carpet, Gareth.

- No.
- I'm just...

- Sorry.
- Put it there.

I don't see it as letting people down.

If this is a family,
then maybe it's time

to cut the apron strings,
let them stand on their own two feet.

Because you can be sure

if they were in my position, they'd
take the job and go, "Yep, thanks.

"We're off. Thanks for the opportunity
and the great jokes."

But, you know,
this is a business, all right?

I'm not doing this
for an Esther Rantzen Heart of Gold,

or, you know,
if Esther's handing out awards,

then do it for my charity work.

Not... Five fun runs in two years.

So, why don't you ask Philippa Norris
or, you know, Simon Coleman at Mencap

what they think of David Brent?

So...

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

It's the end of the financial year
and spirits are in the sky.

(SPIRITIN THE SKY
BY NORMAN GREENBAUM PLAYING)

You're all smug now.
You're moving away. But think of me.

The shoe could be on the other foot.

But you're going to be
all right, aren't you?

Yeah. I work hard. I earn my keep.

But unfortunately, the history books
are full of just people

who toil and fight for worthy causes
and the freedom of others and...

Yeah, that's the most
profound thing you've ever said, mate.

Yeah, and you do all that

only for the foreigners or women
or the disabled to take advantage of it.

Can I withdraw my last comment?

- What do you think of her?
- A bit out of your league, mate.

- Definitely out of your league.
- No. Smug.

You think you're so... Just 'cause
you got a bit of Donna because

I played by the rules
'cause she was out of bounds.

You nipped in behind everyone's back.

I'd have got a bit if I'd thought
it was up for grabs.

I'd have done her, but that would
be shitting on your own doorstep.

And anyway, I don't do sloppy seconds.

Yeah, you see it's phrases
like "sloppy seconds"

which make her out of your league.

# I'm walking on sunshine

# Whoa!

# I'm walking on sunshine

# Whoa!

# I'm walking on sunshine

# Whoa!

#And don't it feel good!

# Hey! All right now

#And don't it feel good

# Hey! Yeah! #

(MUSIC STOPS)

Hello!

Welcome, everybody. Just a few things.

Um, see the raffle over there?
That's going to start later.

And, uh, you can win a printer.
Something I'd bloody love.

Although if I win it, I'll probably
either put the ticket back

or give it to charity or something,
but that's, you know...

No pressure, that's...

Uh, good luck to Ricky,

who's off pursuing
his career starting Monday.

So, have we got him a collection
or a gift or summat? Well...

You haven't been here long,
have you? So...

Should have seen
what we got Pete Gibbons. Ooh!

He'll tell you.
We all remember that. So...

Just come from a meeting at Head Office,

where I was officially offered
the job as UKManager.

Um, and as you know,
taking that job will mean

a lot of you will lose your jobs,

and I'd just like to say...

That's why I told them
to shove their job up their arses!

- MALCOLM: So you're staying here?
- Yes. We all are.

We'll incorporate Swindon. So, you know,

hip-hip-hooray for David Brent!
Hip-hip-hooray.

- (SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
- Yeah, no, stop it.

Seriously. Move on. Let's move on.

So have a good... Let's rock!

Smashie and Nicey, kick in there.
Put the record on when I do that.

That's...

clumsy.

(SEX BOMB BY TOM JONES PLAYING)

- Tim!
- Hey! All right, mate?

- You all right?
- Yeah.

- Did you ask my girlfriend out?
- Eh? No. What?

- You hit on someone's girlfriend...
- No, no, no, mate.

What sort of a bloke would I be
if I let that go?

No, just... No, listen.
Can I just say...

- The problem is...
- No, we have no problem here.

- What are we going to do?
- Lee, Lee, please.

Can I get a word in?
'Cause I asked her out as a friend.

It wasn't as a girlfriend.
It was just a soldier to cry on.

- A soldier?
- (STAMMERS) Shoulder.

Why do you want a soldier to cry on?
Are you bent or something?

- Is this a wind-up?
- Yeah. Sorry, mate.

- Don't do that, man!
- Having a bit of a laugh. I'm sorry.

Wouldn't blame you,
she's a good-looking girl.

Yeah, she is.

- Come on.
- All right.

(TRAGEDYBY STEPS PLAYING)

(THE ONLY WAYIS UP BY YAZZ PLAYING)

That's the thing about leadership.
Sometimes you got to sacrifice yourself.

Um, we just wanted to say we thought
that was a really good thing you did.

Yeah, man, really impressive.

I'd prefer your respect individually,
but cheers.

You've got our respect individually.

I'd believe that a little bit more
if he hadn't jumped on top of you

the minute my back was turned, so...

- Actually, you know, I was on top.
- All right.

We just wanted to say well done.

Yeah, nice one.

And they probably did oral.

Hey. All right? Enjoying the party?

So they offered you the job, did they?

(CLEARS THROAT) Yeah, well.

The thing is, I've been
with this nutty lot way too long

to sell them down the river
for a couple of extra quid a year.

- So, not interested.
- Right.

It's just that I was speaking
to Paula and she seems...

- Paula? Oh, yeah.
- Alan's assistant.

And she seems to think the reason
that you didn't take the job

was not because you didn't want it,

but because you failed the medical
because of high blood pressure.

Well.

You got to ask yourself
why did I get high blood pressure

on the day of the medical, how come?

Are you saying that you cheated science
and faked high blood pressure

so that you could remain in the job?

You know,
you've got to ask yourself that.

Did you?

What's worse, cheating medical science
or cheating friends?

Yeah? The board of directors
come to me and they go,

"Oh, David,
you're the best man for the job.

"You've got to take the job
and we won't take no for an answer."

"Oh, hold on, you failed the medical.
Oh, all right, stay with..." You know?

For all your mole knows, they may
or may not have said that to me.

- Did they?
- They may or may not have.

So, you faked high blood pressure
in order to fail a medical test?

Oh, no.

(CHUCKLING)

See you later.

(I'M NOTIN LOVE BY 10CC PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)

So, when are you leaving me?

Um, well, it probably won't be
for quite a while.

- Autumn?
- Um, probably not.

Oh. Um, I thought you wanted
to go back to university and everything.

Yeah, I will, but there's a slight
bit of a change of plan.

Oh, right.

David's made me Senior Sales Clerk.

Wow!

Um, I thought you wanted to,
like, be a psychologist.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But Senior Sales Clerk is...

Well, it's 500 quid
guaranteed extra a year.

And if I do a bit of networking,
then there's every chance

I could be in David's chair
in three years. So...

Oh.

(STAMMERING) All that talk about, like,
getting on, moving on in the world...

No, I said moving up. Yeah? Moving up.

Moving up can mean
within an internal ladder, framework,

or sideways to external, then up.

You know, you've got to
look at the whole pie

vis-à-vis my current life situation.
You know?

Vis-à... Pie?

Which means, of course,
my old job is free.

So, you know, have a word.

- Timothy!
- Timothy!

(TRUE BY SPANDAU BALLET PLAYING)

You grow up, you work half a century,
you get a golden handshake,

you rest a couple of years
and you're dead.

And the only thing that makes
that crazy ride worthwhile is,

"Did I enjoy it? What did I learn?
What was the point?"

That's where I come in.

You've seen how I react to people,
I make them feel good,

make them think that
anything's possible, yeah?

If I make them laugh along the way,
sue me.

I don't do it so they'll
turn around and go,

"Oh, thank you, David,
for the opportunity.

"Thank you for the wisdom.
Thank you for the laughs."

I do it so one day someone will go,
"There goes David Brent.

"I must remember to thank him."

I think Ricky and Stephen
have managed to describe

the human condition
in an office environment

which everyone knows on some level.

Except me.

I've never worked in an office.

Well, thank you for watching
and if you would like to

get more information on The Office
and hear more exclusive chunks

of us talking about it,
plus everyone else,

then you can go to the BBC website,
www.bbc.co.uk/comedy.

Don't bother.