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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,563 Son, we're going to take a quick break 2 00:00:17,575 --> 00:00:19,645 from the story of how I met your father 3 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:23,482 and talk about how I met my father. 4 00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:26,652 I know you didn't ask for this part, so bear with me. 5 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,320 I didn't ask for any of this. 6 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,019 You said you needed help with your phone! 7 00:00:30,044 --> 00:00:32,198 Oh, son, you're hysterical. 8 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,493 Okay. 9 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,579 Tell me everything you remember about my dad. 10 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,666 I met him at Lollapalooza. 11 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,794 He lolla'd my palooza, and bam, here you are. 12 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,673 Okay. I'm gonna show you this photo again. 13 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,926 - Ugh... - This is the day you guys met, 14 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,554 so something in here has to jog your memory. 15 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,932 Oh, my God! That's him! 16 00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,267 That's just an arm! 17 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:02,896 I know, but I remember the barbed wire tattoo on his bicep. 18 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,775 He said he needed security around his guns. 19 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,722 Oh, my God, and you still slept with him? 20 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,449 Wait, he's wearing a badge. "Captain Concessions." 21 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,159 Was he working the festival? 22 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,120 Yes. Yes, he was. 23 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,122 Well, you can almost see his name. 24 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:21,957 Ick! 25 00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:23,876 His name ends in "ick." Mom, 26 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,794 you've got to remember. What is it? 27 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,005 - His name was Mick! - Really? 28 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,424 I don't remember, but don't you hope it's Mick? 29 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,677 Guys! 30 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,096 The search for my father has been narrowed down 31 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,890 to three potential dads. 32 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,100 Thanks to a lot of hard work from my bestie. 33 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,643 Oh, it was my pleasure. 34 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,188 These days, I'll do literally anything to avoid my... 35 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,481 fiancé. At least this time, 36 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,734 I didn't have to trick him into learning a new life skill. 37 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,068 Hey, babe! 38 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,729 I'm finally an intermediate at Spanish 39 00:01:51,754 --> 00:01:53,422 on Duolingo. Can we hang out now? 40 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,115 Sorry. 41 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,201 You're not gonna be able to speak to my abuela at the wedding 42 00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,619 until you're level 70. 43 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,078 Sigue practicándo. 44 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,413 Entiendo. 45 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,124 That poor sweet boy. 46 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,792 So how did you narrow it down to three names? 47 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,170 Sophie's dad worked for Captain Concessions in 1991, 48 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,339 his first name ends in "ick," so I went to their LinkedIn page 49 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,049 and did a deep dive on all their current employees, 50 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:15,135 until I found an HR director who has a second family in Poughkeepsie. 51 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,387 So, I blackmail him into sending me the roster 52 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,223 of all the employees that worked Lollapalooza '91, 53 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,308 and three of them have names that end in "ick." 54 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,268 Oh. Simple. 55 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,479 Okay! Everyone gets an ick. 56 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,315 Val and I are gonna take Nick Foster in Staten Island. 57 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,150 Sid and Jesse, you guys get Rick Graham 58 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,777 - in New Jersey... - Oh. 59 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,237 ...and Charlie and Ellen, 60 00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:35,405 you guys get Dick Webber-Morris in Yonkers. 61 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,908 Guys, do you see what's happening here? 62 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,159 This is a Mamma Mia! 63 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,953 Technically, it's not. 64 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,580 In Mamma Mia, Meryl Streep slept with three guys. 65 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:44,706 My mom slept with one. 66 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,959 I think it's more of a reverse gender-swapped Philomena. 67 00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,670 Wha... No, Philomena is an Irish nun 68 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,880 trying to find her son who was taken away from her. 69 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,341 What we have here is a hetero The Kids Are All Right. 70 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,592 No, I just googled it. 71 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:59,054 Sophie's life is most like the beloved Paul Reiser TV show 72 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,557 My Two Dads, but with three dads. Final answer. 73 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,020 Wait, guys, guys, guys! Let's channel this energy 74 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,357 into actually finding my dad. Okay? Ick on three. 75 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,943 - One, two, three! - Ick! 76 00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,406 Okay, check it out. 77 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,825 I'm gonna go to the desk. I'm gonna ask for Rick. 78 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,410 I'm gonna sign up for the free trial. 79 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,787 And then, I'm gonna cancel before the end of the month. 80 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,709 Hey. It's your airplane pal Taylor. 81 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,711 Remember that rapper we were sitting next to? 82 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,880 - How could I forget? - Well... 83 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,840 Li'l Toasty's new single just dropped, 84 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,592 and I think it's about 85 00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,510 how he wanted to have a threesome with us! 86 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,888 What? No way. How do you know that? 87 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,348 Because it's called Mile High Menage. 88 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,850 We're freakin' famous! 89 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,310 Hey, Rick's about to come out. 90 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,271 Why are you grinning at your phone like an idiot? 91 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:52,900 Oh... No, nothing. Uh, my new bud Taylor sent me something funny. 92 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,235 Oh. You have a new buddy. 93 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,778 Cool. Love that for you. 94 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,864 Funny Taylor. You know, 95 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,537 I've got some pretty hysterical hot takes 96 00:04:00,549 --> 00:04:02,034 about Whole Foods you haven't heard. 97 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,745 Whole Foods? More like whole paycheck... 98 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,584 Hey, guys. I'm Rick. 99 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,337 Could Sophie be half-Asian? 100 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,424 Dick and Dale's Exotic Entertainment. 101 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,843 We're ripped, we strip, and you tip. 102 00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:21,345 Oh, hey, Mom. 103 00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,388 Do you think that's him? 104 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,334 Until I figure out why I self-sabotage, 105 00:04:25,346 --> 00:04:27,059 I don't think I'll ever find love. 106 00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,061 Rambling on about his horrible love life. 107 00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,312 Definitely Sophie's dad. 108 00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:34,358 Hi there! Uh, are you Dick or Dale? 109 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,692 Dick. 110 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,528 Dale passed years ago. 111 00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:40,155 He tried the death-defying alley-oop pole flip. 112 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,865 Nailed it. 113 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,116 But then got murdered. 114 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:49,081 I... bet he's giving lap dances to angels now. 115 00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:52,376 Dick, did you ever, by chance, 116 00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,503 attend the music festival Lollapalooza? 117 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,797 No. Why are you asking me that? 118 00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:59,883 Just a fun icebreaker, you know? 119 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,927 We like to get to know our strippers. 120 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,429 Ellen, may I speak to you by the... butt-shot wall? 121 00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,725 Well, he's lying. We already know he went to Lollapalooza. 122 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,436 Clearly, we can't trust him to answer our questions honestly. 123 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,815 We gotta see if he's got that barbed wire tattoo on his arm. 124 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,899 Ask him to take his shirt off. 125 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,277 You can't just ask a stripper to sample the merchandise 126 00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:21,154 without paying for the goods. He's not Costco, Ellen! 127 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:23,699 Follow my lead. 128 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,576 Dick, my friend, 129 00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,661 all the wall butts in the world 130 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,705 - pale in comparison with yours. - Mm-hmm. 131 00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:31,915 Now I'm in charge of throwing my best friend here 132 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:35,294 her bachelorette party, and I want you to be the stripper. 133 00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:38,755 Oh. I'm flattered, but I've been out of the game for years. 134 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,050 That is such a shame because my dream bachelorette 135 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:45,304 is a man like you shakin' a donk like that 136 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,805 in a face like this. 137 00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,683 Please? 138 00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,980 You know what? For you, 139 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,982 I'll dust this donk off one last time. 140 00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,818 - When's the party? - In two hours. 141 00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,657 Hey, sorry I sent you guys all the way 142 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,242 to a gym in Jersey for nothing. 143 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,245 Oh, it wasn't for nothing. We both Zumba'd our asses off. 144 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,539 Hoo-hoo! 145 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,583 I hope Staten Island Nick is your dad. 146 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,585 We never get to hang out on islands. 147 00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:18,670 Manhattan is an island. 148 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,382 Okay, sweetie. 149 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:31,934 Oh, my God. What if my dad owns a hot dog store? 150 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,311 I'll be a hot dog heiress. 151 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,651 - Wish me luck. - Good luck. You got this, go. 152 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,321 Hey. 153 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,948 Uh, can I speak to Nick, please? 154 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,825 Oh, I'm just a real hot dog head 155 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:52,204 who is dying to meet the founder of Nick's of Staten Island. 156 00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,332 The founder of Nick's of Staten Island is... 157 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,750 Dead. 158 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,669 This guy's dead. 159 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,712 Oh! Uh... 160 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,756 Charlie and Ellen just texted that your dad 161 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,675 may be a washed-up male stripper. 162 00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,635 Oof. 163 00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,595 Suddenly, dead's not looking so bad. 164 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,187 So there's a 50% chance my dad's dead. 165 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,649 Should we, like, 166 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,735 say something to honor him? 167 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,696 Uh... 168 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,673 Whoa, we got a mourner. We got a mourner. Fan out. 169 00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,098 He's here for Nick. 170 00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,809 Oh, my God. He's got the barbed wire tattoo. 171 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,023 That must be my much older half-brother, 172 00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:04,276 and he got the tattoo to honor our dad... 173 00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,653 Sophie. That's your dad. 174 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,699 Then whose gravestone is that? 175 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,743 Your grandfather's. 176 00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,745 Oh... duh. 177 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,569 Val, can you text me what's going on so 178 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,952 I don't seem dumb in front of everyone? 179 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,795 So, my friends and I followed my dad 180 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,423 back onto the Staten Island Ferry. 181 00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,425 We were like sexy spies. 182 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,178 On a boat that smelled like trash. 183 00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,347 Full disclosure, 184 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,766 sometimes, I still miss my Tamagotchi. 185 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:38,393 Full disclosure, I still have mine. 186 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,736 Hey, hey, hey. You wanna go to the front 187 00:08:39,748 --> 00:08:40,938 and do "king of the world" with me? 188 00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:44,733 I was just texting Taylor. What'd you say? 189 00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,361 Never mind. 190 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,491 I can't believe we're tailing my dad. 191 00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,118 I'm so excited to see what amazing new place 192 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,495 he's gonna take us. 193 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,250 Back here, huh? 194 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,627 Don't hate it. 195 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,630 Ah. 196 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:10,300 Welcome to straight-Ellen's bachelorette! 197 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,719 We have penis hats, 198 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,888 a penis piñata, 199 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,891 and a pineapple upside-down penis cake! 200 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,561 That is... extremely realistic. 201 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,229 The detail is amazing. 202 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,232 Are those pubes made of coconut flakes? 203 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,984 It's a triumph. 204 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,485 Oh! 205 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,863 There's our entertainment. 206 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,532 Now, remember, ladies, you can look, 207 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,908 but you can't touch. 208 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,118 Not gonna be a problem. 209 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,246 Ahoy, landlubbers. 210 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,624 Who's ready to walk my plank? 211 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:47,546 So, are we... waiting for the rest of the guests or... 212 00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,256 Nope! Gang's all here! 213 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,967 What I lack in friends, I make up for in horniness, 214 00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,260 so get dancin'! 215 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,512 Ah! Okay, Ellen. 216 00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,933 Are you ready for me to... 217 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,853 - shiver your timbers? - Oh! 218 00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:04,521 Sure, big boy. Drop anchor. 219 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,565 Oh, th-that costs extra. 220 00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:07,774 Never mind. Full steam ahead. 221 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,318 That also costs extra. 222 00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,652 Just do what we paid for. 223 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,834 Really? He's going one scarf at a time? 224 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,461 Let me try and speed this along. 225 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,671 Take your shirt off, Dick. Woo! 226 00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:33,550 Don't worry, little lady. 227 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:36,220 All in due time. 228 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,473 All... in due time. 229 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,532 Okay. It's now or never. Right? 230 00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,283 I'm just gonna walk up to him and say... 231 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,745 I'm Sophie. I'm your daughter. 232 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,265 Mm-hmm. 233 00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,040 Here I go. 234 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,167 I'm doing it! 235 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,920 Watch me go! 236 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,964 I'm going. Am I going? 237 00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,715 No, you're just crushing Val's hand. 238 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,759 - Sorry. - Oh... 239 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,637 Sorry. I've just... I've been waiting for this moment... 240 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,974 my entire life, imagining what my dad would be like. 241 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,935 What if he's terrible? 242 00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,436 What if he signs me up for basketball 243 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,105 and pushes me to my limit, 244 00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,148 until I finally break down and have to tell him, 245 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,234 "Dad, basketball's your dream, but it's not mine!" 246 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,862 - She's right... - What? 247 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,531 I mean, not about her weirdly specific fear, 248 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,576 but we should vet him and make sure he's dad-worthy 249 00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,494 before we reveal her true identity. 250 00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,788 You're right. We should give him some dad tests. 251 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,914 Good idea. 252 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,125 Hey, let's see if he'd take a bullet for Sophie, huh? 253 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,127 But, if he passes, he's dead. 254 00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,671 And if he fails, I'm dead. 255 00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:56,300 See you guys come up with any good ideas... 256 00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,803 Dad Tests! 257 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,807 Oh! Oh no! Ow! I fell! 258 00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:06,894 Can somebody, anybody, help me? 259 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,353 - Oh! - You okay, pal? 260 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:11,732 - Oh, I'm fine, thanks. - Your shoes have no traction. 261 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,483 You gotta rock something like these. 262 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,819 - Hey, what size are you? - 11 wide. 263 00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:19,281 No way. Foot twins. Here, try these bad boys on. 264 00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,784 Nick is literally giving him the shoes off his feet. 265 00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,746 Tell you what. Keep 'em. I got another pair in back. 266 00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,748 Now, you go out there and follow your dreams. 267 00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:29,666 I promise I'll make you proud. 268 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,127 I'm a little proud already. 269 00:12:38,909 --> 00:12:40,944 _ 270 00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,180 Uh, hey, would you mind tossing me a ketchup packet? 271 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,015 Oh, sure thing, ace. 272 00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,019 Oh, thanks. Uh, I only need one. 273 00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,855 Nice arm, slugger. 274 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,357 Thank you. 275 00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,192 - Hey. Go long. - Okay. 276 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,987 - I caught it! - Yeah, you did, champ! 277 00:13:04,968 --> 00:13:07,265 _ 278 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792 You okay? 279 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:16,588 Not really. Grad school is way too hard. 280 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,966 I think I'm gonna quit and start an OnlyFans. 281 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,135 Do you think me washing my dog in lingerie for money 282 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,554 is a good path for me? 283 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,265 I think... 284 00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:29,935 you shouldn't let a moment of frustration derail you. 285 00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:32,521 Education's important. You should stay in school. 286 00:13:34,298 --> 00:13:36,609 _ 287 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,819 But, end of the day, 288 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,612 it's your life and your body, 289 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,114 and anyone who tells you otherwise 290 00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,408 is trying to stigmatize your sexuality to control you. 291 00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:45,659 All work has dignity. 292 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,180 _ 293 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,334 Your dad is like a Mr. Rogers-level good dude! 294 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,836 Great! 295 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,380 Okay, after his shift is over, 296 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,799 I'm gonna go in and introduce myself. 297 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,010 - Can I come, too? - Me, too. We can all share your dad? 298 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,012 - No! - O-Of course not. 299 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,973 Soph, we will give you some privacy. 300 00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,017 We'll come back and hang with him later. 301 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,476 Oh, my God, wait! I didn't tell 302 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:14,563 Charlie and Ellen that we found my dad, so can one of you guys? 303 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:15,606 Sure, sweetie. 304 00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,857 They didn't. 305 00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,695 It's been an hour. He has to take his shirt off next. 306 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,160 Come on! 307 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,496 Who strips from the bottom up? 308 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:40,172 Dick? What's wrong? 309 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,300 I miss Dale. 310 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:47,971 I haven't stripped since he passed away. 311 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:51,099 It-it just doesn't feel right to go full nude without him here. 312 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,644 God, I totally understand. 313 00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:55,521 I mean, if Ellen and I were a team of strippers, 314 00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:57,648 a-and she pulled off a daring stripper move 315 00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:00,025 and then got murdered in a totally unrelated incident, 316 00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:02,027 I don't think I'd ever strip again either. 317 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,279 Yes, you would. 318 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,240 Because you'd know that I'd want you 319 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,450 to shake that thing harder than ever. 320 00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,826 For me. 321 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,328 For us. 322 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,122 And I bet that's what Dale would want for you, too. 323 00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:16,625 You're right. 324 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,337 Strip. Strip. Strip. 325 00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:23,882 Strip. Strip. Strip. Strip. 326 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:27,511 - Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! - Dale! This is for you! 327 00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:30,556 Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! 328 00:15:30,556 --> 00:15:31,974 - No barbed wire tattoo! - Oh, man! 329 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,725 I-I mean... 330 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,686 Oh, man... 331 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,897 Dick, we know you were lying about going to Lollapalooza. 332 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,399 Why didn't you just tell the truth? 333 00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:41,900 Bad memories. 334 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,694 Dale met his murderer at that festival. 335 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,039 Get there. Get there! 336 00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:59,501 Yes! Let's go, Mets! 337 00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,560 You're lying! 338 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,312 I'm not! Hand to God, 339 00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,105 I know all the words to the Macarena. 340 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,481 Why? 341 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,901 When I was 12, it was my Everest. 342 00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:26,820 Alright. Put your phone away 343 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,906 'cause I got us a ridiculous amount of barbecue, 344 00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:30,699 a box of cigars, and a home brew kit. 345 00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:31,783 'Cause I love you, man! 346 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:34,870 I-I don't know why I'm trying to downplay it. I love you! 347 00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,290 Okay... Thanks... 348 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,292 "Thanks." 349 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,294 Trying to get our frickin' spark back, man. 350 00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:43,545 Something's off with us. 351 00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:47,049 Bro, we are the Spam of friendship. 352 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,592 Okay? Our shelf life is forever. 353 00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:49,885 Yeah, that's what I thought. 354 00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:52,346 But you've been texting all day with your new friend Taylor. 355 00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:53,889 What? Who cares? 356 00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:55,641 Taylor's great, but she's not you. 357 00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,351 You complete me, bro! 358 00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:59,853 - Wow. Did I just come up with that? - Wait, wait, wait. 359 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,064 - Taylor's a woman? - Yeah... 360 00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,024 Did I not mention that? 361 00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:05,526 No, you didn't. 362 00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,736 Okay. Well, yeah, she is. 363 00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:12,115 And where did you meet this new girl... friend? 364 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,201 I don't know why you're being so weird. 365 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,787 It's not even a big deal. We met on a flight to LA. 366 00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,539 She's also in a long-distance relationship, 367 00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,332 and we bonded over it. That's it. 368 00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,125 - Got it. - Yeah. 369 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,461 It's just... 370 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,755 I mean, you've been texting her a lot lately 371 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,423 like you do when you're really into someone. 372 00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:31,426 Whatever. You know what? You're the best guy I know, 373 00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,929 and if you think this is innocent, then it is. Alright? End of story. 374 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,558 Now, this homebrew kit said it's gonna take 6 to 8 weeks, 375 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,560 so let's just go to the bar, huh? 376 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:48,819 It's settled. 377 00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:51,780 You are singing me the Macarena the next time we see each other. 378 00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:55,617 Maybe... next Saturday? 379 00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,245 My friends and I are doing karaoke if you wanna come. 380 00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:02,583 Taylor, I'm sorry. I don't think we should talk anymore. 381 00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,420 No worries. 382 00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,838 I-I totally get it. 383 00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,639 Mm! This cake is delicious. 384 00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:19,683 Try the balls. They're made of nuts. 385 00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,560 - Genius! - Wow. 386 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,228 Oh hey, here she is. Hey, how'd it go? 387 00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:25,480 I, um... 388 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,774 couldn't go through with it. 389 00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,401 What happened? 390 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,404 I don't know. I was about to introduce myself, 391 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,489 and then I realized that he's a Mets fan. 392 00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:38,035 Fair. That's a brutal legacy to take on. 393 00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,454 No. I realized 394 00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:42,664 that him being a Mets fan is just 395 00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,792 one of a thousand things that I don't know about him, 396 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,794 and catching up and learning all of those things, 397 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:51,298 and then having to tell him every little quirk about me, 398 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,593 I don't know. It felt like too much. 399 00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:56,094 And maybe it's just... 400 00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:59,389 too late for us. 401 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,642 Or... 402 00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,644 maybe today just wasn't the day. 403 00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:05,103 - You know? - Totally. 404 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,271 It's not just that. 405 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,607 Even if we did get caught up on all the little things, 406 00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:10,526 who knows if he would even like me? 407 00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:14,613 Soph, your dad is absolutely gonna love you. 408 00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:15,656 When you're ready. 409 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,450 Yeah. 410 00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,285 When I am ready. 411 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,204 Hi. 412 00:19:28,915 --> 00:19:32,915 - Synced and corrected by synk - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 29898

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