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She Spent So Many Hours
Under the Sunlamps

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No, come back.

I'm making the mistake of my life.

I can't live... I can't live
without you anymore.

listen, I found a sweet boy...
to sleep with, butt against butt.

How long ago?

Three months ago.

Yes, but come back anyway!

I made a mistake,
I'm making a mistake.

listen... he's short,
but he is nice...

he's nice with me...

It's impossible anyway...

We can't...

We can't suffer like this
for our entire lives.

I...

I don't want to hurt you.

No but, no but... no, no!

First I don't understand why we love,
we love each other.

I don't wanna hurt you
but it's impossible.

I can't live without you.

I can't live without you!

I don't wanna hurt you
but it's impossible.

We can't stay here, let's go...

Why?

Stay, stay, stay, ok?

It isn't death now,
my death that scares me...

Other peoples' deaths make me cry.

I'm thirsty.

You want water?
There isn't any.

Give me tap water.

Found books, your absent look.

A form like fire changes its form.

Flames with terror, church
candles blending in with bronze.

I painfully caress the words
that you wrote to me.

On a wall you had read
"Error" with "terror."

At that moment a sort of rage seized
your beautiful face, dark and calm..

in the frame: with terror...

With pain...

I caress the words
that you wrote.

On a wall you read "Error," "Terror,"
"Pain," "Image and sound"...

"Sound and image"...

A form of rage threatens them...

Your beautiful face, calm and dark
behind the windowpanes...

In the cellars...

- Stop this.
- No!

Stop this! Stop!

Stay!

Stay!

At the end of the scene
his pain is immense.

He passes through the rows
of seats in the room where

the producers and actors he
was working with are sitting.

He just got a proposal
to stage Snow White

by Charles Perrault
at the Comédie Française.

"Say yes" says the script girl.

The program manager follows
on his heels in the passage.

"Give me a few hours" he says,
and then: "What will it be?

Snow White or Cinderella?"

From Perrault he thought of her,
an image of Mary in white

coming from the background into
the middle of the company.

Yes but how to assign
the roles in a play

as fair as possible with a
pre-established company.

First it seems impossible... Snow White,
but it won't bring Christa back.

He uses his love for her
to feed the public...

but he won't live with
her again for all that.

That tarnishes the image of Art.
He feels like saying no.

Something incites him to accept, but
tears flow, he cries. It'll be useless.

Meant for each other, now they're apart
forever, the rest has no importance.

And he will finally say no to the
great art which is before him

because he'd have been left without
love too and it didn't matter anymore.

Come on, let's have a coffee.

- No.
- Come on.

I'm ok.

I'm ok, I'm ok...

- You're gonna fall.
- I can still walk alone.

Won't you tie your shoelace?

Well?

Well...

Positive! Positive.

Positive means...
Is it when you're expecting?

Yes.

I'm keeping him.

- We keep him?
- Yes.

I'm keeping him.

How much?

How much?

About two hundred? Well-paid.

Rolling!

Where did I put my keys?

Shot 14, Take 1!

Shall we go?

- To my place?
- To your place.

I ceased to be puritanical and I found
myself on a road fresh as flowers

and frost which settles onto books
and onto the love to come.

Uh! I'm totally...

I've been waiting for you...

at the restaurant

and you didn't come.

I thought you'd come.

I had sat near the window
and you didn't come.

If I'd known...

Come on, Marie.

What's the matter?

I think we'll go now.

Wait!

Don't move, I'll call a taxi.

No, we'll go by metro.

Hmm... yes.

- Are you coming?
- Yes.

- Hey, look!
- looks like a fortified castle.

Five o'clock in the morning.

I'm in a concrete basement
with neon lights.

On the table in front of me lies a
blood-drenched monkey with a broken arm.

A child was just born,
a midwife washes him under a tap.

I take him in my arms,
I'm sitting near an earthenware sink.

The midwife leaves me
alone with the boy.

He comes to me as the huge void
he creates around him.

Some chance left him here without
any attractiveness for anyone.

I think, I'll go to bed.

His mother is still under anaesthesia.

I just touched the edge of the world.

I'm driving up to the maternity
with the child in a friend's car.

The car rounds the corner of the
Boulevard de l'Hôpital.

life begins here.

This plane trees alley,
those big administrative buildings,

that's the beginning of memory,
the beginning of a life.

As I'd filled the emptiness left by
Christa with the birth of a child,

I was hugging this child and was looking
at his eyes as he looked up to me.

I'm thinking about Picasso.

When I was a child, I always
had on my bed the...

picture where his son is
portrayed as Arlequin.

The painting is unfinished like
David's Bonaparte.

I dreamed about Picasso too
because of Godard's last film.

I was dreaming... Godard
mixed all the classic...

painting and Picasso together,
that's fantastic.

You don't wanna sleep?

But tell me, Philippe,
if Christa's going crazy,

it's not just about heroin, it's still
a matter of failures in life, right?

So, what troubles me
is that you... you...

you're calling me to play these
kinds of characters

who are so far from me, and you
know that perfectly well.

I mean...
so, what's the relation?

And there's still something
you didn't tell me...

She's a very mean woman,
Christa, she's racist!

She attacked a black woman in a café and
slashed her face with a razor blade!

Yes, that's true.

She did that one day
she was suffering from withdrawal.

Who told you that?
Someone who was in this café?

Maybe I shouldn't have
told you. It's.. it's...

Wait, I'll tell you. Downstairs at the
Chelsea Hotel, in the bar, Paul was there

who told her "Get out, get out,
the cops are coming, etc..."

and they run off and then Andy came and
paid for the black woman's surgery.

What?

Andy paid, Andy Warhol paid
the surgery for the black woman.

Yes, but what happened? She is...

My friend said that he
saw her in a café...

leap upon another woman,
black, not white, black and...

damage her face with shards or,
I don't know, with razor blades. Why?

- Because he was there in this café?
- Jacques?

So it's true?

I don't know. I was in this café
three or four years before...

speaking with some mate
downstairs at the Chelsea.

Well, after that,
it's Warhol who paid the surgery.

Then...
- Yes but what I'd like to know...

Christa has an obsessive fear
of black people, you see.

like me, as she's crazy...

She's the daughter, her father died in a
camp, her mother worked at the factory

that made grenades for Germany...
the two mixed up.

Her father left then he was
in the SS and deserted.

He disappeared, we suppose
that the SS who deserted...

were sent to camps too,
their deserters...

So he was killed or put in a camp. This
plus the story of her unrecognized son...

As a result, you see: deprivation, no
right to come into the studio,

as the other one would not recognize the
child. Father's deprivation, all that.

So, well, suddenly she took
a glass, broke it...

and stuck it into the young
black woman's face.

And how can one act that?

Here you cut! I'll make a close...

Wait, I'll tell you about
Chantal... Akerman.

But I wanted to tell you about Jean
Eustache. Because I think he's a genius.

I think that The Mother and the Whore
is The Rules of the Game of.. of

Jean... but Jean doesn't
really understand.

That's it, Christa!
We can shoot the film, you know!

Oh, Philippe, that's fantastic!
When do I begin?

Hmm, well, I can begin now
but... hmm...

I'll shoot it without you because I love
you and cinema destroys life, you know.

No, Philippe, why? For once you have
money and you film without me?

Why do I always play in shoestring films?

What are you...?
Who are you shooting this film with?

You'll use one of your silly
little worthless actresses, yes?

You know what you are, Philippe?
You're absolutely disloyal!

Do you know why I'm doing this?

To make a film for cinema.

I study medicine, and then I quit.
Bullshit!

Scene 41, first take!

Oh shit, the cops!

No, don't move, don't move!

What are you doing? Cut the crap!

Stop it, Gracq!

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Did I wake you?

- Wait, first I'm supposed to say...
- Oh yes, ok.

- The ministry of Art.
- Ministries.

The ministries of Art.

The directors in the fields...
in the field.

- Did I wake you, Chantal?
- Oh no, I didn't sleep a wink.

Ah, that's it. I found money
to shoot my film.

- How did you get it?
- I can't say.

Show me!

I made a heroin deal to...

Ah, that's why you looked
so worried last Friday!

Finally, I'll do my Faust, you know.
look what I have here!

Don't you have a line of coke?

Nothing's left but you
and my arms looking for you.

And my body
and my heart calling you.

Nothing's left but you,
your hands, your soft chest.

Your eyes,
your arms, your neck.

And my heart gets loose.

It's night time.
Another night without you.

The first time we met, you wore
these wooden shoes at the Olympik.

The second time, it was at the Entrepot,
the third time, once again in Rotterdam.

- I have no memories.
- Twice in Rotterdam.

In Rotterdam with the
beautiful red-haired girl.

- Was I with a woman that time?
- You were with your actress.

- Anne? The one who's in the film.
- Anne.

She's so beautiful and mild-mannered.

- Yes, I remember this very well.
- Yes, she's playing the stoned girl.

I'm shooting a film against
the use of heroin and...

the temptation of armed conflict
in the revolution.

Marie!

- What are you doing?
- We're making cinema, madame.

- Really?
- Yes.

We're making a film, like you see
every night on television.

- Nearby?
- No, no, here in the street!

I wanted you to meet Lou,
he'll play Gracq.

It's Marie.

I have to check
something on the camera.

- What do you do?
- Sorry?

- Do you do theater?
- Theater? Yes, I do, sometimes.

Well, yes. Well...

You just have to tell me
what it is then.

Weren't there conditions?

Don't want to see him anymore, do you?
You don't want to see him anymore.

No.

No, that's not the problem. It's not
that either. Not because of that either.

It's not like that anymore.

like that?

No, I think we don't have to see
each other much in real life...

because...

because we're in a too tight
spot with the baby...

and we have to leave
each other alone

and,

and...

that's all in fact.

Because otherwise

otherwise

no but, we'll figure out how to
see each other again but...

there's a long way
to get to that point.

It's almost the same
for everybody.

Revolution is the last fate of men.
Without conditions.

Hi there!

You don't want to talk
to me anymore?

I decided to leave you.

What?

He passes among the seats
where the producers sit,

the actors he was working with.
He almost faints.

He just got an offer to stage Snow White
by Perrault at the Comédie Française.

Say yes!

The program manager
follows him in the passage.

From Perrault, he thought of her.

An image of Marie in white...

coming out from behind the scene
into the middle of the company.

Yes, but Christa...

Snow White won't give him
back Christa.

Just a way to use his love.

To feed the public.

But...

he won't live through that again for her.

It tarnishes the image of Art,
he feels like saying no.

Something incites him to accept, but
tears flow, he cries; it will be no use.

Meant for each other and now they're
apart forever, the rest doesn't matter.

And he will finally say no to great Art
because it would leave him without love.

And it didn't matter anymore.

Philippe, can you come
for a minute?

Enough now! Cut.

Cut!

Yeah, these are love letters.

I won't send them.

As if I was keeping them for myself.
Now I have love letters for Marie.

I'll wander around with them.
Maybe I'll give them to her, who knows.

It was with Marie.

Yes, when I was with her,
before the separation.

I've always been someone who
thought of himself as a traveller, so...

it doesn't change anything.

Jealousy was holding me back
but that lead to indifference, because...

Why jealousy? Did she go away with some
guy or did she go away alone?

Even before there was another guy!

I liked to think that...

I had to get home, I couldn't stand it when
calling from outside the line was busy.

That was jealousy who was bringing
me home like a loyal dog.

That's it.

I had a friend, Frederic, who used to
say that women always betray first.

I'm telling you this because... well.
I know that women are equals,

but I had noticed that it was true.
- Did you learn that first hand?

Take it. If you want some later,
just ask me.

Hey friend! Are you now
helping the anarchists?

You'd like a thing like that?

No, I wouldn't know how to use it
and I could commit suicide.

I went to the lab to develop this film
and it didn't go well.

I wrote "long live anarchy!" above the
time clock and I tried to start a strike.

You know, where the workers
are waiting for jobs.

And four guys threw me
out of the lab onto the...

pavement and closed the gate behind me.

Did you ever read The Big Mess
by Daniel Cohn-Bendit?

I've read nothing by him.

He's a journalist now.

It's mostly the new use of the imaginary
in this country that's really disgusting.

Because, you're an instrument
to maintain the...

world as it is and after
a while you're part of it.

Well, you have your status,
you're protected this way and then...

Also the poverty, you saw.
That's something huge.

You saw how many guys
in Paris are starving.

Capisco lo che vuoi dire.

They're shooting up there.
Behind me cops are trying...

to avoid the fire coming
from one of the roofs.

It's an anarchist,
she found refuge up there.

Here's a police captain yelling
to another police captain

pining him against the wall:

"Go and see if you can
take her from behind."

I'm going up little wooden stairs,
they're full of cops.

"What the hell are you doing here?
Go with the journalists, you're crazy!"

There are actually two
journalists trying...

to make their way against the crowd.

"Damn job!" A cop. "What they
wouldn't do to have a paper!

You bastards,
they took us hostages!"

The cop... "Clear off,
clear off, clear off."

I'm taking advantage of
a break to climb the last steps

and rush into a little
attic in the sixth floor.

It's a little garret.

Marie's there,
all dressed in black.

Marie, her hair disheveled,
her clothes torn.

"Don't be afraid," I say when I come in.
"It's me, Marie!"

She's holding in her fist a little
black pistol that she's reloading.

"What proof is there?" she says.

What proof is there?

- Do we have enough to shoot?
- No, the film hasn't arrived.

Ah, the film's not here!

All the rest is ok.
Camera is here, material is here.

I think Pascal would like to
test the film at least once.

You have to call Paris,
Denis about the money.

Soon we'll have nothing left.
But I believe in you.

I believe in you because now there are
so many things that are detached.

You're kicking the habit,
you're leaving it behind.

Thank you for believing
in me because...

it was really terrible...

staying in that hospital...

How was it?

Were they a lot of doctors?

Did just one doctor
take care of you?

There were many doctors there...
there were some hard times.

But you know, I'm still seeing some
of them. Every week I see one.

And I'm still taking some medicine.

I'd like you to give me some
money too.

That's another thing that is
detaching, from me.

I found that so nice that
you agree to shoot the film...

what was the title?
Cinderella? Snow White?

Snow White.
I was thinking of you.

Snow White and me being on
detox treatment, that was very...

Do you want this one?
It's my last one.

Is it true that you had a child?

With this girl, Marie.
A little boy.

You know, if...

If there's one thing I deeply regret,
it's that we never did that.

Yes, I believe you kicked the habit...
it's a good coincidence because...

it's the same for me,
everything's detaching...

Both Marie and Snow White: I let
Snow White go and I'm detached from it.

I mean, everything's stopping.

I'm grateful to you because this time it's
over. There are things I won't do anymore.

- And that crap is finished.
- You'll work it out.

Yes.

How is it going? Do you have a
doctor or several doctors?

I have one doctor, I see him
once a week. We have discussions.

He still gives me some sedatives.

And if you can give me some money,
I would be glad it was coming from you.

Is that why you thought of me?

No, I wanted to thank you for...

No, you're right, I was becoming too
attached. Here, I'm freeing myself.

More.

These are tickets, there's no more.

I'm sure now...

I think that this is over.

I'll be leaving.

I'm not sure we'll see
each other again.

I'm glad that you had a child.

I wish I'd done that with you but at
least one of us did it. Boy or girl?

A little boy.

You want to leave?

- Do you want to make love first?
- No.

I don't want to do
that any more either.

But...

You're here, I'm thinking of you.

For years we didn't do
what we should have done.

We could live together now, finally.
Now that it's impossible.

What if I come back?

You'll still be with Marie?

No, with Marie it's over.

No, I don't believe you.
Marie is very good for you.

No, it lasted a few months,
she gave me some of her twenty years.

And she left, probably with
some guy who's got dough.

It suits you well!

You see, I was right to buy it.
I'm glad I bought you a coat.

I'm beginning to warm up.

This feels good.

You know...

I think, you've done the hardest.
Now it's gonna be fine.

Thank you.

Here there's a taxi
every thirty minutes.

Better like that.
When do you have to be at the station?

My train is leaving in thirty minutes.
It would be great not to miss it.

I wanted you to hang out
a little more.

Thank you anyway.

It's better like this... live like this.
We'll now visit each other, that's good.

There's no taxi at this station.

We have to find another one.

There!

- No.
- No, it's occupied.

There will be one,
let's wait five minutes more.

We have time.

Will I see your child some day?

So, yes, this day...
No, that day...

let's say...

this day...

forced to admit that
if I'd found Marie instead of Christa

and if I had suspected her of the
least relation with some scriptwriter,

I would have tried to hug
this mystery on my...

chest with the same heart
that was hugging Christa.

Marie...

Marie...

Marie...
and our child...

What was I saying?

This alley of plane trees,
those big administrative buildings,

that's the beginning of memory,
the beginning of a life.

And after that...
When I saw our child again...

After that, I carefully counted your
fingers to see if none were missing.

NATIVITY

She came just like that, Marie,
we met just like that.

It was maybe 3 o'clock
in the morning and behind...

us the front door of
the apartment is closing...

and we're getting into her car.

Me and you Marie, yes...

And she drives me to her place
just as someone is brought home.

Incredibile, meraviglioso...

Incredibile, meraviglioso...

Incredible! Marvelous!

Marvelous,
marvelous, marvelous!

I can't remember, incredible is a he
and marvelous a she or...

marvelous is a he and incredible
is a she! Incredible, marvelous!

Incredible, marvelous!
Marvelous, marvelous!

Oh, look, an incredible guy!

Or maybe a marvelous guy?

Incredible, marvelous!
Marvelous, marvelous, marvelous!

love...

She Spent So Many Hours under
the Sun Lamps, take one.

Shouldn't we have
broken up in scene 81?

Oh, that's marvelous.

It's like scene 24 we were
on a beach at low tide...

and it was too cold,
we went into a café.

Why didn't we shoot that?

We were three with the child.
That was marvelous.

Incredible.

So many hours
without seeing you...

wonderful!

Incredible.

I mean...

Didn't you leave me?

Oh, yes!

You know, I had written
to myself for our child:

- "Don't ever spank him."
- Really?

Why?

I thought it was marvelous.

Really? Incredible.

She spent so many hours under
the sun lamps... Excuse me.

My coat...

What do you feel?
Is that better?

From the better to the best?
Incredible!

- Marvelous.
- Marvelous.

Incredible!

Incredible!

Did he say we should move?

Marvelous.

- Wait...
- What?

- Incredible.
- What?

- It's marvelous!
- What is marvelous?

All, all, incredible...

What do you mean by marvelous?
What is marvelous?

Incredible! Incredible!

- What is incredible?
- Everything's marvelous!

Wait...

Marvelous.

Incredible!

Oh, yes, yes, yes!

I found myself on a perfectly
ridiculous beach.

I had adopted... the clothes of French
people on holiday. Trouville.

And I was saying to myself...

- Incredible!?
- Marvelous!

look, I thought of you.

It's... wait!

A little pillow.

Don't you have anything for me?
I don't want to force you.

- A little pillow?
- Yes, to exchange gifts.

Do what you like!

The beautiful Incredible!
Is "incredible" a he or a she?

- Incredible is a he.
- A "he"! Then marvelous is a "she."

OK let's go...

What?

The other one? What?

Okay...

So, we'll shoot:
the bedroom overlooking the sea.

And she's knitting some clothes
for her child, okay?

What? But Philippe, you know,
there's the next thing where I say

"I have a surprise for you."
And you would reply:

"Marie has a child."
I'd rather recite you an erotic dream.

It was like this:

Valentina, Marie, Christa gave me
four months of their twenty years.

And they came back to a big rich
who lived in the Plaza.

All day long,
they were watching TV.

I liked to take them by
surprise, on the sly.

They never heard me coming.

I liked to take them by surprise
from behind and kiss their little asshole.

It was in a little hotel
room at the Chelsea.

We never let anybody in.

I think they didn't give
a damn about my rags.

let's go somewhere else.
There are bad vibrations here.

Ah you think there are unpleasant
vibrations here?

There are spectators
who are watching.

Have they been watching for a long time,
the ones sitting there?

Because "She spent so many hours under
the sun lamps," well, she died from it!

Well! A Polichinelle in the drawer!

I loved your shadow so much...

to be a shadow among shadows... free...

a shadow among...

I was just passing by.
I didn't see you.

Oh no, I mean yes. Really?

He's training.

I've dreamed so much of you

Walked so much / Talked so much
made love to your shadow

So much that there's nothing
left of you

What is left / Of me is a shadow
Among shadows

A shadow that will come / To rest
In your life in which the sun / Is so much.

Desnos.

I understood that he was just waiting.
For the sound of the camera...

We can do it again.
I'm sure they're still shooting.

Sound taping in the Memorial.

Camera.

"I've dreamed so much of you
Walked so much

Talked so much made love
to your shadow

So much that there's
nothing left of you.

What is left
Of me is a shadow

A shadow that will come to rest
In your life in which the sun is so much."

Desnos.

For the price of a car, imagine!

I personally dream of
being in a car with my son and...

and...

my wife and a camera in
the back seat, you see,

driving aimlessly to make some shots in
the woods like you do with your daughter.

like when you say, for example,

I wanted to shoot my son
a while ago. I sat him up on a...

on a chest.

But his mother said:
"No, I don't want you to shoot him."

Well, what do you think:

Maybe let's say when he
goes to nursery school,

I might be able to take
some liberties with the mom's...

It's strange how you always
relate this to the mother.

Some kind of person between
your kid and yourself

who allows you or doesn't
allow you to shoot him.

Some kind of...

It's weird that the mother is here to...
that the permission goes through her.

I don't think it's bad,
I just find that a little weird.

Ah you mean that even
without... without...

Why... why would you go
and ask her "Can I make..

this shot of my... of our
child upon the chest"?

Well, I ask her because I think
that in France, you see,

children are always entrusted to moms.
Still, their education...

I think, if a mother instinctively...

Yes, but when you're shooting your
child, it's your own education again.

You don't need any go-between for this.

You, for example, the first shots
you took of your daughter.

How did you go about it, tactically?

I don't remember. It was...
well it was "The Crying Woman."

But what was the first shot inside
"The Crying Woman"... I don't remember.

Well, the tactic was
to chase people away.

There was a hidden camera
which was not as noisy as this one.

There was a microphone here
and I was supposing

that it would be less disturbing
for her this way.

We had chased away the invaders
and I found myself with her again.

So the idea was, I guess, that once the
invaders were away and we were together,

I thought that it could only delight
her and scare her a little less.

- You mean the technical crew?
- Yes, then...

I think she was able to,
but she also knew...

she was three years old and she knew
we were shooting, I guess.

It only concerned us, nobody else,
no one was watching us.

The others, the crew weren't.

So that's why it was a little
easier for her this way.

I wonder if in this moment
of our anxiety,

I mean hers and mine,

I wonder if it wasn't a little easier
to talk, to hug each other,

because there was still this huge
effort from her and from me

while the camera was shooting
and she knew it was...

And I think she accepted that very well.

And we were actually meeting
together again. So it wasn't bad.

So I'll do it too.

I'll shoot my son because, you see,
he is now the love of my life.

You see, like I loved a woman before.

And here then, for example... wait, I
was saying something to myself, wait...

I had it written down
on a napkin...

"I wanted to talk to you about the
children's education but I fell in love.

You know, the actress that
was acting Marie in this film..."

You see, that's outrageous...

You're skipping some parts.

"Can't you tell her that I love her?"

Hey, Jacques, don't you
want to take Anne now?

It's a little girl from the people,
like that, a doll, look.

Well answer, Jacques, do you want
to shoot with her, yes or no?

Well if you don't, I'll keep her,
you know, on the set.

Are you coming, Jacques?
We're going.

I'm the little knight.

Upon my eyes the sky.

I can't fear myself.

I'm the little knight.

Under my feet the earth.

I'll come to visit you.
I'll come to visit you.

Where's Marie now? Wasn't she
supposed to be here for the last scene?

Yes, he thinks: "Marie's dead, yes,
she jumped out of the window."

And I want Michel Rocard
to be elected in 1988.

He's now the minister of Agriculture.
Today is the 22nd of November 1984.

So, as P.G. had it written at the
bottom of a page he didn't turn:

"I don't think about suicide anymore,
life's long, you know, I have to leave,"

I have to leave.

Marie is gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

I kept the child with me,
you know. I'm keeping him.

Since she is still
with me in my dreams...

I don't know what to do
or say for the child.

Because I dream a lot of Marie.

He's in the next room.
He came back from school not long ago.

He's sleeping now.

Subtitles: Ted Fendt, Pip Chodorov