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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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♪ Hey, good morning, baby ♪
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♪ You need some java, baby? ♪
3
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♪ We got to wake up, baby ♪
4
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♪ Last night was really crazy ♪
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♪ I think I liked it, baby ♪
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♪ Damn, you smooth, baby ♪
7
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♪ Looking like you moisturize, baby ♪
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♪ Tell me where to buy it, baby ♪
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♪ I'm dry, I need the product, baby ♪
10
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♪ Got my hand on navel ♪
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♪ Then she slid her panties to the ankle ♪
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♪ Made me back up and look at the bussy ♪
13
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♪ Bussy glistening like a heavyweight ♪
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♪ You want to fuck me, baby? ♪
15
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♪ Haven't showered in a minute, girl ♪
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♪ But if you with it,
then I'm with it, baby ♪
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♪ I will shower you with every curl ♪
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♪ Are you freaky, baby? ♪
19
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♪ Spooning me like I was soup ♪
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♪ Want me to be dirty like a goose? ♪
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♪ Ooh, but what do you like, baby? ♪
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♪ Do you want me to choke you, baby? ♪
23
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♪ She said, "That's okay, baby" ♪
24
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♪ "That's okay" as in you want that? ♪
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♪ Or "That's okay"
as in "No, thanks, baby"? ♪
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♪ She look at me crazy ♪
27
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♪ I said, I don't mean
to complicate it, no, no ♪
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♪ Let me grab a condom, baby ♪
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♪ I put it on, then she, then she ♪
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♪ Throws it back, give me the ass, pop it ♪
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♪ Tickle the breast,
nibble the crack, stop it ♪
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♪ General Custer,
with the tactics, I'm a demon ♪
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♪ I could feel the semen
creeping 'round the penis ♪
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♪ Being a man in there ♪
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♪ We need a ambulance,
pussy getting killed ♪
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♪ She orgasming, body spasming ♪
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♪ Then I finally finish,
can you feel it, baby? ♪
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♪ Sliding off, where's the condom? ♪
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♪ Whoa! Well, it's not on my penis, baby ♪
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♪ It's so confusing, baby ♪
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♪ Uh, did I-did I just fuck you raw, baby? ♪
42
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♪ Uh, I'm looking round
and I don't see it, baby ♪
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♪ I move the blanket, move the covers ♪
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♪ Where's the rubber, baby? ♪
45
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♪ Now she's digging like
a caveman in her bussy for it ♪
46
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♪ Even if you find it in there,
what's the difference, baby? ♪
47
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♪ Semen probably already leaking
in there, swimming in you ♪
48
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♪ She says she still don't want no condoms ♪
49
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♪ Sitting in her insides ♪
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♪ I said I understand ♪
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♪ But there are bigger fish to fry ♪
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♪ She said, "You blaming me" ♪
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♪ "But you're the one who put it on" ♪
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♪ I am not blaming you, and I
don't think I put it on wrong ♪
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♪ I put it on my pinky first
to see which way it go ♪
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♪ Because I'm well aware that
condoms aren't reversible ♪
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♪ She screamed, "I found it, baby!" ♪
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♪ She pulled it out her bussy ♪
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♪ But I can't celebrate it ♪
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♪ 'Cause we got bigger fishy ♪
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♪ Girl, I ejaculated ♪
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♪ And I don't see it in there ♪
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♪ She said it's fine ♪
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♪ She'll just take the morning-after pill ♪
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♪ Oh, oh ♪
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♪ Thank God for the tech now ♪
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♪ We should probably go and get it now ♪
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♪ This is life when you're young and wild. ♪
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Don't worry, it'll be fine.
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Okay. Let's lie down after all that.
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Ah. Take the load off.
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Get in here.
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Oh.
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- Wow.
- Okay.
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I fucked Lil Dicky.
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Sync and corrections by solfieri
www.MY-SUBS.com
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I promise you, bro. You cannot get a STD
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going in the pussy raw for only ten seconds.
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Who says it was ten seconds?
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It could've been ten, it could've been 48.
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I have no idea.
I fucked the condom off my dick
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trying to give her this, like,
rock star style sex
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that I assume she wants out of me.
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You are a rock star. This your first tour.
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You're supposed to go hard.
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That's the whole issue, in my opinion.
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I feel like all of these girls
just want to fuck Lil Dicky.
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Is it really a crime
to want someone who wants
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to fall in love with...
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- the real Dave?
- Bro, you got to think about her needs.
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She got her nails done, she got her outfit.
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She told all her friends.
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It's gonna be the highlight of her year.
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You got to beat the pussy up, bro.
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But I don't even... I don't fuck like this.
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That's not how I fuck, Gata, okay?
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I-I do this. It's more... It's rhythmic.
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Man, that shit look complicated, man.
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Complicated? It's so simple.
It's missionary.
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Hi.
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You're just gonna bust those open, bruh?
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- You ain't gonna pay for them first?
- I'm gonna pay for 'em.
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Just chill out.
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Y'all find everything okay?
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Yeah. Oh.
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I'm sorry.
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You guys have condoms here?
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It's the same condoms everywhere.
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Why don't they make, like,
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smaller condoms for the smaller dicks?
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Like, they make Magnums
for, like, big-dicked men.
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I feel like the condom
would stay on the dick easier
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if it was smaller sometimes.
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If you're that concerned about STDs,
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why don't you just use the Scroguard, bro,
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that Mike got you...
That plastic diaper shit?
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Uh, that's private business.
Don't talk about it.
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I don't know what he's talking
about, but he's not dangerous.
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- You crazy, man.
- They know I'm joking.
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Man, they got the
Confederate flag in there, bro.
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It's the Texas flag.
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Looked pretty Confederate
to me, man. Hey, Cliff.
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I got the goods.
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- Ooh.
- Pistachios, but I can't...
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- For you.
- Merci.
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- They break my teeth, man.
- For you. - Thank you.
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- You want to smoke this?
- All right, man. It's hot.
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Uh, I'll take a hit, I guess.
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You just wet m y fucking
blunt. You're fucking nasty.
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I'm gonna get some color.
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Racist.
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No disrespect.
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Trying to burn off the bacteria?
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I'm just not built for this.
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I can't be, like, the rapper who goes around
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and fucks every night. That's not my thing.
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But I'm trying to rewire my brain
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so I can actually have fun for once.
139
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You've been stressed.
You've been working so hard.
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I know. And tour is just
the one time in life
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- where there's no album to hand in.
- Yup.
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There's no songs to make. I can just be free
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- and live life to the F.
- Yup.
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It's exactly like the time
I was up in the air. It was one
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- of those moments...
- This has nothing to do with skydiving.
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This has everything
to do with skydiving, David.
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- Nothing to do...
- No, when you're
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hurtling toward the earth
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at 120 miles an hour,
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you're reaching max veloce, it's incredible.
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And the chute doesn't open,
you start to freak out,
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but that's when you learn. You learn, David.
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When the instructor kisses you -Mm.
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On the small of your neck,
and he says, "I'm sorry!,"
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that's when you learn to let go.
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I desperately crave
a genuine romantic connection.
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Like, I need to fall in love.
That's just who I am.
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Well, maybe you shouldn't
hook up with your fans anymore.
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Okay. Maybe you shouldn't...
We don't need this
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- for the documentary, okay?
- Yeah, we do.
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Don't tell me what to do
with my documentary.
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Uh, I don't want this footage, Emma.
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You don't know what you're gonna use.
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Get different stuff.
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- I can't listen to this another time.
- It's exhilarating.
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But what I'm saying is when
you're plummeting towards
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-the earth at terminal velocity,
-EMMA: God, I get it.
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The earth feels like
it's gonna swallow you whole.
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It's so scary, dude, but you live.
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I love this story. He's still
telling the story, huh?
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- Yeah.
- Hey, LD, what's them islands
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we going to on this tour?
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Uh, I don't know the specifics, but...
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We going to the Specifics, y'all.
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- Specifics.
- Huh. Um...
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- Are you performing tonight?
- Oh, no.
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Tonight's all about
my sweet baby G right here.
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- Gata's night, baby.
- Big dog's night. - Hey, Lubbock, Texas
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- ain't ready for a nigga like me.
- They're not.
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They never were. They never
were a day. They never will be.
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- That's what I do.
- Uh, that's what you've been doing.
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- Big G!
- Gata.
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Aw, LD, do one song with me, bro.
184
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No, thank you.
185
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It's my one night off. Come on. I-I'm trying
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to blend into the background,
be a normal guy.
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It's hard to meet your wife
when you're onstage
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- being the star.
- Well, some people say
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- that's the easiest way to meet your wife.
- Aw.
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You're with him every day?
How do you resist him?
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- Are you serious?
- Look,
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I just want to know if everyone's all in
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to have the best night
they can possibly have.
194
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'Cause I need that type of comradery...
195
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♪ Too many women, I got too many women ♪
196
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♪ Man, my biggest problem,
I got too many women ♪
197
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♪ Damn, my head's spinning,
I got too many women ♪
198
00:08:16,737 --> 00:08:18,773
♪ Am I living in sin
and I see too many women ♪
199
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♪ I'm married to the money,
but I'm in love with my women ♪
200
00:08:22,247 --> 00:08:25,052
♪ Dark-skinned, light-skinned,
Puerto Rican, Asian ♪
201
00:08:25,053 --> 00:08:27,591
♪ Sorry, Mama, but your son is crazy ♪
202
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♪ I'm-a get it together if they pay me. ♪
203
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Yeah.
204
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Yeah!
205
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Dicky! Dicky!
206
00:08:36,743 --> 00:08:40,750
- Dicky! Dicky! Dicky! Dicky!
- Oh, no, no, no. Gata.
207
00:08:40,751 --> 00:08:43,890
- Dicky! Dicky! Dicky! Dicky!
- Gata. Gata.
208
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:45,927
- Dicky. Dicky.
- Thanks.
209
00:08:45,928 --> 00:08:47,731
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
210
00:08:47,732 --> 00:08:49,768
I appreciate the love y'all got
for my boy Dicky, man.
211
00:08:49,769 --> 00:08:52,273
I've been trying to get him
out here on this stage tonight,
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00:08:52,274 --> 00:08:54,611
but he on some Carmen San die go type shit.
213
00:08:54,612 --> 00:08:56,882
Let's see if we can get him
on stage right now!
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LD! LD! LD!
215
00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:03,796
LD! LD!
216
00:09:03,797 --> 00:09:07,904
LD! LD! LD! LD!
217
00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:17,758
♪ I'm drunk, I'm drunk ♪
218
00:09:17,759 --> 00:09:22,032
♪ I'm really, really drunk ♪
219
00:09:22,033 --> 00:09:24,337
♪ I'm drunk ♪
220
00:09:24,338 --> 00:09:27,376
♪ I'm really, really wasted ♪
221
00:09:27,377 --> 00:09:30,215
♪ Man, I'm so fucked-up ♪
222
00:09:30,216 --> 00:09:32,722
♪ I might suck a man's dick,
no, I'm playing, ha-ha. ♪
223
00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:45,345
What's your deal right now?
Why are you so lethargic?
224
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:50,389
You just got sucked.
225
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,994
Sloppy toppy, bro.
226
00:09:52,995 --> 00:09:54,631
Who sucked you?
227
00:09:54,632 --> 00:09:56,334
- I had to, man. You...
- Where?
228
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,643
What does this... Whatever, I don't care.
229
00:10:00,644 --> 00:10:02,647
Let's have fun tonight. Do you want a drink?
230
00:10:02,648 --> 00:10:05,954
Honestly, bro, I'm exhausted as fuck, bro.
231
00:10:05,955 --> 00:10:07,824
- I'm about to go lay down, dawg.
- You're leaving?
232
00:10:07,825 --> 00:10:09,828
- Yeah, man. Yeah.
- What about my night off?
233
00:10:09,829 --> 00:10:11,932
What about the plan
that-that you committed to?
234
00:10:11,933 --> 00:10:13,870
- Man, I'm going, gone.
- Gata.
235
00:10:13,871 --> 00:10:15,874
- You never honor the plan, man.
- Hey, text me
236
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:17,076
when you get to the hotel.
237
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:25,860
- Hi.
- Hi.
238
00:10:25,861 --> 00:10:27,664
- Is this a good time?
- Yeah.
239
00:10:27,665 --> 00:10:30,035
Great, 'cause I made something for you.
240
00:10:30,036 --> 00:10:31,939
- Oh, okay.
- Um...
241
00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:33,743
Oh, my God.
242
00:10:33,744 --> 00:10:35,078
It's you.
243
00:10:35,079 --> 00:10:36,849
- Oh, that's me?
- Yeah.
244
00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:38,853
Oh, wow. It's so heavy.
245
00:10:38,854 --> 00:10:40,690
It's concrete, that's why.
246
00:10:40,691 --> 00:10:42,092
It's, like, sharp, too.
247
00:10:42,093 --> 00:10:43,696
- I'm kind of nervous.
- Don't be nervous.
248
00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:45,032
This is great. You're doing great.
249
00:10:45,033 --> 00:10:47,169
- Hey. Oh.
- Oh.
250
00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:50,008
I appreciate this so much, okay?
251
00:10:50,009 --> 00:10:51,745
I'm such a big fan of yours.
252
00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,481
- Thank you.
- Um, I love Penith so much,
253
00:10:53,482 --> 00:10:55,285
and I'm really trying to break
into the industry, so...
254
00:10:55,286 --> 00:10:57,089
- Yeah.
- Ah, here I am.
255
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,060
Well, let me tell you firsthand,
256
00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:02,032
things are surprisingly possible
in life, okay? Go for it.
257
00:11:02,033 --> 00:11:03,703
Wow.
258
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,038
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
259
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,909
- Sure.
- Lil Dicky, I love you.
260
00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:08,647
I love you, too, okay? Be safe.
261
00:11:19,468 --> 00:11:21,973
- I never knew that.
- Yeah. All right.
262
00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:29,187
Fuck. Oh, shit.
263
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,865
You doing all right?
264
00:11:34,866 --> 00:11:36,167
What?
265
00:11:36,168 --> 00:11:39,308
Are you doing all right?
266
00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:43,181
Oh. Yeah.
267
00:11:43,182 --> 00:11:47,223
Just a little statutory,
uh, issue I'm taking care of.
268
00:11:47,224 --> 00:11:49,928
Yeah, I'm just cleaning up
somebody else's mess.
269
00:11:49,929 --> 00:11:51,297
- Hi.
- Hi.
270
00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:53,034
- How you doing?
- I'm good. I'm sor...
271
00:11:53,035 --> 00:11:54,905
I don't-I don't know you.
272
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,775
Well, how could you? We're just now meeting.
273
00:11:56,776 --> 00:11:58,512
No, I know, but I know you're,
like, a singer or something,
274
00:11:58,513 --> 00:12:00,249
- just here with my friends, but I just...
- Oh.
275
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:01,853
I've never heard of you.
276
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,558
Honestly, I prefer that.
277
00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:06,194
Like, great. It's good
278
00:12:06,195 --> 00:12:08,183
that you have a clean slate
on my personality.
279
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:09,235
Oh.
280
00:12:09,237 --> 00:12:10,803
Yeah, I'm a-I'm a rapper,
actually, not a singer.
281
00:12:10,804 --> 00:12:13,241
I do sing, song-write, all that.
282
00:12:13,242 --> 00:12:15,914
Oh, you did that song about being drunk.
283
00:12:15,915 --> 00:12:17,349
What was... what was it called?
284
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:19,287
- It was...
- "I'm Drunk."
285
00:12:19,288 --> 00:12:21,324
Oh, yeah, well, I'm on my way.
286
00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:23,261
You... pig.
287
00:12:24,565 --> 00:12:27,537
I don't know. So, what's your deal...
288
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,373
You just go to live music venues
289
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:32,112
without even knowing who
the person is and you have fun?
290
00:12:32,113 --> 00:12:35,252
Wednesdays are like my Fridays.
I'm a nurse, so...
291
00:12:35,253 --> 00:12:37,256
- Ah. A nurse?
- Yeah. Had to
292
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,293
come blow off some steam, you know?
293
00:12:39,294 --> 00:12:40,997
I appreciate everything you do, uh,
294
00:12:40,998 --> 00:12:43,536
behind the scenes for all the sick.
295
00:12:43,537 --> 00:12:45,907
- Thank-thank you.
- Yeah. But okay,
296
00:12:45,908 --> 00:12:48,078
I can't go any further
without knowing your name,
297
00:12:48,079 --> 00:12:49,815
- so...
- Oh, it's Campbell.
298
00:12:49,816 --> 00:12:51,150
Campbell?
299
00:12:51,151 --> 00:12:52,252
Yeah, like the soup.
300
00:12:52,253 --> 00:12:54,090
That's a perfect name.
301
00:12:54,091 --> 00:12:55,593
- Thanks?
- Campbell,
302
00:12:55,594 --> 00:12:57,897
can I ask you a relatively
hard-hitting question?
303
00:12:57,898 --> 00:12:59,166
Yeah.
304
00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:00,503
What's your availability
305
00:13:00,504 --> 00:13:02,406
as far as being hit on right now?
306
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,978
Uh...
307
00:13:04,979 --> 00:13:07,116
Like, would you say you're
open-minded, or not at all?
308
00:13:07,117 --> 00:13:09,120
Uh...
309
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:12,393
Yeah, I think I, uh... I'm...
310
00:13:12,394 --> 00:13:14,532
I'm definitely open to it.
311
00:13:15,534 --> 00:13:17,871
This is fun.
312
00:13:17,872 --> 00:13:20,208
People are actually crazy.
313
00:13:20,209 --> 00:13:22,346
They were literally
pouring tequila in their eyes.
314
00:13:22,347 --> 00:13:26,555
Like, why? I wish I had, like,
40 cameras. I keep missing shit.
315
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,859
Just ask them to redo it.
316
00:13:28,860 --> 00:13:31,230
I can't do that for my doc. It's not real.
317
00:13:31,231 --> 00:13:34,971
Real? None of this is real,
Emma. Are you crazy?
318
00:13:34,972 --> 00:13:36,975
- What...
- We're on tour right now. Tour's not real.
319
00:13:36,976 --> 00:13:39,514
When we come to town, it's like
their version of the Super Bowl.
320
00:13:39,515 --> 00:13:42,286
Okay, Mr. Big Shot Who's Been On Tour.
321
00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:44,090
Do you not understand
that white people act out
322
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,359
when they see a camera?
323
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,099
- What?
- Trust me. Come on.
324
00:13:49,502 --> 00:13:52,006
- Wait...
- White boy summer!
325
00:13:52,007 --> 00:13:54,377
- White boy summer!
- White boy summer!
326
00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:58,451
Then I'm gonna continue
to smoke this joint, then.
327
00:13:58,452 --> 00:14:00,255
- All right.
- Oh, hi, man.
328
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,192
LD!
329
00:14:02,193 --> 00:14:03,963
Thank you.
330
00:14:03,964 --> 00:14:05,432
Does that get annoying?
331
00:14:05,433 --> 00:14:07,670
It's just praise. It's...
All it is is praise.
332
00:14:07,671 --> 00:14:10,510
- Okay.
- But it's the life I chose.
333
00:14:10,511 --> 00:14:12,479
- Yeah.
- I always wanted to be ubiquitous.
334
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:17,356
Well, uh... good luck,
and you have a new fan,
335
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,293
and I really hope that you make it.
336
00:14:19,294 --> 00:14:21,364
Get this out of here.
337
00:14:21,365 --> 00:14:22,667
You're saying goodbye?
338
00:14:22,668 --> 00:14:24,270
- Well...
- You're not about to leave.
339
00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:26,307
- Uh...
- You can't be. You're not gonna
340
00:14:26,308 --> 00:14:27,911
let something like this totally evaporate.
341
00:14:27,912 --> 00:14:29,648
No. No, no, no. I'm engaged.
342
00:14:29,649 --> 00:14:31,417
- Oh, of course you are.
- No, no, no.
343
00:14:31,418 --> 00:14:33,188
No, no, no! No, no, like...
344
00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:36,360
Like, I'm engaged in the conversation.
345
00:14:36,361 --> 00:14:37,648
- Oh.
- Yeah.
346
00:14:37,650 --> 00:14:39,534
So, a bunch of us are gonna
go to my friend Connor's.
347
00:14:39,535 --> 00:14:41,137
He's having a little get-together.
348
00:14:41,138 --> 00:14:42,640
- Oh.
- You want to come?
349
00:14:42,641 --> 00:14:45,011
'Cause I like hanging out with you.
350
00:14:45,012 --> 00:14:47,349
I like hanging out with you so much.
351
00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:50,155
- All right.
- I do have a tour bus
352
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:51,959
parked half a block away. It's so charming.
353
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,933
Oh, no. I'm-I'm not, like, a
groupie. I'm just a regular girl.
354
00:14:55,934 --> 00:14:59,039
Of course you are. I respect that.
355
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,010
- We'll go to... Connor's?
- Yeah, Connor.
356
00:15:01,011 --> 00:15:02,346
Okay. I have to grab something off that bus.
357
00:15:02,347 --> 00:15:04,316
- Will you stay here?
- Yeah.
358
00:15:04,317 --> 00:15:05,987
Okay, because, in my opinion,
I feel as though
359
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,359
this is what life is all about...
Moments like this.
360
00:15:09,161 --> 00:15:11,532
We'll figure something out later, but yeah.
361
00:15:11,533 --> 00:15:13,468
- We'll figure it out. We'll work on it.
- Okay. All right.
362
00:15:13,469 --> 00:15:16,708
You're getting ready to have a blast,
363
00:15:16,709 --> 00:15:19,748
but you're not sure
about someone's sexual past.
364
00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:24,356
Part of the skin of
your genital area has a cover,
365
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,329
but most is still exposed to your lover.
366
00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:29,234
Not anymore.
367
00:15:30,671 --> 00:15:33,007
Now there's Scroguard.
368
00:15:33,008 --> 00:15:37,617
The powerful new product that
you can wear with any condom.
369
00:15:37,618 --> 00:15:40,288
The secret is the high-quality premium latex
370
00:15:40,289 --> 00:15:42,627
that is thick enough
to cover your genital area
371
00:15:42,629 --> 00:15:44,781
but thin enough to feel like a second skin.
372
00:15:44,783 --> 00:15:47,436
Just fasten any two buttons
373
00:15:47,437 --> 00:15:49,608
securely into place,
and when you're ready...
374
00:15:49,609 --> 00:15:52,881
Hey, Dave... Oh, shit! Oh!
375
00:15:52,882 --> 00:15:55,185
- Geez. Uh...
- No shitting on the bus!
376
00:15:55,186 --> 00:15:56,722
No, I'm not-I'm not shitting!
377
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,559
I'm just fixing my pants.
378
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,464
I changed my underwear 'cause I met a girl
379
00:16:01,465 --> 00:16:03,368
and I was talking to her, and I-I, like,
380
00:16:03,369 --> 00:16:05,405
soaked my first underwear with pre-cum.
381
00:16:05,406 --> 00:16:08,044
- Okay.
- I-I met a girl.
382
00:16:08,045 --> 00:16:10,415
Uh, congratulations, man. I'm happy for you.
383
00:16:10,416 --> 00:16:12,020
- Wish me luck.
- You deserve love, Dave.
384
00:16:17,531 --> 00:16:19,534
- ♪ Worry about tomorrow... ♪
- ♪ Don't drink and drive ♪
385
00:16:19,535 --> 00:16:21,404
♪ Give me that pizza, dawg,
give me that pizza ♪
386
00:16:21,405 --> 00:16:23,241
♪ You know, I gotta eat ya ♪
387
00:16:23,242 --> 00:16:25,111
♪ Uber says my driver's name is Gangi ♪
388
00:16:25,112 --> 00:16:27,216
♪ And he said he's hard of hearing ♪
389
00:16:27,217 --> 00:16:29,253
- ♪ Cool, I don't care... ♪
- CAMPBELL: Sorry.
390
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,424
- No, this is honestly my fault, uh...
- Anyway, anyway, okay.
391
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,243
It was like 3:00 a. m.,
and we're all, like...
392
00:16:33,245 --> 00:16:34,295
Yeah. Sure.
393
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:35,600
Drunk as piss, and
all of a sudden, we hear,
394
00:16:35,601 --> 00:16:37,604
like a "bang, bang, bang." Like,
Jurassic Park or something.
395
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,541
- It was like...
- Oh, my God. What was it... like, a rapist?
396
00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:41,477
No, no. It was actually my goat.
397
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:43,348
My goat got out of its pen.
It was, like, ramming its horns
398
00:16:43,349 --> 00:16:45,352
- against the glass. Ramming...
- Wait, hold it. You have a goat?
399
00:16:45,353 --> 00:16:46,755
- Like, you're a goat owner?
- Mm-hmm.
400
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,358
Yeah, I got a bunch of goats.
401
00:16:48,359 --> 00:16:50,763
You're, like, out of a fable.
402
00:16:50,764 --> 00:16:52,700
Hey, you're the fucking GOAT, LD. Come on.
403
00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:55,506
- Hey, y'all, shut the fuck up!
- Thank you, bro.
404
00:16:55,507 --> 00:16:57,376
Sorry. Don't even look at that.
405
00:16:57,377 --> 00:16:59,380
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- He's fine. Oh.
406
00:16:59,381 --> 00:17:01,150
Get in here.
407
00:17:01,151 --> 00:17:02,787
Wow, you just broke the touch barrier.
408
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,658
So nonchalantly,
409
00:17:04,659 --> 00:17:06,562
you're just gonna break it
like that, and not even... Wow.
410
00:17:06,563 --> 00:17:08,766
- I mean, someone had to.
- I'm totally on board with it, FYI.
411
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:11,471
- Um...
- Oh, my God.
412
00:17:14,277 --> 00:17:15,846
I have to pee.
413
00:17:15,847 --> 00:17:18,117
Yeah. I understand that.
414
00:17:18,118 --> 00:17:20,388
I've had to pee in the past, and
you never know when it's coming.
415
00:17:20,389 --> 00:17:22,560
- Thank you. All right.
- Yeah. I'm right there with you.
416
00:17:22,561 --> 00:17:24,129
- Get all the piss out.
- All right.
417
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,432
- I'll be right here. I'm great.
- Okay.
418
00:17:25,433 --> 00:17:26,668
I'm in heaven.
419
00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:36,487
What's up, man?
420
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:39,460
Hey. You guys hanging?
421
00:17:39,461 --> 00:17:40,730
- How you doing?
- Good.
422
00:17:40,731 --> 00:17:43,535
Hey, man, so...
423
00:17:45,841 --> 00:17:47,645
What?
424
00:17:49,414 --> 00:17:51,417
You like Ram?
425
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:54,290
R-Ram? Uh, do I like what?
426
00:17:54,291 --> 00:17:56,227
- Uh...
- What do you mean? Like the...
427
00:17:56,228 --> 00:17:58,499
- Like the processing power?
- It's...
428
00:17:58,500 --> 00:17:59,834
the L. A. Rams. Like, Los Angeles Rams.
429
00:17:59,835 --> 00:18:02,339
- Like, uh, football team.
- Oh, shit.
430
00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:04,476
Is he okay, or is he on,
like, Oxys or something?
431
00:18:04,477 --> 00:18:07,316
- No, no. I mean...
- Is this Appalachia that we're in?
432
00:18:07,317 --> 00:18:09,587
'Cause I know all about the
opioid crisis that you probably
433
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:10,856
have to deal with at every moment.
434
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,560
I've got molly, if you want some.
435
00:18:12,561 --> 00:18:15,700
Oh. No, thanks.
436
00:18:15,701 --> 00:18:18,639
It's, like, dark purple.
437
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,576
I'm okay.
438
00:18:20,577 --> 00:18:22,714
I don't even understand the
color spectrum of molly, but...
439
00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:25,853
- What's your name? We haven't met.
- Grace.
440
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:29,861
- You... Race?
- Hey, are you hiring, by the way, LD?
441
00:18:29,862 --> 00:18:31,206
No.
442
00:18:31,208 --> 00:18:33,502
Um, I majored in-in golf course management.
443
00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:35,539
- Uh-huh.
- Um, but there's a lot
444
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:37,677
- of crossover between the two.
- Yeah, I think
445
00:18:37,678 --> 00:18:39,881
you're better off on the greens
there, 'cause, like,
446
00:18:39,882 --> 00:18:43,287
- we're just so fully staffed.
- No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
447
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:44,658
Yeah.
448
00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:46,762
Um, normally,
449
00:18:46,763 --> 00:18:48,156
like, shit's like way
more popping, you know? Like...
450
00:18:48,157 --> 00:18:49,193
No.
451
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,494
It's pretty low-key,
'cause it's Wednesday night
452
00:18:50,495 --> 00:18:52,372
- and shit, and, like...
- All good. All G.
453
00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:53,909
But, yo, like, normally,
we're playing, like,
454
00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:56,648
Mancala or, like, Cards Against Humanity,
455
00:18:56,649 --> 00:18:58,552
- or, like, fucking...
- Sure.
456
00:18:58,553 --> 00:19:00,623
- If you came back, like, on a...
- Yeah.
457
00:19:00,624 --> 00:19:03,227
No, don't... No presh, man.
I'm, like, just happy to be...
458
00:19:03,228 --> 00:19:05,833
I'm honestly here 'cause of Campbell.
459
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:07,637
- Bro.
- Yeah.
460
00:19:07,638 --> 00:19:10,710
I heard her pussy's a straight-up V.
461
00:19:10,711 --> 00:19:14,784
I... Yeah, I believe you. Um...
462
00:19:14,785 --> 00:19:17,422
Hey, you know what? Fuck it.
Hey, Hey, Travis!
463
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,794
Hey, fire that shit up!
We're playing Hot Seat, bitch.
464
00:19:19,795 --> 00:19:21,531
What are we doing?
465
00:19:27,978 --> 00:19:29,547
It's a prank phone call-based game?
466
00:19:29,548 --> 00:19:30,549
- Mm-hmm. Shh.
- How often do you play it?
467
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:31,818
All right. All right.
468
00:19:36,529 --> 00:19:37,797
- Hello?
- Hey.
469
00:19:37,798 --> 00:19:40,603
I'm... I'm with your brother.
470
00:19:40,604 --> 00:19:43,609
Wait, Tim's with you? He okay?
471
00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:45,980
- He's OD'ing.
- Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
472
00:19:45,981 --> 00:19:47,817
Did you call 911?
473
00:19:47,818 --> 00:19:50,455
Yeah, but they can't...
474
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:53,562
- Come on.
- Revive... Aah!
475
00:19:53,563 --> 00:19:55,432
It's the hot seat! Fuck!
476
00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:56,735
Okay, I'm gonna get another drink.
477
00:19:56,736 --> 00:19:58,672
Where you going?
478
00:19:58,673 --> 00:20:00,743
- I'm getting another drink.
- Hurry back. - Hey, LD.
479
00:20:00,744 --> 00:20:02,880
Wait. You probably got all sorts
480
00:20:02,881 --> 00:20:04,349
of celebs and shit in your phone.
481
00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:06,020
Wait. I...
482
00:20:06,021 --> 00:20:07,022
Come on.
483
00:20:07,023 --> 00:20:09,694
Alfonso Ribeiro?
484
00:20:09,695 --> 00:20:11,498
That a pasta?
485
00:20:11,499 --> 00:20:13,702
Carlton? That doesn't mean
anything when I say it? Carlton?
486
00:20:13,703 --> 00:20:15,706
All right, all right, all right.
LD, come on. It's your turn.
487
00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:17,710
- Oh, no. I'm...
- Come on. Get on that hot seat,
488
00:20:17,711 --> 00:20:18,712
- for old times' sake.
- You...
489
00:20:18,713 --> 00:20:20,014
Let me watch how you...
490
00:20:20,015 --> 00:20:21,383
- Fuck you.
- What are you doing?
491
00:20:21,384 --> 00:20:22,887
- Wow. What?
- Okay.
492
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,726
So you're really not
gonna kiss me right now?
493
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:29,834
Why-why would you think that?
It's crazy of you.
494
00:20:29,835 --> 00:20:31,303
Campbell, would you come out here?
495
00:20:31,304 --> 00:20:33,709
Your friends are getting a little dicey.
496
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,513
- Oh.
- Need you back here.
497
00:20:35,514 --> 00:20:37,517
Fuck. She blew it.
498
00:20:37,518 --> 00:20:40,723
- What do you mean?
- I mean, fucking passed out.
499
00:20:40,724 --> 00:20:42,795
- No, she's not.
- Yeah.
500
00:20:46,401 --> 00:20:47,804
I'm drunk.
501
00:20:47,805 --> 00:20:50,543
- She's drunk.
- Guns up!
502
00:20:50,544 --> 00:20:54,517
- Guns up!
- Guns up, motherfuckers!
503
00:20:54,518 --> 00:20:57,423
Aw, that sucks. Her mission
was to fuck you tonight.
504
00:20:58,225 --> 00:21:00,596
Wait, what do you mean,
you said it was her mission?
505
00:21:00,597 --> 00:21:03,502
- Like, going into the night?
- Yeah.
506
00:21:03,503 --> 00:21:05,639
Then why did she tell me when I met her
507
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,476
that she had never heard of Lil Dicky?
508
00:21:07,477 --> 00:21:09,647
Oh, is that what she told you?
509
00:21:09,648 --> 00:21:11,016
She probably just said that
510
00:21:11,017 --> 00:21:12,820
'cause she's watched all your interviews.
511
00:21:12,821 --> 00:21:14,524
She knows that's what you want to hear.
512
00:21:14,525 --> 00:21:18,431
She's a die-hard. I mean,
she knew what to tell you.
513
00:21:18,432 --> 00:21:21,437
Okay. I'm-I'm gonna leave.
514
00:21:21,438 --> 00:21:23,942
No, no, no, no, no.
No, come on, man. No, no, no.
515
00:21:23,944 --> 00:21:25,445
LD, no. There's a bunch
of people still coming.
516
00:21:25,446 --> 00:21:27,550
This shit's just getting started.
517
00:21:27,551 --> 00:21:29,419
- Come on.
- It's so late. We leave tomorrow.
518
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:32,092
This is literally the best night
of my entire life, man.
519
00:21:32,093 --> 00:21:35,299
That's... Really?
520
00:21:36,101 --> 00:21:37,571
Yes.
521
00:21:38,907 --> 00:21:41,511
Uh, I'm sorry.
522
00:21:41,512 --> 00:21:43,582
Or congrat...
523
00:21:43,583 --> 00:21:44,918
I don't know what to say to that.
524
00:21:44,919 --> 00:21:46,922
Tell us what it's like.
525
00:21:46,923 --> 00:21:49,393
Just tell us what it's really, really like.
526
00:21:49,394 --> 00:21:52,065
- It's not like anything, man.
- Yeah, man,
527
00:21:52,066 --> 00:21:54,971
do the girls just fap for you, nonstop?
528
00:21:54,972 --> 00:21:57,376
Fap?
529
00:21:59,949 --> 00:22:04,591
- All right, sit down.
- Okay. All right.
530
00:22:04,592 --> 00:22:05,960
- You guys want to know what it's like.
- Oh, fuck, yeah.
531
00:22:05,961 --> 00:22:07,563
I'll tell you what it's really like. Yeah.
532
00:22:07,564 --> 00:22:09,701
Here's what it's like. I go around America
533
00:22:09,702 --> 00:22:11,938
and I meet people like you,
and every single time,
534
00:22:11,939 --> 00:22:13,474
they look at me exactly the way
535
00:22:13,475 --> 00:22:14,978
you guys are staring at me right now.
536
00:22:14,979 --> 00:22:17,015
It's weird. And people
have preconceived notions
537
00:22:17,016 --> 00:22:19,587
about the way that I behave,
about the way that I fuck.
538
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,591
I feel that.
539
00:22:21,592 --> 00:22:23,629
Fucking ain't easy, broham.
540
00:22:23,630 --> 00:22:27,002
Not easy at all. I've had so
many insane sexual encounters.
541
00:22:27,003 --> 00:22:29,908
And truthfully, the thing
that I want the most
542
00:22:29,909 --> 00:22:33,782
is incredibly simple, but
I could never really ask for it.
543
00:22:33,783 --> 00:22:35,820
What?
544
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:40,461
So, my dick is shaped like a manatee.
545
00:22:40,462 --> 00:22:41,831
In the sense that, like, you know how, like,
546
00:22:41,832 --> 00:22:43,769
the manatee is... have, like, a bend
547
00:22:43,770 --> 00:22:46,140
and, like, a... So my dick is bent.
548
00:22:46,141 --> 00:22:48,712
The thing that satisfies me most in life
549
00:22:48,713 --> 00:22:53,187
is when that bend simply gets straightened.
550
00:22:53,188 --> 00:22:55,659
There's no STD threat whatsoever.
551
00:22:55,660 --> 00:22:58,130
It's truly my heaven on Earth,
but I could never ask for that
552
00:22:58,131 --> 00:22:59,734
because it's so weird,
553
00:22:59,735 --> 00:23:01,671
and the women would tell all their friends.
554
00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:04,544
But that wouldn't happen with my soul mate.
555
00:23:04,545 --> 00:23:06,146
I'm looking for love.
556
00:23:06,147 --> 00:23:08,184
I'm looking for my wife, okay?
557
00:23:08,185 --> 00:23:10,556
Hey, let us see your dick.
558
00:23:12,628 --> 00:23:16,635
No. But you asked me what it's like.
559
00:23:16,636 --> 00:23:17,770
It's not even that interesting.
560
00:23:17,771 --> 00:23:18,795
- It's actually...
- Come on, Dicky.
561
00:23:20,075 --> 00:23:22,078
- Come on.
- Uh... I love it.
562
00:23:22,079 --> 00:23:23,548
Hey, come on, Lil Dicky.
563
00:23:23,549 --> 00:23:24,617
Come on, Lil Dicky, come on.
564
00:23:24,618 --> 00:23:25,686
Let me see it.
565
00:23:25,687 --> 00:23:27,924
You always talk all this shit
about your dick,
566
00:23:27,925 --> 00:23:29,761
but you never show it to anybody.
567
00:23:29,762 --> 00:23:31,498
- Come on, Lil Dicky.
- Come on!
568
00:23:31,499 --> 00:23:34,169
- Show us your fucking dick!
- Come on! - Come on!
569
00:23:34,170 --> 00:23:36,040
Show us your fucking dick!
570
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,816
What the fuck is that?
571
00:23:40,817 --> 00:23:43,220
A diaper?
572
00:23:43,221 --> 00:23:46,026
No, uh... It's, uh,
573
00:23:46,027 --> 00:23:48,064
it's called the Scroguard. It's, uh...
574
00:23:48,065 --> 00:23:50,803
Look it up on YouTube. It's the
funniest thing you'll ever see.
575
00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:53,575
It's, like, STD prevention,
576
00:23:53,576 --> 00:23:55,714
but, like, the comedy version.
577
00:23:58,085 --> 00:24:00,221
Show us your dick, Lil Dicky!
578
00:24:15,587 --> 00:24:17,088
Oh...
579
00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:18,926
Connor?
580
00:24:19,928 --> 00:24:21,197
Who's that?
581
00:24:23,135 --> 00:24:25,874
Yo, they're all in there.
They're still chillin'.
582
00:24:26,842 --> 00:24:29,079
Was that Lil Dicky?
583
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,218
Come back, Dicky!
584
00:24:32,219 --> 00:24:34,222
♪ You should be... ♪
585
00:24:34,223 --> 00:24:35,759
Lil Dicky!
586
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,965
♪ Gone by now ♪
587
00:24:38,966 --> 00:24:41,136
♪ But you're not ♪
588
00:24:41,137 --> 00:24:44,242
♪ Don't know how I got ♪
589
00:24:44,243 --> 00:24:46,649
♪ So damn lucky. ♪
590
00:24:54,631 --> 00:24:57,570
♪ I'm drunk ♪
591
00:24:57,571 --> 00:24:59,774
♪ I'm really, really drunk... ♪
592
00:25:01,277 --> 00:25:02,747
Hey, it's him!
593
00:25:02,748 --> 00:25:04,984
Turn around!
594
00:25:04,985 --> 00:25:06,655
- It's him, it's him!
- It's him, it's him!
595
00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:26,861
Hey, motherfucker. What
the fuck are you thinking, boy?
596
00:25:26,862 --> 00:25:29,767
Whoa! Hey! Stand your ground!
Stand your ground!
597
00:25:29,768 --> 00:25:32,138
- What?
- I'm standing my ground!
598
00:25:32,139 --> 00:25:35,714
You stand your ground, I'm
standing mine, so no reason!
599
00:25:36,414 --> 00:25:38,819
- That ain't how it works.
- Uh...
600
00:25:38,820 --> 00:25:40,154
Lil Dicky! I'm Lil Dicky!
601
00:25:40,155 --> 00:25:41,290
Please don't, please just...
602
00:25:41,291 --> 00:25:43,094
- Lil Dicky?
- Yeah.
603
00:25:43,095 --> 00:25:44,797
- The rapper?
- Yeah! Yes!
604
00:25:44,798 --> 00:25:48,037
The rapper. That's me. I'm, uh, I'm here.
605
00:25:48,038 --> 00:25:51,176
- So, I got to use your phone, it's...
- No, you ain't.
606
00:25:51,177 --> 00:25:53,949
Yes, I am. What do you mean
I'm not? Of co... Uh, uh...
607
00:25:53,950 --> 00:25:56,955
Obviously this is...
Look at the situation, man.
608
00:25:56,956 --> 00:25:58,759
Can't you tell by my posture?
609
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,896
Prove it.
610
00:26:00,897 --> 00:26:05,139
Prove it. Uh...
611
00:26:06,709 --> 00:26:07,977
What's that?
612
00:26:07,978 --> 00:26:09,914
Like... Or...
613
00:26:09,915 --> 00:26:13,387
It's... You-you know it's me.
614
00:26:13,388 --> 00:26:16,694
Please, I got to use your phone, man.
615
00:26:16,695 --> 00:26:18,999
Aren't you a "gay man?"
616
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,936
You...
617
00:26:20,937 --> 00:26:22,673
I couldn't hear what you said.
618
00:26:22,674 --> 00:26:25,279
Aren't you a "gay man?"
619
00:26:27,116 --> 00:26:29,720
Like the dinosaur lizard?
620
00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:32,092
Nah, like aren't you a faggot?
621
00:26:32,093 --> 00:26:35,732
Oh. I don't know exactly
how you're using that word,
622
00:26:35,733 --> 00:26:38,237
but I suspect that depending on
how you define it,
623
00:26:38,238 --> 00:26:41,076
that, like...
624
00:26:41,077 --> 00:26:44,349
like, to an extent, yeah, yes.
625
00:26:44,350 --> 00:26:47,422
Tom, what's going on out there?
626
00:26:47,423 --> 00:26:49,961
I'll be there in a minute, Pat.
627
00:26:51,364 --> 00:26:52,967
Hey!
628
00:27:10,102 --> 00:27:11,403
Hello?
629
00:27:11,404 --> 00:27:13,909
Mike. Oh, thank God you picked up.
630
00:27:13,910 --> 00:27:15,712
I need you to come grab me right now.
631
00:27:15,713 --> 00:27:17,248
- You're in room 207.
- No, no.
632
00:27:17,249 --> 00:27:19,302
- I'm not at the hotel. Uh...
- Where are you?
633
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:21,123
Thank you so much
for everything. I appreciate it.
634
00:27:21,124 --> 00:27:22,458
Hello? I don't know
635
00:27:22,459 --> 00:27:23,862
how to explain it to you, but you just
636
00:27:23,863 --> 00:27:25,464
got to come get me right now, okay?
637
00:27:25,465 --> 00:27:27,168
Are you all right? Where are you, man?
638
00:27:27,169 --> 00:27:29,874
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm at, uh,
639
00:27:29,875 --> 00:27:33,147
4218 Fannin Boulevard. Okay?
640
00:27:33,148 --> 00:27:35,051
Yeah, no problem, man. I'll be there soon.
641
00:27:35,052 --> 00:27:36,888
- Thank you, Mike. Thank you.
- Just got to get up
642
00:27:36,889 --> 00:27:38,859
and get dressed.
643
00:27:38,860 --> 00:27:41,296
You know, I'm always losing one sock.
644
00:27:41,297 --> 00:27:43,235
- Wha... Mike?
- Yeah?
645
00:27:45,773 --> 00:27:48,410
Uh, bring a couple hundred bucks.
646
00:27:48,411 --> 00:27:51,149
You'll see, like, when
the dick's fully blooded,
647
00:27:51,150 --> 00:27:52,920
there's, like, a little bit of a bend.
648
00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:54,957
My ideal way for this to happen
is if you take that bend
649
00:27:54,958 --> 00:27:56,293
and you just simply straighten it.
650
00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:01,436
Uh, the bend, and if you just take the bend
651
00:28:01,437 --> 00:28:05,177
and you straighten and then just wait.
652
00:28:06,347 --> 00:28:07,717
No, no, no, no mueva.
653
00:28:08,485 --> 00:28:12,058
Yeah, uh, do you know
what a manatee is? Manatee.
654
00:28:12,059 --> 00:28:13,427
Manatee, the sea. Sea.
655
00:28:14,498 --> 00:28:16,702
Manatee?
656
00:28:17,938 --> 00:28:20,374
I am an animal. I am. We're all a...
657
00:28:20,375 --> 00:28:22,178
I am an animal. You know what?
658
00:28:22,179 --> 00:28:23,515
- No...
- We-we don't-we don't even have to...
659
00:28:23,516 --> 00:28:25,786
- We don't have to do it.
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
660
00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:28,224
I'm okay. Okay.
661
00:28:28,225 --> 00:28:29,226
It's totally cool.
662
00:28:29,227 --> 00:28:32,265
Oh, so... Oh.
663
00:28:32,266 --> 00:28:35,238
Yeah. Just s-still.
664
00:28:35,239 --> 00:28:37,475
Uh-huh.
665
00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:47,628
Sync and corrections by solfieri
www.MY-SUBS.com
50314
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