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1
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,248
Ugh.
2
00:00:41,652 --> 00:00:44,397
Amy, wha... what are you doing here?
3
00:00:44,437 --> 00:00:47,820
Oh, just getting ready to
show this apartment to Ms...
4
00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:49,082
Dubek.
5
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,956
God, this place is so huge.
6
00:00:53,997 --> 00:00:57,261
I cannot believe I can
afford this all by myself now.
7
00:00:57,484 --> 00:00:59,201
Girl, just goes to show,
8
00:00:59,247 --> 00:01:00,967
if you work hard and you're nice,
9
00:01:00,990 --> 00:01:03,575
anything's possible. Oh, just a second.
10
00:01:03,719 --> 00:01:05,737
- Hello?
- Hey, all the guests just dropped out
11
00:01:05,749 --> 00:01:07,478
for tomorrow's show...
could you come help
12
00:01:07,528 --> 00:01:10,334
- book some replacements?
- No! I've worked every fucking second.
13
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:14,761
I told people I need one
hour to sign my goddamn lease.
14
00:01:15,716 --> 00:01:18,868
- Sorry. Where were we?
- I think we're done.
15
00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,547
- You can move in tomorrow.
- Oh my gosh!
16
00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:22,302
Congrats, Brooke. I'm so proud of you.
17
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,012
I'm proud of me too.
18
00:01:25,659 --> 00:01:27,346
- We'll be downstairs.
- Okay.
19
00:01:27,392 --> 00:01:28,925
Take your time if you want
to keep looking around.
20
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,446
All right. Thanks.
21
00:01:30,629 --> 00:01:34,466
Oh, wow!
22
00:01:35,644 --> 00:01:37,354
Yeah...
23
00:01:48,872 --> 00:01:49,970
- Hey.
- Hey.
24
00:01:49,982 --> 00:01:51,051
What are you doing tomorrow?
25
00:01:51,074 --> 00:01:54,340
You should come over and
see my huge, new place.
26
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:55,981
I'm sorry, I'm Upstate with Jess.
27
00:01:56,004 --> 00:01:58,006
He planned a whole surprise getaway.
28
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,727
Oh! You guys are such a couple now.
29
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,282
Yeah, I actually wanted
to talk to you about that.
30
00:02:01,305 --> 00:02:04,153
The other day he told
me I was his everything.
31
00:02:04,199 --> 00:02:07,995
- Hey.
- Which is great, because he is mine.
32
00:02:08,035 --> 00:02:10,449
God, this is so nice.
33
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:13,732
Yeah. Love taking a bath.
34
00:02:13,807 --> 00:02:15,374
Just the two of us.
35
00:02:15,425 --> 00:02:18,674
- No one else for miles.
- So I'll just leave you guys alone then.
36
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,132
No, no, no, I can keep
talking if you want.
37
00:02:20,167 --> 00:02:21,693
I don't have to go, I can...
38
00:02:24,393 --> 00:02:26,436
Pfft.
39
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,135
Live in three, two...
40
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:33,544
Oh hey. Are all the guests here?
41
00:02:33,584 --> 00:02:35,180
Yes, and thank you
for changing your mind
42
00:02:35,185 --> 00:02:36,918
- and booking them.
- Oh. Of course, girl.
43
00:02:36,941 --> 00:02:39,492
- Happy to help.
- 'Cause you really screamed at me yesterday,
44
00:02:39,509 --> 00:02:41,756
- so I didn't think you would.
- What? Nope. Happy to help.
45
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,766
- Like, really screamed at me.
- Nope. Go away now.
46
00:02:45,452 --> 00:02:47,734
What did you help her with? Why not me?
47
00:02:47,809 --> 00:02:50,799
Am I bad? Do people think I'm bad?
48
00:02:50,839 --> 00:02:53,046
- Oh my God, Streeter, relax.
I'll tell you what's going on
49
00:02:53,075 --> 00:02:54,785
if you promise not to say anything.
50
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:57,381
- You mean, like a secret?
- Yes.
51
00:02:57,421 --> 00:03:01,276
- Does, Sh... Shuli know?
- No. Okay, so yesterday,
52
00:03:01,319 --> 00:03:02,783
I realized it's probably time for me
53
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,207
- to start dating again.
- Mmm.
54
00:03:04,293 --> 00:03:06,117
You know, 'cause Cary has Jess
55
00:03:06,163 --> 00:03:07,615
and you have my mom, and I have...
56
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:10,114
- no one.
- Oh my God, you're doing it.
57
00:03:10,137 --> 00:03:11,475
- You're confiding in me.
- And then I was like,
58
00:03:11,481 --> 00:03:13,019
"How am I supposed to
go out and meet guys?
59
00:03:13,031 --> 00:03:15,844
- I'm at work all the time."
- You're just spilling your guts.
60
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,829
So I have booked the
hottest guys I can think of
61
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,682
on today's show, and when they're here,
62
00:03:20,694 --> 00:03:23,113
I'm just gonna ask them out.
63
00:03:23,142 --> 00:03:25,760
Oh, you are so bad. Ha ha.
64
00:03:25,783 --> 00:03:27,338
Is this the kind of
stuff that you and Cary
65
00:03:27,339 --> 00:03:28,832
were always cooking up
when I wasn't around?
66
00:03:28,843 --> 00:03:30,662
- Am I the new Cary?
- Streeter, focus.
67
00:03:30,702 --> 00:03:32,132
You can't tell anyone, okay?
68
00:03:32,143 --> 00:03:34,767
As far as anyone knows,
this is just a regular show.
69
00:03:34,768 --> 00:03:36,714
- Yes.
- Okay, we've got a great show today.
70
00:03:36,754 --> 00:03:37,943
We have "People Magazine's"
71
00:03:37,972 --> 00:03:39,922
- sexiest doctor alive...
- Ooh!
72
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,181
- Instagram's @TheShirtlessVet.
- Ooh!
73
00:03:42,203 --> 00:03:45,148
A fashion model who showed up
on my daughter's Explore Page
74
00:03:45,188 --> 00:03:47,166
after she followed TheShirtlessVet,
75
00:03:47,167 --> 00:03:51,210
and Derek P from Jojo's
season of "The Bachelorette."
76
00:03:51,255 --> 00:03:54,881
Ho ho! Well, I wish I could
stay for all the hijinks,
77
00:03:54,966 --> 00:03:57,776
but we gotta go make a mold
for Chase's new cologne today.
78
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,674
Oh, wait, are we still
calling it Body by Chase?
79
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,803
Yes, and Shuli said that
the bottle should actually be
80
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:04,816
Chase's body... with
clothes on of course.
81
00:04:04,839 --> 00:04:07,320
So he needs to be in a
full body cast for 10 hours,
82
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:08,458
and I'm gonna sit with him
83
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,666
and feed him snacks into
his little tiny mouth hole
84
00:04:11,712 --> 00:04:13,999
so he doesn't pass
out. Life of a singer.
85
00:04:14,056 --> 00:04:15,155
- Cool.
- Oh wait.
86
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,253
So what else doesn't Shuli know?
87
00:04:17,894 --> 00:04:19,324
Thanks so much. Have a good day.
88
00:04:19,375 --> 00:04:20,541
Hi. How are you today?
89
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,839
- God, I'm so glad we're doing this.
- Yes. Picking apples.
90
00:04:23,868 --> 00:04:25,862
Another fun thing to
do that we are doing.
91
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:29,251
So after we pay for these,
looks like we go over there,
92
00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:32,171
'cause that's where the
Macintosh apples are.
93
00:04:32,888 --> 00:04:36,061
Excuse me. How long do
people usually do this for?
94
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:38,514
We always make a whole day of it.
95
00:04:38,577 --> 00:04:41,247
In fact, this is our 50th time up here.
96
00:04:41,339 --> 00:04:43,151
It's a fall tradition.
97
00:04:43,174 --> 00:04:46,525
You've done this 50
times. Just the two of you.
98
00:04:46,594 --> 00:04:48,864
Same thing, every year until you die?
99
00:04:48,932 --> 00:04:50,568
Oh, we don't look at it that.
100
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,637
It looks like there's
also a petting zoo,
101
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:53,889
which could maybe be cool.
102
00:04:53,929 --> 00:04:56,496
Oh, there's a hayride,
that could be fun.
103
00:04:56,703 --> 00:04:58,149
Why? Where does it go?
104
00:04:58,206 --> 00:04:59,933
I think just like in a little circle.
105
00:05:00,024 --> 00:05:01,706
Okay, I'll go get tics.
106
00:05:02,672 --> 00:05:04,387
Wait. Oh my God.
107
00:05:04,439 --> 00:05:06,080
Cary Dubek?
108
00:05:06,326 --> 00:05:08,116
Cameron Colby?
109
00:05:09,414 --> 00:05:11,747
Now please help me
welcome my first guest,
110
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:15,991
People's sexiest doctor alive, Dr. Nick.
111
00:05:20,983 --> 00:05:22,682
Now, Dr. Nick,
112
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:25,895
you are here today to talk
about male pattern baldness.
113
00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:28,103
- I am?
- That's what it says on my cards here
114
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,734
and specifically, if
it runs in your family.
115
00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:34,622
Well, yes, both my dad and
my grandfather are fully bald
116
00:05:34,737 --> 00:05:36,367
but then again, I was adopted.
117
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:37,677
- Aww.
- Yes!
118
00:05:37,711 --> 00:05:39,152
Going in.
119
00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:45,398
- Hey, great job on the show.
- Hey, thanks.
120
00:05:45,558 --> 00:05:48,610
This is crazy, but would you
maybe want to get dinner tonight?
121
00:05:48,650 --> 00:05:50,880
Oh. Sure.
122
00:05:51,023 --> 00:05:53,826
Maybe we can, uh, eat at
my place and I can cook.
123
00:05:53,843 --> 00:05:55,489
You also cook? I'm a genius.
124
00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:58,286
Okay, that sounds great. I
just gotta get back out there
125
00:05:58,298 --> 00:06:00,562
and see the rest of the
dates. I mean, the show.
126
00:06:00,563 --> 00:06:03,461
So I'll see you tonight. I want burgers.
127
00:06:04,491 --> 00:06:06,287
- Hey!
- Hey.
128
00:06:06,355 --> 00:06:08,974
Oh, my God, Cary, what
are you even doing here?
129
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,250
I think picking apples until I die.
130
00:06:11,273 --> 00:06:14,286
Ha ha ha! You're literally Jimmy Fallon.
131
00:06:14,372 --> 00:06:16,407
But, hey, we should...
we should hang out, like,
132
00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:18,421
now please. We're up for anything.
133
00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:19,616
Hey, people are lining up.
134
00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:21,280
Oh, hey, Jess, this
is my friend, Cameron.
135
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:22,658
- Hi.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
136
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:24,837
Yeah. He's an Instagay. He's so fun.
137
00:06:24,859 --> 00:06:27,488
- Remember that pool party?
- Oh my God, barely.
138
00:06:27,505 --> 00:06:29,942
That whole life is behind
me now that I'm married.
139
00:06:30,308 --> 00:06:33,242
- Oh my God. Congrats.
- Wait, what? You're married?
140
00:06:33,282 --> 00:06:35,266
Yeah. And my name's not Cameron anymore,
141
00:06:35,289 --> 00:06:37,193
it's at @thepropertydaddys.
142
00:06:37,359 --> 00:06:39,109
The... The Property Daddies?
143
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,351
Yeah. I decided to take my personal life
144
00:06:41,374 --> 00:06:44,026
in a new direction
creatively. So now I'm married,
145
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:45,972
I live Upstate, and I flip houses.
146
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,842
Oh my God, you guys have to come over
147
00:06:47,859 --> 00:06:50,294
- and meet the other daddy.
- Oh, sure. Yes.
148
00:06:50,305 --> 00:06:52,038
It'd be nice to have some
couple friends actually.
149
00:06:52,061 --> 00:06:54,881
Yeah, yeah. I think it will be?
150
00:06:55,979 --> 00:06:58,380
Now, Derek, before "The Bachelorette,"
151
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:00,313
it says on my cards that you were from
152
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:02,938
a crappy little nothing town in Iowa.
153
00:07:02,984 --> 00:07:05,261
- It says that?
- Yes, I'm sorry.
154
00:07:05,289 --> 00:07:08,097
But my question is you
must live in New York City
155
00:07:08,131 --> 00:07:11,482
- or Los Angeles now, right?
- Yes. I split my time between both.
156
00:07:11,585 --> 00:07:13,198
Whoo.
157
00:07:13,695 --> 00:07:15,388
Hey. Great job on the show.
158
00:07:15,416 --> 00:07:17,601
Would you maybe want to
get a drink this evening?
159
00:07:17,635 --> 00:07:19,574
Oh. Yeah, I'd love that.
160
00:07:19,665 --> 00:07:21,701
Okay. Well, I got to get back to work.
161
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,063
I take my job very seriously.
162
00:07:24,961 --> 00:07:27,769
Now you're one of the most
beautiful models in the world.
163
00:07:27,809 --> 00:07:31,641
So I have to ask you, your
personality must suck, right?
164
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:35,023
I don't know. I like to think I'm
a pretty nice down to earth guy.
165
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,521
- Aww.
- Yes!
166
00:07:36,532 --> 00:07:39,003
Hey, great job on the show.
167
00:07:39,054 --> 00:07:41,125
Would you maybe want to get lunch?
168
00:07:41,159 --> 00:07:43,343
Um... sure. What's your name?
169
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:45,281
Oh, we'll just do that all at lunch.
170
00:07:45,870 --> 00:07:47,934
And what kind of animal
did you bring us today?
171
00:07:47,969 --> 00:07:50,834
- A little puppy?
- No, this is Carissa.
172
00:07:50,857 --> 00:07:53,195
She is a 30-pound boa constrictor.
173
00:07:53,224 --> 00:07:54,979
Now, boas have a cloaca,
174
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:56,735
so they don't pee or poop like we do,
175
00:07:56,752 --> 00:07:58,141
but out of the same one hole,
176
00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:00,028
right down here where
I'm putting my finger.
177
00:08:00,057 --> 00:08:02,625
Oh my goodness, she's
going all over you!
178
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:06,262
Hey, great job on the
show. Goodbye forever.
179
00:08:09,202 --> 00:08:10,957
This is their house?
180
00:08:11,729 --> 00:08:14,494
All right, we don't have to
stay long if you don't wanna.
181
00:08:14,632 --> 00:08:16,244
I'm not really sure
what this is gonna...
182
00:08:16,753 --> 00:08:19,634
Cary! How dare you be
three minutes early.
183
00:08:19,651 --> 00:08:22,515
- We're still in our PJ sets.
- Oh please, come on in.
184
00:08:24,002 --> 00:08:25,672
And this actually is perfect timing.
185
00:08:25,729 --> 00:08:28,182
We just finished hanging
some of our favorite memories
186
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,652
as a couple on our gallery wall.
187
00:08:29,692 --> 00:08:32,017
- Come take a look.
- Oh, wow!
188
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,058
- Oh. Cool.
- Okay, so...
189
00:08:34,087 --> 00:08:36,729
this is from when we wore jeans in bed.
190
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:39,986
And then this is from when we
painted a barn door in overalls.
191
00:08:40,012 --> 00:08:42,716
We got paint everywhere. It was insane!
192
00:08:42,751 --> 00:08:45,181
Oh, and then this is
our favorite memory ever.
193
00:08:45,215 --> 00:08:49,205
We'll never forget it because we
got 800,000 likes in three minutes.
194
00:08:49,347 --> 00:08:50,747
Do you guys have a gallery wall?
195
00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:53,117
Oh, um, no, we don't live together.
196
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:55,080
Though it might make sense to soon.
197
00:08:55,098 --> 00:08:56,452
My... my lease is up in a few months.
198
00:08:56,484 --> 00:08:59,623
Awww, then you'd be just like us.
199
00:09:05,057 --> 00:09:07,468
Okay. Camera's up in 20.
200
00:09:07,491 --> 00:09:09,211
Hey, Mom. I'm heading out for a bit.
201
00:09:09,225 --> 00:09:11,219
- You okay? Do you need anything?
- No, I'm fine.
202
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,780
- Can't complain. Everything's good.
- Okay, cool.
203
00:09:13,781 --> 00:09:15,804
Oh, don't forget. You have
that fan thing tonight.
204
00:09:15,839 --> 00:09:17,811
- Yeah, my meet and greets?
- No, it's after that.
205
00:09:17,828 --> 00:09:19,275
You are dressing up as a janitor
206
00:09:19,304 --> 00:09:21,168
and surprising tourists in Times Square.
207
00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:23,724
- Oh, another thing?
- Yeah, fans can't get enough.
208
00:09:23,742 --> 00:09:25,865
Okay, wish me luck. I have a date.
209
00:09:25,936 --> 00:09:28,652
Oh, honey. I'm so glad
you're getting back out there.
210
00:09:28,688 --> 00:09:31,553
Yeah. You know? Could be nice
to have someone to come home to.
211
00:09:31,581 --> 00:09:33,577
- Like how you have Streeter.
- I know.
212
00:09:33,628 --> 00:09:36,072
Although yesterday I did wake up
to him to him nibbling my toes.
213
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:38,251
- Okay we're back in three...
- Okay.
214
00:09:38,268 --> 00:09:39,555
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye.
215
00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:42,661
Hello and welcome to
"The Pat After Show"
216
00:09:42,725 --> 00:09:45,721
presented by Chex Mix!
217
00:09:48,731 --> 00:09:52,339
Can I just say you are the
hottest person I have ever seen.
218
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:54,976
There's nothing wrong with you.
219
00:09:55,165 --> 00:09:57,281
Well, I still use plastic straws.
220
00:09:57,310 --> 00:09:59,284
Yeah. Literally, who
gives a shit about that?
221
00:09:59,617 --> 00:10:03,126
Okay. I'm gonna use the restroom
real quick. I'll be right back.
222
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:06,606
Damn!
223
00:10:08,812 --> 00:10:12,142
_
224
00:10:12,204 --> 00:10:15,144
Hey, girl. Just want to say
good job. That guy is so hot.
225
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:18,945
- I know, right? Thank you.
- _
226
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:22,276
Hey, sorry to interrupt. I
just had to say, damn girl.
227
00:10:22,527 --> 00:10:25,580
- Get it.
- Thank you. I will get it.
228
00:10:26,850 --> 00:10:30,018
Oh my God, girl. That
is the hottest guy ever.
229
00:10:30,041 --> 00:10:31,994
- Good for you.
- I know.
230
00:10:32,441 --> 00:10:34,538
- Thank you.
- Truly, congratulations.
231
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,585
I looked over and was
like, "That's insane."
232
00:10:36,642 --> 00:10:38,596
I mean, it's not insane.
233
00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:41,620
It's like you've got to
tell me what your secret is.
234
00:10:41,749 --> 00:10:42,864
Oh, I don't know.
235
00:10:42,869 --> 00:10:46,631
Maybe that I'm a pretty
fucking girl, you rude bitches.
236
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:51,378
I'm sorry, I can't do this
for the rest of my life.
237
00:10:51,454 --> 00:10:53,602
Plastic straws are bad so...
238
00:10:53,978 --> 00:10:55,405
That's right.
239
00:10:55,884 --> 00:10:57,369
I'm dumping him.
240
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,157
_
241
00:11:03,343 --> 00:11:04,941
So what do your sweatshirts mean?
242
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:07,781
Oh, they're just these
totally stupid nicknames
243
00:11:07,782 --> 00:11:10,590
- that we gave to each other.
- Yeah, I call him Breffis
244
00:11:10,617 --> 00:11:13,614
because sometimes when he's tired,
that's how he says breakfast.
245
00:11:13,652 --> 00:11:17,671
Guilty. And I call him Nooner
because one time he slept until noon,
246
00:11:17,681 --> 00:11:20,202
and I'm not even joking.
247
00:11:20,352 --> 00:11:23,307
So what do you guys do up
here to spice things up?
248
00:11:23,318 --> 00:11:24,965
Sorry, Cary. I can barely hear you.
249
00:11:25,035 --> 00:11:27,446
Alexa, turn off our party playlist.
250
00:11:30,740 --> 00:11:32,806
I was just asking how
you spice things up.
251
00:11:32,812 --> 00:11:36,281
- Do you travel?
- Yeah, we actually just got back from Paris.
252
00:11:36,314 --> 00:11:38,315
Oh, fun, fun. What'd you do there?
253
00:11:38,337 --> 00:11:40,759
We did the Tea Cups, It's a Small World,
254
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:43,417
and Pirates of the Caribbean
like a zillion times.
255
00:11:43,547 --> 00:11:46,587
So you... you flew to Paris
and went to Disneyland?
256
00:11:46,603 --> 00:11:48,029
Yeah, and then we flew
right back home fun.
257
00:11:48,045 --> 00:11:50,585
- That sounds fun. We should do that.
- We should?
258
00:11:50,601 --> 00:11:52,888
Oh this hot chocolate's
making my mouth all gross.
259
00:11:52,968 --> 00:11:56,541
Oh, excuse us. We're going to go
and brush his teeth real quick.
260
00:11:57,488 --> 00:11:58,806
"We"?
261
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:04,312
- Hey, hi, I'm sorry I'm late.
- It's okay.
262
00:12:04,372 --> 00:12:07,095
I had a mistake for lunch,
263
00:12:07,338 --> 00:12:11,364
but I am so happy to
be here now with you.
264
00:12:11,450 --> 00:12:13,603
Me too. So tell me about yourself.
265
00:12:13,619 --> 00:12:17,655
Well, my name's Brooke D,
and I'm a dental hygienist.
266
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,421
Well, maybe if this goes well,
267
00:12:19,486 --> 00:12:21,348
we can go back to the Fantasy Suite.
268
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,295
- _
- So tell me about work.
269
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,305
I think I remember from
the show you're a banker?
270
00:12:29,338 --> 00:12:30,966
- That's cool.
- Oh no.
271
00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:32,952
I work pretty much
full-time for The Nation now.
272
00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:36,547
- "The... Nation"?
- Yeah, Bachelor Nation.
273
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:38,868
Just yesterday I was
with Josh from season ten
274
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,194
and Ben from Caitlin's season.
275
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,461
We were handing out apps
at the opening of a Bonobos.
276
00:12:42,535 --> 00:12:44,802
Oh, um, okay, so you...
277
00:12:44,836 --> 00:12:47,365
you just never really make
it to the bank anymore?
278
00:12:47,406 --> 00:12:49,417
If you have brothers, tell
them to use Code Derek ten.
279
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,530
They'll get 10% off
any one pair of shorts.
280
00:12:51,678 --> 00:12:54,207
Cool. Speaking of brothers,
281
00:12:54,221 --> 00:12:56,004
why don't you tell me about your family?
282
00:12:56,030 --> 00:12:58,129
Honestly, The Nation's my family now.
283
00:12:58,170 --> 00:13:03,221
Robbie, Chase, Vinny,
James, Ben, Dylan, Tyler.
284
00:13:03,591 --> 00:13:04,984
Come in.
285
00:13:05,212 --> 00:13:06,491
Oh, wow. Yep.
286
00:13:06,525 --> 00:13:08,253
That's exactly what
you said you'd be doing.
287
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:10,050
Cary, we're so glad you came over.
288
00:13:10,077 --> 00:13:11,772
I love relationships for us.
289
00:13:11,806 --> 00:13:14,053
Yeah. They're... they're great, but
290
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:19,805
I'm starting to worry maybe Jess
and I are just different people.
291
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,291
I know exactly how you feel.
292
00:13:21,305 --> 00:13:24,015
Like I'm a Gryffindor and
he's a Ravenclaw. Like,
293
00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:26,760
- how does that even work?
- Yeah, no that's... that's not what I meant.
294
00:13:26,787 --> 00:13:28,752
Wait, do you guys have
a couple's account?
295
00:13:28,779 --> 00:13:31,402
- No, no, not yet.
- I have the perfect name for you.
296
00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:33,114
@thecuddleboys,
297
00:13:33,141 --> 00:13:34,960
and it can just be
pictures of you cuddling
298
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,553
in all the different
rooms of your house.
299
00:13:36,575 --> 00:13:37,711
Who would follow that?
300
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:40,024
Mostly straight women and brands,
301
00:13:40,025 --> 00:13:42,081
so you'd have to keep it pretty PG.
302
00:13:42,119 --> 00:13:44,601
But make sure you get
your bare feet in the shot,
303
00:13:44,622 --> 00:13:47,292
that way gays in the know
can still jack it to you.
304
00:13:47,766 --> 00:13:49,434
Sounds very cool, but...
305
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:53,009
but don't you guys ever
miss being single or...
306
00:13:53,052 --> 00:13:55,969
or having your own accounts
or brushing your own teeth?
307
00:13:55,996 --> 00:13:59,004
No way. I spent all my 20s being crazy.
308
00:13:59,181 --> 00:14:00,839
I was ready to settle down.
309
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,580
Yeah, I guess I never really
did the whole... crazy part.
310
00:14:04,628 --> 00:14:06,412
All right, Nooner. Let's shave ya.
311
00:14:06,592 --> 00:14:07,712
Okay.
312
00:14:08,966 --> 00:14:10,608
You know, I'd even
consider Sean my brother.
313
00:14:10,629 --> 00:14:11,991
He wasn't even on my season.
314
00:14:12,007 --> 00:14:13,465
I'm sorry, um...
315
00:14:13,485 --> 00:14:15,499
Can we change the subject?
316
00:14:16,129 --> 00:14:17,980
Yeah, I'm sorry. Enough about me.
317
00:14:18,044 --> 00:14:19,917
Tell me about your last boyfriend.
318
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:24,853
Oh, well, we were together
for five years. Um...
319
00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:27,970
it didn't... it didn't really end well,
320
00:14:28,319 --> 00:14:31,814
but now I am looking for someone else
321
00:14:31,832 --> 00:14:35,091
to share my enormous apartment with.
322
00:14:36,124 --> 00:14:37,459
- Breakups are hard.
- Yeah.
323
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,016
You know, you just got to keep
getting back up on the horse
324
00:14:40,911 --> 00:14:42,470
if you believe in love.
325
00:14:43,835 --> 00:14:47,422
That's why, after Jojo season,
I did "Bachelor in Paradise."
326
00:14:47,542 --> 00:14:48,743
You know, I wasn't ready for it,
327
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,697
- but I feel like I owed it to team Derek.
- Jesus.
328
00:14:50,744 --> 00:14:53,246
And even though Taylor and I
broke up, she's still a great girl.
329
00:14:53,324 --> 00:14:55,374
Oh, wait, Nooner, did I tell you
330
00:14:55,456 --> 00:14:57,329
Cary is an actor in New York?
331
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,236
Oh, no, I'm mostly just hosting.
332
00:14:59,287 --> 00:15:01,728
- You should host an HGTV show.
- Oh my God, yes!
333
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,149
Breffis and I have a pilot there.
334
00:15:03,239 --> 00:15:05,474
It's called, "Flipping
House from Top and Bottom."
335
00:15:05,758 --> 00:15:07,700
You could live here and
host a show together.
336
00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:10,795
- Oh!
- We just flipped the cutest house across town.
337
00:15:10,817 --> 00:15:12,599
You guys have to see it.
338
00:15:12,884 --> 00:15:14,227
Let's go.
339
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:15,851
And here we are.
340
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,306
Wait.
341
00:15:18,008 --> 00:15:20,629
- Did we move?
- Yes! We got in the car,
342
00:15:20,638 --> 00:15:23,031
drove across town, and now we're here.
343
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:24,525
Oh, right. Of course.
344
00:15:24,542 --> 00:15:26,743
This just looks exactly like your house.
345
00:15:26,744 --> 00:15:29,507
What? No way. These pillows are green.
346
00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:30,694
- Ours are blue.
- Yeah.
347
00:15:30,772 --> 00:15:32,202
Come on. We'll show you the rest.
348
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,117
So this is the dining room.
349
00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:37,153
Instead of black, we went with night.
350
00:15:37,192 --> 00:15:38,810
This is so nice.
351
00:15:38,965 --> 00:15:40,579
When we move in together in New York,
352
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,713
we'd probably just be in Cary's
353
00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:44,080
- little one bedroom for starters.
- "When" we move in?
354
00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:45,484
But maybe in five years
355
00:15:45,502 --> 00:15:47,882
we can afford something
like this or ten.
356
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,368
Just like us.
357
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:05,943
How's the burger?
358
00:16:06,589 --> 00:16:08,415
I'm vegan, so it was bean paste.
359
00:16:08,604 --> 00:16:10,171
- Hope that's okay.
- It was great.
360
00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:12,282
I absolutely need this to work,
361
00:16:12,307 --> 00:16:14,597
so love a pasty bean.
362
00:16:14,634 --> 00:16:17,121
You know, next time I cook for
you, we should do it Upstate.
363
00:16:17,169 --> 00:16:18,993
My kitchen there is so much bigger.
364
00:16:19,025 --> 00:16:21,511
Oh, you have a place Upstate?
365
00:16:21,592 --> 00:16:24,428
Maybe we can also take a couple's bath?
366
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:27,732
Oh, uh... ha ha... sure.
367
00:16:27,829 --> 00:16:29,054
Speaking of,
368
00:16:29,105 --> 00:16:30,633
would you maybe want to, uh,
369
00:16:31,187 --> 00:16:32,673
move things to the bedroom?
370
00:16:32,748 --> 00:16:37,474
Yeah, I think I'm ready
for a checkup, Doctor.
371
00:16:45,008 --> 00:16:47,495
Um... have you had this mole checked?
372
00:16:47,613 --> 00:16:49,243
Oh, um, I was just joking.
373
00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:51,375
Don't actually give me a checkup.
374
00:16:56,961 --> 00:16:59,857
- Has this mole always been there?
- Yeah. Please don't make this that.
375
00:17:00,363 --> 00:17:01,709
Okay.
376
00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:12,817
Huh. I think I see something.
377
00:17:12,860 --> 00:17:16,790
- Is it poop?
- No, no. It's like a little... lump.
378
00:17:16,837 --> 00:17:18,216
I think you should get this checked out.
379
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:19,710
Yeah, totally. First thing tomorrow.
380
00:17:19,737 --> 00:17:22,865
Yeah. You know, ethically,
it'd make me feel better
381
00:17:22,878 --> 00:17:24,439
if I just take you now.
382
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,269
Oh my God.
383
00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:28,893
- Oh my God.
- Babe, is everything okay in there?
384
00:17:28,906 --> 00:17:31,219
- They want to show us he rest of the house.
- Yep.
385
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,386
I'm... I'm comin'... babe.
386
00:17:34,738 --> 00:17:37,192
And in the kitchen, we added
a little chalkboard wall
387
00:17:37,262 --> 00:17:39,345
so you can write notes to each other.
388
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,927
- Hey, Cary. Come look at this kitchen.
- Okay.
389
00:17:42,526 --> 00:17:44,880
Hey, where did my marshmallows go?
390
00:17:44,907 --> 00:17:48,949
I don't know but I found
one behind your ear.
391
00:17:48,983 --> 00:17:50,974
- Nooner!
- Open up.
392
00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:53,456
Mmm!
393
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,881
Hey, IGTV. It's the "Cuddle Boys."
394
00:17:56,914 --> 00:17:59,067
- Here are my feet...
- And here are mine.
395
00:17:59,107 --> 00:18:00,338
And today we're gonna show you
396
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,887
how to decorate a table for fall.
397
00:18:03,486 --> 00:18:06,179
- Left hand red.
- I honestly can't or I will fall.
398
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:09,565
Oh, my God, Cary you're
literally Jimmy Fallon.
399
00:18:09,619 --> 00:18:12,080
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
400
00:18:12,144 --> 00:18:14,501
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
401
00:18:32,483 --> 00:18:33,969
- Oh!
- Hey. Are you...
402
00:18:34,007 --> 00:18:36,439
I'm sorry, I can't do this.
403
00:18:36,762 --> 00:18:39,979
Okay. Pulling back the labia,
404
00:18:40,179 --> 00:18:42,745
there's a slight bit of discoloration,
405
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,366
not abnormal for a woman your age.
406
00:18:44,479 --> 00:18:47,289
However, looking beneath
your clitoral hood
407
00:18:47,299 --> 00:18:49,662
- _
- I do see a small abnormal lump.
408
00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:51,432
Can I get some anesthesia please?
409
00:18:51,454 --> 00:18:52,870
Oh, he's not operating on you.
410
00:18:52,896 --> 00:18:55,621
Yeah, I still just don't
want to be awake for this.
411
00:18:55,637 --> 00:18:57,855
I think we should order a biopsy.
412
00:18:58,318 --> 00:19:01,515
- Wait, seriously?
- Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
413
00:19:01,746 --> 00:19:04,943
Just want to be safe and we
can put a rush on the results.
414
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,645
It'll only take an hour.
415
00:19:08,662 --> 00:19:09,878
Oh.
416
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,730
I'm sorry, I... I
can't... I can't do this.
417
00:19:12,746 --> 00:19:14,345
- Do what?
- I don't know, like
418
00:19:14,399 --> 00:19:18,629
wear jeans in bed and go apple
picking and shave each other's faces.
419
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,356
Okay, I only know what two of those are,
420
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:21,889
and I thought apple picking was fun.
421
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,795
And I don't want to be a cuddle boy.
422
00:19:24,833 --> 00:19:27,670
Like I... I want to be a sex boy.
423
00:19:27,729 --> 00:19:29,779
Like, I like sex.
424
00:19:29,795 --> 00:19:32,137
Okay. I like sex too. Obviously.
425
00:19:32,147 --> 00:19:33,714
I mean, not during the
week but on weekends,
426
00:19:33,741 --> 00:19:36,070
- like, Sundays before HBO.
- That's the thing.
427
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,492
I think I want to have
sex instead of HBO.
428
00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:39,913
Well, now you're just being insane.
429
00:19:39,924 --> 00:19:41,538
I don't want to go to Disney-Paris.
430
00:19:41,587 --> 00:19:43,191
I want to go to regular Paris
431
00:19:43,234 --> 00:19:46,086
and like find some guy
named Pierre on the street
432
00:19:46,129 --> 00:19:47,878
and blow him and never see him again.
433
00:19:47,910 --> 00:19:49,827
And I think I do want
to use a butt plug.
434
00:19:49,902 --> 00:19:51,350
That sounds really hot to me.
435
00:19:51,377 --> 00:19:53,454
- Where's this coming from?
- I don't know.
436
00:19:53,535 --> 00:19:56,038
I think I'm just
realizing I've only seen
437
00:19:56,135 --> 00:19:59,574
six dicks my whole life, and
three of them were straight,
438
00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:01,511
one of them's mine, and
one of them was so bad
439
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:02,701
it shouldn't even count.
440
00:20:02,965 --> 00:20:05,726
I don't know, I just... I
feel like maybe I need to see
441
00:20:05,844 --> 00:20:08,195
more dicks before I settle down.
442
00:20:08,384 --> 00:20:09,896
I mean, shouldn't I first see
443
00:20:09,982 --> 00:20:12,744
50 dicks and then there'll
be one dick that's like,
444
00:20:13,056 --> 00:20:14,789
that's the dick for me. That's it.
445
00:20:14,795 --> 00:20:16,802
I... I mean, I'm not even
talking about dicks anymore.
446
00:20:16,823 --> 00:20:18,648
Yeah, no, I got that.
447
00:20:23,981 --> 00:20:26,769
I mean, don't you ever
worry that I'm not the
448
00:20:27,662 --> 00:20:29,294
right person for you?
449
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,572
No, I'm happy with you.
450
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:35,504
I love you.
451
00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:40,484
Shit.
452
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,515
I'm sorry.
453
00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:48,996
You're such a good guy, and
454
00:20:49,646 --> 00:20:52,660
I was so proud to have a boyfriend.
455
00:20:52,677 --> 00:20:55,161
I just... I'm...
456
00:20:57,237 --> 00:21:00,113
I'm just not ready to be a cuddle boy.
457
00:21:01,848 --> 00:21:02,961
Okay.
458
00:21:05,211 --> 00:21:08,095
I mean, again I don't know what that is,
459
00:21:09,701 --> 00:21:10,937
but okay.
460
00:21:19,368 --> 00:21:21,990
- Hey, you've reached Cary.
- Oh God!
461
00:21:22,373 --> 00:21:24,246
I guess he's still in the bath.
462
00:21:25,416 --> 00:21:27,091
I want to be in a bath.
463
00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:38,812
Sorry, gotta sweep up this mess here.
464
00:21:39,049 --> 00:21:42,175
Just kidding, It's Pat! Surprise!
465
00:21:42,485 --> 00:21:44,130
Oh my God. Ugh!
466
00:21:44,983 --> 00:21:46,891
Probably getting her toes sucked.
467
00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:50,176
I guess I'll... call a child?
468
00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:54,038
Okay. You're doing great. Open up.
469
00:21:54,443 --> 00:21:56,070
Just two more hours, bud.
470
00:21:56,191 --> 00:21:57,866
When can I start my new album?
471
00:21:57,887 --> 00:21:59,579
Shh, shh, shh. Try not to move.
472
00:21:59,601 --> 00:22:02,408
We need the mold to capture
every curve of your body.
473
00:22:02,606 --> 00:22:03,997
With clothes, on of course.
474
00:22:04,035 --> 00:22:06,141
Oh man, this looks so good. I'm jealous.
475
00:22:07,980 --> 00:22:09,352
Good. So I have
476
00:22:10,411 --> 00:22:13,326
no one at the end of the day. I just...
477
00:22:13,383 --> 00:22:14,399
I have no one.
478
00:22:24,494 --> 00:22:26,427
- We got the results back.
- Oh, okay.
479
00:22:26,436 --> 00:22:28,593
You're fine. It was
just an ingrown hair.
480
00:22:29,019 --> 00:22:32,072
Oh God! Are you... really, are you sure?
481
00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:33,144
Yes.
482
00:22:33,217 --> 00:22:35,090
- Jesus.
- Between me and you,
483
00:22:35,116 --> 00:22:36,330
I knew it was a hair.
484
00:22:36,365 --> 00:22:38,371
I just didn't want to
make the doctor feel dumb,
485
00:22:38,552 --> 00:22:41,119
but he is. Very dumb.
486
00:22:41,226 --> 00:22:44,597
He spends all day on Instagram.
He's not a good doctor.
487
00:22:48,287 --> 00:22:50,410
Hey, ha ha, great news, right?
488
00:22:50,948 --> 00:22:52,441
You want to head back to my place
489
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:55,429
- and finish the checkup?
- Absolutely go fuck yourself.
490
00:23:34,110 --> 00:23:35,230
- Hey.
- Hey.
491
00:23:35,286 --> 00:23:36,849
Sorry, I missed you. What's up?
492
00:23:37,030 --> 00:23:40,452
Nothing. I just had a little scare.
493
00:23:40,931 --> 00:23:44,630
It's all good. You can
go back to your bath.
494
00:23:44,759 --> 00:23:48,126
I'm, uh, I'm actually back home.
495
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,633
Jess and I, uh, broke up.
496
00:23:50,710 --> 00:23:52,346
Oh, Cary.
497
00:23:54,077 --> 00:23:55,734
I'm so sorry.
498
00:23:57,892 --> 00:24:00,505
Do you want to come
over and talk about it?
499
00:24:00,953 --> 00:24:02,852
I think I'm okay, actually.
500
00:24:03,287 --> 00:24:04,751
It was the right decision.
501
00:24:04,983 --> 00:24:07,071
Oh, okay. Cool. Well, you know,
502
00:24:07,097 --> 00:24:10,442
if you change your mind and
you do need to talk about it,
503
00:24:10,722 --> 00:24:12,247
I am here in my...
504
00:24:13,900 --> 00:24:17,289
big... empty apartment.
505
00:24:20,290 --> 00:24:21,290
Well, you know that,
506
00:24:21,310 --> 00:24:23,338
that does actually sound really nice.
507
00:24:23,394 --> 00:24:25,813
I'll... I'll hop on the
subway. I'll be over in an hour.
508
00:24:25,817 --> 00:24:28,607
Okay, cool, you know, but
if you wanted to talk sooner
509
00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:30,088
you could also take a Lyft.
510
00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:31,668
Okay, Brooke. I'll take a Lyft.
511
00:24:31,702 --> 00:24:33,674
And if you were really
desperate to talk,
512
00:24:33,709 --> 00:24:35,353
you could do Lyft Black.
513
00:24:35,457 --> 00:24:37,360
Sometimes those cars are closer,
514
00:24:37,377 --> 00:24:40,310
- and it shaves a couple of minutes off your trip.
- Look, Brooke, I can't take Lyft Black
515
00:24:40,363 --> 00:24:41,773
because I'm still poor.
516
00:24:41,805 --> 00:24:44,206
Okay, well, Lyft regular
then but call it now
517
00:24:44,303 --> 00:24:46,375
'cause the sooner you
get here, the sooner...
518
00:24:47,144 --> 00:24:48,968
- I can help you.
- Thanks, Brooke.
519
00:24:49,318 --> 00:24:50,900
I'll see you soon.
520
00:25:00,802 --> 00:25:05,802
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
39973
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