All language subtitles for Harry O S02E14 Mister Five and Dime

What about my grandfather?

He's been kidnapped.

What?

The old man was counterfeiting.

If I had some of this stuff already printed, how could I unload it?

$250,000.

Seed money, man. He's gonna buy a shipment of heroin.

Are you all right?

Yes, Gramps. They said that if you don't make the money, then they're gonna kill me.

Ooh, bad timing. Must be the junk.

Hey, hey!

Oh, well!

Hey, hey!

On your mark.

Hit it!

Okay, hold it!

All right, stay frozen, gentlemen. This will only take a minute. Let's not have any dead heroes.

All in favor of that, raise your hands.

All right, both of them, come on!

There ain't nothing here but coins.

No paper in here either. It's gotta be in a truck.

There ain't nothing.

Now, where is it?

Where's the money?

That's all there is. 1100 nickels.

Hey, tell me that. I know it's in there. It's gotta be $250,000 in there. Where is it?

Where is it?

Here are you?

Forget it, man. The spammer's wrong. Come on, let's split.

All right, move out.

Now, I have this friend, Lester Hodges, sometimes known as the Boy Criminologist.

How he became my friend is something of a mystery in itself.

I think he adopted me one day when I wasn't paying attention.

It's not that I don't like Lester. I do. He has very nice manners. He's bright.

Articulate and true blue. On the other hand...

Hello?

Lester?

Yes?

Lester Hodges?

Yes, it is.

This is Gail Huxley.

Gail?

I'm in your sociology class. I don't know if you ever noticed me or not.

Oh, yes, I did.

Lester, I'm in a lot of trouble. And I know you're studying criminology, but I'm not sure

if you're going to be able to do that.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I know, you're studying criminology and all. I didn't know who else to call.

I've been arrested.

Arrested for what?

Oh, well they say for passing counterfeit money.

That's preposterous.

Yeah, I know.

Well, we'll soon get it cleared up. You stay right where you are.

Well, I don't have much choice.

Oh, no. I guess you don't, do you? Well, don't worry. I'll be there in ten minutes.

Okay.

I got some bad news for you, Virgo.

Terrific. I got all I can handle, thank you.

Just turn it on the radio. They don't expect that guy to live.

I was stinking $55. You said there'd be a quarter of a million.

So the scam was bad. Or they changed the schedule. It happens.

My 10% of this ended up being $5.50.

So better luck next time.

There's gonna be no next time, Schaefer. I'd have it by next Monday.

Yeah, for what?

Seed money.

$250 grand for seed money? What sort of racket is that kind of financing?

It's not gonna hurt to ask about it now.

I just got back from Central America, right?

Yeah, right, right.

Well, I made the connection down there.

Shipment of heroin. Delivered.

Must be pretty big.

You want how big is big?

Nine million dollars in street sales is how big?

Nine million.

How much time you got left?

No time, period. Monday's when the stuff's supposed to come in.

Why? You got $250,000 in cash register?

Not quite, but I know a guy.

This is something I've been sitting on. Old Bill Huxley's got a fruit stand up in the canyon.

He can make 250 grand overnight.

Get out of here. How?

I mean, he makes it.

Hodges?

Lieutenant, you're just the man I wanted to see. Have you got a minute?

No.

Oh, my little sergeant.

You'll only take a second for a little mix-up?

No.

But, Lieutenant, it's very important.

Important?

Hodges, I'm trying to reach the emergency ward to interview an armored truck guard who may or may not live long enough to make a dying statement.

Is your matter more important than that?

Well, objectively, no.

Well, Hodges, if you'll forgive me.

Well, there you are.

Lester! Oh, thank you for coming.

Nothing, it's my pleasure.

I'm sorry. We mean to cry all over you.

But I didn't know what else I could do. I mean, I couldn't call my grandfather.

And I don't know any lawyers. And then I thought of you, and this officer let me call you.

It's the law. Everybody's entitled to one phone call.

I still think you should have called your grandfather, Miss Ho-

Let's just get to the facts. Now, what is this nonsense about Miss Huxley passing Coney?

Passing what?

Coney. Brad, the queer.

Oh, you mean homemade money.

Yeah, that's what she's booked for.

What'd you get?

I don't know.

Did you know it was queer?

Oh, Lester.

See, there you are. You've got no case.

Somebody laid some bad paper on her, and she unwittingly passed it on.

Three times?

Three times. Three- What three times?

Well, first they spotted the bill, then her, and the third time they were waiting for her.

Where?

At the college bookstore.

Ah. I smell conspiracy here.

Somebody is using college students to disseminate bogus money.

A word of advice, Sonny. By tomorrow morning, Miss Huxley will have been turned over to the feds.

If I were you, I'd find yourself a good lawyer.

I'm gonna do better than that.

Gale, I'm going to get you Harry Orwell.

Huh?

It's diabolically clever, Mr. Orwell. You do see the ramifications of it, don't you?

There's no telling how big this thing is.

That's a ramification lesson, Lester.

Gale may not be the only one. There's no telling how many students have been victimized.

Lester.

Well, this is just one school. It could be happening on every campus in the country.

Before you go international, let's take a look at Gale's problem.

First of all, how'd you get her out of jail?

Oh, well, that was simple. I mean, I know my way around. I just called a bail bondsman.

Yeah, well, passing counterfeit money is a federal offense.

Maybe I ought to get a lawyer, Mr. Orwell.

Nah, I don't think you need a lawyer.

Hold it.

You know where you got the bills?

Oh, it could have been anywhere. I mean, when you get change, you don't look at it.

Transgiving allowance?

No, I have no parents. They died when I was quite young. I lived with my grandfather.

What does he do for a living?

Well, he's retired. He owns a little farm off Ventura Boulevard,

and he sells fruits and vegetables from a roadside stand,

and I really don't think this is getting us anywhere.

Could the bills have come from him?

Really, Mr. Orwell? I mean, not so far out. I can't believe you're serious.

No, but I read him. That was maybe somebody passed them to him when he was making change.

Oh. Well, yeah, I guess that could have happened here.

He's a pretty old man, and his eyes aren't as good as...

Well, I'll tell him to check the bills more closely.

You know, that's a good idea, because he ought to be able to spot them if anybody can.

Why?

Well, Gale told me this morning he used to be a lithographer.

That's a ramification.

Yes, sir. These are the most luscious California plums you ever sunk a fang into.

Well, about an a quarter.

And there's no charge for the sweet memories that'll stay with you all winter long.

Thank you, sir.

Tell all your friends in Nebraska.

Yes, sir. Hello, hello. You Bill Huxley?

The original. Yeah, used to be a printer.

Oh, ten years back.

I got a printing job for you, Huxley. Fresh order, okay?

I got plums, pears, avocados, sweet corn. See something you like, just point.

I'm pointing.

There's $14 in the till.

You? I want you, old man.

This here job, when do you need printed?

Money. Fresh, new, green money.

Oh, treasury agents, huh?

Well, I figured he'd be along sooner or later. Right now, it's just not convenient.

Yeah, well, that's the way it goes sometimes. Get in the car, Bob.

When you see how he lives, just barely getting by on his pension, and the little he makes from his stands.

He's putting you through college.

But if he was doing what you think, wouldn't we have lots of money?

Would you slow down?

Grant? He must be inside. I'll go get him.

How well do you know the old man?

No, I don't.

You don't?

No, I just met Gail this morning.

Well, I mean, we've got a class together and like that, but every time I say hello, I get past there and they're going out of words.

I'm sure that's a temporary condition.

Yeah, I think I'm beginning to get over it already.

Hi.

Hi.

You in charge here?

Well, it looks like it.

Where's the old man?

I don't know. He's not around right now.

Hi, sir. What's good?

Come to the list. Make a pardon.

He's not here.

Maybe on the cornfield.

No.

The orchard?

No, he wouldn't leave the stand wide open. I'm telling you, he's gone.

What, did you check the whole house?

Well, Lester, there are only four rooms. In the attic.

Oh, well, there's nothing here.

Well, let's look under the blankets.

Just with the graph press.

Two of them, engraving in it. He must have had all this stuff left over from when he was in the printing business.

Lester, could he have made counterfeit money with this equipment?

So you don't know when the old man's coming back?

No.

Thanks.

You didn't pay me for the plums.

Oh, I wish I had.

Two bucks.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Well?

He isn't in there.

How much are plums?

Thirty-nine cents a pound.

Something we have to tell you.

It's about my grandfather.

He's been kidding.

What?

If you've got the old man, don't do anything. I'll call the police for the instructions later.

Well, I think we have one given. The old man was counterfeiting.

Yeah, I'll give you that.

Well, he wasn't getting rich off of it. You can just look around and see that. Ergo, the motive was not ransom.

Well, what else?

His expertise.

Expertise?

Of course. And the kidnappers won't release him until he's printed up bales of money for it.

Lester, that's the same as ransom.

Technically speaking.

Mr. Orwell, I've thought it all over and I'm going to follow the instructions.

I think you should go to the police.

No, I can't do that. So I want you to promise me, both of you, that you'll do nothing until I hear from the kidnappers.

So naturally I'll have to stay here.

Well, I'll stay with you.

I have to get home, somehow.

Oh, here. Use my car.

You'll keep your promise, won't you?

Just let me get my gear out of the trunk and while you're taking care of your in, I'll set a tap on the phone.

I'll have it running in my end.

Well, what are you going to do?

I'm going to do what I told her to do, call the police.

But you promised Gail.

I didn't promise Gail anything.

Well, I did. Look, I know, Harry, that I'm the one who got you into this mess. But she's going to hold me responsible if you go and mess it up.

All right. All right. I'll do one favor for you. I'll go see a friend of mine. Maybe she's got information. If not, I go right to the den of trends.

Harry, I'm counting on you.

Whoever set fucking equipment was lying.

You get the old man back and if he can't pay you, don't worry about your fee because I will.

Yeah, he can pay me. The question is, will I be able to spend it without going to jail?

Look, he's going to have to cooperate with his kidnappers. That doesn't mean they're going to have to release him when he's in here.

All right, Lester. All right. Thanks, Harry.

I wasn't happy about not having the police in on things, but my friend Lester has this implemented belief that I am a criminologist who ought to be writing books on this subject.

Well, I keep telling him I'm just a private detective trying to make a buck, but then show what the count of it is.

What I needed was some up-to-date inside information on the subject, so I went to see my old friend Ruby.

Who is it?

It's Harry.

Oh, wrong name.

Oh, I just called me John.

Oh, go away, lover. I'm expecting company.

Come on, Ruby. It'll only take me a few minutes. Just want to talk to you.

A minute or an hour, the price is always the same, right?

All right.

Peace.

Oh, come on in, hon.

And some Harry.

Yeah?

Do you know how much I dig you?

Tell me.

I really dig you.

No. Tell me who's making money these days.

Oh, I make a dollar here and there.

I didn't mean that one.

Look, don't up-tell me. I do work for my bread.

No, no, I mean who's printing money these days.

Now, that's illegal.

Yes.

But when here's there are such people.

It's the new group.

Amateurs?

Yeah.

Oh, they're the ruination of every profession.

Oh, sorry, Harry. If it was an old line operator, I might be able to help you.

Now, your time's up.

If I had some of this stuff already printed, how could I unload it?

Oh, I hear there's a comer with lots of backing, a stein.

Of course, you're still only going to get 10, 15 cents on a dollar, depending on how good your product is.

Where would I find stein?

You don't. Nobody has yet, and especially the man.

Dig it. Can you get yourself a picture?

A picture?

You know.

Oh, yeah, you mean the sample?

Yeah. Just flash it in the right place.

Where?

Try the High Tide Cafe. Bar-tender named Shaver.

Yeah, well, I can't come in off-street and say,

I want to buy some money. He won't give me the time of day, will he?

He will. Just let him know the secret word.

Which is?

Ben Franklin sent me.

It's four words.

Oh, just let him know there's plenty more where that came from, and maybe stein'll find you.

But Harry, maybe the cops will find you down behind a garbage can in a dirty alley.

So take care, lover.

Where are we?

Oh, hello, John.

I hope this is important.

00841.

Mr. Five and Dime.

The Bureau's kept an active file on him for eight years.

I thought we were just going to have to outlive him.

Who is he?

Nobody you ever heard of, Chief.

He's a fruit farmer. Just off Ventura Boulevard.

You're kidding. Here's the proof.

Plums to double.

Plums?

Delicious.

Would you take them home to your wife?

One of those. Thanks.

Do you need help with the arrest?

I'm not going to arrest him, Chief. This guy never turned out more than a couple thousand dollars a year. He can wait.

I've come under something really big.

I'm listening.

I've just sent someone underground. I've been establishing my credentials.

While the word is out, there's a wholesaler named Stein who wants to deal with big volume.

And you're Stein?

That's right.

He's got a phone call from a girl named Schaefer. Wants to make a big connection.

Two hundred and fifty grand.

What do you think?

I never second-guess the man in the field.

If it's comfortable for you, play it as she lays.

Thanks.

Under normal conditions, Orwell, as you well know, the facilities of this office and my services are at your disposal.

I just want to make a little love.

However, conditions are abnormal.

I've got an armed robbery and a homicide, and my only lead, a tattooed snake.

Who would tattoo a snake?

The suspect has the tattoo of a snake winding around his arm with the head here.

It's three o'clock, Orwell. You're wasting my time.

You got any counterfeit money around here?

Counterfeit money?

Yeah, I want to borrow a couple of bucks.

Well, you'll have to see the treasury people about that.

Unless, of course, you're really short. In that case, keeping in mind that policemen are grossly underpaid, perhaps...

I don't want real money. I want counterfeit money.

You're kidding.

Bill, no.

Why?

Well, I can't tell you that.

Yes, you can. I'm a policeman.

No, no, no. I took an oath.

Let me put it another way. It's a good idea to tell me.

No, no.

If you don't, the treasury people will take you away.

They will put you in jail.

Of course, then you couldn't make my coffee or use my phone.

Phone rings

Hello?

Yeah, where's Lester?

Oh, he's right here. It's Mr. Orwell.

Hi.

Hi. Any calls?

No, that's the first one. Any progress at your end?

Very little. Listen, Lester, go up in the attic and see if dear old granddad has left any of his product lying around.

I don't think it would be just lying around. What's the plan?

The plan is I need samples.

Well, that's no problem. I can whip some up for you.

Don't do that.

Why not? I mean, it's not all that simple, I know, but we've got the equipment here.

There's plenty of ink and paper, besides that I've had a little experience in counterfeiting.

Before you say anything, it was a class assignment.

Look, just print up two $100 bills.

Oh, well, this is an official call.

I'll see you in a while.

Not for public use.

All right, all right. Here, here, here's a dime.

How do I know it wasn't a toll call?

Toll calls cost more.

Yeah.

Why do you find tooling? Where'd you get it?

Borrowed. Just for you, pups.

So let's get started. We need $250,000.

$250,000?

That's how much we gotta clear. How much more we need?

You'll need millions.

Nobody pays more than 10 or 15 cents on the dollar.

So, start rolling it off.

Absolutely not. It's dishonest.

Dishonest? Dishonest? You've been doing it for years.

$175 a month, never more, just to augment my pension.

Inflation. Now, there's the real crime.

A person can't live on a fixed pension the way prices are going up these days.

So, we'll cut you in for a slice.

I don't want that kind of money. No, I won't do it.

You got it, Pops. I'm gonna bounce you around.

You don't scare me.

Ah. Slug him.

Careful!

I've got a weak ticker.

Now, any rough stuff, I go out just like that.

Old man, we ain't got time for games.

I'm glad your parents are wealthy.

Why's that?

Because if they weren't, they sure would be.

It's a good thing I'm taking all of this.

Not too well, I'm afraid.

I think the strain has made her a bit paranoid. She doesn't even trust me anymore.

I'm getting that to trust you either.

What's the plan?

The plan is to take this to a counterfeit wholesaler by the name of Stein.

A stalker. Who?

It's a stalker. You're gonna rope a stalker.

Yeah. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna tell Trent.

She's gonna tell Treshery and they'll make the arrest.

And then we deal with Stein to get the identity of the kidnappers?

Yeah, whoever kidnapped Bill Huxley is gonna be the same guy that's gonna deal with Stein.

Mr. Orwell, that is brilliantly reticular.

Yes, it is.

You got any smaller friend I can't change, huh?

No, anybody who can.

Dry bank.

I don't like banks.

So what do you want from me?

A man named Stein.

Oh, no.

I wanted to see him around, tell him Ben Franklin and Sammy.

What's your name?

I don't have a name, just pictures.

You should drink. I'll make a couple of calls.

You do that.

I'll be right back.

You should drink. I'll make a couple of calls. You do that.

Orwell, if you're still trying to borrow money, you're out of luck.

The banks aren't open until Monday morning.

Of course, I can always break into my daughter's piggy bank.

I don't need, I don't need money. I got money. What I need is your help.

You haven't been arrested, have you?

No, I haven't been arrested. I got a meeting with a guy who wholesales kind of fit money.

Now I want you to be there.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That's federal jurisdiction. I'll have to call that.

Well, call him.

I'll call Orwell on Saturday night.

Well, what do they do? Keep bankers hours? I got the meeting in 45 minutes.

I can't do it. It's not my jurisdiction. I have to go buy the book.

Look, look, Trish, an old man has been kidnapped.

This meeting could save his life. Now I want you to be there.

I'll buy you a new book, all right?

All right. But Orwell, if I get my tone a-ringer,

it shouldn't take much imagination on your part to figure out what I'm going to do with that book.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Yes, sir?

Call me.

Need a guy to sell some goods?

I'm sorry I overcharged you for the plumps.

Forget it.

Yes, sir.

I'll see you a peg of gold.

How do I know you're not treasury?

Look, I don't know anything about you either.

I mean, you want to forget the whole thing?

I'm just trying to be cautious.

This stuff's a joke.

What's the matter with it?

What's the matter with it?

The paper's lousy, the printing's inferior.

You'd be crazy to walk out on the street with it.

I'm not talking about it. It's a work of art.

How much can you deliver?

One to two million. Fifteen on the dock.

Ten.

Hey, listen, it's fifteen for good quality stuff. Stein, what's the matter with you?

I thought you were a big opera singer.

Please, gentlemen, no need to check. You can take my word for it.

Just keep your hands inside at all times. Roberts?

How can I help you, Lieutenant?

Lieutenant, word with you in private, okay?

Just stay where you are, all right?

Don't get the picture. I'm a treasury agent.

Oh, treasury, huh?

Well, where is it?

What?

Where's your ID?

I'm undercover. You don't carry ID when you're working undercover.

Undercover what?

What's the name of the local agent in charge?

Sturges, Ray Sturges. Is that satisfying?

Nobody that deals in this type of stuff would know that much.

Oh, well.

What's your name?

John Lipton.

It's Lipton.

It's Lipton.

Your name is Stein.

It's John Lipton.

John Lipton. Call Sturges. He'll verify it.

I tried to reach Sturges an hour ago.

You can't reach him now. He's gone skiing for the weekend.

Well, check the resorts tomorrow morning. In the meantime, Roberts...

You're arresting me?

No, I'm not arresting you. I'm holding you.

Holding you till I can check your identity.

I'm telling you, guys, you haven't heard the end of this.

I'm gonna have somebody's badge for this.

So many times you heard that.

Oh, well, stay out of this.

Mr. Lipton, we finally tracked down Ray Sturges.

Congratulations, Lieutenant. You ought to be a detective.

We confirmed your identity.

You're free to go with our...

Apologies, of course.

All out!

Oh, hi, Lieutenant. You want some coffee? It's fresh inside.

What's the matter?

It's all right.

Don't speak, Orwell.

Maintain total and absolute silence.

Then maybe I can say what I have to say without losing my self-control

and committing mayhem.

For openers, Orwell, and I say this only on sober reflection,

you are beyond all reasonable doubt one of the all...

Lipton is legitimate.

Special Agent John Lipton.

Boo! Six months of undercover work because I listen to you.

Special Agent John Lipton spent last night in jail because I listen to you.

Yes, Orwell, Special Agent John Lipton is a legitimate,

authentic Treasury agent because of you.

I thought his name was Stine.

He thought you were the counterfeiter.

How do you like that?

Well, someday we'll have a big laugh about it, right?

No, Orwell, someday I may be able to think about this

without becoming homicidal.

But that day is a long time coming.

And, Orwell, until then, stay out of my life.

I... stay out of my office.

As a matter of fact, Orwell,

give serious consideration to moving back to San Diego.

Hey, Orwell.

Hey, Orwell, where are you going? Wait for me.

I'll be right there.

Hello, Gramps?

Is this Gail?

Yes, who are you?

Never mind.

If you want to see the old man again, you shut up and listen.

Are you alone?

No. Well, yes, there's a friend with me, but he's...

Well, I'll do anything that you say.

Okay.

Hey, you know where Elmo's service station is on the old highway?

Yeah, but it burned down.

That's right.

You'll be there in 20 minutes, you hear?

And you just make sure you're alone.

Hello.

Hello, Mr. Orwell.

Unless you've got to hurry.

Lester, what is it?

Don't stop anything, Mr. Orwell.

You've got less than 20 minutes.

For what?

To get to Elmo's service station.

I told you to get the car.

Lester, what's going on?

Gail is meeting with the kidnappers in 20 minutes at Elmo's.

Oh, I didn't see you.

Are you the man they called?

Come here.

Get over here.

Where's my grandfather?

I did everything just like you told me.

You can't hurt him.

He's just an old man.

He's all right.

I'm going to let you talk to him.

Thank you.

Now, you listen up.

Listen to exactly what I want you to say here.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah?

Put the old man on, okay?

Yeah, yeah.

It's for you, pops.

For me?

Nobody knows I'm here.

They'll talk.

Hello?

Grim?

Gail?

G-Grim, are you okay?

Grim, they said they were gonna help.

Gail, honey, are you all right?

Yes, Grim.

They said that if you don't make the money, they're gonna kill me.

G-Grim, are you okay?

Gail, what happened?

She made contact with a kidnapper.

But she won't tell me what they said.

She won't talk to me.

Mr. Orwell can't help you if you don't go out.

I don't remember asking you for his help.

I don't even know how he got involved in this.

Well, what's the difference?

He's working for you now, isn't he?

Well, I didn't hire him.

Look, there's nothing that he can do.

And everything will be all right if you just leave it alone, all right?

Just leave it alone!

I'm afraid you've lost your confidence, Mr. Orwell.

Me?

Well, that doesn't matter.

Kidnappers threaten to kill her if the old man doesn't cooperate.

How do you know that?

I had a bug.

And just in case...

Who was it said that ill fortune was largely the failure to anticipate?

Dr. Creighton Fong.

No, Casey Stinkle.

You can't hurt him! He's just an old man!

He's all right.

Come, we'll let you talk to him.

Now he's dialing.

Now you're gonna hear the...

Back it up to the dialing.

What if she hasn't talked to the old man yet?

Back it up to the dialing.

Well, can you slow it down and increase the volume?

Well, of course, but why?

Count the clicks.

Then we know the number.

Why, that's brilliant, Harry!

You gotta write a book on criminology. That's all there is to it.

Oh.

Hey!

Hey! I told you to keep running!

I gotta have a break. My back is killing me.

Fargo, if this old guy keeps pooping out in this, we ain't gonna be ready.

How much we got?

I lost count.

Two hundred thousand.

You're right. We'll never make it at that rate.

All right, all right, all right. Look, we back it off for a couple of days.

Not a chance. The heroin movement Patterson does. It's out of our control.

The American legation sets the schedule.

Look, all we need is another fifty grand.

Think Stein is gonna give us dollar for dollar?

Will you forget, Stein? Look, we pay off this other guy, Patterson, right?

And we use this stuff.

Well, that's crazy.

By the time he figures out he's been stiff, we're gonna have our junk on the street.

No, no, no, I don't like it.

Look, I don't notice Patterson. You do. You think he's dangerous, we still...

Don't worry about Patterson. Him I can handle.

If people behind him will never be able to do business with him again.

Are you kidding? When you got nine million bucks, you don't have to do business with nobody.

Right.

I don't believe it. It's a trick of the mind.

I'm going to close my eyes and count to three, and when I open them, nobody will be there.

Lieutenant. One.

Nobody's perfect? Two.

Search your heart for forgiveness? Three.

You're gonna make your hero. I'm gonna fix it so Special Agent Lipton apologizes to you.

How?

Well, you have to do me a favor.

Orwell, if you had stayed out of my sight for a while, if you had called me on the phone, if you had come in with your tail dragging, then maybe I could cope with it.

But after what happened last night, Orwell...

The human spirit can endure only so much. What is it you want?

I want to address you, it goes without saying.

No. No?

No, I will not do it.

At least until you can convince me that less than total disaster will result.

Well, that happens to be the telephone number of the counterfeiters.

Roberts!

Yes, sir.

Get the address that goes with this number. Then get in touch with Special Agent Lipton.

Tell him we may have found the counterfeiters.

Yes, sir.

And Roberts, tell him we can arrange for him whatever support he deems necessary.

Yes, sir.

I am pleased that Special Agent Lipton will be with us, Orwell.

Because if anything goes wrong this time, one of us will live to get you.

Well, well, well, there is only one job left, the old man.

Let me take care of it.

Want to draw straws for it?

Come on, I'll do it.

You're one tough turkey, you know that? I'll pick you up up front.

Virgo! Cops!

Petty Agent, hold her right there.

You out of your mind? Get out of here!

Where's the rest of them?

They're gone to get the car, you idiot.

And by now with your police roaming all over this place, they'll be long gone. I'll never find them.

I'm with the Narcotic Enforcement Division and you have just blown three months of undercover work.

All well?

I checked the man's ID. Just check yourself.

You don't carry ID when you're working undercover. It's a good way to get yourself killed.

Where's the money?

Forget the money. Money is not important.

$250,000?

It's seed money, man. It's going to buy a shipment of heroin.

All right. Maybe you are with Narcotic Enforcement.

You'd better believe it.

But I can't just take a word for it.

You want to know what you've done? I had the biggest bust in history going.

$9 million worth of heroin right there, man. And you just flushed it down the drain.

Well, you're two for two, Lieutenant.

Listen, why don't you try the CIA next? Nobody cares about them.

You know, you federal guys are really something.

Haven't you ever heard of the word cooperation?

Don't your departments ever talk to each other?

For sure nobody called the local police department.

There's no need to get offy.

Oh, that's beautiful.

You come into my city and set up your undercover operations, then your trap lines.

My department trips over them. You carry on like a couple of wounded virgins.

Have you finished your piece?

With him, yes. You, I'm holding. All out!

Mr. Orwell, I just don't know what to say. How can we ever thank you?

Well, you can thank me. Your grandfather can thank me by telling me what the kidnappers are going to do.

Well, I was the victim. I wouldn't know anything about their plans.

They must have talked in front of you?

I did, and I kept my ears open for what I could pick up.

But I don't know what's important.

Uh, time, uh, place, uh, geographical location.

We're responsible. Why don't you leave that to Lieutenant Trent?

Well, we know that the heroin shipment is coming in.

Yes. From Costa Rica. They said a man named Patterson is bringing it, and he arrives on Monday.

What day is this?

Well, it's, uh, Monday.

It's Monday. Yeah, well, what time? Uh, what flight number? What air line?

Mr. Orwell, you've done your job, brigately, I think. Why do you persist on this?

Well, if I don't clear myself with Lieutenant Trent, and if I don't tell him what time, when, and where the shipment of heroin is coming in, he's going to deport me. That's why.

He can't do that. You're an American.

That's how bad it is.

America. Yeah, I knew there was something else that let's slip. They said Patterson's schedule was arranged by the American legation.

Sounds like a code word.

Well, if Patterson, his diplomatic community, go through customs without any problem, where's Costa Rica?

Well, Central America, situated between Nicaragua and Panama, has a surface area of 19,000 square miles, population of 5 million, the capital is San Jose.

San Jose.

She languages Spanish.

We'll call the American legation.

I never did get anyone who spoke good English, but somebody assured me that Mr. Patterson was already aboard International Flight 44, arriving in Los Angeles at 3 p.m. Pacific Standard Time.

I asked for a description of Patterson.

Of Patterson?

Yeah, the person was not here.

No, no, no, I think it would be much more amazin'. Useful if I describe it to Mr. Tisato. No, no, Tisato is a company in Patterson.

What?

Well, Patterson was killed by car accident last week. He's going home in a box.

Shouldn't we call the police?

No, I want to make sure if I make a mistake this time, Lieutenant Trench is going to put out a contract.

Well, I guess he would feel a little more kindly towards you if your theory is correct.

What do you mean, my theory?

Well, there might not be any heroin in a coffin. Kidnappers might not show up with $250,000 and funny money.

He had to say it.

Somebody did.

Mr. Condit, we receive confirmation of your identity. I can tell you how sorry I am about this whole mess.

I'll just save it. Give you a little something to think about on those long nights when you're back walking the beat.

The deceased's name.

Patterson.

Patterson.

Oh, yes, just arrived. Slumber room number six.

Come in. I want you to go and call Trench. Tell him to bring Lieutenant. Tell him to bring that narcotics agent if he really is where I'm going.

Right.

Slumber room six is where?

Oh, down the corridor to your right.

Thank you very much.

Wait right?

No, Senor. Patterson.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes, Hodges, I will be there because it is my sworn duty as a police officer.

Yes, certainly I will bring Special Agent Lipton and Condit, and now you can give Orwell a message for me.

Tell him the mortuary is perfect.

Because if anything goes wrong this time, he will have the opportunity to make his own funeral arrangements.

Yes.

Oh, I just came in from the airport. I haven't had time to check into a hotel yet.

Oh, I understand. The name of the deceased is?

Patterson.

Oh, yes, slumber room number six. Down the corridor to your right.

Thanks.

You are late, my friend. I was beginning to perspire.

No sweat.

Ah, you don't have to count it. You don't think I'd shortchange you, do you?

Of course not, Amigo.

Bless you.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, have some...

Well, there's the clown. Whatever his name is. The clown's name is Orwell. We'll all wait for him.

Wait!

Splendid. May I recommend slumber room number six, down the corridor to your right.

Hold it, Redwood!

Oh, well, that's the guy with the tattoo of the snake on his arm.

That's the suitcase with the hammer. That suitcase with the camphor in my arm.

Well, it doesn't matter. I mean, even if you're wrong, you're right.

I mean, he is, Lieutenant. Right? I mean...

Your Excellency.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Inspector Tisado of the Mexican Secret Service.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold it. Check his ID. Check his ID. Arrest him. You can't be wrong all the time.

Mr. Orwell, I know you're in there. Come on, open up. It's last year.

You all along?

Yeah, all along. By who you hiding from?

Trench.

Oh, it would be because of that fellow who was supposed to be a Mexican Secret Service agent?

Was he?

Uh-huh. A couple years ago. But he was fired for trafficking and narcotics.

For what?

Lieutenant Trench told me to tell you that.

What else did he say?

Well, I don't think anybody is really managed anymore, Mr. Orwell.

I mean, after all, why should they be? Lieutenant Trench got the armored drug robbers,

Lipton got the counterfeiters, and Connick got the drug smugglers.

They're all the same, Pete.

I know, and that's what they're fighting over now. Who has jurisdiction over whom?

Oh, Gail sent you these. She's not managing anymore either.

In return for her grandfather's cooperation and his promise to stop printing up any more of his own supplemental income,

the federal prosecutors are going to recommend a probationary sentence.

If you're a simple man, you can ask for nothing more than this.

The sun on the ocean, a basket of plums, and nobody mad at you.

And, of course, the presence of a friend.

Even if that friend is Lester Hodges.

You