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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,013 Oh, my God! 2 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,514 Oh, my God! 3 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:18,309 Doug, what are you doing, it's 5:30 in the morning? 4 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,853 They closed down Union Turnpike, 5 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:21,938 I gotta leave for work now if I'm gonna beat the traffic. 6 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,398 Just go to sleep, shhhh. 7 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,234 Curl up like a baby bear. There you go. 8 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:39,205 OK, shhh... 9 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:42,375 It's not bad. I'm OK. 10 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:10,320 Without waking up... 11 00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,864 do you have any idea where my work shirt would be? 12 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,491 Check the floor. 13 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:18,912 I got it. I got it. Go back to sleep. 14 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,623 You're dreaming, you're dreaming! 15 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:26,795 You're rollerblading naked with Tony Danza. 16 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,757 Then you're ironing his shirt. 17 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,052 SINGER: * My eyes are gettin' weary* 18 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:38,181 * My back is gettin' tight* 19 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,849 * I'm sittin' here in traffic* 20 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:43,019 * On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 21 00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,437 * But I don't care* 22 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:48,775 * 'Cause all I want to do* 23 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,151 * Is cash my check* 24 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:54,114 * And drive right home to you* 25 00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:56,157 * 'Cause, baby, all my life* 26 00:01:56,199 --> 00:02:00,787 * I will be drivin' home to you* 27 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,849 [NEIGHBOR'S CAR PARKS] 28 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,273 -Hey, Carrie. -Oh, hey, Lou. 29 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,774 What have you got there? 30 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,943 I finally decided to spring for an air conditioner. 31 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,988 Between my Dad and Doug, that living room can get 32 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,657 pretty ripe in August. You know what I'm saying? 33 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:38,867 You need any help? 34 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,785 Oh, no, I think I can-- 35 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:44,372 actually, you're strong for a living, right? 36 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,498 I got it. 37 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,668 Thanks. You got it? 38 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,551 -Where do you want it? -Oh, right there is fine. 39 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,928 It's just gonna go in that window. 40 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,930 I could put it in for you. I'm free all day tomorrow. 41 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,808 Oh, no, no, no. That's way too nice. 42 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:04,976 Please, it's no problem. 43 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,103 My God, you are such a sweetheart. 44 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:10,607 And listen, if there's ever anything I can do for you-- 45 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:14,486 Can you get your husband to stop making hulk jokes? 46 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,322 I don't think so. I'm sorry. 47 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,034 Although, there is one thing. 48 00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,452 You know what? I shouldn't bother you. 49 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,162 No, no, no! Come on, what is it? 50 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,581 Well, my wife usually does it for me, 51 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,249 but she's out of town. 52 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,293 Okay... 53 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,255 No, nothing like that. 54 00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,840 It's just that I have to do a posing 55 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:39,135 at a gym opening next week, and it's a last-minute thing, 56 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:39,969 and, uh-- 57 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,513 and...come on. What is it? 58 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,224 Would you spread tanning cream on my body? 59 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,611 Attention. I.P.S. Driver in the house. 60 00:03:56,653 --> 00:04:00,073 But don't worry. I come in peace. 61 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,617 Hey, I'm looking for Chip Diggins? 62 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,160 Thanks. 63 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,454 Chip? 64 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,997 Hey, man, I got a package for you. 65 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,041 Oh. Great. 66 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,168 How's it feel to be on the other side? 67 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,378 Hmm? 68 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,963 You and I, we're used to giving packages, 69 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,340 but now you're getting one. 70 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,552 It feels pretty much like you'd expect. 71 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,013 What, you never got a package? 72 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:26,182 Just making conversation, guy. 73 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:28,935 Doug! 74 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,438 Mitch! Hey, man. I haven't seen you since I.P.S. 75 00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:32,605 I know, I know. 76 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:33,773 Clean up nice. 77 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,191 Yeah, well, I'm in personnel now. 78 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,317 Gotta look my best. 79 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,318 What brings you by? 80 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,987 Oh, I just had a delivery. 81 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,031 Really? Out here in the boonies? 82 00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:43,491 Can't believe they still got you working zone 12. 83 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,035 Yeah. Why? 84 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,829 Well, it's just you were working zone 12 85 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,581 when I left 2 years ago. 86 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,500 You took some time off? Were you injured? 87 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,085 Oh, no, no. It's a tough route, 88 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,545 but, hey, they only give the tough routes 89 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,963 to the tough drivers, am I right? 90 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,840 Why? You think I should have a better route? 91 00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,550 I don't know. But I tell you one thing. 92 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:01,676 If you worked here, hell, 93 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,136 you'd write your own ticket, my friend. 94 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,262 Really? 95 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,597 You kidding me? With all your experience, 96 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:06,848 hell, you'd be working Kew Gardens by now. 97 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:11,144 Kew Gardens? They got trees. 98 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,439 Anyway, just one man's opinion. 99 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,857 Ooh, Doug, love to stay and chat, 100 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,942 but Rodriguez ain't gonna fire himself. 101 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,778 Hey, it's good to see you. 102 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,864 Have a mug. 103 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,458 This is very sweet of you. 104 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:37,921 Hey, it's what neighbors do. 105 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,215 Don't forget my obliques. 106 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,508 Ok, kitten. 107 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,929 Hey. 108 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,856 So, what's for dinner? 109 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,108 I don't know, but whatever it is 110 00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,277 it's gonna have a gorgeous tan. 111 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,154 What's the matter? 112 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,989 What's the matter? All these years at I.P.S., 113 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,409 I'm still delivering in zone 12. 114 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,451 So? 115 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:12,205 12. 12! 116 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:14,124 12! 117 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,419 I'm familiar with the number, 118 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,753 but why is it bad? 119 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,130 Because it's the crap zone. 120 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,882 It's far away, it's full of potholes, 121 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,759 there's hookers on every corner, 122 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:28,430 and P.S., most of them are pretty skanky. 123 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,432 Honey, you've had this same route for years. 124 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,933 What's the deal today? 125 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,560 The deal is, you know, I ran into an old friend of mine 126 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,061 who works in personnel at FedEx, 127 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,439 and you know what he told me? If I was over there, 128 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,732 I could write my own ticket. 129 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:39,774 My own ticket. 130 00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:40,984 I never had my own ticket! 131 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:43,445 Really? That's great. 132 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:44,946 It's just not fair, you know? 133 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,239 I'm at I.P.S. 8 years, 134 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,575 and they still treat me like a pack mule. 135 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:49,951 You know, I'm at FedEx 5 minutes, 136 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,494 they treat me like a valuable person, 137 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,830 and they give me a beautiful mug. 138 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,623 Where is it? 139 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,959 Handle snapped off. 140 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,420 Driving over a zone 12 pothole. 141 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:04,299 Doug, maybe it's time to think about making a move. 142 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,717 What do you mean? 143 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,135 Going to work for FedEx. 144 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,220 -No, no, no-- -Why not? 145 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,222 No, that'd be-- it's like a big deal. 146 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:15,268 I'd have to empty out my locker and... 147 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,064 bring home my George Foreman Grill. 148 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,524 All right. You know what? Fine. Do whatever you want. 149 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:22,817 LOU: Carrie? 150 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,445 Excuse me. I have to go finish off Lou. 151 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,741 Now, come on, Carrie. 152 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,201 I wasn't sayin' I wanted to change jobs. 153 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,952 I was just blowin' off steam. 154 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,329 You know, I'm pretty happy where I am. 155 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,289 Now you're happy. Five seconds ago 156 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,417 you were ranting about how they treat you like an animal. 157 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,586 -The beer's kicked in. -All right, you know what? 158 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,922 I don't want to get involved, because when I do, 159 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,216 you just drive me crazy. So, you drink your beer, 160 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,677 and I'll spread my tanning cream. 161 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,261 Fine. 162 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,519 Besides, I just don't think I'd fit in over at FedEx. 163 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,687 What are you talkin' about? 164 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,522 It's the same exact job you do now. 165 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,857 Only in a blue uniform. 166 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,192 There you go. I can't wear blue. 167 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,320 You said yourself, I'm an autumn. 168 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,322 All right. Maybe you don't have 169 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,491 to actually take the job at FedEx, 170 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,703 but could you at least... Forget it. 171 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,371 -What? -No, never mind. Forget it. 172 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,207 Doug, I think Carrie's sayin' that you could use the heat 173 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:22,669 from FedEx to put the screen on I.P.S. 174 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,004 Thank you. 175 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,715 Doug, you're hot. You're in play. 176 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,008 -Use it. -It works. 177 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,426 I got a nice rate on the hulk 178 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,052 when they wanted me on the bionic woman. 179 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:34,180 Huh, huh? The bionic woman. 180 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,106 -Hey. -Hey, man. 181 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,902 So, the new boy seems okay, huh? 182 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,614 Yeah. Good-lookin' guy. 183 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,075 I guess. Just seems to me, 184 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,201 if you're secure in your manhood, 185 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,911 you don't need to look all... 186 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,080 attractive. 187 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,461 Zone one. All right! 188 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,629 Zone one? 189 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,089 He's been here a week, he gets zone one?! 190 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,924 It took me 4 years to get zone one. 191 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,217 I never had it! 192 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,761 I gotta tell you, man, I am so fed up 193 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,179 with the way I get treated around here. 194 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,182 O'BOYLE: Hey, how you doing? 195 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,808 Don't tell me. Tell O'Boyle. 196 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,060 -Maybe I will. -Go ahead. 197 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,269 Oh, I'm gonna go. I'm going. 198 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,605 -Okay, go! -Oh, it's on, baby. 199 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:24,647 Do it, man! 200 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,982 It's done. 201 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,401 Just give me a little push. 202 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:34,657 Oh! 203 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,034 -Sorry. -How 'bout dinner and drinks 204 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,120 before you get that close, huh, Chief? 205 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,456 -Supervisor O'Boyle? -Yeah, Doug, what up? 206 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,250 Uh...it just happened to come to my attention 207 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,753 that you assigned the new guy to zone one. 208 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,046 Yeah? 209 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,714 Well, it's just that that's the best zone. 210 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,008 I mean, is that like a welcome to the company kind of thing 211 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,593 instead of a basket or...? 212 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,470 No. No, that's his zone. 213 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,097 Although, he did get the basket, too. 214 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,391 Plus, I think, some coupons for loews theaters. 215 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,476 I guess I just don't understand 216 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,478 why the new guy lucks out with a zone 217 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,648 that's all light packages for suburban housewives? 218 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:07,857 Well, look at the guy, Doug. 219 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,694 Come on. He's gorgeous. 220 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,155 Listen, I gotta jump on the horn. 221 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,949 Somehow 100 pints of plasma 222 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,158 wound up at tavern on the green. 223 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,744 I got a very angry maitre d' to deal with. 224 00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:23,081 -I'm in play. -Pardon? 225 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,000 Yeah. You know, I didn't want to say anything, 226 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,043 but I got a lot of heat on me. 227 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,837 Lotta heat. 228 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,255 What are you saying? 229 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,840 You saying there's another company interested in you? 230 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,258 Ah, yes, there is. 231 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,217 Who? 232 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,343 Well, I'm really not at liberty 233 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,511 to disclose that information. 234 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,848 Let's just say it ends in "X." 235 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,391 Gas-x? 236 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,436 -FedEx. -Whoa. FedEx. Wow. 237 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:48,398 Now, if we could come to some kind of agreement, 238 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,858 you know, regarding my route, 239 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,776 I'd be happy to tell FedEx 240 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,111 to overnight their offer 241 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,738 to where the sun don't shine. 242 00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,947 Ha ha ha. 243 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,866 Puttin' the squeeze on the ol' boss, huh? 244 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,534 Maybe just a touch. 245 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,911 Well, you're a good worker, Doug, and I'd hate to lose you, 246 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,371 so what's it gonna take to make you happy? 247 00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:06,416 -Zone one. -No can do. Anything else? 248 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,375 Zone 2? 249 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,543 2? That's right next to one. 250 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,420 Then zone 3 or 4. It doesn't matter. 251 00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:11,963 Anything with single digits. 252 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,007 Mmm, nope. Nope. No way. 253 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,550 Tell you what? If you can wait a year, 254 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:16,593 I can get you 13. 255 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:17,844 I'm in 12 now! 256 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,179 Well, listen, Doug. I'm trying to work with you. 257 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,472 What do you want from me? 258 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,557 I want the respect that I deserve. You know? 259 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,976 I've been here 8 years, and I'm a good driver. 260 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,394 I should have zone one. 261 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,730 And if I don't get it, I'll-- 262 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,440 You'll what? 263 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,152 I'll, you know-- I'm gonna quit. 264 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,072 Ok, Doug. You win. 265 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,407 Boy, I'm gonna catch hell for this, 266 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,575 but here's what I'm gonna do. 267 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:44,954 From now on, zone 12 renamed zone one 268 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,456 and vise versa. 269 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:48,541 That's the same zone! That doesn't help at all! 270 00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,627 Well, I'm all out of ideas, Doug. 271 00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:53,088 Listen, you gotta do what you gotta do, okay? 272 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:56,383 So, good luck over there at gas-x. 273 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,468 FedEx. 274 00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,812 [DOORBELL RINGS] 275 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,816 Hey, there, Louis. 276 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,818 Is this a good time for me to put in the air conditioner? 277 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:17,153 Yeah, you bet. Come on in. 278 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,197 Oh, by the way, 279 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,490 how do you like my tan? 280 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:23,410 Hmm... I don't like it. 281 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,788 -Really? I loveit! 282 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,748 No kidding. 283 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,291 Lou, you look fantastic. 284 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,877 A dark, rich, even tan in March? 285 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,672 God, that stuff is amazing. 286 00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,298 The best you can buy. 287 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,259 God, look at me compared to you. 288 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,802 I look so pale and pasty. 289 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,846 -You look fine. -No, I'm white as a sheet. 290 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,724 I look like I'm touring with mummenschanz. 291 00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,810 You want me to get you a couple bottles? 292 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,686 Really? 293 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,147 Yeah, thank you. 294 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,231 -Hey. -Hey, honey. 295 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,899 -Hey, Lou. -Doug. 296 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,568 Uh, honey, could I talk to you 297 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,737 in the kitchen alone... or something? 298 00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,821 Oh, you don't have to go anywhere. 299 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:00,989 You know I'm hard of hearing, 300 00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:04,826 and I won't read your lips. I promise. 301 00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,871 All right. Fine. I lost my job today. 302 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,247 What?! 303 00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,877 Sorry. 304 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,920 You lost your job? 305 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,547 -Yeah. -What happened? 306 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,132 I tried to bluff O'Boyle with the FedEx thing, 307 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:21,843 and he didn't bite. He just let me walk out. 308 00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,803 Well, why the hell were you talking to O'Boyle? 309 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,638 'cause you kept saying how much heat I had on me, 310 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,890 that I was in play! 311 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,224 I thought you wanted me to talk to him! 312 00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,018 Not without preparation, 313 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,187 some rehearsal, some index cards! 314 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,980 For the love of God, I didn't want you to just wing it! 315 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,442 Well, too late. It's already...wung. 316 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,777 Well, you know what? 317 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,944 So, you just go back 318 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,279 and tell O'Boyle it was a mistake. 319 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,739 You know what? You tell him 320 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,783 that you were dehydrated and exhausted. 321 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,576 Oh, better yet, tell him you mixed pills and booze 322 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,870 and you had a bad reaction. 323 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:52,957 You do understand my job is driving? 324 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,002 All right. 325 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,962 Well, you know what? Maybe this is not so bad. 326 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:01,299 I mean, they still love ya at FedEx. 327 00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,930 Go, FedEx! Woof! 328 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,431 Yeah! 329 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:09,641 Hey, Mitch. 330 00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,102 Doug! Hey, you got another delivery for us? 331 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,938 Yup. A 250-pound package of Doug Heffernan. 332 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,524 -What? -I left I.P.S. 333 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,692 Really! Why? 334 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:19,901 Well, let's just say they pushed 335 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,112 and I pushed back. Shall we talk? 336 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:25,156 Come on. Sure. Come on in my office. 337 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,117 Gonna be great if I can get a route in Rego Park. 338 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,618 That way, I could stop home for lunch. 339 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:32,330 But...hey. Not a deal-breaker. 340 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:39,170 So...why should the FedEx company hire Doug Heffernan? 341 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,047 What? 342 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,800 What would a Doug Heffernan bring to FedEx? 343 00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,969 I-I'd bring myself. 344 00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,263 And my lunch if I don't get Rego Park. 345 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,223 [CHUCKLING] 346 00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:51,683 No, I think I'd, uh... 347 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,436 hey, cast away.Whoa... 348 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:02,569 No, I'd bring a lot of things. 349 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,778 I'm a real good, 350 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,865 dependable driver, you know, um... 351 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:10,160 I've got a pleasant personality. I'm relatively hygienic. 352 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,787 And I've been told I'm quite the cutup. 353 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,122 Cutup. Uh-huh. 354 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:17,334 And where do you see yourself in the future? 355 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,501 You got a 5-year plan? 356 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,794 5 years? Uh, yeah. 357 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,671 I hope to be still delivering packages, 358 00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:24,466 only in a hovercraft. [ENGINE SOUND] 359 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,968 Hey, package for Mr. Spacely! 360 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,262 You are quite the cutup. Here's the thing, though. 361 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,140 We're really not hiring at the moment. 362 00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,433 -What? -Yeah. 363 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:34,976 We're a little lean and mean right now, so... 364 00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,686 You just told me how great I was, 365 00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,146 how if I was here, I could write my own ticket! 366 00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,773 That was just friends talking. What am I gonna say, 367 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:42,108 you're the heaviest I've ever seen you? 368 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,693 I quit my job! 369 00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:45,028 Doug, look, tell you what I'm gonna do. 370 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,030 I'll leave your application on file. 371 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,656 I don't want my application on file, man. 372 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,533 That's a death warrant! Look, Mitch, 373 00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,035 I can do this job. I want this job. 374 00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:55,413 Look at this. See? Hey, FedEx calling. Rrrah! 375 00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:58,875 Mitchell, Mitch, Mitch, listen to me. 376 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:01,211 I am not leaving this building until you hire me. 377 00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:03,213 Now, we both know I'm the man for the job. 378 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,131 Look in my eyes! See the passion? 379 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,217 I know you're thinking deep down inside, 380 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,428 I'm gonna roll the dice on this kid. 381 00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:13,765 Security. 382 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,563 Morning, baby. 383 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,731 What ya doing? 384 00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,191 -Looking through the want ads. -Doug-- 385 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,777 I'm looking through the want ads. Leave me alone! 386 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:29,239 Would you just call O'Boyle? 387 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,074 He's dead to me. 388 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:33,618 You are just so damn stubborn! 389 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,329 Just crawl back and take your crap. 390 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,747 I do it. 391 00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:40,625 For God's sakes, my boss, he throws his shoes at me! 392 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,378 I just duck and get on with my life. 393 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,672 That's you, okay? I want more out of my job, okay? 394 00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,132 I want happiness, I want respect, 395 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,134 and I'm gonna get it, even if that means... 396 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:52,470 slaughtering pigs for 6 bucks an hour. 397 00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,434 All right. You know what, Doug? 398 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,019 If you wanna find a new job, 399 00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,271 then--then I support you. 400 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,023 Thank you. 401 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,107 Honey, didn't Lou tell you 402 00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:06,109 to go easy on that tanning cream? 403 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,485 Yeah? So? 404 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,988 So? How many coats is that? 405 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,322 One! 406 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:13,616 Okay, maybe 3. 407 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,201 Doug, you don't understand. 408 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,828 People have been telling me I've never looked better. 409 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,246 This stuff is magic! 410 00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,040 Well, Dougie ain't got no job now, 411 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,791 and that magic costs 18 bucks a bottle, 412 00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,461 so slap on a coat of sealant and call it a day! 413 00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,962 Fine! 414 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:28,673 Besides...I can live without the smeared brown handprints 415 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,966 all over the house. 416 00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,761 It's starting to look like a crime scene. 417 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,054 I said fine! 418 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,472 Aha! Look at this right here! Look! Look! 419 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:38,183 Look what I found, miss doubting Thomasina! 420 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,935 "Metro Courier service in Midtown Manhattan. 421 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,813 "experienced delivery personnel needed immediately. 422 00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,357 Good pay. Flexible hours." 423 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:49,319 Well, looks like daddy landed back on his feet! 424 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:53,239 -[BLOWS WHISTLE] -[CAR HORNS HONKING] 425 00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:02,040 Respect the signal, dude! 426 00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:08,463 [BLOWS WHISTLE] 427 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,201 Doug? 428 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,369 Carrie? 429 00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,787 Hey, honey! 430 00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,748 My God! How much of that tanning stuff are you using? 431 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,917 -None. -None? 432 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,919 You look like seal! 433 00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:50,171 For your information, 434 00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,382 I had lunch outside today. 435 00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,217 Well, unless you had it 8 feet from the sun, 436 00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:56,428 I'd say you got a roaring tanning cream addiction. 437 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,431 Can we forget about me, please? What are you doing? 438 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:00,640 Whose bike is this? 439 00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,851 Metro Courier's. 440 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,061 You're a... bike messenger? 441 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,396 A bike courier, 442 00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,314 and I happen to enjoy it. 443 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,483 Oh, come on. You can't be enjoying this. 444 00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:12,068 Yeah, well, I do. 445 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,237 Doug, I am begging you, 446 00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:15,989 let's cut you outta those pants 447 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:19,492 and get you back to I.P.S., please! 448 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:20,410 No. You know what? 449 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:21,911 If they can live without me, 450 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,622 I can live without them. All right? 451 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,541 Now, if you will excuse me, 452 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:27,625 I need to figure out a way 453 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,211 to pedal through the midtown tunnel. 454 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,591 [YELLS] No seat! 455 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:38,011 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 456 00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,936 -Hey, there! -Hey, Doug! 457 00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,188 What brings you by? 458 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,148 I just wanted to drop off all my uniforms. 459 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,609 I had 'em martinized for you. 460 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,944 I don't know what that means, but it cost me a buck extra. 461 00:19:54,986 --> 00:19:57,155 Well, thanks. 462 00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,949 So how's your job there at FedEx? 463 00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:03,203 Actually, you know what? I passed on 'em. Yeah. 464 00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,371 You know what it is? 465 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,790 Didn't quite work into my 5-year plan. 466 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,833 Didn't see it happening. Went over to metro courier. 467 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,043 Good outfit. 468 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,253 Oh. Those the guys deliver on skates? 469 00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,714 No, no, no, no. They stopped doin' that years ago 470 00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,841 when they lost a few guys. 471 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,259 It's all scooters and bikes. I'm on a bike. 472 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,178 It's very pleasant, actually. Verypleasant. 473 00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,721 You want your job back, don't ya? 474 00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:23,640 Certainly do. Yes. 475 00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:25,058 What about this... 476 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,018 respect thing? You still into that? 477 00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:30,563 Not so much. No. No. 478 00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:32,982 I think once you been violated by a 10-speed, 479 00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,984 your priorities kinda change. 480 00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:37,612 I heard that. All right. 481 00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:40,156 You can come back, Doug. See you in the morning. 482 00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:43,368 Thank you. Thank you so much. 483 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,829 You know that thing you said about, 484 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,664 you know, calling zone 12 zone 1? 485 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,500 I think I might be willing to go for that after all. 486 00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:53,837 Nah. You see, Doug, if I let you do it, 487 00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:56,506 then everybody's gonna want to rename their zone zone 1. 488 00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:59,092 You know, it's a slippery slope, my friend. 489 00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:02,679 Okay, what if... you and I just call it zone 1 490 00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:03,680 when we're alone? 491 00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:05,515 Alone? What are you getting at? 492 00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:06,850 Forget it. 493 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:08,893 How about giving me a welcome basket? 494 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,895 Doug, again with the slippery... 495 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,856 Well, look, man, I been here 8 years! 496 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,608 You gotta give me something! 497 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,318 Movie passes? 498 00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:20,405 All right. What the hell? 499 00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:21,948 All right. 500 00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,533 Welcome back, Doug. 501 00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:26,036 Well, thank you. It's nice to be back, sir. 502 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,580 And good to be appreciated. 503 00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:36,546 Wait a sec. These... these passes have expired. 504 00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:41,801 It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. 505 00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,553 You know what? If they can live without me, 506 00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,889 I can live without them. 507 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,892 Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a way to-- 508 00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:50,977 MAN: One more time! 509 00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:52,687 No, no. If they can live without me, 510 00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:53,897 I can live without them. 511 00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:56,107 Okay? Now, if you'll excuse me, 512 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:58,693 I have to figure out a way to p-- 513 00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:00,445 I'm laughing at-- 514 00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:01,571 You know what? 515 00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:03,281 If they can't live without me, 516 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:06,493 then I can't live without them. 517 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,579 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 36616

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