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1
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,013
Oh, my God!
2
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,514
Oh, my God!
3
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:18,309
Doug, what are you doing,
it's 5:30 in the morning?
4
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,853
They closed down Union Turnpike,
5
00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:21,938
I gotta leave for work now if
I'm gonna beat the traffic.
6
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,398
Just go to sleep, shhhh.
7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,234
Curl up like a baby bear.
There you go.
8
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:39,205
OK, shhh...
9
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:42,375
It's not bad.
I'm OK.
10
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:10,320
Without waking up...
11
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,864
do you have any idea where my
work shirt would be?
12
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,491
Check the floor.
13
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:18,912
I got it. I got it.
Go back to sleep.
14
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,623
You're dreaming,
you're dreaming!
15
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:26,795
You're rollerblading naked
with Tony Danza.
16
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,757
Then you're ironing his shirt.
17
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,052
SINGER:
* My eyes are gettin' weary*
18
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:38,181
* My back is gettin' tight*
19
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,849
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
20
00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:43,019
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
21
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,437
* But I don't care*
22
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:48,775
* 'Cause all I want to do*
23
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,151
* Is cash my check*
24
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:54,114
* And drive right hometo you*
25
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:56,157
* 'Cause, baby, all my life*
26
00:01:56,199 --> 00:02:00,787
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
27
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,849
[NEIGHBOR'S CAR PARKS]
28
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,273
-Hey, Carrie.
-Oh, hey, Lou.
29
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,774
What have you got there?
30
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,943
I finally decided to spring
for an air conditioner.
31
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,988
Between my Dad and Doug,
that living room can get
32
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,657
pretty ripe in August.
You know what I'm saying?
33
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:38,867
You need any help?
34
00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,785
Oh, no, I think I can--
35
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:44,372
actually, you're strong
for a living, right?
36
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,498
I got it.
37
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,668
Thanks. You got it?
38
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,551
-Where do you want it?
-Oh, right there is fine.
39
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,928
It's just gonna go
in that window.
40
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,930
I could put it in for you.
I'm free all day tomorrow.
41
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,808
Oh, no, no, no.
That's way too nice.
42
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:04,976
Please, it's no problem.
43
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,103
My God, you are
such a sweetheart.
44
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:10,607
And listen, if there's ever
anything I can do for you--
45
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:14,486
Can you get your husband
to stop making hulk jokes?
46
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,322
I don't think so.
I'm sorry.
47
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,034
Although, there is one thing.
48
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,452
You know what?
I shouldn't bother you.
49
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,162
No, no, no!
Come on, what is it?
50
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,581
Well, my wife
usually does it for me,
51
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,249
but she's out of town.
52
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,293
Okay...
53
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,255
No, nothing like that.
54
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,840
It's just that
I have to do a posing
55
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:39,135
at a gym opening next week,
and it's a last-minute thing,
56
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:39,969
and, uh--
57
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,513
and...come on.
What is it?
58
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,224
Would you spread
tanning cream on my body?
59
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,611
Attention. I.P.S. Driver
in the house.
60
00:03:56,653 --> 00:04:00,073
But don't worry.
I come in peace.
61
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,617
Hey, I'm looking
for Chip Diggins?
62
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,160
Thanks.
63
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,454
Chip?
64
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,997
Hey, man, I got
a package for you.
65
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,041
Oh. Great.
66
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,168
How's it feel to be
on the other side?
67
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,378
Hmm?
68
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,963
You and I, we're used
to giving packages,
69
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,340
but now you're getting one.
70
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,552
It feels pretty much
like you'd expect.
71
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,013
What, you never got
a package?
72
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:26,182
Just making
conversation, guy.
73
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:28,935
Doug!
74
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,438
Mitch! Hey, man. I haven't
seen you since I.P.S.
75
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:32,605
I know, I know.
76
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:33,773
Clean up nice.
77
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,191
Yeah, well, I'm
in personnel now.
78
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,317
Gotta look my best.
79
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,318
What brings you by?
80
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,987
Oh, I just had a delivery.
81
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,031
Really? Out here
in the boonies?
82
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:43,491
Can't believe they still
got you working zone 12.
83
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,035
Yeah. Why?
84
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,829
Well, it's just
you were working zone 12
85
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,581
when I left 2 years ago.
86
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,500
You took some time off?
Were you injured?
87
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,085
Oh, no, no.
It's a tough route,
88
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,545
but, hey, they only give
the tough routes
89
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,963
to the tough drivers,
am I right?
90
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,840
Why? You think I should have
a better route?
91
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,550
I don't know.
But I tell you one thing.
92
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:01,676
If you worked here, hell,
93
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,136
you'd write your own ticket,
my friend.
94
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,262
Really?
95
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,597
You kidding me?
With all your experience,
96
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:06,848
hell, you'd be working
Kew Gardens by now.
97
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:11,144
Kew Gardens?
They got trees.
98
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,439
Anyway,
just one man's opinion.
99
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,857
Ooh, Doug,
love to stay and chat,
100
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,942
but Rodriguez
ain't gonna fire himself.
101
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,778
Hey, it's good to see you.
102
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,864
Have a mug.
103
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,458
This is very sweet of you.
104
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:37,921
Hey, it's what neighbors do.
105
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,215
Don't forget
my obliques.
106
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,508
Ok, kitten.
107
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,929
Hey.
108
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,856
So, what's for dinner?
109
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,108
I don't know,
but whatever it is
110
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,277
it's gonna have
a gorgeous tan.
111
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,154
What's the matter?
112
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,989
What's the matter?
All these years at I.P.S.,
113
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,409
I'm still delivering
in zone 12.
114
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,451
So?
115
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:12,205
12. 12!
116
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:14,124
12!
117
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,419
I'm familiar with the number,
118
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,753
but why is it bad?
119
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,130
Because it's the crap zone.
120
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,882
It's far away,
it's full of potholes,
121
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,759
there's hookers
on every corner,
122
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:28,430
and P.S., most of them
are pretty skanky.
123
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,432
Honey, you've had
this same route for years.
124
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,933
What's the deal today?
125
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,560
The deal is, you know, I ran
into an old friend of mine
126
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,061
who works in personnel
at FedEx,
127
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,439
and you know what he told me?
If I was over there,
128
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,732
I could write my own ticket.
129
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:39,774
My own ticket.
130
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:40,984
I never had
my own ticket!
131
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:43,445
Really? That's great.
132
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:44,946
It's just not fair,
you know?
133
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,239
I'm at I.P.S. 8 years,
134
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,575
and they still treat me
like a pack mule.
135
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:49,951
You know,
I'm at FedEx 5 minutes,
136
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,494
they treat me like
a valuable person,
137
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,830
and they give me
a beautiful mug.
138
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,623
Where is it?
139
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,959
Handle snapped off.
140
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,420
Driving over
a zone 12 pothole.
141
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:04,299
Doug, maybe it's time
to think about making a move.
142
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,717
What do you mean?
143
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,135
Going to work
for FedEx.
144
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,220
-No, no, no--
-Why not?
145
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,222
No, that'd be--
it's like a big deal.
146
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:15,268
I'd have to empty out
my locker and...
147
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,064
bring home
my George Foreman Grill.
148
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,524
All right. You know what?
Fine. Do whatever you want.
149
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:22,817
LOU: Carrie?
150
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,445
Excuse me. I have
to go finish off Lou.
151
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,741
Now, come on, Carrie.
152
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,201
I wasn't sayin'
I wanted to change jobs.
153
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,952
I was just blowin' off steam.
154
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,329
You know,
I'm pretty happy where I am.
155
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,289
Now you're happy.
Five seconds ago
156
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,417
you were ranting about how they
treat you like an animal.
157
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,586
-The beer's kicked in.
-All right, you know what?
158
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,922
I don't want to get involved,
because when I do,
159
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,216
you just drive me crazy.
So, you drink your beer,
160
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,677
and I'll spread
my tanning cream.
161
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,261
Fine.
162
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,519
Besides, I just don't think
I'd fit in over at FedEx.
163
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,687
What are you talkin' about?
164
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,522
It's the same exact job
you do now.
165
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,857
Only in a blue uniform.
166
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,192
There you go.
I can't wear blue.
167
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,320
You said yourself,
I'm an autumn.
168
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,322
All right.
Maybe you don't have
169
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,491
to actually take the job
at FedEx,
170
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,703
but could you at least...
Forget it.
171
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,371
-What?
-No, never mind. Forget it.
172
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,207
Doug, I think Carrie's sayin'
that you could use the heat
173
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:22,669
from FedEx to put
the screen on I.P.S.
174
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,004
Thank you.
175
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,715
Doug, you're hot.
You're in play.
176
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,008
-Use it.
-It works.
177
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,426
I got a nice rate
on the hulk
178
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,052
when they wanted me
on the bionic woman.
179
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:34,180
Huh, huh?
The bionic woman.
180
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,106
-Hey.
-Hey, man.
181
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,902
So, the new boy
seems okay, huh?
182
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,614
Yeah. Good-lookin' guy.
183
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,075
I guess.
Just seems to me,
184
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,201
if you're secure
in your manhood,
185
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,911
you don't need
to look all...
186
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,080
attractive.
187
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,461
Zone one. All right!
188
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,629
Zone one?
189
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,089
He's been here a week,
he gets zone one?!
190
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,924
It took me 4 years
to get zone one.
191
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,217
I never had it!
192
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,761
I gotta tell you,
man, I am so fed up
193
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,179
with the way I get
treated around here.
194
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,182
O'BOYLE:
Hey, how you doing?
195
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,808
Don't tell me.
Tell O'Boyle.
196
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,060
-Maybe I will.
-Go ahead.
197
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,269
Oh, I'm gonna go.
I'm going.
198
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,605
-Okay, go!
-Oh, it's on, baby.
199
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:24,647
Do it, man!
200
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,982
It's done.
201
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,401
Just give me
a little push.
202
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:34,657
Oh!
203
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,034
-Sorry.
-How 'bout dinner and drinks
204
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,120
before you get that close,
huh, Chief?
205
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,456
-Supervisor O'Boyle?
-Yeah, Doug, what up?
206
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,250
Uh...it just happened
to come to my attention
207
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,753
that you assigned the new guy
to zone one.
208
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,046
Yeah?
209
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,714
Well, it's just that
that's the best zone.
210
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,008
I mean, is that like a welcome
to the company kind of thing
211
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,593
instead of a basket
or...?
212
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,470
No. No, that's his zone.
213
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,097
Although, he did get
the basket, too.
214
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,391
Plus, I think, some coupons
for loews theaters.
215
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,476
I guess
I just don't understand
216
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,478
why the new guy
lucks out with a zone
217
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,648
that's all light packages
for suburban housewives?
218
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:07,857
Well, look at
the guy, Doug.
219
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,694
Come on. He's gorgeous.
220
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,155
Listen, I gotta jump
on the horn.
221
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,949
Somehow 100 pints of plasma
222
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,158
wound up
at tavern on the green.
223
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,744
I got a very angry
maitre d' to deal with.
224
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:23,081
-I'm in play.
-Pardon?
225
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,000
Yeah. You know, I didn't want
to say anything,
226
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,043
but I got a lot
of heat on me.
227
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,837
Lotta heat.
228
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,255
What are you saying?
229
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,840
You saying there's another
company interested in you?
230
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,258
Ah, yes, there is.
231
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,217
Who?
232
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,343
Well, I'm really
not at liberty
233
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,511
to disclose
that information.
234
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,848
Let's just say it
ends in "X."
235
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,391
Gas-x?
236
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,436
-FedEx.
-Whoa. FedEx. Wow.
237
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:48,398
Now, if we could come
to some kind of agreement,
238
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,858
you know,
regarding my route,
239
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,776
I'd be happy
to tell FedEx
240
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,111
to overnight
their offer
241
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,738
to where the sun
don't shine.
242
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,947
Ha ha ha.
243
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,866
Puttin' the squeeze
on the ol' boss, huh?
244
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,534
Maybe just a touch.
245
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,911
Well, you're a good worker,
Doug, and I'd hate to lose you,
246
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,371
so what's it gonna take
to make you happy?
247
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:06,416
-Zone one.
-No can do. Anything else?
248
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,375
Zone 2?
249
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,543
2? That's right next to one.
250
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,420
Then zone 3 or 4.
It doesn't matter.
251
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:11,963
Anything
with single digits.
252
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,007
Mmm, nope. Nope. No way.
253
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,550
Tell you what?
If you can wait a year,
254
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:16,593
I can get you 13.
255
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:17,844
I'm in 12 now!
256
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,179
Well, listen, Doug.
I'm trying to work with you.
257
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,472
What do you want from me?
258
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,557
I want the respect
that I deserve. You know?
259
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,976
I've been here 8 years,
and I'm a good driver.
260
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,394
I should have
zone one.
261
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,730
And if I don't
get it, I'll--
262
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,440
You'll what?
263
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,152
I'll, you know--
I'm gonna quit.
264
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,072
Ok, Doug. You win.
265
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,407
Boy, I'm gonna
catch hell for this,
266
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,575
but here's
what I'm gonna do.
267
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:44,954
From now on, zone 12
renamed zone one
268
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,456
and vise versa.
269
00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:48,541
That's the same zone!
That doesn't help at all!
270
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,627
Well, I'm all out
of ideas, Doug.
271
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:53,088
Listen, you gotta do
what you gotta do, okay?
272
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:56,383
So, good luck
over there at gas-x.
273
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,468
FedEx.
274
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,812
[DOORBELL RINGS]
275
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,816
Hey, there,
Louis.
276
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,818
Is this a good time for me
to put in the air conditioner?
277
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:17,153
Yeah, you bet.
Come on in.
278
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,197
Oh, by the way,
279
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,490
how do you like
my tan?
280
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:23,410
Hmm...
I don't like it.
281
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,788
-Really?
I loveit!
282
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,748
No kidding.
283
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,291
Lou, you look
fantastic.
284
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,877
A dark, rich,
even tan in March?
285
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,672
God, that stuff
is amazing.
286
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,298
The best you can buy.
287
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,259
God, look at me
compared to you.
288
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,802
I look so pale
and pasty.
289
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,846
-You look fine.
-No, I'm white as a sheet.
290
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,724
I look like I'm touring
with mummenschanz.
291
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,810
You want me to get you
a couple bottles?
292
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,686
Really?
293
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,147
Yeah, thank you.
294
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,231
-Hey.
-Hey, honey.
295
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,899
-Hey, Lou.
-Doug.
296
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,568
Uh, honey,
could I talk to you
297
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,737
in the kitchen alone...
or something?
298
00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,821
Oh, you don't
have to go anywhere.
299
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:00,989
You know I'm
hard of hearing,
300
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:04,826
and I won't read
your lips. I promise.
301
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,871
All right. Fine.
I lost my job today.
302
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,247
What?!
303
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,877
Sorry.
304
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,920
You lost your job?
305
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,547
-Yeah.
-What happened?
306
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,132
I tried to bluff O'Boyle
with the FedEx thing,
307
00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:21,843
and he didn't bite.
He just let me walk out.
308
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,803
Well, why the hell
were you talking to O'Boyle?
309
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,638
'cause you kept saying
how much heat I had on me,
310
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,890
that I was in play!
311
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,224
I thought you wanted
me to talk to him!
312
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,018
Not without
preparation,
313
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,187
some rehearsal,
some index cards!
314
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,980
For the love of God, I didn't
want you to just wing it!
315
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,442
Well, too late.
It's already...wung.
316
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,777
Well, you know what?
317
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,944
So, you just go back
318
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,279
and tell O'Boyle
it was a mistake.
319
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,739
You know what?
You tell him
320
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,783
that you were dehydrated
and exhausted.
321
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,576
Oh, better yet, tell him
you mixed pills and booze
322
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,870
and you had
a bad reaction.
323
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:52,957
You do understand
my job is driving?
324
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,002
All right.
325
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,962
Well, you know what?
Maybe this is not so bad.
326
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:01,299
I mean, they still
love ya at FedEx.
327
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,930
Go, FedEx! Woof!
328
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,431
Yeah!
329
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:09,641
Hey, Mitch.
330
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,102
Doug! Hey, you got
another delivery for us?
331
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,938
Yup. A 250-pound package
of Doug Heffernan.
332
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,524
-What?
-I left I.P.S.
333
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,692
Really! Why?
334
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:19,901
Well, let's just
say they pushed
335
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,112
and I pushed back.
Shall we talk?
336
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:25,156
Come on. Sure.
Come on in my office.
337
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,117
Gonna be great if I can
get a route in Rego Park.
338
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,618
That way, I could
stop home for lunch.
339
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:32,330
But...hey.
Not a deal-breaker.
340
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:39,170
So...why should the FedEx
company hire Doug Heffernan?
341
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,047
What?
342
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,800
What would a Doug Heffernan
bring to FedEx?
343
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,969
I-I'd bring myself.
344
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,263
And my lunch
if I don't get Rego Park.
345
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,223
[CHUCKLING]
346
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:51,683
No, I think I'd, uh...
347
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,436
hey, cast away.Whoa...
348
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:02,569
No, I'd bring
a lot of things.
349
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,778
I'm a real good,
350
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,865
dependable driver,
you know, um...
351
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:10,160
I've got a pleasant personality.
I'm relatively hygienic.
352
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,787
And I've been told
I'm quite the cutup.
353
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,122
Cutup. Uh-huh.
354
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:17,334
And where do you see yourself
in the future?
355
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,501
You got a 5-year plan?
356
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,794
5 years? Uh, yeah.
357
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,671
I hope to be still
delivering packages,
358
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:24,466
only in a hovercraft.
[ENGINE SOUND]
359
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,968
Hey, package
for Mr. Spacely!
360
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,262
You are quite the cutup.
Here's the thing, though.
361
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,140
We're really not hiring
at the moment.
362
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,433
-What?
-Yeah.
363
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:34,976
We're a little lean
and mean right now, so...
364
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,686
You just told me
how great I was,
365
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,146
how if I was here,
I could write my own ticket!
366
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,773
That was just friends talking.
What am I gonna say,
367
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:42,108
you're the heaviest
I've ever seen you?
368
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,693
I quit my job!
369
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:45,028
Doug, look, tell you
what I'm gonna do.
370
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,030
I'll leave
your application on file.
371
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,656
I don't want my application
on file, man.
372
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,533
That's a death warrant!
Look, Mitch,
373
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,035
I can do this job.
I want this job.
374
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:55,413
Look at this. See?
Hey, FedEx calling. Rrrah!
375
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:58,875
Mitchell, Mitch,
Mitch, listen to me.
376
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:01,211
I am not leaving this building
until you hire me.
377
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:03,213
Now, we both know
I'm the man for the job.
378
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,131
Look in my eyes!
See the passion?
379
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,217
I know you're thinking
deep down inside,
380
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,428
I'm gonna roll
the dice on this kid.
381
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:13,765
Security.
382
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,563
Morning, baby.
383
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,731
What ya doing?
384
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,191
-Looking through the want ads.
-Doug--
385
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,777
I'm looking through
the want ads. Leave me alone!
386
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:29,239
Would you just
call O'Boyle?
387
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,074
He's dead to me.
388
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:33,618
You are just
so damn stubborn!
389
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,329
Just crawl back
and take your crap.
390
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,747
I do it.
391
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:40,625
For God's sakes, my boss,
he throws his shoes at me!
392
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,378
I just duck and
get on with my life.
393
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,672
That's you, okay? I want more
out of my job, okay?
394
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,132
I want happiness,
I want respect,
395
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,134
and I'm gonna get it,
even if that means...
396
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:52,470
slaughtering pigs
for 6 bucks an hour.
397
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,434
All right.
You know what, Doug?
398
00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,019
If you wanna
find a new job,
399
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,271
then--then
I support you.
400
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,023
Thank you.
401
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,107
Honey, didn't Lou tell you
402
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:06,109
to go easy
on that tanning cream?
403
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,485
Yeah? So?
404
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,988
So? How many coats
is that?
405
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,322
One!
406
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:13,616
Okay, maybe 3.
407
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,201
Doug, you don't
understand.
408
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,828
People have been telling me
I've never looked better.
409
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,246
This stuff is magic!
410
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,040
Well, Dougie
ain't got no job now,
411
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,791
and that magic
costs 18 bucks a bottle,
412
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,461
so slap on a coat of sealant
and call it a day!
413
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,962
Fine!
414
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:28,673
Besides...I can live without
the smeared brown handprints
415
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,966
all over the house.
416
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,761
It's starting to look
like a crime scene.
417
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,054
I said fine!
418
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,472
Aha! Look at this
right here! Look! Look!
419
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:38,183
Look what I found,
miss doubting Thomasina!
420
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,935
"Metro Courier service
in Midtown Manhattan.
421
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,813
"experienced delivery personnel
needed immediately.
422
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,357
Good pay.
Flexible hours."
423
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:49,319
Well, looks like daddy
landed back on his feet!
424
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:53,239
-[BLOWS WHISTLE]
-[CAR HORNS HONKING]
425
00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:02,040
Respect the signal, dude!
426
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:08,463
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
427
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,201
Doug?
428
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,369
Carrie?
429
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,787
Hey, honey!
430
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,748
My God! How much of that
tanning stuff are you using?
431
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,917
-None.
-None?
432
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,919
You look like seal!
433
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:50,171
For your information,
434
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,382
I had lunch outside
today.
435
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,217
Well, unless you had it
8 feet from the sun,
436
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:56,428
I'd say you got a roaring
tanning cream addiction.
437
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,431
Can we forget about me, please?
What are you doing?
438
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:00,640
Whose bike is this?
439
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,851
Metro Courier's.
440
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,061
You're a...
bike messenger?
441
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,396
A bike courier,
442
00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,314
and I happen
to enjoy it.
443
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,483
Oh, come on.
You can't be enjoying this.
444
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:12,068
Yeah, well, I do.
445
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,237
Doug, I am begging you,
446
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:15,989
let's cut you
outta those pants
447
00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:19,492
and get you back
to I.P.S., please!
448
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:20,410
No. You know what?
449
00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:21,911
If they can live
without me,
450
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,622
I can live
without them. All right?
451
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,541
Now, if you will excuse me,
452
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:27,625
I need to figure out a way
453
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,211
to pedal through
the midtown tunnel.
454
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,591
[YELLS]
No seat!
455
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:38,011
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
456
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,936
-Hey, there!
-Hey, Doug!
457
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,188
What brings you by?
458
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,148
I just wanted to drop off
all my uniforms.
459
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,609
I had 'em
martinized for you.
460
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,944
I don't know what that means,
but it cost me a buck extra.
461
00:19:54,986 --> 00:19:57,155
Well, thanks.
462
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,949
So how's your job
there at FedEx?
463
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:03,203
Actually, you know what?
I passed on 'em. Yeah.
464
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,371
You know what it is?
465
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,790
Didn't quite work
into my 5-year plan.
466
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,833
Didn't see it happening.
Went over to metro courier.
467
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,043
Good outfit.
468
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,253
Oh. Those the guys
deliver on skates?
469
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,714
No, no, no, no. They stopped
doin' that years ago
470
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,841
when they lost
a few guys.
471
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,259
It's all scooters and bikes.
I'm on a bike.
472
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,178
It's very pleasant, actually.
Verypleasant.
473
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,721
You want your
job back, don't ya?
474
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:23,640
Certainly do. Yes.
475
00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:25,058
What about this...
476
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,018
respect thing?
You still into that?
477
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:30,563
Not so much. No. No.
478
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:32,982
I think once you been
violated by a 10-speed,
479
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,984
your priorities
kinda change.
480
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:37,612
I heard that.
All right.
481
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:40,156
You can come back, Doug.
See you in the morning.
482
00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:43,368
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
483
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,829
You know that thing
you said about,
484
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,664
you know, calling zone 12
zone 1?
485
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,500
I think I might be willing
to go for that after all.
486
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:53,837
Nah. You see, Doug,
if I let you do it,
487
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:56,506
then everybody's gonna want
to rename their zone zone 1.
488
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:59,092
You know, it's a slippery slope,
my friend.
489
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:02,679
Okay, what if...
you and I just call it zone 1
490
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:03,680
when we're alone?
491
00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:05,515
Alone? What are you
getting at?
492
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:06,850
Forget it.
493
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:08,893
How about giving me
a welcome basket?
494
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,895
Doug, again
with the slippery...
495
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,856
Well, look, man,
I been here 8 years!
496
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,608
You gotta give me
something!
497
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,318
Movie passes?
498
00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:20,405
All right.
What the hell?
499
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:21,948
All right.
500
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,533
Welcome back, Doug.
501
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:26,036
Well, thank you.
It's nice to be back, sir.
502
00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,580
And good to be
appreciated.
503
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:36,546
Wait a sec. These...
these passes have expired.
504
00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:41,801
It's cool. It's cool.
It's cool. It's cool.
505
00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,553
You know what?
If they can live without me,
506
00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,889
I can live
without them.
507
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,892
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need a way to--
508
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:50,977
MAN: One
more time!
509
00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:52,687
No, no. If they
can live without me,
510
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:53,897
I can live without them.
511
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:56,107
Okay? Now,
if you'll excuse me,
512
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:58,693
I have to figure out
a way to p--
513
00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:00,445
I'm laughing at--
514
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:01,571
You know what?
515
00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:03,281
If they can't live
without me,
516
00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:06,493
then I can't live
without them.
517
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,579
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
36616
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