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1
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:20,520
It's breakfast and you're
eating a piece of candy?
2
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,564
It's dessert.
3
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:26,151
There is no dessert
with breakfast.
4
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,486
Maybe not where you live.
5
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,822
Will you at least take
vitamin?
6
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,782
My God, you're a time bomb!
7
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,633
What you got
goin' on there, bub?
8
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,471
[SLURRED]
Trying to swallow
the vitamin
9
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,765
with the Life Saver
in my mouth.
10
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,018
Wow, you're like
the Evil Knievel
11
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,519
of sucking candy.
12
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,105
Wish me luck.
13
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,610
[GAGS]
14
00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:14,366
I got it.
15
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:17,619
And welcome back,
butterscotch goodness.
16
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,586
* My eyesare gettin' weary *
17
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:29,047
* My back is gettin' tight *
18
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,757
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
19
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,677
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
20
00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:39,432
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
21
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:43,728
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
22
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,648
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
23
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:51,152
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
24
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,078
Howdy.
25
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,455
Oh, hey. You're home.
26
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,165
Thought you were gonna
go pick up those patches
27
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,125
for the screen door.
28
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,501
Well, I was,
and then I thought
29
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,837
that sounded like
a good errand for you.
30
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:11,172
Heh. Ooh. Orange Julius.
31
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,716
[SLURPING]
32
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,926
OK, honey,
I told you before,
33
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,720
if it's empty by the time
you get home,
34
00:02:16,761 --> 00:02:17,971
leave the cup in the car.
35
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:20,265
Don't come in here
showboating with it.
36
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,516
Sorry.
37
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,767
So did you get me
anything?
38
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,020
As a matter of fact,
yes, I did.
39
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,441
Oh! Look at this.
Hi, shirt.
40
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:31,109
You get to be draped
across my nipples.
41
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,527
Congrats!
42
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,696
OK, well, you two
get acquainted.
43
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,740
I'm gonna go
put this stuff away.
44
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:39,617
Hey, Dad.
45
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:40,702
Look at this.
46
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,912
4 more break-ins
on Casino Boulevard.
47
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,707
It's getting so you can't
walk out the door anymore.
48
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,625
Well, you can
walk out the door.
49
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,544
You just can't
go left.
50
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:50,837
That's not the point.
51
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,839
A man should be able
to walk out his front door,
52
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,215
turn right, turn left,
53
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,301
or walk right out into
the street if he wants to.
54
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:59,971
Don't make me lock you
in the house, Dad, OK?
55
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,015
Well, hello.
56
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:02,849
Oooh.
57
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,809
That shirt
looks sexy on you.
58
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,062
Does it?
I, uh, hadn't noticed.
59
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,607
Hi, I'm Doug. I'm a Pisces.
60
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:13,985
I like walks in the rain
and bags of pork rinds.
61
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,114
Work it, baby.
Work it.
62
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,241
I got the trash, babe.
That'll be our deal.
63
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,118
Every time you buy me a shirt,
I take out the trash.
64
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,745
Oh, that's OK, honey.
I got it.
65
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,080
I got it.
No, really.
It's fine.
66
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,332
What--
What is this?
67
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,084
Barry's Big and Tall Shop?
68
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:32,671
What?! Oh,
that's trash, baby.
69
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:35,090
You got my shirt
at the big and tall shop?
70
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,800
Did I?
71
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,635
No, I don't think so.
72
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,512
Oh, I got myself
something there.
73
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,764
What?
A barrette.
74
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,599
Oh, stop it, Carrie.
75
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:45,809
You got my shirt
at the big and tall shop
76
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,560
and you were hiding
the bag from me.
77
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,104
OK, fine. I'm sorry.
78
00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:50,939
Oh, man,
I can't believe this.
79
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,273
At most
I thought I was, like,
80
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,317
the biggest size
at Macy's.
81
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:59,781
When did I
make the crossover?
82
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,700
2 years ago, Christmas.
83
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,077
Oh, my God.
Oh, God!
84
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,787
Come on, honey.
What's the big deal?
85
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,789
It's just
a big and tall store.
86
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,708
Oh, yeah? Well,
let me break it down
for you.
87
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,710
I'm certainly not tall.
88
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,297
You're tall.
Sure, you're tall.
89
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,298
What are you, 6'2"?
90
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,801
I'm 5'9".
91
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,636
That's pretty damn tall.
92
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:22,846
Oh, would you come on?!
93
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,640
All right.
Maybe you're
a little bit...
94
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,017
big.
95
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,185
Why is this
even a discussion?
96
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,146
The man is gargantuan.
97
00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:35,483
OK, what else came from
the big and tall shop?
98
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:36,818
Tell me.
What--this belt?
99
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:40,155
My jeans?
My cowboy shirt? What?!
100
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:43,825
A few things might have
come from there. I don't know.
101
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,744
OK, then let's go
the other way
with it, OK?
102
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,829
What didn't come from
the big and tall shop?
103
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:51,124
OK. I will show you.
104
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,383
The thing is they use
very good fabric.
105
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,137
There's nothing
in there, is there?
106
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,181
Yes, there is.
107
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:08,767
This.
108
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:09,726
OK, fine.
109
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,061
Great.
Well, you know what?
110
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:12,812
This is what I'm gonna be
wearing from now on,
111
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:17,025
so you better
get used to it, missy, OK?
112
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,156
I can't feel my hands.
113
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,332
Hi, babe.
What are you doing?
114
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,835
Looking at myself
in various stages of fatness.
115
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,047
Look at this. Come here.
Watch this.
116
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,466
You can actually
see me gaining weight.
117
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,385
Hey.
118
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,303
Watch this.
119
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,764
And there goes my neck.
120
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,725
OK, would you
stop this now?
121
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:51,893
Here.
Just watch some TV.
122
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,561
* The tiny ship was tossed *
123
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,980
* If not for the courageof the fearless crew *
124
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,233
* The minnow would be lost *
125
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,068
* The minnowwould be lost *
126
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,112
Oh, my God.
I'm fatter than the Skipper.
127
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,905
OK. Enough.
128
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,198
This is brutal.
129
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,617
I knew I wasn't slim
or even normal size,
130
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:10,036
but seeing that bag,
you know?
131
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,831
Honey, you are really
overreacting to this.
132
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,458
I mean, you are
totally attractive.
133
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,586
So you--You still love me?
134
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,547
Of course
I still love you.
135
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,882
I love you
no matter what.
136
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,220
What does that mean,
"no matter what"?
137
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,930
Nothing.
Just that I love you.
138
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,432
No, "no matter what"
means you love me
139
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,100
even though I have
some sort of problem,
140
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,893
like no job
or no money
141
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,563
or Biggie can't fit
through doorway!
142
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,941
OK. I take it back.
143
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:42,110
I love you.
That's it. Period.
144
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,737
No, come on, Carrie.
I'm being serious here.
145
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,447
Let's go.
You're telling me
right now
146
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:49,117
you have no problem
with that area in here?
147
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:51,995
Nothing?
148
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,915
Well, you know,
for health reasons--
149
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,042
No, no, no, no.
150
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,251
I'm not talking
about health here, OK?
151
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,794
Let's assume
I'm in perfect health
152
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,838
and I don't have
that flutter.
153
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,381
I want to know
right now:
154
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,301
Am I as sexy
and attractive
to you as ever?
155
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,928
Huh? Is this it for you?
Am I perfect?
156
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,599
Well...
[CLEARS THROAT]
157
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,642
I guess
it wouldn't kill me
158
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,478
if you lost
a little weight.
159
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,104
Ah-ha! OK,
160
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,982
and how much weight
would it not kill you
for me to lose?
161
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:23,401
I don't know.
50 pounds?
162
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,570
50?!
All right! Less!
163
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,822
Whatever.
You made me say it.
164
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,574
I can't believe
you said 50!
165
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,577
Doug, come on! You know
I love you no matter--Ah.
166
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,371
This is--
This is unbelievable.
167
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,164
You know, here I am
walking around thinking
everything's great.
168
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,999
Meanwhile, you're
smuggling in my clothes
169
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,668
and hating
the way I look!
170
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,420
No, I don't hate
the way you look, OK?
171
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,339
But, yes, I admit it.
172
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,174
You could lose
a little weight,
173
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,802
but, Doug, come on.
I'm sure there are
things about me
174
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,261
you wish were different
that you hold back on.
175
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,554
You? No, you're--
You're perfect.
176
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:52,972
Yeah, right.
Hey, look,
177
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,140
when you start getting
the old lady whiskers
178
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:57,435
I'll let you know,
but for now...
179
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,937
you're fine.
180
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,106
Doug, come on.
This could be really good
for our marriage.
181
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,733
I mean, if there
are things bothering us
about each other,
182
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:04,943
we should just get 'em
out there, you know?
183
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,444
It's healthy.
184
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:09,698
I guess.
185
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:10,699
All right, so come on.
186
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,492
Hit me, baby.
187
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,912
Uh...
188
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,665
I guess maybe
sometimes...
189
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:23,253
you wear a little
too much makeup.
190
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,343
What do you mean?
191
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,763
Well, just, you know,
all that goop
over there--
192
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,765
sometimes I think
you could just...
193
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,476
back her down a notch.
194
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:43,898
OK, this is stinging
more than I thought it would.
195
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,276
So you really think
I wear too much makeup?
196
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:48,403
No. I just--
Like if we're going out
for burgers,
197
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,197
you know, and I throw on
a pair of sweatpants
and a baseball hat,
198
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:54,117
you look like you're
going to the opera...
199
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,537
or you're in the opera.
200
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,419
OK. OK.
201
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:08,256
I will try
to wear less makeup.
202
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,424
Well, this is great.
All right.
203
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:10,925
But we're gonna
do this together, OK?
204
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,802
And I'm gonna join a gym
and start to diet.
205
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,387
I'm gonna whip
this body into shape,
206
00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:17,932
'cause nobody's calling me
Fatty McButterpants anymore.
207
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:22,354
Somebody called you
Fatty McButterpants?
208
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,398
On line at the bank
yesterday, yeah.
209
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,276
And it took seeing
the big and tall bag
210
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,320
to push you over the edge?
211
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,990
Mm-hmm.
212
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:45,001
OK. I dieted
for the last 8 hours.
213
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,545
Granted, I was asleep,
but I can feel it.
214
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,130
Something's happening.
215
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:53,677
And I have
almost no makeup on.
216
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,929
Take a good look around, fat.
217
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,347
Look at this house,
218
00:09:57,389 --> 00:10:01,184
'cause you ain't
comin' back here no more.
219
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,644
By the way, uh,
220
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,479
I'm joining the gym
on the Deacon's
family plan,
221
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,897
so if anybody calls,
222
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,025
he's the man
I share my life with.
223
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,613
Carrie...
224
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:16,491
I'm not putting it on!
I'm just looking at it.
225
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,702
It's sparkly.
226
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,330
OK.
227
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,459
Darling,
228
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:28,670
let me introduce you
to Frank,
229
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:31,548
a.k.a. Mr. Safety.
230
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,550
Mr. Safety?
231
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,218
Reading about
this recent crime wave
232
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,429
made me concerned
for your well-being.
233
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,723
Just sit him on
the passenger seat in your car
234
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,182
when you're going to work,
235
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:45,353
and the carjackers will
move on to easier prey.
236
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,024
Dad, I take
the subway to work.
237
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:52,861
Well, then, take him
on the subway with you.
238
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:56,114
He has no legs.
239
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,491
Pretend he's an amputee.
240
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,288
Dad, how is
a legless doll
241
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,749
gonna protect me
on the subway?
242
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,084
Why are you being
so difficult?!
243
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:11,046
I'm trying
to save your life!
244
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,256
Oh, forget it!
245
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,093
Nope.
246
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,519
What's up, ladies?
247
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:29,731
All right.
Let's light this candle.
248
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,253
* My blood runs cold *
249
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:55,131
* My memoryhas just been sold *
250
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,133
* Angel is a centerfold *
251
00:11:57,175 --> 00:12:00,136
* Angel is a centerfold *
252
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:01,721
Argh!
253
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,558
Argh!
254
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,979
[HUMMING
"ANGEL IS A CENTERFOLD"]
255
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:12,732
[SLOWLY STOPS HUMMING]
256
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,152
Argh!
257
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,490
DOUG: Little help?
258
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,753
Hello, Douglas.
259
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:36,381
So...
260
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,966
you, uh...
261
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,011
You got your guy
at the table now, huh?
262
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:44,973
That's right. Ne'er-do-wells
could be casing our house
as we speak.
263
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:47,809
Yeah, then why are you playing
pinochle with him?
264
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:51,479
Because, moron, if I don't treat
Mr. Safety like a real person,
265
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:52,856
they'll know he's a fake.
266
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,233
Yeah, well,
I gotta tell you,
still weird.
267
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,989
What's up with the walk,
Frankenstein? Heh.
268
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,449
[CHUCKLES]
I just joined the gym,
269
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,034
and I might have
overdone it.
270
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:04,909
Gym, huh?
271
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:05,994
Throwing your money
away.
272
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,370
I got 2 words for you,
friend:
273
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,705
dynamic tension.
274
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:09,873
Give me a bag of rice,
275
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,708
gallon of milk,
and a rubber band,
276
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:15,045
and I'll give you a workout
you won't soon forget.
277
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,840
Don't work out
with my milk, OK?
278
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:21,217
I'm telling you,
it works.
279
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,345
Look at the shape
I'm in.
280
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,429
I weigh exactly
what I weighed
281
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,723
when I was
12 years old.
282
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:33,021
[GROANING]
283
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,073
[GROANING]
284
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:46,451
* She's a superfreak,superfreak *
285
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,244
* She's superfreaky *
286
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,497
* Yeow *
287
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:51,581
What was that?
288
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:53,208
You are not
gonna believe this.
289
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,753
At work I got
all these compliments
about the no-makeup thing.
290
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,546
I mean, people telling me
I looked great,
291
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,924
and, like, younger.
Really?
292
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,426
Yes! And I actually
got carded at lunch,
293
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,220
and then I went
to 2 other places,
294
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,429
got carded again.
295
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,472
I'm not gonna
lie to you, honey,
296
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,891
I'm a little looped. Heh.
297
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,310
Well, that's great.
Well, great for you.
298
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,728
It is great, isn't it?
299
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,772
I mean, we decided
to be more honest
with each other,
300
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,315
you know, set some goals,
301
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,316
work on some stuff,
302
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,152
and we did it!
Unh.
303
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,487
Yeah, we--we did it.
304
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,155
Yeah.
305
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,824
You're done.
306
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,412
Wow.
307
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,955
It's like without my makeup
308
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:35,375
my eyes stand out
in this really great way,
309
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:38,003
and my mouth
is so naturally pouty.
310
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,629
I tell you,
311
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:40,922
this telling
each other stuff
312
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:43,133
was the best thing
we ever did, babe.
313
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,220
You know,
there is other stuff.
314
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,639
Huh?
315
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:50,890
There's more things
that you could work on
316
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,309
about yourself,
you know.
317
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,145
There are?
318
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,521
A couple, yeah.
319
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,981
Well, how come
you didn't mention it
the other night?
320
00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,274
I don't know.
I guess I didn't want
321
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,692
to dump everything
on you all at once.
322
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:01,943
Like, I thought
this makeup thing
323
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:03,570
was gonna be hard enough
for you, but now--
324
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,905
OK. Like what?
325
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,782
Um...
326
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,200
your accent.
327
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,285
My accent?!
328
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,786
It's a little thick,
honey.
329
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,372
OK, well, what the hell
am I supposed to do?
330
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,498
It's the way I talk.
331
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,750
Tawlk. See? That
right there, tawlk.
332
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,335
All right,
so what are you saying?
333
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:19,919
After 7 years
all of a sudden
my accent bothers you?!
334
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,671
It's not a question
of it bothering me.
335
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,965
I mean, look,
are you smart? Sure.
336
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,467
Do you sound smart?
337
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:27,385
[GROANS]
338
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:32,349
Oh, OK.
339
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,517
Um, so what else?
340
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,019
Your laugh.
My laugh?
341
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,730
Yeah. Ha!
342
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,024
Well, I thought
people think my laugh
is fun.
343
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,985
Yes, if you think loud,
scary noises are fun.
344
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,448
Oh, OK. So what else?
What else?
345
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,158
Nothing else.
Come on. Tell me!
346
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,534
There's nothing else!
Is it my forehead?
347
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,203
What?
Last week I told you
348
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,538
my hairdresser said
I had a big forehead.
You said it was fine,
349
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:58,166
but you were lying,
weren't you?
350
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:01,503
To protect you, yes.
351
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,470
[PROGRAM PLAYING
ON TV INDISTINCTLY]
352
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:17,060
Hey, fellas...
353
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:19,396
Could I speak to Arthur
in private?
354
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:24,693
He's for safety!
That's all.
355
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,444
Watch this part.
356
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,242
Carrie, come on.
Let's go!
357
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,494
I'm comin'!
358
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:36,329
Coming.
359
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:39,040
I'm coming.
360
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,134
MALE MOVIE ANNOUNCER:
From Columbia Pictures,
361
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:52,512
comes a comedy abouta happy-go-lucky polygamist
362
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:55,557
and his 5 very different wives.It's your classic
363
00:16:55,598 --> 00:17:03,023
boy-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl story.
364
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,567
MAN [IN MOVIE]:
Honeys! I'm home!
365
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:09,279
[CHUCKLES]
366
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,072
What's up with her?
367
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,866
MAN [IN MOVIE]:
How can 5 women have a headache
368
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,493
on the same night?!
369
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,373
Oh, my.
370
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:27,047
Hey, Deac,
question for you.
371
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,757
Yeah.
372
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:30,800
You ever feel bad
about yourself
373
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:34,471
so you tell Kelly
there are things
wrong with her
374
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:38,099
just to, you know...
hurt her?
375
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,646
You're asking me
if I mentally abuse my wife?
376
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,315
Yeah.
377
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:46,733
No, I don't.
378
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,443
Me neither.
379
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:50,987
Wait. Does this
have anything to do
380
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:54,032
with why Carrie
was acting so freaky
last night?
381
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,534
It might.
I don't know.
382
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,119
What did you do?
383
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:01,247
First, she told me
that I could stand
to lose a little weight,
384
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:04,751
so I told her
to wear less makeup,
385
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,087
to work on her accent,
her laugh,
386
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,005
and her huge forehead.
387
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,257
I'm sorry.
Her huge forehead?
388
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:14,177
All right, maybe it's not
freakshow material,
389
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,137
but she draws some looks.
390
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:18,139
Step aside, bro.
[CHUCKLES]
391
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,475
You are messed up.
How am I messed up?
392
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,686
Carrie tells you
you have to lose weight,
393
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,312
which is like--Come on.
394
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:27,065
And you tell her
she has to work
on her forehead?!
395
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,608
How the hell
do you work on a forehead?
396
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:32,112
Hey, I had to eat
baby carrots at the movies.
397
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,780
Yes, all right. Nice work
on your relationship.
398
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:35,240
Sounds real healthy.
399
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:39,536
Hey, don't judge me, "Mr. Black
Dr. Joyce Brothers", OK?
400
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,121
You're tall and thin.
You don't understand my issues.
401
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,706
And I don't want
to understand 'em.
402
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:43,873
Yeah, all right. Yeah.
403
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,458
Walk away.
That's right, Tall-ee.
404
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:46,501
Whoo-hoo, I'm big.
405
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,044
Yeah, have fun
ducking under doorways.
406
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,671
I'm on this now!
407
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:52,507
[SCREAMING] I hate me!
408
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,679
[GROWLS]
409
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,141
Argh!
410
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,309
Yeah! Oh, you like this?!
411
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:05,937
Yeah! Yeah!
You want some?!
412
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:17,532
What's going on?
413
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:19,409
I lied!
What?
414
00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:22,579
I lied, OK.
I'm not Fatty McButterpants.
415
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,581
I'm Fatty McLiarpants.
416
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:25,915
What did you lie about?
417
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,876
About all that stuff
I told you is wrong about you.
418
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,586
You know,
I made it all up...
419
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:30,754
because I was suffering,
420
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:32,213
and I wanted
to drag you down with me.
421
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,091
Man, I'm not even
Fatty McLiarpants.
422
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,885
I'm Fatty McEvilpants.
423
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,386
All right, could you
stop saying what you are
424
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,430
with the words "fatty"
and "pants" around it,
425
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,932
and just let me
process this for a minute?
426
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:45,060
So you have no problem
with my accent?
427
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:48,563
No! It's regional.
It has character.
428
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:50,106
And my laugh?
429
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,316
A burst of energy.
430
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,276
And this, uh,
football field up here?
431
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,278
I love your forehead,
OK?
432
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,363
I'd carry it around
in my wallet
433
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,115
if that was any way...
workable.
434
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:00,200
I can't believe this!
435
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,827
I know.
I was so out of line.
436
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,371
It's just that
you came in so happy,
437
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,790
and I couldn't
get my shoes off.
438
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,249
So I flailed at you.
439
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,710
I'm sorry.
Do you forgive me?
440
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,962
No!
I don't forgive you.
441
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:14,464
I mean, you had me
walking around
442
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,715
acting
like an idiot.
443
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:19,302
You made me feel really
bad about myself, Doug.
444
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:22,138
I know!
I didn't mean to.
445
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,431
You did mean to.
446
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:25,558
That was
the whole point,
right?
447
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,561
I guess it was, yes.
448
00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:29,854
I'm sorry.
449
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,899
No. No.
I don't forgive you.
450
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:33,817
You don't?!
451
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:34,859
No.
Never?!
452
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,027
No!
453
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:38,071
I mean, what you did
was--was horrible.
454
00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:39,489
I mean, "Oh,
I'm sorry, Carrie."
455
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:42,325
"Oh, OK." That's not
gonna cut it, buddy.
456
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,328
Hey, how about this?
How about this, huh?
457
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:46,454
How about you
think of another thing
458
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:47,831
that you don't like
about me,
459
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,249
something
really hard to fix.
460
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,667
All right?
Then I'll have the weight
461
00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:52,377
and the new hard thing.
That's 2 hard things.
462
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,045
And you'll have nothing.
Huh?
463
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,839
What do you say there,
sugar?
464
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,549
Hmm?
465
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,467
Well, that's not bad.
466
00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:00,802
OK.
467
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:03,680
So come on.
Hit me. Gloves off.
468
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:06,683
Your hair.
469
00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:08,268
My hair?
470
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:11,104
Thinning.
471
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:13,398
In the front
a little?
472
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:16,276
In the front, yes...
473
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:19,571
and in the back...
474
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:23,533
and on the sides.
475
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:25,869
You're really starting
to enjoy this, aren't you?
476
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,203
Little bit.
477
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:29,497
ARTHUR: Carrie!
478
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,249
They got to him!
479
00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:35,795
I'll kill you,
you vicious thugs!
480
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,548
Ironic, isn't it?
481
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:41,593
The only one Mr. Safety
couldn't protect
was himself.
482
00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:03,740
Hey.
483
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:06,034
Give me
your wallet.
484
00:22:11,122 --> 00:22:12,624
All right.
485
00:22:21,883 --> 00:22:23,093
Idiot.
486
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:30,183
[**]
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