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1
00:00:11,068 --> 00:00:12,241
I'll be cheering for you, Quail.
2
00:00:12,344 --> 00:00:13,896
- Thanks, Sheila.
- He knows my name.
3
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,206
Make us proud, Quail.
4
00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:16,482
I'll try my best,
Principal Gunther.
5
00:00:16,586 --> 00:00:17,793
He knows my name.
6
00:00:17,896 --> 00:00:20,310
This is for the championship.
7
00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:25,551
Yes, he's got it. He's jumped
the highest jump of all.
8
00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:31,655
I won, Dad. Coach said
9
00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:33,758
I might be the highest jumper
in the state.
10
00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:35,172
Mm-hmm.
11
00:00:36,965 --> 00:00:39,379
I'm also the star quarterback
of the football team.
12
00:00:39,482 --> 00:00:42,068
But that's a fall sport,
and it's spring right now.
13
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,275
- Mm.
- I'm also the valedictorian
14
00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:47,103
with a full ride to college?
15
00:00:47,206 --> 00:00:49,206
Dad, aren't you proud of me?
16
00:00:51,931 --> 00:00:55,000
You'll never own...
17
00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:57,689
...a museum.
18
00:01:12,517 --> 00:01:14,655
Big day today, Mr. Eegan.
19
00:01:14,758 --> 00:01:16,517
Are you excited
for your grand opening?
20
00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,517
Shut the fuck up.
21
00:01:25,862 --> 00:01:27,689
Now that it's been a few days,
I just want to say
22
00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:29,482
I'm so glad that I finally
told you guys
23
00:01:29,586 --> 00:01:31,310
I've been keeping Bella's
frozen corpse in my chamber.
24
00:01:31,413 --> 00:01:33,724
I still can't believe
Saltine freaked out and quit.
25
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,137
I mean, it's just
my late wife's dead body.
26
00:01:36,241 --> 00:01:37,586
That's not so weird, is it?
27
00:01:37,689 --> 00:01:39,275
Well, I mean, you know...
28
00:01:39,379 --> 00:01:40,896
Wait a minute,
What's with the hemming?
29
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,655
To say nothing of the hawing.
30
00:01:42,758 --> 00:01:43,724
It is weird, Rip.
31
00:01:43,827 --> 00:01:46,172
But everybody's a little weird.
32
00:01:46,275 --> 00:01:48,655
For example,
for a brief period in the 1990s,
33
00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:51,965
I used to eat
my pizza crust first.
34
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,620
Ew!
35
00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,310
Um, okay, so we're even.
36
00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:57,310
How did you manage
to pull this off?
37
00:01:57,413 --> 00:01:59,241
A fine question, for 'tis a tale
38
00:01:59,344 --> 00:02:01,379
most worthy of telling indeed.
39
00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:04,000
It all began 12 years ago
on the Zientek glacier.
40
00:02:04,103 --> 00:02:06,206
This cave bird doesn't look
like she's aged a day.
41
00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:08,931
That's because the glacier's
ice contains special mineral
42
00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:11,068
properties that preserve bodies
for eternity.
43
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,862
But once a body is removed,
it's only a matter of minutes
44
00:02:13,965 --> 00:02:15,620
- before it crumbles to dust.
- That was the museum.
45
00:02:15,724 --> 00:02:18,551
We got to head to Mondonesia
to find the molten idol.
46
00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:21,310
And we all know
how that turned out.
47
00:02:21,413 --> 00:02:24,586
I will not let you die!
48
00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:26,586
Oh, God,
her heart stopped beating.
49
00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,620
That's the type of day
I'm having.
50
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,965
And I've been looking
for the Holy Grail ever since.
51
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,586
While the glacier ice has
kept her perfectly preserved.
52
00:02:51,689 --> 00:02:52,896
Wow. Great story.
53
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,931
And you're not worried
that the ice is melting?
54
00:02:55,034 --> 00:02:56,310
What? Aw!
55
00:02:56,413 --> 00:02:57,482
Oh, no, no, no, no!
56
00:02:57,586 --> 00:02:59,137
Oh, so it's not supposed to be.
57
00:02:59,241 --> 00:03:00,241
Okay, nobody panic.
58
00:03:00,344 --> 00:03:02,000
To the microfiche.
59
00:03:02,103 --> 00:03:04,482
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
60
00:03:04,586 --> 00:03:06,758
Oh, crap. It says here
that the Zientek ice's
61
00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:08,689
unique chemical composition
is breaking down
62
00:03:08,793 --> 00:03:10,310
and there's nothing we can do.
63
00:03:10,413 --> 00:03:12,241
And at the rate
Bella's block is melting...
64
00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:14,448
We have less than a day
before it's gone.
65
00:03:14,551 --> 00:03:16,241
Good thing I know
where the Grail is now.
66
00:03:16,344 --> 00:03:17,724
At Quail's new museum.
67
00:03:17,827 --> 00:03:20,000
I'll just go steal it from him,
as is my wont.
68
00:03:20,103 --> 00:03:21,551
- I'm in.
- I'm in, too.
69
00:03:21,655 --> 00:03:23,965
But it won't be easy. Today
70
00:03:24,068 --> 00:03:25,517
is Quail's museum opening.
71
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:27,241
Oh, I didn't even know
we had a TV down here.
72
00:03:27,344 --> 00:03:30,206
Welcome back to the Eegan
Museum's opening ceremony.
73
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,172
It's a day
of nonstop excitement,
74
00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:35,068
all leading up to the grand
opening tonight at 7:00 p.m.
75
00:03:35,172 --> 00:03:37,689
But before that happens, Zane
Troy will debut his new single
76
00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,689
and become the latest celebrity
to also launch a music career.
77
00:03:40,793 --> 00:03:43,482
Following in the footsteps
of Florence Foster Jenkins.
78
00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:45,793
That place is crawling
with security.
79
00:03:45,896 --> 00:03:48,206
In that case, I won't bring
the Grail to Bella.
80
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:49,896
I'll bring Bella to the Grail.
81
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,931
It's just too bad
Saltine isn't here to help.
82
00:03:52,034 --> 00:03:54,517
I'm actually glad she's gone
'cause she was so annoying.
83
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:56,379
She was always pushing
my butt in.
84
00:03:56,482 --> 00:03:58,655
I think you mean
"pushing my buttons"?
85
00:03:58,758 --> 00:04:00,310
What? No, that's not a phrase.
86
00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:01,965
She was pushing my butt in.
87
00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:03,827
You know, getting under my skin,
rubbing me the wrong way,
88
00:04:03,931 --> 00:04:05,310
bursting my butthole.
89
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,689
You mean "bursting your bubble"?
90
00:04:06,793 --> 00:04:08,620
No, I don't mean bursting
my bubble, goddamn it!
91
00:04:08,724 --> 00:04:10,931
What don't you understand here,
you stubborn old mule?
92
00:04:11,034 --> 00:04:13,896
- Hey, watch it, buster.
- Agatha, walk with me.
93
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,482
My main man Rip has something
called "idiom blindness."
94
00:04:17,586 --> 00:04:20,137
It's very rare,
but it's real, and he's got it.
95
00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:22,448
So if you're really his friend,
you'll just ignore it
96
00:04:22,551 --> 00:04:23,931
and pretend he said
the right thing.
97
00:04:24,034 --> 00:04:25,793
- That's insane.
- But you got to think about it
98
00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:28,206
from his perspective.
He's living in hell.
99
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,068
Idioms are flying
this way and that,
100
00:04:30,172 --> 00:04:32,448
and poor Rippy thinks
they're all about his butt.
101
00:04:32,551 --> 00:04:34,896
Fine.
102
00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:37,482
Sorry about that, Rip.
103
00:04:37,586 --> 00:04:40,862
Apology graciously accepted...
by me.
104
00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:43,103
Anyway, Saltine sucks,
and we all agree.
105
00:04:43,206 --> 00:04:46,620
Nevertheless, I wonder
what she's up to right now.
106
00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:49,482
- Here's your itinerary, boss.
- Oh, thanks, Saltine.
107
00:04:49,586 --> 00:04:52,000
- You are an amazing assistant.
- Thank you, sir.
108
00:04:52,103 --> 00:04:53,896
You know, I had my reservations
about working for you,
109
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,482
but then I realized
I needed a job
110
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,896
if I didn't want
to starve to death.
111
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,724
Oh, that's so kind
of you to say, Saltine.
112
00:04:59,827 --> 00:05:01,793
It's not too early
for champagne, is it?
113
00:05:02,896 --> 00:05:05,448
- Uh...
- What? I drink.
114
00:05:05,551 --> 00:05:07,413
I smoke.
You got a problem with that?
115
00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,862
Take it up
with I don't give a rat's ass!
116
00:05:09,965 --> 00:05:11,689
Oh, my darling wife.
117
00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:13,620
It's so wonderful
to see you, baby.
118
00:05:13,724 --> 00:05:15,310
It's even more wonderful
to be me.
119
00:05:18,344 --> 00:05:20,275
I love being a wife guy.
120
00:05:20,379 --> 00:05:22,103
I know. You're such a wife guy.
121
00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:25,551
Can I be honest? I'm surprised
122
00:05:25,655 --> 00:05:26,965
the two of you
are still together.
123
00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:28,620
I thought you were
only marrying her for the Grail.
124
00:05:28,724 --> 00:05:30,275
Oh, at first so did I,
but she showed me things
125
00:05:30,379 --> 00:05:32,379
in the bedroom that have
made me question the fabric
126
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,724
of my reality in a good way.
127
00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:36,793
- Hey, boss.
- Trisket, just in time.
128
00:05:36,896 --> 00:05:39,310
Listen, I need the two of you to
keep watch over the Holy Grail
129
00:05:39,413 --> 00:05:40,793
until its big unveiling tonight.
130
00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:43,379
It's a massive responsibility,
but I trust you.
131
00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:45,931
And thy trust shall
be rewarded, good sir.
132
00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:47,275
Great, uh,
133
00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:48,931
- but-but don't say that, yeah?
- You got it.
134
00:05:49,034 --> 00:05:50,758
I tracked down
the blueprints for the Eegan,
135
00:05:50,862 --> 00:05:53,517
thanks to my shadowy network
of lowlives and scoundrels.
136
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,379
Don't even ask what I had to do.
137
00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:56,896
I wasn't going to.
138
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,931
Asking questions is
a sign of weakness in a man.
139
00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:00,758
Agreed.
We'll put Bella in a crate,
140
00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:03,172
and you'll sneak her in
by posing as a delivery man.
141
00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,517
Swooper will be your driver.
142
00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:06,172
Ever driven a delivery truck?
143
00:06:06,275 --> 00:06:08,689
Come on, Rip, you know I can
drive, sail or fly anything.
144
00:06:08,793 --> 00:06:10,655
Except a pogo stick.
145
00:06:10,758 --> 00:06:12,482
So don't even think
about making me use a pogo.
146
00:06:12,586 --> 00:06:14,758
- I hate that!
- That's fine, Swooper.
147
00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:16,758
I'm not going to ask you
to use a pogo stick.
148
00:06:16,862 --> 00:06:18,758
Good. And don't ask me
why I feel this way.
149
00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:21,586
The memory is too painful!
150
00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:25,137
This is so cool
that we get to work together.
151
00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,034
And we get to guard the Grail?
152
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:30,689
If anyone tries to take it,
I'm gonna be like, "Gadoosh!"
153
00:06:30,793 --> 00:06:33,275
Yeah. And then I'll be like,
"Kadorf."
154
00:06:33,379 --> 00:06:34,379
Whoa. Really?
155
00:06:34,482 --> 00:06:36,586
Yeah. Did I mention I'm crazy?
156
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,137
Well, I'm gonna hit the can.
157
00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:39,620
Okay.
158
00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:42,620
Bitch.
159
00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:45,586
What? Who said that?
160
00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:47,965
Fat bitch. Wait.
161
00:06:48,068 --> 00:06:50,896
The Holy Grail shouldn't
call people bitches.
162
00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:06,896
Oh, my God! What
were those hellish visions?
163
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,068
You all right, Saltine?
164
00:07:09,172 --> 00:07:10,758
Um...
165
00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:12,896
yeah, I just forgot
I have an appointment
166
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,586
with, uh, my plastic surgeon.
167
00:07:15,689 --> 00:07:17,724
I'm getting my butt...
168
00:07:17,827 --> 00:07:19,379
crack...
169
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,137
lengthened.
170
00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:23,827
Okay.
171
00:07:23,931 --> 00:07:25,896
All right, Swooper,
if I'm not back by 8:00 p.m.,
172
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,103
- you know what to do.
- Yep. Freak out and go nuts.
173
00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:29,862
Just totally wigging out
and attacking people
174
00:07:29,965 --> 00:07:31,793
- and screaming your name.
- Exactly.
175
00:07:31,896 --> 00:07:34,000
No, wait. It means I'm in
trouble and you need to help me.
176
00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:35,620
Got my papers right here
177
00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:38,172
from the Totally Legit
Delivery Company.
178
00:07:38,275 --> 00:07:40,931
- Sounds totally legit.
- What the...?
179
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,620
I don't
remember ordering anything
180
00:07:42,724 --> 00:07:44,206
from Totally Legit Delivery.
181
00:07:44,310 --> 00:07:45,448
Freeze it.
182
00:07:45,551 --> 00:07:48,137
Zoom in... closer.
183
00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:49,586
Closer.
184
00:07:49,689 --> 00:07:52,137
I'd recognize
that pore anywhere.
185
00:07:52,241 --> 00:07:53,931
That's Rip Digman.
186
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,758
- Why would Rip Digman be here?
- There can only be one reason.
187
00:07:58,862 --> 00:08:00,689
He thinks he co-wrote
my new song.
188
00:08:00,793 --> 00:08:02,482
But it was an interpolation!
189
00:08:02,586 --> 00:08:04,517
Zaney!
190
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,000
Oh, it's you.
191
00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:07,827
- I need to ask you something.
- Let me guess.
192
00:08:07,931 --> 00:08:09,482
Where do babies come from?
193
00:08:09,586 --> 00:08:11,103
Look, I don't know, okay?
194
00:08:11,206 --> 00:08:12,586
No, it's about the Grail.
195
00:08:12,689 --> 00:08:14,206
I know the Grail
came from Puffland,
196
00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:16,827
- so I thought maybe you...
- You don't know anything!
197
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,896
I think you've had
too much champagne.
198
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,862
More like nine much champagne.
199
00:08:20,965 --> 00:08:24,068
Give me a light, would you?
200
00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:25,620
Let me guess.
201
00:08:25,724 --> 00:08:27,310
It called you a bitch.
202
00:08:27,413 --> 00:08:29,310
Yes, and I'm not a bitch.
203
00:08:29,413 --> 00:08:31,103
Unless I haven't had my java.
204
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,620
Did it also show you hellish
visions, including a pig nun?
205
00:08:33,724 --> 00:08:35,689
Pig nun, yes!
Why's it doing that?
206
00:08:35,793 --> 00:08:37,034
I wish I knew.
207
00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:38,896
There were some
in Puffland who hated
208
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,517
the Grail, wanted it gone.
209
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,724
They said a man
named the Antiquarian
210
00:08:42,827 --> 00:08:44,310
told them the truth about it,
211
00:08:44,413 --> 00:08:45,758
but that's all I know.
212
00:08:45,862 --> 00:08:47,655
Wow.
That's actually quite a bit.
213
00:08:47,758 --> 00:08:49,172
So who is the Antiquarian?
214
00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:51,275
Ugh, what is with all
the questions? I feel like
215
00:08:51,379 --> 00:08:53,586
I'm on an episode
of the hit game show Jeopardy!
216
00:08:53,689 --> 00:08:55,172
Look, my life is
perfect now with Zane.
217
00:08:55,275 --> 00:08:56,793
Don't ruin it
by looking into the Grail.
218
00:08:56,896 --> 00:08:58,586
I'm sorry.
I just want to know what-- aah!
219
00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:00,310
Quit making me feel
like I'm on an episode
220
00:09:00,413 --> 00:09:01,896
of the hit game show Jeopardy!
221
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,413
And get out of here!
222
00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:05,862
Okay, Swooper, I'm entering
the Hall of Weapons.
223
00:09:05,965 --> 00:09:08,206
Looks like the walls are
quadruple-plated steel.
224
00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:10,103
So our signal might...
225
00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:12,689
What's that, Rippy?
You're breaking up. Rip!
226
00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:14,344
Swooper. Hello?
227
00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:16,896
Rip Digman.
228
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,379
I always knew
this day would come.
229
00:09:19,482 --> 00:09:21,586
Tuesday, June 20th. How?
230
00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:23,482
Not the date.
I'm talking about...
231
00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:25,413
our final showdown.
232
00:09:25,517 --> 00:09:27,724
Now... choose your weapon.
233
00:09:27,827 --> 00:09:30,620
Very well.
234
00:09:31,344 --> 00:09:32,068
What the...?
235
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,241
Oh, shit.
236
00:09:33,344 --> 00:09:34,310
Uh, no matter.
237
00:09:34,413 --> 00:09:36,482
I shall still but defeat you.
238
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:37,758
Prepare to meet...
239
00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:40,482
your physical equal!
240
00:09:44,862 --> 00:09:46,275
Too bad the signal gave out.
241
00:09:46,379 --> 00:09:50,172
But knowing Rip,
he's doing just fine.
242
00:09:56,655 --> 00:09:58,689
I know why you're here, Rip.
243
00:09:58,793 --> 00:10:00,103
- You do?
- Yes.
244
00:10:00,206 --> 00:10:01,965
You think you co-wrote my song,
245
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,000
so you're here
to ruin my performance.
246
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:07,000
Oh, thank God.
Yes, that's exactly it.
247
00:10:07,103 --> 00:10:08,689
I knew it.
248
00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:10,896
That's always been your problem.
249
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,724
You've never wanted
to share the spotlight
250
00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:14,344
because you knew I was better.
251
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,310
That's why you held me back
all those years.
252
00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:22,310
I never held you back.
253
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:23,793
I was only so tough on you
254
00:10:23,896 --> 00:10:25,034
because I wanted you
to be the best.
255
00:10:25,137 --> 00:10:26,689
Like the teacher
in that Paul Reiser movie
256
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,689
Whiplash.
257
00:10:30,241 --> 00:10:32,620
Well, then you betrayed me
like Paul Reiser in Alien.
258
00:10:32,724 --> 00:10:35,275
And now I'm mad about you!
259
00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:36,896
That is horrid grammar.
260
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,000
Ow.
261
00:10:45,137 --> 00:10:47,241
If you're such
a great mentor, Rip,
262
00:10:47,344 --> 00:10:50,068
then why do
your assistants keep quitting?
263
00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:53,137
You know, when Saltine came
to me begging for a job,
264
00:10:53,241 --> 00:10:56,586
I hired her because I knew
we shared a special connection.
265
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,413
Unless you didn't know.
266
00:10:59,517 --> 00:11:01,137
You didn't, did you?
267
00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:03,551
Well, she's my assistant now.
268
00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:06,517
And she says I'm the best boss
269
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,551
she's ever had.
270
00:11:08,655 --> 00:11:10,862
No!
271
00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,931
Aah! Room temperature tea!
272
00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:20,103
Fleety!
273
00:11:20,206 --> 00:11:21,517
Aw, man.
274
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:24,931
Face it, Rip.
275
00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:26,379
Your story ends here,
276
00:11:26,482 --> 00:11:28,896
while my legend
will only continue to grow.
277
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,482
That's always been your problem, Zane.
278
00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:33,241
You care more about personal
glory than you do about history.
279
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,620
I mean, did you even know
that, during the Reformation,
280
00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,068
Catholicism was outlawed
in England
281
00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:38,724
so homes were built
with hidden priest holes
282
00:11:38,827 --> 00:11:39,862
where clergy members could hide?
283
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,482
- So?
- So...
284
00:11:41,586 --> 00:11:42,896
you're standing on one.
285
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,517
Now, Fleety!
286
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,655
Whoa!
287
00:11:45,758 --> 00:11:46,827
Bloody hell!
288
00:11:46,931 --> 00:11:48,172
All right, Fleety, let's go back
289
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,862
and get that crate.
Boss?
290
00:11:49,965 --> 00:11:51,586
Over here! I'm in a priest hole!
291
00:11:51,689 --> 00:11:53,862
Oh, my God. "In a priest hole"?
292
00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:55,965
I have so many
distasteful retorts to that,
293
00:11:56,068 --> 00:11:57,413
but I'm not even gonna go there!
294
00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:00,655
Oh, crap!
295
00:12:00,758 --> 00:12:02,482
You're the only person
I could turn to. Please.
296
00:12:02,586 --> 00:12:04,793
I thought you quit.
I don't help quitters.
297
00:12:04,896 --> 00:12:06,206
I know, but I need information.
298
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,827
And nobody knows more
about the underbelly
299
00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:09,137
of the arky world than you.
300
00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:10,931
So, tell me,
who is the Antiquarian?
301
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:13,517
I prayed
this day would never come.
302
00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:15,448
I guess that proves it.
303
00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:16,931
I don't know how to pray.
304
00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:18,448
Agatha! Please tell me who it is
305
00:12:18,551 --> 00:12:20,724
or I'll absolutely beef
in my khakis!
306
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,241
Fine. He knows more than anyone
307
00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:24,517
about rare and obscure
historical objects,
308
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,000
but he's not someone
you want anything to do with.
309
00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:28,275
Look, I've already said
too much.
310
00:12:28,379 --> 00:12:29,862
Just stay away
from his nightclub
311
00:12:29,965 --> 00:12:32,655
on the outskirts of town
at 4409 Hemlock Avenue,
312
00:12:32,758 --> 00:12:35,482
even though there's
usually ample street parking.
313
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,310
You don't think
she could be going to the...?
314
00:12:40,413 --> 00:12:41,965
Nah.
315
00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:43,862
Rip, I know you're in here.
316
00:12:43,965 --> 00:12:45,413
I can smell your monkey.
317
00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:47,482
Fleety! You see what happens
when you don't let me
318
00:12:47,586 --> 00:12:49,620
give you a bath?
319
00:12:49,724 --> 00:12:51,241
Huh.
320
00:12:53,034 --> 00:12:54,896
What the dickens?
321
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,137
Oh, God! Who's this gonna be?!
322
00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:03,620
Dad, look, I took all the money
I made from my new invention
323
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:07,068
and I bought a vase dating from
the days of Alexander the Great.
324
00:13:07,172 --> 00:13:08,862
I know it's not much,
but one day
325
00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:11,344
I'll own a museum full of them.
326
00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:13,827
Dad?
327
00:13:23,379 --> 00:13:26,241
That's my dad. He always dreamed
of seeing me open a museum,
328
00:13:26,344 --> 00:13:27,965
but he died before I ever could.
329
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,896
So I had him
cryogenically frozen
330
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,241
until I could find
the Holy Grail
331
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,000
and bring him back
to make him proud.
332
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,655
You don't think
that's weird, do you?
333
00:13:34,758 --> 00:13:36,586
Oh, wait. Of course you don't.
334
00:13:36,689 --> 00:13:37,965
Whoa!
335
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,586
What is that?!
336
00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:41,413
Huh?! Is that Bella?!
337
00:13:41,517 --> 00:13:43,000
Wow, this is crazy!
338
00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:45,068
She's, like,
frozen or something?
339
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,206
I know
you brought her here, Rip.
340
00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,620
We have you on,
like, 50 cameras.
341
00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:48,931
Yeah, that makes sense.
342
00:13:49,034 --> 00:13:50,758
Now, what do you say
we bring them
343
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:53,517
both back to life?
344
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,137
Rip, do you copy?
345
00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:57,896
Damn it. Rip,
just in case you can hear me,
346
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,310
I feel it's time to finally
admit why I hate pogo sticks.
347
00:14:02,413 --> 00:14:04,896
I used to love pogo-sticking
as a kid.
348
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,862
I'd pogo all over town.
349
00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:09,896
But then, one day,
I left my pogo unattended,
350
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,586
and my grandpa, who idolized me,
351
00:14:12,689 --> 00:14:13,655
took it for a ride.
352
00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:15,551
He pogoed up to the town canyon
353
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:16,793
and went over the edge...
354
00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:18,206
No!
355
00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:19,448
...where he bounced off
356
00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:21,103
the canyon floor
and then shot up
357
00:14:21,206 --> 00:14:22,931
into the sky!
And he got chopped up
358
00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:25,275
in a passing seaplane's
propeller.
359
00:14:25,379 --> 00:14:27,068
No...!
360
00:14:27,172 --> 00:14:30,172
The whole experience
made my family uncomfortable.
361
00:14:30,275 --> 00:14:32,172
And ever since that day,
362
00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:34,896
I never pogoed again.
363
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:43,034
Okay, our next item is a
19th century Queen Anne highboy.
364
00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:44,034
Can I get a ten, ten, ten?
365
00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:45,448
How about 11 now, 11 now?
366
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,379
Ten, ten, ten, 11...
367
00:14:46,482 --> 00:14:48,137
Pennsylvania Dutch tinware
368
00:14:48,241 --> 00:14:49,793
with a tole-painted design.
369
00:14:49,896 --> 00:14:50,896
Vibrant colors.
370
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000
Gooseneck spout.
371
00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:53,310
Yeah, I'd say that, in auction,
372
00:14:53,413 --> 00:14:55,275
this would go for roughly...
373
00:14:55,379 --> 00:14:56,275
nine Gs!
374
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,517
Wow. Thank you, Antiquarian.
375
00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,689
Go see my associate
to set up the auction.
376
00:15:00,793 --> 00:15:02,241
Our cut is 40%.
377
00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:05,068
And who the hell are you?
378
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:06,551
I'm interested
in the Holy Grail.
379
00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,965
No shit. Who isn't?
It's the ultimate antique.
380
00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:11,344
Every asshole in here wants
that thing on their mantel.
381
00:15:11,448 --> 00:15:12,965
Taffy? Mmm.
382
00:15:13,068 --> 00:15:14,724
Hooey, that's some salty water.
383
00:15:14,827 --> 00:15:16,310
No, you don't understand.
384
00:15:16,413 --> 00:15:18,275
I'm talking about the Grail
that came from Puffland.
385
00:15:18,379 --> 00:15:19,620
Something's wrong with it.
386
00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:20,793
I don't know nothing
387
00:15:20,896 --> 00:15:22,172
- about that.
- Yes, you do.
388
00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:24,206
And so what?
I ought to wash your mouth out
389
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:25,551
with distilled white vinegar
390
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,689
and scrub you
with artisanal potpourri
391
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,758
for even mentioning that thing
around me.
392
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:33,344
Now beat it or I'll put
an antique bullet in your brain.
393
00:15:33,448 --> 00:15:34,896
Do that
394
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,689
and they'll be cleaning you
off the ceiling for weeks.
395
00:15:37,793 --> 00:15:40,172
Agatha? But I thought you said
you don't help quitters.
396
00:15:40,275 --> 00:15:42,586
I always say crazy shit
like that.
397
00:15:42,689 --> 00:15:44,241
I was just being random.
398
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,655
Now you're gonna tell us
everything about the Grail.
399
00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:48,103
Fine. I'll tell you.
400
00:15:48,206 --> 00:15:50,620
But you're not gonna like it.
401
00:15:53,724 --> 00:15:54,655
Yeah.
402
00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:55,931
Thank you!
403
00:15:56,034 --> 00:15:59,068
And now please welcome
Quail Eegan!
404
00:15:59,172 --> 00:16:00,379
Showmanship!
405
00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:02,000
Now, I know there's been talk
406
00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:04,068
that I didn't find
the real Holy Grail.
407
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,827
So how about I prove it?
408
00:16:07,448 --> 00:16:11,482
Let's resurrect
some frozen corpses!
409
00:16:11,586 --> 00:16:12,655
This is my dad.
410
00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:14,724
And that's the great arky
Bella Torres,
411
00:16:14,827 --> 00:16:16,724
who didn't take
Rip Digman's last name.
412
00:16:16,827 --> 00:16:19,172
As you may know, they've
both been dead for years.
413
00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:21,586
But not for much longer.
414
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,965
Oh, my gosh.
415
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:36,758
Son?
416
00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:37,758
Dad.
417
00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:38,896
Is it really you?
418
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,000
Where am I?
419
00:16:40,103 --> 00:16:41,206
The last thing I remember,
420
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:42,551
I was in the kitchen.
421
00:16:42,655 --> 00:16:44,379
That's right, Dad.
You died years ago,
422
00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:47,034
but I became a billionaire
and brought you back to life
423
00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,551
using the Holy Grail
424
00:16:48,655 --> 00:16:51,068
so that you could see
my spectacular new museum.
425
00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:53,379
That's what I was going
to guess happened.
426
00:16:53,482 --> 00:16:56,068
Oh, Quail, I'm so proud of you.
427
00:16:56,172 --> 00:16:57,241
I love you.
428
00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:58,482
I love you, too!
429
00:16:58,586 --> 00:17:00,034
Wow. Did you just see that?
430
00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:01,517
That was amazing.
431
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:02,551
Your turn.
432
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,551
Okay.
433
00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:06,551
Something's wrong.
I got to help Rip.
434
00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:10,448
But this museum is huge.
How will I find him in time?
435
00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:14,689
So we meet again,
you springy bitch.
436
00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:16,517
Okay.
437
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,655
Here I go.
438
00:17:17,758 --> 00:17:19,241
No, Rip! Don't! Don't!
439
00:17:19,344 --> 00:17:21,034
Who said that?
Rip!
440
00:17:21,137 --> 00:17:24,137
- Don't!
- Saltine said that!
441
00:17:27,517 --> 00:17:28,931
Oh, this is just my luck.
Here I am, trying to revive
442
00:17:29,034 --> 00:17:31,206
my frozen spouse with water
from the Holy Grail,
443
00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:32,655
and who interrupts me?
444
00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:34,344
My former assistant!
445
00:17:34,448 --> 00:17:37,620
I wouldn't believe it myself
if it wasn't my own crazy life!
446
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,689
Rip, don't do it! It's...
447
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:42,034
Anyways, back to this. Aw.
448
00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:44,551
I haven't seen that ear
in many moons.
449
00:17:44,655 --> 00:17:45,793
Huh.
450
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:48,482
I forgot about that scar, though.
451
00:17:48,931 --> 00:17:50,103
I'm just gonna open it.
452
00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:51,517
I don't think
it's booby-trapped.
453
00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:52,724
It definitely is.
454
00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:53,896
I doubt it.
455
00:17:56,689 --> 00:17:58,103
It's gonna leave a scar,
456
00:17:58,206 --> 00:17:59,172
but you'll be fine.
457
00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:00,413
Why didn't you listen to me?
458
00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:01,758
I was trying to enjoy the ride
459
00:18:01,862 --> 00:18:03,793
and you just kept pushing
my butt in.
460
00:18:03,896 --> 00:18:05,310
Rip, you only say that
461
00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:06,896
when someone who loves you
is trying to help you.
462
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,034
You get mad that they know
what's best for you.
463
00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:10,586
Why would I get mad about that?
464
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,241
Because you have
major psychological issues
465
00:18:12,344 --> 00:18:13,275
and you should go to therapy.
466
00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:14,931
The industry of death?!
467
00:18:15,034 --> 00:18:16,517
Just remember this, Rip--
468
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,482
whenever you think someone
is "pushing your butt in,"
469
00:18:19,586 --> 00:18:20,931
it means they care about you.
470
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,379
So you should always listen
to them...
471
00:18:23,482 --> 00:18:26,482
and do what they say.
472
00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:30,827
Rip, what are you waiting for?
473
00:18:34,103 --> 00:18:35,344
Let her drink from the Grail.
474
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,793
- Bring her back.
- Yes, give her a sip.
475
00:18:36,896 --> 00:18:38,517
As another
recently revived American,
476
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:41,103
I can say
it was quite refreshing.
477
00:18:43,172 --> 00:18:44,068
No.
478
00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:46,137
And pray tell, why not?
479
00:18:46,241 --> 00:18:48,896
Because even though
I want more than anything
480
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,241
to bring Bella back to life,
481
00:18:50,344 --> 00:18:52,275
what she would want me to do
482
00:18:52,379 --> 00:18:55,620
is listen to someone
who pushes my butt in.
483
00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:56,655
Whip!
484
00:18:57,724 --> 00:18:59,551
Jump kick!
485
00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:02,448
I was a cod-headed fool
to let you quit, Saltine.
486
00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:04,551
- I'm sorry.
- Rip!
487
00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:06,793
I conquered
my fear of pogo sticks!
488
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,413
The main thing
we all care about!
489
00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:10,758
Oh, shit. Is that the Grail?
490
00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:12,586
They stopped you
from giving it to Bella?
491
00:19:12,689 --> 00:19:13,758
Don't worry! I'm on it!
492
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,103
- Swooper, no!
- Swooper, no!
493
00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:17,827
No...!
494
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:22,689
Bella?
495
00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:23,448
My love?
496
00:19:23,551 --> 00:19:25,103
Yes, it's me.
497
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,103
I'm here.
498
00:19:27,896 --> 00:19:29,137
Not you.
499
00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:32,482
- Huh?!
- My dear.
500
00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:33,448
Papa?
501
00:19:33,551 --> 00:19:34,517
I was trying to tell you--
502
00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:36,551
it's not the Holy Grail.
503
00:19:38,379 --> 00:19:39,862
It's the Unholy Grail.
504
00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:40,896
I'll be taking that.
505
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,241
Whoa!
506
00:19:42,344 --> 00:19:43,862
Let's raise a glass...
507
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,137
to evil.
508
00:19:45,241 --> 00:19:46,413
How did I not notice
that sticker?
509
00:19:46,517 --> 00:19:48,310
Bella,
if you can hear me in there,
510
00:19:48,413 --> 00:19:49,793
you have to fight this!
511
00:19:49,896 --> 00:19:51,206
I am no longer Bella.
512
00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:53,724
I am the Antichrist!
513
00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,241
And I am...
514
00:19:55,344 --> 00:19:56,655
the Uncle Christ.
515
00:19:56,758 --> 00:19:58,344
Auntie Christ and Uncle Christ.
516
00:19:58,448 --> 00:19:59,620
That's really clever!
517
00:19:59,724 --> 00:20:02,172
And, together, we shall destroy
518
00:20:02,275 --> 00:20:04,517
all of mankind!
519
00:20:10,172 --> 00:20:11,862
Die!
520
00:20:16,896 --> 00:20:18,655
Huh.
521
00:20:18,758 --> 00:20:20,379
Following the
incident at the Eegan tonight,
522
00:20:20,482 --> 00:20:22,827
the Antichrist and Uncle Christ
destroyed a power plant,
523
00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,620
throwing the world further
into chaos.
524
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,310
Hey, guys. Sorry again
for bringing Bella back to life
525
00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:29,068
as the embodiment of pure evil.
526
00:20:29,172 --> 00:20:30,275
To make it up to you,
527
00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,620
I got acai bowls for everyone!
528
00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,862
Swooper, there's no time
for acai bowls right now.
529
00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:37,310
- Not even a bite?
- No!
530
00:20:37,413 --> 00:20:40,034
Because we have a new mission.
531
00:20:40,137 --> 00:20:42,068
Stupid Antichrist
532
00:20:42,172 --> 00:20:43,275
ruining my grand opening.
533
00:20:43,379 --> 00:20:44,275
Hello, Mr. Eegan.
534
00:20:44,379 --> 00:20:45,862
Billy Themet?
535
00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:46,931
What are you doing here?
536
00:20:47,034 --> 00:20:48,275
I checked out your museum
537
00:20:48,379 --> 00:20:49,448
and found it to be...
538
00:20:49,551 --> 00:20:51,379
quite impressive indeed.
539
00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:54,103
But I ruined it all
by unleashing hell on Earth.
540
00:20:54,206 --> 00:20:55,379
On the contrary.
541
00:20:55,482 --> 00:20:57,206
The Antichrist
and the Uncle Christ
542
00:20:57,310 --> 00:20:59,241
may prove quite useful to us.
543
00:20:59,344 --> 00:21:02,068
Tell me, Mr. Eegan,
have you ever heard of...
544
00:21:02,172 --> 00:21:03,068
The Council?
545
00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:04,448
We have
546
00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:06,379
a mission to restore order
to the world.
547
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:10,896
A mission to undo the horrors
I have very indirectly caused.
548
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,862
And there's only one way
to accomplish said mission.
549
00:21:13,965 --> 00:21:16,379
We have to kill Bella.
550
00:21:16,482 --> 00:21:18,448
And how are we gonna do that?
551
00:21:18,551 --> 00:21:20,586
I'll tell you next season.
552
00:21:20,689 --> 00:21:22,517
- Season?
- Yeah. As mentioned,
553
00:21:22,620 --> 00:21:25,793
today was June 20,
aka the last day of spring.
554
00:21:25,896 --> 00:21:28,310
And it will be midnight
in three,
555
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,551
two, one.
Now, as I was say...
556
00:21:54,344 --> 00:21:55,551
Chirp.
39784
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