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1
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:06,354
This is cool.
2
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:07,485
I didn't know there
was a book of hundreds
3
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:09,052
of tattoos you could
pick from.
4
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:11,924
I want a tattoo of
all the boys in BTS.
5
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:15,363
Well, there's seven of them.
You'd need two more arms.
6
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,626
What if you do four of them on
Mark and then three on me?
7
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:19,541
And we can walk around
with our sleeves rolled up
8
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:22,326
and put our arms together
to show people.
9
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,241
Yes, and then
we can beat each other up
10
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:26,765
to save the bullies
a lot of time.
11
00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:28,419
Okay, neither of you
are getting a tattoo.
12
00:00:28,419 --> 00:00:29,899
It's illegal
until you're 18.
13
00:00:32,684 --> 00:00:34,773
Oh, perfect timing.
Love you. Bye.
14
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:39,082
Hey, Mom, you remember how
you said you would do anything
15
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,692
to help my career
as a tattoo artist?
16
00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:43,217
Oh, yeah.
I was lying.
17
00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:44,566
Come on.
Let me give you a tattoo.
18
00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,698
I'll never get a part-time chair
unless I have
19
00:00:46,698 --> 00:00:48,700
a tattoo to show
the lead artist by this weekend.
20
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,659
I might be in Hawaii
this weekend.
21
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,964
What?
22
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,096
Ben said
he didn't want to go
23
00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:54,880
and you said you'd sell
the tickets.
24
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,709
Yeah, I know.
People keep pointing that out.
25
00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:00,886
I'm still thinking about going
by myself, if I have to.
26
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:03,933
Mm, well, I think
you deserve it.
27
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:06,283
And when you get back,
I'll give you a great tattoo
28
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:08,894
in exchange
for my silence.
29
00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:10,896
Wish it was that easy.
30
00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:13,029
How can I go without
telling Ben?
31
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,684
Yeah, I know.
It'd be lying.
32
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:19,079
No, I'm asking. How do I do
this without telling Ben?
33
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,342
Wow, you're
not giving this up.
34
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,344
It must really bug you that
Ben doesn't want to go.
35
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,954
It more than bugs me.
36
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:27,174
It's made me question
the whole relationship.
37
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,132
Damn. Don't get between
you and a luau.
38
00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:33,049
Uh, somebody left
the back door open,
39
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:35,051
and I just saw
a stranger run out
40
00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:36,618
with the last beer
in the fridge.
41
00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:40,622
Now, it all happened so fast
that I couldn't get a clear ID.
42
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:45,366
So, uh,
you avoiding me?
43
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:48,717
You haven't returned
my calls in a week.
44
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,850
Is this 'cause you're mad that
my mom talked to your dad?
45
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,330
She didn't talk to him.
46
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:54,636
She ambushed him,
47
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,290
and you didn't do a thing
about it
48
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:58,292
even though you know
what a monster she can be.
49
00:01:58,292 --> 00:01:59,728
Yes.
50
00:01:59,728 --> 00:02:02,383
But, in this case,
51
00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:05,168
Godzilla finally stepped on
the right villager.
52
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,128
I think she did
the right thing.
53
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,173
Telling my dad to sell
his house
54
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:11,653
'cause he's trapping
his kids here?
55
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,263
And she only did it
56
00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:15,657
to make up for what a terrible
mom she's been to you.
57
00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:18,181
This is better than her helping
my sixth-grade girlfriend
58
00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:19,965
write me
an incredibly specific
59
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,750
"I'm breaking up with you"
note.
60
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,405
My mom thought Lisa
could do better.
61
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:27,886
Certainly hasn't had
that talk with me.
62
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:31,890
Okay, look, I know my mom
did it the wrong way,
63
00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:35,242
but she's just trying to
get us together.
64
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,331
Oh, well, if she could
get us on vacation together,
65
00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:38,419
that'd be better.
66
00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:40,203
Are you still on that?!
67
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,552
I -- I don't even know
what to say
68
00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:43,293
if you can't get
the bigger picture.
69
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:44,425
I don't even want to talk
about this anymore.
70
00:02:44,425 --> 00:02:45,991
I don't want to talk about it
anymore, either.
71
00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:47,645
Fine!
Fine! Bye!
72
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,908
Okay, well,
I guess I'll hear from you
73
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,650
when I hear from you.
74
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:55,305
Next thing you're gonna hear
from me is "aloha."
75
00:02:57,002 --> 00:03:00,005
--Captions by VITAC--
76
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:35,389
We were really worried
when you had COVID.
77
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:37,086
It's so great that
you're back here now.
78
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,435
Aww, I missed
you guys, too.
79
00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:40,176
Yeah, we were worried
that if you died,
80
00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:41,525
we'd never eat good again.
81
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:45,312
Oh, Mark! Mary! Dinner!
82
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,357
Oh, my God, Jackie,
83
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,533
your episode of "Jeopardy"
is on tomorrow.
84
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,535
Now can you tell us
what happened?
85
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,842
Nope, not fair to
the rest of America.
86
00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:56,714
The agreement said
not till the show airs.
87
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,413
Well, your heel's still
duct-taped to your shoe,
88
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:00,675
so I'm guessing you
didn't crush it.
89
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,416
Well,
you don't know that.
90
00:04:02,416 --> 00:04:03,939
Why do you think
lottery winners
91
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,549
keep it secret
when they win?
92
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:06,985
They're not worried
about criminals.
93
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,248
They're worried
about family.
94
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,903
The menace within.
95
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:14,210
Hey!
Hey!
96
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,646
You got out of rehab!
97
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,518
I thought that was
tomorrow morning.
98
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,737
Yeah, but I wanted to
sleep in my own bed tonight
99
00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:22,436
so I could cuddle up with
Beverly Rose in the morning.
100
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:23,915
You should have told us
you were getting out early.
101
00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:25,874
I was gonna wait outside
the walls of the joint
102
00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:28,093
with a cheap suit
and 50 bucks.
103
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:31,445
Actually, there wasn't much
of a goodbye, um,
104
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:34,839
but they gave me this plant to
see if I could keep it alive --
105
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:38,016
which isn't very reassuring
when you already have a kid.
106
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:40,018
Oh, well, should
I schedule you for
107
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,237
a double shift tomorrow?
108
00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:43,239
Nope.
No more double shifts,
109
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:44,719
and school is on
the back burner.
110
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,329
Oh, wow.
111
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,810
So, all your motivation
was in the booze, huh?
112
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:51,508
You're missing the point,
my tiny terror.
113
00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:56,687
I'm prioritizing spending
more time with Beverly Rose,
114
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:59,777
working normal hours,
and living a healthy life,
115
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,780
and helping everyone around me
do the same.
116
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:05,217
Oh, I get it.
Life before dreams.
117
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:08,786
See that right there?
You always go negative, Darlene.
118
00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:10,919
You say "dreams" like
I'm giving something up
119
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:13,269
instead of "good for you,"
like Dad always says.
120
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:15,097
I'm positive.
121
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:18,361
In rehab, we'd call
you a "filterer,"
122
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:19,580
and I'm supposed
to avoid you.
123
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,625
Oh, hey, your rehab
was good for me, too.
124
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,627
Sounds like your head's
on straight, Beck.
125
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:27,196
Really, Dad?
Another beer?
126
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,372
What's in that can?
127
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,635
Is it the foamy head
of regret?
128
00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:35,073
Is it the cool,
clean taste of paths not taken
129
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,075
with bubbles of guilt?
130
00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:39,817
Based on the river
it's from...
131
00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,515
I'm gonna say
bear pee and slugs,
132
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,994
but I'm just trying to
get a buzz.
133
00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:47,477
That is the classic laugh
of an enabler.
134
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:50,306
Oh, wasn't that one of
Batman's villains?
135
00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:52,047
The Enabler?
136
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:53,875
He wasn't violent,
but he would support
137
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,964
people's bad habits
until it killed 'em.
138
00:05:57,966 --> 00:06:01,099
Dan, you probably shouldn't
drink in front of Becky.
139
00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:03,841
She just got here.
I can't ask her to leave.
140
00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:06,583
So, uh,
Louise and I will eat
141
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,020
and drink
out in the garage.
142
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,631
I'll join you
when I'm done.
143
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,241
You know, it only
takes a few people
144
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,982
to start an AA meeting.
145
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:15,636
Oh, you might have
to push a little hard
146
00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:17,028
on the garage door.
147
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:19,379
Sometimes it sticks when
it's double-bolted and locked.
148
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,208
Wow. Good for you,
Aunt Becky.
149
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:25,994
I'm doing a presentation on
addiction in Health Sciences,
150
00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:28,344
and I'm going to add in
family influence.
151
00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,651
Why don't you
just bring me in?
152
00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:33,001
Part of my rehab is being
of service to others.
153
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:36,091
W-Well, I was gonna do
a graph with a beer bottle
154
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,093
to show how your life
goes down along with
155
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:40,530
the level of beer in
the bottle, so I don't know.
156
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:44,447
That's a B-minus,
maybe a C-plus.
157
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:48,016
You have a real-life
alcoholic in your home,
158
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:50,279
and what does
"alcoholism" start with?
159
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,802
An "A"!
160
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:58,722
Hey.
161
00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:01,856
My, uh, sister's coming back
to work tomorrow from rehab.
162
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:03,945
Spoiler alert --
she's high on life,
163
00:07:03,945 --> 00:07:05,947
and it's gonna make you
want to drink.
164
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,905
Not me.
165
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,691
I don't need alcohol to feel
good about the world.
166
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:14,085
There's mushrooms, peyote,
those frogs you can lick.
167
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:17,524
So, um...
168
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,613
I don't know what
you're doing this weekend,
169
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:22,529
but how would you like
to go to Hawaii?
170
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,967
Are you serious?
171
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,272
Pff.
172
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,187
Hell, yeah.
173
00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:30,972
So, uh, what?
174
00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,539
You couldn't change
your boyfriend's mind, huh?
175
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:36,456
Uh, no.
I -- I didn't ask him again.
176
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,457
Ah.
177
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,461
You know what?
Good for you.
178
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,375
You don't need a man
to tell you
179
00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,073
to go have fun
with another man.
180
00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:48,859
Great relationship advice
for any situation.
181
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,121
Thank you.
182
00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,862
You're gonna love Hawaii.
It's amazing.
183
00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:53,734
I know so many cool things
to do.
184
00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:55,431
There's this one place
where you can zip line
185
00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:57,912
over an active volcano.
186
00:07:57,912 --> 00:07:59,304
Oh, great.
187
00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:00,480
You do that,
and I'll be swimming
188
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,003
in a crystal clear lagoon.
189
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,440
If the volcano doesn't roast you
like a pig, we'll have lunch.
190
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:10,011
Ah, crap.
191
00:08:10,011 --> 00:08:11,012
"Crap," what?
192
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,014
That's not your boyfriend,
is it?
193
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,929
I already booked us
a shark dive.
194
00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,713
No.
195
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,933
It's his mom.
She wants to have dinner.
196
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:20,891
I'd rather do
the shark dive
197
00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:23,807
wearing a dress
made out of bloody seals.
198
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,722
Don't book that.
I'm kidding, you know?
199
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:33,251
Your brain isn't fully
developed until you're 25,
200
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:35,906
and drinking can
interfere with that.
201
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:39,997
Throw in you being on
social media 11 hours a day,
202
00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:43,566
and you're gonna end up
a generation of morons.
203
00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:46,482
So, get it together, kids.
204
00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:50,225
Uh, we still have a half-hour.
Anybody have any questions?
205
00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:52,270
So, it's okay to drink
as much as you want
206
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,490
after you turn 25?
207
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,187
It's a slippery slope.
208
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,363
First, you take a drink.
209
00:08:58,363 --> 00:08:59,930
Then your drink takes a drink.
210
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:02,585
Then your drink orders
10 tequila shots,
211
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,413
and you end up having
unprotected sex in a freezer
212
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,981
with a total stranger.
213
00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:08,765
My story.
214
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,463
What a good answer.
215
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,161
So, thanks for coming by,
Aunt Becky,
216
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,728
and I'll see you at home.
217
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:17,426
How do you know if you're
gonna be an addict
218
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,297
and not just a person
who drinks once in a while?
219
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:21,212
Well, I don't know
about anybody else,
220
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,650
but I can tell you
about you.
221
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,696
You've been chewing on
that pencil pretty good.
222
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:29,090
That's an early indication
of anxiety.
223
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,396
If you don't get
to the bottom of that,
224
00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:33,529
you're gonna end up
doing nitrous poppers
225
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,400
under a bridge with
some deranged dentist.
226
00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:40,623
My mom says I just need
to play outside more.
227
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:43,626
Mark, why don't you
help your aunt out to her car?
228
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,019
Come on, Aunt Becky.
229
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:47,195
We're cutting into time for
our chapter on domestic abuse.
230
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:50,894
Ooh! A lot of domestic abuse
is alcohol-related.
231
00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:54,550
One of the women in my group
set her husband on fire.
232
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:57,422
It's okay! He lived!
233
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:01,818
You have the board,
Jackie.
234
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:03,646
"Her-story"
for $2,000, Aaron.
235
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:05,996
She led the French against
the English
236
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:07,345
in the
Hundred Years' War.
237
00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:08,390
Jackie?
238
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:09,609
Who is Edith Piaf?
239
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:12,350
No.
240
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,700
Maryann or Brock?
241
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,659
We were looking for
Joan of Arc.
242
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:19,227
Well, there are two
correct answers, then.
243
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:22,230
Edith Piaf, "La Vie En Rose,"
War of the Roses.
244
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,319
I'm sure the judges
would accept either.
245
00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,582
No, Edith Piaf
is a French singer,
246
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:28,671
and those are two
entirely different wars.
247
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:31,892
I know the
histoire de la guerre.
248
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:34,111
Uh, we're
really gonna do this?
249
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:36,200
That's the end of
Double Jeopardy!,
250
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,681
and, Jackie, I am sorry,
but you're in the negative,
251
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,944
and you're not gonna be around
to play Final Jeopardy!
252
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:43,947
Great news for Maryann
and Brock -- you will be.
253
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:46,384
And tonight,
our category is...
254
00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:48,256
Famous Cats.
255
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:49,605
Make your wagers,
players.
256
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,172
And we will be right --
257
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:58,048
Well, you were on
"Jeopardy!"
258
00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,615
They can't take that
away from you.
259
00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:02,357
No.
No, sir, they cannot.
260
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,620
The important thing is
you had fun.
261
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,622
You had fun, right?
262
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,842
Fun? What are you
talking about?
263
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:10,974
She just exploded all over
national television.
264
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,498
I think I saw little bits of her
on the camera lens.
265
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,326
Oop.
266
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:19,243
Well, hold on, because you
don't know the whole story.
267
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,897
Oh, hi, Mom.
268
00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:23,291
Why did you think you had
to go on a show
269
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,858
where you have to
know things?
270
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:27,295
Why couldn't you just
go on a show
271
00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,993
where you have to be
naked and afraid?
272
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,517
What's the name
of that show?
273
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:34,345
"Naked and Afraid"?
274
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,956
That's the one.
275
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:38,349
You'd think by now you'd know
you can't do anything
276
00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:40,351
you set your mind to.
277
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:43,659
Yeah, I still have that
pencil case you wrote that on.
278
00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:46,618
You're a small person.
Live a small life.
279
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:50,579
That way, no one else knows
when you're failing.
280
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:53,887
It's like passing gas
in the bathtub.
281
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:56,019
You should be
taking showers, Mom.
282
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,717
It's easier
to slip that way.
283
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,937
But, um, just for
your information,
284
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:02,896
I was about to tell
everybody here
285
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:04,985
that right when
they went to commercial,
286
00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:06,769
they realized that my buzzer
was broken,
287
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,640
so they're bringing me back
to be on a future show
288
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,772
to make up
for their mistake.
289
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:10,686
Oh.
Hey.
290
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:12,862
It's your decision, dear.
291
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:16,474
All I'm saying is,
if at first you don't succeed,
292
00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:18,694
get the message.
293
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:19,956
You're a failure.
294
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,743
All right, then.
I love you.
295
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,918
Bye!
296
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,840
I'm -- I'm Ben's mother,
Barb.
297
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:34,841
Oh.
298
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,843
You must be Dan Conner's
girlfriend.
299
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,496
Yes, I am.
300
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,803
You're riding that
rock 'n' roll horse
301
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:43,893
till it drops,
aren't you?
302
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:46,374
Well, aren't you
a sassy old bitch.
303
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,679
Thank you.
304
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,638
I think -- I think
it's a crime that people
305
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,379
aren't more honest
with each other.
306
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,076
Yeah, and I think it's
a crime we're not allowed
307
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,513
to hit our customers,
but here we are.
308
00:12:57,298 --> 00:13:00,083
Oh, Barb,
this is Louise.
309
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:02,172
I see you've danced
with the cobra.
310
00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:04,392
Just give us a minute
to look at the menu.
311
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:05,610
I'll give you
till tomorrow.
312
00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:06,960
That's my day off.
313
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:11,051
Must be a burden being liked
by everyone.
314
00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:14,837
Look, I-I should just say
that it was not my intention
315
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:17,231
to create problems
between you and Ben.
316
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:19,886
What I was trying to do
was create problems
317
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:22,497
between you
and your father.
318
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,064
Oh, well,
the important thing is,
319
00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:26,196
you were trying to
create problems.
320
00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:27,850
You know what?
321
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,461
This is gonna go a lot better
if I have something to drink,
322
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:33,073
and since Louise is wisely
never coming back,
323
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,465
can I get you something?
324
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,990
Yeah, a margarita,
frozen, no salt,
325
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:39,470
slice of lime,
brandy floater.
326
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,168
You'll get what you get.
327
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:04,365
What the hell
are you doing?
328
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:05,932
Don't be rude.
329
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:08,151
I'm just trying to
read your texts.
330
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:11,720
It's from someone named Jeff
who is talking about
331
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,809
the two of you
going to Hawaii.
332
00:14:15,158 --> 00:14:17,073
I-I thought you sold
those tickets.
333
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,683
That's what Ben said.
334
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,337
Uh, well, I didn't.
335
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:23,514
And, yes, I-I'm going
to Hawaii with Jefflene.
336
00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:28,258
Am I supposed to believe
that's a girl's name?
337
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,478
Nobody does.
That's why she goes by "Jeff."
338
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,396
So, you're going to Hawaii
with another guy?
339
00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:38,747
All right, look,
it's completely platonic,
340
00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:40,967
and I begged Ben
to go with me.
341
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,838
Is that supposed
to excuse it?
342
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:45,710
Well, four days in Hawaii
is not gonna hurt anybody.
343
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,364
Then why are you sneaking?
344
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:50,846
Because Ben wants me to sell
the tickets to pay for bills.
345
00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:51,891
He doesn't get it.
346
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,544
I'm trying to
live in the moment,
347
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,155
and now you're gonna
tell Ben,
348
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:56,678
and it's all gonna get
blown out of proportion.
349
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,201
No, no.
350
00:14:58,201 --> 00:14:59,811
I'm not going to tell Ben
351
00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:03,511
because I'm hoping that
you will do the right thing.
352
00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:05,861
You're looking at someone
who made a mistake
353
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:08,559
under the guise of
living in the moment.
354
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:12,737
It wrecked my relationship
with my husband and with my son,
355
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:15,523
and it ruined my life.
356
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:18,178
Is that what you want?
357
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:21,659
Look, my friend died,
and it made me realize
358
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:25,272
that we have like 15 minutes
on this planet.
359
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:28,144
At the end, she was just trying
to live her life to the fullest,
360
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,233
and that's all
I'm trying to do.
361
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,757
Yeah, well, Ben is spending
his 15 minutes
362
00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:36,239
living in the hardware store
to try to make this work.
363
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:40,069
How do you define "living life
to the fullest," Darlene?
364
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:44,073
Four days in Hawaii,
or sacrificing something --
365
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:46,554
like he is --
to be with someone
366
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:49,252
who's going to love you
for the rest of your life?
367
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:54,127
Well, if I say Hawaii now,
it's gonna look bad.
368
00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:01,917
Penny for your thoughts?
369
00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:04,006
I lied, Neville.
370
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,052
"Jeopardy!" isn't actually
bringing me back.
371
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:10,143
Here's what happened.
372
00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:12,188
And we are clear.
373
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,016
Hey. Get the --
374
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,497
Aaron,
I have to talk to you.
375
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:20,283
I mean, I'm sorry, but I really
should be advancing, too.
376
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:22,111
I had every right answer.
377
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,156
Yeah, but you said it
after you heard
378
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:25,245
one of the other contestants
say it first.
379
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,029
I -- It's -- Okay,
I think that there's
380
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,291
something wrong
with the buzzer.
381
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,424
Could it be possible
that maybe you were just
382
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:31,947
pressing it
a little bit late?
383
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:35,168
Well, then, how do
you explain this?
384
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,734
Oh, yeah, su--
385
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:39,302
Well, now that it's not costing
you a dime, it works great.
386
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,217
Look, the rules are the rules,
and I'm sorry,
387
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:42,653
but you're not gonna advance
to Final Jeopardy!
388
00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,655
Just t-this.
389
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:47,006
I've been feeling this
all game.
390
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,007
I understand.
391
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,399
I know
you have to be hard on me
392
00:16:49,399 --> 00:16:50,661
because you're
feeling guilty
393
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:52,576
about the obvious
chemistry here.
394
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:55,188
Between who and who?
395
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:56,841
In the meantime,
why don't you throw
396
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:59,192
a couple thousand bucks
into my account
397
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,976
'cause of the faulty buzzer,
and then, uh,
398
00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:03,544
we can play ourselves
some Final Jeopardy!
399
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,112
Uh...
Come on, man.
400
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,852
Man, ple--
401
00:17:07,852 --> 00:17:09,680
My mother's gonna
be watching this,
402
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,770
and I really don't want to
disappoint her again.
403
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:14,685
How about, instead,
I just walk you to your car,
404
00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:16,252
and we'll make a little video
for your mother.
405
00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:19,429
Yeah, that'd be so helpful.
406
00:17:19,429 --> 00:17:20,474
Okay.
407
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:23,129
Uh, she's not
really a sports person,
408
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:26,480
so if you could just say
you're Jon Hamm.
409
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,352
Sure, you got it.
410
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:31,441
Look, just meet me outside,
and, uh, you know,
411
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:32,790
I'll be right there
after Final Jeopardy!
412
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,314
Thank you, "Jon."
413
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:38,535
He was full of crap.
414
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:41,756
They had me in handcuffs the
second I hit the parking lot.
415
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:44,715
I should have told everybody
the truth, but I was so ashamed.
416
00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:47,022
And now I'm just gonna have
to fess up and be the failure
417
00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:49,155
my mother always told me
that I would be.
418
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:52,245
No. Not this time.
I know just what to do.
419
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:54,334
Okay, text your mother this.
Trust me.
420
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,900
Okay.
421
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,468
"To my lifelong adversary.
422
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:02,472
I am going to turn this failure
into a success so big
423
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,865
that you will
choke on it."
424
00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:06,128
"And finally be dead"?
425
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,869
No, we're taking
the high ground.
426
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:08,957
Send it.
427
00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:12,656
Oh, wow.
This is amazing.
428
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:13,875
So, what's the plan?
429
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,094
I have no idea.
430
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,139
What?
I sent it already.
431
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,358
-What do we do now?
-I-I don't know.
432
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:19,924
I mean, I came up with
the text plan.
433
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:20,795
Now you do something.
434
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,318
But you don't
even have an idea?
435
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,277
We'll come up
with something.
436
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,409
Imagine how embarrassed
you'll be if we don't.
437
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,284
Okay, she's here.
438
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:36,071
Hey.
439
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:37,507
What's going on?
440
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:42,033
Becky, uh, everybody
here wants the best for you,
441
00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:43,905
but you're hurting
the people that you love.
442
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,733
This is an intervention.
443
00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:47,169
What?
I'm not drinking.
444
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,389
That's the problem.
445
00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:51,782
So, you want me to
start drinking?
446
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:53,741
No, no, of course not.
447
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:56,309
We're all very proud of what
you've accomplished.
448
00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:59,312
We just want you to
shut up about it.
449
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:01,749
Oh, I get it.
450
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:04,360
They warned me in rehab that
you guys wouldn't be as healthy
451
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,449
as I am
and there'd be push-back.
452
00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:10,845
So, I'm just gonna have to be
really patient with all of you,
453
00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:13,761
and then you can come to me
when your lives fall apart.
454
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:15,110
That's all
we're asking for.
455
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:18,418
Uh, oh, you know what?
456
00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:19,984
Could you all stay here
for a second?
457
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,552
I'd like to say something,
and I'd like y'all to hear it.
458
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:29,603
So, I need to confess something
to Ben.
459
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:34,651
I didn't sell the Hawaii tickets
when I told you that I did,
460
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:37,437
and I feel terrible.
461
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:41,267
But Molly died, and I was
thinking about my mortality,
462
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,617
and that can make you do
really stupid things.
463
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,662
But I've sold
the tickets now,
464
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:48,578
and I'm putting the money
towards my dad's mortgage,
465
00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:51,973
and I cannot wait
to move in together,
466
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,670
and I love you.
467
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:57,283
Well, thank you for those
very private thoughts
468
00:19:57,283 --> 00:20:00,373
in front of
your entire family.
469
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,070
I'm happy to hear that
you can't wait
470
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:04,594
to move in with me for
the fourth or fifth time.
471
00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:07,249
And, uh, thank you,
once again, for saying
472
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,730
that you won't lie to me
right after you do.
473
00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:14,038
It's been a long journey back
to where I thought we were,
474
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,215
but by God,
we're there.
475
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:21,132
Uh, okay,
I deserved that,
476
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:24,745
but I have one more thing
to show you how much I care.
477
00:20:24,745 --> 00:20:27,443
Please, everybody,
step into the kitchen.
478
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:35,059
It's poker night with
the newest member of our family,
479
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:37,105
Barb Olinsky!
480
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:42,893
What do you say, Dan?
Let bygones be bygones?
481
00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:45,635
Sure!
Nice watch, Barb.
482
00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:47,333
Thanks, Dan.
It's a woman's watch.
483
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,030
Won't be when it's on my wrist,
Barb.
484
00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:54,949
-I bet 25.
-Hmm.
485
00:20:54,949 --> 00:20:57,647
Saw you on "Jeopardy!,"
Jackie.
486
00:20:57,647 --> 00:21:00,476
Hope you don't fold here
the way you folded there.
487
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:01,956
Oh, Mom.
488
00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:04,306
Don't bite, Jackie.
She's just baiting you.
489
00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:05,699
She doesn't scare me.
490
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:08,092
All in.
491
00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:11,008
Oh!
Oh!
492
00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:12,923
Three queens. Sweet.
493
00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:16,318
Yeah,
the full Edith Piaf!
494
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:20,453
Wrong answer again!
495
00:21:20,453 --> 00:21:21,541
Three aces.
496
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:22,890
Ugh.
497
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,761
Hey, Becky.
498
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:26,720
Barb's on her third glass
of wine.
499
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:27,808
Get her.
37443
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