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1
00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:07,007
Any good news in there?
2
00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:10,575
Yeah, it says older gentlemen
live longer when fed.
3
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:13,796
You've totally
spoiled him
4
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,189
by making him breakfast
every morning.
5
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,886
Well, I find
when he's full,
6
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:20,194
he's tired
and doesn't give me no lip.
7
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,935
That's right,
you don't want to see me hungry.
8
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:26,243
There used to be another kid
around here.
9
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,245
There's a problem
with the chickens.
10
00:00:28,419 --> 00:00:30,595
The problem is that
we have chickens.
11
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:32,902
I'm really worried.
They've stopped laying eggs.
12
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,338
There was only one
this morning.
13
00:00:34,512 --> 00:00:36,645
If they're on strike,
let's send a message
14
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:38,516
by barbequeing
the ring leader.
15
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:41,084
Morning, everybody!
16
00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:43,913
Uh-oh!
Darlene's in a good mood!
17
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,829
You better move your weed
out of that face cream jar.
18
00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:49,266
How do youknow what's in
my face cream jar?
19
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,356
Relax. I was just trying
to steal your face cream.
20
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:56,534
Hey, I do not need to be stoned
to be in a good mood.
21
00:00:56,708 --> 00:01:00,712
Exercise and a job well done
is the best high you can get.
22
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:04,673
That just tells me that
there's a whole class of drugs
23
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:07,197
you haven't tried yet.
24
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:10,157
What are we gonna do
about the chickens?
25
00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:11,723
We've had them,
but no one's ever
26
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,421
taken a minute to learn
how to care for them.
27
00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:14,857
If we didn't do it
for our kids,
28
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,641
we're not gonna do it
for chickens.
29
00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:19,688
Ah, you know,
my brother Neville is a vet.
30
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,603
He mostly works
on big animals,
31
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:24,519
but I don't think he'd charge us
to come over and take a look.
32
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:25,998
That would be great.
33
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,566
They're my emotional support
chickens.
34
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:32,266
That may be a sign
I'm failing him as a parent.
35
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,268
I didn't know
your brother was a vet.
36
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,748
Yeah.
He's even on call at the zoo.
37
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,707
I thought Lanford Zoo
went out of business.
38
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:40,361
It's still open.
39
00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:43,538
Beverly Rose got bored because
it's mostly empty cages.
40
00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:47,411
But she did enjoy a rat fighting
a crow over a cigarette butt.
41
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:52,677
Hey.
42
00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:54,026
I have great news.
43
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,419
You're still happy?
44
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:57,943
This has lasted minutes.
45
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,250
You're not gonna
believe this.
46
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:02,383
I'm pregnant.
47
00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:03,732
Really?
48
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:05,864
Yes, really.
Why would I joke about that?
49
00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:07,344
I don't know.
50
00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:08,432
Sometimes you say things
you think are funny
51
00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:09,955
but are just confusing,
52
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,393
but that doesn't matter
because you're pregnant!
53
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,177
We can raise our babies
together.
54
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,048
We can go to Mommy and Me
55
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:18,442
and we don't have to talk to
any of the other mothers at all!
56
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:21,663
And Mark is great
and Harris is Harris,
57
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:24,231
so this baby will be like
the tiebreaker.
58
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:25,406
When did you find out?
59
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,885
I took a test this morning,
60
00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:28,322
but I haven't had my period
in two months
61
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,193
and I've been feeling moody
lately.
62
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,413
No, no, no, it's different
than the usual moodiness.
63
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:34,415
There's ups,
not just down and downer.
64
00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:36,939
Oh,
Ben must be so excited.
65
00:02:37,113 --> 00:02:38,767
I can't wait to tell him.
66
00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:40,595
I mean, this couldn't come
at a better time.
67
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,640
He told me he was okay with us
not having a baby,
68
00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:45,426
but I know he was just saying
that to make me feel okay.
69
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,690
Oh. It means a lot
that you told me first.
70
00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:50,170
Oh, yeah, well,
I wanted to show you
71
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:51,388
that you're not the only one
who can have
72
00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:53,303
a risky,
old-lady pregnancy.
73
00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:55,175
And I'm gonna have to have it
right here on the afghan
74
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:57,525
'cause we got
no health insurance.
75
00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,657
You're having a baby!
76
00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,398
I'm having a baby.
77
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,008
Aah!
78
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:08,536
--Captions by VITAC--
79
00:03:42,918 --> 00:03:45,007
I'm an independent young woman,
80
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,618
and you don't tell me
who to marry.
81
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:50,578
And also,
you are a bear.
82
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,277
Hey, Sweet Pea.
83
00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,192
Your daddy promised me
84
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:59,543
that you'd be taking a nap
at this time every day.
85
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:02,067
Uh, either of you
seen him?
86
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,462
Five-ten, dark hair,
big liar.
87
00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:10,075
He tried to get Beverly Rose
to go to sleep.
88
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:16,386
Ahhhhhh!
89
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,824
Emilio, how many times
can we talk about this?
90
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:21,173
If she doesn't nap,
91
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,697
she's a nightmare for me
when I get home.
92
00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:23,959
This is the only time
93
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:25,787
I get to play
with the baby.
94
00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,876
If you tell your papá that I'm
here, I can come to your house.
95
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:29,921
Are you
out of your mind?
96
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:31,967
If I tell him you snuck back
into the States,
97
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:34,361
he'll punch you
back to Juarez.
98
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,493
Well, you better tell him
before the baby's birthday
99
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:39,017
because we should have the party
at your place.
100
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,758
Why can't we have it here?
101
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:43,370
It's just a cupcake
with a candle in it.
102
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:44,545
A cupcake and a candle?
103
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,373
Do you hate the baby?
104
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:49,114
Sometimes. Why?
105
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,899
For my first birthday party,
106
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,683
I was lowered down
from the roof
107
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:56,252
with angel wings onto
a golden-sprayed pony.
108
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:58,559
Did they have your birthday
at Burning Man?
109
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:00,256
She's a one-year-old.
110
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:02,389
She's not gonna remember
any of this.
111
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,086
I don't want to waste
all that money.
112
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,044
But she will see the pictures.
113
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,568
And when she grows up,
114
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:09,613
she'll look back
and see how loved she was.
115
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,789
Ah, the Conners
don't work that way.
116
00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,748
We assume we were loved,
117
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,140
but it's kind of like
a perfect crime.
118
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,578
There's no hard evidence.
119
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:19,275
I'm not a Conner.
120
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:20,929
I'm a Rodriguez.
121
00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:23,453
And in my family,
the first birthday is important.
122
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:28,066
It's almost as important
as the baptism.
123
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,416
Hang on,
124
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,287
I never agreed
to any baptism.
125
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,637
Wait,
she's got to be Catholic.
126
00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:35,596
No, she doesn't.
127
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,249
I'm not sure
if I want to raise her
128
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,339
in any specific religion yet.
129
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,428
A child needs to have
a religion.
130
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:43,604
They have to think
that God is watching
131
00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:45,997
or -- or -- or
they'll do bad things.
132
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:48,130
Like getting girls pregnant
in freezers?
133
00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:51,176
Do you know how many Hail Mary's
that cost me?
134
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,787
How about this?
135
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:55,180
You can have a party,
but don't make it crazy.
136
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,444
You can have music,
a cake, and a piñata.
137
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,619
That's it.
138
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,142
Okay.
139
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,710
Uh, what if I invited our priest
to the party
140
00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:05,800
and there was a punch bowl
filled with holy water
141
00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:08,324
and he accidentally mistakes
Beverly Rose for a cup
142
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:09,717
and dips her?
143
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,849
You're really cute.
144
00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:13,285
No priest.
145
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,896
That'll only attract God,
146
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,028
and God has been trying
to pick off the Conners
147
00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:19,161
one-by-one for years.
148
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,424
If we're all in the same place
at the same time,
149
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:24,775
he only needs one lightning bolt
to take us out.
150
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:27,561
I want to make him
work for it.
151
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:30,564
Oh, man.
152
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:32,261
I starving.
153
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:35,220
That is good because
I made you lunch.
154
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,309
Really?
155
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,050
Is this a trick?
156
00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:40,704
You take the first bite.
157
00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:42,140
Don't be silly.
158
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:45,013
If I wanted you dead,
you'd be dead.
159
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,191
Oh, well,
look at that.
160
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:55,023
It's an itty-bitty carrot,
a tiny corn, and a candy bar.
161
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:56,503
No.
162
00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:59,462
It's a babycarrot,
163
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:02,378
a babycorn,
164
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:05,381
and a BabyRuth bar.
165
00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:09,429
Yeah.
166
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:12,997
Come on. Use that big,
furry brain of yours.
167
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:15,957
What do all those things
have in common?
168
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:18,220
Uh, it --
169
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:22,006
They are all disappointing
when you're expecting lunch?
170
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:27,055
You're so stupid, I'm sorry
I'm having a baby with you.
171
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:28,796
We're having a baby?
172
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:30,188
Yup.
No!
173
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,541
Oh, my God!
174
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,325
Yes! Yes!
175
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,675
Oh, we're gonna have
the best baby ever!
176
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:41,417
Oh, you know, when the doctor
said the odds were against us
177
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:42,853
and I said I'd be okay
about not having one,
178
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,376
but I was totally lying.
179
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,466
Oh, man! Oh, man!
180
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,555
Who's the mom?
You're the mom!
181
00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:49,860
Yes, I am!
182
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:55,300
How are the chickens?
183
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,693
This is Dr. Neville.
184
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:57,999
He's Louise's brother.
He's a vet.
185
00:07:58,173 --> 00:07:59,783
Okay, don't pull any punches.
186
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,176
I buried my sister.
187
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,526
I can handle
whatever is going on here.
188
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,442
Dr. Neville says that
the chickens need more protein.
189
00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,400
I think we've got weevils
in the flour.
190
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,402
I'll go strain 'em out.
191
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:11,926
Oh.
192
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,405
Oh, my God.
193
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,016
Hi, Jackie.
194
00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:16,713
Oh, hi. Hi.
195
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:20,108
You won't remember me,
but I-I remember you.
196
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:22,806
I used to watch you practice
your rifle twirling.
197
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,243
She did that in high school.
198
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,636
You were two.
199
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,595
Oh, he probably saw me
in the park.
200
00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:30,379
I used to practice
for parades
201
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:32,424
when I was on
the police drill team.
202
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:33,382
Uh-huh.
203
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:34,731
Well, if you ever, uh,
204
00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:38,126
start practicing again,
um, I am a fan.
205
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,736
Well, that's very sweet of you,
Neville,
206
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:42,217
but my performing days
are behind me.
207
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:45,481
You can't bring a rifle
to a park like you used to.
208
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,788
Hey, you know what?
209
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,746
How about
I stop by the diner
210
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,922
with some vitamins
for the chickens,
211
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,707
and I'll bring a broom,
212
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:57,362
and maybe you can teach me
a couple of those twirls.
213
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,147
Brooms are for beginners,
Neville.
214
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:01,453
You don't put Michael Phelps
back in the kiddy pool.
215
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,281
Good to see ya.
216
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,022
Great seeing you,
217
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:07,111
and can't wait to catch up
with you at the diner.
218
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,853
Uh-huh.
219
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:15,119
Well, well, someone likes
the crazy lady.
220
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,078
I hope not
221
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:20,168
because I'm on a journey of
self-discovery and reflection.
222
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:21,691
I don't have time
for any men.
223
00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:23,911
I'm trying to figure out
why I'm such a mess.
224
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,303
That's a relief.
225
00:09:25,477 --> 00:09:27,131
He's a really sweet guy.
226
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:28,437
Hey!
What are you trying to say?
227
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:29,873
I don't deserve
a sweet guy?
228
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,745
You said you don't
have time for men.
229
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,660
You're right. I don't.
I'm not in a place to date.
230
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,096
Good.
231
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:37,577
What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
232
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,796
Can't we all just agree
233
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,450
that there's something
wrong with you?
234
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,234
Yes!
Thank you.
235
00:09:43,408 --> 00:09:45,106
Tell her.
236
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,592
What are you doing here?
237
00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:54,550
I came to measure the backyard
for the party.
238
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,421
But I haven't
told my dad yet.
239
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,075
Well, why not?
240
00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:01,644
I'm waiting for the right time,
but he's still alive.
241
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:03,080
I will go tell him
right now.
242
00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,386
No. I'll do it.
243
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,214
Just stay there.
244
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:14,135
Hey there, Dad.
245
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:16,093
Hey there, Becky.
246
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:17,965
Look at that.
247
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:20,881
The one time you're watching TV
without a beer.
248
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,144
That's too bad.
249
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:25,886
What's up, Becky?
250
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,583
Ah, nothing.
251
00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:30,281
Just feeling bad
for Emilio.
252
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:33,371
Getting dragged out of
this country unfairly
253
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:36,418
when all he wanted
was the American dream.
254
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:39,595
If he walks in here right now,
I'm going to kill him.
255
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,075
Okay, there's no good way
to do this.
256
00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:42,859
Emilio!
257
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:45,601
Hello, Dan.
258
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,124
Hello, Emilio.
259
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,953
My, oh, my, has it been
two years already?
260
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:52,434
Because that's how long you were
supposed to stay in Mexico
261
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:54,436
before you could
come back here legally.
262
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:57,265
That's exactly what I said
the night he showed up.
263
00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:58,832
It's crazy
how alike we are.
264
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,834
I love you, Dad.
265
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:04,315
I -- I understand why
you're mad at me, Dan.
266
00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:06,013
Do you?
267
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:08,406
Is it because you married
my daughter behind my back?
268
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:09,973
Or because you're risking
269
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:11,932
being dragged away from
your daughter for good?
270
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:14,586
Or C,
all of the above?
271
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:17,372
I already missed a year of
Beverly Rose's life.
272
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:19,113
I'm not gonna miss more.
273
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:20,418
I am here for her.
274
00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:23,204
No, no,
you're here for you.
275
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:25,423
She's going to
go to bed every night
276
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:27,774
wondering if you're gonna be
here tomorrow!
277
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:29,950
Is that what you want?
278
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,301
I'm not going back.
279
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,783
Then we're done here.
280
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,959
Dan --
Get out of my way, son.
281
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:43,137
Dad, stop.
282
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:45,182
Please.
283
00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:47,141
I know you're upset
right now,
284
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,317
but we're gonna have a party
for Beverly Rose,
285
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:51,188
and if you kill him
on her birthday,
286
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:53,277
it's gonna be hard for her
every year.
287
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:55,627
Not a problem.
288
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,151
'Cause I'm not going.
289
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:04,288
Hey, Jackie.
290
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:07,422
Ugh.
291
00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:09,076
Back again I see.
292
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,426
I know.
But I couldn't help it.
293
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,994
I found this little bird mirror
to hang in your coop.
294
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:15,865
I didn't want to
hurt your feelings,
295
00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:18,738
so I let it slide when you came
here with the chicken vitamins,
296
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:20,217
and now you show up
with this.
297
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,871
I think it's time for you
to look at yourself
298
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:24,047
in the tiny mirror
and ask yourself,
299
00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,354
"What am I doing?"
300
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,138
I like you.
I want to go out with you.
301
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,314
Neville, I'm poison.
302
00:12:30,488 --> 00:12:32,142
The only common denominator
303
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:35,102
in all of my failed
relationships is me.
304
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,017
Well, you just haven't found
the right guy yet.
305
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,976
Did you get kicked in the head
by a horse?
306
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,195
Nope.
307
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:42,849
Alright.
308
00:12:43,023 --> 00:12:44,894
Alright, I didn't want
to have to do this.
309
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:48,158
But, um, you and I are gonna
have to go out for coffee.
310
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:50,247
You, me, and my demons,
311
00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:51,945
and we are gonna
start out with
312
00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:54,469
my childhood hatred
of my mother.
313
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,253
And then we're gonna
work our way up
314
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:57,994
through my last
failed relationship,
315
00:12:58,168 --> 00:12:59,474
which was a thrupple.
316
00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:01,084
And then
you're going to get up
317
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:02,694
and say you have to
go to the bathroom,
318
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:06,263
and I'll never see you again,
and that will be that.
319
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,699
This is great.
320
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,353
I know a place that has
the best coffee.
321
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,488
Y-Y-You got kicked.
322
00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,143
Hi, Doctor Davis.
323
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,058
It's been 13 years
since I was pregnant.
324
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:19,450
Have the rules changed?
325
00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:21,539
Can I eat sushi?
Smoke? Drink?
326
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:24,847
Looking for something to take
the edge off of this thing.
327
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,240
I'm sorry, Darlene.
328
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,155
You're not pregnant.
329
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:30,200
What?
Yes, I am.
330
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:31,593
The stick said I was.
331
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,247
You think you're smarter
than a stick?
332
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,771
I'm looking at
your blood test.
333
00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:37,947
You got
a false-positive.
334
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:40,994
Wow. Um...
335
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:42,517
Okay.
336
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,258
Uh, well,
I guess we'll just try again.
337
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:46,260
One of the reasons
you got a false-positive
338
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:49,263
is because your FSH levels
are elevated.
339
00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:51,613
You're in perimenopause.
340
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:53,049
Well,
that's impossible.
341
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:54,703
I'm too young to be in
any sort of pause.
342
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,009
I'm 43.
343
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:58,359
That's not young.
344
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:01,623
Look, I really think you should
just test me again, okay?
345
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,930
It's not gonna change,
Darlene.
346
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,975
Well, I can still have kids,
right?
347
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:08,978
Well, with your other issues,
I-I'm afraid not.
348
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:11,285
Uh, just give me a moment
to get my notes together.
349
00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:13,635
What are you watching?
350
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,593
The end of
my child-bearing years.
351
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,030
Is that a Lifetime movie?
352
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,640
Is that Stanley Tucci?
353
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:24,820
Is my dad here?
354
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,474
No.
355
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:29,042
He told me to call him
when Emilio left.
356
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:31,435
Hey, Aunt Becky,
check these balloons out.
357
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,829
Oh, that is so cute!
358
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,397
Custom balloons?
Those are expensive.
359
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,312
Well, at least when they fall
into the ocean,
360
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:39,791
the whales will
be able to identify
361
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,142
which little girl
is choking them.
362
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:48,322
Uh, yeah, I thought that,
uh, you should know
363
00:14:48,496 --> 00:14:50,846
that your brother and I
are going out for coffee,
364
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,414
but I will prove to him
that I'm a toxic cloud,
365
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,938
and anyone who gets
mixed up with me
366
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,722
is headed for
certain disaster.
367
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,856
Do not agree with me!
368
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:05,687
Hey, Becky,
check out my dummy.
369
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,950
Emilio
rented him for me.
370
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,170
I'm gonna do a routine
at the birthday party.
371
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:11,736
We're doing a bit
for the kids
372
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,390
about why it's so important
to wear masks.
373
00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:15,218
That's not why
you're wearing masks.
374
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,612
You just don't want anyone
to see your lips moving.
375
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,701
They're not moving.
Watch.
376
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,703
See?
They're not moving at all.
377
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:26,186
He really doesn't understand
how this works.
378
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,536
I got to talk to Emilio.
379
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:32,583
Emilio.
380
00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:34,672
What are you doing?
381
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,718
Well, you said I could have
some music, a piñata,
382
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,285
some games,
and a cake.
383
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,678
But you didn't say
how much I could spend.
384
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:43,116
This cake is crazy.
385
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:46,467
Is another baby
gonna jump out of it?
386
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:48,295
How much
did all of this cost?
387
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,210
It doesn't matter.
388
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,734
You could've put this money away
for college.
389
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:55,258
I told you I didn't want
this big of a party.
390
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:56,999
It is not
just your decision.
391
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:58,435
I'm the papá.
392
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,220
I am tired of asking you
for permission
393
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,483
to do things
for my daughter.
394
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:04,137
You don't get it.
395
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:06,052
I almost didn't tell you
I was pregnant
396
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:07,836
because
I didn't want anyone else
397
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,752
interfering with the way
I raised my baby.
398
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:14,582
You have all the cards.
399
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:16,192
You have custody.
400
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:18,020
I am undocumented.
401
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:22,764
If you think I'm interfering,
then why am I here?
402
00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:28,335
This is
just hard for me.
403
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,380
Okay?
404
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:32,339
I went through
the pregnancy alone.
405
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,863
I've been
raising her alone.
406
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:38,780
And now all of a sudden
you're here, and...
407
00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:41,522
I'm not used to
sharing her.
408
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,135
I just want what's best
for Beverly Rose.
409
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:48,746
I know you do.
You're a good dad.
410
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:57,190
And the one thing
that a good dad does
411
00:16:57,364 --> 00:17:00,454
is make sure that
his daughter
412
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:03,109
isn't living in hell
for all of eternity
413
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:05,676
because
she wasn't baptized.
414
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:07,287
Okay.
415
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:11,421
Doesn't mean she's a Catholic,
but we'll dunk her.
416
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,033
And don't be surprised
if she sizzles.
417
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:18,341
That's just
the Conner leaving her body.
418
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:23,390
Hey.
419
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:25,087
I got a little gift
for Beverly Rose.
420
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:26,654
All the toy stores
were closed,
421
00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:29,004
so I hope she likes rice.
422
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:30,658
I think she'll like
shaking the box, though.
423
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:32,616
It's fun.
424
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,662
Whoa, ho, ho, ho!
425
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:38,970
Hey, little mama,
you shouldn't be drinking that.
426
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:42,191
The baby will come out
all Jimmy Buffett.
427
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:44,585
Doesn't matter.
428
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:49,851
I'm not pregnant.
429
00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:51,244
I would've told you
yesterday,
430
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:53,028
but I was looking for
the right time,
431
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,030
and there just isn't one.
432
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:57,337
Oh, hey, that's okay.
433
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:58,990
It's alright.
434
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:00,470
We did it once.
435
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:01,776
We can do it again.
436
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,995
No, we can't.
437
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,824
I'm in perimenopause.
438
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,871
The doctor says that, um,
439
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:12,091
I can't have another baby.
440
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,835
I should've known.
441
00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:28,150
Okay.
442
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,590
I'm sorry.
443
00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:35,636
You know, I -- I know how much
you really wanted this baby.
444
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,812
Oh, look. Hey.
445
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:41,685
I only said all that stuff
because I was excited, okay?
446
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,688
The only thing that matters
is that I love you.
447
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,690
I love you, too.
448
00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:53,567
Are you okay?
449
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:56,526
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
450
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,572
Are you really okay?
451
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,487
Yes, absolutely.
452
00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:04,752
Are you lying?
453
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:07,885
Yeah.
454
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:10,149
Are you lying?
455
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,281
Absolutely.
456
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:21,943
Hey, if you guys don't want to
be the godparents now,
457
00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:23,249
I'll understand.
458
00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:25,294
Oh, no.
No, we'll be fine.
459
00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:28,732
Yeah. What exactly are
our responsibilities again?
460
00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:31,126
Well,
if Emilio and I die,
461
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,303
you're supposed to continue
the baby's religious life.
462
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:37,698
So, you guys would be
totally dead at that point
463
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:40,483
and you'd have no idea whether
we actually did it or not?
464
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:41,615
Yes.
465
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,269
You can count on us.
466
00:19:43,443 --> 00:19:47,447
I'd like to welcome everyone
who came here today
467
00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:50,885
to celebrate
this gift from God.
468
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,409
What name have you
given your child?
469
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:54,845
Beverly Rose.
470
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:57,457
And what do you ask of
God's Church for her?
471
00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:01,330
We were hoping you could do
the whole baptism thing on her.
472
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,245
Eternal life.
473
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,813
Can the godparents
step forward?
474
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:20,131
You thinking what I'm thinking?
475
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:21,611
We can outrun Becky,
476
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:24,266
but we'll never
outrun Emilio.
477
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:29,445
I now trace the cross
on your forehead.
478
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:31,665
Almighty God,
479
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:34,015
you sent your only son
480
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:37,192
to rescue us from
the slavery of sin.
481
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,020
You came.
482
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:41,588
I was on my way to the liquor
store, thought I'd drop by.
483
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:44,243
Thanks for being here.
484
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,462
I'm only doing this
because years from now,
485
00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:48,421
she's gonna look at
those pictures,
486
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:50,336
and I want her to know
that I loved her.
487
00:20:57,952 --> 00:20:58,953
Hey, oh,
I'm so sorry I'm late.
488
00:20:59,127 --> 00:21:00,563
I had to
perform surgery.
489
00:21:00,737 --> 00:21:03,305
We just found out that
the two-hump camel at the zoo
490
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,133
is actually just
a one-hump camel
491
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:08,049
with the biggest tumor
I've ever seen.
492
00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:11,966
Well, let's do this.
493
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:14,882
Great.
Okay.
494
00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:18,189
My first memory is of my mother
standing over my crib,
495
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:20,540
blaming me
for not being a boy.
496
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:23,412
And when I called her Mommy,
she said,
497
00:21:23,586 --> 00:21:26,763
"There's no reason for us
to be so familiar."
35325
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