All language subtitles for The Conners S04E15 1080p WEB h264-GOSSIP (1)_track3_[eng]

**

Ugh.

Darlene:
Oh, now look what you did.

You got vegetables
on Dad's plate.

What's he gonna do
with those?

Alright. Let's fix
this elbow-bumping problem.

I need all the lefties
to sit next to each other

on this side of the table,
all righties on this side.

We need a righty
to switch to a lefty.

Mary, start using
your other hand.

Why me?

Because the rest of us
are too old to change.

I'm not that young.

I bet none of you
even know how old I am.

Sure we do, sweetie.
You're 10.

No. 11.

9.
47.

You're all wrong.
She's 12.

Anybody thinking
what I'm thinking?

She should be working,
right?

Well, give her a minute.
She's a Conner.

She's not gonna get
to retire,

so she should enjoy
her golden years now.

Oh!
This is ridiculous anyways.

Why are we all eating
at the same time

like it's rush hour
on a Japanese commuter train?

Because right now,
a lot of us

are feeling like we need
to be together more.

Well, I know Mary needed that,
and thanks, everybody,

for helping her deal
with everything

while I was out of town.

That's what
family's for.

Hey, Dad, did Chuck
ever get back to you

about his friend that was gonna
put his house on the market?

I'm down to looking at
converted garages,

and it's cool
that one whole wall

is a window
if you open it,

but in the winter,
I'm gonna have to hire a kid

to shovel my living room.

It's weird. I've called
Chuck a couple of times

over the last few weeks,
but he hasn't called me back.

He and Anne-Marie
are probably on their boat

heading down the Mississippi
to party in N'orleans.

I'm gonna do that, too,
when I retire.

Except there's no boat,
no party, and I'll be dead.

Maybe
we should go over there.

I don't want to go
over there unannounced.

Unannounced?

"Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present

the Earl and Duchess
of Whitetrash."

[ Laughs ]

Fine. We'll just say
we were in the neighborhood.

It won't be a lie.

I got four birthdays
coming up at work

and I've been meaning to break
into that Goodwill donation bin

next to the fancy
dog hotel anyway.

Oh, uh,
Beverly Rose needs some shoes.

Those are easy to fish out
with a coat hanger,

but try to get two
of the same size this time.

"The Earl and Duchess regret
that they must take their leave

to attend
the royal dumpster dive."

If you see a bra that's not
too stretched out, grab it.

[ Knock on door ]

-Not it!
-Not it!

-Not it!
-Not it!

Oh, damn!

I had a mouthful
of mashed potatoes.

If you're looking
for money,

we don't care about
your band uniforms

and your chocolate bars
suck!

Hi!

What are you doing here?

Great news. We don't have
to worry about the school

finding out
that we're dating anymore.

That is great.

Why not?

'Cause they found out.

What?

How?
We were so careful.

Well, remember that text
you sent me where you said,

"Every second I'm in your class,
all I can think about

is watching you
grade papers naked"?

Yeah. Why?

Well, you sent it to me
and Wanda the TA.

No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.

You sent it to me and her
on the thread

where we were talking about
your overdue assignment,

which, ironically,
was about self-sabotage.

Oh, my God.
I feel terrible.

How do we fix this?

We can't.

See, Wanda already took it
to the dean,

and everything's cool,
though.

I told him
it was all my fault,

and I handed in
my resignation.

Oh, my God, Glen, I can't
believe you did that.

Are you gonna be able
to get another job?

No.
That's the beauty of it.

This is my chance.

I can finally
write my book,

and you and I don't have to hide
our relationship anymore.

Oh, that is fantastic.

So you have
some money saved up?

Oh, God, no.

I'm
a community college teacher.

I made more money working
at The Gap in high school.

I'm good
for about three months.

Maybe four, if I eat once a day
and live in a youth hostel.

We'll feed you
at The Lunch Box.

Um, you must have a really
good idea for the book.

Here's the best part.

I got nothing.

How is that
the best part?

Then everything
is a possibility.

Leap
and the net will appear.

You know who says that?

Dead circus performers.

-- Captions by VITAC --

**

**

**

**

**

How did we get
another sad,

middle-aged person
in this house?

I thought
we sprayed for that.

It's okay.

He's percolating ideas
for his new book.

Tell him to go percolate
in the kitchen.

He's cutting into my
cartoon time with Beverly Rose.

Okay, honey,

it's time
to brush your teeth

and get ready
for preschool.

What's the point?

Where did you hear that?

Uncle Glen.
He says it a lot.

So, it's been
a couple days.

I don't want to interfere
with your process,

but I'm excited to hear
what you got.

I hit a wall.

Well, you can't hit a wall.

You're in a new phase.

You said you always wanted
to write a book.

You must've had some ideas
at some point.

I've never had any ideas.

I just read a book and thought,
"I could do this."

Well, of course
you can do this.

You have a brilliant mind.

You just need
some motivation.

Okay. Tomorrow, I wanna see
three ideas for your new book,

with a paragraph for each

indicating what some
of the chapters might be.

You're right.

Thank you.

I needed
a kick in the ass.

I'm gonna have one more bowl
of cereal,

and then I'll write
the entire book today.

You know, sometimes,
people set too high of a goal

so they have an excuse
for their failure.

I have a much better excuse
for my failure.

Nope. I got nothing.

But I'm gonna come up with
three great ideas for that, too.

I am on fire!

**

Maybe we shouldn't
do this.

Maybe he's got another friend
he's doing fun stuff with.

What are you? 8?

[ Knock on door ]

Hey, Darlene. Dan.

Hey, hey.
How's it going, stranger?

I've been trying to get ahold
of you for the last few weeks.

Uh, I-I-I've just been busy.
That's all.

Uh, you know, listen,

I'm kind of in the middle
of something.

It'd be great
if you could come back.

Uh, hey, uh,

do you mind if I come in
and use your bathroom?

I-I'll be real quick.

Wow!

What hit this place?

Now that you're home
all the time,

I guess Anne-Marie
finally got wise

and realized she could do better
than you and left you.

Oh, my God,
I was just joking.

She didn't leave you,
did she?

No.

No, um...

she's been in the hospital
for a few weeks.

A few weeks?

What's going on?

She's, uh --
She's had a couple s-strokes.

Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

Why the hell
didn't you call me?

Because
you're not a doctor,

and you got problems
of your own,

and, you know, I've been
so busy going to see her,

I haven't had a chance
to clean up around here.

I don't know what to say.

Anne-Marie's tough.
I'm sure she's gonna be okay.

Yeah, and --
and while we're here,

at least let us
help you.

We'll get rid of some
of this trash.

Normally, I would throw away
this coupon for carpet cleaning,

but I'm thinking
we hang onto it.

There might be a carpet
underneath all this.

Uh, you know what?
Leave it.

I'll -- I'll --
I'll get it.

Oh, it's not problem.

J-Just stop!

Look...

thanks, but, um,
I don't need any help.

My kid's coming over soon,
and we got it covered.

You heard the man, Darlene.

He wants Chuck Jr.
to help him.

You want to clean something,
clean our house.

Alright, buddy,
if you need anything,

you know how to get me.

We'll hold a good thought
for Anne-Marie.

Okay, but I'm
at least gonna throw out

this old donut box
on our way out.

Huh.
Looks like a donut,

but it's just a bunch of ants
dancing in a circle.

Alright, it's time for another
moment of "Stew, But True"!

According to Wikipedia, the
Greek historian Her-- Herodotus

claimed that stew existed
as early

as the fourth century B.C.,

when cooks would "put the flesh
into the animal's paunch,

mix water with it, and boil it
like that over a bone fire.

This way, an ox is ingeniously
made to boil itself..."

Okay, that's horrifying.

I gotta read these first.

Hey, sweetie.

Hey.
Hey, Glen.

Ben.

Ah, thanks so much
for coming, Ben.

Well, I've helped launch
a few writers in my time,

so I'm happy to do it.

Okay, hit us
with your greatness.

I had a hard time
organizing my thoughts,

so I tried
stream of consciousness.

Hey, that can work.

You know, a lot
of famous writers

use stream
of consciousness.

Kerouac. Huh?

Hunter Thompson.

I mean, a lot of drugs
floating down that stream,

but still,
it's pretty good company.

Glen's just so modest.

Let me see it. Uh...

"I'm no good.

Who would want to read a book
by me?

I'm sad I woke up today."

Well, there you go.

You got three great titles
right there.

Okay, it doesn't have
to be profound.

Just give me something.

I got nothing.

I looked inside me and there's
just a gaping black hole.

Oh, come on.

Look, even black holes
have something to offer.

You know, they swallow light,
stars, solar systems.

What's inside
your black hole, Glen?

Nothing.

Just a black hole.

But if there was something
of you

at the bottom
of your black hole,

what would it be?

Just me,
falling in black forever.

Uh...I think somebody needs
a little pick-me-up,

so before we 51-50 you,

let's throw a bowl of ice cream
down that hole

and see if it helps.

So,
what's the book about?

Nothing. He's broken.
I broke him.

Well, you broke it,
you buy it.

I just bumped into it
and it fell off the shelf.

It was an accident.

Doesn't matter.
It's all on camera.

You gotta make good,
sister.

You know
what's really upsetting?

This conversation
is already better

than anything
he came up with.
Mm.

It's a good thing
you love him.

Ehh...

There you go.
There you go.

Am I in
the right house?

Something smells good
and Harris is cooking.

Aldo's kids
love spaghetti.

So Grandpa's teaching me
how to make baked spaghetti.

There's a secret to it.

First you take
your spaghetti...

and then you bake it.

Next we're going to unravel
the mystery

behind boiled potatoes.

So, Dad, that spaghetti

looks like something
you could easily pack up

and bring over to your
distressed friend's house.

We're not going
to Chuck's.

His kid's
gonna handle it.

Uh, no, he's not.

I just got off the phone
with Chuck Jr.,

and he knows
what's going on,

but he can't get away
from work.

And did you know that Chuck Jr.
lives in Nebraska now?

Damn it.
No, I did not.

Well, I told Chuck to call me.
There's a reason he didn't.

Yeah, because he's
a stubborn old man like you are.

I don't get it.
He's your best friend.

Don't you care
what he's going through?

Of course I do.

Well?

He's a grown-ass man.

He can make
his own decisions.

Your house is full
of grown-ass people

and you're always
up in our business.

So, what's really
going on here?

I'm worried that
Anne-Marie's gonna die

and Chuck's
gonna be devastated.

I barely got through
my own loss.

I don't think I have
the strength

to go through
all that again.

Yeah, but you found
the strength when Mom died

because you had us there
to help you get through it.

Chuck's got nobody.
He needs you.

You're right.
You're right.

I'll go.

Oh,
it's gonna get ugly.

Chuck does not
like help.

When I forced him to get
a colonoscopy,

I told him they were
just gonna X-ray him.

When he woke up,
he was so pissed,

he snapped the antenna off my
truck and almost gave me one.

Well, keep your back
to the wall

and wear your overalls,
but go do what's right.

**

Hey, Beck.

Wake up
and go to bed.

Oh.

I fell asleep trying to come up
with ideas for Glen's book.

Oh.

I think it's great that
you're trying to elevate

the voice of
a middle-aged white guy

with a Master's degree.

It's time
their stories were told.

I'm just trying to help
because he's so depressed.

Turns out Glen's just not good
at handling adversity.

That is not a great sign
for somebody dating a Conner.

I know.

And he's a smart, kind guy,
but he's falling apart here.

If there's a crisis, I need
a partner who's got my back.

And I know it makes me
sound like a jerk,

but I'm seeing a side of him
that I'm not crazy about.

Well, you guys
haven't been together long.

If you're already
seeing things that worry you,

jump out of the plane now
while it's over water,

not later when it's over
rocks and pointy things.

I don't think
I can do this.

Well, make up your mind,
'cause his attitude

is starting to affect
Beverly Rose.

We were on a walk
yesterday,

and I said, "Hey, look
at that pretty sunset,"

and she said,
"Eh, they're all the same."

**

Whaddya say,
whaddya know?

What is all
that stuff?

Well, this would suggest
I'm gonna throw something away,

while this would lead one
to believe

that I'm gonna cook
something for you.

Dan,
I told you I was fine.

Chuck Jr.'s
on his way over.

We both know
that he's not.

Look, I don't need anybody
checking up on me.

Hey, I'm not anybody.

I'm your best friend,
and yes, you do.

Anne-Marie's
my best friend.

Yeah, she is.

And she'd kick both our asses
if she saw how you were living.

What's going on, Chuck?

How'd you let things get
this bad?

You know how it is when
you've been married a long time

and you split
the responsibilities.

She cooked the meals,
paid the bills,

and cleaned the house
and raised our son,

and I changed the oil
in the cars and went to work.

If I remember correctly,

she went to work, too.

It's amazing more women
don't murder their husbands.

You know,
in the beginning,

you pretend that
you don't know how to cook

and clean stuff like that
so you don't have to do it.

[ Chuckles ]
Then after a while,

you -- you forget
how to do it,

and then...
God forbid you need to.

I hear you, brother.

I'm pretending all over again
with the new wife,

but she doesn't just get
impatient and give up on me.

She keeps teaching me and
teaching me until I get it.

It's infuriating.

I'm telling you,
I was trying to figure out

which button to push to wash
my clothes yesterday.

That damn machine shrunk my
underwear and played me a song.

[ Laughs ]

I'm scared, man.

I guess that's part
of the reason

I haven't cleaned
this place.

I spend all day
thinking about, what...

what if I lose her?

Yeah, there's something
about going to the kitchen

to tell her something funny
that only she would laugh at

or something only the both
of you would remember...

...she's not there.

Dan?

Yeah?

Shouldn't you be saying
stuff like,

"She's gonna make it
and it's gonna be okay"?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Didn't I say that?

I thought I said that.
No, you didn't say it.

Well,
I'm gonna say it now.

She's gonna be fine.

Of all of us,
Anne-Marie knows

you can't possibly survive
without her,

so she's gonna hang on
and let you go first.

Well, I've drank enough beer
and ate enough hot dogs.

I'm doing my part.

I got something here
that might help you out.

Well, what is that?

Oh, it better not be
a poem!

It's not.

It's a list
Rose made for me

of how to do all the stuff
in the house she did

so when she'd get mad and yell
at me for not doing it,

I couldn't say
I didn't know how.

It starts,
"Dear useless man..."

I'll make you a copy.
You got a printer?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What?

Anne-Marie's the only one
who knows how to use it.

[ Snorts ]

Here ya go.

Becky should be here
any second.

Good.
I need to talk to her.

Um, she said
you're writing a book.

I wrote a novel once.

Really? Good for you.

I had
all kinds of problems.

Yeah,
that wasn't my experience.

As soon as I sat down
to the laptop,

it was just pouring out
of me.

I don't think I could have
stopped it if I wanted to,

but I guess I was
just some vessel

for something that
the universe wanted out there.

Wow.
That's every writer's dream.

Yeah.
I bet your book was amazing.

Uh, nah,
apparently, the universe

wanted 700 pages
of incoherent crap,

but, again, I-I was
just the vessel.

Hey.
Hey.

I assume the college called
and gave you your job back.

They did.

The dean said you felt guilty
about letting me take the fall

and that there was
no relationship,

and it was
all your fantasy,

and that you texted about things
that never actually happened.

Why'd you throw yourself
under the bus?

To get you
your job back.

And all they did
was put me on probation.

You belong
in the classroom.

You were like
a fish out of water

and it was so hard
watching you flop around

all over the place.

Thank you.

I was just starting
to get traction on my book,

but this is good, too.

So, I guess we go back to dating
on the down-low again, huh?

No, we can't.

We had a close call
and we have to learn from it.

Do you think we should stop
seeing each other?

I think
by your question,

you know the answer.

No, I don't.

In your heart, you do.

I really don't.

If you think about it,
you do.

I thought about it,
and I don't.

Yes!
We're breaking up!

So, that's it?
It's just over?

Oh, Glen,
you're a great guy.

We're just...

star-crossed lovers.

I'm sorry.

Oh, this is too hard.
You should go.

I ordered some pie.

Would you like it
to-go?

I guess I do now.

Hey, Jackie?

When you bring
Glen's pie,

uh, could you also bring
a piece of my heart?

In a to-go box.

Oh, to-go.

I really don't know
what happened here.

Um, I'm all out of pieces
of Becky's heart,

but I did slap a piece
of cheese on there for you.

So, out you go.

**

Hey, Chuck.
Good to see you, buddy.

Hey, hey.
What's the occasion?

Well, I'm hoping
Anne-Marie'll be home soon,

and I'm just hanging out
with you guys

until my woman gets back

and I can blow
you all off again.

Plus, Anne-Marie's
gonna need somebody else

to do the cooking
for a while,

so I'm teaching Chuck
some of your mom's

secret family recipes.

Secret recipes?

What are you making?

Um, boiled weenies
on white bread.

And the secret is, your mom
didn't know how to cook.