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1
00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:06,170
Coming.
2
00:00:08,380 --> 00:00:09,580
Hey.
3
00:00:09,580 --> 00:00:11,960
Thanks for agreeing
to work here.
4
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,500
I didn't want to leave Mark
alone when he's sick.
5
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,250
Whoa!
Mark's sick?
6
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,580
You haven't touched him,
have you?
7
00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:19,960
Uh, no.
Uh, he's in a huge bubble.
8
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,420
We're waiting
to chopper him out.
9
00:00:22,670 --> 00:00:26,790
It's just that, uh, kid germs
kind of freak me out.
10
00:00:26,790 --> 00:00:28,830
Okay, so, I shouldn't
touch you with his tray?
11
00:00:28,830 --> 00:00:30,040
D-Don't!
12
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,580
Here.
Just stick out your tongue.
13
00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:32,880
Lick a Kleenex.
Show me my man is brave.
What--
14
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,000
Ugh!
15
00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:38,040
So, I just got off the phone
with the bank,
16
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,580
and apparently,
I've gone past overdraft
17
00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:43,250
into something
they're gonna call "backdraft,"
18
00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:44,790
which means I'm on fire.
19
00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:48,170
I need money fast,
or I'm gonna lose my car.
20
00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:50,210
Until we sell some ads,
21
00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:51,580
there is no money
coming in.
22
00:00:51,580 --> 00:00:53,380
And I'm out there
busting my ass,
23
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:55,420
but it is just really tough
to get people
24
00:00:55,420 --> 00:00:57,670
to commit to a magazine
that doesn't exist yet.
25
00:00:57,670 --> 00:00:59,120
So,
what are you saying?
26
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,250
Y-You're saying
this may not actually happen?
27
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,380
I don't know.
28
00:01:02,380 --> 00:01:03,540
I told you,
29
00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:05,540
new businesses are hard
to get off the ground.
30
00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:07,580
Well, I mean,
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
31
00:01:07,580 --> 00:01:09,460
I was barely getting by
when I had a job.
32
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:10,920
I haven't worked
in months.
33
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,620
I maxed out
all my credit cards,
34
00:01:12,620 --> 00:01:14,250
including the one
that came in Becky's name
35
00:01:14,250 --> 00:01:15,250
that she doesn't even
know about.
36
00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:18,420
I'm gonna have to
get another job.
37
00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:19,750
What am I gonna do?
38
00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:21,830
Other than writing,
I'm basically unemployable.
39
00:01:21,830 --> 00:01:24,620
Oh, come on.
You're gonna be fine.
40
00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:27,000
You have
lots of skills.
41
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,120
Don't make me
name them.
42
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,380
Hi.
Are the machines empty?
43
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:34,170
Hey, um, it's great
to get to see you
44
00:01:34,170 --> 00:01:35,790
when you come over
to do laundry.
45
00:01:35,790 --> 00:01:37,790
Is there a way
I can enjoy your company
46
00:01:37,790 --> 00:01:40,330
that doesn't cost me water
and electricity?
47
00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:42,040
I'm not going
to the laundromat.
48
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,920
Last time,
I caught some weirdo
49
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,290
smelling one of my bras.
50
00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:46,580
I don't care
if he works there.
51
00:01:46,580 --> 00:01:47,380
It's not cool.
52
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,380
Hey, you know,
53
00:01:51,380 --> 00:01:53,500
Harris works
at Price Warehouse.
54
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,420
Maybe she could help
get you a job there.
55
00:01:55,420 --> 00:01:58,580
Oh, God.
Has it come to that?
56
00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:00,580
Alright,
I guess I could ask her,
57
00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:02,000
but she wouldn't even
let me work
58
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,120
in her pretend bakery
when she was 7.
59
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,920
She said
I depressed the customers.
60
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,750
Hey.
Quick question.
61
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:15,250
Is Price Warehouse hiring?
62
00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:16,420
Yeah.
63
00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:17,790
Do you know someone
who's looking for a job?
64
00:02:17,790 --> 00:02:19,420
I desperately need
a carpool buddy.
65
00:02:19,420 --> 00:02:21,790
Yes, it's me,
your mommy.
66
00:02:21,790 --> 00:02:24,250
Oh. Oh.
67
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,380
Ah, I just got
the newsletter.
68
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,750
All the positions
have been filled.
69
00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:30,000
It's crazy timing.
70
00:02:31,790 --> 00:02:34,040
Harris, I wouldn't ask
if I didn't really need this.
71
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,710
I'm gonna lose
my car.
72
00:02:35,710 --> 00:02:38,380
Oof. Eye roll.
73
00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:41,170
Okay, fine,
I'll refer you,
74
00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:42,580
but I'm not
gonna lie to them.
75
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:44,580
I'll say you're my mother
and I kind of know you.
76
00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:45,380
That's it.
77
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,920
"The Conners" is recorded
78
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,210
in front of
a live studio audience.
Oh. Hey, Beck.
79
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:32,790
Who's the dude
with Jackie?
80
00:03:32,790 --> 00:03:34,790
She's dating him.
81
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:36,580
Okay.
82
00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:38,830
For once,
I'm gonna vet the guy
83
00:03:38,830 --> 00:03:40,330
before he leaves her
a shattered wreck.
84
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,290
Hey, Jack,
what's up?
85
00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:46,790
Not much.
Good to see you, Dan.
86
00:03:46,790 --> 00:03:48,580
Your takeout order's
on the counter.
87
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,080
Don't mind if I do.
88
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,880
Dan Conner,
Jackie's brother-in-law.
89
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,080
Ron Dunchak.
90
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,750
I'm sorry
for interrupting,
91
00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,120
but I love
to meet people.
92
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,710
What is it you do,
Ron?
93
00:04:00,710 --> 00:04:02,040
I'm retired.
94
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,710
I had parsley farms.
95
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:04,710
Made a great living
on something
96
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:06,830
people pick
out of their food.
97
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,290
What a coincidence.
98
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,960
I throw away your product
every time I see it.
99
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,880
Wow.
100
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,210
I can't help admiring
that wedding ring, Ron.
101
00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:16,290
What a beaut.
102
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,000
Happily married 30 years.
103
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,420
And here she is.
Hi.
104
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:22,460
I'm sorry. Becky told me
this was a date.
105
00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:24,080
It is.
106
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,790
Dan, this is my lovely wife,
Janelle.
107
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:31,250
Hi, Dan.
108
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,330
I'm confused,
so I'm gonna go.
109
00:04:38,790 --> 00:04:40,250
Have a nice time
110
00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:42,710
doing whatever
each of you thinks this is.
111
00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:46,000
What the hell
is going on?
112
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,580
You told me
she was dating that guy.
113
00:04:47,580 --> 00:04:48,670
Oh, she is.
114
00:04:48,670 --> 00:04:50,330
And the girl.
115
00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:53,040
The guy
and the girl.
116
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,000
You getting this,
old-timer?
117
00:04:56,710 --> 00:04:59,330
So, Jackie,
we're all having a great time.
Mm-hmm.
118
00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:00,710
And it just seems like
119
00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:03,000
things would naturally progress
to the next level.
120
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,420
And we were
just wondering,
121
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:06,830
how many times do you usually
go out with someone
122
00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:09,290
before, you know,
you -- you sleep with them?
123
00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:12,750
Oh, goodness,
um, pbst, I don't know.
124
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:15,380
Um, 30, 40 times.
125
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:18,420
Um, what were
you guys thinking?
126
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,170
Oh.
127
00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:23,710
So, we're there?
128
00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:25,380
Okay.
129
00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:27,790
How does this work?
130
00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:30,210
Do you go make a sandwich
while we're doing it,
131
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:31,960
and then
when you two are doing it,
132
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,170
do I go make a sandwich?
133
00:05:33,170 --> 00:05:35,670
Or
am I the sandwich?
134
00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:40,880
Ohh. Well...
135
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,000
Janelle thought all three of us
should be together.
136
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,580
Yeah, right, 'cause when
I Googled "thrupple,"
137
00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:48,500
that seemed to be
pretty standard.
138
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,210
Yeah, I mean,
I think it would make everybody
139
00:05:50,210 --> 00:05:51,540
the most comfortable.
140
00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:53,170
I've never been
with a woman, Jackie. Have you?
141
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:56,540
Just myself,
but that has not gone well.
142
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:02,210
Oh, hey, Harris.
What do you think?
143
00:06:02,210 --> 00:06:03,580
Mother-daughter
beauty pageant.
144
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:04,750
We wear these?
Huh?
145
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,880
You got the job.
Congratulations.
146
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,580
So, who's going to
be training
147
00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:12,420
our newest
and oldest team member?
148
00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:15,540
Well, I was trying to decide
who was gonna train your mom.
149
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:18,000
Then, I thought,
"Hey, what's more comfortable
150
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,080
than being trained
by your own child?"
151
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:22,750
Yeah.
Um, do you have any kids?
152
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,420
No, I don't.
153
00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:26,880
Oh, okay,
then this makes more sense.
154
00:06:28,210 --> 00:06:30,500
I can't believe
they're making me do this.
155
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:32,580
Oh, you think
this is bad for you?
156
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:33,880
Try taking orders
from the person
157
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,000
who took off her diaper
158
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,580
and made me chase her
through the airport.
159
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:39,460
Oh!
What was that?
160
00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:41,040
That's Schneider.
161
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,210
He's one of our
automated associates
162
00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:43,330
who sweeps the floor.
163
00:06:43,330 --> 00:06:45,250
Oh.
164
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:47,120
I think he just hit me
on purpose.
165
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,620
It's a robot, Mom.
166
00:06:48,620 --> 00:06:50,040
You're just so small,
167
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,120
he probably thought you were
something that fell off a shelf.
168
00:06:53,170 --> 00:06:55,580
Okay,
let's get to work.
169
00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:57,790
I am now
going to show you
170
00:06:57,790 --> 00:06:59,790
how we do
the Price Warehouse fold.
171
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,880
Go. Arm.
172
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,420
Arm.
Mm-hmm.
173
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:07,330
Shoulder.
Mm-hmm.
174
00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:09,620
Shoulder.
Chop, flip.
175
00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:10,710
Your turn.
176
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,920
Uh, no.
177
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,380
No.
178
00:07:22,380 --> 00:07:24,420
No.
179
00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:25,710
Unh-unh.
180
00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:27,210
No.
181
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:29,500
Good God, woman, does it have to
be exactly that way?
182
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:30,790
Yes.
183
00:07:30,790 --> 00:07:31,960
Sheila is going to be
judging me
184
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,290
on how well
I train you.
185
00:07:33,290 --> 00:07:35,330
So make sure everything
in this section
186
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,120
is folded properly
while I finish inventory.
187
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,170
Just follow
the one I did.
188
00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:46,420
Okay.
189
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:49,830
Arm...arm...
190
00:07:49,830 --> 00:07:52,250
shoulder...shoulder...
191
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:54,000
chop...flip.
192
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,000
Oh, yeah!
Who's your mommy?
193
00:08:00,290 --> 00:08:01,670
Um, oh, I'm sorry.
194
00:08:01,670 --> 00:08:04,170
I think maybe your size
is on the bottom.
195
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,420
Uh, it's -- it's on
the bottom.
196
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,170
The bottom.
197
00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:11,330
The very bottom.
198
00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:13,960
It's on
the damn bottom.
199
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,330
No! Go home.
200
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,460
Uh, I am so sorry,
ma'am.
201
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:22,170
I'm a sales associate.
How may I help you?
202
00:08:22,170 --> 00:08:23,540
I'm looking for
an XL.
203
00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:25,290
Of course.
204
00:08:25,290 --> 00:08:28,580
That is just right here
on the bottom.
205
00:08:30,830 --> 00:08:32,000
Somebody should have told you.
206
00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:36,620
You can't tell the customers
to go home.
207
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,620
Not even
the stupid ones?
208
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,830
You asked
for this job,
209
00:08:41,830 --> 00:08:43,250
and what you do
reflects on me.
210
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,330
So get it together
and fold these.
211
00:08:47,380 --> 00:08:49,580
The first three letters
of "associate" are "ass."
212
00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,000
What did you say?
213
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,920
What?
Oh, nothing.
214
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,920
How was
your first day?
215
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,580
Uh,
I folded sweatshirts
216
00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:07,040
and a robot
pushed himself against me.
217
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,580
Did you report it?
218
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:10,120
'Cause you'll never win.
219
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,210
Robots cover up
for other robots.
220
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:16,620
The real problem is
they made Harris my boss.
221
00:09:18,790 --> 00:09:21,420
Oh, my God,
that's hilarious!
222
00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:24,620
They just made me
a Price Warehouse
customer for life.
223
00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:27,460
Hey.
224
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:32,920
What the hell happened
to your face?
225
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,960
What do you mean,
what happened?
226
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,080
I shaved.
227
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,080
Without asking me?
228
00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:42,250
I need your permission
to do something with my face?
229
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:44,790
Uh, well, yeah.
I'm the one that's got
to look at it all day.
230
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,880
Well,
what's wrong with my face?
231
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,920
There's just
too much of it.
232
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,880
So, you're saying
I'm fat?
233
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,960
Oh, no, no, no,
of course not.
234
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,620
It's just, your face --
you got a fat face.
235
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,120
Oh, uh, hey,
bring little Bev up.
236
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,750
I'll take care of her
for you.
237
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:06,790
Nah, she's gonna look at
all this pale flesh
238
00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,920
and be confused
because there's no nipple on it.
239
00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:16,710
Look, I thought I'd have
a better shot at selling ads
240
00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:18,210
as a clean-cut businessman,
241
00:10:18,210 --> 00:10:20,620
and I was right.
242
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,250
These newly revealed dimples
just got the guy at Garage Depot
243
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:27,210
interested in running
a two-page spread.
244
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:30,080
Oh, my God,
that is fantastic!
245
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,580
Now I can tell Harris
I'm quitting
246
00:10:31,580 --> 00:10:33,580
and then make her fold
all my sweatshirts.
247
00:10:33,580 --> 00:10:35,380
Whoa!
Hang on.
248
00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:37,000
Now,
he won't do anything
249
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,620
until he sees a sample
of the new magazine first,
250
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:42,120
so I need articles,
the layout, everything.
251
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,710
Alright, well,
how long do I have?
252
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,120
Well,
as soon as possible.
253
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,580
I don't want
to lose this guy.
254
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:49,420
And these dimples
only mesmerize for so long.
255
00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:50,960
Ugh.
256
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,710
I need more tissues.
257
00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:55,210
What happened to Ben?!
258
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,880
He made a mistake
with his face.
259
00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,120
He feels bad.
Go give him a hug.
260
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,580
N-No.
261
00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:09,170
Hey, uh,
what do you think?
262
00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:11,710
Does this look right
for a fancy restaurant?
263
00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:14,420
Should I change?
I should change.
264
00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:16,420
You look fine.
Why are you so nervous?
265
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,920
Tonight's the night
with Ron and Janelle.
266
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,880
Uh, I, uh --
267
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,080
I shaved my entire body.
268
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:27,920
I don't know
who's going where,
269
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,210
so I cleared the decks.
270
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:33,540
Ready for this?
271
00:11:33,540 --> 00:11:35,580
Yeah,
I really care about them,
272
00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:38,620
and sex is a natural expression
of closeness
273
00:11:38,620 --> 00:11:41,170
between...three people.
274
00:11:41,170 --> 00:11:45,080
Sorry, I-I couldn't help
but overhear.
275
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,040
Can I offer a man's point of
view that might be helpful?
276
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,290
Sure.
277
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,040
Are you
out of your damn mind?!
278
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:52,790
You're a third wheel.
279
00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:54,670
At some point, they're gonna
get tired of you
280
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,500
and you're gonna get
your heart broken.
281
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,210
You just don't understand
our relationship.
282
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,620
You're way too square
to get any of this.
283
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:04,960
I'm sorry,
but nature works a certain way.
284
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,580
Tea for? Two.
285
00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:08,330
Bicycle built for?
Two.
286
00:12:08,330 --> 00:12:11,000
Noah's ark --
two lions, two giraffes.
287
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,000
It's not
"Lady and the Tramp"
288
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,120
with another Tramp sucking on
the middle of the spaghetti.
289
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,290
Ew!
290
00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:21,960
Ew!
291
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,580
That's...
not helpful, Dan.
292
00:12:24,580 --> 00:12:26,580
I will make up my mind
in the moment,
293
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:27,670
and that's that.
294
00:12:27,670 --> 00:12:29,880
I think it's exciting.
295
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,750
But if you change your mind,
remember,
296
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,170
"no" means "no"...
297
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,330
and "no."
298
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:41,080
Oh, and I moved the
"Mug Shot of the Week" column
299
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,460
to the front page
so that it pops.
300
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:43,790
Oh, yeah,
that makes sense.
301
00:12:43,790 --> 00:12:46,790
Hey, how are you able
to do this at work?
302
00:12:46,790 --> 00:12:48,000
What are you doing?
303
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,250
Are you --
304
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,080
Are you hiding
in a dressing room?
305
00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:53,960
Sheila: Darlene,
are you in there?
306
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,170
Ooh, busted.
Later.
307
00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:03,170
Hey, team, what are
you guys doing here?
Shouldn't you be working?
308
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:07,120
You're responsible
for your crew, Harris.
309
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,540
When they fail,
you fail.
310
00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:09,750
And when you fail,
I fail.
311
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,380
And I am this close
312
00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:14,000
to going to the managers'
conference in Branson.
313
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,000
Two words --
The...Judds.
314
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,290
Do you have any idea
how bad this makes me look?
315
00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:22,830
You just
got me in huge trouble.
316
00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:24,580
Well, I'm sorry.
I had to finish this.
317
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:25,880
It's really important.
318
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:26,670
So is your job.
319
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,420
Hey, can't you just
cover for me?
320
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:33,000
You know how many times
I got you out of P.E.?
321
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,210
If anybody had their period
that many times in a year,
322
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:37,120
they'd need
a transfusion.
323
00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:39,880
This isn't P.E., Mom.
324
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,120
This is
the real world.
325
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,170
Uh, no, it isn't.
326
00:13:42,170 --> 00:13:43,830
This is
the third ring of Hell,
327
00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:45,380
where you fold
the same sweatshirt
328
00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:47,500
over and over
for an eternity.
329
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,580
You know,
you're right.
330
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:51,460
You're way too good
for this place.
331
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,170
So I'm gonna save you the bother
of coming in anymore.
332
00:13:53,170 --> 00:13:54,330
You're fired.
333
00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:56,040
What?
334
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,830
You can't fire
your mother.
335
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:59,290
You're not my mother.
336
00:13:59,290 --> 00:14:00,500
You're Darlene
from Women's Apparel,
337
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,790
and she sucks.
338
00:14:02,790 --> 00:14:04,580
Don't forget to leave your vest
on the way out.
339
00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:07,040
Oh!
Oh, no, not the vest!
340
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,080
Don't make me
leave the vest!
341
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,500
What will I wear
to meet the queen?!
342
00:14:15,330 --> 00:14:17,000
That dinner was amazing.
343
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,420
Right?
344
00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:20,330
Lobster was a little garlicky,
don't you think?
345
00:14:20,330 --> 00:14:22,750
It was, wasn't it?
Mints, everyone?
346
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:23,710
Oh. Yes.
Oh. Yeah.
347
00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:25,620
Mm. Ron.
348
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:26,540
Mmm.
Mmm.
349
00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:27,580
Mmm.
350
00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:29,120
Mm-hmm.
351
00:14:31,210 --> 00:14:32,290
Mm.
352
00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:33,380
How about
some champagne?
353
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:35,330
Oh, yes,
I'll take a bottle.
354
00:14:35,330 --> 00:14:38,170
I'll get it.
355
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:39,670
Thanks, honey.
356
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,790
Oh, well, wow.
357
00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:46,170
"The History of Parsley."
358
00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:50,000
Well you don't
see that every day.
359
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:57,170
Oh, uh, I guess
you got started without me.
360
00:14:57,170 --> 00:14:59,420
Well, we, uh,
started talking about parsley,
361
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:02,620
and as you can imagine,
one thing led to another.
362
00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:04,380
Ron,
I thought we agreed,
363
00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:06,210
we were all
gonna do this together.
364
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:08,880
I was just trying to
break the ice, make
Jackie more comfortable.
365
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,080
Oh, no,
don't worry about me.
366
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,790
I've got a bottle of comfortable
right here.
367
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,380
I'm just saying that
I could have been in the room
368
00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:18,620
when we were making Jackie
more comfortable.
369
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:20,420
We're all here
to have a good time, Janelle.
370
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,000
That's great.
When does my good time start?
Janelle.
371
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,290
Ron.
372
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,380
Hey, Ron, uh,
if you kiss Janelle,
373
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:28,500
we can all be even
and start fresh.
374
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,380
Maybe Ron's
tired of kissing me.
375
00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:32,040
At least, that's what
he told the therapist.
376
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,380
I didn't say "tired of."
377
00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:35,250
I said it felt
like work.
378
00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:37,750
Time to clock in,
Ron.
379
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:40,120
Start kissing Janelle.
380
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,210
I don't think
Janelle wants to be kissed.
381
00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:44,040
I think
Janelle wants to be mad.
382
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,420
Uh, you know,
I was, uh,
383
00:15:46,420 --> 00:15:48,620
formerly Lanford's
leading life coach,
384
00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:50,710
and I have found, what really
helps in situations --
385
00:15:50,710 --> 00:15:52,580
You know, this isn't
gonna make you a man.
386
00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:54,080
You failed at parsley,
387
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,040
and you failed
as a husband.
388
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,460
Everything you touch
dies!
389
00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:01,380
Well, I've been touching myself
for 20 years,
390
00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:02,210
and I'm not dead.
391
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:07,960
I love Jackie.
392
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,460
You love what,
now?
393
00:16:10,460 --> 00:16:12,880
Come on, Jackie,
you feel it, too, don't you?
394
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,380
Uh, I think
this would be a good time
395
00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:18,880
for me to get my swan
and skedaddle.
396
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:19,880
Take me with you,
Jackie.
397
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,330
No,
not happening, Ron.
398
00:16:21,330 --> 00:16:23,790
I wanted a nice
old-fashioned threesome,
399
00:16:23,790 --> 00:16:26,250
and you had to go
make it weird!
400
00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:31,620
Oh, I have to vent
to somebody.
401
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,670
Your sister
is out of her mind.
402
00:16:33,670 --> 00:16:35,170
I only put up with it
403
00:16:35,170 --> 00:16:38,620
because she's a joy
to be around.
404
00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:41,790
She completely disrespected me,
so I had to fire her.
405
00:16:41,790 --> 00:16:44,210
She comes in and she starts
immediately screwing off,
406
00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:45,710
and she gets me
in trouble.
407
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:48,580
She doesn't care
that she's ruining my life.
408
00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:51,000
Well, she's horrible.
409
00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:55,210
We thought you knew.
410
00:16:55,210 --> 00:16:57,580
You really think
I'm ruining your life?
411
00:16:57,580 --> 00:16:59,920
We got to talk.
Give us a minute.
412
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,120
Of course.
413
00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:13,000
Don't try
to blame this on me.
414
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,880
You could have given me
a couple more hours
415
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,040
to finish the mockup.
416
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:17,790
You just don't get
that I'm an adult now
417
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:19,620
and this is actually
my career.
418
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,380
Okay.
419
00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:23,580
You want me
to treat you like an adult?
420
00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:25,290
Here's a truth
I would never tell a kid.
421
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,540
I'm desperate.
422
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:31,040
Please.
We're all desperate.
423
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,750
No,
you don't get it.
424
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:36,040
If Mark and I weren't here,
living with your grandpa,
425
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,750
we would be
on the street.
426
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,000
What do you mean?
427
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,290
You're starting that magazine up
with Ben, right?
428
00:17:41,290 --> 00:17:42,500
You're gonna be okay.
429
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,830
But that
may never happen.
430
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:48,710
And this is my only shot
at having some kind of future.
431
00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:50,080
Wow.
432
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,750
I-I guess I didn't realize
how bad it was.
433
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:54,170
I'm sorry, Mom.
434
00:17:54,170 --> 00:17:56,790
Well,
I appreciate that,
435
00:17:56,790 --> 00:17:59,830
but you already fired me,
so it's too late.
436
00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:03,790
Oh, I'm not sorry
I fired you.
437
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:06,290
I'm sorry
I called you a bitch.
438
00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:08,920
No, you -- you didn't
call me a bitch.
439
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,920
I did, after you left.
440
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,750
Hey, how'd your date go
last night?
441
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:20,880
Did you make God cry
with your triangle of sin?
442
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,830
No, Dan, I did not.
443
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:25,000
And you were wrong.
444
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,580
They did not
break up with me.
445
00:18:26,580 --> 00:18:29,790
They broke up with each other
over me.
446
00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:32,040
I'm so sorry,
Jackie.
447
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,460
Not as sorry
as I am.
448
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:37,540
I shaved places that were not
meant to have stubble.
449
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,120
Ugh.
450
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:42,460
Could light a match
off my inner thigh.
451
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:44,120
Guess what.
452
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,500
We're in business.
453
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,380
Just got a call
from the Garage Depot guy.
454
00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:49,790
He loved the mockup
and committed for months!
455
00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:50,920
Yes!
456
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,210
This is amazing!
457
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,210
Ye gods!
What did you do?!
458
00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,500
What happened to
my beautiful hairy woodsman?
459
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,540
You know,
I do have feelings in here.
460
00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,170
Aww.
461
00:19:05,170 --> 00:19:07,210
Oh, it feels like
warm bologna
462
00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:08,620
that's been sitting
in the sun.
463
00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:10,170
Feel it.
464
00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:11,790
Okay,
just come on,
465
00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:13,250
get it
out of your system
466
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:15,000
so we can all get on
with our lives.
467
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,120
Gross. It's like
the bottom of a foot.
468
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,420
No, no,
it's softer.
469
00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:21,830
It's like the flappy part
of an old woman's arm
470
00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:23,210
when she's waving goodbye.
471
00:19:23,210 --> 00:19:24,420
Okay, enough!
472
00:19:24,420 --> 00:19:26,500
Dan,
help me out here.
473
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:30,710
Every man has the right
to shave his own face.
474
00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:33,580
I, for one,
think it looks good.
475
00:19:33,580 --> 00:19:35,790
I got tired of looking at
that alpaca's ass.
476
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,000
Hi.
477
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,380
Hey,
what are you doing here?
478
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:42,670
Aren't you supposed to be
at work?
479
00:19:42,670 --> 00:19:45,040
I got fired.
480
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,250
Aw, no.
Oh.
481
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:48,330
No, wait,
was it because of me?
482
00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:50,750
No, stupid robot
replaced us all.
483
00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:54,210
Turns out he wasn't just
sweeping the floors.
484
00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:57,420
He was also
secretly doing inventory.
485
00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:59,790
Are they still gonna help you
go to college?
486
00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:01,210
No.
Oh.
487
00:20:01,210 --> 00:20:03,750
Aw, man.
Sorry, honey.
488
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,960
Can I stay here tonight?
489
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,330
Yeah,
of course.
490
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:09,710
Hey, you know
it's gonna be okay, right?
491
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:11,750
Hey, cheer up.
492
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:14,790
Look at Ben's face.
493
00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:15,920
It's funny,
right?
494
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:20,290
Looks like
somebody stuck eyes on a ham.
495
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:29,580
Hey, that couple over there
wants to talk to you.
496
00:20:29,580 --> 00:20:31,540
I'm just helping out,
so I don't want to get involved.
497
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:34,210
Oh, man, I hope they didn't
order the lamb goulash.
498
00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:35,580
I told Dwight
to throw that out.
499
00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:37,460
No, they haven't
ordered anything yet.
500
00:20:37,460 --> 00:20:39,540
I don't think
they're looking for the food.
501
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:42,000
They've both been
checking Jackie out.
502
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,960
I think they're looking for
a thrupple.
503
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,540
Oh, darn.
504
00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:48,420
When you're in a small town,
I guess everybody talks.
505
00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:50,620
Well, I know I told
everybody who came in.
506
00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:52,210
Come over there
with me.
507
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:53,790
The guy's wearing
a giant cross.
508
00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:55,790
Might be a weirdo.
509
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,830
Uh, may I help you?
510
00:21:01,830 --> 00:21:03,960
Oh,
I certainly hope so.
511
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,750
But, honestly,
512
00:21:05,750 --> 00:21:08,120
we're only looking for
one other person.
513
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,790
But we'd take two.
514
00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:12,790
Well, I'm sorry.
515
00:21:12,790 --> 00:21:14,620
I know
what you may have heard,
516
00:21:14,620 --> 00:21:17,960
but I'm really not a part
of that lifestyle anymore.
517
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,420
What about the boy?
518
00:21:21,710 --> 00:21:23,250
Well,
that's very flattering,
519
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:25,040
but the boy's
not interested, either.
36175
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