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1
00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:05,540
Hey.
Hi.
2
00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:07,500
How do I look
for my date?
3
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:10,000
I-I want my outfit to say
that I'm available
4
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,830
but not too available,
5
00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:14,830
and that I'm 64
but I have the sex drive
6
00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:17,170
of a 40-year-old
who's newly married.
7
00:00:19,460 --> 00:00:20,460
You look great.
8
00:00:20,460 --> 00:00:23,290
Just be calm
and be yourself.
9
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:25,000
If you have to choose one,
be calm.
10
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,830
Okay.
11
00:00:26,830 --> 00:00:29,170
It's really scary getting
back out there.
12
00:00:29,170 --> 00:00:31,380
And you have to find
the right dating app.
13
00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:34,040
I started off with one that
I thought sounded appropriate
14
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:37,380
for a woman my age --
Precious Little Time.
15
00:00:37,380 --> 00:00:40,040
Which I thought meant that
you wouldn't waste time
16
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,830
with people who
weren't right for you.
17
00:00:41,830 --> 00:00:43,960
But it turns out, it's
for the terminally ill
18
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,710
who are still
sexually active.
19
00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:50,080
Well, you know those
people are gonna want
to do the freaky stuff.
20
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,170
Nobody wants to die in
the missionary position.
21
00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:53,500
Uh-huh.
22
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,750
Hey-ey.
23
00:00:55,750 --> 00:00:58,500
What do you have for being
underweight and depressed?
24
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,040
Wow, I guess somebody
got a glimpse of themselves
25
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,620
in the window
on the way over.
26
00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:05,580
No, I was at
Planned Parenthood,
27
00:01:05,580 --> 00:01:07,750
which is a good place
to go if you're poor
28
00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,420
and actually planning
for parenthood.
29
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,040
You and Ben
are having a baby?!
30
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,380
Smart move!
31
00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,580
Lock that hunk
of Grade A down.
32
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:19,380
First of all,
it was Ben's idea.
33
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,960
Second of all, we're just
talking about it.
34
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,710
I just wanted to see
if I'm healthy enough.
35
00:01:22,710 --> 00:01:23,620
And are you?
36
00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:25,420
Oh, God, no.
37
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:28,040
I'm out of shape,
my blood is iron poor,
38
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,920
and my vitamin levels
are too low.
39
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,000
Is that from being vegan?
40
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,000
No.
41
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,000
Healthy vegans are fine.
42
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,580
But I'm a trash vegan.
43
00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:41,620
It turns out coconut caramel
fudge swirl soy ice cream
44
00:01:41,620 --> 00:01:43,670
is not the building block
of a healthy diet.
45
00:02:23,170 --> 00:02:26,120
"The Conners" is
recorded in front of
a live studio audience.
46
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,790
Hey. You guys left Grandpa Ed's
a few hours ago.
47
00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:30,040
What took so long?
48
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,170
Well, I took him to that
abandoned mall parking lot,
49
00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:35,750
taught him how to
do ice donuts.
50
00:02:35,750 --> 00:02:39,460
We skidded out of the parking
lot onto the sidewalk.
51
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,540
Scared the hell out of that
mom with that stroller.
52
00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:42,960
Shh!
53
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:46,830
Found a box of Dan's childhood
stuff at the house.
54
00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:48,500
Oh, wow.
55
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,460
I've never seen anything
from when you were a kid.
56
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:52,420
I can't believe
your dad held on to this.
57
00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:54,040
I don't think he wanted
to hang on to it.
58
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,170
"Anything in this box,
50 cents"
59
00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:59,880
gives you a pretty good idea
of his emotional attachment.
60
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,210
I tried to give him
the old man's car,
but he wouldn't take it.
61
00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:03,580
I don't want his car.
62
00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,920
He treated the car
better than he treated me.
63
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,420
This may come as
a shock to you all,
64
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:08,710
'cause he hides it so well,
65
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:11,250
but Dan didn't have the best
relationship with our dad.
66
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:13,080
What?
What?!
What? No!
67
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,670
You got me there, Bub.
68
00:03:15,670 --> 00:03:17,670
You want a cup of coffee
and some cookies, Uncle Ed?
69
00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:19,580
Yeah. And you don't
have to call me Uncle.
70
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:21,420
Makes me feel old.
71
00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:23,420
Here's your coffee,
Uncle Ed!
72
00:03:26,830 --> 00:03:30,000
Is this cookie soft enough
for your dentures?!
73
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,500
Have your fun. I'll pretend
to be the old uncle.
74
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:37,120
Oh, he's confused again!
75
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,920
He doesn't know that
he's related to us!
76
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,170
Hey! You guys
should knock it off.
77
00:03:43,170 --> 00:03:44,960
He's barely related to us.
78
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,960
No, Harris,
we talked about this.
79
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,540
You cannot date
your uncle.
80
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,620
I'm so sick of this family
and all of its crazy rules.
81
00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:56,380
What's this?
Can I have it?
82
00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:57,750
Stop being so rude.
83
00:03:57,750 --> 00:03:59,620
I want it.
84
00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:01,080
What is it?
85
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,080
It's nothing. That's mine.
I-It shouldn't be in here.
86
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,960
Oh!
That's not nothing.
87
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,330
It's your college diploma.
88
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,460
You didn't mention
you went to college.
89
00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:10,120
It's no big deal.
90
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,330
What'd you major in?
91
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:12,830
Environmental Science.
92
00:04:12,830 --> 00:04:14,620
Ooh, I hope
the government brings that back.
93
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,000
I hope those jobs pay good.
94
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,620
You got to be drowning in
student loans, huh?
95
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,330
I'll be alright.
96
00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:28,000
Hey, do that thing
when I'm old again
and I can't hear good.
97
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,210
That was really funny.
98
00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:32,460
The old man paid for
your college, didn't he?
99
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:35,460
Yeah, he did.
100
00:04:37,580 --> 00:04:38,710
Good for you.
101
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,790
You think you would be more
comfortable waiting at the bar?
102
00:04:57,790 --> 00:04:59,170
Mm.
103
00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:00,750
You can drop
the phony French accent, Pete.
104
00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:02,380
I don't know
if you remember this,
105
00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:05,080
but I used to babysit you
when you were, say, "cinq."
106
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,960
So you're not getting
the table.
107
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,250
Merci, garçon.
108
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:17,380
I can't believe how
rude they're being
109
00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:19,670
just because your friend
is a little delayed.
110
00:05:19,670 --> 00:05:21,210
Would you care
to join us?
111
00:05:21,210 --> 00:05:22,920
Oh, no,
that's very nice of you,
112
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,710
but my date should be
here any second.
113
00:05:24,710 --> 00:05:26,170
He's a teacher,
114
00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:29,040
so he's probably turning
some child's life around.
115
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,920
Of course.
But it'd be our pleasure.
116
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,750
And you could
break the tie for us.
117
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,380
We're having a debate about
that couple over there.
118
00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:38,790
I say esteemed publisher
and aspiring young novelist.
119
00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:40,460
I say hooker and john.
120
00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:43,580
Oh, there's no way
that man's a hooker.
121
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,250
Hey.
122
00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:50,790
Uh, ok--
Well, I-I don't know.
123
00:05:50,790 --> 00:05:52,080
I guess I could join you.
124
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,000
This is the first time I've
tried using a dating app.
125
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,040
Oh, those apps have changed
everything, right?
126
00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:01,120
I can turn the light on
in my guest bedroom.
127
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,000
Watch this.
128
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,330
Hmm.
Uh-oh!
129
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,960
I just opened
the garage door.
130
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,210
Uh-oh.
131
00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:08,620
There go the cats.
132
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,790
Fix this,
would you, honey?
133
00:06:12,210 --> 00:06:13,790
Oh, crap.
I started the car.
134
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:16,710
Well, it's good
the garage door is open.
135
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,290
You two are so cute.
136
00:06:19,290 --> 00:06:21,040
We are, right?
137
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:23,620
By the way, I'm Ron.
138
00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:24,750
This is my lovely bride
of thirty years, Janelle.
139
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:25,830
Oh.
Hi.
140
00:06:25,830 --> 00:06:27,290
Hi. I'm Jackie.
141
00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:29,290
And I want to buy both of you
another glass of wine
142
00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:31,620
for being so kind to me.
143
00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:34,080
Oh, they have my favorite
wine -- "house."
144
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:37,290
Alright, but if you're
gonna be buying the wine,
145
00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,580
then you're gonna have to join
us for karaoke after dinner.
146
00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:41,120
Oh, I love karaoke!
147
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,790
I do a fantastic
"Thriller."
148
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:45,000
You know, not many people
do the dance moves.
149
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,420
That's great!
150
00:06:47,420 --> 00:06:49,580
We finally have a third
for "Love Shack"!
151
00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:50,830
Ohh!
152
00:06:50,830 --> 00:06:53,420
♪ The love shack,
baby, yeah ♪
153
00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:56,120
Love shack, baby!
154
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,960
My God, is it just me, or do we
sound better than the original?
155
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,580
Just you.
156
00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:09,080
Thanks for keeping an eye
on Aunt Darlene.
157
00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:13,250
She's doing
girl push-ups?
158
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:16,330
I thought you had to be
a girl to do those.
159
00:07:16,330 --> 00:07:18,080
Tell Beverly Rose
to get off my ass.
160
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,040
I'm doing the best I can.
161
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,460
You know, if you
just tell your kids
162
00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:23,210
that you're thinking
about having a baby,
163
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,710
you could work out
in front of the TV,
like a normal person.
164
00:07:26,710 --> 00:07:29,880
It's not worth answering all
those questions until it's real.
165
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,420
Plus, I'm trying to
avoid junk food,
166
00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:34,000
and most of it's
in the carpet downstairs.
167
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,830
Hey.
You got a minute?
168
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:39,500
Hey, Harris.
What are you doing up here?
169
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,540
I came to see which insurance
plan you have for me.
170
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,790
I can buy one at work,
and I wanna see if it's better.
171
00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:46,880
Okay, well,
you don't have one here,
172
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:47,920
so that one's better.
173
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,170
What were you doing
on the floor?
174
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,620
Were you exercising?
175
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:53,790
You never exercise.
176
00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:55,670
Hey, your mother
was an athlete.
177
00:07:55,670 --> 00:07:58,250
When she was a kid,
she played basketball.
178
00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:00,500
You're 2 feet tall.
179
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:02,710
Who would you play against,
Alvin and the Chipmunks?
180
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,960
Seriously, why are you
doing this?
181
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,210
I...just want to
get swole, dawg.
182
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,670
Ew.
183
00:08:11,670 --> 00:08:13,540
You'll tell me the truth,
right, Becky?
184
00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:15,420
Come on, Beverly Rose.
185
00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:17,540
Nothing good is gonna
happen here.
186
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,170
Thank you, Becky.
187
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,540
Alright, um...
188
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:29,670
you're mature enough for me
to just put this out there.
189
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,790
Ben and I are...
thinking about having a baby.
190
00:08:34,830 --> 00:08:36,250
How do you feel about that?
191
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,880
You're old
and it's embarrassing, but...
192
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,000
I don't care, 'cause I don't
have to live here anymore.
193
00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:46,210
Let's always talk.
Just like this.
194
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,120
If I'm not doing
anything else.
195
00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:54,580
I know you took the good
bath towel to your apartment.
196
00:08:54,580 --> 00:08:55,750
Bring it back.
197
00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:58,210
You got
bigger problems than that.
198
00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:00,620
Mom and Ben
are gonna have a baby.
199
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:01,460
What?!
200
00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:02,830
Why?!
201
00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:05,500
Because she's insane.
202
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,790
She's like a thousand years old
and frail.
203
00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:11,250
Well, then I got to
tell her not to do it.
204
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,790
She doesn't care
what you say.
205
00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,710
Mom's having a new baby.
You're out.
206
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,620
Wow! Are those
from the math teacher?
207
00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:24,380
No!
He stood me up.
208
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:25,830
Oh, they're --
209
00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:27,500
they're from
Ron and Janelle.
210
00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:30,790
A nice couple I met
who let me sit at their table
211
00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:32,500
so I wouldn't be
humiliated.
212
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,710
A couple sent you flowers?
213
00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:35,880
That's odd.
214
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,120
Where else did you sit?
215
00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:40,670
Oh, stop that.
They're nice people.
216
00:09:40,670 --> 00:09:42,120
We had fun together.
217
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,000
They sent you red roses.
218
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,170
That's romantic.
219
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:46,210
Don't be ridiculo--
220
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,920
They've been married
for thirty years.
221
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,330
They're regular
one-person-at-a-time people.
222
00:09:51,580 --> 00:09:54,830
"Can't wait to visit
the Love Shack with you again"?
223
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:57,580
Sounds like pile-of-people-
at-a-time people.
224
00:09:57,580 --> 00:10:00,670
Oh, my God,
we sang that song at karaoke.
225
00:10:00,670 --> 00:10:02,380
And then we went
and got hot chocolate,
226
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:05,290
and then we walked along
the Lanford River,
227
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,920
and then they walked me
to my car,
228
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,500
and they said they
had a wonderful time
229
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:10,290
and that they'd like
to see me again.
230
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,750
That's a date.
231
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,580
They want you to be
part of a thrupple.
232
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,000
What?
No, they don't.
233
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,080
What is that?
234
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,080
It's the fun
of a threesome
235
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,330
with the drudgery
of a relationship.
236
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:25,380
Becky, I'm not gonna
stand here
237
00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:26,880
and listen to you
jump to conclusions.
238
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,620
I have to get ready to meet
them at dance class.
239
00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:32,000
The three of us
are going to tango.
240
00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:37,580
See ya!
241
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,580
Hey, buddy.
242
00:10:41,580 --> 00:10:43,580
Ready for a little
piano lesson?
243
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:45,500
No.
I wanna talk to you.
244
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,670
Why are you forcing
my mom to have a baby?
245
00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:49,960
Whoa!
246
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,500
I...don't know who
told you that,
247
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:55,420
but I am not forcing
your mom to have a baby.
248
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:56,960
Is she forcing you?
249
00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:02,080
Well, no.
250
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,960
It had to be
somebody's idea.
251
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,710
Nobody just does that
kind of thing for fun.
252
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,170
Ahh.
253
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:15,540
All I can say is that
we love each other, okay?
254
00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:17,790
And we're just thinking
about having a baby.
255
00:11:17,790 --> 00:11:19,250
You're a liar.
256
00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:21,750
She's not gonna turn down
having a baby with you.
257
00:11:21,750 --> 00:11:23,380
You're the hottest guy
she's ever dated.
258
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:29,540
Hey, the liar comment
is hurtful.
259
00:11:29,540 --> 00:11:34,120
But I can't argue
with you that...
260
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,080
I am the hottest guy
she's ever dated.
261
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,460
It's weird
when you say it.
262
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:41,460
Okay, but, look,
I am pretty sure
263
00:11:41,460 --> 00:11:43,580
that your mom does not want me
talking to you about this.
264
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:46,960
But
I'm just gonna go on and...
265
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,500
jump into the old "dad waters"
for the first time here.
266
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,460
Uh...
267
00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:55,880
you're worried that
if we have a new baby
268
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,920
that you won't have a place
in this family.
269
00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,290
But you will.
270
00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:01,540
You'll be a big brother,
hot shot.
271
00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:04,040
"Dad waters" is not a thing,
you idiot.
272
00:12:07,380 --> 00:12:08,920
Don't tell your mom we talked.
273
00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,080
Or that I said "dad waters."
274
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,120
What are you doing here?
275
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,040
You're supposed to be helping
Ed Jr. over at your dad's house.
276
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,000
We pretty much
finished the drywall.
277
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,920
He can handle it
from there.
278
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,920
He's a smart kid.
279
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,250
He went to college.
280
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:32,830
Oh, so, that's
what this is about.
281
00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:36,790
I saw your face when Ed Jr. said
Grandpa paid for his college.
282
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:40,210
You're so good at reading my
face, what's it saying now?
283
00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:44,540
It says you think you
got a raw deal.
284
00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:47,830
And your eyebrow
is telling me you want pie.
285
00:12:47,830 --> 00:12:50,170
Eh, that's easy.
I always want pie.
286
00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:53,120
Nope.
287
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,710
You can't eat your feelings
until you tell me what they are.
288
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:58,580
I don't have any feelings.
You know that.
289
00:12:58,580 --> 00:12:59,830
Uh-oh!
290
00:12:59,830 --> 00:13:02,620
Looks like I have
a heavy whipped cream finger!
291
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:04,580
Okay, okay!
292
00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:06,790
It would have been nice
to go to college.
293
00:13:06,790 --> 00:13:09,000
You never talked about
wanting to go to college.
294
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,790
There's a lot of things
I don't talk about.
295
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,170
I'm only talking about it now
because of the pie.
296
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:17,460
I wanted to design cars.
297
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:18,420
Really?
298
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:19,540
All through high school,
299
00:13:19,540 --> 00:13:22,540
I filled up notebooks
with my design.
300
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,580
My art teacher thought
I really had something.
301
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:27,290
But the old man
wouldn't give me a dime.
302
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:29,210
Said I wasn't
college material.
303
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:30,790
Like he'd know.
304
00:13:30,790 --> 00:13:32,500
So what?
305
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:35,420
You're gonna punish Ed Jr.
every time you hear
306
00:13:35,420 --> 00:13:37,790
about something nice
your dad did for him?
307
00:13:37,790 --> 00:13:39,420
'Cause that's not
his fault.
308
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:41,420
I know I should let it go,
but I can't.
309
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:43,880
And if I don't, I'm gonna wreck
my relationship with the kid.
310
00:13:45,330 --> 00:13:48,500
The only way to let it all go
is
311
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,620
to get some kind of closure
with your dad.
312
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,750
Yeah.
313
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,210
Man, it'd be so much easier
if he was still alive.
314
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,960
I could sit down with him,
hear his side of it,
315
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,620
and punch him
right in the face.
316
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:10,000
It was awful nice of you
to treat me to this.
317
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,880
I don't know when's the last
time I had a pedicure.
318
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,960
They took off so much dead skin
I think I went down a shoe size.
319
00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:19,710
Listen, you guys have paid
for everything this week,
320
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:22,080
and I'm starting to feel
like maybe I owe you,
321
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,540
hmm, I don't know, money.
322
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:27,830
Nonsense.
323
00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:29,920
It's nice to have
someone to spoil.
324
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,620
Our kids are grown, and, well,
we don't like them.
325
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:37,420
And we just can't imagine
not having you around.
326
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:41,250
Oh, would you look at that.
327
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,880
Jackie, this is awkward because
we've never done this before,
328
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,540
so we're just gonna say it.
329
00:14:48,540 --> 00:14:50,670
We want to invite you into
our relationship.
330
00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:53,500
Which right now feels like the
most natural thing in the world.
331
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:56,330
Uh...
332
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,040
There's the other one.
333
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,330
So, we were looking for
the right person,
334
00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:07,000
and then, out of the blue,
you found us.
335
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,290
Oh. Well, I've never found
an "us" before,
336
00:15:09,290 --> 00:15:12,040
but here "us" is.
337
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:15,670
It's kind of a surprise.
338
00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:16,920
Really?
339
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,500
The red roses,
the Love Shack, the locket...?
340
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,080
Oh, this is a locket?
341
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,330
Oh, and it opens up!
342
00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:25,170
And there's the three of us.
343
00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:29,120
So, what do you say,
Jackie?
344
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,710
Do you have room
in your life for us?
345
00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:33,170
Well, it's -- it's
a big decision.
346
00:15:33,170 --> 00:15:35,080
Do I have a little time
to think about it?
347
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:35,830
Of course.
348
00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:37,170
It's important to us
349
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,080
that you want this
as much as we do.
350
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,920
Well, I will say, if I brought
you both home to meet my mother,
351
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,210
it would kill her,
so
352
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,670
that's a big check in
the plus column...
353
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:51,170
Oh, you are so...
354
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,620
Hey, buddy.
Whatcha doing?
355
00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:58,080
Stress-ironing.
356
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,500
I talked to Ben,
and he told me
357
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,210
that you're worried about
a new baby coming into our lives
358
00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:08,620
and what that
means for you.
359
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:13,120
And I just want to tell you that
everything is gonna be fine.
360
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,460
You're gonna die.
361
00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:17,040
What?
362
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,170
Women in their forties
have the highest risk
363
00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:23,920
of dying in childbirth.
364
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,830
Strokes, kidney failure,
hemorrhaging,
365
00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:28,040
infections,
pre-eclampsia --
366
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,460
Don't know what that is, but it
happens right before eclampsia.
367
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:35,750
Alright. Slow down.
368
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:36,880
Where did you get this?
369
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,420
There's a lot of crazy
stuff on the Internet.
370
00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:42,290
The Mayo Clinic, the American
Medical Association,
371
00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:44,080
and the National
Institutes of Health.
372
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,210
Oh. Maybe I better
have a look at that.
373
00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:50,330
Well, what happens
if you die
374
00:16:50,330 --> 00:16:53,790
and I-I hate the baby
because it killed you?
375
00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:56,670
And then I have to take care
of a baby that I hate?
376
00:16:56,670 --> 00:16:58,960
You think I'm gonna send
a kid like that to college?
377
00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:03,460
Mark,
take a breath, okay?
378
00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:08,210
I'm not gonna die.
379
00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:11,080
Alright? I'm a Conner.
We don't just drop dead.
380
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,080
We break down early,
and we linger
381
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,080
so that we're a burden
to the next generation.
382
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:20,080
Nana Bev is a burden
to Aunt Jackie,
383
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,250
your grandpa will be
a burden to me,
384
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:25,960
and I will be a burden to you
for a long, long time.
385
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:30,290
You can't guarantee that
you're gonna be okay.
386
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:32,920
Mark, look, the numbers
say the odds of me
387
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:37,040
dying in childbirth are
one-hundredth of one-percent.
388
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,040
Guess that's not a lot.
389
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,380
Yeah.
390
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:43,080
You're totally worried
about the wrong thing.
391
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,460
Okay?
392
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:46,330
You don't need to
worry about me dying.
393
00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:49,210
It's much more likely that I'll
love the new baby more than you.
394
00:17:52,170 --> 00:17:53,330
Seriously?
395
00:17:53,330 --> 00:17:54,710
Look at me.
That's not possible.
396
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,460
Uh, how do you know?
397
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:58,880
We haven't seen
the baby yet.
398
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,170
And Ben is the hottest guy
I've ever dated.
399
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,080
Okay.
This was Dad's spot.
400
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,880
You gonna tell me why
we drove all the way
out here in Dad's car?
401
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,500
I just wanted to see
where he used to come
to sit and think.
402
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,040
I get it.
403
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,540
It's so deserted,
404
00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:19,710
you could scream out here
and nobody'd hear ya.
405
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,120
Okay.
406
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,500
Look, I know you're really mad
about the whole college thing.
407
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:31,580
Yeah, I got to tell you,
it got to me.
408
00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:34,250
Every time I hear about all
the good stuff he did for you,
409
00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:38,250
all this rage and resentment
comes boiling up again.
410
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:39,880
I gotta
put an end to it.
411
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,540
Alright, look, it is not
my fault what he did for me.
412
00:18:42,540 --> 00:18:44,750
Alright, but if
you wanna go,
413
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:47,500
take your best shot,
but I'm a biter.
414
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,380
I didn't come here
to fight you.
415
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:55,500
I appreciate you giving me
the car, man.
416
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,210
Well, why don't we go
back into the car,
417
00:18:57,210 --> 00:18:58,920
where it's warm,
and talk about it?
418
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,620
No can do.
419
00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:02,420
I already lit the fuse.
420
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:06,580
What?
421
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,210
I loaded up the trunk
with fireworks,
422
00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:11,540
illegal stuff
from Michigan.
423
00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:14,290
I got something called
a Patriot's Candle.
424
00:19:14,290 --> 00:19:16,080
It's basically just
a stick of dynamite.
425
00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:19,290
So, we drove all
the way out here
426
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:20,960
with a trunk
full of explosives?
427
00:19:25,670 --> 00:19:28,380
Holy crap,
that's really cool.
428
00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:30,500
Yeah, it was.
429
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:31,710
I feel better.
430
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:37,040
Just had to exorcise
some demons.
431
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,250
I had to get closure
with Dad
432
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:43,790
to keep him from screwing up
our relationship.
433
00:19:43,790 --> 00:19:45,790
And he loved that car.
434
00:19:49,830 --> 00:19:51,170
Hey.
435
00:19:54,670 --> 00:19:56,290
Whoo!
Whoo!
436
00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:57,290
What?
437
00:19:57,290 --> 00:19:58,960
Stop!
438
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,290
It's just me.
439
00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:03,420
Ron and Janelle paid for it,
but, uh...
440
00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:06,710
Becky, you were right.
They want a thrupple.
441
00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:08,580
I'm guessing
that's a couple
442
00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:11,080
plus one person who's wearing
someone else's hair?
443
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,540
No.
444
00:20:12,540 --> 00:20:14,830
It's when three people
have an equal relationship,
445
00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:16,250
just like a couple.
446
00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:17,790
Are you actually
considering this?
447
00:20:17,790 --> 00:20:19,250
Maybe.
448
00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:21,790
I mean, they're fun,
they treat me with respect.
449
00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:23,580
When's the last time
I had that?
450
00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:25,670
I think that
Ron and Janelle
451
00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:28,000
might be the person I've been
looking for all this time.
452
00:20:30,290 --> 00:20:32,210
Are you sure you're
ready for this?
453
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:35,080
What happens when Ron wants
to have sex with you?
454
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,960
Or Janelle?
455
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,790
Or Ron and Janelle?
456
00:20:38,790 --> 00:20:40,580
Um...
457
00:20:40,580 --> 00:20:42,830
I'll deal with that when
we go up to our lake house
458
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:44,500
in Door County
next weekend.
459
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:54,790
You know, it's a shame
there's no pictures of us
together when I was a baby.
460
00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:57,580
I remember
the first time I babysat you.
461
00:20:57,580 --> 00:20:58,460
You were easy.
462
00:20:59,830 --> 00:21:02,750
D.J., see if there's any
frozen waffles in the freezer.
463
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:08,040
Crystal's list didn't say
anything about frozen waffles.
464
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,710
That's because she doesn't
know the secret.
465
00:21:10,710 --> 00:21:12,460
There you go.
466
00:21:12,460 --> 00:21:15,210
Chew on this for a while,
Little Ed.
467
00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,290
Yeah, that's gonna make
those gums feel better.
468
00:21:17,290 --> 00:21:18,960
Hmm?
469
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,210
Ugh.
470
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:22,290
He's slobbering.
471
00:21:22,290 --> 00:21:23,750
Well, that's why
I use a waffle.
472
00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:26,830
It's got all those
built-in drool cups.
34623
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