All language subtitles for Family.Guy.S06E07.Peters.Daughter.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-XLUF_track3_[eng]

It seems today
that all you see

Is violence in movies
and sex on TV

But where are those
good old-fashioned values

On which we used to rely?

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a man
who positively can do

All the things
that make us

Laugh and cry

He's a family guy

Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker
with a Channel 5 News Special Report.

And I'm Diane Simmons.
A flash flood warning is in effect

as rain continues
to pound Rhode Island.

Let's go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa,

Who's gonna tell us all about the rain

Tom, residents all over Quahog

have been affected
by the heavy rains,

although some are doing
their best to ride it out.

For example, I'm here with

Rides-a-Ten-Speed-
Everywhere Guy.

Sir, why are you riding
your ten-speed in the rain?

I don't mind. A little
drizzle never hurt anybody.

I like riding the ten-speed
because it's fun,

it gives me energy, and it's
a great way to stay in shape.

What do you do
for a living?

I work in accounts receivable
at Quahog Insurance.

Uh, it's not too demanding,
the pay is good,

and it's a great way
to stay in shape.

Well, we should wrap this up--
you're getting wet.

Well, I'm living life before
the cancer I have kills me,

so I don't mind
the rain.

Water feels good
on my skin.

It's cool, refreshing, and it's
a great way to stay in shape.

- What kind of cancer?
- It's rectal cancer.

It's slowly eating away
at my lower insides.

It's a quick process, both
painful and untreatable,

and it's a great way
to stay in shape.

Thank you, Tricia.

Some local residents
have even been evacuated

to Quahog Stadium
for their own protection.

Why do I have to stay here?

We just think
you'll be safer.

- But my house is dry.
- Here's a blanket.

If you're looking for a bathroom,
it's all around you.

Oh, crap, Peter,
it's a flash flood!

Oh, man, I better save

my autographed picture
of Dean Cain!

You know, from before he got
all desperate for attention.

Hey, is that Dean Cain on that park bench?

Oh, God!

PETER:
Lois! Uh, you may want to come down here!

Oh, my God!

I know--
about the water, right?

Wow! Cool!

- Hey, Chris, come here.
- What? Why?

- Just come here.
- What is it, Dad?

Does it feel like the water
suddenly just got warmer?

- No.
- Oh, that's right,

it's pee that makes it warmer.

Peter, the water's rising fast!
We got to get out of here!

Hang on, Lois.
There's a case of beer in the fridge.

I can't leave that behind!

Meg, you're a good swimmer.
Go get it.

What? But, Dad...

And for God's sake,
do not be afraid

to make me a sandwich
while you're in there.

Peter, Meg's been
in there a long time.

Boy, you cannot wait
to criticize her

at every turn, can you?

Go get her!

Well, Lois, I am sorry
for snapping at you earlier.

You were right
to criticize Meg.

She could not even handle
this simple task.

She's in there right now
taking a nap underwater.

For God's sake, save her!

My God, we better get her
to a hospital.

She doesn't look too good.

Yeah, she looks worse
than Andy Garcia

when he had his conjoined twin.

I had a great time
with you tonight.

- You're really amazing.
- Thanks, Andy.

I had a great time, too.

Hey! How about some love
for shoulder guy over here?

- Shoulder guy wants to get in on this.

- Just ignore him.
- Okay...

So, do you maybe want
to go in the other room?

Sure. Sounds good.

- Oh-ho! And shoulder guy's going with ya.
- Rick, shut up.

Hey, bitch,
want to suck on my tooth?

Mr. and Mrs. Griffin,
I'm afraid your coma's in a daughter.

I mean... I mean,
your daughter's in a coma!

What?
Oh, my God, did you--

Did you hear what I said?

Brain freeze!

Oh, my God!

Oh, that one is going
in the Christmas letter.

Oh, my God, Peter,

what if she doesn't
come out of it?

I know, Lois.

I never realized until now

how much I've taken her
for granted.

I mean, she's my only daughter,
and I feel like

I've never treated her
as well as I should've.

Hey, Meg, you got
something on your shirt.

Hi, Dad.

Aw, don't be too hard
on yourself, Peter.

We all do things that
we're not proud of.

Well, I am gonna change.

You hear me, Meg?
If you come out of this,

I am gonna treat you
like a princess

for the rest of your life.

'Cause I been a worse
father than Abraham.

You want to tell me what
the that was?

Excuse me,
I'm Dr. Milano.

I'm the intern
for this floor.

You know, you guys
can probably go on home.

We'll let you know
if there's any change

in your daughter's
condition.

Wow, you're
a real doctor?

Hey, does Scrubs
work here?

I love that guy.
I want to meet Scrubs.

Ooh, and I want to meet
black Scrubs, too.

Well, hello, sleepyhead.

I'm Michael.

Hi, Michael.
I'm Meg.

- Meg!
- Oh, my God! Meg, you're okay!

Oh, Meg, my beautiful daughter!

Oh, things
are gonna be different.

No more will I treat you
like some kind of alien.

FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Three minutes to minimum safe distance.

Stop. Not so fast, y'all.

You think you can just up
and run away, you crazy.

I like to eat people
from other planets,

especially y'all.

I likes
to eat you with my little mouth, too.

Oh, now, y'all get back up
inside me, little mouth.

- I wants to play, too.
- Get back inside--

- I'll get you when we's eatin' em.
- Zoop!

So, what is it you wanted
to show me?

That, Brian.

What? It's a rundown old house.

Well, yes, I-- I suppose

to the untrained eye
that's what it would look like.

Walk inside with me, Brian.

This is disgusting.
It smells, it's falling apart,

and you can hear the mice
humping in the wall.

MOUSE :
Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho!

Ho-ho! Ho-ho!

Oh... That was so awesome!

That's why we can get
it for a steal, Brian!

We fix it up and sell
it for a huge profit!

You're crazy.
No, I'm not gonna buy this house with you.

Fine, I'll just give the
profits to another investor.

Plenty of others interested.

- Oh, yeah? Like who?
- Mort Goldman, for one.

Says it's a smart investment.

But what does he know?
He's only Jewish.

All right, I'm in.

Oh, there's my little angel!

Here, let me get that
for you, sweetie.

Thanks, Dad!

Wow, Peter, I got to say,
you've really been true

to your word about
treating Meg better.

She's my only daughter, Lois.

She needs to be protected,
like a rare gemstone,

or the herniated scrotum
of an older gentleman.

Well, I think
you've been wonderful.

Like when you took her
to that new movie,

I'm Rich and You're Poor,
but Let's Dance Together.

I'm rich and you're poor,
but let's dance together.

- Society won't like it.
- I don't care.

Good for you, good for you.

Yeah, and I can't believe

how you stood up
to Connie D'Amico for me.

- Hey, Meg.
- Uh, hi, Connie.

I can't fit all my books
in my locker.

Can I put the rest of them
on your ginormous ass?

Hey, Connie, hi.
Peter Griffin, Meg's father.

Say, uh, can you
do me a favor?

You see that fire
extinguisher there?

Dad, that's enough!

Dad, that's enough!

That's enough, Dad!

I just want you
to know, Meg,

if there's anything
you ever want,

- all you got to do is ask.
- Really?

Well, there kind of
is one thing.

- There he is now!

Hey, Meg.
You ready to go?

Dad, you remember Michael Milano
from the hospital.

- He's my date.
- Oh.

Say, Michael,
can you do me a favor?

You see that fire
extinguisher there?

Stay away from my daughter,
you possible rapist.

Dad, stop it.
Michael's my date.

Meg, I almost lost you once,
I'm not gonna lose you again.

This guy may look
harmless on the outside,

but on the inside he could be a complete
bastard, like Fred Flintstone.

So, why exactly do you
want this separation?

Well, Mr. Stoneberg, in a nutshell,
the cat put me outside,

I was bangin' on the door
for like 20 minutes, shouting "Wilma!"

- I didn't hear you.
- Oh, there's no way you didn't hear me.

- I was in the shower.
- Oh, she was in the shower.

The elephant's trunk
was on full blast.

You could've been right
on the other side of the door,

- and you wouldn't have done a damn thing.
- I couldn't hear you.

And besides, you're always
yellin' about something.

All you do is spend my money
on expensive clothes and hairdos.

How the hell am I supposed
to know when to pay attention?

But when I want to get my rocks
off, you're nowhere to be found,

you passive-aggressive bitch.

Meg, can I talk to you
in the kitchen, please?

- Dad, what the hell?
- Lois, did you know that Meg had a date?

Yes. With that nice boy
from the hospital. What's the matter?

We don't know him.
Maybe he's not even a boy.

Maybe he's two dwarves
in an overcoat

wanting to see what sex is like
with a big person.

Huh? Is that what you want?

Two crafty dwarves
in your house,

after your daughter--
Wait, do dwarves grant wishes?

No, Peter, they're people,
like you and me.

Well, good-bye phone
in the bathroom,

but I still don't like Meg
dating that boy.

Guys that age,
all they care about

is putting their thing
in everything.

I'm not gonna let Meg turn out
like my Nerf football in the hall closet.

Dad, didn't you say you'd
give me whatever I wanted?

Well, I want to go out
with Michael.

Peter,
you're being overprotective.

Look, why don't you
just talk to him?

You might find out
he's not so bad.

All right, Lois, but I know
what my gut tells me.

And right now it's telling me
I have...

Indigestion.

But I'll suck it up
and talk to Michael.

Even though I've also got...

Diarrhea.

So, you are here
to take out my daughter.

What are your intentions?

I just think
Meg is really cool,

and I want to get
to know her better.

You know, Michael,
my daughter's womb

is not a wildfire
for you to douse

with your
adolescent seed.

I understand.

Do you, Michael?

Do you?

We'll see.

Let me ask you
a question.

You ever sit on your arm
till it falls asleep,

and then play
with yourself

and pretend like
somebody else is doing it?

Honestly... yes.

Not anymore you don't.

'Cause you're going
out with my daughter.

Morning, Brian.
Here, put this on.

- How long have you been here?
- 7:00 a.m.

All right, here's your hammer,
here's your walkie,

and here's your stud finder.

Beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep.

Oh. Oh, well,
it's working.

All right,
joke time is over.

Work time has begun.
You get started with this drywall,

and I'm gonna start pulling out those
old floorboards in the kitchen.

- Hey, Brian, knock, knock.
- Who's there?

Two friends building a house together.

Hey, Meg, I, uh,
got you something

for our three-week
anniversary.

Wow, a Maroon 5 CD.

Yeah, I remember
how you told me

you liked terrible music,

so I thought
you might appreciate it.

You're so thoughtful.

Mm...

- What the hell?
- What's wrong?

Uh, Meg, I'm not sure,
but I think your dad

is sitting at
that table over there.

What? Where?

Well, I can't tell
if it's him.

I-- I think he's wearing
some kind of disguise.

Oh, my God, Dad.

What do you think you're doing?

Peter? Who Peter?

I didn't say "Peter."

I said "Dad."

Oh...

Have you been spying on us the
entire time we've been dating?

Meg, it's only because
I want to make sure

this guy treats you right
and doesn't try anything funny.

Meg, this is more
than I can deal with.

If your father is this opposed
to our relationship,

I don't see how
it can work out.

But, Michael...

I'm sorry, Meg.

I promise
I won't forget you.

See, look, Meg,
he just walked out on you.

He's a bad man.

Like Jodie Foster.

Oh, no, Jodie!
It's my husband!

He's home from work early!

Don't worry, baby.

He had to find
out sometime.

All right, Brian, I'm going to
go up to the upper level

and run this wire
down through the wall.

Grab your walkie,

- I'll call you when I get up there.
- Okay.

- Brian, pick up. Over.
- What?

Brian, please say "over"
when you finish talking. Over.

What? Over.

- Do you see the wire yet? Over.
- No.

- No... what? Over.
- No. Over.

Okay, I'm going to start
feeding it through. Over.

Wait, if you haven't
started feeding it,

why'd you ask me if
I could see it?

Didn't copy that. Over.

I said why'd you ask me
if I could see it,

if you haven't started
feeding it? Over.

Oh, that's better.
I can hear you now. Over.

Do you see it yet? Over.

You know, you're a jackass.
For the record,

I don't want to hang out with
you anymore when this is over.

When this is what, Brian?
Over.

I said I don't want to hang out
with you anymore when this is over.

When this is what? You've got to
finish your sentence. Over.

That's it.
My sentence is over.

Your sentence is what, Brian?
Over.

My sentence is-- Wait a minute.
I have to say "over"

even if the sentence ends
with the word "over"?

Ends with the word what, Brian?
Over.

Oh, I see the wire.

You see the wire what?
Over.

- Over!

Tonight's movie
presentation is brought to you by Sanka.

Don't ya want a,
want a Sanka?

Don't ya want a,
want a Sanka?

Don't ya want a,
want a Sanka?

It doesn't keep me up
at night,

but it helps me poo!

Meg, sweetie, it's been,
like, two weeks.

Don't you think it's time
to forget about that boy?

Yeah, Meg, he was a bum anyway.
You'll find another fella.

I could set you up
with one of my friends.

Oh, wait...

I don't have any friends.

I could set you up with Dad.

Dad, would you be interested
in dating Meg?

I certainly would.

There, Meg,
everything's fine.

It's not Michael
I'm upset about!

Well, what is it then?

I'm pregnant!

Dad, I swear to God
I didn't know that

when I set you up
with her.

Oh, I can't believe this!

My baby's pregnant!

- How could this happen?
- I don't know.

But regardless of how
it happened, it happened.

You're pregnant, Meg,
and there's only one thing to do.

Meg, can you turn over?
I gotta get that thing out of there.

You're sitting
on my shirt.

I gotta put it
on this hanger.

Now, I'm going
to Michael's house

to force him to marry you.

Dad, please don't do this!

You can't make
him marry me!

I just want
to talk to him.

- Why do you have a shotgun?
- I just want to talk to him.

- Dad, this is ridiculous!
- I just want to talk to him.

- Put that gun away!
- I just want to talk to him.

- What are you doing? It is not his fault!

- It was an accident!
- I just want to shoot him.

- I just want to talk to him.
- You can't shoot him!

Wait, what-- what are you doing?

You got my Meg pregnant!

What?!

Oh, my God! Meg!

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't think you
wanted to see me.

But this changes
everything.

I want to be there
for you, Meg.

I love you.

Will you marry me?

Yes!

Of course!

Ah, now see?

That's an even more beautiful
sight than 72 virgins

waiting in heaven
for a suicide bomber.

Here I am!

We're playing
The Gathering.

Want to join?

Osama!

- Um, you know something, Brian?
- Yeah?

I'm starting to think maybe

we bit off a little more
than we could chew.

- Yeah.
- Well, we're in it,

and we're going to finish
the job.

Should we get started
on the upper level?

No.

What the hell
are we gonna do?

We've sunk all of our money
into this place.

I've, um...
I've got an idea.

I'll be right back.

So, listen, uh, we're going
to want to be leaving now.

- Why?
- Because I just emptied

a full tank of gasoline
and lit a match.

We've got about
five seconds.

Didn't we have an electrician
in there today?

Uh... he left.
Pretty sure he left.

Isn't that his truck?

Well, by God, Brian,
we're murderers.

I guess this means you'll
be going to doggie hell.

Hey, what do you guys
think of this one?

Meg, are you sure you want
to go through with this?

You know, there are
other options.

Mom, I'm not getting
an abortion!

I'm not saying an abortion,
per se,

but maybe you just drink
and smoke a lot.

- What?
- Just don't start doing it

and then chicken out halfway
through the pregnancy,

because then you'll
wind up with Chris.

Well, Lois,
I got the cake.

Oh, and they were all out of
the bride and groom figurines,

so I got the Iron Giant
and a courtroom doll

that kids use to show where
the molester touched them.

All right, Meg, enjoy
your bachelorette party.

I am outta here

'cause I don't need to see
what you crazy girls

are going to do while I'm gone.

But just remember,
this is a residence

and should be treated as such.

And if you girls drink anything,

there's recycling under the sink
in the kitchen.

Okay, have fun.

So... what are we
supposed to do?

Yeah, this doesn't seem
like much of a party.

Hey, what's with all the noise?

Got some complaints
from next door.

I might have to take
you girls downtown.

Which one of you
is the lucky bride?

What's your name, sweetie?

Dad, you know my name.

Ep, ep, ep, ep!

It's Officer Nasty.

Careful, I might be carrying
a concealed weapon.

Hello.

Hi. Name, please?

Neil Goldman.

Goldman, Goldman...

Sorry, no Neil Goldman.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

I meant to say
Chris Griffin.

Griffin, Griffin...
Oh! here it is.

Says you're supposed
to be an usher.

Well, you need this.

Name, please?

Chris Griffin.

Griffin, Griffin, hmm.

I'm sorry, sir, Chris Griffin
has already checked in.

Well, that's impossible!

Meg, are you ready?

Sweetie, what's wrong?

Mom, I can't do it.

I can't get married.

What? Well, why not?

Because...
I'm not pregnant.

What do you mean?
How do you know?

- I got my period.
- Oh.

I must've read
the test wrong.

What am I going to do?

Michael's out there
waiting for me.

Well, Meg, the best thing
you can do is be honest.

Just tell Michael
the truth.

If he cares about you,
he'll understand.

I'll try.

Thanks, Mom.

I love you.

I you
too, honey.

God, look at Meg's fat shoulders
in those spaghetti straps!

It's like bread baking
around twine.

Meg... you look beautiful.

Thank you, Michael.

I have never been more
in love with someone

than I am with you
right now.

Oh, Michael,
I love you, too.

And I have some
wonderful news:

I'm not pregnant.

- What?
- What?

Dad, I'm sorry about
this whole mess.

You know what, Meg?
It's all my fault.

I never should've dragged
you into this, anyway.

I guess sometimes
a father just gets

a little overprotective
of his daughter,

but you got to know I was only
thinking about your happiness.

I know, Dad.
And I appreciate it.

The problem now is that these
people are expecting a show.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Conway Twitty.

Hello, again.

Nice to see you.

It's been a long time

You're just as lovely

As you used to be

How's your new life?

Are you happy?

Hope you're doin' fine

Just to know it

Means so much to me