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1
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:06,460
I can't wait to see
your new renovations.
2
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,680
I have not been this excited for
a reveal since L.A. announced
3
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:11,709
- their new composting program.
- Oh, yeah.
4
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,580
You're excited?
5
00:00:14,590 --> 00:00:17,880
We've been living with
our parents for 140 days.
6
00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:20,220
Uh, I had 175.
7
00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:21,709
At least that's what it felt like.
8
00:00:21,710 --> 00:00:23,140
You?
9
00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:25,750
I was about ready to Shawshank
my way out of there.
10
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,450
Well, so hold on,
11
00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:30,860
Calvin, did you really let
Tina handle everything?
12
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,240
Yes.
13
00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:35,860
Look. All I wanted to know was
how much is it gonna cost,
14
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,750
and when is it gonna be done?
15
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,230
Well, it's all done now.
16
00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:41,542
And the earthquake insurance
paid for most of it.
17
00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:44,209
Most of it? How much did we... ?
18
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:47,292
- Welcome, everybody, welcome!
- Yay!
19
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,917
Welcome!
20
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,084
Oh, my God!
21
00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:54,940
This is like the best episode
of Fixer Upper ever.
22
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,200
Wow.
23
00:00:58,210 --> 00:00:59,960
Well, I sure hate our house now.
24
00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:01,020
Right?
25
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,334
This is amazing.
26
00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:05,360
I wish it was this ritzy
when we were kids.
27
00:01:05,380 --> 00:01:07,500
- Hey, it's not ritzy... hey!
- Oh...
28
00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:08,940
D-Don't touch anything.
29
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,950
It's a good thing it wasn't this
nice when we were young,
30
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,334
'cause we would've destroyed it.
31
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,319
Oh, yeah, definitely, yeah,
we would've broken that.
32
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,910
- Yep.
- We would've broken that.
33
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,084
We definitely would've broken all that.
34
00:01:20,090 --> 00:01:22,050
And, look, Gemma!
35
00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:23,620
A wine fridge.
36
00:01:23,630 --> 00:01:25,709
- No more lukewarm chardonnay.
- Oh!
37
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:31,560
So, Calvin, what do you
think about the new digs?
38
00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:33,320
Well, it's a lot of big changes,
39
00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:36,459
but, um, I like what
I've done with the place.
40
00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:37,834
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
41
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:41,334
You? You fought every single
change the whole way.
42
00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:44,125
Oh, Tina, Tina.
43
00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:46,440
How about we leave the old attitude
44
00:01:46,470 --> 00:01:47,810
at the old house?
45
00:01:47,820 --> 00:01:49,625
It just doesn't go with the decor.
46
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:55,480
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
47
00:01:59,710 --> 00:02:01,950
And this island is so big,
48
00:02:01,970 --> 00:02:04,000
it's almost like an actual island.
49
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,580
Nice.
50
00:02:06,590 --> 00:02:08,979
Now, when I tell the ladies
I've been to the islands,
51
00:02:08,980 --> 00:02:10,709
I won't be lying.
52
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,542
Excuse me.
53
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,830
Calvin!
54
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,459
Wake up. What are you doing?
We have guests, baby.
55
00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:22,580
Well, don't blame me, babe.
56
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,459
I mean, you're the one that
reupholstered my old chair.
57
00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:27,375
- Hmm.
- And she's so pretty,
58
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,167
I might have to give her a name.
59
00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:32,042
Well, I'm glad you like it,
60
00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:33,300
but if you name it,
61
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,042
both of y'all gonna be in the backyard.
62
00:02:36,170 --> 00:02:38,125
Just saying.
63
00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:40,360
Ooh, check out Mom's
new fancy refrigerator.
64
00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:42,280
It makes five different types of ice.
65
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,917
Ice is ice, Marty. How many
different types do you need?
66
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,709
Oh, you simple man.
67
00:02:48,450 --> 00:02:50,900
This makes crushed,
cubed, shaved, pebbled,
68
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,580
and a big-ass square
block for your Scotch.
69
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:54,620
Check this out.
70
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,709
Aha.
71
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,940
This is why people hate the rich.
72
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,000
Thank you.
73
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,042
Ooh, Tina! Calvin.
74
00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:10,200
Your home is just gorgeous!
75
00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:12,167
Oh, well, thank you, Miss Kim.
76
00:03:12,170 --> 00:03:15,360
I'm so glad you chose
to stay and remodel,
77
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:17,500
instead of moving out
of the neighborhood.
78
00:03:17,510 --> 00:03:21,209
It's about time this
block started to change.
79
00:03:21,210 --> 00:03:24,667
Yeah, well, n-no, I'm not
trying to change anything.
80
00:03:26,550 --> 00:03:28,209
You've changed everything.
81
00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:32,920
I just hope you haven't changed
your bedroom curtains.
82
00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:35,250
I like seeing your silhouettes at night.
83
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,705
Tina, are you hearing all this?
84
00:03:38,706 --> 00:03:40,917
Yeah, got it... blackout curtains.
85
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,040
Uh, Miss Kim? Would you
like to see our bedroom
86
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:45,630
from the inside for a change?
87
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:46,750
Oh, goodie.
88
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,000
Okay, right this way.
89
00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:51,170
Well, well, well.
90
00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:52,800
Check you out.
91
00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:54,160
New kitchen,
92
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,334
new living room, new furniture.
93
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,820
I don't even know how to
act in this house anymore.
94
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,380
Me neither. He even
bougied out his chair.
95
00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:04,875
Well, you know, I upgraded
her a little bit, man.
96
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,550
And she hugs my body
97
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,550
like I just came home from the war.
98
00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:12,780
I'm thinking about giving her a name.
99
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,870
- Renata.
- Renata.
100
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,219
- But don't tell Tina, don't tell Tina.
- Oh, no, no, uh-uh.
101
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:18,509
Hey, come on, let me
get y'all a beer, man.
102
00:04:18,510 --> 00:04:19,820
All right, all right.
103
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,320
Uh-oh, look at that, green apples. Okay.
104
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:27,875
- Thank you, sir.
- Now hold on.
105
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,959
Let me elevate the experience for you.
106
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,917
Because beer...
107
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,459
tastes better...
108
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:36,510
in frosted mugs.
109
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,820
A fridge just for chilling beer mugs?
110
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:41,870
- Fancy.
- Mm.
111
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:43,640
Dang.
112
00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:46,209
- Ole Calvin used to be one of us.
- Mm-hmm.
113
00:04:46,210 --> 00:04:48,167
Now he done gone Hollywood.
114
00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:51,630
Can we even use slang
in this house anymore?
115
00:04:52,730 --> 00:04:54,064
Hey, man. Come on, now,
116
00:04:54,065 --> 00:04:56,225
- I'm still Calvin from the block.
- Mm.
117
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,670
Ain't nothing changed about me
118
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,917
except for this house, and
insurance paid for most of it.
119
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,500
What kind of bougie insurance
covers a mug froster?
120
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,209
Man, I own a bar and
I don't even have that.
121
00:05:07,210 --> 00:05:10,050
Well, that's because
I got real insurance.
122
00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:12,710
Not one that has a
table at the swap meet.
123
00:05:14,590 --> 00:05:17,400
I must admit it's really nice to see
124
00:05:17,410 --> 00:05:20,209
how the other half lives... Hollywood.
125
00:05:22,380 --> 00:05:25,560
Okay, all right, you two
done had your fun, man.
126
00:05:25,580 --> 00:05:27,125
You can stop calling me Hollywood.
127
00:05:27,130 --> 00:05:30,000
Hey, we ain't mad at you, Hollywood.
128
00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:32,250
Don't call security.
129
00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:33,670
Uh-oh.
130
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,292
No, I don't have to call security,
131
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,400
but I might call the
IRS and let 'em know
132
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,542
that them two kids you
claim are not really yours.
133
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,680
Hey, are you almost ready?
134
00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:47,660
We're gonna be late for
Calvin and Tina's party.
135
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,780
I know, but we need to talk.
136
00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:51,590
Oh, God, what did I do?
What did I forget?
137
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,790
Can I just pre-apologize,
so we can go to the party?
138
00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:58,090
Look, watch whatever
freaky thing you're into,
139
00:05:58,100 --> 00:05:59,830
just please do it on your own tablet.
140
00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:04,230
♪ Ride with me, all my girls,
all my girls with me... ♪
141
00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:13,584
Why didn't you tell me you were
into videos of women twerking?
142
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,710
I'm not. I'm...
143
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,960
I mean, I am now, uh...
144
00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:21,000
But it wasn't me who was
watching those videos.
145
00:06:21,010 --> 00:06:23,417
Oh, come on, Dave, who else could it be?
146
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:24,917
Hey, I'm ready to go.
147
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:29,330
Marty said the housewarming's
turning into a dance party.
148
00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:30,584
I don't want to miss that.
149
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:32,375
I bet you don't.
150
00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:36,600
Dave!
151
00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:40,020
Today it's twerking videos,
tomorrow it's something...
152
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,500
twerkier.
153
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,290
Okay, well... let's cancel the Internet.
154
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:48,020
No. I think it's time
155
00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:50,292
we have a more mature
conversation with him about sex.
156
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:52,360
We've already explained the basics,
157
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:54,000
so we just need to take it up a level.
158
00:06:54,010 --> 00:06:56,440
Yeah, you're right, but I'll-I'll do it.
159
00:06:56,460 --> 00:06:58,584
Make it a father-son bonding thing.
160
00:06:58,590 --> 00:07:00,440
But first...
161
00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:03,084
I don't know how they do this,
I mean, just-just physically.
162
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,584
Oh, it's easy. It's all in the knees.
163
00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:12,417
♪ Ride with me... ♪
164
00:07:13,870 --> 00:07:14,909
How'd you get so good at that?
165
00:07:14,910 --> 00:07:16,880
From watching twerking videos.
166
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,700
But I clear my search history.
167
00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:25,720
Hey, Calvin, is Grover inside?
168
00:07:25,740 --> 00:07:27,860
Yeah, he's in there on my iPad.
169
00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:28,875
Oh, no!
170
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:33,790
Whoa, look at you.
171
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,790
Frosted mug. Somebody's living large.
172
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,875
I'm just living, Dave.
173
00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:42,410
Look, I'm sorry, man. It's
just a lot of people in there
174
00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:44,042
with a lot of opinions.
175
00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:46,730
Well, I'm glad you're out here alone.
176
00:07:47,590 --> 00:07:49,292
We need to talk about sex.
177
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,080
Dave, we've had that talk already.
178
00:07:55,890 --> 00:07:58,920
No. Gemma and I found out
179
00:07:58,940 --> 00:08:01,110
that Grover's been watching
these twerking videos,
180
00:08:01,130 --> 00:08:03,334
and now I have to have
a real sex talk with him.
181
00:08:03,340 --> 00:08:05,542
- Oh.
- And I was hoping to run some ideas by you,
182
00:08:05,550 --> 00:08:07,790
since presumably you've
had to do it twice.
183
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,280
More like six times.
184
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:13,520
Marty refused to believe
that people would engage
185
00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:17,700
in such "inappropriate
and unsanitary behavior."
186
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,140
Well, look, I'm just trying to avoid it
187
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,660
being awkward and uncomfortable,
188
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:27,084
like, like the sex talk
that I had with my dad.
189
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,610
Well, Dave, you have a way of making
190
00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:30,542
the simplest conversation awkward.
191
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:33,792
A lot like the way this one started.
192
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,542
Look, I know, and I just...
I don't want to screw up this up.
193
00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:40,792
Look, man.
194
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,160
In this hyper-sexualized
world we live in,
195
00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:46,740
Grover is bound to be exposed
one way or the other,
196
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,160
so you're smart to try
to get ahead of this.
197
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:52,700
But the most important
thing you can teach him
198
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,920
is to make good decisions
199
00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:57,000
and treat his partners with respect.
200
00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,640
Wow.
201
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:02,000
You see, that, that was perfect.
202
00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:04,667
Can you be there when I talk to Grover?
203
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,740
So you want your neighbor to watch
204
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,590
while you talk to your son about sex?
205
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:17,084
No, you're right. That's my
dad's sex talk all over again.
206
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:23,720
Oh, look, baby, the
Patels sent us a gift.
207
00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:26,069
You know, the neighborhood is
still talking about the party
208
00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:27,625
and our remodel.
209
00:09:27,630 --> 00:09:28,940
Yeah, I know.
210
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,709
I'm just worried that
showing off our house
211
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:32,625
may have sent the wrong message.
212
00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:35,750
I mean, Ernie and the guys kept
saying that I've gone Hollywood.
213
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,980
And that the Butlers,
we all Bel Air bougie now.
214
00:09:41,060 --> 00:09:43,220
Baby, they're just busting your chops.
215
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,334
They didn't mean it.
216
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,920
Mama, can I have another
espresso macchiato
217
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:49,700
from your Italian coffee maker, please?
218
00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:53,500
I love how it steams the
milk all light and foamy.
219
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,760
Oh, okay.
220
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:56,220
Oh, you want one, Marty?
221
00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:00,800
Uh, I guess, although last time
the steamed milk was light,
222
00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:02,917
but it was not particularly foamy.
223
00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:06,580
No. Not bougie at all.
224
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,160
So why aren't y'all drinking
the coffee at your own place?
225
00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:11,740
'Cause you got all the good stuff.
226
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,950
And we need it especially
after playing poker
227
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,625
- at Ernie's all night long.
- Yeah.
228
00:10:15,630 --> 00:10:17,375
Ernie had a poker night?
229
00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:19,060
Well, yeah, Dad, all
the guys were there.
230
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,709
We figured you were busy at the shop.
231
00:10:20,710 --> 00:10:23,040
No. I wasn't invited.
232
00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:24,084
You see, Tina?
233
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,084
Baby, they probably just forgot.
234
00:10:26,090 --> 00:10:28,160
No, they didn't forget.
235
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:30,667
They think I've changed, like
I'm not one of them anymore.
236
00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:33,540
No, no, look, for what it's worth, Pop,
237
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,000
we did have your back when
the guys were clowning you.
238
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,699
- You did?
- Yeah.
239
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,584
'Cause they was going in on you, Pop!
240
00:10:39,590 --> 00:10:42,940
Yo, Ernie said you are so siditty,
241
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,300
you now pronounce your name
242
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,959
Cal-veen Boot-lar!
243
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,720
Ah!
244
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,640
After a couple hours of clowning you,
245
00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:59,042
we was like, "That's my daddy,
come on, now, like... "
246
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,200
That's what you did?
247
00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:02,300
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we did.
248
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,667
Okay, well, Cal-veen says
get your own damn coffees.
249
00:11:05,670 --> 00:11:07,042
No, Daddy, no...
250
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,292
Mmm, this is foamy.
251
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,510
- Tina?
- Mm-hmm.
252
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,200
I was looking at that bidet
253
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:22,917
and realized this is all your fault.
254
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,625
My fault? How is this my fault?
255
00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,320
Well, you're the one that invited people
256
00:11:27,330 --> 00:11:28,950
over to our new abode and...
257
00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:31,040
Did I just say "abode"?
258
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,500
What have you done to me?
259
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:37,060
You know what, maybe I have changed.
260
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,917
Baby, you haven't changed.
261
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,300
You just now have a house
that's tailored to your taste.
262
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,584
They'll come around.
263
00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:46,520
No, this is how it starts, Tina.
264
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,420
First you're not invited to poker.
265
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,700
Then you're shunned by
your whole community.
266
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,400
Eventually your only friend
is a recliner named Renata.
267
00:11:57,220 --> 00:11:58,790
Yeah, I knew you would name it.
268
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:02,690
Babe, the way she
cradles me in her lap...
269
00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:05,410
just calling her "chair" felt rude.
270
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,950
Don't make me rip out her stuffing.
271
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:13,940
Look, baby, you're just
overreacting about all of this.
272
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,500
Our community still looks
to you as a leader.
273
00:12:16,510 --> 00:12:19,875
No, babe, not if they
can't relate to me.
274
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,890
They're starting to pull away, Tina.
275
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,900
Because they think...
276
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,667
they think I'm the new Omarosa.
277
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,870
Okay.
278
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,160
All right, no, how about this,
279
00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:32,800
why don't you invite the
guys over to watch a game?
280
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,484
You can talk a lot of trash
281
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:37,240
and prove to them that you're
still the same old Calvin.
282
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,790
Splendid idea!
283
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,200
This house got me saying "splendid"
284
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:46,369
- with a British accent.
- Yeah.
285
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:47,570
You know what, now I'm peeved.
286
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,709
You know what, damn it,
I'm gonna just stop talking.
287
00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:56,834
Which is why the most
important thing is consent.
288
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,950
You know, you never want to
make anyone do something
289
00:12:58,970 --> 00:13:00,410
that they're not comfortable with.
290
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,590
Well, you make me clean my room.
291
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,830
I didn't consent to that.
292
00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,540
Well, that's your mom, not me.
293
00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:13,000
Now, let's talk about
those twerking videos.
294
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:15,834
It is completely normal for
you to want to watch them.
295
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,125
Oh, good, but why can't
I stop watching them?
296
00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:22,410
That's a good question.
297
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:24,390
Uh, well...
298
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,320
Grover, we have these
things called hormones.
299
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,084
Uh, which are...
300
00:13:29,090 --> 00:13:31,660
you know, little guys that bounce
around inside your body
301
00:13:31,670 --> 00:13:35,680
and... make you want to
buy engagement rings and...
302
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:38,040
be nice to passive-aggressive
mother-in-laws.
303
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:41,540
What?
304
00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:45,279
No, I get it, I get it,
it's-it's complicated.
305
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,209
Luckily... I've written a song.
306
00:13:48,210 --> 00:13:49,250
Oh, no.
307
00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:55,584
See, what'd I tell you, man?
308
00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:58,320
Just a regular old game night
with the regular fellas.
309
00:13:58,330 --> 00:14:00,290
- Yeah, all right.
- Yeah!
310
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,960
Thanks for having us over, Calvin.
311
00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:04,770
This new 4K TV is no joke.
312
00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:07,080
The Lakers look like they're
actually in the living room.
313
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:09,500
Oh!
314
00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:11,792
I thought Durant was
actually gonna kick me.
315
00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:15,417
Ooh, LeBron on a breakaway. There he go!
316
00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:16,959
Boom!
317
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:22,860
Uh... Malcolm did it.
318
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,000
- What?
- Malcolm did it.
319
00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:25,625
Ernie did it.
320
00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:28,490
- Do not point your finger at me.
- Okay, all right, guys,
321
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:29,740
come on, now.
322
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,900
Accidents happen. Ain't nothing
a few napkins can't take care of.
323
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,160
- All right.
- Here you go, just get that.
324
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:37,042
- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.
325
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,459
Yeah.
326
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,542
- Ernie?
- Hmm?
327
00:14:41,550 --> 00:14:44,400
Old buddy, you mind, uh, taking
your feet off my ottoman?
328
00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:46,020
It's an ottoman.
329
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,125
Isn't that where you're
supposed to put your feet?
330
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:51,334
Not when it's made out
of Bolivian bovine, no.
331
00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:56,180
Oh, I thought you said make
ourselves at home, Hollywood.
332
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,780
You're right, you're right.
333
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,500
Mi casa, su casa.
334
00:15:03,510 --> 00:15:05,542
- Yeah.
- Well, in that case...
335
00:15:05,550 --> 00:15:07,084
Oh!
336
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:09,830
I'm sorry, I think I broke your remote.
337
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,959
That wasn't just a remote!
338
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,980
That was a new smart-house,
multi-platform,
339
00:15:13,990 --> 00:15:15,370
touch-screen keypad.
340
00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:17,400
My bad, Hollywood.
341
00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:18,480
But if it was so smart,
342
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,250
it should've moved out of the way.
343
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,167
- Move... get out the way!
- Get out the way!
344
00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:26,542
You know what, that's it!
345
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,750
You know what, I'm tired of
y'all thinking I'm different
346
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,120
because of my house.
347
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,334
Yes, it's beautiful.
348
00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:34,760
And, yes, I'm proud of
it, but just like y'all,
349
00:15:34,770 --> 00:15:36,417
I work hard to have what I have.
350
00:15:36,420 --> 00:15:39,120
Now get your Sasquatch
feet off my ottoman!
351
00:15:39,130 --> 00:15:40,790
Hey, uh...
352
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,500
I think what my pops
is trying to say is,
353
00:15:42,510 --> 00:15:43,875
please respect his space.
354
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,500
I-I'm sorry, was I not clear?
355
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:47,292
What I'm saying is...
356
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,580
get the hell out of here!
357
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,830
- Get out! Everybody...
- You talking to me?
358
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,820
Put the cup down,
Ernie, put the cup down.
359
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,640
You know that, and
don't try to get no salsa,
360
00:15:54,650 --> 00:15:56,417
don't try to take no chips.
Everybody, go.
361
00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:59,740
You know, I got to say,
362
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,959
you're starting to feel
like the old Calvin again.
363
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,584
Oh, you miss the old Calvin?
364
00:16:03,590 --> 00:16:05,750
- Yeah, man.
- Well, this is gonna warm your heart.
365
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,334
So, you see, there's these
things called hormones.
366
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,667
And they make you want
to buy expensive stuff.
367
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,120
And you need consent,
368
00:16:18,130 --> 00:16:20,792
but not when it comes to cleaning
your room or eating broccoli.
369
00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:24,140
Well, you know, it makes
more sense if you sing it.
370
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,667
So the song is basically about...
371
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:28,250
♪ Touching and rubbing ♪
372
00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:30,219
- ♪ And putting... ♪
- Thank you for sharing, Grover.
373
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:31,640
But I believe they've heard enough.
374
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,920
What were you thinking?
375
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:39,210
Every kid on the playground
is singing about sex,
376
00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:41,280
like it's a fun Taylor Swift song.
377
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,000
What do you have to say for yourself?
378
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,417
Did they really compare my
songwriting to Taylor Swift?
379
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,330
Okay, I'm sorry...
380
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:56,959
Ms. Johnson, but can we please
talk about this at home?
381
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,200
No, because I'm not your wife right now.
382
00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:00,750
I am your son's principal.
383
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,780
Okay, well, in my defense,
how do you explain hormones?
384
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,389
I mean, nobody knows
what those things are.
385
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:09,250
They're our bodies' chemical messengers.
386
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,540
Ooh, that's good, I got to add
that to my sex talk song.
387
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:14,750
What rhymes with messenger?
388
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,292
Got it. "Sex with her."
389
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,830
Dave, Grover needs real
information about sex.
390
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,700
Yeah, I know... you're right.
391
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,740
I overthought it. I just,
I didn't want it to be
392
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,500
like the sex talk I had with my dad.
393
00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:30,550
Everything was a power tool reference.
394
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,040
I still feel dirty walking
around the Home Depot.
395
00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:39,292
Okay, so...
396
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,792
what does this thing do again?
397
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,580
It's a convection oven.
398
00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:44,589
It can braise, roast and toast.
399
00:17:44,590 --> 00:17:47,250
Isn't that what a regular oven does?
400
00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:49,584
Well, this one convections.
401
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,200
Oh.
402
00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:52,820
Well, that clears that up.
403
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,332
Oh, hey, Ernie. Come on in.
404
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:57,470
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
405
00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:59,250
Oh, quick, Tina.
406
00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:00,920
Hide the Grey Poupon
407
00:18:00,940 --> 00:18:04,750
before Ernie accuses me
of being a mustard elitist.
408
00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:10,792
Actually, that's why I'm here.
409
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:15,000
I want to apologize for all the
snide comments and rude jokes.
410
00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:17,623
You didn't deserve that.
411
00:18:17,624 --> 00:18:20,310
Yeah, man, I mean, we've
always kidded around,
412
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,667
giving each other a hard time,
but... this felt different.
413
00:18:23,668 --> 00:18:27,520
I'm embarrassed to admit it,
but I was jealous.
414
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,990
I had a bad year at the bar.
415
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:33,750
I'm two months behind on rent and
I... might have to shut down.
416
00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:38,700
But-but I still shouldn't have taken
my frustrations out on you.
417
00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:41,750
I'm sorry.
418
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,220
Wow, man.
419
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:45,950
I didn't know.
420
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,000
Look, apology accepted.
421
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:49,510
- Thanks.
- So...
422
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,379
why don't you stay and
have some dinner with us.
423
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,620
Well, I have good timing.
424
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,084
Can I get you a beer?
425
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,629
Oh, could I get one of
them frosted mugs?
426
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,209
Oh, you ain't said nothing but a word.
427
00:18:58,210 --> 00:18:59,560
Ah...
428
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:02,460
Yeah, yeah, all right, y'all.
429
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,960
Time for me to head home.
430
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:05,620
Thank you for the hospitality.
431
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:06,834
- Okay.
- Oh, hey, hey!
432
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,750
Was that chicken convectioned?
433
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,080
Why, yes, it was.
434
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,500
Thank you for noticing.
435
00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:14,709
- I knew it, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, uh,
436
00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:16,070
Ernie, before you go,
437
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,540
um, there's something that
we wanted to give you.
438
00:19:18,550 --> 00:19:20,667
- What's this?
- Look, man,
439
00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:22,020
I'm not a rich man,
440
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,550
- but I am a blessed one.
- Yes.
441
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,459
And as a small business owner,
442
00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:28,080
I know how tough times can be.
443
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,149
But even more importantly,
man, you're my boy.
444
00:19:30,150 --> 00:19:32,542
So I know you would do the same for me.
445
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:35,740
Aw...
446
00:19:36,820 --> 00:19:38,900
Hey, look... Thank-thank you,
447
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,009
- but I-I can't take this.
- Oh...
448
00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:42,584
- You can and you will.
- Yeah.
449
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,200
I appreciate it.
450
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:49,417
Yeah, besides, man, that
right there, that's a loan.
451
00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:52,190
Don't think your boy out here
giving away free money.
452
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,400
- Now, that is the old Calvin.
- Yeah.
453
00:19:56,420 --> 00:19:59,900
Hey, thanks, you two. And I
promise I will repay this loan
454
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,260
- when I can.
- And when you do,
455
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,499
make sure you give me that
other $40 you owe me.
456
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,560
Yeah!
457
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,220
And that's how things really work.
458
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,180
Wow!
459
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:21,219
So, now that you have this information,
460
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,429
if you share it with your friends,
461
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:23,790
just stick to the facts.
462
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:24,900
Oh, don't worry.
463
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,790
I'd never talk to my friends about this.
464
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,300
Now that I know how disgusting it is,
465
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,530
count me out.
466
00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:34,260
Well, that went well.
467
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:38,320
I know. I kind of want to
update my sex talk song now.
468
00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:42,870
Let me know what you think of this.
469
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:47,080
♪ She's got it, she's hypnotic ♪
470
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:50,917
♪ But now she's on antibiotics ♪
471
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,350
♪ She's got it, she's hyp... ♪
472
00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:02,890
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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