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1
00:00:04,618 --> 00:00:07,697
As I said on the phone,
I'm Spencer Magnussen Cooke,
2
00:00:07,828 --> 00:00:09,961
the new editor of the
Ulster County Review.
3
00:00:10,091 --> 00:00:11,702
Well, it's a pleasure
to meet you, Spencer.
4
00:00:11,832 --> 00:00:14,095
So what happened to Lewis,
if you don't mind me asking?
5
00:00:14,226 --> 00:00:15,662
Screen-sharing incident.
6
00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:17,446
He's now in rehab for porn addiction.
7
00:00:17,577 --> 00:00:21,494
He, uh, wanted to spend
more time with his family.
8
00:00:21,624 --> 00:00:24,758
Uh, now, let us talk about your podcast.
9
00:00:24,889 --> 00:00:25,977
- I love it.
- He hates it.
10
00:00:26,107 --> 00:00:27,848
Unfortunately, for budgetary reasons,
11
00:00:27,979 --> 00:00:29,197
we are canceling it.
12
00:00:29,328 --> 00:00:30,808
But we're in the middle of the season.
13
00:00:30,938 --> 00:00:32,723
We haven't solved Alberta's murder yet.
14
00:00:32,853 --> 00:00:35,987
Look, we don't want to
leave the fans hanging, so...
15
00:00:36,117 --> 00:00:41,427
I am going to give you one
final episode to wrap things up.
16
00:00:41,557 --> 00:00:43,037
But it has to be posted by tomorrow.
17
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,865
What? Why tomorrow?
18
00:00:44,996 --> 00:00:47,302
He's flexing his power,
he has a sad home life.
19
00:00:47,433 --> 00:00:49,478
Tax reasons, it's complicated.
20
00:00:49,609 --> 00:00:53,787
Okay, so I guess I have one
day to solve Alberta's murder.
21
00:00:55,267 --> 00:00:56,834
Thanks for coming in.
22
00:00:56,964 --> 00:00:59,750
He didn't wash his hands
after he went to the bathroom.
23
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,187
♪ ♪
24
00:01:04,929 --> 00:01:06,234
FLOWER: Hey, guys. What's going on?
25
00:01:06,365 --> 00:01:08,323
I'm helping Pete check his email.
26
00:01:08,454 --> 00:01:09,716
Pete, you have email?
27
00:01:09,847 --> 00:01:11,283
I-I don't use it to contact anyone.
28
00:01:11,413 --> 00:01:13,589
The creep factor for getting
an email from a dead person
29
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,374
is unfortunately pretty high.
30
00:01:15,504 --> 00:01:17,071
Sure.
31
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,899
But if you sign up at the
Reader's Digest website,
32
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:20,988
they send you a free joke every day.
33
00:01:21,119 --> 00:01:23,425
[CHUCKLING] Hey, hey, Flower, uh...
34
00:01:23,556 --> 00:01:26,211
what did the buffalo say when
he dropped his kid off at school?
35
00:01:26,341 --> 00:01:28,126
"Don't get in any vans"?
36
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,868
No. He-he said "bison."
37
00:01:30,998 --> 00:01:33,348
[CHUCKLING]: Get it? Like "Bye, son"?
38
00:01:33,479 --> 00:01:34,915
So he just said bye?
39
00:01:35,046 --> 00:01:36,874
Ah, jiminy. I guess it's
more of a written thing.
40
00:01:36,904 --> 00:01:37,918
Here, just look.
41
00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:40,181
- [DINGING]
- Whoa, Pete,
42
00:01:40,312 --> 00:01:41,356
you just got another email.
43
00:01:41,487 --> 00:01:43,184
Bonus joke?
44
00:01:43,315 --> 00:01:45,404
Man, the good folks at Reader's
Digest will just not rest.
45
00:01:45,534 --> 00:01:46,534
No, it's from...
46
00:01:46,535 --> 00:01:48,842
Prince Jones Dimka?
47
00:01:48,973 --> 00:01:52,062
His eminency of the Republic of Nigeria?
48
00:01:52,193 --> 00:01:54,455
A prince, emailing me?
49
00:01:54,586 --> 00:01:57,241
"Urgent matter, open immediately."
50
00:01:57,372 --> 00:01:59,810
Easier said than done.
51
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,857
[GROANING] Ah.
52
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:08,383
"Dear Pete Martino, it
is with great urgency
53
00:02:08,514 --> 00:02:12,170
that I write to you from a
penal colony on Snake Island."
54
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,693
Oh, my God.
55
00:02:13,824 --> 00:02:16,261
This prince needs our help.
56
00:02:16,391 --> 00:02:20,569
This is the murder board.
57
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:21,962
This is what he's been doing all day?
58
00:02:22,093 --> 00:02:24,312
So, this took eight hours, Jay?
59
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:26,140
It took a long time to find red string.
60
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,273
Target was closed,
Michael's was all out.
61
00:02:28,403 --> 00:02:30,188
And, honestly, I kind of
just lost track of time
62
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:33,017
in the Yarn Barn. That place is amazing.
63
00:02:33,147 --> 00:02:35,715
Man, seeing all this laid
out in one place like this,
64
00:02:35,846 --> 00:02:37,586
really takes me back to that night.
65
00:02:37,717 --> 00:02:41,677
I was invited to perform at
a party at Woodstone Mansion.
66
00:02:41,808 --> 00:02:44,898
It was New Year's Eve.
67
00:02:45,029 --> 00:02:49,816
♪ Let's do it, let's fall in love ♪
68
00:02:49,947 --> 00:02:52,427
The joint was jumping. Ha-ha!
69
00:02:52,558 --> 00:02:54,647
Folks were getting zozzled.
70
00:02:54,777 --> 00:02:56,562
I was working the crowd
71
00:02:56,692 --> 00:03:00,000
and my bootlegger boyfriend
was haggling with the homeowner
72
00:03:00,131 --> 00:03:02,829
over payment for the night's booze.
73
00:03:04,222 --> 00:03:05,527
Swinging party, Thomas.
74
00:03:05,658 --> 00:03:08,313
Yes. Let's get you a drink.
75
00:03:08,443 --> 00:03:11,316
Hetty, your son throw better
party than you used to.
76
00:03:11,446 --> 00:03:14,536
Oh, of course, everyone's
in the mood to celebrate.
77
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:18,018
The stock market is roaring
and there's no end in sight.
78
00:03:18,149 --> 00:03:22,066
1929 is sure to be
the greatest year yet.
79
00:03:22,196 --> 00:03:24,807
Mm. Woodstone driving a hard bargain?
80
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,027
Yeah, he's trying to change
the terms of our arrangement.
81
00:03:27,158 --> 00:03:28,811
- After tonight, I'm done with him.
- Mm.
82
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,858
You know what I'm done with?
83
00:03:31,989 --> 00:03:33,816
These uncomfortable-ass shoes.
84
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:34,992
[LAUGHTER]
85
00:03:35,122 --> 00:03:36,950
The price we pay for fashion, Earl.
86
00:03:37,081 --> 00:03:38,604
Oh, baby, it's just for a few hours.
87
00:03:38,733 --> 00:03:40,606
And besides... you look great.
88
00:03:40,606 --> 00:03:42,216
Mm. How great?
89
00:03:42,426 --> 00:03:43,645
So great.
90
00:03:43,776 --> 00:03:44,995
[LAUGHTER]
91
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,954
- All right, here we go.
- Indeed.
92
00:03:48,085 --> 00:03:49,521
Wouldn't mind watching him go at it.
93
00:03:49,651 --> 00:03:51,087
Them, I said them.
94
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,916
Sorry, baby, that'll
have to wait till later.
95
00:03:54,047 --> 00:03:56,745
I got this one thing to take care of,
96
00:03:56,876 --> 00:03:58,051
but I'll see you after the next set.
97
00:03:58,182 --> 00:03:59,966
[CHUCKLES]
98
00:04:00,097 --> 00:04:01,489
[SIGHS]
99
00:04:03,883 --> 00:04:05,667
ALBERTA: Mm. Putting on
those uncomfortable shoes
100
00:04:05,798 --> 00:04:07,321
was my first mistake.
101
00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:08,888
[KNOCKING]
102
00:04:09,019 --> 00:04:11,847
I was about to make my second.
103
00:04:11,978 --> 00:04:14,981
Somebody had left me a present.
104
00:04:15,112 --> 00:04:16,938
Hmm. "Good luck"?
105
00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:18,724
[SCOFFS] I don't need luck.
106
00:04:18,854 --> 00:04:20,986
But I do love booze.
107
00:04:21,118 --> 00:04:23,033
[LAUGHING]
108
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,209
THORFINN: So you just...
109
00:04:25,339 --> 00:04:28,429
drink alcohol even though
no idea who gave it to you?
110
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,562
And you just traipsed through
a field wearing a metal helmet
111
00:04:30,692 --> 00:04:32,042
during a lightning storm?
112
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,826
What's your point, Thor?
We all got here somehow.
113
00:04:33,956 --> 00:04:37,438
So, we know that the bottle of
booze was laced with strychnine.
114
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,527
Now, let's go over the murder suspects.
115
00:04:39,658 --> 00:04:42,356
Theresa, Alberta's sister,
who was there that night
116
00:04:42,487 --> 00:04:43,836
as a member of Alberta's entourage.
117
00:04:43,966 --> 00:04:45,403
The note that we found
118
00:04:45,533 --> 00:04:47,578
in the bootlegged
whiskey in the wall says,
119
00:04:47,709 --> 00:04:50,929
"My dearest Earl, I can't
wait for us to be together,
120
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:53,280
once we get rid of you-know-who,"
121
00:04:53,411 --> 00:04:57,197
signed "T." T for Theresa? Could be.
122
00:04:57,328 --> 00:04:58,720
We also know that shortly
after Alberta's death,
123
00:04:58,851 --> 00:05:00,113
Theresa started dating Earl.
124
00:05:00,244 --> 00:05:01,941
Damning evidence slash juicy gossip.
125
00:05:02,072 --> 00:05:03,464
It can't have been Theresa.
126
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:05,162
There's no way my sister
would have done that.
127
00:05:05,292 --> 00:05:07,120
I don't want to believe
it's true either,
128
00:05:07,251 --> 00:05:09,775
but it would make a really
good end to the podcast.
129
00:05:09,905 --> 00:05:11,516
Good for the podcast?
130
00:05:11,646 --> 00:05:13,039
Purely from a storytelling standpoint.
131
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:14,301
THORFINN: Sam.
132
00:05:14,432 --> 00:05:16,086
Looks like Jay has something here.
133
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,044
Oh, Jay, did you come up with something?
134
00:05:18,175 --> 00:05:21,526
No, I just thought the murder
board was a little off balance.
135
00:05:21,656 --> 00:05:22,656
Yeah.
136
00:05:22,657 --> 00:05:24,920
That's better.
137
00:05:25,051 --> 00:05:27,575
So the prince wants us
to send him 1,000 bucks
138
00:05:27,706 --> 00:05:29,751
so he can bribe the
guards, get out of prison,
139
00:05:29,882 --> 00:05:32,798
reclaim his fortune, and
then he'll pay us back?
140
00:05:32,928 --> 00:05:34,147
Ooh, not just pay us back.
141
00:05:34,278 --> 00:05:37,803
He's gonna give us
$5,000 for helping him.
142
00:05:37,933 --> 00:05:38,934
Yeah, but this isn't about the money.
143
00:05:39,065 --> 00:05:40,545
This is a guy who needs help.
144
00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:42,112
And he reached out to me.
145
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,548
For some reason.
146
00:05:43,678 --> 00:05:44,678
Should we tell Sam?
147
00:05:44,679 --> 00:05:46,464
[CHUCKLING]: No, no, no.
148
00:05:46,594 --> 00:05:48,030
Since the whole sexual possession
149
00:05:48,161 --> 00:05:50,424
on Christmas "incident,"
I've been expressly banned
150
00:05:50,554 --> 00:05:51,599
from using their computers.
151
00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:53,253
You never told me that.
152
00:05:53,384 --> 00:05:54,863
Now I'm an accessory. And for what?
153
00:05:54,994 --> 00:05:58,998
Wholesome jokes curated by the
funniest people in the world?
154
00:05:59,129 --> 00:06:00,956
So we're not gonna help the prince?
155
00:06:01,087 --> 00:06:03,437
But he's the only one
who can rally the people
156
00:06:03,568 --> 00:06:05,047
to take down the military junta.
157
00:06:05,178 --> 00:06:07,224
I know, but what can we do?
158
00:06:07,354 --> 00:06:09,748
Well, we can't just leave
him hanging. That's rude.
159
00:06:09,878 --> 00:06:12,098
Should we just email him
back to say we're sorry?
160
00:06:12,229 --> 00:06:14,056
Fine, okay.
161
00:06:15,362 --> 00:06:16,450
He probably reached
out because he thinks
162
00:06:16,581 --> 00:06:17,886
I'm still a living travel agent.
163
00:06:18,017 --> 00:06:19,410
You know what people say.
164
00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:20,846
When in trouble, call a travel agent.
165
00:06:20,976 --> 00:06:22,326
I've never heard anyone say that.
166
00:06:22,456 --> 00:06:23,805
Oh, it's a saying.
167
00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:26,417
- Yeah, I've never heard that...
- It's a saying!
168
00:06:26,547 --> 00:06:28,723
Okay, if it really was the sister,
169
00:06:28,854 --> 00:06:30,899
I think somebody might want
to make this into a movie.
170
00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:33,380
Really? Do you think
they'd let me write it?
171
00:06:33,511 --> 00:06:36,253
It wasn't my sister. We have
a board full of suspects.
172
00:06:36,383 --> 00:06:38,429
We haven't even looked into Clara yet.
173
00:06:38,559 --> 00:06:40,344
All signs point to Clara.
174
00:06:40,474 --> 00:06:41,823
Well, her name doesn't start with a "T."
175
00:06:41,953 --> 00:06:43,434
Well, many signs point to Clara.
176
00:06:43,564 --> 00:06:46,611
We know that she hated me
because I ratted her out.
177
00:06:46,741 --> 00:06:48,613
And we know she was there that night.
178
00:06:48,743 --> 00:06:51,877
And she was wearing a very big hat...
179
00:06:52,399 --> 00:06:56,316
HETTY: Yes, because she was
trying to be inconspicuous.
180
00:06:56,751 --> 00:06:58,927
Which is just what a murderer would do.
181
00:06:59,058 --> 00:07:02,409
Is a big hat inconspicuous
or like really conspicuous?
182
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,150
It is an interesting question.
183
00:07:04,281 --> 00:07:07,284
More of a side trip, but
not one unworthy of taking.
184
00:07:07,414 --> 00:07:09,547
But do you think Clara would
be mad enough to kill you?
185
00:07:09,677 --> 00:07:12,166
I mean, you said she only
spent one night in jail.
186
00:07:12,297 --> 00:07:14,769
Wait, she only spent one
night in jail for bootlegging?
187
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,510
I thought that was a major offense.
188
00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:17,641
Well, it should have been.
189
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:18,947
Alcohol is highly addictive,
190
00:07:19,078 --> 00:07:21,776
with none of the productive or
medicinal qualities of cocaine.
191
00:07:21,907 --> 00:07:24,562
Now that you mention it, I guess
Clara did get off sort of light.
192
00:07:24,692 --> 00:07:26,172
I wonder if they cut her a deal.
193
00:07:26,303 --> 00:07:28,000
Maybe that's why she was there.
194
00:07:28,130 --> 00:07:29,436
We know there was a bootlegging deal.
195
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,351
Maybe Clara was there to drop a dime
196
00:07:31,482 --> 00:07:33,875
on Alberta and Earl to get revenge.
197
00:07:34,006 --> 00:07:36,530
That would explain one kind of
weird detail about that night.
198
00:07:36,661 --> 00:07:38,358
After Alberta's murder was called in,
199
00:07:38,489 --> 00:07:39,968
the police arrived almost instantly.
200
00:07:40,099 --> 00:07:41,361
So Clara was working with the cops
201
00:07:41,492 --> 00:07:42,567
to get you arrested.
202
00:07:42,568 --> 00:07:44,929
Which means she wasn't
there to kill you.
203
00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:46,758
Which means we're back to Theresa.
204
00:07:46,888 --> 00:07:48,150
Sorry, Alberta.
205
00:07:48,281 --> 00:07:49,977
JAY: You know what?
206
00:07:50,109 --> 00:07:51,893
I have a friend who works at CAA.
207
00:07:52,024 --> 00:07:53,721
Maybe you want to talk to him
about this whole movie thing.
208
00:07:53,852 --> 00:07:55,941
Really?
209
00:07:56,071 --> 00:07:58,073
Although...
210
00:07:58,203 --> 00:07:59,945
We don't know for sure yet.
211
00:08:00,075 --> 00:08:01,207
But maybe do, like, an e-introduction,
212
00:08:01,338 --> 00:08:03,383
just to get the ball rolling.
213
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,107
Oh, come on, there's got to be something
214
00:08:09,108 --> 00:08:11,652
on this board that points
to someone besides my sister!
215
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,132
Unfortunately, there is a lot of yarn
216
00:08:13,263 --> 00:08:14,568
pointing to your sister.
217
00:08:14,699 --> 00:08:17,005
Next order of business: murder weapon.
218
00:08:17,136 --> 00:08:19,660
We know from Todd drinking the
booze and getting hospitalized
219
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,227
that Alberta was
poisoned with strychnine.
220
00:08:21,358 --> 00:08:23,055
Where is that bearded historian?
221
00:08:23,185 --> 00:08:26,188
Shouldn't he be here,
as cohost of the podcast?
222
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:28,365
We're doing just fine without
Todd. Thank you, Isaac.
223
00:08:28,495 --> 00:08:29,757
I did call Todd, but he said
224
00:08:29,888 --> 00:08:31,281
he was on a Disney cruise with his mom.
225
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,848
His mom's boyfriend Kyle
got a job as a Goofy.
226
00:08:33,979 --> 00:08:35,502
I don't even want to know
what any of those words mean.
227
00:08:35,633 --> 00:08:37,069
Hmm. Interesting.
228
00:08:37,199 --> 00:08:39,898
Strychnine is the main
ingredient in rat poison.
229
00:08:40,028 --> 00:08:42,117
They used to keep rat
poison in the basement here.
230
00:08:42,247 --> 00:08:44,511
Wait, has anyone ever
talked to the basement ghosts
231
00:08:44,642 --> 00:08:46,034
about what they saw that night?
232
00:08:46,165 --> 00:08:47,645
I'll be honest.
233
00:08:47,775 --> 00:08:50,691
I didn't know till very
recently that they could speak.
234
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,911
Hey, guys.
235
00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:54,304
Got another email from the prince.
236
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:55,783
- What did he say?
- Is he mad at us?
237
00:08:55,914 --> 00:08:58,090
No, he's not mad. But he is worried.
238
00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:00,179
Things have deteriorated
at the penal colony.
239
00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:01,659
He seems very desperate.
240
00:09:01,789 --> 00:09:03,182
And now he's willing to pay us
241
00:09:03,313 --> 00:09:06,054
50 grand if we wire him the thousand.
242
00:09:06,185 --> 00:09:07,708
Doesn't matter if he could
give us a million smackers,
243
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,449
we don't have access to any money.
244
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:12,104
Well, that's not entirely true.
245
00:09:12,234 --> 00:09:13,801
We could rob a bank.
246
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:15,760
Yes, Flower, we know.
You robbed a bank once.
247
00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:17,065
Who told you? Was it Jan?
248
00:09:17,196 --> 00:09:19,111
Was it Starburst?
249
00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:21,722
No, what I'm saying is,
we don't have any money.
250
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,333
But Sam and Jay do.
251
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,812
And Jay uses the same
password for everything,
252
00:09:24,943 --> 00:09:27,606
including his online banking account.
253
00:09:27,737 --> 00:09:29,034
Oh, come on, I don't know.
254
00:09:29,164 --> 00:09:31,515
FLOWER: I'm in. Even though
I've never committed a crime
255
00:09:31,645 --> 00:09:34,300
and I definitely haven't robbed a bank.
256
00:09:34,431 --> 00:09:36,302
We do this, everybody wins.
257
00:09:36,433 --> 00:09:37,825
The prince is saved.
258
00:09:37,956 --> 00:09:40,350
Sam and Jay get a huge payday,
259
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,264
and we get all the credit.
260
00:09:42,395 --> 00:09:43,788
Eh, I just...
261
00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:45,572
Pete, someone's in trouble.
262
00:09:47,182 --> 00:09:49,054
Are you a travel agent or aren't you?
263
00:09:50,664 --> 00:09:51,883
Gosh darn it, let's do it.
264
00:09:52,013 --> 00:09:53,406
[CHEERING]
265
00:09:53,437 --> 00:09:54,494
You want to know what happened
266
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,757
some random night 100 years ago?
267
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,368
It wasn't a random night.
268
00:09:58,498 --> 00:09:59,847
It was New Year's Eve, 1928.
269
00:09:59,978 --> 00:10:01,545
It was also the night I died.
270
00:10:01,675 --> 00:10:03,111
Does anybody remember
somebody suspicious
271
00:10:03,242 --> 00:10:05,113
coming down and
grabbing some rat poison?
272
00:10:05,244 --> 00:10:08,900
Hold on, rat poison?
Now that you mention it,
273
00:10:09,030 --> 00:10:12,730
there was some guy
with a scar on his face.
274
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,079
Yeah, we notice when somebody
275
00:10:14,209 --> 00:10:16,168
has something weird on their face.
276
00:10:16,298 --> 00:10:18,300
They said that there was
a guy who took rat poison,
277
00:10:18,431 --> 00:10:19,867
he had a scar on his face.
278
00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:22,174
Oh, you don't think that
they mean Al Capone, do you?
279
00:10:22,304 --> 00:10:23,304
You know...
280
00:10:23,305 --> 00:10:24,305
Scarface?
281
00:10:24,394 --> 00:10:25,743
I mean, he was there that night.
282
00:10:25,873 --> 00:10:27,309
Ooh, and I did reject him.
283
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,876
Was this the guy that
they're talking about?
284
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,443
Oops.
285
00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:33,707
Uh, yeah, that's him.
286
00:10:33,838 --> 00:10:35,361
You know, he did seem kind of agitated.
287
00:10:35,492 --> 00:10:36,536
Yeah, that's him.
288
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:38,582
He was right over there.
289
00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:50,550
This'll teach Alberta to facepalm me.
290
00:10:53,901 --> 00:10:55,860
Alberta, how could you
not think to tell us
291
00:10:55,990 --> 00:10:58,166
you rejected Al Capone that night?
292
00:10:58,297 --> 00:11:00,821
First of all, it was
a very light facepalm.
293
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,780
And secondly, old Al
was always hitting on me.
294
00:11:02,910 --> 00:11:04,303
I didn't think anything of it.
295
00:11:04,434 --> 00:11:07,785
Ooh, the famous gangster Al Capone.
296
00:11:07,915 --> 00:11:10,352
Now that is a murderer worthy
297
00:11:10,483 --> 00:11:12,311
of someone like you, Alberta.
298
00:11:12,442 --> 00:11:14,095
Oh, fame-on-fame crime.
299
00:11:14,226 --> 00:11:16,141
That is juicy.
300
00:11:16,271 --> 00:11:19,405
Aw, congrats on your
high-profile murderer, Alberta.
301
00:11:19,536 --> 00:11:21,233
I'm really happy for you.
302
00:11:21,363 --> 00:11:23,670
FLOWER: Oh, I can't
wait to tell Sam and Jay.
303
00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:24,889
They're going to be so happy with us.
304
00:11:25,019 --> 00:11:26,891
The second the prince
transfers the money
305
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:28,370
back into the account, we tell them.
306
00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:30,024
I'm so excited.
307
00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:31,330
I mean, this could be
international news, right?
308
00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:33,724
A freed prince?
309
00:11:33,854 --> 00:11:35,595
Morley Safer's gonna be all over that.
310
00:11:35,726 --> 00:11:36,901
That's actually a good idea.
311
00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:38,598
I'm gonna google "Nigerian prince"
312
00:11:38,729 --> 00:11:40,034
and see if it's in the news.
313
00:11:40,165 --> 00:11:41,601
You know, the word
"hero" gets thrown around
314
00:11:41,732 --> 00:11:44,474
pretty casually these days, but
315
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,084
I think you're looking at
three of them right here.
316
00:11:46,214 --> 00:11:47,520
We are pretty great.
317
00:11:50,523 --> 00:11:52,743
[GROANING]
318
00:11:52,873 --> 00:11:55,223
- You done yet?
- I got one letter.
319
00:11:55,354 --> 00:11:57,008
[BIRD CAWING]
320
00:11:57,138 --> 00:11:58,749
Ah! Done.
321
00:12:00,141 --> 00:12:02,579
- Uh-oh.
- What? Were we too late?
322
00:12:02,709 --> 00:12:03,928
Did they execute the prince?
323
00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:05,058
I don't think there was a prince.
324
00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:06,278
What?
325
00:12:06,408 --> 00:12:07,540
It's a scam.
326
00:12:07,671 --> 00:12:09,803
And according to Google,
a very famous one.
327
00:12:09,934 --> 00:12:11,901
PETE: So, Sam and Jay's money?
328
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,198
I think that's gone.
329
00:12:13,328 --> 00:12:17,898
PETE: Gone? I feel so... dumb.
330
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:21,032
Okay, so he lied to us
about being a prince.
331
00:12:21,162 --> 00:12:23,774
But at least we helped someone
get off of Snake Island.
332
00:12:23,904 --> 00:12:25,732
And that's what's important.
333
00:12:25,863 --> 00:12:29,388
I feel less dumb, but still.
334
00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,433
I mean, this is huge.
335
00:12:31,564 --> 00:12:34,175
Al Capone killed somebody in this house.
336
00:12:34,306 --> 00:12:36,134
Do we put that on the website?
337
00:12:36,264 --> 00:12:37,688
So this guy was so upset about Alberta
338
00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:38,962
turning him down that he killed her?
339
00:12:39,006 --> 00:12:41,008
That's what the facts say, Sass.
340
00:12:41,139 --> 00:12:42,227
If he couldn't have me, no one could.
341
00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:44,011
Well, this is an exciting conclusion
342
00:12:44,142 --> 00:12:46,753
to this thrilling mystery.
343
00:12:46,884 --> 00:12:48,450
Seems like we can put this one to bed.
344
00:12:48,581 --> 00:12:51,236
Well, it looks like you guys
have got yourself enough yarn
345
00:12:51,366 --> 00:12:53,717
to knit a jumper for Benjamin Franklin.
346
00:12:53,847 --> 00:12:55,196
He was quite plump.
347
00:12:55,327 --> 00:12:56,589
We're solving Alberta's murder.
348
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:57,938
We're under a strict deadline
349
00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,644
because no one found
it interesting enough
350
00:12:59,674 --> 00:13:00,811
to sustain a podcast.
351
00:13:00,941 --> 00:13:02,508
NIGEL: Well, any leads?
352
00:13:02,639 --> 00:13:05,380
It looks like it was the
famous gangster Al Capone.
353
00:13:05,511 --> 00:13:06,511
Nigel just came in.
354
00:13:06,512 --> 00:13:08,601
Oh, cheerio, guvnah.
355
00:13:08,732 --> 00:13:12,605
- Yes, that never gets old.
- Pip, pip. Bob's your uncle.
356
00:13:12,736 --> 00:13:14,955
Wait a moment.
357
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,784
I've seen this man before.
358
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,536
What are you doing?
359
00:13:27,667 --> 00:13:29,581
If I can't have Alberta,
360
00:13:29,712 --> 00:13:30,887
I don't want to live.
361
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,367
THERESA: Pull yourself together, Al.
362
00:13:32,497 --> 00:13:33,497
No dame's worth it.
363
00:13:33,585 --> 00:13:34,848
What are you doing?
364
00:13:34,978 --> 00:13:36,414
Getting rid of this.
365
00:13:36,545 --> 00:13:37,633
Now go back to the party,
366
00:13:37,764 --> 00:13:39,374
and stop acting like a fool.
367
00:13:39,504 --> 00:13:40,897
And pay your taxes,
368
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:43,378
that's gonna come back to haunt you.
369
00:13:45,685 --> 00:13:48,552
And then the woman stopped Al
Capone from killing himself.
370
00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:51,691
Whoa. If Capone didn't
kill Alberta, then who did?
371
00:13:51,821 --> 00:13:53,997
Maybe woman who took bottle did.
372
00:13:54,128 --> 00:13:55,303
We know she had poison.
373
00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:57,174
Was the woman wearing a big hat
374
00:13:57,305 --> 00:13:59,437
that was either conspicuous
or inconspicuous?
375
00:13:59,568 --> 00:14:02,440
No, no interesting headwear to speak of.
376
00:14:02,571 --> 00:14:03,920
So then it wasn't Clara.
377
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,443
Then who was it?
378
00:14:05,574 --> 00:14:07,837
Who was the woman who
had the poisoned bottle?
379
00:14:08,838 --> 00:14:09,838
It was her.
380
00:14:09,839 --> 00:14:10,839
[GASPING]
381
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:15,236
Ah, it always feels good to
elicit a classic Higgintoot gasp.
382
00:14:15,366 --> 00:14:17,891
You're saying that my
sister really did kill me?
383
00:14:19,588 --> 00:14:20,588
I can't believe this.
384
00:14:20,676 --> 00:14:21,982
I'm so sorry, Alberta.
385
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,853
She was my best friend.
386
00:14:25,812 --> 00:14:28,292
I mean, I know we didn't
always get along, but...
387
00:14:28,423 --> 00:14:31,078
I thought we at least
had each other's back.
388
00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:34,646
But she killed me to be with Earl.
389
00:14:34,777 --> 00:14:37,824
Men would come and
go, but we always said
390
00:14:37,954 --> 00:14:39,347
we would grow old together.
391
00:14:39,477 --> 00:14:41,653
But apparently that was all a lie.
392
00:14:41,784 --> 00:14:44,700
And now I'm stuck with
this pain for eternity.
393
00:14:44,831 --> 00:14:46,890
Your sister didn't kill you.
394
00:14:46,891 --> 00:14:47,964
Yeah, I don't want to believe it either,
395
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,836
but the facts are what they are.
396
00:14:49,966 --> 00:14:51,838
No, I am saying your
sister didn't kill you
397
00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:53,840
because I know who actually did.
398
00:14:55,711 --> 00:14:57,408
I have always known.
399
00:14:57,539 --> 00:15:00,487
Do we think Yarn Barn takes
returns on opened packages?
400
00:15:00,488 --> 00:15:01,488
Jay.
401
00:15:04,982 --> 00:15:06,596
Hetty, what are you talking about?
402
00:15:06,597 --> 00:15:08,249
She's saying she knows
who the killer is.
403
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:09,250
Mm. Was it the board?
404
00:15:09,294 --> 00:15:10,382
Did the board get her there?
405
00:15:10,513 --> 00:15:12,080
No. She's saying she's always known.
406
00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:13,342
Board did nothing for no one.
407
00:15:13,473 --> 00:15:15,518
Uh, Hetty, I-I don't understand.
408
00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:17,041
Uh, who did it and how do you know?
409
00:15:17,172 --> 00:15:18,913
Because I saw it all happen.
410
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,392
On the night of the party,
411
00:15:20,523 --> 00:15:22,743
I was following my son Thomas around...
412
00:15:23,178 --> 00:15:26,398
... when your sister approached
him with the poisoned bottle.
413
00:15:26,529 --> 00:15:28,270
She informed him of
the attempted suicide
414
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,577
and he took possession
of the poisoned moonshine.
415
00:15:30,707 --> 00:15:33,100
But instead of disposing of it...
416
00:15:33,231 --> 00:15:35,930
he placed it outside
Alberta's dressing room,
417
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:39,890
knocked on the door, and slipped away.
418
00:15:41,326 --> 00:15:43,241
Your killer was my son Thomas.
419
00:15:43,472 --> 00:15:44,560
But why would he want to kill me?
420
00:15:44,691 --> 00:15:46,562
I-I didn't even know the man.
421
00:15:46,693 --> 00:15:49,043
Actually much harder to
kill a person you know.
422
00:15:49,173 --> 00:15:50,871
Sometimes not even fun.
423
00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:53,090
Well, You may not have known
the man, b-but he knew your man.
424
00:15:54,178 --> 00:15:55,484
The note?
425
00:15:55,615 --> 00:15:57,442
That "T" stands for Thomas.
426
00:15:58,988 --> 00:16:01,316
My son and your bootlegger
boyfriend were lovers.
427
00:16:02,273 --> 00:16:04,275
I mean, it's not not juicy.
428
00:16:04,406 --> 00:16:06,321
So you're saying your son
was having an affair with Earl
429
00:16:06,451 --> 00:16:08,018
and that's why he killed Alberta?
430
00:16:08,149 --> 00:16:10,499
Whose son? There's no son on the board.
431
00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:11,761
Wait, so you're saying...
432
00:16:11,892 --> 00:16:13,850
Earl was two-timing me with Thomas?
433
00:16:13,981 --> 00:16:15,417
HETTY: Do you remember the fight,
434
00:16:15,547 --> 00:16:17,724
the one that you thought was a
dispute over a bootlegging deal?
435
00:16:17,854 --> 00:16:19,203
Well, that's not what it was about.
436
00:16:19,639 --> 00:16:23,860
Thomas was upset that Earl would not
437
00:16:23,991 --> 00:16:26,471
break things off with
you as he had promised.
438
00:16:26,602 --> 00:16:29,083
Instead, that night Earl
broke things off with Thomas.
439
00:16:29,518 --> 00:16:32,913
That rhyme. Promise, Thomas. [CHUCKLES]
440
00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:35,567
Not most important thing
right now but still noteworthy.
441
00:16:35,698 --> 00:16:38,483
While still reeling,
someone handed my son
442
00:16:38,614 --> 00:16:40,137
a bottle of poisoned booze.
443
00:16:40,268 --> 00:16:41,356
He was spurned,
444
00:16:41,486 --> 00:16:42,749
he was heartbroken,
445
00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:44,272
and he lashed out at the woman he blamed
446
00:16:44,402 --> 00:16:46,535
for his unhappiness, you.
447
00:16:46,666 --> 00:16:49,516
Hetty, you've known this this
whole time and never told me?
448
00:16:49,546 --> 00:16:51,758
Yes, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry, Alberta.
449
00:16:51,888 --> 00:16:55,805
No, I'm sorry. Sorry I ever
considered you to be a friend.
450
00:16:57,981 --> 00:16:59,069
I know it's not the time,
451
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,897
but I always thought that Thomas was gay
452
00:17:01,028 --> 00:17:03,160
so I do consider this
a personal victory.
453
00:17:03,291 --> 00:17:06,162
Again, acknowledged, not the time.
454
00:17:06,294 --> 00:17:07,425
But very vindicating.
455
00:17:07,556 --> 00:17:09,210
TREVOR: Sam, we're sorry.
456
00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:11,951
You sent a scammer $1,000 of our money?
457
00:17:12,082 --> 00:17:13,388
PETE: Well, we'll make
it up to you, somehow.
458
00:17:13,518 --> 00:17:14,824
We could rob a bank.
459
00:17:15,045 --> 00:17:16,829
I'm admitting it now. I've done it.
460
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,003
It's not that hard.
461
00:17:18,135 --> 00:17:19,527
TREVOR: I don't want to point fingers,
462
00:17:19,657 --> 00:17:20,920
but it all started with Pete begging me
463
00:17:21,050 --> 00:17:22,791
- to set him up an email account.
- Oh, come on.
464
00:17:22,922 --> 00:17:23,922
He's addicted to gentle comedy.
465
00:17:23,967 --> 00:17:25,532
- The man's got a problem.
- Busted.
466
00:17:25,664 --> 00:17:27,361
You guys are idiots.
467
00:17:27,492 --> 00:17:29,189
Wait, what's happening?
468
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,061
I got a fraud alert on
my phone an hour ago.
469
00:17:31,191 --> 00:17:32,540
I cancelled the transfer.
470
00:17:32,671 --> 00:17:34,064
So we didn't lose any of your money?
471
00:17:34,194 --> 00:17:35,717
No. But...
472
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:37,632
And I can't believe I
have to keep saying this,
473
00:17:37,763 --> 00:17:39,199
stop using the computer
474
00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:40,548
and never go into our bank accounts.
475
00:17:40,679 --> 00:17:42,202
PETE: Absolutely.
476
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:43,725
I'm done with Reader's Digest.
477
00:17:43,856 --> 00:17:45,118
I'll get my zingers elsewhere.
478
00:17:45,249 --> 00:17:47,381
Look, don't beat yourselves up too much.
479
00:17:47,512 --> 00:17:49,601
A lot of people do fall
for these computer scams.
480
00:17:49,731 --> 00:17:51,255
Usually they're older people,
481
00:17:51,385 --> 00:17:53,866
but I guess you guys are old, in a way.
482
00:17:53,997 --> 00:17:57,304
T-Money isn't old. You take that back.
483
00:17:57,435 --> 00:17:58,436
You seen these thighs?
484
00:17:58,566 --> 00:18:00,177
33 forever, babe.
485
00:18:00,307 --> 00:18:02,266
Yeah, we've both got great thighs.
486
00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:03,615
Couple of thigh guys.
487
00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:05,008
- Shut up, Pete.
- Right.
488
00:18:06,183 --> 00:18:07,619
Alberta.
489
00:18:07,749 --> 00:18:09,142
I don't have anything
to say to you, Hetty.
490
00:18:09,273 --> 00:18:10,448
Look...
491
00:18:10,578 --> 00:18:12,580
first you were just an acquaintance,
492
00:18:12,711 --> 00:18:14,147
whom my son had murdered.
493
00:18:14,278 --> 00:18:16,106
And then later you became
a dear, dear friend...
494
00:18:16,236 --> 00:18:17,498
[EXHALES SHAKILY]
495
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:19,457
whom my son had murdered.
496
00:18:19,587 --> 00:18:21,372
Oh.
497
00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:24,288
There just never seemed to be
the right time to bring it up.
498
00:18:24,418 --> 00:18:26,333
Is this you trying to apologize?
499
00:18:26,464 --> 00:18:28,858
Because I got to tell you,
you're very bad at this.
500
00:18:28,988 --> 00:18:30,947
SASAPPIS: What did she say?
501
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,905
Can't really hear anything.
502
00:18:33,036 --> 00:18:34,037
You got to move in closer.
503
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:36,474
Idiots, your heads are through the wall.
504
00:18:36,604 --> 00:18:39,781
Oh. [CHUCKLES] Okay if we stay?
505
00:18:40,212 --> 00:18:41,999
- No.
- Okay.
506
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,100
Sorry.
507
00:18:43,698 --> 00:18:45,265
[SIGHS] The thing is, Alberta,
508
00:18:45,396 --> 00:18:48,442
I was ashamed to have raised a man
509
00:18:48,573 --> 00:18:50,531
that would do that to you.
510
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,664
So you just say this and you
think it makes it all better?
511
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:55,710
Do you know how painful it's been
512
00:18:55,841 --> 00:18:58,931
not knowing how I died
for the last 100 years?
513
00:18:59,062 --> 00:19:01,020
No. No, I don't.
514
00:19:01,151 --> 00:19:02,543
And I knew that telling you
515
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:04,067
might-might fracture our friendship.
516
00:19:04,197 --> 00:19:05,329
Perhaps irreparably.
517
00:19:05,459 --> 00:19:06,634
Then why'd you tell me?
518
00:19:06,765 --> 00:19:08,114
I couldn't let you go on thinking
519
00:19:08,245 --> 00:19:09,811
that your sister had
betrayed you like that.
520
00:19:11,988 --> 00:19:14,251
Well, I'm glad my
sister didn't betray me.
521
00:19:14,381 --> 00:19:16,383
But the person who's
come to be like one did.
522
00:19:16,514 --> 00:19:17,776
And I don't know
523
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,865
if I'll ever get over that.
524
00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:22,346
So you're saying you don't forgive me.
525
00:19:22,476 --> 00:19:23,956
That's right.
526
00:19:24,087 --> 00:19:25,392
NIGEL: What did she say?
527
00:19:25,523 --> 00:19:28,308
I don't know, I couldn't
quite make it out.
528
00:19:28,439 --> 00:19:29,919
NIGEL: I fear you're through the door.
529
00:19:30,049 --> 00:19:31,050
Hmm?
530
00:19:31,181 --> 00:19:33,183
Oh, yes,
531
00:19:33,313 --> 00:19:35,620
I can see them. They're staring at me.
532
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:37,927
They do not seem pleased.
533
00:19:42,141 --> 00:19:43,994
TREVOR: Who cares if Sam called us old?
534
00:19:43,995 --> 00:19:45,978
I mean, maybe it's the
best of both worlds.
535
00:19:46,109 --> 00:19:49,590
We get to be old, but we
still look young and hot.
536
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:51,375
A couple of young thigh guys.
537
00:19:51,505 --> 00:19:53,768
Hey, should we get a
rack for these four guns?
538
00:19:53,899 --> 00:19:55,857
Guns are arms. You know what?
Just stop comparing our limbs.
539
00:19:55,988 --> 00:19:57,468
Trevor's right.
540
00:19:57,598 --> 00:19:59,383
I mean, yeah, maybe we got tricked,
541
00:19:59,513 --> 00:20:01,776
but it didn't even end up costing us.
542
00:20:01,907 --> 00:20:03,517
And we learned a
valuable lesson, you know?
543
00:20:03,648 --> 00:20:06,433
If something seems too good
to be true, it probably is.
544
00:20:06,564 --> 00:20:08,000
Exactly. We're not gonna fall
545
00:20:08,131 --> 00:20:10,089
for one of those scams again.
546
00:20:10,220 --> 00:20:12,048
Because unlike actual old people,
547
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,527
we still got our wits about us.
548
00:20:13,658 --> 00:20:15,225
Hey, look.
549
00:20:15,355 --> 00:20:16,966
It's that guy from that old TV show.
550
00:20:17,096 --> 00:20:18,706
He's doing commercials now?
551
00:20:18,837 --> 00:20:20,926
TV ANNOUNCER: Unlock the
power of a reverse mortgage.
552
00:20:21,057 --> 00:20:22,972
What's a reverse mortgage?
553
00:20:23,102 --> 00:20:24,669
TV ANNOUNCER: You get
the cash you need now
554
00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:27,106
and you get to stay
in the home you love.
555
00:20:27,237 --> 00:20:28,890
Hold up, they pay you for your house
556
00:20:29,021 --> 00:20:30,718
but you get to keep it?
557
00:20:30,849 --> 00:20:33,373
Uh, sign me up.
558
00:20:33,504 --> 00:20:34,853
You know who we should sign up?
559
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,724
ALL: Sam and Jay!
560
00:20:36,855 --> 00:20:37,987
[LAUGHTER]
561
00:20:38,117 --> 00:20:39,292
They're gonna love this.
562
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:45,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
41477
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