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1
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:15,265
[man on device] We don't have
any scheduled deliveries.
2
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:16,266
Please turn around.
3
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:19,895
Hey, pal, I got a hot date
with my old lady in 30 minutes.
4
00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:21,271
Meatball sub night.
5
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,815
And all's I�s knows is
I got a package
6
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,026
from Deborah Simon
at the studio.
7
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,612
Now, I can either leave it here
or I can take it home.
8
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,572
You got that?
What do you want me to do?
9
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:34,910
[on device] Go ahead.
10
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,578
That's what I thought.
I'll see you a bit.
11
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,372
Hop, hop.
12
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:43,752
Okay. Hey. Ronald Mandovia,
13
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,672
Mandovia Plumbing,
licensed and bonded.
14
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,507
You know, some guys,
they're licensed, not bonded.
15
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,008
Other guys, they're bonded,
not licensed.
16
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,469
Me, I'm both licensed
and bonded. [laughs]
17
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,512
Deborah Simon sent a plumber?
18
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:56,014
Not a plumber, my man.
The plumber.
19
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,975
I can plumb anything with pipes.
Fuck it.
20
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,226
Sometimes
I don't even need pipes.
21
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,019
One time, I plumbed
a manila envelope.
22
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,438
Water was spouting fucking
everywhere. It was insane.
23
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:04,439
So, what's in the van?
24
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,482
Oh, my God.
25
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,526
Hold on
to your fucking beautiful,
26
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:11,613
beautiful balls because this,
my man, it's a commode.
27
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,991
Imported Italian marble.
28
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:17,202
Beautiful one-piece
construction, 12-speed bidet.
29
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,787
We got a little air fryer
on the right.
30
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,289
You wanna cook, eat,
circle of life.
31
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,540
Shitting, eating
at the same time.
32
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,375
There's only a couple of these
in the entire world.
33
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,127
This, my friend, probably one
of the best presents
34
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,295
in the universe.
35
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:30,257
So can you, uh, you know,
uh--huh?
36
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,387
You wanna--
37
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,391
You're gonna help me
fucking bring it in or no?
38
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,767
All right. Fuck it.
Whatever, man.
39
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,729
Yeah. Okay. I'll supervise.
Bring it up.
40
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:46,773
Use your back. Whoa, big boy.
Big boy coming through.
41
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,942
Big boy coming through. Big boy.
42
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,195
Okay. Andre has
the guard's attention.
43
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:53,363
- Okay.
- You sure you're ready for this?
44
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,116
Well, in our family if
an A-list actor is in trouble,
45
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,619
we don't stand quietly by.
46
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,121
We fight, and if we must,
we die.
47
00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:06,376
Wow. Well, the world could use
more people like--
48
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,712
Wait. What is your last name?
49
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,047
Oh, Mandovia.
50
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,178
Where the hell
does this thing go?
51
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:18,889
Oh, that is the million-dollar
question, huh?
52
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,057
[slaps wood]
53
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,308
Let me think about this.
54
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:24,561
Well, you could powder room it,
show it off like a prized pony,
55
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,272
or you put it in the main bath.
56
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,608
Keep all that for yourself. Hmm.
57
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:31,276
Now, there's a third option,
all right?
58
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,904
Listen up closely 'cause
this one's fucking insane.
59
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,156
You can put the commode
right here
60
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,617
smack dab in the middle
of the living room
61
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:41,453
and you dig a big greasy shit
right here.
62
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,913
Look everybody
right in the eyes,
63
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,249
make them wonder
what your deal is.
64
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:46,500
And I know what you're thinking.
65
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,919
"Holy shit, that's aggressive,"
right?
66
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,170
But they'll respect
the shit out of you.
67
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,880
Wait a minute. Don't I know you?
68
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,175
Don't you know--
don't you know-- oh!
69
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,760
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
70
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,886
Oh, you know what it is?
71
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,847
Isn't this the place
you took a shit so big up there
72
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,057
that people thought there was
a dog loose in the pipes?
73
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,684
How the hell,
I'mma take a shit-- wait.
74
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,185
What are you talking about? No.
75
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,436
- Wasn't that you?
- No.
76
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,063
- No?
- A dog in the pipes?
77
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,065
Name is Dachshund.
Look like a dachshund.
78
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:12,734
You been-- Oh, no.
Is that the dog?
79
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,361
Wait right here.
I'll deal with you in a minute.
80
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,946
Yeah, I'm gonna wait right here.
81
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:18,282
You ain't all shitty?
You know what I mean?
82
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,785
Kevin? Kevin?
Are you okay, baby?
83
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,370
Everything went incredible
up here. You all right?
84
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,538
[Kevin] Yeah. I'm all right.
85
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,582
Sweating my goddamn ass off though.
86
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,917
Jesus Christ. How come
you didn't cut no holes in here?
87
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,586
Well, let's get you out of here
and kick some fucking ass.
88
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:31,587
What do you say, huh?
89
00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:32,838
All right. Come on. Let's go.
90
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:33,839
Yes.
91
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,343
[upbeat music]
92
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,146
What are you doing?
93
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,607
[Andre] Funny story. You're
gonna lose your goddamn mind.
94
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:54,902
I drilled this puppy
a little bit too hard.
95
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,654
I can't get it out without
the aid of some tools.
96
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,281
Give me a second.
I'm gonna grab some tools.
97
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,116
I'll be right back.
Okay. Talk to you soon.
98
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,910
Hey, Andre,
you better stop playing.
99
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:07,414
Seriously, man. Andre.
[knocks] Andre.
100
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,833
[fireworks crackling]
101
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:18,675
Hey. Were those fireworks?
102
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,637
I live next door
at the Mandovia Estate.
103
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:24,348
Did you set those off?
You know that that is illegal.
104
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:26,850
They're not ours.
I don't know who set these on.
105
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,478
Well, it's scared the bejesus
out of me.
106
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,271
And I have a pacemaker.
107
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,232
What do you have to say
for yourself?
108
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:35,025
Look, lady, I told you
they're not my fireworks
109
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,610
and I didn't shit in any pipes.
110
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,569
What?
111
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,113
[shudders]
112
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,282
[thuds]
113
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,035
[sighs] That's for Andre.
114
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,376
[knocks on box] Andre?
115
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:55,963
Come on, man. I'm serious.
116
00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,048
[footsteps approaching]
117
00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,217
Hey, yo, what took you so long?
Where do you go?
118
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:03,136
Leave me in this box,
went all goddamn quiet.
119
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,096
Don't do that.
120
00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:07,307
- [chainsaw revving]
- What the fuck is that?
121
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,562
Hey. Andre, that's a chainsaw?
122
00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,355
Okay. Hold up. Wait, wait, wait.
123
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,982
What are you-- what are you--
what do you want?
124
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,108
You [indistinct] me?
125
00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,860
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
126
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,821
Slow it down! Slow it down!
Slow it down!
127
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,573
You're gonna cut my fucking ass.
128
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,199
Watch out. Hey!
129
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,576
No more chainsaw.
130
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,828
No more chain--
no more chainsaw!
131
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:28,912
No more chainsaw!
132
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:32,666
Okay. Jesus Christ! Shit!
133
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,959
What the fuck, Andre?
134
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:37,337
Oh, shit! Oh. Oh. Oh, shit.
135
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,632
On behalf of stunt actors everywhere,
136
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:45,512
I'm excited to say
this is your day of reckoning.
137
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,848
[laughing]
138
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,807
Hold up.
139
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:51,268
You're trying to tell me
a big old stunt legend
140
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,853
like yourself need a chainsaw?
141
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,230
Huh?
142
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,359
That's what the fuck
I'm talking about.
143
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,196
Two men-- how about two dogs
in a bowl?
144
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,865
I wanna eat. [imitates dog]
145
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,452
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, you got a knife?
146
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:11,830
Big old man like yourself,
stunt legend,
147
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,124
you need a knife
for little old me?
148
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,083
That's what you need?
149
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:17,544
Fuck it. I'm killing you
with my hands.
150
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,671
- What? Oh. Oh.
- Get out.
151
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,091
[grunting]
152
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:25,844
Yeah.
153
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:26,929
You know, it didn't go
too good for you
154
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:28,388
in that little shitty hallway.
155
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,224
Me and Jordan whooped your ass.
156
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,226
[scoffs] The mask
I was wearing
157
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:34,645
was a hundred percent polyester, unbreathable.
158
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,397
Sweating into my contacts, hell,
a child could've kicked my ass.
159
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,483
Oh, that's a real elaborate
excuse, don't you think?
160
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:40,651
Superman punch.
161
00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:44,112
[grunting]
162
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:48,033
Oh, shit! Shit!
163
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,248
[grunting]
164
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,876
Shit! Andre! Andre,
do the psychic stuff!
165
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,879
I made all that shit up
about your psychic.
166
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,631
You think I'd help you?
167
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:06,176
You think I'd put it a,
a greedy, unappreciative,
168
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,555
overrated actor over
a stuntman? [laughs]
169
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:12,766
I just thought it'd be fun
to give you some false hope
170
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,393
before you die.
171
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,563
[groans]
Yo, you're gonna break my arm.
172
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,649
Yeah, and then every other one
of the 206 bones in your body,
173
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,317
and then I'm gonna eat your ass.
174
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:25,654
I knew it. I knew you were
a ass-eater. [groans]
175
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,407
[grunting]
176
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,120
- Oh, hey. Cute knife.
- I'll stab you.
177
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,788
What are you gonna do with it?
Are you gonna hurt me with it?
178
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,248
Huh? Huh?
179
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,334
No, but she is.
180
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,672
Oh, shit.
181
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,134
- Oh.
- Oh, you got him. It's-- okay.
182
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:50,137
Um, holy shit. Okay.
183
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,972
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
184
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,307
Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
185
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:56,351
Look at me. Look at me. Eyes.
You good.
186
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,061
Thirsty.
187
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,481
- You what?
- Thirst-- thirsty.
188
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,483
We'll get you something
to drink.
189
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,571
You fucking threw a knife
in his head?
190
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,323
[whispers] I didn't know
what else to do.
191
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,449
I meant for his shoulder.
192
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:11,533
How did you not hit
the shoulder?
193
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,619
Like he's the fucking size
of the fireplace.
194
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:14,912
This is him.
195
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,539
[dishes clattering]
196
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,291
He's awake. That's a good sign.
197
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,668
It's a good thing. He's--
look, he's fine. He's fine.
198
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,003
[Kevin] What are you talking,
he's fine?
199
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,880
[woman] Yeah, look.
I mean, he's...
200
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,633
He's a fucking zombie.
What do you mean he's fine?
201
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,384
[woman 2] Oh, God.
He's gonna burn himself.
202
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,970
He's gonna get a burn
on his hand or something.
203
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:33,138
It's not really the worst thing
204
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,306
that can happen to him
at this point.
205
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,807
- [woman 2] That's true.
- Huh.
206
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,768
Hey. There he is.
207
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:41,855
How you doing, man?
Jesus Christ.
208
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,066
- He's just...
- He's okay.
209
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:46,610
- Yeah, he's just taking a nap.
- He's not-- he's fine.
210
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:47,778
- He's okay?
- Yeah.
211
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:52,157
Wait. Where's Andre?
Where's my sweet boy?
212
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,619
[man] Yeah, don't you worry
'cause I found him.
213
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:58,497
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I made an oopsy-daisy.
214
00:08:58,497 --> 00:08:59,873
I got captured.
215
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,083
I thought I heard your voice,
216
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:02,626
but it wasn't your voice.
It was his voice.
217
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:03,585
I'm the worst sidekick
in the world.
218
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:04,628
Hey. Hey. Shut up.
219
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:05,796
- I'm gonna shut up.
- Shut up.
220
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:06,839
I'm gonna shut up.
221
00:09:06,889 --> 00:09:11,439
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