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00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:03,586
[TV static drones]
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00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,964
[bright tone]
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00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,633
It was a hot summer day
in Brooklyn
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00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:11,803
on July 14, 2022.
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00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,639
Alicia Renny smiled
in the mirror of the basement
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00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:17,434
of the Holy Ghost of
the Sanctified Aunties Church,
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00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:20,895
knowing she was about to marry
the love of her life
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00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:25,400
but also not knowing this
would be one of the last days
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00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,069
she would spend alive.
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00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,449
This is "Fresh to Def: The
Black Culture Murder Podcast."
11
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:35,660
Every week we'll examine true
crimes against the culture.
12
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,455
I'm your host, Dilly Byrd.
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00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,623
As Alicia walked
down the aisle,
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00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:44,711
beaming at her fiancé,
Brick Flowz, her heart sunk.
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00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,130
Something was wrong.
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00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,506
Her eyes floated
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00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,551
down the wannabe rapper's tux
to his feet,
18
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,304
where he was wearing Lugz...
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00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,306
[eerie music]
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00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,308
With a tux.
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00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,934
But those boots
weren't the only crime
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00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,728
that would be committed
that day.
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00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,646
More after the break.
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00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:04,606
[air horn blares]
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00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:05,774
Do y'all like
Brooklinen sheets?
26
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,442
They're the most comfortable
sheets around,
27
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:08,651
with an 800-thread count
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00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,612
and all the Egyptian cotton
a nigga could ask for.
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00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,697
Do yourself a favor and cop
them Brooklinen sheets
30
00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,449
if you want to snore
louder than your moms
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00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,950
after the mailman blew
her back out.
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00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:19,120
Hit 'em up, and use our promo
code, "Nigga, Get Off My Mama,"
33
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,497
for 20% off now.
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00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,916
Better sleep, better bustin',
better life.
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00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,459
Brooklinen!
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00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:27,128
[hip-hop music]
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[eerie music]
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After leaving Brick
at the altar,
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00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,009
Alicia escaped
to the Cayman Islands
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00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:35,178
to hide from the shame.
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00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,513
While lying on the beach,
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00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,557
a woman approached her
and offered to braid her hair.
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The only catch was,
the woman was white.
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Alicia looked around,
but they were alone.
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She agreed.
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The woman expertly parted
and plaited her hair,
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00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,655
giving Alicia the best braids
she'd ever had in her life.
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00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,157
At the end, Alicia thanked her
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00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,535
and asked her her name.
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00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:01,204
The woman said, "Rachel...
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00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,705
Rachel Dolezal."
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00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:03,748
[air horn blares]
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00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:05,542
Betterhelp could get
your mental right!
54
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,377
You got a girl
that's driving you crazy,
55
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,213
a car that's driving you crazy,
a job that's driving you crazy,
56
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,215
mercury and micro-brain
driving you crazy?
57
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:13,633
Betterhelp could help you out.
58
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,218
For real, I don't think
they real therapists
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00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,386
'cause the prices is mad low.
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00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,846
But a deal's a deal, my guy.
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00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:21,057
Hit 'em up now--use the promo
code "Get Your Mind Right"
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00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:25,186
for 18% off Betterhelp!
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00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:27,981
[hip-hop music]
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[eerie music]
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After struggling
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00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,360
with the guilt
of getting colonizer cornrows,
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00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,572
Alicia turned to the last place
she could find solace--
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00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,365
the TELFAR website.
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00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,993
She ordered
a small pleather bag
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00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,203
and waited.
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00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,705
But little did she know--
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00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:44,873
[air horn blares]
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00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,791
HelloFresh--I thought
it was a mobile barbershop,
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00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,878
but it's really groceries!
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00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:54,424
She would wait for that bag
until she died.
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00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,426
I'm Dilly Byrd,
and this has been
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00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,721
"Fresh to Def: The Black
Culture Murder Podcast."
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00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,722
[air horn blares]
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00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,223
Sponsored by TELFAR!
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00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:05,268
[hip-hop music]
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00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,689
[Doechii's "I Told Em"]
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♪ We told 'em we was kings,
we showed 'em the machine ♪
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00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,526
♪ I been gave 'em the keys,
I been flew overseas ♪
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00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,570
♪ I been knew I'm a queen,
I been knew I was free ♪
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00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,572
♪ I told 'em, I told 'em,
I told 'em, goddamn ♪
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00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,574
♪ I been whippin' the rolls,
I been bookin' the shows ♪
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00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,618
♪ I been takin' the hoes,
they been calling me doe ♪
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00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,703
♪ I been pickin' the clothes,
I been knew I was gold ♪
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00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,288
♪ I told 'em,
I told 'em, I told 'em ♪
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00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:28,750
♪ Holla, ooh ♪
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00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,336
♪ I told 'em, goddamn ♪
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00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,421
♪ What you told 'em ♪
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00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:37,300
♪ The funk don't matter
if it's not cross chatter ♪
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00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,136
♪ If the Black Lives Matter
I would know ♪
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00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,804
♪ What you told 'em,
what you told 'em, goddamn ♪
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00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,306
♪ ♪
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00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,807
♪ I would know,
what you told 'em ♪
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♪ What you told 'em, goddamn ♪
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[dramatic music]
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00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,609
Okay, tassels. Ashé.
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00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,486
- Oh, damn, I'm ashy?
- No, I was saying--
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Ooh, good looking out, Nadia.
Hoo!
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[door opens]
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00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:01,616
Okay? Come on, hat.
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00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,534
Come on, suave and mauve.
106
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,954
Come on, when the saints
come marching in.
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00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,623
Another jury could never.
[door opens]
108
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:09,874
Ah.
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00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,835
Oh, well, turn to your neighbor
and say "good morning."
110
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,004
- all: Good morning.
111
00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,130
- Good morning.
- All right.
112
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:17,340
{\an8}Well, allow me to welcome you
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00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,550
{\an8}to the Black Lady Courtroom,
114
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,636
{\an8}where every day is justice
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00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,554
{\an8}for just us. Ha ha.
116
00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:25,348
{\an8}Now we have our own space,
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00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:26,724
{\an8}and we have our first case.
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00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:28,601
all: Black Lady Courtroom.
119
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,104
Black Lady Courtroom.
[clapping hands]
120
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,147
Black Lady Courtroom.
121
00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,148
Black Lady--
122
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:37,318
[claps hands]
123
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:38,486
{\an8}- [chair scrapes]
- Oh.
124
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:39,654
{\an8}Trina, whoa. [chuckles]
125
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,364
You on the wrong side, girl.
126
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,116
Yeah, see, you the defendant.
[chuckles]
127
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,867
You usually commit
the crime, so...
128
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:48,162
Miss Bailiff,
today I'm not a defendant.
129
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,998
- I'm a lawyer.
- Huh?
130
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,666
What you talking about?
131
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,751
You are the group chat's
most requested update.
132
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,086
They gonna gag
when they hear this.
133
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,547
I got to get this on camera.
Come on, girl, smile.
134
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,174
- Oh, okay.
- Say "scam likely."
135
00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,342
- [camera shutter clicks]
- Look, ma'am,
136
00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,970
I know my history with
the court is more complicated
137
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,722
than Nick Cannon's
Father's Day plans.
138
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,807
- That's complicated.
- First, I was being sued.
139
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:10,226
Then I committed petty crimes
to come back.
140
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,603
- A lot of them, yeah.
- But now I'm proud to say
141
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:15,064
that I have worked
through online law school,
142
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:16,899
and I'm ready
to present a what?
143
00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:19,360
Black lady lawsuit!
[gavel bangs]
144
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,529
Trina, we have
real cases to try.
145
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:22,530
Mm-hmm.
146
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:23,906
But if you happen
to have some tea,
147
00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:25,199
- you feel free to pour.
- Hey, now.
148
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:28,161
All right, the case
of our girl Trina versus...
149
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,412
W-who are you suing?
150
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:32,123
My old high-school bestie,
Chloe M.
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00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,334
The case of our girl Trina
versus Chloe M.
152
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,376
is now in session.
153
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,003
{\an8}The Honorable and Fierce
154
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,796
{\an8}Judge Anita Harper presiding.
155
00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:39,922
{\an8}Now, wait a minute.
156
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:40,965
{\an8}- Where's the defendant?
- I don't know.
157
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,175
{\an8}But she's living rent-free
in my head.
158
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,093
{\an8}Hey, I really wanted
to meet your bestie.
159
00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,845
{\an8}Yeah, me too.
160
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,263
{\an8}Well, I guess we won't have
161
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,015
{\an8}a Black lady lawsuit today.
162
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,767
{\an8}- What?
- Now, now there,
163
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:51,726
{\an8}Black lady jury,
164
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:52,727
{\an8}it's all right.
165
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:53,978
{\an8}We will live
to kiki another day.
166
00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,229
{\an8}[door opens]
167
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,564
Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
168
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,566
My client was giving her dog
a silk press.
169
00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,984
Didn't go well.
170
00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:02,528
What in the U-part?
171
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,989
What is this, a courtroom
or a Bronner Bros. show?
172
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,741
- [chuckles]
- Nikki, look!
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00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,076
I'm a lawyer now.
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00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,119
Now my former client's
suing me
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00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,371
in a Black lady courtroom.
176
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:13,581
[laughs]
177
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:18,461
Ladies and ladies
of the jury...
178
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,630
Oh, my bad, I thought
the--the Black was silent.
179
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,131
Sorry.
I apologize.
180
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:25,468
This woman runs through
my mind more than a Nike ad,
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00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,262
and it is for that reason
that I am suing her
182
00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:29,847
for my brain space back.
183
00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:32,975
- Go off, Langston Sues!
- [chuckles]
184
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,394
Objection.
Trina, that's not a thing.
185
00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:37,647
But your Bantu knots
are everything.
186
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,107
Okay, you better do it.
187
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,441
Well, can I get some love?
188
00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:43,319
Because I just got my first
Black lady objection.
189
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:46,114
- [weak clapping]
- Nope. No, the beat.
190
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,532
{\an8}- That wasn't good.
- The beat was off.
191
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,033
You tried it, sis.
192
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,828
Chloe M. occupies a high-rise
in my mind for one reason--
193
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,622
because she has
hundreds and thousands
194
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,499
of followers more than me.
195
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,168
Objection.
[giggles]
196
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,045
all: Aw.
197
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,588
- I want that on a T-shirt.
- Oh, my God.
198
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:03,673
That's why she's so popular.
199
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,424
She doesn't even do anything
but be cute.
200
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:07,468
Black lady hating.
201
00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:08,553
I'm not.
202
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,846
Jury ma'ams, Chloe M.--
203
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,181
she makes shopping TikToks,
recipe reels,
204
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,850
YouTube tutorials,
205
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,309
and everybody eats them up.
206
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:19,522
Me--I post homemade food pics,
and I lose followers.
207
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,190
- Why?
- Probably trash.
208
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,859
What is your at?
Uh, you know, for the record.
209
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:23,985
You can follow me
210
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,778
at "If You Think I'm Cute,
"Just Look in the Mirror,
211
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,655
'Cause I'm Merely a Reflection
of You on Everything"
212
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,657
- all: Aw.
- Girl, you better stop.
213
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,450
- What?
- Oh, my goodness.
214
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,660
That's too many characters.
215
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,871
You can't even have
an Instagram name that long.
216
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,165
Your Honor, I move that we
protect Chloe at all costs.
217
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,457
{\an8}Sustained.
218
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:39,667
What? No.
219
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,502
This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
220
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,838
Everybody loves her...
221
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:44,839
and not me.
222
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,966
She's giving
real "pick me" energy.
223
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,217
- Aw.
- [sobs, sniffles]
224
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:49,385
{\an8}Got to let them toxins out.
225
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,012
{\an8}Go on and cry. All right.
226
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,889
{\an8}Your honor, may I approach?
227
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,056
{\an8}You may.
228
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:56,392
Thank you. Here I come,
and now I'm gonna turn.
229
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:58,603
- Trina.
- Huh?
230
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,354
- Hey.
- Yeah?
231
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,523
Listen, don't worry
about perfect Chloe over there.
232
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,193
Now, you just stopped scamming,
what, two days ago?
233
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,777
Okay, but look
what you've done.
234
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:10,865
You logged on
to shemarmoorelegalschool.com,
235
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:13,075
and you got your degree, okay?
236
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:14,619
- You did that.
- I graduated.
237
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,204
You graduated,
and what did he give you?
238
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,246
A lap dance.
239
00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:18,831
- A lap dance.
- That's what he do.
240
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,499
Did your diploma
say "baby girl"?
241
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,709
- That's the bonus.
- Give it time.
242
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,753
One day you're gonna post
a food pic.
243
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,588
Somebody's gonna like it
by accident.
244
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:26,756
It won't be me, I promise.
245
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,633
If I could triple-tap it,
I would.
246
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:29,884
all: Aw.
247
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,302
That means
you just dislike it.
248
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,179
- I love you, Trina.
- Don't care.
249
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,766
Judge, I move
that Trina drop this case...
250
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:40,186
and then drop her skincare
routine, 'cause you glowing!
251
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,647
- [laughter]
- I'm glowing.
252
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,565
Trina, now, you know
we love you, girl,
253
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:45,733
but if we all sued the people
254
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,401
that are running rent-free
in our minds,
255
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,153
we would never leave
the Black Lady Courtroom.
256
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,738
I move to strike...
257
00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:51,739
a pose!
258
00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:52,782
Hey!
259
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,408
Let's go, Chloe,
hit that selfie.
260
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:55,743
Black Lady Courtroom.
261
00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,745
Losing never felt so good.
262
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:58,955
It's all you do.
[laughs]
263
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,915
all: Black Lady Courtroom.
[clapping hands]
264
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:04,669
Black Lady Courtroom.
265
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,921
- Black Lady Courtroom.
- You better get it.
266
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,965
- all: Black Lady Courtroom.
- Hey!
267
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,593
- all: Black Lady Courtroom.
- You better do it!
268
00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,263
{\an8}[upbeat music]
269
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:18,432
{\an8}Hi, my name is
Jazzterri Jackalterri,
270
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:21,477
but you know me best for
playing Shantira the bailiff.
271
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:24,230
My ultimate goal
is to make enough money acting
272
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,774
so that I can pay my way
through college--
273
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:27,942
stripper college.
274
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,152
In fact,
I just applied to MIT--
275
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,113
the Milkjug Institute
of Tassels.
276
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,906
It's the home
of the Thundering Titties.
277
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,242
Clear heels, full pockets,
can't lose.
278
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,786
Except my pockets
are not deep enough to attend,
279
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:42,123
because my parents--they refuse
to help pay for my tuition.
280
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:45,501
And they would always say
that they had my back.
281
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,962
Clearly, that didn't mean
my pussy and my crack.
282
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,589
Any day I'll get the final word
from financial aid.
283
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:54,343
So, until then, I just hope
that my booty gets to pop...
284
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,053
instead of my dreams.
[cell phone chimes]
285
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:58,222
Excuse me one second.
286
00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:01,225
[gasps]
It's an email from MIT.
287
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:02,476
[gasps]
288
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:05,688
{\an8}Oh, I am gonna break down
if I don't get to bust down.
289
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,943
Hear ye, hear ye!
290
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:14,530
On behalf
of the Empress of Soul,
291
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:17,658
the Monarch
of the Midnight Train,
292
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:21,829
the Righteous Ruler
of Peasants and Pips,
293
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:25,207
Queen Gladys Knight I...
294
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,834
[chuckling]
295
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,253
I call to order this meeting
296
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,547
of the Knights
of the Round Table.
297
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:32,548
[staff taps]
298
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,884
Today we welcome
a new member.
299
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,762
I've known her
since she was a pip...
300
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:38,763
squeak...
301
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,598
- both: Whoo-whoo.
- [chuckling]
302
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,600
My niece Knight Olive.
303
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,101
It's such an honor
to be a knight
304
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,519
at your Round Table,
Your Majesty.
305
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,271
It really took me
by surprise, I must say,
306
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,481
when I found out yesterday.
307
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,649
Welcome.
308
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:53,486
Seems like you're here
on your own merits, definitely.
309
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,528
[chuckles]
310
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:57,073
Knight Olive, we'll start
with your report.
311
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,741
What have you heard
through the grapevine?
312
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,911
Good Knights of the Round...
and Auntie,
313
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,871
I bring dire news
of the bubonic plague
314
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,164
spreading through the villages.
315
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,291
Some people say
you may die if you--
316
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:09,418
Oh, come on, come on.
317
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:12,505
Enough with these facts.
You're a knight, not a nurse.
318
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,298
Crier, quit your crying.
319
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,092
She doesn't know
how this works yet.
320
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,927
I've created this table
321
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,388
so that we may delight
in tawdry tales.
322
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,430
- [chuckles]
- Mm-hmm.
323
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,099
Now tell us something juicy.
324
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,226
Oh, this better be good,
or I swear...
325
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,268
Seriously.
326
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,270
People's hands and feet
are going gangrene.
327
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,648
- Oh, my God, come on!
- Gangrene? Who is that?
328
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,692
Olive is boring us
with her accurate news.
329
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:33,859
Okay, okay, okay.
330
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,736
Knight Agnes...
[chuckles]
331
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,113
Show her how it's done.
332
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,448
What have you heard
through the grapevine?
333
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,742
Mine ears were privy
to the whispers
334
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,702
that Pellinore's
infant's father,
335
00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:45,955
Gareth of Galahad, spent all
of his shillings on a griffin.
336
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,832
A griffin?
337
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,042
- Pellinore kicked his ass out!
- Oh.
338
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,128
And he's been slumbering
in the stables henceforth.
339
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,047
- Slumbering in the stables?
- No, she didn't.
340
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,383
Is that why he's been walking
around here
341
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,135
smelling like fresh shit?
342
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,636
- Grade-A shit, yes.
- Dirty.
343
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,805
Let us find out
the only stable relationship
344
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,181
he's been in is with a horse.
345
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,225
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, I knew it.
346
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,644
What are we doing?
People are dying.
347
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,479
[mockingly]
People are dying.
348
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:14,942
Well, I'm dying to hear
your tea, Knight Matilda.
349
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:15,985
Spilleth.
350
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,112
Well, it's been heralded
351
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,739
that the kitchen wench, Bellamy
of House of Knotless Braids,
352
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:23,200
brought much dishonor
upon her tavern.
353
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,786
The lady proclaimed
to have boar on the menu,
354
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:28,497
but guess who was caught
skinning rats for supper/
355
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,291
- Very poor.
- Oh!
356
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,792
- No mead, all shade.
- Uh-huh.
357
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,169
If you season rat properly,
358
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,712
it tastes actually
quite delicious.
359
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,005
With what?
360
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,883
You know the spice trade's
been late since the Crusades.
361
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,218
That actually relates
to my next herald.
362
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,387
This plague
is being spread by rats.
363
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,514
- all: Skip!
- Skip it!
364
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,974
[shouts indistinctly]
365
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:49,018
Three semesters
at night school
366
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,394
did not prepare me for this.
367
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:51,896
Did it prepare you
to shut up?
368
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,315
Ah, settle down!
369
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,067
Let's get back to
eavesdropping it like it's hot.
370
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,195
- Knight Agnes!
- Oh, yes, Your Majesty.
371
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,988
You heard tale
of the Hapsburg family, yes?
372
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,031
Mm-hmm.
373
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,866
Lo, they are all cousins
wed to cousins.
374
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,784
- all: Oh!
- Cousins and cousins?
375
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,786
Meaning they are more inbred
than a venison sandwich.
376
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:09,288
That's why their faces
look like this.
377
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,664
Ooh.
378
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:13,334
- Top that, Knight Matilda.
- Two bits, two bits.
379
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,544
- Lend me your ears...
- Good habits, Matilda.
380
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:16,837
And harken these words.
381
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,548
Lancelot claims he went out
and got the Holy Grail.
382
00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,926
Alas, he went out
and lost it, too.
383
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,052
Ooh!
384
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,387
He imbibed way too much
mulled wine with Meg
385
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,723
and all of her stallions,
if you catch my drift.
386
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,433
all: Ooh!
387
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,268
Is this heretofore
or theretofore
388
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,811
his sneaky link
with Queen Guinevere?
389
00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:35,147
Guinevere, yes,
I knew she was a ho.
390
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,398
- [laughs]
- [shouts]
391
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,318
This is nothing like
what I expected!
392
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,195
Nobody cares
that the black death
393
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,363
is gonna get our Black asses?
394
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:43,989
- No.
- No. Skip it.
395
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,199
Silence!
396
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,076
You say the word,
Queen Gladys,
397
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,828
and I'll joust her
into next week, I will.
398
00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,038
And that's on Merlin
399
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,706
Oh, speaking of Merlin,
400
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:56,085
I heard that he was having
trouble getting his wand up.
401
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,254
- [squeals]
- The stone!
402
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,381
[fanfare plays]
403
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,424
[both gasp]
404
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:08,764
[suspenseful music]
405
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:10,933
- Magic!
- Definitely.
406
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:15,104
Now, this is your last chance
to prove yourself.
407
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,106
Knight Olive...
408
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,775
what have you heard
through the grapevine?
409
00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:21,860
[choral music]
410
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,946
On the way in, I saw two
people fucking under a wagon.
411
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,864
all: Huzzah!
412
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,366
[laughter]
413
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:31,287
{\an8}[upbeat music]
414
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,080
[gasps]
I got in! Oh!
415
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,082
I am gonna be
a Thundering Titty.
416
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,750
{\an8}Fleshman class, here I come!
417
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,295
{\an8}[scatting enthusiastically]
418
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,130
O-M-G-string.
419
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,965
Are you strip-teasing me?
420
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,342
[sighs] Tuition shot up
faster than a V-I-Penis
421
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:46,427
in the champagne room.
422
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,304
And I can't take out
any more loans.
423
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,765
I-I haven't even paid off
my ass-sociate's yet.
424
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,935
Now I'll never get
my bachelor's party degree.
425
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:56,812
I will just apply
for financial aid
426
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:59,106
through Drake's God's Plan...
427
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:02,484
because strong women,
they are seen and not heard.
428
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:03,736
Mm-hmm.
429
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,279
And by seen,
430
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,531
I mean through both sets
of lips.
431
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,116
[giggles, smooches]
432
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,624
Mm-hmm, come through,
bottomless mimosas.
433
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,667
Thanks for inviting me
to Mary J. Brunch, Marie.
434
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,336
I don't want
no more drama, Dawn,
435
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,713
but, wow, I have not seen you
since Essence, girl.
436
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,340
Yeah, I did not know
you were pregnant.
437
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,175
- Should you be drinking?
- Oh, wow.
438
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,844
So now my festival baby
can't get drunk when I do?
439
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,846
- You've changed.
- Hey!
440
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,849
Oh, wow!
Come on, bare faces!
441
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,560
I cannot go out in the world
with ashy skin,
442
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,354
but y'all said,
"Fuck it, we can."
443
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:39,355
Ooh!
444
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,648
Okay, have y'all been
here before?
445
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,525
Uh, excuse me, but I paid
a TikTok tween $200
446
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,653
- to do my makeup.
- Hello. She cute.
447
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,820
Girl, don't waste your money.
448
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:47,946
With those concave cheekbones,
449
00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:49,365
you're always gonna
look like that.
450
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,491
Be you.
451
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,159
I did not know there
was going to be hateration
452
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,410
all up in this bruncherie.
453
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:55,204
Yeah, uh, you're a negger.
[item shatters]
454
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,539
- Whoa! Racist!
- No--
455
00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:00,125
Ma'am, we are not that kind
of restaurant anymore.
456
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,627
No, a negger...
[item shatters]
457
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,836
Like you're negging us.
458
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,213
Girl, you're
like IKEA furniture.
459
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,631
You know,
everything seems cool,
460
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,758
but then you just end up
being a pain in the ass.
461
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,218
Wow, I don't think
I'm doing that,
462
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,886
but you are so much older
than me,
463
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,346
you would know better,
my elder.
464
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,555
So what y'all want?
465
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,015
- A new waitress.
- Yeah.
466
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,434
If I wanted to fight,
I would go to Waffle House.
467
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,103
Girl, don't get mad.
It'll give you more wrinkles.
468
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,396
Do y'all want to order,
469
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,189
or you want to change
into some real clothes first?
470
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:23,357
Ooh, real clothes?
471
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:26,610
Baby, we are dressed
for Mary J. Brunch, okay?
472
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,613
We are more on theme than Ne-Yo
at a hat convention.
473
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:31,824
- Ha! Okay?
- [laughs]
474
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:35,411
Okay, well, that's next week,
so y'all kind of early.
475
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,037
- Say what, now?
- Who gonna be next week?
476
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,580
Y'all are kind of crazy,
but don't worry,
477
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,374
'cause you don't really command
attention like that.
478
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,626
So what do you want--
something low-cal?
479
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,920
And why would I want
something low-cal?
480
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,630
Oh, I just figured
you were trying to lose weight.
481
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,257
- Not that you need to.
- I'm pregnant.
482
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,300
- Wow, at your age?
- I'm 32.
483
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,095
Ooh, congrats on finding
somebody to knock up.
484
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,888
Okay, y'all want some refills?
485
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,306
You know what?
Matter of fact, yeah, go get us
486
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:57,725
some more champagne,
because I'm going down.
487
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,767
Okay, coming right up.
488
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:01,270
Kept it close,
'cause y'all look like drunks.
489
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,563
[chuckles]
Hey.
490
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:03,897
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
491
00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:06,066
Don't look now, but y'all
finally got some attention
492
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,651
from my man--ha!
493
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,361
So did y'all decide
what y'all want yet?
494
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,071
Yeah, we want you
to treat us better
495
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,240
and stop acting like a negger.
[items shatter]
496
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,616
Wow. I'm sorry.
497
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,659
Okay, my bad.
498
00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,578
- It's just that I thought--
- Don't...
499
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,747
neg us again.
500
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,206
I'm not!
501
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:24,168
And, honestly,
I am blind-sided by this.
502
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,627
Okay, well,
I mean, we didn't--
503
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,504
Especially from two
unemployed chicks at brunch
504
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:28,630
in the middle of the day.
505
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:29,673
Okay, free time.
506
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,341
Why are you being
such a negger?
507
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,093
- Your mom's a negger.
- Yes, she is.
508
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:35,179
That's why this
is all so triggering.
509
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,847
Do you know when I graduated
from Yale--
510
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,057
- What is it?
- Yale.
511
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,142
Are you saying "jail" but,
like, with a Spanish accent?
512
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,185
- It's a university.
- Yale, Yale.
513
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,686
[Spanish accent]
Yale. I went to Yale.
514
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:44,813
My mother got me a cake, and
you know what she put on it?
515
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,940
"Congrats, you're almost
as good as your brother."
516
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,484
The negger-dom of it all.
[item shatters]
517
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,985
- You graduated?
- Negger.
518
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:52,070
Negger. Negger!
[item shatters]
519
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:54,615
Hey!
Can you neggers keep it down?
520
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,657
We are not the neggers.
521
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,117
She's the only negger
over here.
522
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,494
Negger lovers!
[item shatters]
523
00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,828
We don't even know her.
524
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,288
Wow, that sounds
like amnesia.
525
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,664
It happens
when you drink a lot.
526
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,166
It's probably gonna happen
to your baby, too.
527
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,459
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
528
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,002
I'ma need you to--
I'ma need you to stop.
529
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:08,212
- Get her, get her.
- Okay?
530
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,546
Will you just please stop?
531
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:11,173
Do you think
you can take some time
532
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,550
and maybe say something nice
without negging?
533
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:16,762
Do you think
that you can do that?
534
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,347
[stammers]
I can try.
535
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,557
- Please do.
- Your eye shape is unique.
536
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:21,934
- Okay.
- Okay, there we go.
537
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,144
- We have a start.
- Like a circus freak.
538
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:26,355
Your shoes are on trend.
539
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,190
- Thank you.
- If it were 1970.
540
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,775
Sir, your mustache--
541
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,985
it could win a contest...
judged by pedophiles.
542
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:34,321
Look, I am
a trash person, okay?
543
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,156
And I was never told
I was good enough,
544
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,075
so my love language
is words of defamation.
545
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,327
I just insult people
and insult people
546
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,120
and give them
backhanded compliments
547
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,914
like a grandma
at a family reunion.
548
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:46,750
And I won't ever change,
because the truth is,
549
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,753
I'll do the best I can,
and it'll never be good enough.
550
00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:51,171
My negger.
[item shatters]
551
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,214
Oh, excuse me, sir.
552
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,382
- Are those pancakes?
- Yeah.
553
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,008
You should focus
on eating them.
554
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:56,385
Okay. Sorry, Shania Twain.
555
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,886
Who are you calling
Shania Twain?
556
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:58,887
That's what you look like.
557
00:18:58,887 --> 00:18:59,888
It's really giving
Shania Twain.
558
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,265
You don't remember
the music video?
559
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,183
You look just like that. Is
that not what you're going for?
560
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,018
You know what?
I kind of can't unsee it now.
561
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:06,270
- Shall we order?
- Yeah.
562
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,980
Okay, let's go.
What can I get y'all?
563
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,899
You know what? Um, we'll get
the chicken and waffles.
564
00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:13,777
Okay, basic!
But y'all do y'all.
565
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:15,529
[chuckles]
566
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:20,826
Team, we have
one critical mission today--
567
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:24,163
bring home the unmanned
Fashion Nova space rover
568
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,373
with no damage...
569
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:29,418
'cause if we fail, we lose
our funding and our jobs.
570
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,295
Mm.
[gasps]
571
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,422
Yes, Silia?
[sighs]
572
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,799
I told you,
I'm not Busta Rhymes.
573
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:38,093
You don't need to put your
hands where my eyes can see.
574
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,345
- Sorry, sir. [giggles]
- I prefer "ma'am."
575
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,931
I'm not judging
your sexual preference, sir.
576
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:45,392
- It's ma'am.
- Are you sure?
577
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,269
- Just spit it out, Silia.
- Oh.
578
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:50,230
The words, Silia,
not your gum, the words.
579
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:52,733
- Oh, sorry, ma'am, sir.
- [sighs]
580
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,484
We have a new intern,
581
00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:58,030
and I would like to welcome him personally.
582
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,114
[giggles]
583
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,408
His name is Chris.
584
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:02,784
♪ Nigga, bop, bop, bop ♪
585
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:03,952
Oh.
586
00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:06,246
{\an8}♪ 'Cause we never,
never stop ♪
587
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,581
{\an8}♪ Spaceships to the top ♪
588
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:10,000
{\an8}- [giggles] Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
589
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,878
Uh, hey, my braids--
you could've got them.
590
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,087
You know what?
I got you.
591
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,714
- You ain't got to worry...
- Oh, yeah?
592
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,883
'Cause you could sit
between my legs anytime.
593
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:18,884
- Mm, word?
- Mm-hmm.
594
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,636
- Yeah, I can braid your hair--
- Son.
595
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,763
- Yeah?
- Clearly not read the manual.
596
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,848
You will address me as "sir."
597
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,516
I mean "ma'am."
598
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,644
- Mom.
- Ma'am.
599
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,604
- Man.
- Ma'am.
600
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,605
Moesha.
601
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,440
What does she have to do
with this?
602
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,025
- Matlock.
- Ma'am.
603
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:37,277
Monica versus Brandy,
"The Boy Is Mine."
604
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:38,820
- I love that song.
- [sighs]
605
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:39,947
Say "ma'am."
606
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,698
- Mambo sauce.
- Ma'am.
607
00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:43,200
- Mall of America.
- Ma'am.
608
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,785
- Mandy Patinkin.
- Ma'am.
609
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,120
"The Mask" with Jim Carrey.
[alarm blaring]
610
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,456
Commander, the rover's
entering Earth's atmosphere,
611
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:52,584
and it's coming in faster
than a Tyler Perry script.
612
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,337
- Silia, show me what you got.
- Certainly, sir.
613
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:56,630
Ma'am.
614
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:57,631
Oh, shit.
615
00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,508
Ooh-ah, ooh, ooh.
616
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,426
- Let me ask you this.
- Where's the image?
617
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,845
- He got braids like me?
- Show me the image!
618
00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,263
- Okay. [giggles]
- [sighs]
619
00:21:05,263 --> 00:21:07,224
Boop.
[alarm blaring]
620
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,309
- Damn it!
- This place titties on fire.
621
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:12,062
For the love
of Angela's bassets!
622
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,314
- Pull up the rover's trajectory.
- Okay.
623
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:16,274
We need to make
a water landing.
624
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,694
Oh! Ah! Ooh, ooh!
625
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:20,487
- Oh.
- Oh.
626
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:21,780
Silia!
627
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,573
Oh!
628
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:26,493
[grunting]
Silia!
629
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,620
- You need me to smack her ass?
- Absolutely not.
630
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,788
All right.
631
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:32,833
Silia! Silia! Silia! Silia!
632
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,209
She a'ight?
633
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,585
She's gone.
634
00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,212
Oh, okay,
you want me to leave?
635
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:38,255
I can take off.
636
00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,048
Chris, right now
you are my only hope.
637
00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:44,177
I need you to take
the Fashion Nova space oath
638
00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:46,972
before I let you operate
the rover.
639
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,724
So repeat after me.
640
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,350
I, Chris...
641
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,810
- Me Chris?
- Yes.
642
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:54,563
I, Chris, do solemnly swear
643
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,524
to uphold the standards
of Fashion Nova
644
00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:59,484
on Earth as it is in space.
645
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:02,404
Now, to confirm it,
just give me a verbal yes.
646
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:03,363
Yurp.
647
00:22:03,363 --> 00:22:04,531
Oh, w-what?
648
00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:05,949
- Yellowtail.
- Yes.
649
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,201
- Yogurtland.
- I just need a simple yes.
650
00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:09,953
Yuzu.
[alarm blaring]
651
00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:11,246
What? No.
Just a yes.
652
00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:12,956
- You know what I mean?
- Yes.
653
00:22:12,956 --> 00:22:15,250
- Yikes.
- Ya--Yes.
654
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:16,460
Yeti.
655
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,086
[screams]
656
00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:19,588
- See?
- Just give me a yes.
657
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:22,382
- Yippee ki-yay.
- Motherfucker.
658
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,800
- Yes.
- Yahtzee.
659
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,761
- No. yes.
- Yoni egg.
660
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:27,763
I don't know what the fuck
that is, but I need a yes.
661
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:29,598
- Yaki straight.
- Aah!
662
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,266
Yes!
Just--just say yes!
663
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,018
- Young Jeezy.
- Jeez.
664
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:35,228
You are dumber than Silia.
665
00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:37,147
I don't know
how that's possible.
666
00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:41,109
- Y...ahya Abdul-Mateen II.
- No. Oh.
667
00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:44,404
[alarm blaring]
Oh, we don't have time
668
00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:45,906
for these games!
669
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:47,741
The rover--it's crashing.
670
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:51,036
The squirrel that is manning
that thing will die.
671
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,830
The fashion world
needs you, Chris.
672
00:22:53,830 --> 00:22:56,166
Come on, just give me a yes!
673
00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:58,460
- Kind of feisty. I like that.
- Okay.
674
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,462
[dramatic music]
675
00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:03,298
- All right, I got you.
- [exhales sharply] Great.
676
00:23:03,298 --> 00:23:05,133
- Just say yes.
- No doubt.
677
00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:06,426
No. Yes.
678
00:23:06,426 --> 00:23:07,511
No stress.
679
00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:08,845
I am stressed.
680
00:23:08,845 --> 00:23:11,223
- Say yes.
- To the dress.
681
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,974
Have you ever heard
the word yes?
682
00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:14,476
- I fucks with it.
- Okay, great.
683
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:15,936
- The just--just say it.
- It.
684
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:18,814
[screaming, crying]
685
00:23:18,814 --> 00:23:21,274
[grunting]
Who needs a yes?
686
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:23,276
[screaming]
Come on!
687
00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:25,278
[screaming]
688
00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:26,446
Just say yes!
689
00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:29,282
I mean,
I feel like I said it.
690
00:23:29,282 --> 00:23:31,451
Oh, your shit blew up.
691
00:23:31,451 --> 00:23:34,704
Oh, I'm sorry, guys.
My ass shots make me sleepy.
692
00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:36,456
- Hey, girl.
- Oh, no!
693
00:23:36,456 --> 00:23:38,625
My discount...
694
00:23:38,625 --> 00:23:40,961
and the squirrel.
695
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:43,296
{\an8}- Midnight.
- Ma'am.
696
00:23:43,296 --> 00:23:44,840
{\an8}Marauder.
"Monday Night Football."
697
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,466
{\an8}"Murder, She Wrote."
Mammary.
698
00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:48,343
{\an8}Malcolm-Jamal Warner. Mozambique.
699
00:23:48,343 --> 00:23:50,053
{\an8}Maternity ward.
Mm, mm, good.
700
00:23:50,053 --> 00:23:51,888
{\an8}Let me ask you this.
Let me ask you this.
701
00:23:51,888 --> 00:23:54,099
{\an8}You ever been with a nigga
who's gainfully unemployed?
702
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,893
{\an8}I take '90s hip-hop classes
on Saturdays and Wednesdays.
703
00:23:56,893 --> 00:23:58,311
{\an8}- Oh, that's cute.
- So don't get into it.
704
00:23:58,311 --> 00:23:59,688
{\an8}At what senior center?
705
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:01,314
{\an8}The ones
with the funny-looking--
706
00:24:01,314 --> 00:24:03,483
{\an8}What is happening here?
What's wrong with her?
707
00:24:03,483 --> 00:24:05,652
{\an8}Right now we need
to lift up Trina
708
00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:07,654
{\an8}in the light
of the Black Lady Courtroom.
709
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:09,447
{\an8}[all clap hands]
That was your last chance.
710
00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:10,866
{\an8}- You want to try it again?
- Y'all cute. R&B.
711
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:12,325
{\an8}- You want to do it with--
- Y'all cute. R&B.
712
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:13,869
{\an8}- Chloe will do it with you.
- No, I don't want it.
713
00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:14,995
{\an8}Never mind.
714
00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,830
{\an8}Maybe this could be
a nice moment to reconcile.
715
00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:17,956
{\an8}Objection. Sustained.
716
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:19,875
{\an8}Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
717
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:21,877
{\an8}My client had to borrow
her afro products
718
00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:24,713
{\an8}from the lady of rage, and she
took a while to deliver.
719
00:24:24,713 --> 00:24:26,381
{\an8}Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
720
00:24:26,381 --> 00:24:28,717
{\an8}My client was applying
her makeup with a crayon
721
00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:29,968
{\an8}and lost track of time.
722
00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,720
{\an8}Forgive me, Your Honor.
723
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,930
{\an8}My client was auditioning
for "Black Panther 3"
724
00:24:33,930 --> 00:24:36,474
{\an8}and lost
to an actual black panther.
725
00:24:36,474 --> 00:24:38,393
{\an8}Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
726
00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:40,520
{\an8}My client was making
a charcuterie board
727
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,022
{\an8}and ran out of board.
728
00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:43,523
Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
729
00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:45,483
My client was doing
a "Get Ready With Me"
730
00:24:45,483 --> 00:24:46,735
and forgot to get ready.
731
00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,862
- all: Black Lady Courtroom!
- Hey!
732
00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:51,072
- all: Black Lady Courtroom!
- Wait a minute, Shantira.
733
00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:52,741
Wait a minute!
734
00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:07,297
[bright tone]
735
00:25:07,347 --> 00:25:11,897
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