Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,027 --> 00:00:04,144
"Will and Grace" is shot
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,169 --> 00:00:06,904
All right, let's hear it.
3
00:00:06,939 --> 00:00:10,141
It's divorce lawyer.
Stan has a new offer.
4
00:00:10,175 --> 00:00:11,476
What's up, "Jew"?
5
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:13,511
Karen!
6
00:00:13,545 --> 00:00:17,315
Grace, what must you think of me?
7
00:00:17,349 --> 00:00:19,650
Divorce lawyer is Chinese.
8
00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:22,220
His name is Ju.
9
00:00:24,456 --> 00:00:27,636
I'm Korean, and my name is Joe.
10
00:00:29,027 --> 00:00:32,630
Either way, you kids are
killing it at the science fair.
11
00:00:37,369 --> 00:00:39,295
All right, what's up?
12
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,938
I've got some bad news.
13
00:00:40,973 --> 00:00:43,441
Stan has photographic evidence
of your affair with Malcolm.
14
00:00:43,475 --> 00:00:45,376
This could significantly lower
15
00:00:45,410 --> 00:00:46,978
the money you'll get in a settlement.
16
00:00:47,012 --> 00:00:48,613
Less money?
17
00:00:48,647 --> 00:00:51,182
Are we both high?
18
00:00:53,252 --> 00:00:55,286
Oh, no, I didn't want
whipped cream on it.
19
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:56,454
So you're saying I did it wrong?
20
00:00:56,488 --> 00:00:58,122
- No, I just...
- No, no.
21
00:00:58,157 --> 00:00:59,957
I made a mistake and you pointed it out
22
00:00:59,992 --> 00:01:03,327
because that's what you do...
shame people.
23
00:01:03,362 --> 00:01:05,163
I don't think I shame people.
24
00:01:05,197 --> 00:01:07,965
- Sounds like you do.
- Thank you, Barry.
25
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,472
Message received.
26
00:01:09,506 --> 00:01:11,221
We don't always get what we want.
27
00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:13,971
Why are we meeting here?
28
00:01:14,006 --> 00:01:15,640
I thought we were going to a gay bar.
29
00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:17,394
What's that?
30
00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:20,344
- A bar.
- And what are these?
31
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:22,046
Gays.
32
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,248
I rest my face, Judge Moody.
33
00:01:29,211 --> 00:01:37,239
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,262
Oh, my God.
35
00:01:38,297 --> 00:01:40,164
Did you read the story about
what's going on in Venezuela?
36
00:01:40,199 --> 00:01:42,333
Is it the one about the gay
man who died alone because
37
00:01:42,367 --> 00:01:45,203
he read news alerts instead of
checking out the hotties?
38
00:01:46,605 --> 00:01:48,884
Nice "Maddows," Rachel.
39
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:52,777
You need to work a sexy
professor vibe, all right?
40
00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:54,378
Take note.
41
00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:56,681
Okay, when you wanna flirt,
42
00:01:56,715 --> 00:01:58,516
take them off and bite them gently
43
00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:00,718
like a playful terrier.
44
00:02:08,427 --> 00:02:10,489
This indicates thinking.
45
00:02:11,230 --> 00:02:13,075
Or you could just think.
46
00:02:13,565 --> 00:02:15,452
How would anyone know?
47
00:02:16,635 --> 00:02:19,036
And then, slowly put them back on,
48
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:20,705
and say...
49
00:02:20,739 --> 00:02:22,640
Ronan Farrow Sinatra,
it's America's hottest
50
00:02:22,674 --> 00:02:24,408
gay news anchor, McCoy Whitman
51
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:26,672
from Channel Four's News Center
at 6:00 and 10:00.
52
00:02:28,580 --> 00:02:30,448
Why would I say... oh, my God.
53
00:02:30,482 --> 00:02:32,250
It's McCoy Whitman from
Channel Four's New Center
54
00:02:32,284 --> 00:02:33,887
at 6:00 and 10:00.
55
00:02:34,419 --> 00:02:36,320
I fantasize about him every night,
56
00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:38,976
right about 6:30 and 10:30.
57
00:02:41,693 --> 00:02:43,855
I'm thinking, as you could tell...
58
00:02:46,698 --> 00:02:48,599
- That you need my help.
- Why?
59
00:02:48,634 --> 00:02:51,469
McCoy and I would be perfect together.
60
00:02:51,503 --> 00:02:53,771
Ooh, I'm gonna talk to him
about Venezuela.
61
00:02:53,805 --> 00:02:55,640
No, no, or as they say in Venezuela...
62
00:02:55,674 --> 00:02:57,260
No.
63
00:02:58,143 --> 00:02:59,443
He's not into smarties.
64
00:02:59,478 --> 00:03:01,512
- How would you know?
- Trust me, Will.
65
00:03:01,546 --> 00:03:04,749
I know these high-end homos, okay?
66
00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:07,852
They want a boy toy
that's fun and frothy.
67
00:03:07,886 --> 00:03:09,620
The last thing he wants is
68
00:03:09,655 --> 00:03:13,190
someone using big words
like "indubitably,"
69
00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:17,194
or... or "del-ubitably."
70
00:03:17,229 --> 00:03:19,263
So, what, I'm just supposed to giggle,
71
00:03:19,298 --> 00:03:21,432
and bat my eyes and say things like,
72
00:03:21,466 --> 00:03:25,269
"Oh, my God, "RuPaul's
Drag Race" gives me life.
73
00:03:25,304 --> 00:03:27,438
I love every one of those queens."
74
00:03:27,472 --> 00:03:28,942
Who's your favorite?
75
00:03:33,545 --> 00:03:36,881
I can't remember
any of their names right now.
76
00:03:36,915 --> 00:03:40,162
Of course you can't. Names are hard.
77
00:03:41,186 --> 00:03:44,121
- I'm McCoy.
- I'm, um...
78
00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:46,524
- Will, your name is Will.
- Will...
79
00:03:46,558 --> 00:03:49,560
I know... I know my name.
80
00:03:49,594 --> 00:03:51,395
So you're the smart one,
81
00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:54,632
and you are the delightful,
shallow friend.
82
00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:57,134
I have a similar dynamic
with a buddy of mine.
83
00:03:57,169 --> 00:03:58,536
I'd say who it is, but out of respect
84
00:03:58,570 --> 00:04:00,304
for his privacy, I'm not going to.
85
00:04:00,339 --> 00:04:02,934
- Well, we would never ask...
- It's Andy Cohen.
86
00:04:04,409 --> 00:04:06,844
Stop looking for a pore.
87
00:04:06,878 --> 00:04:08,565
You're not gonna find one.
88
00:04:09,781 --> 00:04:11,635
You're like a dolphin.
89
00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:15,653
Hey, would you like to go out sometime?
90
00:04:15,687 --> 00:04:17,488
- Absolutely.
- Great.
91
00:04:17,522 --> 00:04:18,848
Call me.
92
00:04:18,882 --> 00:04:20,558
What's your number?
93
00:04:20,592 --> 00:04:23,260
My number is, I'm McCoy Whitman.
94
00:04:23,295 --> 00:04:25,457
Your smart friend can figure it out.
95
00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:29,400
You're a genius.
96
00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:30,735
"Del-ubitably."
97
00:04:33,372 --> 00:04:35,406
Oh, Karen, I'm so sorry.
98
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,608
It's not just about the money.
99
00:04:37,642 --> 00:04:39,410
It's about how after everything
100
00:04:39,444 --> 00:04:43,139
Stan's put me through, he wins.
101
00:04:43,173 --> 00:04:45,449
Well, he shouldn't. He had affairs too.
102
00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:48,452
I know, but without
photographic evidence,
103
00:04:48,487 --> 00:04:49,854
I can't prove it,
104
00:04:49,888 --> 00:04:52,957
and what kind of depraved,
disgusting woman
105
00:04:52,991 --> 00:04:55,693
is gonna keep photographs
of herself basically
106
00:04:55,727 --> 00:04:58,763
making love to a manatee in sock garters?
107
00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:03,411
And that's called a "Stuffed Knish."
108
00:05:04,269 --> 00:05:06,237
Happy Bar Mitzvah, Reuben.
109
00:05:06,271 --> 00:05:08,873
Today, you are a man.
110
00:05:08,907 --> 00:05:10,708
Lorraine Finster,
111
00:05:10,742 --> 00:05:14,545
or as the boys in London call
the space between her legs,
112
00:05:14,579 --> 00:05:16,021
"The British Open."
113
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:24,074
114
00:05:29,334 --> 00:05:32,704
Stay for dinner? I couldn't possibly.
115
00:05:33,525 --> 00:05:35,110
Well, if you insist.
116
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:39,800
You can't.
117
00:05:39,835 --> 00:05:41,435
I'm cooking for McCoy Whitman.
118
00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:44,939
Wow, for once I'm saying that,
and it's actually true.
119
00:05:44,973 --> 00:05:47,441
What do you serve the
most trusted man in news?
120
00:05:47,476 --> 00:05:49,977
And then it hit me...
121
00:05:50,012 --> 00:05:52,146
beef bourguignon.
122
00:05:52,181 --> 00:05:54,296
What are you doing?
123
00:05:54,983 --> 00:05:57,118
Cooking food only
smart people can pronounce
124
00:05:57,152 --> 00:06:00,788
in your fancy apartment with
books full of words in them?
125
00:06:00,822 --> 00:06:02,957
He's gonna think you're you.
126
00:06:02,991 --> 00:06:04,325
Is that what you want,
127
00:06:04,359 --> 00:06:07,762
'cause it tain't what he wants.
128
00:06:07,796 --> 00:06:09,830
Oh, right. I'm not supposed to be smart.
129
00:06:09,865 --> 00:06:11,749
- What do I do?
- Okay, okay.
130
00:06:11,774 --> 00:06:13,708
I'm your wingman, all right?
Let me just take care of this.
131
00:06:13,742 --> 00:06:15,025
Let me see.
132
00:06:16,312 --> 00:06:19,647
Wingman, sing man, ding man,
bing-bang-bongman... I got it.
133
00:06:19,682 --> 00:06:21,583
He already thinks I'm a smarty, okay?
134
00:06:21,617 --> 00:06:23,451
I'll say this is my apartment
and that I cooked the meal,
135
00:06:23,486 --> 00:06:25,286
and you sometimes use this place.
136
00:06:25,321 --> 00:06:27,121
He'll see me put the finishing
touches on the meal...
137
00:06:27,156 --> 00:06:28,556
Browning the shallots
in butter and garlic
138
00:06:28,591 --> 00:06:30,332
and adding it in.
139
00:06:34,663 --> 00:06:36,671
If that's a thing, sure.
140
00:06:37,199 --> 00:06:38,500
And then I'll serve it, and I'll leave.
141
00:06:38,534 --> 00:06:40,168
Okay, but what about me?
142
00:06:40,202 --> 00:06:41,970
How am I supposed to be
this person he thinks I am?
143
00:06:42,004 --> 00:06:44,272
All you have to do is act.
144
00:06:44,306 --> 00:06:46,407
Think of someone fun and frivolous,
145
00:06:46,442 --> 00:06:49,577
maybe a little bit dim,
and become that person.
146
00:06:57,319 --> 00:06:59,387
You know anybody like that?
147
00:07:06,028 --> 00:07:07,744
Yes, yes, I do.
148
00:07:08,364 --> 00:07:10,205
Okay, anybody I know?
149
00:07:11,166 --> 00:07:12,540
Clearly not.
150
00:07:13,636 --> 00:07:16,437
Okay, you know you're making
a really ugly face right now.
151
00:07:30,152 --> 00:07:33,187
Hello, my name is Reuben,
and today, I'm a bar mitzvah.
152
00:07:33,222 --> 00:07:35,356
Can I have a private dance
in the champagne room?
153
00:07:35,391 --> 00:07:36,691
How dare you.
154
00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:39,193
I am a lady of quality.
155
00:07:39,228 --> 00:07:41,829
I have a $180 savings bond.
156
00:07:41,864 --> 00:07:44,699
Well, Reuben,
you should've opened with that.
157
00:07:52,241 --> 00:07:53,541
Hi, Lorraine.
158
00:07:53,576 --> 00:07:55,243
I don't know if you remember me.
159
00:07:55,277 --> 00:07:56,835
- I'm...
- You're Patty.
160
00:07:57,413 --> 00:07:58,713
You live with that gay guy, Bill.
161
00:07:58,747 --> 00:08:00,088
That's us.
162
00:08:00,616 --> 00:08:02,550
I will get right down to it.
163
00:08:02,585 --> 00:08:04,652
You wouldn't happen to have photos of you
164
00:08:04,687 --> 00:08:07,555
and Stanley Walker in, say,
165
00:08:07,590 --> 00:08:09,257
compromising situations?
166
00:08:09,291 --> 00:08:10,825
Do I ever, but look,
167
00:08:10,859 --> 00:08:12,393
if you wanna stay here
at Suckingham Palace,
168
00:08:12,428 --> 00:08:14,495
you're gonna have to pay,
169
00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:16,164
unless you're a member
of the royal family.
170
00:08:16,198 --> 00:08:17,599
House Rules.
171
00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:19,334
Oh, okay.
172
00:08:22,304 --> 00:08:23,605
What are you doing?
173
00:08:23,639 --> 00:08:26,239
I gave you five. I'm making change.
174
00:08:27,443 --> 00:08:29,077
Get off.
175
00:08:29,111 --> 00:08:30,612
Okay, fine.
176
00:08:30,646 --> 00:08:32,747
Look, is there any way possible that
177
00:08:32,781 --> 00:08:34,716
I could get a copy of those photos?
178
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:36,517
Oooh,
179
00:08:36,552 --> 00:08:40,121
Patty's a nasty little piggy, isn't she?
180
00:08:40,624 --> 00:08:42,690
Wait a minute. You're a
friend of Karen Walker's.
181
00:08:42,725 --> 00:08:45,093
Ooh, she wants those pictures
for her divorce.
182
00:08:45,127 --> 00:08:46,427
You tell her, no bloody way.
183
00:08:46,462 --> 00:08:48,730
Okay, you do not like Karen,
184
00:08:48,764 --> 00:08:50,431
but isn't this really about
185
00:08:50,466 --> 00:08:52,767
women looking out for other women?
186
00:08:52,801 --> 00:08:54,809
Bite me, Patty.
187
00:08:55,304 --> 00:08:59,207
You go on and on about women's power,
188
00:08:59,241 --> 00:09:00,608
and all the time,
189
00:09:00,643 --> 00:09:02,810
you're just looking down
your fake nose at me.
190
00:09:02,845 --> 00:09:04,412
Okay, first of all,
191
00:09:04,446 --> 00:09:06,748
I don't have a fake nose.
192
00:09:06,782 --> 00:09:08,750
All right, Doug, I'm taking me break.
193
00:09:08,784 --> 00:09:11,853
- No breaks!
- I'm union now!
194
00:09:16,291 --> 00:09:18,259
Lorraine, look,
I'm not looking down on you.
195
00:09:18,293 --> 00:09:19,594
- Prove it.
- How?
196
00:09:19,628 --> 00:09:21,295
Take over for me.
197
00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:22,630
You do a decent pole,
I'll give you the photos.
198
00:09:22,665 --> 00:09:24,799
What, me? Strip?
199
00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:27,635
I-I say with no judgment.
200
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,604
I'm not really a dancer.
201
00:09:29,638 --> 00:09:31,606
I'm... I'm... I'm more of a singer.
202
00:09:33,375 --> 00:09:36,244
Ballads, mostly...
203
00:09:36,278 --> 00:09:39,480
♪ Ave Mari...
204
00:09:39,515 --> 00:09:41,783
Do you want the photos?
205
00:09:43,519 --> 00:09:44,819
I do. I do.
206
00:09:44,853 --> 00:09:46,621
It's just, my back is bad.
207
00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:49,072
Your front's not so great either,
208
00:09:49,625 --> 00:09:51,325
but it's good enough for a Tuesday night.
209
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,660
Come on.
210
00:10:03,706 --> 00:10:06,207
- Hello.
- Hi.
211
00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:07,608
What's going on? Why are you here?
212
00:10:07,643 --> 00:10:09,343
Where's Will? Ooh,
213
00:10:09,378 --> 00:10:11,345
hard-hitting questions.
214
00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:13,514
Did Will not tell you
the date was at my apartment?
215
00:10:13,549 --> 00:10:14,982
Classic Will.
216
00:10:15,017 --> 00:10:18,286
Not much going on in the
old brain department,
217
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,954
but he's my friend, so I look after him.
218
00:10:19,988 --> 00:10:21,789
He lives next door. Wine?
219
00:10:21,824 --> 00:10:23,958
Please.
220
00:10:23,992 --> 00:10:26,627
It's a nice place. What do you do?
221
00:10:26,662 --> 00:10:27,695
I'm a lawyer.
222
00:10:27,730 --> 00:10:29,330
Well, I was a lawyer.
223
00:10:29,364 --> 00:10:32,967
Now I'm a person who teaches people
224
00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:34,502
who want to be lawyers.
225
00:10:34,536 --> 00:10:35,837
You mean a law professor?
226
00:10:35,871 --> 00:10:37,287
I mean what I said.
227
00:10:38,407 --> 00:10:41,442
I'd better check on
the beef bourgnonnonnon.
228
00:10:45,681 --> 00:10:46,981
So, have you and Will ever dated?
229
00:10:47,015 --> 00:10:48,583
Oh, God, no, no, no.
230
00:10:48,617 --> 00:10:50,551
He's way too much of
a lightweight for me.
231
00:10:50,586 --> 00:10:52,487
There is no such thing.
232
00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:53,821
In my line of work,
233
00:10:53,856 --> 00:10:56,924
I'm fed a steady diet of sophisticates.
234
00:10:56,959 --> 00:11:01,102
I need to come home
to intellectual applesauce.
235
00:11:01,797 --> 00:11:04,866
Who's easy on the eyes
and heard everywhere else?
236
00:11:09,304 --> 00:11:10,738
Perfect.
237
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,346
Hey!
238
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,910
Hey, hey, hey!
239
00:11:22,944 --> 00:11:26,352
This is what a real woman looks like!
240
00:11:26,878 --> 00:11:28,254
Hello, Lorraine.
241
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:30,489
You're looking...
242
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,024
That's all I got.
243
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:37,245
Last roll. Would you like to share?
244
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,414
I always like to "Cher."
245
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,216
Whoaaa.
246
00:11:43,986 --> 00:11:46,421
You do not disappoint.
247
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:48,256
You know, I hate to drop names,
248
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,625
but Cher and I have homes right
next to each other in Brazil.
249
00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:53,988
Gisele Bundchen Brady, I love Brazil!
250
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,431
I love their wax. I love their nuts.
251
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,733
I love the way they wax their nuts.
252
00:11:58,768 --> 00:12:00,268
You know, I just realized.
253
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,603
I never asked what you do for a living,
254
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,605
or is your job just being cute?
255
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,607
Being cute's my side hustle.
256
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,544
But my dream is to bring back
257
00:12:09,578 --> 00:12:12,213
my one-man show, "Watch Will."
258
00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:18,787
Don't go anywhere.
259
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,822
We'll be right back with sports, weather,
260
00:12:20,856 --> 00:12:22,624
and 2% body fat.
261
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,759
Yeah, news jokes are kinda my thing.
262
00:12:27,029 --> 00:12:29,264
- You've been imitating me.
- Jack, I'm sorry.
263
00:12:29,298 --> 00:12:30,832
I told you to think of someone fun,
264
00:12:30,866 --> 00:12:32,734
frivolous, and dim, and you picked me.
265
00:12:32,768 --> 00:12:34,736
Well, I'm working so hard
to land this guy.
266
00:12:34,770 --> 00:12:36,738
- I didn't intend...
- No, just stop.
267
00:12:38,541 --> 00:12:41,976
I have never in my 34 years...
268
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,960
Been so deeply, deeply...
269
00:12:49,552 --> 00:12:51,753
- flattered.
- I'm so...
270
00:12:54,457 --> 00:12:55,824
What did you say?
271
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,959
You could've chosen
anybody to be that hottie's
272
00:12:57,993 --> 00:13:00,695
ultimate boy toy, and you picked me,
273
00:13:00,729 --> 00:13:02,597
and that means so much.
274
00:13:02,631 --> 00:13:04,499
I was afraid you'd be offended.
275
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,835
Offended, question mark?
276
00:13:08,637 --> 00:13:11,673
I am engaged, exclam, exclam.
277
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:17,312
Estefan and I are completely monogam-ish.
278
00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:22,517
I don't get to have these
kind of fun flings anymore.
279
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,352
I desperately need you to go back
280
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,955
and tag that buck while being me.
281
00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:28,623
Oh, so that way,
282
00:13:28,657 --> 00:13:31,359
you can have sex with him vicariously.
283
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:32,962
I don't know that word.
284
00:13:33,662 --> 00:13:34,963
- Vicarious...
- And neither do you.
285
00:13:34,997 --> 00:13:36,631
Right, right...
286
00:13:36,665 --> 00:13:37,966
It's hard to keep track
of what I don't know.
287
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,636
It's pretty much everything, yeah.
288
00:13:41,504 --> 00:13:43,571
Look, now, we need you,
289
00:13:43,606 --> 00:13:45,974
who's really me, to come up
with a good reason
290
00:13:46,008 --> 00:13:47,842
to get rid of me, who's really you.
291
00:13:47,877 --> 00:13:49,377
- Huh.
- Okay, let's see.
292
00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:50,912
Let's see. Reason.
293
00:13:50,946 --> 00:13:52,580
Reason, beason...
294
00:13:52,615 --> 00:13:54,816
Kleeson, tweezin...
295
00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:56,518
Sneezin'!
296
00:13:56,552 --> 00:13:58,486
Yes, when I think
it's time for you to go,
297
00:13:58,521 --> 00:13:59,888
I'll signal you by sneezing.
298
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,723
Okay. Oh, my God.
299
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,358
I can't believe I'm gonna
have sex with McCoy Whitman
300
00:14:03,392 --> 00:14:05,093
through you.
301
00:14:05,127 --> 00:14:06,828
Later, when we tell this story,
302
00:14:06,862 --> 00:14:08,706
let's use different words.
303
00:14:09,565 --> 00:14:10,932
Look, Lorraine.
304
00:14:10,966 --> 00:14:14,754
I know you're just an old,
jaded, withered slag.
305
00:14:15,404 --> 00:14:17,005
Go on.
306
00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:21,409
But I'd like to appeal to
the young withered slag within.
307
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,611
Can't you just give me the photos
308
00:14:23,646 --> 00:14:25,747
of you having sex with my ex-husband?
309
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:28,016
Well, I'm gonna tell you
what I told Maggie.
310
00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:31,452
Yes, I've always known her real name.
311
00:14:31,487 --> 00:14:34,622
I'm not gonna do it 'cause you
think you're better than me.
312
00:14:34,657 --> 00:14:37,759
You ain't never getting
your hands on my phone.
313
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,361
All right, you win.
314
00:14:40,396 --> 00:14:42,156
But I had to try.
315
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,035
But... there's something
you should know, Lorraine.
316
00:14:47,069 --> 00:14:49,537
I don't think I'm better than you.
317
00:14:49,572 --> 00:14:51,439
I think we're exactly the same.
318
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:54,075
Neither of us had it easy
and we were both screwed
319
00:14:54,109 --> 00:14:56,644
and screwed over by the same man.
320
00:14:56,679 --> 00:14:59,781
Yeah, I mean, thanks to him,
I'm back here doing this again.
321
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,584
- Also, I love it.
- Yeah.
322
00:15:02,618 --> 00:15:04,752
But he abandoned us both,
323
00:15:04,787 --> 00:15:07,889
so yeah.
324
00:15:07,923 --> 00:15:09,891
I think we're the same.
325
00:15:09,925 --> 00:15:12,560
Yeah, well, thanks for that.
326
00:15:12,595 --> 00:15:15,463
As a matter of fact,
I wanted to say goodbye
327
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:18,900
in a language that
I think you'll understand,
328
00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:22,530
one that will show you
the dignity that you deserve.
329
00:15:23,939 --> 00:15:26,450
May I give you a lap dance?
330
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:33,781
Oww!
331
00:15:33,816 --> 00:15:36,618
Ow. Ow.
332
00:15:36,652 --> 00:15:40,021
Ow, ow.
333
00:15:40,055 --> 00:15:42,884
Let me give you some advice, kid.
334
00:15:43,559 --> 00:15:46,661
I mean, sure, you've
shattered the glass ceiling
335
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:49,464
of middle-aged strippers,
336
00:15:49,498 --> 00:15:52,467
but you could have such
a better life than that.
337
00:15:52,501 --> 00:15:54,168
Do you really believe that?
338
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:57,505
I think that
strong women can do anything.
339
00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:01,152
We're so much more
than our golden hooches.
340
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,145
Aww, thanks, Mummy. Thanks for that.
341
00:16:04,179 --> 00:16:05,713
Good-bye, Lorraine.
342
00:16:07,983 --> 00:16:10,151
That's my ringto...
343
00:16:10,185 --> 00:16:14,555
The old "suck up the phone
during a lap dance" trick.
344
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:17,091
I can't believe I fell for that!
345
00:16:18,594 --> 00:16:20,434
- Good-bye, kid.
- Lorraine!
346
00:16:20,469 --> 00:16:22,630
- Back on stage!
- Piss off, Doug!
347
00:16:22,665 --> 00:16:26,010
I'm having a tender moment
with me mother!
348
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,803
Thanks, Mummy.
349
00:16:28,837 --> 00:16:31,139
Take that fat bastard
for everything he's got.
350
00:16:31,173 --> 00:16:34,560
Oh, you know I will, honey.
351
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:43,935
That meal was sublime.
352
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,767
I don't know what that word means.
353
00:16:46,801 --> 00:16:48,706
Jack, how would you define "sublime"
354
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:50,111
in a way that Will would understand?
355
00:16:50,112 --> 00:16:51,512
Oh...
356
00:16:51,547 --> 00:16:53,414
I don't wanna get
in the middle of your date.
357
00:16:53,788 --> 00:16:55,440
I hope we're not inconveniencing you
358
00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:56,472
by being here, Jack.
359
00:16:56,507 --> 00:16:59,587
Oh, don't worry about Jack...
360
00:16:59,621 --> 00:17:02,190
Bless you.
361
00:17:02,224 --> 00:17:03,691
Bless you.
362
00:17:03,725 --> 00:17:06,494
- Ah-choo.
- Oh, oh!
363
00:17:06,528 --> 00:17:09,397
Yes, oh, uh,
364
00:17:09,431 --> 00:17:11,332
well, you guys could
probably use some privacy.
365
00:17:11,366 --> 00:17:12,567
I'm just gonna head home. Yeah.
366
00:17:12,601 --> 00:17:14,101
Isn't this your home?
367
00:17:14,136 --> 00:17:15,977
I meant my hag's home, yeah.
368
00:17:16,727 --> 00:17:18,039
I have a hag.
369
00:17:18,073 --> 00:17:19,373
We spend a little too much time together.
370
00:17:19,408 --> 00:17:20,731
It's sad.
371
00:17:23,245 --> 00:17:24,545
Oh.
372
00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:25,861
Excuse me.
373
00:17:26,381 --> 00:17:29,116
Hello? Uh-huh.
374
00:17:29,151 --> 00:17:31,252
No, I understand. Don't worry.
375
00:17:31,286 --> 00:17:33,087
I'll say you're an unnamed source.
376
00:17:33,121 --> 00:17:35,523
Protecting your identity
is as important to me
377
00:17:35,557 --> 00:17:36,998
as it is to you.
378
00:17:37,593 --> 00:17:39,126
You're welcome.
379
00:17:39,161 --> 00:17:41,085
That was Kellyanne Conway.
380
00:17:43,232 --> 00:17:44,632
Hey, Jack, before you go,
381
00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:46,267
can I pick your brain for a minute?
382
00:17:46,301 --> 00:17:49,136
Of course. I mean, of course.
383
00:17:49,171 --> 00:17:51,439
Uh, Jack... Jack really has to go.
384
00:17:51,473 --> 00:17:54,075
This'll only take a moment.
Oh, here, babe.
385
00:17:54,109 --> 00:17:55,433
Play with this.
386
00:17:56,678 --> 00:17:57,745
You've got a law degree.
387
00:17:57,779 --> 00:17:59,747
I have several, yes.
388
00:17:59,781 --> 00:18:02,606
If I had anymore degrees,
I'd be a thermometer.
389
00:18:04,353 --> 00:18:06,153
Okay.
390
00:18:06,188 --> 00:18:08,756
Of course, you're aware of
what's happening in Venezuela?
391
00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:10,114
I am?
392
00:18:11,260 --> 00:18:12,727
I am.
393
00:18:12,761 --> 00:18:14,762
And while it's
a multi-national situation,
394
00:18:14,796 --> 00:18:16,297
the financial institutions involved
395
00:18:16,331 --> 00:18:17,632
are primarily Americans.
396
00:18:17,666 --> 00:18:19,267
So, would the pertinent statutes
397
00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:21,002
be drawn from international law?
398
00:18:21,036 --> 00:18:22,336
American law?
399
00:18:22,371 --> 00:18:23,961
Jude Law.
400
00:18:27,542 --> 00:18:29,383
J. Law.
401
00:18:30,679 --> 00:18:33,053
Coleslaw.
402
00:18:34,516 --> 00:18:36,348
I hope I answered your question.
403
00:18:40,188 --> 00:18:41,789
- What?
- What?
404
00:18:41,823 --> 00:18:43,190
Okay, okay.
405
00:18:43,225 --> 00:18:45,483
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
406
00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:48,696
You're not a law professor, are you?
407
00:18:48,730 --> 00:18:50,654
What?
408
00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:53,834
I am so offended right now.
409
00:18:53,869 --> 00:18:55,369
I'm gonna march right out of here
410
00:18:55,404 --> 00:18:56,704
and let you two have sex in my apartment.
411
00:18:59,174 --> 00:19:01,275
This is your apartment, isn't it?
412
00:19:01,310 --> 00:19:02,610
Yep.
413
00:19:02,644 --> 00:19:05,346
Yeah, I live here. I teach law.
414
00:19:05,380 --> 00:19:07,615
I can explain Brexit perfectly.
415
00:19:07,649 --> 00:19:09,150
Mm.
416
00:19:09,184 --> 00:19:10,883
So, you're the smart one,
417
00:19:12,087 --> 00:19:13,594
and you're the idiot.
418
00:19:14,356 --> 00:19:15,721
Yes.
419
00:19:18,093 --> 00:19:19,660
Yes, I am.
420
00:19:19,695 --> 00:19:22,063
Wait, no, you're not.
421
00:19:22,097 --> 00:19:23,397
Jack's not an idiot.
422
00:19:23,432 --> 00:19:24,832
As a matter of fact,
423
00:19:24,866 --> 00:19:26,367
he's the one that
came up with this whole plan.
424
00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:28,402
Maybe not the best example.
425
00:19:28,437 --> 00:19:30,705
Jack knows more about people
than anyone I know.
426
00:19:30,739 --> 00:19:32,473
He sure read you right away.
427
00:19:32,507 --> 00:19:33,808
Yeah, speaking of which, you know,
428
00:19:33,842 --> 00:19:35,409
there's something not great about
429
00:19:35,444 --> 00:19:38,245
someone who can't date
their intellectual equal.
430
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,814
You pretended to be
someone else all night
431
00:19:39,848 --> 00:19:41,349
just to have sex with me.
432
00:19:41,383 --> 00:19:43,582
Yeah, and I didn't feel good about it.
433
00:19:45,287 --> 00:19:48,489
Sorry, Will. I like what I like.
434
00:19:48,523 --> 00:19:51,392
- Jack, are you seeing anyone?
- Engaged.
435
00:19:51,426 --> 00:19:54,595
Why are all the good ones
either smart, taken,
436
00:19:54,629 --> 00:19:56,804
or Anderson Cooper?
437
00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:01,225
He's a dear friend.
We share a locker at Equinox.
438
00:20:01,703 --> 00:20:03,904
I can bench press more than he can.
439
00:20:04,353 --> 00:20:06,540
You're... you're kinda insecure,
440
00:20:06,575 --> 00:20:08,023
aren't you?
441
00:20:08,577 --> 00:20:10,693
That's why I don't date smart guys.
442
00:20:17,719 --> 00:20:20,119
William Elizabeth Truman...
443
00:20:23,492 --> 00:20:27,261
You put our friendship above
having a one-night stand
444
00:20:27,295 --> 00:20:31,232
with a hot guy who's on TV every night.
445
00:20:31,266 --> 00:20:33,467
Yeah, I guess I did.
446
00:20:33,502 --> 00:20:35,342
You dumb bitch.
447
00:20:41,343 --> 00:20:45,613
I was this close to having him
in the palm of your hand.
448
00:20:45,647 --> 00:20:47,438
I can't even look at you.
449
00:20:50,252 --> 00:20:52,553
Thanks for not letting him
call me an idiot.
450
00:20:52,587 --> 00:20:54,255
You're not.
451
00:20:54,289 --> 00:20:55,923
And you're welcome, buddy.
452
00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:07,902
You need to get your door fixed.
452
00:21:08,305 --> 00:21:14,757
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
31744
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.