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Previously on The Last Man on Earth...
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Has he said anything at all?
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- Not yet.
- We have to call him something.
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Uh, Jasper, Jasper!
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I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
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I mean, I'm bending over
backwards for this kid.
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Pulling out all the stops.
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Carol,
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you're pregnant.
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What are you up to?
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Uh, just going to give
Melissa her medication.
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Apparently, it takes a
few weeks to see results.
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What's with all the amps?
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Shh!
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I'm trying to listen.
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- Listen to what?
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
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Listen to Jasper.
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What's that?
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I slapped one of these bad boys on him.
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Oh, you got to see him, he
looks just like Britney Spears,
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and that's a major compliment
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'cause I always found
her very attractive.
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I mean, not that I'm
attracted to Jasper.
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Okay, this is all coming out very wrong.
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So you're spying on him.
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I mean, he still hasn't talked,
27
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so I'm just trying to
figure out if he talks
28
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when we're not around.
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Do you have something broken in here?
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Oh, my God, oh, my God!
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'Cause I'm a repairman.
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- Deep baritone on that kid.
- Let me bring out my tool.
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Tandy, I don't think that's Ja...
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Where exactly is the problem?
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Right in here.
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Wait, who's that woman?
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What the hell?
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Oh, no, Jasper,
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that's not for you.
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Tandy, Jasper got into your
self-pleasuring library.
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Oh...
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Ah, yeah, no, I know
this one very well, yeah.
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The repairman is there
to fix a clogged pipe,
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and then gets sidetracked and, you know,
45
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winds up doing some sexual
stuff with his customer.
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- Tandy!
- Aah!
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Oh, sorry, you're right, spoiler.
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Uh, no,
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uh, Jasper, this is for adults.
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You understand?
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Hey, bud.
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00:02:06,628 --> 00:02:08,578
Looking at the stars, huh?
53
00:02:08,883 --> 00:02:10,733
Look at that. Did you see that?
54
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A shooting star.
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That means that you get to make a wish.
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You know what my wish is?
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That I could take back
those things you saw
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in that sensual video.
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Now, I can't do that,
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00:02:21,510 --> 00:02:23,777
but I can make this a teachable moment.
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Follow me.
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Take a frog.
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00:02:31,413 --> 00:02:33,386
What we're doing now is having
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what's called "the
birds and the bees" talk.
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Okay?
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So, why birds and bees?
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Well, 'cause they're famously known as
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the horniest of the flight animals.
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You following me so far?
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Okay, well,
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here's where it gets a little
funky and a little cool.
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So the bird takes his, uh, "mm"
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and, uh, uh, puts it in
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the bee's "hmm."
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Know what I'm saying? Yeah.
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And so anyway, they
just keep them in there
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00:03:01,016 --> 00:03:03,183
and they just move them around, uh,
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00:03:03,218 --> 00:03:05,652
for what's usually a very,
very short period of time.
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00:03:05,687 --> 00:03:06,358
Right?
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00:03:06,405 --> 00:03:09,202
And, uh, that's the
birds and bees talk. Yeah.
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God, thought it'd be harder than that.
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Well... but, hey,
that's what the bee said.
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Boom.
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Melissa, would you mind
wandering around like a zombie
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00:03:19,738 --> 00:03:20,674
somewhere else, please?
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00:03:20,699 --> 00:03:21,668
Yeah, Jasper and I
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00:03:21,703 --> 00:03:23,837
are having the, uh... talk.
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Hey, don't be scared,
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she's not a zombie.
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00:03:26,972 --> 00:03:29,342
Oh, you probably don't
even know what a zombie is.
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00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,680
Well... you know when someone dies?
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Well, a zombie
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is a corpse that comes back to life.
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And they're terrifying.
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I mean, they have an insatiable
appetite for human flesh,
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00:03:39,649 --> 00:03:41,548
and they just keep coming
after you and after you,
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till they get you.
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00:03:42,563 --> 00:03:43,890
And they're so fast.
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- Oh, my God.
- Oh, there you are, hon.
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Cannibals are...
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- Melissa...
- Todd?
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- Huh?
- Could you please get Melissa out of here?
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She's really freaking Jasper out.
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00:03:51,728 --> 00:03:54,199
I'm sorry, buddy. Here, hon,
it's time for your medication.
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She's kind of in a foggy stage.
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I've been having to guess on her dosage.
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I'm not exactly sure how
much to give her, so...
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Less maybe?
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Yeah.
110
00:04:02,595 --> 00:04:03,643
But maybe more, though.
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00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:05,712
That's kind of where I'm at.
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00:04:06,423 --> 00:04:07,609
Hey, bud.
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Come on. Oh.
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Aw, look at this.
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He is a great little artist.
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I thought it was important
he have all his stuff here.
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Make him feel more comfortable.
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00:04:20,795 --> 00:04:23,648
Whoa, baby bump alert.
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Yeah.
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00:04:25,025 --> 00:04:27,282
Looks more like a beer belly alert.
121
00:04:27,307 --> 00:04:28,245
Hush.
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You look fantastic.
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00:04:30,171 --> 00:04:32,205
Baby bump, huh?
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Yeah, it's crazy.
125
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I actually popped a button
on my pants yesterday.
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Ah!
127
00:04:38,513 --> 00:04:42,115
Funny, this button-popping story.
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00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:44,784
I don't recall you
wearing pants yesterday...
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00:04:44,819 --> 00:04:46,686
Well, that's 'cause I
popped a button on them.
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00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:47,854
Uh-huh.
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00:04:47,889 --> 00:04:49,479
Can I see these pants?
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00:04:49,504 --> 00:04:52,692
Carol, what do you want with
her mother-grabbin' pants?
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She just told this intense story
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of a button blasting off
the front of her jeans,
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00:04:57,866 --> 00:05:00,600
even though her belly pretty
much looks the same to me.
136
00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:02,802
So I'm just wondering
where these magical,
137
00:05:02,827 --> 00:05:04,593
button-popping pants are?
138
00:05:04,946 --> 00:05:06,600
Are they in Al Capone's vault,
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00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:09,178
or talking to a Sasquatch and a yeti
140
00:05:09,203 --> 00:05:11,678
at the bottom of the Loch Ness lake?
141
00:05:13,585 --> 00:05:15,281
I can show you the pants, Carol.
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00:05:15,317 --> 00:05:16,849
It's fine, I don't want to see them.
143
00:05:17,788 --> 00:05:19,538
But, yeah, happy for you.
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00:05:20,031 --> 00:05:21,654
And your bump.
145
00:05:22,182 --> 00:05:23,414
Oh, boy.
146
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:27,627
I'm starting to wonder
if he's ever gonna talk.
147
00:05:27,662 --> 00:05:29,032
Maybe it's neurological.
148
00:05:29,057 --> 00:05:30,892
No, I know he understands us.
149
00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:32,774
I've seen him roll his eyes at Tandy
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00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,377
enough times to know that.
151
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,932
Yeah, the eye roll is a
classic sign of respect.
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I just don't understand not talking.
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Whenever I have the urge to
not talk, I talk about it.
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Witness.
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00:05:44,643 --> 00:05:45,664
I mean, I totally get it.
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00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,071
I mean, think about
what he's been through.
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00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:48,395
You know, his parents died,
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he's been on his own since
he was like four or five.
159
00:05:50,585 --> 00:05:52,685
I know, he's been robbed
of his whole childhood.
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00:05:52,989 --> 00:05:55,088
Missed all those birthdays,
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all those Christmases,
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all those Halloweens.
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00:05:57,859 --> 00:05:59,525
He was so young when
the virus hit, I mean,
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he might not even know what
any of those holidays are.
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00:06:01,396 --> 00:06:02,829
Poor little guy.
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00:06:02,864 --> 00:06:04,341
I have an idea.
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Why don't we throw a
big party for Jasper?
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Like a birthday party?
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Oh, I'm talking birthday,
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00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:15,842
Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Kwanzaa,
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Flag Day, Toyotathon,
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like, every joyous
occasion you've ever had
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just rolled into one
festive smorgasbord.
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00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,111
That's a great idea.
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We give him a chance to
be a friggin' kid for once.
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00:06:26,388 --> 00:06:28,213
- I love it.
- You guys, you know, I think
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00:06:28,238 --> 00:06:30,167
this'll be really good for Melissa too.
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00:06:31,354 --> 00:06:33,141
Hey! No, no.
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00:06:33,176 --> 00:06:35,643
No, no, no. No, those
don't go in there, hon.
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00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:38,513
Those don't go in there.
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00:06:38,548 --> 00:06:41,349
It's okay, they just don't go in there.
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Okay.
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00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:43,618
Let's start planning.
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- Yeah.
- Okay.
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00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,524
Hey, bud, can I talk to you for a sec?
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00:06:49,559 --> 00:06:50,892
Sure, yeah, what's up, bud?
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Well, it's about the party.
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00:06:52,525 --> 00:06:53,828
You know, I think it might be best
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if Melissa sits this one out.
190
00:06:55,599 --> 00:06:56,698
She's doing way better.
191
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:58,299
I mean, she doesn't need
her drool towel anymore.
192
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,201
You know, stools are way less tarry.
193
00:07:00,236 --> 00:07:01,400
Aren't they, Melissa?
194
00:07:01,425 --> 00:07:02,236
Hmm?
195
00:07:02,272 --> 00:07:03,204
Your stools.
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00:07:03,696 --> 00:07:05,840
- Yep.
- Yeah, see?
197
00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:08,142
Real happy to hear those
are firming up for her,
198
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,877
but this party's about Jasper,
199
00:07:09,913 --> 00:07:12,135
and I just don't think he's
feeling very comfortable
200
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,394
around her right now.
201
00:07:13,419 --> 00:07:15,379
Oh, so hide the weirdo, huh?
202
00:07:15,404 --> 00:07:17,251
- Is that what you're saying?
- Exactly.
203
00:07:17,287 --> 00:07:19,495
You know what? Just, uh,
enjoy planning your party.
204
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,562
I'll just go tell Melissa
she can go to hell.
205
00:07:21,587 --> 00:07:23,454
Oh, thanks, bud.
206
00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:26,275
Ridiculous.
207
00:07:35,111 --> 00:07:36,810
Oh, hey, don't worry about her,
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00:07:36,846 --> 00:07:38,078
she's not gonna hurt you.
209
00:07:38,114 --> 00:07:39,480
Here, come on down from there.
210
00:07:39,515 --> 00:07:40,748
Hey, what's going on?
211
00:07:40,783 --> 00:07:42,765
Jasper's petrified of Melissa.
212
00:07:42,790 --> 00:07:45,085
Yeah... uh, I got this,
don't worry about it.
213
00:07:45,121 --> 00:07:47,641
Hey, bud, don't be afraid of her, okay?
214
00:07:47,688 --> 00:07:49,306
She's just playing make-believe.
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00:07:49,331 --> 00:07:51,405
Uh, she's rehearsing for the title role
216
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:54,408
in a stage production of
The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
217
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,466
Oh, come on, Tandy.
218
00:07:55,501 --> 00:07:56,600
Oh, that isn't cool, yeah,
219
00:07:56,635 --> 00:07:58,152
he doesn't know what an exorcism is.
220
00:07:58,183 --> 00:08:00,838
An exorcism is when a demon
takes over a person's body
221
00:08:00,863 --> 00:08:02,650
and just makes them do terrible things.
222
00:08:02,675 --> 00:08:04,220
Okay, I got to say something here.
223
00:08:04,256 --> 00:08:06,614
I think it's wrong to keep
Jasper away from Melissa.
224
00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:08,645
How is he ever gonna get
comfortable around her
225
00:08:08,670 --> 00:08:09,833
if you won't let him get to know her?
226
00:08:09,858 --> 00:08:10,827
I will.
227
00:08:10,862 --> 00:08:11,894
Look, right now,
228
00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:13,966
he just needs to get
over that comfort hump,
229
00:08:13,991 --> 00:08:15,832
then we can totally throw
Melissa into the mix.
230
00:08:15,867 --> 00:08:17,300
All right, okay.
231
00:08:17,390 --> 00:08:18,591
Okay, bye, Todd.
232
00:08:18,616 --> 00:08:19,736
Bye, Emily Rose.
233
00:08:19,771 --> 00:08:21,204
Uh, sorry, Melissa.
234
00:08:22,319 --> 00:08:24,318
Jasper? Ah, man.
235
00:08:24,694 --> 00:08:26,075
Jasper?
236
00:08:26,353 --> 00:08:27,663
Ridiculous.
237
00:08:28,913 --> 00:08:30,313
There it is, there it is.
238
00:08:30,348 --> 00:08:31,827
All right.
239
00:08:34,361 --> 00:08:37,116
Ah, shoot, I left my gun in the car.
240
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:38,350
Be right back.
241
00:08:42,157 --> 00:08:43,590
Oh, geez.
242
00:08:43,615 --> 00:08:46,182
What's this down here again?
243
00:08:46,365 --> 00:08:48,716
Lost a few buttons down there, I see.
244
00:08:48,741 --> 00:08:50,366
You think?
245
00:08:50,402 --> 00:08:52,557
Ever since you mentioned
your button popping off,
246
00:08:52,582 --> 00:08:53,890
it's been crazy.
247
00:08:54,105 --> 00:08:55,838
Lost 16 yesterday.
248
00:08:55,874 --> 00:08:58,241
Ah, you're really having a time there.
249
00:08:58,276 --> 00:08:59,876
Tell me about it.
250
00:08:59,911 --> 00:09:02,679
It's like a sharknado but with buttons.
251
00:09:02,964 --> 00:09:04,286
Yeah, you be careful.
252
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,716
Aw, what can I say? It's
the life we've chosen.
253
00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:09,490
- Preggers can't be choosers.
- Yeah.
254
00:09:09,778 --> 00:09:11,615
- Ooh, whoa.
- Whoa!
255
00:09:17,128 --> 00:09:19,773
Couldn't find my gun, so I used the car.
256
00:09:19,798 --> 00:09:21,531
Well, you just saw.
257
00:09:24,026 --> 00:09:25,284
Oh, this is great.
258
00:09:25,309 --> 00:09:26,408
Yeah.
259
00:09:28,323 --> 00:09:30,465
How's this place for a picnic?
260
00:09:30,989 --> 00:09:31,931
Okay,
261
00:09:31,956 --> 00:09:33,789
let's see what we have here.
262
00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:38,381
Hey, this isn't what I packed.
263
00:09:38,416 --> 00:09:41,910
This basket is filled
with toys and treats.
264
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,662
Melissa, did you empty this basket
265
00:09:44,687 --> 00:09:47,590
and fill it with toys
and treats for Jasper?
266
00:09:47,858 --> 00:09:48,715
No.
267
00:09:49,747 --> 00:09:51,233
I'm not mad.
268
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:54,975
You have a fun-loving
spirit. You're accessible.
269
00:09:56,201 --> 00:09:57,734
Hey, Jasper!
270
00:09:58,013 --> 00:09:59,563
You want some of these toys and treats
271
00:09:59,588 --> 00:10:01,254
that Melissa brought for you?
272
00:10:03,486 --> 00:10:06,242
Well, they're over here
if you change your mind.
273
00:10:06,277 --> 00:10:09,479
Oh, my God! A water gun?
274
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,353
I'm gonna get you.
275
00:10:17,935 --> 00:10:19,422
Well, well, well.
276
00:10:20,193 --> 00:10:21,624
What's going on here?
277
00:10:21,919 --> 00:10:25,762
I... I was just, uh, having
a picnic with Melissa.
278
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:27,797
Oh, that's weird.
279
00:10:27,832 --> 00:10:30,266
Don't think I ever remember
you having a picnic before.
280
00:10:30,301 --> 00:10:32,101
No, yeah, I have picnics all the time.
281
00:10:32,137 --> 00:10:33,503
Oh, you do? All the time?
282
00:10:33,819 --> 00:10:35,986
All the time, having
picnics all the time.
283
00:10:38,076 --> 00:10:40,007
Why don't you name 20
picnics you've had before.
284
00:10:40,032 --> 00:10:40,975
Come on. Now.
285
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,712
Uh, t-t-today. Okay?
286
00:10:42,747 --> 00:10:44,447
Yeah, that's one. One picnic.
287
00:10:44,482 --> 00:10:46,115
In-in Malibu. I had one on the beach.
288
00:10:46,151 --> 00:10:47,850
That's two. 18 more, come on.
289
00:10:47,886 --> 00:10:49,652
- Uh, uh...
- Come on!
290
00:10:49,687 --> 00:10:51,788
Name 18 more picnics, Todd! Now!
291
00:10:51,823 --> 00:10:53,691
I can't think of any! Okay?
292
00:10:53,716 --> 00:10:55,816
No, you can't. 'Cause you're lying about
293
00:10:55,841 --> 00:10:57,901
your affinity for
picnics, Todd, aren't you?
294
00:10:57,926 --> 00:10:59,253
Well, excuse me
295
00:10:59,278 --> 00:11:00,917
for trying to establish a connection
296
00:11:00,942 --> 00:11:02,131
between Jasper and Melissa.
297
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,366
You're not excused.
298
00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:05,331
I just know that once
he gets to know her,
299
00:11:05,356 --> 00:11:06,636
he'll see how awesome she is.
300
00:11:06,671 --> 00:11:09,440
Oh, so that makes it okay to
lie about a friggin' picnic!
301
00:11:09,465 --> 00:11:11,207
Well, I'm not the only
one who's lying, am I?
302
00:11:11,242 --> 00:11:12,975
That's different and you know it.
303
00:11:13,011 --> 00:11:15,745
I'm just trying to protect
my son and give him the nice,
304
00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:17,677
- safe party that he deserves.
- Yeah, well,
305
00:11:17,702 --> 00:11:18,911
you know what, don't worry because
306
00:11:18,943 --> 00:11:20,754
Melissa and I won't be
at your stupid party.
307
00:11:20,779 --> 00:11:23,853
Todd, look, it's okay if you come.
308
00:11:23,878 --> 00:11:25,177
Oh, really? What day is it again?
309
00:11:25,202 --> 00:11:26,889
- Oh, it's tonight.
- I'm busy.
310
00:11:28,326 --> 00:11:29,825
- Fine.
- Fine.
311
00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:30,693
Fine.
312
00:11:30,728 --> 00:11:32,462
You having fun, Jasper?
313
00:12:17,434 --> 00:12:21,453
Ho-ho-ho, gobble-gobble,
Shabbat shalom, boo!
314
00:12:21,516 --> 00:12:24,217
I'm Rabbi-Jack-O-Thanks-Bunny-Claus.
315
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:28,565
And I'm Lady
Liberty-Patrick-Cupid-Claus.
316
00:12:28,590 --> 00:12:29,617
And tonight's
317
00:12:29,642 --> 00:12:30,813
your night, bro.
318
00:12:31,094 --> 00:12:32,059
Behold!
319
00:12:35,932 --> 00:12:37,899
♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪
320
00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:46,707
Jasper,
321
00:12:46,743 --> 00:12:48,009
welcome to a taste
322
00:12:48,044 --> 00:12:49,644
of every major holiday
323
00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:52,914
rolled into one magical experience.
324
00:12:52,949 --> 00:12:54,803
Over the next four days...
325
00:12:54,828 --> 00:12:55,716
Four days?
326
00:12:55,752 --> 00:12:57,600
We are going to overwhelm
327
00:12:57,625 --> 00:12:59,654
the pleasure centers of your brain,
328
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:02,139
tantalizing you with one magical
329
00:13:02,164 --> 00:13:03,591
holiday after another,
330
00:13:03,626 --> 00:13:06,475
and pushing you to
your celebratory brink.
331
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,084
Four freakin' days?
332
00:13:08,109 --> 00:13:09,163
Let's get started.
333
00:13:09,939 --> 00:13:13,369
We thought we'd ease you in
with a little gateway holiday.
334
00:13:13,394 --> 00:13:15,979
Y'all ready for Arbor Day?
♪ Da-na-na ♪
335
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,672
♪ Dun-dun, dun-dun-na, dun-na ♪
336
00:13:17,707 --> 00:13:19,106
♪ Dun-dun, dun-dun ♪
337
00:13:19,142 --> 00:13:20,274
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
338
00:13:20,310 --> 00:13:22,176
Pine!
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
339
00:13:22,212 --> 00:13:24,111
Conifer!
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
340
00:13:24,147 --> 00:13:26,264
Spruce!
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
341
00:13:26,289 --> 00:13:27,288
Deciduous!
342
00:13:27,405 --> 00:13:29,183
Arbor Day!
343
00:13:30,386 --> 00:13:32,086
♪ Hitting off licks in the bando ♪
344
00:13:32,121 --> 00:13:33,688
♪ Black X6, Phantom ♪
345
00:13:33,723 --> 00:13:35,155
♪ White X6, look like a panda ♪
346
00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:36,857
♪ Goin' out like I'm Montana ♪
347
00:13:36,893 --> 00:13:38,467
♪ Hundred killers, hundred hammers ♪
348
00:13:38,492 --> 00:13:39,794
♪ Black X6, Phantom ♪
349
00:13:39,829 --> 00:13:41,629
♪ White X6, panda ♪
350
00:13:41,664 --> 00:13:44,141
♪ Pockets swole, Danny... ♪
351
00:13:44,313 --> 00:13:45,199
Ridiculous.
352
00:13:45,235 --> 00:13:46,367
♪ Man, I'm the macho like Randy ♪
353
00:13:46,402 --> 00:13:48,387
♪ The chopper go Oscar for Grammy ♪
354
00:13:48,848 --> 00:13:50,104
♪ Pull up ya panty ♪
355
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:52,550
♪ Hope you killers understand me... ♪
356
00:13:52,864 --> 00:13:54,721
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
Fireworks!
357
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,510
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
Hot dogs!
358
00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:57,690
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
359
00:13:57,715 --> 00:13:58,946
Separation of Powers.
360
00:13:58,982 --> 00:14:00,281
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
361
00:14:00,316 --> 00:14:00,979
Tandy.
362
00:14:01,004 --> 00:14:03,485
♪ And the home ♪
363
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,453
♪ Of the ♪
364
00:14:05,488 --> 00:14:09,390
♪ Brave. ♪
365
00:14:09,425 --> 00:14:10,725
Yes.
366
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,258
And that's the Fourth of July.
367
00:14:12,704 --> 00:14:13,960
Now if you'll just hop
368
00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:16,485
over here... spoiler.
369
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:18,749
'Cause there's more!
370
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,568
And here to take you through this one
371
00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:23,337
is someone very special.
372
00:14:25,608 --> 00:14:28,281
Um, someone very special.
373
00:14:30,634 --> 00:14:32,000
Gail!
374
00:14:32,025 --> 00:14:34,915
Hey, I was putting on my friggin' ears.
375
00:14:34,951 --> 00:14:36,150
Oh, my God.
376
00:14:36,185 --> 00:14:38,252
It's the Easter Bunny.
377
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:41,178
Hi, I'm the Easter
Bunny. Nibble, nibble.
378
00:14:43,426 --> 00:14:46,560
Easter Bunny, don't you
have anything else to say?
379
00:14:47,259 --> 00:14:48,522
Nibble.
380
00:14:50,986 --> 00:14:52,266
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
381
00:14:52,302 --> 00:14:54,143
Egg hunts!
♪ Dun-da-dun, da-dun, dun-na ♪
382
00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:55,933
Resurrection!
383
00:14:56,323 --> 00:14:58,773
Hey, we're trying to
watch a movie in here!
384
00:14:58,808 --> 00:15:01,108
To be free!
385
00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:05,925
In the Declaration of
Independence, it is written:
386
00:15:06,222 --> 00:15:09,283
all men are created equal
387
00:15:09,319 --> 00:15:14,855
and endowed with certain
inalienable rights!
388
00:15:14,891 --> 00:15:17,725
That is where America is!
389
00:15:18,028 --> 00:15:19,628
Love it or leave it!
390
00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:22,821
You better love it or
you better leave it.
391
00:15:25,735 --> 00:15:30,738
You take this stick and you hit
it, and candy flies out of it.
392
00:15:30,773 --> 00:15:33,083
Okay. You're good to go for Mardi Gras.
393
00:15:33,108 --> 00:15:33,778
All right.
394
00:15:33,803 --> 00:15:36,210
When in doubt, just
douse him with beads.
395
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,458
Okay, thanks.
396
00:15:37,483 --> 00:15:38,582
What do you have next?
397
00:15:38,623 --> 00:15:39,480
Labor Day.
398
00:15:39,515 --> 00:15:41,404
Oh, that's kind of a tough one.
399
00:15:41,928 --> 00:15:42,983
Why would you say that?
400
00:15:43,019 --> 00:15:46,487
I mean, there's just
not much going on there.
401
00:15:46,522 --> 00:15:47,755
Yeah.
402
00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:50,157
You and Gail have made
that abundantly clear.
403
00:15:50,193 --> 00:15:51,659
Excuse me?
404
00:15:51,694 --> 00:15:54,894
What would me and my flat belly
know about Labor Day, right?
405
00:15:54,919 --> 00:15:58,195
Meanwhile you're over there
laughing it up on Fat Tuesday
406
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,434
with your pulchritudinous belly bump.
407
00:16:00,470 --> 00:16:04,171
Carol, I got pregnant
a few weeks before you.
408
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,798
How can you be jealous that
my baby bump came first?
409
00:16:06,823 --> 00:16:09,354
I'm not jealous that
your baby bump came first.
410
00:16:09,379 --> 00:16:10,911
Then what the hell's your problem?
411
00:16:10,947 --> 00:16:13,590
I'm jealous that your
baby bump came at all.
412
00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:15,967
Oh.
413
00:16:16,145 --> 00:16:17,918
I'm just really scared.
414
00:16:17,954 --> 00:16:20,801
I mean, what if my bump never comes?
415
00:16:21,557 --> 00:16:24,024
I haven't had any pregnancy symptoms.
416
00:16:24,838 --> 00:16:25,954
What if the test was off?
417
00:16:25,979 --> 00:16:27,695
What if something's really wrong?
418
00:16:27,730 --> 00:16:29,930
Oh, Carol, you're fine.
419
00:16:30,658 --> 00:16:33,601
But you don't really know
that for sure, do you?
420
00:16:34,804 --> 00:16:36,973
So the homeowner then opens the door,
421
00:16:36,998 --> 00:16:39,802
he sees the bag
burning, he stomps on it,
422
00:16:39,827 --> 00:16:41,793
and his foot gets just
covered in dog poop.
423
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,067
Now, since all dogs are dead now,
424
00:16:44,092 --> 00:16:46,112
instead of dog poop, I used my own.
425
00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:47,269
Trick or treat!
426
00:16:47,294 --> 00:16:50,531
Smell my feet, give us
something good to eat!
427
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,288
What are you doing here?
428
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,567
Melissa and I, we're, we're
trick-or-treating, bud.
429
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:01,562
We're dressed like two nice
people who belong at parties!
430
00:17:01,597 --> 00:17:03,631
Look, I thought we
talked about this, bud.
431
00:17:03,666 --> 00:17:06,066
You know what? I've met
guys like you before.
432
00:17:06,631 --> 00:17:09,503
Mr., uh, Velvet Rope. Mr. Party.
433
00:17:09,539 --> 00:17:11,420
With your little clipboard looking down,
434
00:17:11,445 --> 00:17:13,206
"Let's see, are you on the guest list?"
435
00:17:13,231 --> 00:17:16,108
You know how many
clubs I stood outside of
436
00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:18,333
'cause I wasn't on the list?
437
00:17:18,435 --> 00:17:20,748
Barrage, Mosaic,
438
00:17:21,011 --> 00:17:23,178
Jericho, Rain,
439
00:17:23,203 --> 00:17:26,153
uh, JP Looneys, Charlie Fitzwhiskey's.
440
00:17:26,189 --> 00:17:28,255
All of the hot Baltimore clubs.
441
00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:29,857
They all spat in my face.
442
00:17:29,892 --> 00:17:30,925
That's cool.
443
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,493
'Cause I'll tell you what, bud.
444
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:35,185
I refuse to let you or anybody else
445
00:17:35,338 --> 00:17:37,765
keep me outside of
your phony velvet rope.
446
00:17:39,144 --> 00:17:40,010
Hey, Jasper,
447
00:17:40,035 --> 00:17:41,468
you remember how I said that Melissa
448
00:17:41,493 --> 00:17:43,158
was rehearsing for a role?
449
00:17:43,183 --> 00:17:44,872
Well, Todd is helping her out
450
00:17:44,907 --> 00:17:48,342
by playing an over-the-top,
drunken buffoon.
451
00:17:48,377 --> 00:17:50,476
Oh, come on, Tandy, stop
it with the lies, okay?
452
00:17:50,501 --> 00:17:52,513
This kid... Jasper,
you deserve the truth.
453
00:17:52,548 --> 00:17:54,348
Melissa's sick. That's the truth.
454
00:17:54,383 --> 00:17:56,599
And I'm legitimately drunk, bud...
455
00:17:56,624 --> 00:17:57,384
Todd.
456
00:17:57,420 --> 00:17:58,452
None of this is real.
457
00:17:58,488 --> 00:17:59,854
Everybody knows it. Everybody.
458
00:17:59,889 --> 00:18:01,288
Oh, that's it. Get the hell out of here.
459
00:18:01,324 --> 00:18:02,289
You make me.
460
00:18:02,325 --> 00:18:03,457
You make me get out.
461
00:18:03,493 --> 00:18:04,921
Oh, you want to go?
462
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,627
I thought you'd never ask.
463
00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:07,862
Oh, so you do want to go?
464
00:18:07,897 --> 00:18:09,964
I'd love to go. The question
is: do you want to go?
465
00:18:09,999 --> 00:18:11,699
I was the one who proposed it, Todd.
466
00:18:11,734 --> 00:18:12,733
You want to go?
467
00:18:12,768 --> 00:18:13,968
I just freaking confirmed it.
468
00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:15,135
I do want to go.
469
00:18:15,171 --> 00:18:16,804
Then let's go outside and go.
470
00:18:16,839 --> 00:18:17,972
Then let's go, go.
471
00:18:18,007 --> 00:18:19,507
Let's go!
472
00:18:19,542 --> 00:18:21,985
Are they gonna go? I think they went.
473
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:24,789
- Come on!
- Oh, I'm coming on!
474
00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:26,717
- Bring it bud.
- Yeah, I will bring it!
475
00:18:26,742 --> 00:18:28,108
How about right here?
476
00:18:28,144 --> 00:18:29,334
Not afraid of you!
477
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:30,922
- Stop it!
- Push me a-frigging-gain.
478
00:18:30,947 --> 00:18:32,223
Tandy, stop it!
479
00:18:32,248 --> 00:18:33,647
No, I can't do that, Carol.
480
00:18:33,683 --> 00:18:35,616
I made a verbal commitment to do this.
481
00:18:35,651 --> 00:18:37,412
Then you stop it, Todd.
482
00:18:37,437 --> 00:18:39,286
I'm part of that commitment, Erica!
483
00:18:39,322 --> 00:18:41,221
You both should be committed.
484
00:18:41,257 --> 00:18:42,724
This guy ruined a kid's party!
485
00:18:42,749 --> 00:18:43,974
And probably his life.
486
00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:45,161
You're a bigot!
487
00:18:45,186 --> 00:18:47,731
- Or am I a hero?
- Y'all fight like a couple
488
00:18:47,756 --> 00:18:49,530
of straight-up chumps.
489
00:18:49,565 --> 00:18:51,756
Hey, Tandy, soup's on. Huh?
490
00:18:52,068 --> 00:18:53,420
Tonight's special:
491
00:18:53,795 --> 00:18:54,723
cream of your face.
492
00:18:54,748 --> 00:18:59,206
Oh, really? 'Cause I heard
it was Todd-mato soup! Burn.
493
00:18:59,241 --> 00:19:00,741
That sucked, dude.
494
00:19:00,776 --> 00:19:02,476
- Oh, take that back.
- Make me!
495
00:19:02,511 --> 00:19:03,877
You don't want to know
what's gonna happen
496
00:19:03,913 --> 00:19:06,005
- If you don't take that back right now!
- Come on! Let me see!
497
00:19:06,030 --> 00:19:07,567
- Take it back!
- I want to see! Come on!
498
00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:11,364
Stop it!
499
00:19:12,088 --> 00:19:13,487
Party's over! Say good night, bud!
500
00:19:13,522 --> 00:19:14,722
No! No!
501
00:19:14,757 --> 00:19:16,757
Stop this insanity!
502
00:19:20,297 --> 00:19:21,743
What the hell?
503
00:19:41,216 --> 00:19:42,850
Oh, my God.
504
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:50,049
Todd, he's laughing.
505
00:19:50,074 --> 00:19:51,925
Yeah. Look at 'em.
506
00:19:55,855 --> 00:19:57,831
It's been a while since
I've seen her smile.
507
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:02,395
I'm sorry, bud.
508
00:20:02,542 --> 00:20:04,760
Guess I over-cranked a little bit.
509
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:06,001
I totally get it.
510
00:20:06,026 --> 00:20:08,042
You were just trying to protect Jasper.
511
00:20:09,034 --> 00:20:11,510
I'm sorry for busting up your party.
512
00:20:12,081 --> 00:20:15,166
I guess whiskey and Milk don't mix.
513
00:20:15,191 --> 00:20:17,174
You're drinking whiskey and milk?
514
00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:19,440
No, I drank whiskey and
watched the movie Milk.
515
00:20:19,465 --> 00:20:20,554
Ah.
516
00:20:20,902 --> 00:20:23,408
Hey, get in here, ya friggin' fartface.
517
00:20:24,941 --> 00:20:26,972
- What were we doing?
- I don't know.
518
00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:29,464
Look, it's a shooting star.
519
00:20:31,011 --> 00:20:32,611
Oh, it's a big one.
520
00:20:33,068 --> 00:20:34,268
Wow.
521
00:20:37,713 --> 00:20:39,573
Make a wish, dummies.
522
00:20:55,621 --> 00:21:00,621
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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