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1
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:22,913
Things are looking up.
2
00:00:22,913 --> 00:00:24,831
A slip of the tongue by the Colonel
3
00:00:24,831 --> 00:00:28,469
revealed to me that the Germans
are soon to invade England.
4
00:00:28,469 --> 00:00:31,518
Churchill will, of course,
chuck in the sponge.
5
00:00:31,518 --> 00:00:36,071
The war will be over in a few weeks and
life will return to normal at Caf� Ren�.
6
00:00:36,071 --> 00:00:40,278
The two stupid British airmen
that l am 'iding, of course, have no idea.
7
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,394
(Both) Hello!
8
00:00:44,394 --> 00:00:47,916
The Germans will invade soon
and the British will surrender.
9
00:00:47,916 --> 00:00:51,072
- Jolly good show!
- Bang on!
10
00:00:51,072 --> 00:00:53,799
They have no idea
what l am talking about.
11
00:00:53,799 --> 00:00:56,394
Still, as l said, things are looking up.
12
00:00:56,394 --> 00:00:58,152
Ren�!
13
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,072
What do you think?
14
00:01:01,072 --> 00:01:03,674
Are you taking up beekeeping?
15
00:01:03,674 --> 00:01:06,433
l am choosing a veil for the wedding.
16
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,078
What wedding?
17
00:01:08,078 --> 00:01:10,310
Our wedding! You to me!
18
00:01:10,310 --> 00:01:14,393
Oh, Edith, do we have to
go through with this ridiculous charade?
19
00:01:14,393 --> 00:01:18,155
Of course! Everyone saw
the Germans execute you.
20
00:01:18,155 --> 00:01:21,038
They believe
you are your own twin brother.
21
00:01:21,038 --> 00:01:23,998
You are living with me
and tongues are wagging.
22
00:01:23,998 --> 00:01:25,672
Let them wag.
23
00:01:25,672 --> 00:01:28,149
Have you no feeling for my reputation?
24
00:01:28,149 --> 00:01:30,834
Anyway, it is all arranged.
25
00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:34,390
On the morning of the 14th,
the church bells will ring out.
26
00:01:34,390 --> 00:01:36,914
The neighbours will line the streets.
27
00:01:36,914 --> 00:01:39,389
They will throng to the service.
28
00:01:39,389 --> 00:01:41,710
The organ will play.
29
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:45,759
You will be waiting at the altar
in a top 'at and morning suit.
30
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,637
l will glide down the aisle
and smile up at you,
31
00:01:50,637 --> 00:01:53,188
wearing this.
32
00:01:53,188 --> 00:01:55,589
What do you think of it?
33
00:01:55,589 --> 00:01:57,591
Can you not get a thicker one?
34
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,629
( Gypsy tune)
35
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:05,580
Zigeuner, Zigeuner
36
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,151
(Knocking)
37
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,916
(Knocking persists)
38
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,391
l forgot my key.
39
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,755
How dare you employ Gestapo
dynamite for improper purposes?
40
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,552
l am sorry, Herr Flick.
41
00:02:55,552 --> 00:02:57,312
You have a visitor.
42
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,829
- You sent for me, Herr Flick?
- Yes, Helga.
43
00:03:04,829 --> 00:03:06,831
Take off your uniform.
44
00:03:06,831 --> 00:03:08,831
Yes, Herr Flick.
45
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,829
Vill zere be anything else, Herr Flick?
46
00:03:13,829 --> 00:03:15,592
Not vile you are looking.
47
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,070
Go avay.
48
00:03:19,070 --> 00:03:23,597
Herr Flick, l am obeying your command,
knowing not what is in store for me.
49
00:03:23,597 --> 00:03:25,830
All will be revealed in a moment.
50
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,595
Of this l have very little doubt.
51
00:03:29,595 --> 00:03:33,798
Ze Gestapo suspects that the Colonel
and General von Klinkerhoffen
52
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:37,395
may be involved in a plot
to assassinate Hitler.
53
00:03:37,395 --> 00:03:39,198
l am sure this is not so.
54
00:03:39,198 --> 00:03:41,396
- Continue to undress.
- Yes, Herr Flick.
55
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,071
We cannot take any chances.
56
00:03:46,071 --> 00:03:48,071
Give me your uniform.
57
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,789
- Sit in ze chair.
- Yes, Herr Flick.
58
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,950
A listening device will be placed
in ze office of the Colonel
59
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:04,715
by a Gestapo agent disguised
as a temporary typist.
60
00:04:04,715 --> 00:04:07,314
But the Colonel does not need
a temporary typist.
61
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:10,119
He will when you do not turn up
for a week.
62
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,908
Herr Flick! To what are you up?
63
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,949
l was intending to lock you in here.
64
00:04:22,949 --> 00:04:26,874
Now l have no door,
we must make other arrangements.
65
00:04:26,874 --> 00:04:31,511
Exciting as this may seem,
Herr Flick, you are my fianc�.
66
00:04:31,511 --> 00:04:33,830
Why are you doing this to me?
67
00:04:33,830 --> 00:04:38,232
Because l do not wish you to reveal
ze identity of the Gestapo agent.
68
00:04:38,232 --> 00:04:40,038
Who is the Gestapo agent?
69
00:04:40,038 --> 00:04:40,788
Me.
70
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,914
'Urry, and put the flowers on the table.
71
00:04:54,914 --> 00:04:56,956
We will soon be open.
72
00:04:56,956 --> 00:05:00,271
And l 'ope you will change
your apron before we are open.
73
00:05:00,271 --> 00:05:03,830
There is more food on it
than there is on the menu.
74
00:05:03,830 --> 00:05:06,718
Ren�, l will wash it for you.
75
00:05:06,718 --> 00:05:09,598
l will use the last of my soap ration.
76
00:05:09,598 --> 00:05:15,550
Then l will press it against my 'ot body
as l sleep tonight, dreaming of you.
77
00:05:15,550 --> 00:05:18,518
Would you wash my socks as well?
78
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,911
ls ze coast clear?
79
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,108
Gather round. There is very little time.
80
00:05:31,108 --> 00:05:33,031
l shall say this only once.
81
00:05:33,031 --> 00:05:36,430
Before you start,
that new radio is useless.
82
00:05:36,430 --> 00:05:41,071
Yes. All we can hear on it is
''kkkksssskkkss''!
83
00:05:41,071 --> 00:05:43,594
Zat is because
the Gestapo are jamming it.
84
00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:46,672
l 'ave come to tell you that
we must have a longer aerial.
85
00:05:46,672 --> 00:05:48,910
But we do not possess a longer aerial.
86
00:05:48,910 --> 00:05:50,638
lf you listen, l will tell you.
87
00:05:50,638 --> 00:05:52,358
Once.
88
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,396
A kite is being constructed
89
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:58,074
that will take the wire
to the required height.
90
00:05:58,074 --> 00:06:01,197
Mimi, you will collect
this kite from ze convent.
91
00:06:01,197 --> 00:06:04,989
To avoid suspicion,
you will be disguised as a small nun.
92
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:08,595
She could hardly
be disguised as a big one.
93
00:06:08,595 --> 00:06:10,398
Why cannot l go?
94
00:06:10,398 --> 00:06:13,392
l can disguise myself as a nun
just as well as her.
95
00:06:13,392 --> 00:06:17,473
You are known to all the village
as a woman of the streets.
96
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,911
Lots of women
of ze streets become nuns.
97
00:06:21,911 --> 00:06:24,434
Not overnight.
98
00:06:24,434 --> 00:06:27,830
No, Yvette, it takes weeks of practice.
99
00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:31,674
Ren�, you will fly the kite
and inform London the radio is working.
100
00:06:31,674 --> 00:06:33,830
Will that not be obvious?
101
00:06:33,830 --> 00:06:37,959
You will also inform them
that we require plastic explosives
102
00:06:37,959 --> 00:06:40,998
to break into the German
general's safe in the chateau
103
00:06:40,998 --> 00:06:44,038
to obtain the details
of the plan to invade England.
104
00:06:44,038 --> 00:06:45,792
Could you not do some of this?
105
00:06:45,792 --> 00:06:49,031
Why is it that you always
question my decisions?
106
00:06:49,031 --> 00:06:50,678
Could you do my job better?
107
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:53,991
Could you run the Resistance,
keeping everyone 'appy?
108
00:06:53,991 --> 00:06:56,230
Deciding who to shoot, what to blow up?
109
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,470
- Making threatening calls?
- l...
110
00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:01,677
Do you know what
my telephone bill is every month?
111
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,430
- Michelle...
- Join the Communist Resistance!
112
00:07:06,430 --> 00:07:08,750
Get up their noses!
113
00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:11,274
Michelle, l have never seen you like this.
114
00:07:11,274 --> 00:07:15,717
Oh, l am sorry. Sometimes
l wonder if it is all worthwhile.
115
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,396
Now look what you have done.
116
00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:22,471
You have upset the Resistance.
117
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,998
And you have made her
drop her bullets!
118
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:34,152
Oh, look.
Do not put this one in your gun.
119
00:07:34,152 --> 00:07:36,435
lt is a lipstick.
120
00:07:36,435 --> 00:07:38,829
All right. l am sorry, Michelle.
121
00:07:38,829 --> 00:07:40,512
We will do as you ask.
122
00:07:40,512 --> 00:07:44,832
Look, you just go and disappear,
like...like a phantom.
123
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,150
Take her away, girls, please.
124
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,753
Good moaning.
125
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:58,671
Outside your coffee was
this bunch of diffodills and dozes.
126
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,314
Pinned to them is a nit.
127
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,711
Pardon me if l love you,
but l have my dirty to do.
128
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,480
Oh. They are for you, Edith.
129
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,994
Who could be sending you flowers?
130
00:08:17,994 --> 00:08:21,390
Oh! They are from the ltalian captain!
131
00:08:21,390 --> 00:08:26,270
''To Madame Edith, a beautiful laydee.''
132
00:08:26,270 --> 00:08:29,193
And he has written me a little poem!
133
00:08:29,193 --> 00:08:31,953
''All-a night-a, l dream-a of your face
134
00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:34,713
''as l a-sleep-a in my room
135
00:08:34,713 --> 00:08:37,155
''l think l must-a be in love
136
00:08:37,155 --> 00:08:40,118
''My heart go
boom-titty-boom-titty-boom''
137
00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,151
That is a terrible poem.
138
00:08:44,151 --> 00:08:46,549
l will put them in water.
139
00:08:46,549 --> 00:08:50,076
He is not the first Eyetie
to have had the 'ots for me.
140
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:56,478
Ten years ago an ice-cream man
gave her a free cornet.
141
00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:59,318
Ren�! We are alone!
142
00:08:59,318 --> 00:09:02,870
- Oh, Yvette!
- Ohh, Ren�!
143
00:09:02,870 --> 00:09:04,598
Ooh!
144
00:09:04,598 --> 00:09:07,478
Oh, my body is crying out for you.
145
00:09:07,478 --> 00:09:11,473
Could you make it cry quietly?
My wife is in the kitchen.
146
00:09:11,473 --> 00:09:15,758
Put around me your strong arms.
Crush this yearning out of me.
147
00:09:15,758 --> 00:09:18,070
Put your rough cheek against my cheek.
148
00:09:18,070 --> 00:09:20,515
Run your rough hands
through my hair.
149
00:09:20,515 --> 00:09:22,875
Put your rough lips against my lips.
150
00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:26,316
Oh, Ren�. l would do anything for you.
151
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,675
Well, next time you go to the chemist,
152
00:09:28,675 --> 00:09:31,399
could you get me a pot of skin cream?
153
00:09:31,399 --> 00:09:33,436
- Oh, Ren�.
- (Doorbell)
154
00:09:33,436 --> 00:09:35,875
Monsieur!
155
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:37,632
What is this l see before me?
156
00:09:37,632 --> 00:09:42,271
The fianc� of the woman l love
locked in the arms of another.
157
00:09:42,271 --> 00:09:43,918
Th-there is an explanation...
158
00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:48,790
To think l have suppressed my desire
for that honourable lady
159
00:09:48,790 --> 00:09:51,952
out of respect
for your bravery and honour.
160
00:09:51,952 --> 00:09:55,828
And all the time, you are doing
a number behind her back.
161
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:58,957
We were not kissing,
we were 'olding each other.
162
00:09:58,957 --> 00:10:01,634
l do not wish to know
what you were 'olding.
163
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:05,076
- Where is the woman l adore?
- She is in ze kitchen.
164
00:10:05,076 --> 00:10:07,390
Gutting fish.
165
00:10:07,390 --> 00:10:09,914
Very well, monsieur. l will go to 'er.
166
00:10:09,914 --> 00:10:12,878
But from now on, monsieur,
the gloves are off.
167
00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:15,599
And l will press my suit.
168
00:10:15,599 --> 00:10:19,559
- l intend telling her everything l've seen.
- Oh, but, M Alfonse,
169
00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:22,393
a Frenchman does not tell
on another Frenchman.
170
00:10:22,393 --> 00:10:24,038
This is true.
171
00:10:24,038 --> 00:10:27,237
But l have Belgian blood
on my mother's side.
172
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:34,080
Ah, Gruber. Thank you for coming.
173
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,996
- Where is Helga?
- l wish l knew.
174
00:10:37,996 --> 00:10:40,036
She hasn't reported for duty.
175
00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:43,237
(Tuts) l do not know
why they have girls in ze army,
176
00:10:43,237 --> 00:10:46,118
they are most unreliable. lt's a man's job.
177
00:10:46,118 --> 00:10:50,239
l quite agree. Now, Gruber,
you have got to help me.
178
00:10:50,239 --> 00:10:53,073
We must get rid of this terrible ltalian.
179
00:10:53,073 --> 00:10:57,199
He does nothing but hang around
my office and get in my hair.
180
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,509
lt's vorse than that, Colonel.
He is sharing my billet.
181
00:11:02,509 --> 00:11:05,910
lt's difficult to make
ze copies of ze paintings
182
00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:07,956
which we intend to sell.
183
00:11:07,956 --> 00:11:09,996
He's got to go.
184
00:11:09,996 --> 00:11:14,232
l vonder if Ren� could get
the Resistance to blow him up.
185
00:11:14,232 --> 00:11:17,312
That does seem a little drastic, Colonel.
186
00:11:17,312 --> 00:11:19,356
Well, almost blow him up,
187
00:11:19,356 --> 00:11:23,149
enough to make him a nervous wreck
so he can be sent home.
188
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:27,677
He's very boring, always talking
about his conquests with women.
189
00:11:27,677 --> 00:11:30,069
lt's bad enough to be an ltalian
190
00:11:30,069 --> 00:11:33,072
but to be a boring ltalian is unforgivable.
191
00:11:33,072 --> 00:11:34,878
(Metal clinking)
192
00:11:34,878 --> 00:11:37,315
Colonelo!
193
00:11:37,315 --> 00:11:39,356
My friend!
194
00:11:39,356 --> 00:11:43,194
Ahhh! Mwah! Mwah!
195
00:11:43,194 --> 00:11:44,952
Gruberto!
196
00:11:44,952 --> 00:11:45,952
Ooh.
197
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,436
You too are my friend, eh?
198
00:11:51,436 --> 00:11:55,433
l bring-a the pipers.
All over, we win-a the war!
199
00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:59,433
You don't vin-a the var, ve vin-a the var!
200
00:11:59,433 --> 00:12:02,034
Well, you Germans, you like-a the war.
201
00:12:02,034 --> 00:12:04,714
We ltalians, we don't want no trouble.
202
00:12:04,714 --> 00:12:08,475
We make-a the pasta,
we make-a the love, and we sing.
203
00:12:08,475 --> 00:12:12,075
One night of love!
204
00:12:12,075 --> 00:12:15,630
Silence! l will not have
singing in my office.
205
00:12:15,630 --> 00:12:20,236
One wonders, Captain Bertorelli,
why you joined the army anyway.
206
00:12:20,236 --> 00:12:24,757
lt's-a the uniform.
lt drive-a the laydees mad.
207
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,709
My name is
lrma von Kinkenrotten,
208
00:12:39,709 --> 00:12:41,756
your temporary stenographer.
209
00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:45,230
- Where is Helga?
- She was unexpectedly detained.
210
00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:48,392
As one of her most intimate
female girlfriends
211
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,835
she has asked me to stand in for her.
212
00:12:50,835 --> 00:12:54,230
To demonstrate how excited l am
at zis opportunity
213
00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:57,118
to be of service to you
and the fatherland,
214
00:12:57,118 --> 00:12:59,316
l have brought you zese flowers.
215
00:12:59,316 --> 00:13:02,472
- (Clicks tongue)
- Ooh!
216
00:13:02,472 --> 00:13:05,199
lf you do that again you will be shot.
217
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,636
What a mistake-a to make-a.
218
00:13:09,636 --> 00:13:12,951
Thank you, Private Kinkenrotten,
that will be all.
219
00:13:12,951 --> 00:13:14,996
That will not be all!
220
00:13:14,996 --> 00:13:17,913
The General orders you to report
to the chateau.
221
00:13:17,913 --> 00:13:20,275
- At what time?
- At once, at ze double!
222
00:13:20,275 --> 00:13:22,510
We mustn't keep the General waiting.
223
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,989
l'll give you a lift in my little tank.
224
00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:28,311
lt's quite speedy
if you give it a bit of schtick.
225
00:13:28,311 --> 00:13:31,597
- ls there-a room-a for me?
- lf you sit on my knee.
226
00:13:31,597 --> 00:13:33,636
l take-a the bus.
227
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:56,109
What are you doing in my clobber
and how did you get here?
228
00:13:56,109 --> 00:14:00,671
Removing my shoe, l succeeded in
grasping a hairpin with my toes.
229
00:14:00,671 --> 00:14:04,799
Placing it between my teeth,
l managed to viggle open the lock
230
00:14:04,799 --> 00:14:07,394
on the steel band restraining my wrist.
231
00:14:07,394 --> 00:14:09,596
After that, it was quite simple.
232
00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:13,229
You clearly have many talents
formerly unknown to me.
233
00:14:13,229 --> 00:14:17,108
Take these headphones
and pass them through the window.
234
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,076
And stop doing that silly limp.
235
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,357
What are you doing, Herr Flick?
236
00:14:28,357 --> 00:14:30,556
Come here and l will show you.
237
00:14:30,556 --> 00:14:33,712
ln this vase is
a powerful Gestapo microphone.
238
00:14:33,712 --> 00:14:37,270
lt can be activated from
a distance in this fashion.
239
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,636
(Whirring)
240
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,312
Through this almost invisible
microphone
241
00:14:52,312 --> 00:14:55,472
the most intimate conversations
can be heard.
242
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:02,119
l find the ingenuity
of the Gestapo most exciting.
243
00:15:02,119 --> 00:15:06,398
- You may kiss me.
- l overheard that quite distinctly.
244
00:15:06,398 --> 00:15:08,391
Go and hide under a bush!
245
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:11,988
( Piano)
246
00:15:11,988 --> 00:15:15,959
(Tunelessly) How would you
like to hug and squeeze?
247
00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:19,555
How would you like to daddy me
on your knees?
248
00:15:19,555 --> 00:15:24,270
How would you like to be
my lovey-dovey?
249
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:28,194
How would you like to spoon
with me-e-e-e-e?
250
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:31,192
Ohh, magnifico!
251
00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:34,078
He likes it! He likes it!
252
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,153
Don't encourage her! She'll sing again.
253
00:15:38,153 --> 00:15:40,708
She's a beautiful laydee.
254
00:15:40,708 --> 00:15:42,756
Also, she is owner of caf�.
255
00:15:42,756 --> 00:15:46,435
After all the war is over,
is a nice business for Alberto.
256
00:15:46,435 --> 00:15:48,715
Bravo! More, more, more!
257
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:52,031
l thought we Germans
were the ruthless ones.
258
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,273
Now l would like to sing
for you a little...
259
00:15:56,273 --> 00:16:00,194
l am sorry, my wife cannot sing
for you again, Captain.
260
00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:02,953
But Ren�, the Captain likes my singing.
261
00:16:02,953 --> 00:16:06,635
Yes, but Edith, we have to light
the candles in the church.
262
00:16:06,635 --> 00:16:09,154
lt is our special saint's day.
263
00:16:09,154 --> 00:16:13,153
Have you forgotten, Edith,
or are you as 'igh as a kite?
264
00:16:13,153 --> 00:16:14,912
What saint's day is this?
265
00:16:14,912 --> 00:16:18,072
lt is the patron saint
of all the innkeepers.
266
00:16:18,072 --> 00:16:21,436
That is right, yes, er...Saint lnebriata.
267
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,673
Go on, Edith, go and get ready.
268
00:16:25,673 --> 00:16:27,671
Psst! Listen -
269
00:16:27,671 --> 00:16:31,548
we have to leave now to contact
London. You know what to do?
270
00:16:31,548 --> 00:16:35,110
(Scoffs) l was running a bar
271
00:16:35,110 --> 00:16:38,351
when ze Kaiser was in shorts.
272
00:16:38,351 --> 00:16:43,673
Now, somebody wants a large gin.
273
00:16:43,673 --> 00:16:45,273
Who?
274
00:16:45,273 --> 00:16:46,023
Me.
275
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,476
Ren�, more drinks, table three.
276
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,790
Erm, oh. Two Cognacs.
277
00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:54,472
Two Cognacs!
278
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:58,189
- One house wine.
- One house wine!
279
00:16:58,189 --> 00:17:00,840
Ren�, look!
280
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,592
A very small nun.
281
00:17:02,592 --> 00:17:04,955
One small nun!
282
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,153
Ah! Er, holy sister of mercy,
283
00:17:10,153 --> 00:17:12,071
erm...
284
00:17:12,071 --> 00:17:14,799
How unusual to see one of your calling
285
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:17,269
coming in through the front door.
286
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:21,273
No doubt you are 'ere to remind
me about the candle lighting.
287
00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:25,478
Go into the kitchen, Sister,
and help yourself to some gruel.
288
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:28,393
And stay in there
or you'll get us all shot.
289
00:17:28,393 --> 00:17:30,436
(Sighs)
290
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,034
Right, now, all we need are
the batteries for the wireless.
291
00:17:36,034 --> 00:17:38,953
They are in the kitchen.
Are you ready?
292
00:17:38,953 --> 00:17:41,713
Edith, l am scared.
What if we get caught?
293
00:17:41,713 --> 00:17:44,360
Ren�, where is your manhood?
294
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,396
Do not start all that again.
295
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,876
General von Klinkerhoffen!
296
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,438
Heil Hitler!
297
00:17:56,438 --> 00:17:58,078
Heil Hitler!
298
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,196
(Spitting)
299
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,877
You may be seated.
300
00:18:03,877 --> 00:18:05,916
Not you.
301
00:18:05,916 --> 00:18:08,639
lt seems you spend more time
in here carousing
302
00:18:08,639 --> 00:18:12,315
than you do in prosecuting the war.
This will not be tolerated.
303
00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:16,234
Generalo, my friend. lt's-a lunch time.
304
00:18:16,234 --> 00:18:19,232
We eat-a, we sing-a,
we chat up-a the girls.
305
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:22,756
Then after we have-a the lunch,
we make-a the war.
306
00:18:22,756 --> 00:18:25,149
l am under the impression, Captain,
307
00:18:25,149 --> 00:18:28,755
that you could not fight your way
out of a wet paper bag.
308
00:18:28,755 --> 00:18:32,549
You will all accompany me
on my tour of inspection of the area.
309
00:18:32,549 --> 00:18:33,269
March!
310
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,468
Here, Colonel, how does he say
about the paper bag?
311
00:18:38,468 --> 00:18:40,994
How does he think
l win all these medals?
312
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:43,275
You shut-a your cakehole.
313
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,831
Oh, these batteries are 'eavy as lead.
314
00:18:55,831 --> 00:18:57,876
That is because they are lead.
315
00:18:57,876 --> 00:19:00,076
The radio is no lightweight either.
316
00:19:00,076 --> 00:19:02,435
Nor is this picnic.
317
00:19:02,435 --> 00:19:06,399
l would gladly 'elp you
but l 'ave a lot of back trouble.
318
00:19:06,399 --> 00:19:09,631
Also you 'ave a lot of front trouble.
319
00:19:09,631 --> 00:19:13,998
- How much further?
- This will be a nice place for a picnic.
320
00:19:13,998 --> 00:19:17,789
We are not having a picnic,
we are contacting London.
321
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:20,110
Now, where is Crabtree?
322
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,196
Good moaning.
323
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,034
Where is the coat?
324
00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:33,477
- He means kite.
- lt is under my skirt.
325
00:19:33,477 --> 00:19:35,949
Gentlemen, avert your eyes.
326
00:19:35,949 --> 00:19:41,068
l 'ope she did not thonk
we were looking at a nun's knockers.
327
00:19:41,068 --> 00:19:43,276
Help me to assemble the kite.
328
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:59,274
That area will be occupied
by one regiment of artillery.
329
00:19:59,274 --> 00:20:01,954
What a pretty field.
330
00:20:01,954 --> 00:20:06,079
ln a few months' time,
there will 2,000 men camping here.
331
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,355
Make a note of that, Gruber.
332
00:20:08,355 --> 00:20:10,317
l already have.
333
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,951
lt is very large.
334
00:20:15,951 --> 00:20:19,510
The aerial has to be very high
to get above ze jamming.
335
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,556
Ze wire is connected.
336
00:20:21,556 --> 00:20:24,438
There is a strong wind from the wost.
337
00:20:24,438 --> 00:20:27,796
lt is best that we hide
in the bushes with the radio
338
00:20:27,796 --> 00:20:31,077
whilst you get the kite in the air.
Here is the wire.
339
00:20:31,077 --> 00:20:33,958
l have the microphone
and the earphones in here
340
00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:36,793
with the tomatoes and the cucumbers.
341
00:20:36,793 --> 00:20:41,271
Michelle is mad. The Germans
will see a thing of that size.
342
00:20:41,271 --> 00:20:44,477
At 500 feet it will be just like a little dot.
343
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:48,030
Yvette and l will hold the coat in the ear.
344
00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:50,918
On the word go, we will lunch it.
345
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:52,956
What do l do?
346
00:20:52,956 --> 00:20:56,749
'Ere, take ze wire
and run into ze wind as fast as you can.
347
00:20:56,749 --> 00:20:59,354
And good lick.
348
00:20:59,354 --> 00:21:03,956
- Are you ready?
- Get it up! Get it up!
349
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,116
Stand by!
350
00:21:07,116 --> 00:21:10,351
One, two, throo, go!
351
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,678
Faster! Faster!
352
00:21:16,678 --> 00:21:19,832
- l am going as fast as l can!
- Faster!
353
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,998
Oh, well done, Ren�!
354
00:21:23,998 --> 00:21:26,594
(Panting)
355
00:21:26,594 --> 00:21:29,148
Let out ze line!
356
00:21:29,148 --> 00:21:31,674
Already l am hearing the crackling.
357
00:21:31,674 --> 00:21:34,672
'Allo, London. 'Allo, London.
358
00:21:34,672 --> 00:21:37,115
This is Nighthawk calling London.
359
00:21:37,115 --> 00:21:39,475
(Wind whistling)
360
00:21:39,475 --> 00:21:42,916
The wind, it is very strong up there.
361
00:21:42,916 --> 00:21:45,150
lt is slipping through my hands!
362
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,908
Get it up higher! Get it up higher!
363
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:51,673
lt is burning my fingers, l cannot...
364
00:21:51,673 --> 00:21:52,988
Ah!
365
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,353
'Allo? 'Allo, London. 'Allo, London.
366
00:22:03,353 --> 00:22:06,273
This is Mrs Nighthawk calling London.
367
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,919
You have gone very faint.
368
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,035
God! We 'ave lost our new waitress.
369
00:22:18,035 --> 00:22:20,793
And good staff are so difficult to find.
370
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,199
Quick! Follow that nin!
371
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,432
That will be the assembly area
for 250 tanks.
372
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:32,829
General, l know it's top secret
373
00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:36,469
but when will we get to know
the date for the invasion?
374
00:22:36,469 --> 00:22:38,710
Unfortunately, Hitler depends more
375
00:22:38,710 --> 00:22:42,190
on the advice of his astrologers
than his generals.
376
00:22:42,190 --> 00:22:44,271
He claims to be waiting for a sign.
377
00:22:44,271 --> 00:22:47,511
When that sign arrives, he will invade.
378
00:22:47,511 --> 00:22:50,558
lt is my opinion
that we are not yet ready.
379
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,556
Would he regard...
a flying nun as a lucky omen?
380
00:23:08,556 --> 00:23:11,950
l should think he'd be off tomorrow.
Why do you ask?
381
00:23:11,950 --> 00:23:13,996
No reason at all.
29203
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