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NARRATOR: Once upon a time
in a faraway land known as the 1980s,
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00:00:26,625 --> 00:00:31,333
there was a lovely, smart, funny American
girl named Donna who moved to England,
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00:00:31,416 --> 00:00:34,958
where she fell in love with
a handsome Frenchman named Henrique.
4
00:00:35,041 --> 00:00:37,750
They had a perfect child
whom they called Eloise,
5
00:00:37,833 --> 00:00:42,416
and all was well until one day
Henrique decided, as we say in England,
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00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,500
to fuck the babysitter.
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00:00:44,583 --> 00:00:48,750
And so dear Donna returned to
her charming hometown of Indianapolis,
8
00:00:48,833 --> 00:00:52,625
where she met another man who was--
well, he was Bill.
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00:00:52,708 --> 00:00:55,958
And Donna had two more children,
Alice and Paul.
10
00:00:56,041 --> 00:00:58,333
For half the year,
Eloise would come to stay with them
11
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:01,291
and enjoy all the delights
of Midwestern life:
12
00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:05,916
the motor speedway, the Putt-Putt,
and of course the mall.
13
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,166
-♪ That's Frosty the Snowman ♪
-(busy chatter)
14
00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:11,666
♪ He's a jolly, happy soul... ♪
15
00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:14,416
ELF PHOTO CLERK:
Okay, everyone, say "jingle."
16
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,625
-ALL: Jingle!
-(camera clicks)
17
00:01:16,708 --> 00:01:18,500
Okay, everybody, hats and sweaters off.
18
00:01:18,583 --> 00:01:20,041
Let's see that Easter flair.
19
00:01:20,125 --> 00:01:22,583
All right, you heard your mother.
He is risen. Let's go!
20
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:23,750
Uh, wh-what's happening?
21
00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:26,083
Well, I paid for three pictures,
so we're moving on to Easter.
22
00:01:26,166 --> 00:01:28,625
Hey, big guy, do you mind stepping aside
for these next ones?
23
00:01:28,708 --> 00:01:30,125
Yeah, let's go. Go get yourself a potato.
24
00:01:30,208 --> 00:01:31,458
Extra bacon bits. You earned it. Let's go.
25
00:01:31,541 --> 00:01:32,875
He's not allowed to eat in his suit.
26
00:01:32,958 --> 00:01:34,958
DONNA:
Oh, just roll with it. Come here, Paulie.
27
00:01:35,041 --> 00:01:37,458
-Ooh, Mom, can we be hugging
in the picture? -Yes.
28
00:01:37,541 --> 00:01:38,666
Oh, let's flex.
29
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:40,333
-Uh, yes to hugging, no to flexing.
-Yes. -Yay!
30
00:01:40,416 --> 00:01:42,416
-(camera clicks) -Excuse me.
We weren't ready. -Come on.
31
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,875
I-I'm sorry.
There's a lot of people waiting.
32
00:01:44,958 --> 00:01:47,291
All right, I will pay
for the four-picture package.
33
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,166
I can pay for it, Mum.
34
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:52,166
El, no, I'm not gonna allow
my 13-year-old daughter to pay for this.
35
00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,666
-Her dad sent her here with $3,000.
-I know.
36
00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:56,500
Oh, yeah, but we already decided
she's buying us a Jet Ski.
37
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:57,583
-Bill.
-(Alice laughs)
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00:01:57,666 --> 00:01:59,208
-I thought we landed on a hot tub.
-(Bill laughs)
39
00:01:59,291 --> 00:02:02,208
How about one of those limousines
with a hot tub?
40
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:03,375
Let's get a lion.
41
00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:06,208
-Let's get a Taco Bell
and put it in our backyard. -Yes!
42
00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:07,333
Everybody, say...
43
00:02:07,416 --> 00:02:08,416
Bunny.
44
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:09,916
-ALL: Bunny!
-(camera clicks)
45
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,541
Great. Okay, red, white and blue.
46
00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:13,041
-Quick like bunnies.
-BILL: Wait.
47
00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:14,541
You're forgetting
a very important holiday.
48
00:02:14,625 --> 00:02:16,125
Give that to your mother.
49
00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:17,250
And we'll all say...
50
00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:19,375
BILL and KIDS:
Surprise!
51
00:02:19,458 --> 00:02:21,208
ELOISE:
Happy Mother's Day, Mum.
52
00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:24,333
Sorry I always have to miss it.
53
00:02:24,416 --> 00:02:26,416
This is so nice.
54
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,166
BILL:
Aw. Oh, don't cry.
55
00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:29,375
This is supposed to make you happy.
56
00:02:29,458 --> 00:02:32,041
I'm sorry. I can't stop it.
It's happening.
57
00:02:32,125 --> 00:02:35,166
Mom, does Ellie really
have to go home tomorrow?
58
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,458
Well, honey, she will be back
before you even know it.
59
00:02:36,541 --> 00:02:38,458
Why can't her dad live here?
60
00:02:38,541 --> 00:02:40,333
Because he lives in England, Alice.
61
00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:41,833
-I hate England!
-Oh.
62
00:02:41,916 --> 00:02:42,958
That's reasonable.
63
00:02:43,041 --> 00:02:44,958
I'm sorry. Should I take the picture?
64
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:48,166
This isn't gonna get any better, hon.
Just take it.
65
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:50,208
-(sighs)
-(camera clicks)
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00:02:50,291 --> 00:02:53,083
NARRATOR: Yes, Donna's three children
were once thick as thieves.
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00:02:53,166 --> 00:02:56,166
But as they grew, well, they grew apart.
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00:02:56,250 --> 00:02:58,458
Eloise had her father's fortune,
69
00:02:58,541 --> 00:03:03,416
and Alice and Paul had
their father's Chrysler Sebring.
70
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:08,000
By the year 2022, the family had
scattered to the four winds,
71
00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:12,833
but there was a glimmer of hope that could
perhaps bring them all together once more.
72
00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:15,458
I'm speaking of course of a wedding.
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00:03:15,541 --> 00:03:18,416
And that is how our story begins.
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00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,500
♪ ♪
75
00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:41,541
♪ ♪
76
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:00,666
♪ Who took the bomp? ♪
77
00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:02,666
("Deceptacon" by Le Tigre playing)
78
00:04:17,708 --> 00:04:21,041
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
79
00:04:22,291 --> 00:04:23,708
♪ See you later ♪
80
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:26,708
♪ See you later. ♪
81
00:04:28,375 --> 00:04:30,666
-(song ends)
-(quiet chatter)
82
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:34,666
What the fuck even is this?
83
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:44,166
-(line rings)
-PAUL (over phone): Hi, sis.
84
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:47,416
Oh, my fucking God,
have you seen this invitation?
85
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:50,125
I-I am five minutes away from
homiciding someone.
86
00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:51,958
-I can't stand her.
-I know. I know.
87
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:54,833
I opened mine this morning, and then
I just put it down on my kitchen table,
88
00:04:54,916 --> 00:04:57,625
I poured kerosene everywhere, and then
I just literally burned my own house down.
89
00:04:57,708 --> 00:04:59,291
I mean, the invites are gorgeous,
90
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:03,375
but I'm not kidding,
I think she spent like $25,000.
91
00:05:03,458 --> 00:05:05,458
And they smell like rosemary.
92
00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:07,583
I am moving to space.
93
00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:09,041
Okay, I'm screaming, and I'm dead.
94
00:05:09,125 --> 00:05:11,833
I died of screaming, and now I'm also--
I'm stabbing people.
95
00:05:11,916 --> 00:05:13,458
I'm just, I'm just randomly
stabbing people.
96
00:05:13,541 --> 00:05:15,291
-Paul!
-Oh, sorry.
97
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:16,375
Okay, give me one second.
98
00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,333
I'm at work,
and I have a patient in a trash can.
99
00:05:18,416 --> 00:05:20,541
That sounds fine and normal.
100
00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:22,000
Okay, you got nine more minutes, Helen.
101
00:05:22,083 --> 00:05:23,291
-That's it.
-(patients babbling, woman shrieks)
102
00:05:23,375 --> 00:05:25,458
There is a maxi pad near my shin.
103
00:05:25,541 --> 00:05:27,875
-How does that make you feel, honey?
-I want to get out.
104
00:05:27,958 --> 00:05:30,333
I want you to let that feeling in
but just not act on it.
105
00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:32,958
I am gonna add some more trash now.
106
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,708
Now, remember, this might feel like
I'm heaping garbage on you...
107
00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:38,208
-(gasps)
-...but it's a gift.
108
00:05:38,291 --> 00:05:39,208
Hi. Sorry.
109
00:05:39,291 --> 00:05:40,916
Are you going to the wedding?
110
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,500
No, I'm not going.
111
00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:45,583
Alice, Eloise is our half sister, which
means we can half-ass the relationship.
112
00:05:45,666 --> 00:05:47,375
Although, she did ask me
to be her maid of honor
113
00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:49,291
when I was like 17.
114
00:05:49,375 --> 00:05:51,875
Oh, my God. You're gonna go, aren't you?
115
00:05:51,958 --> 00:05:53,041
She doesn't even want us there.
116
00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:55,708
Or maybe she wants us to be her butlers.
Whatever.
117
00:05:55,791 --> 00:05:57,166
-I'm not going.
-Uh-huh.
118
00:05:57,250 --> 00:05:58,958
-(retches)
-Okay, I really need to go now.
119
00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:03,583
Listen, Alice, stay strong,
and please tell Mom to stop calling me.
120
00:06:03,666 --> 00:06:04,916
(Donna grunts)
121
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,500
DONNA:
Hello?
122
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:07,708
(grunts)
123
00:06:07,791 --> 00:06:09,250
Hello?
124
00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:11,083
(grunts) Hello?
125
00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:12,833
(grunting)
126
00:06:12,916 --> 00:06:14,625
Is anyone there? I seem to be stuck--
127
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,958
(yelps)
128
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:17,625
WOMAN:
Ma'am? Coming in.
129
00:06:18,791 --> 00:06:20,750
DONNA:
Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
130
00:06:20,833 --> 00:06:22,708
No worries. Uh, it's just my face.
131
00:06:22,791 --> 00:06:23,958
Uh, okay, let's see.
132
00:06:24,041 --> 00:06:26,041
-Let me just...
-DONNA: I just got-- I couldn't get...
133
00:06:27,291 --> 00:06:28,500
Can you unzip?
134
00:06:28,583 --> 00:06:30,208
-Whew.
-Sure.
135
00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:31,541
-(fabric ripping)
-DONNA: I got it. Wait.
136
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,166
Oh, okay.
137
00:06:33,250 --> 00:06:34,916
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
-Oh.
138
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,208
(fabric rips)
139
00:06:38,583 --> 00:06:39,833
Hi. (chuckles)
140
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:41,791
-I will pay for this.
-Don't worry about it.
141
00:06:41,875 --> 00:06:44,500
Are you shopping for a special occasion?
142
00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:47,208
Yes, my daughter Eloise
is getting married in England.
143
00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:48,333
She lives there.
144
00:06:48,416 --> 00:06:51,166
My first husband was European.
French. Henrique.
145
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:52,375
He's a douchebag.
146
00:06:52,458 --> 00:06:54,916
-Oh. Okay. -And my other children
from my second marriage--
147
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,291
they don't seem
to really like me right now.
148
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:57,458
Especially my son Paul.
149
00:06:57,541 --> 00:07:00,541
Ever since his father Bill died--
Bill was my second husband.
150
00:07:00,625 --> 00:07:02,458
-Yeah.
-(sighs) Life's a journey.
151
00:07:02,541 --> 00:07:07,458
As for me, well, I guess the, uh...
(panting)
152
00:07:07,541 --> 00:07:09,958
romantic chapters of my life are over,
153
00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:13,000
and I'm-I'm not sure what to do next.
154
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:15,333
-Well...
-And I've also developed
155
00:07:15,416 --> 00:07:16,541
this totally irrational fear of traveling.
156
00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:17,958
I'm so anxious.
157
00:07:18,041 --> 00:07:19,750
But my friend Barbara gave me
some pot for my flight.
158
00:07:19,833 --> 00:07:21,833
-Do you do pot?
-Uh, I...
159
00:07:21,916 --> 00:07:23,625
Oh, you can't answer that.
You're at work, so don't.
160
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:27,166
The point is I haven't had
all my children together for a while.
161
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,875
I mean, since Bill's funeral.
162
00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:34,708
Shall I get you some other options?
163
00:07:34,791 --> 00:07:37,875
Yes. Yes.
I'll try not to completely destroy them.
164
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,500
(quietly):
Wow.
165
00:07:39,583 --> 00:07:41,583
♪ ♪
166
00:07:49,291 --> 00:07:51,291
(Donna sighing)
167
00:07:52,916 --> 00:07:54,750
(line ringing)
168
00:07:56,708 --> 00:07:58,000
(sighs heavily)
169
00:07:59,541 --> 00:08:01,750
Can't ignore your mom forever, hon.
170
00:08:01,833 --> 00:08:04,958
I absolutely can
ignore her forever, actually.
171
00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:07,333
I'm very cold
and extremely heartless, so...
172
00:08:07,416 --> 00:08:09,750
It's very hard to be a parent, Paul.
173
00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:12,625
Okay, Helen, it's time for you
to get back in the trash,
174
00:08:12,708 --> 00:08:15,958
and I'm gonna need you
to take those puppies off.
175
00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:19,125
You're gonna have to rip these shoes
off my bony, old, dead legs.
176
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,875
You're the one who's paying
7,000 bucks a week to stand in trash
177
00:08:21,958 --> 00:08:25,916
so you can function in a world
where germs exist, Hels Bells.
178
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,333
Okay, one at a time. Ooh, graceful.
179
00:08:28,416 --> 00:08:30,000
-(shudders)
-That's all right.
180
00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:32,208
Yes, very daintily.
181
00:08:32,291 --> 00:08:34,250
Good. I'm going to let go
of your hand now.
182
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:36,166
You got it.
183
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,750
Take a deep breath. (inhales deeply)
184
00:08:38,833 --> 00:08:40,791
-You can do it.
-(whimpers softly)
185
00:08:40,875 --> 00:08:43,041
(woman crying, murmuring in distance)
186
00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:44,666
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
187
00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:47,208
(sobbing softly)
188
00:08:47,291 --> 00:08:49,708
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm right here. I'm right here.
189
00:08:49,791 --> 00:08:51,208
It's okay.
190
00:08:51,291 --> 00:08:53,791
No, I can't-- Okay.
191
00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:56,416
All right. Okay. It's okay.
192
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:57,791
-Yeah.
-(busy chatter)
193
00:08:57,875 --> 00:08:58,916
Thanks.
194
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,458
Oh, hey, Al, uh,
do you have the RoboJet file?
195
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,125
Uh, it's just right here.
196
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:06,583
Uh, reschedule my Friday lunch, and
do you want to sit in on my two o'clock?
197
00:09:06,666 --> 00:09:08,541
I could really use your input on this one.
198
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:10,625
Yeah. I could squeeze you in.
199
00:09:10,708 --> 00:09:13,208
-(rhythmic thumping)
-(panting)
200
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:15,000
Can we get dinner after this?
201
00:09:15,083 --> 00:09:17,625
Only if it's someplace nice.
No cheeseburgers.
202
00:09:17,708 --> 00:09:20,000
-What if it's a very, very cool
food truck? -No.
203
00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:21,166
You own this whole company.
204
00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:23,500
You are not buying me a cheeseburger, bro.
205
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:26,500
Did you just call me "bro"
while we're fucking?
206
00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:28,500
I'm sorry. Your Honor.
207
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:29,583
That's better. Say that one more time.
208
00:09:29,666 --> 00:09:31,791
-Your Honor.
-Oh. Oh, shit. Oh.
209
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:39,083
How much money worth of wine
do you think is in this cup?
210
00:09:39,166 --> 00:09:41,666
Like, is this $45 worth?
211
00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:44,625
You know, sometimes I think that you're
actually just using me for my fortune.
212
00:09:44,708 --> 00:09:46,541
Oh, my God, no.
213
00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:47,916
I'm using you for your dick.
214
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,958
-I'm okay with that.
-Good.
215
00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:51,625
(phone chirps)
216
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:53,708
Who was that?
217
00:09:53,791 --> 00:09:55,041
(scoffs) Barf.
218
00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:57,750
My mom is trying to get me to go
to my sister's wedding again.
219
00:09:57,833 --> 00:09:59,708
Oh, and you're not gonna go
'cause you're gonna miss me too much?
220
00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,291
No.
221
00:10:01,375 --> 00:10:05,375
My sister's just--
We were close for a long time,
222
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:09,083
and I thought she was amazing,
but she was just rich.
223
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:10,416
Oh, that sucks.
224
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:15,041
No, not like a cool rich person
like you or like Iron Man.
225
00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:17,791
-We're basically the same person.
-Mm-hmm. But it's different.
226
00:10:17,875 --> 00:10:21,000
She's not there for me, you know?
Like, literally.
227
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,416
She was supposed to come see me
last summer.
228
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,500
Oh, so she wasn't there
for the breakup or the miscarriage?
229
00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:27,625
Yeah, whatever.
230
00:10:27,708 --> 00:10:31,458
She bailed, chose to stay in London
and play cricket
231
00:10:31,541 --> 00:10:33,208
and shove fish and chips up her butt.
232
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:34,833
That's not how you eat them.
233
00:10:34,916 --> 00:10:36,208
You should go.
234
00:10:36,291 --> 00:10:38,208
Or maybe...
235
00:10:38,291 --> 00:10:39,541
we should go?
236
00:10:39,625 --> 00:10:41,208
What?
237
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:42,333
-(fire roars)
-(gasps)
238
00:10:42,416 --> 00:10:44,458
Give a girl a little warning.
239
00:10:44,541 --> 00:10:46,083
Give her some warning next time.
240
00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:47,500
(laughs)
241
00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:49,625
-Date night.
-(lively chatter)
242
00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:51,041
She's kind of up there, you know.
243
00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:52,375
Hey, boys.
244
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:55,333
-(laughter)
-So excited for your big show tonight.
245
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:58,333
Do you know Paul has never seen King Lear?
246
00:10:58,416 --> 00:11:00,541
Well, to be fair,
I did see Gnomeo & Juliet,
247
00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:02,833
by myself, through a series of mix-ups.
248
00:11:02,916 --> 00:11:06,000
Oh, we're doing a whole gender thing,
so it's actually Queen Lear.
249
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,208
Oh, wow.
250
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:10,000
I'm sure it's better than that production
of Cats where they made them all dogs.
251
00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:11,083
(laughter)
252
00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:12,333
Oh, hey, Dallas.
253
00:11:12,416 --> 00:11:13,833
Hi.
254
00:11:13,916 --> 00:11:16,541
Dallas, you have to meet Dominic and Paul.
255
00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:19,791
They are our best friends, and it is
a travesty we haven't introduced you yet.
256
00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:21,916
DOMINIC:
Hi, Dallas. Is it true what they say?
257
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,708
Is everything bigger in Texas?
258
00:11:23,791 --> 00:11:26,208
(laughs) Well, hi, boys. Uh...
259
00:11:26,291 --> 00:11:27,750
Oh, there's the lights.
260
00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:29,750
Let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
261
00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:31,708
Um, I'm not a part of that.
262
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,541
I'm just their straight friend.
263
00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:34,625
Yeah, we figured.
264
00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:36,208
You dress straight.
265
00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:38,041
PAUL:
Wait, Dom.
266
00:11:38,125 --> 00:11:40,250
What is a Dallas?
267
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,583
He's their, you know, extra.
268
00:11:42,666 --> 00:11:44,000
-They opened their relationship?
-Mm-hmm.
269
00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:45,083
I'm shocked.
270
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:47,708
-Oh, Paul, you're so easily shocked.
-I am not.
271
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,750
Yes. You're shocked every time
they reveal a Masked Singer.
272
00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:51,291
Okay, well, it's never
who you expect it to be.
273
00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:53,375
That's the whole point of the show.
274
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,416
(sighs)
275
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:02,250
Paul, I'd love to talk to you
276
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:05,375
about making the trip.
277
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,083
Airplane emoji.
278
00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,666
Where are you? Where are you? Oh.
279
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:10,958
-No, that's a knife.
-(phone whooshes)
280
00:12:11,041 --> 00:12:12,375
(gasps)
281
00:12:12,458 --> 00:12:14,875
...that she may feel.
282
00:12:14,958 --> 00:12:18,666
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is.
283
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:20,625
-To have a thankless child.
-(phone buzzing)
284
00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:23,583
(quietly):
Why did she send a knife?
285
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,416
All right, sir, this is your destination.
286
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,500
Please feel free to give me a five-star
rating on my pretend Uber account.
287
00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:35,208
I will give you six.
288
00:12:35,291 --> 00:12:36,833
-...ty-nine?
-No.
289
00:12:36,916 --> 00:12:39,333
-Yes! You said it.
-(chuckles)
290
00:12:39,416 --> 00:12:41,625
All right, time to face the music.
291
00:12:41,708 --> 00:12:44,541
You know, you could come to my place
sometime, for the night.
292
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:48,083
You could even ride up front
like a real boy.
293
00:12:48,166 --> 00:12:51,458
No, the-the way that she's gonna yell
at me for being this late is bad enough.
294
00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:53,666
I mean, if-if I was out all night,
believe me...
295
00:12:53,750 --> 00:12:55,666
Yeah, okay. I get it. Never mind.
296
00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:57,666
Alice, I'm sorry.
297
00:12:57,750 --> 00:13:00,166
I mean, she already knows
that I want a separation, but...
298
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,000
(house door opens)
299
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,583
The baby.
300
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:08,125
Yeah.
301
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:09,458
(exhales)
302
00:13:09,541 --> 00:13:11,541
Okay, I hate you. Go.
303
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,166
(sighs) I hate you, too.
304
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,875
See you tomorrow.
305
00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:18,958
(car door closes)
306
00:13:22,791 --> 00:13:24,458
(house door closes)
307
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,208
(sighs)
308
00:13:27,291 --> 00:13:29,416
I'm worried about Preston and Crosby.
309
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,625
An open relationship
just sounds very messy.
310
00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:33,833
Mm, I think that's sort of the point.
(chuckles)
311
00:13:33,916 --> 00:13:35,375
I thought they were happy.
312
00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:37,708
Maybe they just want to share
their happiness with someone else.
313
00:13:37,791 --> 00:13:41,833
Gosh, Paul, you're so young
but so traditional.
314
00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:43,500
Well, I think it's nice when two people
315
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:46,875
can really commit to each other
for life, you know?
316
00:13:46,958 --> 00:13:49,000
Like I thought my parents did.
317
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:51,166
-Maybe they did.
-No. No.
318
00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:54,041
My mom threw away all my dad's stuff,
like, a week after he died,
319
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,041
like he never even existed.
320
00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:57,333
And she never even talks about him.
321
00:13:57,416 --> 00:13:59,916
I still don't think
this awkwardness with your mom
322
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,666
should stop us from going to London.
323
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:02,750
-(sighs)
-Hmm?
324
00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:05,833
Okay, well, honey, my mom's not
the only reason I don't want to go, okay?
325
00:14:05,916 --> 00:14:08,583
I also... have to work.
326
00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:11,875
And... um, well, I don't like scones.
327
00:14:11,958 --> 00:14:16,250
Okay, so scones and open relationships--
they're off the table.
328
00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:19,666
Wait, do you really wish
we had an open relationship?
329
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:20,916
No.
330
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,125
(chuckles):
No, I don't.
331
00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:26,083
(sighs) Paul, I think
you should talk to your mom.
332
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:30,958
You know, maybe she had her reasons
for being weird with your dad, you know?
333
00:14:31,041 --> 00:14:32,791
Maybe he was whoring around town.
334
00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:35,750
You know, really giving it to the ladies
at the Fuddruckers.
335
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:39,208
No, no. That's my mom's first husband
that cheated on her.
336
00:14:39,291 --> 00:14:41,500
But she still has his picture
up in her house.
337
00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:42,625
Henrique.
338
00:14:42,708 --> 00:14:45,500
So then there's no Frenchmen
in our threesomes?
339
00:14:45,583 --> 00:14:47,875
(sighs) You're hilarious.
340
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:56,333
(sighs softly)
341
00:14:56,416 --> 00:14:59,333
("The Wire" by Haim playing)
342
00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:01,791
(busy chatter)
343
00:15:04,541 --> 00:15:06,666
♪ You know I'm bad at communication ♪
344
00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:07,958
♪ It's the hardest thing for me to do ♪
345
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,750
♪ And it's said
it's the most important part ♪
346
00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:13,041
♪ That relationships go through ♪
347
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:17,541
♪ And I gave it all away
just so I could say that ♪
348
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:18,916
♪ Well, I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
349
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,958
♪ That you're gonna be okay anyway ♪
350
00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:23,458
♪ You know there's no rhyme or reason ♪
351
00:15:23,541 --> 00:15:25,208
♪ For the way you turned out to be ♪
352
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:27,625
♪ I didn't go and try to change my mind ♪
353
00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:29,666
♪ Not intentionally ♪
354
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:32,166
♪ I know it's hard to hear me say it ♪
355
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:34,083
♪ But I can't bear to stay in ♪
356
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,583
♪ I just know, I know, I know, I know
that you're gonna be okay... ♪
357
00:15:36,666 --> 00:15:42,708
You'll be seeing a lot more of these
in London.
358
00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:45,666
♪ Don't let your mind retire ♪
359
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:48,958
♪ Oh, but I just couldn't take it ♪
360
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:51,791
-♪ I tried hard not to fake it... ♪
-(song ends abruptly)
361
00:15:51,875 --> 00:15:53,458
Oh! Hi. Martha.
362
00:15:53,541 --> 00:15:55,875
Top of the... good morning to you.
363
00:15:55,958 --> 00:15:58,250
Um, you're here to water the plants.
364
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,291
-Yep.
-Great.
365
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:03,458
I, um, came in to, uh, return the stapler,
366
00:16:03,541 --> 00:16:05,583
and then...
367
00:16:05,666 --> 00:16:07,583
something went wrong with my underwear.
368
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:09,875
As you can see. They slipped down.
369
00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,166
They fell right off.
370
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:14,166
-I know that sounds crazy, but...
-Nope.
371
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:15,583
It's happened to me a bunch of times.
372
00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:16,750
Let's troubleshoot.
373
00:16:16,833 --> 00:16:18,583
Let me help you out here.
374
00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:19,833
-I got this.
-I can probably just...
375
00:16:19,916 --> 00:16:21,916
No, no. I got this.
Sorry. I got this. Please.
376
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,375
-All right, I see exactly what happened.
-You do?
377
00:16:24,458 --> 00:16:25,458
-I see what you did.
-Yeah?
378
00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:27,083
You just must have put
one foot through this morning.
379
00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:28,291
-Wow.
-Yeah.
380
00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:30,125
-Geez, what a goof, huh?
-Come on.
381
00:16:30,208 --> 00:16:31,458
-It happens to the best of us.
-Okay, yep.
382
00:16:31,541 --> 00:16:32,750
MARTHA:
That's great, that's great.
383
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:33,916
-Perfect.
-Okay.
384
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,291
-And we're just--
and that's as far as I can go. -Okay.
385
00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:38,083
And I want you to wiggle.
386
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,291
-Right.
-Give me a little...
387
00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:40,375
(imitates squeaking):
"Er-ee, er-ee, er-ee."
388
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,375
-That's it. That's it. Wow.
-Yeah.
389
00:16:42,458 --> 00:16:44,333
Ooh. That makes so much sense.
390
00:16:44,416 --> 00:16:45,583
Well done.
391
00:16:45,666 --> 00:16:47,625
-Thank you. Yeah.
-You did it. Yeah, great.
392
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:50,625
Um, okay, well, phew.
393
00:16:50,708 --> 00:16:52,166
-I'm glad you were here.
-Yeah.
394
00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:54,458
-Have a good day.
-You, too.
395
00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:56,333
Always good to see ya.
396
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,375
Okay, bye. Love ya. I mean...
397
00:16:59,458 --> 00:17:00,708
I know.
398
00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:03,625
Ooh.
399
00:17:06,583 --> 00:17:09,125
"I googled the best places
for scones in the city.
400
00:17:09,208 --> 00:17:12,375
"It might be fun
to try something new together.
401
00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,875
Love, Dominic."
402
00:17:14,958 --> 00:17:16,708
Fucking Dallas.
403
00:17:16,791 --> 00:17:18,791
(phone ringing)
404
00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:20,375
-Paul Stevenson.
-DONNA (over phone): Paul.
405
00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:21,791
Oh, finally. It's Mom.
406
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:24,916
Shit.
407
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,416
Paul. Quick word?
408
00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:32,625
It was just a hug.
409
00:17:32,708 --> 00:17:35,041
The protocol is the protocol.
410
00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:38,666
If we soothe our patients,
they won't learn to self soothe.
411
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:41,166
Would you pick up a baby
every time it cried?
412
00:17:42,791 --> 00:17:45,333
No. I wouldn't.
413
00:17:45,416 --> 00:17:47,333
I would...
414
00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:50,125
put the baby down.
415
00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:54,083
With extreme prejudice.
416
00:17:54,166 --> 00:17:56,250
You've broken the bond with Helen.
417
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:58,500
My method of treating OCD,
418
00:17:58,583 --> 00:18:01,625
which may I remind you
is considered the gold standard,
419
00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:03,958
requires patients to confront their fears,
420
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:09,250
to be alone with their discomfort
until they learn to comfort themselves.
421
00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:13,500
Sometimes a hug can be worse than a slap.
422
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:20,000
I'm giving you one month's unpaid leave
to confront your fear of doing your job.
423
00:18:25,375 --> 00:18:27,375
(phone buzzing)
424
00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:31,250
Hi, Paul.
425
00:18:31,333 --> 00:18:33,458
(singsongy):
Guess who's coming to London.
426
00:18:33,541 --> 00:18:37,208
Mm. Guess who else is also going,
and that guess is me.
427
00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:39,125
Yeah, well, my job sucks,
428
00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:41,583
and I do not want to wind up
with a Dallas.
429
00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:43,791
Did that sentence make no sense,
or am I drunk?
430
00:18:43,875 --> 00:18:44,916
Or both?
431
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,083
(sighs) Drink for me.
432
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,541
DONNA:
Oh, Alice,
433
00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:49,833
I'm just so relieved.
434
00:18:49,916 --> 00:18:52,041
Okay, hon, w-we'll talk soon.
435
00:18:52,125 --> 00:18:53,541
Okay, bye-bye.
436
00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:57,125
Yes! Alice and Paul are both
going to the wedding.
437
00:18:57,208 --> 00:19:00,416
Why can't you ever be happy for me,
Gerald, huh? Just once?
438
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:05,958
♪ ♪
439
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:07,083
Where are you?
440
00:19:07,166 --> 00:19:10,250
I am two wines deep
and considering ordering something
441
00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:12,958
called the Excess Baggage Bacon Bites.
442
00:19:13,041 --> 00:19:15,125
Alice, I'm not at the airport.
443
00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:16,791
I-I can't fly out tonight.
444
00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:18,083
What? Why?
445
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:19,625
Uh, Marissa...
446
00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:21,541
I don't want to hear about her.
447
00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:24,500
Look, I just need more time, okay?
448
00:19:24,583 --> 00:19:25,750
It's been months.
449
00:19:25,833 --> 00:19:27,291
You can't understand, okay?
450
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,291
-You don't have children.
-Oh, fuck off.
451
00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:30,791
(sighs) I'm sorry.
452
00:19:30,875 --> 00:19:33,416
I... I didn't mean it like that.
453
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:35,916
You know, when you said, "Let's go,"
I kind of thought you wanted to go,
454
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,875
-so I guess that's on me.
-I'm sorry.
455
00:19:38,958 --> 00:19:41,000
I will be there as soon as I can.
456
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:43,083
Just please trust me.
457
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,500
Okay.
458
00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:48,083
I'll see you soon.
459
00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:54,875
-Oh. Excuse me. Excuse me.
-(fingers snap)
460
00:19:54,958 --> 00:19:56,500
-Shit.
-Sir?
461
00:19:56,583 --> 00:19:59,583
Shit, I just got a notification
that our hotel reservation was canceled.
462
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,458
Surprise. (laughs)
463
00:20:01,541 --> 00:20:02,750
Uh, sorry, what?
464
00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:06,083
Well, I canceled it because
my dear friend Alcott Cotswald--
465
00:20:06,166 --> 00:20:08,166
you know my old PhD professor--
466
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,000
he offered us a room in his flat.
467
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:11,375
Sorry, your dear friend, is it?
468
00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:14,250
And it's-- We're gonna stay in his flat?
469
00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:16,125
-Are we on Downton Abbey?
-(both laugh)
470
00:20:16,208 --> 00:20:18,875
Well, Alcott is quite wealthy
and quite gay, so...
471
00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:20,458
-(chuckles)
-...you know, I just figured his place
472
00:20:20,541 --> 00:20:22,750
would be much better than the hotel, so...
473
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:26,000
Oh, Paul, you don't...
you don't seem happy.
474
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:27,125
-Mm.
-No?
475
00:20:27,208 --> 00:20:29,708
I just feel like your life
has been such a bummer,
476
00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:31,916
and I wanted to do something nice for you.
477
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,416
But if you don't want to stay with Alcott,
478
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:34,750
-then I'll just cancel.
-No, no, no.
479
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:37,041
No. No. It's fine.
480
00:20:37,125 --> 00:20:38,666
Good. Good.
481
00:20:38,750 --> 00:20:41,250
-You're going to love him.
-Mm-hmm. I'm sure I will.
482
00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:43,083
I love old, weird, rich men.
483
00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:45,291
Prince Charles-- mm, delish.
484
00:20:54,791 --> 00:20:55,791
Oh, dear God.
485
00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:56,916
-What?
-What?
486
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000
-Oh!
-Oh!
487
00:20:58,083 --> 00:20:59,916
Oh. Ah, sorry. (chuckles)
488
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,458
I shouldn't have worn such a light pant.
489
00:21:02,541 --> 00:21:04,500
Does someone have Tide to go?
490
00:21:05,583 --> 00:21:06,833
Sir?
491
00:21:06,916 --> 00:21:08,750
♪ ♪
492
00:21:08,833 --> 00:21:10,416
Oh, my God!
493
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,500
-Are you okay?
-Uh-- Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
494
00:21:12,583 --> 00:21:15,041
I-I'm fine. I just...
495
00:21:15,125 --> 00:21:19,125
My ex-husband just...
messaged me on the Facebook.
496
00:21:19,208 --> 00:21:20,291
Oh, okay.
497
00:21:20,375 --> 00:21:21,750
I mean, he said-- Listen to this.
498
00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:25,083
"Looking forward to seeing you, darling."
499
00:21:25,166 --> 00:21:26,750
-Hmm.
-Dumb.
500
00:21:26,833 --> 00:21:28,666
Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.
501
00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:30,166
So annoying.
502
00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:31,625
Look at him. Still handsome, right?
503
00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:34,208
WOMAN:
Ooh. I'd let that happen. No offense.
504
00:21:34,291 --> 00:21:35,666
(chuckles)
505
00:21:35,750 --> 00:21:37,333
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
506
00:21:37,416 --> 00:21:40,500
I-I ate a marijuana gummy in the cab.
507
00:21:40,583 --> 00:21:41,791
Do you want one?
508
00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:43,750
I'm a police officer.
509
00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:46,166
Oh. Um... (stammers)
510
00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:47,458
I don't actually...
511
00:21:47,541 --> 00:21:49,083
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not.
512
00:21:49,166 --> 00:21:50,416
Oh, my God.
513
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:52,083
-You gave me a heart attack.
-(both laugh)
514
00:21:52,166 --> 00:21:55,166
("Watching Strangers Smile"
by Parquet Courts playing)
515
00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:03,791
Hi. I'd like to upgrade my ticket, please.
516
00:22:03,875 --> 00:22:05,416
And not because I'm drunk.
517
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:06,750
Of course, ma'am.
518
00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:09,291
♪ Watching strangers smile ♪
519
00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:13,916
♪ Never knew it was a privilege ♪
520
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,625
-♪ Until the wide, fearful eyes... ♪
-FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Water?
521
00:22:16,708 --> 00:22:18,083
Water?
522
00:22:23,333 --> 00:22:26,000
I've always wanted to live by the sea.
523
00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:27,625
♪ Now I've been trapped... ♪
524
00:22:27,708 --> 00:22:29,250
Thank you.
525
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:30,541
♪ For weeks on end ♪
526
00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:33,541
♪ My knees, my back, my brain... ♪
527
00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:35,958
Holy shit, this is nice.
528
00:22:36,041 --> 00:22:37,791
Mm-hmm.
529
00:22:37,875 --> 00:22:39,291
Is this whole seat just for me?
530
00:22:39,375 --> 00:22:41,791
I think so. You want me
to take a picture of you in it?
531
00:22:41,875 --> 00:22:44,458
Maybe.
It's-it's my first time in business class.
532
00:22:44,541 --> 00:22:46,875
My company upgraded me. So cool.
533
00:22:46,958 --> 00:22:48,291
Very cool, Country Mouse.
534
00:22:48,375 --> 00:22:49,416
(chuckles):
Oh.
535
00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:51,000
Wow. Okay.
536
00:22:51,083 --> 00:22:52,875
Yes, I actually am from Kansas.
537
00:22:52,958 --> 00:22:54,041
But what gave it away?
538
00:22:54,125 --> 00:22:56,166
Was it the piece of straw
that I'm using as a toothpick?
539
00:22:57,250 --> 00:22:58,458
(chuckles) I'm sorry.
540
00:22:58,541 --> 00:23:00,208
I have no excuse. I'm just kind of a dick.
541
00:23:00,291 --> 00:23:01,333
It's fine.
542
00:23:01,416 --> 00:23:03,375
I kind of figured
that everyone in business class
543
00:23:03,458 --> 00:23:05,333
was gonna be hot and mean like you.
544
00:23:07,541 --> 00:23:08,916
(groans, sighs)
545
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,833
I'm Dennis, by the way.
546
00:23:10,916 --> 00:23:12,416
Alice.
547
00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:13,750
Oh, damn.
548
00:23:13,833 --> 00:23:15,333
They got Paddington on this flight?
549
00:23:15,416 --> 00:23:16,458
You've seen it, right?
550
00:23:16,541 --> 00:23:18,708
I haven't. Isn't it a kids movie?
551
00:23:18,791 --> 00:23:20,833
Uh, okay, first of all, that's dumb.
552
00:23:20,916 --> 00:23:23,416
It's not a kids movie.
It's just a very good movie.
553
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:25,500
And second of all, you are watching it.
554
00:23:25,583 --> 00:23:27,666
We are watching it.
555
00:23:32,791 --> 00:23:33,833
Sync.
556
00:23:33,916 --> 00:23:37,708
Uh, it's kind of scary,
so just be prepared.
557
00:23:40,291 --> 00:23:42,291
♪ ♪
558
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:50,166
Mm.
559
00:23:50,250 --> 00:23:51,958
No.
560
00:23:52,041 --> 00:23:54,375
Why are you up so early?
561
00:23:54,458 --> 00:23:56,375
My brother and sister
are getting here today.
562
00:23:56,458 --> 00:23:59,916
And Mum of course,
but, you know, siblings are just special.
563
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,166
Oh, I can't wait to finally introduce you.
564
00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:03,791
I'm sorry, I just...
565
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:07,166
I can't imagine being this excited
to see my siblings.
566
00:24:07,250 --> 00:24:10,000
Well, that's because all Cecil and Bridge
ever talk about is horses.
567
00:24:10,083 --> 00:24:13,041
Alice and Paul are so fun.
568
00:24:13,125 --> 00:24:14,708
We haven't been in touch as much lately,
569
00:24:14,791 --> 00:24:17,250
but I'm sure we'll be
best friends again in no time.
570
00:24:17,333 --> 00:24:19,791
I don't want to seem
overly excited when I see them.
571
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:22,041
I've been practicing my face. How's this?
572
00:24:23,833 --> 00:24:25,041
Great.
573
00:24:25,125 --> 00:24:28,333
It looks like... boobs.
574
00:24:28,416 --> 00:24:29,958
-Oh. (laughs)
-Boobs.
575
00:24:30,041 --> 00:24:31,541
-Stop.
-(laughs)
576
00:24:31,625 --> 00:24:33,083
Stop it.
577
00:24:33,166 --> 00:24:36,333
It's bad luck to look at
the bride's boobs before the wedding.
578
00:24:36,416 --> 00:24:38,583
Okay. (sighs)
579
00:24:38,666 --> 00:24:41,750
But if I look at your bottom,
it's seven years of good luck, so...
580
00:24:41,833 --> 00:24:44,125
I said stop.
581
00:24:44,208 --> 00:24:47,208
I'm sorry I won't get to meet them
till the rehearsal dinner.
582
00:24:47,291 --> 00:24:48,791
But I have to head out
to the family manse.
583
00:24:48,875 --> 00:24:50,458
It's fine.
584
00:24:50,541 --> 00:24:52,791
I really want this time
with them to catch up.
585
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:55,875
Did I ever tell you about
the time that all three of us
586
00:24:55,958 --> 00:24:57,958
threw up in the booth at Taco Bell?
587
00:24:58,041 --> 00:25:00,291
It's a beautiful story.
588
00:25:00,375 --> 00:25:01,500
Moving.
589
00:25:02,666 --> 00:25:04,666
(woman speaking indistinctly over P.A.)
590
00:25:26,666 --> 00:25:28,791
(chuckles softly)
591
00:25:28,875 --> 00:25:31,541
I don't... I don't know why
I just did that.
592
00:25:31,625 --> 00:25:33,000
Oh, yes, I do.
593
00:25:33,083 --> 00:25:34,666
I ate a lot of marijuana.
594
00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:36,541
(laughs):
You should have more.
595
00:25:36,625 --> 00:25:38,750
-(laughs)
-Just kidding.
596
00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:41,041
It's so good to see you, Donna.
597
00:25:41,125 --> 00:25:42,166
You, too, Henrique.
598
00:25:42,250 --> 00:25:44,541
-Where are your bags?
-Oh.
599
00:25:44,625 --> 00:25:47,250
You know, I don't know.
600
00:25:47,333 --> 00:25:49,166
(both laugh)
601
00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:54,458
It feels so weird to go from drunk
to hungover with no sleep in between.
602
00:25:54,541 --> 00:25:55,625
Right?
603
00:25:55,708 --> 00:25:57,958
Should we get a drink? No.
604
00:25:58,041 --> 00:25:59,666
-Breakfast?
-Yeah.
605
00:25:59,750 --> 00:26:01,333
I-I don't have any meetings
until, like, tomorrow,
606
00:26:01,416 --> 00:26:03,625
so, yeah, you want to go get breakfast?
607
00:26:03,708 --> 00:26:08,000
We should totally do that... that thing.
608
00:26:08,083 --> 00:26:10,583
Okay, I'm gonna ignore the fact that
you just started talking really weird.
609
00:26:10,666 --> 00:26:11,958
Thank you.
610
00:26:12,041 --> 00:26:14,583
I think my hotel has, like,
a pretty elaborate brunch.
611
00:26:14,666 --> 00:26:15,666
Great.
612
00:26:15,750 --> 00:26:18,166
(high-pitched):
I love elaborate things.
613
00:26:18,250 --> 00:26:19,750
Why are you still doing it?
You're still talking weird.
614
00:26:19,833 --> 00:26:20,916
(normal voice):
I know. Can you just keep ignoring it?
615
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,416
For how long?
616
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:24,500
(jet engine whooshing in distance)
617
00:26:26,583 --> 00:26:28,500
-Babe?
-Hmm?
618
00:26:28,583 --> 00:26:31,583
Are you pr-pretending not to be with me?
619
00:26:31,666 --> 00:26:35,333
Oh. No, no. Uh...
620
00:26:35,416 --> 00:26:36,750
Yes. Sorry.
621
00:26:36,833 --> 00:26:38,791
It's just your pants.
622
00:26:38,875 --> 00:26:40,833
Not that bad.
623
00:26:43,333 --> 00:26:46,666
Mr. Dominic Shaw and Mr. Paul Stevenson?
624
00:26:46,750 --> 00:26:48,375
Uh-huh.
625
00:26:49,458 --> 00:26:50,708
Let me get your bags.
626
00:26:50,791 --> 00:26:52,958
No, you cannot find
a replacement for that light fixture
627
00:26:53,041 --> 00:26:54,791
because it was one of a kind.
628
00:26:54,875 --> 00:26:56,375
This isn't Conran's for Christ's sakes.
629
00:26:56,458 --> 00:26:57,708
(whispers):
Yeah, fuck Conran's.
630
00:26:57,791 --> 00:26:58,833
(both laugh quietly)
631
00:26:58,916 --> 00:27:00,333
Yes, I do expect to be reimbursed.
632
00:27:00,416 --> 00:27:02,583
-Hello, boys. How was your flight, hmm?
-Mm.
633
00:27:02,666 --> 00:27:04,208
Who's ready for a shower?
634
00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:05,333
(Dominic chuckles)
635
00:27:05,416 --> 00:27:07,541
Oh, I'm already wet.
636
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:10,666
("Wet Dream" by Wet Leg playing)
637
00:27:12,750 --> 00:27:14,500
-♪ Beam me up ♪
-♪ Beam me up ♪
638
00:27:14,583 --> 00:27:16,416
-♪ Count me in ♪
-♪ Count me in ♪
639
00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:18,208
-♪ Three, two, one ♪
-♪ Three, two, one ♪
640
00:27:18,291 --> 00:27:20,041
♪ Let's begin ♪
641
00:27:20,125 --> 00:27:23,375
-♪ Here we go, here we go ♪
-♪ Here we go, here we go ♪
642
00:27:23,458 --> 00:27:26,916
♪ Here we go, here we go, here we go ♪
643
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,458
♪ You said, "Baby, do you want
to come home with me? ♪
644
00:27:30,541 --> 00:27:34,166
♪ I got Buffalo '66 on DVD" ♪
645
00:27:34,250 --> 00:27:37,708
♪ You said, "Baby, do you want
to come home with me..." ♪
646
00:27:37,791 --> 00:27:39,041
Hi. Uh, checking in.
647
00:27:39,125 --> 00:27:40,416
-Alice Stevenson.
-Stevenson.
648
00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:41,541
Of course. Welcome.
649
00:27:41,625 --> 00:27:42,750
How did you know my name?
650
00:27:42,833 --> 00:27:45,500
Your sister, Eloise,
very kindly forwarded us your picture.
651
00:27:45,583 --> 00:27:48,583
She wanted to ensure a smooth check-in.
652
00:27:48,666 --> 00:27:51,125
And she has upgraded you
to the Sterling Suite.
653
00:27:51,208 --> 00:27:53,916
Oh, I can't afford-- I mean, I-I...
654
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,666
I prefer a smaller room 'cause,
as you can see, I'm very short.
655
00:27:56,750 --> 00:27:58,750
I don't want to slip behind
a piece of furniture or get lost.
656
00:27:58,833 --> 00:28:00,333
What would you even do, call 911?
657
00:28:00,416 --> 00:28:01,916
Do you guys have 911 here?
658
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,416
Your bill has been covered in advance,
659
00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:05,666
including any incidental charges
you acquire.
660
00:28:09,625 --> 00:28:11,708
She didn't need to do that.
661
00:28:12,875 --> 00:28:14,125
You've had a long flight, no doubt.
662
00:28:14,208 --> 00:28:16,125
Shall we show you to your room?
663
00:28:16,208 --> 00:28:17,333
Yeah.
664
00:28:17,416 --> 00:28:19,000
(clears throat) Thank you.
665
00:28:21,875 --> 00:28:24,458
-So... (stammers)
-Yeah. I mean, what else are you doing?
666
00:28:24,541 --> 00:28:27,541
("My Ever Changing Moods"
by The Style Council playing)
667
00:28:35,208 --> 00:28:37,208
(singer vocalizing)
668
00:28:43,541 --> 00:28:46,250
(both panting)
669
00:28:46,333 --> 00:28:47,833
(song ends)
670
00:28:47,916 --> 00:28:50,333
-That's a giant bed.
-I know.
671
00:28:50,416 --> 00:28:52,541
Why didn't we use the bed?
672
00:28:52,625 --> 00:28:53,833
We were in a hurry.
673
00:28:53,916 --> 00:28:55,625
Plus, we kind of fell off.
674
00:28:55,708 --> 00:28:57,500
Well, you fell.
675
00:28:57,583 --> 00:28:59,250
-I was pushed.
-(chuckles)
676
00:28:59,333 --> 00:29:01,500
-(doorbell rings)
-(gasps softly)
677
00:29:01,583 --> 00:29:05,000
(singsongy):
Our miscellaneous charges have arrived.
678
00:29:07,083 --> 00:29:09,708
Hello, miss. I have your breakfasts.
679
00:29:09,791 --> 00:29:11,750
Right on, Jimmy John.
680
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,125
Mm.
681
00:29:19,208 --> 00:29:21,000
Oh, yeah, there we go.
682
00:29:24,083 --> 00:29:27,416
So, two orders of eggs Benedict,
683
00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:31,833
one omelette forestière with spinach,
watercress and polenta fries,
684
00:29:31,916 --> 00:29:34,250
a smoked Scottish haddock,
685
00:29:34,333 --> 00:29:38,125
one order of pancakes, waffles,
two pain au chocolat,
686
00:29:38,208 --> 00:29:40,041
side of bacon, side of sausage,
687
00:29:40,125 --> 00:29:42,250
coffee service, tea service,
688
00:29:42,333 --> 00:29:43,750
a lobster risotto...
689
00:29:43,833 --> 00:29:45,875
-Gorgeous, yeah.
-...orange juice,
690
00:29:45,958 --> 00:29:48,750
one bottle of Veuve Clicquot,
691
00:29:48,833 --> 00:29:50,333
a yogurt parfait,
692
00:29:50,416 --> 00:29:51,958
the steak frites
693
00:29:52,041 --> 00:29:55,541
and two bottles of sauvignon blanc.
694
00:29:55,625 --> 00:29:57,083
Wonderful.
695
00:29:57,166 --> 00:30:00,666
We've never tried food before,
and we are very excited.
696
00:30:00,750 --> 00:30:02,750
Of course, miss.
697
00:30:03,791 --> 00:30:05,375
DENNIS:
Mmm.
698
00:30:05,458 --> 00:30:07,250
ALICE:
Mmm.
699
00:30:07,333 --> 00:30:09,166
What even time is it?
700
00:30:09,250 --> 00:30:12,375
Mm, must be, like, 3:30 in the afternoon.
701
00:30:12,458 --> 00:30:14,125
Oh, shit.
702
00:30:14,208 --> 00:30:17,208
I have to go to dinner
with my dumb family soon.
703
00:30:17,291 --> 00:30:18,958
Huh, better finish
all this breakfast, then.
704
00:30:19,041 --> 00:30:20,125
Oh, I'm going to.
705
00:30:20,208 --> 00:30:21,708
I'm gonna eat this. And this.
706
00:30:21,791 --> 00:30:22,916
That.
707
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,333
I'm gonna head over due east.
708
00:30:25,416 --> 00:30:28,291
Then I might-- Don't even start here
'cause these are also mine.
709
00:30:28,375 --> 00:30:31,000
I'm gonna finish all of it, and if I barf,
710
00:30:31,083 --> 00:30:33,000
that will be no less than
what they deserve.
711
00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:34,833
Are you my dream girl?
712
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:36,083
Please tell me you aren't married.
713
00:30:36,166 --> 00:30:38,583
-Shit. Jonathan.
-What?
714
00:30:38,666 --> 00:30:40,958
-Oh, no. Are you married?
-No. No, no.
715
00:30:42,041 --> 00:30:43,708
No, Jonathan is my rabbit.
716
00:30:43,791 --> 00:30:49,333
And I have to text someone-- uh,
my friend who's watching him-- real quick
717
00:30:49,416 --> 00:30:53,750
just to make sure
he has enough, um... um...
718
00:30:53,833 --> 00:30:55,583
-um...
-Carrots?
719
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,458
Yeah. Carrots.
720
00:30:58,541 --> 00:31:01,708
Well, since I now know
that you have a rabbit
721
00:31:01,791 --> 00:31:05,333
and I still think that
you might be my dream girl,
722
00:31:05,416 --> 00:31:07,916
do you think I can
see you again while you're here?
723
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,000
Sorry, what?
724
00:31:10,083 --> 00:31:12,166
I was asking you out.
725
00:31:12,250 --> 00:31:13,500
(phone chirps)
726
00:31:13,583 --> 00:31:14,583
Oh.
727
00:31:16,583 --> 00:31:17,708
Huh.
728
00:31:17,791 --> 00:31:19,875
♪ ♪
729
00:31:30,541 --> 00:31:32,125
Oh, God!
730
00:31:32,208 --> 00:31:33,291
Oh, sorry.
731
00:31:33,375 --> 00:31:34,833
Didn't mean to startle.
732
00:31:34,916 --> 00:31:37,041
That's okay. I thought you were Dominic.
733
00:31:37,125 --> 00:31:39,333
No, most decidedly not.
734
00:31:39,416 --> 00:31:40,791
(Paul sighs)
735
00:31:43,708 --> 00:31:48,541
So, do you always just barge into rooms
in your own house like this?
736
00:31:48,625 --> 00:31:51,166
Oh, yes. It's one of my worst habits.
737
00:31:51,250 --> 00:31:52,208
(chuckles)
738
00:31:52,291 --> 00:31:56,250
Ah, if I told you my worst habits,
I'd have to kill you.
739
00:31:56,333 --> 00:31:57,458
Ah.
740
00:31:57,541 --> 00:31:59,541
We better get going.
741
00:31:59,625 --> 00:32:00,833
Yes, of course.
742
00:32:00,916 --> 00:32:03,875
So, my driver will scoot you off
to your little family dinner,
743
00:32:03,958 --> 00:32:06,666
but tomorrow night, you two belong to me.
744
00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:09,333
-Yes, sir.
-Well, let's just remember that
745
00:32:09,416 --> 00:32:11,250
I'm going to look like
a little tiny pile of ashes
746
00:32:11,333 --> 00:32:14,958
after spending the evening with my family,
so you'll have to carry me out in an urn.
747
00:32:15,041 --> 00:32:16,958
(laughs) You're funny.
748
00:32:17,041 --> 00:32:18,125
He's funny.
749
00:32:18,208 --> 00:32:20,583
Mm, spend enough time with me,
it's bound to rub off.
750
00:32:21,833 --> 00:32:23,000
Mm.
751
00:32:23,083 --> 00:32:26,416
♪ My heart goes up, my heart goes down ♪
752
00:32:26,500 --> 00:32:28,333
-♪ We fall in love ♪
-(Eloise chuckles)
753
00:32:28,416 --> 00:32:29,791
♪ And we fall back out ♪
754
00:32:29,875 --> 00:32:32,208
♪ I'll give you anything you want... ♪
755
00:32:32,291 --> 00:32:35,125
I miss those days when
you were just a little baby, Ellie.
756
00:32:35,208 --> 00:32:38,375
But maybe soon we will have a grandchild.
757
00:32:39,541 --> 00:32:40,708
DONNA:
Slow down, Henrique.
758
00:32:40,791 --> 00:32:43,041
Let her enjoy her wedding first.
759
00:32:43,125 --> 00:32:44,958
What is it, Ellie? Is something wrong?
760
00:32:45,041 --> 00:32:47,541
I'm okay, Mum, just tired.
761
00:32:47,625 --> 00:32:50,166
Weddings can be stressful.
762
00:32:50,250 --> 00:32:51,875
Remember to breathe.
763
00:32:51,958 --> 00:32:53,541
(Eloise breathes deeply)
764
00:32:53,625 --> 00:32:56,416
My bitch!
765
00:32:56,500 --> 00:32:58,083
Yay!
766
00:33:02,833 --> 00:33:04,416
Oh, hi.
767
00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:06,625
-Oh, thank God you're here.
-Oh, my God.
768
00:33:06,708 --> 00:33:08,291
-Ugh.
-I can't believe that I am.
769
00:33:08,375 --> 00:33:10,208
-You remember Dom.
-Hi, Dom.
770
00:33:10,291 --> 00:33:11,833
(vehicle approaching)
771
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,416
(laughs)
772
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,375
Alice! Paul!
773
00:33:16,458 --> 00:33:18,208
(laughs)
774
00:33:18,291 --> 00:33:19,625
(Alice groans)
775
00:33:19,708 --> 00:33:21,833
-Paul.
-Good to see you, Mom.
776
00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:24,666
-Um, Dominic.
-Henrique.
777
00:33:24,750 --> 00:33:27,708
-Dominic, nice to see you again.
-Nice to see you again.
778
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:30,791
(Eloise chuckles nervously)
779
00:33:32,333 --> 00:33:35,041
-Have you been waiting long?
-Oh, big-time.
780
00:33:36,416 --> 00:33:38,666
Well, I'll just go
check on the table, then.
781
00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:40,625
(Eloise and Donna laugh)
782
00:33:41,625 --> 00:33:44,000
(lively chatter)
783
00:33:44,083 --> 00:33:46,166
And you look the same,
and that's not fair.
784
00:33:46,250 --> 00:33:48,083
-Thank you.
-DONNA: Is it possible that, um,
785
00:33:48,166 --> 00:33:50,625
I'm still a little stoned? (chuckles)
786
00:33:50,708 --> 00:33:52,708
-(whispers): Did you see? She just paid.
-WAITER: White wine, madam.
787
00:33:52,791 --> 00:33:54,666
-You're hilarious.
-Please.
788
00:33:54,750 --> 00:33:56,125
-I got it. (laughs)
-Thank you.
789
00:33:56,208 --> 00:33:58,875
Let's not be shy, okay?
790
00:34:02,041 --> 00:34:03,541
-(clears throat)
-DONNA: Really.
791
00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:05,791
Everyone. Hello. (chuckles)
792
00:34:05,875 --> 00:34:10,291
First, I'd like to say thank you
from the bottom of my heart
793
00:34:10,375 --> 00:34:12,375
for coming to England for my nuptials.
794
00:34:12,458 --> 00:34:17,166
I know it was likely difficult
to press pause on your work and lives,
795
00:34:17,250 --> 00:34:19,041
and I so appreciate it.
796
00:34:19,125 --> 00:34:21,416
Now, sweetheart,
we wouldn't have dreamed of not coming.
797
00:34:21,500 --> 00:34:22,958
ELOISE:
So, cheers.
798
00:34:23,041 --> 00:34:24,583
-ALL: Cheers.
-(Eloise laughs)
799
00:34:26,333 --> 00:34:27,916
DONNA:
Paulie.
800
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,041
Okay.
801
00:34:29,125 --> 00:34:34,000
And since it's been a little while
since we've all been together,
802
00:34:34,083 --> 00:34:38,958
I thought we'd play an icebreaker game
that I found online called
803
00:34:39,041 --> 00:34:40,750
-"Would You Rather."
-Oh.
804
00:34:40,833 --> 00:34:44,000
I played it with my team at work,
and they absolutely loved it.
805
00:34:44,083 --> 00:34:45,500
Oh, what do you do for work again?
806
00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:47,958
Oh, I'm a project manager
at Painted Wings.
807
00:34:48,041 --> 00:34:51,791
It's a foundation that encourages
the disadvantaged to enjoy art.
808
00:34:51,875 --> 00:34:53,541
(quietly):
I like to encourage them to enjoy food.
809
00:34:53,625 --> 00:34:55,291
-(Alice snickers)
-What was that, Paul?
810
00:34:55,375 --> 00:34:56,666
Mm.
811
00:34:56,750 --> 00:34:59,958
Alice had something disgusting
in her teeth. Ugh.
812
00:35:00,041 --> 00:35:01,291
'Cause I'm disgusting.
813
00:35:01,375 --> 00:35:05,083
Okay, I will start with Paul!
814
00:35:05,166 --> 00:35:07,666
-(Eloise laughs)
-At your own risk. (chuckles)
815
00:35:07,750 --> 00:35:09,416
Oh, this is a fun one.
816
00:35:09,500 --> 00:35:12,666
Would you rather be four-foot-five
or seven-foot-seven?
817
00:35:12,750 --> 00:35:14,083
Ooh, are we talking height or wiener?
818
00:35:14,166 --> 00:35:15,250
-DOMINIC: Paul.
-ALICE: Excellent follow-up.
819
00:35:15,333 --> 00:35:16,541
PAUL:
Excuse me. Thank you.
820
00:35:16,625 --> 00:35:18,166
-It's a fair question.
-It's very fair.
821
00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:19,541
PAUL:
Okay, definitely seven feet.
822
00:35:19,625 --> 00:35:23,500
I don't think there's a gay on the planet
that wants to be miniature,
823
00:35:23,583 --> 00:35:26,041
because then you run the risk
of an old crone coming along
824
00:35:26,125 --> 00:35:28,666
and snatching you up
and putting you in her glass menagerie
825
00:35:28,750 --> 00:35:30,000
along with her treasures.
826
00:35:30,083 --> 00:35:31,958
-(Paul chuckles)
-It's happened before.
827
00:35:32,041 --> 00:35:33,333
(clears throat) Alice.
828
00:35:33,416 --> 00:35:35,625
-Your turn.
-Would you rather be
829
00:35:35,708 --> 00:35:39,583
poor and work at a job you love
or rich and work at a job you hate?
830
00:35:39,666 --> 00:35:40,708
Rich and hate.
831
00:35:40,791 --> 00:35:43,041
Wait, Alice, you work at
Jonathan Walsh's company, right?
832
00:35:43,125 --> 00:35:44,458
Yep.
833
00:35:44,541 --> 00:35:46,375
Are you on the tech side or creative?
834
00:35:46,458 --> 00:35:48,708
Uh, I'm his assistant.
835
00:35:48,791 --> 00:35:50,916
Oh.
836
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,666
Well... yay.
837
00:35:53,750 --> 00:35:55,833
ELOISE:
Alice is an extremely
838
00:35:55,916 --> 00:35:59,208
talented architect, and she'd be immensely
successful at it if she wanted to.
839
00:35:59,291 --> 00:36:01,375
I want to do what I'm doing.
840
00:36:01,458 --> 00:36:02,666
That's why I'm doing it.
841
00:36:02,750 --> 00:36:04,625
Sorry, I thought I was defending you.
842
00:36:04,708 --> 00:36:06,541
We can't all have rich papas.
843
00:36:06,625 --> 00:36:09,791
Some of us have to get non-volunteer jobs.
844
00:36:09,875 --> 00:36:11,583
I know that.
845
00:36:11,666 --> 00:36:12,916
Actually, not all of us have dads at all.
846
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,333
Paul. That's too dark.
847
00:36:14,416 --> 00:36:16,458
Alice, the wine is spilling.
848
00:36:16,541 --> 00:36:18,041
You bet it is, Mom.
849
00:36:18,125 --> 00:36:20,250
El, hit us with another one. This is fun.
850
00:36:20,333 --> 00:36:21,750
PAUL:
Ooh, I'll go, I'll go.
851
00:36:21,833 --> 00:36:23,125
(babbles) Okay, Mom,
852
00:36:23,208 --> 00:36:25,625
off the top of my head, would you rather
853
00:36:25,708 --> 00:36:27,000
have your husband die
854
00:36:27,083 --> 00:36:30,458
or give away all his stuff without
asking us if we wanted any of it?
855
00:36:30,541 --> 00:36:33,291
Ooh, or both. Is that allowed?
Can you do both, Eloise?
856
00:36:33,375 --> 00:36:35,916
-(coughs) -Paul, you shouldn't
talk to your mother that way.
857
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,458
Oh. I know that you're
very supportive of my mother.
858
00:36:38,541 --> 00:36:41,708
But also, isn't there a 19-year-old with
daddy issues in this restaurant somewhere
859
00:36:41,791 --> 00:36:44,041
whose self-esteem you should be
absolutely destroying?
860
00:36:44,125 --> 00:36:47,333
Do you have any more questions, El?
'Cause this is a fun icebreaker.
861
00:36:47,416 --> 00:36:48,500
I'm loving it.
862
00:36:48,583 --> 00:36:50,000
Oh, look! The food is here.
863
00:36:50,083 --> 00:36:51,333
-Oh. Mmm.
-Delicious.
864
00:36:51,416 --> 00:36:53,041
-Delish.
-Amazing.
865
00:36:53,125 --> 00:36:56,625
Well, so lovely having you all here.
866
00:36:56,708 --> 00:36:59,166
Only 72 hours till the big "I do."
867
00:36:59,250 --> 00:37:03,375
It's just so wonderful being here
together with my children
868
00:37:03,458 --> 00:37:04,666
and all their friends.
869
00:37:04,750 --> 00:37:07,500
Sorry, did you mean Dominic
when you said "friends," Mom?
870
00:37:07,583 --> 00:37:08,750
'Cause, you know, he's not my friend.
871
00:37:08,833 --> 00:37:10,000
He's my sexual lover.
872
00:37:10,083 --> 00:37:12,125
No, no, no. Not more of this.
873
00:37:12,208 --> 00:37:13,958
Paul, that was not directed at you.
874
00:37:14,041 --> 00:37:15,291
You know I support you.
875
00:37:15,375 --> 00:37:16,541
(vomits)
876
00:37:16,625 --> 00:37:18,375
-Oh, my God, Alice.
-ALICE: (coughs) I'm fine.
877
00:37:18,458 --> 00:37:20,875
I think I just had some bad chicken.
878
00:37:20,958 --> 00:37:22,125
We didn't have any chicken.
879
00:37:22,208 --> 00:37:24,041
Poor thing.
880
00:37:24,125 --> 00:37:25,583
(Alice retching)
881
00:37:25,666 --> 00:37:26,708
Excuse me, sir?
882
00:37:26,791 --> 00:37:28,208
-Yes?
-You see this man here?
883
00:37:28,291 --> 00:37:29,875
-MAN: Uh, yes.
-DONNA: Well, he's my son.
884
00:37:29,958 --> 00:37:32,583
-What's happening?
-And Dominic here is not just his friend.
885
00:37:32,666 --> 00:37:34,208
-No. Mom.
-He's his boyfriend.
886
00:37:34,291 --> 00:37:35,458
Or, uh, lover. Or partner.
887
00:37:35,541 --> 00:37:36,708
-Okay.
-They do sex things.
888
00:37:36,791 --> 00:37:38,708
-Ooh.
-He puts it in his butt.
889
00:37:38,791 --> 00:37:41,166
-No, that's not-- that's...
-Or maybe he puts it in his butt.
890
00:37:41,250 --> 00:37:42,375
-Oh, this is so much worse.
-It doesn't matter.
891
00:37:42,458 --> 00:37:43,791
It's A-OK with me.
892
00:37:43,875 --> 00:37:46,416
I want to tell him my son is gay
and I'm proud,
893
00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:47,875
and I always have been.
894
00:37:47,958 --> 00:37:49,375
Very proud.
895
00:37:50,458 --> 00:37:51,458
Eloise.
896
00:37:52,791 --> 00:37:55,083
Oh. Hello, Tom.
897
00:37:55,166 --> 00:37:56,291
Ha!
898
00:37:56,375 --> 00:37:57,875
Everyone, this is Tom.
899
00:37:57,958 --> 00:37:59,041
We work together.
900
00:37:59,125 --> 00:38:02,083
Oh, good.
Mom was just explaining anal sex to him.
901
00:38:03,958 --> 00:38:05,291
Tom, this is, this is my family.
902
00:38:05,375 --> 00:38:06,916
I'm the proud father.
903
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,708
I would be. (chuckles)
904
00:38:08,791 --> 00:38:10,625
Well, it's, uh, it's lovely
to meet you all.
905
00:38:10,708 --> 00:38:13,666
And, uh, congratulations
on the whole, uh, gay shebang.
906
00:38:13,750 --> 00:38:16,000
Um, everyone's doing it.
907
00:38:16,083 --> 00:38:17,291
(clears throat)
908
00:38:17,375 --> 00:38:19,791
Well, I'll see you at the wedding, Eloise.
909
00:38:20,791 --> 00:38:21,958
Did he just congratulate you
for being gay?
910
00:38:22,041 --> 00:38:23,166
-Straight up.
-No!
911
00:38:23,250 --> 00:38:25,250
Shush.
912
00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:26,916
All of you.
913
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:31,333
I'm going to assume that all of your
absolutely outrageous behavior tonight
914
00:38:31,416 --> 00:38:35,291
can be attributed to jet lag
and not some sort of advanced rot
915
00:38:35,375 --> 00:38:36,875
occurring in each of your minds.
916
00:38:36,958 --> 00:38:38,458
But heed my words.
917
00:38:38,541 --> 00:38:41,333
This is my city, these are my people,
918
00:38:41,416 --> 00:38:46,583
and furthermore, and most importantly,
this is my wedding.
919
00:38:46,666 --> 00:38:48,875
And you will not fuck this up for me.
920
00:38:48,958 --> 00:38:53,791
So whatever's going on with you tonight,
I trust it is out of your systems entirely
921
00:38:53,875 --> 00:38:57,375
and from this moment forward,
you will behave like a normal family
922
00:38:57,458 --> 00:39:00,375
who is here to happily celebrate
a loved one's wedding.
923
00:39:00,458 --> 00:39:01,500
-(Alice groans)
-Alice!
924
00:39:02,583 --> 00:39:04,500
Sober the hell up
before my hen do tomorrow.
925
00:39:04,583 --> 00:39:06,333
Paul, leave Mum alone.
926
00:39:06,416 --> 00:39:08,166
And, Papa, just-just...
927
00:39:08,250 --> 00:39:11,000
You're basically being fine
for once, actually.
928
00:39:11,083 --> 00:39:13,041
-Eloise, if I...
-Absolutely not!
929
00:39:13,125 --> 00:39:14,958
-I...
-Shush!
930
00:39:15,041 --> 00:39:16,083
You tried.
931
00:39:16,166 --> 00:39:19,583
I am pressing the reset button
on all of this right now.
932
00:39:19,666 --> 00:39:20,916
Is that understood?!
933
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:22,708
-Mm-hmm. -DONNA: Yeah.
-Good!
934
00:39:22,791 --> 00:39:25,750
-Mum, Papa, let's go.
-(fingers snap)
935
00:39:32,666 --> 00:39:34,666
She's even prettier when she's angry.
936
00:39:34,750 --> 00:39:36,916
Absolutely radiant. And that dress?
937
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,375
-No one else could pull it off.
-No one I know.
938
00:39:39,458 --> 00:39:41,166
("2am" by Foals playing)
939
00:39:41,250 --> 00:39:43,125
(lively chatter, laughter)
940
00:39:45,875 --> 00:39:49,750
♪ No, I can't sleep alone,
I just wanna go home ♪
941
00:39:49,833 --> 00:39:52,208
♪ But I sleep alone again... ♪
942
00:39:52,291 --> 00:39:54,541
-(sighs)
-(phone ringing)
943
00:39:54,625 --> 00:39:57,750
♪ I was always wanting more,
but I never knew... ♪
944
00:39:57,833 --> 00:39:59,375
Jonathan?
945
00:39:59,458 --> 00:40:01,291
Your rabbit?
946
00:40:01,375 --> 00:40:03,250
Oh, hi, Dennis.
947
00:40:03,333 --> 00:40:08,166
No, my house sitter was gonna call
so that I could talk to my rabbit.
948
00:40:08,250 --> 00:40:09,916
Um, he has trouble sleeping
949
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,083
'cause he's...
950
00:40:12,166 --> 00:40:13,375
a sociopath.
951
00:40:13,458 --> 00:40:15,583
(laughs) O-Okay.
952
00:40:15,666 --> 00:40:17,791
Um, well, listen.
953
00:40:17,875 --> 00:40:21,416
Uh, maybe this is a little forward,
but, um...
954
00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:23,708
can I see you tomorrow night?
955
00:40:23,791 --> 00:40:27,208
Um, I have my sister's bachelorette party.
956
00:40:28,458 --> 00:40:30,500
-How about tonight?
-(phone chirps)
957
00:40:30,583 --> 00:40:32,166
Y...
958
00:40:33,166 --> 00:40:39,125
Um, you know, I'm just really busy
and kind of exhausted.
959
00:40:39,208 --> 00:40:41,125
Uh, okay. No worries.
960
00:40:41,208 --> 00:40:43,291
I know lots of other women in London,
961
00:40:43,375 --> 00:40:46,750
like Emma Thompson, the Spice Girls,
962
00:40:46,833 --> 00:40:48,291
Princess Diana.
963
00:40:48,375 --> 00:40:49,833
Uh, 's ghost.
964
00:40:49,916 --> 00:40:52,458
Okay, great, so I'll call you later,
then, okay?
965
00:40:52,541 --> 00:40:54,291
Uh, right. Uh, good night.
966
00:40:54,375 --> 00:40:57,250
"Can't wait."
967
00:40:57,333 --> 00:40:59,458
(phone chirps)
968
00:40:59,541 --> 00:41:00,916
(sighs)
969
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,000
("Chaise Longue" by Wet Leg playing)
970
00:41:09,083 --> 00:41:10,666
-Hi!
-(noisemaker blows, laughter)
971
00:41:10,750 --> 00:41:12,833
♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise
longue, on the chaise longue ♪
972
00:41:12,916 --> 00:41:16,041
♪ All day long, on the chaise longue... ♪
973
00:41:16,125 --> 00:41:17,833
-This is Moffy...
-Hello.
974
00:41:17,916 --> 00:41:19,083
-...Mimzy
-(noisemaker blows)
975
00:41:19,166 --> 00:41:20,916
-and Bits.
-Hello. (chuckles) -Bits. Hi.
976
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,000
Uh, did Mimzy not email you
about what to wear?
977
00:41:24,083 --> 00:41:26,250
Oh, I'm such a cunt.
978
00:41:26,333 --> 00:41:27,541
I didn't. I forgot.
979
00:41:27,625 --> 00:41:30,375
-Aren't I a cunt, Bits?
-She really is a cunt, Alice.
980
00:41:30,458 --> 00:41:32,750
-Concur one thousand percent.
-(laughs)
981
00:41:32,833 --> 00:41:35,125
But I know a place we can stop
and get Alice a suit.
982
00:41:35,208 --> 00:41:36,833
Thank you.
983
00:41:36,916 --> 00:41:40,333
So this is a British
bachelorette party, huh?
984
00:41:40,416 --> 00:41:41,625
-Mm-hmm. -(laughter)
-A hen do?
985
00:41:41,708 --> 00:41:43,000
Yeah, a hen do, yeah.
986
00:41:43,083 --> 00:41:45,250
Are we not gonna get to drink vodka
out of penis-shaped cups?
987
00:41:45,333 --> 00:41:46,416
(laughter)
988
00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:49,958
Oh, my God, Americans are so fun!
989
00:41:50,041 --> 00:41:52,333
Can you imagine Eloise
drinking out of a penis cup, Bits?
990
00:41:52,416 --> 00:41:54,208
(laughter)
991
00:41:54,291 --> 00:41:55,416
Well, maybe with a pinky out.
992
00:41:55,500 --> 00:41:56,750
She could, you know.
993
00:41:56,833 --> 00:41:58,750
(laughter)
994
00:41:58,833 --> 00:42:00,666
I like Alice.
995
00:42:00,750 --> 00:42:02,166
Oh. Uh, oh, pull over just here.
996
00:42:02,250 --> 00:42:04,041
♪ On the chaise longue,
on the chaise longue ♪
997
00:42:04,125 --> 00:42:06,291
♪ All day long, on the chaise longue ♪
998
00:42:06,375 --> 00:42:09,083
♪ On the chaise longue,
on the chaise longue... ♪
999
00:42:09,166 --> 00:42:11,208
Hang tight. We'll be back with a suit.
1000
00:42:11,291 --> 00:42:13,041
♪ On the chaise longue,
on the chaise longue ♪
1001
00:42:13,125 --> 00:42:14,416
-♪ On the chaise longue... ♪
-(laughter)
1002
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:16,041
Having fun?
1003
00:42:16,125 --> 00:42:17,416
-Mm-hmm.
-Mm.
1004
00:42:17,500 --> 00:42:19,333
Yeah, your friends are nice.
1005
00:42:19,416 --> 00:42:20,458
They like you.
1006
00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:23,250
I mean, they like that you make fun of me.
(chuckles)
1007
00:42:23,333 --> 00:42:24,708
Oh, I wasn't...
1008
00:42:24,791 --> 00:42:26,083
-Um, I-I didn't mean to...
-Oh.
1009
00:42:26,166 --> 00:42:27,500
No, no, it's okay.
1010
00:42:27,583 --> 00:42:30,458
You know, there's actually...
1011
00:42:30,541 --> 00:42:31,958
I've been meaning to talk to you
about something,
1012
00:42:32,041 --> 00:42:33,458
something I should've
talked to you about sooner.
1013
00:42:35,833 --> 00:42:38,166
Okay. Uh, good.
1014
00:42:38,250 --> 00:42:40,500
I just feel like you are so talented,
1015
00:42:40,583 --> 00:42:44,625
and my friend here in London
has an architecture firm
1016
00:42:44,708 --> 00:42:46,375
and is looking for someone, and...
1017
00:42:46,458 --> 00:42:47,625
Oh, my God.
1018
00:42:47,708 --> 00:42:49,125
What?
1019
00:42:49,208 --> 00:42:51,375
(chuckles) Uh...
1020
00:42:51,458 --> 00:42:53,708
I mean, I just-- for a second there,
1021
00:42:53,791 --> 00:42:56,666
I actually thought that
you were gonna apologize.
1022
00:42:56,750 --> 00:42:58,166
Apologize for what?
1023
00:42:58,250 --> 00:42:59,416
For last summer.
1024
00:43:01,666 --> 00:43:04,041
Well, I-I know-- I mean, I mean,
1025
00:43:04,125 --> 00:43:06,333
I-I know I canceled last-minute,
but you said it was fine.
1026
00:43:06,416 --> 00:43:07,791
Yeah, of course
I said it was fine, Eloise.
1027
00:43:07,875 --> 00:43:09,625
That's what people say
when things aren't fine.
1028
00:43:09,708 --> 00:43:11,958
Well, I tried to fly you out to visit me
so we could talk, and then...
1029
00:43:12,041 --> 00:43:14,208
I'm so sorry I didn't want
to sit in your fancy apartment
1030
00:43:14,291 --> 00:43:16,333
and cry on your expensive couch.
1031
00:43:16,416 --> 00:43:18,291
You know what? Never mind.
1032
00:43:18,375 --> 00:43:19,458
Never mind.
1033
00:43:19,541 --> 00:43:21,458
(sighs)
1034
00:43:22,791 --> 00:43:23,833
I have a job.
1035
00:43:23,916 --> 00:43:26,166
I'm not a damaged charity case.
1036
00:43:26,250 --> 00:43:27,625
I don't need your help.
1037
00:43:27,708 --> 00:43:29,666
-(excited chatter outside)
-I wasn't trying to...
1038
00:43:29,750 --> 00:43:31,541
-♪ ♪
-All right!
1039
00:43:31,625 --> 00:43:32,833
Onward!
1040
00:43:32,916 --> 00:43:34,958
♪ ♪
1041
00:43:35,041 --> 00:43:36,916
♪ On the chaise longue... ♪
1042
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:38,625
Look what we got you.
1043
00:43:38,708 --> 00:43:40,750
(laughs):
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1044
00:43:40,833 --> 00:43:42,000
(laughs)
1045
00:43:42,083 --> 00:43:45,375
This will be perfect for my wedding
to Donald Trump Jr.
1046
00:43:45,458 --> 00:43:46,500
(laughter)
1047
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:51,583
♪ On the chaise longue,
all day long, on the chaise longue. ♪
1048
00:43:51,666 --> 00:43:53,125
-Mm.
-(song ends)
1049
00:43:53,208 --> 00:43:54,666
-WAITER: Here you go, sir.
-Thank you.
1050
00:43:54,750 --> 00:43:57,625
God, it feels good to be out.
1051
00:43:57,708 --> 00:43:59,625
Even if it is with you, whom I despise.
1052
00:43:59,708 --> 00:44:00,625
Huh.
1053
00:44:00,708 --> 00:44:01,750
(chuckles)
1054
00:44:02,833 --> 00:44:06,708
You know, I never told you
how sorry I was about Bill.
1055
00:44:06,791 --> 00:44:09,375
That's okay.
1056
00:44:09,458 --> 00:44:12,708
To be honest, things with us
weren't great before he passed.
1057
00:44:13,791 --> 00:44:16,333
-You're a very good woman, Donna.
-(chuckles)
1058
00:44:16,416 --> 00:44:18,500
I was a stupid man when we were married.
1059
00:44:18,583 --> 00:44:20,833
Finally agree on something.
1060
00:44:22,208 --> 00:44:24,291
(both laugh)
1061
00:44:24,375 --> 00:44:27,625
But I haven't lost
all of my charm, have I?
1062
00:44:27,708 --> 00:44:29,833
Henrique, you're so full of shit.
1063
00:44:29,916 --> 00:44:32,666
Does that stuff still work
on your 25-year-olds?
1064
00:44:32,750 --> 00:44:35,208
Like you wouldn't believe.
1065
00:44:35,291 --> 00:44:38,500
Does it make you feel younger,
getting all that young ass?
1066
00:44:38,583 --> 00:44:41,583
I guess, uh, just makes me feel--
1067
00:44:41,666 --> 00:44:43,041
I always liked new cars, you know?
1068
00:44:43,125 --> 00:44:46,666
But lately, just not so satisfying.
1069
00:44:46,750 --> 00:44:49,250
-Oh, boo-hoo.
-(laughs)
1070
00:44:49,333 --> 00:44:52,000
You're not buying
any of my bull today, huh?
1071
00:44:52,083 --> 00:44:54,125
"Poor me. I fuck 22-year-olds.
1072
00:44:54,208 --> 00:44:57,083
I drive a fancy car.
I've never felt an emotion in my life."
1073
00:44:57,166 --> 00:44:58,458
(chuckles)
1074
00:45:06,166 --> 00:45:07,708
I have a hotel room.
1075
00:45:07,791 --> 00:45:09,875
All right. Okay.
1076
00:45:09,958 --> 00:45:11,291
Okay, all right.
1077
00:45:14,125 --> 00:45:15,583
(laughter)
1078
00:45:15,666 --> 00:45:16,708
Oh, my God.
1079
00:45:16,791 --> 00:45:18,375
Guys.
1080
00:45:18,458 --> 00:45:19,541
You got a yacht.
1081
00:45:21,041 --> 00:45:22,333
Oh, no, that's not our boat.
1082
00:45:22,416 --> 00:45:23,708
That's our boat.
1083
00:45:23,791 --> 00:45:25,041
(laughter)
1084
00:45:25,125 --> 00:45:27,000
BITS:
Hell yeah!
1085
00:45:27,083 --> 00:45:28,458
Oh.
1086
00:45:28,541 --> 00:45:30,041
(laughter, whooping)
1087
00:45:30,125 --> 00:45:31,291
-Right.
-♪ She gets her nails done... ♪
1088
00:45:31,375 --> 00:45:37,125
CAPTAIN: Ladies, the river is cold,
but it's plenty warm in here. (laughs)
1089
00:45:37,208 --> 00:45:39,541
-(women gasping)
-Right.
1090
00:45:39,625 --> 00:45:40,625
Whoa. Whoa.
1091
00:45:40,708 --> 00:45:42,166
This is your captain speaking, lovelies.
1092
00:45:42,250 --> 00:45:43,500
ALICE:
Rock and roll!
1093
00:45:43,583 --> 00:45:45,666
Now, first things first.
I know where the beer's hiding.
1094
00:45:45,750 --> 00:45:46,875
(women cheer)
1095
00:45:46,958 --> 00:45:49,000
Which one's facing the life sentence?
1096
00:45:49,083 --> 00:45:51,125
Yes, here. That one.
1097
00:45:51,208 --> 00:45:53,125
-She'll be needing one the most.
-Whoa! -(laughter)
1098
00:45:53,208 --> 00:45:55,666
Sorry, sweetheart.
1099
00:45:55,750 --> 00:45:57,708
-I'm a better driver than thrower.
-(women cheer)
1100
00:45:57,791 --> 00:45:59,041
-Whoa.
-Whoa.
1101
00:45:59,125 --> 00:46:00,500
I'm a better drinker than driver.
1102
00:46:00,583 --> 00:46:03,708
Sir, is there any way we can
maybe make it less bumpy?
1103
00:46:03,791 --> 00:46:05,791
That's what she says to Ollie every night.
1104
00:46:05,875 --> 00:46:07,708
-(laughter)
-CAPTAIN: Hey! Feisty, this one.
1105
00:46:07,791 --> 00:46:09,833
(imitating Eloise):
"Just put it in and stay still."
1106
00:46:09,916 --> 00:46:10,958
-That's me.
-(laughter)
1107
00:46:11,041 --> 00:46:12,458
"Ollie, please stop.
1108
00:46:12,541 --> 00:46:14,833
I'm trying to organize
my vegetable drawer."
1109
00:46:14,916 --> 00:46:16,250
(laughter)
1110
00:46:16,333 --> 00:46:17,916
I think that's about enough for now.
1111
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:19,833
(normal voice):
That's what she says to Ollie!
1112
00:46:19,916 --> 00:46:21,125
(laughter)
1113
00:46:22,958 --> 00:46:25,083
(groans) I do not feel well.
1114
00:46:25,166 --> 00:46:27,333
Sir, I do not feel well.
1115
00:46:27,416 --> 00:46:29,250
Want me to crank it, do ya?
1116
00:46:29,333 --> 00:46:31,125
No. Do not crank it.
1117
00:46:31,208 --> 00:46:33,041
That's what Eloise says to Ollie!
1118
00:46:33,125 --> 00:46:34,333
Alice, that's enough.
1119
00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:36,208
-Alice, that's enough.
-What are you talking about?
1120
00:46:36,291 --> 00:46:38,375
-Alice, stop it. You're embarrassing.
-I'm fine.
1121
00:46:38,458 --> 00:46:41,000
-Eloise, let go of my wrists.
-Alice. Alice.
1122
00:46:41,083 --> 00:46:42,625
Oh, babe wrestling!
1123
00:46:42,708 --> 00:46:44,833
(both scream)
1124
00:46:44,916 --> 00:46:46,416
-Oh, no.
-(people exclaiming)
1125
00:46:46,500 --> 00:46:47,958
(gasping)
1126
00:46:48,041 --> 00:46:50,000
Fuck! It's cold!
1127
00:46:50,083 --> 00:46:52,208
-Oh, no!
-Eloise!
1128
00:46:52,291 --> 00:46:54,333
-Help! -Oh, no!
-(women scream)
1129
00:46:54,416 --> 00:46:56,416
(women gasping, screaming)
1130
00:46:58,875 --> 00:47:01,041
-Hang on, lovelies.
-(women shouting)
1131
00:47:03,208 --> 00:47:04,375
ELOISE:
Too far!
1132
00:47:04,458 --> 00:47:05,625
ALICE:
Wait, is that a sausage in the water?
1133
00:47:05,708 --> 00:47:07,208
ELOISE:
That's not what that is.
1134
00:47:07,291 --> 00:47:09,250
ALICE:
Oh, my God, where are my bottoms?
1135
00:47:09,333 --> 00:47:11,250
("Sha Sha Sha" by Fontaines D.C.
playing over speakers)
1136
00:47:11,333 --> 00:47:13,333
(sports announcer
speaking indistinctly over TV)
1137
00:47:14,791 --> 00:47:16,083
Do you follow cricket?
1138
00:47:16,166 --> 00:47:17,541
Yeah, of course, of course.
1139
00:47:17,625 --> 00:47:18,666
I know all the rules.
1140
00:47:18,750 --> 00:47:21,250
You hit the bibbity-bob
with the picky-pike,
1141
00:47:21,333 --> 00:47:22,958
and then everybody says, "Good show!"
1142
00:47:23,041 --> 00:47:24,000
Oh, so you do watch.
1143
00:47:24,083 --> 00:47:25,208
-(laughs): Yeah.
-(laughs)
1144
00:47:25,291 --> 00:47:26,916
To new adventures.
1145
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:28,208
Hear, hear.
1146
00:47:28,291 --> 00:47:30,166
And to old, rich Englishmen
who pick up the tab.
1147
00:47:30,250 --> 00:47:33,083
Did you just call me old,
you little wanker?
1148
00:47:33,166 --> 00:47:35,000
I'm just saying, when I first met you,
I thought you were Sherlock Holmes.
1149
00:47:35,083 --> 00:47:36,083
The cheek of it.
1150
00:47:36,166 --> 00:47:37,541
How dare you? Right.
1151
00:47:37,625 --> 00:47:40,416
I'm off to find Dr. Watson
in the lavatory.
1152
00:47:40,500 --> 00:47:41,791
-(grunting)
-(laughs)
1153
00:47:43,250 --> 00:47:46,208
Mm, ah, you two sure seem to be
getting along nicely.
1154
00:47:46,291 --> 00:47:48,333
-He's surprisingly nice.
-Mm.
1155
00:47:48,416 --> 00:47:50,083
You know, it just makes me think.
1156
00:47:50,166 --> 00:47:53,583
Would it be so bad
if something were to happen?
1157
00:47:53,666 --> 00:47:55,875
I don't know. It could be fun.
1158
00:47:55,958 --> 00:47:58,041
Wait, does he think
that's what's gonna happen?
1159
00:47:58,125 --> 00:47:59,666
Well, I think he likes us.
1160
00:48:01,208 --> 00:48:03,166
ALCOTT:
Mm. What's say we finish these up
1161
00:48:03,250 --> 00:48:05,000
and head home for a little nightcap?
1162
00:48:05,083 --> 00:48:06,291
-Mm, yes.
-Well, no, no!
1163
00:48:06,375 --> 00:48:08,833
I mean, not yet. Right?
1164
00:48:08,916 --> 00:48:10,875
We should keep
this party train a-rockin', right?
1165
00:48:10,958 --> 00:48:12,875
Oh, splendid idea.
1166
00:48:12,958 --> 00:48:15,000
Well, why don't we wet our beaks
with something a little stronger
1167
00:48:15,083 --> 00:48:17,083
and then hit that dance floor.
1168
00:48:17,166 --> 00:48:18,833
Oh, genius. I love to dance.
1169
00:48:18,916 --> 00:48:20,916
-You love to dance?
-Yes.
1170
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,958
Absolutely. You can't keep me
away from a good beat, you know?
1171
00:48:24,041 --> 00:48:26,416
I love...
1172
00:48:26,500 --> 00:48:27,583
beats.
1173
00:48:27,666 --> 00:48:29,625
Especially...
1174
00:48:29,708 --> 00:48:30,708
dancing beats.
1175
00:48:30,791 --> 00:48:31,791
Let's go. Come on.
1176
00:48:31,875 --> 00:48:33,458
I'm game.
1177
00:48:36,541 --> 00:48:38,541
(Donna sighs, chuckles)
1178
00:48:40,041 --> 00:48:43,375
The kids can never know this happened.
1179
00:48:45,375 --> 00:48:46,583
Ah, yes.
1180
00:48:46,666 --> 00:48:49,625
I'm the Disney villain
who destroyed the family, huh?
1181
00:48:49,708 --> 00:48:50,875
No.
1182
00:48:50,958 --> 00:48:52,416
The Sebastian the crab?
1183
00:48:52,500 --> 00:48:53,708
No.
1184
00:48:53,791 --> 00:48:56,125
He was not a villain.
1185
00:48:56,208 --> 00:48:57,541
I took a guess.
1186
00:48:57,625 --> 00:48:59,833
More like Pepé Le Pew.
1187
00:49:01,416 --> 00:49:02,833
You're still so beautiful.
1188
00:49:02,916 --> 00:49:05,000
No, I'm not.
1189
00:49:05,083 --> 00:49:07,625
I'm old, and my skin is loose,
and I don't care anymore.
1190
00:49:07,708 --> 00:49:09,166
-(chuckles)
-Check these out.
1191
00:49:09,250 --> 00:49:10,708
(to the tune of "Bonanza"):
♪ Ding-da-da-ling, da-da-ling ♪
1192
00:49:10,791 --> 00:49:12,333
♪ Da-da-ling, da-ding-ding ♪
1193
00:49:12,416 --> 00:49:13,666
-(laughs)
-♪ Ding-da-da-ling, da-da-ling ♪
1194
00:49:13,750 --> 00:49:15,333
♪ Da-da-ling-ding-ding. ♪
1195
00:49:15,416 --> 00:49:18,375
You know, you might be
dangerously fun now, Donna.
1196
00:49:18,458 --> 00:49:20,791
Yeah? Well, eat your heart out, baby.
1197
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,083
Get back here.
1198
00:49:24,166 --> 00:49:26,166
(Donna laughs)
1199
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,000
♪ ♪
1200
00:49:34,333 --> 00:49:36,416
We'll just get cabs from here.
Right, girls?
1201
00:49:36,500 --> 00:49:37,708
BITS:
Yeah.
1202
00:49:37,791 --> 00:49:39,708
We're so sorry, Eloise.
1203
00:49:39,791 --> 00:49:41,333
We thought it would be fun.
1204
00:49:41,416 --> 00:49:42,833
I know. (chuckles)
1205
00:49:42,916 --> 00:49:44,333
I know. Let's just forget it, guys.
1206
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,750
It was really nice of that man
to give me his pants.
1207
00:49:48,833 --> 00:49:50,458
BITS:
Yeah.
1208
00:49:50,541 --> 00:49:52,333
Yeah.
1209
00:49:52,416 --> 00:49:53,958
Really sorry.
1210
00:49:54,041 --> 00:49:55,958
See you both at the wedding.
1211
00:49:56,041 --> 00:49:57,625
ELOISE:
Indeed.
1212
00:49:59,875 --> 00:50:04,291
Alice, before you go in,
I just want to explain.
1213
00:50:04,375 --> 00:50:05,541
(sighs)
1214
00:50:05,625 --> 00:50:08,666
I knew you'd had a miscarriage,
and I wanted to be there for you,
1215
00:50:08,750 --> 00:50:10,958
but I just couldn't do it because...
1216
00:50:11,041 --> 00:50:12,958
Can we just stop?
1217
00:50:13,041 --> 00:50:15,250
Let's just stop. It's too hard.
1218
00:50:16,833 --> 00:50:18,750
I'm...
1219
00:50:18,833 --> 00:50:20,250
sorry for how I acted today.
1220
00:50:20,333 --> 00:50:23,250
I just feel so put down by you
all the time
1221
00:50:23,333 --> 00:50:27,166
that sometimes I can't control myself.
1222
00:50:28,250 --> 00:50:31,083
And I just really want to stop trying.
1223
00:50:32,583 --> 00:50:36,500
I'll come to the wedding,
then I'll fuck off and go back to America,
1224
00:50:36,583 --> 00:50:39,541
and we can stop pretending
like we're sisters
1225
00:50:39,625 --> 00:50:41,583
when the truth is we aren't even friends.
1226
00:50:41,666 --> 00:50:43,750
But, Alice, that's not what I want.
1227
00:50:43,833 --> 00:50:47,291
I know you're not
used to hearing this, El, but...
1228
00:50:47,375 --> 00:50:49,791
most people don't get
exactly what they want in life.
1229
00:50:49,875 --> 00:50:52,750
You really think I don't know that?
1230
00:50:52,833 --> 00:50:54,333
Yeah, I really think you don't.
1231
00:50:54,416 --> 00:50:57,000
♪ So will you stay? ♪
1232
00:50:57,083 --> 00:50:59,625
♪ 'Cause I'm, oh, so sick of this place ♪
1233
00:50:59,708 --> 00:51:02,166
♪ Feeling way too big and... ♪
1234
00:51:02,250 --> 00:51:04,500
Fuck. Fucking fuck!
1235
00:51:05,541 --> 00:51:08,500
♪ London is lonely without you ♪
1236
00:51:11,041 --> 00:51:13,041
Hi. It's Alice.
1237
00:51:13,125 --> 00:51:15,583
-♪ I'm in the corner ♪
-(lively chatter)
1238
00:51:15,666 --> 00:51:17,708
♪ Watching you kiss her ♪
1239
00:51:17,791 --> 00:51:19,708
♪ Oh ♪
1240
00:51:21,625 --> 00:51:23,833
♪ I'm right over here ♪
1241
00:51:23,916 --> 00:51:25,791
♪ Why can't you see me? ♪
1242
00:51:25,875 --> 00:51:28,041
♪ Oh ♪
1243
00:51:29,250 --> 00:51:31,750
♪ And I'm giving it my all... ♪
1244
00:51:31,833 --> 00:51:33,083
(Dominic screams)
1245
00:51:33,166 --> 00:51:36,416
Am I on fire?! Am I on fire?!
Am I on fire?!
1246
00:51:36,500 --> 00:51:37,750
I think we'd better get him home.
1247
00:51:37,833 --> 00:51:39,208
Or can we just leave him here?
1248
00:51:39,291 --> 00:51:40,958
You're a very bad man.
1249
00:51:41,041 --> 00:51:42,750
-You have no idea.
-(laughs)
1250
00:51:42,833 --> 00:51:44,583
Sweetie, come on. Let's go. Let's go.
1251
00:51:44,666 --> 00:51:46,083
-You're fine.
-(whimpering): Oh, God.
1252
00:51:47,166 --> 00:51:48,875
-(laughter)
-PAUL: Oh, home sweet home.
1253
00:51:48,958 --> 00:51:50,083
ALCOTT:
Oh, yes.
1254
00:51:50,166 --> 00:51:52,291
Well, I'm just saying, I think
that we should count ourselves lucky
1255
00:51:52,375 --> 00:51:54,000
that the whole place didn't burn down.
1256
00:51:54,083 --> 00:51:56,000
-That's true.
-I think so.
1257
00:51:56,083 --> 00:51:57,250
-Oh!
-Dominic!
1258
00:51:57,333 --> 00:51:58,833
-Don't worry, don't worry.
-Jesus!
1259
00:51:58,916 --> 00:52:00,458
Been meaning to smash that for ages.
1260
00:52:00,541 --> 00:52:03,416
Oh, God, that's probably more expensive
than everything you own, Dom.
1261
00:52:03,500 --> 00:52:04,750
ALCOTT:
Yes, absolutely right.
1262
00:52:04,833 --> 00:52:06,750
(Paul laughs)
1263
00:52:06,833 --> 00:52:08,916
Do park your tiny little bottom
right down here.
1264
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,833
(laughter)
1265
00:52:11,916 --> 00:52:12,958
(Alcott sighs)
1266
00:52:13,041 --> 00:52:15,083
Ooh, it's hot.
1267
00:52:15,166 --> 00:52:16,583
Isn't it?
1268
00:52:17,708 --> 00:52:19,791
Oh.
1269
00:52:19,875 --> 00:52:21,833
Uh...
1270
00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:23,375
Mmm.
1271
00:52:23,458 --> 00:52:24,666
Right there.
1272
00:52:25,750 --> 00:52:27,291
That feels good.
1273
00:52:27,375 --> 00:52:29,208
Oh, yeah.
1274
00:52:29,291 --> 00:52:30,750
("Relax" by
Frankie Goes to Hollywood playing)
1275
00:52:30,833 --> 00:52:33,333
♪ Well ♪
1276
00:52:33,416 --> 00:52:35,375
♪ Now ♪
1277
00:52:35,458 --> 00:52:37,625
♪ Relax, don't do it ♪
1278
00:52:37,708 --> 00:52:39,583
♪ When you want to go to it ♪
1279
00:52:39,666 --> 00:52:42,541
♪ Relax, don't do it ♪
1280
00:52:42,625 --> 00:52:44,625
♪ When you wanna come... ♪
1281
00:52:44,708 --> 00:52:46,333
Ow!
1282
00:52:46,416 --> 00:52:48,583
(moans):
Ow.
1283
00:52:48,666 --> 00:52:50,250
Oh. Hi there.
1284
00:52:50,333 --> 00:52:51,833
Hi.
1285
00:52:51,916 --> 00:52:53,083
♪ Relax... ♪
1286
00:52:53,166 --> 00:52:54,833
Hi. Also, hi.
1287
00:52:54,916 --> 00:52:56,041
Hi.
1288
00:52:56,125 --> 00:52:57,500
Whoa. Okay.
1289
00:52:57,583 --> 00:52:59,625
-Share, boys. Share.
-(Paul chuckles)
1290
00:52:59,708 --> 00:53:01,291
There's enough to go around.
1291
00:53:01,375 --> 00:53:02,958
You like that?
1292
00:53:03,041 --> 00:53:05,083
-Yeah.
-I'm asking him if he likes it.
1293
00:53:05,166 --> 00:53:07,166
What?
1294
00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:08,458
I said, do you like that?
1295
00:53:08,541 --> 00:53:10,000
No, you didn't.
I s-- well, I said, "Do you like that?"
1296
00:53:10,083 --> 00:53:12,166
-And then he was...
-You know what?
1297
00:53:12,250 --> 00:53:14,666
I'll be right back.
1298
00:53:14,750 --> 00:53:16,250
Don't go anywhere.
1299
00:53:16,333 --> 00:53:18,958
-♪ When you wanna come. ♪
-(song pauses)
1300
00:53:19,041 --> 00:53:20,666
-Ow.
-You need to calm down.
1301
00:53:20,750 --> 00:53:22,750
This whole thing was your idea.
Now I'm too into it?
1302
00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:25,250
Yeah, you need to be
more thirsty but less thirsty.
1303
00:53:25,333 --> 00:53:26,333
I don't understand how to ride that line.
1304
00:53:26,416 --> 00:53:27,458
Just be a whore, Paul.
1305
00:53:27,541 --> 00:53:29,291
-Snacks and lube!
-(song resumes)
1306
00:53:29,375 --> 00:53:31,666
-Oh, yeah, baby.
-Are those chips?
1307
00:53:31,750 --> 00:53:33,208
Roast chicken and stuffing.
1308
00:53:33,291 --> 00:53:35,541
I'll go up on the couch,
and, Paul, you get on all fours.
1309
00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:37,250
-Oh, great idea.
-Oh, okay.
1310
00:53:37,333 --> 00:53:38,708
Sure.
1311
00:53:38,791 --> 00:53:41,750
All right, let me just
help you out with these.
1312
00:53:41,833 --> 00:53:43,250
Oh. Okay.
1313
00:53:43,333 --> 00:53:45,541
Thank you. Ooh. (chuckles)
1314
00:53:45,625 --> 00:53:47,083
-Oh, okay.
-There she goes!
1315
00:53:47,166 --> 00:53:49,208
(Alcott and Dominic sighing)
1316
00:53:49,291 --> 00:53:51,291
-Mmm. Help yourself.
-Oh.
1317
00:53:51,375 --> 00:53:53,541
-Do you have any dip?
-Hmm.
1318
00:53:53,625 --> 00:53:55,541
I think I have some... some hummus.
1319
00:53:55,625 --> 00:53:57,208
And then of course baba ghanoush.
1320
00:53:57,291 --> 00:53:58,416
Oh, do you have any guac?
1321
00:53:58,500 --> 00:53:59,875
Mm, I'm bound to.
1322
00:53:59,958 --> 00:54:01,708
Uh, sorry, sorry to interrupt.
1323
00:54:01,791 --> 00:54:03,208
Am I a chips table right now?
1324
00:54:03,291 --> 00:54:05,250
Actually, Paul darling,
they're called crisps.
1325
00:54:05,333 --> 00:54:08,291
-Okay, no, no. No, no, no, no.
-Oh, sorry.
1326
00:54:08,375 --> 00:54:09,833
-No, no. I'm sorry.
-Of course, sorry.
1327
00:54:09,916 --> 00:54:11,916
-No.
-(Dominic moans)
1328
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:13,583
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
1329
00:54:13,666 --> 00:54:15,375
What are you moaning about?
Nothing is happening.
1330
00:54:15,458 --> 00:54:16,541
I think I'm very drunk.
1331
00:54:16,625 --> 00:54:18,041
Oh, God. I have to pee.
1332
00:54:20,125 --> 00:54:21,458
Well, that was a bust.
1333
00:54:21,541 --> 00:54:24,708
We're all just too drunk.
1334
00:54:24,791 --> 00:54:27,083
We should've just gone home earlier
when I wanted to.
1335
00:54:27,166 --> 00:54:29,083
Oh, I see. So it's my fault, then?
I ruined this?
1336
00:54:29,166 --> 00:54:31,416
Actually, yeah.
1337
00:54:31,500 --> 00:54:34,791
(sighs)
All right, well, if you wouldn't mind.
1338
00:54:34,875 --> 00:54:36,416
No.
1339
00:54:38,291 --> 00:54:39,875
Not at all.
1340
00:54:44,375 --> 00:54:45,958
Good night.
1341
00:54:49,541 --> 00:54:51,541
♪ ♪
1342
00:54:59,166 --> 00:55:02,833
Jonathan isn't a rabbit, is he?
1343
00:55:04,500 --> 00:55:05,916
No.
1344
00:55:07,166 --> 00:55:08,250
Boyfriend?
1345
00:55:08,333 --> 00:55:09,875
Not really.
1346
00:55:09,958 --> 00:55:12,500
But if I tell you, you'll think I'm trash.
1347
00:55:13,666 --> 00:55:18,916
Well, actually, I saw you eat bacon
off of the floor already,
1348
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:20,333
so I know you're trash.
1349
00:55:20,416 --> 00:55:22,083
-Touché.
-Yeah.
1350
00:55:24,291 --> 00:55:27,041
So how did you meet this rabbit?
1351
00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:28,458
(sighs)
1352
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,000
-I'm his assistant.
-Mm.
1353
00:55:33,125 --> 00:55:36,250
I was an architect--
I mean, I... I am an architect,
1354
00:55:36,333 --> 00:55:39,083
but he's my boss.
1355
00:55:39,166 --> 00:55:41,541
Oh. Complicated.
1356
00:55:41,625 --> 00:55:43,000
It's worse.
1357
00:55:43,083 --> 00:55:45,125
Married boss. With a baby.
1358
00:55:45,208 --> 00:55:47,416
Mm, then he's trash.
1359
00:55:48,958 --> 00:55:50,000
What? No.
1360
00:55:51,833 --> 00:55:53,916
He's...
1361
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,291
He's, like, this...
1362
00:55:56,375 --> 00:55:58,708
big CEO and...
1363
00:55:58,791 --> 00:56:03,750
I mean, he's nice and funny,
and his wife is mean.
1364
00:56:03,833 --> 00:56:05,166
So you know her?
1365
00:56:06,250 --> 00:56:09,208
No, but I've seen her Instagram,
1366
00:56:09,291 --> 00:56:11,541
and it's, like, a lot of
really bad wine jokes.
1367
00:56:11,625 --> 00:56:12,666
Oh.
1368
00:56:12,750 --> 00:56:15,458
Yeah, wow, she sounds like a monster.
1369
00:56:15,541 --> 00:56:18,125
Hey, you are supposed to be
on my side here.
1370
00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:21,291
This is me being on your side
and not the side of
1371
00:56:21,375 --> 00:56:26,541
some rich, powerful guy who's lying to
two women just so he can fuck them both.
1372
00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,375
(chuckles)
1373
00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:33,500
Well, it's over anyways now, so...
1374
00:56:33,583 --> 00:56:34,625
(sighs)
1375
00:56:34,708 --> 00:56:37,958
...just gonna go
to this wedding by myself,
1376
00:56:38,041 --> 00:56:43,166
and my family will see that I really am
the loser that they think I am.
1377
00:56:43,250 --> 00:56:45,500
I doubt they think you're a loser.
1378
00:56:45,583 --> 00:56:46,750
My sister does.
1379
00:56:46,833 --> 00:56:48,083
And she's right.
1380
00:56:48,166 --> 00:56:50,541
She's like Net-a-Porter,
1381
00:56:50,625 --> 00:56:53,041
and I'm like Nordstrom Rack.
1382
00:56:53,125 --> 00:56:54,958
-(laughs)
-Dot com.
1383
00:56:55,041 --> 00:56:56,041
(laughing):
Jesus.
1384
00:56:56,125 --> 00:56:57,500
I'm being serious.
1385
00:56:57,583 --> 00:56:59,083
Yeah, I know.
1386
00:56:59,166 --> 00:57:01,541
Like, I just pale in comparison, so...
1387
00:57:01,625 --> 00:57:06,958
Alice, when I first walked onto that plane
and I saw that I got to sit next to you,
1388
00:57:07,041 --> 00:57:08,666
I couldn't believe my luck.
1389
00:57:08,750 --> 00:57:12,916
I thought I was gonna be stuck next to
some creepy, gross businessman
1390
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:15,000
who was just gonna fart his way
across the Atlantic.
1391
00:57:15,083 --> 00:57:16,541
-(laughing)
-That would've been so cool for you.
1392
00:57:16,625 --> 00:57:20,083
Instead... instead, it was you,
1393
00:57:20,166 --> 00:57:23,958
this sassy, gorgeous woman.
1394
00:57:25,791 --> 00:57:27,500
(sighs)
1395
00:57:27,583 --> 00:57:28,875
Who are you?
1396
00:57:28,958 --> 00:57:30,583
Dennis.
1397
00:57:30,666 --> 00:57:31,833
Dennis Bottoms.
1398
00:57:31,916 --> 00:57:32,958
What?
1399
00:57:35,333 --> 00:57:38,000
-What, what? -Yeah, no, I shouldn't,
I shouldn't have told you that.
1400
00:57:38,083 --> 00:57:39,083
-Wait, wait, wait.
-(groans)
1401
00:57:39,166 --> 00:57:41,500
Hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on.
1402
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:42,791
Your last name is Bottoms?
1403
00:57:42,875 --> 00:57:44,833
-I-I shouldn't have told you.
-Oh, wow.
1404
00:57:44,916 --> 00:57:46,041
No, I-- That was a mistake.
1405
00:57:46,125 --> 00:57:47,291
No, it's perfect.
1406
00:57:47,375 --> 00:57:49,083
-Oh, God.
-(laughs) Okay.
1407
00:57:49,166 --> 00:57:51,083
Well...
1408
00:57:51,166 --> 00:57:54,500
Mr. Bottoms... (snickers)
1409
00:57:54,583 --> 00:57:58,166
would you make me
the happiest woman in the world
1410
00:57:58,250 --> 00:58:03,833
and come to my horrible sister's
rehearsal dinner and wedding with me?
1411
00:58:05,416 --> 00:58:07,875
(clears throat)
Okay, but I'm not putting out.
1412
00:58:07,958 --> 00:58:10,125
Dennis.
1413
00:58:10,208 --> 00:58:12,416
You and I both know that's not true.
1414
00:58:12,500 --> 00:58:15,166
♪ In the summer of '16 ♪
1415
00:58:15,250 --> 00:58:16,833
♪ Was it love or nicotine ♪
1416
00:58:16,916 --> 00:58:21,833
-(playful chatter)
-♪ That made us mellow on the 35? ♪
1417
00:58:21,916 --> 00:58:24,000
♪ It was penny paradise ♪
1418
00:58:24,083 --> 00:58:26,833
♪ Just a pretty likkle lie ♪
1419
00:58:26,916 --> 00:58:32,000
♪ And it hit me when I saw you ♪
1420
00:58:32,083 --> 00:58:34,333
♪ Hand in hand, Coldharbour Lane ♪
1421
00:58:34,416 --> 00:58:36,708
♪ Never take it easy on the PDA ♪
1422
00:58:36,791 --> 00:58:38,875
♪ I don't miss you, least not that way ♪
1423
00:58:38,958 --> 00:58:41,583
♪ But someone better want me
like that someday... ♪
1424
00:58:41,666 --> 00:58:45,916
Look, I'm gonna chalk up
what happened last night to the booze
1425
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:47,916
so I can forgive you.
1426
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,000
(song ends)
1427
00:58:54,041 --> 00:58:55,291
(sobs)
1428
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,875
Oh, my God, what are you-- Stop.
1429
00:58:59,958 --> 00:59:01,458
I feel awful about last night.
1430
00:59:01,541 --> 00:59:03,083
No, it's fine. I said I can forgive you.
1431
00:59:03,166 --> 00:59:04,458
Please stop crying.
1432
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:06,125
Dominic, I wasn't apologizing.
1433
00:59:06,208 --> 00:59:08,875
I feel awful because you talked me into
doing a stupid threesome.
1434
00:59:08,958 --> 00:59:10,666
You always talk me into shit,
1435
00:59:10,750 --> 00:59:13,791
like moving to Philly
and-and taking that stupid job
1436
00:59:13,875 --> 00:59:17,500
and watching Project Runway
after Tim and Heidi left.
1437
00:59:17,583 --> 00:59:19,000
It's still good.
1438
00:59:19,083 --> 00:59:20,583
And now a threesome.
1439
00:59:20,666 --> 00:59:22,208
There's nothing shameful
about a threesome, okay?
1440
00:59:22,291 --> 00:59:23,541
Calm down.
1441
00:59:23,625 --> 00:59:25,500
I'm not ashamed.
1442
00:59:25,583 --> 00:59:27,875
I'm hurt, Dominic.
I feel like I'm not enough for you.
1443
00:59:27,958 --> 00:59:29,083
I'm never enough for you.
1444
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:30,916
And I try so hard.
1445
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,541
God, I try so hard to impress you.
1446
00:59:32,625 --> 00:59:34,416
And you can't see me, you know?
1447
00:59:34,500 --> 00:59:36,791
Dominic, you can't see me!
1448
00:59:36,875 --> 00:59:39,208
-We can hear you.
-England hates me!
1449
00:59:41,875 --> 00:59:43,625
I think I'd like to break up with you now.
1450
00:59:44,708 --> 00:59:47,125
Are you fucking kidding me?!
You're breaking up with me?!
1451
00:59:47,208 --> 00:59:49,083
-Yes.
-Oh, fuck.
1452
00:59:49,166 --> 00:59:50,916
DOMINIC:
I have feelings for Alcott,
1453
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,416
and I'd like to explore them
with my tongue.
1454
00:59:53,500 --> 00:59:54,666
Oh.
1455
00:59:54,750 --> 01:00:00,250
Sounds gorgeous, but, um,
I'm actually kind of interested in Paul.
1456
01:00:01,333 --> 01:00:04,666
Oh, my G-- That's so nice. That's so nice.
1457
01:00:04,750 --> 01:00:07,041
I mean, no.
No, thank you, but that's so nice.
1458
01:00:07,125 --> 01:00:08,458
Well, that's weird.
1459
01:00:08,541 --> 01:00:10,333
Oh, my God!
1460
01:00:10,416 --> 01:00:13,000
(grunts) I do beg your pardon.
Uh, Dominic?
1461
01:00:13,083 --> 01:00:14,375
Yes. Do I know you?
1462
01:00:14,458 --> 01:00:16,458
It's Tom. We met the other night.
1463
01:00:16,541 --> 01:00:20,041
If you're thinking of a threesome,
just fucking don't.
1464
01:00:21,041 --> 01:00:22,791
(groans):
Oh, God.
1465
01:00:24,041 --> 01:00:27,791
So I'll just go grab the rest of my stuff
and then you'll come get me?
1466
01:00:27,875 --> 01:00:30,708
Yeah. My sister arranged a car,
which is probably a Bentley or something,
1467
01:00:30,791 --> 01:00:34,625
and we'll ride with my mom and my brother,
who are a mess.
1468
01:00:34,708 --> 01:00:38,125
And my brother's boyfriend Dominic,
who's a turd.
1469
01:00:38,208 --> 01:00:40,541
I can't wait to meet my future in-laws.
1470
01:00:43,458 --> 01:00:45,916
(phone chirping)
1471
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,833
Oh, my God.
1472
01:00:47,916 --> 01:00:49,041
"Love you"?
1473
01:00:49,125 --> 01:00:50,625
Everything okay?
1474
01:00:50,708 --> 01:00:52,875
I just got a text from...
1475
01:00:53,958 --> 01:00:56,500
...um, my sister, who is awful,
1476
01:00:56,583 --> 01:01:01,500
and she said that I cannot have a plus-one
to the rehearsal dinner or the wedding.
1477
01:01:03,541 --> 01:01:06,166
Oh. Wow.
1478
01:01:06,250 --> 01:01:07,458
-Really?
-Yeah.
1479
01:01:07,541 --> 01:01:09,208
She's the worst.
1480
01:01:10,416 --> 01:01:11,500
(sputtering sigh)
1481
01:01:12,875 --> 01:01:14,708
So what time's Jonathan getting in?
1482
01:01:15,791 --> 01:01:18,333
-No, uh, it's not... it-it wasn't...
-No, please don't.
1483
01:01:18,416 --> 01:01:21,083
D-Don't. Uh...
1484
01:01:21,166 --> 01:01:23,083
It's okay. I get it.
1485
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:27,666
You know, Alice...
1486
01:01:29,958 --> 01:01:32,666
...first you were mean to me,
1487
01:01:32,750 --> 01:01:35,083
then you were super drunk,
1488
01:01:35,166 --> 01:01:37,750
then you slept with me,
then you stole all of my pancakes,
1489
01:01:37,833 --> 01:01:40,333
pretended that your married lover
was a rabbit,
1490
01:01:40,416 --> 01:01:44,416
turned me down for some rich asshole
who's banging you on the side,
1491
01:01:44,500 --> 01:01:47,708
then drew me back in,
invited me to your sister's wedding,
1492
01:01:47,791 --> 01:01:50,791
then ditched me for a rabbit again.
1493
01:01:50,875 --> 01:01:52,833
And despite that...
1494
01:01:53,916 --> 01:01:55,000
...I really like you.
1495
01:01:56,500 --> 01:02:02,125
Because you have literally everything
that any sane, decent man could ever want.
1496
01:02:02,208 --> 01:02:06,833
You are smart and funny
and beautiful and nice.
1497
01:02:06,916 --> 01:02:08,125
Occasionally.
1498
01:02:09,666 --> 01:02:12,166
But you don't want a sane, decent man.
1499
01:02:13,166 --> 01:02:14,750
You want someone
who makes you feel like shit.
1500
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,250
Because you think you are shit.
1501
01:02:19,666 --> 01:02:21,416
That's really sad.
1502
01:02:22,500 --> 01:02:23,791
Wow.
1503
01:02:25,333 --> 01:02:28,375
You should, like, put that
on a coffee mug or something.
1504
01:02:29,541 --> 01:02:31,250
Come on, Alice.
1505
01:02:31,333 --> 01:02:33,583
We both know that's way too long
to put on a mug.
1506
01:02:38,125 --> 01:02:41,208
Good luck with your discount
Mark Zuckerberg motherfucker, Alice.
1507
01:02:41,291 --> 01:02:42,916
Hope it's worth it.
1508
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:46,000
("Supalonely" by Benee
featuring Gus Dapperton playing)
1509
01:02:50,166 --> 01:02:51,916
♪ I know I fucked up ♪
1510
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:53,666
♪ I'm just a loser ♪
1511
01:02:53,750 --> 01:02:55,708
♪ Shouldn't be with ya ♪
1512
01:02:55,791 --> 01:02:57,166
-(sighs)
-♪ Guess I'm a quitter ♪
1513
01:02:57,250 --> 01:02:59,333
-(engine revving)
-♪ While you're out there drinking ♪
1514
01:02:59,416 --> 01:03:00,750
♪ I'm just here thinking ♪
1515
01:03:00,833 --> 01:03:04,083
♪ 'Bout where I should've been ♪
1516
01:03:05,750 --> 01:03:08,666
♪ Water pouring down from the ceiling ♪
1517
01:03:08,750 --> 01:03:10,416
♪ I knew this would happen ♪
1518
01:03:10,500 --> 01:03:12,333
♪ Still hard to believe it ♪
1519
01:03:12,416 --> 01:03:14,166
♪ Maybe I'm dramatic ♪
1520
01:03:14,250 --> 01:03:15,625
♪ I don't wanna seem it ♪
1521
01:03:15,708 --> 01:03:18,500
♪ I don't wanna panic ♪
1522
01:03:20,333 --> 01:03:24,000
♪ I'm a sad girl in this big world ♪
1523
01:03:24,083 --> 01:03:25,625
♪ It's a mad world ♪
1524
01:03:27,916 --> 01:03:29,833
♪ All of my friends know... ♪
1525
01:03:29,916 --> 01:03:31,458
Oh, my God.
1526
01:03:31,541 --> 01:03:33,250
You slept with him.
1527
01:03:33,333 --> 01:03:35,166
I did not.
1528
01:03:35,250 --> 01:03:36,458
(groans)
1529
01:03:36,541 --> 01:03:38,583
I knew there would be some sort of
weird hookup at the wedding,
1530
01:03:38,666 --> 01:03:40,250
but I didn't think it would be
you and Papa.
1531
01:03:40,333 --> 01:03:41,375
Eloise...
1532
01:03:41,458 --> 01:03:43,333
-(Eloise grunts)
-(vehicle approaching)
1533
01:03:43,416 --> 01:03:45,166
DONNA:
Hi, Paulie.
1534
01:03:45,250 --> 01:03:46,750
-Hi, Dominic.
-Not now, Mom.
1535
01:03:46,833 --> 01:03:48,083
DOMINIC:
I got it. I got it.
1536
01:03:48,166 --> 01:03:49,333
-Okay.
-Thank you.
1537
01:03:49,416 --> 01:03:51,791
Why are you wearing this silken romper
for our road trip?
1538
01:03:51,875 --> 01:03:53,250
She slept with my dad.
1539
01:03:53,333 --> 01:03:54,458
What?
1540
01:03:54,541 --> 01:03:55,750
It's more complicated than that.
1541
01:03:55,833 --> 01:03:58,291
-Why is Dominic just standing there?
-(camera clicks)
1542
01:03:58,375 --> 01:03:59,416
We broke up.
1543
01:03:59,500 --> 01:04:01,000
-Good.
-Good?
1544
01:04:01,083 --> 01:04:03,666
-Do you want me to give you a hug?
-No, absolutely not.
1545
01:04:03,750 --> 01:04:06,208
So I take it we won't be seeing you
at the wedding, then, Dominic?
1546
01:04:06,291 --> 01:04:08,958
Oh, I'm afraid not, but it was
wonderful to meet you, Eloise.
1547
01:04:09,041 --> 01:04:13,083
You're very beautiful,
so congratulations on that.
1548
01:04:13,166 --> 01:04:15,333
Unbelievable.
1549
01:04:15,416 --> 01:04:17,458
-Good luck to you, Dominic.
-Oh.
1550
01:04:17,541 --> 01:04:21,083
You'll need it if you think you'll ever
find anyone as wonderful as my brother
1551
01:04:21,166 --> 01:04:24,208
who will put up with a deeply embarrassing
twat like you ever again,
1552
01:04:24,291 --> 01:04:26,166
you small, sad man.
1553
01:04:29,916 --> 01:04:31,875
Fuck off, Dominic!
1554
01:04:33,375 --> 01:04:34,541
(sighs)
1555
01:04:39,083 --> 01:04:40,416
(sighs)
1556
01:04:40,500 --> 01:04:41,500
Look, Eloise...
1557
01:04:41,583 --> 01:04:43,000
Nope. Not getting into it now.
1558
01:04:43,083 --> 01:04:45,041
I'm in my zen wedding place.
1559
01:04:46,458 --> 01:04:48,666
-Ta-ta.
-(car door opens, closes)
1560
01:04:48,750 --> 01:04:49,791
(engine starts)
1561
01:04:49,875 --> 01:04:51,708
Paul, what happened?
1562
01:04:51,791 --> 01:04:54,583
I don't really feel like
telling you about it, okay?
1563
01:04:54,666 --> 01:04:56,666
I'm trying to figure out
whether I'm gonna get on Grindr or not.
1564
01:04:56,750 --> 01:04:58,750
Oh, I think you should
take a moment and just...
1565
01:04:58,833 --> 01:05:00,500
-PAUL: Is this us?
-(engine sputtering)
1566
01:05:00,583 --> 01:05:03,166
Oh. It's gonna be a long ride.
1567
01:05:03,250 --> 01:05:05,666
Oh, God. Why don't you change
out of your sex clothes.
1568
01:05:05,750 --> 01:05:08,416
Good i... good idea.
1569
01:05:08,500 --> 01:05:10,500
♪ ♪
1570
01:05:14,083 --> 01:05:16,166
-Well, this is nice.
-Oh, please.
1571
01:05:16,250 --> 01:05:18,333
Paul, move your knee
'cause it's right in my back.
1572
01:05:18,416 --> 01:05:21,416
Okay, I don't have
a lot of room to work with.
1573
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:25,125
I'm so glad Jonathan's meeting us there
because he never would've fit in this car.
1574
01:05:25,208 --> 01:05:27,875
I-I for one am actually
really disappointed that he's not with us,
1575
01:05:27,958 --> 01:05:30,708
and also separately, who is Jonathan,
and what the fuck are you talking about?
1576
01:05:30,791 --> 01:05:33,416
-I think he's Alice's boyfriend, Paul.
-(phone chirps)
1577
01:05:33,500 --> 01:05:35,458
Mom, if Alice had a boyfriend,
I would know, okay?
1578
01:05:35,541 --> 01:05:37,041
We're very close.
1579
01:05:37,125 --> 01:05:39,125
Isn't Jonathan your boss?
1580
01:05:39,208 --> 01:05:40,833
-Alice!
-Sorry, sorry, sorry.
1581
01:05:40,916 --> 01:05:42,166
-Alice, watch the road.
-Sorry.
1582
01:05:42,250 --> 01:05:44,333
You know, honey,
it's never a good idea to date your boss.
1583
01:05:44,416 --> 01:05:46,375
-Mom...
-Mm-hmm, yeah, it's a much better idea
1584
01:05:46,458 --> 01:05:48,208
-to date your ex-husband
who ruined your life. -Paul.
1585
01:05:48,291 --> 01:05:50,458
I know you're upset right now
because of Dominic, but--
1586
01:05:50,541 --> 01:05:52,500
-A-Alice. Oh! -Oh!
-(tires screech)
1587
01:05:52,583 --> 01:05:54,375
-Sorry, sorry.
-Do you want me to drive?
1588
01:05:54,458 --> 01:05:56,000
Yeah, right. You're still hungover.
1589
01:05:57,125 --> 01:05:58,208
-I'm okay for right now.
-Are you sure?
1590
01:05:58,291 --> 01:06:00,208
-Yes, I'm okay for right now.
-(phone chirps)
1591
01:06:01,291 --> 01:06:03,666
-Don't, Paul. No. -Oh! What? Come on.
-I don't want to die today.
1592
01:06:03,750 --> 01:06:06,458
-I'm so sorry. I will text him for you.
-No. No.
1593
01:06:06,541 --> 01:06:07,958
Wait a second, isn't your boss married?
1594
01:06:08,041 --> 01:06:09,583
Why would you not tell me
you're dating your married boss?
1595
01:06:09,666 --> 01:06:11,708
Why would you not tell me that
you and Dominic were on the rocks?
1596
01:06:11,791 --> 01:06:13,791
Al-Al-Alice, the-the road.
1597
01:06:13,875 --> 01:06:15,000
-Watch!
-The road!
1598
01:06:15,083 --> 01:06:16,791
-(tires screeching)
-Sorry. -Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
1599
01:06:16,875 --> 01:06:18,291
Actually, can we pull over?
1600
01:06:18,375 --> 01:06:19,916
Can we please, can we please pull over?
1601
01:06:22,541 --> 01:06:24,833
(cows mooing)
1602
01:06:24,916 --> 01:06:26,375
(Paul vomiting)
1603
01:06:26,458 --> 01:06:27,833
(sighs)
1604
01:06:27,916 --> 01:06:29,916
My God, you kids still barf a lot.
1605
01:06:31,916 --> 01:06:34,125
(sighs)
1606
01:06:34,208 --> 01:06:36,875
-Let's just all calm down
and try to have a peaceful ride. -Ooh.
1607
01:06:36,958 --> 01:06:39,000
-Okay?
-(sighs)
1608
01:06:39,083 --> 01:06:41,083
(engine starts)
1609
01:06:47,458 --> 01:06:49,416
-(loud thump)
-(cow bellows)
1610
01:06:49,500 --> 01:06:51,166
-Oh, my God.
-(gasps)
1611
01:06:51,250 --> 01:06:53,583
-What in the world is that?
-That's a cow.
1612
01:06:53,666 --> 01:06:54,875
(chuffs)
1613
01:06:55,958 --> 01:06:58,125
Oh, my God. Is it okay?
1614
01:06:58,208 --> 01:07:00,291
Hello. I-I'm sorry.
1615
01:07:00,375 --> 01:07:02,666
-I think we-- Is this your cow?
-Is it okay?
1616
01:07:02,750 --> 01:07:06,166
♪ At last ♪
1617
01:07:06,250 --> 01:07:09,416
("At Last" by Etta James playing)
1618
01:07:09,500 --> 01:07:13,041
♪ My love has come along ♪
1619
01:07:13,125 --> 01:07:15,125
(lively chatter)
1620
01:07:17,750 --> 01:07:19,166
♪ My lonely days ♪
1621
01:07:19,250 --> 01:07:21,250
-Eloise, can I just grab you?
-(quietly): Save me.
1622
01:07:21,333 --> 01:07:23,125
♪ Are over ♪
1623
01:07:25,916 --> 01:07:30,250
♪ And life is like a song ♪
1624
01:07:33,958 --> 01:07:36,125
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah... ♪
1625
01:07:36,208 --> 01:07:37,833
(groans)
1626
01:07:37,916 --> 01:07:39,250
Mm.
1627
01:07:42,625 --> 01:07:45,125
-WOMAN: Oh! Oh.
-Oh. Oh. -Oh. (chuckles)
1628
01:07:45,208 --> 01:07:46,500
Hello, Paul.
1629
01:07:46,583 --> 01:07:47,791
(Cockney accent):
Well, 'ello, gov'na.
1630
01:07:47,875 --> 01:07:49,250
Fancy a crumpet?
1631
01:07:49,333 --> 01:07:50,500
(normal voice):
(laughs) I'm just kidding.
1632
01:07:50,583 --> 01:07:51,583
I'm kidding, you guys.
1633
01:07:51,666 --> 01:07:54,375
-(chuckles) -Uh, Paul, these are
my parents, Marjory and Frederic.
1634
01:07:54,458 --> 01:07:55,833
This is Paul, Eloise's brother.
1635
01:07:55,916 --> 01:07:57,458
Well, half brother.
1636
01:07:57,541 --> 01:08:02,333
Um, and as you can see, I'm flying solo,
because I was dumped yesterday.
1637
01:08:02,416 --> 01:08:04,541
Yes, of course.
Very sorry to hear about you and Dominic.
1638
01:08:04,625 --> 01:08:07,875
Well, turns out, Marj and Fred,
I'm pretty terrible at threesomes.
1639
01:08:07,958 --> 01:08:09,666
(chuckles):
Know what I mean?
1640
01:08:09,750 --> 01:08:11,666
Aren't we all? (chuckles)
1641
01:08:11,750 --> 01:08:13,541
Well, I was more than willing,
is the thing, you know?
1642
01:08:13,625 --> 01:08:15,625
I was down to clown, as the kids say.
1643
01:08:15,708 --> 01:08:17,958
So on my hands and knees,
really sort of arching,
1644
01:08:18,041 --> 01:08:19,500
um, and Alcott comes in--
1645
01:08:19,583 --> 01:08:21,500
that was our third, the sort of
special guest star, if you will--
1646
01:08:21,583 --> 01:08:24,291
and he decided that he was feeling
a little bit snacky.
1647
01:08:24,375 --> 01:08:26,791
-Um...
-Would you excuse us for just one moment?
1648
01:08:26,875 --> 01:08:27,958
Rude.
1649
01:08:29,041 --> 01:08:31,500
Well, now, what do you suppose
happened next?
1650
01:08:31,583 --> 01:08:34,125
After the other young man got snacky?
1651
01:08:34,208 --> 01:08:35,416
Uh...
1652
01:08:35,500 --> 01:08:38,750
This is my only nice suit. God.
1653
01:08:38,833 --> 01:08:40,750
-What is your bloody problem?
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
1654
01:08:40,833 --> 01:08:42,458
Was I getting a little too real for you?
1655
01:08:42,541 --> 01:08:46,250
You just told my future in-laws about your
failed threesome at my rehearsal dinner,
1656
01:08:46,333 --> 01:08:49,000
so, yes, it was
a little too much for me today, Paul.
1657
01:08:49,083 --> 01:08:51,291
-Uh, sorry. Sorry.
-Come on, Eloise.
1658
01:08:51,375 --> 01:08:53,333
It doesn't matter what I say, okay?
1659
01:08:53,416 --> 01:08:55,708
You liked me when I was a little baby
that you could boss around,
1660
01:08:55,791 --> 01:08:57,750
and now you don't,
you don't want any part of
1661
01:08:57,833 --> 01:08:59,875
actual, real, messy, grown-up Paul, okay?
1662
01:08:59,958 --> 01:09:04,375
I'm very sorry that I can't be this
gorgeous, classy, stuck-up adult like you.
1663
01:09:04,458 --> 01:09:05,916
Oh, you're being such an ass.
1664
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:07,791
Oh, really? I'm being an ass? Am I really?
1665
01:09:07,875 --> 01:09:10,833
Well, at least I didn't leave
my own sister high and dry
1666
01:09:10,916 --> 01:09:13,250
after her boyfriend abandoned her
because she had a miscarriage
1667
01:09:13,333 --> 01:09:14,625
that he blamed on her.
1668
01:09:14,708 --> 01:09:15,791
What are you talking about?
1669
01:09:15,875 --> 01:09:18,041
He blamed her? That's why they split up?
1670
01:09:18,125 --> 01:09:20,500
Yeah, and I flew out there
and visited her, okay?
1671
01:09:20,583 --> 01:09:21,583
I used my miles.
1672
01:09:21,666 --> 01:09:23,291
And I get it, okay? I get it.
1673
01:09:23,375 --> 01:09:26,083
Hey, why would you want
to spend any time with us, right?
1674
01:09:26,166 --> 01:09:29,125
You were always
the beautiful, wanted child,
1675
01:09:29,208 --> 01:09:31,416
-and we were just Mom's second,
less lovable family. -(fingers snap)
1676
01:09:31,500 --> 01:09:37,000
Now Mom is throwing herself at Henrique
like some desperate teenager.
1677
01:09:37,083 --> 01:09:38,708
Jesus Christ. Ugh, God.
1678
01:09:38,791 --> 01:09:42,708
I'm so, so thankful that my dad
is too dead to see any of this.
1679
01:09:42,791 --> 01:09:44,666
Well, I hate to break it to you, Paul,
1680
01:09:44,750 --> 01:09:46,708
but your father was an ass, too,
just like mine.
1681
01:09:46,791 --> 01:09:48,041
I guess it's sort of Mum's type.
1682
01:09:48,125 --> 01:09:51,125
Okay. You have no right
to talk about my dad like that.
1683
01:09:51,208 --> 01:09:55,166
He was a wonderful man, and he loved me,
and I've been lost without him.
1684
01:09:55,250 --> 01:09:57,041
What can you possibly still need to get?!
1685
01:09:57,125 --> 01:09:58,666
Oh, sorry, just this. It's cake.
1686
01:09:58,750 --> 01:10:01,208
Oh, God, Paul, you're so off base.
1687
01:10:01,291 --> 01:10:02,875
-(scoffs)
-The truth is,
1688
01:10:02,958 --> 01:10:05,291
when you came out to your parents,
Bill couldn't handle it.
1689
01:10:05,375 --> 01:10:07,416
He said he thought it was disgusting,
1690
01:10:07,500 --> 01:10:10,333
and Mum told him she would leave him
if he ever made you feel
1691
01:10:10,416 --> 01:10:12,666
even the slightest bit unloved
or unaccepted.
1692
01:10:12,750 --> 01:10:16,250
She protected you from him,
even after he died,
1693
01:10:16,333 --> 01:10:18,375
and you've been nothing but awful
to her ever since.
1694
01:10:19,666 --> 01:10:21,541
-That's not true.
-It is.
1695
01:10:23,458 --> 01:10:26,041
No, he said that,
he s-said that he was fine with it.
1696
01:10:26,125 --> 01:10:29,416
He said that he loved me no matter what.
1697
01:10:29,500 --> 01:10:31,458
-He told me that.
-Mum made him say that.
1698
01:10:31,541 --> 01:10:33,666
No, she did-- No, you're just m--
you're making things up.
1699
01:10:33,750 --> 01:10:35,666
I wish I were, Paul.
1700
01:10:35,750 --> 01:10:37,375
Mum loves you.
1701
01:10:37,458 --> 01:10:39,083
She was a fucking warrior for you.
1702
01:10:42,583 --> 01:10:44,083
Paul!
1703
01:10:45,083 --> 01:10:47,083
(sobbing)
1704
01:10:50,083 --> 01:10:51,166
You all right, mate?
1705
01:10:51,250 --> 01:10:52,500
(stammers)
1706
01:10:52,583 --> 01:10:54,833
Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay, thank you.
1707
01:10:54,916 --> 01:10:55,958
Yeah, okay.
1708
01:10:56,041 --> 01:10:58,416
Wait, if you have a chance,
could you just bring some of those
1709
01:10:58,500 --> 01:11:00,625
-little cheese puffy things?
-Yeah, okay.
1710
01:11:00,708 --> 01:11:02,083
And maybe just, like, a little white wine.
1711
01:11:02,166 --> 01:11:04,541
-Sure.
-Okay, but not chardonnay.
1712
01:11:07,500 --> 01:11:09,333
That-- yes, well, okay.
1713
01:11:09,416 --> 01:11:11,708
(silverware tapping glass)
1714
01:11:11,791 --> 01:11:15,916
Thanks, everyone,
for coming tonight to witness this woman
1715
01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:18,291
-making the biggest mistake of her life.
-(phone buzzing)
1716
01:11:18,375 --> 01:11:20,041
(laughter)
1717
01:11:20,125 --> 01:11:23,958
I met Eloise at the polo club,
and when I told my brother
1718
01:11:24,041 --> 01:11:26,000
I'd just seen the most beautiful girl
in the world,
1719
01:11:26,083 --> 01:11:29,916
-he thought I was talking about
one of the horses. -(laughter)
1720
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:33,791
Thankfully, a similar mix-up
has not occurred here today.
1721
01:11:33,875 --> 01:11:36,208
-You!
-(crowd gasps)
1722
01:11:36,291 --> 01:11:38,583
-Alice.
-No.
1723
01:11:39,875 --> 01:11:41,250
I mean, yes, I-I'm me, but--
1724
01:11:41,333 --> 01:11:43,500
Hi. Marissa, welcome.
1725
01:11:43,583 --> 01:11:45,500
Don't try to be cute right now.
1726
01:11:45,583 --> 01:11:48,375
Why don't, uh, let...
why don't you and I go outside?
1727
01:11:48,458 --> 01:11:51,958
No, no. I-I actually think
maybe it could be fun for everybody here
1728
01:11:52,041 --> 01:11:53,666
to know that this person--
1729
01:11:53,750 --> 01:11:56,875
and I use that word very loosely--
1730
01:11:56,958 --> 01:11:59,541
has been fucking my husband...
1731
01:11:59,625 --> 01:12:01,125
(crowd gasping, murmuring)
1732
01:12:01,208 --> 01:12:03,791
...while I have been home nursing a baby
1733
01:12:03,875 --> 01:12:07,333
who just vampires
the life force out of me...
1734
01:12:07,416 --> 01:12:09,625
Marissa, I'm sorry. Jonathan said that...
1735
01:12:09,708 --> 01:12:11,833
And I'm supposed to only blame him
for all of this, right?
1736
01:12:11,916 --> 01:12:13,791
Wrong. You're a woman.
1737
01:12:13,875 --> 01:12:15,208
-Okay.
-You should've known better.
1738
01:12:15,291 --> 01:12:16,833
-You know how this feels.
-(Alice stammering)
1739
01:12:16,916 --> 01:12:18,666
Uh, why don't we just go outside,
1740
01:12:18,750 --> 01:12:20,750
-and we can talk and...
-No. No.
1741
01:12:20,833 --> 01:12:24,166
I am so tired of talking
1742
01:12:24,250 --> 01:12:28,166
to therapists and to sleep experts
1743
01:12:28,250 --> 01:12:32,000
and to my dumb piece of shit husband!
1744
01:12:32,083 --> 01:12:33,250
-I'm divorcing Jonathan!
-(crowd gasping)
1745
01:12:33,333 --> 01:12:36,291
Yes.
I mean, I-I think you should 'cause we--
1746
01:12:36,375 --> 01:12:39,958
he screwed both of us over,
and we're the victims here.
1747
01:12:40,041 --> 01:12:42,333
But first I'm gonna fistfight you.
1748
01:12:42,416 --> 01:12:44,416
(crowd murmuring)
1749
01:12:44,500 --> 01:12:47,750
Get back here, Strawberry Shortcake.
1750
01:12:49,125 --> 01:12:50,500
I haven't slept in four days.
1751
01:12:50,583 --> 01:12:52,458
-I'm invincible!
-Stop this. Alice, stop this.
1752
01:12:52,541 --> 01:12:54,208
How am I supposed to stop it?
1753
01:12:56,875 --> 01:12:58,875
(Henrique and woman laughing)
1754
01:13:05,458 --> 01:13:07,458
(Henrique moaning)
1755
01:13:12,958 --> 01:13:14,875
-(woman laughs)
-(pants unzip)
1756
01:13:17,291 --> 01:13:18,416
(gasps)
1757
01:13:18,500 --> 01:13:20,375
Paul, are you peeing on my feet?!
1758
01:13:20,458 --> 01:13:23,375
(mocking French accent):
Uh, je m'appelle yes.
1759
01:13:23,458 --> 01:13:25,916
-Merde! (shouting in French)
-(normal voice): What? Hey! Hey!
1760
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:27,333
MARISSA:
Get 'em up! Get 'em up!
1761
01:13:27,416 --> 01:13:29,250
-ALICE: Can you call security, please?
-MARISSA: Don't call security!
1762
01:13:29,333 --> 01:13:32,000
-PAUL: Sorry.
-(Henrique shouting in French)
1763
01:13:32,083 --> 01:13:33,791
(crowd gasping)
1764
01:13:33,875 --> 01:13:36,000
-Paul!
-Oh, my God.
1765
01:13:36,083 --> 01:13:37,583
Oh, shit.
1766
01:13:37,666 --> 01:13:39,541
MARISSA:
Alice, I'm gonna fuck you up!
1767
01:13:39,625 --> 01:13:42,083
-No.
-Alice, who's that lady?
1768
01:13:42,166 --> 01:13:43,666
(grunting)
1769
01:13:50,208 --> 01:13:52,125
-No.
-(grunting)
1770
01:13:53,041 --> 01:13:54,041
Oh.
1771
01:13:55,166 --> 01:13:56,833
-Oh.
-ALICE: Stop.
1772
01:13:56,916 --> 01:13:58,250
Stop. Marissa.
1773
01:13:59,416 --> 01:14:00,791
(crowd gasping)
1774
01:14:00,875 --> 01:14:02,125
Oh, hell no.
1775
01:14:02,208 --> 01:14:04,083
Oh, um, Mum, no!
1776
01:14:04,166 --> 01:14:05,125
Get her, Mom!
1777
01:14:05,208 --> 01:14:07,291
Mom, no biting! No biting!
1778
01:14:12,916 --> 01:14:15,583
(Donna laughing)
1779
01:14:20,500 --> 01:14:22,791
Are... are you having a stroke?
1780
01:14:22,875 --> 01:14:25,875
I mean, do you think this is funny?
1781
01:14:27,458 --> 01:14:30,083
I do. I mean, kind of, yes.
1782
01:14:30,166 --> 01:14:31,291
(laughing)
1783
01:14:31,375 --> 01:14:34,125
Mom, you bit someone.
1784
01:14:34,208 --> 01:14:35,666
I did.
1785
01:14:35,750 --> 01:14:36,958
(laughs)
1786
01:14:37,041 --> 01:14:38,833
And I don't know
what kind of lotion she uses,
1787
01:14:38,916 --> 01:14:40,541
but it was honestly kind of pleasant.
1788
01:14:40,625 --> 01:14:45,041
She did smell amazing,
so I'm not shocked that she tasted good.
1789
01:14:45,125 --> 01:14:47,416
-(Donna laughs)
-You guys are so weird.
1790
01:14:47,500 --> 01:14:49,875
Oh, my God.
1791
01:14:49,958 --> 01:14:52,041
You know how at every wedding
there are those people?
1792
01:14:52,125 --> 01:14:53,958
The people everyone talk about after.
1793
01:14:54,041 --> 01:14:58,375
The drunk uncle, the-the cousin
who humps everyone on the dance floor.
1794
01:14:58,458 --> 01:14:59,708
Cousin Randy.
1795
01:14:59,791 --> 01:15:01,500
-Ew.
-Every time.
1796
01:15:02,583 --> 01:15:04,833
We're those people this time.
1797
01:15:06,125 --> 01:15:07,250
We're those people.
1798
01:15:07,333 --> 01:15:09,625
Oh, savage, Mom.
1799
01:15:09,708 --> 01:15:11,250
Ouch.
1800
01:15:12,250 --> 01:15:14,166
(chuckles)
1801
01:15:14,250 --> 01:15:15,375
(sighs)
1802
01:15:18,500 --> 01:15:20,000
Hey, Mom?
1803
01:15:20,083 --> 01:15:21,291
Mm, yes, Paulie?
1804
01:15:29,333 --> 01:15:31,041
(sighs)
1805
01:15:31,125 --> 01:15:35,833
I'm sorry that I've been
such a terrible garbage heap of a son.
1806
01:15:36,916 --> 01:15:40,000
No, Paulie, you are wonderful.
1807
01:15:41,583 --> 01:15:44,291
I just can't believe that Dad...
1808
01:15:44,375 --> 01:15:45,666
I know, sweetie.
1809
01:15:48,333 --> 01:15:50,291
Why didn't you tell me?
1810
01:15:53,708 --> 01:15:56,125
Because you loved him.
1811
01:15:56,208 --> 01:15:58,541
And you felt that he loved you
unconditionally,
1812
01:15:58,625 --> 01:16:02,041
and it's so rare to feel loved that way.
1813
01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:03,916
And I didn't want to destroy that.
1814
01:16:07,291 --> 01:16:11,125
And I'm sorry about Henrique
1815
01:16:11,208 --> 01:16:13,083
macking it on that floozy.
1816
01:16:14,708 --> 01:16:16,375
(laughs)
1817
01:16:16,458 --> 01:16:17,958
You know what?
1818
01:16:18,041 --> 01:16:19,083
It's fine.
1819
01:16:19,166 --> 01:16:23,708
Well, you deserve to be loved
unconditionally, too.
1820
01:16:27,333 --> 01:16:29,416
I already am.
1821
01:16:32,333 --> 01:16:33,375
Ayo.
1822
01:16:33,458 --> 01:16:35,000
(all laugh)
1823
01:16:35,083 --> 01:16:36,708
-(door opens)
-Oh.
1824
01:16:38,125 --> 01:16:39,666
Did my daughter Eloise come?
1825
01:16:39,750 --> 01:16:40,875
Yes.
1826
01:16:40,958 --> 01:16:43,125
So are we being released?
1827
01:16:43,208 --> 01:16:44,416
No.
1828
01:16:44,500 --> 01:16:46,583
But she left a note for you.
1829
01:16:46,666 --> 01:16:47,750
A-A note?
1830
01:16:47,833 --> 01:16:49,416
She wanted me to read it to you.
1831
01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:51,625
-Well, no, we can just read it oursel...
-(clears throat)
1832
01:16:51,708 --> 01:16:52,708
Okay, you're gonna do it.
1833
01:16:52,791 --> 01:16:54,708
"Dear Mum, Alice and Paul,
1834
01:16:54,791 --> 01:16:59,291
I love you all, but I have changed
your RSVPs for tomorrow to no."
1835
01:17:00,583 --> 01:17:02,541
Huh.
1836
01:17:02,625 --> 01:17:05,625
"All I've ever wanted was to feel like
a part of this family
1837
01:17:05,708 --> 01:17:09,250
"instead of like a satellite
spinning out in space all alone.
1838
01:17:09,333 --> 01:17:13,083
"I guess I thought maybe my wedding
would be a chance to reconnect,
1839
01:17:13,166 --> 01:17:17,166
"but I see now that maybe
we were never really connected.
1840
01:17:18,958 --> 01:17:21,541
"You have my promise:
1841
01:17:21,625 --> 01:17:24,750
From here on out,
I'll stop trying so hard."
1842
01:17:24,833 --> 01:17:27,375
(sobs softly, sniffles)
1843
01:17:27,458 --> 01:17:30,708
Well, that's a real shame, innit?
1844
01:17:30,791 --> 01:17:32,875
Don't like to see that, do you?
1845
01:17:32,958 --> 01:17:34,625
Family torn apart and whatnot.
1846
01:17:34,708 --> 01:17:36,416
(sniffles)
1847
01:17:36,500 --> 01:17:39,500
("Little Green Bag"
by George Baker Selection playing)
1848
01:17:47,458 --> 01:17:48,958
♪ Yeah... ♪
1849
01:17:51,541 --> 01:17:52,916
ALICE:
Dennis, hi.
1850
01:17:53,000 --> 01:17:54,166
Thanks for coming.
1851
01:17:54,250 --> 01:17:57,791
Thanks for even answering my call.
1852
01:17:57,875 --> 01:18:00,791
Sorry, Alice, who is Dennis?
1853
01:18:00,875 --> 01:18:02,583
Dennis is...
1854
01:18:02,666 --> 01:18:03,750
He...
1855
01:18:03,833 --> 01:18:05,000
I'm no one.
1856
01:18:05,083 --> 01:18:06,791
Alice and I used to be friends.
1857
01:18:08,583 --> 01:18:10,500
Oh, well, thank you very much.
1858
01:18:10,583 --> 01:18:12,291
-(quietly): He's cute.
-Thank you, Dennis.
1859
01:18:13,291 --> 01:18:14,291
(car door closes)
1860
01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:15,791
Hey, I am really sorry.
1861
01:18:15,875 --> 01:18:17,500
It's okay.
1862
01:18:17,583 --> 01:18:20,291
My big old, dumb, Midwestern heart
will mend somehow.
1863
01:18:20,375 --> 01:18:23,666
I'll meet a simpler girl,
like maybe a lady scarecrow.
1864
01:18:23,750 --> 01:18:24,958
Do you have those in Kansas?
1865
01:18:25,041 --> 01:18:26,416
Oh, yeah. Definitely do.
1866
01:18:26,500 --> 01:18:28,250
(phone chirps)
1867
01:18:29,250 --> 01:18:31,041
That him?
1868
01:18:31,125 --> 01:18:32,583
Yeah.
1869
01:18:32,666 --> 01:18:36,250
From his new phone,
because Marissa had his old phone,
1870
01:18:36,333 --> 01:18:37,458
which is why I thought he was coming.
1871
01:18:37,541 --> 01:18:39,166
And never mind. You don't care.
1872
01:18:39,250 --> 01:18:41,000
No, no, this is riveting.
1873
01:18:41,083 --> 01:18:42,125
Please go on.
1874
01:18:42,208 --> 01:18:46,958
He says Marissa is leaving him,
so we can finally be...
1875
01:18:48,000 --> 01:18:49,250
...together.
1876
01:18:49,333 --> 01:18:52,333
Sounds like a real dream come true.
1877
01:18:52,416 --> 01:18:57,541
Maybe someday you can punch his new
mistress at her sister's rehearsal dinner.
1878
01:18:57,625 --> 01:18:58,708
Circle of life.
1879
01:19:16,166 --> 01:19:17,750
Thank you again.
1880
01:19:17,833 --> 01:19:21,208
And I can, um, Cash App you for the bail.
1881
01:19:21,291 --> 01:19:23,000
Okay.
1882
01:19:23,083 --> 01:19:24,916
My handle is Dennis underscore Bottoms.
1883
01:19:26,208 --> 01:19:28,041
S-So sorry. Bottoms?
1884
01:19:28,125 --> 01:19:30,541
Paul, not now. Come on.
1885
01:19:30,625 --> 01:19:31,875
(sighs)
1886
01:19:31,958 --> 01:19:34,666
Well, we'll always have Paddington.
1887
01:19:34,750 --> 01:19:36,208
He's a good bear.
1888
01:19:38,750 --> 01:19:40,375
See you, Alice.
1889
01:19:44,916 --> 01:19:46,208
(car door closes)
1890
01:19:49,208 --> 01:19:50,625
(Alice sighs)
1891
01:19:52,291 --> 01:19:54,083
Okay, who was that, now?
1892
01:19:54,166 --> 01:19:58,125
Just a really great guy who genuinely
liked me and I completely fucked over.
1893
01:19:58,208 --> 01:19:59,625
Oh, there she is.
1894
01:19:59,708 --> 01:20:00,833
I'm doing great.
1895
01:20:00,916 --> 01:20:03,166
Hey. We're doing great.
1896
01:20:03,250 --> 01:20:06,166
Come on. Let's get you kids to bed.
1897
01:20:06,250 --> 01:20:08,708
I'm gonna tuck you in. (chuckles)
1898
01:20:08,791 --> 01:20:10,541
(door closes)
1899
01:20:10,625 --> 01:20:11,625
Donna.
1900
01:20:11,708 --> 01:20:13,375
Henrique.
1901
01:20:13,458 --> 01:20:15,416
I wanted to apologize.
1902
01:20:15,500 --> 01:20:17,208
Oh, really? What for?
1903
01:20:17,291 --> 01:20:18,958
For leading you on.
1904
01:20:19,041 --> 01:20:21,166
(laughs)
1905
01:20:21,250 --> 01:20:23,208
I didn't mean to ruin your life again.
1906
01:20:23,291 --> 01:20:24,791
Yeah, you know what, Henrique?
1907
01:20:24,875 --> 01:20:28,500
I think... I think I'm the one
who owes you an apology.
1908
01:20:28,583 --> 01:20:31,750
I think I should apologize to you
for ruining your life.
1909
01:20:31,833 --> 01:20:33,541
(laughs):
What are you talking about?
1910
01:20:33,625 --> 01:20:35,458
I'll tell you what I'm talking about.
1911
01:20:35,541 --> 01:20:36,708
I was your first love.
1912
01:20:36,791 --> 01:20:40,958
And I was a kind, good woman
who honestly loved you, and you blew that.
1913
01:20:41,041 --> 01:20:44,791
And ever since then, you've been trying
to fill the massive space that I left
1914
01:20:44,875 --> 01:20:48,416
with money and things and sex,
and nothing, nothing has probably ever
1915
01:20:48,500 --> 01:20:52,791
felt as good or real or safe
as having someone who actually cared.
1916
01:20:52,875 --> 01:20:55,750
And now, you know what,
your life is almost over.
1917
01:20:55,833 --> 01:20:58,000
You got what, 15 years left?
1918
01:20:58,083 --> 01:21:02,250
One before some X-ray or scan comes back
with a dark spot on it
1919
01:21:02,333 --> 01:21:03,458
and we're staring into the abyss?
1920
01:21:05,750 --> 01:21:07,375
So I'm sorry.
1921
01:21:08,541 --> 01:21:13,250
I'm sorry I showed you a glimpse of what
life is like when you treat people well,
1922
01:21:13,333 --> 01:21:16,000
when you hold on
to the tiny parcel of love you are given
1923
01:21:16,083 --> 01:21:17,666
and you say "thank you"
1924
01:21:17,750 --> 01:21:20,500
instead of throwing it into the street
and screaming for more.
1925
01:21:20,583 --> 01:21:24,416
I'm sorry it was probably never
as good for you again.
1926
01:21:24,500 --> 01:21:25,708
(sighs)
1927
01:21:25,791 --> 01:21:28,375
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going in there by myself,
1928
01:21:28,458 --> 01:21:29,916
because I'm very, very tired.
1929
01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:31,916
So good night, Henrique.
1930
01:21:36,791 --> 01:21:38,791
♪ ♪
1931
01:21:45,666 --> 01:21:48,500
Ollie, you're not supposed to see me.
It's bad luck.
1932
01:21:48,583 --> 01:21:50,958
I figured we got all the bad luck
out of the way last night.
1933
01:21:51,041 --> 01:21:53,541
That's not funny.
1934
01:21:53,625 --> 01:21:57,875
I just... I don't want you
to have any regrets.
1935
01:21:57,958 --> 01:21:59,250
They are your family.
1936
01:22:00,333 --> 01:22:02,250
I suppose.
1937
01:22:02,333 --> 01:22:03,958
I've never really belonged to them.
1938
01:22:04,041 --> 01:22:07,000
Well, you belong with me.
1939
01:22:08,583 --> 01:22:10,583
And we will have our own family together.
1940
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:21,625
I'm just gonna go and make sure
everything's set up and tip-top.
1941
01:22:21,708 --> 01:22:22,875
(chuckles)
1942
01:22:30,083 --> 01:22:31,541
What color are these?
1943
01:22:32,625 --> 01:22:34,583
Oh, um, white?
1944
01:22:35,666 --> 01:22:37,208
They look cream.
1945
01:22:37,291 --> 01:22:39,958
Isn't that white?
1946
01:22:40,041 --> 01:22:42,583
Do you think snow and milk
are the same color?
1947
01:22:44,583 --> 01:22:45,666
Yes?
1948
01:22:45,750 --> 01:22:46,833
No.
1949
01:22:46,916 --> 01:22:48,125
No, they are not.
1950
01:22:50,041 --> 01:22:51,666
I've got to go
and get replacements for these.
1951
01:22:51,750 --> 01:22:52,833
It'll only take a minute.
1952
01:22:56,291 --> 01:22:57,625
Hello.
1953
01:22:59,083 --> 01:23:00,291
Martha.
1954
01:23:00,375 --> 01:23:04,833
I ordered 2,000 votives for my wedding,
and I believe you sent the wrong color.
1955
01:23:04,916 --> 01:23:08,750
You see, I ordered white,
and I received this.
1956
01:23:08,833 --> 01:23:10,916
-That looks white to me.
-Does it?
1957
01:23:11,000 --> 01:23:13,000
Does it, Martha?
1958
01:23:13,083 --> 01:23:17,500
Because I'm pretty sure that's off-white,
which literally means "not white."
1959
01:23:17,583 --> 01:23:21,375
And now I have 2,000 of those candles
scattered all over the property
1960
01:23:21,458 --> 01:23:24,625
where I'm getting married,
and it's not gonna be okay!
1961
01:23:24,708 --> 01:23:25,708
(Eloise sobs)
1962
01:23:25,791 --> 01:23:27,750
(crying):
Help me, Martha.
1963
01:23:27,833 --> 01:23:29,625
You're the only one who can help.
1964
01:23:29,708 --> 01:23:30,916
-(stammers)
-(Eloise crying)
1965
01:23:31,000 --> 01:23:34,958
Um, wh-why don't I go check in the back
and see if we have some white ones.
1966
01:23:36,625 --> 01:23:38,000
Great.
1967
01:23:39,916 --> 01:23:42,791
We do have the votives in white.
1968
01:23:44,291 --> 01:23:46,958
Oh. (laughs)
1969
01:23:47,041 --> 01:23:48,541
Oh, well, that's perfect.
1970
01:23:48,625 --> 01:23:50,791
We have 200 of them.
1971
01:23:50,875 --> 01:23:52,166
Two hundred?
1972
01:23:52,250 --> 01:23:54,250
I need 2,000.
1973
01:23:55,291 --> 01:23:56,625
(panting, sobbing)
1974
01:23:58,291 --> 01:24:00,833
Martha, I-I have to get out of here.
1975
01:24:00,916 --> 01:24:03,333
I-I can't breathe. I just... (sobbing)
1976
01:24:05,250 --> 01:24:06,708
-(yelps)
-Eloise.
1977
01:24:06,791 --> 01:24:09,791
Do you know, I was just popping in here
to get a card for your wedding gift.
1978
01:24:09,875 --> 01:24:11,333
Not now, Tom!
1979
01:24:11,416 --> 01:24:12,833
Splendid.
1980
01:24:15,083 --> 01:24:17,083
(Paul sighs)
1981
01:24:17,166 --> 01:24:19,083
Heading back to America in shame.
1982
01:24:19,166 --> 01:24:22,375
I finally know how Madonna felt
after her Guy Ritchie divorce.
1983
01:24:22,458 --> 01:24:26,875
I know Eloise said not to come, but
what if I went and stood at a distance?
1984
01:24:26,958 --> 01:24:28,083
-ALICE: Mom. (groans)
-No.
1985
01:24:28,166 --> 01:24:31,041
The police officer read us
the whole addendum
1986
01:24:31,125 --> 01:24:32,666
that stated specifically not to do that.
1987
01:24:32,750 --> 01:24:35,041
I know. I know. I know.
1988
01:24:37,250 --> 01:24:38,708
(vehicle door closes)
1989
01:24:38,791 --> 01:24:40,666
-Ollie.
-Eloise is missing.
1990
01:24:40,750 --> 01:24:44,416
Apparently, she had some sort of meltdown
at a candle store and then ran away.
1991
01:24:44,500 --> 01:24:46,458
I have no idea where she could be.
1992
01:24:53,375 --> 01:24:54,833
Really? Taco Bell?
1993
01:24:54,916 --> 01:24:56,583
Yep. Her favorite.
1994
01:24:56,666 --> 01:24:59,750
Henrique would never let her go to one,
so we went constantly when she visited.
1995
01:24:59,833 --> 01:25:02,000
She used to have
all her birthday dinners there.
1996
01:25:02,083 --> 01:25:03,250
Wasn't as sad as it sounds.
1997
01:25:03,333 --> 01:25:07,958
Would you guys mind if I went in
by myself just for a minute?
1998
01:25:17,166 --> 01:25:18,166
(slurps)
1999
01:25:25,250 --> 01:25:27,208
Can I have a nacho?
2000
01:25:31,333 --> 01:25:33,250
-Eloise, I don't...
-Wait.
2001
01:25:33,333 --> 01:25:35,208
Before you talk, I get to talk.
2002
01:25:36,375 --> 01:25:38,666
Alice, I'm sorry about last summer.
2003
01:25:39,666 --> 01:25:41,750
Paul told me.
2004
01:25:41,833 --> 01:25:44,916
About Andrew abandoning you
after the miscarriage.
2005
01:25:45,000 --> 01:25:46,916
I promise I had no idea because...
2006
01:25:47,000 --> 01:25:48,583
I know, because I didn't tell you.
2007
01:25:48,666 --> 01:25:52,458
And I hated you for it,
and it wasn't your fault.
2008
01:25:53,541 --> 01:25:55,583
There's a little more to it
than that, though, too.
2009
01:25:55,666 --> 01:25:56,708
I...
2010
01:25:58,541 --> 01:26:00,375
What, El? What is it?
2011
01:26:04,083 --> 01:26:06,083
Shortly before I was going to come,
2012
01:26:06,166 --> 01:26:09,625
I found out that
I can't have any children.
2013
01:26:11,416 --> 01:26:13,000
Ever.
2014
01:26:14,166 --> 01:26:19,791
I tried to get on that plane
to come and see you, but I... I just...
2015
01:26:19,875 --> 01:26:20,958
I couldn't.
2016
01:26:21,041 --> 01:26:24,250
You know, growing up,
2017
01:26:24,333 --> 01:26:28,750
compared to you guys,
I had this kind of half life.
2018
01:26:28,833 --> 01:26:30,583
And in my heart, I always thought,
2019
01:26:30,666 --> 01:26:36,166
"Well, I'll have a family of my own
someday, and we will be connected."
2020
01:26:36,250 --> 01:26:37,666
Truly connected.
2021
01:26:39,000 --> 01:26:41,541
And in an instant, that dream was gone.
2022
01:26:41,625 --> 01:26:43,416
I'm really sorry.
2023
01:26:43,500 --> 01:26:44,916
It wasn't your fault.
2024
01:26:45,000 --> 01:26:46,666
No, I should have told you.
2025
01:26:46,750 --> 01:26:50,833
Instead, I just tried to make it up to you
by upgrading your room
2026
01:26:50,916 --> 01:26:53,000
-and trying to get you a job and...
-(chuckles)
2027
01:26:53,083 --> 01:26:54,833
Yeah, but those are nice things.
2028
01:26:54,916 --> 01:26:59,875
They're... really nice... things,
2029
01:26:59,958 --> 01:27:05,333
and I think I can just be
an ungrateful dummy sometimes.
2030
01:27:07,166 --> 01:27:09,833
(sighs)
I haven't even told you the worst part.
2031
01:27:11,916 --> 01:27:14,125
Ollie doesn't know.
2032
01:27:14,208 --> 01:27:18,041
He doesn't know
that I can't have children, and...
2033
01:27:18,125 --> 01:27:20,541
I've been lying to him,
and he thinks I'm perfect.
2034
01:27:20,625 --> 01:27:22,208
And I know he won't love me
2035
01:27:22,291 --> 01:27:24,708
-once he actually knows me because...
-That's not...
2036
01:27:24,791 --> 01:27:27,666
...it's only a matter of time
before Ollie realizes
2037
01:27:27,750 --> 01:27:33,291
that all of this is just a show
and that deep down, I'm just Doritos.
2038
01:27:35,041 --> 01:27:37,166
Okay, I'm not sure what you mean
about the Doritos part
2039
01:27:37,250 --> 01:27:40,458
'cause they are a wonderful snack food
and let's not be rude to them,
2040
01:27:40,541 --> 01:27:42,833
but, El, we love you.
2041
01:27:42,916 --> 01:27:44,416
Maybe too much.
2042
01:27:44,500 --> 01:27:49,625
We put you on a pedestal, and then we all
just feel like such garbage around you
2043
01:27:49,708 --> 01:27:52,666
that we act terrible
to get you to reject us,
2044
01:27:52,750 --> 01:27:55,333
and I'm only just now realizing
what a fun bunch we are.
2045
01:27:55,416 --> 01:27:59,125
Alice, you deserve happiness.
2046
01:27:59,208 --> 01:28:00,416
Quit pushing it away.
2047
01:28:01,500 --> 01:28:03,333
You first.
2048
01:28:03,416 --> 01:28:05,125
You're my big sister.
2049
01:28:05,208 --> 01:28:06,833
You have to set a good example.
2050
01:28:09,625 --> 01:28:13,125
But you do need to tell Ollie
2051
01:28:13,208 --> 01:28:16,166
about the whole kid thing.
2052
01:28:18,750 --> 01:28:20,875
Okay.
2053
01:28:20,958 --> 01:28:22,625
I can go with you.
2054
01:28:22,708 --> 01:28:25,583
If... if you'd like that.
2055
01:28:28,458 --> 01:28:30,291
-(chuckles)
-Okay.
2056
01:28:31,291 --> 01:28:32,708
(sobs softly)
2057
01:28:34,250 --> 01:28:37,250
Before you go,
can you get me another gordita?
2058
01:28:37,333 --> 01:28:41,000
Um, regular or Double Cheesy?
2059
01:28:42,208 --> 01:28:43,833
Double Cheesy.
2060
01:28:45,833 --> 01:28:47,208
It's my big day.
2061
01:28:47,291 --> 01:28:48,375
(chuckles)
2062
01:28:48,458 --> 01:28:50,458
♪ ♪
2063
01:29:00,666 --> 01:29:02,666
(birds chirping)
2064
01:29:03,583 --> 01:29:05,666
Ladies and gentlemen,
2065
01:29:05,750 --> 01:29:07,958
gays and theys, your bride.
2066
01:29:14,083 --> 01:29:15,458
(chuckles)
2067
01:29:15,541 --> 01:29:17,583
Oh, Eloise.
2068
01:29:21,083 --> 01:29:23,000
You've never looked more beautiful.
2069
01:29:23,083 --> 01:29:24,625
Thanks, Mum.
2070
01:29:24,708 --> 01:29:27,958
I mean, it's just relentlessly unfair
2071
01:29:28,041 --> 01:29:30,291
you took all the good genes
and you left us with the scrap.
2072
01:29:30,375 --> 01:29:32,916
Well, you did take all the wit.
2073
01:29:33,000 --> 01:29:34,833
I'm the only one
with the correct toe lengths.
2074
01:29:34,916 --> 01:29:36,416
Why would you throw that in my face
before a wedding?
2075
01:29:36,500 --> 01:29:38,208
Well, I'm just pointing it out.
2076
01:29:38,291 --> 01:29:40,583
-Look at you. Look at you.
-(Alice chuckles)
2077
01:29:40,666 --> 01:29:41,791
Look at all of you.
2078
01:29:41,875 --> 01:29:43,625
You're absolutely perfect.
2079
01:29:43,708 --> 01:29:44,833
My God.
2080
01:29:44,916 --> 01:29:47,625
You're the loves of my life.
2081
01:29:47,708 --> 01:29:49,500
I have spent too much time
dwelling on the past
2082
01:29:49,583 --> 01:29:52,250
instead of thinking of
all the good that's in front of us.
2083
01:29:52,333 --> 01:29:53,583
But no more.
2084
01:29:53,666 --> 01:29:56,333
And no more not talking to each other.
2085
01:29:56,416 --> 01:29:58,583
Okay? We need each other.
2086
01:29:58,666 --> 01:29:59,666
Yes.
2087
01:29:59,750 --> 01:30:02,416
No more satellites
drifting around in space.
2088
01:30:02,500 --> 01:30:04,416
Come in. Come.
2089
01:30:04,500 --> 01:30:06,166
Come, come. Come hug.
2090
01:30:06,250 --> 01:30:07,833
(Paul groans)
2091
01:30:07,916 --> 01:30:10,208
ALICE: Are we allowed to show
this much emotion in the U.K.?
2092
01:30:10,291 --> 01:30:12,666
-(laughter)
-Oh, this is so fun and uncomfortable.
2093
01:30:12,750 --> 01:30:15,041
-DONNA: Mwah. -I know, but let's
just do it for one more minute, okay?
2094
01:30:15,125 --> 01:30:16,250
-(Donna chuckles)
-Okay.
2095
01:30:16,333 --> 01:30:18,666
-HENRIQUE: Bonjour!
-Papa. (chuckles)
2096
01:30:18,750 --> 01:30:20,583
Uh, hello, Henrique.
2097
01:30:20,666 --> 01:30:22,708
Nice to see you again.
2098
01:30:22,791 --> 01:30:27,125
Um, I'm... I'm really sorry
that I peed on your shoes
2099
01:30:27,208 --> 01:30:29,583
and punched you in the face.
2100
01:30:29,666 --> 01:30:35,166
In my defense,
you have been a real jerk to my mother
2101
01:30:35,250 --> 01:30:37,250
on several occasions.
2102
01:30:37,333 --> 01:30:38,958
I have.
2103
01:30:39,041 --> 01:30:41,708
It's true. I'm sorry.
2104
01:30:41,791 --> 01:30:44,833
And what you said to me before
is also true, Donna.
2105
01:30:44,916 --> 01:30:46,541
Merci.
2106
01:30:48,125 --> 01:30:53,375
Now, Eloise, are we ready
to walk down the aisle?
2107
01:30:55,000 --> 01:30:57,000
♪ ♪
2108
01:31:05,208 --> 01:31:08,083
Ooh. Squeeze up.
The Americans are coming. They're coming.
2109
01:31:08,166 --> 01:31:10,958
-Oh! -(Eloise laughing)
-Are you okay? Are you all right?
2110
01:31:11,041 --> 01:31:13,041
-(Donna yelping)
-(lively chatter, laughter)
2111
01:31:17,125 --> 01:31:19,416
(laughter and lively chatter continues)
2112
01:31:19,500 --> 01:31:20,875
Come on, come on, don't worry...
2113
01:31:20,958 --> 01:31:22,375
Nice to see you.
2114
01:31:22,458 --> 01:31:25,333
Okay, okay,
please hold it together, hold it together.
2115
01:31:25,416 --> 01:31:27,333
(laughter continues)
2116
01:31:27,416 --> 01:31:29,625
♪ ♪
2117
01:31:29,708 --> 01:31:31,458
Hello?
2118
01:31:33,250 --> 01:31:34,666
(clears throat)
2119
01:31:37,041 --> 01:31:38,791
(sighs)
2120
01:31:38,875 --> 01:31:40,125
(chuckles):
Yes.
2121
01:31:40,208 --> 01:31:42,708
I loved the pot gummies.
2122
01:31:42,791 --> 01:31:45,000
Yeah, you were right. Five was too many.
2123
01:31:45,083 --> 01:31:47,541
(laughs)
2124
01:31:47,625 --> 01:31:48,833
Oh, it was beautiful.
2125
01:31:52,333 --> 01:31:53,458
Hi.
2126
01:31:55,500 --> 01:31:57,291
Oh. Wow. Hi.
2127
01:31:58,625 --> 01:31:59,833
Um, sorry.
2128
01:31:59,916 --> 01:32:01,958
That I'm on your plane.
2129
01:32:02,041 --> 01:32:03,291
Um, but don't worry.
2130
01:32:03,375 --> 01:32:07,291
This time, I'm in coach with
the rest of the riffraff and criminals.
2131
01:32:07,375 --> 01:32:09,666
Mm. The rabbit didn't pay for an upgrade?
2132
01:32:09,750 --> 01:32:12,083
Um, no, I-I broke up with the rabbit.
2133
01:32:12,166 --> 01:32:14,000
Oh, no.
2134
01:32:14,083 --> 01:32:16,500
I'm devastated.
2135
01:32:16,583 --> 01:32:19,625
Feel like that was sarcastic.
2136
01:32:19,708 --> 01:32:22,583
Well, uh, maybe
I'll come visit you back there,
2137
01:32:22,666 --> 01:32:24,000
bring my extra dinner roll.
2138
01:32:25,333 --> 01:32:26,500
Oh, yeah?
2139
01:32:26,583 --> 01:32:27,625
Not for you to eat.
2140
01:32:27,708 --> 01:32:32,208
I'm just gonna throw it
directly at your dumb, hot face.
2141
01:32:34,000 --> 01:32:36,333
-I deserve that.
-Mm.
2142
01:32:38,291 --> 01:32:39,416
Watch out.
2143
01:32:39,500 --> 01:32:41,500
(laughs)
2144
01:32:44,208 --> 01:32:48,166
NARRATOR: Once upon a time,
there was a family again.
2145
01:32:48,250 --> 01:32:50,916
80 degrees in December is Los Angeles.
2146
01:32:51,000 --> 01:32:53,833
I did warn you, Paul.
How's that wool sweater treating you?
2147
01:32:53,916 --> 01:32:55,916
-Well, it doesn't smell great.
-But you look great.
2148
01:32:56,000 --> 01:32:58,125
You guys, I'm so glad we're here.
2149
01:32:58,208 --> 01:33:00,000
We missed you so much for Thanksgiving.
2150
01:33:00,083 --> 01:33:01,875
-You really didn't miss much.
-Excuse me.
2151
01:33:01,958 --> 01:33:05,208
Mother, I love you,
but you make a very dry turkey.
2152
01:33:05,291 --> 01:33:06,916
-Well, that's what gravy's for.
-(Paul laughs)
2153
01:33:07,000 --> 01:33:08,541
Mom, that's not. It's supposed to be...
2154
01:33:08,625 --> 01:33:09,916
-(gasps) Oh! Please, please.
-Oh!
2155
01:33:10,000 --> 01:33:11,166
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
2156
01:33:11,250 --> 01:33:13,166
Hi, little bunny.
2157
01:33:13,250 --> 01:33:15,625
I cannot believe how quickly
the adoption went through.
2158
01:33:15,708 --> 01:33:18,291
-Look at how elegant this baby is.
-(laughter)
2159
01:33:18,375 --> 01:33:20,791
Like, this is a classy baby.
2160
01:33:20,875 --> 01:33:22,500
And I bet she doesn't even poop.
2161
01:33:22,583 --> 01:33:23,875
She pooped all over the plane.
2162
01:33:23,958 --> 01:33:25,916
We briefly had to touch down in St. Louis.
2163
01:33:26,000 --> 01:33:27,083
-(laughter)
-No, you don't poop.
2164
01:33:27,166 --> 01:33:28,291
Give her here. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
2165
01:33:28,375 --> 01:33:31,541
Look how perfect she is. (gasps)
2166
01:33:31,625 --> 01:33:34,833
I just know if I have a baby,
it's gonna be one of the sloppy ones.
2167
01:33:34,916 --> 01:33:37,083
Nonsense. It'll be a Bottoms.
2168
01:33:37,166 --> 01:33:38,250
That's very noble.
2169
01:33:38,333 --> 01:33:39,458
(Donna laughs)
2170
01:33:39,541 --> 01:33:40,833
Ho, ho, ho.
2171
01:33:40,916 --> 01:33:42,583
Ah! (laughs)
2172
01:33:42,666 --> 01:33:43,833
I can't believe you did it.
2173
01:33:43,916 --> 01:33:45,000
No beard?
2174
01:33:45,083 --> 01:33:46,958
-No, it was itchy. I have a rash.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2175
01:33:47,041 --> 01:33:48,625
DONNA: All right, everybody,
I've got headbands here.
2176
01:33:48,708 --> 01:33:50,125
-Camp. I love it.
-Everybody, grab a headband.
2177
01:33:50,208 --> 01:33:51,583
You're so extra, Mom.
2178
01:33:51,666 --> 01:33:53,416
I had to be. It's special.
2179
01:33:53,500 --> 01:33:54,791
Oh, no, no.
Mom, Mom, can you switch with Alice?
2180
01:33:54,875 --> 01:33:55,916
I want to match.
2181
01:33:56,000 --> 01:33:57,416
Oh, sweetheart.
2182
01:33:57,500 --> 01:33:58,875
-Alice, give me your headband.
-Okay.
2183
01:33:58,958 --> 01:34:00,875
DONNA:
Okay, everybody,
2184
01:34:00,958 --> 01:34:03,083
try not to sweat
because I am not paying for retouching.
2185
01:34:03,166 --> 01:34:05,833
NARRATOR:
And they didn't live happily ever after
2186
01:34:05,916 --> 01:34:09,208
because, I mean, let's face it,
sweetheart, we're all food for worms.
2187
01:34:09,291 --> 01:34:12,125
But they visited the mall
and the Putt-Putt and the Taco Bell,
2188
01:34:12,208 --> 01:34:14,291
and the world kept on spinning.
2189
01:34:14,375 --> 01:34:15,625
This is so nice.
2190
01:34:15,708 --> 01:34:18,083
(sobs):
Oh, dear.
2191
01:34:18,166 --> 01:34:19,166
Oh, no.
2192
01:34:19,250 --> 01:34:21,208
Mom, this is supposed to make you happy.
2193
01:34:21,291 --> 01:34:22,666
(sobbing):
I am happy.
2194
01:34:22,750 --> 01:34:23,958
I am.
2195
01:34:24,041 --> 01:34:25,958
Do you want me to start?
2196
01:34:26,041 --> 01:34:27,291
Yes. Okay.
2197
01:34:27,375 --> 01:34:28,583
NARRATOR:
And they made the best of it.
2198
01:34:28,666 --> 01:34:29,666
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Okay, here we go.
2199
01:34:29,750 --> 01:34:31,125
NARRATOR:
Right up until the credits rolled.
2200
01:34:31,208 --> 01:34:33,416
-(baby laughs)
-(camera clicks)
2201
01:34:33,500 --> 01:34:35,375
♪ "Let the credits roll" ♪
2202
01:34:35,458 --> 01:34:38,375
♪ When the lights come on
and they play that song ♪
2203
01:34:38,458 --> 01:34:42,416
♪ Saying it's time
to let the curtains close ♪
2204
01:34:42,500 --> 01:34:45,541
♪ This ain't a coming-of-age anymore ♪
2205
01:34:45,625 --> 01:34:48,833
♪ So let the credits roll ♪
2206
01:35:00,041 --> 01:35:01,500
-♪ I watch ♪
-♪ I watch ♪
2207
01:35:01,583 --> 01:35:03,291
-♪ A montage ♪
-♪ A montage ♪
2208
01:35:03,375 --> 01:35:06,541
♪ Of moments I thought
the world would end ♪
2209
01:35:06,625 --> 01:35:08,041
-♪ Cut to ♪
-♪ Cut to ♪
2210
01:35:08,125 --> 01:35:09,750
-♪ Part two ♪
-♪ Part two ♪
2211
01:35:09,833 --> 01:35:12,791
♪ I realized it was in my head ♪
2212
01:35:12,875 --> 01:35:16,000
♪ Brush my hair in the mirror,
maybe I'll dye it blue ♪
2213
01:35:16,083 --> 01:35:19,125
♪ Heard the color is dated,
but maybe dated is cool ♪
2214
01:35:19,208 --> 01:35:22,041
♪ It's the end of an era,
I put my fist in the air ♪
2215
01:35:22,125 --> 01:35:26,416
♪ And then I look in the camera
and tell 'em, "Let the credits roll" ♪
2216
01:35:26,500 --> 01:35:29,458
♪ When the lights come on
and they play that song ♪
2217
01:35:29,541 --> 01:35:33,125
♪ Sayin' it's time
to let the curtains close ♪
2218
01:35:33,208 --> 01:35:36,916
♪ This ain't a coming-of-age anymore ♪
2219
01:35:37,000 --> 01:35:39,125
♪ So let the credits roll ♪
2220
01:35:39,208 --> 01:35:42,208
♪ When the lights come on
and they play that song ♪
2221
01:35:42,291 --> 01:35:46,166
♪ Sayin' it's time
to let the curtains close ♪
2222
01:35:46,250 --> 01:35:49,666
♪ This ain't a coming-of-age anymore ♪
2223
01:35:51,041 --> 01:35:53,041
♪ ♪
2224
01:36:03,791 --> 01:36:05,375
♪ I know I've changed ♪
2225
01:36:05,458 --> 01:36:09,916
♪ Maybe you should go try it, too ♪
2226
01:36:10,000 --> 01:36:11,833
♪ I'm not the same ♪
2227
01:36:11,916 --> 01:36:16,666
♪ So don't expect what you're used to ♪
2228
01:36:17,375 --> 01:36:18,875
♪ Let the credits roll ♪
2229
01:36:18,958 --> 01:36:21,833
♪ When the lights come on
and they play that song ♪
2230
01:36:21,916 --> 01:36:25,916
♪ Sayin' it's time
to let the curtains close ♪
2231
01:36:26,000 --> 01:36:29,583
♪ This ain't a coming-of-age anymore ♪
2232
01:36:29,666 --> 01:36:32,666
♪ So let the credits roll. ♪
2233
01:36:32,750 --> 01:36:34,750
♪ ♪
2234
01:36:43,250 --> 01:36:45,166
(song ends)
2235
01:36:45,250 --> 01:36:47,166
♪ ♪
2236
01:37:17,250 --> 01:37:19,166
♪ ♪
2237
01:37:51,250 --> 01:37:53,250
♪ ♪
2238
01:38:23,250 --> 01:38:25,250
♪ ♪
2239
01:38:55,250 --> 01:38:57,250
♪ ♪
2240
01:39:17,291 --> 01:39:19,291
(music ends)
154354
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