All language subtitles for T A O O a H S01E03 The Pills 1080p AMZN WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-WhatsBeyond (1)_track3_[eng]

- Oh, for goodness sakes.

Who put the football helmet
in Mrs. Nelson's refrigerator?

- Oh, that's mine.

- What's the big idea?

- Hotpoint keeps
everything nice and cold.

- Well, what about it?

- I'm quarterback in
a big game tomorrow.

I'm going to keep a cool head.

Hotpoint Quality Appliances

presents America's favorite
family comedy, "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet," starring
the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays
the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And, of course, his lovely wife,
Harriet, as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys,
David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother,
the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door
neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Come on in, Thorny.

- Morning, Oz.

- Hiya, boy.

- Say, Oz, I, uh, hope you don't
mind if we don't shake hands

this morning.
- Shake hands?

What are you talking about?

- Well, it's just that I got
to keep my hands in my pockets.

It'd be disastrous
if I took them out.

Holy smoke, take a look at that.

Well, I guess I'll have to
take my belt in a couple more

notches.

- Gee, it looks like you're
losing a little weight there,

doesn't it?

- What'd you say?

- Well, you don't
have to get sore.

- I'm not sore, Oz, honest.
But you said it looks like what?

- I just said it looks like
you're losing a little weight.

- That's exactly what
I thought you said.

Here you are.

Sign, right there.

- What's the gag?

- There's no gag.

And if you can't write,
just make an X. But

be sure you sign your name on
it, so I'll know who made it.

- Well, wait a minute.

I want to read what I sign.

This looks like a
petition or something.

Joe Randolph and Herb Dunkle?

What are their names doing here?

- Well, the same thing
yours will be doing.

It'll testify that you, Ozzie
Nelson, being of sound mind

and body, have noticed that
I look definitely slimmer

and more satisfying to the eye.

Just sign it, Oz.

- Oh, this is the silliest
thing I ever heard.

What's the big idea?

- Well, it's really
very simple, Oz.

Catherine and I are
on a diet to see

who could look slimmer faster.

- Well, can't you do
that without a note

from your parents?

- I just want to
win a small bet, Oz,

to see who can get the most
unsolicited compliments.

Now, come on, Oz, be
a pal and sign it.

- Well, OK.

- All righty.

And here's your carbon copy.

Thanks, Oz.

- Uh, wait a minute.

I still don't get it.

Aren't you going through
an awful lot of trouble

just to win a little bet?

- Well, it's not just a bet, Oz.

Look at the weight I'm losing.

- Yeah, yeah, yes, I've
seen the demonstration.

- Well, you don't
have to snare at it.

You could give it
a try yourself.

- Well, just what
do you mean by that?

- Well, haven't you seen
the insurance statistics?

- Well, what have they
got to do with me?

- Well, nothing, Oz, except that
they show that 67% of the men

turned down by
insurance companies

are fat or overweight.

Those are round
figures, of course.

- No, no, no, no.

You're suggesting that I reduce?

I happen to be in wonderful
physical condition, Thorny.

- OK, Oz, suit yourself.

- As a matter of fact, you'd be
in a little better shape, too,

if you took some
exercise the way I do.

- Oh, who are you kidding?

What exercise do you do?

- Plenty.

- What, for instance?

- Well, I-- I-- play, uh--

Well, raking up the leaves in
the front yard, for instance.

How about that?

- All right, as long as you
mentioned, how about it?

Don't you think it's
about time you clean up

that front lawn of yours?

It's a disgrace to
the neighborhood.

Well, I'll be seeing you, Oz.

- Now, just a second, Thorny.

Are you sure there isn't some
other little comment you'd

like to make before you leave?

- No, I think that
just about does it.

Well, see you later, chubby.

- Who was that?

- Oh, it was just Thorny.

- Oh, how is he?

- He's in one of
his revolting moods.

Comes over here bragging
just because he's...

and making insinuations.

- Like what?

- Well, for one thing...

And for another
thing, he accused me

of not raking the leaves.

- Well, I wouldn't stand
for that if I were you.

Why don't you go right out
there and rake them all up?

- Believe me, nothing
would make me happier

than go out there and rake them.

- Well, I certainly
like to see you happy.

Why don't you do it?

- Well, don't you remember?

I told you yesterday, I
don't have any old pants.

- Well, I have some
wonderful news for you, dear.

I figured you'd have a lot
of other things on your mind,

so I went out and I bought
you a new pair of pants.

- Oh, well, Harriet, you
shouldn't have done it.

- Anything to make you happy.

- Oh.

Oh, gee whiz.

- What's the matter?

- Well, I can't go out there
and do that kind of work

in brand new pants, Harriet.

I'd get grass stains
on them and leaves

in the cuffs and everything.

- Oh, well, you don't
have to worry about that.

I got these at the
army surplus store.

They're what you might call
a new pair of old pants.

- Oh.

- The only thing
is, though, I wasn't

sure of your waist measurement.

- Oh, I took about a
size 30 the last time

I measured, as I recall.

- When was that?

- Well, let me see now.

Yes, yes, that's right,
when they measured us

for our football pants in
high school, I was a size 30.

I put a little
weight on, though.

I'm possibly up to
a size 31 by now.

- Oh.

Well, then these are
probably too big.

They're 33s.

- Oh, darn it.

- But I could take
them in, couldn't I?

- Well, yes, I
suppose you could.

I tell you what I'll do.

The next time I'm upstairs--

I'll probably be going up there
sometime later this afternoon--

I'll, uh--

- Oh, you don't have
to do that, dear.

They're right downstairs
here in the hall closet.

I'll get them for you.

- No, that's all right.

I'll get them.

- Oh, it sounds like
the boys are home.

- Oh, yes.

- Uh, the, uh, hall
closet is that way, dear.

- Oh, oh, yes, thanks.

- OK, Ricky, take it easy
on the cookie jar, now.

You know what Dr. Brown said.

- Heck, I thought he said
I was supposed to eat.

- Well, you are but
not just cookies.

You're supposed to balance it
with a little substantial food.

- Yeah, but whenever
I look at that stuff,

I always lose my appetite.

- Well, guess what
these pills are for?

They give you a good appetite
for real nourishing food.

You can't just live
on sweets, you know.

- I just hope I can
remember to take them.

- Well, I'll put them right
up here, and then in case

you forget them,
I can remind you.

See?

You take one before each meal.

- Holy smokes, look at Pop!

Roll out the barrel.

- Harriet, there must
be some mistake here.

- Oh, for goodness sakes.

- Those are mine,
aren't they, Pop?

- They're supposed to be mine.

- No, I bought them
for your father,

but I don't understand it.

- Well, I'll tell you
exactly what happened.

That darn silly store
sold you a size 26.

- Well, they were marked 33.

- That's a big laugh.

- You'd better not try to, boy.

- Maybe your measurements
have changed a little.

- Oh, Harriet, I might
have gained a little,

maybe an inch around
the waist, but I--

- I'll get it, dear.

- Oh, here it is,
right over here.

- Here, I'll pick
it up for you, Pop.

- Ricky, please.

They may be tight, but I
could still bend over in them.

- Very funny.

And stay out of
the cookies, Ricky.

- Yes, Ricky, cut that out.

- But I'm hungry.

- If you ask me, this entire
family could go on a diet.

- My pants fit me fine.

- They do.

- I'd be glad to
cooperate, dear, if you're

really serious about this.

I was just reading
an article last night

on how to lose a pound a day.

I think I still have it.

- Well, I'd like to see that.

For no other reason, I'd like
to prove to these silly people

that make size 25 pants--

- 33.

- Well, whatever they are.

You just give me the
diet, and, by golly,

I'll show you what
willpower can do.

I'll stay on the diet until
these darn silly pants fit me.

Poor Pop.

- What do you mean "poor Pop?"?

- I think he's going to
lose all his buttons.

Four.

OK, coming.

Oh!

Hello, Mr. Miller.

- Hi, Mr. N-- oh, did
I interrupt your game

or something?
- No, no, no.

I was just pushing up in there.
- Oh.

Well, I have a delivery
for the Thornberrys,

and I thought I might drop
it off my way home from work,

but, uh, I guess they're out.
- Oh.

Oh, yeah, I see.

- I wonder if I might
leave it with you.

- Oh, sure.
Glad to take it.

- Mrs. Thornberry's kind of
anxious to get those pills.

- Well, I hope nobody's
sick over there.

- Oh, no, no.
Goodness, no.

No, those are reducing pills.

They're quite the
thing nowadays.

- Reducing pills, huh?

- Yeah, you take
two before each meal

and they cut your appetite.

A wonderful thing for people
who are trying to lose weight.

- Oh.

You sell these at the drugstore?

- Oh, sure, sure.

Oh, but you wouldn't be
interested in anything

like that, Mr. Nelson.

Those are for people
who are overweight.

- Well, I don't know.

I've been putting on
a few pounds recently.

Oh.

Uh, Mr. Thornberry's just
pulling into the driveway.

Say, I can give
him those myself.

Thanks, just the
same, Mr. Nelson.

- OK, suit yourself.
- Yeah.

Bye bye.
- Bye bye, Mr. Miller.

- What are you laughing at, Pop?

- I was just thinking
of that Mr. Thornberry.

He sure is a crafty character.

- What did he do?

- I just found out
his little secret.

He was over here a
while ago boasting

about the terrific
shape he's in.

I just found out he's been
taking pills for his appetite.

- Oh, Mom got a bottle
of those from Dr. Brown.

- Oh, really?

I didn't know we had any
of those around the house.

- Yeah, they're
out in the kitchen.

You want me to get them for you?

- Yeah, I think
maybe I would like

to see what they look like.

Oh, and, Rick, bring me
back a glass of water.

I may even try one
of those myself.

- I don't think you'd
better do that, Pop.

Mom didn't get them for you.

- Well, I'm sure your mother
wouldn't mind if I borrow one.

- Well, OK.

- What are you doing?

- Pop wants to take a
couple of my appetite pills.

- What for?

I thought he was
trying to lose weight.

- Pop just said
to get the pills,

so I'm getting the pills.

- I don't get it.

Those are supposed
to make you eat more.

- Maybe he just wants
to test this willpower.

Here you are, Pop.

- Oh, thanks a lot, Rick.

I wonder how many of these
you're supposed to take.

- One before each meal.

- Oh.

Think maybe I'll take two.

- You're only
supposed to take one.

- Yeah, but I want to
make sure they work.

- How do you feel?
- Oh, fine.

It takes a while for them
to take effect, you see.

Take these back to
the kitchen now?

- Yes, sir.
- Thanks a lot.

What are you eating?

- Cookies.

- Hmm.

What kind of cookies?

- Toll House.

You know, the kind
that Mom always

makes with the chocolate chips.

- Yes, yes, I know.

For goodness sakes, Rick, do
you have to make so much noise?

- Sorry, Pop.

- You shouldn't be
eating cookies now

anyway right before dinner.

You'll spoil your appetite.

- Not me, boy.

I'm always hungry.

Besides, Dr. Brown said
I'm supposed to eat a lot.

- Yes, but not cookies.

You're supposed
to eat solid food.

You're supposed to eat
meat, and vegetables,

and potatoes with
gravy on them and...

Can you pass the
carrots, please, David?

- Oh, sure, Pop.

- Thank you.

- Oh, boy, cream chicken!

That's my favorite.

- Me, too.

- Oh, me t--

Am I allowed to have some
of this on my diet, Harriet?

- Oh, I'm afraid not, dear.

It's not on your menu.

You do have a delicious dinner
coming right up, though.

- Oh, dog-gonnit, and I thought
creamed chicken was supposed

to be good for you.

- All right, dear, dig in.

- What the heck is this?

- Well, you're only allowed
500 calories for dinner.

I'm sorry, dear, but
this diet was your idea.

- Well, I know, but...

Holy smokes, you could
drop this in your eye.

- You see, Pop?

Those cookies didn't
spoil my appetite at all.

- Yes, yes, so I noticed.

Good for you.

Don't have to make a glutton
out of yourself, however.

The way the boy's
eating, you think

somebody's going to steal
the food away from him.

- Oh, dear, this is a little
tough for you to watch.

Why don't you take your dinner
and go into the den with it?

- Yeah, I think
that's a good idea.

They say the first couple
of days of these diets

are the toughest.

- I'll bring you dessert in
there when you're finished.

- Oh, do I get
dessert on this menu?

- Oh, well, certainly.

This is a very
well-balanced menu.

- Oh, fine.

I'll bet this isn't going
to be so bad after all.

- Pass the biscuits,
will you, Rick?

- Don't forget to include a few
bottles of our famous barbecue

sauce on your shopping list.

Mm, mm.

Nothing else gives the meat
such a wonderful, tangy--

- Can't you just taste
that rich, creamy frosting

and the light, fluffy
delicious flavor?

Doesn't that look--

- And juicy, fresh peaches.

- Hey, what do you got there?

- Strawberry shortcake.

Mom just made it for dessert.

- Oh, boy!

Well, this is what I call
really a sensible diet.

- Here's your dessert, dear.

Hope you like it.

- Oh, I love strawberry--

Well, what is this?

- Stewed prunes.

Three of them.

- Three-- uh, three
stewed prunes for dessert?

- Well, you can have a little
lemon juice on them too.

- Who ever heard of stewed
prunes for dessert?!

- Excuse me, Pop.

- The strawberries--

- Good evening, health lovers.

Once again, it's time
for "The Sunshine

Club," the happiest
half-hour on television.

I'm here tonight to talk
to you about prunes.

You see, a prune itself
may be wrinkled, but better

the wrinkles on
the prune than you.

Remember, a prune is
nature's own vitamin pill.

- Where are you going, Pop?

- Upstairs to
listen to the radio.

- Hiya, Pop.

Aren't you going to
come down to breakfast?

- Oh, good morning, Rick.

I've already had my breakfast.

- It was swell, huh?

- What did you have?

- Waffles, toast,
sausage and jam.

What'd you have?

- Three more prunes
and a cup of yogurt.

Incidentally, you'd
better tell your mother

to get her money back
on these apatite pills.

I took three of them
before breakfast,

and I'm practically starved.

- They worked for me OK.

- You're not supposed
to take these.

We want you to eat more.

- I have been eating.

Boy, those pills sure
build up your appetite.

- No, no, no, no.

These pills take
your appetite away.

Whoever told you
they build it up?

- Dr. Brown.

- Dr. Brown?

Wait a minute.

You mean to say these are
really appetite pills?

- Sure.

- Well, no wonder
I've been starving!

I've been taking these
darn things like crazy.

I don't think I'll even last
through until lunchtime.

- Why are you on this
diet anyway, Pop?

- All because of
these darn pants.

- Well, can you
get into them yet?

- I don't know.

I haven't tried them
on this morning.

- Why don't you try them on?

Maybe you lost enough
weight yesterday.

If they fit you, you
can go off the diet.

- Yes, that's one way.

But I've just been
thinking of an idea

that I think is even better.

Why don't you take these
pants down to the store

and exchange them for
pants one size larger?

Then, they'll surely fit me.

- Hey, that's a neat idea!

- Remember now, this is a little
secret just between you and me.

We don't tell your mother or
David anything about it, OK?

- Oh, sure.
- Just a second.

- Oh, that's OK, Pop.
I won't tell anybody.

- No, no, it isn't that.

Stop off at the drugstore
and get two quarts

of chocolate ice cream.

- Oh, boy!

Just a second, Rick.

Better make that three quarts.

Maybe you and David
would like some, too.

- Oh, hi.

Where have you been?

- Oh, just outside for a while.

Is lunch almost ready?

- In a few minutes.

Would you like to hear
your menu for today?

- Oh, yes, I would.

- Well, you have two
choices; a cucumber

sandwich on rye bread--

- Uh, I'll take
the second choice.

- --a cucumber sandwich
on whole wheat.

- Well, as a matter of fact,
I'll probably be off the diet

entirely today, anyway.

- How so?

- Well, why did I go on this
diet in the first place?

- You mean you
don't know either?

- Of course I do.

I'll tell you why.

You brought home a pair
of size 26 pants, right?

- Size 33.

- Well, 33 pants.

I tried them on.

They didn't fit.

In other words, the
pants are my gauge.

As soon as these pants fit
me, I go off the diet, right?

- Right.

Why don't you try them on?

- That's exactly
what I had in mind.

Let's see now, I left them, uh--

- The hall closet.

- In the hall
closet, that's right.

And don't be surprised if this
time, they fit me like a glove.

- That's the way they
fit you the time before.

Let's see if they fit you like
a pair of pants this time.

- David, I'll bet you a quarter
that the pants fit Pop now.

- I bet they will, too.

- Well, you know,
it's surprising,

but your father really
seems to have lost weight.

- Yeah, it sure is, and
just from one day, too.

- OK, then I'll bet you $0.15.

- I think they'll fit him, too.

- Then 10.

- I think they'll fit him.

There's no bet.

I agree with you.

- OK, then let's make it 5, and
that's almost my last offer.

- Holy smokes!

- What's the matter?

- Just a second,
and I'll show you.

Will you take a look at these?

- So you have lost some weight.

- There's enough room
in there for me, too.

- How about it?

Size 34, and they
fit me like a barrel.

- 34?

The pants I bought
for you were size 33.

- Oh, yes, that's what
I meant to say, 33.

I don't know what
made me say 34,

but it doesn't make
any difference.

- Ozzie.

- Uh, yes, dear?

- Do you have something
you'd like to tell us?

- No, I don't have anything
I don't have to tell you,

but I guess maybe you'd
find out about it anyway.

See, Ricky, came up
with a marvelous idea.

- Who?

Me?

- Well, uh, no, it
was my idea, but--

This is marvelous.

Well, I...

Why not have Ricky
go down to the store

and change the pants
for one size larger?

But I-- I, uh--

Well, honestly, I
did it for you, dear,

because this dieting of mine
has been terribly rugged on you.

I mean, it's rearranged
the entire household.

You've had to have two menus--

- Oh, I don't mind.

- You don't?

Well, I do.

This has made me awful
unhappy, Harriet.

And I know that when I'm
unhappy, you're unhappy,

and I like to have you happy.

- Well, that's very
thoughtful of you, dear.

- But, you know, it's amazing.

Even for a size 34,
look at these things.

They fit me like a tent.

- I know, it really is amazing.

- And the wonderful
part of it is I've only

been on the diet for one day.

Gee, you know, I
think, really, I could

fit into those original pants.

What's this?

Size 36 banjo seat model?

But, Ricky, I told
you to get a size 34.

- I did.

34.

- Well, where did
these pants come from?

- I think I'll go
outside for a while.

- Oh, now just a second, David.

- Well, gee, Pop, I got to
feeling awful sorry for you.

You always looked so
hungry and unhappy.

- Oh, so you went downtown
to exchange the pants, too?

- Yes, sir.

But there really
must be something

wrong with those
pants, because the man

said there's been a lot of
people exchanging them today.

There was a little boy,
some lady and me, he said.

- Let's see now.

We know the little
boy was Ricky,

and we know you exchanged them.

- Yeah, but who was the lady?

- I have a hunch
that was no lady.

- I think I'll go
outside with you.

Now, don't explain, dear.

You just had no confidence
in your old man.

- No, no, really,
dear, it wasn't that.

- Well, as a matter
of fact, I think

I've taken off so much
weight in the waist

that I could fit into those
other pants you bought me.

- Well, I bet you could, too.

- I'll guarantee it.

But let's not take
a chance, shall we?

Because these feel fine.

- They look a little
big though, Pop.

- Well, yes, they do now,
David, but after that lunch

I'm going to put away, believe
me, they'll fit perfectly.

Oh, come on in, Thorny.

- Hi, Oz.

- Hiya, boy.

- Take a look at this, old boy.

I won the contest.

- What contest is that?

- Well, between
Catherine and me.

You know, who'd get the
most unsolicited compliments

about losing weight.

- Oh!

Well, congratulations.

The only thing, though,
I happen to know how

you won it, you old faker, you.

- Hey, wait a minute.

How'd you find out?

- Oh, don't worry.

I get around.

Pretty sneaky, if you ask me.

- Oh, now look, Oz,
you won't tell anyone?

This could ruin me
at the men's club.

- Well, I don't see why.

A lot of people are
using them nowadays.

- Well, maybe so, but you got
to promise not to tell anybody.

I'd take an awful razzing.

- Well, OK, I promise.

Now that I see you
sitting down, though, I

seem to detect a slight bulge
around the waistline there.

- Well, naturally.

After I won the contest,
I took the darn thing off.

- What thing?

- The girdle.

Boy, it was killing me.

- Girdle?

You mean you've been
wearing a girdle?

- Oh, Oz, you said you knew.

- Well, I thought you were
taking reducing pills.

- Oh, Oz, that's a
low-down, mean, nasty trick.

Now, remember, you promised
not to tell anybody.

- Well, I don't know.

This is a pretty
choice morsel of news.

- A promise is a promise.

- Well, OK, I'll keep
your terrible secret.

- OK.

Well, I guess I'll
be running along, Oz.

Lunch is probably ready.

- OK, Thorny.

Hey, wait a minute.

What are you walking
so funny for?

- What?

I keep forgetting I'm not

wearing the darn thing anymore.

So long, Oz.

- So long, stretch.

- Hey, lunch is ready.

- Oh, Harriet.

Well, I was just going
upstairs for a moment.

- Why don't you wash
your hands down here?

- Well, I wasn't thinking
of that, exactly.

I was just-- oh, never mind.

Even if you did have one,
it would never fit me.

- Next week, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky--

Will be brought to you by
Listerine, the most widely used

oral antiseptic in the world.