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1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:04,472
"Cheers" is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:06,907
Hey.
3
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,309
Hey, woodster.
4
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:09,943
How's that first
Night in your
New apartment?
5
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:13,681
Great. It's
The nicest place
I've ever stayed at.
6
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,216
And that includes
The night in hanover
7
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,584
I got locked
In the storeroom
8
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:18,352
Of the piggly wiggly.
9
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:22,623
It was cold and lonely,
But the food...
10
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:26,594
Anyway, it's
No piggly wiggly,
But it's got cable.
11
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:28,429
Is it furnished?
12
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,997
Well, no,
But it's got this cable
13
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:34,001
That comes right
Out of the wall,
Fits right into the tv.
14
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,103
I hope it's in a
Safer neighborhood
15
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,138
Than that last dive
You were in.
16
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,073
Well, no. Actually,
It's a little worse,
17
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,909
But it's got cable.
18
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:44,778
If it's unfurnished,
You must be getting
A break on the rent, huh?
19
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:47,481
Well, no. It's actually
A little more,
20
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:51,152
But you got to expect that
With cable.
21
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,020
Well, whatever.
I think cable's great.
22
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,288
They had "Robocop"
On last night.
23
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,124
Did you catch that?
24
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,292
No. The cable
Was out last night.
25
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,267
* sometimes you wanna go *
26
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:09,803
* where everybody
Knows your name *
27
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:15,075
* and they're always
Glad you came *
28
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:19,079
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
29
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,349
* our troubles
Are all the same *
30
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:22,550
* you wanna go *
31
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:25,819
* where everybody
Knows your name *
32
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,640
Afternoon, everybody.
33
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,441
All: norm!
34
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,876
What can I
Do for you, norm?
35
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:53,281
Open up those beer taps
And take the day
Off, sam.
36
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,448
Here you go,
Sammy.
37
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,851
Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah,
Fellas, fellas.
38
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:58,819
Check them out.
39
00:01:58,819 --> 00:01:59,787
New napkins,
Huh?
40
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:00,754
New napkins.
41
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:01,955
What is this?
42
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,492
Look, there's some kind
Of brainteaser on them.
43
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:07,495
Yep. You're
Out of luck.
44
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:10,198
These are...These are
Trivia napkins.
45
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:11,465
Ever since
I got the bar back,
46
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,901
I've been looking for
Ways to say, "Hey,
47
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,536
Thank you
For patronizing me."
48
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:20,708
Oh, sam. I know
You wanted to use
A great, big word there.
49
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:24,077
I think that's marvelous,
But I believe what
You meant to say was,
50
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,146
"Thank you
For your patronage."
51
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,848
Really?
What's the difference?
52
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,350
Patronage
Means customers.
53
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,518
Patronizing
Is the way
54
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:34,655
One would talk
To a small, dull child.
55
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,291
Kind of like how you're
Talking to me right now?
56
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,592
Aren't you cute?
57
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,330
Ok, all right,
Here's one.
58
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:45,499
"What is the oldest
State capital
In the country?"
59
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,467
For crying
Out loud, norm,
60
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,868
I told you that
Weeks ago.
61
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:50,271
Don't wreck it
For the rest of
Us, then, ok?
62
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,239
Providence, rhode island.
63
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:52,206
Boston?
64
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,874
Santa fe,
New mexico.
65
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,809
Isn't that
Fascinating?
66
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,211
Good old santa fe.
67
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,646
Ancient capital of
The conquistadors,
68
00:02:58,646 --> 00:02:59,713
Founded 1609.
69
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,449
Hey, here's one.
70
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:04,685
"What civilization was the
First known to brew beer?"
71
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,653
Early greece?
72
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,620
Ancient rome.
73
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,588
Old milwaukee.
74
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:14,161
Ancient egypt.
75
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,195
I never knew
That trivia
76
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,930
Could be so
Fascinating.
77
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,466
Cliff: hold the phone here.
78
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:19,800
I gave you that fact
Months ago.
79
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,402
You said you
Weren't interested then.
80
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,570
Well, you know,
Cliffie,
81
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,937
It's different
With the napkins.
82
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,709
What's
So different?
83
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:32,446
Well, napkins don't
Spit when they talk.
84
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,114
Oh, relax, woody.
You poor thing.
85
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,182
You have to
Stop worrying.
86
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,717
You're going to do
Just fine.
87
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,085
You're going
To do a great job.
88
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,320
Don't you think,
Carla?
89
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,788
I think he's
Going to bomb.
90
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:41,989
At what?
91
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,092
Beats me, but I think
I'm on pretty safe ground.
92
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,894
I know it's just a small
Part in a commercial,
93
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,396
But I don't know
If I have the skill,
94
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:50,097
The technique
To pull it off.
95
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,699
What do you play,
Wood?
96
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:52,700
A bartender.
97
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,639
Woody,
You are a bartender.
98
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:02,310
Yeah, well,
But in this commercial,
I have to serve drinks.
99
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:04,445
Woody,
You serve drinks
All the time.
100
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,513
Yeah, but
In this commercial,
101
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:06,880
I have to talk
And serve drinks.
102
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,250
You talk and
Serve drinks
Right here every day.
103
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,385
Great, sam.
Now you've made me
104
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:12,986
Nervous about
Working here, too.
105
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,691
Woody, perhaps
It would help you
106
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,428
To rehearse
Your lines with us.
107
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,729
I only have one.
108
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:27,835
"I like it."
109
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,974
That's a very nice
Line, woody.
110
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:34,975
Patronizing, right?
111
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:35,876
Now you're
Getting it.
112
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,681
I was kind of surprised
When I got the part.
113
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,550
They said they wanted
Someone with a fresh face.
114
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,318
I don't know why
They chose me.
115
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:45,886
Hey,
You're perfect.
116
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,622
Maybe when I just hopped
Off the bus from hanover,
117
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,991
But I've been in boston
For five years.
118
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,626
It changes a guy.
119
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,995
Hardens him,
Gives him a cynical edge.
120
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,333
Come on. You're
Still fresh.
121
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,501
Jeepers,
You think?
122
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,772
Trust me.
123
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,607
Sam, would you
Come on down to
The shoot with me
124
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,376
And keep
Telling me that?
125
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,143
Well, sure,
Woody, yeah.
Why not?
126
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,512
Hey, wood, can I go?
127
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:12,546
Come on. I never
Saw a commercial
128
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:13,814
Be shot or
Anything like that.
129
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,283
Yeah, me neither.
Believe it or not,
130
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,284
That's one
Of the few things
131
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:19,319
I don't know
Much about.
132
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,188
If you guys all come
Down there with me,
133
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:25,125
It's going to look like
I'm some big, snobby
Star with an entourage.
134
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:28,396
All right, well,
Actually, we'll
Just stay here.
135
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:31,198
No, no. I like the idea.
136
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:32,633
You guys can be my people.
137
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:34,735
I got another idea.
138
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,203
We'll all stop at the mall,
139
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:39,407
We'll pick up satin jackets
And matching sunglasses.
140
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,647
The door's not just
Going to open itself.
141
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:59,693
So, jill, it's
Great to meet such
A talented actress.
142
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,129
Is there anything I
Can look forward to
Seeing you in,
143
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:05,198
Like my shower?
144
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,567
You're
Really funny, sam.
145
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,035
Did you ever think
Of doing stand-up?
146
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,036
Well,
There's always
147
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:12,640
A first time
For everything,
I guess.
148
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,642
This is spectacular.
149
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,477
Yeah. The magic
Of the movies,
Huh, normie?
150
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:17,878
No, the magic of
The doughnut table.
151
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,847
Look at this.
You got your glazed,
152
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:22,349
You got your
Chocolate, you got
Your buttermilk.
153
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:26,420
Hey, who sucked all
The filling out of
This bavarian cream?
154
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,821
Got something
To write on here?
155
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,189
She just gave me
Her number.
156
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,425
Yeah, yeah.
I got one of these
Trivia napkins.
157
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,360
Hey,
My trivia napkins.
158
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,628
I've been
Carrying it
Around.
159
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,764
It's kind of
A conversation
Starter.
160
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,065
Go ahead. Ask me
The questions.
161
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,668
You guys and your precious
Trivia napkins.
162
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,503
If you love them so much,
Why don't you marry them?
163
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,407
Come on, man,
Lighten up, will you?
164
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,642
By the way, normie,
165
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,277
I'm the one
Who sucked all the filling
166
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,812
Out of
The bavarian cream!
167
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,889
Guys, I'm ready.
How do I look?
168
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,223
All right.
You look great.
169
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,292
You've got, like, junk
All over your face.
170
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,827
Oh, pancake.
171
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,096
Whoa, is there
A steam table around here
I'm missing?
172
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,799
No, no. Pancake is
The make-up they use
In show business.
173
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,166
It's real thick
And real heavy
174
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,434
And it covers
Every flaw.
175
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,204
Oh, yeah. Vera uses that
For primer.
176
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,305
Talent on the set,
Please.
177
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,640
That's me.
I got to go.
178
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:24,845
Oh, hey, so this
Is veggie-boy.
179
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,046
No, no,
Don't drink that.
180
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,481
We sprayed it
With high-gloss latex
181
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,849
So it'll look better
Under the lights.
182
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,518
We do it with all
The food we're shooting.
183
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:33,220
Hey, there's supposed
To be a bowl of
Beer nuts around here.
184
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:37,157
Sammy, you got to
Get these kind of
Nuts for the bar.
185
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:40,628
They slide
Right down.
It's great.
186
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,029
Woody, this
Is your close-up.
187
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,164
Jill is going to
Feed you your cue.
188
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:47,400
Just look right in
The camera and say,
"I like it."
189
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,368
I like it.
190
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,469
Not now,
Woody.
191
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,704
No, I mean, I like
Your direction.
192
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,640
It's very forceful,
Very to the point.
193
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:53,741
Let's go.
194
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:59,312
Veggie-boy bartender
Close-up, take one.
195
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,380
Rolling.
196
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,482
And...Action.
197
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,952
So, how is this new
Drink veggie-boy?
198
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,186
I--
199
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,321
Cut!
200
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,724
Mr. Peterson
Made a goofy face.
201
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,294
I did not. It's my
Normal expression.
202
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,829
Stop it!
203
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,898
Woody, could we have
Your friend wait
Out in the hallway?
204
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,600
I didn't
Do anything.
205
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,834
Quit looking
So goofy.
206
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:25,706
Take two.
207
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:26,807
If you insist.
208
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:30,778
Action.
209
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:34,081
So, how is this new
Drink veggie-boy?
210
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:37,685
[laughs]
211
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,953
I'm sorry. I'll go join
My goofy friend.
212
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:42,690
What?
213
00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:44,124
Oh, here you go.
214
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:47,628
Once again.
215
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:48,796
Action.
216
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:51,264
So, how is this new
Drink veggie-boy?
217
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,641
I like it.
218
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,810
Cut! Print!
That's it! Great!
219
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:03,911
Let's
Get out of here.
220
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,184
Thanks for not
Being funny, mr. Clavin.
221
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,860
Woody, when is
The commercial
Going to be on?
222
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,129
I've seen this "Quincy"
Five times.
223
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,297
It's coming
Right up, carla.
Next break.
224
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,599
Some coroner.
225
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,701
Every week he has
To dig up the body
226
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:31,504
To find something he
Missed the first time.
227
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,040
Oh, what a surprise!
228
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,808
He found a bullet
In the skull.
229
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,045
Quiet, everybody!
It's on.
230
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,247
All right, turn it up,
Miss howe.
231
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,514
New veggie-boy.
232
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:44,017
Available in regular
And chunky.
233
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,586
So, how is this
New drink veggie-boy?
234
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,621
I like it.
235
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:48,722
Hey, hey!
236
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,963
Wonderful performance,
Woody.
237
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:56,964
Woody, we
Always knew you
Had it in you
238
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,699
To be
A corporate shill.
239
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,601
Yeah.
Thanks, dr. Crane.
240
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,204
Thanks, all of you,
For throwing me
This great party.
241
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,106
But it isn't
Over yet, woody.
242
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,040
I took the liberty
243
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,877
Of ordering
23 cases of veggie-boy.
244
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,645
We're the first ones
In town to have it,
245
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:15,816
And, woody, first taste
Goes to you.
246
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:19,586
Wow!
247
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,354
My first veggie-boy.
248
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,290
Hey!
Yay!
All right!
249
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,062
Oh, it's disgusting!
250
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:31,498
Woody, shush!
251
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,433
Look, you're
On channel 7.
252
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:34,467
I like it.
253
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,435
I don't like it.
I hate it!
254
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,403
I like it.
255
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:37,437
Shut up, woody!
256
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,706
I like it.
You hate it!
257
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,708
You're a liar!
A filthy,
Rotten liar!
258
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,109
I like it.
259
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,476
I like it.
260
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,812
Somebody make him stop!
261
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:45,779
I like it.
262
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:46,747
I like it.
263
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:47,848
I like it.
264
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:56,924
I can't believe I was
Just on 14 channels
Saying I like this stuff
265
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,591
When I really hate it.
266
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,861
That's 15 channels,
Woody.
267
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,362
Everybody always
Forgets lifetime.
268
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,232
Woody, wait
A minute now.
269
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:06,666
It can't be
That bad, here.
270
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,401
Let's take a look
At the ingredients.
271
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:12,840
Water, broccoli,
Cauliflower,
And kale.
272
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,243
Well, maybe it just sounds
Bad in black and white.
273
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,719
Kale was not
A good idea.
274
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,596
Oh, woody, woody,
Shoot, I just
Forgot here.
275
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:37,898
This came for you.
It looks like
276
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,399
Something from the
Commercial company.
277
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,533
Probably a paycheck.
278
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,170
I can't cash that.
I can't even open it.
279
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,538
That'd be like
Paying me for lying.
280
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,807
My mother always
Told me that lying
281
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,909
Is the worst
Of the seven deadly sins.
282
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,143
Wait, wait.
Lying is
283
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,812
One of
The seven
Deadly sins?
284
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:52,880
Cliff: yeah.
'course it is.
285
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,149
You got lust,
Greed, bashful...
286
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:02,923
That's the seven
Deadly dwarfs.
287
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,057
Woody, hold on a second.
288
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,926
Listen, sometimes
Lying can be good.
289
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:09,362
I remember when I was
Playing for the sox.
290
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,098
One day there was
A rumor going around
291
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:14,067
That a backup catcher
Was about to be cut.
292
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,036
Everybody knew about it
Except him.
293
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:19,239
We found out on the
Exact day that it was
His birthday.
294
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,308
He came up to me and he
Said, "Sam, is it true?
295
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,243
Am I going to be cut
From the team?"
296
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,577
I looked him
Right in the eye
297
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,247
And I said, "No.
Happy birthday."
298
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,250
And that guy went off
And had the best
Birthday of his life.
299
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:34,121
And as it turns out,
The next day,
He wasn't even cut.
300
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:37,124
So it's better
That you lied to him.
301
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,125
Wow.
302
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:40,060
That's
A great story, sam.
303
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,062
You've given me
A lot to think about.
Thanks.
304
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:50,070
Sam, is, uh...
305
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,072
Is that stuff
Really true?
306
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,706
Well,
Most of it. Yeah.
307
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,309
It, uh,
Wasn't the catcher,
308
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,845
It was me,
309
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,479
And I was cut,
310
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:04,084
And the fellas
Didn't have any problem
Telling me about it.
311
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,154
But it was my birthday.
312
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,555
Happy birthday,
Liar.
313
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:16,864
Where's woody?
314
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:17,965
He's in
The poolroom,
315
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,867
Hating himself
For lying.
316
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,869
Oh. I thought he'd
Gotten over that.
317
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:25,505
Yeah, well, he's
Trying, but somebody
Keeps reminding him
318
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,806
Every five minutes.
319
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,144
Hey, pinocchio!
320
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:35,515
It's 5:00. Do you know where
Your commercial's playing?
321
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,852
Carla, that's just
A little bit sadistic,
Isn't it?
322
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,320
Yeah, but I like woody.
323
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,691
Boy, he's really
Taking it hard.
324
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,259
Yeah, poor kid.
325
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,128
I really
Feel sorry for him.
326
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,897
Hey, what do you say
We pass the time
327
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:52,799
With one of these
Trivia napkins here?
328
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:56,603
Oh, so you're finally
Starting to enjoy
These jobbies, huh?
329
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,072
Eh, I was acting
Like a big baby
There, sam.
330
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,307
I know you guys like me
A lot more than
331
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,943
Some cheap
Stack of paper.
332
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,277
Yeah, whatever.
333
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,017
This is the most boring
Napkin we've come across.
334
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,418
What's the question?
335
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,887
Who can tell?
It looks as though
It was homemade,
336
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,688
Like some moron
Typed it
337
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,324
On some old
Manual typewriter.
338
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,527
How odd.
339
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,528
Read the question.
340
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:23,863
This is not
A napkin.
341
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,165
It's a cry for help.
342
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,436
All right.
343
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:32,005
So I forged the napkin.
Can you blame me?
344
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,706
I've been sitting here
For the better part
Of the eighties
345
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,807
Trying to enliven
The discussion
346
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,376
And broaden
A few horizons
347
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,545
With the benefit of
My special brand of
Arcane knowledge,
348
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,181
And then these stupid
Napkins come waltzing in,
349
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,450
And then I'm out.
350
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,085
Well, I've had it.
351
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,220
It's time to make
A choice, fellas.
352
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,356
Me...
Or the napkins?
353
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,565
Or both.
Maybe we can alternate.
354
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,570
A round of drinks
For my friends here.
355
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,038
Yeah!
356
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,440
I'd like to see
A napkin do that,
Huh?
357
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,509
Excuse me.
Can I get
Some service?
358
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,743
I'm sorry.
What can I get you?
359
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,412
What do you recommend?
360
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,815
What's the difference?
You wouldn't
Believe me anyway.
361
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,617
I'm just
An incorrigible liar
362
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:20,520
Pumping a handcart
To hell.
363
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,723
Woody, why
Are you torturing
Yourself like this?
364
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,158
Because I deserve it.
365
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,960
I lied to america.
366
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,930
I lied to that all-important
18- to 35-year-old target group.
367
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,365
Woody, you only feel
That you're a liar
368
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,701
Because you
Endorsed a product
You don't like.
369
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,836
What if you could
Actually learn
To like it?
370
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,872
How am I going to learn to like
Broccoli, cauliflower, and kale?
371
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,141
Well, wood, some
Things you have to
372
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,876
Sort of develop
A taste for slowly.
373
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:46,313
All right, look, uh,
Give me a beer, ok?
374
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,482
Now, we'll put
A stalk of broccoli
In that beer, ok?
375
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,284
You drink the beer
And the beer taste
376
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,585
Is going to kill
The taste of
The broccoli,
377
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,355
But slowly,
You'll get
Used to it, ok?
378
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:58,025
We don't have
Any broccoli.
379
00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,226
Well,
Thanks for the beer.
380
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,230
You know, woody,
381
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,332
The way ma got me used
To a new vegetable,
382
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:08,235
Like, say,
Brussels sprouts,
383
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,003
She used to put a few
In each of my pockets
384
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:12,672
And have me walk around
With them all day.
385
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,374
Well, thanks,
Mr. Clavin,
386
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,709
But brussels sprouts
Aren't the problem.
387
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,378
You should
Try it anyway.
388
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:21,448
It's a nice feeling.
389
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,282
Woody.
390
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,284
Woody, you know,
Sigmund freud
391
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:27,087
Might suggest that your
Aversion to vegetables
392
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,622
Stems from some early
Childhood trauma.
393
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:30,523
Pffft.
394
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,227
You sputtered,
My darling?
395
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,628
Honestly, frasier.
396
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,597
You must be the last
Psychiatrist on earth
397
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,133
Who hasn't abandoned
Sigmund freud's theories.
398
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,701
What are you saying?
399
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:45,505
Merely that his theories
Are outdated,
Sexist superstitions
400
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,940
Unsupported by a shred
Of clinical evidence.
401
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,042
You're drunk.
402
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,280
My wife is completely
Smashed--blotto.
403
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:57,350
Sam, no more boilermakers
For dr. Sternin-crane.
404
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,985
Frasier, I've had
Nothing to drink.
405
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:02,722
Ah, the worst kind
Of drunk.
406
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,524
For your
Information,
407
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,792
Sigmund freud has
A lot to teach us
408
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:06,826
About
Woody's problem.
409
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:07,927
I dare say that
If the master
410
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:08,995
Were with us today,
411
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:11,998
He would, after
Striking lilith,
412
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:13,133
Tell us that woody
Is suffering
413
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,202
From a subconscious
Barrier,
414
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:19,239
Easily removed
By some elemental
Freudian analysis.
415
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,707
Isn't there
Anything faster?
416
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:21,574
Oh, many things,
417
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:25,578
But nothing
Quite as lucrative.
418
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,514
But, if you wish
Instant relief,
419
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,916
I suppose we could
Try a little...
420
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,751
Well, post-hypnotic
Suggestion.
421
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:32,652
Pffft.
422
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,959
Another wet objection,
My love?
423
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,828
Hypnosis, frasier?
424
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:44,464
Why only
Go back a century
For your treatment?
425
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,499
Why not bleed him
With leeches
426
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,101
Or drill a hole
In his cranium
427
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:51,571
And let the evil
Spirits leak out?
428
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,840
Ignore her, woody.
It's the gin talking.
429
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,309
Or maybe the reason he
Doesn't like vegetables
430
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,811
Is because they
Remind him of his mother.
431
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,447
Oohhh.
432
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,683
Hey, hypnosis, huh?
433
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:04,584
That's cool, doc.
434
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,420
Sam, hypnosis is
Not a parlor game,
435
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,856
Although last week
At a party, I did
Get quite a few laughs
436
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,425
By hypnotizing lilith
Into removing her shoes
437
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,927
Whenever anyone mentioned
Brie cheese.
438
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,629
Frasier,
You did no such thing.
439
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,533
Very funny.
440
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,569
I don't know if
Hypnotism will work
On me, dr. Crane.
441
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,103
I'm pretty
Strong-willed.
442
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,838
Then what's she?
Brie cheese?
443
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,110
Stop that.
444
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,812
Woody, let's go
Into the office
445
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,314
And watch that watch.
446
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,316
Oh, for god's sake,
Frasier,
447
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,084
First you espouse
Sigmund freud,
448
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,320
Now you've moved on
To dr. Mesmer.
449
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,922
This is not
Professional conduct.
450
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,391
Point taken,
My darling.
451
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:47,994
By the way,
Is that a tambourine
Behind you?
452
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,962
A tambourine?
453
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,431
What an odd question.
454
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,834
You are in
Such trouble, mister.
455
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,277
You know,
I was thinking.
456
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,813
What is kale anyway?
457
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,981
It's some kind
Of a lettuce thing
458
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,417
They use
In salad bars.
459
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,251
Oh.
460
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,952
No, kale is not
A green per se
461
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,654
But more of
A family of greens.
462
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,989
See, anything
With a pungent
Aroma and a loose head
463
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,658
Can properly
Be called kale.
464
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,360
Get you
Another beer, kale?
465
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,265
Boy, I feel like
I've been asleep
For 100 years.
466
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,566
Did it work?
467
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:27,867
Well, there's
Only one way
To find out.
468
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,469
Sam, set us up.
469
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:33,072
I think I got
A couple left here.
470
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:34,841
All right.
471
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:35,775
Now, watch, lilith,
472
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,511
And all the rest
Of you naysayers.
473
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,948
So, how is this
New drink veggie-boy?
474
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,821
I like it.
475
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:49,689
Yeah, right.
476
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,692
No, I really like it.
I love it.
477
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,894
Boy, I'm not
A liar anymore.
478
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:57,697
All right.
Hey, hey.
479
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,566
Oh, you can really
Taste the kale.
480
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,639
You know what this means?
481
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,275
Now that I'm not
A liar anymore,
482
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,576
I can take that envelope
483
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,478
And I can cash that check
At the bank,
484
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:14,714
And I can just spend it all
On veggie-boy.
485
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,949
Whoo! You really
Did a number on him.
486
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,017
Look at him
Go there.
487
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,586
Woody's highly
Suggestible.
488
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,421
I had the mission
Accomplished in
Five minutes.
489
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:22,789
You had him under
For two hours.
490
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,223
What were you doing
The rest of the time?
491
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,325
Just snooping.
492
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,428
We'll--
We'll talk later.
493
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,799
Huh. I don't
Understand this.
494
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,502
It's not a check.
It's a letter
From the ad agency.
495
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,337
What's it say?
496
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,439
It says that due to lack
Of consumer interest,
497
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,873
They're discontinuing
The product.
498
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:41,908
What does that mean?
499
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,075
I think it means
They're not going to
500
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,044
Make veggie-boy
Anymore.
501
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,713
I guess
Nobody liked it.
502
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:47,947
How could they
Not like it?
503
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,317
It's broccoli,
Cauliflower, and kale.
504
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,652
Has america gone mad?
505
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,421
Wood, it's not
That great, ok?
506
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:55,555
Shut up, mr. Peterson.
507
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,124
Don't talk bad
About veggie-boy.
508
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:01,027
Nice work,
Dr. Frankenstein.
509
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:03,095
If they're going to stop
Making it, how am I
Going to get it?
510
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,332
I need my veggie-boy.
511
00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:06,799
This is all there is?
512
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:10,603
This isn't even going to
Last me through the night.
513
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,339
Woody, let's go
Back in the office.
514
00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:13,673
I know, I know.
I can take this
515
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:15,107
To a lab and have
It analyzed.
516
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,409
I can make my own.
517
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,778
You know,
I got a blender.
518
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,246
I'll move back to indiana.
I'll grow kale.
519
00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:21,848
Woody,
Watch the watch.
520
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:25,952
Get that watch
Out of my face, old man.
I got crops to plant.
521
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:27,354
Woody, you need
My help!
522
00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:28,621
I don't need your help.
All I need's
523
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:31,791
3 tons of topsoil and
A big yellow tractor.
524
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:32,692
Tractor.
525
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:34,427
* the sun'll
Come out *
526
00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:35,795
* tomorrow-- *
527
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,331
Lilith, lower your damn skirt
And watch the watch!
37476
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