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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,605
Cheers is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,476
Ooh. Knight of
The pentacles.
3
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:11,245
I wouldn't want
To be in your shoes,
Mr. Peterson.
4
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,814
Woody, are those
Tarot cards?
5
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,416
Yeah.
6
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,585
What are you doing?
You have to be careful
With those things.
7
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:21,189
Ah, yes. The awesome
Power and dreaded
Prophecy of the tarot,
8
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,790
So ancient
And mysterious
9
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,558
That no one
Knows its history.
10
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:25,959
Not even me.
11
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,129
That's a relief.
12
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,997
Woody, you idiot.
13
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,266
Don't mess
With the supernatural.
14
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,635
Have I taught you nothing
About bad juju?
15
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,904
Relax, carla. I've
Done this before.
16
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,273
Where were we,
Mr. Peterson?
17
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:41,475
You got any
Grim reapers?
18
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:45,313
Nope. Go fish.
19
00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,420
* sometimes
You want to go *
20
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:55,756
* where everybody
Knows your name *
21
00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:02,630
* and they're always
Glad you came *
22
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:05,366
* you want to be
Where you can see *
23
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,835
* our troubles
Are all the same *
24
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,036
* you want to go *
25
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:12,340
* where everybody
Knows your name *
26
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:29,823
[jackhammers pound]
27
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:35,929
Carla, can I have
A beer, please?
28
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:36,997
What?
29
00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:38,732
Can I have
A beer, please?!
30
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:39,733
What?!
31
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:40,868
[jackhammers stop]
32
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:41,869
Can I have
A beer, please?
33
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,070
What?!
34
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,672
They stopped the
Hammering, ok?
35
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:47,741
I know! I'm just
Torturing you!
36
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,045
Finally stopped, huh?
37
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,547
Must be noon.
38
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,883
Actually, I've
Only got 10 till.
39
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,851
Oh, yeah.
Union guys.
40
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:01,422
When are those guys
Gonna be finished?
41
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,690
They're killing
Our business.
42
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,692
Nobody can come
Through the front door.
43
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,994
That's ok. The foreman
Promised me it's just
A one-day job.
44
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,162
I hope so.
45
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,464
What are they doing
Up there, anyway?
46
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,266
Why doesn't
Someone go see?
47
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:15,169
It's all the way
Upstairs, you know?
48
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,371
Maybe we could
Call somebody.
49
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,373
The phone's
Way over there.
50
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,375
We could
Turn on the tv.
51
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,377
Might be
On the news
Or something.
52
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,778
Clicker's
In the poolroom.
53
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,848
Well, I guess
We'll never know.
54
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,718
If you people
55
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:33,954
Aren't the laziest beer
Sponges I have ever seen.
56
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,757
If you want to know
What's going on out there,
57
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,459
Why doesn't somebody
Go and look?
58
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,928
Why doesn't somebody just
Get up off their rufty-dufty
59
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,464
And go look?
60
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:46,166
Hey, maybe I
Should've asked him
To return this.
61
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,968
Aah!
62
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,238
Oop...Too late.
63
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,706
Maybe we should go see
If he's all right.
64
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,875
It's all the
Way upstairs,
You know?
65
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,550
So, frase,
What are they
Doing up there?
66
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,485
As near as I can tell,
They're replacing
The top step
67
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,820
With a 6-foot hole.
68
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,792
You know, you people
Wouldn't be laughing
69
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:15,162
If you knew that I had
A severe dust allergy.
70
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:18,399
I'm serious.
I could've fallen
And broken my neck.
71
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:21,902
Stop, dr. Crane.
Let me catch my breath.
72
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:27,641
There's the guy
Who took the header
Into our ditch.
73
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:28,976
Why'd you do that, man?
74
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,511
You almost broke
Your neck.
75
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,012
Don't get him
Started.
76
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,982
He's got this
Whole routine.
77
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,450
Can I help you
Guys?
78
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,051
Yeah. You could help us
Out with a couple
Of beers.
79
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,787
Sure. That'll be $5.00.
80
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,956
No, no. We can't
Have our boys
In the trenches
81
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,258
Paying for this.
82
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,260
Much better
They spend
Their valuable time
83
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,761
Finishing their
Work upstairs
84
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:51,164
Than digging around
In their wallets for
Exact change.
85
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,466
Here's a man
86
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,402
Who understands
The construction
Business.
87
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,304
What are you doing?
88
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,472
What am I doing?
I'm greasing the
Construction workers.
89
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,941
Woo. That would
Make a great
Title
90
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,610
For my
Autobiography.
91
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,780
This is disgusting.
92
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,249
What?
Bribing those men
To do their job?
93
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,353
What happened to
An honest day's work
For an honest day's pay?
94
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,589
Now, that is funny.
95
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,024
Nothing will
Top the one
96
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,360
About you
Breaking your neck.
97
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,029
It's all
In the delivery.
98
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:25,198
Excuse me.
That was a very nice
Gesture of sam,
99
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,600
But I'm
The manager here,
100
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,336
And I am responsible for
Receiving payment
101
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:29,603
For services rendered.
102
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,305
Honey, honey.
Don't listen to--
103
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,441
No, the lady's got
The right idea.
104
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,108
Pride in workmanship.
105
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:38,178
You've inspired us
To go out and do our job
As well as we can,
106
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,780
No matter how long
It takes.
107
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,351
After all,
We're craftsmen.
108
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,554
You see?
109
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,858
Well, that was ma.
110
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,626
Her flight got in
A little bit early,
111
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,661
And she'll be by as soon
As she grabs a cab.
112
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,895
Your ma's
In town?
113
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,365
Yeah.
Why don't you go
Pick her up?
114
00:04:57,365 --> 00:05:01,068
No, normy. That would
Set exactly the wrong
Tone for this visit.
115
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,870
I know why she's here.
116
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:05,305
She wants to
Move back in with me.
117
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,375
She can just forget it,
I can tell you.
118
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,809
She's not going to be
Running my life
119
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:12,780
Like she did when
I was in my mid-30s.
No, sirree.
120
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,914
I don't get it,
Mr. Clavin.
121
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,816
I thought you liked
Your mom a lot.
122
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:16,850
A whole lot.
123
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,019
Too much to be
Healthy, really.
124
00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:23,090
Why don't
I hear any
Jackhammering?
125
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,157
I don't know.
126
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,893
Why don't you
Go on up there
127
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,995
And find out what
They're doing and come
Back and let us know?
128
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,898
Right, carla. And then
I'd probably fall
In a hole or something.
129
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,200
What do you think I am,
An idiot?
130
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,304
We prefer the term
"Hapless victim."
131
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,873
I'll tell you why
You don't hear
Any jackhammering.
132
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,909
They're pulling
A slowdown up there.
133
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:44,912
Man: good heavens. I laced
My boot incorrectly.
134
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:48,582
I'll have to start
All over again.
135
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,917
This is making me crazy.
136
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,485
They're gonna be here
For a month.
137
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:52,986
Look, I'm sorry,
Rebecca.
138
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:56,924
You got to go up
And give that guy
This $50 he dropped.
139
00:05:56,924 --> 00:06:00,661
As a matter of fact,
I think they both
Dropped $50. There.
140
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:01,829
No, sam,
I'm not gonna do this.
141
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,263
You cannot bribe them
Those men.
142
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,932
It's a matter
Of principle.
143
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,734
Rebecca, it's like
The cardinal rule
144
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,101
Of the free
Enterprise system--
145
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,904
You pay somebody
More money,
They work faster.
146
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,541
Look at this.
We're getting a raise
At the post office.
147
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:16,176
The exception that
Proves the rule.
148
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,846
Sam, no, you made me
The manager.
149
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:21,515
You gave me
The authority to
Handle these problems,
150
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:24,885
So let me just
Do it my own way.
151
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,120
Ok, manager, what
Are you going to do?
152
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,456
Well, I think
We'll just
Make an entrance
153
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,190
Through the alley.
154
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,492
You got to be kidding.
155
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,727
What are you gonna do,
Bust a hole in my wall?
156
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,963
Actually, sam,
That window--
157
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,297
The leaded stained
Glass window--
158
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,365
Is in a single
Wooden frame,
159
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:39,467
So I think you could
Pop it out
160
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,502
Fairly easily
With a crowbar.
161
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,136
I think the opening
Is, like, 4 x 8,
162
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,539
Which is perfectly
Good for a standard
Entrance.
163
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,840
You build a little
A staircase,
164
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,910
And you got yourself
A nice little
Doorway.
165
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,745
Boy, you've put a lot
Of thought into this.
166
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,081
It's always been
A dream of mine
To someday retire
167
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,117
And build
A little apartment
Back there.
168
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,692
Hello, clifford.
169
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:08,128
Hey, ma! Hey, look.
170
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,030
Come on, you.
171
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:15,503
My, everybody
Has filled out nicely.
172
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,008
Say, mrs. Clavin, if you
Don't mind my asking,
173
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,644
How did you happen to
Negotiate that hole
174
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,012
Up at the top
Of the stairs?
175
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:28,081
I hiked up my skirts
And hopped across.
176
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,016
No big deal.
177
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,884
Although those
Construction boys
178
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,587
Told me some jackass
Actually fell in.
179
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,188
Can you believe that?
180
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:40,160
I'm a boob.
I'm a big fat boob!
181
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:45,432
So, ma, what
Made you decide
182
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:47,568
To blow into town
All of a sudden?
183
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,803
Well, you know
How much I enjoy
184
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:53,440
The historically rich
Sport of dog racing.
185
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,042
Who doesn't?
186
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:58,411
It turns out
I enjoyed it a bit
Too much last friday,
187
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:02,215
And let's just say
I owe some people
Some money.
188
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,350
Oops.
189
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,986
Well, the dog I put
All my money on
190
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,388
Apparently had
A parasitic condition.
191
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:11,191
He scooted
The last 75 yards.
192
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:13,627
He got the most laughs,
193
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,263
But they don't pay
On laughs.
194
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,998
Anyway, it
Gives me a chance
195
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,067
To catch up
With my little boy.
196
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:22,803
I'm looking forward to
Seeing what you're
Doing with your life
197
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,739
And how we can go about
Fixing it.
198
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,041
I appreciate
The thought, ma,
199
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,143
But I don't have anything
That needs fixing.
200
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:33,146
See, I got
A new lifestyle,
And I like it.
201
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,683
Clifford, is it really
A new lifestyle
202
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:40,087
Or is it just an excuse
To walk around your
Apartment half-naked?
203
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:44,858
It's not an either/or
Situation, ma.
204
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,496
I suppose
There's no room
205
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,799
In this playboy pad
Of yours
206
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,200
For somebody's mother?
207
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,103
Thank you for being
So understanding, ma.
208
00:08:56,103 --> 00:09:00,808
Oh. Well, I certainly
Don't want to be a
Burden to you, clifford.
209
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,843
Lord knows you weren't
A burden to me
210
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:06,213
When I was in labor with
You for 72 hours.
211
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,315
Ooh! 72 hours?
212
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,317
He had those wide hips.
213
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,855
I got you
A great hotel here.
214
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,123
Look. It's got hbo--
215
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,658
You shouldn't go
To that expense.
216
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,427
All I need is a large
Appliance carton,
217
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,596
And I can sleep
On the street
218
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:26,333
With all the other
Forgotten mothers.
219
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,801
You can stay with me.
220
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,303
Are you sure
You don't have
A lifestyle
221
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,338
I'd be intruding on?
222
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:34,908
Not that I know of.
223
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,577
Well, then,
I'd be glad to.
224
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,346
What's your name?
225
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,347
Woody.
226
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,682
Woody.
227
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,483
That's the name
Of a boy
228
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:46,119
Whose mother
Raised him right.
229
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:46,954
Really?
230
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,088
Because I looked it up,
231
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,858
And all I could find
Was "Treelike."
232
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,196
Let's get you
Settled in,
Huh, mrs. Clavin?
233
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:59,099
No. Hey, woody,
My mother doesn't want
To impose on anybody.
234
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,002
Suddenly he's an expert
On my desires.
235
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,204
I certainly do want to
Stay with woody.
236
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,172
I like him.
237
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,574
He's sweet
And thoughtful.
238
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,143
And look at those
Nice narrow hips.
239
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:13,313
I'll bet you shot out
Like a bullet.
240
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,190
Norm's got
The window out.
241
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,758
Now he's starting
On the iron bars.
242
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,160
When he's finished,
Anybody who wants to
243
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,197
Can come into
This bar right
Through that alley.
244
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,399
[woof woof]
245
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,768
[woof woof]
246
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,405
What was that?
247
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,208
2 big dogs
Chasing a chihuahua.
248
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,410
At least I think
It was a chihuahua.
249
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:44,577
If the
Health department asks,
250
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,014
It was a chihuahua.
251
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,418
Thanks for
Giving me a lift,
Ma clavin.
252
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,820
My pleasure, woody.
253
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,255
Here's your lunch.
I cut the grapes in half,
254
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,791
But should one lodge
In your esophagus,
255
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:01,795
Remember the international
Sign for choking is this.
256
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:09,202
How come you never
Taught me that, ma?
257
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,238
Oh, clifford, with that
Windpipe of yours,
258
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,607
It would take
A knockwurst
To cut off your air.
259
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,243
I'll be home
At 7:00.
260
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:20,247
Don't be late.
I'm stopping at
The video store
261
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:24,284
To pick up the rest
Ofthe police academy cycle.
262
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:28,255
Oh, I love that handsome
Young african-american
263
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,957
Who makes those
Funny noises
With his mouth.
264
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:32,860
Yeah,
He's a hoot,
Isn't he?
265
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,295
Yes, he is.
And you can tell
By watching him
266
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,398
He's very respectful
To his mother.
267
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:43,503
Ma, are you
Mad at me?
268
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:46,573
I'd have to care
To be mad.
269
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:49,877
Look, ma, I didn't
Say I never wanted
To see you again,
270
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,144
For crying out loud.
271
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,046
Listen, why don't
You come over?
272
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,482
We'll watch
Jeopardy!
Tonight, huh?
273
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,484
Come on over
To the apartment.
274
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,052
Oh, praise god.
275
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,855
I've been invited
To xanadu.
276
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,224
Actually, clifford,
277
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:07,861
I happen to have
A previous engagement.
278
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,298
No.
279
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,565
No.
280
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,501
No.
281
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,635
No.
282
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:18,171
Oh, all right.
283
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,639
Clifford,
We'd be delighted
284
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:23,844
To have you join us
For police academy tonight.
285
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,245
Oh, no,
That's ok, ma.
286
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,514
I'm just gonna
Have a lot of
Fun right here.
287
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,082
I'm as happy
As a lark.
288
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:33,020
Actually, mr. Clavin,
The lark is
A very depressed bird.
289
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,754
It has one of the
Highest suicide rates
290
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,324
In the entire
Ornithological kingdom.
291
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:38,992
Interestingly enough,
Its song--
292
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,260
Is more
Of a dirge.
293
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,461
You've been
Teaching him
Bird trivia,
294
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,430
Haven't you, ma?
295
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:50,871
Woody is the best student
I've had, bar none.
296
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,340
I know what you're
Trying to do, ma,
And it's not gonna work.
297
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,342
You're trying
To make me jealous.
298
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,344
I'm not gonna be
Asking you to
Move back in with me.
299
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,579
Don't you worry.
I know your wily ways.
300
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,081
You see,
You're forgetting
301
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,515
I'm a graduate student
302
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:07,487
Of the
Esther clavin school
Of emotional blackmail.
303
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,355
Well, that and a nickel
304
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:11,224
Will get you
A civil service job.
305
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,861
Back off, ma.
306
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:18,098
Clifford, I'm not trying
To get you jealous.
307
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,732
I don't have to.
308
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,702
I found a wonderful
Companion in woody.
309
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:25,472
He's like the son
I never had.
310
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,009
Well, what about me?
311
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,544
You're the son
I did have.
312
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,589
Yeah, I'm telling
You, norm, I really
Let ma have it.
313
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,091
I cut clean.
314
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,159
I'll have to take
Your word for it,
Cliff.
315
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,930
Yeah, it really feels
Good to get that monkey
Off my back.
316
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,431
Whatever you say.
317
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,202
Yeah, she's out of there.
Gone, good-bye, finito.
318
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:58,005
Cliff, what do I have to say
To make you stop talking?
319
00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,407
Yes, sir.
Today I am a man.
320
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:03,410
How about,
"I've got a crowbar"?
321
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,279
Well, hey, rebecca.
322
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,215
You be ma again,
And I'll be me.
323
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,382
Oh, cliff.
324
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,218
Sam does a lot
Better ma than I do.
325
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,353
Oh, yeah.
Right, right.
326
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,156
All right, ma,
Get off my back.
327
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,757
I'm busy, cliff.
328
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:21,428
No, sam. There's
Too much love
In your voice.
329
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,431
I think that
Ought to do it.
330
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,333
What do you mean,
That ought to do it?
331
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,800
You need to cut
Another bar out of there.
332
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,136
People have to
Squeeze through there.
333
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:31,471
Rebecca, trust me.
I've spent a lifetime
334
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,406
Learning how to do
The least amount of work
335
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,075
For any given task.
336
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,176
This will fit the bill.
337
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:37,677
I just don't think
338
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,779
Anybody's really
Gonna be able to fit
Through there.
339
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,949
Even I can fit through.
Watch this.
340
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:44,284
You just sort of...
341
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,521
Well, that's it.
342
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:52,125
That's it? You're not
Halfway through.
343
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:56,296
No, that's it,
I'm stuck.
344
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:59,299
I'll be in cheers
The rest of my life.
345
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,534
I guess you have
To be careful
What you wish for.
346
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:04,037
Let me see if I can
Get you unstuck.
347
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,808
Oh, god, that's it.
You are stuck.
348
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,377
Sam!
349
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:11,478
Carla!
350
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,113
You better hurry,
Rebecca, because
351
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:16,516
I think I see that
Damn chihuahua again.
352
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:19,819
Hey, there's a whole
Pack of chihuahuas.
353
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,854
I hope
They're chihuahuas.
354
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:24,624
Oh, my god!
355
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,268
You ok out there?
356
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,505
Yeah. I think
They're as afraid
Of me as I am of them.
357
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:41,841
Yeah, except you
Don't carry rabies
And have razor-sharp teeth.
358
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:44,411
Yeah, but they
Don't know that.
359
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,614
Boy, you really are
Wedged in there.
360
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,849
Is that norm?
361
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,184
I didn't recognize you
362
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,420
Without the barstool
Attached.
363
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:00,727
You know who
He looks like?
364
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:01,828
Winnie the pooh.
365
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,763
Carla's right.
In that story
366
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,532
Where he eats
Too much honey
367
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,634
And gets stuck
In rabbit's hole.
368
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,136
How did they
Get him out?
369
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,703
It was hilarious.
370
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:13,073
They starved him
For a couple of weeks,
Then yanked him out.
371
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,274
When he got out,
372
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,110
Did winnie the pooh
Sue the damn rabbit?
373
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,147
Come on, man, lighten up,
Will you?
374
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:21,148
I'm sorry, sammy.
375
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:22,715
I'm just upset, ok?
376
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,751
No, I mean, you're like
Dead weight here.
377
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,287
Push, pull,
Do something.
378
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,921
* winnie the pooh *
379
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,390
* winnie the pooh *
380
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:31,458
* chubby little-- *
381
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,393
Stop it. They
Like the singing.
382
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,728
They're coming
Towards the singing.
383
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,168
Yeah, so I told
Her,
384
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,835
"Pack your bags.
Go on, hit
The skids.
385
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,072
I don't need you
Anymore."
386
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,906
What's wrong with him,
Girl trouble?
387
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,675
Well, sort of.
388
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,778
Now I'll just have
To raise myself.
389
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,580
Ah.
390
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,449
The hard work's
Already done, though.
391
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,387
Where's the child
Who's stuck
In the fence?
392
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:03,790
Oh, good, you're here.
Back this way
In the poolroom.
393
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,458
Child stuck
In the fence?
394
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,959
Every time I said
"Accountant stuck
In the window,"
395
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,796
They just laughed
And hung up.
396
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:12,099
He's back here.
397
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,601
Oh, woody,
That was fun.
398
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:16,869
It's so nice to go shopping
For shelf paper
399
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:20,973
With somebody who doesn't
Nitpick over every design.
400
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:24,711
Ma, when are you
Gonna stop taking
Those potshots at me?
401
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,814
When it stops
Being fun.
402
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:28,948
Excuse me, woody.
403
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,251
I'm going to go
Powder my nose.
404
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,386
Your nose looks fine,
Mother clavin.
405
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,456
That's just
An expression, son.
406
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,160
Son?
407
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,163
She's, uh,
Calling you son now?
408
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,631
Well, it's just
An expression.
409
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,200
You know, like,
Powder my nose.
410
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,735
I understand, woody.
411
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,803
I want to thank you,
Really, for all you
Done for my ma,
412
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:54,574
Giving her
A place to live
And everything.
413
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,642
There's one thing my
Sense of pride
414
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,244
Won't allow me
To say to her,
415
00:17:57,244 --> 00:18:00,380
But I know I can
Talk to you about it
Man to man.
416
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,183
I want
My mommy back.
417
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,285
You can't
Have her back.
418
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,554
You gave her up.
419
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,256
I--I miss her.
420
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,923
If I give her to you,
Then I'll miss her, too.
421
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,091
Can't we share?
422
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,926
I don't
Want to share.
423
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,828
Oh, for god's sake!
424
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,232
You're acting
Like children.
425
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:20,667
Now, listen, woody.
426
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:24,337
Esther clavin is cliff's
Natural mother.
427
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:27,240
Therefore, logic would
Dictate that, uh...
428
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,509
Well, cliff gets
First dibs.
429
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:35,014
Well, woody,
Are we ready to
Line some shelves
430
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:38,050
With flags of the world?
431
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,687
Woody?
432
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:44,056
Woody, if you stick
That lower lip out
Any further,
433
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:47,694
A pigeon's gonna
Land on it.
434
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:51,964
You know that they like
Shiny ledge-like surfaces.
435
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,367
Don't bring up
Bird trivia now,
Mother clavin.
436
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:55,702
It hurts too much.
437
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:59,372
Why, woody,
Whatever are you
Talking about?
438
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:04,711
Mr. Clavin wmmwmmwmsm
Ppfppdp fkjglsdkj skdfals.
439
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,913
All right, all right,
All right.
440
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:09,249
Is this true,
Clifford?
441
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,318
Yeah, ma, it is.
442
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:12,985
I want you back.
443
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,721
Well, is there
Room for me
444
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:18,425
In that singles
Paradise of yours?
445
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,493
I'll--I'll make room.
446
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,062
I made room for you,
Mother clavin.
447
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:24,464
I'll make room
In your face!
448
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,367
No, no.
Now, now, boys.
449
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:31,771
Let's not get into a cain
And abel situation here.
450
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,941
I can love you both
For different reasons.
451
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,343
Woody, I can love you
452
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:40,179
Because you're generous
And kind and strong.
453
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,748
And, clifford,
I can love you
454
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:44,217
Because I'm your
Biological mother,
455
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,554
And nature dictates
There be a bond.
456
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,723
Now, boys,
457
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:53,393
I've got plenty
Of love for both.
458
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:56,496
And lord knows, I've got
Plenty of shelf paper.
459
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,431
I'll tell you what.
Let's get cracking.
460
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,066
We can do
Both of your apartments
461
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:01,200
Before dark.
462
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,469
Gonna do mine
First.
463
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,070
Not if I get
To the car first.
464
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:07,274
Yeah, well, you're
Not gonna do that.
I can't be beat.
465
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,309
Boys, watch out
For the hole--
466
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,511
Aah!
Aah!
467
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:14,847
Yes, they're my children,
All right.
468
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,716
Both dumb as dishwater.
469
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:21,788
We can get him out, but
We're gonna have to bring
In the jaws of life.
470
00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,790
He's really stuck
In there.
471
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,926
Yeah. It reminds me of that
Winnie the pooh story.
472
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,730
How'd he get
Stuck in there anyway?
473
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,999
He ate up all
Of rabbit's honey--
474
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,767
No, I mean this guy.
475
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:40,540
Uh, we were, uh,
Building a new entrance.
476
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,141
Do you have
A permit for that?
477
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,209
Oh.
478
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:45,244
He wants a permit.
479
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,113
This time we'll
Handle it your way.
480
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:49,015
I'll do it.
481
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,017
Let me just
Reach into
482
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:55,087
My magic
Permit pocket...
483
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,956
Yes, yes.
484
00:20:56,956 --> 00:21:01,160
And, oh, here's
A nice little permit
485
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:05,298
With a picture of
General grant on it.
486
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:06,966
What are you doing?
487
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:11,971
What, like you have
Never been bribed before?
488
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:16,075
Are you trying to
Give us this 50 bucks?
489
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,044
What, 50
Isn't enough?
490
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:19,946
How about 100?
491
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:22,248
All right, you're
Under arrest. Come on.
492
00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:24,651
Sam, will you get
My checkbook?
493
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,421
So you guys ought to
Have me out of here
494
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:31,090
In just a few minutes, huh?
495
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,625
Right, guys?
496
00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:36,763
Guys!
497
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