Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:06,484
I think I just
saw Tonya Harding.
2
00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:08,486
Okay, I just want to
go over tomorrow
3
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:09,966
'cause it's a beast.
4
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:12,055
We've got winter coat
shopping in the morning,
5
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:13,535
lunch at Nerfer's
in the afternoon--
6
00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,406
Babe, I have
plans tomorrow.
7
00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:16,842
Taking off the goatee!
8
00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:18,148
ALL: No!
9
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,628
- Yikes.
- Really?
10
00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:21,847
Babe, you'll look weird
without a goatee.
11
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:24,328
After seeing this
CIA rendering of your face
12
00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:26,113
with no goatee, I agree.
13
00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:31,596
Bongiorno, y'all!
Welcome to Mama Mangia's.
14
00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:33,163
What can I get
y'all tonight?
15
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:35,818
I will have
the "sal-mon."
16
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:39,039
No, you won't like it.
He'll have the grilled cheese.
17
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,432
Babe, I want
the "sal-mon."
18
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,607
It's pronounced "sah"--
19
00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,914
I say "sal-mon,"
and I want it!
20
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:48,526
Give us a moment, Agatha.
Core team, huddle up.
21
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:51,747
[whispering indistinctly]
22
00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:53,488
Sorry, Jeff,
salmon's just not
23
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:54,880
possible for you
at this time.
24
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,971
I...want... sal-mon!
25
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:02,018
Okay, we should leave. Give our
apologies to Mama Mangia.
26
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,455
Oh don't you worry
about Mama's feelings!
27
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,414
She's a private
equity group.
28
00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:09,286
[patriotic music plays]
29
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:12,028
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
30
00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:15,858
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day♪
31
00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:19,079
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face♪
32
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,344
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race♪
33
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:28,523
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
34
00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,829
-♪ Good-- ♪
-♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
35
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,135
Aah!
36
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:36,835
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
37
00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,663
So what are we doing
for dinner now?
38
00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:40,709
Well, we do have that
eight-pound brisket
39
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,189
left over
in the freezer.
40
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,191
- We got any latkes?
- Dozens.
41
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:46,671
Plus some matzoh ball soup
from Greenblatt's.
42
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:47,803
Two portions.
43
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:49,109
- One for me!
- I'll nosh on that!
44
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,980
Any dessert?
Hamentashen?
45
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,591
[yawns]
I made blintzes yesterday.
46
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,289
Ooh, Jeff
loves blintzes.
47
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,594
I'm not hungry.
48
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:57,987
You gotta eat
something, Jeff.
49
00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,945
Yeah, you need
your nutrients.
50
00:01:59,945 --> 00:02:01,730
Nutrients are
important, Jeff.
51
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,558
I can make
my own decisions!
52
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:04,820
But you can't, Jeff.
53
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,169
Yeah, you make bad ones.
54
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:07,431
So we make
them for you.
55
00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:10,130
- To help you.
- 'Cause you're not the smartest.
56
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,306
This is messed up, Babe!
57
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:16,179
No, I'm done! From now on,
I'm the decider of me!
58
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:18,660
Mr. S, let me
out of the car!
59
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:22,142
Fine. But I'm only
slowing down a little.
60
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:24,187
[engine revs tires squeal]
61
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:25,710
[siren wailing in distance]
62
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:27,756
[gunshots]
63
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:29,758
[dog barking]
64
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:32,717
This place is kinda scary.
65
00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:35,155
Want to buy
a million dollar bill?
66
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,679
Whoa, you should
keep that.
67
00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:39,594
Who knows how much
it's worth!
68
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:42,031
Then just give me
all your money!
69
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:45,600
No, I'm only gonna give you
a little of my money.
70
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,863
Hey!
Get out of here!
71
00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:51,301
Gosh, there are so many creeps
on this street now.
72
00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,694
I'm Tracy, by the way.
73
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:53,912
I'm Jeff.
74
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:56,350
[scoffs] Not that I had
any say in it.
75
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,004
You know, Jeff,
you impress me.
76
00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:01,224
It took guts saying "no"
to that guy.
77
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:04,532
I don't ever let people tell me
what to do anymore!
78
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,316
- Come with me.
- Okay.
79
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,102
What is this place?
80
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,583
The land of opportunity.
81
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:15,238
AKA the Langley
Regional sales office
82
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:19,460
for the Stretcharoo Leggings Corporation.
83
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,896
Eye-catching, right?
84
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:23,203
And best of all,
easy to sell.
85
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,379
Let me ask you all,
what are your goals?
86
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,337
To eat sal-mon.
87
00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:29,948
Yep, beat me to it.
Salmon. Uh-huh.
88
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:32,255
Eat salmon.
89
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,648
And how many hours a day
would you say
90
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,780
you're eating
salmon right now?
91
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,261
- None.
- Jesus. Really?
92
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:41,003
What if I said
there was a way for you
93
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:44,789
to enjoy salmon every
day of the week.
94
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,270
How is that
even possible?
95
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:50,360
By selling the highest
quality leggings known to man.
96
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,450
And not at some
stuffy store in the mall.
97
00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:56,323
From the comfort
of your own home
98
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:59,064
through direct
peer-to-peer sales.
99
00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,414
Is this a pyramid scheme?
100
00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:01,589
Pyramid?
101
00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:04,069
Maybe in its shape
and management structure
102
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,550
and day-to-day operations,
but no!
103
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,596
It's multi-level marketing.
104
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,729
And we're looking for hustlers
with a killer instinct.
105
00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,688
I think that
could be me.
106
00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:17,561
Hell yeah! I'm talkin' alphas
who would never,
107
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,564
never, ever, ever be a beta.
108
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,305
Did I mention we have
rewards weekends
109
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,394
in tropical locations like...
110
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,135
Cancun!
111
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:29,312
With incredible prizes
for our top salespeople!
112
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:32,620
All you got to do
is buy $5,000 of inventory today
113
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,448
and commit to
a recurring monthly purchase
114
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:37,189
of a product
that sells itself.
115
00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:40,976
So, are you
ready to choose success?
116
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,020
What do you think?
117
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:44,327
Me? I'm in!
118
00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:45,720
Do you have cash?
119
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,462
Oh, man, I should have bought
that guy's money!
120
00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:50,855
I do have
this number card.
121
00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:52,683
Everybody take note!
122
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:55,904
This is what an alpha
looks like.
123
00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:58,080
Stop!
124
00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:02,214
I made another decision!
125
00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:03,259
Yeah, you did.
126
00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,653
I'm officially a salesman
127
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:08,351
for the Stretcharoo
Leggings Corporation.
128
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,875
Stretcharoo?
The pyramid scheme?
129
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:14,444
No, the multi-level
marketing scheme.
130
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:17,142
They sold me inventory.
131
00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:18,579
How much?
132
00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:22,104
A whole bunch of boxes for
only like, 5,000 bucks!
133
00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:23,279
- Oof.
- Five Gs?
134
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,498
- Ay yi yi.
- [Roger laughs in distance]
135
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:26,413
Jeff, that was
our life savings!
136
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,502
That's your life savings?
137
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,677
You live at home.
138
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:30,982
Yeah, what's
your monthly nut?
139
00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,375
That's not the issue!
140
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,377
Now come on, Jeff,
we're getting our money back!
141
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,031
No! I won't go!
142
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,598
We can get
a treat on the way.
143
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:40,296
That's more like it!
144
00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:42,298
[engine revs, tires squeal]
145
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:46,433
My husband gave you our life
savings, and I want it back!
146
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,695
Right this way.
147
00:05:48,826 --> 00:05:49,827
- [Hayley grunting]
- Step into our
148
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,176
Angry Spouse Holding Tank.
149
00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,264
Someone will be
with you soon.
150
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:54,179
Better be soon!
'Cause I'm angry!
151
00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:57,357
Over and over,
the same Goddamn mistakes!
152
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,619
I could've married
Al Roker!
153
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,185
Had to make
his own decisions.
154
00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:02,405
Ha!
They always do.
155
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,886
It is a good deal, though.
The leggings?
156
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,758
80% margins.
157
00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:10,065
He's a mole,
get him out of here!
158
00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:11,153
[man grunts, body thuds]
159
00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:13,503
[scoffs] 80% margins.
160
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:16,985
80% margins, bitches.
161
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,116
I am in.
162
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:20,641
Welp, looks
like the rest of us
163
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:23,121
are gonna have to
clean up this mess.
164
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,907
I don't know how
you did it, Jeff,
165
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:28,997
but you stumbled ass-backwards
into the deal of the century.
166
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,172
We're in!
167
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:32,653
Okay, let me just roll
these D dice.
168
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:36,700
And now match the numbers to
the corresponding bible verse.
169
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:40,051
"As ye hear the sound
of the trumpet...
170
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,924
Absalom reigneth
in Hebron..."
171
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:45,230
That settles it!
I'm on board, too!
172
00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:51,193
All right.
Let's talk sales strategy.
173
00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:53,761
I was thinking we could do
like a sales party,
174
00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:56,372
like a Tupperware party
but with leggings?
175
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,026
Yes, love it.
176
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:01,159
I'm promoting you
to Executive Vice President.
177
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:03,597
Oh, we could film ourselves
in our leggings
178
00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:05,250
and put it
on Instagram!
179
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,732
Film? People love newspapers.
Anyone else have ideas?
180
00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:11,605
What if we, like,
go up to people somewhere
181
00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,520
with our leggings and--
182
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,652
and ask them
if they want to buy them?
183
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:16,958
Back to [bleep] basics!
184
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,046
That's what
I'm talking about!
185
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:19,351
Good job, Klaus!
186
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,962
Nice exchange.
187
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:23,660
Klaus and Steve are now
Executive Vice Presidents.
188
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,532
Incredible decision, Mom.
189
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:28,883
I'm promoting you to
Executive Vice President!
190
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,626
Throw me up as an EVP, too.
191
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:35,890
What about me?
Can I be an EVP?
192
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:39,937
That would be nepotism, and
that's just bad optics, Jeff.
193
00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:43,288
Are you kidding me?!
This whole thing was my idea.
194
00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:46,161
Either make me the same
as you guys, or I'm out!
195
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,120
[whispering indistinctly]
196
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,253
I'm afraid it's
a hard "no," Jeff.
197
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:53,951
But you can still be part
of our workforce.
198
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:55,736
No!
I'm out of here!
199
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,868
- Come on, Babe.
- Sorry, Jeff.
200
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:58,956
I'm sticking with them.
201
00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:01,829
Oh, my God, dude!
That's your wife!
202
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,788
- Dad!
- What? It was crazy!
203
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,445
Mr. Fritz!
204
00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,707
Glad you could make it.
205
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,013
Happy to be here, Steve.
206
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,449
This is my wife,
Tonya Harding.
207
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:14,842
Sorry, one sec.
208
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,757
Stretcharoo leggings,
go for Steve.
209
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:20,021
You want how many?!
[whistles]
210
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:22,153
Klaus, this guy
wants a thousand units.
211
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,068
A thousand units?
212
00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:26,462
[laughs] Okay.
213
00:08:28,464 --> 00:08:30,118
I'm Klaus, by the way.
214
00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:32,381
[groans] Are you
buying or not, Greg?
215
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:35,558
What? I got your mail by
accident. I just walked in.
216
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:38,256
Yeah, and you didn't look
so hot doin' it.
217
00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:40,215
You need a stretchier pant.
218
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:44,306
With a busy print to distract
people from all this.
219
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:47,657
Nice try, this is where I want
people's attention.
220
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:49,920
What the hell's going on?
We're drowning!
221
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,575
Do I have to remind everyone
how over-invested we are?
222
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,709
It's this friggin' crowd.
They're a bunch of dick teases.
223
00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,711
That's why
we got to MAPA--
224
00:08:57,711 --> 00:09:00,540
maintain a party atmosphere.
225
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,281
Get 'em loose,
and they'll be buying.
226
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:05,022
- [dance music playing]
- Buckle's trying to escape!
227
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:08,460
Through the kitchen,
my Yiddish queen!
228
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:10,854
[both grunt]
229
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:12,552
Your leggings...
230
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,292
they're gorgeous.
231
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,686
Yeah, I like
the pineapples.
232
00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:20,603
Playful, yet honoring
the contours of your body...
233
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,170
I must have them!
234
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,693
I'm wearing these.
235
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,739
Why don't you buy a pair
from Mrs. S?
236
00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:28,698
- What's going on here?
- Jeff's poaching our clients!
237
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,961
He lured Buckle in here
with his body.
238
00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:32,441
I'm just sitting here!
239
00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:36,140
Wow, Jeff, you're trying
to torpedo this event?
240
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,925
A successful event?
241
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:39,056
Screw it.
242
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,102
Buckle, how much
do you want to pay?
243
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,190
How much
were you thinking?
244
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,234
Sold!
245
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,758
Wow, Jeff.
246
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:46,716
This isn't
a game for us, Jeff.
247
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:49,284
You've awakened
a sleeping giant, Jeff.
248
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,634
A giant that will crush you
and be crowned
249
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:54,158
Top Seller at the Cancun
Rewards Weekend.
250
00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:57,161
Boom. How ya like that,
Jeffy boy?
251
00:09:57,161 --> 00:10:00,338
I like that
just fine, Mrs. S!
252
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,645
'Cause I'm gonna crush you!
253
00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:04,647
I'm gonna murder you
in your sleep!
254
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,518
Oh, like that's so hard!
255
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,216
Enough!
No more talk.
256
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,913
We'll see you at
the rewards weekend.
257
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,175
Yeah, you will--
258
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:13,525
ALL: Rewards weekend.
259
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:17,965
♪
260
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:21,403
Rewards weekend.
261
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:24,145
[yawns]
262
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:27,191
Rewards weekend.
263
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,453
Aah!
264
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,066
♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪
265
00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:34,808
Rewards weekend.
266
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,901
Rewards weekend.
267
00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:46,558
Rewards weeke--
268
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,256
Aah!
269
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:50,737
[insects chirping]
270
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,739
[indistinct chatter]
271
00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:55,132
[cheers and applause]
272
00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:59,746
It's been a record breaking
year, Stretcharoos!
273
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,139
And it's all because of you!
274
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:04,794
You decided to choose success!
275
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,883
I thank you,
my husband thanks you--
276
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,885
Jim, get on out here!
277
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:11,235
Let's go!
278
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,717
Are we ready to party,
Cancun?!
279
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:16,763
[cheering]
280
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,286
Now hold up, before we party,
281
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:21,158
ol' Jim needs to get
a little serious, y'all.
282
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:24,640
I need to tell you a story
about someone you know.
283
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,121
- Me.
- WOMAN: We love you, Jim!
284
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:28,339
Married!
285
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:29,906
[laughter]
286
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:34,258
Before Stretcharoo, I was in
a really toxic relationship.
287
00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:35,738
With my current wife, Deborah.
288
00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,786
We hated each other
because we hadn't made
289
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:42,745
the decision to choose success.
290
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:45,705
But then Deborah saw a basket
of tennis balls.
291
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,795
It was like a bolt of lightning
hit her in the face.
292
00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:52,668
Our first Stretcharoos print,
the iconic "Tenniz Ballz,"
293
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:53,843
was born.
294
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:57,673
[cheers and applause]
295
00:11:57,673 --> 00:12:00,284
And our relationship
was reborn
296
00:12:00,284 --> 00:12:02,591
because we chose success.
297
00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:05,594
Just as you chose success.
298
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,509
Let's give it up.
299
00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:08,815
- [cheers and applause]
- WOMAN: We love you, Jim!
300
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,860
Now the fun stuff!
301
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,297
The food tonight is bomb,
so eat up.
302
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,821
Mmm-mm-mm!
303
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,693
And then after dinner,
we're gonna Lambada down
304
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,564
to the beach
for the after party.
305
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,089
There's gonna be a bonfire,
a s'mores cart.
306
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:23,264
An astronomer.
307
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,135
Oh, my God,
the astronomer!
308
00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:27,137
- [cheers and applause]
- Okay, I think it's award time.
309
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:30,010
Top new salesperson,
let's do it!
310
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:31,663
And the winner is...
311
00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,230
[indistinct chatter]
312
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:36,407
- Jeff Fischer!
- Jeff Fischer!
313
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,671
- [cheers and applause]
- What?!
314
00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,936
Did you never consider
this possibility, Stan?
315
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:44,764
We had no sales!
316
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,766
- Zero!
- What?!
317
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,680
And, Klaus, you knew this?
318
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:52,075
Me? You're the one who set up
a conference call last week
319
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,991
and just kept screaming,
"The ship is sinking!"
320
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:57,602
And how about your prize?
321
00:12:57,602 --> 00:13:01,389
A brand new
Brookstone Massage Chair!
322
00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:07,699
Tell us, Jeff, what was
the secret to your success?
323
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:12,704
Good decisions.
324
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:15,969
Now we got one more surprise,
and it's a good'un.
325
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,709
Get hyped for...
326
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,059
- Pitbull!
- Pitbull!
327
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:20,495
[cheers and applause]
328
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:23,541
Dale mi gente, let's give it up
for Jiggity Jeff!
329
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,239
This biggity boy should be
priggity proud!
330
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,154
-♪ It's goin' down ♪
-♪ It's goin' down ♪
331
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,243
-♪ I'm yellin' timber ♪
-♪ I'm yellin' timber ♪
332
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:30,984
-♪ You better move ♪
-♪ You better move ♪
333
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,637
-♪ You better dance ♪
-♪ You better dance ♪
334
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:35,858
And, guys, Pitbull is
contractually obligated
335
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,774
to stick around for a half hour
of the after-party!
336
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,341
[screams]
337
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:41,559
♪ Whoo-ooh ♪
338
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:48,828
Whoa, look at that star!
339
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,047
PITBULL: Wow.
340
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:53,006
Pitbull's been here for
five minutes
341
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,138
longer than
his contract requires.
342
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:57,445
He must be
enjoying Jeff!
343
00:13:57,445 --> 00:14:01,579
Maybe he'd be enjoying us
if Stan sold some leggings!
344
00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,190
Me?!
What about you?!
345
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:06,758
I married you because I thought
you could sell!
346
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,064
That's why I married you!
347
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,674
Pitbull's feeding Jeff
a s'more now.
348
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,198
Enough!
I'm going over there
349
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,330
and giving him
a piece of my mind!
350
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:15,898
Hey!
351
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:17,334
Please help us, Jeff!
352
00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:19,336
Things are going so bad!
353
00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:21,208
Our finances are in ruins!
354
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,079
Our emotions suck, too.
355
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,516
Stan and I are sleeping
in separate beds.
356
00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:26,866
We all are!
357
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:30,086
We're sorry, Jeff.
Please guide us.
358
00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:34,874
[whispering indistinctly]
359
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:39,269
Okay, I'll do it.
360
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:44,274
How you liking
that telescope, Armando?
361
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,233
That's right,
I looked you up.
362
00:14:50,411 --> 00:14:53,805
Jeff, I feel like a kid
on his first day of university.
363
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:56,896
A sponge, ready to soak up
your deep knowledge
364
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,158
of selling tights!
365
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,637
They're leggings.
366
00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:03,163
Holy moly,
class is in session.
367
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:05,730
I'm just happy
we're finally a team.
368
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,384
Now everyone has a say.
369
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:08,603
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
370
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:10,431
- We don't want a say.
- You don't?
371
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:12,824
No way.
Our ideas are shit.
372
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:15,044
We want you to tell us
what to do.
373
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:16,393
Okay.
374
00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:18,395
Come on, hit us
with those nuggets!
375
00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:20,267
Your top sales techniques.
376
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:23,966
I guess
always be an alpha?
377
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:27,535
Yeah.
Never, ever, ever be a beta!
378
00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:29,754
Not even sometimes?
379
00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:31,234
No.
380
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:34,237
What are some of the actual
things you did to sell?
381
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:35,456
Mmm, good Q, Hayley.
382
00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:37,458
Some concrete examples
that could save us
383
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:40,940
from financial ruin
could be helpful.
384
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,899
Would you excuse me
for a sec?
385
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,161
I should call the bank.
386
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,597
They've been trying real hard
to reach me.
387
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,382
[vomits]
388
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:50,123
What's up, bud?
389
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:51,602
What are you doing?
390
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:53,953
Upper deckin' the toilet.
What's new with you?
391
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,216
What's new is
I'm a fraud.
392
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,609
Everyone's a fraud, Jeff.
Be more specific.
393
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,785
I made up
all my sales, Roger!
394
00:16:00,785 --> 00:16:04,354
I've been buying inventory
then writing fake receipts.
395
00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:06,008
How'd you buy
so much inventory?
396
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:07,531
I robbed a bank.
397
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,316
Wow, impressive.
398
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:12,014
I can't make decisions
for the family,
399
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,756
I can't even make
decisions for myself.
400
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:17,715
I'm just gonna come clean
and tell them everything.
401
00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:20,849
You could do that
and prove everyone right.
402
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:23,678
Or you could make
your lie true.
403
00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:26,159
You just need one big,
good decision
404
00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,551
to make everything right.
405
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:28,813
[plops]
406
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,902
Ah, dangit,
I dropped my phone.
407
00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:32,208
So what's it gonna be?
408
00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,296
I'm gonna--
409
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,298
Don't tell me.
I don't care.
410
00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:38,475
And, Jeff, don't tell anyone
about the upper decking.
411
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,651
It'll make my joke
less funny.
412
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:43,393
Jeff, Francine's
being a beta.
413
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,482
Ah!
414
00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:48,485
JEFF: [thinking]
One good decision.
415
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:51,314
What are you doing
with your eyes?
416
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:54,317
I'm looking for stuff.
417
00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:57,146
Should we be looking
for stuff, too?
418
00:16:57,146 --> 00:17:00,149
I have a ton of leggings.
419
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:04,849
I mean, you guys have a ton
of leggings to get rid of.
420
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:08,288
So I'm thinking we need
something big.
421
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:10,855
[triumphant music plays]
422
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,947
Wait a minute.
The game!
423
00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:17,862
You thinking massive
FanDuel bet?
424
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:20,517
Mr. S, can you
get some helicopters?
425
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:23,085
Sure, I still know
some guys at the CIA.
426
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,913
♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪
427
00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:31,050
♪
428
00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:35,097
It all comes down to this.
429
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:39,188
If Shiballski makes this kick,
the Sharks win the championship!
430
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:42,278
The ball is snapped,
the kick is up, it's...
431
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:44,106
- [helicopter blades whirring]
- ...blown wide by six
432
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:47,544
cargo helicopters that appear to
be dropping what appear to be
433
00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:50,069
low-quality leggings
on the heartbroken crowd!
434
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,766
- [crowd booing]
- Sharks lose!
435
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:54,029
Sharks lose!
Suck it, Sharks!
436
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:57,163
Cyber Moles forever!
437
00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,079
Now all we have to do
is wait for them
438
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,125
to send in their payments
with all the self-addressed
439
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,301
envelopes we attached!
440
00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:11,568
Here's your mail.
441
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:13,396
It's just
a tree-trimming flyer.
442
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,006
Damn.
443
00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:17,661
Actually, let me see that.
444
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,186
They just stole
all our leggings?
445
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:23,319
[horn honks]
446
00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,801
No one wants your
shitty leggings.
447
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:30,500
Here's a big-ass bill
for the cleanup.
448
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:34,113
[wails, sobs]
449
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,898
[sobs]
450
00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:39,030
This is all my fault!
451
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,510
No, it's my fault!
452
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:42,338
I'm a fraud!
453
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,471
I didn't sell any leggings!
454
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:48,344
All my sales receipts
were made up! [sobs]
455
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,738
Oh, wow, we should've
done that.
456
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:54,133
I just wanted to
prove you all wrong,
457
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,657
show you I could make
good decisions.
458
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,616
I ruined this family!
459
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:01,444
And I robbed a bank!
460
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:03,707
Cool.
461
00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:06,493
[sobbing]
Put me out of my misery!
462
00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,103
Kill me!
463
00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:11,628
Cut off my head
and don't call an ambulance!
464
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:13,456
Core team, huddle up.
465
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:17,156
[whispering indistinctly]
466
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,550
Sorry, Jeff, that's not going
to be possible right now.
467
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:24,989
You made some bad decisions,
but we all did.
468
00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:26,948
This is not your fault.
469
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:28,558
It's not really
any of our faults.
470
00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:31,213
- What do you mean?
- I don't know.
471
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:34,695
No, you're right,
it's not our faults.
472
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:38,568
I'll tell you whose fault it
is-- multi-level marketing!
473
00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:41,267
Yeah, they lure you in
with big promises
474
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:44,226
and self-improvement jargon,
and then they suck you dry.
475
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,488
Who sucks you dry?
476
00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:47,055
They prey on suckers!
477
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,317
Like us.
478
00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:50,058
And the only way to get
out of it
479
00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,582
is to find
an even bigger sucker.
480
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:59,894
Ding-dang! 80% margins?
I feel like a thief!
481
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:02,897
Now you sure you want to sell me
all these gorgeous leggings?
482
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:04,638
I mean, they're gorgeous!
483
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:05,682
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
484
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:06,727
- Yep.
- Yes.
485
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:07,902
- Definitely.
- Please take them.
486
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:10,252
Money's been tight lately.
Ma moved in.
487
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,514
She's sick.
488
00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:12,863
The medical bills
are crippling what with
489
00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:15,214
the dialysis every day.
Don't ask.
490
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,694
But with this new
revenue stream,
491
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,696
our prayers
have been answered!
492
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,485
God, I'm so happy
I could sing!
493
00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:27,878
♪ It's goin' down ♪
494
00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:30,185
♪ I'm yellin' timber! ♪
495
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,624
I'd like to propose a toast.
496
00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:37,105
Thanks for letting me
order the "sal-man."
497
00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:40,239
Not really a toast,
but I'll drink to it.
498
00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,724
Here. Have half
my sandwich.
499
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,291
Thanks, Babe.
500
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:53,295
You know, I guess I have made
one really good decision.
501
00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:54,644
My wife!
502
00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,211
Aww.
503
00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:58,257
Have a great night!
504
00:20:58,307 --> 00:21:02,857
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35884
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
