All language subtitles for The.Anniversary.Party.2001.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX] eng

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BREATHE DEEPLY.

RELAX YOUR SHOULDERS.

COME. STANDING UP.

- LEGS TOGETHER.
-
( phone ringing )

RAISE YOUR ELBOWS,
BEND THE KNEES,

LEGS THREE FEET APART.

- Woman:
Joe, it's Lucy.
- LONG WAIST. LENGTHEN.

Pick up the phone.

Joe, I'd love to talk to you
before I go.

GO WHERE?

It's a damn nuisance
you're not here, big brother.

- INHALE.
-
Please, baby, call me.

- COME ALL THE WAY OUT.
-
It's the black sheep here.

LEGS TOGETHER.
ARMS BY YOUR SIDE.

-
I love you madly.
- ( answering machine beeps )

LIFT THE ELBOWS,
BEND THE KNEES,

LEGS WIDE APART.
ARMS OVER HEAD.

RIGHT FOOT IN,
LEFT FOOT OUT.

( women speaking in Spanish )

KEEP BREATHING.

KEEP BREATHING.

INHALE ALL THE WAY UP.

OTHER SIDE.

( women speaking loudly )

ARCH YOUR MIDDLE BACK.
LIFT FROM THE WAIST.

INHALE LIGHTLY TOGETHER.

AMERICA, COULD YOU JUST--?

SORRY.

THANK YOU, AMERICA.

Instructor:
LONG ARMS.

-
DOWNWARD DOG.
-
( phone ringing )

- GOOD BOY, OTIS.
- BREATHE DEEPLY.

Woman:
Hi, Dr. Harmon calling
for Sally Therrian.

Please call the office
at your earliest convenience.

The doctor is available
until 6:00 p.m. this evening,

and then tomorrow
from 9:00 a.m. until--

HELLO.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
I'M HERE.

AND...?

SO, I'M OKAY?
THAT'S GOOD.

NO, I FEEL FINE.

ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THAT'S IT.
KEEP BREATHING.

BUTTOCKS AWAY
FROM THE WALL.

NO LUCK.

OH, WELL,
WE'LL HAVE TO TRY AGAIN.

SOUND LIKE A PLAN?

COME DOWN.

COME ONTO YOUR BACKS.

FINAL TWIST.

OPEN YOUR ARMS...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,
BABY.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

CHANGE SIDES.

( speaking in Spanish )

( singing )
♪♪ ADIOS, MADRE DEL CIELO... ♪♪

♪♪ MADRE DEL SALVADOR... ♪♪

♪♪ ADIOS, ADIOS, ADIOS... ♪♪

WHAT?

YOU DIDN'T KISS ANYONE
ELSE'S KNEES, DID YOU?

DID YOU?

I MISSED THAT.

I MISSED
ALL OF YOU.

WE'RE OKAY,
AREN'T WE?

- WE'RE GREAT.
- I MEAN, YOU'RE REALLY BACK?

FOR GOOD.

-
( phone ringing )
- OH, SHIT.

- DON'T GET IT.
- I HAVE TO. IT MAY BE CLAIR.

THEY'RE THREATENING
NOT TO COME.

- WHAT?
- THEY CAN'T FIND A SITTER.

( Joe huffs,
ringing continues )

I JUST--

HELLO?

EXCUSE ME?

HOLD ON.
NO, NO, NO, JUST--

HOLD ON A SECOND.

IT'S, UH...
SKYE DAVIDSON,

SHE NEEDS DIRECTIONS
TO THE HOUSE.

YOU INVITED
SKYE-FUCKING-DAVIDSON

TO OUR ANNIVERSARY PARTY?

I'M SORRY,
I MEANT TO TELL YOU.

IT'S THE ONLY CHANCE
I HAD TO MEET HER.

YOU INVITED SKYE DAVIDSON
TO OUR ANNIVERSARY PARTY,

I DIDN'T EVEN
INVITE MY MOTHER.

SALLY, I'M SORRY,

SHE GOES ON LOCATION
TOMORROW.

- I CAN'T KEEP HER ON HOLD.
- OH, NO, OF COURSE NOT.

IT'S SKYE-FUCKING-DAVIDSON,
FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

YOU WANT ME
TO UNINVITE HER?

NO. NO, NO, NO.

I MEAN, HOW OLD IS SHE?
TWENTY-FUCKING-TWO?

SHE'S A STINKING,
FUCKING ACTRESS,
FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Joe:
SKYE, HELLO.

( Joe laughs )

YEAH, IT'S OUR SIXTH,
ACTUALLY.

OH, YOU READ
THE NOVEL AGAIN?

NO, THE END OF CHAPTER SIX
IS JUST NOT FILMIC.

NO. WE DID TRY IT
IN AN EARLIER DRAFT,

BUT IT'S JUST NOT FILMIC.

YUP, OF COURSE WE CAN
LOOK AT IT AGAIN, YEAH.

OKAY, IF YOU'RE COMING
FROM LAUREL

YOU GO WEST ON SUNSET,

AND THEN PAST
WILL ROGERS STATE PARK.

GO UP ABOUT THREE-QUARTERS
OF A MILE,

AND IT'S A BIG WHITE THING
ON THE LEFT.

UM, WELL... NO.

I'M SURE THEY ARE
WELL BEHAVED, I'M SURE.

BUT IT'S JUST THAT ALL OUR
FRIENDS HAVE GOT DOGS

AND IF THEY ALL BROUGHT THEM

THEN WE'D BE OUTNUMBERED,
SO WE'VE PUT A BAN ON IT.

SORRY.

I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO MEETING YOU, TOO, SKYE.

AND I'M THRILLED YOU'RE WILLING
TO MAKE THIS LEAP WITH ME.

I'M ETERNALLY
GRATEFUL, ACTUALLY.

I'M GOING
TO THROW UP.

I CAN'T IMAGINE
ANYONE ELSE PLAYING JENNA.

REALLY?

Woman:
I WANTED TO BE HERE
EARLY FOR SALLY.

Man:
YOU WERE
SCREAMING AT ME.

SO WHAT IF I WAS SCREAMING?
YOU'RE ALWAYS SCREAMING AT ME.

- HEY!
- HI, THERE.

- YOU'RE EARLY.
- WE'RE SO EARLY, SORRY.

YOU HAVE TO SIGN
YOUR TAXES ANYWAY.

OF COURSE, WE DO!

Joe:
YOU CAN NEVER BE
TOO EARLY OR TOO THIN.

HOW ARE YOU?

- I'LL TAKE THAT, SHALL I?
- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BUDDY.

SIX MONTHS AGO,
WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT?

WELL, NOT ME,
TO BE HONEST.

DON'T YOU FUCK UP AGAIN.
IT'S GOT A RIPPLE EFFECT.

SALLY SUFFERS,
WE ALL SUFFER.

- WE HAVE A GIFT.
- OH, YEAH.

- WOULD YOU LIKE CHAMPAGNE?
- LOVELY.

- WE CLOSED.
- FANTASTIC. COME OUTSIDE.

THE HOUSE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.

THOSE WATER LILLIES,
THEY'RE... BEAUTIFUL.

JOE OFFICIALLY OWNS
NUMBER FOUR CHEYNE WALK,

CHELSEA, LONDON, ENGLAND.
NO SMALL DOING.

- YOU'RE A GENIUS. I LOVE YOU.
- WELL, YES, I SUPPOSE I AM.

THAT'S QUITE A GIFT.

I'M NOT SURE IT'S
IN YOUR BEST INTEREST.

I ADORE HIM.

THE REALTOR WILL BE HERE
IN THE MORNING.

THIS HOUSE HAS TO GO ON
THE MARKET TO INSURE
THE LONDON FLAT.

- I KNOW. DON'T SPOIL IT.
- WHAT YOU EARN HAS TO DOUBLE

- TO COVER EXPENSES IN LONDON.
- WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.

WE ONLY MADE HALF
YOUR QUOTE THIS YEAR.

YOU'RE A TOWER
OF SUPPORT, JERRY.

I'M SORRY. I WORRY
BECAUSE YOU DON'T.

BESIDES,
I'M FEELING GUILTY.

I WOULD HAVE LIKED IT
IF YOU'D WAITED

UNTIL YOU TWO
WERE A LITTLE MORE
ON SOLID GROUND.

WE COULDN'T BE
ON MORE SOLID GROUND.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

LISTEN, I LOVE YOU.

( Joe yells )
OTIS, NO BARKING!

JOE'S HUGE IN EUROPE.
HE'S LIKE A ROCK STAR
IN LONDON.

- HIS NOVELS SELL MILLIONS.
- NOT MILLIONS.

- HE'S DIRECTING NOW.
- THEY'RE PAYING HIM SCALE.

HE GETS HUGE ADVANCES
ON HIS NOVELS.

HE'S GOING BACK TO THAT.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE
HATES IT HERE.

THERE'S STILL TIME
TO UNDO ALL OF THIS.

WE'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

I LOVE GIFTS.

- WHAT DID YOU GET US?
- YOU CAN EXCHANGE IT.

OH.

WELL, GOOD.

CONGRATULATIONS
ON THE DEAL!

HOW EXCITING!

IS SALLY
DOING "SALLY"?

I MEAN, IT'S SALLY,
ISN'T IT?

THE CHARACTER
THAT'S BASED ON SALLY?

THE CHARACTER
THAT'S BASED ON SALLY
IN THE BOOK?

THE NOVEL.

NO, SKYE DAVIDSON'S
PLAYING THE LEAD.

OH, MY GOD!
I'M A HUGE
SKYE DAVIDSON FAN.

- SHE'S VERY BEAUTIFUL.
- YEAH, SHE IS.

BUT I'M RIGHT, YES?
IT'S BASED ON SALLY?

- IT'S A NOVEL.
- OH.

WELL, UH--

- LET'S DROP IT.
- YEAH.

- DID YOU INVITE THEM?
- THE ROSES?

- AND OF COURSE THEY SAID YES.
- THAT WAS THE PLAN...

AND YOU'RE THRILLED
THAT THEY'RE COMING.

- WHATEVER YOU SAY.
- DID YOU TELL JOE TO BEHAVE?

YES!

- DID HE PROMISE?
- SCOUT'S HONOR.

OH, HERE.
BEFORE I FORGET,

PUT THIS ON YOUR BOOKSHELF.

YOU ARE OUT
OF YOUR MIND.

YOU JUST DO WHAT
I'M TELLING YOU,
ALL RIGHT?

HOW MUCH BOWING AND SCRAPING
DO YOU EXPECT US TO DO?

IT BEATS A LAWSUIT.

IS YOUR SCRIPT
MUCH LIKE THE NOVEL?

JERRY SAYS
IT'S VERY GOOD.

BUT YOU KNOW,
YOU READ THE NOVEL

AND THEN YOU SEE THE MOVIE,
MOST OF THE TIME YOU'RE LIKE,

"WHAT'S THIS?"
YOU KNOW?

I SOMETIMES FEEL WE'RE
BETTER OFF NOT READING
THE NOVEL AT ALL

BECAUSE WE COME AWAY
WITH THESE EXPECTATIONS

AND THEN, OF COURSE,
WE KNOW HOW IT'S GOING--

- DON'T YOU FIND?
- DON'T I FIND WHAT?

-
( doorbell rings )
- YOU KNOW JERRY.

- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- NICE TO SEE YOU.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

- HEY.
- YOU, I KNOW.

YES, I KNOW.
I'VE HEARD.

JACK? JACK?

JACK, YOU PROMISED.

- DON'T GET SHY.
- OH, JACK--

♪♪ I RECKON I LOVE ♪♪

♪♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ♪♪

♪♪ TO SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ WE'RE GLAD YOU CAME HOME ♪♪

♪♪ DON'T SPLIT UP AGAIN ♪♪

♪♪ 'CAUSE WE LIKE THE FOOD. ♪♪

Joe:
OH, JACK, DID YOU
WRITE THAT YOURSELF?

- ABSOLUTELY!
- ANY HELP AT ALL?

- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- IT HAS YOUR RING.

YOU'VE MET
MY WIFE, JUDY.

WE'VE MET BEFORE.

HEY, CONGRATULATIONS,
BY THE WAY, MAN.

- REALLY WARRANTED.
- Woman:
HE THOUGHT SO.

- WHAT? WHAT?
- THE ACADEMY AWARD YOU WON.

ALTHOUGH WE NEVER WATCH,
'CAUSE SALLY ALWAYS GETS ROBBED.

ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

EVIE HAS A LITTLE
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

Joe:
ANOTHER PRESENT.

- YES, YOU DO.
- I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, SINCE WHEN
ARE YOU SO SHY?

NEVER, HONEY.

OH, HONEY, WE HAVE
ALL SORTS OF SURPRISES.

-
WHERE IS AMERICA?
- SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

- WANT ME TO TAKE YOU?
- I'LL FIND HER MYSELF.

HEY, WHO'D LIKE
TO GO FIND OTIS?

ME!

- I GUESS.
- "I GUESS." HMM.

HE'S THE BEST DOG
IN THE WORLD.

THEY'RE COMING TONIGHT.
NOT MY IDEA.

YEAH, IT'S JERRY'S
WORST IDEA.

- ONE OF MY BETTER IDEAS.
- WHAT? WHAT?

THE NEIGHBORS FROM HELL.
THE KIND THAT LAY IN WAIT.

I'D RATHER MOVE, ACTUALLY.

WOULDN'T I?

YES, YOU WOULD.

OKAY, YOU TWO,
THE LAST ONE TO FIND OTIS

IS A SMELLY OLD BUM.
COME ON.

( music plays within )

♪♪ COME ON, JOIN THE PARTY ♪♪

-
♪♪ HAVE A HEARTY GLASS OF RUM ♪♪
- ( doorbell rings )

♪♪ DON'T EVER THINK
ABOUT TOMORROW ♪♪

♪♪ FOR TOMORROW
MAY NEVER COME... ♪♪

OH.

- HEY.
- HELLO, YOU TWO.

EVIE, JACK...

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE
WHO LIVE NEXT DOOR.

- SAY HELLO.
- HI.

HI.

JACK, COULD YOU CLOSE
THE DOOR, PLEASE?

BECAUSE IF WE LEAVE IT OPEN,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

OTIS WILL RUN OUTSIDE
AND GO INTO THEIR BACK YARD

AND HE'LL BARK AND BARK,

AND THEN EAT THEIR PIT BULL
FOR HIS DINNER.

- IS IT A PIT BULL?
- I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PARTY.

ARE WE GONNA TALK
ABOUT THE DOG THING?

- RYAN, PLEASE. DON'T START.
- WHAT?

NO, NO, NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
HE'S RIGHT.

- HELLO.
- HI.

DOG TALK IS BANNED.

CANINE CONVERSATIONS
ARE COMPLETELY DISCOURAGED.

CAN I GET YOU
A DRINK, OR SOMETHING?

NOT FOR ME,
THANKS.

SOMETHING SOFT?

YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE
SOMETHING SOFT, RYAN?

YEAH, I'M SURE.

OKAY, LET'S GET THEM
A DRINK, SHALL WE?

I DIDN'T START ANYTHING.
DON'T ACT LIKE I DID.

- OKAY, I'M SORRY.
-
MONICA AND RYAN?

- SALLY?
- HI.

- AND YOU MET JOE?
- YEAH.

WELL, SO GLAD
YOU DECIDED TO COME.

WE COULD
HARDLY SAY NO.

- OH?
- MMM.

- OH, THANK YOU.
- I'LL TAKE THAT FROM YOU.

THIS WAS SO UNNECESSARY.
COME ON IN.

I HOPE YOU NOTICE
OTIS ISN'T BARKING AS MUCH.

WE KEEP HIM IN AT NIGHT.

WELL, AT 4:30 TODAY HE BARKED
FOR A SOLID 15 MINUTES.

- I HAVE IT ON TAPE.
- OH, KEEPING A RECORD, ARE YOU?

YEAH. IT'S VERY DISTRACTING
WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO WORK.

- RYAN...
- I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND.

WE LIVE IN A CANYON
AND THE NEIGHBORHOOD
IS FULL OF DOGS.

- IT'S NOT ALWAYS OTIS.
- I KNOW. TODAY IT WAS OTIS.

SO YOU SHOULD KEEP HIM
OUT OF OUR YARD

BECAUSE SHEILA WILL
DEFEND HERSELF.

- RYAN!
- COME. SIT.

- ARE YOU WORKING ON A NEW BOOK?
- YEAH, ACTUALLY.

HE ALWAYS HAS TWO
OR THREE GOING.

REALLY? JOE CAN'T MANAGE
MORE THAN ONE AT A TIME,

- WITH HUGE GAPS IN BETWEEN.
- ( doorbell rings )

- YOU GUYS LOSE SOMETHING?
-
THERE'S OUR SNOOKUMS NOW.

WELL, I HAVEN'T WON A BOOKER,
EITHER, OR A WHITBREAD.

- GATE WAS OPEN.
- NOT YET. THE GATE WAS OPEN?

IT'S SORTED OUT.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I THINK RYAN NEEDS
A NEW PUBLISHER.

HE'S OUTGROWN
HIS PUBLISHER.

THEY'RE NOT DOING
THEIR JOB.

- HORS D'OEUVRE, OR SOMETHING?
- YES! GREAT.

THE HOUSE
IS BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU. I UNDERSTAND
YOU'RE AN INTERIOR DECORATOR.

- I SO WISH I'D KNOWN.
- WHOEVER DID THIS IS AMAZING.

I DID IT.
OTE, BOY.

WHERE CAN I
PUT THESE?

OH, NOT THERE.

OH, GOD,
WHAT A FUCKING DAY.

I ONLY JUST GOT
A FUCKING SITTER.

I DON'T KNOW HER
FROM FUCKING ADAM.

SHE COULD BE A SERIAL KILLER.
WE'LL HAVE TO CALL EVERY
10 MINUTES.

YOU HAVE TO LET ME
GIVE OUT THE NUMBER.

SHE ALREADY HAS.

THAT'S OKAY, RIGHT?

OF COURSE,
IT'S OKAY.

- CLAIR'S A HOVERING MOTHER.
- NO, I'M NOT.

MONICA AND RYAN,
THIS IS CLAIR AND MAC.

- NICE.
- OH, AND FOR US, TRULY.

- REALLY?
- OH, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

I HAVE A 4:30 A.M. CALL.

SO, WE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE
A LITTLE EARLY.

- WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING HIM?
- WHAT?

- WHAT?
- WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING HIM?

BECAUSE HE'S ALLERGIC...

- TO OTIS, TO DANDER.
- OH.

- DIDN'T I SAY?
- WELL, PROBABLY.

THEY CAN TELL
FROM THE EYELASHES.

HE HAS EYELASHES
YAY LONG.

MUST BE A FOOT LONG,
HIS EYELASHES.

I GUESS THE OLDER YOU ARE
WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY,

THE MORE LIKELY
THAT STUFF IS TO CROP UP.

OR SO THEY TELL ME.

NOT SOON ENOUGH,
OF COURSE.

HOW ARE YOU, SAL?

HOW ARE YOU?

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

GOD, HAVING A BABY
CHANGES EVERYTHING--

YOUR WHOLE PERSPECTIVE,
DOESN'T IT?

DOESN'T IT, MAC?

YOU CAN'T BE THE CENTER
OF YOUR OWN WORLD ANYMORE.

IT'S AN OBJECT LESSON
IN GRACE.

AH! THERE HE IS.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.

EXCUSE ME.
CAL CALLS.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING, JER?
HEY, JUDY.

WELL, WELL, WELL,
LOOK WHO'S ON TIME FOR A CHANGE.

MY LEADING MAN.

YOU HAVE YOUR STUDIO
START PAYING ME MY PRICE,

AND I'LL START
BEING ON TIME.

- IS THAT WHAT IT TAKES?
- YEAH.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT,
YOU DIDN'T.

YOU FUCKING DIDN'T.
THIS IS THEIR ANNIVERSARY.

IS NOTHING SACRED?
YOU BRING DAILIES TO A PARTY?

HOW WAS I
IN THE FUCKING THINGS?

I'M WORKING.
YOU WERE SO FUNNY
IN THE KITCHEN SCENE.

TAKE THREE?
WHERE THE SILVERWARE
ACCIDENT HAPPENED?

- YOU GOT TO USE TAKE THREE.
- NOTHING YOU DO IS AN ACCIDENT.

- ( Sally whispering )
- OKAY.

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- GREAT.

THANKS, SALLY.

ANYWAY--

I DIDN'T PLAN IT.
I SET UP THE POSSIBILITY
FOR IT HAPPENING.

YOU'RE THE GUY WHO PLANS
SHOTS UP MY FUCKING NOSE.

THESE ARE NOT THE WINDOWS
OF THE SOUL-- THESE ARE.

( chattering )

HI.

HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M THE HIRED HELP.
- FUCK YOU.

I NEVER PUT MYSELF
IN HARM'S WAY.

- NOT ANYMORE.
- NOT ANYMORE.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

Man:
WE ALL VOWED IF WE GET

DICKED AROUND FOR AN HOUR,
WE'D STEAL SOMETHING.

IF THEY GIVE US THE JOB,
WE GIVE THEM BACK.

HEY, I'M REALLY GLAD
YOU GUYS CAME.

SURE YOU DON'T WANT
SOMETHING TO DRINK?

OH MY GOD, AMERICA JUST TOLD ME
THE NEIGHBORS ARE COMING!

- AND HERE THEY ARE.
- OH!

SHE WAS JUST SAYING
HOW HAPPY YOU WERE

TO FINALLY,
FINALLY HAVE THEM OVER.

BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE SO...
SO INTROSPECTIVE...

AND SHY...

YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT
AGES AGO, BASICALLY.

WELCOME.
I'M SOPHIA GOLD.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET
MY HUSBAND, CAL?

- CAL GOLD?
- THE VERY ONE.

- YES, I'D BE THRILLED.
- WELL, THEN HE'LL BE THRILLED.

( softly )
...HE WON'T.

- WILL YOU COME HELP ME?
- YEAH.

HEY, IS THAT FOR US?

YOUR MOTHER ALWAYS SAID
YOU WERE A CLEVER CHILD.

- CAN I OPEN IT?
- AI-YI-YI!

- PLEASE?
- WELL GO ON THEN.

YOU'RE FUCKING
IMPOSSIBLE.

OH, GINA--

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
REALLY, REALLY.

I'M GLAD
YOU LIKE IT.

I LOVE YOU, GINA TAYLOR.

LOOK AT THIS LITTLE FACE.
IT'S SO SWEET.

- IT REMINDS ME OF MOROCCO.
- WITH THAT DONKEY.

OH, THAT WAS SO FUNNY.

DON'T MOVE.

( conversing )

-
IF YOU NEED ANY WORK DONE--
-
YEAH, I'LL GIVE YOU MY CARD.

Cal:
OH, YEAH.

YOU GOT
STARBUCK FINDER?

STARBUCK FINDER?
ABSOLUTELY.

( cell phone ringing )

HELLO. YES, FRANK.

YES, HE CAN CALL ME
ON MONDAY.

NO, I'M OKAY, OKAY?

THANK YOU.

I DON'T WANT IT.

YOU LOOK SO WELL, CLAIR.
A WRAITH.

YOU THINK SO?

I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT A LOT
SINCE THE BABY,

AND I'VE BEEN WORKING,
WHICH TAKES ITS TOLL.

OH.

I'M GLAD THAT'S
ALL OVER FOR ME.

YOU DON'T MISS IT?

- NEVER.
- REALLY?

- NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND.
- REALLY?

CAL CAN HAVE
ALL THAT.

WHERE'S YOUNG JONAH?

WITH A SITTER.

HE'S WITH A SITTER.
WITH A SENSATIONAL SITTER.

WE REALLY LOVE HER.
SHE'S LIKE A SECOND MOM.

JONAH'S REALLY
COMFORTABLE WITH HER.

SHE'S AMAZING
WITH KIDS.

- GREAT.
- OH, OW!

OH, GOD!
WHAT IS IT?

WHAT'S WRONG?

MY BEEPER.

IT'S SO THE SITTER
CAN ALWAYS REACH ME,

BECAUSE I'M NOT USED
TO LEAVING HIM ALONE YET.

YOU SHOULD HAVE
JUST BROUGHT HIM.

NO, HE'S ALLERGIC TO DANDER,
TO OTIS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES?

PICTURES.
I DON'T HAVE
ANY PICTURES NOW.

THEY'RE IN MY TOTE,
AND MY TOTE IS IN MY TRAILER.

I DON'T HAVE ANY PICTURES--
BUT HE'S MAC.

HE IS MAC
ALL OVER AGAIN.

IMAGINE MAC
TWO AND A HALF FEET TALL,

THAT'S JONAH.

THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN
NEED ME FOR THIS BIRTH.

YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

- NO, I'M NOT.
- YES, YOU ARE.

YOU THINK SO?

YOU KNOW WHAT
I CAN'T THINK?

I CAN'T THINK HOW
YOU GAVE IT ALL UP.

ARE YOU OKAY, CLAIR?

I'M FINE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

YOU WORRY ABOUT--

-
I'M OKAY.
- OKAY.

OH, GOD!
THE DOG.

YEAH, I KNOW
IT SOUNDS HYSTERICAL,

BUT OTIS RUBBED UP AGAINST ME
AND I'D LIKE TO CHANGE

INTO SOMETHING OF YOURS.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

HE'S SO ALLERGIC,
IT'S TERRIFYING.

BORROW WHATEVER
YOU LIKE.

I'LL CHANGE BACK,
RIGHT BEFORE WE LEAVE.

WHATEVER YOU LIKE.

I'M AFRAID IT'S ALL
GOING TO BE TOO BIG
FOR YOU.

Sally:
ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT, CLAIR?

I'M FINE.
I'M JUST A LITTLE STRESSED,

AND I'VE BEEN TAKING PILLS
TO GET MY WEIGHT DOWN
SINCE THE BABY.

I'D SAY
IT WAS DOWN.

THE DOCTOR SAID THEY MIGHT
MAKE ME A LITTLE JUMPY.

I'VE GOT A GHASTLY HEADACHE,
ACTUALLY.

DO YOU WANT
A TYLENOL?

I'D LOVE A XANAX.
YOU KNOW WHAT, SALLY?

PLEASE DON'T TELL SOPHIA
I'M NOT BREAST-FEEDING.

WHY WOULD SHE CARE?

YOU KNOW SOPHIA,

SHE'S SO DAMN JUDGMENTAL
AND PERFECT

AND FUCKING SERENE,
SO DON'T TELL HER.

BECAUSE I CAN FEEL MAC
COMPARING AND--

JUST DON'T
FUCKING TELL HER.

YOU'VE GOT TO LAY OFF
THE PILLS.

- DON'T TELL HER.
- IT'S NOT GONNA COME UP.

( doorbell rings )

HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

- YOU KNOW HOW I AM.
- DID SHE CALL?

SHE'LL NEVER CALL AGAIN.
SHE CALLED ME LAST WEEK

TO TELL ME THAT
SHE'LL NEVER CALL AGAIN.

- WHERE'S SALLY?
-
HERE I AM!

PANES, MY LOVE.

GOOD, YOU BROUGHT YOUR VIOLIN.
I WANT YOU TO PLAY.

ACTUALLY, IT'S A MACHINE GUN.
I THOUGHT I'D KILL MYSELF.

- ARE YOU LOVESICK?
- SUICIDAL.

- IT'S MUCH LESS CO-DEPENDENT.
- WILL CHAMPAGNE HELP?

- NOT ENOUGH.
- PANES IS HERE, EVERYBODY.

- OH, GREAT.
- All: PANES!

...PANES.

HELLO.

- SKYE!
- HI.

YOU'RE JOE.
I RECOGNIZE YOU
FROM THE BOOK JACKET.

HOW DO YOU DO?

I LOVE THAT.

I'M SO HAPPY
TO BE INVITED

AND I APOLOGIZE
FOR INVADING,

BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY
THAT YOU ASKED ME TO.

I'M JUST REALLY TOUCHED,

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW PRIVATE
YOU AND SALLY ARE.

OH, WELL, YES.
IT'S JUST US...

AND A FEW HUNDRED
OF OUR CLOSEST FRIENDS.

WHEN I READ
YOUR WORK,

I FELT AS IF
YOU KNEW ME.

I MEAN, WOMEN MUST
TELL YOU THAT.

THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR
REALLY...

REALLY SPEAKS TO ME.

I
AM
JENNA.

GOD, WOMEN MUST
TELL YOU THAT ALL THE TIME.

AND THE SCRIPT--
IT'S WONDERFUL.

IT'S WONDERFUL...
AND LEAN AND VISUAL.

I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE IT

AND I'M SO RELIEVED
YOU SAID YES.

AND I'M SO... WHAT?

YES, ACTUALLY, I AM.

I'M THRILLED
TO FINALLY MEET YOU.

WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO BE
A REMARKABLE DIRECTOR.

A BRILLIANT DIRECTOR.

I THINK
YOU'RE MY FIRST GODDESS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT BITCH
IS IN MY HOUSE!

YOU DON'T KNOW
SHE'S A BITCH.

ARE YOU BLIND?
SHE WAS ALL OVER HIM.

-
IT COULD BE WORSE.
- HOW?

SHE COULD BE PLAYING
THE PART IN JOE'S MOVIE
THAT SHOULD BE YOURS--

- AND FUCK YOU.
- YOU SEE? THAT'S WORSE.

I WANTED TONIGHT TO BE
JUST THE PEOPLE WE LOVE.

LIKE YOUR
BUSINESS MANAGERS?

THEY'RE NOT JUST
OUR BUSINESS MANAGERS, PANES.

OKAY, FORGIVE ME.
YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE HERE--

EXACTLY!
IT'S ALL RUINED.

IT'S NOT ALL RUINED.
IT'S ONE OF YOUR PARTIES.

I DON'T WANT IT TO BE
JUST ONE OF OUR PARTIES.

"AND HOW ARE YOU DOING, PANES?"
LOUSY, THANK YOU.

- I'M FALLING APART.
- LIKE THE LAST TIME. AH--

IT'S NOT LIKE THE LAST TIME.
SHE WAS THE REST OF MY LIFE.

- LIKE THE LAST TIME.
- I WASN'T FINISHED.

- OKAY.
- "WE CAN'T STAND...

SEEING YOU LIKE THIS, PANES.
I HATE YOU BEING ALONE,

SO WHY DON'T YOU COME STAY
WITH US FOR A WHILE"?

I'D LOVE TO. THANKS.

IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY, PANES.

- I DIDN'T HEAR ME SAY TONIGHT.
- WE'RE FEELING OUR WAY BACK!

"...OTHERWISE WE'D INSIST
ON YOU BEING HERE."

- YOU KNOW THAT'S TRUE.
- OH, I'M INTERRUPTING.

- COME ON IN.
- I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

I'M IN THE SAME ROOM
WITH SALLY NASH.

OH, MY GOD.
YOU ARE MY ICON.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOUR MOVIES
SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

FOUR YEARS AGO, I FOLLOWED YOU
ALL AROUND THE BEVERLY CENTER

FOR HALF A DAY, WORKING UP
THE COURAGE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I DON'T THINK I EVER SPENT HALF
A DAY IN THE BEVERLY CENTER.

OH, GOD. WHATEVER.
DO YOU REMEMBER?

I'VE SEEN
ALL YOUR MOVIES,

AND WHEN I WAS IN REHAB--
THE SECOND TIME--

THEY WOULDN'T EVEN LET US
WATCH YOUR DRUG ADDICT MOVIE

BECAUSE THEY SAID
YOU WERE TOO REAL.

- HUH.
-
I WORSHIP YOU.

AND I COULD NOT
BE MORE FLATTERED
BECAUSE I KNOW

THAT THE PART I AM PLAYING
IN JOE'S MOVIE IS BASED ON YOU

AS A YOUNG WOMAN.
I'M JUST OVERWHELMED.

AND I REALLY WANT
TO DO IT JUSTICE.

I'M HOPING MAYBE WE CAN
SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER.

I'M GUSHING.
IT'S MY WORST QUALITY.

NOT AT ALL.

GOD, I'M REALLY SO RUDE.
I'M SORRY.

- I'M SKYE DAVIDSON.
- LEVI PANES.

GOD, DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU
YOU LOOK LIKE PETER SELLERS?

- NO, NEVER.
- EVERY DAY.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE US, SKYE?
IT'S TIME FOR SALLY'S MEDS.

SURE.

IT WAS REALLY NICE
MEETING YOU... AGAIN.

SHE REMEMBERS ME.

Clair:
YOUR WARDROBE IS INCREDIBLE.

IT TOOK FOREVER TO DECIDE.

AND THANK YOU,
I FOUND DR. X.

YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

OH, SHIT.

I'D CUT OFF HER RED WINE
IF I WERE YOU.

OH SHIT,
IT'S MY GALLIANO.

NO COMO CARNE.
GRACIAS.

( speaking Spanish )

NO, GRACIAS.

DIRECTING SUITS YOU.

I'M NOT SO SURE.
ASK ME AGAIN IN THREE MONTHS.

IT MUST BE NICE
HAVING SO MANY PEOPLE

KISS YOUR ASS
ALL OF A SUDDEN.

OW!

GINA, YOU OBVIOUSLY
NEED TO GET FUCKED.

I JUST DID.
YOU JEALOUS?

AND WHEN DOES HE
GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL?

VERY JEALOUS.

I SAW LUCY WHEN I WAS
PASSING THROUGH LONDON.

SHE SEEMS LIKE
SHE'S DOING OKAY.

IT'S HARD TO TELL
WITH HER, THOUGH.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL HER.
SHE CALLED TODAY.

SHE'S GOING OFF
ON SOME TRIP SOMEWHERE.

OH, GINA, MY GRANDDAD'S FLAT
IN LONDON HAS BEEN SOLD.

OH, NO.

- THE ONE ON CHEYNE WALK?
-
YEAH.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

LUCY IS GONNA HAVE
A MELTDOWN.

I SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT IT.

BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD IT.
AND THIS FILM IS TAKING UP

A YEAR OF MY LIFE
AND I'M GETTING
PAID NOTHING.

- YOU'RE COMPLAINING?
- YES. YES, I AM.

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE,
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
SKYE IS GETTING PAID?

NO.

FOUR MILLION!

SHE GIVES
A MEAN BLOW JOB.

- NO HANDS, INCREDIBLE PROPS.
- YOU REALLY NEED TO GET FUCKED.

HOW ARE YOU
REALLY DOING, PANES?

WHY DON'T YOU GO
FUCK YOURSELF?

NO, REALLY.
FOR REAL, REALLY.

I'M WORRIED
ABOUT YOUR GALLIANO.

- YOU'RE A SHIT.
- HEY!

YOU HURT, YOU KNOW.
YOU'RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK.

HOW'S YOUR MOVIE?

- I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- WHY NOT?

I NEVER LIKE TO TALK
ABOUT MY WORK.

WELL, THAT'S
SOMETHING NEW.

NO, IT'S NOT
SOMETHING NEW.

- SOMETHING'S WRONG.
- NO, NOTHING'S WRONG.

MAC'S A GREAT DIRECTOR,
AND, YOU KNOW,

WHAT CAN ANYONE SAY ABOUT CAL
THAT HASN'T BEEN SAID?

IT'S GREAT
WORKING WITH FRIENDS--

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

SO HOW ARE YOU DOING?

YOU KNOW--

NO REGRETS,

NO SECOND THOUGHTS.

AM I A MONSTER?

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

IS THAT AN ANSWER?

YES, YOU'RE A MONSTER.

THANK YOU, PANES.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO THANK ME.

- OTIE.
- GOOD BOY.

I WISH YOU WERE A MAN.

- AND IT'S A MAC.
- MM-HMM.

YOU CAN'T GET A LICK
OF SOFTWARE FOR IT.

THAT'S SUCH IBM
PROPAGANDA BULLSHIT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE A MOUTHPIECE.

GO. GO.

- GO AWAY.
- ( Otis whimpers )

LET ME.

- THANK YOU.
- I'M JEFFERY.

MONICA.

AND YOU KNOW
OUR FRIENDS HOW?

WE LIVE NEXT DOOR.

- OH, YOU'RE THEM!
- EXCUSE ME?

WE'VE HEARD A LOT
ABOUT YOU.

- YOU HAVE?
-
WHERE'S THE CHAMPAGNE?

IT'S RIGHT IN HERE.

IT'S A LITTLE
CLOSE IN THERE.

YEAH.

YOUR EAMES TABLE
IS INCREDIBLE.

AND THE AXIOM DAY BED.

I JUST PUT THAT
IN A CLIENT'S HOME,

BUT IN CHERRY-- RED.

YOU'RE AN INTERIOR
DECORATOR, RIGHT?

SALLY DID ALL THIS
BY HERSELF?

YEAH, IN FITS
AND STARTS,

AND LATER, OF COURSE,
SHE HAD TO ACCOMMODATE ME,

SO THINGS SHIFTED
A LITTLE--

BECAME A LITTLE MORE...
ECLECTIC.

AND IT'S STILL
CHANGING.

IT SAYS SOMETHING
ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU, MAYBE.

THAT WE'RE IN A CONSTANT
STATE OF FLUX.

I SEE YOU'VE MOVED UP
FROM THE SOFT STUFF.

OH. YEAH.

YOU KNOW, RYAN'S BEEN
SOBER FOR EIGHT YEARS.

SO, IT'S DIFFICULT IF I--
IT'S BETTER IF I DON'T.

I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS, SO--
A LITTLE OUT OF MY ELEMENT.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- YES, IN FACT, I AM,

A LITTLE ON
THE OUTSIDE, YEAH.

AND THERE'S BEEN
ALL OF THIS FRICTION.

THESE MISUNDERSTANDINGS
HAVE A WAY OF ESCALATING.

VERY WELL PUT.

I THINK A LOT OF THIS
COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED

IF SALLY HAD MADE
MORE OF AN EFFORT.

WHAT?

BUT YOU'RE
VERY PRIVATE PEOPLE.

UM, THERE'S SORT OF,
A KIND OF ELITISM--

ELITISM?

WRONG WORD, MAYBE?

DELETE THAT.

AND, YOU KNOW...

- THE DOG BARKS INCESSANTLY.
- HE REALLY DOES NOT.

AND RYAN WORKS AT HOME.

AND YOUR PHONE CALLS
ARE NASTY AND ABUSIVE.

I'VE COME THIS CLOSE
TO SUING YOU FOR HARASSMENT.

THE ONLY REASON
YOU ARE HERE

IS BECAUSE
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SUCKING UP TO YOU!

OH SHIT, I'M SORRY.

THAT'S WHAT RYAN THOUGHT.

I WAS A LITTLE MORE
GENEROUS, ACTUALLY.

SHIT, I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.

JUST DELETE ALL OF THAT,
ALL RIGHT?

I'M A TOTAL FUCKING MANIAC.

SORRY. SORRY.

I WAS TALKING
ON MY BEHALF.

THIS NEEDN'T RUB OFF
ON MY WIFE.

SORRY. SHIT.
IT'S JUST--

I'M WORSE THAN OTIS--
AT LEAST HE DOESN'T BITE.

I REALLY LOVE MY DOG.

AND HE DOESN'T BARK
ALL THE TIME.

WE LIVE IN A CANYON.
WE HEAR DOGS BARKING AT NIGHT

AND IT'S NOT OTIS.

PLEASE DON'T TELL SALLY.

ALL RIGHT.

- EASY, TIGER.
- ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

PLEASE DON'T TELL RYAN
I'VE BEEN DRINKING.

SCOUT'S HONOR.

OH, UM...

WOULD YOU SIGN IT FOR ME?

I KNOW
I BROUGHT A PEN.

OH, HERE.

I KNOW THIS
IS INAPPROPRIATE.

WE'RE WAY PAST
INAPPROPRIATE.

I'LL TREASURE THIS.

- I WILL.
- I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU, NOW.

OOPS. SORRY.

SALLY!

- PANES.
-
"FROM JEWISH FOLK POETRY."

- GOOD.
- SONG CYCLE.

- Mac:
WHAT?
- Sally:
TRUST HIM.

IT'S SHOSTAKOVICH, MAC.
EVER HEAR OF HIM?

-
SANDY.
- "THE WIND-UP BIRD CHRONICLE."

Sally:
GOOD.

-
RYAN?
- I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD THIS.

OH, YEAH.
IT'S AMAZING.

YOU THINK YOU COULD
MAYBE SIGN IT FOR US?

YEAH! ABSOLUTELY.
HERE. HERE.

YOU ALWAYS WONDER
WHERE YOUR BOOKS END UP.

- HEY, WHY DON'T WE USE THIS?
- GOOD IDEA.

NOT A CHANCE IN HELL
ANYONE WILL GET IT.

ONE AT A TIME!
HOLD IT DOWN.

- CAL, YOU'RE LAST.
- WHY?

JUST BECAUSE.
THAT'S SHOW BUSINESS.

- THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS.
- VERY GOOD.

- WHAT'S THAT?
- THE FUNNIES.

IT'S MY MOTHER'S
FAVORITE CHARADES CLUE.
NO ONE EVER GETS IT.

- WITH A "Z."
- OKAY, I VOTE FOR THAT.

( glass clatters )

( guests groan )

- AMERICA!
-
LET'S PLAY. LET'S PLAY.

- WHO'S TIMING?
- I AM.

- Joe: WHO'S GOING TO GO FIRST?
- Sally: PLEASE BE OUR GUEST.

NO, YOU.

ALL RIGHT.
PANESIE IN.

( clapping, chattering )

AND GO!

- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
-
STOMACH. LAUGHING.

- WHAT IS IT, PANES?
- TWO WORDS?

FUNNIES.
IT IS FUNNIES.

- THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS!
- YES!

Jerry: OH, WAIT.
NO, THIS CAN'T GO THIS WAY.

THE HUSBAND'S
ON THE OTHER FUCKING TEAM!

YOUR WIFE IS ON OUR TEAM.
SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- CAN WE SWITCH?
- TAKE IT EASY, JER.

GO, JERRY,
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

WE NEED TO
ESTABLISH RULES.

- NO PROBLEM.
- WE'RE WITH YOU.

- AND GO.
- FUCK YOU.

- AND FUCK YOU.
- AND GO.

- HEY, WOULD YOU?
- IT'S 15 SECONDS.

I DON'T THINK SO!

( guests moan, laugh )

ARE YOU ALWAYS
THIS MUCH FUN?

HEY, WE ONLY GOT 15 SECONDS,
BUT IF YOU NEED MORE,

- JUST GO AHEAD AND PAD IT.
- OKAY, I'M ON IT.

-
MIME IS MONEY.
- I'M READY.

AND... GO!

SONG!

- MOTORCYCLE SONG.
- SPINNING SONG.

- SONG CYCLE.
- SONG CYCLE.

- Gina:
WHAT'S A SONG CYCLE?
- FOUR WORDS.

SECOND WORD.

BEARD.

OH, BEARD.
"LA BARBA."

- WIZENED.
- COME ON, PEOPLE! ALL RIGHT.

- FIRST SYLLABLE.
- Jerry:
SHUT UP!

- ( everyone laughing )
- SHUT UP! BE QUIET.

- FIRST SYLLABLE.
- ONE SYLLABLE!

SOUNDS LIKE... FUCK!

SCHMUCK!

WHAT? FOLK?

"FOLK" DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE "FUCK."

- 30 SECONDS.
- LISTEN, MAN...

FUCKING STOP...

YOU CAN DO IT.
COME ON.

PLEASE TELL HIM TO STOP
FUCKING YELLING AT ME.

SECOND WORD!

PENIS!

MASOCHIST.

WHAT IS THAT?

BEARD? WRITING?
PENIS? CUTTING?

"FROM JEWISH
FOLK POETRY!"

YES!

-
YOU GOT IT, BABY.
-
THAT'S THE MOST RACIST--

A YARMULKE, A BIG NOSE,
A CIRCUMCISION.

- "FROM JEWISH FOLK POETRY."
-
WHO'S NEXT?

- Cal:
WHY DIDN'T I GUESS THAT?
- Skye:
IT'S A SONG CYCLE.

AND...

THAT IS TIME.

ARE YOU ON THE FOURTH WORD,
OR THE FOURTH SYLLABLE?

- FOURTH WORD.
- JUDY, IT'S TIME. FUCKING TIME!

JAWOHL!
WHAT ARE YOU,
A FUCKING NAZI, JERRY?

IT'S FUCKING TIME, BABY!

YOUR HAMSTRING.
YOUR LEG.

NOBODY KNOWS
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

YOUR KNEE?
YOUR ANKLE? WHAT?

JUST GO TO THE SECOND
SYLLABLE!

GO TO THE
SECOND
SYLLABLE!

WOULD YOU JUST MOVE ON
TO THE FUCKING SECOND SYLLABLE,

- YOU STUPID CUNT?!
- ( gasping )

THAT IS SO
OUT OF HAND.

TIME!

Mac:
THAT'S ANOTHER BUCK 20!

SHIT. IT'S ONE OF CAL'S.
OBSCURE SHAKESPEARE, FOLKS.

-
COME ON.
-
YOU'RE A MONSTER.

-
10 WORDS?
- 20?

29 WORDS...?

IT'S SO SIMPLE.

GIVE THEM
THE KEY WORD.

FIRST WORD. GREAT.

-
( everyone shouting )
-
TIME!

NO WAY! GOD!
WHAT WAS THAT?

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA
WHAT IT IS.

- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
- RYAN'S NOVEL.

- RYAN'S NOVEL?
- RYAN'S NOVEL, JERRY.

WHO THE FUCK
IS RYAN?

DINNER.
GET UP, GUYS.

I'M SORRY
I CALLED YOU A CUNT.

I'M INVITED TO A HOUSE
OF CHEATERS.

CHEATERS. CHEATERS.
CHEATERS.

WAIT HERE
FOR THE LEFTOVERS.

-
I JUST NEED TO GET DRUNKER.
-
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

-
THANKS FOR NOTHING.
-
FORK.

- HEY, ASTRID.
- HEY. WHO WON?

- A TRIUMPH.
- AS USUAL.

WHEN DID YOU
GET HERE?

- JUST 10, 15 MINUTES AGO.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU COME IN?

- I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT.
- WHAT A CUTE LITTLE DOG.

CAREFUL, SHE HAS
JEALOUSY ISSUES.

BUT THAT'S NOT
WHAT I HEARD, CAL.

THAT'S REVOLTING,
ASTRID.

WHAT I HEARD...

IS THERE
SPACE HERE?

GREAT.

CAN I GET YOU
ANYTHING ELSE?

-
FOOD? NO? YOU'RE OKAY?
- NO. I'M OKAY. THANKS.

THAT WAS MY CLUE,
YOU KNOW?

THE SHOSTAKOVICH THING?

- REALLY?
- HOW DID YOU KNOW
ABOUT THAT?

( with mock Indian accent )
NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW
ABOUT SHOSTAKOVICH.

YES, HE WAS
A FANTASTIC COMPOSER.

AND HE HAD TERRIBLE DYSENTERY,
BUT STILL,

HE'S NOT THAT FAMOUS
ALL THE TIME.

WHICH SYMPHONY
DO YOU LIKE THE MOST?

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
THE ONE THAT GOES

BOOMDIDDY-BOOMDIDDY,
BOOMDIDDY BOOM?

BOOMDIDDY
BOOMDIDDY BOOM.

( piano playing,
bell rattling )

( clapping )

PART OF OUR GIFT, HONEY.

Cal:
A TOAST TO SALLY AND JOE.

"AH, LOVE, LET US BE TRUE
TO ONE ANOTHER,

FOR THE WORLD,

WHICH SEEMS TO LIE BEFORE US
LIKE A LAND OF DREAMS,

SO VARIOUS,
SO BEAUTIFUL, SO NEW,

HATH REALLY NEITHER JOY,

NOR LIGHT, NOR LOVE,

NOR CERTITUDE,
NOR PEACE,

NOR HELP FOR PAIN.

AND WE ARE HERE
AS ON A DARKLING PLAIN

SWEPT WITH CONFUSED ALARUMS
OF STRUGGLE AND FLIGHT

WHERE IGNORANT ARMIES
CLASH BY NIGHT."

SALLY AND JOE.

MY DAUGHTER EVIE AND I
HAVE PUT TOGETHER

A LITTLE BALLETIC LOVE POEM
IN THEIR HONOR.

"THE BALLAD
OF SALLY AND JOE."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

- OKAY?
- YEAH, I'M READY.

WAIT HERE.

BRAVA! BRAVA!

( guitar playing )

♪♪ HAVE YOU EVER SEEN LOVE
LIKE THIS? ♪♪

♪♪ EVER WITNESSED
MARITAL BLISS? ♪♪

♪♪ THERE IT IS
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ♪♪

♪♪ DON'T YOU KNOW
YOU COULD HAVE IT TOO? ♪♪

♪♪ SALLY, SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ GOING SIX YEARS STRONG ♪♪

♪♪ WHAT'S THE SECRET
TO YOUR SUCCESS? ♪♪

♪♪ DOES IT HAPPEN
WHEN YOU UNDRESS? ♪♪

♪♪ GET IT ON
IN A MAJOR WAY ♪♪

♪♪ MAKING BABIES
THE NATURAL WAY ♪♪

-
♪♪ MAKE ONE, MAKE ONE... ♪♪
-
♪♪ SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ DO IT, DO IT, DO IT ♪♪

♪♪ SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ FEELS SO GOOD,
CAN'T BE WRONG ♪♪

-
♪♪ WEAR A THONG ♪♪
- ( laughter )

♪♪ LIGHT UP A BONG ♪♪

♪♪ BANG A GONG ♪♪

♪♪ DO WHATEVER IT TAKES ♪♪

-
♪♪ GET IT ON ♪♪
- ♪♪ LOVE IS REAL. ♪♪

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

WE LOVE YOU.

...TWO FOR THE PRICE
OF ONE.

AND HAVING LIVED
WITH AN ACTRESS NOW
FOR SIX YEARS,

I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND
DIRECTING THEM
A PIECE OF CAKE.

SO, GOD BLESS
BOTH OF YOU,

AND HOPEFULLY,
CLAIR AND I WILL BE

A SHINING EXAMPLE
TO YOU

FOR MANY YEARS
TO COME.

GOD BLESS.

♪♪ WE ALL KNOW
HOW VERY DRAINING ♪♪

♪♪ IT IS WHEN SALLY
IS COMPLAINING ♪♪

♪♪ WHEN HER MOOD
IS GRAY OR BLACK ♪♪

♪♪ I'M SO HAPPY
THAT JOE IS BACK. ♪♪

YAY.

♪♪ I'M SO HAPPY
THAT WHAT YOU STARTED ♪♪

♪♪ WON'T END WITH TWO MORE
BROKENHEARTED ♪♪

♪♪ I'M GLAD WHAT'S BUSTED
COULD BE FIXED ♪♪

♪♪ IN TIME TO CELEBRATE
YOUR SIXTH ♪♪

♪♪ AND IF YOU'RE GOOD,
YOU'LL MAKE TO THE 25 ♪♪

♪♪ AND IF YOU'RE LUCKY,
YOU'LL MAKE IT TO THE GOLD ♪♪

♪♪ AND IF YOUR LOVE IS TRUE ♪♪

♪♪ YOU'LL STILL BE TOGETHER
WHEN YOU'RE TERRIBLY OLD ♪♪

♪♪ STILL BE TOGETHER WHEN
YOU'RE SPINDLY AND CREAKY ♪♪

♪♪ AND CRINKLED AND SENILE ♪♪

♪♪ WITH BLADDERS SO LEAKY
AND OLD. ♪♪

I GOT YOU.

TO ONLY HAPPY TIMES,

AND TO LOTS AND LOTS
OF MONEY.

- CHEERS.
- LOTS OF GOOD MONEY.

WE LOVE YOU GUYS.

SALLY, THIS IS
JUST FOR YOU.

JOE, YOU CAN JUST
GO LIKE THIS.

- UM, SO CAN YOU.
- OKAY.

MEN JUST...

ARE JUST
A LOT OF WORK.

AND IT'S REALLY HARD.
AND...

YOU FIGURE OUT THE GAME,

AND YOU PLAY THE GAME,

AND YOU BE STRONG.

AND DON'T PUT UP
WITH ANY SHIT.

HERE'S TO
MAKING IT WORK!

- SIX YEARS.
- HERE'S TO THE SHIT.

SIX MINUTES.

SIX HOURS.

SIX EONS.

Gina:
THIS WOULD BE
MY PHONE BILL.

OKAY, FOR THE BETTER PART
OF THE LAST YEAR

I HAVE RECEIVED COUNTLESS,

ALL-HOUR, HEARTBROKEN,

"I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT,"
TRANSATLANTIC PHONE CALLS

FROM MY VERY DEVASTATED,

VERY CHERISHED
BEST FRIEND, JOE.

BUT IN TYPICAL
JOE FASHION,

HE WOULD CALL ME
AT THE PRECISE MOMENT

WHEN I WASN'T HOME
AND LEAVE THESE

EXCRUCIATING MESSAGES
ON MY MACHINE.

AND WHEN I GOT HOME,
I WOULD CALL HIM BACK RIGHT AWAY

AND WE HAD
SOME OF THE MOST...

PAINFUL CONVERSATIONS
I'VE EVER HAD WITH ANYONE.

YOU KNOW, HE FELT LIKE
HE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE
TO LOVE AGAIN.

HE COULDN'T BEAR TO BE
WITHOUT SALLY,

NOT TO MENTION OTIS,
AND AMERICA.

HE WASN'T EATING,
AND HE COULD HARDLY SLEEP,

AND HE COULD BARELY WRITE,
AND NEEDLESS TO SAY,

NO CONVERSATION WAS
UNDER TWO HOURS.

AND I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART
AFTER THE FIRST HOUR,

TO SAY, "HEY, DO YOU THINK
MAYBE YOU COULD CALL ME BACK?

I'M CALLING LONDON,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD."

BECAUSE I KNEW THAT,
SHOULD MY LIFE UNRAVEL,

THAT YOU WOULD BE THERE
FOR ME.

BUT IN CASE MY LIFE
DOESN'T UNRAVEL,

I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE
MY PHONE BILL OVER HERE

IN CASE YOU WANT
TO PAY ME BACK.

I MEAN, WHEN I KNEW JOE
AS A YOUNG MAN

HE WAS VERY LOVELY,
DELIGHTFUL.

BUT WITH YOU...

UNDER YOUR GAZE,
HE'S MAGNIFICENT.

AND IT'S THAT QUALITY
THAT LETS ME KNOW

THAT YOU WILL BE
A MAGNIFICENT MOTHER.

AND I TRULY WISH THAT
FOR YOU.

JUST WANTED TO, UH...

TO GIVE OUR VERSION
OF A TOAST.

WE'RE NOT EXACTLY
TALENTED, AND, UH--

- YOU'RE THE WRITER.
- YEAH, RIGHT.

WE JUST WANTED TO SAY
HOW PLEASED WE ARE

AND HOW VERY HAPPY
WE GOT A CHANCE
TO COME HERE--

- Monica:
TO BE A PART OF THIS.
- Ryan:
RIGHT.

AND I HOPE
YOU LIKE THE GIFT.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY...

ROMANTIC...

BUT WE THOUGHT
THE DOG COLLAR...

MIGHT BE
REALLY HELPFUL...

IN SILENCING OTIS...

AT THOSE DIFFICULT TIMES.
YOU KNOW, WHATEVER...

IT'LL MAKE--
MAYBE WE CAN...

EASE WHAT'S HAPPENED
BETWEEN US.

THANKS.

CONGRATULATIONS.

FOR UNDERSTANDABLE REASONS,

I DID NOT RECEIVE...

ANY OF THOSE PHONE CALLS.

AND AS I AM...

APPRECIATIVE ON ONE LEVEL...

I ACTUALLY HAVE
MIXED EMOTIONS ABOUT IT,

BEING WHAT JOE AND I
HAVE BEEN THROUGH,

BOTH AT OXFORD
AND HERE IN THE STATES.

I'M HAPPY FOR JOE,
THAT HE HEEDED MY ADVICE

THAT HE SHOULD GO FIND
A NICE, STABLE

AMERICAN ACTRESS
TO SETTLE DOWN WITH.

WOW.

TO THE SUCCESS OF HIS BOOK--
HIS BEAUTIFUL BOOK.

AND I LEARNED TONIGHT--

THE GREEN LIGHT
ON YOUR FILM PRODUCTION.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.
CONGRATULATIONS.

AND TO SALLY--

WHO COULD ASK
FOR A MORE INSPIRED MUSE?

AND I'M SURE THAT
YOU'RE GOING TO...

TRANSCEND JOE'S FIRST ATTEMPT

AT AN ADAPTED SCREENPLAY,

AND BE THE MOST PERFECT,

MOST RADIANT JENNA.
CONGRATULATIONS.

HEAR, HEAR.

( softly )
HE DOESN'T KNOW.

I REALLY WASN'T PREPARED
TO SAY ANYTHING,

BUT I'M VERY HONORED

TO BE A PART OF TONIGHT,

AND IN THE SAME ROOM
WITH MY FAVORITE LIVING ACTRESS,

AND MY FAVORITE
NOVELIST.

AND THIS ROOM IS
SO FILLED WITH LOVE.

AND I BROUGHT
A GIFT OF LOVE.

I BROUGHT A GIFT
THAT IS LOVE.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

THANK YOU.

I THINK
THERE'S 16 THERE.

WHAT IS IT?

OH, WOW, DOLPHINS.
THAT'S GREAT.

- DOLPHINS?
- IT'S ECSTASY.

THANKS, SKYE.

IT'S AN AMAZING PRESENT.
WHAT A SWEETHEART YOU ARE.

WHAT A SWEETHEART
YOU ARE.

Astrid:
IT'S LATE.

YOU SLEEPY, BABY?

I THINK
WE'RE GONNA HIT IT.

HEY, EVERYBODY,

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL
TAKE IT TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

AND EVERYONE
WHO'S STAYING STAYS.

- I'M GOING TO GO.
- YOU'RE NOT COMING.

- JEFFERY, STAY.
- IT'S NOT MY SCENE.

BUT NO DRIVING.
THAT'S THE RULE.
OKAY, EVERYBODY?

SALLY MAE,
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.

IT'S GONNA BE FANTASTIC.

I'M A LITTLE WORRY ABOUT
MY BRAIN AND MY SPINE.

- YOU'RE GONNA BE SO OKAY.
- SOPHIA'S GONNA DO IT.

PANES IS DOING IT.
TRUST ME. IT'LL BE GREAT.

- ARE YOU GOING?
- YEAH. WANNA COME?

- SHE'S STAYING WITH ME.
- SHE WANTS TO COME WITH ME.

GOOD NIGHT, SISSY.
SEE YA.

LOOK AT THESE.
LOOK EVERYBODY.

I HAVE A SPINE QUESTION...

Cal:
♪♪ AMERICA, AMERICA ♪♪

♪♪ THE FOOD WAS SO YUMMY ♪♪

♪♪ I NEED A THING ♪♪

♪♪ EXCUSE ME ♪♪

♪♪ BA-DUM, ECSTASY. ♪♪

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I WANT TO TRY IT.

HERE WE GO.

HEY. LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT.
WATER.

GIVE ME A KISS.

I TOLD YOU YOU'D
LIKE IT, DIDN'T I?

HEY, JERRY,
DRINK LOTS OF WATER.

- THANK YOU.
- JUDY, WATER.

Joe:
EVERYBODY, I'VE GOT WATER,
AND I'VE GOT CHEWING GUM.

-
COME TO ME IF YOU NEED EITHER.
- I LOVE IT HERE.

DON'T YOU
LOVE IT HERE, RYAN?
I LOVE IT HERE.

AND I LOVE TONIGHT.

AND I LOVE
THESE PEOPLE.

THIS FEELS
UTTERLY FANTASTIC.

UTTERLY FANTASTIC.

YOU KNOW WHAT
SALLY WAS SAYING

ABOUT YOUR SPINE
AND YOUR BRAIN?

SHE DIDN'T PULL THAT
OUT OF THIN AIR.

IT CAUSES
BRAIN DAMAGE.

BETTER DRINK
A LOT OF WATER.

- DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME?
- YEAH.

I THINK
YOU SHOULD THEN.

YOU SHOULD LOOK IN
ON SHEILA.

I'M NOT GONNA
LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE.

THEY'RE REALLY
NICE PEOPLE, RYAN.

THEY'RE LIKE US.

THEY'RE NOTHING
LIKE US.

I THINK YOU NEED
TO SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

BUT I THINK YOU'RE
REALLY NICE PEOPLE.

WHAT THE FUCK?

ARE YOU MAKING AN ASS
OUT OF YOURSELF?

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE, RYAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

- YOU NEED--
- I DON'T NEED A DRUG.

YOU NEED
A GOOD REVIEW...

AND YOU'LL BE FINE.

THE WHOLE COLOR OF THE WORLD
WILL CHANGE.

MARK MY WORDS.

READY TO GO?

I'M GOING TO GET
MY BATHING SUIT.

RYAN...?

YOU'RE A GREAT MAN.

THE WATER'S GOOD.

YEAH, I HAVE
FIVE DIVING BATONS.

WHEN I COUNT TO THREE,
EVERYBODY'S GONNA DIVE IN.

- YOU WANT TO DIVE FOR A BATON?
-
THE ORANGE ONE IS 50 POINTS.

I'M PLAYING TOO.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

Mac:
SO, DO YOU HAVE A D.P.?

IS THAT THE CAMERAMAN?

YEAH.

YEAH, THEY GAVE ME
A LIST.

YOU GOT
SKYE DAVIDSON.

THAT'S PRETTY BIG LEAGUES
FOR A FIRST-TIMER.

DO YOU EVEN LIKE MOVIES?

NOT PARTICULARLY.
WEIRD, ISN'T IT?

GOD, I AM SO UP
RIGHT NOW.

-
ARE YOU FEELING IT YET, MAC?
- YEAH, KIND OF.

I HAVE TO JUMP UP
AND DOWN A BIT NOW.

SO HOW'S YOUR FILM GOING?

OH, IT'S GOING.
IT'S GOING.

HOW'S THE DIVA?

WELL, YOU KNOW,
GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS.

NO, I MEANT SALLY.

YEAH, I MEANT SALLY.

- ISN'T IT A FABULOUS PICTURE?
- YES.

SHE'S SUCH
A GREAT PHOTOGRAPHER.

- SHE REALLY GETS HIM.
- BOTH OF YOU.

BUT SHE REALLY GETS
TO THE HEART OF JOE,
DOESN'T SHE?

SHE'S A GENIUS.

- SO, WHERE SHOULD I PUT IT?
- I LIKED IT WHERE IT WAS.

NO. IT'S MORE PERSONAL
IN HERE.

MUCH MORE.
IT'S A NOTCH ABOVE
THE STORAGE ROOM.

WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME
IN HERE.

HOW MUCH
DO YOU HATE HER?

A LOT. OKAY.

I DON'T TRUST HER.
I NEVER HAVE.

YOU'RE CRAZY.
SHE TOOK OUR WEDDING PHOTOS.

WHO DO YOU TRUST?

I TRUST YOU.

- OH, SOPH--
- YOU'LL HATE IT IN LONDON.

IT'S WET AND MISERABLE.
IT'S A MEDICAL HELLHOLE.

IT'S SOCIALIZED,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.

THERE ARE BEDS IN THE CORRIDORS
AND TERRIBLE PLUMBING.

AND THE FOOD SUCKS.
I KNOW. I KNOW.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE
YOUR BABY IN LONDON.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE YOUR BABY
AT CEDAR'S IN BEVERLY HILLS,

AMERICA, DELIVERED BY
DR. MILTON COHEN, PERIOD.

YOU'LL GET THAT
EPIDURAL RIGHT AWAY.

DON'T LET ANYBODY TALK YOU
INTO THAT LAMAZE BULLSHIT.

THERE'S NO EXCUSE
FOR PAIN LIKE THAT.

I'M NOT EVEN
PREGNANT YET!

- WELL, GOOD. THANK GOD.
- LET'S GO INTO THE KITCHEN

AND SPY ON
EVERYBODY.

LET'S!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"THANK GOD"?

- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
- NO.

THIS WHOLE BABY THING.
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT IT?

IT'S NOT THE TICKING
CLOCK CRAP?

NO! NO, NO, NO, NO.

I KNOW I'VE MAINTAINED
I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN,

AND I NEVER DID.
BUT THIS YEAR, I REALLY--

I TRULY, TRULY,
REALLY FEEL READY.

- IT'S NOT THE CLOCK.
- I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE
A FANTASTIC MOM.

JOE ON THE OTHER HAND
IS A DIFFERENT STORY.

JOE LOVES KIDS.
JOE NEEDS KIDS.

JOE THINKS
HE WANTS KIDS.

JOE WOULD LIKE
SOME PLAYMATES.

THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW I LOVE HIM.

HE'S A SWEETHEART.
REALLY.

BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO BE
A GOOD FATHER.

HE'S NOT GOOD
PARENTING MATERIAL.

LET'S GO
ON THE FLOOR.

I BET IT FEELS SO,
SO NICE AGAINST YOUR SKIN.

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE
THE SUBJECT.

OH!

THAT FEELS SO NICE.

HE'S JUST NARCISSISTIC,

AND IRRESPONSIBLE,
AND UNRELIABLE.

OH, AND CAL'S
THIS MASSIVE ADULT?

NO, BUT CAL KNOWS
WHO HE IS.

A BIG, STINKING,
FUCKING BABY.

- YES!
- BUT DID YOU NOTICE...

HOW HAPPY
YOUR HUSBAND WAS

WHEN THE DRUGS
WERE BROUGHT OUT?

YOU WEREN'T EXACTLY
HORRIFIED, MISSY.

TRUE, BUT I'M NOT
A DRUG ADDICT.

NEITHER IS JOE!

WELL, HIS SISTER IS,
BIG TIME.

THE NEW YORK TIMES
SAID
THAT ADDICTION IS GENETIC.

I'LL E-MAIL YOU
THE ARTICLE, IF YOU'D LIKE.

I'VE ENJOYED HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION.

YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS
TO SAVE A MARRIAGE.

SALLY, JOE HAS BEEN HOME
FOR FIVE MONTHS ONLY.

WE ARE FINE.
WE'RE GREAT.

WE'RE MOVING TO LONDON
AND WE ARE HAVING A BABY!

YOU WEREN'T FINE
LAST SUMMER
WHEN YOU WENT

SYLVIA PLATH ON ME
IN CONNECTICUT!

NOT NICE.
NOT KIND.

NOT SO HALF SO "NOT KIND"
AS YOUR HUSBAND WAS

IN HIS PORTRAYAL OF YOU
IN HIS NOVEL.

- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
- HIS IMAGE OF YOU...

IS A POSSESSIVE,
FRAGILE NEUROTIC.

I AM A POSSESSIVE,
FRAGILE NEUROTIC.

NO, YOU ARE NOT!
YOU ARE SALLY NASH.

LISTEN TO ME.
YOU ARE SALLY NASH.

AND YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND
FOR 20 YEARS.

AND I LOVE YOU
MORE THAN ANYONE.

AND YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO MOVE TO LONDON

TO HAVE THE OFFSPRING

OF SOME SEXUALLY
AMBIVALENT MAN-CHILD,

"OH, NOW I'M A NOVELIST,
NOW I'M A FUCKING DIRECTOR,"

ENGLISH PRICK BASTARD
JOE THERRIAN,

WHO'S PROBABLY
GOING TO LEAVE YOU

FOR SKYE DAVIDSON
ANYWAY.

OH, GOD!
( sobbing )

IT'S JUST
THAT HE IS ALWAYS
ONE STEP REMOVED.

HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING
OVER HIS SHOULDER.

HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR SOMETHING ELSE,

SOMETHING MORE
INTOXICATING,

- AND I DON'T MEAN DRUGS.
- I KNOW.

I LOVE HIM, SAL.

I DO, BUT HE'S JUST--
HE'S A CHILD.

HE'S NOT READY.

OH, GOD.

YOU ARE SO LUCKY
THAT YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS.

YOU CAN'T STICK
YOUR HEAD IN AN OVEN.

YOU CAN'T TAKE A HANDFUL
OF PERCODAN IF YOU WANT.

YOU CAN'T SLIT YOUR WRISTS,
YOU KNOW?

YOU CAN'T DO YOURSELF IN.

KIDS JUST ROB YOU
OF THAT OPTION.

THEY DO. TRUST ME.

OH, MY GOD...

THIS ECSTASY MUST BE
REALLY GOOD.

- DON'T YOU THINK?
- I DON'T KNOW.

♪♪ HE'S THE ONE
YOU WANT TO SEE ♪♪

♪♪ I KNOW HE'D LIKE
THE... COMPANY. ♪♪

ISN'T SKYE
AMAZING?

SHE HAS
NICE TITS.

SHE'S A CONSTANT
SURPRISE.

- YOU'VE ONLY JUST MET.
- YEAH, I KNOW.

SHE'S ONLY 27,
BUT, THE WISDOM.

SHE'S AN OLD SOUL.

SHE GOT THAT
SHOSTAKOVICH THING,
DID YOU NOTICE?

OH, ABSOLUTELY.

- AND SHE HAS NICE TITS.
- SHE DOES HAVE NICE TITS.

CAN'T WAIT
TO WORK WITH HER.

CAMERA LOVES HER.
SHE IS A GREAT ACTRESS.

WITH GREAT TITS.

I'M GOING TO GO ASK HER
IF SHE'LL LET ME TOUCH THEM.

- I WOULD, YES.
- HAVE YOU SEEN MAC?

I THINK I SAW HIM
OVER THERE.

-
HOW ARE YOU, CLAIR?
- I AM SO GOOD.

POOR MAC.

HE'S HAVING A BIT
OF A STRUGGLE.

I'M SURE SALLY
HAS TOLD YOU.

NO. WHAT?

THE MOVIE.

WELL, I THINK SHE'S
REALLY ENJOYING IT.

IS MAC OKAY?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.
I DON'T CARE TO GUESS.

SHE, UH...

MAC IS REALLY UNHAPPY.
SHE'S JUST NOT THERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK
SHE IS PLAYING HALF THE TIME,

NEITHER DOES SHE.

LAST WEEK,
WE SHOT A SCENE,
AND SHE SOBBED

THROUGH EVERY TAKE.
SHE'S A GREAT SOBBER.

IT COMES EASY TO HER
AND THAT'S FINE,

IT'S ALL TERRIBLY MOVING,
AND WHATNOT,

BUT IT'S A
FUCKING COMEDY.

SOMETHING'S GONE.

I THINK SHE'S AFRAID,
AND THAT IS DEATH.

WHAT?

HEY--
I'M SORRY, FORGET IT.

I NEVER SAID ANY OF THIS.
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
IT'S A MOVIE.

LOOK, YOU GUYS ARE GOING
TO HAVE KIDS.

THAT'S PROBABLY
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE HAVING KIDS.
THAT'S SO GREAT.

SHE JUST DOESN'T
WANT TO DO THIS
ANYMORE, PROBABLY.

GROWNUPS DON'T DO THIS
FOR A LIVING.

YOU GUYS
ARE GOING TO HAVE KIDS.
YOU'LL BE DIRECTING.

ONE ASSHOLE IN THE FAMILY
IS ENOUGH.

I THINK SOPHIA KNEW THAT
INTUITIVELY.

BUT GET THE EPIDURAL.
NONE OF THIS NATURAL
CHILDBIRTH STUFF.

IT'S NOT NATURAL.

EVERYTHING WILL BE
AS IT SHOULD BE.

"JACK SHALL HAVE JILL,
NAUGHT SHALL GO ILL."

SPEAKING OF ACTING,
THE ROLE OF "LEO"
IN YOUR FILM?

LEO...?

ANY CASTING IDEAS YET?

I HAPPEN TO HAVE
A SMALL WINDOW.

- LEO?
- LEO.

CAL, LEO'S 28.

SCRATCH OUT A TWO,
PUT IN A THREE,
AND I'M YOURS.

SCRATCH OUT A TWO,
PUT IN A FOUR.

YOU FUCKING CUNT.

I'M 39.

FIVE YEARS AGO.
I WAS AT THE PARTY.
REMEMBER?

OKAY, SO I'M
TOO OLD.

BUT YOU COULD
REWRITE THE NOVEL,

MAKE HIM AN OLDER
CHARACTER.

THEN I'D BE RIGHT.

WHO WANTS
ONE OF THESE YOUNG IDIOTS
WITH NO GRAVITAS?

- YOU NEED GRAVITAS.
- YOU'VE GOT GRAVITAS?

I'VE GOT GRAVITAS
UP THE WAZOO, BABY.

( music plays )

♪♪ NOW, START LOOKING
AT THE OBJECT ♪♪

♪♪ I WANT YOU TO KEEP
LOOKING AT THE OBJECT ♪♪

♪♪ START LOOKING
AT THE OBJECT ♪♪

( distant voices )

♪♪ I WANT YOU TO KEEP LOOKING
AT THE OBJECT ♪♪

- Cal:
Young.
- Sally:
Yes!

And rich and spoiled
and willful and...

What?
Without, without, without--

- Cal:
Boundaries.
- Sally:
Boundaries. Exactly.

- Sally:
Discipline.
- Cal:
Exactly.

And then there's the champagne.
Way, way too much champagne.

Sally:
Oh, there's no such thing.

Here we are, together.

Here we are,
together in my room.

- Isn't it funny?
- NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY.

- IT'S NOT FUNNY.
-
When I set my mind to it,

I always get exactly--
exactly what I want.

FUCK.

WOW.

WOW.

Clair:
MAC?

MAC? MAC?

MAC?

THERE YOU ARE.

NO MORE WORK.
NO MORE.

HONEY, HONEY,
DON'T YOU FEEL BREEZY?

I'M IN MOURNING.

NO, NO, NO,
YOU'LL CUT AROUND IT.
YOU ALWAYS DO.

-
YOU'LL FIX IT.
- NOT THIS TIME.

IF YOU CAN CUT AROUND ME,
YOU CAN CUT AROUND ANYONE.

YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY CLOTHES ON.

HOW NICE
FOR EVERYONE.

YOU'LL FIX IT.

YOU'LL COME UP WITH ONE
OF YOUR BRILLIANT IDEAS.

OR I WON'T.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO HELP HER.

I'M OUT OF MY DEPTH.

YOU'RE GOING TO COME
SWIMMING WITH ME
IN THE POOL.

AND IN A FEW MINUTES,
YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER

WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

WHAT WHAT'S ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW.
I FORGOT WHAT I WAS
TALKING ABOUT.

ARE YOU OKAY?

I DON'T THINK SO.
I FEEL A BIT FUNNY.

LET'S GO FOR A WALK.
COME ON.

THERE.

- I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
- OH? IT'S SO EASY.

YOU JUST PUT ONE FOOT
IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.

THAT'S A GOOD GIRL.

SOMETIMES, I JUST FEEL
SO MISERABLY INVISIBLE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WELL, ONE TIME
I ALMOST DID A MOVIE

WHERE I COULD BE
SOMEBODY INVISIBLE.

- REALLY? WOW.
- YEAH.

I WOULD LOVE
TO HAVE SEEN THAT MOVIE.

DRINK LOTS OF WATER.

AND TAKE DEEP BREATHS.

NICE AND SLOW.

THERE YOU ARE.

- WOULD YOU LIKE A LOLLY?
- WHAT AM I, FIVE?

YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD
FOR A LOLLY.

- I'M HAVING ONE.
- OKAY.

- LEMON OR RASPBERRY?
- LEMON.

- LEMON IT IS.
- THANK YOU.

RYAN'S REALLY
ANGRY WITH ME.

I THINK RYAN'S REALLY
ANGRY WITH ME.

IT'S REALLY NOT
THE SAME THING.

HE WAS REALLY NICER
WHEN HE DRANK.

OH, I'M SORRY.

EIGHT YEARS THOUGH.

IT'S QUITE
AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.

- THAT'S A LOT OF THOSE--
- MEDALLIONS.

A LOT OF CAKES.

- AND HE DOESN'T SMOKE.
- MM-MM.

HE'S GOT TO FIND
NONSMOKERS' MEETINGS.

IT USED TO BE
ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE.

BUT IT'S GOTTEN
A LOT EASIER.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN MARRIED?

NINE... YEARS?

NINE, YES.

YEAH, NINE YEARS.
JUST ABOUT.

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN
A BABY.

YEAH, I WAS 19.

I'M REALLY COLD.

COME HERE.

THIS FEELS NICE.

I LIKE YOU.

I'M SO GLAD.

YOU KNOW...

I RECOGNIZED THAT PASSAGE
IN YOUR BOOK.

THE BIT ABOUT US RUNNING INTO
EACH OTHER IN A MOVIE THEATER.

SORRY?

I KNOW THAT YOU CHANGED IT
TO A BOOKSTORE

AND THE COLOR OF MY HAIR,
BUT...

BUT THE MOMENT
WAS EXACTLY THE SAME.

THE SAME, YOU KNOW...
DYNAMIC.

AND ALMOST VERBATIM.
WASN'T IT?

FOR A WRITER,
NOTHING'S SACRED.

NOTHING AT ALL.

I JUST THINK IT'S GREAT THAT
I MADE AN IMPRESSION AT ALL.

YOU KNOW?

Sally:
OTIS!

OTIS!

OH, FUCK!
I CAN'T FIND OTIS.

I CAME OUT OF THE HOUSE,
THE GATE IS FUCKING WIDE OPEN!

- NOBODY USES THAT GATE.
- I KNOW!

I'M SORRY.

THERE'S A FUCKING SIGN
ON THE GATE.

- I'M SO SORRY.
- DON'T YOU READ,

- YOU FUCKING COW?
- STOP BEING A BITCH.

IT WAS A MISTAKE.
THIS IS NOT A PLOT
TO DO IN OTIS.

- DON'T BE SO SURE.
- LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

DON'T WORRY,
WE'LL FIND HIM.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

SHE LEFT
THE FUCKING GATE OPEN.

- HE CAN'T HAVE GONE FAR.
- HE'S LIKE A GREYHOUND.

- HE COULD BE MILES AWAY.
- HE'LL FIND HIS WAY BACK.

- THERE ARE COYOTES OUT HERE!
- CALM DOWN.

WE WON'T FIND HIM
ANY QUICKER WITH YOU
BEING HYSTERICAL.

- FUCK YOU.
- OR SHITTY.

OTIS!

( Ryan whistling )

HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED
FOR THE THERRIANS?

FOR A LONG TIME NOW.
LONG TIME.

SO, YOU WERE HERE WHEN THEY
WORKED ON THE BOUNDARY FENCE?

OH YES, I WAS HERE.
THE WHOLE TIME.

- DO YOU KNOW THE CONTRACTOR?
-
Sí, I KNOW HIM VERY WELL.

WAS IT A CONTRACTOR?

IT'S THE WAY THEY
DO THINGS, YOU KNOW.

- TO CODE.
- ( America speaks Spanish )

I'M SORRY.
EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.
DID YOU SEE PERMITS?

- DID HE HAVE A LICENSE?
- YOU SHOULD TALK TO MR. JOE.

- Monica:
RYAN?
- WHAT?

LOOK, YOU'VE GOT TO COME.

YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME
FIND THE DOG.

I LET THEIR DOG OUT.
WE'VE GOT TO FIND THE DOG.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.
- I LEFT THE GATE OPEN

AND OTIS GOT OUT.

- HE COULD GET HIT BY A CAR.
- YEAH, GOD WILLING.

- WE HAVE TO FIND THE DOG.
- WHY?

BECAUSE
WE'RE NICE PEOPLE.

BECAUSE WHAT GOES AROUND
COMES AROUND.

BECAUSE GOD HELP YOU
IF SOMETHING HAPPENS
TO THAT DOG.

- EXCUSE ME?
- ALL THE UGLY PHONE CALLS.

WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES
WITH A TAPE RECORDER.

OKAY, THEY HAVE GONE
TOWARDS THE CANYON,

WE SHOULD GO
TOWARD P.C.H.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

HOW THE HELL
DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
ANDREI ZHDANOV?

OTIS!
COME ON...

EVERYBODY KNOWS
ABOUT THE 1948

MUSICAL CONFERENCE
WHERE ZHDANOV PERSECUTED

ALL OF THE GREAT
SOVIET COMPOSERS:

SHOSTAKOVICH, PROKOFIEV,
AND MIASK--

- MIASKOVSKY.
- MIASKOVSKY. YES.

I'LL TELL YOU WHO DOESN'T
KNOW ABOUT THAT-- CUTE GIRLS.

THEY DON'T KNOW.
TRUST ME. OTIS!

DO THE PETER SELLERS
THING AGAIN.

( mock Indian accent )
OTIS, WHERE ARE YOU
IN THIS GODFORSAKEN CANYON?

- MY PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY.
- ( Skye laughs )

- OTIS!
- OTIS.

NO, IT'S BECAUSE
I DID THIS MOVIE

I JUST FINISHED,
CALLED "BABI YAR."

AND I PLAY GITTEL,
THIS JEWISH MILKMAID

WHO GETS SHOT
IN THE HEAD.

AND THEY SET
THE WHOLE THING

TO SHOSTAKOVICH'S
13th SYMPHONY.

RIGHT, WITH THE POEM
BY YEVTUSHENKO.

EXACTLY!

SO I DID
A LOT OF RESEARCH,

AND I JUST
REALLY DUG IT.

SO YOU REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY LIKE SHOSTAKOVICH?

- YEAH.
- WOULD YOU MARRY HIM?

IF HE WERE ALIVE,
MAYBE.

HOW ABOUT
SOMEONE WHO REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY,

REALLY LIKES
SHOSTAKOVICH?

ARE YOU ASKING ME
TO MARRY YOU?

NO, I'M JUST SEEING
HOW DEEPLY IMPULSIVE

AND PERVERTED
YOU CAN BE.

- VERY.
- I'M WORSE.

SO YOU'RE REALLY 22?

WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
NO, I'M 25. I'M 25.

OTIS!

- Joe:
OTIS! GOOD BOY!
- Sally:
COME HERE! OH, MY GOD.

THIS IS A FUCKING
NIGHTMARE.

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN KEPT
IN THE GUEST ROOM.

IT WAS DONE WHEN SOPHIA
PUT THE KIDS TO BED.

IT CLEARLY WAS NOT DONE,
BECAUSE HE WAS LET OUT

OF THE GUEST ROOM BEFORE
MONICA OPENED THE GATE.

OH, FUCK YOU!

AND FUCK MONICA,
WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,

BUT I GUESS THAT'S
WHAT I INTERRUPTED.

YOU ARE A MEDICAL MIRACLE.
YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON

EVER TO TAKE ECSTASY
AND BECOME ANGRIER.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT.
YOU SEEM TO BE RATHER
AN EXPERT.

I DON'T REMEMBER
IN THE LAST FIVE MONTHS
OF COUNSELING,

YOU EVER MENTIONING
ECSTASY OR GOING TO
RAGE PARTIES.

RAVE
PARTIES.

THAT'S TYPICAL YOU WOULD THINK
IT WAS CALLED "RAGE."

YEAH, WHAT ELSE
DON'T I KNOW ABOUT, JOE?

LET'S GET REALLY
CLEAR HERE, OKAY?

SO I TOOK A FEW PILLS.
I WENT OUT DANCING.

I TRIED TO GET OVER
HOW UPSET I WAS

ABOUT SPLITTING UP WITH YOU.
I DIDN'T LIE TO YOU.

I TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE PEOPLE I SLEPT WITH.

I JUST DIDN'T MENTION THE FEW
OCCASIONS WHEN I TOOK DRUGS,

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW
FUCKING JUDGMENTAL YOU ARE,

AND HOW I'D NEVER HEAR
THE END OF IT!

I KNOW HOW LITTLE TRUST
AND FAITH YOU HAVE IN ME.

LOOK, SALLY,
WE'RE BACK.

I LOVE YOU.

JUST TRUST THAT,
PLEASE?

DON'T DO THIS.

OTIS, COME HERE!
COME ON, GOOD BOY.

I'M NOT SURE WE UNDERSTAND
THAT WORD IN THE SAME WAY.

- OTIS!
-
WHAT, LOVE?

YOU WALKED OUT OF
A FIVE YEAR MARRIAGE.

THAT HAS NOT THE FIRST THING
TO DO WITH LOVE.

IT'S ABOUT WHETHER WE CAN
LIVE TOGETHER LIKE THIS
ALL THE TIME!

IT'S NOT LIKE THIS
ALL THE TIME.

DO I WANT ANYONE ELSE?
NO.

DO I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
FOR THE REST OF MY NATURAL LIFE?

I AM REALLY TRYING.

- HOW HARD IS IT?
- JUST STOP THERE, PLEASE.

- WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS.
- NO, YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH IT.

THAT'S HOW YOU LOVE,
WHEN IT'S EASY FOR YOU

- AND IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU.
- YOU ARE TALKING BULLSHIT.

YOU WANT TO TALK
ABOUT BULLSHIT?

LUCY CALLED YOU
THREE TIMES THIS WEEK!

YOUR SISTER IS A FUCKING MESS.
SHE IS A FUCKING MESS!

SHE NEEDS YOU, AND I
TALK TO HER MORE THAN YOU DO!

- THAT IS NOT TRUE.
-
IT IS TRUE.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU LOVE PEOPLE?
YOU DEDICATE A BOOK TO SOMEONE.

EVERY BOOK I'VE EVER HAD
PUBLISHED, IN EVERY LANGUAGE,

- I HAVE DEDICATED TO LUCY.
- RIGHT.

AND WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU TALKED TO HER?

AND HOW DARE YOU CAST
SKYE DAVIDSON IN THAT PART?!

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW
HUMILIATING THIS IS FOR ME?

I'M AN ACTRESS!

IT'S BASED ON OUR MARRIAGE,
FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT!

- IT'S A NOVEL!
- ABOUT ME!

WHO THE FUCK
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

THE PART OF JENNA
IS BASED ON EVERY WOMAN

I HAVE EVER LOVED
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

INCLUDING MY MOTHER!

AND ALSO, SALLY,
THE PART IS QUITE CLEARLY

FOR A WOMAN
IN HER EARLY 20's

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
- HELLO!?

LAST BIRTHDAY WAS...?

I DON'T LOOK MY AGE, JOE.

I HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED YOU
FOR THIS PART

BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO
OLD
TO PLAY IT.

AND IF YOU THINK
ANY DIFFERENTLY,

YOU ARE OUT OF TOUCH
WITH REALITY.

I'M SORRY.

- IT'S A SHIT NOVEL ANYWAY.
-
OH, WELL, THEN.

I LET YOU OFF THE HOOK.
YOU ARE ONE LUCKY ACTRESS.

ALL YOUR NOVELS HAVE
ALWAYS BEEN POP,

BUT THIS ONE'S THE SHALLOWEST
OF THE BUNCH.

THAT'S WHAT ALL OUR FRIENDS
THINK ANYWAY.

IF BY SOME FUCKING MIRACLE

WE COULD HAVE STRIPPED
10 YEARS OFF YOUR FACE,

THERE IS STILL NO WAY I COULD
HAVE GOT THIS FILM MADE

BECAUSE MY NAME MEANS
NOTHING AS A DIRECTOR,

AND YOUR NAME MEANS
FUCK-ALL ANYMORE!

AND THE PEOPLE WHO DO
HIRE YOU ARE SCARED TO,

BECAUSE THEY THINK
YOU'RE PHONING IT IN!

THAT YOU'VE LOST EVERY--

OH, FUCK'S SAKE, SALLY!

WHO?
WHO THINKS THAT?

THE DIRECTOR AND CO-STAR
OF YOUR CURRENT MOVIE.

DON'T DISH IT
IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT!

MAC SAYS THAT?

MAC?

CAL?

-
CAL TOO?
- CHRIST'S SAKES.

IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE
THAT I'M MISSING HERE?

THIS IS INSANITY.
COME ON, DARLING.

- DON'T.
- DON'T PUSH ME AWAY.

I HAD AN ABORTION
TWO WEEKS AGO.

I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT
AND IT SCARED THE SHIT
OUT OF ME.

DON'T DO THIS, SALLY.

I TOLD YOU WHEN WE MET
I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN.

I DON'T WANT KIDS
IN MY LIFE!

I TOLD YOU!
WE TALKED ABOUT IT!

YOU WEREN'T LISTENING!

-
YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND, SALLY.
- NO, I WANTED YOU BACK.

OW!

JESUS CHRIST.

YOU THINK THIS WAS
TO HURT YOU?!

- IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!
- WHAT?!

YOU ABORTED OUR CHILD!
THAT'S ABOUT ME!

EXACTLY, I'M A MONSTER.
I'M A FUCKING MONSTER.

NO, SALLY.
YOU'RE JUST NOT READY.

YOU'RE NOT READY YET.
THAT'S ALL.

DON'T MAKE ALLOWANCES.
I WILL NEVER...

I WILL NEVER BE READY.

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE THAT
JUST SHOULDN'T HAVE KIDS.

I WOULD BE A TERRIBLE
FUCKING MOTHER, JOE.

I DID WANT IT FOR US,
BUT I COULDN'T DO IT.

I JUST-- I DON'T THINK
I CAN DO IT, JOE.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT.

I WASN'T PART OF THAT
DECISION AT ALL, WAS I?

I WASN'T PART
OF THE PICTURE, RIGHT?

DID
I
EVER OCCUR TO YOU?

THIS IS A FUCKING DISGRACE.

- YOU ARE A FUCKING DISGRACE!
- I KNOW.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO US, SALLY?

DO YOU?

-
DO YOU?!
- YES!

I WILL--

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU
FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE--

I WILL NEVER
FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS.

I KNOW.

NO.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.

JOE. JOE...

JOE...!

SALLY!
GET OUT OF THE WATER.

I'VE GOT YOU, BUDDY.
I GOT YOU, MAN.

GO GET SALLY!
DAMN IT!

HE'S IN TROUBLE HERE, GUYS.

FUCK.

THERE YOU GO.
YOU GOT IT, MAN.

HE'S OKAY, CLAIR.
JUST GIVE HIM SOME ROOM.

GIVE HIM A LITTLE
ROOM TO BREATHE.

OH, I MUST
REALLY BE STONED.

- YOU'RE OKAY, MAN.
- HONEY?

- I'M FINE, BABE. I'M FINE.
-
JUST GIVE HIM A MINUTE.

OH, SHIT.

I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
THANKS, BUDDY.

ANYTIME, SPORT.

YEAH.

YEAH. THANKS, PAL.

YOU'RE OKAY.
JUST BREATHE.

I'M FINE, BABE.
I'M JUST... WHAT?

JUST NEED A MINUTE.
I'M GOING TO TAKE
A LITTLE WALK.

JUST FORGET ABOUT IT.

JUST KEEP BREATHING.

WHAT? IT'S NOT LIKE I SAW
MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.

- PROBABLY WASN'T THAT CLOSE.
- PROBABLY WASN'T.

- YOU GOT YOUR LIFEGUARD PAPERS?
- THERE'S A TEST FOR THAT.

- FORGET IT.
- GOOD STUFF.

- HONEY?
- CLAIR, I'M FINE.

JUST NEED A MINUTE.

- HONEY?
- HE'S OKAY.

JUST GIVE ME
A MINUTE.

( coughing )

( sobbing )

COME ON.
COME ON, MAN.

BUCK UP.

COME ON, BUCK UP!

BE A MAN.

THIS JOB.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
FUCKING RIGHT.

( phone ringing )

( ringing )

( answering machine clicks on )
Hello, Joe, it's your dad.

Can you pick up
the phone, please?

I really need
to talk to you.

HELLO, HARRY?

NO, IT'S GINA.

GINA.

NO, THEY'RE NOT HERE.
THEY WENT OUT TO LOOK FOR OTIS.

NO, IT'S THE DOG.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

IT WAS NOT OVERBEARING,
BUT IT WAS--

I CAN'T FIND MY HUSBAND
OR MY BEEPER.

HAVE YOU SEEN
EITHER OF THEM?

NO.

NOT RECENTLY.

I DON'T THINK
SHE'S BREAST-FEEDING.

WHAT IS IT?

LET'S JUST GO BACK
TO THE BEDROOM.

LET'S GO BACK
TO THE BEDROOM, OKAY?

Sally:
IS IT OTIS?

WHAT HAPPENED?

THE SUSPENSE
IS KILLING ME.

- HARRY CALLED.
- AND?

LUCY OVERDOSED.

BUT SHE'S ALL RIGHT?

THE STUPID TART.

JOE, SHE LEFT A NOTE.

- OH, FUCK YOU.
- YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR DAD.

LOOK, I BOOKED YOU A FLIGHT.
AND I'VE PACKED YOU A BAG.

YOU JUST NEED TO GET
INTO A CAR AND GO.

- WOULD YOU LEAVE US ALONE?
- I LOVE HER TOO.

YEAH, GREAT.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.

WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE
SALLY AND ME ALONE RIGHT NOW?

EVERYBODY HATES
THE MESSENGER.

( whispers )
I'M SORRY.

HI.

HOW'S HE DOING?

NOT GOOD.

HE'S GONNA MISS HIS FLIGHT.

YEAH.

IS HE NOT GOING?

I BOOKED HIM A FLIGHT.

HE'S NOT GOING TONIGHT.

I TOLD HIS FATHER THAT
HE WOULD BE ON THAT FLIGHT.

WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO
TELL HIM OTHERWISE.

IT WAS GOOD OF YOU
TO GO THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE,

BUT HE DOESN'T WANT
TO GO TONIGHT.

JESUS, SALLY,
I'M NOT THE ENEMY.

AND YOU'RE NOT THE WIFE.

IT'S NOT A CONTEST.

YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN STRAIGHT.

( dishes clatter )

SHOULD I GO BACK THERE?

MMM. I DON'T THINK SO.

SHOULD WE STAY?

WE CAN STAY.

MAYBE NOT.

- GREAT.
- SO MUCH FOR ECSTASY.

SHOULD WE GO GET
THE KIDS?

OH, MY GOD!
GOD-- THE SITTER.

YEAH, CLAIR...

YOU JUST ALWAYS MANAGE
TO PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE.

OH, MY GOD.

Lucy's message:
Pick up the phone.
It's a damn nuisance--

you're not here,
big brother.

Joe, I'd love to talk
to you before I go.

Please, baby, call me.

I love you madly.

( machine beeps )

Joe, It's Lucy.
Do you remember me?

It's the black sheep here.
Baa-aa!

Pick up the phone.
Come on, pick up the phone.

It's a damn nuisance
you're not here, big brother.

Joe, I'd love to talk to you
before I go.

I need you. Call me.

I love you madly.

( machine beeps )

HELLO, DAD.

HANG IN.

I'M HOME
ALL WEEKEND.

CALL ME...
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

PERFECT.

I CALL THAT
A PERFECT SKY.

- A PERFECT NIGHT.
- DAMN NEAR.

DAMN NEAR
PERFECT DRUG.

WE SHOULD
DO IT AGAIN.

JUST ONCE IN A BLUE MOON,
YOU KNOW?

MAYBE WE SHOULD ASK THEM
FOR THE NUMBER OF THEIR
LANDSCAPER.

- YOU LIKE FUCKING OUTDOORS?
- NOT AS A RULE.

THEY DIDN'T SIGN
THEIR GODDAMN TAX RETURNS.

COFFEE?

SURE.

I'LL GET IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THAT.

IT'S OKAY.
I DON'T MIND.

RELAX,
YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH.

( vacuum running )

♪♪ THERE ARE GIRLS JUST RIPE
FOR SOME KISSING ♪♪

♪♪ AND I MEAN
TO KISS ME A FEW ♪♪

♪♪ OH, THOSE GIRLS DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE MISSING ♪♪

♪♪ I'VE GOT A LOT
OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ AND THERE'S WINE
ALL READY FOR TASTING ♪♪

♪♪ AND THERE'S CADILLACS
ALL SHINY AND NEW ♪♪

♪♪ GOT TO MOVE
'CAUSE TIME IS A-WASTIN' ♪♪

♪♪ THERE'S SUCH A LOT
OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ THERE'S MUSIC TO PLAY,
PLACES TO GO ♪♪

♪♪ AND PEOPLE TO SEE ♪♪

♪♪ EVERYTHING
FOR YOU AND ME ♪♪

♪♪ LIFE'S A BALL
IF ONLY YOU'D KNOW IT ♪♪

♪♪ AND IT'S ALL WAITING
FOR YOU ♪♪

♪♪ YOU'RE ALIVE ♪♪

♪♪ SO COME ON
AND SHOW IT ♪♪

♪♪ THERE'S SUCH A LOT
OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ I'VE GOT A LOT
OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ MAN, THERE'S SUCH A LOT
OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ WHY, THERE'S MUSIC TO PLAY,
PLACES TO GO ♪♪

♪♪ AND PEOPLE TO SEE ♪♪

♪♪ EVERYTHING
FOR YOU AND ME ♪♪

♪♪ LIFE'S A BALL
IF ONLY YOU'D KNOW IT ♪♪

♪♪ AND IT'S ALL
JUST WAITING FOR YOU ♪♪

♪♪ YOU'RE ALIVE ♪♪

♪♪ SO COME ON AND SHOW IT ♪♪

♪♪ THERE'S SUCH A LOT
OF LIVING ♪♪

♪♪ SUCH A LOT OF LIVING ♪♪

♪♪ SUCH A LOT
OF LIVING TO DO. ♪♪

♪♪ I RECKON I LOVE ♪♪

♪♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ♪♪

♪♪ TO SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ WE'RE GLAD YOU CAME HOME ♪♪

♪♪ DON'T SPLIT UP AGAIN ♪♪

♪♪ 'CAUSE WE LIKE THE FOOD. ♪♪

( partygoers applauding )

Joe:
OH, JACK, DID YOU
WRITE THAT YOURSELF?

- Cal:
ABSOLUTELY!
- Joe:
ANY HELP AT ALL?

( electronica music plays )