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1
00:00:06,398 --> 00:00:10,067
Hey, bettors, gambling's
now legal in every state,
2
00:00:10,069 --> 00:00:11,326
except the lame ones.
3
00:00:11,328 --> 00:00:13,178
But in the sport
of sports-betting,
4
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,255
you got to sport-bet
responsibly.
5
00:00:15,257 --> 00:00:17,074
So, remember to follow
these three rules.
6
00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:19,092
Stick with the game plan,
7
00:00:19,094 --> 00:00:21,503
unless you're down a lot
at halftime.
8
00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:23,263
If you suffer
from gambling addiction,
9
00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:25,441
wait until the season is over,
and then call:
10
00:00:32,516 --> 00:00:33,866
Thank you, football.
11
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,609
I almost forgot
to bet on the game.
12
00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:38,111
With the Atoms down 42 to zero,
13
00:00:38,113 --> 00:00:40,688
we are officially
in garbage time, folks.
14
00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:43,267
Our only viewers left
are degenerate gamblers
15
00:00:43,269 --> 00:00:45,452
who've placed
longshot gimmick bets.
16
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,047
You got to lose money
to make money.
17
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,532
If either team
scores any points,
18
00:00:50,534 --> 00:00:52,885
we'll be eating
name-brand ramen tonight.
19
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:56,371
Let's go, either team!
Any points! Any points!
20
00:00:56,373 --> 00:00:57,723
As the seconds
tick off the clock,
21
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:01,060
the Molecules are going
for a meaningless field goal
22
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,895
to humiliate the home team.
23
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:05,138
Yes, yes, humiliate us.
24
00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:06,807
Come on, lucky ring.
25
00:01:06,809 --> 00:01:09,142
You tricked Marge into staying
with me, you can do this.
26
00:01:09,144 --> 00:01:10,310
And the kick is good.
27
00:01:10,312 --> 00:01:12,963
The Atoms lose 45 to zero.
28
00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:15,491
Woo-hoo! You did it, points.
29
00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:18,494
D'oh!
30
00:01:22,157 --> 00:01:25,709
Okay, my ring's got to be
down here somewhere.
31
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,314
Man, I got to get a handyman.
32
00:01:30,316 --> 00:01:32,574
We used to have the greatest
guy, what was his name?
33
00:01:32,576 --> 00:01:34,301
Dave? Darryl?
34
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,101
Is that a ghost?
35
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:45,178
If so, that means
the afterlife is real,
36
00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:47,439
which would free me
from my fear of death.
37
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,516
Please be a ghost.
38
00:01:49,518 --> 00:01:51,759
The ring.
39
00:01:51,761 --> 00:01:53,094
Huh? Another the ring?
40
00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:55,522
Polecat!
41
00:01:55,524 --> 00:01:58,558
Okay, little skunk,
everything's cool.
42
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:02,195
I'll just back away calmly,
leave you alone,
43
00:02:02,197 --> 00:02:04,698
and hire someone to kill you.
44
00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:07,942
More.
45
00:02:07,944 --> 00:02:11,688
It's a stink of skunks.
46
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:16,526
Marge, kids, remember me
how I used to smell,
47
00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:19,045
not as the horrible stench
I'm about to become.
48
00:02:19,047 --> 00:02:22,366
I love you all,
to varying degrees.
49
00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:26,794
Ooh, my ring.
50
00:02:29,299 --> 00:02:32,542
This is my new
desert island show.
51
00:02:32,544 --> 00:02:35,487
All right, turn around
and spread 'em.
52
00:02:37,566 --> 00:02:40,826
Ow! Oh.
53
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,661
Ooh. Ow!
54
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,996
More, please.
55
00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:47,224
Ew, caramba!
56
00:02:47,226 --> 00:02:49,984
Shouldn't you throw
those clothes out?
57
00:02:49,986 --> 00:02:51,395
Rather than clean them?
58
00:02:51,397 --> 00:02:53,230
Don't rob me of the one part
59
00:02:53,232 --> 00:02:55,732
of your dad getting
skunk-sprayed I enjoy.
60
00:02:55,734 --> 00:02:58,760
All I need is this pillowcase
and my secret ingredients.
61
00:03:06,261 --> 00:03:08,912
Wow, that took care
of the skunk smell
62
00:03:08,914 --> 00:03:10,171
and the Homer smell.
63
00:03:10,173 --> 00:03:12,082
That's amazing, Mom.
64
00:03:12,084 --> 00:03:14,084
How did you learn to do that?
65
00:03:14,086 --> 00:03:15,527
Years of practice.
66
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:19,489
Your father has brought home
so many different smells.
67
00:03:26,356 --> 00:03:29,041
This bag cleans them all.
68
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,210
Wow, an innovation like this
69
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,453
could really better
the lives of people
70
00:03:33,455 --> 00:03:36,197
who don't have access
to washing machines.
71
00:03:36,199 --> 00:03:37,958
Ooh, like the homeless?
72
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,459
You mean unhoused.
73
00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:40,552
I do?
74
00:03:44,116 --> 00:03:46,708
How come all of these
pillowcases are blue?
75
00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:50,454
I think it's from my hair.
Not that I dye my hair.
76
00:03:50,456 --> 00:03:53,565
It's natural. It's just such
a vibrant natural blue that...
77
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,735
It's okay, Mom.
The blue's a nice touch.
78
00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:00,464
It's a cleaning bag.
79
00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:03,224
You shake your dirty clothes
in it, and they come out fresh.
80
00:04:03,226 --> 00:04:05,494
Oh. Oh, you're already doing it.
81
00:04:07,397 --> 00:04:09,139
Ah, hot diggity.
82
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,065
I can finally get
my old job back
83
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:14,461
as a stock image model
for "man in suit."
84
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:21,167
Wow, them-there blue bags
are impressive.
85
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:22,970
Can I give it a try?
86
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,993
That bag of yours finally
cleaned my black hat.
87
00:04:29,995 --> 00:04:31,270
Yee-haw!
88
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,164
Let me contribute $100
to your cause,
89
00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:35,923
a Texas penny.
90
00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:37,834
So, what's the name
of your charity?
91
00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:39,444
Oh, we don't have a charity.
92
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,096
I guess you can
make it out to me.
93
00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:45,358
Uh, you see, this is money
I want to deduct
94
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,677
while avoiding capital gains.
95
00:04:47,679 --> 00:04:51,606
So, I can only contribute
to a charitable foundation.
96
00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:54,034
A 501-C-HAW.
97
00:04:54,036 --> 00:04:56,369
We should become
an actual charity.
98
00:04:56,371 --> 00:04:58,538
Think of how many
more people we would help.
99
00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:01,024
Doesn't that involve
a lot of paperwork?
100
00:05:01,026 --> 00:05:02,526
You're in luck, little lady.
101
00:05:02,528 --> 00:05:06,087
I got me my accountant
right here.
102
00:05:07,457 --> 00:05:11,051
Golly. Here's your articles
of incorporation, ma'am.
103
00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:13,294
What do you want to call
that-there charity?
104
00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:16,148
Hmm... Why not call it...
105
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,984
the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation.
106
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,652
Really?
107
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,380
It was your passion for change
that got us here.
108
00:05:23,382 --> 00:05:25,398
I just threw some powder
in a bag.
109
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,901
Here's my charitable deduction.
110
00:05:27,903 --> 00:05:30,387
I mean donation. I mean both.
111
00:05:30,389 --> 00:05:32,831
I love anything
that gets me out of taxes.
112
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:33,999
Texas?
113
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,651
No, taxes. I hate taxes,
114
00:05:36,653 --> 00:05:38,411
but I love Texas
115
00:05:38,413 --> 00:05:42,232
'cause folks in Texas
love Texas and hates taxes.
116
00:05:42,234 --> 00:05:45,344
No taxing's what Texans
stand for.
117
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,074
We're a charity!
118
00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:52,851
Yee-haw!
119
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,604
- Yee-haw.
- Yee-haw, indeed.
120
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:03,010
I used to ride the rails,
but 'cause of you,
121
00:06:03,012 --> 00:06:06,365
I traded in my bindle
for a briefcase.
122
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,093
We're really making a difference
in people's lives.
123
00:06:10,095 --> 00:06:11,352
Even Crazy Cat Lady.
124
00:06:11,354 --> 00:06:14,689
She's giving walking tours
of Springfield now.
125
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:25,032
Lisa, can you run over
to the market
126
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:27,277
and get some more baking soda?
127
00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,447
Wait, we're using
Hand & Armor Baking Soda?
128
00:06:30,449 --> 00:06:34,208
That company is the worst.
They support child labor.
129
00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:37,562
Even some of their
top executives are children.
130
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,732
But the smiley hand
on the box is so cute.
131
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,235
Our foundation only succeeds
if we're doing good
132
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,477
every step of the way.
133
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,480
We have to make sure that
every ingredient we use
134
00:06:47,482 --> 00:06:50,742
is ethically sourced,
even if it costs a little more.
135
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,302
Well, I can help with that.
136
00:06:52,304 --> 00:06:54,246
I put the "fun mom"
137
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,749
in the
"fundraising thermometer."
138
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,567
Mom puns?
139
00:06:59,569 --> 00:07:01,995
I got to wash that
out of my ears.
140
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,650
Okay, while you're
raising money,
141
00:07:06,652 --> 00:07:09,928
I'll scour the world
for fair-trade, carbon-negative,
142
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,246
conflict-free ingredients.
Dad can take me.
143
00:07:12,248 --> 00:07:15,992
Oh, that sounds terrible.
144
00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:17,677
Oh, it's even worse.
145
00:07:17,679 --> 00:07:20,272
I've got a good feeling about
the baking soda manufacturer
146
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:22,666
at the top of this mountain.
147
00:07:22,668 --> 00:07:26,503
Oh, why can't anything good ever
be at the bottom of a mountain?
148
00:07:26,505 --> 00:07:30,190
Our baking soda is actually
generated through meditation.
149
00:07:30,192 --> 00:07:32,342
Every ten boxes we make,
150
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:34,494
a new monk
reaches enlightenment.
151
00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:42,018
Oh, my God, I finally understand
the plot of Inception.
152
00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:44,463
Now to ponder Tenet.
153
00:07:46,191 --> 00:07:47,966
Oh...
154
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,860
This is the first empty fridge
155
00:07:50,862 --> 00:07:51,953
I've ever liked.
156
00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:56,716
Oh, I'll take it.
How much is it?
157
00:07:56,718 --> 00:07:58,977
We don't believe
in worldly possessions,
158
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,055
so you won't have any
after you buy it.
159
00:08:09,898 --> 00:08:11,064
Show your support
160
00:08:11,066 --> 00:08:13,975
for the Lisa M. Simpson
Foundation.
161
00:08:13,977 --> 00:08:15,327
Hey, this corner belongs
to the Salvation Army.
162
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:17,996
Give me that tin
and get out of here.
163
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,831
Unless you'd like
to donate blood.
164
00:08:23,395 --> 00:08:25,670
Oh, Marge, that was terrible.
165
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,081
Who knew a religious nonprofit
166
00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:30,157
could be so "holier than thou"?
167
00:08:30,159 --> 00:08:33,995
As a pillar of the community,
a doctor's wife,
168
00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:35,830
I know the secret
169
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,957
to running a successful charity.
170
00:08:37,959 --> 00:08:40,334
Ooh, can you tell it to me?
171
00:08:40,336 --> 00:08:43,170
Even better,
I can sing it to you.
172
00:08:43,172 --> 00:08:45,339
Um... I'm good, actually...
173
00:09:37,969 --> 00:09:40,061
Oh.
174
00:09:40,063 --> 00:09:42,447
I love our new offices.
175
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,082
Well, it used to be
a WeWork space,
176
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,310
then a Theranos lab,
then production offices
177
00:09:47,312 --> 00:09:49,421
for the WeWork
and Theranos TV shows.
178
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,165
Those businesses must have been
such successes
179
00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:54,984
to have TV shows
made about them.
180
00:09:54,986 --> 00:09:56,344
Mm.
181
00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:00,340
Is it a little strange that
182
00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:03,417
everyone has to walk through my
office to get to the bathroom?
183
00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:05,829
That's your private bathroom.
184
00:10:05,831 --> 00:10:08,255
A husbandless bathroom?
185
00:10:08,257 --> 00:10:10,350
I won't need a candle.
186
00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:12,277
Our "Feeling Blue"
awareness campaign
187
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,428
is really hitting its stride.
188
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:17,098
Look at all these products
supporting our cause
189
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:19,100
with our copyrighted
shade of blue:
190
00:10:19,102 --> 00:10:21,119
blue shampoo, blue conditioner,
191
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,437
blue shampoo plus conditioner,
192
00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:26,774
and Boo Berry cereal will be
called Blueberry cereal.
193
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:28,126
Mom.
194
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,519
Look at all these people.
195
00:10:29,521 --> 00:10:32,797
Our little charity
has become big.
196
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,357
Check out our official symbol.
197
00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:37,210
It's the same ribbon we use
to tie the blue bags.
198
00:10:37,212 --> 00:10:38,361
They've become so popular
199
00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:41,806
we've completely
run out of ribbons.
200
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:45,201
So what do you tie
the bags with?
201
00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:47,479
Well, we're a little behind
in our bag making,
202
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,372
but we've been doing something
even more important:
203
00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:52,800
raising awareness
about our bag making.
204
00:10:52,802 --> 00:10:56,412
This is all very impressive,
but do we really need
205
00:10:56,414 --> 00:10:57,471
a headquarters this big?
206
00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:00,884
Oh, this isn't gonna be
our headquarters.
207
00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:02,160
This is.
208
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,979
How on earth are we
paying for that?
209
00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:09,058
With a generous deduction...
I mean, I mean, donation...
210
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:12,578
From our Royal Blue level donor:
Mr. Burns.
211
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:16,299
What? He is the biggest
polluter in town.
212
00:11:22,757 --> 00:11:23,923
Excellent.
213
00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:26,500
Honey, if we don't accept
the money,
214
00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:28,094
he'll just give it
to someone else,
215
00:11:28,096 --> 00:11:31,940
like the Salvation Army.
216
00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:35,251
We have to return Burns's money.
217
00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:37,253
Return the money?
218
00:11:37,255 --> 00:11:39,847
While you and Dad were tromping
around in the mountains,
219
00:11:39,849 --> 00:11:41,441
I was building an organization
220
00:11:41,443 --> 00:11:43,868
that can make
real change happen.
221
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,445
With what? This?
222
00:11:45,447 --> 00:11:49,449
Mom, you're just allowing
evil companies to appear ethical
223
00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:52,285
by slapping our color
on their product.
224
00:11:52,287 --> 00:11:55,788
It's bluewashing.
That doesn't help the homeless.
225
00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:58,049
We call them the unhoused.
226
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,276
I call them the unhoused!
227
00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:02,445
Ugh! You've lost sight
228
00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:04,948
of my vision for this charity.
229
00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:07,133
I thought it was our charity.
230
00:12:07,135 --> 00:12:09,786
Well, it's my name on the wall.
231
00:12:09,788 --> 00:12:11,304
Well, it's my hair color.
232
00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:14,457
It's Clairol's color!
233
00:12:14,459 --> 00:12:17,627
Okay, this clearly
got out of hand.
234
00:12:17,629 --> 00:12:20,363
Why don't we take
a little breather.
235
00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:24,058
Okay, have we both calmed down?
236
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:25,635
I don't need to calm down.
237
00:12:25,637 --> 00:12:26,637
I'm your mother.
238
00:12:26,972 --> 00:12:29,230
I think I know you better
than you know yourself.
239
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:30,974
Oh, you're making
my future therapist
240
00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:34,644
so rich right now.
241
00:12:34,646 --> 00:12:35,828
Maybe we should take
242
00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:37,922
a little bit longer of a break.
243
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,008
Same time tomorrow.
244
00:12:41,669 --> 00:12:43,002
Okay, are you better?
245
00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,268
Okay, this feels good.
246
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,162
I think that last break
was the clincher.
247
00:12:53,164 --> 00:12:55,774
One more and we get
a free sundae.
248
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,333
I have some good news.
249
00:12:57,335 --> 00:12:59,335
The board has decided
to promote you
250
00:12:59,337 --> 00:13:01,929
to "The Lisa M. Simpson
Foundation
251
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:04,932
Founder Emeritus."
252
00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:07,677
Wait... emeritus?
253
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,178
I know what that means.
254
00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:11,105
You're firing me?
255
00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:13,792
No, we're just
de-responsibilitizing you.
256
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,960
Congratulations.
257
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,611
Here's your check.
258
00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:20,039
Would you like to round up
with a donation
259
00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:22,041
to the Lisa M. Simpson
Foundation?
260
00:13:22,043 --> 00:13:25,220
No! I never want to hear
that name again.
261
00:13:26,455 --> 00:13:29,957
It's my favorite student,
Lisa M. Simpson.
262
00:13:32,128 --> 00:13:35,480
There, now you got ice cream.
Let's go.
263
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,319
Yeah, I heard about
what happened.
264
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,546
That I was forced out
by my own mother
265
00:13:43,548 --> 00:13:46,232
from the charity
we created together?
266
00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:48,159
I've never been fired before.
267
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,078
What am I supposed to do?
268
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,073
You don't know how long
I've been waiting for this.
269
00:13:54,075 --> 00:13:55,408
Finally,
I can pass down to my kids
270
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:59,395
my vast knowledge about
what I'm truly amazing at:
271
00:13:59,397 --> 00:14:02,156
- being canned.
- Really?
272
00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:05,326
Oh, being fired is basically
my job these days.
273
00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:08,012
In fact, I was fired yesterday
because of all the time I took
274
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,514
looking for ingredients
with you.
275
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,016
At least you don't
have to live in the same house
276
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,260
as the jerk who fired you.
277
00:14:14,262 --> 00:14:15,595
Ah, anger.
278
00:14:15,597 --> 00:14:18,931
The first stage in the
five stages of getting fired.
279
00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:21,175
Oh, so there's
a process to this?
280
00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:22,509
What's stage two?
281
00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:24,863
Pretending you still have a job.
282
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,365
Homer, can you
take out the garbage?
283
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,410
Oh, sorry, honey.
I'm late for work. Let's go.
284
00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:35,206
So, how long do we have to sit
in this coffee shop?
285
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,858
Until my boss realizes
he made a huge mistake firing me
286
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:39,435
and begs me to come back,
287
00:14:39,437 --> 00:14:42,029
but instead
I pour macaroni salad
288
00:14:42,031 --> 00:14:43,773
into his sunroof.
289
00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:45,625
Wasn't anger stage one?
290
00:14:45,627 --> 00:14:47,460
That was righteous anger.
291
00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,795
This is misdirected anger!
292
00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:53,349
Ah, stage three.
293
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:59,397
Hi, Lisa. I see you're
still on the couch.
294
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,714
How you doing?
295
00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:03,717
I'd be doing a lot better
if you moved that body
296
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:05,461
I "ruined in childbirth."
297
00:15:05,463 --> 00:15:07,647
I ruined it first.
298
00:15:07,649 --> 00:15:11,984
Lisa and I aren't supposed to
have doomsday fights like this
299
00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:13,560
until she's 14.
300
00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:16,563
She always was precocious.
Oh...
301
00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:19,325
Now all she does
is lie around watching TV.
302
00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:22,645
That's stage four:
"glowering without showering."
303
00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:25,815
But don't worry,
we're almost at stage five:
304
00:15:25,817 --> 00:15:27,333
"reluctant acceptance."
305
00:15:27,335 --> 00:15:28,501
You'll have your daughter back,
306
00:15:28,503 --> 00:15:32,004
and I won't have to
keep making up stages.
307
00:15:32,006 --> 00:15:34,265
Hey, Mom, I wanted to say...
308
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,768
you worked so hard
to make our charity
309
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,494
a successful organization.
310
00:15:38,496 --> 00:15:40,513
And then I came in
criticizing it
311
00:15:40,515 --> 00:15:43,590
and making you feel bad.
I'm sorry.
312
00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,668
Oh, sweetie.
313
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:47,094
Mm, mm.
314
00:15:47,096 --> 00:15:48,780
So, I'll see you
at the grand opening
315
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:53,009
of the Lisa M. Simpson
Foundation Headquarters tonight?
316
00:15:53,011 --> 00:15:55,011
Of course.
317
00:15:55,013 --> 00:15:57,013
I'm proud of you, honey.
318
00:15:57,015 --> 00:15:58,864
You're now ready for stage six:
319
00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:01,200
buy podcasting equipment
320
00:16:01,202 --> 00:16:03,962
but never unbox it.
321
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,965
And we successfully sued
Pabst Blue Ribbon
322
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,633
for using our trademark symbol.
323
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:12,453
From now on, they'll be known
as Pabst Teal Fabric Bow.
324
00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:15,306
Our awareness is at
an all-time high.
325
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,459
That's great. I guess now
we can put our efforts
326
00:16:18,461 --> 00:16:20,728
into helping people
on the streets.
327
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:26,225
As the wife of a surgeon,
I'm all about helping people,
328
00:16:26,227 --> 00:16:28,987
but we're a mega-successful
nonprofit,
329
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,563
not some charity.
330
00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:33,232
As the wife of a radiologist,
I agree.
331
00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:35,493
But what about
all the big donations...
332
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,496
I mean deductions
we got from companies
333
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,165
for letting them put our logo
on their products?
334
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,909
Marge, we didn't get money
for that.
335
00:16:43,911 --> 00:16:46,487
The companies paid us
in awareness.
336
00:16:46,489 --> 00:16:49,340
But when do we start
helping people?
337
00:16:50,251 --> 00:16:52,593
My wife's a dermatologist.
338
00:17:03,248 --> 00:17:05,973
Oh, God, Lisa was right.
339
00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:08,359
We have been bluewashing.
340
00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:13,531
I don't deserve to walk
on the blue carpet.
341
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,366
Take me around back.
342
00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:20,279
Mm, all this opulence
is making me queasy.
343
00:17:20,281 --> 00:17:23,374
Oh, Lisa, queasiness
is just hunger in disguise,
344
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,451
like how a hangover
means you should drink more.
345
00:17:25,453 --> 00:17:28,862
Okay, boy, what's your intel
on the passed app situation?
346
00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:30,439
We got mini quiches on our six
347
00:17:30,441 --> 00:17:32,216
and ahi tuna cones
at ten and two.
348
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,369
Fan out, and don't fall
for the bruschetta.
349
00:17:35,371 --> 00:17:37,296
It's a trap to fill you up.
350
00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:40,224
It's an honor to be
your chicken wing man.
351
00:17:50,461 --> 00:17:53,462
Gil? What are you doing here?
352
00:17:53,464 --> 00:17:56,299
I thought our blue bag
turned your life around.
353
00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:58,651
Ah, well, it did, for a bit,
but then they demolished
354
00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:01,895
the low-income housing
I was living in to build that.
355
00:18:01,897 --> 00:18:04,156
Now ol' Gil is homeless.
356
00:18:04,158 --> 00:18:05,825
You mean unhoused?
357
00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:07,993
I'm living in a tent
on a sidewalk
358
00:18:07,995 --> 00:18:09,921
and people yell at me
for it every day.
359
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,647
I can call it whatever I want.
360
00:18:19,824 --> 00:18:24,602
And here's the CEO of
the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation,
361
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,162
Marge Simpson.
362
00:18:28,015 --> 00:18:30,666
I would like to thank
all of you for coming.
363
00:18:30,668 --> 00:18:34,112
Actually, I would like to judge
all of you for coming.
364
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,596
Huh?
365
00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:39,175
This charity was supposed
to help the homeless.
366
00:18:39,177 --> 00:18:41,010
Instead,
we evicted people to build
367
00:18:41,012 --> 00:18:42,769
this extravagant headquarters,
368
00:18:42,771 --> 00:18:45,681
creating more homelessness.
369
00:18:45,683 --> 00:18:46,824
More homeless on the street
370
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:49,109
will help raise awareness.
371
00:18:49,111 --> 00:18:51,187
I'm done with raising awareness
372
00:18:51,189 --> 00:18:52,463
and with raising money
373
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,358
and with razing
low-income housing.
374
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:58,136
It's time to turn
the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation
375
00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,362
over to the one person
376
00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:02,198
who knew how to run it right
all along,
377
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,124
Lisa Simpson.
378
00:19:06,128 --> 00:19:08,387
Lisa Simpson's a real person?
379
00:19:08,389 --> 00:19:12,057
Thanks, Mom.
As co-head of this organization,
380
00:19:12,059 --> 00:19:15,211
I'm turning this building
into a shelter
381
00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,229
for the unhoused.
382
00:19:17,231 --> 00:19:18,990
Marge, you have to
shut this down.
383
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,901
No, I have to open this up.
384
00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:26,222
They don't know
which fork to use.
385
00:19:26,224 --> 00:19:28,666
She's wearing a dress
I gave away.
386
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:33,229
That's the man I had
in my windshield for a night.
387
00:19:33,231 --> 00:19:34,988
Enough of this do-goodery.
388
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:36,490
Open your eyes, rich people.
389
00:19:36,492 --> 00:19:38,584
We're not here to help
the less fortunate,
390
00:19:38,586 --> 00:19:41,328
we're here to bask
in our fortunateness.
391
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,163
If we really wanted
to make a difference,
392
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:45,925
we'd do the one thing
we've spent our lives avoiding,
393
00:19:45,927 --> 00:19:47,760
paying our taxes.
394
00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:52,765
Then one organization,
"the government,"
395
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:54,917
could tackle all
of society's ills,
396
00:19:54,919 --> 00:19:57,436
instead of leaving it
to 1.5 million separate
397
00:19:57,438 --> 00:20:01,532
ego-driven micro-bureaucracies
called "charities,"
398
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,944
including... get a load
of this scam... religions.
399
00:20:04,946 --> 00:20:07,279
But no one here wants
the rational way.
400
00:20:07,281 --> 00:20:10,115
We all want the United Way
401
00:20:10,117 --> 00:20:12,435
because that's the American way.
402
00:20:12,437 --> 00:20:15,287
Now, I paid $10,000
for this table.
403
00:20:15,289 --> 00:20:17,465
I'm taking it with me.
404
00:20:20,869 --> 00:20:24,447
Thank you, Mom. You did
something really great tonight.
405
00:20:24,449 --> 00:20:27,391
Now, let's turn this building
over to the homeless.
406
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:30,436
Yes. We just need
to get this notarized.
407
00:20:32,957 --> 00:20:34,790
Yee-haw!
408
00:20:52,568 --> 00:20:55,978
Ooh.
409
00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:57,588
Ow!
410
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,998
Mmm.
411
00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:04,762
Ow! Oh!
412
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:30,622
Shh!
413
00:21:30,646 --> 00:21:32,646
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