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1
00:00:05,743 --> 00:00:06,960
Oh, my gosh.
2
00:00:06,971 --> 00:00:09,220
Are you eating shards of glass?
3
00:00:09,438 --> 00:00:11,430
It's Crunch Berries.
4
00:00:11,441 --> 00:00:12,807
Well, could you please
chew them a little quieter
5
00:00:12,818 --> 00:00:14,134
or add some marshmallows?
6
00:00:14,145 --> 00:00:16,053
I'm working, and I really
need to concentrate.
7
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:18,917
Mm! Sorry, we're not all
environmental warriors
8
00:00:18,928 --> 00:00:21,045
trying to save the world
every second of the day.
9
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,972
Neither are you! What is this?
10
00:00:24,089 --> 00:00:25,247
Green Swipe?
11
00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:28,295
- "A dating app for earth lovers"?
- Yes.
12
00:00:28,306 --> 00:00:30,548
- I want my lover to love her mother.
- Mmm.
13
00:00:30,559 --> 00:00:32,648
After Charlotte, I don't want
to hide the real me anymore.
14
00:00:32,659 --> 00:00:34,568
I want any potential ladies
to know the real Edward.
15
00:00:34,579 --> 00:00:36,899
So I need this profile
to be the epitome of me.
16
00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:38,193
You should consider it,
17
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,239
given the fact that you're always alone
18
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:42,741
and watching true crime and
eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
19
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,243
The drama's as spicy as the snack.
20
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,869
And I've been on apps.
They're not for me.
21
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,205
I mean, seriously, what do you
learn from somebody by asking them,
22
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,499
"What are your three items
you'd bring to a deserted island?"
23
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:52,029
That's... dumb.
24
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,585
Where your priorities lie,
critical-thinking skills,
25
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,904
ability to analyze a disaster scenario?
26
00:00:56,915 --> 00:00:59,491
Meh. That's all so complicated.
27
00:00:59,529 --> 00:01:01,270
Oh, I'm just so glad I am not in a rush
28
00:01:01,281 --> 00:01:03,232
to get into another relationship.
29
00:01:03,243 --> 00:01:05,735
I'm just relieved to know
that your very arid dry spell's
30
00:01:05,746 --> 00:01:07,071
a choice that you're making
31
00:01:07,082 --> 00:01:09,694
instead of choice that
others are making for you.
32
00:01:10,011 --> 00:01:12,719
I was beginning to think that
you might be a spinster, Nell.
33
00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:14,764
How am I a spinster?
34
00:01:14,821 --> 00:01:16,313
I don't have any cats.
35
00:01:16,324 --> 00:01:18,608
Okay, I-I-I don't weave for a living.
36
00:01:18,619 --> 00:01:20,973
And I-I-I... I do play bingo,
37
00:01:20,984 --> 00:01:22,998
but that's only if a
drag queen is calling it.
38
00:01:23,009 --> 00:01:24,014
Hey!
39
00:01:24,025 --> 00:01:27,208
Plus, I recently got out
of a very long relationship.
40
00:01:27,225 --> 00:01:29,840
I guess maybe if you consider
the history of the cosmos,
41
00:01:29,851 --> 00:01:30,894
it's recent.
42
00:01:32,161 --> 00:01:34,778
Suck an egg, Edward.
I'm doing just fine.
43
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:41,639
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
44
00:01:41,724 --> 00:01:44,925
So, I've just been thinking,
it's time, you know?
45
00:01:44,936 --> 00:01:46,428
I definitely needed
to take a little while
46
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,805
to get myself over Phillip,
47
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:50,726
but, honestly, he was the
last person I got naked with,
48
00:01:50,737 --> 00:01:52,105
and that is just not okay anymore.
49
00:01:52,116 --> 00:01:53,822
Ooh. So what is the plan?
50
00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:55,283
I'm gonna have a fling.
51
00:01:55,294 --> 00:01:58,152
Well, I'm very supportive of you
getting out there and getting some.
52
00:01:58,163 --> 00:01:59,843
You know, just, uh... just be careful.
53
00:01:59,854 --> 00:02:01,352
I mean, you just have
a history of falling
54
00:02:01,363 --> 00:02:02,816
into relationships kind of fast.
55
00:02:02,827 --> 00:02:04,527
Ohh! Which is a good thing.
56
00:02:04,538 --> 00:02:06,197
It means you feel very big feelings.
57
00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:08,241
I've just never known you
to just hook up with somebody
58
00:02:08,252 --> 00:02:10,317
- and not get attached.
- Well, that was the old Nell.
59
00:02:10,328 --> 00:02:13,039
This is the new Nell... "Playa' Nell."
60
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,687
- Eh! I'm trying to get into it.
- Yeah.
61
00:02:14,698 --> 00:02:18,378
Well, it's just gonna all
be about hot and steamy sex,
62
00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:21,056
no strings, no baggage.
63
00:02:21,067 --> 00:02:23,183
- Well, I am here for it.
- Mm-mm.
64
00:02:23,194 --> 00:02:24,893
- Ooh, speaking of hot and steamy...
- Oh.
65
00:02:24,904 --> 00:02:26,938
... the sexiest thing
happened last night.
66
00:02:26,949 --> 00:02:29,149
So, Keith was making
dino nuggets for the kids,
67
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,152
and this huge fly landed on the counter.
68
00:02:31,163 --> 00:02:33,077
- Uh-huh.
- And so he just... Bap!
69
00:02:33,088 --> 00:02:35,164
- Oh.
- Kicked the oven door closed with one leg
70
00:02:35,175 --> 00:02:37,792
while holding a whole tray of hot nugs.
71
00:02:37,803 --> 00:02:40,056
He then just killed the
fly with the other hand.
72
00:02:41,189 --> 00:02:42,889
It was so hot.
73
00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:44,600
Because you had sex after that?
74
00:02:44,611 --> 00:02:46,228
Oh, God no. We were so exhausted,
75
00:02:46,239 --> 00:02:47,856
we just fell asleep in separate rooms
76
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,984
- after we had put the kids down.
- Mm.
77
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,282
And now that I see
that look on your face,
78
00:02:52,293 --> 00:02:54,969
I am really regretting sharing that.
79
00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,174
- Sorry.
- Hey.
80
00:02:56,185 --> 00:02:57,796
Just e-mailed you your next obit.
81
00:02:57,807 --> 00:02:59,090
Oh. Oh.
82
00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:01,325
A dog?
83
00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:03,423
Oh, I love this one.
84
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:04,966
Scout was a real hero.
85
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,319
He saved over 200 people
86
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:08,736
in his career as a search-and-rescue
dog. He even got a medal for it.
87
00:03:08,747 --> 00:03:09,889
Oh.
88
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,933
Wow. I mean, all my rescue dog does
89
00:03:11,944 --> 00:03:14,061
is run into screen doors
and bite my children.
90
00:03:14,072 --> 00:03:15,906
I'm pretty sure Princess
Mango Chicken is a coyote.
91
00:03:15,917 --> 00:03:16,922
- No.
- Yes.
92
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,363
Oh, my God. Look at you.
93
00:03:19,374 --> 00:03:21,617
Who's a cute, little baby boy? Yes.
94
00:03:21,628 --> 00:03:23,411
Look at that little jacket.
95
00:03:23,422 --> 00:03:24,955
Who's a handsome boy?
96
00:03:24,966 --> 00:03:26,206
Well, I guess that would be me.
97
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,574
And it's Banana Republic.
98
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,831
But, you know, I really think
they upped their game this season.
99
00:03:31,842 --> 00:03:34,085
No. Oh, I was... I was just watching,
100
00:03:34,096 --> 00:03:36,810
like, an Instagram
video with a dog in it.
101
00:03:36,821 --> 00:03:38,563
- Ah.
- Not you, of course.
102
00:03:38,574 --> 00:03:42,235
Uh, but I'm sure you do
real well on Instagram.
103
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,521
Well, my makeup tutorial page
has gone viral a few times.
104
00:03:46,532 --> 00:03:48,858
So I'm in the presence of a celebrity?
105
00:03:48,869 --> 00:03:50,317
Yeah, kinda.
106
00:03:50,328 --> 00:03:51,415
Mm.
107
00:03:51,501 --> 00:03:53,493
- I'm James.
- Attention!
108
00:03:53,589 --> 00:03:55,224
- Hi, James.
- Hi.
109
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,321
- I'm... My name's Nell. I'm Nell.
- Announcement, everyone!
110
00:03:57,332 --> 00:03:59,117
- Nell. Nice to meet you.
- Your leader has an announcement.
111
00:03:59,128 --> 00:04:01,103
- Nice to meet you.
- James?
112
00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:03,265
- That's me.
- Oh, yes.
113
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:04,684
I remember that from two seconds ago.
114
00:04:04,821 --> 00:04:06,510
James?!
115
00:04:06,521 --> 00:04:08,716
- I also have to go, too.
- Okay. Okay, after you.
116
00:04:08,727 --> 00:04:12,450
Everyone, I would like
to introduce James Gorski.
117
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:14,744
- Hey.
- James is a war correspondent
118
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,581
who has done some freelance work
for the paper over the years.
119
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:21,235
And we are so excited to
have him back for a few days.
120
00:04:23,214 --> 00:04:26,749
Now, that James
Gorski, he could kill a fly.
121
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,669
- You know what I'm saying?
- Girl, I'm gonna need you to raise the bar
122
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,130
- right up off the floor for me, please.
- While James is here,
123
00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:31,924
we'll be launching a new on-air segment
124
00:04:31,935 --> 00:04:34,529
with our local ABC News affiliate.
125
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:36,949
And as I have a minor in film studies,
126
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,539
and a major in talent,
I will be your director.
127
00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:41,792
Or auteur, if you will.
128
00:04:41,952 --> 00:04:43,529
Shh, Mason.
129
00:04:43,724 --> 00:04:45,390
That's French for "Shh."
130
00:04:45,570 --> 00:04:46,836
Thank you, everyone!
131
00:04:46,847 --> 00:04:48,489
So, uh, what about James, huh?
132
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:49,700
Could he be my fling?
133
00:04:49,711 --> 00:04:52,286
Ooh, the world-traveling Casanova
134
00:04:52,297 --> 00:04:54,623
whose schedule doesn't
allow for a relationship.
135
00:04:54,634 --> 00:04:56,853
I would consider it a
betrayal if you didn't.
136
00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:00,082
Okay, this is great. In and out,
no feelings, and then he's gone.
137
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,541
- Amazing.
- Mm!
138
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,231
- Byyye!
- Happy for us.
139
00:05:03,242 --> 00:05:06,152
Lexi, I love the idea of
James doing on-air segments,
140
00:05:06,163 --> 00:05:07,446
but he'll be gone soon.
141
00:05:07,457 --> 00:05:09,240
And it'd be a shame if
we couldn't keep it up.
142
00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:11,702
You know, unless we had a replacement.
143
00:05:11,713 --> 00:05:13,508
Ah! I see what you're saying.
144
00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:15,712
I need to find someone as
talented and charming as James.
145
00:05:15,723 --> 00:05:17,418
Me! Uh...
146
00:05:17,429 --> 00:05:18,958
I'm sorry.
147
00:05:18,969 --> 00:05:20,162
I-I meant me.
148
00:05:20,173 --> 00:05:22,247
Listen, in my second
year of journalism school,
149
00:05:22,258 --> 00:05:23,875
we had to choose a track.
150
00:05:23,886 --> 00:05:26,253
I wanted to do TV, but
my professor recommended
151
00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:28,632
I do journalism, so that's what I did.
152
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:31,094
- Mm.
- But I always wondered...
153
00:05:31,105 --> 00:05:33,681
what would've happened if
I had chosen the other path?
154
00:05:33,745 --> 00:05:35,466
This is my chance to find out.
155
00:05:35,477 --> 00:05:37,368
Like Gwyneth Paltrow in "Sliding Doors,"
156
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:39,065
but with fewer turtlenecks.
157
00:05:39,076 --> 00:05:42,332
Oh, that's beautiful. I always love
hearing about my employees' dreams.
158
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,042
- Thank you.
- Hello? Fake phone call...
159
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,592
... to get out of awkward situations?
160
00:05:45,603 --> 00:05:48,212
Oh, hi! I was just going to call you!
161
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,232
- Oh, no, he's not getting in the elevator.
- Right.
162
00:05:50,242 --> 00:05:52,676
Yes. Peas and carrots,
peas and carrots.
163
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,469
Yes.
164
00:05:54,949 --> 00:05:56,036
Yeah.
165
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,156
"Rescued from the pound
at the last moment,
166
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,725
Scout went from the dog nobody wanted
167
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,811
to a decorated search-and-rescue dog
168
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,437
who was beloved by his handler
169
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,940
and the entire Pasadena community."
170
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,023
You like it?
171
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,402
Nice.
172
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,404
You know, I love how
you reinvented yourself.
173
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:13,795
Yeah. It's very inspiring.
174
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,660
I'm gonna reinvent myself, too.
175
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,135
Oh, no. Oh, no. What is happening?
176
00:06:28,146 --> 00:06:30,806
Oh, God, we were so flirty,
and now I'm freezing.
177
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,388
Oh, okay.
178
00:06:43,144 --> 00:06:44,782
Man, you really are a rescue dog.
179
00:06:44,793 --> 00:06:46,103
I'd give you a treat if I could.
180
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,065
Oh, uh-oh.
181
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,706
Okay, I appreciate the suggestion,
182
00:06:50,717 --> 00:06:53,237
but I think twerking might be
a little too forward.
183
00:06:54,851 --> 00:06:57,406
Oh, I... Tha... I
didn't mean that for you.
184
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,370
Oh, hey. Hey.
185
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,612
There you are. I, um...
I was worried you got lost.
186
00:07:05,623 --> 00:07:07,148
I haven't seen you around all day.
187
00:07:07,159 --> 00:07:09,245
Oh, you were looking for me, huh?
188
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,506
Are you gonna push the button?
189
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,258
Uh, yeah.
190
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,782
- I... Is that how it works?
- Mm.
191
00:07:16,793 --> 00:07:18,702
I've never actually ridden
in an elevator before.
192
00:07:18,713 --> 00:07:21,206
Well, you're
gonna be waiting a long time
193
00:07:21,217 --> 00:07:22,976
unless you learn how to push the button.
194
00:07:22,987 --> 00:07:24,071
Hm.
195
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,389
Here, I'll show you.
196
00:07:34,405 --> 00:07:36,731
Oh, that was fast.
197
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:39,824
Which is out of character
for this elevator.
198
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,701
I'll keep that in mind.
199
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,757
Should we push the button again?
200
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,724
- Well, that depends.
- Hm?
201
00:07:50,363 --> 00:07:52,499
Are we still talking about elevators?
202
00:08:08,881 --> 00:08:10,480
- Hi.
- Hi.
203
00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:11,984
Hi!
204
00:08:11,995 --> 00:08:13,069
Hi?
205
00:08:13,299 --> 00:08:16,194
- What are we doing?
- Well, there's a news update.
206
00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:18,113
I'm not sure if you heard.
207
00:08:18,124 --> 00:08:19,783
But, um...
208
00:08:19,794 --> 00:08:21,869
I got Gorski'd.
209
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,450
What are you gonna do next?
210
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,631
- Are you gonna see him again?
- I have no idea.
211
00:08:25,642 --> 00:08:27,166
I didn't call him. We didn't text.
212
00:08:27,177 --> 00:08:30,211
And I didn't skim his Instagram, so...
213
00:08:30,222 --> 00:08:33,304
Welcome to my renaissance.
Or re-Nell-aissance.
214
00:08:34,837 --> 00:08:35,930
Pretty good, right?
215
00:08:35,941 --> 00:08:38,726
- I am genuinely so impressed with you right now.
- Mm.
216
00:08:38,737 --> 00:08:41,563
I did not think that you were
capable of having a fling.
217
00:08:41,574 --> 00:08:44,692
And I am so happy I was wrong.
218
00:08:45,056 --> 00:08:48,403
Huh. James, uh, texted me eye emojis.
219
00:08:48,414 --> 00:08:50,257
Wha... What d... What does that mean?
220
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:51,926
I... It...
221
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,740
It means he's got eyes on you.
And he's looking at you right now.
222
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,354
Oh, he did the thing with the eyebrows.
223
00:08:56,365 --> 00:08:58,566
- And he is texting. He's texting.
- Hm.
224
00:08:58,577 --> 00:08:59,945
Is he texting you? He's texting.
225
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,398
He wants to go out for drinks later.
226
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:03,938
Sure.
227
00:09:04,045 --> 00:09:05,076
What. Ever.
228
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,889
You are "whatevering" that?
229
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,665
I told you, I'm trying out a thing.
230
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,287
I wish I could have some of that
231
00:09:13,298 --> 00:09:16,208
"sexy eyes, passionate sex
in the office" sex energy
232
00:09:16,219 --> 00:09:18,253
that you and James have got going on.
233
00:09:18,264 --> 00:09:19,421
Maybe you guys just need
to get out of the house
234
00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:21,258
and away from the kids a bit, you know?
235
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,680
Oh, you and Keith can come and
have drinks with James and me.
236
00:09:23,691 --> 00:09:26,934
No. You don't want some of
this boring marriage energy
237
00:09:26,945 --> 00:09:28,770
all over your sexy non-date.
238
00:09:28,781 --> 00:09:30,314
Come!
239
00:09:30,373 --> 00:09:32,157
You helped me get some.
240
00:09:32,168 --> 00:09:34,106
Let me help you get some.
241
00:09:34,117 --> 00:09:37,488
I mean, we have not been on a
grown-up night out in awhile.
242
00:09:37,499 --> 00:09:38,942
- No dino nuggets.
- Oh.
243
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,322
No diaper bags.
244
00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:41,955
Just the four of us
and whatever red wine.
245
00:09:41,966 --> 00:09:44,201
Cricket's got a special on.
246
00:09:44,212 --> 00:09:46,444
You know, if it does
not work out with Keith,
247
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,660
I'm genuinely coming for all of that.
248
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,422
There's a line, baby.
249
00:09:50,433 --> 00:09:51,459
Get in line.
250
00:09:54,169 --> 00:09:58,561
So, I'm thinking that we push
in on James, à la Kubrick,
251
00:09:58,572 --> 00:10:01,216
then we cut to a De
Palma-esque low POV...
252
00:10:01,227 --> 00:10:02,552
wide angle, of course.
253
00:10:02,662 --> 00:10:04,445
I'm thinking 40 millimeter lens.
254
00:10:04,456 --> 00:10:06,992
Boom. Stool explodes,
giant popcorn everywhere.
255
00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,204
You're going to be
shooting this on your phone.
256
00:10:09,215 --> 00:10:12,291
Guerilla style, like
Scorsese's "Mean Streets."
257
00:10:12,302 --> 00:10:13,701
I can work with that.
258
00:10:13,712 --> 00:10:14,896
Great.
259
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,798
Knock, knock!
260
00:10:16,809 --> 00:10:19,693
- That's just a little mime work.
- Okay.
261
00:10:19,704 --> 00:10:22,376
Not sure if you guys are familiar.
Ooh, those bags are...
262
00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:24,455
Listen, I know you
think I might not be able
263
00:10:24,466 --> 00:10:26,833
to be an on-air personality
once James leaves.
264
00:10:26,844 --> 00:10:30,577
But allow me to change... your... mind.
265
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,332
- Oh, boy.
- Good evening.
266
00:10:32,417 --> 00:10:35,216
In a sleepy cul-de-sac in Altadena,
267
00:10:35,227 --> 00:10:36,659
there sits a cat...
268
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,160
Dennis, I already told you.
269
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:41,022
... with no tags and no collar,
270
00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:43,692
just a cute face and a single whisker.
271
00:10:43,703 --> 00:10:46,844
A local southbound train just
crashed into an oil tanker.
272
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:47,887
Go.
273
00:10:48,241 --> 00:10:49,305
I'm... I'm sorry. What?
274
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,682
If you want to be an
on-air personality,
275
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:51,975
you have to be ready for anything.
276
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,019
Now, come on, Dennis. There's
bodies, there's oil, there's feathers.
277
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,521
Where... Where did
the feathers come from?
278
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,790
I don't know. You tell me.
I mean, you're on the scene.
279
00:10:58,801 --> 00:11:00,126
Yes, okay.
280
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:02,004
Uh, this just in from downtown...
281
00:11:02,015 --> 00:11:04,507
a collision between a
train and an oil tanker
282
00:11:04,518 --> 00:11:07,261
and a... chicken.
283
00:11:07,272 --> 00:11:09,222
Hot Dog Hut just had
a Listeria outbreak,
284
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:10,933
and people are
defecating in the streets.
285
00:11:10,985 --> 00:11:13,186
Oh! This just in from,
286
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,387
uh, uh, Northern Hollywood.
287
00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:18,898
There's all kinds of
slippery situation there
288
00:11:19,061 --> 00:11:20,970
between people and their...
289
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:23,264
- Uh-oh, earthquake!
- Uh, yes.
290
00:11:23,275 --> 00:11:26,574
Breaking, a 6.2 earthquake
with an epicenter at chicken...
291
00:11:26,585 --> 00:11:27,951
D-Damn it!
292
00:11:29,996 --> 00:11:32,880
Bro. Big yikes.
293
00:11:33,279 --> 00:11:34,984
Double yikes.
294
00:11:36,007 --> 00:11:37,186
Thank you for your time.
295
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,941
Why do these dating apps
put a word limit on their prompts?
296
00:11:44,952 --> 00:11:47,036
It's asking, do you like sushi?
297
00:11:47,047 --> 00:11:48,747
Yeah, but I need to be thorough.
298
00:11:48,758 --> 00:11:50,301
There's a lot of
different kinds of sushi.
299
00:11:50,312 --> 00:11:52,899
You know, there's nigiri,
there's sashimi, there's chirashi.
300
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:54,943
- Do they put vinegar in the rice?
- Mm-hmm.
301
00:11:54,954 --> 00:11:57,781
I also would like to share
my opinions on imitation crab.
302
00:11:57,792 --> 00:12:00,034
News flash... They're negative.
303
00:12:00,045 --> 00:12:02,829
Don't you want to leave just
a little something for mystery?
304
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,791
Hey, Cricket. Could I
grab a few more candles?
305
00:12:04,802 --> 00:12:06,418
- I just want to set the mood.
- See?
306
00:12:06,429 --> 00:12:10,048
- Now, this... this is how romance is done.
- Mnh!
307
00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:12,718
Nell is gonna go out
there with that Adonis,
308
00:12:12,729 --> 00:12:15,475
and they're gonna look in each
other's eyes and drink some wine
309
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,127
and peel back the layers in real time.
310
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,754
Oh, no. This is not actually a date.
311
00:12:19,765 --> 00:12:21,023
No layers to peel.
312
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:23,234
I'm just trying to get Sam
to have sex with her husband.
313
00:12:24,461 --> 00:12:25,901
You know, there's an app for that.
314
00:12:27,694 --> 00:12:29,372
Wait, wait, so... so
how old are your kids?
315
00:12:29,383 --> 00:12:30,875
Oh, they're...
316
00:12:30,886 --> 00:12:33,191
- No, we are not gonna talk about kids tonight.
- Mm-hmm.
317
00:12:33,202 --> 00:12:34,519
- Yes, thank you so much.
- Ah.
318
00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:36,204
Why don't you, um, tell them about
319
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,789
one of your reportings from, like,
320
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:39,332
an erupting volcano or something.
321
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,815
Ah, well, actually, I did do that.
322
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:43,110
- What?
- Yeah. No, Fiji 2021.
323
00:12:43,121 --> 00:12:44,650
You guys, remember? I actually, um...
324
00:12:44,661 --> 00:12:46,445
I had to get choppered
out of that thing.
325
00:12:46,456 --> 00:12:49,197
Huh. We have very similar lives.
326
00:12:49,208 --> 00:12:51,200
- Yeah?
- We've seen "Moana" like 37 times.
327
00:12:51,211 --> 00:12:53,095
The songs are on a
constant loop in my mind.
328
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,560
No, no. No, no.
329
00:12:54,571 --> 00:12:56,348
"Moana" is not welcome
here. We're adults.
330
00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,613
Come on, pick up your glasses.
331
00:12:57,624 --> 00:12:59,687
Yay! Cheers!
332
00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:01,646
Oh, no, no, no, no. No.
333
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,532
We're adults having a sexy time.
334
00:13:03,543 --> 00:13:05,660
W-We cut our own food. Cheers!
335
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,654
Oh, no. No, no.
336
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:10,815
No yawning. More wine.
337
00:13:10,826 --> 00:13:12,186
Come on. Cheers!
338
00:13:13,783 --> 00:13:16,501
You look really beautiful
in all this candlelight.
339
00:13:16,512 --> 00:13:19,988
You know, we haven't lit a
candle in a very long time.
340
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:22,658
Oh. Open flames around children...
341
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,436
So dangerous.
342
00:13:27,604 --> 00:13:29,012
- Oh, no.
- Oh...
343
00:13:29,023 --> 00:13:30,379
You've gotta be kidding me.
344
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:31,925
- What?
- Tilly got her hand stuck in the toilet again.
345
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,136
- What?
- This keeps happening.
346
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,429
I don't know what she's looking for.
347
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,903
No, no, no, no! Stay!
348
00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:38,007
She's in a safe place, and
she has plenty of water!
349
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,468
I just wanted to say, I
don't think men should be
350
00:13:40,479 --> 00:13:41,929
afraid to compliment other men.
351
00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:43,103
- You're very handsome.
- He's very handsome.
352
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,439
- Okay, let's go.
- Thank you.
353
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,896
- Such a pleasure.
- Well, that was a total bust.
354
00:13:46,907 --> 00:13:48,487
Oh, I don't know. I
had a pretty good time.
355
00:13:48,498 --> 00:13:50,694
Yeah. No, yeah, for sure, of course.
356
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,321
It just... Meh.
357
00:13:52,763 --> 00:13:55,339
Oh! So, do want to, I don't know,
358
00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:56,842
go make out in the ladies room?
359
00:13:56,853 --> 00:13:59,720
Or we could go back to your hotel room.
360
00:13:59,775 --> 00:14:04,270
Or we could, um, stay here and talk.
361
00:14:04,393 --> 00:14:05,926
Get to know each other better.
362
00:14:06,294 --> 00:14:08,129
It's pretty beautiful out right now.
363
00:14:08,293 --> 00:14:10,655
Is it? I mean...
364
00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:12,550
These, like, metal
chairs get really cold.
365
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,256
And the smell from the trash
in the alley, it's really funky.
366
00:14:15,267 --> 00:14:17,759
Look, I know it's only been a minute.
367
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,766
I mean, I don't know
if it's all this wine
368
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:22,435
or this super sweet playlist, but, um...
369
00:14:24,972 --> 00:14:26,823
I like you, Nell.
370
00:14:28,306 --> 00:14:30,105
I think we have a connection.
371
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,196
Like a parts-to-parts connection?
372
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,817
No, like a real one.
373
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,002
Oh.
374
00:14:40,074 --> 00:14:42,457
No, something definitely smells bad.
375
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:48,126
So, James wanted more. How
did you break it to him?
376
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,379
Oh. Well, you know,
377
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,131
as a mature and healthy woman,
378
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,050
I told him that we were
just in different places,
379
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,260
and although I've enjoyed his company,
380
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,762
I just don't share his feelings.
381
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,616
- Wow, really?
- No.
382
00:14:59,627 --> 00:15:01,452
I faked having a bad
reaction to the cheese plate,
383
00:15:01,463 --> 00:15:02,464
and I got the hell out of there.
384
00:15:02,475 --> 00:15:03,724
- Ah, there she is.
- That tracks.
385
00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:06,437
He was supposed to be just,
like, a fun thing, you know?
386
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,856
And I almost got out clean,
387
00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:10,062
and then he suddenly, you know,
started "feeling something."
388
00:15:10,073 --> 00:15:11,774
You know, I feel like
the gravitational pull
389
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,152
of our unsexiness just
was way too strong,
390
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,534
and we just sucked James into
our boring domestic orbit.
391
00:15:17,545 --> 00:15:20,413
Wow, you're making a great
case for being a parent.
392
00:15:20,424 --> 00:15:23,625
It's fine. You know, just 18
years of celibacy, per kid.
393
00:15:25,761 --> 00:15:27,378
- Oh, no.
- What?
394
00:15:27,389 --> 00:15:29,548
He's putting flowers on my desk.
395
00:15:29,559 --> 00:15:31,050
Looks like you broke James Gorski.
396
00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:32,738
- Oof.
- Okay, so, um...
397
00:15:32,749 --> 00:15:34,078
... the obvious solution here
398
00:15:34,089 --> 00:15:36,206
is that I'm going to live in this office
399
00:15:36,217 --> 00:15:38,001
until James leaves town
and stop texting him
400
00:15:38,012 --> 00:15:39,324
until he eventually gives up.
401
00:15:39,335 --> 00:15:41,253
Right?
402
00:15:41,798 --> 00:15:43,232
Fine, I'll go talk to him.
403
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,443
Uh, no, I was gonna say
you can sleep under the desk
404
00:15:45,454 --> 00:15:47,127
and pee in the trash as long
as you empty it in the morning.
405
00:15:47,138 --> 00:15:48,931
But, no, sure, go be an adult.
406
00:15:50,672 --> 00:15:52,581
So I went back and
forth about the flowers.
407
00:15:52,592 --> 00:15:54,608
But then I realized
that going back and forth
408
00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,403
about the flowers meant that I cared.
409
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:59,612
And so I just... I-I bought 'em
to show that I don't... I don't care.
410
00:15:59,623 --> 00:16:01,406
So here we are.
411
00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:03,953
Aw, James Gorski.
412
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,559
Uh-oh. I got full-named.
413
00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:08,872
That's not good.
414
00:16:10,084 --> 00:16:11,317
I'm sorry.
415
00:16:11,328 --> 00:16:14,580
I just wanted to have fun and get
myself back out there for a second,
416
00:16:14,591 --> 00:16:18,335
and, please, please, don't take
this the wrong way, but I...
417
00:16:18,346 --> 00:16:21,099
I thought that you'd be
the perfect guy for it.
418
00:16:23,590 --> 00:16:25,415
No, I get it. I-I get it.
419
00:16:25,426 --> 00:16:28,169
I'm single. I travel for work.
420
00:16:28,244 --> 00:16:30,319
My eyes naturally sparkle.
421
00:16:30,330 --> 00:16:31,680
- They do.
- Yeah.
422
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:35,050
But, um...
423
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:38,114
... honestly, I think
I'm getting tired of it.
424
00:16:38,402 --> 00:16:40,895
You know, moving around
from places and people,
425
00:16:40,906 --> 00:16:42,668
never having anything to hold onto.
426
00:16:42,679 --> 00:16:45,046
I don't know, it made
me think maybe I...
427
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:47,997
want someone that I could, you know,
428
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,540
watch "Moana" 37 times with.
429
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:55,549
Ironically, I am the queen of
those kind of relationships.
430
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,395
- Mm.
- Yeah, my last one with Phillip,
431
00:16:58,406 --> 00:17:01,818
I was all in, until I wasn't.
432
00:17:01,829 --> 00:17:04,196
And, I mean, in normal circumstances,
433
00:17:04,207 --> 00:17:06,783
you are... you're probably my type.
434
00:17:06,813 --> 00:17:08,014
- You know...
- Oh.
435
00:17:08,025 --> 00:17:09,769
... you're amazing and beautiful
436
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:12,448
and very, very tall.
437
00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:14,574
And we have chemistry.
438
00:17:15,829 --> 00:17:18,196
But you're just not feeling it?
439
00:17:19,085 --> 00:17:23,298
I mean, honestly, I'm not feeling
much of anything these days.
440
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,357
Hmm.
441
00:17:25,532 --> 00:17:28,608
Uh, wow. So I should, um,
442
00:17:28,726 --> 00:17:31,170
I should probably take
a closer look at that.
443
00:17:31,181 --> 00:17:33,590
No, don't. I totally get it.
444
00:17:33,601 --> 00:17:35,895
I've been there, not feeling things.
445
00:17:35,906 --> 00:17:37,397
Huh.
446
00:17:38,007 --> 00:17:40,757
If... If I can give you
a little bit of advice?
447
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,265
Don't stay there too long.
448
00:17:50,515 --> 00:17:52,132
I'll try not to.
449
00:17:52,202 --> 00:17:53,360
Good.
450
00:17:53,371 --> 00:17:54,779
Okay.
451
00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:57,537
Alright, uh...
452
00:17:58,482 --> 00:18:00,137
It was great meeting you.
453
00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:02,140
- Same.
- I'm gonna go now.
454
00:18:02,151 --> 00:18:03,155
Okay.
455
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,117
Um, but don't you watch me walk away,
456
00:18:05,128 --> 00:18:06,474
'cause you haven't earned that at all.
457
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,227
- Oh!
- Okay? You haven't.
458
00:18:08,364 --> 00:18:10,575
Today was leg day, too, so...
459
00:18:21,061 --> 00:18:23,720
Nell, I got one match.
460
00:18:23,911 --> 00:18:25,236
I am so sorry.
461
00:18:25,247 --> 00:18:26,355
No, it's great.
462
00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:28,948
She's a social activist/
video game designer
463
00:18:28,959 --> 00:18:30,784
with a lot of opinions on sushi,
464
00:18:30,795 --> 00:18:32,412
which she wants to discuss with me,
465
00:18:32,423 --> 00:18:34,915
incidentally, over Italian food.
466
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,406
That's great.
467
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:38,075
I'm really happy for you, Edward.
468
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,743
Well, I guess this is our final walk
469
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,037
before you chase that giant
tennis ball in the sky.
470
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:53,294
So, go ahead, do what you want.
471
00:18:53,305 --> 00:18:56,393
Lift that little ghost leg
up on anything you like.
472
00:18:58,166 --> 00:19:00,205
I'm gonna miss you.
473
00:19:00,552 --> 00:19:02,294
You're a good little wingman.
474
00:19:02,305 --> 00:19:05,364
Easy to talk to, you give
excellent flirting advice.
475
00:19:07,545 --> 00:19:09,495
I just wish you can
stick around long enough
476
00:19:09,506 --> 00:19:10,831
to help me figure out why I haven't
477
00:19:10,842 --> 00:19:13,315
felt anything for anyone in so long.
478
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,947
But I guess you can only
do so much rescuing, huh?
479
00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:21,496
Oh.
480
00:19:21,573 --> 00:19:23,357
I guess we're walking.
481
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,697
Hey! Hey, buddy.
482
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,699
I... I don't think any of
these restaurants are open.
483
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,369
I guess I can buy you a
steak and let you smell it.
484
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,578
Hey!
485
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,669
Phillip?
486
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:45,621
Oh, I felt that.
487
00:19:49,511 --> 00:19:51,203
No, we don't want to miss
out on this opportunity.
488
00:19:51,214 --> 00:19:52,570
We have a replacement
coming in right this...
489
00:19:52,581 --> 00:19:54,351
He's here now. He's here now.
490
00:19:54,362 --> 00:19:56,687
Um, uh, okay. What... What is happening?
491
00:19:56,698 --> 00:19:59,107
James left. Apparently, he had
some war to go to or something.
492
00:19:59,118 --> 00:20:02,191
- So today is your lucky day.
- Uh, okay.
493
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,859
Oh. O-kay.
494
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,675
Um, how long do I have?
495
00:20:05,686 --> 00:20:07,219
And we're live in three...
496
00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:08,796
- Smile...
- ... two...
497
00:20:08,839 --> 00:20:11,946
Joining us now, an editor
with the SoCal Independent,
498
00:20:11,957 --> 00:20:13,532
Dennis Simbeaux-Jones.
499
00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:17,125
Dennis, do you think the rise
in oil prices around the globe
500
00:20:17,136 --> 00:20:20,346
will blunt consumer confidence
here in this country?
501
00:20:21,142 --> 00:20:22,592
Dennis, say something.
502
00:20:22,860 --> 00:20:26,032
- Say anything.
- Um, yes, great question.
503
00:20:26,043 --> 00:20:29,292
Uh, "blunt" makes me
think of Emily Blunt,
504
00:20:29,303 --> 00:20:33,130
which makes me think of
"The Devil Wears Prada."
505
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,807
L-Let me get this straight.
506
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,852
Did you just compare the
rise of crude oil prices
507
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,437
to an Anne Hathaway film?
508
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,313
In fact, Colleen, I did.
509
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,607
Just as Ms. Hathaway's Andy
510
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,068
does not understand
how Oscar de la Renta's
511
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,154
choice of cerulean in 2002
512
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:50,364
leads her to wearing
a lumpy blue sweater
513
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:53,409
four years later, neither
does the average consumer
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00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,495
understand how market
trends at the global level
515
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,956
affect what they're paying at the pump.
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00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:00,705
There you have it.
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00:21:00,716 --> 00:21:02,189
Dennis Simbeaux-Jones,
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00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,984
an editor with the SoCal Independent.
519
00:21:04,995 --> 00:21:07,947
Thoughtful, enigmatic, relatable.
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00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:10,389
You have certainly given
us food for thought.
521
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,344
Will you be joining us next week?
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00:21:12,447 --> 00:21:14,104
I certainly will, Colleen.
523
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,347
And we're clear.
524
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:18,476
Wow, Dennis, I had no idea
525
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:19,894
you could be so confident under fire.
526
00:21:21,152 --> 00:21:22,230
I did.
527
00:21:23,593 --> 00:21:28,593
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