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♪ She was unemployed, unhappy
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00:00:04,206 --> 00:00:05,758
♪ She had no cash
3
00:00:05,758 --> 00:00:08,655
♪ Pretending to be classy,
but just poor white trash ♪
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00:00:08,655 --> 00:00:10,000
♪ The tragic but true fact is
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00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,379
♪ A bitter aging actress
6
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♪ Whose agent just
recently dropped her ♪
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♪ Sitting on her ass
drinking cheap, boxed wine ♪
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♪ 'Til she took a bogus
class while at home online ♪
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00:00:19,931 --> 00:00:22,793
♪ Finished fast, came
in last, barely passed ♪
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♪ Now the bitch calls
herself a doctor ♪
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00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:29,034
♪ Who woulda guess that
this phony would treat ♪
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00:00:29,034 --> 00:00:32,931
♪ The craziest of
the showbiz elite ♪
13
00:00:32,931 --> 00:00:35,931
♪ And now the only thing
more distant and more scary ♪
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00:00:35,931 --> 00:00:37,689
♪ Is her slutty
blonde assistant ♪
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♪ The dumb whore Sherry
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♪ You don't wanna be
on our client list ♪
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♪ It's Dr. Jackie
18
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♪ The unlicensed
psychotherapist ♪
19
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,172
Good morning,
here's your mail.
20
00:00:53,172 --> 00:00:54,413
Anything important?
21
00:00:54,413 --> 00:00:57,448
Nuh, just the
usual, mostly bills.
22
00:00:57,448 --> 00:01:00,206
Few letters from 14 year
old cisgender white girls
23
00:01:00,206 --> 00:01:04,000
accusing you of being racist,
transphobic and misogynistic.
24
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,482
Uh huh.
25
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:08,448
Oh, and there is this
one from the LA Free Clinic
26
00:01:08,448 --> 00:01:09,862
I think you might wanna see.
27
00:01:13,482 --> 00:01:14,931
Shit.
28
00:01:14,931 --> 00:01:16,413
Yeah.
29
00:01:16,413 --> 00:01:19,344
But the good news is that
your first session today
30
00:01:19,344 --> 00:01:21,241
is with Cher!
31
00:01:21,241 --> 00:01:23,896
All right. I
realize that to you,
32
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Cher is an iconic glamorous,
33
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:29,551
legendary Oscar-winning
superstar.
34
00:01:29,551 --> 00:01:33,482
But to me, she's just another
deeply disturbed patient.
35
00:01:33,482 --> 00:01:37,793
Well, on behalf of all
the Cher fans everywhere,
36
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,758
please help her.
37
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The world needs Cher.
38
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It really does.
I'll do my best.
39
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,793
Send her in when she gets here.
40
00:01:58,655 --> 00:01:59,896
Hey
honey, how are you doing?
41
00:01:59,896 --> 00:02:03,551
Whoo! Oh, you
know, same old shit.
42
00:02:03,551 --> 00:02:06,310
Nothing's changed
since we met yesterday?
43
00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:10,379
Oh, last night I was up all
night staring at the ceiling.
44
00:02:10,379 --> 00:02:12,862
Just the same thoughts
going around in my head
45
00:02:12,862 --> 00:02:14,448
again and again.
46
00:02:14,448 --> 00:02:15,586
Like what?
47
00:02:15,586 --> 00:02:18,413
Like what is iCloud?
48
00:02:18,413 --> 00:02:21,034
Or if there are
Irish Wolfhounds,
49
00:02:21,034 --> 00:02:23,862
why aren't there
Jewish Retrievers
50
00:02:23,862 --> 00:02:28,862
or if spirit animals are
real, is the opposite true?
51
00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:31,172
And are there spirit humans?
52
00:02:31,172 --> 00:02:33,793
And somewhere in
the, in the Congo,
53
00:02:33,793 --> 00:02:36,482
is there a bonobo ape
that likes to pretend
54
00:02:36,482 --> 00:02:38,517
he's a balding accountant?
55
00:02:39,379 --> 00:02:41,793
We discussed this yesterday
56
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- Oh shit.
- and the day before,
57
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and the week before that.
58
00:02:45,137 --> 00:02:48,137
Now, Cher, I don't know
what's going on with you,
59
00:02:48,137 --> 00:02:51,206
but the reason you have all
these things in your head,
60
00:02:51,206 --> 00:02:53,448
these things that don't matter
61
00:02:53,448 --> 00:02:54,896
is because you're not dealing
62
00:02:54,896 --> 00:02:56,379
with the things that do matter.
63
00:02:56,379 --> 00:03:00,310
Now, what is bothering you
that you are not dealing with?
64
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:01,931
You are good.
65
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,103
You are so fucking good.
66
00:03:04,103 --> 00:03:05,275
What's that word?
67
00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:06,655
Durr.
68
00:03:09,103 --> 00:03:10,310
What's going on?
69
00:03:10,310 --> 00:03:11,758
I'm doing my
best. I'm rattled.
70
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,000
You always do your best.
71
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,827
That's why you have
a fucking Oscar.
72
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:16,827
And a- I mean a
People's Choice Award
73
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:18,758
and a Golden Globe Award.
74
00:03:18,758 --> 00:03:19,827
All right, simmer down.
75
00:03:19,827 --> 00:03:22,172
All right. So here's the deal.
76
00:03:22,172 --> 00:03:23,517
I miss my friend.
77
00:03:24,931 --> 00:03:26,620
I miss Whitney Houston.
78
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:29,689
We were close. Real close.
79
00:03:29,689 --> 00:03:33,655
Well, not close like
her and her assistant.
80
00:03:33,655 --> 00:03:36,241
I miss my gal pal, okay?
81
00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:40,655
There's certain things
I can only tell her.
82
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:43,103
And I can't because she's dead.
83
00:03:44,482 --> 00:03:46,000
She's dead.
- She's dead.
84
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,413
- She's dead, dead.
- She's dead.
85
00:03:47,413 --> 00:03:49,862
She's really fucking dead.
86
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:51,655
Not alive anymore.
87
00:03:51,655 --> 00:03:53,379
You can't sit down
and talk with her.
88
00:03:53,379 --> 00:03:55,310
I can't sit. I can't squat.
89
00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:57,413
Can't lean.
90
00:03:58,517 --> 00:04:00,000
I wanna try something.
91
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,034
Not the keto diet 'cause
I'm not fucking doing that.
92
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,310
- No.
- Okay.
93
00:04:05,517 --> 00:04:07,827
This is a mass marketed,
94
00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:11,931
generic talking to
the dead board game.
95
00:04:11,931 --> 00:04:16,931
And I wanna use it to try
to contact Whitney Houston.
96
00:04:18,103 --> 00:04:19,413
All right. Now, a lot
of people may not know
97
00:04:19,413 --> 00:04:20,931
that you were best friends.
98
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:23,344
And I understand what it's
like to have that one friend
99
00:04:23,344 --> 00:04:26,034
that you can only say
certain things to.
100
00:04:26,034 --> 00:04:27,517
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
101
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:31,344
They're nonjudgmental,
anything goes.
102
00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:35,000
So let's get Whitney on
the line, if you will.
103
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,517
Let's fucking do it.
104
00:04:36,517 --> 00:04:38,241
All right.
105
00:04:38,241 --> 00:04:40,586
Not a big fan of vulgarities.
106
00:04:40,586 --> 00:04:42,103
Okay, now we need to focus.
107
00:04:42,103 --> 00:04:42,965
Okay.
108
00:04:43,931 --> 00:04:45,206
We need to get in the mood.
109
00:04:45,206 --> 00:04:46,241
All right.
110
00:04:46,241 --> 00:04:47,310
We need to believe
111
00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:48,241
Do you b-
112
00:04:48,241 --> 00:04:49,655
No, we don't have the rights.
113
00:04:49,655 --> 00:04:50,965
All right.
114
00:04:50,965 --> 00:04:52,206
Whitney Houston.
115
00:04:53,344 --> 00:04:56,482
I'm here with your
best girlfriend, Cher.
116
00:04:56,482 --> 00:04:58,482
She wants to discuss
something with you
117
00:04:58,482 --> 00:05:01,379
that only you can help her with.
118
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:03,448
Are you here?
119
00:05:05,034 --> 00:05:07,482
You see that? It
went right to yes.
120
00:05:07,482 --> 00:05:08,724
Whoa.
121
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:12,275
She's here. Whitney,
I feel your spirit.
122
00:05:12,275 --> 00:05:14,172
But do you think
you could possibly
123
00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:17,137
manifest yourself physically
124
00:05:17,137 --> 00:05:20,517
and talk to your friend?
125
00:05:20,517 --> 00:05:22,034
Please Whitney.
126
00:05:22,034 --> 00:05:25,344
Academy Award, People's
Choice, what else was it?
127
00:05:25,344 --> 00:05:26,551
Golden Globe.
128
00:05:26,551 --> 00:05:28,620
Golden Globe
Award winner Cher.
129
00:05:32,413 --> 00:05:33,310
She's here!
130
00:05:35,689 --> 00:05:37,344
Oh my god.
131
00:05:37,344 --> 00:05:38,172
Whit!
132
00:05:39,137 --> 00:05:40,758
Whit!
133
00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:41,586
Oh my god.
134
00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:44,172
I'm here for you, girlfriend.
135
00:05:44,172 --> 00:05:45,413
What is it?
136
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:49,000
Whit, I am so
glad you're here.
137
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,206
There are only certain
things that I could tell you.
138
00:05:52,206 --> 00:05:53,103
Open up. Share.
139
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,034
Should I shave my puss?
140
00:05:58,034 --> 00:05:58,896
What?
141
00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:04,931
You summoned me from beyond
the grave to ask me that?
142
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:08,137
Yeah. I mean all the
really hot young guys
143
00:06:08,137 --> 00:06:11,482
wanna bang a bald
basement, don't they?
144
00:06:11,482 --> 00:06:12,551
Who cares what they want.
145
00:06:12,551 --> 00:06:14,862
You are Cher for fuck's sake.
146
00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:17,862
Up to this point, you have
never changed for anyone.
147
00:06:17,862 --> 00:06:19,413
You have not had any work done
148
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:22,103
or altered your
appearance in any way.
149
00:06:22,103 --> 00:06:23,655
Yeah.
150
00:06:23,655 --> 00:06:27,689
I did it. I went to see Dr.
Max Lehfeldt at Radiance Spa.
151
00:06:27,689 --> 00:06:30,655
He offers surgical and
non-surgical aesthetic treatment
152
00:06:30,655 --> 00:06:32,379
for face and body.
153
00:06:32,379 --> 00:06:36,413
We're talking rejuvenation,
antiaging, and body sculpting.
154
00:06:36,413 --> 00:06:39,034
So call Dr. Max today.
155
00:06:40,586 --> 00:06:42,827
You know, one time Bobby
asked me to shave my bush
156
00:06:42,827 --> 00:06:44,793
in the shape of the
letter B for him.
157
00:06:44,793 --> 00:06:47,103
Do I look like a
fucking monogram towel?
158
00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:48,241
No, you do not.
159
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,172
Yeah.
160
00:06:49,172 --> 00:06:52,137
So I told him to kiss my ass.
161
00:06:52,137 --> 00:06:53,758
I said, if I'm
gonna shave my bush
162
00:06:53,758 --> 00:06:55,344
in the shape of the letter B,
163
00:06:55,344 --> 00:06:57,310
it's not gonna be so
you can brand me like,
164
00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:58,931
like some heffa you own,
165
00:06:58,931 --> 00:07:02,034
it's gonna be to remind
you that I'm that bitch.
166
00:07:02,034 --> 00:07:05,000
Right on. And what did he say?
167
00:07:06,482 --> 00:07:09,551
I don't remember. We, we
were doing a lot of drugs
168
00:07:09,551 --> 00:07:10,482
but not crack!
169
00:07:11,344 --> 00:07:13,448
Okay, crack is whack.
170
00:07:13,448 --> 00:07:15,310
So show me the receipts.
171
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,344
You know what it's like.
172
00:07:16,344 --> 00:07:17,965
You were married to Greg Allman.
173
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,000
I was?
174
00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:25,034
Oh yeah. I was.
175
00:07:26,103 --> 00:07:27,586
Do you feel better?
176
00:07:27,586 --> 00:07:30,241
I really do.
177
00:07:31,655 --> 00:07:33,103
Oh my God.
178
00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:35,103
And thank you, Durr Jackie.
179
00:07:36,448 --> 00:07:40,655
Hey, wait a minute.
Where's your mole?
180
00:07:42,413 --> 00:07:43,758
- What mole?
- Mole?
181
00:07:43,758 --> 00:07:45,172
Yeah, your mole.
182
00:07:45,172 --> 00:07:47,586
You know the one you
always cover with makeup,
183
00:07:47,586 --> 00:07:51,758
but that only real close
friends and family know about?
184
00:07:51,758 --> 00:07:53,827
- Oh, oh, oh my mole.
- Your mole.
185
00:07:53,827 --> 00:07:54,793
My mole,
186
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,000
you were talking about my mole.
187
00:07:58,827 --> 00:07:59,965
My mole.
- Your mole.
188
00:07:59,965 --> 00:08:00,896
My mole.
189
00:08:04,689 --> 00:08:06,413
When, when you go to
heaven, you see,
190
00:08:06,413 --> 00:08:08,448
Snap out of it!
191
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:13,172
Oh my god. You're not Whitney.
192
00:08:13,172 --> 00:08:15,413
You can't slap a ghost.
193
00:08:15,413 --> 00:08:17,586
Your hand goes
right through them.
194
00:08:17,586 --> 00:08:18,862
Everybody knows that.
195
00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:21,379
Okay, now don't
freak out, Cher.
196
00:08:21,379 --> 00:08:25,793
Don't freak out?
I am so confused.
197
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:29,448
I have not been this
confused since Chaz.
198
00:08:29,448 --> 00:08:31,344
Let me finish.
199
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,827
Tried to explain the end of
that movie Inception to me.
200
00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:37,275
What the fuck was that?
201
00:08:37,275 --> 00:08:39,379
I am so sorry, Dr. Jackie.
202
00:08:39,379 --> 00:08:41,551
I had no idea
Whitney had a mole.
203
00:08:41,551 --> 00:08:42,965
I didn't either.
It's not your fault.
204
00:08:42,965 --> 00:08:45,275
I just Googled it
and nothing comes up.
205
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,310
What the hell's going
on? Are you two in cahoots?
206
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:51,000
No, we are both
wearing normal pants.
207
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,896
Now, listen, Cher.
208
00:08:52,896 --> 00:08:54,655
You've been coming
to me for a long time
209
00:08:54,655 --> 00:08:57,689
and I have used all sorts
of different methods
210
00:08:57,689 --> 00:09:01,620
to try to help you like
role playing and hypnosis
211
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:03,034
and uh,
212
00:09:03,034 --> 00:09:05,620
remember that little
anatomically correct doll
213
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:08,413
wearing the Bob
Mackie sequin gown?
214
00:09:08,413 --> 00:09:09,344
Yeah.
215
00:09:09,344 --> 00:09:11,344
They all worked. Remember?
216
00:09:11,344 --> 00:09:12,724
And this worked.
217
00:09:12,724 --> 00:09:13,896
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
218
00:09:13,896 --> 00:09:15,000
You had a breakthrough.
219
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,448
I did.
220
00:09:16,448 --> 00:09:19,758
This is a therapy actress.
Her name is Danielle.
221
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:23,000
Wow.
222
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,862
It was a risk on my part
to go to this extreme.
223
00:09:25,862 --> 00:09:27,103
But it worked.
224
00:09:27,103 --> 00:09:28,827
You feel better.
225
00:09:28,827 --> 00:09:29,758
I really do.
226
00:09:29,758 --> 00:09:31,482
You made a breakthrough!
227
00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:32,724
I did!
228
00:09:32,724 --> 00:09:37,000
All right. Then the
ends justify the means.
229
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,137
As long as that doesn't
mean I have to do anal,
230
00:09:39,137 --> 00:09:41,034
'cause I'm not doing that.
231
00:09:44,724 --> 00:09:46,724
I feel so much better.
232
00:09:47,689 --> 00:09:49,379
Wait a goddamn minute.
233
00:09:50,827 --> 00:09:54,241
Does that mean that wasn't
Sonny's ghost last week?
234
00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,931
Uh, that was me.
235
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:59,931
Damn. She's good.
236
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,827
Do you need some chapstick?
237
00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:09,241
What are you talking about?
238
00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:16,862
Hey honey, what's up?
239
00:10:16,862 --> 00:10:19,000
Dr. Jackie, Dr. Jackie Beat.
240
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,448
It's Jackie Weaver here.
241
00:10:21,448 --> 00:10:22,896
Uh, I need your advice.
242
00:10:22,896 --> 00:10:24,275
Mm hm?
243
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,068
Um, people keep
stopping me in the street
244
00:10:26,068 --> 00:10:29,724
mistaking me for you
because same first name,
245
00:10:29,724 --> 00:10:31,758
both in the movie Stage Mother.
246
00:10:31,758 --> 00:10:32,965
Okay?
247
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,655
How do I politely
explain to these people,
248
00:10:34,655 --> 00:10:37,241
who think I'm you,
uh, that I'm not you?
249
00:10:37,241 --> 00:10:38,793
All right now, listen,
250
00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:40,758
I can totally relate to
what you're going through.
251
00:10:40,758 --> 00:10:43,586
If I had a dollar for every
time somebody came up to me
252
00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:46,000
on the street and
mistook me for JLo,
253
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,655
I wouldn't have to
do this stupid job.
254
00:10:48,655 --> 00:10:50,172
Here's what you do, all right?
255
00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:53,206
The next time it happens, you
look them right in the eye.
256
00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:56,379
And you say, I am
not Dr. Jackie.
257
00:10:56,379 --> 00:11:00,275
I am two-time Academy Award
nominee, Jackie Weaver.
258
00:11:00,275 --> 00:11:02,379
I've been in movies
like Animal Kingdom,
259
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:04,068
Silver Linings Playbook
260
00:11:04,068 --> 00:11:07,275
and the legendary Picnic
at Hanging Rock, biatch!
261
00:11:08,448 --> 00:11:10,689
Add the biatch.
That always works.
262
00:11:10,689 --> 00:11:13,931
Thank you, Dr. Jackie, you
always have the best advice.
263
00:11:13,931 --> 00:11:16,137
You're my hero. And I love you.
264
00:11:16,137 --> 00:11:17,275
Glad to be of help.
265
00:11:19,551 --> 00:11:20,379
Phew.
266
00:11:25,137 --> 00:11:27,379
Oh, good afternoon.
How was your lunch?
267
00:11:27,379 --> 00:11:28,586
I got hung up at the bank,
268
00:11:28,586 --> 00:11:30,551
so I didn't even
get a chance to eat.
269
00:11:30,551 --> 00:11:31,724
Oh, that's weird
'cause you have
270
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:33,793
a little barbecue sauce right-
271
00:11:34,965 --> 00:11:37,413
I had one chicken
wing, Judge Judy.
272
00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:39,655
They were giving
out free samples.
273
00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:42,275
At the bank?
274
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:46,275
What's my afternoon look like?
275
00:11:47,724 --> 00:11:52,689
A Tammie Brown and her show
business manager, Sheila.
276
00:11:53,827 --> 00:11:55,965
Sounds like more
workplace drama to me.
277
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:59,103
Aren't you glad that we don't
have any of that tension here?
278
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:03,000
Well, send them in
when they get here.
279
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,758
And uh, could you find me
a granola bar or something
280
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:08,137
so I don't nod off
during their session
281
00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:10,034
from low blood sugar.
282
00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:14,379
FYI. Barbecue sauce
is full of sugar.
283
00:12:14,379 --> 00:12:16,241
Oh, thank you so much.
284
00:12:16,241 --> 00:12:19,103
And if I ever need any more
nutritional information,
285
00:12:19,103 --> 00:12:23,068
I'll be sure not to ask you.
286
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:24,965
No problem. Glad to help.
287
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:37,344
Hello ladies. Welcome.
288
00:12:37,344 --> 00:12:39,103
Can I get either
of you some water?
289
00:12:39,103 --> 00:12:40,413
I don't drink water.
290
00:12:46,931 --> 00:12:47,896
Okay?
291
00:12:47,896 --> 00:12:48,931
I would've brought you some,
292
00:12:48,931 --> 00:12:50,482
but I don't have another glass.
293
00:12:50,482 --> 00:12:52,862
And she always comes
prepared, as you can see.
294
00:12:54,068 --> 00:12:56,172
Seems to be part of
the problem, right?
295
00:12:56,172 --> 00:12:57,724
Salud.
296
00:12:57,724 --> 00:13:00,103
Let's get the party started.
Which one of you is Sheila?
297
00:13:00,103 --> 00:13:01,275
I am.
298
00:13:01,275 --> 00:13:02,827
Sheila. Now you're-
299
00:13:02,827 --> 00:13:04,931
Now if you're a psychic, I
thought you would know that.
300
00:13:04,931 --> 00:13:06,551
How many fingers
am I holding up?
301
00:13:08,689 --> 00:13:11,620
Uh, that means fuck you.
302
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,931
See, if she was a real good
psychic she would've known
303
00:13:13,931 --> 00:13:15,413
how many fingers
I was holding up.
304
00:13:15,413 --> 00:13:18,275
Well, if you had a crystal
ball, I'd hope you'd sniff it.
305
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,344
Okay. I'm not a psychic.
306
00:13:20,344 --> 00:13:21,586
Oh, you're not a psychic.
307
00:13:21,586 --> 00:13:24,137
I'm not a psychic.
I'm a psychotherapist.
308
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,586
A psychotherapist?
309
00:13:25,586 --> 00:13:26,758
Psychotherapist
is what she said.
310
00:13:26,758 --> 00:13:29,034
Wait, you're a
therapist for psychos?
311
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,482
- Yes.
- Oh no, no, no, no.
312
00:13:31,482 --> 00:13:33,586
I didn't agree or sign
up to no therapy session.
313
00:13:33,586 --> 00:13:34,827
Let me calm you down.
314
00:13:34,827 --> 00:13:36,344
You told me we were
coming to see a psychic.
315
00:13:36,344 --> 00:13:38,206
I don't know what's going
on here, but we got off to-
316
00:13:38,206 --> 00:13:40,448
We're like Thelma and Louise.
We're like ride or dies.
317
00:13:40,448 --> 00:13:41,931
So try to come between us.
318
00:13:41,931 --> 00:13:43,068
- You're-
- Now-
319
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:43,931
Yeah?
320
00:13:43,931 --> 00:13:44,862
- No-
- Yes?
321
00:13:44,862 --> 00:13:45,655
What?
- Uh huh.
322
00:13:45,655 --> 00:13:46,586
That's what I thought
323
00:13:46,586 --> 00:13:47,379
Yeah that's what I thought.
324
00:13:47,379 --> 00:13:48,793
Mm hm.
325
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:50,206
All right, now you touching
my shoulder like that
326
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:51,344
is triggering me.
327
00:13:51,344 --> 00:13:53,000
Is that what I'm
supposed to do is share?
328
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,241
Let's not do anything
329
00:13:54,241 --> 00:13:57,000
that makes the other
one uncomfortable. Like-
330
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,206
I was just kidding. I don't
mind really, but that's-
331
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,068
Except for the drinking.
332
00:14:01,068 --> 00:14:03,241
Well, that is the problem
is that she, you know,
333
00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:05,655
and she's, she's
always getting misled.
334
00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:08,137
Some pipeline
dream, some scheme.
335
00:14:08,137 --> 00:14:11,517
You tell me we weren't
gonna bring up the drinking.
336
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,689
- I'm sorry.
- Now I'm not gonna stay
337
00:14:12,689 --> 00:14:14,206
if we're gonna continue
talking about it.
338
00:14:14,206 --> 00:14:17,379
Well, I just think about,
well, I mean, it's true,
339
00:14:17,379 --> 00:14:19,551
but she's gotten the shakes.
340
00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:22,758
She dragged me
here because she says
341
00:14:22,758 --> 00:14:25,068
that we don't communicate well.
342
00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:26,172
Okay.
343
00:14:26,172 --> 00:14:27,724
I think we
communicate just fine.
344
00:14:27,724 --> 00:14:30,931
I say it like it is,
and that's how it is.
345
00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:33,551
And she does
say it like it is.
346
00:14:33,551 --> 00:14:37,137
And I do what she says all
the time, round and round.
347
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,862
Here we go. What's next?
348
00:14:38,862 --> 00:14:42,379
Oh my god, jalapeno jelly,
fiesta in every bite.
349
00:14:42,379 --> 00:14:43,896
Mm that was really
good, wasn't it?
350
00:14:43,896 --> 00:14:46,241
Well, she's worried that we
made a few people go blind,
351
00:14:46,241 --> 00:14:49,000
but we don't
distribute it anymore
352
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,448
after the lawsuits
and everything.
353
00:14:50,448 --> 00:14:53,000
But that's neither here nor
there, you are not an attorney.
354
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,965
I am not anymore.
355
00:14:54,965 --> 00:14:56,620
So we're not here to
talk about the lawsuits.
356
00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:59,137
We're not here to
talk about the lawsuits.
357
00:14:59,137 --> 00:15:00,827
I don't feel appreciated.
358
00:15:02,206 --> 00:15:06,000
I do a lot for her and
her career and her family.
359
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,000
And uh, I feel like
everything I do
360
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,000
for her and them is worth 50%.
361
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,448
Well, how much do you take?
362
00:15:14,448 --> 00:15:15,793
50%.
363
00:15:15,793 --> 00:15:19,344
All right, Sheila, you
feel as Tammie's manager
364
00:15:19,344 --> 00:15:20,827
that you are not appreciated.
365
00:15:20,827 --> 00:15:23,379
Now, Tammy, what's
your side of the story?
366
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:27,586
The thing is, Sheila's
always misleading me.
367
00:15:27,586 --> 00:15:30,206
She has a kind heart, but she,
368
00:15:30,206 --> 00:15:34,793
she ends up in the wrong place
and I'm at the right time.
369
00:15:34,793 --> 00:15:36,103
I make us a lot of money
370
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,068
and she should be
appreciative of that
371
00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:41,344
because I don't even
make her pay taxes.
372
00:15:41,344 --> 00:15:43,896
She had a number one
single on iTunes called
373
00:15:43,896 --> 00:15:45,448
Porta Potty Prostitute.
374
00:15:45,448 --> 00:15:46,931
And then after that
375
00:15:46,931 --> 00:15:48,896
we have See You in the
Magazines that's charting.
376
00:15:48,896 --> 00:15:51,068
Someone just saw a
Porta Potty Prostitute
377
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:53,206
in the bargain bin
of the 99 Cents Store
378
00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:55,068
the other day or the dollar bin.
379
00:15:55,068 --> 00:15:56,413
- Oh.
- And so we.
380
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:57,586
Isn't that the only
bin they would have,
381
00:15:57,586 --> 00:15:59,482
if it's a dollar store?
382
00:15:59,482 --> 00:16:00,758
I didn't think of that.
383
00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:02,689
Okay, ladies, I see
what's happening here.
384
00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:04,379
I have to be
litigious all the time
385
00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:08,379
and I don't get a chance
to be fun or sexy.
386
00:16:08,379 --> 00:16:11,517
And she likes to shop at Ross.
387
00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:13,724
I don't shop at Ross.
I shop at Marshall's.
388
00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,413
Listen, here's the problem.
389
00:16:15,413 --> 00:16:17,724
You're obviously
not communicating.
390
00:16:17,724 --> 00:16:21,551
You need to understand what
it's like to be a manager
391
00:16:21,551 --> 00:16:24,862
for someone like you, you
said like always dreaming,
392
00:16:24,862 --> 00:16:27,241
you know, the pipe going to
a pipe, pipe dream or some-
393
00:16:27,241 --> 00:16:28,482
Pipe scheme, pipe
dream, you know?
394
00:16:28,482 --> 00:16:30,275
Yeah. If I had a manager,
395
00:16:30,275 --> 00:16:32,103
if I was in show business
and I had a manager,
396
00:16:32,103 --> 00:16:34,896
I would want that kind
of a person, dream big.
397
00:16:34,896 --> 00:16:37,034
- Thank you.
- I'm not taking sides here.
398
00:16:37,034 --> 00:16:38,206
I'm just saying-
399
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,827
You just took aside
and I like that.
400
00:16:39,827 --> 00:16:41,137
I mean, didn't
you watch that movie
401
00:16:41,137 --> 00:16:43,241
with Gladys Knight
and pipe dream?
402
00:16:44,206 --> 00:16:45,137
No.
403
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:46,379
Well, it's the same issue.
404
00:16:46,379 --> 00:16:48,000
Gladys Knight
is an actress now?
405
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,172
She was, I have the single
at the house to prove it,
406
00:16:50,172 --> 00:16:51,517
the album, Pipe Dream.
407
00:16:51,517 --> 00:16:53,517
Okay. That's not
acting, that's singing.
408
00:16:53,517 --> 00:16:54,793
Okay, listen.
409
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:56,655
It's a movie. She was
in the movie Pipe Dream.
410
00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:57,482
See?
411
00:16:57,482 --> 00:16:58,758
No it's about-
412
00:16:58,758 --> 00:17:00,517
And this it's why
I drink right here.
413
00:17:00,517 --> 00:17:01,965
You understand what
I'm saying now?
414
00:17:01,965 --> 00:17:03,206
Okay let's just-
415
00:17:03,206 --> 00:17:04,413
She already has you
twirlin' and whirlin'
416
00:17:04,413 --> 00:17:05,965
here in this jungle
and you don't even know
417
00:17:05,965 --> 00:17:07,206
what she's talking about.
418
00:17:07,206 --> 00:17:09,068
Twirlin', whirlin'
here in your jungle.
419
00:17:09,068 --> 00:17:10,965
Well, I find the
plants are soothing.
420
00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,931
Well, I'm glad I
wore my war outfit
421
00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:14,206
because I'm ready for it.
422
00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:15,448
Mm hm.
423
00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:16,689
Camouflage. I
can barely see ya.
424
00:17:17,931 --> 00:17:19,620
And I was, I was so
concerned because I,
425
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:22,275
I didn't want her to blend
into the green screen.
426
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:23,655
If you know what I mean.
427
00:17:23,655 --> 00:17:24,896
- I don't.
- Floating around.
428
00:17:24,896 --> 00:17:26,931
This is a real set.
It's not a green screen.
429
00:17:26,931 --> 00:17:28,931
I don't know what you do
on your TV show, Tammie.
430
00:17:28,931 --> 00:17:32,344
But oh, anyway, this
says a lot, camouflage.
431
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,586
She's onto something.
432
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,068
Camouflage, like
trying to disappear.
433
00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:38,344
Blend in. I'll be back here.
434
00:17:38,344 --> 00:17:40,413
Perfect for a manager role.
435
00:17:40,413 --> 00:17:43,655
Then you've got the
bold graphic, you know,
436
00:17:43,655 --> 00:17:46,137
print and the, the bright hair.
437
00:17:46,137 --> 00:17:47,655
So we have the star.
438
00:17:47,655 --> 00:17:51,172
Now we always need help
behind the star. Okay?
439
00:17:51,172 --> 00:17:52,655
But here's the problem.
440
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:55,000
You two are speaking
different languages.
441
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,413
You don't understand where
the other one is coming from.
442
00:17:58,413 --> 00:18:00,862
So what I'm gonna do
is we're gonna play
443
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:03,172
a little game of role playing.
444
00:18:03,172 --> 00:18:07,344
Now role playing is something
that I actually invented.
445
00:18:07,344 --> 00:18:08,379
You invented that?
446
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:10,379
So you're gonna switch places.
447
00:18:10,379 --> 00:18:14,000
Now, Sheila, you're
going to be Tammie.
448
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,275
And Tammie, you're
gonna be Sheila.
449
00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:18,620
Tammie, you get to speak first.
450
00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:19,827
Well-
451
00:18:19,827 --> 00:18:21,344
- Tammie, this is Tammie.
- Oh!
452
00:18:21,344 --> 00:18:22,275
Oh, I'm Tammie.
453
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:23,827
Yes.
454
00:18:23,827 --> 00:18:25,275
And you want me to say the
things that she says to me?
455
00:18:25,275 --> 00:18:26,103
Yes.
456
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:26,965
Okay.
457
00:18:28,413 --> 00:18:30,448
Sheila,
I don't know if I'll be able
458
00:18:30,448 --> 00:18:34,586
to do all that because I wear
a lot of hats and
459
00:18:42,172 --> 00:18:43,862
That's all I hear.
460
00:18:43,862 --> 00:18:46,413
It's like a cartoon
on crack cocaine.
461
00:18:46,413 --> 00:18:51,310
Phew. It's your turn.
Tammie, you are now Sheila.
462
00:18:51,310 --> 00:18:52,551
Well,
463
00:18:52,551 --> 00:18:54,034
'cause she has that
little country accent.
464
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:55,482
Well, can I get you?
465
00:18:55,482 --> 00:18:57,758
Uh, let me g-get you
this contract right here.
466
00:18:57,758 --> 00:19:00,000
And I'm gonna go back
there and sniff this
467
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,172
and then you're gonna
do what I say to do
468
00:19:02,172 --> 00:19:05,344
because you owe me $45,000.
469
00:19:08,034 --> 00:19:09,000
Where's the lie?
470
00:19:10,137 --> 00:19:13,517
Hey Chico, do you know
any cocaine addicts?
471
00:19:14,689 --> 00:19:17,551
Are you still Sheila or-
472
00:19:17,551 --> 00:19:20,482
There's a slight bit of
schizophrenia in there.
473
00:19:20,482 --> 00:19:21,724
Yes.
474
00:19:21,724 --> 00:19:24,413
Okay. Well that role
playing went so well
475
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:28,827
that I'd like to try another
exercise, if you don't mind.
476
00:19:28,827 --> 00:19:33,620
Have you all heard of the
Rorschach inkblot test?
477
00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:37,379
No, I don't do nothing from
Russia or anything like that.
478
00:19:37,379 --> 00:19:39,517
Okay. Well he was Swedish.
479
00:19:39,517 --> 00:19:40,448
Okay. Well-
480
00:19:40,448 --> 00:19:41,379
Do you like a Swedish massage?
481
00:19:41,379 --> 00:19:42,758
Do you like a Swedish meatball?
482
00:19:42,758 --> 00:19:44,000
I don't know.
483
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,965
Why don't we move on
to the inkblot test?
484
00:19:47,965 --> 00:19:51,758
This is where I hold up
a random inkblot image.
485
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:55,034
And you tell me
what you see. Okay?
486
00:19:55,034 --> 00:19:57,724
I think this is gonna
help me know each of you
487
00:19:57,724 --> 00:19:59,137
a little better.
488
00:19:59,137 --> 00:20:00,379
Just look her
straight in the eyes.
489
00:20:00,379 --> 00:20:02,620
No. Can I just
point out Sheila?
490
00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:03,586
Yes.
491
00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:04,827
- I respect you.
- Sheila, me?
492
00:20:04,827 --> 00:20:06,724
No, not, you're
not Sheila anymore.
493
00:20:06,724 --> 00:20:08,137
I'm role playing.
494
00:20:08,137 --> 00:20:11,241
- Not anymore.
- You're not me more.
495
00:20:11,241 --> 00:20:12,827
We don't know who
she's gonna be now.
496
00:20:12,827 --> 00:20:15,586
Okay. Now let's do the
fucking inkblot. I'm sorry.
497
00:20:16,689 --> 00:20:19,517
I'm a professional.
Let's do this.
498
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,000
Tammie, what do you see?
499
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,000
I see, I see a tree.
500
00:20:26,413 --> 00:20:29,448
It's a radioactive
mushroom cloud.
501
00:20:29,448 --> 00:20:32,827
Okay. Tammie, what do you see?
502
00:20:32,827 --> 00:20:34,965
I see angels.
503
00:20:34,965 --> 00:20:35,862
Okay.
504
00:20:35,862 --> 00:20:36,655
God.
505
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,034
I see Satan.
506
00:20:39,034 --> 00:20:42,586
Well, technically
Satan was an angel.
507
00:20:43,931 --> 00:20:44,896
Spoiler alert.
508
00:20:44,896 --> 00:20:46,448
Mm hm. Spoiler alert.
509
00:20:46,448 --> 00:20:50,310
And finally, Tammie,
what do you see here?
510
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:53,620
Wow. I see the most
beautiful Monarch butterfly.
511
00:20:56,137 --> 00:20:57,620
Sheila?
512
00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:02,172
I see a toddler trapped
underneath the 1978 Ford Taurus.
513
00:21:04,034 --> 00:21:08,034
It's mother desperately
trying to rescue its body
514
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,000
from underneath the
burning wreckage
515
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,862
before the flames
hit the gas tank.
516
00:21:12,862 --> 00:21:16,103
But it's too late. They explode.
517
00:21:17,482 --> 00:21:21,827
Limbs flying everywhere
is what I see.
518
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,137
What?
519
00:21:26,137 --> 00:21:27,758
Tammie, please.
520
00:21:27,758 --> 00:21:30,482
There are no right
or wrong answers.
521
00:21:30,482 --> 00:21:34,137
There are simply sick
and unsick answers.
522
00:21:34,137 --> 00:21:38,482
But in this case, Sheila,
I'm afraid you are wrong.
523
00:21:38,482 --> 00:21:40,689
This is clearly a butterfly.
524
00:21:40,689 --> 00:21:42,448
Okay, I get it.
525
00:21:42,448 --> 00:21:45,413
But I don't get this.
What does all this mean?
526
00:21:45,413 --> 00:21:50,379
Well, I'm no doctor, but it
means you are fucking crazy.
527
00:21:51,827 --> 00:21:53,379
Tammie, please.
528
00:21:53,379 --> 00:21:55,862
We do not use that word.
529
00:21:55,862 --> 00:21:57,758
Sheila, it means you're crazy.
530
00:21:57,758 --> 00:21:59,517
There's no need for vulgarities.
531
00:21:59,517 --> 00:22:01,689
Okay. Fine, fine. Whatever.
532
00:22:01,689 --> 00:22:04,689
I'm crazy, crazy,
crazy, crazy, crazy.
533
00:22:04,689 --> 00:22:06,793
One floor over
the cuckoo's nest.
534
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:09,034
How do I fix it, psychic?
535
00:22:09,034 --> 00:22:10,413
You may wanna start by
536
00:22:11,482 --> 00:22:13,310
stopping drinking?
537
00:22:13,310 --> 00:22:14,586
Okay. No. Uh uh.
538
00:22:14,586 --> 00:22:15,965
No. That's where
I draw the line.
539
00:22:15,965 --> 00:22:17,931
I am not gonna pay
anyone to tell me
540
00:22:17,931 --> 00:22:19,551
that my drinking is a problem
541
00:22:19,551 --> 00:22:20,724
because it's not a problem.
542
00:22:20,724 --> 00:22:22,206
It's my medicine.
543
00:22:22,206 --> 00:22:24,965
This is perfect because
we're actually out of time.
544
00:22:24,965 --> 00:22:26,448
Good.
545
00:22:26,448 --> 00:22:27,931
I wanna see you ladies
at least four times a week
546
00:22:27,931 --> 00:22:30,137
over the next 10 years.
547
00:22:30,137 --> 00:22:32,448
Well, that sounds
like a plan to me.
548
00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:34,137
Well, good luck
because I can't promise
549
00:22:34,137 --> 00:22:35,586
I'm gonna be alive that long.
550
00:22:35,586 --> 00:22:37,068
Doctor Jackie.
551
00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:40,137
I cannot promise you that
I will be alive next week.
552
00:22:40,137 --> 00:22:41,379
Doctor Jackie.
553
00:22:41,379 --> 00:22:42,931
I can't even promise
you that I will be alive
554
00:22:42,931 --> 00:22:44,517
in the next 30 minutes.
555
00:22:44,517 --> 00:22:46,000
Doctor Jackie.
556
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,137
You're not getting no
more than a copay from me.
557
00:22:47,137 --> 00:22:48,413
30 minutes.
558
00:22:48,413 --> 00:22:50,517
You are getting a
copay and that is it.
559
00:22:50,517 --> 00:22:51,793
Get your hands off me.
560
00:22:51,793 --> 00:22:53,241
That really triggers
you though, doesn't it?
561
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,827
That really triggers
you, doesn't it?
562
00:22:55,827 --> 00:22:58,000
- Tammie.
- You shoulda seen it.
563
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,034
You should've seen it.
564
00:22:59,862 --> 00:23:01,103
Sheila just left.
565
00:23:01,103 --> 00:23:02,758
Why don't we continue
with the role playing,
566
00:23:02,758 --> 00:23:04,965
you pretend like you're
Sheila and you leave too.
567
00:23:04,965 --> 00:23:06,586
I can't drive.
568
00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:07,931
Is she driving?
569
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,275
She's Tammie.
38350
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