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1
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♪ She was unemployed and happy
2
00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:05,827
♪ She had no cash
3
00:00:05,827 --> 00:00:07,103
♪ Pretending to be classy
4
00:00:07,103 --> 00:00:08,758
♪ But just poor white trash
5
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,172
♪ The tragic but true fact is
6
00:00:10,172 --> 00:00:11,482
♪ A bitter aging actress
7
00:00:11,482 --> 00:00:14,482
♪ Whose agent just
recently dropped her ♪
8
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♪ Sitting on her ass
9
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♪ Drinking cheap boxed wine
10
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♪ Til she took a bogus class
11
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♪ While at home online
12
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:20,827
♪ Finished fast
13
00:00:20,827 --> 00:00:21,655
♪ Came in last
14
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,896
♪ Barely passed
15
00:00:22,896 --> 00:00:26,241
♪ Now the bitch calls
herself a doctor ♪
16
00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:29,000
♪ Who woulda guessed that
this phony would treat ♪
17
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:33,103
♪ The craziest of
the Showbiz elite ♪
18
00:00:33,103 --> 00:00:34,827
♪ And now the only
thing more distant ♪
19
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:36,172
♪ And more scary
20
00:00:36,172 --> 00:00:37,379
♪ Is her slutty
blonde assistant ♪
21
00:00:37,379 --> 00:00:39,172
♪ That dumb whore Sherry
22
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:42,000
♪ You don't wanna be
on her client list ♪
23
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,931
♪ It's Doctor Jackie
24
00:00:44,931 --> 00:00:49,000
♪ The unlicensed
psychotherapist ♪
25
00:00:56,862 --> 00:01:01,206
Well, it wasn't very long,
but it was super thick.
26
00:01:02,137 --> 00:01:03,551
Well, plus he paid for dinner.
27
00:01:03,551 --> 00:01:04,724
I gotta go.
28
00:01:04,724 --> 00:01:06,344
Good morning Dr. Jackie.
29
00:01:06,344 --> 00:01:07,482
Good morning.
30
00:01:07,482 --> 00:01:08,724
I'm sorry I'm late.
31
00:01:08,724 --> 00:01:10,137
I had car trouble.
32
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,689
You got a brand new car.
33
00:01:11,689 --> 00:01:12,931
What happened?
34
00:01:12,931 --> 00:01:14,827
I overslept and
got in it too late.
35
00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:18,586
What's my first
appointment this morning?
36
00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:20,896
A young lady named Katya
37
00:01:20,896 --> 00:01:22,344
Young?
38
00:01:22,344 --> 00:01:24,103
Yes.
39
00:01:24,103 --> 00:01:25,413
Lady?
40
00:01:25,413 --> 00:01:26,413
Mhmm.
41
00:01:26,413 --> 00:01:27,793
Katya?
42
00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:30,862
That's what it
says, right here.
43
00:01:30,862 --> 00:01:33,620
Well, what's her situation?
44
00:01:33,620 --> 00:01:35,310
She's severely depressed.
45
00:01:35,310 --> 00:01:37,448
Suffers from low self-esteem.
46
00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:39,000
No, no, no, no.
47
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,034
I mean, is she paying cash,
or does she have insurance?
48
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:44,000
Oh! Oo, she has top
of the line insurance
49
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,827
that covers 100% of
all her sessions.
50
00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:48,034
Oh goodie.
51
00:01:48,034 --> 00:01:51,827
I mean, she sounds
like a very sick woman
52
00:01:51,827 --> 00:01:53,275
and I'm probably going
to have to see her at
53
00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:55,068
least four times a week.
54
00:01:55,068 --> 00:01:55,896
Got it.
55
00:01:57,103 --> 00:01:58,379
Oh, I thought you said
56
00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:00,862
you weren't gonna
get any more plants.
57
00:02:00,862 --> 00:02:02,344
It's a small one.
58
00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:04,068
And besides Sherry,
59
00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:07,896
people need oxygen, and
plants produce oxygen.
60
00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:10,103
Coffee?
61
00:02:10,103 --> 00:02:13,275
I think just the
cup this morning.
62
00:02:13,275 --> 00:02:14,103
Mhmm.
63
00:02:15,310 --> 00:02:16,275
Sherry?
64
00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:17,206
Yes?
65
00:02:17,206 --> 00:02:18,517
I think you might wanna review
66
00:02:18,517 --> 00:02:21,206
the employee dress code again.
67
00:02:22,344 --> 00:02:23,862
No sequins.
68
00:02:23,862 --> 00:02:25,689
But you're wearing sequins.
69
00:02:25,689 --> 00:02:26,620
I'm the star!
70
00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:28,413
The boss, I'm the boss.
71
00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:31,586
Got it.
72
00:02:39,482 --> 00:02:42,620
Plants produce oxygen?
73
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,931
I don't think so.
74
00:02:44,758 --> 00:02:45,586
Look it up.
75
00:02:47,206 --> 00:02:48,482
I'll get my answer
in 20 minutes.
76
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:07,620
Hi. How are you?
77
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:08,931
Not great.
78
00:03:08,931 --> 00:03:09,862
Oh, Honey.
79
00:03:09,862 --> 00:03:10,896
I know I heard your call.
80
00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:11,862
It was frantic.
81
00:03:11,862 --> 00:03:13,413
What's going on?
82
00:03:13,413 --> 00:03:14,413
I don't even know
where to start.
83
00:03:14,413 --> 00:03:15,379
Okay. Well, I have a-
84
00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:16,655
At the beginning.
85
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:17,586
Okay.
86
00:03:17,586 --> 00:03:18,310
That's where you start.
87
00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:19,448
Okay.
88
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:20,275
That might be your problem.
89
00:03:20,275 --> 00:03:21,344
Oh. What?
90
00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:23,275
Relax. We have an hour.
91
00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:24,103
Okay.
92
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:24,965
What's the problem?
93
00:03:26,655 --> 00:03:30,206
Well, I think that I might be
94
00:03:32,827 --> 00:03:33,827
psychotically
95
00:03:36,655 --> 00:03:39,034
preoccupied with
96
00:03:39,034 --> 00:03:40,413
other people's opinion.
97
00:03:40,413 --> 00:03:41,344
Okay. Here we go. I-
98
00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:43,413
There's no judgment here.
99
00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:44,655
Oh, okay.
100
00:03:44,655 --> 00:03:45,931
Okay? Tell me about
your life first of all.
101
00:03:45,931 --> 00:03:47,689
And then let's get
to the problem later.
102
00:03:47,689 --> 00:03:48,655
Well, it's perfect.
103
00:03:48,655 --> 00:03:49,827
That's the problem.
104
00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:51,068
My life is perfect.
105
00:03:51,068 --> 00:03:55,206
I have a huge set
of adoring fans.
106
00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:57,275
I'm world famous for something
107
00:03:57,275 --> 00:03:59,137
that I don't even know what for.
108
00:03:59,137 --> 00:04:03,655
I'm beloved in my community
and around the world.
109
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,000
All, all I get online is just
110
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,206
like praise and
love and constant.
111
00:04:09,206 --> 00:04:13,413
But I just have this feeling
that everybody hates me.
112
00:04:14,482 --> 00:04:16,103
Everybody hates you.
113
00:04:16,103 --> 00:04:18,275
And it doesn't make any sense,
but I just, I don't know.
114
00:04:18,275 --> 00:04:19,689
Oh
115
00:04:19,689 --> 00:04:21,655
Everybody
116
00:04:21,655 --> 00:04:24,241
Hates me.
117
00:04:24,241 --> 00:04:27,344
Yeah, there's something
about the way that my friends,
118
00:04:27,344 --> 00:04:31,241
my coworkers, even my
family, and especially
119
00:04:31,241 --> 00:04:34,137
my main partner, my
creative partner.
120
00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:38,000
I just sense this
seething, hatred.
121
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:42,241
This bubbling, churning,
putrescent, like a
122
00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:49,862
Deary, what does
putrescent mean?
123
00:04:51,034 --> 00:04:53,413
It means
like super gross.
124
00:04:53,413 --> 00:04:54,344
Continue.
125
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:55,827
Okay. So it's like this.
126
00:04:55,827 --> 00:04:58,482
You know how smells
can get like hit you
127
00:04:58,482 --> 00:05:01,068
and you fall over and then
you, you start puking.
128
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,689
It's like, it's like a real
129
00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,965
it's like the gut
punch of a feeling.
130
00:05:04,965 --> 00:05:05,793
Right.
131
00:05:05,793 --> 00:05:06,724
Yeah. And it's, I just
132
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:07,965
That everyone hates you.
133
00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:10,172
Every single person
at the post office,
134
00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:12,758
at the Boulangerie
at the, the Jamboree.
135
00:05:12,758 --> 00:05:14,758
You can say bakery.
136
00:05:14,758 --> 00:05:16,068
It's in France.
137
00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:16,931
Oh.
138
00:05:16,931 --> 00:05:18,103
So what do I do?
139
00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:20,000
Well, first of
all I do have to say
140
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,448
that in my opinion,
141
00:05:23,793 --> 00:05:25,931
low self-esteem
142
00:05:25,931 --> 00:05:30,137
and this is sort of
classic imposter syndrome.
143
00:05:30,137 --> 00:05:32,758
The whole world loves you,
but you don't love yourself.
144
00:05:32,758 --> 00:05:34,827
It's rooted in the mother.
145
00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:37,034
So let me ask you, tell
me about your mother
146
00:05:37,034 --> 00:05:40,310
and how she treated you
and how she raised you.
147
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,413
Well, she didn't talk
until she was about 30
148
00:05:42,413 --> 00:05:45,275
and then she screamed and
went to China for two weeks.
149
00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:46,827
Okay. This makes no sense.
150
00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:50,275
How would you know that she
didn't talk until she was 30?
151
00:05:50,275 --> 00:05:52,482
Because she screamed
I'm 30 and I'm going.
152
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,310
And then she went to China.
153
00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:57,310
Who among us has not
had that type of mother.
154
00:05:57,310 --> 00:05:58,896
You know, she never hit me.
155
00:05:58,896 --> 00:05:59,896
She kicked me.
156
00:05:59,896 --> 00:06:00,724
Sure.
157
00:06:00,724 --> 00:06:02,103
Right.
158
00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:03,620
You know, she never strangled
me, but she fingered me.
159
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:07,413
So I feel like she blamed me
for a lot of things that were
160
00:06:07,413 --> 00:06:10,206
you know, you know, deaths,
161
00:06:10,206 --> 00:06:11,034
Right.
162
00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:11,931
murders.
163
00:06:11,931 --> 00:06:13,310
There were murders?
164
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:14,103
There was a lot of
murders in the neighborhood.
165
00:06:14,103 --> 00:06:15,000
Mostly animals, but...
166
00:06:15,931 --> 00:06:18,000
I'm so sorry, one second.
167
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,482
This is important.
168
00:06:19,482 --> 00:06:20,724
Did somebody die?
169
00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:24,172
No, it's a really funny meme.
170
00:06:24,172 --> 00:06:25,620
Oh my God.
171
00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:27,068
I love corgis.
172
00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:28,275
Corgis?
173
00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:29,551
I'm so sorry.
174
00:06:29,551 --> 00:06:30,655
It's fine.
175
00:06:30,655 --> 00:06:32,000
I have an idea.
176
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,206
Okay.
177
00:06:33,206 --> 00:06:34,379
I want to do
some affirmations.
178
00:06:34,379 --> 00:06:35,586
Okay.
179
00:06:35,586 --> 00:06:36,689
You have a tape
playing in your head.
180
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:37,551
Have you ever heard that?
181
00:06:37,551 --> 00:06:38,827
That phrase?
182
00:06:38,827 --> 00:06:40,034
A what?
183
00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:41,000
Like you have, like
you have a recording
184
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,482
in your head from your mother.
185
00:06:42,482 --> 00:06:44,551
Remember the woman who
kicked you and fingered you?
186
00:06:44,551 --> 00:06:46,206
Yeah.
187
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,137
Oh, like a recording?
188
00:06:47,137 --> 00:06:48,068
Yeah.
189
00:06:48,068 --> 00:06:49,000
Like, like a, like a boombox.
190
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,241
You're worthless.
191
00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:51,068
Yes.
192
00:06:51,068 --> 00:06:52,586
Hey you little bitch.
193
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:53,655
You know?
194
00:06:53,655 --> 00:06:55,724
I never should have had you.
195
00:06:55,724 --> 00:06:57,241
God damn it you're ugly.
196
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:58,724
Yeah.
197
00:06:58,724 --> 00:06:59,965
What is going
on with that eye makeup?
198
00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:00,896
Yeah.
199
00:07:00,896 --> 00:07:02,068
Why did you wear that dress?
200
00:07:02,068 --> 00:07:04,655
You know, black and
White's not good for TV.
201
00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,586
Yeah.
202
00:07:05,586 --> 00:07:06,413
What is wrong with you bitch?
203
00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:07,620
Yeah.
204
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:08,448
What the fuck?
205
00:07:08,448 --> 00:07:09,379
Why so many elbows?
206
00:07:09,379 --> 00:07:10,482
Why the knees always dirty?
207
00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:12,000
What's with all the fingers?
208
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:12,827
Exactly.
209
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:13,758
Yeah.
210
00:07:13,758 --> 00:07:15,551
So we need to stop that tape.
211
00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:17,137
Now, I don't know
how old you are,
212
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,689
and I don't care, don't say it.
213
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:19,620
Okay.
214
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,103
Now you're gonna push stop.
215
00:07:21,103 --> 00:07:22,862
We don't wanna
hear that anymore.
216
00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:24,344
Okay.
217
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:26,448
That's that song on Jagged
Little Pill that doesn't work.
218
00:07:26,448 --> 00:07:27,379
Okay.
219
00:07:27,379 --> 00:07:28,758
You wanna hear the hits.
220
00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:30,482
The Macarena.
221
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:31,724
Okay, that's not.
222
00:07:31,724 --> 00:07:34,241
Alanis Morrissette did
not do the Macarena.
223
00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:35,724
Gangnam Style.
224
00:07:36,551 --> 00:07:37,379
Okay.
225
00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:38,620
We're pushing stop.
226
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:40,000
We're gonna, we're gonna
play a different song.
227
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,862
We're gonna play
a different tape.
228
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:42,689
Okay?
229
00:07:42,689 --> 00:07:43,620
Okay.
230
00:07:43,620 --> 00:07:44,344
So you're gonna repeat after me.
231
00:07:44,344 --> 00:07:45,172
Okay.
232
00:07:45,172 --> 00:07:46,310
Okay?
233
00:07:46,310 --> 00:07:47,758
No more Mommy
saying, "I hate you."
234
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:48,689
"You're ugly."
235
00:07:48,689 --> 00:07:49,724
"What the fuck?"
236
00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:52,000
"Why did you wear that?"
237
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,689
Why did you wear that?
238
00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:55,689
We're gonna do a new thing.
239
00:07:55,689 --> 00:07:56,586
Okay.
240
00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:57,413
So repeat after me.
241
00:07:57,413 --> 00:07:58,517
Okay.
242
00:07:58,517 --> 00:08:00,275
I am worthy.
243
00:08:00,275 --> 00:08:02,517
I am wormy.
244
00:08:04,793 --> 00:08:06,896
I'm a valid person.
245
00:08:06,896 --> 00:08:09,413
I'm a vapid person.
246
00:08:09,413 --> 00:08:11,551
Okay. Did you see
what you did there?
247
00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:12,724
What? I closed my eyes.
248
00:08:12,724 --> 00:08:14,000
Should I take my glasses off?
249
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,413
No, listen to me.
250
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,482
Look me in the eye.
251
00:08:17,482 --> 00:08:18,724
Pick one.
252
00:08:18,724 --> 00:08:19,551
Uh huh.
253
00:08:19,551 --> 00:08:21,103
I said, "I am worthy."
254
00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:22,655
You said, "I am wormy."
255
00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:25,655
A worm is the lowest thing
on earth crawling around.
256
00:08:25,655 --> 00:08:27,896
I said, "I am valid."
257
00:08:27,896 --> 00:08:29,724
You said, "I am vapid."
258
00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:31,586
Vapid, correct me if I'm wrong,
259
00:08:31,586 --> 00:08:35,413
means empty; of no value.
260
00:08:35,413 --> 00:08:39,896
Intellectually devoid of
any substance whatsoever.
261
00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,896
These tapes are still playing.
262
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:42,827
All right?
263
00:08:42,827 --> 00:08:44,000
Look, look at the finger.
264
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,620
And, and this is
not Mommy's finger.
265
00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:46,689
So don't freak out.
266
00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:47,517
Okay.
267
00:08:47,517 --> 00:08:48,344
Stop.
268
00:08:50,034 --> 00:08:51,103
Now. Let's try it again.
269
00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:52,344
Okay.
270
00:08:52,344 --> 00:08:53,000
Really listen to
what I'm saying.
271
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:53,896
Okay.
272
00:08:53,896 --> 00:08:56,517
I am worthy.
273
00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:58,896
I am flirty.
274
00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:02,551
Katya, Katya.
275
00:09:02,551 --> 00:09:04,206
You're more than your sexuality.
276
00:09:04,206 --> 00:09:05,241
You said flirty.
277
00:09:05,241 --> 00:09:06,172
Flirty.
278
00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:06,931
You don't need to flirt.
279
00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:07,862
I, okay.
280
00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:09,068
You don't need to flirt.
281
00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:10,000
It's not all about
being fuckable.
282
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,724
I am 40.
283
00:09:11,724 --> 00:09:13,448
Stop it.
284
00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:15,344
You're obviously
older than that.
285
00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:17,551
Listen. I need you to focus.
286
00:09:17,551 --> 00:09:18,793
Okay.
287
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:19,655
Really listen to
what I'm saying.
288
00:09:19,655 --> 00:09:20,482
I'm gonna listen.
289
00:09:20,482 --> 00:09:21,310
Let it in.
290
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:22,275
I'm gonna listen.
291
00:09:22,275 --> 00:09:23,103
The old tape is done.
292
00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:23,931
Ready?
293
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,172
Ready.
294
00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:29,206
I am worthy.
295
00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:33,965
I am a valid person.
296
00:09:33,965 --> 00:09:35,000
And people love me!
297
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:35,862
And people love me.
298
00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:36,689
Louder!
299
00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:38,103
I am worthy!
300
00:09:38,103 --> 00:09:39,620
I'm a valid person!
301
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,689
And people love me!
302
00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:41,517
Do you feel it?
303
00:09:41,517 --> 00:09:42,344
I feel it.
304
00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:43,344
Is it real?
305
00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:44,172
I think it's real.
306
00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:45,000
The tape is playing.
307
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,689
The CD's going.
308
00:09:46,689 --> 00:09:48,000
I think I'm wet.
309
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:48,862
Is this Scotch Guarded?
310
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,517
Wait. Hold that.
311
00:09:50,517 --> 00:09:51,379
Oh.
312
00:09:51,379 --> 00:09:52,206
I'm so sorry.
313
00:09:52,206 --> 00:09:53,034
It's my phone again.
314
00:09:53,034 --> 00:09:54,275
What another meme?
315
00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:56,724
No, actually this
is very important.
316
00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:59,448
It's, no offense, a bigger name.
317
00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:00,931
And I, they actually have me
318
00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:04,586
on retainer and this
is an emergency call.
319
00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:05,620
Ann Miller?
320
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,000
Oh.
321
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,000
Hey Trixie.
322
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,000
How are you, honey?
323
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,517
Hi, it's me Trixie.
324
00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:14,000
I hate to call on such short
notice, but I've actually
325
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,068
been having some mental stress
and some emotional fatigue.
326
00:10:17,068 --> 00:10:18,551
Is everything okay?
327
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,586
I work with someone who
really is just irresponsible,
328
00:10:21,586 --> 00:10:24,206
difficult, selfish, inappropriate.
329
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,206
Oh honey.
330
00:10:26,482 --> 00:10:27,620
It's just getting more
and more difficult to go
331
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,103
to work and kind
of face the day.
332
00:10:29,103 --> 00:10:29,931
So I was wondering
333
00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:31,068
Not a good time
334
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:32,000
Advice for working
with somebody
335
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,413
who's truly sort of an idiot.
336
00:10:33,413 --> 00:10:35,827
I totally understand
your frustration, but
337
00:10:35,827 --> 00:10:38,655
Garbage and really
disgusting to look at.
338
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:40,758
And my stomach turns
just even being
339
00:10:40,758 --> 00:10:41,586
around her.
340
00:10:41,586 --> 00:10:42,551
Um.
341
00:10:42,551 --> 00:10:44,172
It's Katya, please help.
342
00:10:46,586 --> 00:10:48,275
Awkward.
343
00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:49,103
She hates me.
344
00:10:49,103 --> 00:10:49,965
I was right.
345
00:10:49,965 --> 00:10:50,931
Stop the tape
346
00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:51,758
Don't you gaslight me.
347
00:10:51,758 --> 00:10:52,862
Stop the tape!
348
00:10:52,862 --> 00:10:54,068
Now, say it again.
349
00:10:54,068 --> 00:10:56,068
Say it again.
350
00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:57,724
Come here, come closer.
351
00:11:00,103 --> 00:11:02,379
Now that's called tough love.
352
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:04,758
And it's somewhere in a
book here in my office.
353
00:11:04,758 --> 00:11:07,551
It is a valid form of therapy.
354
00:11:07,551 --> 00:11:11,448
And speaking of valid, I need
you to repeat our new tape.
355
00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:12,275
Now.
356
00:11:12,275 --> 00:11:13,103
I'm a worthy person.
357
00:11:13,103 --> 00:11:14,000
I'm a valid person.
358
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,034
I'm a people person.
359
00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:16,137
I love me.
360
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,896
You put a spin on
it, but that's it.
361
00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:20,862
Okay. I'm a fruit
bar and a wagon wheel.
362
00:11:20,862 --> 00:11:22,103
Are you feeling it?
363
00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:25,862
I feel actually
pretty incredible.
364
00:11:25,862 --> 00:11:28,000
I feel, I mean, like
I feel more limber.
365
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,586
I've got, oh, you
hear that crack?
366
00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:32,862
I've got thoracic mobility.
367
00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:34,448
I think this is
gonna work for me.
368
00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:36,068
Thank you so much Dr. Jackie.
369
00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:37,620
You are, I don't touch.
370
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:38,862
Okay, well.
371
00:11:38,862 --> 00:11:40,034
Listen, I'm glad
you feel better.
372
00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:41,068
I'm glad you feel great.
373
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,620
But this is just the beginning.
374
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:45,448
We need to back this up like
three, four times a week.
375
00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:46,517
We need to do this.
376
00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:47,344
Okay.
377
00:11:47,344 --> 00:11:48,172
I'll pack a lunch.
378
00:11:48,172 --> 00:11:49,620
Yes. Yeah.
379
00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:51,275
Yeah. I'll get a babysitter.
380
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:52,620
Do whatever you need to do.
381
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:53,689
Okay. I'll get pregnant too.
382
00:11:53,689 --> 00:11:55,172
Okay. Thank you so much.
383
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:56,103
You are so welcome.
384
00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:57,000
God bless you.
385
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:57,827
Yes.
386
00:11:57,827 --> 00:11:58,793
God!
387
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:00,275
God bless me. It is what I do.
388
00:12:02,551 --> 00:12:03,551
All right.
389
00:12:03,551 --> 00:12:05,000
Thank you.
390
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:05,862
Don't.
391
00:12:05,862 --> 00:12:07,724
Thank you. Thank you.
392
00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:15,655
Well, how did it go?
393
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:17,000
Oh, it was fine.
394
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,275
But between you and
me, I think I hate her.
395
00:12:19,275 --> 00:12:20,896
Oh Honey, everyone hates her.
396
00:12:20,896 --> 00:12:22,689
Katya is fucking annoying.
397
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,482
Do you validate?
398
00:12:30,379 --> 00:12:31,862
No.
399
00:12:31,862 --> 00:12:32,689
Okay.
400
00:12:37,172 --> 00:12:38,000
Hello?
401
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,517
Dr. Jackie.
402
00:12:39,517 --> 00:12:41,172
It's Margaret Cho.
403
00:12:41,172 --> 00:12:43,793
Oh, well hello, Margaret Cho.
404
00:12:43,793 --> 00:12:45,620
How can I help you, Honey?
405
00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:46,827
I'm just wondering.
406
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,000
So I,
407
00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:53,827
had my big toenail removed.
408
00:12:54,965 --> 00:12:56,275
It had toenail fungus,
409
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,793
because I used to be a swimmer.
410
00:12:58,793 --> 00:12:59,724
Uh huh.
411
00:12:59,724 --> 00:13:03,413
And I looked at the toenail.
412
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:04,344
Well now see...
413
00:13:04,344 --> 00:13:06,241
And it really looked like,
414
00:13:07,724 --> 00:13:09,137
I'm not sure if it was a
415
00:13:11,517 --> 00:13:12,758
maybe pork rinds.
416
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:13,689
Right.
417
00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:15,862
With some spicy sauce on it.
418
00:13:16,724 --> 00:13:17,793
And I really wanted to eat it.
419
00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:20,793
And the podiatrist said, no.
420
00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:22,000
Would you have, let me eat it?
421
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000
I agree 100% with
your podiatrist.
422
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,103
Do not eat that toenail.
423
00:13:27,103 --> 00:13:29,206
If you eat that toenail,
next thing you know
424
00:13:29,206 --> 00:13:31,275
you're snacking on other
parts of your body.
425
00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:32,827
And then the next thing you know
426
00:13:32,827 --> 00:13:34,620
it's a slippery slope bitch.
427
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:37,206
You are eating other
people's body parts.
428
00:13:37,206 --> 00:13:39,482
And then, hello!
429
00:13:39,482 --> 00:13:41,724
Can you say Armie Hammer?
430
00:13:41,724 --> 00:13:42,551
Yeah.
431
00:13:42,551 --> 00:13:43,793
He had fantasies,
432
00:13:43,793 --> 00:13:47,000
sexual fantasies about
cannibalizing women.
433
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:47,931
He was canceled.
434
00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:49,793
Anyway, listen, I'm just saying,
435
00:13:49,793 --> 00:13:52,413
be careful, you do
what you need to do
436
00:13:52,413 --> 00:13:54,724
but, I'm glad we
nipped this in the bud.
437
00:13:54,724 --> 00:13:57,655
Thanks Dr. Jackie. I
would've never thought of that.
438
00:13:57,655 --> 00:13:59,931
You always give me
the best advice.
439
00:13:59,931 --> 00:14:01,137
All right, honey.
440
00:14:01,137 --> 00:14:03,103
Yeah. I'm glad I
could be of help.
441
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,827
I'll email you a bill.
442
00:14:06,482 --> 00:14:08,206
Eating your toenails.
443
00:14:08,206 --> 00:14:10,000
Okay, that is disgusting.
444
00:14:14,482 --> 00:14:16,068
Oh, hey. How was your lunch?
445
00:14:16,068 --> 00:14:17,275
Oh, delicious.
446
00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:19,000
I went to that
new Italian place.
447
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,482
What new Italian place?
448
00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:22,137
Oh, it's called
Spaghetti Freddy's
449
00:14:22,137 --> 00:14:25,000
and it's located right
between Diet Depot
450
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,068
and the Back Fat Gym for
ladies in that strip mall.
451
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:28,931
Hmm.
452
00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:29,758
Did you eat?
453
00:14:29,758 --> 00:14:30,965
Nope. Nothing for me.
454
00:14:30,965 --> 00:14:34,758
Just my Trim Licious
meal replacement shake.
455
00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:37,344
You know, it's really
not healthy to skip meals.
456
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,448
I'll make a note
of that Dr. Fauci.
457
00:14:39,448 --> 00:14:40,689
Excuse me?
458
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:43,241
I said sometimes
it makes me grouchy.
459
00:14:43,241 --> 00:14:45,448
Well, your next appointment
is already here.
460
00:14:45,448 --> 00:14:48,517
Some kind of workplace drama.
461
00:14:48,517 --> 00:14:51,931
Yawn. God, I
hate normal people.
462
00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:54,724
Hello!
463
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,931
Hello. I'm Dr. Jackie
and you are Mario.
464
00:15:07,931 --> 00:15:09,275
Yeah. Hi.
465
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,310
Hello.
466
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,655
How are you doing?
467
00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:13,172
I'm doing alright.
468
00:15:13,172 --> 00:15:14,896
Seem a little uptight.
469
00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:17,000
I'm okay.
470
00:15:18,068 --> 00:15:19,000
Thank you.
471
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,517
Well, if you were okay,
472
00:15:20,517 --> 00:15:21,793
you probably wouldn't be
seeing a psychotherapist.
473
00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:23,034
What's going on?
474
00:15:23,034 --> 00:15:25,068
Well, I feel a little
awkward actually.
475
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:26,379
I've never done therapy before
476
00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:27,758
so this is a little
weird for me.
477
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:29,482
Well, let me put
your mind at ease.
478
00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:31,413
This is a safe place.
479
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:33,206
This is strictly confidential.
480
00:15:33,206 --> 00:15:37,310
Anything you say is
just between you and me.
481
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:38,793
Well, where do I begin?
482
00:15:38,793 --> 00:15:41,241
Well, just tell me a
little bit about yourself.
483
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,724
Well, I'm a 50
year old gay man.
484
00:15:44,724 --> 00:15:46,241
And I don't know.
485
00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:47,310
I just feel like
486
00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:48,931
It's over.
487
00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:50,862
You feel like it's over.
488
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:53,000
You feel invisible.
489
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:58,000
You feel less than,
unwanted, undesirable.
490
00:15:58,896 --> 00:15:59,689
You're not the cute guy anymore.
491
00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:01,172
You're not fashionable.
492
00:16:01,172 --> 00:16:05,172
You gotta wear the hat to
hide the receding hairline.
493
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:08,000
You got the pot belly starting.
494
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,758
You know, nobody wants
to, you're unfuckable.
495
00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:13,068
You know, it's like
in the gay world,
496
00:16:13,068 --> 00:16:15,689
you may as well be a dead woman.
497
00:16:15,689 --> 00:16:19,413
You're clearly on
Grubhub more than Grindr.
498
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,551
It's over for you.
499
00:16:21,551 --> 00:16:25,724
I mean, let's be honest
in your community.
500
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,896
You're a steaming pile of shit.
501
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,448
Yeah. No, that's
not why I'm here.
502
00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:33,275
It's not?
503
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:34,758
No.
504
00:16:34,758 --> 00:16:37,827
Okay. Well, why don't you
tell me why you're here.
505
00:16:37,827 --> 00:16:39,172
Okay, I will.
506
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,379
And write it down.
507
00:16:41,551 --> 00:16:43,172
Well, I'm having
some issues at work.
508
00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:46,310
Having some issues at work.
509
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:47,896
Work. And I
thought maybe uh...
510
00:16:47,896 --> 00:16:50,000
And you thought
that maybe uh...
511
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,689
I
512
00:16:51,689 --> 00:16:53,862
Thought
513
00:16:53,862 --> 00:16:56,000
I thought that
maybe you could help.
514
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,275
You thought that... I don't
need to write that down.
515
00:16:58,275 --> 00:16:59,793
I can help.
516
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:03,448
Well, I'm here because I'm
having some workplace issues.
517
00:17:04,551 --> 00:17:06,103
So I brought a couple
of my coworkers.
518
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,758
I thought maybe we could
figure some of this stuff out.
519
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:12,689
Oh, well of course.
Let's bring them in.
520
00:17:12,689 --> 00:17:15,310
Shirley. Could you send in
Mario's coworkers please?
521
00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:16,689
It's Sherry.
522
00:17:16,689 --> 00:17:17,793
They're right there.
523
00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:21,758
Oh.
524
00:17:21,758 --> 00:17:22,689
Hello.
525
00:17:23,586 --> 00:17:24,689
Wow.
526
00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:25,586
Um.
527
00:17:27,448 --> 00:17:30,448
Did you hear all that?
528
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:35,482
That's, just so you know
that that was confidential.
529
00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:36,655
Everything about...
530
00:17:41,206 --> 00:17:44,206
So I understand
that there is some
531
00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:46,896
workplace drama going
on between you two.
532
00:17:48,689 --> 00:17:50,206
What's going on?
533
00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:53,655
This one thinks
he's such hot shit.
534
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,034
I don't think it, I know it.
535
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,275
First of all, please
uncross your arms.
536
00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:59,103
Why don't you open yourself up
537
00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:01,620
to being a part of this process?
538
00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:02,931
There you go.
539
00:18:02,931 --> 00:18:04,689
Now, I have heard enough.
540
00:18:04,689 --> 00:18:05,620
Believe it or not.
541
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,000
They said one little thing each,
542
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,206
but I'm a seasoned professional
543
00:18:09,206 --> 00:18:11,034
and I understand
what's going on here.
544
00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,068
Let me guess.
545
00:18:12,068 --> 00:18:13,379
Okay?
546
00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:15,655
You two work together.
547
00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:18,620
You were once on
friendly terms, and you
548
00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:19,448
or you
549
00:18:20,448 --> 00:18:23,206
sold more used cars,
550
00:18:23,206 --> 00:18:25,655
or solar panels,
551
00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:28,758
or water softening systems,
than the other one.
552
00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:33,068
And now this good-natured,
fun competition has
553
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:36,448
turned your office into
a virtual war zone.
554
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,379
No, no, no, no.
555
00:18:37,379 --> 00:18:38,517
We don't work in an office.
556
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:39,758
What?
557
00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,172
I'm a queer producer.
558
00:18:41,172 --> 00:18:42,827
You can't say that word.
559
00:18:42,827 --> 00:18:44,275
Look, I throw a
party called Schlongz!
560
00:18:44,275 --> 00:18:47,068
with a Z and an
exclamation point.
561
00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:48,517
And they're my go-go dancers.
562
00:18:51,344 --> 00:18:52,586
And?
563
00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:54,206
Look, they used to date,
564
00:18:54,206 --> 00:18:56,827
and now they're bickering
all the time at work.
565
00:18:56,827 --> 00:18:58,758
I mean, people come there
to have a good time.
566
00:18:58,758 --> 00:19:01,379
And these two are just
fighting, fighting, fighting.
567
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:05,517
I mean, nobody comes to see
two gorgeous men wearing next
568
00:19:05,517 --> 00:19:06,482
to nothing.
569
00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:08,310
Behaving like school girls.
570
00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:09,241
Two gorgeous men
571
00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:13,310
wearing next to nothing.
572
00:19:15,517 --> 00:19:16,482
Exactly.
573
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:19,758
Now what is going on?
574
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:22,620
He won't shut up
about his amazing ass.
575
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,655
Okay. Cuz you won't, and can't
576
00:19:24,655 --> 00:19:26,551
shut up about your huge cock.
577
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:38,000
I think I know
what's going on here.
578
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,758
Do you see this?
579
00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:40,586
What does it say?
580
00:19:40,586 --> 00:19:42,068
Doctor Jackie.
581
00:19:42,068 --> 00:19:44,482
I want all three
of you to say it.
582
00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:49,655
Doctor Jackie. Keyword doctor.
583
00:19:50,551 --> 00:19:53,413
But, I'm not a magician,
584
00:19:53,413 --> 00:19:54,896
and I'm certainly not a medium.
585
00:19:54,896 --> 00:19:55,724
Oh God.
586
00:19:55,724 --> 00:19:56,965
I wish I was a medium.
587
00:19:56,965 --> 00:19:58,689
I'm like an extra
large right now.
588
00:19:58,689 --> 00:20:00,000
Well, I've been
eating my feelings.
589
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,482
I don't know what's going on.
590
00:20:01,482 --> 00:20:02,931
Physician heal thyself.
591
00:20:02,931 --> 00:20:04,379
Am I right?
592
00:20:04,379 --> 00:20:07,034
Listen, I need to come
from a place of knowledge.
593
00:20:07,034 --> 00:20:08,827
If you're trying to
figure something out
594
00:20:08,827 --> 00:20:12,586
you need all the information
that you can get.
595
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:17,344
Now I realize that just
like my Jewish friend, Barry
596
00:20:17,344 --> 00:20:18,793
who is always eating bacon
597
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:21,275
and refuses to have
his son circumcised,
598
00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:23,206
this is highly unorthodox.
599
00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:26,517
But for purely
therapeutic reasons
600
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:31,241
I need to see this amazing ass
601
00:20:32,793 --> 00:20:34,655
and huge cock.
602
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:40,068
I think it's our only chance
to let the healing begin.
603
00:20:40,068 --> 00:20:43,241
Are you two
comfortable with this?
604
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,275
Yeah?
605
00:20:45,275 --> 00:20:46,551
I guess
606
00:20:46,551 --> 00:20:49,413
Great! Then let
the party begin.
607
00:20:50,758 --> 00:20:55,206
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪
608
00:20:56,482 --> 00:21:01,206
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪
609
00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:08,172
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪
610
00:21:10,206 --> 00:21:15,206
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪
611
00:21:17,172 --> 00:21:24,103
♪ I invented that
612
00:21:24,103 --> 00:21:25,620
All right you guys, that's it.
613
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:26,689
Put your clothes on.
614
00:21:26,689 --> 00:21:27,551
We're leaving.
615
00:21:30,379 --> 00:21:33,620
Well, you must admit
they're getting along now.
616
00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:36,551
Thanks to Dr. Jackie.
617
00:21:36,551 --> 00:21:37,793
Thank you, Dr.
618
00:21:37,793 --> 00:21:40,793
Does anyone say, "Thank
you, Dr. Jackie?" No.
37481
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