All language subtitles for Corner Gas - 3x02 - Key To The Future

You know what I hate?

Big Tobacco? The Gun Lobby?
Rollerblades?

No, no, and kind of.

But I was talking about
things you see in a TV show

that would never work
in real life. Huh?

Ah, gotcha. Understood.
No need for an example.

Take Bugs Bunny.

Not the glove thing again?

He leaves the glove in the air,
the opera singer keeps singin'.

Then he sends away
for earmuffs...

No, no, no. I'm not
talking about that.

That's clearly an example

of exaggeration to make
a comedic point.

I'm talkin' about when Daffy
keeps saying, "Shoot the rabbit"

and Bugs keeps sayin',
"Shoot the duck,"

and Daffy keeps sayin',
"Shoot the rabbit"

and Bugs keeps sayin',
"Shoot the duck,"

until eventually Bugs says,
"Shoot the rabbit"

and Daffy says, "Shoot the duck"
and Daffy gets shot.

Has this been keepin' you
up nights?

Well, it would never work.

Yes, it would.
No, it wouldn't.

No, it wouldn't.
Yes, it would.

No, it wouldn't.
Yes, it would, Brent.

Stop fightin' me on this.
All right then.

You can tell me that
your dog ran away

Then tell me that it
took three days

I've heard every joke,
I've heard every one you say

You think there's
not a lot goin' on

Look closer, Baby,
you're so wrong

And that's why you can
stay so long

Where there's not a lot
goin' on

The suspension on
my car is trashed.

I just ran over a pothole.

Do you mean "a" pothole
or "the" pothole?

You really gotta knock off
the article stuff.

Hear, hear.

Did you just say,
"hear, hear"?

Actually, you know, since
the town only has one,

Wanda's use of the article,
"the", while a tad pretentious,

is justified.

And using the word, "tad,"
that's not pretentious?

Hear, hear.

Do you and Mom have the
Parliamentary channel now?

Wait.

So-so Dog River only has
one pothole

and no one's bothered
to fill it in?

Fill in a landmark?
Are you crazy?

You lost your keys?

Yes.

Where did you lose them?

If I knew that,
they wouldn't be lost.

And don't ask me if I checked
my pants pockets.

So you did check
your pants pockets?

Yes.

Could you just open
the trunk, please?

The trunk release
doesn't work.

The thing hasn't
worked since '97.

Fine.

But next time don't
lose your keys.

"Did you check
your pants pockets?"

"Next time don't
lose your keys. "

Uh, Davis, could you
come here for a second?

If you have come here to talk me
out of doing something

about the pothole, don't bother.

I didn't.

Good. Because I have learned
not to get involved.

If I fix that pothole,
everyone will get mad at me

for some bizarre reason
that-that logic can't predict,

you know, that-that that pothole
was good birdbath or something.

And then, even though
everyone else is eccentric,

I'll end up looking eccentric.

Right.

Well, I just, uh, came
here for some food and coffee.

Good.

I hope that's not comin'
across as eccentric.

What?

Shovel, rubber
gloves, lye?

This doesn't look
suspicious to you?

What? Karen, you have
to be prepared.

Prepared for what?

Davis, do you
have a shovel?

No.

Geez. What's the use of ya?

I don't suppose you
have any rubber gloves?

No, not on me.

Where, then, in the car?

Boy, I could sure
use some lye.

I don't have any. And, no,
I don't have any in my trunk.

I know. I'm useless.

They were losing faith in me.

And when that happens, they lose
faith in the rule of law,

and then the door opens
to our old foes,

Chaos and Anarchy.

Plus I like people to like me.

You're weird.

Old foes?

Come on, Brent, you
know what I mean.

People around here just
flat out hate change.

Not all change, just big,
sudden changes

that affect how they live.

Really?

Is that a new
water pitcher?

What are you
trying to pull?

When did you start using
yellow waitress pads?

I'm not sure.

Not sure? Do I look
stupid to you?

Why did you switch from
Equal to SugarTwin?

I thought you used
regular sugar?

Is this about me not having
any rubber gloves?

Yeah, I'm really
rockin' the boat.

When did you change these?

Do you still
have the old ones?

Hey, Wanda, you alone?

Well, I'm currently
not seeing anyone.

But alone and lonely are
two very different things.

I mean Brent's not here?
Oh. No.

I wanted to tell you
about a dream,

but I didn't want him
to make fun of me.

So you think I won't
make fun of you?

I don't know whether I like this
development in our, uh, re-re...

Relationship?

Oh, that's way too strong,
much, much too strong.

I had a dream that something bad
was gonna happen to Emma.

That's it?

You've had this vague dream
in which something

kinda bad maybe happens?

I know. Scary, huh?

I- I should call Emma,
maybe warn her or somethin'?

What do you guys think of those
new water pitchers at The Ruby?

Hold on a second.

Hank's in the middle of
overreacting to something.

Oh, sorry. Go on.

I had a dream about your mom.

You have five seconds
to make my skin stop crawling.

I dreamt somethin' bad was
going to happen to her.

Like what?

Well, it's foggy and vague
and bad and, you know,

not very good.

Okay, thanks for
the heads up, Hank.

Corner Gas.

Brent,

I need you to do something
for me.

Mom, are you okay?

Of course I am.

I just dropped a big can
of tomato juice.

Can you bring some by?

Well, yeah, sure.
Why are we whispering?

I don't want your
father to hear.

You know how he is
about tomato juice.

Emma, what the hell happened
to the tomato juice?

Well, I guess there's
no point in whispering anymore.

That was our last can.

That was Mom. She dropped
a can of tomato juice.

I knew it!

I knew somethin' bad was
gonna happen to Emma.

I think psychics have to be a
little more specific than that.

No, no, no, I don't-I don't
remember specifics.

I just wake up with this vague
feeling of uneasiness, you know.

You had cotton candy and
pepperoni for supper last night.

You're lucky you
woke up at all.

Well, now hold on, Brent.

In all fairness to Hank,
dreams are a realm

that science has a hard time
explaining.

Yeah. Thanks, Wanda.

I mean, you know, maybe
there's some higher powers,

you know, using me as a tool.

You as a tool? I buy that.

You really think
I'm psychic?

Let's put it this way.

I'm not 100% sure that
you're not psychic.

Right.

That was cruel.

You just wanted to do
that to him yourself.

That's what I mean.

It was cruel to not let me make
Hank think he was psychic.

You'll get over it.
Besides, Hank had it coming.

Why?
He said we had a relationship.

Karen, I'm gonna need
your keys to get into the trunk.

I can't give them to you.

What? Why not?

They're in the trunk.

In the trunk. You locked
your keys inside the trunk.

How is that even possible?

You don't even know
where your keys are.

Well, I know where they're not.

They're not inside the trunk,
because there's no reason

for the keys to ever even be
in the drunk. Du-uh.

You've completely
jeopardized our credibility.

Isn't that little
melodramatic?

Chaos and Anarchy, Karen.
Chaos and Anarchy.

How's your stupid plan to fill
in the stupid pothole going?

I'm not gonna fill in
the landmark.

Typical.

What, you not saying thank you?

No, you givin' up. That's what
you Baby Boomers do.

I'm not a Baby Boomer.
If anything, I'm-I'm Gen X.

Just give up,
that's all you do.

Or the young side of Gen X,
more Gen Y.

I don't have to do anything
for myself. I'm a Baby Boomer.

I'm not a Baby Boomer.

Then why don't you want
to fill in the pothole?

What does that have to do
with being a Boomer?

Just answer the question.

Well, besides the fact
that roadwork isn't my job,

I don't want to come across
as being eccentric.

Why would that be eccentric,
to fill in a pothole?

You're strange.

It's a town thing.

You know, it should
be a-a town decision.

There should be a meeting.

Meetings, paperwork, red tape.

That's the problem with
your generation, no gumption.

Just get a couple of
people to volunteer.

Fine. Maybe I will.

And don't forget the experience

that's sittin' right
in front of ya.

Oh. Brian, would you help me
fill in the pothole?

Where's the Equal?
I switched it.

I meant me. I have experience.

I'll help ya.

Oh, great.

If ya bring back the
old water pitchers.

When you want something
done right,

ya do it yourself.

Or you get a couple of
local kids to do it for you.

Be good for them.
Lazy Gen X'ers.

I'm Gen X.

And take down the pothole sign
when you're done.

What's going on here,
a town meeting?

We're fillin'
in the pothole.

Whose idea was that?

It was Lacey's idea.

You closed down The Ruby to come
out here and fix a pothole?

That's weird,
very strange,
almost...

I'm not eccentric.

I- I just thought that the
pothole was a bad thing.

Well, you shoulda
consulted people,

talked to the Mayor
or somethin'.

What?
I wanted to consult people.

You, consult people?

Pul-ease, Miss Yellow
Waitress Pad.

She's got ya there.

Lacey, I came to warn you.
Something bad is gonna happen.

I knew it. I knew
this was gonna happen.

What? Now you're psychic too?

What's goin' on here?

They've filled in
the pothole.

Some teenagers did it.
Damn kids.

You should be in school.

Do you have a permit?

No, of course not. Because
I'm from the city

and in the city we don't need
permits for anything.

No, in Toronto we just
walk around doing roadwork

whenever the mood strikes us.

See, Karen? Anarchy.

Oh, man, it's happenin' again.
My dreams are comin' true.

And there's your chaos.

Morning.
Morning.

Hey, you still think Hank
has no special powers?

I was the one who said
he did have powers.

Although in answer
to your question,

no, I don't think Hank
has any powers.

Oh, yeah? Well, I guess somebody
hasn't seen the Howler.

"Phycic"?

Honestly, how much does a
spell check program cost?

What's the story say?

I haven't finished
reading it yet.

I started to read it, but then
it was "contunied" on page 30.

The gist of it is
that Hank has ESP.

You'd have to be an idiot to
take the Howlerseriously.

Yes.

There's nothin' in the Howler
that says the town hates me.

Don't believe everything
you don't read.

What's a py-chic?

Way to go Lacie.

Who knows?

You know, maybe Hank has
tapped into some deep part

of his subconscious mind that
the rest of us can't access.

Maybe. He's hit his head
enough times.

I just like winding
him up about it.

Hey, Hank.

Hey.

Have any vague, uneasy
dreams last night?

Maybe.

Don't pay any
attention to Brent.

He's just jealous because
you've tapped into

some deep part of your
subconscious mind

that the rest of us
can't access.

Thank you, Wanda.

Finally somebody
who believes me.

Hey, look.

You made the paper.

What?

Aw, this is just great.

I- I feel like a superhero
whose secret identity

has been revealed, you know?

I bet if you think about it,

you probably saw this coming,
didn't you?

Well, I mean it's a little
vague, but yeah,

I think maybe I did.

Oh, you're giving me
goose bumps.

I don't...

whooh.

See?

People used to slow down
because of the pothole.

Now they go whipping down
the street like lunatics.

You fixed the pothole and
created a death trap.

I wanted to do a speed bump,

but Baby Boomer here
wouldn't let me.

Is that true, Lacey?

No.

I'm Generation X, or Y
or-or whatever comes after that.

No, about the speed bump.

Oh.

I'll tell you what. I will
arrange for a speed bump.

Just like that, without
consulting anyone?

Oh.

Well, aren't you
gonna do something?

Like what?

Get in your car and chase them.

Oh, let's not overreact.

Slow it down!

That oughta do it.

So, how's the
psychic sleuthing?

Can you say that
three times, fast?

Psychic sleuthing, psychic
sleuthing, psychic sleuthing.

Oh. I thought
it would be harder.

Psychic sleuthing, psychic
sleuthing, psychic sleuthing,

psychic sleuthing,
psychic sleu...

That's plenty. Okay.

Hey, hey.

Hi, Hank. Hi, Brent.

Listen, you gonna
being seeing Wanda?

I'm supposed to style her
hair tomorrow afternoon,

but something came up.

Can you ask her if I can move
her to tomorrow morning instead?

Yeah, sure. No, wait.
This is perfect.

I mean, uh-you know what?
I'm very forgetful.

So you should probably
just tell Wanda yourself.

Just give her
a call at work.

She gets in at 4:00, but then
she goes way in the back

to do inventory, like way in the
back, away from the phone,

so you should call her at
five after 4:00, sharp.

Okay?

Okay, here's what you do.

Oh, hello, Hank.

Hi.

Hey, Wanda.

I came by to tell you that
I had another bad dream.

Oh, you did?

Yeah. Only this one
was about you.

Me?

Oh, I-I don't know
if I even want to hear it.

You know, your psychic powers
might freak me out too much.

Yeah, yeah.
I don't know.

This one didn't make
much sense to me.

I, uh, I-I dreamed about your
hair and I dreamed about a clock

and I-I dreamed that-that your
hair was getting twisted up

in the clock as the clock
moved f-forward.

What? That doesn't make any
sense. Hair, clock forward.

That could mean anything,
ya nut.

Well, you never know.

You gonna get that?

Hey, has that cheese expired?

Hello.

Oh, hi, Sandra.

Yeah, all right. Okay.

Okay, Sandra, I'll see
you tomorrow morning.

No, cheese was fine.

Hey, uh, who was that?

That was Sandra.

I was going to get my hair
cut tomorrow afternoon,

but now she wants me to change
the hair appointment,

earlier, like move the
appointment for my hair

forward.

I don't get it.

Did you sleep okay?

No. I tossed and
turned all night.

Oh?

Do you know what the odds
are of Hank having a dream

about my hair and
a clock moving forward

and then me having to move my
hair appointment forward?

Ten to one?

Unfathomable.

Science hates it when
things can't be fathomed.

The scientific mind demands
to fathom things completely.

I understand, or fathom.

There's got to be a rational
explanation for this.

Sure. It's probably
just a coincidence.

Science hates a coincidence.

Maybe science
should lighten up.

This is taking way
longer than last time.

Well, we can only get one
kid to volunteer this time.

Hey, where's your buddy?

It's his great grandma's
100th birthday.

Shirking work to go party,
typical of your generation.

What generation are you?
Is there a name for it?

Oscar, you said you
were gonna help.

I'm changin' the sign.

There. It's a speed bump now.

Coffee break.

Hey, Hank.

Can you fix the trunk
release on the patrol car?

Yeah, probably.

Oh, you want me to?

If you don't mind.

Don't even talk to me
about my mind.

I'll get
my tools.

Hey, didn't you stack
those cases of motor oil?

Do they look stacked?

I'm trying to
figure this out.

Hank is not phycicand
I'm gonna prove it.

Fine. I'll stack 'em myself.

Hey, maybe I have
telekinesis.

No. Gotta stack 'em old school.

Whoo.

Well,

the speed bump is slowing
people down,

but something seems wrong.

Of course it does.

You know what it is?

It doesn't look natural.

It's not natural.
We made it.

You're right, Oscar.
It looks contrived.

It is contrived.

We all contrived it,
together, remember?

What we need is something
that will slow cars down

but somehow look
more natural.

Like what, a pothole?

You know the Soviets
were doing government

sanctioned ESP studies
as early as 1940

and they still have no
tangible evidence?

Oh, those Russians.

Okay.

Done.

Well, I liked the
old pothole better.

It was more
natural looking.

But it's better than
that tacky speed bump.

Hear, hear.
Stop saying that.

Hear, hear.

Now all you have to do is put
that sign back the way it was.

It won't stay.

You'll have to build
another speed bump.

You just take that stupid
sign down and fix it right.

Fine, I'll take it down.

But this is the last
thing I ever do for you.

Promise?

I don't know how you locked
the keys in the trunk.

You should never put keys
in the trunk.

See, the psychic
agrees with me. Yeah, yeah.

There.

Hallelujah.

Here are your keys.

Hey, cool, lye.
Can I have some?

Sure.

Hey, there's another set
of keys under this lye.

These yours, Davis?

Uh, no, don't think so.

You sure? They got
a big "D" on 'em.

D as in Du-uh.

You still readin'
those books?

Man, science sure
hates the unexplained.

True.

But science loves a hairdresser
who can't keep a secret.

Sandra blabbed to you?
No.

Sandra blabbed to Donna,
who blabbed to Linda,

who blabbed to me.

It's not a very
big town, ya know?

Well, then, why were you
reading those books all day?

You were stacking the oil,
filling the cooler,

sweeping the floor.

Unfathomable.