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1
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:49,675
My name is Ash,
and I'm a slave.
2
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,806
Close as I can figure it,
the year is 1300 A.D...
3
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,517
and I'm being
dragged to my death.
4
00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:00,936
It wasn't always like this.
5
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,315
I had a real life once.
6
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,359
A job.
7
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,696
Ash to price check four.
8
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,201
Hardware, aisle 12.
9
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,411
Shop smart, shop S-mart.
10
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:21,040
I had a wonderful girlfriend:
Linda.
11
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:27,338
Together, we drove to
a small cabin in the mountains.
12
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:33,886
It seems an archaeologist
had come to this remote place...
13
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:36,889
to translate and study
his latest find...
14
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:42,770
Necronomicon Ex Mortis,
the Book of the Dead.
15
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,942
Bound in human flesh
and inked in blood...
16
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:52,530
this ancient Sumerian text
contained bizarre burial rites...
17
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:57,451
funerary incantations
and demon resurrection passages.
18
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,038
It was never meant
for the world of the living.
19
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:05,209
The book awoke something dark
in the woods.
20
00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:13,759
It took Linda.
21
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,720
And then it came for me.
22
00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:19,974
It got into my hand
and it went bad.
23
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,269
So I lopped it off
at the wrist.
24
00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:31,485
But that didn't stop it.
It came back.
25
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,906
Big time.
26
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,133
Oh, my God!
27
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,218
How do you stop it?
28
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:10,626
Where in the hell...?
29
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:20,261
Stand fast, hellhound!
30
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,430
No, no...
Easy now, chief.
31
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:30,854
I don't know how I got here...
and I'm not looking for any trouble.
32
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,775
What a piece of armor this is!
33
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:40,990
- Wise man!
- Fall back! Back on your horses. Come on!
34
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:46,996
My Lord, I believe he is the one
written of in the Necronomicon.
35
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,581
He who's prophesied to fall
from the heavens...
36
00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:52,501
and deliver us
from the terrors of the Deadites.
37
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,295
What? That buffoon?
38
00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:59,133
Likely...
he's one of Henry's men!
39
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,678
Kneel, rapscallions!
40
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,889
I say to the pit with him!
41
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:10,102
You shall soon
learn the horrors of the pit.
42
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:13,647
- To the pit!
- You miserable bast...
43
00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:17,359
- Get him!
- Get off of me!
44
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:22,323
- Let me go!
- Chain him!
45
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:27,953
Ah, you're gonna have
a little bit of wee fun, mate.
46
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,332
To the castle!
47
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:37,796
Pick up your feet!
Stop draggin' your feet! Come on!
48
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,799
Move along!
Come on, now.
49
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:45,012
Come on, pick it up.
Have a taste of this!
50
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,022
You men got something
to look forward to...
51
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:57,858
when you get back
to the castle.
52
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:02,946
Lord Arthur approaches!
Raise the portcullis!
53
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:08,786
Lord Arthur!
Lord Arthur approaches
54
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:19,088
You miserable clogs!
Don't drag thy feet!
55
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:24,551
That's lovely, isn't it?
Move it in.
56
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,887
You worthless bastards!
57
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:02,464
Lord Arthur, where is my brother?
Did he not ride with you?
58
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:04,675
Aye, and fought valiantly.
59
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,303
But last night he fell in battle
to Duke Henry's men.
60
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,556
I'm sorry, Sheila.
61
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:14,059
- Come on.
- You cretins!
62
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,479
- Stop it, you bastards!
- Come on!
63
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:19,523
You barbarian!
64
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:25,487
Oh, no! Stop it! Stop it!
Get outta here, you little brats!
65
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,909
Foul thing!
66
00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:34,496
A pox on you, brute!
Thou art a murderer!
67
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,498
A black murderer!
68
00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:44,673
My brother's death
shall be avenged!
69
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,606
Company, halt!
70
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,695
Get that yoke off him!
71
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,324
Kill them!
72
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,202
Into the pit!
73
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:23,587
You, sir,
are not one of my vassals.
74
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,423
Who are you?
75
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,634
Who wants to know?
76
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,720
I am Henry the Red...
77
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:36,308
Duke of Shael, Lord of the Northlands
and leader of its peoples.
78
00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:41,688
Well, hello, Mr. Fancy Pants.
I got news for you, pal.
79
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:45,150
You ain't leadin' but two things right now:
Jack and shit.
80
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:46,735
And Jack left town.
81
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:51,365
- Shut your bleedin' hole!
- Gentlemen, Lord Arthur!
82
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:03,043
There is an evil
awakened in this land.
83
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,880
And while my people fight
for their very souls against it...
84
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:09,883
you, Henry the Red,
wage war on us!
85
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,094
Charlatan!
86
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,932
It was you who first turned
your swords on us!
87
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:20,102
And this evil has befouled
my people as well!
88
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,230
Your people are no better
than the foul corruption...
89
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:27,651
- that lies in the bowels of that pit.
- Right, you're no better.
90
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,737
May God
have mercy upon your souls.
91
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:49,506
God's name!
What hell-spawned thing lurks there?
92
00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:57,764
Into the pit with those
bloodthirsty sons of whores!
93
00:09:57,848 --> 00:09:59,224
No!
94
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,351
No!
95
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,812
No! No!
96
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,636
Heavenly God!
97
00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:40,641
He's escaping!
98
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,684
Hold him!
99
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,342
- Who's next?
- It's him.
100
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:16,968
He trembles!
101
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:21,890
- They don't look so clever now, do they?
- He's frightened!
102
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,393
He's frightened white!
103
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,689
Wait a minute.
104
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:34,277
Wait a minute.
You gotta understand, man.
105
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:38,198
I never even saw
these assholes before.
106
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:41,326
- He trembles!
- He's begging!
107
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,412
What are you waitin' for?
108
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:46,456
Henry, you gotta tell him
you don't know me.
109
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,667
We never met.
Tell him.
110
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:54,005
I do not think
he'll listen, lad.
111
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:59,761
Look".
I'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy.
112
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:14,025
I'm tellin' you,
you got the wrong guy.
113
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,917
How do you like the pit?
Isn't the pit wonderful?
114
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,894
Why, you...
115
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,442
Spikes.
116
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:41,279
Hey, he says, "spikes".
Give him spikes!
117
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,628
Make way!
118
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,505
Strange one!
119
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:10,225
Strange one!
120
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:18,191
Yes!
121
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,211
Damn you. Damn you!
122
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:05,215
You know,
your shoelace is untied.
123
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,978
Alright.
124
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,856
Who wants some?
125
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,942
Who's next?
126
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,903
Huh...?
How 'bout it?
127
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,156
Who wants some? Huh?
128
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,659
Who wants to have a little?
129
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,623
You.
130
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,628
You want some more?
131
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,218
You want a little?
132
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,930
DO ya?
133
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,766
Do ya want some more? Huh?
134
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:15,744
Now get on those horses
and get outta here.
135
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,290
Let 'em go!
136
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,064
Halt!
137
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,860
Thank you, generous hosts!
138
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,945
Sword boy!
139
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:03,124
For that arrogance,
I shall see you dead.
140
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,636
Yeah...
141
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:19,140
Alright, you primitive screwheads,
listen up.
142
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,101
See this?
143
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:25,855
This... is my boom stick!
144
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:31,027
It's a 12-gauge, double-barreled Remington.
S-mart's top of the line.
145
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:34,155
You can find this
in the sporting goods department.
146
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:37,659
That's right. This sweet baby
was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
147
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:41,162
Retails for about $109.95.
148
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:46,501
It's got a walnut stock,
cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger.
149
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:52,048
That's right.
Shop smart, shop S-mart.
150
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,634
- You got that?
- Yes, sir. Right.
151
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:57,053
Now I swear...
152
00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:00,348
the next one
of you primates...
153
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:03,226
even touches me...
154
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:36,801
Now, let's talk about
how I get back home.
155
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,501
I prithee to forgive me,
my Lord.
156
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:13,296
I believed thee
one of Henry's men.
157
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:16,716
First you wanna kill me,
now you wanna kiss me...
158
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,802
Blow.
159
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:26,226
So what's the deal?
Can you send me back or not?
160
00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:28,478
Only the Necronomicon
has the power.
161
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,897
An unholy book
which we also require.
162
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:35,068
Within its pages are passages
that can send you back to your time.
163
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:38,988
Only you, The Promised One,
can quest for it.
164
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,033
I don't want your book.
I don't want your bullshit.
165
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:45,954
Just send me back to my own time.
Pronto, today, chop...
166
00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:58,549
You shall die!
167
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:07,934
You shall never obtain
the Necronomicon!
168
00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:12,939
We shall feast upon your souls!
169
00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:38,089
It's a trick.
Get an axe.
170
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:48,349
Guards, stop it!
Catch the witch!
171
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:51,060
- Death to the witch! Death to...!
- Have some porridge!
172
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:55,148
My eyes! I'm blind!
Oh, God, I'm blind!
173
00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:04,866
Yo, she-bitch.
174
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,036
Let's go.
175
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,560
If the Necronomicon fell into
the hands of the Deadites...
176
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:35,688
all mankind will be consumed
by this evil.
177
00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:38,816
Now will thou quest for the book?
178
00:22:51,746 --> 00:22:53,206
That one.
179
00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:22,235
Groovy.
180
00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:38,668
What's the matter? You raised in a barn?
Shut the door.
181
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:42,130
Probably was raised in a barn,
with all the other primitives.
182
00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:54,058
The wise men say that
thou art The Promised One.
183
00:23:57,854 --> 00:24:00,857
'Tis said that thou wilt journey
for the book to help us...
184
00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,526
and that thou wilt lead
our people against the evil.
185
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:07,655
The only reason I'm going
to get the book is to get home.
186
00:24:13,411 --> 00:24:17,039
- I believe thou wilt be leaving in the morning.
- Don't touch that, please!
187
00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:20,877
Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand
alloys and compositions...
188
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,588
and things with
molecular structures in the...
189
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,885
What are you doin' here anyway?
190
00:24:29,677 --> 00:24:34,098
I wanted to say that all of my hopes
and prayers go with you.
191
00:24:34,182 --> 00:24:36,767
And I made this for thee.
192
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:40,313
Good, I could use a horse blanket.
193
00:25:02,251 --> 00:25:04,587
Gimme some sugar, baby.
194
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:11,153
Come on, boy!
195
00:26:32,383 --> 00:26:33,926
Steady now. Whoa.
196
00:26:39,557 --> 00:26:41,267
What? What is it?
197
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:45,980
This path will lead you
to an unholy place, a cemetery.
198
00:26:46,063 --> 00:26:49,150
There, the Necronomicon awaits.
199
00:26:51,986 --> 00:26:55,615
When thou retrievest the book from
its cradle, you must recite the words:
200
00:26:55,698 --> 00:26:58,909
Klaatu barada nikto.
201
00:26:58,993 --> 00:27:02,496
Klaatu... barada... nikto.
Okay.
202
00:27:02,580 --> 00:27:04,665
Well, repeat them.
203
00:27:04,749 --> 00:27:07,335
Klaatu barada nikto.
204
00:27:07,418 --> 00:27:09,795
- Again!
- I got it, I got it!
205
00:27:09,879 --> 00:27:14,342
I know your damn words, alright?
Now you get this straight, the both of you.
206
00:27:14,425 --> 00:27:17,345
If I get that book,
you send me back.
207
00:27:17,428 --> 00:27:19,889
After that, I'm history.
208
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:25,329
What is it, boy?
209
00:28:48,853 --> 00:28:50,521
Come on!
210
00:29:19,633 --> 00:29:21,135
Come on, you!
211
00:32:37,998 --> 00:32:40,417
Ramming speed!
212
00:32:48,425 --> 00:32:49,802
- Ready.
- Aim.
213
00:32:49,885 --> 00:32:51,011
Fire!
214
00:32:51,971 --> 00:32:53,973
Get away!
215
00:32:59,895 --> 00:33:01,647
You lousy little...
216
00:33:04,858 --> 00:33:06,485
Oh, hold on!
217
00:33:08,278 --> 00:33:09,822
Oh, you...
218
00:33:26,422 --> 00:33:28,090
Oh, you little bastards!
219
00:33:39,351 --> 00:33:40,811
Wait a minute...
220
00:33:40,894 --> 00:33:42,980
Oh, God.
221
00:33:43,772 --> 00:33:45,566
I can't move!
222
00:33:46,483 --> 00:33:48,360
You got me?
223
00:33:50,654 --> 00:33:53,365
- And go!
- Geronimo!
224
00:33:57,036 --> 00:33:58,579
Hooray!
225
00:34:16,346 --> 00:34:18,807
Okay, little fella.
226
00:34:18,891 --> 00:34:21,935
How about
some hot chocolate, huh?
227
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:35,449
How'd you like the taste of that, huh?
How'd you like the...?
228
00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:56,970
Oh, clear God,
it's growing bigger!
229
00:35:18,867 --> 00:35:22,621
- Hey! What's the big idea takin'...?
- Hey! What's the big idea takin'...?
230
00:35:22,704 --> 00:35:24,623
- Why, you...
- Why, you...
231
00:35:28,043 --> 00:35:31,088
Oh, I'm blind!
I'm blind!
232
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:43,642
Where are you takin' me?
233
00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:47,521
Oh, Susanna,
don't you cry for me!
234
00:35:47,604 --> 00:35:52,109
I've come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee.
235
00:36:05,497 --> 00:36:07,332
What are you?
236
00:36:07,416 --> 00:36:09,084
Are you me?
237
00:36:09,168 --> 00:36:11,628
"What are you?
Are you me?"
238
00:36:13,213 --> 00:36:14,923
You sound like a jerk!
239
00:36:15,007 --> 00:36:17,217
- Why are you doing this?
- Oh, you wanna know?
240
00:36:17,301 --> 00:36:19,511
'Cause the answers easy:
241
00:36:19,595 --> 00:36:23,390
I'm bad Ash,
and you're good Ash.
242
00:36:23,473 --> 00:36:25,309
You're goody
little two-shoes.
243
00:36:25,392 --> 00:36:29,021
You're goody little two-shoes,
goody little two-shoes.
244
00:36:29,563 --> 00:36:32,274
Little goody two-shoes.
Little goody two-shoes.
245
00:36:32,357 --> 00:36:34,860
Little goody two-shoes.
Little goody two-shoes!
246
00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:38,238
Little goody two-shoes!
Little goody two-shoes!
247
00:36:42,492 --> 00:36:44,494
Little goody two-shoes!
248
00:36:56,590 --> 00:36:58,717
I ain't that good.
249
00:38:11,832 --> 00:38:14,084
Now you see what's what.
250
00:38:15,168 --> 00:38:18,839
A man's body is his own
personal property.
251
00:38:19,631 --> 00:38:22,509
Don't let anybody try
and take that away from me.
252
00:38:24,553 --> 00:38:28,682
That'll teach you.
Yeah, that'll teach you.
253
00:38:30,851 --> 00:38:33,395
You shall never retrieve
the Necronomicon!
254
00:38:33,478 --> 00:38:36,690
You'll die in the graveyard
before you get it!
255
00:38:36,773 --> 00:38:40,527
Hey... What's that
you got on your face?
256
00:38:42,696 --> 00:38:46,658
- See how that works?
- I'll come back for you!
257
00:38:46,742 --> 00:38:48,118
L!!!
258
00:39:05,510 --> 00:39:07,471
Come on, boy!
259
00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:23,320
Come on!
260
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:42,607
Three books?
261
00:40:47,237 --> 00:40:49,656
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
262
00:40:49,739 --> 00:40:53,243
Nobody said anything
about three books.
263
00:40:53,869 --> 00:40:56,830
Ooh, that stinkin' wise man!
He was so busy...
264
00:40:56,913 --> 00:41:00,167
filling me full of his secret little words,
his phrases and his bullshit...
265
00:41:00,250 --> 00:41:03,295
that he never said
anything about this!
266
00:41:03,795 --> 00:41:08,758
What am I supposed to do?
Take one book, or all books, or...
267
00:41:08,842 --> 00:41:10,802
or what?
268
00:41:13,388 --> 00:41:15,098
Well...
269
00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:16,451
Whoa... Wrong book.
270
00:43:19,889 --> 00:43:21,766
Oh, you...
271
00:43:21,850 --> 00:43:24,019
I'll get back to you.
272
00:43:25,562 --> 00:43:27,230
Well...
273
00:43:28,607 --> 00:43:31,234
Seems fairly obvious.
274
00:43:34,613 --> 00:43:36,698
Oh! Wait a minute.
275
00:43:36,781 --> 00:43:39,242
The words.
Alright, alright, alright.
276
00:43:39,326 --> 00:43:41,578
Say the words...
277
00:43:44,873 --> 00:43:46,291
Klaatu...
278
00:43:46,374 --> 00:43:48,043
barada...
279
00:43:48,126 --> 00:43:49,711
. n...
280
00:43:56,593 --> 00:43:58,136
Necktie.
281
00:43:58,219 --> 00:43:59,763
Nectar.
282
00:43:59,846 --> 00:44:01,431
Nickel.
283
00:44:01,514 --> 00:44:03,141
Noodle.
284
00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:06,895
It's an "N" word.
It's definitely an "N" word.
285
00:44:09,189 --> 00:44:11,941
It's definitely an "N" word.
286
00:44:23,203 --> 00:44:26,498
Klaatu... barada...
287
00:44:26,581 --> 00:44:28,166
. n...
288
00:44:41,930 --> 00:44:43,640
Okay, then!
289
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:46,309
That's it.
290
00:44:56,528 --> 00:44:57,862
Hey!
291
00:44:58,363 --> 00:45:01,449
Wait a minute.
Everything's cool!
292
00:45:01,533 --> 00:45:04,327
I said the words.
I did!
293
00:45:05,662 --> 00:45:07,706
No, wait!
294
00:45:21,636 --> 00:45:25,515
You people, seek cover!
To the parapet!
295
00:45:26,141 --> 00:45:28,727
Seek your children!
296
00:45:29,853 --> 00:45:31,980
Steady the horses!
297
00:45:32,063 --> 00:45:35,150
Something's wrong.
Something's amiss.
298
00:46:07,474 --> 00:46:09,893
Where'd you go?
Where'd you...
299
00:46:45,470 --> 00:46:48,223
I'll crush ya!
I'll mash ya into paste, you bony crea...
300
00:46:58,024 --> 00:47:01,444
Keep your damn filthy bones
out of my mouth.
301
00:47:26,094 --> 00:47:28,471
I'm through
being their garbage boy.
302
00:47:28,555 --> 00:47:31,224
I did my part.
Now I want back...
303
00:47:31,307 --> 00:47:33,601
like in the deal!
304
00:47:47,323 --> 00:47:50,952
I... live...
305
00:47:52,537 --> 00:47:55,039
again.
306
00:48:04,507 --> 00:48:08,511
There! The Promised One!
The Promised One's returned!
307
00:48:08,595 --> 00:48:11,222
Raise the portcullis!
308
00:48:16,853 --> 00:48:19,814
Welcome home!
Welcome, savior!
309
00:48:19,898 --> 00:48:21,983
We're saved!
310
00:48:22,066 --> 00:48:26,696
- The Necronomicon!
- Truly he is The Promised One!
311
00:48:26,779 --> 00:48:29,073
- He's brought the Necronomicon!
- How are ya?
312
00:48:29,157 --> 00:48:31,367
- He's brought the book!
- Yeah, great, great.
313
00:48:31,451 --> 00:48:34,954
- Good boy!
- Get the fuck outta my face!
314
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:45,298
The Necronomicon, quickly.
Did you bring the Necronomicon?
315
00:48:45,965 --> 00:48:48,509
- Yeah, it's, it's just that...
- Just what?
316
00:48:49,969 --> 00:48:52,305
Nothin'. Here.
317
00:48:58,978 --> 00:49:01,814
Now send me back.
Like in the deal.
318
00:49:01,898 --> 00:49:04,233
When you removed the Necronomicon
from the cradle...
319
00:49:04,317 --> 00:49:06,819
did you speak the words?
320
00:49:06,903 --> 00:49:09,906
- Yeah, basically.
- Did you speak the exact words?
321
00:49:09,989 --> 00:49:12,825
Look, maybe I didn't say
every single, little tiny syllable, no...
322
00:49:12,909 --> 00:49:15,662
- but basically I said 'em, yeah.
- Dung-eating fool!
323
00:49:15,745 --> 00:49:17,872
Thou hast doomed us all!
324
00:49:17,956 --> 00:49:21,584
When thou misspoke the words,
the army of the dead awoke!
325
00:49:21,668 --> 00:49:23,962
Now, whoa, whoa,
right there, spinach chin.
326
00:49:24,045 --> 00:49:27,090
You said you could clean this mess up
once you got that book.
327
00:49:27,173 --> 00:49:31,010
You said there was a passage that
could get rid of this thing and send me back.
328
00:49:31,094 --> 00:49:33,680
It's true, the book still possesses
the power to send you back...
329
00:49:33,763 --> 00:49:35,556
but to us it is useless!
330
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,267
The evil has a terrible hunger
for the Necronomicon...
331
00:49:38,351 --> 00:49:41,270
and it will come here
to get it.
332
00:49:41,354 --> 00:49:43,940
We had a deal.
333
00:49:44,023 --> 00:49:46,901
You wanted the damn book,
I got it for ya.
334
00:49:46,985 --> 00:49:49,028
I did my part,
now you send me back.
335
00:49:49,112 --> 00:49:55,868
Very well. As we are men of our word,
we shall honor our bargain.
336
00:49:55,952 --> 00:49:58,997
The wise men shall return you
to your own time.
337
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:01,374
Yeah?
338
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:06,170
- I thought he was the one.
- Yeah, right, 'cause that was the deal.
339
00:50:06,254 --> 00:50:11,217
So when do you think we can start
with all the.
340
00:50:11,300 --> 00:50:14,846
- Thing and the...
- He's nothin' but a traitor, he is!
341
00:50:14,929 --> 00:50:19,600
When do you think we can start...
with all the ceremony and...
342
00:50:19,684 --> 00:50:21,477
You know, like...
343
00:50:21,561 --> 00:50:25,940
You know, 'cause...
sooner is always better than later, right?
344
00:50:26,983 --> 00:50:29,444
Wretched excuse for a man!
345
00:50:29,527 --> 00:50:32,613
The wise men were fools
to trust in you.
346
00:50:33,656 --> 00:50:38,578
- I knew he couldn't be trusted.
- We put our trust in him.
347
00:50:38,661 --> 00:50:41,622
I still believe
that thou wilt help us.
348
00:50:41,706 --> 00:50:45,543
Oh, Sheila, don't you get it?
It's over.
349
00:50:47,045 --> 00:50:49,505
I didn't have what it took.
350
00:50:51,507 --> 00:50:53,301
So long.
351
00:50:58,014 --> 00:50:59,974
You would leave me?
352
00:51:00,058 --> 00:51:03,269
Cripes, I don't belong here.
353
00:51:04,312 --> 00:51:06,397
I got a chance to go back,
and I'm takin' it.
354
00:51:06,481 --> 00:51:08,816
But what of the things
we've shared?
355
00:51:08,900 --> 00:51:11,611
What of all the sweet words
that you spoke in private?
356
00:51:11,694 --> 00:51:13,488
Aw, well...
357
00:51:14,489 --> 00:51:18,659
Well, that's just what we call pillow talk, baby.
That's all.
358
00:51:18,743 --> 00:51:21,162
It was more than that.
359
00:51:22,580 --> 00:51:25,249
I still have faith in thee.
360
00:51:25,333 --> 00:51:28,795
I still believe that thou
wilt stay and save us.
361
00:51:34,300 --> 00:51:36,094
Cowa rd !
362
00:51:39,639 --> 00:51:41,766
Look there! A demon!
363
00:51:42,725 --> 00:51:45,603
Draw, lads,
for Lord and castle!
364
00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:55,905
Let's get out of here!
365
00:51:57,573 --> 00:52:00,493
Ash, help me!
366
00:52:00,576 --> 00:52:01,869
Sheila!
367
00:52:15,508 --> 00:52:18,386
Hold your arms!
You'll hit the girl!
368
00:52:22,723 --> 00:52:24,809
Me sword!
369
00:52:29,397 --> 00:52:31,816
Damn you!
370
00:52:49,125 --> 00:52:52,170
Dig, damn you!
371
00:52:52,253 --> 00:52:54,255
Dig faster!
372
00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:58,926
I shall command every worm-infested
son-of-a-bitch that ever died in battle!
373
00:52:59,010 --> 00:53:01,304
- You there, handsomely now.
- Aye, my liege.
374
00:53:01,387 --> 00:53:04,098
We shall storm their castle
and get my book.
375
00:53:04,182 --> 00:53:07,310
Hoist, you damnable varlets!
376
00:53:11,606 --> 00:53:15,401
Welcome back
to the land of the living.
377
00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:18,696
Now pick up a shovel
and get digging!
378
00:53:20,281 --> 00:53:22,450
Bring on the Wench!
379
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,005
Gimme some sugar, baby.
380
00:53:41,844 --> 00:53:46,557
Now, ain't you
a sweet little thing?
381
00:53:49,185 --> 00:53:52,396
Don't touch me, you foul thing!
382
00:54:04,116 --> 00:54:06,244
Come on.
383
00:54:06,327 --> 00:54:08,621
That's it.
384
00:54:21,509 --> 00:54:24,762
We got plans for you, girly-girl.
Move!
385
00:54:26,264 --> 00:54:31,185
Have you lost your bones,
you decomposed gobs? Get thee hence!
386
00:54:39,485 --> 00:54:41,904
A scout approaches!
387
00:54:48,077 --> 00:54:50,538
Hey, get his horse.
388
00:54:50,621 --> 00:54:52,206
Arise.
389
00:54:52,290 --> 00:54:55,960
An army of the dead gather in the wilderness.
They approach the castle.
390
00:54:56,043 --> 00:54:58,587
- How far from here?
- But two clays' ride.
391
00:54:58,671 --> 00:55:00,506
These winged ones
are only the first of them.
392
00:55:00,589 --> 00:55:03,342
- Perhaps we should leave as soon as possible.
- We could be safe in the mountains.
393
00:55:03,426 --> 00:55:05,052
Yes, yes, the mountains!
We must flee!
394
00:55:05,136 --> 00:55:07,888
- It is written, Arthur. It has been foretold.
- They'll take our souls.
395
00:55:07,972 --> 00:55:11,309
- I'm afraid! I don't want to die!
- They'll swallow our souls.
396
00:55:12,977 --> 00:55:14,812
That's it.
397
00:55:15,563 --> 00:55:17,523
Go ahead and run!
398
00:55:17,606 --> 00:55:20,943
Run home and cry to mama!
399
00:55:21,027 --> 00:55:22,486
Me?
400
00:55:23,112 --> 00:55:25,531
I'm through runnin'!
401
00:55:26,574 --> 00:55:29,869
I say we stay here
and fight it out.
402
00:55:29,952 --> 00:55:34,457
Are all men from
the future loudmouthed braggarts?
403
00:55:34,540 --> 00:55:36,208
Nope.
404
00:55:36,292 --> 00:55:39,545
Just me, baby.
Just me.
405
00:55:40,129 --> 00:55:44,133
How will we fight an army of the dead
at our castle walls?
406
00:55:44,216 --> 00:55:47,053
How will you fight that?
More words?
407
00:55:47,136 --> 00:55:51,807
Most of our people have already fled.
We are but 60 men.
408
00:55:51,891 --> 00:55:55,311
Then we'll get Henry the Red
and his men to fight with us.
409
00:55:58,647 --> 00:56:02,693
Now... who's with me?
410
00:56:16,874 --> 00:56:19,251
I'll stand by ya.
411
00:56:20,878 --> 00:56:23,422
You can count on my steel.
412
00:56:23,506 --> 00:56:27,468
- I'll offer up my courage.
- Me sword's by his side.
413
00:56:27,551 --> 00:56:31,097
- I'm with you!
- I'll bend my bow to your will, sir.
414
00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:32,807
And mine!
415
00:56:34,517 --> 00:56:38,062
- We'll stay!
- Hail! Hail!
416
00:56:38,145 --> 00:56:40,398
Hail! Hail!
417
00:56:40,481 --> 00:56:43,067
Hail! Hail!
418
00:56:43,150 --> 00:56:46,070
Hail! Hail!
419
00:56:55,788 --> 00:57:00,584
Well, my clear,
say hello to the boys.
420
00:57:05,714 --> 00:57:09,677
There's a sight for sore bones.
421
00:57:13,222 --> 00:57:19,270
I may be bad,
but I feel... good.
422
00:57:19,353 --> 00:57:21,814
- Who rules?
- You, my Lord!
423
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:25,651
- You, sir! To the castle!
- To the castle!
424
00:57:25,734 --> 00:57:29,238
- But the men are afraid!
- Has Duke Henry not answered us yet?
425
00:57:29,321 --> 00:57:31,907
Quit your belly-aching!
426
00:57:31,991 --> 00:57:34,285
I know you're scared.
427
00:57:35,035 --> 00:57:37,121
We're all scared.
428
00:57:37,746 --> 00:57:40,749
But that doesn't mean
we're cowards.
429
00:57:40,833 --> 00:57:43,961
We can take these Deadites,
we can take 'em!
430
00:57:45,337 --> 00:57:47,298
With science.
431
00:57:51,886 --> 00:57:56,265
- Come to it! Come!
- Come on, fellas! Push!
432
00:58:46,857 --> 00:58:50,236
Come on! Come on!
Tilt! Tilt! Tilt!
433
00:58:50,736 --> 00:58:52,112
Okay, in, in!
434
00:59:34,363 --> 00:59:36,115
Yeah!
435
00:59:37,866 --> 00:59:41,996
They're coming!
The Deadites approach!
436
00:59:47,042 --> 00:59:50,546
Quickly now, you worthless fools!
They'll be on us anon!
437
00:59:50,629 --> 00:59:54,717
- Come on, guys!
- Archers to the back!
438
00:59:56,343 --> 01:00:00,681
The moment of truth is almost here.
You men better not fail me now.
439
01:00:16,822 --> 01:00:19,158
There's so damned many of them!
440
01:00:32,630 --> 01:00:34,715
I need more men.
441
01:01:17,091 --> 01:01:21,470
Battle stations!
Get those rocks up, mister, on the double!
442
01:01:21,553 --> 01:01:26,100
Ready the catapults!
By God, let's give 'em what for.
443
01:01:33,816 --> 01:01:38,112
- And halt!
- Company, halt!
444
01:01:38,195 --> 01:01:40,406
Company, halt!
445
01:01:47,746 --> 01:01:50,541
I'll rip his balls off.
446
01:02:41,091 --> 01:02:44,219
- Looking glass!
- Aye, sire.
447
01:02:51,602 --> 01:02:54,605
Once I possess
the Necronomicon...
448
01:02:54,688 --> 01:03:00,861
I shall rule,
and you shall be my queen.
449
01:03:14,666 --> 01:03:17,544
My Lord, we are positioned
on both fronts.
450
01:03:17,628 --> 01:03:21,089
Fine, fine, fine.
Where are they keeping my book?
451
01:03:21,173 --> 01:03:24,092
There, my Lord,
beyond the drawbridge in the second wall.
452
01:03:24,176 --> 01:03:26,386
That would be the safest place.
453
01:03:26,470 --> 01:03:31,892
I will not allow anything to keep me
from possessing that Necronomicon.
454
01:03:32,935 --> 01:03:37,481
Now, bring me forth
into that castle.
455
01:03:37,564 --> 01:03:40,651
- Forward!
- Forward!
456
01:03:40,734 --> 01:03:45,155
Cry havoc,
and let loose the clogs of war!
457
01:03:45,239 --> 01:03:48,033
To the castle!
458
01:03:52,329 --> 01:03:53,705
Excellent.
459
01:03:56,583 --> 01:03:59,127
Death to the mortals!
460
01:04:02,422 --> 01:04:03,507
Arrows!
461
01:04:04,091 --> 01:04:05,801
Bows!
462
01:04:05,884 --> 01:04:07,511
Load!
463
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:10,597
Draw!
464
01:04:19,940 --> 01:04:22,317
Torch boy!
465
01:05:04,192 --> 01:05:05,444
Steady.
466
01:05:12,242 --> 01:05:13,535
Fire!
467
01:05:16,163 --> 01:05:18,749
Advance, you demons!
Advance!
468
01:05:34,848 --> 01:05:37,601
Yeah, baby!
469
01:05:42,397 --> 01:05:44,024
Alright!
470
01:05:46,693 --> 01:05:50,113
Sire, there's a second division
approaching from the south.
471
01:05:51,114 --> 01:05:54,034
Ram the gate!
472
01:05:58,413 --> 01:05:59,957
Catapults.
473
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:02,292
Catapults south!
474
01:06:02,376 --> 01:06:05,712
Come on, men! Move it!
Turn it around!
475
01:06:05,796 --> 01:06:07,881
Right! Heave-ho!
476
01:06:10,425 --> 01:06:11,134
Yeah!
477
01:06:12,886 --> 01:06:14,763
Fire!
478
01:06:31,113 --> 01:06:32,030
Yeah!
479
01:06:34,491 --> 01:06:36,451
Seek cover!
480
01:06:36,535 --> 01:06:39,204
- Watch out!
- Make way!
481
01:06:48,755 --> 01:06:51,717
Oh, you miserable
bags of bones!
482
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:55,595
Pick yourselves up
and sally f...
483
01:06:56,471 --> 01:06:58,140
Sally f...
484
01:06:59,016 --> 01:07:00,934
Sally forth!
485
01:07:03,020 --> 01:07:04,730
Come on, guys!
486
01:07:06,523 --> 01:07:08,150
Lower!
487
01:07:08,233 --> 01:07:09,901
Heave!
488
01:07:15,991 --> 01:07:17,701
Forward !
489
01:07:19,911 --> 01:07:22,706
Buttress the door, now!
490
01:07:34,593 --> 01:07:35,761
Hold fast!
491
01:07:39,097 --> 01:07:41,641
- Rocks!
- Stone these creatures!
492
01:07:41,725 --> 01:07:43,268
Damn you!
493
01:07:46,605 --> 01:07:48,732
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
494
01:07:48,815 --> 01:07:51,610
Go, you cretins!
Arrows!
495
01:07:51,693 --> 01:07:54,196
Load! Fire!
496
01:07:59,743 --> 01:08:02,537
We'll ram it down
the bastard's throat!
497
01:08:04,289 --> 01:08:06,708
We've broken through!
The castle is ours!
498
01:08:12,005 --> 01:08:15,175
Kill the mortals!
499
01:08:50,418 --> 01:08:53,421
Pull back!
Man the parapet!
500
01:08:53,505 --> 01:08:56,341
- Protect the book.
- Retreat!
501
01:08:56,424 --> 01:08:57,968
God save us all.
502
01:09:02,806 --> 01:09:05,976
Say hello
to the 21st century. Yeah!
503
01:09:18,655 --> 01:09:20,907
Come on!
I got plenty for everybody!
504
01:09:21,741 --> 01:09:22,993
Look out!
505
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:32,335
- How do you like this?
- Play dead!
506
01:09:35,338 --> 01:09:38,717
It's the one in the cart we want.
Get him!
507
01:10:13,043 --> 01:10:14,794
Sheila.
508
01:10:39,778 --> 01:10:43,156
- We've secured the courtyard, my Lord.
- Excellent.
509
01:10:56,628 --> 01:10:58,838
Hey! Look out!
510
01:11:05,762 --> 01:11:09,683
- Hey, you're mine, sweetie.
- Get off of her!
511
01:11:14,312 --> 01:11:16,147
Gotcha!
512
01:11:16,231 --> 01:11:18,149
Damn you!
513
01:11:21,152 --> 01:11:24,114
- My Lord!
- Stay with the book.
514
01:11:24,197 --> 01:11:26,616
The book's where we are.
515
01:11:30,078 --> 01:11:33,999
The Red! The Red!
Duke Henry and his men have come!
516
01:11:34,082 --> 01:11:36,835
For king and castle!
517
01:11:37,460 --> 01:11:42,465
Blows, blood, and death!
518
01:11:45,885 --> 01:11:48,305
We are saved!
519
01:11:58,481 --> 01:12:02,152
Onward, valiant cousins!
Their ranks are broke!
520
01:12:09,576 --> 01:12:10,869
Oops!
521
01:12:12,912 --> 01:12:14,914
Hello, friends!
522
01:12:24,007 --> 01:12:26,051
The book is mine.
523
01:12:33,975 --> 01:12:36,227
I'll cut your gizzard out.
524
01:12:36,853 --> 01:12:39,189
Hey! Where'd he go?
Hey!
525
01:12:49,699 --> 01:12:50,867
Come to papa.
526
01:12:52,494 --> 01:12:54,037
Get him!
527
01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:23,191
Oh, you crazy bitch,
get off of me!
528
01:13:29,614 --> 01:13:31,366
Rig ht.
529
01:13:38,039 --> 01:13:40,375
You found me beautiful once.
530
01:13:40,458 --> 01:13:43,753
Honey, you got real ugly.
531
01:14:01,062 --> 01:14:02,647
There we are.
532
01:14:11,406 --> 01:14:14,993
So you wanna play rough, eh?
Okay!
533
01:14:23,960 --> 01:14:25,795
Alright, alright.
534
01:14:44,689 --> 01:14:46,441
You're going down!
535
01:14:47,775 --> 01:14:50,987
- I'm goin' up.
- I'm comin' for ya.
536
01:14:58,912 --> 01:15:00,788
Come on!
537
01:15:14,636 --> 01:15:17,764
- Oops. Excuse me.
- Come on.
538
01:15:17,847 --> 01:15:19,474
Alright!
539
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:25,021
You're pissin' me off,
you ugly son of a bitch!
540
01:15:42,330 --> 01:15:45,792
I'll spoil those good looks.
541
01:15:47,210 --> 01:15:49,629
Back-stabber!
542
01:15:53,841 --> 01:15:55,426
Hold still!
543
01:16:06,479 --> 01:16:07,897
Tally-hog
544
01:16:12,735 --> 01:16:15,697
- We can't hold the battlements!
- We will hold!
545
01:16:15,780 --> 01:16:17,615
We must protect the book!
546
01:16:32,714 --> 01:16:35,675
I got a bone to pick with you.
547
01:16:35,758 --> 01:16:37,343
Come on!
548
01:16:43,933 --> 01:16:46,477
Slice that gizzard open.
549
01:17:02,285 --> 01:17:05,371
Now you're mine.
Let's go!
550
01:17:25,099 --> 01:17:27,226
At last, the book.
551
01:17:32,940 --> 01:17:35,234
I possess the Necronomicon.
552
01:17:35,318 --> 01:17:37,028
I've crushed your pathetic army.
553
01:17:37,111 --> 01:17:38,946
Now I'll have my vengeance.
554
01:17:39,030 --> 01:17:42,825
Buckle up, bonehead,
'cause you're goin' for a ride.
555
01:17:58,132 --> 01:18:00,259
Victory's ours!
556
01:18:02,011 --> 01:18:05,682
- Retreat! Retreat!
- Let's get the hell out of here!
557
01:18:32,834 --> 01:18:36,045
- Tricky ones, they are.
- If it's a fight you want...
558
01:18:36,879 --> 01:18:39,632
Watch 'em, lads.
They're an untrustworthy lot.
559
01:18:39,716 --> 01:18:43,386
If it's a fight they're looking for,
they can get it!
560
01:19:26,929 --> 01:19:28,514
Move yourself, lad!
561
01:19:29,098 --> 01:19:31,100
- Your hand, man. Godspeed!
- Hey, Henry.
562
01:19:31,184 --> 01:19:32,518
- You had us going.
- My Lady.
563
01:19:32,602 --> 01:19:35,062
- Arthur.
- Well won, my friend.
564
01:19:35,146 --> 01:19:37,607
We've won the clay.
Yeah!
565
01:19:37,690 --> 01:19:39,734
Yeah!
566
01:19:43,237 --> 01:19:47,658
We're brothers!
And a new kingdom shall be born!
567
01:19:50,244 --> 01:19:53,414
The book tells us that
once you drink this liquid...
568
01:19:53,498 --> 01:19:57,293
and recite the words,
"Klaatu barada nikto"...
569
01:19:57,376 --> 01:20:00,755
...thou shalt awaken
in thine own time.
570
01:20:02,757 --> 01:20:07,345
Remember:
You must recite the words exactly.
571
01:20:59,522 --> 01:21:01,482
I thought about staying.
572
01:21:01,566 --> 01:21:04,735
They offered me the chance to lead them,
to teach them, to...
573
01:21:04,819 --> 01:21:06,821
to be king.
574
01:21:07,989 --> 01:21:10,575
But my place is here, so...
575
01:21:10,658 --> 01:21:13,244
I swallowed the juice,
said the words and here I am.
576
01:21:13,327 --> 01:21:16,289
Did you say
the words right this time?
577
01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:19,876
Well, maybe I didn't say every
single, tiny little syllable, no...
578
01:21:19,959 --> 01:21:22,295
but basically
I said 'em, yeah.
579
01:21:24,130 --> 01:21:25,923
Basically?
580
01:21:28,801 --> 01:21:31,512
You know that story about
how you could've been king...
581
01:21:32,221 --> 01:21:34,682
I think it's kind of cute.
582
01:21:35,808 --> 01:21:37,560
Yeah...
583
01:21:56,120 --> 01:21:57,496
Die!
584
01:22:11,594 --> 01:22:15,014
Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave the store.
585
01:22:15,097 --> 01:22:19,268
- Who the hell are you?
- Name's Ash.
586
01:22:21,228 --> 01:22:22,480
Housewares.
587
01:22:43,250 --> 01:22:45,711
I'll swallow your soul!
588
01:22:45,795 --> 01:22:47,296
Come get some.
589
01:23:07,566 --> 01:23:10,903
Sure, I could've
stayed in the past.
590
01:23:12,071 --> 01:23:14,657
Could've even been king.
591
01:23:15,866 --> 01:23:18,327
But in my own way...
592
01:23:18,411 --> 01:23:20,413
I am king.
593
01:23:21,539 --> 01:23:23,916
Hail to the king, baby.
41909
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