Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Watch any video online with Open-SUBTITLES
Free Browser extension: osdb.link/ext
2
00:00:22,365 --> 00:00:30,365
♪ ♪
3
00:00:32,442 --> 00:00:40,442
♪ ♪
4
00:00:47,157 --> 00:00:51,394
♪ In My Life What I Thought
Could never be ♪
5
00:00:52,828 --> 00:00:58,833
♪ Is Alive And It Is
Better than a dream ♪
6
00:00:58,834 --> 00:01:03,806
♪ Never Thought
I'd surrender to desire ♪
7
00:01:05,575 --> 00:01:09,379
♪ Hey, Hey
Your place or mine ♪
8
00:01:11,147 --> 00:01:16,651
♪ We Have Danced Like
Two moths around a flame ♪
9
00:01:16,652 --> 00:01:22,857
♪ Never Touching 'Cause
We've always been afraid ♪
10
00:01:22,858 --> 00:01:27,797
♪ But I Know What I Need
With you I'll find ♪
11
00:01:29,532 --> 00:01:34,304
♪ Hey, Hey
Your place or mine ♪
12
00:01:35,738 --> 00:01:41,343
♪ Dim The Lights
And pour the wine ♪
13
00:01:41,344 --> 00:01:44,213
♪ If It's Your Place
Or it's my place ♪
14
00:01:44,214 --> 00:01:47,216
♪ I Don't Think
I really care ♪
15
00:01:47,217 --> 00:01:53,222
♪ Just As Long As You
Are there until tomorrow ♪
16
00:01:53,223 --> 00:01:55,957
♪ Is It Your Place
Is it my place ♪
17
00:01:55,958 --> 00:01:59,328
♪ We Can Find Love Anywhere ♪
18
00:01:59,329 --> 00:02:05,434
♪ Think Of Everything We'll
share for all tomorrows ♪
19
00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:09,539
♪ There's So Much That
Devotion has to give ♪
20
00:02:11,407 --> 00:02:17,512
♪ When Desire Makes
Two people want to live ♪
21
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:22,285
♪ When It Feels Like It's Real
Well, that's a sign ♪
22
00:02:24,287 --> 00:02:30,292
♪ Hey, Hey
Your place or mine ♪
23
00:02:30,293 --> 00:02:36,398
♪ Dim The Lights
And pour the wine ♪
24
00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:41,571
♪ We've Been Waiting
For forever ♪
25
00:02:42,972 --> 00:02:48,443
♪ Now We Know
Where we belong ♪
26
00:02:48,444 --> 00:02:53,583
♪ And As Long As
We're together ♪
27
00:02:55,285 --> 00:02:58,320
♪ We Know
We will be strong ♪
28
00:02:58,321 --> 00:03:00,955
♪ We Know
We will be strong ♪
29
00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:05,927
♪ Love Goes On And On
30
00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:09,599
♪ And On
31
00:03:15,871 --> 00:03:18,907
So what brings you around?
You're my older brother.
32
00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:21,943
There's something I want to discuss
with you. You're in trouble.
33
00:03:21,944 --> 00:03:25,314
Why do you always think that I'm in
trouble? What do you want to talk about?
34
00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:28,517
Oh... Life.
35
00:03:28,518 --> 00:03:30,719
It's a bowl of cherries,
haven't you heard?
36
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,755
You want to talk about
your cherries or mine?
37
00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:36,625
I ran into carol levinson today.
Really?
38
00:03:36,626 --> 00:03:39,394
I thought she ran away to jamaica
with that asshole what's-his-name.
39
00:03:39,395 --> 00:03:42,664
Lionel. he left her.
She wasn't in very good shape.
40
00:03:42,665 --> 00:03:45,900
Michael, if you're about
to apologize, forget it.
41
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:49,371
I dated her in college.
I don't care whether you took her to bed.
42
00:03:49,372 --> 00:03:52,741
You know something, tommy? Maybe you
don't know me as well as you think you do.
43
00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:55,877
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I have a cup of coffee...
44
00:03:55,878 --> 00:03:58,580
With a woman without winding
up in bed with her?
45
00:03:58,581 --> 00:04:01,516
You want a scientific
explanation?
46
00:04:01,517 --> 00:04:04,018
You send out signals,
like animal odors.
47
00:04:04,019 --> 00:04:07,021
Only yours say, "you are
beautiful, you are wonderful,
48
00:04:07,022 --> 00:04:09,658
you are the only woman
on earth for me."
49
00:04:09,659 --> 00:04:12,494
I have to stop.
Well, I'm sorry, junior.
50
00:04:12,495 --> 00:04:15,864
Science has not developed a cure.
They're not even working on it.
51
00:04:15,865 --> 00:04:18,600
I don't want to be
that kind of person.
52
00:04:18,601 --> 00:04:20,935
Think of it as a birth defect.
53
00:04:20,936 --> 00:04:26,508
Mom had two kids. one scientist and one
a nymphomaniac. That's not funny, tommy.
54
00:04:26,509 --> 00:04:30,445
You think I like spending half my life
in other people's showers? I don't.
55
00:04:30,446 --> 00:04:35,684
I don't like using strange soap and strange
shampoo and running out afterwards with wet hair.
56
00:04:35,685 --> 00:04:41,456
I don't like making excuses and hurting
people, and I don't like feeling guilty.
57
00:04:41,457 --> 00:04:45,660
You know something else? On top of
that, the sex isn't even that good.
58
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:47,796
Ah, the paradox unfolds.
59
00:04:47,797 --> 00:04:51,065
The sex is not that good but
you always go back for more.
60
00:04:51,066 --> 00:04:54,603
Why, one may ask?
Well, I'll tell you.
61
00:04:54,604 --> 00:04:56,838
It's something every
animal knows deep inside.
62
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,774
What's that?
Even bad sex is good.
63
00:04:59,775 --> 00:05:02,076
I'm gonna stop, tommy. How?
64
00:05:02,077 --> 00:05:04,779
I don't know, but I have to.
Why?
65
00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:08,850
Are you coming to the family picnic sunday?
It's at my house, asshole.
66
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,721
Ah, well, I'll tell you then.
67
00:05:13,088 --> 00:05:15,725
[ Children shouting playfully ]
68
00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:23,998
[ Woman ] All right.
It was a good shot.
69
00:05:23,999 --> 00:05:26,435
That's the way, sarah.
Keep your eye on the ball.
70
00:05:26,436 --> 00:05:29,371
Good girl.
All right.
71
00:05:32,107 --> 00:05:34,776
Nice shot.
72
00:05:34,777 --> 00:05:37,712
Come on, donna.
Come on. hustle.
73
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:41,850
Come on in, girls.
You okay, donna? Come on.
74
00:05:41,851 --> 00:05:44,419
Listen to me very carefully.
75
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:48,657
The name of the game is
field hockey, not homicide.
76
00:05:48,658 --> 00:05:51,460
There's no need
to kill the ball.
77
00:05:51,461 --> 00:05:54,729
All you have to do is meet it gently.
The stick will do the rest.
78
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:57,766
And when you're heading
for the net, remember one thing.
79
00:05:57,767 --> 00:06:01,503
We're gonna win if we play
out of here, not down there.
80
00:06:01,504 --> 00:06:03,506
Okay, that's it, girls.
Good practice.
81
00:06:28,898 --> 00:06:31,534
Hi, baby.
82
00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:36,571
Hey, I was watching
you practice.
83
00:06:36,572 --> 00:06:41,710
Oo, you must have been a hell
of a player in your day, huh?
84
00:06:41,711 --> 00:06:45,847
Hey, you know,
as I was watching you defend that goal,
85
00:06:45,848 --> 00:06:49,684
one question kept
popping into my mind.
86
00:06:49,685 --> 00:06:52,086
Yeah? what was that?
87
00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:56,925
I was wondering if you were half as good
in the sack as you were at that net.
88
00:06:56,926 --> 00:07:00,595
I happen to be
considerably better.
89
00:07:00,596 --> 00:07:05,700
Well, is there anyway I can check this
out, maybe firsthand?
90
00:07:05,701 --> 00:07:09,070
Yeah.
You'd have to catch me.
91
00:07:09,071 --> 00:07:10,972
[ Michael laughing ]
92
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:13,241
I ran the 440 in college.
93
00:07:13,242 --> 00:07:16,511
I bet you were real fast
in your day.
94
00:07:16,512 --> 00:07:19,781
Well, my day isn't over,
if you care to try.
95
00:07:19,782 --> 00:07:22,817
I hate to humiliate grown men.
96
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,919
I'll make it easy for ya.
97
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,123
I'll give you a five-second head
start, on one condition.
98
00:07:29,124 --> 00:07:31,726
Yeah?
What's that?
99
00:07:31,727 --> 00:07:34,262
If I catch you, I take you.
100
00:07:34,263 --> 00:07:36,866
[ Michael ]
On the spot.
101
00:07:41,604 --> 00:07:44,205
Start counting.
102
00:07:44,206 --> 00:07:47,877
One, two... I said
I was fast, not honest.
103
00:08:45,701 --> 00:08:47,737
Oh.
104
00:08:49,872 --> 00:08:52,073
No, not here!
Oh yes, right here.
105
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,644
You can't!
106
00:08:55,678 --> 00:08:58,179
You always cheat.
107
00:08:58,180 --> 00:09:02,216
And I always will.
As long as I get you in the end.
108
00:09:02,217 --> 00:09:05,020
[ Laughing ]
109
00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:12,293
[ Shower running ]
110
00:09:12,294 --> 00:09:14,863
[ Michael ] Katherine?
[ Katherine ] Huh?
111
00:09:14,864 --> 00:09:19,367
I want to ask you something.
I can't hear you.
112
00:09:19,368 --> 00:09:21,936
Well, I guess it doesn't
matter anyway.
113
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:24,238
I wanted to know
if you'd marry me.
114
00:09:24,239 --> 00:09:26,742
[ Shower stops ]
115
00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:31,312
- you want to marry me?
- Yeah.
116
00:09:31,313 --> 00:09:33,715
For better or worse,
117
00:09:33,716 --> 00:09:35,817
in sickness and in health?
118
00:09:35,818 --> 00:09:38,953
- Uh-huh.
- 'til death do us part?
119
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:43,191
Yeah, the whole shot.
The works. what do ya say?
120
00:09:43,192 --> 00:09:45,127
Let me sleep on it.
121
00:09:49,865 --> 00:09:53,401
I just think it's time, that's all.
What do you mean, time?
122
00:09:53,402 --> 00:09:57,138
It's time. it's time
to settle down.
123
00:09:57,139 --> 00:10:00,074
To make a pact
against the world,
124
00:10:00,075 --> 00:10:04,378
to defend ourselves against the
ravages of old age and loneliness.
125
00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:06,881
You don't make it sound
very appetizing.
126
00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:10,119
I didn't say it was appetizing.
I said it was time.
127
00:10:13,188 --> 00:10:15,890
How do you know it's the right time?
Instinct.
128
00:10:15,891 --> 00:10:18,159
Like going south for the winter?
129
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,995
All right, if you don't want
to marry me, just say so.
130
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,764
I think we should
live together longer.
131
00:10:22,765 --> 00:10:25,233
Longer.
132
00:10:25,234 --> 00:10:28,036
We've been living together for years.
Years?
133
00:10:28,037 --> 00:10:30,739
We've been living together
for ten months.
134
00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:33,008
Well, it seems like years.
135
00:10:34,409 --> 00:10:36,277
Ow!
[ Laughing ]
136
00:10:36,278 --> 00:10:38,780
Ow! ooh!
137
00:10:38,781 --> 00:10:41,750
Look, I'm through fooling around.
No more Mr. Nice guy.
138
00:10:41,751 --> 00:10:43,852
I want an answer and I want it now.
Is that a threat?
139
00:10:43,853 --> 00:10:46,220
No, it's a proposal.
Oh.
140
00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:47,588
I would like to know
before the picnic tomorrow.
141
00:10:47,589 --> 00:10:50,291
Why? you gonna make an announcement
in front of the whole family?
142
00:10:50,292 --> 00:10:53,862
I thought I'd pass a note around.
What do you think? Cute.
143
00:10:53,863 --> 00:10:58,066
I think you're rushing me. I am not!
You have 16 hours left.
144
00:10:58,067 --> 00:11:01,903
What's the matter? Aren't you ready
to settle down? Yeah, I'm ready.
145
00:11:01,904 --> 00:11:04,806
I just wonder if you are.
What is that supposed to mean?
146
00:11:04,807 --> 00:11:07,308
Look around, michael.
The world is full of women.
147
00:11:07,309 --> 00:11:09,978
How do you know you won't
find somebody better than me?
148
00:11:09,979 --> 00:11:14,416
Somebody with more style,
more intelligence, more sex appeal.
149
00:11:17,019 --> 00:11:19,320
Where you going? You convinced me.
I wanna keep looking.
150
00:11:19,321 --> 00:11:22,390
Michael, you can look
for the rest of your life,
151
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,326
but you'll never find anybody
better for you than me.
152
00:11:25,327 --> 00:11:29,297
I know that!
That's why I want you to be my wife.
153
00:11:29,298 --> 00:11:32,100
So why didn't you say that
in the first place?
154
00:11:32,101 --> 00:11:34,103
Why don't you just say yes?
155
00:11:38,908 --> 00:11:42,344
Yes. All right, all right.
I'll marry you.
156
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:51,219
[ Laughing ] Is that what
this was all about? Yes.
157
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:53,955
Why didn't you tell me then?
I thought you'd tell me that I was crazy.
158
00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:56,224
I wouldn't have said that.
No. No?
159
00:11:56,225 --> 00:11:58,426
I would've used a clinical
term, like temporary insanity.
160
00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:02,230
Thanks a lot.
Michael,
161
00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:05,900
there is such a thing as the fine print
in a marriage contract about fidelity.
162
00:12:05,901 --> 00:12:08,136
You don't have much faith
in love, do you, tommy?
163
00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:11,572
I have faith in love. It's your
mating habits where I'm a little weak.
164
00:12:11,573 --> 00:12:14,375
As far as my mating habits
are concerned, from now on,
165
00:12:14,376 --> 00:12:16,277
they will be restricted
to one woman.
166
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,847
[ Laughing ] Yeah? Yeah.
167
00:12:18,848 --> 00:12:20,581
How do you plan to bring
about this little miracle?
168
00:12:20,582 --> 00:12:23,517
Are you going to tie a knot in it?
Will power.
169
00:12:23,518 --> 00:12:26,254
Will power.
Will power.
170
00:12:26,255 --> 00:12:28,356
Is that the same "will power"
you used to stop smoking?
171
00:12:28,357 --> 00:12:30,992
That's different.
I enjoy smoking.
172
00:12:30,993 --> 00:12:33,494
Why do you always talk about giving it up?
It's bad for my health.
173
00:12:33,495 --> 00:12:37,465
So is adultery,
if you get caught.
174
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,101
Katherine is a nice girl.
You don't want to hurt her, do you?
175
00:12:40,102 --> 00:12:42,370
No, and I'm not going to.
176
00:12:42,371 --> 00:12:45,306
The minute the ring goes on my finger,
I'll never touch another woman.
177
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,942
You think so?
I know so.
178
00:12:47,943 --> 00:12:52,847
Well, as long as you're committed to this,
I might as well take advantage of it.
179
00:12:52,848 --> 00:12:56,217
Here's 82 dollars that says
you can't do it.
180
00:12:56,218 --> 00:13:01,455
That's a lousy bet.
Well, think of it as an incentive.
181
00:13:01,456 --> 00:13:04,425
Sooner or later the temptation
is going to become tremendous.
182
00:13:04,426 --> 00:13:07,561
I don't know how far love can take you,
but I know you would do anything...
183
00:13:07,562 --> 00:13:11,533
Rather than lose a bet to me.
You're right.
184
00:13:14,904 --> 00:13:17,471
[ Woman ] We are nearing
the end of the 20th century.
185
00:13:17,472 --> 00:13:20,308
The war between
the sexes is over.
186
00:13:20,309 --> 00:13:23,644
[ Michael ] You want to
take it from the top?
187
00:13:23,645 --> 00:13:26,347
We are nearing the end
of the 20th century.
188
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,616
The war between
the sexes is over.
189
00:13:28,617 --> 00:13:32,220
A truce has been called
and an armistice signed.
190
00:13:32,221 --> 00:13:35,556
Equality has been won for women.
191
00:13:35,557 --> 00:13:39,228
Right?
You wanna try it again, nancy?
192
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:45,400
[ Nancy sobbing ]
193
00:13:47,469 --> 00:13:49,437
Nancy.
194
00:13:49,438 --> 00:13:52,640
Look, we're in
no great hurry here.
195
00:13:52,641 --> 00:13:55,476
We have a very rich sponsor.
196
00:13:55,477 --> 00:14:00,281
And as we all know,
great art is not created overnight.
197
00:14:00,282 --> 00:14:03,484
But I'm just not
cut out for this.
198
00:14:03,485 --> 00:14:06,654
I've used up all my savings,
I've gone through unemployment...
199
00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:12,460
And now I don't even have
bus fare back to bangor.
200
00:14:12,461 --> 00:14:16,464
I know auditioning is tough, but you'll
get the hang of it after a few times.
201
00:14:16,465 --> 00:14:22,270
This is my 234th time.
[ Sobbing continues ]
202
00:14:22,271 --> 00:14:25,306
Well, I can tell you right
now what your problem is.
203
00:14:25,307 --> 00:14:29,243
What? You have to stop
taking "no" for an answer.
204
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,579
[ Girls chattering ]
205
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,248
How was your day?
Well, it was long.
206
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,350
It took me all day to convince these taber
tool people to use this girl I wanted.
207
00:14:36,351 --> 00:14:40,254
Another hardship case? Okay, let me guess.
She was an orphan. No.
208
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,324
Her parents were orphans, and...
209
00:14:43,325 --> 00:14:46,460
it was just a little inexperience,
that's all. Well, michael,
210
00:14:46,461 --> 00:14:49,397
if you insist on being the good
samaritan of madison avenue,
211
00:14:49,398 --> 00:14:52,233
you're going to have to learn to take
your punishment with a grain of salt.
212
00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:55,003
I took four aspirin instead.
How was your day?
213
00:14:55,004 --> 00:14:58,139
I told the kids we were getting married.
Oh, yeah?
214
00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:01,109
How'd they take it?
They wept openly. [ Chuckles ]
215
00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:04,645
Speaking of tears,
have you broken the news to wally yet?
216
00:15:04,646 --> 00:15:07,982
We're seeing walter tonight
after the concert. Oh, what fun.
217
00:15:07,983 --> 00:15:10,118
He's bringing his new girlfriend.
Yeah, you know,
218
00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:12,653
I got a hunch he's going to
take it worse than your class.
219
00:15:12,654 --> 00:15:16,490
That's unfair. Walter likes you very much.
Are you serious?
220
00:15:16,491 --> 00:15:19,527
He likes you more than he used to.
He'd like me better dead.
221
00:15:19,528 --> 00:15:22,631
Don't be silly.
Incapacitated, maybe, but not dead.
222
00:15:29,771 --> 00:15:33,407
$2.40. I still don't understand
what's wrong with the one we have.
223
00:15:33,408 --> 00:15:35,676
We're even.
Nothing.
224
00:15:35,677 --> 00:15:39,347
I just think every marriage
should start out with a fresh bed.
225
00:15:39,348 --> 00:15:43,518
I gotta call the office.
Let me meet you upstairs. Okay, great.
226
00:15:46,455 --> 00:15:50,091
How was your day? It was the
easiest first day I've ever had.
227
00:15:50,092 --> 00:15:52,227
No problems, huh?
No, and everybody was so nice.
228
00:15:54,796 --> 00:15:57,565
I'll take her. Let me.
I can use the experience.
229
00:15:57,566 --> 00:16:00,368
All right.
See you tomorrow. Bye.
230
00:16:00,369 --> 00:16:03,204
Hi.
Hi.
231
00:16:03,205 --> 00:16:05,473
It's a wonderful bed
you're looking at. Yeah.
232
00:16:05,474 --> 00:16:08,276
It looks great.
233
00:16:08,277 --> 00:16:10,544
Extremely comfortable.
234
00:16:10,545 --> 00:16:13,581
Why don't you try it.
Thank you.
235
00:16:13,582 --> 00:16:16,417
Oh, I like it.
I like it.
236
00:16:16,418 --> 00:16:19,753
You can lie down.
Thank you.
237
00:16:19,754 --> 00:16:22,656
Oh, yes, this is
very comfortable.
238
00:16:22,657 --> 00:16:25,826
I could fall asleep. It's the
most comfortable bed we have here.
239
00:16:25,827 --> 00:16:28,496
Oo, it looks comfortable.
Oh, it is comfortable.
240
00:16:28,497 --> 00:16:31,232
It's the most comfortable
bed we have here. Really?
241
00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:34,202
- Miss, do you mind if I try?
- No.
242
00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:36,037
Not at all. Okay. Whoo-hoo.
243
00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,040
Scoot over.
244
00:16:40,775 --> 00:16:44,645
- Oh, it's nice.
- Uh, excuse me. Excuse me.
245
00:16:44,646 --> 00:16:47,715
I can't really get the feel unless the
covers are up, you know what I mean?
246
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:50,684
- Excuse me.
- Ah, ah, don't worry.
247
00:16:50,685 --> 00:16:52,754
I'll take my shoes off.
[ Chuckles ]
248
00:16:55,457 --> 00:16:57,626
There.
249
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:02,263
Ahhh, yeah.
250
00:17:02,264 --> 00:17:04,798
Well, as long as we're in bed
together, my name is michael.
251
00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:07,335
Hi, michael.
Katherine.
252
00:17:07,336 --> 00:17:11,405
Katherine. Nice name.
Oh, thanks.
253
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,641
You know, it's kind of bright
in here, isn't it?
254
00:17:13,642 --> 00:17:16,277
Uh, no, not at all.
255
00:17:16,278 --> 00:17:19,213
Yeah, it's hard to get an idea
what it would be like at night.
256
00:17:19,214 --> 00:17:21,782
In the dark.
I got an idea.
257
00:17:21,783 --> 00:17:24,285
What?
[ Laughing ]
258
00:17:24,286 --> 00:17:28,556
- oh, god. - hey,
did you ever do it in a store?
259
00:17:28,557 --> 00:17:30,957
Uh, excuse me. You can't do that here.
[ Katherine giggling ]
260
00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:34,463
[ Drum rolling ]
261
00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,601
♪ [ Classical ]
262
00:18:17,339 --> 00:18:19,374
♪ [ Ends ]
263
00:18:24,613 --> 00:18:27,181
You look so handsome.
You look beautiful.
264
00:18:27,182 --> 00:18:29,617
Katherine was at juilliard
when I was teaching there.
265
00:18:29,618 --> 00:18:32,686
Oh, do you play?
Well, they didn't think so at juilliard.
266
00:18:32,687 --> 00:18:35,556
Don't listen to her.
She's a very fine pianist.
267
00:18:35,557 --> 00:18:38,926
- What made you give it up?
- I didn't. I still play for fun.
268
00:18:38,927 --> 00:18:42,796
I just didn't want to make a career out
of it. I always wanted to teach school.
269
00:18:42,797 --> 00:18:44,732
I got your message.
What's the big news?
270
00:18:44,733 --> 00:18:48,369
Tell him.
Well, uh...
271
00:18:48,370 --> 00:18:51,672
Katherine and I have been
together a long time now, and...
272
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,641
You know how I feel
about katherine.
273
00:18:53,642 --> 00:18:57,445
And, uh, she feels the same
way about me. so, uh...
274
00:18:57,446 --> 00:19:00,648
well, uh...
he's making an honest woman of me.
275
00:19:00,649 --> 00:19:02,850
Well, congratulations.
276
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,985
This calls for a celebration.
[ Michael ] Absolutely.
277
00:19:04,986 --> 00:19:07,821
Uh, waiter.
We would like a bottle of...
278
00:19:07,822 --> 00:19:10,624
champagne.
279
00:19:10,625 --> 00:19:12,926
Your very best champagne.
280
00:19:12,927 --> 00:19:16,598
Excuse me.
I'm out of cigarettes.
281
00:19:20,635 --> 00:19:23,238
Uh, excuse me.
I think I'll go powder my nose.
282
00:19:26,641 --> 00:19:29,210
All right, walter, the truth.
283
00:19:32,481 --> 00:19:34,882
- I'm very happy for you.
- You don't approve, do you?
284
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:39,753
Approve? I think that's
your father's territory.
285
00:19:39,754 --> 00:19:43,357
Walter, I really wanna know what you think.
It's very important to me.
286
00:19:43,358 --> 00:19:46,660
I think...
287
00:19:46,661 --> 00:19:50,631
Marriage is a very difficult
proposition these days.
288
00:19:50,632 --> 00:19:54,702
There seems to be a shortage of what my
mother used to call "marriage material."
289
00:19:54,703 --> 00:19:58,439
You don't think I qualify?
It's michael I'm worried about.
290
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,309
Sneaking one?
291
00:20:01,310 --> 00:20:05,614
No, I was out.
Do you mind?
292
00:20:07,482 --> 00:20:11,919
I didn't think people who
played wind instruments smoked.
293
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,787
They don't.
294
00:20:13,788 --> 00:20:15,989
I have two a day.
295
00:20:15,990 --> 00:20:19,560
One after a concert
and one after sex.
296
00:20:19,561 --> 00:20:22,796
Ah.
What about you?
297
00:20:22,797 --> 00:20:25,866
Me, I uh...
Smoke constantly.
298
00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:29,002
I try to quit once a month,
but I can't seem to put 'em down.
299
00:20:29,003 --> 00:20:34,041
Well, the body rebels when you
try to deny its basic needs.
300
00:20:34,042 --> 00:20:36,277
Never thought of it that way.
301
00:20:37,746 --> 00:20:40,648
You must admit
there's something very...
302
00:20:40,649 --> 00:20:43,484
Erotic about smoking.
303
00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:47,020
The way a cigarette feels
between your fingers,
304
00:20:47,021 --> 00:20:50,324
the way it touches your lips.
305
00:20:50,325 --> 00:20:53,728
I even dream about them occasionally.
Yeah, me too.
306
00:20:56,064 --> 00:20:59,800
Sometimes,
in the middle of the day,
307
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:04,037
I'll get the most
uncontrollable urge.
308
00:21:04,038 --> 00:21:08,809
I'll go into my room and turn out
all the lights and smoke a pack.
309
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,812
Thought you only smoked
two a day.
310
00:21:13,348 --> 00:21:15,617
I cheat.
311
00:21:24,626 --> 00:21:26,928
It won't bite.
312
00:21:33,702 --> 00:21:36,870
How does it feel?
Strange.
313
00:21:36,871 --> 00:21:39,940
The fit.
Oh.
314
00:21:39,941 --> 00:21:42,943
Well, it's too tight.
315
00:21:42,944 --> 00:21:46,013
Doesn't look too tight.
Well, it is.
316
00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:48,782
It makes me feel claustrophobic.
317
00:21:48,783 --> 00:21:51,519
Sir, you've tried on
every size we make.
318
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,788
Perhaps you should let
your psychiatrist fit you.
319
00:21:54,789 --> 00:21:57,926
Just give him an extra large.
He has to be able to get it off fast.
320
00:22:01,463 --> 00:22:03,731
Hello there.
321
00:22:03,732 --> 00:22:06,066
I've been waiting for you.
322
00:22:06,067 --> 00:22:09,537
I want to talk to you
about your bed.
323
00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:14,442
[ Giggles ] For years people have
been buying mattresses to sleep on.
324
00:22:14,443 --> 00:22:17,645
But let's face it,
we do a lot more in bed than sleep.
325
00:22:17,646 --> 00:22:21,582
"Downon" was developed with
just that in mind.
326
00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:26,454
Made from a special blend
of soft canadian goose down...
327
00:22:26,455 --> 00:22:31,425
And fortified with strong
american nylon.
328
00:22:31,426 --> 00:22:35,763
So if you want to get
more fun out of bed,
329
00:22:35,764 --> 00:22:38,432
get downon.
330
00:22:38,433 --> 00:22:42,002
For people who do more than sleep at night.
[ Giggles softly ]
331
00:22:42,003 --> 00:22:45,674
Cut it. okay, everybody,
that's a wrap.
332
00:22:51,746 --> 00:22:55,716
[ Downon girl ] You all right, michael?
Yeah, sure. why?
333
00:22:55,717 --> 00:22:59,753
You seem very tense today. Yeah.
334
00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:02,623
You're full of tension.
Are you worried about something?
335
00:23:02,624 --> 00:23:06,494
As a matter of fact, yeah.
I thought so.
336
00:23:06,495 --> 00:23:08,862
Okay, lay down on your stomach.
337
00:23:08,863 --> 00:23:12,933
Why? I can see the tension in
your back from 50 feet away.
338
00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:15,669
Come on.
Down on the floor.
339
00:23:15,670 --> 00:23:18,707
Down, down, down.
340
00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:24,878
Oh, yes.
[ Moans ]
341
00:23:24,879 --> 00:23:27,781
Fibers like steel.
342
00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:30,183
Very, very tense.
343
00:23:30,184 --> 00:23:32,920
All right, relax.
344
00:23:32,921 --> 00:23:35,690
Close your eyes.
345
00:23:36,925 --> 00:23:41,128
- Oh, boy.
- What's the matter?
346
00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:45,999
I found a big hard one
right here in the middle.
347
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,937
Do you feel that?
I think so.
348
00:23:50,872 --> 00:23:53,674
Well, don't you worry.
349
00:23:53,675 --> 00:23:56,243
We're gonna get it softer...
350
00:23:56,244 --> 00:23:58,846
And smaller.
351
00:23:58,847 --> 00:24:01,815
Softer and smaller.
352
00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:05,720
Softer and smaller.
353
00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:10,925
Dad, what time is it?
354
00:24:20,769 --> 00:24:22,771
I'm sorry.
355
00:24:26,575 --> 00:24:28,976
All right, katherine.
You and your father can start now.
356
00:24:28,977 --> 00:24:32,180
Sorry, I'm late.
I got held up at the office.
357
00:24:34,883 --> 00:24:37,851
I'm sorry.
358
00:24:37,852 --> 00:24:41,121
Glad you could make it.
I got tied up at work.
359
00:24:41,122 --> 00:24:44,558
I'll bet you did. Why is it you
always think the worst of me?
360
00:24:44,559 --> 00:24:46,594
Science is the art
of observation.
361
00:24:46,595 --> 00:24:49,030
You've got lip gloss
on your ears.
362
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:56,604
All right, everybody.
Take one. here comes the bride.
363
00:24:56,605 --> 00:25:00,841
Nothing happened before the rehearsal.
Don't get so defensive.
364
00:25:00,842 --> 00:25:04,745
Fidelity takes time.
You've got six days to practice.
365
00:25:04,746 --> 00:25:08,982
I'm under a lot of pressure, but I'm gonna go
through with this, so don't try to change my mind.
366
00:25:08,983 --> 00:25:12,853
I wouldn't dream of it.
I love katherine. She loves me.
367
00:25:12,854 --> 00:25:17,157
We belong together. Love is apples.
Marriage is oranges.
368
00:25:17,158 --> 00:25:19,292
Not everybody can stomach
fruit cocktail.
369
00:25:19,293 --> 00:25:22,863
Well, I plan to learn.
[ Laughing ] How?
370
00:25:22,864 --> 00:25:25,899
Do you have a plan? Do you have a strategy?
Do you have anything?
371
00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:30,337
Do you plan to push through life like a bull in
a china shop and hope you don't break anything?
372
00:25:30,338 --> 00:25:32,372
Maybe I should see a doctor.
What for?
373
00:25:32,373 --> 00:25:34,908
I mean a psychiatrist.
374
00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:39,146
What do you need a shrink for? You've
got me. You haven't been a lot of help.
375
00:25:39,147 --> 00:25:41,882
I've given this matter a great deal
of thought in the last few days.
376
00:25:41,883 --> 00:25:44,952
I've come up with
a very interesting approach.
377
00:25:44,953 --> 00:25:47,955
Well, tell me!
I'll try anything. Good.
378
00:25:47,956 --> 00:25:51,759
The first thing I want you to
do is get a notebook. What for?
379
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,196
Every time you see a woman that particularly
appeals to you, put her down in the book.
380
00:25:56,197 --> 00:26:01,101
What do I put down? Everything. her name,
vital statistics, personality traits.
381
00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:03,871
Everything that appeals to you about her.
Draw a picture, I don't care.
382
00:26:03,872 --> 00:26:06,206
The point is to make an
experiment out of it. Why?
383
00:26:06,207 --> 00:26:09,409
Because, numb-nuts, by subjecting
your appetite to scientific scrutiny,
384
00:26:09,410 --> 00:26:11,211
you get to analyze it.
385
00:26:11,212 --> 00:26:15,783
And by analyzing it, you remove all the eroticism.
You reduce lust to a set of statistics.
386
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:18,786
It's like smokenders.
Precisely.
387
00:26:18,787 --> 00:26:21,021
That's a brilliant idea.
388
00:26:21,022 --> 00:26:23,991
I'm not the brains in
this family for no reason.
389
00:26:23,992 --> 00:26:27,961
[ Woman ] I like that.
[ Katherine ] Why?
390
00:26:27,962 --> 00:26:31,332
Well, it has lovely lines.
391
00:26:33,735 --> 00:26:35,936
It doesn't look right on me.
392
00:26:35,937 --> 00:26:38,707
Try it without cleats.
393
00:26:40,942 --> 00:26:42,976
I hate it. What do you hate?
394
00:26:42,977 --> 00:26:45,946
The whole thing. You get in front
of a church full of people...
395
00:26:45,947 --> 00:26:48,215
Looking like snow white,
when everybody knows...
396
00:26:48,216 --> 00:26:52,853
That the chances of the marriage lasting
more than eight years are one in ten.
397
00:26:52,854 --> 00:26:56,356
I never knew you to have
such a head for statistics.
398
00:26:56,357 --> 00:26:58,926
Look, I'd just like
to have a trial run.
399
00:26:58,927 --> 00:27:01,361
I thought that's what
you've been having.
400
00:27:01,362 --> 00:27:03,864
Well, I'd like a longer one.
401
00:27:03,865 --> 00:27:08,301
Just what exactly
is worrying you?
402
00:27:08,302 --> 00:27:12,405
How do you live with someone for the
rest of your life and keep it exciting?
403
00:27:12,406 --> 00:27:16,143
[ Laughing ] I see.
What do you see?
404
00:27:16,144 --> 00:27:21,014
We're not exactly talking about the
high standard of housekeeping, are we?
405
00:27:21,015 --> 00:27:24,117
We're really talking about the
choo-choo in the tunnel, aren't we?
406
00:27:24,118 --> 00:27:26,887
Oh, mother, that's
an awful expression.
407
00:27:26,888 --> 00:27:29,356
- but that's what you're worried
about, isn't it? - no.
408
00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:32,793
It's not just that.
409
00:27:32,794 --> 00:27:35,996
I'm just afraid that after we're
married, everything will be different.
410
00:27:35,997 --> 00:27:39,432
Oh, a needless worry.
It will be.
411
00:27:39,433 --> 00:27:41,769
See.
Well, what do you expect?
412
00:27:41,770 --> 00:27:45,272
It's inevitable,
like growing old.
413
00:27:45,273 --> 00:27:50,177
The summer of youthful romance gives
way to the winter of... Married life.
414
00:27:50,178 --> 00:27:53,446
You make it sound like death.
415
00:27:53,447 --> 00:27:57,718
It is, in a way. Oh, don't worry, dear.
It's a happy death.
416
00:28:01,389 --> 00:28:03,957
Pull your skirt down.
417
00:28:03,958 --> 00:28:07,427
[ Bells ringing ] [ Tommy ]
Oliver, it stinks.
418
00:28:07,428 --> 00:28:11,298
The whole idea stinks.
Are you seriously going to market this?
419
00:28:11,299 --> 00:28:14,167
[ Oliver ]
We can market anything.
420
00:28:14,168 --> 00:28:17,438
Oh, photographs. Everybody,
let's get together for the picture.
421
00:28:18,506 --> 00:28:21,843
[ Indistinct chattering ]
422
00:28:25,914 --> 00:28:29,382
[ Cheering, laughing ]
423
00:28:29,383 --> 00:28:32,120
Too much. too much.
Follow me.
424
00:28:35,223 --> 00:28:38,391
[ Cheering continues ]
425
00:28:38,392 --> 00:28:42,029
See you at the reception.
426
00:28:42,030 --> 00:28:44,833
Okay, bye.
Bye.
427
00:28:47,001 --> 00:28:49,838
[ Horn honking ]
428
00:28:59,413 --> 00:29:02,382
Michael?
Hmm?
429
00:29:02,383 --> 00:29:05,352
Do you really think
we're gonna make it?
430
00:29:05,353 --> 00:29:08,489
I think it's customary
on the wedding night.
431
00:29:09,858 --> 00:29:12,493
I don't mean that.
I know.
432
00:29:14,228 --> 00:29:16,330
Well, are we?
433
00:29:19,367 --> 00:29:21,502
We'd better.
434
00:29:25,874 --> 00:29:27,876
Why?
435
00:29:30,478 --> 00:29:33,347
I got money on it.
Oh.
436
00:31:16,550 --> 00:31:18,651
Sandy.
Michael.
437
00:31:18,652 --> 00:31:22,089
Hi.
How are you?
438
00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:26,059
I'm fine. How are you? Okay.
Okay. You look good.
439
00:31:26,060 --> 00:31:29,229
Thanks. You too. Thanks.
440
00:31:29,230 --> 00:31:32,065
I heard you got married.
Yeah. about six weeks ago.
441
00:31:32,066 --> 00:31:34,201
I was so shocked.
Why?
442
00:31:34,202 --> 00:31:36,669
Whatever made you
decide to do it?
443
00:31:36,670 --> 00:31:40,340
Well, you know.
It was just time, that's all.
444
00:31:40,341 --> 00:31:45,112
Are you telling me if I'd hung in there a few
more years, I'd be the new Mrs. Donovan?
445
00:31:45,113 --> 00:31:48,015
The fact of the matter is I just
happened to find the perfect wife.
446
00:31:48,016 --> 00:31:51,118
Yeah? she let's you
fool around a little, huh?
447
00:31:51,119 --> 00:31:54,355
Oh, no, no, no. I, uh... I don't do
that anymore. That was the old me.
448
00:31:56,724 --> 00:31:59,360
Let's have lunch sometime,
for old time's sake.
449
00:32:00,728 --> 00:32:03,563
Sure.
450
00:32:03,564 --> 00:32:07,134
I'm in the book,
under the same old name.
451
00:32:07,135 --> 00:32:09,003
Okay.
452
00:32:25,119 --> 00:32:27,787
Hi. How was your day? Hi.
453
00:32:27,788 --> 00:32:31,024
Not so good.
How was yours?
454
00:32:31,025 --> 00:32:35,495
Well, it would have been a lot better if I could
figure out a way to get the girls to nap.
455
00:32:35,496 --> 00:32:39,432
That shouldn't be too hard.
No, well, it isn't.
456
00:32:39,433 --> 00:32:42,069
I could always use chloroform.
457
00:32:42,070 --> 00:32:44,771
Why don't you read to them?
It doesn't work anymore.
458
00:32:44,772 --> 00:32:48,708
I don't know. it's the electronic age.
If it's not on tv, it doesn't exist.
459
00:32:48,709 --> 00:32:52,212
Linguine?
Yeah.
460
00:32:52,213 --> 00:32:55,015
I'll go change my shirt.
461
00:33:10,431 --> 00:33:13,401
[ Whirring ]
462
00:33:23,744 --> 00:33:26,546
Dinner in five.
You hungry?
463
00:33:26,547 --> 00:33:29,082
Not really.
464
00:33:29,083 --> 00:33:33,353
Have you been eating at the office?
No, why?
465
00:33:33,354 --> 00:33:36,824
You seem to have lost your appetite
the last few weeks. Have I?
466
00:33:39,093 --> 00:33:42,229
- this is the kind of thing that
breaks up a marriage. - what?
467
00:33:42,230 --> 00:33:44,631
When the husband stops eating
the wife's cooking.
468
00:33:44,632 --> 00:33:47,234
I love your cooking.
469
00:33:47,235 --> 00:33:50,370
It's not that. I...
470
00:33:50,371 --> 00:33:52,605
I don't know what it is.
I just haven't felt so great lately.
471
00:33:52,606 --> 00:33:54,774
Yeah, you haven't been
sleeping well, either.
472
00:33:54,775 --> 00:33:58,478
I hear you mumbling
in the middle of the night.
473
00:33:58,479 --> 00:34:02,115
- What do I say?
- I can't make it out most of the time.
474
00:34:02,116 --> 00:34:04,551
- Oh, but last night, I did hear something.
- What was it?
475
00:34:04,552 --> 00:34:08,521
- "the bets are on the table."
- oh.
476
00:34:08,522 --> 00:34:11,224
I bet tommy
I could quit smoking.
477
00:34:11,225 --> 00:34:13,493
Oh.
478
00:34:13,494 --> 00:34:17,365
♪ [ Chimes Playing
"Mary had a little lamb" ]
479
00:34:22,803 --> 00:34:25,838
♪ [ Chimes Continue ]
480
00:34:25,839 --> 00:34:28,642
[ Birds twittering ]
481
00:34:35,149 --> 00:34:38,551
How's the experiment going?
Well, I'm getting writer's cramp.
482
00:34:38,552 --> 00:34:42,422
Yeah, but it's working, isn't it?
Yeah, I guess.
483
00:34:42,423 --> 00:34:45,792
- so, what's the problem? - I feel
like I'm not the same person anymore.
484
00:34:45,793 --> 00:34:48,861
"A new man," I believe,
was your phrase.
485
00:34:48,862 --> 00:34:53,300
But I'm not the person
katherine married.
486
00:34:53,301 --> 00:34:57,537
I'm wondering... Maybe I'm doing
the marriage more harm than good.
487
00:34:57,538 --> 00:35:02,909
You mean if you don't start fooling
around, you may wreck the marriage.
488
00:35:02,910 --> 00:35:08,448
I got to hand it to you, kid. That is the best
rationalization I have ever heard in my life.
489
00:35:08,449 --> 00:35:10,484
Come on, tommy.
490
00:35:12,186 --> 00:35:15,622
What's the big deal about
a little extra sex anyway?
491
00:35:15,623 --> 00:35:18,725
In the first place, there's no
such thing as a little extra sex.
492
00:35:18,726 --> 00:35:21,495
That's like calling Alaska
a little extra state.
493
00:35:23,331 --> 00:35:25,898
And in the second place,
how do you think you'd feel...
494
00:35:25,899 --> 00:35:28,235
If katherine started
fooling around?
495
00:35:28,236 --> 00:35:32,205
You wanna know something?
I really don't think I'd care.
496
00:35:32,206 --> 00:35:35,375
Not as long as it
was quick and meaningless.
497
00:35:35,376 --> 00:35:37,910
Quick and meaningless.
Yeah.
498
00:35:37,911 --> 00:35:40,580
Like an hour or so every couple of months?
Yeah, I guess.
499
00:35:40,581 --> 00:35:42,815
Would she be allowed
to have an orgasm?
500
00:35:42,816 --> 00:35:46,619
That's part of sex.
Yeah.
501
00:35:46,620 --> 00:35:49,889
And what if they came together,
her and Mr. Quick and meaningless?
502
00:35:49,890 --> 00:35:52,492
That's part of sex, too,
on a good day.
503
00:35:52,493 --> 00:35:54,761
Now let me get this straight.
504
00:35:54,762 --> 00:35:57,330
You honestly don't mind
whether katherine has...
505
00:35:57,331 --> 00:36:01,501
Half a dozen good solid hours
of sex each year...
506
00:36:01,502 --> 00:36:05,838
With men that she
casually encounters?
507
00:36:05,839 --> 00:36:08,341
All of them
potentially terminating...
508
00:36:08,342 --> 00:36:12,412
In simultaneous climax.
509
00:36:12,413 --> 00:36:16,516
You're very broad-minded, michael,
not to mention completely full of shit.
510
00:36:16,517 --> 00:36:18,718
[ Seal barking ]
511
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,422
[ Telephone ringing,
typewriters typing ]
512
00:36:26,260 --> 00:36:29,329
Well, joyce said you wanted to see me.
Yeah, oliver.
513
00:36:29,330 --> 00:36:31,631
I want you to put something
together for me. A new account?
514
00:36:31,632 --> 00:36:34,934
No, this is something for my
wife for her class at school.
515
00:36:34,935 --> 00:36:37,904
Now, I put down
the general idea here.
516
00:36:37,905 --> 00:36:40,873
It doesn't have to be too elaborate, but if
you have the time, I'd like to do it today.
517
00:36:40,874 --> 00:36:43,577
Well, uh, I'll get right on it.
Great.
518
00:36:44,678 --> 00:36:47,415
Oliver.
Yeah?
519
00:36:50,584 --> 00:36:53,854
Can I ask you a personal question?
Sure.
520
00:36:56,657 --> 00:36:58,925
You've been married
a long time, right?
521
00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:01,362
Fourteen years.
[ Laughs ]
522
00:37:02,596 --> 00:37:05,932
You ever have a problem
with other women?
523
00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:08,768
How could you...
how could you tell?
524
00:37:08,769 --> 00:37:13,873
Well, I couldn't.
But we do work around a lot of women.
525
00:37:13,874 --> 00:37:17,310
I know, and that's
the least of it.
526
00:37:17,311 --> 00:37:19,679
You should be out on the streets.
It's just a jungle out there.
527
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,615
I don't know what's happened
to women in the last few years.
528
00:37:22,616 --> 00:37:27,387
They come right up to ya, they say things. it's
unbelievable. They're like men used to be.
529
00:37:27,388 --> 00:37:30,523
It's a whole new ball game.
It really is.
530
00:37:30,524 --> 00:37:32,959
What do you do about it?
531
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,595
You know, it's a matter
of pride with me.
532
00:37:35,596 --> 00:37:39,366
If a woman I don't know tries to talk
to me, I just look the other way.
533
00:37:39,367 --> 00:37:43,471
If there's one thing I refuse
to be, it's a sex object.
534
00:37:58,586 --> 00:38:01,522
[ No audible dialogue ]
535
00:39:17,898 --> 00:39:20,568
[ Sighs ]
536
00:39:52,032 --> 00:39:54,568
Sneaking one?
537
00:40:01,909 --> 00:40:03,777
Philomena.
538
00:40:55,896 --> 00:40:59,699
This is the first time you've been with another
woman since you got married, isn't it?
539
00:40:59,700 --> 00:41:01,668
Yeah.
540
00:41:01,669 --> 00:41:05,038
I noticed you had a rough time
getting your ring off.
541
00:41:08,676 --> 00:41:11,043
Don't worry about it.
542
00:41:11,044 --> 00:41:13,647
You'll get the hang of it
in no time.
543
00:41:14,214 --> 00:41:16,549
Hey.
544
00:41:16,550 --> 00:41:19,620
You forgot your cigarettes.
545
00:41:45,045 --> 00:41:48,981
Tell me the occasion
and I'll give you the flower.
546
00:41:48,982 --> 00:41:52,920
How about the first time
I cheated on my wife.
547
00:42:14,374 --> 00:42:16,910
Scissors.
548
00:42:19,379 --> 00:42:21,681
Hi, michael. Don't look.
Don't look.
549
00:42:21,682 --> 00:42:23,950
All right. All right.
I got a surprise for you.
550
00:42:23,951 --> 00:42:26,118
Great. I love surprises.
551
00:42:26,119 --> 00:42:28,956
Okay, you can look.
552
00:42:30,257 --> 00:42:33,626
Oh, terrific.
A video cassette.
553
00:42:33,627 --> 00:42:36,395
Of what?
554
00:42:36,396 --> 00:42:39,632
I taped a fairy tale to put
your little girls to sleep.
555
00:42:39,633 --> 00:42:43,002
Oh, thanks.
556
00:42:43,003 --> 00:42:46,839
You really had me worried
there for a minute.
557
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:51,178
Why?
I thought it was flowers.
558
00:42:53,046 --> 00:42:57,083
Hello, girls.
My name is Mr. Sandman,
559
00:42:57,084 --> 00:43:01,187
and I am here with a story
to send you off...
560
00:43:01,188 --> 00:43:03,189
To dreamland.
561
00:43:03,190 --> 00:43:05,324
[ Woman ] How did he
know that would work?
562
00:43:05,325 --> 00:43:07,794
[ Katherine ]
He understands women.
563
00:43:07,795 --> 00:43:10,062
It must be wonderful to have
a husband that thoughtful.
564
00:43:10,063 --> 00:43:15,735
The story is called the cat
and the mouse in partnership.
565
00:43:15,736 --> 00:43:18,671
[ Katherine ] He's always doing
such spontaneous, unexpected things.
566
00:43:18,672 --> 00:43:21,107
I never do anything
like that for him.
567
00:43:21,108 --> 00:43:25,077
I wish for once I could really come
up with something off the wall,
568
00:43:25,078 --> 00:43:27,279
something spectacular.
569
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,917
Why don't you?
I'm lousy at surprises.
570
00:43:30,918 --> 00:43:33,853
Whenever I want to surprise
harry, I show up at his office.
571
00:43:33,854 --> 00:43:37,023
That's not much of a surprise.
Naked?
572
00:43:37,024 --> 00:43:40,292
You're kidding?
No, he goes crazy.
573
00:43:40,293 --> 00:43:44,296
You don't wear anything at all?
A trench coat and a smile.
574
00:43:44,297 --> 00:43:47,100
[ People chattering ]
575
00:43:52,039 --> 00:43:54,206
That's great. But I want more bubbles.
I want twice as many bubbles.
576
00:43:54,207 --> 00:43:56,442
More bubbles.
I want bubbles everywhere.
577
00:43:56,443 --> 00:43:59,411
You got 'em. This is great.
Glad you like it.
578
00:43:59,412 --> 00:44:01,948
It's the wife. Line one. Thanks.
579
00:44:01,949 --> 00:44:06,052
Everybody relax. take five. Nick's
gonna reload the bubbles. Then we go.
580
00:44:06,053 --> 00:44:07,954
Hiya. [ Katherine ] You busy?
581
00:44:07,955 --> 00:44:09,956
No, things are very calm here.
582
00:44:09,957 --> 00:44:13,192
I just wanted you to know
your story went over big.
583
00:44:13,193 --> 00:44:17,396
Ah, that's great. Would it be too much
trouble to make another one by tomorrow?
584
00:44:17,397 --> 00:44:19,866
No problem. I got all
the stuff right here.
585
00:44:19,867 --> 00:44:22,168
You got anything special in mind?
Rapunzel? Sleeping beauty?
586
00:44:22,169 --> 00:44:25,004
Whatever you pick will be fine.
587
00:44:25,005 --> 00:44:27,506
Um, I'll be finished
here around seven.
588
00:44:27,507 --> 00:44:30,276
I'll tape the story.
I'll be home by eight.
589
00:44:30,277 --> 00:44:33,146
I love you.
I love you too.
590
00:44:41,521 --> 00:44:44,791
[ Moans ]
591
00:44:44,792 --> 00:44:47,259
Thought everybody had left.
592
00:44:47,260 --> 00:44:50,763
I bet you did.
You want me to lock it up, mike?
593
00:44:50,764 --> 00:44:54,500
No, I'll do it when
I'm finished.
594
00:44:54,501 --> 00:44:57,269
Good night, howie.
595
00:44:57,270 --> 00:44:59,072
Nighty-night.
596
00:44:59,873 --> 00:45:01,842
[ Laughing ]
597
00:45:03,944 --> 00:45:06,947
[ Laughing continues ]
598
00:45:24,431 --> 00:45:29,268
Hello, girls. This is the sandman
again with another story for you.
599
00:45:29,269 --> 00:45:32,271
Today's story is entitled...
[ Blows ]
600
00:45:32,272 --> 00:45:35,441
The 12 dancing princesses.
601
00:45:35,442 --> 00:45:38,811
"There once was a king
who had 12 daughters,
602
00:45:38,812 --> 00:45:40,981
"each one more beautiful
than the other.
603
00:45:46,887 --> 00:45:49,421
"And at night,
when they had gone to bed,
604
00:45:49,422 --> 00:45:52,259
"the king locked the door
and bolted it.
605
00:45:57,831 --> 00:46:02,268
"In the evening, when bedtime came,
he was conducted to the anteroom.
606
00:46:02,269 --> 00:46:05,271
"As he was about to go to bed,
the eldest princess appeared...
607
00:46:05,272 --> 00:46:08,175
Bringing him a cup of
wine." [ Clattering ]
608
00:46:09,309 --> 00:46:11,243
Hello?
609
00:46:11,244 --> 00:46:13,113
Hello?
610
00:46:21,922 --> 00:46:23,923
Hello?
611
00:46:23,924 --> 00:46:26,059
Hey, howie, that you?
612
00:46:28,862 --> 00:46:30,997
Hi. it's me.
613
00:46:30,998 --> 00:46:35,067
Me who?
The taber tool girl.
614
00:46:35,068 --> 00:46:39,605
My god, nancy barwood!
I didn't recognize you.
615
00:46:39,606 --> 00:46:43,642
Well, I'll take that as a compliment.
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
616
00:46:43,643 --> 00:46:47,179
Oh, uh... no, I always run
around like this. [ Chuckles ]
617
00:46:47,180 --> 00:46:49,615
I called your office.
They said you were here.
618
00:46:49,616 --> 00:46:52,518
I just wanted to thank you
personally for everything you did.
619
00:46:52,519 --> 00:46:55,888
I didn't do anything.
Oh, yes, you did.
620
00:46:55,889 --> 00:47:00,392
You're looking at the new drainaway girl.
I'm guaranteed 12 spots a year.
621
00:47:00,393 --> 00:47:05,364
Nancy, that's great.
Congratulations. Thanks.
622
00:47:05,365 --> 00:47:09,035
But it wouldn't have been
possible without you. Ahh.
623
00:47:09,036 --> 00:47:13,340
That's not true. Oh, yes, it is.
It changed my life.
624
00:47:25,318 --> 00:47:29,021
But thanks to you,
I've got something I never had before.
625
00:47:29,022 --> 00:47:32,591
What's that?
Tremendous, unstoppable self-confidence.
626
00:47:32,592 --> 00:47:37,296
I didn't have anything to do with that.
Oh, yes, you did.
627
00:47:37,297 --> 00:47:40,466
You taught me the most
important lesson of my life.
628
00:47:40,467 --> 00:47:43,370
What's that?
Never take "no" For an answer.
629
00:48:59,646 --> 00:49:02,282
Michael!
630
00:49:05,485 --> 00:49:07,320
Katherine!
631
00:49:08,788 --> 00:49:11,391
It's not what you think.
632
00:49:14,494 --> 00:49:17,197
I didn't mean
for anything to happen.
633
00:49:19,399 --> 00:49:21,401
I was just taping a story.
634
00:49:23,703 --> 00:49:26,572
I wasn't thinking!
635
00:49:26,573 --> 00:49:31,010
- [ Crying ]
- let me explain.
636
00:49:33,446 --> 00:49:35,282
Please!
637
00:49:42,189 --> 00:49:44,156
This is very hot.
Very hot.
638
00:49:44,157 --> 00:49:46,193
Thanks.
639
00:50:00,173 --> 00:50:03,475
You can stay here
as long as you like.
640
00:50:03,476 --> 00:50:06,345
You can have my practice room.
I don't use it at night.
641
00:50:06,346 --> 00:50:12,184
- won't philomena mind? - no.
There's nothing serious between us.
642
00:50:12,185 --> 00:50:15,822
In fact, apart from music and sex,
we thoroughly dislike each other.
643
00:50:19,526 --> 00:50:21,560
[ Crying ]
644
00:50:21,561 --> 00:50:24,730
Kathy? kathy.
645
00:50:24,731 --> 00:50:27,099
Kathy.
646
00:50:27,100 --> 00:50:29,868
[ Crying continues ] Go ahead.
647
00:50:29,869 --> 00:50:32,439
Just cry.
648
00:50:36,343 --> 00:50:39,312
[ Birds twittering ]
649
00:50:49,122 --> 00:50:51,290
Here. good for you.
650
00:50:51,291 --> 00:50:53,226
Thanks.
651
00:50:55,362 --> 00:50:58,230
[ Sighs ] I owe you 82 bucks.
652
00:50:58,231 --> 00:51:00,367
What for?
The coffee's free.
653
00:51:01,534 --> 00:51:03,669
We had a bet.
Remember?
654
00:51:03,670 --> 00:51:06,306
Don't be pathetic
this early in the morning.
655
00:51:08,541 --> 00:51:10,377
It's over, tommy.
656
00:51:12,279 --> 00:51:13,880
I've lost katherine forever.
657
00:51:16,649 --> 00:51:19,152
This is not the time
to throw in the towel, my boy.
658
00:51:20,487 --> 00:51:22,921
It's no use.
659
00:51:22,922 --> 00:51:25,592
[ Sighs ]
You were right.
660
00:51:26,926 --> 00:51:29,828
I am no good.
661
00:51:29,829 --> 00:51:32,332
I never should have gotten
married in the first place.
662
00:51:39,739 --> 00:51:42,175
Come on, I wanna
show you something.
663
00:51:47,714 --> 00:51:51,217
[ Grunts ] Take a
look at phil here.
664
00:51:51,218 --> 00:51:53,419
He's one of your ancestors.
665
00:51:53,420 --> 00:51:56,922
Of all the apes,
who do you think has the biggest brain?
666
00:51:56,923 --> 00:51:59,925
Man.
Man, right.
667
00:51:59,926 --> 00:52:03,395
And of all the apes, who do you
think has the biggest sex organ?
668
00:52:03,396 --> 00:52:07,433
Him.
Wrong. man.
669
00:52:07,434 --> 00:52:11,770
Man has the biggest brain and the
biggest sex organ, all in the same body,
670
00:52:11,771 --> 00:52:15,207
only they don't belong together;
they're natural enemies.
671
00:52:15,208 --> 00:52:17,543
What do you mean?
672
00:52:17,544 --> 00:52:21,213
For scientific purposes, let's call the
brain "albert" And the pecker "duke."
673
00:52:21,214 --> 00:52:23,449
You got that?
674
00:52:23,450 --> 00:52:26,485
Now, albert and duke
inhabit the same body.
675
00:52:26,486 --> 00:52:29,321
Oh, let's say yours.
676
00:52:29,322 --> 00:52:33,592
Albert has a lot of INTERESTS: His
work, sports, etcetera.
677
00:52:33,593 --> 00:52:38,230
But duke has only
got ONE: Sex.
678
00:52:38,231 --> 00:52:41,900
But that's okay, as long as you're single.
That poses no problems.
679
00:52:41,901 --> 00:52:46,338
But one day, albert decides
he wants more out of life.
680
00:52:46,339 --> 00:52:50,242
So he brings a girl home...
let's call her katherine...
681
00:52:50,243 --> 00:52:52,944
to meet duke.
682
00:52:52,945 --> 00:52:57,316
Now duke is not all together
excited about the idea of marriage.
683
00:52:57,317 --> 00:53:01,019
But albert, being the more
clever of the two, convinces him.
684
00:53:01,020 --> 00:53:03,489
"Duke," he says.
"Duke,
685
00:53:03,490 --> 00:53:05,691
"you can have her every night.
686
00:53:05,692 --> 00:53:08,260
I'm only interested
in the days myself."
687
00:53:08,261 --> 00:53:10,996
So duke jumps at the deal.
688
00:53:10,997 --> 00:53:14,267
So they get married and they
live happily ever after, right?
689
00:53:15,935 --> 00:53:19,971
Yeah. things go smoothly
for six weeks or so.
690
00:53:19,972 --> 00:53:23,809
Then duke starts
to get a little restless.
691
00:53:23,810 --> 00:53:26,678
He tells albert
he wants to renegotiate.
692
00:53:26,679 --> 00:53:29,481
"I can't do that," says albert.
"Marriage is for life."
693
00:53:29,482 --> 00:53:32,584
Duke gets upset.
694
00:53:32,585 --> 00:53:35,454
"That may be all right for you,
pal, you've got other interests.
695
00:53:35,455 --> 00:53:40,292
But me, I'm stuck with a menu with
only one dish on it. Good-bye."
696
00:53:40,293 --> 00:53:45,564
So, albert stands by helplessly and
watches while duke starts to fool around.
697
00:53:45,565 --> 00:53:49,701
Well, of course it doesn't take
long for katherine to smell a rat.
698
00:53:49,702 --> 00:53:52,771
And she approaches albert
and she says,
699
00:53:52,772 --> 00:53:55,574
"I'm leaving."
700
00:53:55,575 --> 00:53:58,810
"But, katherine,
I love you," says albert.
701
00:53:58,811 --> 00:54:02,681
"Oh-ho. I love you too," Said katherine.
"That's not the problem.
702
00:54:02,682 --> 00:54:06,852
I married both of you, and
one of you is not good enough."
703
00:54:06,853 --> 00:54:09,456
And off she goes
into the sunset.
704
00:54:11,858 --> 00:54:14,361
How am I ever gonna
get her back, tommy?
705
00:54:16,529 --> 00:54:21,833
Time will probably take care of that.
Right now, you have a much bigger problem.
706
00:54:21,834 --> 00:54:26,004
What? How to convince
duke to honor the deal.
707
00:54:26,005 --> 00:54:28,740
[ Grunts ]
708
00:54:28,741 --> 00:54:31,477
[ Katherine ] "Once there was a
poet who could make up songs...
709
00:54:31,478 --> 00:54:33,912
"That would entice
the fish from the sea,
710
00:54:33,913 --> 00:54:38,350
"the birds from the sky and
the worms from the ground.
711
00:54:38,351 --> 00:54:41,653
[ Children ] eew. "The words he
sang were as magical as any spell.
712
00:54:41,654 --> 00:54:45,090
"One day, the queen's daughter
fell into a sulk.
713
00:54:45,091 --> 00:54:47,926
"The queen sent for a poet.
714
00:54:47,927 --> 00:54:51,463
'Your majesty, ' he said bowing very
low, 'can I be of your service?'"
715
00:54:51,464 --> 00:54:54,500
The sandman.
716
00:54:54,501 --> 00:54:57,903
- [ All ] hi, Mr. Sandman.
- Pamela, quiet.
717
00:54:57,904 --> 00:54:59,971
I'll be right back.
[ Girl ] You're so handsome.
718
00:54:59,972 --> 00:55:02,809
[ Children laughing ]
719
00:55:06,513 --> 00:55:10,516
Okay... What
is there to say?
720
00:55:10,517 --> 00:55:13,151
It was just sex?
721
00:55:13,152 --> 00:55:15,921
Michael, that it didn't mean anything?
It didn't.
722
00:55:15,922 --> 00:55:18,590
Well, it did to me!
723
00:55:18,591 --> 00:55:22,094
Look, katy,
I understand how you feel.
724
00:55:24,597 --> 00:55:28,835
Well, if you did, you wouldn't be
trying to talk to me right now.
725
00:55:30,069 --> 00:55:33,572
[ Car horns honking ]
726
00:55:33,573 --> 00:55:37,609
I owe everything to a guy named fred patterson.
He cured me. Who's fred patterson?
727
00:55:37,610 --> 00:55:41,046
The guy marie
had an affair with.
728
00:55:41,047 --> 00:55:44,550
I didn't know about that.
How'd you find out about it?
729
00:55:44,551 --> 00:55:47,553
Found one of the letters he wrote.
He was a big letter writer.
730
00:55:47,554 --> 00:55:52,023
Disgusting stuff. How he wanted to
lick her feet forever, stuff like that.
731
00:55:52,024 --> 00:55:55,661
He was an all-around disgusting
little letter-writing creep.
732
00:55:55,662 --> 00:55:59,431
Wasn't even particularly good looking.
So what was the attraction?
733
00:55:59,432 --> 00:56:02,534
He was attentive.
I wasn't.
734
00:56:02,535 --> 00:56:06,972
It's never very complicated. In 2000 years,
nobody has come up with a new reason to cheat.
735
00:56:06,973 --> 00:56:10,108
You just fall into
somebody else's category.
736
00:56:10,109 --> 00:56:12,811
What did you do
when you found out?
737
00:56:12,812 --> 00:56:15,815
Well, I went through
several phases.
738
00:56:17,684 --> 00:56:21,086
[ Blows ] First one was crying.
I cried a lot.
739
00:56:21,087 --> 00:56:26,758
Phase two, as I remember it,
was anger and frustration.
740
00:56:26,759 --> 00:56:30,729
Very nasty phase.
I must tell you...
741
00:56:30,730 --> 00:56:34,132
Whatever katherine does in this
phase you can't hold against her.
742
00:56:34,133 --> 00:56:38,537
It's likely to be...
Somewhat violent.
743
00:56:38,538 --> 00:56:42,073
I deserve anything I get.
744
00:56:42,074 --> 00:56:46,612
Believe me, you won't feel that way at
the end of phase two. What's phase three?
745
00:56:46,613 --> 00:56:49,214
Decision time.
746
00:56:49,215 --> 00:56:52,751
The wound is almost healed,
reality sets in.
747
00:56:52,752 --> 00:56:56,888
You got two options HERE: You can
stay married or you can get a divorce.
748
00:56:56,889 --> 00:56:59,157
In our case,
we decided to get back together.
749
00:56:59,158 --> 00:57:01,993
That's 'cause
you loved each other.
750
00:57:01,994 --> 00:57:05,797
No. because we punished
each other enough.
751
00:57:05,798 --> 00:57:09,167
Oh, we love each other.
That was never the problem.
752
00:57:09,168 --> 00:57:12,838
What I'm talking about is
something entirely different. What?
753
00:57:12,839 --> 00:57:16,743
First law of the JUNGLE:
Balance of power.
754
00:57:19,111 --> 00:57:23,181
[ Girls shouting ]
755
00:57:23,182 --> 00:57:26,284
Come on, girls, drive it down the field.
Let's keep the game going.
756
00:57:26,285 --> 00:57:29,556
Keep your sticks down.
Let's go.
757
00:57:31,691 --> 00:57:34,826
Okay, defense, get the ball back.
Come on, cindy, get in there!
758
00:57:34,827 --> 00:57:36,862
[ Girls continue shouting ]
759
00:57:36,863 --> 00:57:39,798
- what are you doing here?
- Uh...
760
00:57:39,799 --> 00:57:42,000
your mother called last night.
761
00:57:42,001 --> 00:57:45,103
Five times.
Okay, francisca!
762
00:57:45,104 --> 00:57:48,607
What did you say to her?
First time she called,
763
00:57:48,608 --> 00:57:52,210
- good move!
- I told her you were in the shower.
764
00:57:52,211 --> 00:57:54,312
The, uh...
keep your stick down, joan.
765
00:57:54,313 --> 00:57:57,282
The third time she called,
I said you went to the movies.
766
00:57:57,283 --> 00:58:00,018
Last time she called,
which was 2:00 in the morning,
767
00:58:00,019 --> 00:58:02,688
I said you went on a field trip.
768
00:58:02,689 --> 00:58:06,157
- Oh, that was clever.
- Well, what was I supposed to do?
769
00:58:06,158 --> 00:58:08,059
Tell her the truth?
770
00:58:08,060 --> 00:58:11,329
I don't think
you're capable of that.
771
00:58:11,330 --> 00:58:16,001
Look, katherine, why don't you think
about coming back on a temporary basis?
772
00:58:16,002 --> 00:58:17,969
Look, I could sleep
on the couch!
773
00:58:17,970 --> 00:58:20,672
Then at least
we could talk about this.
774
00:58:20,673 --> 00:58:22,674
[ High-pitched scream ]
775
00:58:22,675 --> 00:58:26,311
Oh, god!
776
00:58:26,312 --> 00:58:29,715
- [ Crying ] - Back up.
Back up now. Gimme some room.
777
00:58:29,716 --> 00:58:32,050
Let her... that's it.
Sue, are you all right?
778
00:58:32,051 --> 00:58:34,786
We saw what happened.
Where does it hurt?
779
00:58:34,787 --> 00:58:37,255
My arm hurts everywhere.
Ohhh.
780
00:58:37,256 --> 00:58:39,958
Should I call an ambulance?
No, look.
781
00:58:39,959 --> 00:58:44,262
I can take her to fred bernstein
before an ambulance can get here.
782
00:58:44,263 --> 00:58:47,733
Look, I'm gonna pick you up,
sue, okay? okay?
783
00:58:47,734 --> 00:58:50,836
[ Crying continues ] That a girl.
There we go.
784
00:58:50,837 --> 00:58:52,872
Come on.
There we go.
785
00:59:02,815 --> 00:59:05,317
[ No audible dialogue ]
786
00:59:27,674 --> 00:59:29,976
Can I get you a cab?
787
00:59:31,744 --> 00:59:33,880
I'd rather walk.
788
00:59:35,815 --> 00:59:37,884
Can I walk with you?
789
00:59:39,686 --> 00:59:42,088
I don't think so.
790
00:59:46,192 --> 00:59:48,360
Good night, michael.
791
00:59:49,328 --> 00:59:51,363
Night.
792
00:59:56,068 --> 01:00:01,006
Michael, I can't talk to you
because I don't know what to say.
793
01:00:01,007 --> 01:00:04,911
When I figure it out, I'll call.
794
01:00:12,018 --> 01:00:15,722
[ Children chattering,
laughing ]
795
01:00:18,958 --> 01:00:21,993
Kate, darling!
[ Sighs ]
796
01:00:21,994 --> 01:00:25,697
I happened to be in the neighborhood
and thought you'd like to go shopping.
797
01:00:25,698 --> 01:00:29,868
Shopping or fishing? Let's have coffee
and you can tell me all about it.
798
01:00:29,869 --> 01:00:31,970
I don't wanna talk about it.
799
01:00:31,971 --> 01:00:35,006
You have to.
I'm your mother.
800
01:00:35,007 --> 01:00:40,245
I'm not interested in the sorted details. I
just wanna make sure you're not overreacting.
801
01:00:40,246 --> 01:00:44,016
Mother, I walked in on him with his
choo-choo in somebody else's tunnel.
802
01:00:45,852 --> 01:00:48,854
What did you do?
What do you mean?
803
01:00:48,855 --> 01:00:52,023
I mean, what... did you yell at him?
Throw something at him?
804
01:00:52,024 --> 01:00:55,193
Did you faint?
I just left.
805
01:00:55,194 --> 01:00:58,196
You mean you turned around and walked out?
More or less.
806
01:00:58,197 --> 01:01:02,033
You mean you ran. What difference does
it make? How I reacted is not the point.
807
01:01:02,034 --> 01:01:07,005
How a woman reacts in a situation
like this is very much the point.
808
01:01:07,006 --> 01:01:09,975
It's hardly the way
I would have reacted.
809
01:01:09,976 --> 01:01:14,079
Well, you never been in that situation,
have you? Well, of course, I have.
810
01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:17,382
When you were nine years old, I walked
in on your father and a Miss jeckman.
811
01:01:17,383 --> 01:01:20,185
Miss jeckman?
Mm-hmm.
812
01:01:20,186 --> 01:01:23,188
My third grade teacher?
That's right.
813
01:01:23,189 --> 01:01:25,891
They were having their own
private PT.A. Meeting.
814
01:01:25,892 --> 01:01:28,326
What did you do?
815
01:01:28,327 --> 01:01:30,762
We discussed it, intelligently,
816
01:01:30,763 --> 01:01:35,133
like two adults who were very much in
love and wanted to have a long marriage.
817
01:01:35,134 --> 01:01:37,268
And then I broke
every bone in his foot.
818
01:01:37,269 --> 01:01:39,370
You're kidding.
I am not.
819
01:01:39,371 --> 01:01:43,208
Remember that antique bulldog,
the one we used for a doorstop?
820
01:01:43,209 --> 01:01:47,913
The one made of lead? Yes, that's the one.
I just dropped it right on his ankle.
821
01:01:47,914 --> 01:01:50,882
Mother.
Never did set quite right. no.
822
01:01:50,883 --> 01:01:54,319
You never wondered
why he walks with a limp?
823
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:57,188
Well, he always told me
it was a war wound.
824
01:01:57,189 --> 01:02:00,892
Hmm. well, I guess
it was in a way.
825
01:02:00,893 --> 01:02:03,428
Marriage is very much
like a war.
826
01:02:03,429 --> 01:02:07,065
The victory is just
making it through alive.
827
01:02:07,066 --> 01:02:11,469
You've got to be ready to make a crucial
decision. The thing is, o nce you get into it,
828
01:02:11,470 --> 01:02:14,205
What's that?
829
01:02:14,206 --> 01:02:17,276
Whether to surrender,
or whether to stay and fight.
830
01:02:20,346 --> 01:02:22,848
We are gathered here today...
831
01:02:22,849 --> 01:02:25,951
In the presence of the
fruits of the world...
832
01:02:25,952 --> 01:02:29,387
To join in holy matrimony
this kiwi...
833
01:02:29,388 --> 01:02:32,090
And this mango.
834
01:02:32,091 --> 01:02:35,327
♪ [ "Wedding March" ]
835
01:02:48,474 --> 01:02:52,177
So, what do you think?
I think I'm gonna throw up.
836
01:02:52,178 --> 01:02:55,546
Mike, what's the coverage total?
Everything in sight.
837
01:02:55,547 --> 01:02:57,883
He just loves it!
838
01:02:57,884 --> 01:03:00,618
It's absolutely fabulous.
839
01:03:00,619 --> 01:03:02,889
Fabulous.
840
01:03:09,028 --> 01:03:12,530
[ Katherine ] Michael.
Katherine.
841
01:03:12,531 --> 01:03:17,535
I hope I'm not interrupting you.
No.
842
01:03:17,536 --> 01:03:20,438
I've been thinking about everything
and I finally realized...
843
01:03:20,439 --> 01:03:24,209
That it wasn't just the act
itself that really bothered me.
844
01:03:24,210 --> 01:03:26,411
It was the dishonesty behind it.
845
01:03:26,412 --> 01:03:30,615
Katherine, I'm sorry. you don't know how
sorry I really am. But there was a reason...
846
01:03:30,616 --> 01:03:35,353
michael! I don't need
to know why it happened.
847
01:03:35,354 --> 01:03:39,024
The important thing is
that it did happen.
848
01:03:39,025 --> 01:03:41,426
And there's nothing you can
do to make it "unhappen."
849
01:03:41,427 --> 01:03:45,030
Maybe in the scheme of
things it was a small lie.
850
01:03:45,031 --> 01:03:49,135
But right now, I'm not sure
if it wasn't all one big lie.
851
01:04:59,438 --> 01:05:02,008
[ Knocking ]
852
01:05:04,676 --> 01:05:06,978
[ Whispers ]
Get.
853
01:05:06,979 --> 01:05:09,215
[ Unlocks door ]
854
01:05:12,084 --> 01:05:15,153
Katherine's not here.
[ Michael ] I don't believe you.
855
01:05:15,154 --> 01:05:18,389
[ Chuckles ] You don't have a choice.
Don't I?
856
01:05:18,390 --> 01:05:20,758
What are you doing? My wife's here.
I wanna talk to her.
857
01:05:20,759 --> 01:05:24,762
No. If you don't, you'll never put a violin
to that chin without thinking about me.
858
01:05:24,763 --> 01:05:26,698
[ Katherine ]
Michael.
859
01:05:27,733 --> 01:05:30,702
It's all right, walter.
860
01:05:32,671 --> 01:05:35,207
Do you want me to call the police?
That's okay. I'm fine.
861
01:05:41,413 --> 01:05:45,416
Sorry to barge in here like this but I have
something very important to say to you.
862
01:05:45,417 --> 01:05:48,454
It couldn't be done
over the phone.
863
01:05:50,556 --> 01:05:54,559
What you said today
about my being dishonest,
864
01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:57,528
I just want you to know I think
you're absolutely right.
865
01:05:57,529 --> 01:06:01,532
I have been dishonest with you,
very dishonest.
866
01:06:01,533 --> 01:06:05,071
And not just since
we were married.
867
01:06:08,174 --> 01:06:12,177
We have been together
for two years and three months.
868
01:06:12,178 --> 01:06:15,080
You know how many women I've
been with during that time?
869
01:06:15,081 --> 01:06:18,484
- I don't care. - well, you may not
care, but you should know!
870
01:06:20,386 --> 01:06:25,323
To the best of my knowledge,
this is a complete list.
871
01:06:25,324 --> 01:06:28,760
I've added the dates and circumstances
wherever I could remember.
872
01:06:42,474 --> 01:06:44,810
The ones with the stars
next to them are the repeats.
873
01:06:56,788 --> 01:07:00,491
Katherine, I'll do anything you want me
to do. you want me to talk to somebody?
874
01:07:00,492 --> 01:07:03,394
I'll talk to a priest,
psychiatrist, marriage counselor.
875
01:07:03,395 --> 01:07:05,831
Anybody.
876
01:07:07,666 --> 01:07:10,369
Just tell me what you want me to
do, I'll do it.
877
01:07:11,503 --> 01:07:14,340
Katherine, I'll kill for you.
878
01:07:15,807 --> 01:07:17,809
I'll die for you.
879
01:07:18,810 --> 01:07:20,846
Please.
880
01:07:22,648 --> 01:07:24,550
Say something.
881
01:07:35,794 --> 01:07:37,828
[ Sighs ]
882
01:07:37,829 --> 01:07:40,266
Michael.
883
01:07:42,801 --> 01:07:45,604
[ Groaning ]
884
01:07:49,775 --> 01:07:53,479
Maybe you'd like me to call the police.
[ Chuckles ]
885
01:07:56,715 --> 01:07:59,717
[ Knocking ]
886
01:07:59,718 --> 01:08:02,521
[ Doorbell ringing ]
887
01:08:06,292 --> 01:08:08,294
[ Moaning ]
888
01:08:10,896 --> 01:08:14,265
[ Moaning continues ]
889
01:08:14,266 --> 01:08:16,602
[ Loud knocking ]
Coming.
890
01:08:20,672 --> 01:08:22,508
[ Groans ]
891
01:08:26,578 --> 01:08:29,615
[ Clears throat, coughing ]
892
01:08:41,627 --> 01:08:45,330
Want some coffee? No, thanks.
I'm not staying long.
893
01:08:45,331 --> 01:08:48,733
What time is it?
Oh, it's about 7:30.
894
01:08:48,734 --> 01:08:52,737
Ooh. did you
bring up the paper?
895
01:08:52,738 --> 01:08:54,640
No.
896
01:09:00,312 --> 01:09:05,250
Are you all right?
[ Straining ] Yeah. yeah. I...
897
01:09:05,251 --> 01:09:06,952
no broken bone party for me.
898
01:09:08,987 --> 01:09:12,558
Look, I'm sorry I lost my
temper like that. [ Groans ]
899
01:09:13,892 --> 01:09:15,961
I don't blame you.
900
01:09:20,232 --> 01:09:22,600
It wasn't the list, you know.
901
01:09:22,601 --> 01:09:25,536
It wasn't?
No.
902
01:09:25,537 --> 01:09:28,339
It was the idea that you
could think I was that stupid.
903
01:09:28,340 --> 01:09:30,741
What are you talking about?
904
01:09:30,742 --> 01:09:35,281
The other day I told you what bothered
me so much was the dishonesty.
905
01:09:37,316 --> 01:09:41,387
Well, the fact of the matter is I've
been just as dishonest as you have.
906
01:09:44,923 --> 01:09:47,658
I knew what you were doing
the whole time.
907
01:09:47,659 --> 01:09:49,628
You did?
908
01:09:51,497 --> 01:09:54,265
I didn't have any proof
or anything,
909
01:09:54,266 --> 01:09:57,302
but there must be a seventh
sense for something like that.
910
01:09:57,303 --> 01:09:59,537
I always felt it anyway.
911
01:09:59,538 --> 01:10:01,640
Why didn't you say something?
912
01:10:03,675 --> 01:10:06,395
[ Sighs ] Because as long as I kept
quiet, I didn't have to admit it.
913
01:10:08,314 --> 01:10:13,519
Oh, we were the perfect couple,
each living our own separate lies.
914
01:10:15,053 --> 01:10:17,456
So you see,
it's not just your problem.
915
01:10:19,057 --> 01:10:21,627
I have to start learning
to be honest with myself.
916
01:10:24,963 --> 01:10:27,732
And I honestly don't think
we can make it work.
917
01:10:27,733 --> 01:10:31,437
- Now, katherine, don't...
- let me finish, please.
918
01:10:34,306 --> 01:10:36,707
[ Quivers ]
919
01:10:36,708 --> 01:10:39,511
I didn't think I could ever
consider a life without you.
920
01:10:41,580 --> 01:10:43,748
And I still don't know if I can.
921
01:10:43,749 --> 01:10:46,785
But I have to try.
922
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:50,888
I'm filing for divorce.
923
01:10:50,889 --> 01:10:53,724
Oh, jesus, katherine.
924
01:10:53,725 --> 01:10:56,761
I can change.
925
01:10:56,762 --> 01:10:59,565
I know I can change.
926
01:11:03,569 --> 01:11:05,936
Please.
927
01:11:05,937 --> 01:11:07,973
Just gimme one more chance.
928
01:11:13,812 --> 01:11:16,548
I promised you I'd
never let this happen.
929
01:11:20,085 --> 01:11:22,087
You promised me a lot of things.
930
01:11:35,534 --> 01:11:39,904
[ Car horns honking ] [ Oliver
] The sponsor killed it.
931
01:11:39,905 --> 01:11:44,509
That's tough. I have a new idea.
Do you want to hear it?
932
01:11:44,510 --> 01:11:48,414
Oliver, I don't think I'd make a very
good audience right now. Why not?
933
01:11:50,081 --> 01:11:52,450
I just found out
I'm getting divorced.
934
01:11:52,451 --> 01:11:56,787
Oh, no.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
935
01:11:56,788 --> 01:12:00,725
Oh, god, I know
just how you feel.
936
01:12:00,726 --> 01:12:04,729
Believe me, the only answer
is just go away for a while.
937
01:12:04,730 --> 01:12:10,000
From my experience, divorce has a half-life
of about six months and that's it.
938
01:12:10,001 --> 01:12:12,537
I thought you were married
for 14 years.
939
01:12:12,538 --> 01:12:15,606
Yeah, but not to the same woman.
I've been married three times.
940
01:12:15,607 --> 01:12:18,008
You're kidding.
No.
941
01:12:18,009 --> 01:12:20,411
That's the good thing
about marriage.
942
01:12:20,412 --> 01:12:23,581
It's the only real cure
for divorce.
943
01:12:23,582 --> 01:12:28,453
By the way, a little girl stopped in
and dropped off this package for you.
944
01:12:28,454 --> 01:12:31,456
Oh. did she have
a cast on her wrist?
945
01:12:31,457 --> 01:12:33,658
Yeah, yeah, she did.
946
01:12:33,659 --> 01:12:37,895
Well, I got to go,
so see you later.
947
01:12:37,896 --> 01:12:40,065
See ya, oliver.
948
01:13:08,727 --> 01:13:11,062
[ Sighs ]
949
01:13:26,778 --> 01:13:29,981
♪ [ "Wedding March" ]
950
01:13:41,893 --> 01:13:44,730
♪ [ Continues ]
951
01:14:11,990 --> 01:14:15,260
[ Slams piano,
keys droning ] [ Crying ]
952
01:14:27,839 --> 01:14:30,875
[ Walter clears throat ]
Hi.
953
01:14:30,876 --> 01:14:36,180
I think maybe you should stay another
week or so. It'll be easier then.
954
01:14:36,181 --> 01:14:40,752
It'll never be easy. If I don't move out
now, I may not have the nerve tomorrow.
955
01:14:46,057 --> 01:14:49,560
I'm gonna Miss you.
I'll be in the neighborhood.
956
01:14:49,561 --> 01:14:52,963
[ Chuckles ] It won't
be quite the same.
957
01:14:52,964 --> 01:14:55,099
Do you wanna talk?
958
01:14:55,100 --> 01:14:57,168
No, I don't think so.
959
01:14:59,805 --> 01:15:02,073
I'll be in bed reading
if you change your mind.
960
01:15:03,909 --> 01:15:05,744
Thanks.
961
01:15:24,796 --> 01:15:26,632
[ Flips switch ]
962
01:15:48,186 --> 01:15:50,255
[ Groans ]
963
01:15:53,659 --> 01:15:56,594
[ Clears throat ]
964
01:16:00,666 --> 01:16:04,235
Hello, girls.
This is the sandman with a new story.
965
01:16:17,248 --> 01:16:21,886
Before I leave tomorrow, there's something that
I've been wanting to ask you for a long time.
966
01:16:21,887 --> 01:16:23,988
What's that?
967
01:16:23,989 --> 01:16:26,423
Well...
968
01:16:26,424 --> 01:16:28,726
um... [ Clears throat ]
969
01:16:28,727 --> 01:16:33,297
Uh... Why haven't you ever
tried to make love to me?
970
01:16:33,298 --> 01:16:35,733
Oh, boy.
971
01:16:35,734 --> 01:16:38,736
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's none of my business.
972
01:16:38,737 --> 01:16:41,739
No, no, no, no.
It's a fair question.
973
01:16:41,740 --> 01:16:44,141
I have asked myself many times.
974
01:16:44,142 --> 01:16:47,978
You have?
Sure.
975
01:16:47,979 --> 01:16:51,348
But, uh, we've always
been friends.
976
01:16:51,349 --> 01:16:54,151
And friendship...
977
01:16:54,152 --> 01:16:58,322
Usually precludes sex.
978
01:16:58,323 --> 01:17:00,791
Well, it doesn't always.
979
01:17:00,792 --> 01:17:04,329
You don't have to be
in love to make love.
980
01:17:08,299 --> 01:17:12,169
Kathy, I never thought you were the
kind of person to make that distinction.
981
01:17:12,170 --> 01:17:15,773
Well, I think
it's time I learned.
982
01:17:15,774 --> 01:17:19,209
And you've picked me for your teacher.
You were in the neighborhood.
983
01:17:19,210 --> 01:17:23,213
[ Both laughing ]
984
01:17:23,214 --> 01:17:26,116
If we went to bed,
985
01:17:26,117 --> 01:17:29,020
you think we'd still
be friends in the morning?
986
01:17:31,957 --> 01:17:34,692
We might be better friends.
987
01:17:36,327 --> 01:17:40,265
[ Thunder rumbling ]
988
01:17:48,073 --> 01:17:50,876
[ Knocking ]
989
01:17:53,244 --> 01:17:55,279
[ Doorbell ringing ]
990
01:17:55,280 --> 01:17:58,049
[ Loud knocking ]
991
01:18:01,219 --> 01:18:03,320
[ Ringing ]
992
01:18:03,321 --> 01:18:06,391
[ Thunderclap ]
993
01:18:07,458 --> 01:18:09,995
[ Knocking ]
994
01:18:11,963 --> 01:18:14,800
[ Groans ]
[ Ringing ]
995
01:18:17,869 --> 01:18:21,338
Jesus.
996
01:18:21,339 --> 01:18:24,975
Walter, I'm sorry to bother you so late.
I have something for katherine.
997
01:18:24,976 --> 01:18:27,477
I'd like to give it to her.
You picked a bad time.
998
01:18:27,478 --> 01:18:29,380
Katherine's in bed...
With me.
999
01:18:45,997 --> 01:18:47,866
[ Soft moan ]
1000
01:18:50,301 --> 01:18:53,038
I guess I should
have called first, huh?
1001
01:18:56,441 --> 01:18:59,044
I brought this for school.
1002
01:19:50,195 --> 01:19:53,899
♪ [ "Mary Had A Little Lamb" ]
1003
01:19:58,436 --> 01:20:03,173
What are you doin'? Changing phil's tire.
Gonna move him to a radial for winter.
1004
01:20:03,174 --> 01:20:07,511
What's new? I've come to a very
important conclusion about my life.
1005
01:20:07,512 --> 01:20:12,216
Oh, you've decided to live with the truth.
You're an animal and you always will be.
1006
01:20:12,217 --> 01:20:16,553
I'm an animal with a brain. Not a very
big one, maybe, but a brain nonetheless.
1007
01:20:16,554 --> 01:20:20,891
I was thinking more about what you said about
duke. about how to get him to honor the deal.
1008
01:20:20,892 --> 01:20:23,493
You threaten to cut him off.
1009
01:20:23,494 --> 01:20:27,531
No, I reasoned with him. I presented him
with something he couldn't argue with.
1010
01:20:27,532 --> 01:20:29,900
Oh, yeah. what's that?
1011
01:20:29,901 --> 01:20:32,536
Simple arithmetic.
Take all the women,
1012
01:20:32,537 --> 01:20:37,507
all the one-night stands,
all the instant gratification,
1013
01:20:37,508 --> 01:20:40,177
when you add 'em up...
1014
01:20:40,178 --> 01:20:43,647
They're not worth one minute with
somebody that you really love.
1015
01:20:43,648 --> 01:20:48,085
My boy, allow me to congratulate you.
You've done it.
1016
01:20:48,086 --> 01:20:52,156
There's only one thing wrong.
What?
1017
01:20:52,157 --> 01:20:54,025
I did it too late.
1018
01:20:56,294 --> 01:20:58,662
Come on.
1019
01:20:58,663 --> 01:21:01,632
[ Children shouting ]
1020
01:21:05,536 --> 01:21:08,672
Mrs. Donovan, can we have
the sandman today?
1021
01:21:08,673 --> 01:21:11,508
[ All ]
Please?
1022
01:21:11,509 --> 01:21:15,345
Okay.
[ All cheering ]
1023
01:21:15,346 --> 01:21:17,347
[ Excited shouting ]
1024
01:21:17,348 --> 01:21:21,018
If you can lie down
and be very quiet.
1025
01:21:21,019 --> 01:21:22,653
[ All ]
We will. we will.
1026
01:21:35,700 --> 01:21:40,270
[ Michael ] Hello, girls.
This is the sandman with a new story.
1027
01:21:40,271 --> 01:21:44,041
It's called the story
of albert and duke.
1028
01:21:44,042 --> 01:21:47,111
Once upon a time,
deep in the forest...
1029
01:21:47,112 --> 01:21:51,415
Lived a couple of snakes
by the names of albert and duke.
1030
01:21:51,416 --> 01:21:55,185
Now even though
they had a very good life,
1031
01:21:55,186 --> 01:21:57,587
something seemed to be missing.
1032
01:21:57,588 --> 01:22:02,059
And one day they finally
realized what it was.
1033
01:22:02,060 --> 01:22:05,329
They needed a friend
to share their life with.
1034
01:22:05,330 --> 01:22:08,332
So off they went
the following day,
1035
01:22:08,333 --> 01:22:11,235
slithering through the forest
searching for a friend.
1036
01:22:11,236 --> 01:22:14,238
But they didn't
find one in the forest.
1037
01:22:14,239 --> 01:22:20,010
So they journeyed beyond
until they came to a big lake.
1038
01:22:20,011 --> 01:22:23,780
And what do you think
they saw standing by that lake?
1039
01:22:23,781 --> 01:22:26,216
But a beautiful princess.
1040
01:22:26,217 --> 01:22:29,553
Duke wanted to approach
her immediately,
1041
01:22:29,554 --> 01:22:34,091
but albert couldn't believe that a princess
would want to live with two snakes.
1042
01:22:34,092 --> 01:22:38,162
But duke finally convinced albert
that it was all right to try.
1043
01:22:38,163 --> 01:22:42,466
So they went up to her
and they talked to her.
1044
01:22:42,467 --> 01:22:46,403
She was very nice.
She put them both at ease.
1045
01:22:46,404 --> 01:22:50,240
And finally they decided
to pop the question.
1046
01:22:50,241 --> 01:22:53,243
They asked the princess
to come and live with them.
1047
01:22:53,244 --> 01:22:58,048
And to their happy surprise,
she said yes.
1048
01:22:58,049 --> 01:23:00,450
"On one CONDITION:
1049
01:23:00,451 --> 01:23:04,054
That you promise never
to turn your backs on me."
1050
01:23:04,055 --> 01:23:07,791
Well, this was such a simple condition
that they both agreed immediately.
1051
01:23:07,792 --> 01:23:11,161
And off they went into the
forest to set up house.
1052
01:23:11,162 --> 01:23:14,531
Albert and duke were happier
than they had ever been.
1053
01:23:14,532 --> 01:23:16,800
And the princess
seemed happy too.
1054
01:23:16,801 --> 01:23:20,304
Then one day something happened.
1055
01:23:20,305 --> 01:23:24,274
Albert wanted the princess
to go for a walk with him.
1056
01:23:24,275 --> 01:23:28,312
But duke wanted to lie
in the sun with her.
1057
01:23:28,313 --> 01:23:32,149
And the princess suggested
that they play leapfrog,
1058
01:23:32,150 --> 01:23:34,251
but duke didn't want to.
1059
01:23:34,252 --> 01:23:37,454
He wanted to climb
a tree instead.
1060
01:23:37,455 --> 01:23:41,325
And so finally, albert and duke
decided to step outside and settle it.
1061
01:23:41,326 --> 01:23:44,528
And out they went into the forest,
where the argument raged...
1062
01:23:44,529 --> 01:23:46,863
For hours and hours,
1063
01:23:46,864 --> 01:23:51,235
with albert making one
suggestion and then duke another,
1064
01:23:51,236 --> 01:23:54,704
until finally it was dark
and they were both exhausted.
1065
01:23:54,705 --> 01:24:00,244
At this point, albert said,
"I got an idea.
1066
01:24:00,245 --> 01:24:03,313
Let's let
the princess decide."
1067
01:24:03,314 --> 01:24:06,384
Duke agreed, and they both
rushed back to the house.
1068
01:24:09,287 --> 01:24:14,258
Whey they got back to the house,
they discovered that the princess was gone.
1069
01:24:14,259 --> 01:24:19,396
They searched all over t he house
but she was nowhere to be found.
1070
01:24:19,397 --> 01:24:24,234
And finally, they saw
a note on the pillow.
1071
01:24:24,235 --> 01:24:28,172
It said, "dear albert and DUKE:
1072
01:24:28,173 --> 01:24:31,341
"I was very happy with you,
1073
01:24:31,342 --> 01:24:33,877
"but a promise is a promise.
1074
01:24:33,878 --> 01:24:36,880
"I'm sorry.
1075
01:24:36,881 --> 01:24:40,284
[ Sighs ]
"But I have to leave you.
1076
01:24:40,285 --> 01:24:42,452
"Good-bye,
1077
01:24:42,453 --> 01:24:44,454
the princess."
1078
01:24:44,455 --> 01:24:47,224
Albert and duke
were very unhappy...
1079
01:24:47,225 --> 01:24:51,361
Because they had
been thoughtless.
1080
01:24:51,362 --> 01:24:55,233
But... Even though
they had broken their promise,
1081
01:24:58,369 --> 01:25:01,672
they believed they could do better
if she would ever come back.
1082
01:25:03,641 --> 01:25:05,710
So they decided to wait.
1083
01:25:07,645 --> 01:25:11,681
And to this day, if you go into the
forest, you'll find them waiting.
1084
01:25:11,682 --> 01:25:15,285
Because although...
1085
01:25:15,286 --> 01:25:17,921
A promise is a promise,
1086
01:25:17,922 --> 01:25:20,825
even snakes deserve
a second chance.
1087
01:26:07,938 --> 01:26:11,308
I just came back
to explain last night.
1088
01:26:11,309 --> 01:26:15,479
- You don't owe me explanations.
- I wanted you to know it wasn't revenge.
1089
01:26:15,480 --> 01:26:18,849
[ Soft chuckle ]
I was kind of hoping it was.
1090
01:26:21,018 --> 01:26:24,421
It was curiosity
more than anything.
1091
01:26:24,422 --> 01:26:28,325
I wanted to know what it was like to have
sex with someone you weren't in love with.
1092
01:26:28,326 --> 01:26:32,497
I wanted to see if that kind of
sex was better than the other kind.
1093
01:26:34,832 --> 01:26:37,467
Was it?
It wasn't exactly better.
1094
01:26:37,468 --> 01:26:41,938
But I'd be lying
if I said it wasn't good.
1095
01:26:41,939 --> 01:26:46,876
What was so good about it? All right,
I take it back. I don't wanna know.
1096
01:26:46,877 --> 01:26:50,680
You know already.
That kind of sex is just different.
1097
01:26:50,681 --> 01:26:54,518
More uninhibited.
More selfish.
1098
01:26:54,519 --> 01:26:56,720
More physical.
1099
01:26:56,721 --> 01:26:59,290
Walter was more physical
than me?
1100
01:27:00,658 --> 01:27:02,793
Well... No.
1101
01:27:03,894 --> 01:27:06,530
I guess I was.
1102
01:27:06,531 --> 01:27:09,933
- you saying it was better
with him than me? - no!
1103
01:27:09,934 --> 01:27:12,902
It's just that with that kind of
sex, you wind up doing more.
1104
01:27:12,903 --> 01:27:14,972
More.
1105
01:27:16,641 --> 01:27:19,577
What more did you do?
1106
01:27:21,346 --> 01:27:24,614
I don't know.
Everything.
1107
01:27:24,615 --> 01:27:27,817
Everything? you never
did everything with me.
1108
01:27:27,818 --> 01:27:30,086
Whose fault is that?
1109
01:27:30,087 --> 01:27:32,422
Are we talking about
the same "everything"?
1110
01:27:32,423 --> 01:27:35,992
Well, I can at least speak
for my everything.
1111
01:27:35,993 --> 01:27:40,297
Given your vast experience, I'm sure your
everything is a whole lot bigger than mine.
1112
01:27:46,737 --> 01:27:49,340
You know everything that I know.
1113
01:27:56,747 --> 01:27:59,350
I learned even more last night.
1114
01:28:01,686 --> 01:28:05,990
As good as that kind of sex is,
it's not worth giving up a marriage for.
1115
01:28:09,093 --> 01:28:12,962
So, if you can forget
about last night,
1116
01:28:12,963 --> 01:28:15,833
I suggest we try it again.
1117
01:28:20,471 --> 01:28:23,740
I can forget. can you?
1118
01:28:23,741 --> 01:28:27,645
- I'll try.
- So will I.
1119
01:28:31,749 --> 01:28:34,718
[ Sighs ]
1120
01:28:34,719 --> 01:28:38,723
You know, as painful as it
was, I'm glad you got even.
1121
01:28:40,758 --> 01:28:43,026
Even?
1122
01:28:43,027 --> 01:28:46,530
You call 18 to one even?
1123
01:28:46,531 --> 01:28:49,132
Well, you can't count what
happened before we got married.
1124
01:28:49,133 --> 01:28:53,069
Let's make one thing very clear
so there's no confusion next time.
1125
01:28:53,070 --> 01:28:55,939
Everything counts. You look at
another woman, don't hit my ribs.
1126
01:28:55,940 --> 01:28:59,576
Including the naked vacuumer back
there, and I'll see to it...
1127
01:28:59,577 --> 01:29:02,412
You host the biggest broken
bone party in history; your own.
1128
01:29:02,413 --> 01:29:05,114
You got a deal.
1129
01:29:05,115 --> 01:29:07,785
Don't think it's gonna be
easy, michael. I don't.
1130
01:29:09,620 --> 01:29:13,156
I'm not the same person you
married last time. Good.
1131
01:29:13,157 --> 01:29:16,793
Then you shouldn't have
to cheat anymore. What?
1132
01:29:16,794 --> 01:29:20,764
I want a real five-second
head start this time.
1133
01:29:20,765 --> 01:29:23,833
Starting when?
1134
01:29:23,834 --> 01:29:26,436
Now.
One Mississippi,
1135
01:29:26,437 --> 01:29:29,072
two Mississippi,
1136
01:29:29,073 --> 01:29:32,409
three Mississippi, four
Mississippi, five Mississippi.
1137
01:29:34,579 --> 01:29:36,914
Ooh, michael!
1138
01:29:38,883 --> 01:29:40,984
- Ow!
- You all right?
1139
01:29:40,985 --> 01:29:43,153
No, I'm not all right!
1140
01:29:44,522 --> 01:29:46,190
Good.
1141
01:29:48,192 --> 01:29:52,529
I said we could start over.
I didn't say it would be painless.
1142
01:29:52,530 --> 01:29:54,931
♪ ♪
1143
01:29:54,932 --> 01:29:58,902
♪ Mr. Sandman
Bring me a dream ♪
1144
01:29:58,903 --> 01:30:03,006
♪ Make Him The Cutest
That I've ever seen ♪
1145
01:30:03,007 --> 01:30:07,076
♪ Give Him The Word
That I'm not a rover ♪
1146
01:30:07,077 --> 01:30:10,847
♪ Then Tell Him That
His lonesome nights are over ♪
1147
01:30:10,848 --> 01:30:14,951
♪ Mr. Sandman
I'm so alone ♪
1148
01:30:14,952 --> 01:30:18,755
♪ Don't Have Nobody
To call my own ♪
1149
01:30:18,756 --> 01:30:21,958
♪ Please Turn On
Your magic beam ♪
1150
01:30:21,959 --> 01:30:25,462
♪ Mr. Sandman
Bring me a dream ♪
1151
01:30:57,728 --> 01:31:01,931
♪ Mr. Sandman
Bring me a dream ♪
1152
01:31:01,932 --> 01:31:05,735
♪ Give Him A Pair Of Eyes
With a come-hither gleam ♪
1153
01:31:05,736 --> 01:31:10,139
♪ Give Him A Lonely Heart
Like pagliacci ♪
1154
01:31:10,140 --> 01:31:13,743
♪ And Lots Of Wavy Hair
Like liberace ♪
1155
01:31:13,744 --> 01:31:18,047
♪ Mr. Sandman
Someone to hold ♪
1156
01:31:18,048 --> 01:31:21,284
♪ Would Be So Peachy
Before we're too old ♪
1157
01:31:21,285 --> 01:31:25,088
♪ So Please Turn On
Your magic beam ♪
1158
01:31:25,089 --> 01:31:27,691
♪ Mr. Sandman
Bring us ♪
1159
01:31:27,692 --> 01:31:29,726
♪ Please, Please Bring Us ♪
1160
01:31:29,727 --> 01:31:35,799
♪ Mr. Sandman
Bring us a dream ♪
1161
01:34:36,080 --> 01:34:38,082
[ Meows ]
1161
01:34:39,305 --> 01:35:39,824
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/6z3an
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
94474
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.