All language subtitles for The Inspectors (1998)-resynced

Woman: Don't kick the machine.

That's right, honey.

Mr. Stamp Machine has had a very tough day.

It's clean.

That's good.

I'd look pretty stupid arresting a fourth-grade girl.

How you doin' in there?

It's nice to know my Master's degree isn't going to waste.

[ laughs ] Hasn't anybody explained it to

you yet, Alex?

You and me, we're just a couple of nugs.

What is a nug?

New useless guy.

Why do you think we get all these choice assignments?

Look alive. You got another customer.

Wow. Five bucks.

[ whispering] Well, well, well.

Well, well, well, what?

Get your handcuffs ready.

You gotta be kidding me.

[ clears throat ] Excuse me, sir.

Inspector Bridges.

Would you mind stepping overhere for just a moment, please?

Get away.

Sir, please.

Freeze!

I thought counterfeiters were supposed to be geeky little

guys that live with their mothers.

Yeah, this is Urbina.

We've got the suspect, we're bringin' him in.

No. Because I wasn't wearing my beeper, that's why.

I was undercover all afternoon.

In a stamp machine.

What?

Me? Are you sure?

Yeah. 1254 Park Hill. I got it.

A mail bomb just went off in Springville Heights.

I've been assigned to it.

Let's book this guy and get you on over there.

Hey, don't quote me on this, but I think you just left the

rest of us nugs behind.

Want me to wait around for you?

No, no, don't worry about it.

I'll get a ride back to headquarters with somebody here.

They said an Inspector Hughes was heading up the

investigation.

Do you know what he looks like?

Yeah. That's right, you haven't met Frank yet, have you?

No.

Is there anything I should know about?

Let's just put it this way.

Make sure you take notes so you'll have something to tell

your grand kids.

Thanks.

Sir.

Hey, George, I got part of a finger over here.

Let's get a picture before I bag it.

Excuse me, do you know where I can find Inspector Hughes?

In the hallway with the vacuum.

Thanks.

You must be Urbina.

Yes, sir.

Inspector Alex Urbina.

Excuse me.

Oh... god.

Okay, Frank.

You wanna talk to the letter carrier now?

Yeah.

It was, like, blue ink, like a magic marker,

with a DMV return address.

Stamped or metered?

Stamps.

Uh-huh.

Can you tell us anything about the victims?

How do you mean?

I used to be a letter carrier.

You gotta get a sense of the people you're delivering mail

to.

Yeah, well, not them.

They just never got much mail.

You ever talk to them?

Nah, you know, these folks, they moved in about two years

ago, but they kept to themselves.

One time, they got a letter that was addressed to Boo Radley,

you know, that guy in 'To Kill a Mockingbird'
that never came

out of his room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I figured it was just a big joke.

Boo Radley, huh?

Yeah.

All right, I guess that'll be it for now.

Okay.

Do you think Boo Radley would join a bowling league?

Sir?

I've got some business to take care of.

You give this inventory list a quick check, okay?

Yes, sir.

And, uh, watch your head.

Woman: You're late.

I'm sorry.

It was an unusual day.

Oh! My sister's swinging by.

She's inviting me over for a bite to eat and then watch the

video of Trevor's birth.

Hey, why don't you come?

I think I'll pass.

Oh, Alex, it is the most natural thing in the world.

I don't see why you are so squeamish about this.

Having a film crew camped down by the stirrups, that's not

my idea of natural.

If you get hungry, there's some leftovers in the fridge.

And I put lots of carrots on the coffee table.

You can stop with the carrots.

I don't need my night vision anymore.

They put a light in the stamp machine?

We caught the guy today.

Congratulations.

What are you doing?

Spilled something.

Oh!

That was the hardest kick yet.

Oh, can you feel that?

Yeah.

Oh, my god, this child is in a hurry to be born.

Get out there and see what all the fuss is about.

You stay put a while, kid.

Enjoy it while you can.

Don't tell her that.

Don't listen to him.

Oh, this is for you.

Bye.

[ intercom buzzes ] Yeah?

Eat the carrots anyway.

They're good for you.

Yes, boss.

[ beeper beeps ] [ intercom buzzes ]

Uh-huh.

Honey, I love the present, And I'm eatin' my carrots. Listen.

Frank Hughes here.

Catch you at a bad time?

[ muffled ] No, um...

I'll buzz you in.

Oh, great.

Hi.

Hope you don't mind my barging in like this.

No.

I need to pick up that inventory list.

I'll get that for you.

Thanks.

There you go.

Thank you.

You a wrestling fan?

Oh, god. I was actually looking for something about the

bombing.

Speaking of which, Jane Carrigan, she's in a coma.

Trying to locate her son.

He's in the Navy.

Off on a boat somewhere.

Hey.

This your first bombing?

Yes, sir.

I gotta be upfront with you, Urbina.

I didn't ask for you to be on this team.

Well, to be honest with you, sir, I don't know why I was

assigned to this case either.

You see, the area of my expertise is corporate finance.

Insider trading, securities fraud.

I'm sure there's gonna be a whole lot of Michael Milkens

in your future.

But right now, we have a bombing on our hands.

So here's the deal.

First, my name is Frank, not sir.

And second, I operate under the assumption that if you made the

inspection service in the first place, that you're good.

The only thing that I ask of you-- don't disappoint me.

Fair enough?

Fair enough.

I guess that concludes my speech for today, and I'll see

you in the office tomorrow.

All right?

Okay.

Oh, by the way, I talked to Mrs. Wilson, the neighborhood

watch dog over at the crime scene.

She said she saw a young male caucasian going in and out of

the house, day and night.

He drove a green Ford or something like that.

All right?

Enjoy your wrestling...

And your carrots.

Yes, operator.

I need the number for the U.S.

Naval station on Guam, please.

Yes, I'll hold.

So how'd it go with Frank?

I'm taking notes for my grand kids.

Welcome to Baltimore.

Thanks.

Hey, while you're out saving the world from mad bombers,

wanna see my latest project?

That's nice. What is that?

That is the bona fide hand print of one Kermit

Mansfield, founder of the laser light church.

For a mere 19.95, visa and mastercard gladly accepted,

he will mail you one of these, and all you need to do is touch

his forefinger, and you will be instantly transported to a place

of peace, serenity and wealth.

Save ye.

Hallelujah. Count me in.

The guy is clearing ten grand a week on these things.

Amazing.

[ beeping ] And what have we here?

Well, Lauren's expecting anyday now, so this is her direct

line to me, let me know when the kid's about to pop.

Did you know that Frank Hughes used to be a mailman?

No, but a lot of guys in the service did come up that way.

I know. I just hope he doesn't give me the old

working class hero routine.

Did he say something?

No, no.

It's not anything he said.

No, you don't have to worry about Frank.

The guy's got his quirks, but he's definitely a pro.

So, what, you're telling me he's not gonna bend over and

yank down his pants and show me his dog bites?

Frank.

We...

Come on, let's hit the road.

Remember those tennis shoes in Mr. Carrigan's closet

from the inventory list?

Yeah.

Huh?

Yes. Yes, I do.

They seem larger than the other shoes in the closet?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

I think so.

Probably a whole lot bigger than the one in the ceiling, too.

I think we better have another talk with Mrs. Wilson.

Right.

What do you make of the DMV return address?

Techno term is "whogas."

"Whogas."

Mm-hmm. Who gives a shit?

Gotcha.

By the way, mail bombs almost always come with an

official-looking return address.

That way, the victims'll be pretty sure to open it.

Besides, the DMV, they use metered mail, not stamps.

Right.

Is that a direct line to the White House?

Oh, no. This is just so my wife will always know where I

am.

She's about to, uh...

You again.

I got nothing more to say.

You don't have to say a word, Mrs. Wilson.

All you have to do is nod your head yes or no to the

question.

This the man you see coming in and out of the Carrigan house?

Thank you, Mrs. Wilson.

You've been a great help to us.

Thank you.

Yeah.

What's this?

Last night, I placed a call to the Carrigans' son Drew

on his base in Guam.

Seems he's on Day 28 of a 30-day pass.

I asked the Navy to fax me a photograph of him and shoe size.

Guess what pair of dirty tennis shoes fits Drew to a "t"?

You notice there's not one photograph of Drew anywhere in

that house?

There's not?

No. It's just bowling league, aunts and uncles up the

yin-yang, but not one photograph of their one and only son.

Makes you wonder if they liked him very much.

Makes me wonder if he liked them very much.

Now what?

Now I want you to escort me and a pair of very dangerous

vacuum cleaner bags to the crime lab in Washington.

Don't worry, get you home in time for dinner.

I'm not on a time clock.

I didn't say you were.

Get in.

Incidentally, guess what Drew's area of expertise is in the

Navy.

What's that?

Munitions.

Ready to snap it?

Yeah.

Hike.

Marino's goin' back.

He's lookin' for a receiver.

He sees Edison Carrigan wide open.

Over here, dad.

TV reporter: There are no new leads in a deadly explosion

that rocked a quiet Baltimore neighborhood.

The postal inspection service has confirmed that the

explosion was the result of a mail bomb.

Jacob Carrigan, 43, died instantly in the blast.

This is a peaceful neighborhood...

Yeah!

Yeah!!

Drew. Drew, get in here quick.

Hey, I'll be right back, okay, Tiger?

The calm of this quiet street was shattered, and now, the

shocked residents are all asking themselves the same

question-- why?

The other victim of the blast, Jane Carrigan, remains in a

coma at Trinity General.

Postal inspectors investigating the case...

Your father's dead, Drew.

... once she is able to talk, she will be able to shed some

light on this case.

We will continue to update the situation for you...

What's happening, Drew?

Drew!

This photograph helped to break a child pornography case.

The man accidentally photographed the tip of his

thumb along with the child.

Our fingerprint department magnified the photograph

and we were able to get enough ridge detail to make a positive

comparison with the ink print of a known pedophile.

Well, I'll be damned.

If we're lucky enough to recover a stamp from a package,

we can test it to see if it had been licked, and then make a DNA

connection from the saliva.

What if they don't lick it?

Often, we're able to pull a finger print from the stamp.

We can also analyze the mineral content of the water that was

used to moisten the stamp, and try to narrow it down to

a specific geographic region.

We have specialists who do nothing but break down the ink

components to determine what type of pen was used.

Anything interesting?

Threatening letter to the President.

What's this?

Oh, turn-of-the-century postal inspectors.

Remember the posse in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?

Remember how Redford's always looking back saying, "who are

those guys?" Those guys were postal

inspectors.

Well.

Mm-hmm.

Be brave.

This'll only hurt for a second.

Morisson gets antsy if I don't bring him a vacuum cleaner

bag every once in a while.

Takes more than your dust and dirt to get me excited, Frank.

Last year, this guy in Denver, his wife goes gay on him,

so what does he do?

He mails her an exploding dildo.

You remember that one, Frank?

Save it.

Anyhow, this guy's wife knew something was...

Come on. Let's go see if Susan's free.

... how shall we say, utilized the device.

Did I ever tell you how the dildo was set to be activated?

No, really, this guy was really creative.

It was a combination...

It was very, very clever.

Hi. Sorry.

A bigwig from the House sub-committee on Crime.

Susan Scott, Alex Urbina.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Listen, I wish I had more for you on this one, Frank.

The package itself was mostly incinerated in the blast.

We did get a fragment of a stamp, but it was self-adhesive,

so there's no saliva for DNA.

What about addresses?

We're just trying to piece the strands together.

Pay special attention to how they spell Carrigan, okay?

Please don't get your hopes up.

If we get two or three letters total out of this, we'll be

lucky.

Type of ink?

Kind sold in a million stores coast to coast.

Type of bomb?

The morgue people are still harvesting the corpse for metal

fragments.

Yielding a bumper crop, to hear them tell it.

I think we're just gonna have to cross our fingers on this one,

Frank, and hope to get lucky.

[ phone ringing ] Woman:
Burn Unit.

I need to speak with Jane Carrigan.

Who is this?

This is her son.

[ phone ringing ] May I help you?

Who is this?

Hello?

Are you there?

This is Jane Carrigan's room.

I need to speak to her.

Mrs. Carrigan is resting right now.

May I ask who's calling?

Are you a doctor?

Do you want to speak to a doctor?

Who the hell is this?

This is Inspector Davis.

Inspector? Inspector of what?

I'm with the postal inspection service.

May I ask who's calling?

[ phone beeping ] Yes?

That last call to Mrs. Carrigan's room,

did he identify himself?

He said he was her son.

So, how long have you been with the service?

Almost a year now.

Urbina has a finance degree from Harvard.

He doesn't know it, but he's gonna do my taxes this year.

Oh.

[ beeper beeps ] Listen, I think I'll probably

sit in on the Carrigan autopsy for a little while tomorrow.

It is my anniversary, but...

Oh, congratulations. How many years?

Eleven.

Wow.

It'll be your basic head of forensics romantic evening.

A little wine, candlelight, quick trip to the morgue.

What more could a girl want,right?

Gonna have to make a slight detour on the way home.

Detour where?

Drew Carrigan just tried to call his mother.

Traced the phone call to Bayfield, Virginia.

That's 30 miles that-a-way.

Okay.

Happy anniversary.

Bye, guys.

What was all that with Susan about how Carrigan's name was

spelled?

Baltimore phone book's got it listed wrong.

CARRIGAN IS SPELLED WITH TWO R's NOT ONE.

So?

So if the package is also spelled with one "r," it might

point to a random killing.

Some nut thumbing through the phone book.

Gotcha.

Anybody comes here, you never saw me, you got it?

I was never here.

Where you gonna go, Drew?

What's the point in running?

Just shut up, all right?!

Hey, Tiger.

Daddy's gotta go away again.

You understand?

On a boat again?

Yeah, sort of.

Give you a call as soon as I can. Deal?

Hey, you're the most important person in my whole life.

You know that, don't you, Tiger?

That must be him.

Son of a bitch.

Hold on.

This is Inspector Urbina of the U.S. Postal Service.

We're in a high-speed pursuit of a green stratus going west on

highway 205 just past milemarker 14.

Requesting assistance.

Out of the vehicle, hands where I can see 'em.

Well, I'll be goddamned.

I didn't kill nobody.

Sheriff, is this kid wanted on any other charges?

Don't know off hand.

Is he from around here?

Not recent.

Okay, Urbina, let's get this kid up to Baltimore.

You're not goin' nowhere.

Kid broke a speedin' law in this county, and he's stayin'

put here in this county.

Open the cell, Sheriff, and let the kid out.

He's my prisoner, Mr. Postal Inspector.

Assault on a federal officer supersedes a traffic ticket.

You got no jurisdiction here.

Just for your information, postal inspector has

jurisdiction everywhere.

If this kid should get on a plane and go to China somewhere,

I'm on the first plane to Beijing to bring him back.

Now I want you to open that cell, and let that kid out.

Right here and right now.

I want a lie detector test.

I'll give you a lie detector test you won't forget, boy.

I'll give you a lie detector test you won't forget, boy.

Baltimore P.D. will baby-sit Drew for the night, but he'll be

out tomorrow, just watch.

I'm just gonna have a quick bite, throw some darts.

You wanna join me?

Geez, I got to pick up my wife at her sister's at 8:00.

Oh, you've got almost two hours. Come on.

Shit.

Do you think it's strange that Drew's demanding a polygraph

test?

I think it's more a matter of him wanting to get out of that

Bayfield lock-up.

What's goin' on with the Sheriff?

Why was he so hostile?

I don't know.

Must be small-town friction.

And the girlfriend?

Anybody question her?

Ex-girlfriend.

Ex?

Yeah, he got her pregnant when they were both 16.

She went ahead and had the kid.

But the inspector in Virginia said she's not saying a word.

Still, be very interesting to see what the polygraph says.

I mean, what if it backfires on him?

It's a win-win situation for Drew.

However the polygraph test turns out, he can say he asked for it,

so he must be innocent.

Yeah. I hadn't thought of that.

You can bet his lawyer did.

You know, Frank...

Come on.

I promise you, I won't show you my dog-bite scars. Come on.

Shit.

Look, Frank, I'm sorry about the dog bite comment.

It was stupid.

You don't need to worry about that.

I got two, and I earned 'em both.

So this ex-girlfriend.

You think she's protecting Drew?

Either that, or she's afraid.

Why is that?

Jacob Carrigan, pillar of the community.

Well-liked, good job.

All of a sudden, he ups and moves, from the small town of

Bayfield, Virginia, to the Baltimore 'burbs.

Now he's a hermit.

Boo Radley, bombs comin' in the mail.

Something definitely happened.

Tomorrow, we'll hit the morgue first, then come back for Drew's

polygraph results.

Morgue?

Have you ever been to an autopsy before?

Uh... no.

Then you might wanna cut out the sausage and eggs, just in

case.

Mmm.

Thanks.

Listen, do you wanna come on in, meet my wife?

All right. Only a minute.

Okay.

First kid?

Yeah, yeah, this is our first.

What about you?

Ah, no. Life long bachelor.

Really?

My wife's sister, she has four.

I don't know what the hell I'm doin'.

I'm not very good around kids.

The whole idea about bein' a father, it's scarin' the heck

outta me.

Hey, Shelley. How you doin'?

Are you here for your wife?

This is my boss, Frank Hughes.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Lauren's just finishing up in the kitchen, so I'll go get her.

Come on in.

Come on.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Trevor.

How's school?

School's out. It's spring break.

Right, right.

How's school when school's in?

Uh, it's fine.

[ cracks knuckles ] Alex! Could you give me a

hand in here, please?

Yeah.

Hey, Trevor, what's that?

Oh, it's my sorcerer's badge.

Oh, really?

Where'd you get it?

Come on, I'll show you.

[ phone rings ] Man: Baltimore City P.D.

Lock-up, Officer Jackson.

Shit. Let's go. Come on.

Now don't move.

This is the realm of the shadow guild.

It's where you get all of your sorcerer's points.

I'm a fourth-level Lord Magician of the realm.

No kidding.

Where are they?

This is the coolest search engine ever.

What's that?

It helps me find stuff on the net.

Give me a subject, any subject.

Darts.

Yeah, see?

There are 138 sites about darts.

Can you do that for anything?

Sure.

Type in, uh, Bayfield, Virginia.

Well?

Well, the sorcerer has found an apprentice.

[ Lauren chuckling ] You can see for yourself.

The corpse is like a scrap yard.

But nothing so far we can pin down.

[ coroner humming ] Fitzie says you're from South

Carolina, huh?

Frank: That's right.

Beautiful country down there.

I did my post-graduate studies in Atlanta.

Forensic Entomology.

Forensic... what is that?

Basically, it's the study of insect infestation on a corpse.

There's no better way to estimate time of death than

to see which bugs are eating what.

[ electronic sound ] Ah.

Brand-new metal detector.

Just got this baby in last week.

By the way, thank you for the sausage and eggs advice.

Don't mention it.

That my test?

I'm innocent, right?

The results are inconclusive.

Bullshit!

Oh, man. It came out innocent, and you guys are just jacking me

around.

You think I'd ask for a lie detector test if I thought I was

gonna flunk it?

Wanna take another test?

Fuck, yes, I wanna take another one, and this time,

I want you in the room to watch me.

You need to watch your language.

Prints?

Not even a partial.

Are these from the morgue?

Pretty standard stuff, unfortunately.

Nothing big enough to even dream about a serial number.

Are there any more body parts for the morgue to check?

You know, Susan, sometimes, you're just a little too direct.

So why do you guys think I killed my dad?

Would you like the reasons at random or in numerical order?

Number one, you and your father didn't get along at all.

Number two, you were seen coming in and out of the house every

day for three weeks.

Then 24 hours before the bombing, you take this

convenient little road trip.

Number three, the Navy says you're a munitions expert.

Number four, you're $30,000 in debt.

Your parents have a $100,000 insurance policy.

Number five, an innocent person doesn't try to run somebody down

in their own driveway.

Other than that, we have no reason to suspect you.

That driveway thing, I thought you were somebody else.

Oh, yeah? Who?

Let's do this.

Get it right this time.

Let's run a test first.

What is your full name?

Drew Clark Carrigan.

Where were you born?

Bayfield, Virginia.

Is my vest green?

Yes.

Hey, Drew, you ever think about going to college?

College?
Does the University of

Connecticut strike a familiar note?

I'm not saying shit until my lawyer gets here.

There's that "I" word.

University of Connecticut?

Where did that come from?

From the fourth Lord Magician of the realm of shadow.

Realm... you just lost me there.

I surfed the net last night with Trevor.

Have you ever done that before?

Yeah. I mean, in college, I even wrote a net-based

information program.

Well, I asked Trevor to help me see if anything odd happened

in the realm of Bayfield months before the Carrigan exit.

And?

They moved to Baltimore two Decembers ago.

In June of that year, two college kids on their way to the

University of Connecticut, they were murdered on the

highway just outside of Bayfield.

Yes!

[ phone ringing ] Urbina.

Hey, Susan, how are you?

Really?

Yeah, okay.

I'll tell Frank right now.

Hey.

Sorry I'm late.

More stale litigators?

Fresh litigators, which is even worse.

So how are things going?

Maddening.

Just can't get any information on that Bayfield shooting.

Why?

Everything's hush-hush, all the records are sealed.

You have any ideas?

Well, almost anything sealed can be unsealed.

Just a matter of time and paperwork.

Was the case solved?

Slam dunk.

All the perpetrators were tried and convicted and put in jail.

I just can't dig up any details.

Well, that happens, especially in a small southern

town where a handful of people call the shots.

Right.

Off the subject for a second.

A realtor called the house today.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm. A South Carolina realtor.

Hmm.

Are you really serious about this, Frank?

I'm just looking into my options.

You know, I'm a country boy.

Were a country boy.

Remember Vermont last year?

That was the country, and you hated it.

I didn't hate it.

Oh, come on, Frank.

Susan just called.

Look what she found.

Alex Urbina, Catherine Fields.

Catherine's a lawyer.

We were discussing the case.

Oh, let's go!

Love you.

I love you, too.

Catherine seems nice.

She is.

Very attractive.

I think so.

Nice when you're able to kiss your own lawyer.

She's divorced, I met her at a super bowl party five years

ago, yes, I'm serious, and no, I don't wanna talk about it

anymore.

I didn't ask you anything.

Over there. Sit down.

My lawyer says I'm outta here in 30 minutes, and I don't

have to answer any more of your questions.

You don't have to answer any more questions.

We already figured it out.

Figured what out?

Why you can't think of anybody who'd wanna kill your

father.

That mail bomb was not meant for your father.

It was meant for you.

When'd you figure out that bullshit theory?

Our crime lab pieced together some of the bomb package,

and they found a capital "D" in the mailing address.

So?

So, you're the only one in the family with a capital "D" in

their name.

Maiden name, middle name.

That package was sent to you, and your father opened it by

mistake.

Drew, why don't you tell us what's going on?

I can't.

They'll kill me.

Who's they?

I tell you anything more, and it's only gonna make them

madder.

It'll make them madder?

They just tried to blow you into a thousand bite-sized pieces.

How much madder can you really make them?

You don't know these two.

You guys gotta protect me.

You're protected.

'Cause they'll come after me.

You are protected.

It's weird how things happen.

If the TV was working that night, none of this would've

happened.

None of this would've happened at all.

The cable was all screwed up, so when Spider and Skell came

over with a case of beer, I went with 'em.

Skell?

Short for skeleton.

[ whooping and shouting ] Drew, give me another one of

those.

Virginia, asshole of the world, and Bayfield's 50 miles up it!

[ all shouting ] Spider was always saying that

kind of stuff about Bayfield.

The truth is, nothing got him madder than out-of-staters

passing through.

What have we got here?

Out-of-state plates.

Out-of-state plates, Spider.

Drop the hammer, drop the hammer!

This boy wants it.

Let's go, Spider.

Goddamn city boy.

Faster, Spider. Catch up.

Did he ever toast your ass, Spider.

Drew, pass me that rifle.

What for, Spider?

Shut up and give it!

Whoo hoo! Skell, take the wheel.

Shit, Spider, you're gonna wreck the damn truck.

Here's more lead for your gas tank, asshole!

Geez, Skell, what did you do, man?

What did you do, Skell?

What did you do?

What the hell did you do?!

[ voices echoing ] He killed them?

No. Not yet.

[ woman crying, exclaiming ] You testified against them?

Yeah.

Since I was a juvenile, they sealed my records.

But Sheriff Glover, though, he told me to get out of town

and to never come back.

So who sent the bomb?

It was Spider and Skell?

Who else?

At the trial, they swore they were gonna get me.

I thought they were in jail.

Yeah. Gunther.

Gunther State Prison?

Yeah.

You mean to tell me that they bought, assembled,

and mailed the bomb from the middle of a maximum security

prison?

How the fuck should I know?

They killed my dad, didn't they?

It's impossible, Drew.

You don't know these two.

[ buzzer sounds ] Frank: I wonder where they

keep that bomb-making factory.

Sure you don't want to talk to these guys separately first?

Nope. They might try to coordinate their stories.

I want to catch them by surprise.

What's the special occasion?

I'm Inspector Hughes, that's Inspector Urbina.

United States Postal Inspection Service.

You know why we're here?

You got some stamps to sell?

Last Saturday, Jacob Carrigan was killed by a mail bomb.

We have reason to suspect that it was meant for his son Drew.

You know Drew Carrigan, don't you?

You mean the asshole.

Yeah, I know the asshole.

What of it?

Well, the asshole is under the impression that you two

gentlemen might have been behind the attack.

Maybe you didn't notice, Mr. Mailman, but we're in the

middle of a fuckin' maximum security prison.

Okay. That explains the guards and locks and things.

Look, wise ass, first off, this is jail.

So I can't take a shit without 20 guys checkin' to see how much

toilet paper I use.

Which means they're extra strict with letting us play with

dynamite.

Second, if I'd have done it, I'd have done it right.

What about you?

I hope next time they kill him.

Pleasant guys.

Only the best need apply.

Here, guys, sign for your weapons.

I'll need copies of the visitors log.

Sure thing.

They won't do you much good on those two, though.

Why not?

Skinny guy's girlfriend used to visit until he slugged a

guard and that was the end of visitation privileges.

The other guy, nobody ever visits him.

Where does the girlfriend live?

Same place they did.

In Bayfield.

How about phone logs?

You tape prisoners' conversations?

No incoming allowed, but we do monitor and tape record every

call going out.

Need copies of those tapes and logs.

Okay, the lucky girl who snagged Spider is Amy Dexter,

20 years old.

Licensed Cosmetologist.

Works part time at Beth's House O' Beauty, in lovely

downtown Bayfield.

Home address?

Sweet Haven Estates.

Does it say what estate she lives in?

Twenty-three.

Amy Dexter?

Yeah. I'm in a hurry.

What do you want?

My name is Inspector Hughes from the U.S. Postal Inspection

Service.

We'd like to ask you a few questions, if we may.

About what?

We're investigating a mail bombing that might concern

Spider Kurtz.

It's our understanding that the two of you...

It's our understanding that the two of you have a relationship.

Had a relationship.

Look, can we do this another time, 'cause right now,

I got a bus to catch.

I'm gonna lose my job.

Why don't we give you a ride?

We could talk in the car.

Sure. Why not?

Let me get that for you.

Hey, can you try not to bump too much?

I'll do my very, very best.

Now, Amy, you said had.

Does that mean that you and Mr. Kurtz are no longer

involved in a relationship?

With him in jail for the next million years?

I got my whole life ahead of me.

Well, prison records indicate that the two of you still talk

by phone quite a bit.

So?

So... what do you talk about?

Sex, mostly.

He's horny as hell in there, and Spider ain't about to go fag.

What about Drew Carrigan?

What about him?

Thoughts, opinions.

He's an asshole.

That's my thought and my opinion.

Look, Amy, somebody killed his father.

We think they were trying to kill him.

Anybody wanted to kill Drew Carrigan, they'd have to get in

back of a long, long line.

The guy's a grade-a prick.

You care to elaborate?

Care to what?

Oh, uh, explain it a little bit further.

Well, what's to explain?

A prick's a prick.

Demure little thing.

Mm-hmm.

[ police radio chatter ] I think maybe we'd better

Mosey on back home.

Yeah.

[ radio chatter continues ] That phony stamp machine must

be lookin' better and better all the time.

What's that for?

You want pepperoni on your pizza or just plain cheese?

Cheese.

You got anything yet?

Skell's grandmother's got kidney stones.

Super.

Keep me updated.

Uh-huh.

Man: Yeah?

Drew, it's Inspector Hughes.

Hi.

Saw Amy Dexter today.

You know her?

Of course I know her.

She's Spider's girlfriend.

What's she like?

Dumb as a tree stump.

Only reason Spider's with her is'cause she gave him free

haircuts.

Can I come in?

Yeah.

Thanks.

That sheriff in Bayfield, he doesn't seem very fond of

you.

He didn't seem very fond of you, neither.

Hey, Drew.

What's goin' on?

It's no big secret now.

The crowd I used to run with, Spider and Skell and those guys,

Sheriff Glover's son was part of that group, too.

The sheriff's son, was he involved in the college kids'

murder?

No. I mean, he wasn't there with us that night or nothin',

but later, he went and dumped the gun for Skell.

Threw it in the river so it would never be found again.

I kept my mouth shut at the trial, but Sheriff Glover said

if I ever showed my face in town again, he'd put me in the same

hole as those two college students.

Exact words.

Hey, baby.

What's goin' on?

Me and skell had some visitors today.

Guess who got blown to bits.

The asshole's dad.

I heard it on the news.

Was it post office cops who came?

Yeah. How'd you know that?

They came here, too.

Too bad the asshole didn't get it.

Yeah.

Nice to think about, though, huh?

Asshole bein' blown to bits.

Just thinkin' about it gets me hot.

Whatcha doin' right now?

Nothin'.

Whatcha wearin'?

Clothes. What else?

It's colder than shit in this dump.

Ma's got a space heater I might borrow.

It ain't that cold.

Why don't you take your bra off?

Is it off?

Yeah, it's off.

You rubbin' your nipples?

Yeah.

My jeans are off, too.

Yeah? How about your panties?

Here we go again.

Zip it up, Spider.

Call's over.

What are you talkin' about?

I got five more minutes here.

[ dial tone ] I'm ready, Lester.

Lauren.

In here.

...exploring the blue, bluewaters off the great barrier

reef.

Who are you reading to?

Aren't we supposed to wait for the kid to come out before

the bedtime stories begin?

She likes it.

Come here, feel this.

You feel the kick?

She is strong.

She always does that when I read to her.

She knows.

Okay. So let me get this straight.

The man-eating shark becomes friendly once the little boy

gives him an ice cream cone.

A cookie.

A cookie.

Get the facts straight.

Ooh, gritty realism.

Shattering.

Not for the faint-hearted.

Cynic.

[ phone rings ] Urbina.

Davis here.

Hey, Inspector Davis.

How are you?

Not so good.

What's going on?

Mrs. Carrigan, she's having another seizure.

This one is really bad.

I don't know if she's going to make it.

Okay, Davis, thanks.

Keep me posted.

Sure.

Who was it?

It was just work stuff.

What are you thinking about?

Sharks.

[ muttering ] Bingo!

You did not die in vain, noble vacuum bag.

You did not die in vain, noble vacuum bag.

Susan, what are you doing?

Morisson just found this.

Your shop vac got a piece of the switching device used in the

detonator.

It had an unusual groove pattern, so he tracked it down

to a small company in Alabama, does sub-contracting work for

Boydman Electronics.

Boydman. It's a retail electronics

chain store, mostly in the south.

Sheila, would you see if Boydman Electronics has a

corporate headquarters?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks, Susan. That's goodwork.

[ phone ringing ] Hughes here.

Inspector Hughes, this is Tom Proell from Boydman's

Electronics.

Regarding that product information you asked for.

What is it, Mr. Proell?

The item you mentioned was sold in our Bayfield, Virginia,

store.

Transaction date was March 22, to a Mr. Lester Cochran.

Will you run a printout of that, Mr. Proell, and fax it to

me, please?

Sure enough.

Thanks.

Has the name Lester Cochran cropped up in any of the tapes

you've listened to so far?

Lester Cochran.

No, I don't think so.

Check your notes.

Notes?

Hey. What's goin' on?

Drew's flown the Coop.

Unbelievable.

That's all right.

I got the guys out there looking for him.

Also got in contact with the Navy's Criminal Investigation

Service.

They're looking, too.

Hopefully he hasn't gone too far.

What is this?

Candidate for Bayfield's Citizen of the Month.

His name is Lester Cochran.

At least, that's his alias anyway.

But he purchased the exact same switching device that was used

in the Carrigan bombing, eight days before the explosion.

What's his real name?

You ready for this?

Lester Glover.

Upstanding young son of the town sheriff.

See if you can do this.

One.

Two.

Ah, three.

Pretty amazing, huh?

Thanks to you, I am finally able to understand the concept

of being a nug.

Oh, Alex, Alex, Alex.

Envy is a small emotion.

It's small, it's petty, it's unbecoming.

Ha!

How are grandma Skell's kidney stones?

I don't know. Haven't heard for a while.

Spider's trying to tell his dim-bulb of a girlfriend

how to fix her car battery.

How about you?

I got Spider's mother going on about where did her children

go wrong.

It's a long, and it's a boring monologue.

Hey, I learned this quarter trick in the sixth grade.

You made it to sixth grade?

Robert Dalquist taught me how to do that trick.

And then, the little creep stole all my quarters.

Little Robbie Dalquist.

What are you listening to now?

One idiot trying to tell another idiot how to fix her car

battery.

Relax. When I get a kidney stone update, I'll let you know.

Who's telling who?

Spider is telling Amy how to fix her car?

Yeah. Why? What's the matter?

We gave Amy a ride into town.

Amy doesn't have...

Amy: It's too hot when I touch the wires.

I just fried them puppies.

Spider: Both of 'em?

Yeah.

Then you're doin' it wrong.

Son of a bitch.

[ doorbell ringing ] If you're lookin' for Amy,

she's gone.

When'd she leave?

Yesterday.

Packed up her suitcase and left, her and her boyfriend both.

Boyfriend?

Yeah. Good riddance, too.

Got on that motorcycle of his in the middle of the night.

This her boyfriend?

Yeah, that's him.

Mug shot, huh?

Huh, don't surprise me one bit.

Thanks for your help.

Uh-huh.

What are you doin' here?

I figure since you didn't answer my dozen or so phone

calls, I may as well come here and do it face to face.

Where's your son, Sheriff?

You got one hell of a nerve.

Your son is up to his eyeballs in this bombing.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

And what makes you such a genius?

You don't have to be a genius to be smarter than him.

Lester's a grown boy.

I don't keep tabs on him every minute of the day.

I suggest you keep tabs on him every minute of this day.

We know how you did it, Spider.

It's on tape.

What tape?

They don't just monitor the calls, Ray, they record them.

I'm all shook up, Mr. Mailman.

So... why'd you do it?

Simple revenge?

Asshole was a weasel.

One less weasel in the world, well, who gives a fuck?

Except the weasel is still in the world, and here you are.

You screwed it up, Spider.

Like my mama used to say, nothing ventured, nothing

gained, huh?

Besides, what are you boys gonna do to me?

Are you gonna throw me in prison?

[ crackles ] I'd miss all my friends.

He's a friend.

I gotta tell you, Frank, Spider...

Mm-hmm.

Bothers me.

Spider bothers everybody.

I mean just now, in prison.

He looked like the cat that ate the canary.

Yeah, but we got him cold.

I guess so.

Hey, a bunch of us, we're gonna grab a beer later.

Why don't you join us?

Maybe.

[ phone ringing ] Hughes here.

This is Tom Proell at Boydman's Electronics.

Yes, Mr. Proell, how are you?

Fine, thanks.

I wanted to let you know I faxed both of those purchase

orders up to you.

I appreciate that.

You've been a great help on this.

My pleasure, Inspector.

Anything else we can do, you just let us know.

I will.

I want you to know that...

Hey, wait a minute.

You sent what?

Purchase order on the switching device purchased by

Lester Cochran.

That's what you wanted, right?

Yeah, but you said both.

March 22nd, That's the one we talked about earlier,

And our computer shows he made an identical purchase

on April 3rd, so I went ahead and sent that up, too.

April 3rd.

that's eight days ago.

That's what our records show.

[ line disconnects ] Hello?

Urbina, get Brant on the horn, get us a search warrant

right now. What's going on?

I think they made a second bomb.

Then call Gunther State Prison, find out if Spider and Skell

have made any calls since we last checked.

If they have, you listen real closely.

Take a helicopter if you have to.

Pilot: We'll be at Gunther State in two minutes,

Inspector.

How you doing?

Evening, sir.

There's one call on April 4th, another on April 6th.

There you go. Need anything, I'll be just outside.

Man: Outgoing call, Raymond Spider Kurtz, Prisoner Number

1007894, go ahead.

Spider: Hey, Baby.

Amy: What's goin'on?

Frank: This is her place up here on the right.

I think she's moved out, but let's be careful.

Officer: Roger that.

Spider: Pretty soon, the asshole's gonna be back on his

Navy boat.

Amy: I know.

Spider: That's too bad.

Somebody oughta book end that son of a bitch.

You know what I mean?

Amy: I think so.

Spider: You think so or you know so.

Don't go stupid on me now, Amy.

All I'm saying is somebody oughta give that guy a little

book end action.

Ask shit for brains; He'll know what I'm talkin' about.

Ask shit for brains; He'll know what I'm talkin' about.

Thanks.

Good luck, Inspector.

How's it goin'?

Hey.

Anything on tape?

Yeah. Spider said somebody oughta book end Drew.

He said it a couple of times, trying to get Amy to catch on.

Book end.

Inspector Hughes.

Got something.

Gotcha.

Keep it up.

Okay, Zack, let's check those books page by page.

Frank: Good work, Dan.

Traces of gunpowder in the bathroom.

Okay, what do we do now?

You have photographs of Amy and Lester?

Distribute it to every post office within a hundred-mile

radius.

Hey, contact the crime lab.

We need a portable X-ray machine down here asap.

Okay.

Looks like we're gonna have to spend the next day or two

round the clock in the office.

You okay on that?

Of course.

What about your wife?

She... she understands.

It's fine.

All right.

Hey, Thelma, they think somebody might be trying to mail

a bomb around here.

You're kidding. In Blanchard?

That's what it says.

I'll be darned.

Better post these up on the board.

Oh, my god.

Okay, let's just suppose for a minute that Spider actually

knows where Drew ran off to.

Do they really expect him to just open up another package

that comes in the mail?

I got a feeling that Spider knows more than we think.

Yeah?

Office rumor has it you might be moving to South Carolina.

Well, I was thinking about it.

I been doing this a long time, you know?

But South Carolina, man.

It's nice.

Fresh air, trees.

Rivers.

That does sound nice.

Sounds an awful lot like Bayfield, Virginia.

Huh.

[ phone rings ] Hughes here.

Be right there.

What's going on?

A woman from the Blanchard, Virginia, post office just

called.

A man resembling Lester Cochran mailed a package there

yesterday.

Shit.

Can you describe the package?

About so big by so big.

Anything else?

An address?

No, but it stuck out in my mind, though, because the man

mailing it, and the package, they didn't seem to go together.

Why not?

He was like a biker type.

Kind of creepy.

But the package itself was kind of fun.

Fun?

Yes, it was like a gift or something.

And he specified Saturday delivery.

If this package was mailed from here yesterday, where would

it be today?

Most likely, it'd still be over at the processing plant

in Hamilton.

I'm Jim Bixby, the Postal Manager.

Bomb squad people were already here, and we've evacuated

the building.

Right over here is what's come in from the Blanchard station,

comes down these run-off chutes and is sorted off into these

bins over here.

These right over here?

Right there.

Right here, right here.

Try this one.

We're checking all Saturday delivery on anything that looks

like a gift.

Should we bring in the woman, see if she can make an I.D.?

Nah. The fewer people around that package, the better.

Nah. The fewer people around that package, the better.

Alex: All right, Keep looking.

Officer: Yes, Sir.

Man on P.A.: May I have your attention, please?

Westbound Express is now boarding at bay 12 for San

Diego.

Excuse me.

We'll start boarding very shortly, sir.

What's the matter?

All passengers may board at this time.

I hate to say this, Inspector, but that bomb's in

the mail stream.

Yep.

It's on its way.

You got any good news?

More good news than I could possibly handle in one phone

call.

Amy and Lester were trying to rob a gas station in Georgia,

and they got caught, and we found Drew.

Where?

Some inspectors picked him up in a bus station in Baltimore.

I'm gonna go up there, I'm gonna squeeze him a little harder.

There a car I can borrow?

Sure thing.

You finish up here.

Yeah.

[ cell phone ringing ] Hughes here.

Hey, Frank, it's Alex.

I'm just gonna take another look around Amy's.

Frank: Sure thing. Give a call if you need anything.

Frank: Sure thing. Give a call if you need anything.

How you doin'?

Sir.

Oh, my god.

Hughes here.

Frank, Drew is not the target.

I figured out what Spider meant by book ending.

They've already killed Drew's dad, so what do you do now?

You go after his son.

Book ends. They sent the second bomb to his son.

Book ends. They sent the second bomb to his son.

Radio: ♪ Lately I'm not feelin' like myself

You've been gone...♪ [ siren blaring ]

[ siren continues ] Postal Inspector.

Step away from the truck!

What?

Have you delivered any mail to this house yet?

No.

There's no package addressed to this house.

Where's your son?

What's going on?

Where's your son?

My son? Why? All I did was...

Where's your son?!

Where he is every Saturday; With his grandma.

Call her.

Woman: Edison. Edison?

[ phone ringing ] Edison, look what came for

you.

It's from your daddy.

I want it.

Okay.

[ sirens approaching ] Oh, my God.

What's going on?

Where's Edison?

He's in the backyard playing.

Ma'am, did a package arrive here today?

Yes, Edison got one from his dad.

Edison!!

Hi, mom.

Don't do it.

Mommy, look what daddy gave me.

Edison...

Your daddy didn't send you that, sweetie.

Some bad people sent you that.

Please don't open it.

It's mine.

Daddy gave it to me, and you can't have it.

Edison, my name is Alex, and I need you to listen to me

carefully, okay?

Keep your hands exactly where they are.

Don't move your hands.

Not even an inch.

[ Melissa sobs ] Edison, please.

My daddy gave me this.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I was with him when he bought it.

Me and your dad were friends.

From the Navy.

What's the name of my daddy's boat?

You don't know my daddy.

You wanna take my toy away.

Melissa: Oh, Edison.

You got me there.

I wasn't telling you the truth, but I will now.

That's not a toy, and it's not from your dad.

Move back.

It's a bomb.

Will it kill me?

Mm-hmm.

You and your mom and your grandma.

All of us.

What does it look like?

I tell you what.

If you let me see it, I'll show it to you later.

If you let me see it, I'll show it to you later.

Wait a minute.

What?

When your daddy was on the boat, did he ever see sharks?

Yeah. Lots of sharks.

Daddy says they're the most dangerous thing in the ocean.

Your dad's right, they are.

But you know what I have in my car?

What?

A secret cookie.

I don't want cookies.

You're gonna like this cookie.

It's a magic cookie.

If you give this cookie to a shark, he'll be your friend

forever.

Do you wanna see it?

Yeah.

No!

Edison!

Edison.

That's not a bomb!

No, Edison!

Melissa: Edison!!

Mommy!

[ crying ] Mommy.

You just can't get enough, huh?

I was just gathering some evidence for the trial.

Where are you goin'?

Guess who I tracked down through a combination of

cunning, intelligence and derring-do?

Kermit the fingertip Mansfield?

None other than.

Oh!

He's living in the Bahamas with a soft-core porn star named

Velvet Cushion.

And you're goin' down to get him.

Alex, my boy, every nug must have his day.

Send you a post card.

Yes!

Urbina.

Mrs. Carrigan, she's stabilized, she's gonna be okay.

Oh, that's great news.

Hey, you did a good job.

Thank you.

No, no. I mean it.

You still want me to do your taxes?

No, but I can recommend a good accountant.

Yeah?

Does he live in South Carolina?

You hungry?

I'm starving.

I'm buyin'.

You bet you are.

[ beeper beeping ] What the hell is that?

I don't know.

Smoke alarm?

Oh, no. It's just my...

Oh, my god! We're having a baby!

We are having a baby!

Right now!

Take a breath.

Breathe, breathe.

I drive, you navigate.

We're having a baby!

Let's go!

Spider: The Post Office guys came back today.

Tried to get all tough.

Amy: You blow 'em off?

Spider: No, it's not worth the energy.

All I could do to keep from laughing.

We got them so buffaloed, they don't know which end's up.

Amy: I bummed a ride to work off them a couple of days ago.

Spider: They took you to work?

Amy: Yeah, rode all the way on their dime.

Spider: What a bunch of idiots.